So, In The Harry Potter Books, We Know That Harrys Neighbour Is A Squib Called Mrs Figg, But There Never

so, in the harry potter books, we know that harry’s neighbour is a squib called mrs figg, but there never seems to be any mention of a mr figg. so i propose a theory. harry is faceblind and there are two mrs figgs

evidence for this theory:

harry is incredibly unobservant

they own lots of cats

she’s on good terms with dumbledore, another Known Gay™

she has absolutely ZERO problem with straight-up lying to the government

Trans girl Albus Severus Potter changing her name and consulting Professor Longbottom because she thinks that by doing that she’ll be insulting the bravest men her father ever knew. Neville reassures her they weren’t that great anyways.

I need an AU where...

Draco’s wand is broken and he’s sent to live in the Muggle world for his crimes as a Death Eater

years later, Harry is an auror sent to a Muggle city to investigate a series of crimes

Harry stays at a ritzy hotel where the staff is startlingly familiar- Goyle is a bellhop/porter, Zabini is a concierge, Parkinson is a waitress at the hotel restaurant

as unsettling as it is, it’s not as unsettling as the fact that someone is missing from this group- and that bothers Harry more than it should

finally Malfoy appears, as the pianist who plays piano in the restaurant at dinner

Harry thinks that Malfoy should not be so enrapturing as he plays, but he is

Now, living in a hotel for an extended period of time where a bunch of former Slytherins/ war criminals should be hell for a Gryffindor like Harry, but it’s surprisingly… not?

Parkinson is as funny as she is bitchy, Goyle is kind of sweet when you pay attention to him, Zabini is a source of endless free entertainment, and  Malfoy- Malfoy is really something special

He’s guarded, obviously has a lot of trust issues, but he’s not scared of Harry- he’ll talk to him, tell him about the piano pieces he plays (they’re mostly French songs from the mid-1900s, Harry learns), about the church he sometimes plays the organ for, about the music shop across town where he has another job- Harry realizes he wants to be friends with this new Draco Malfoy he’s getting to know

While Malfoy is happy to chat casually with Harry, he’s hesitant to start an actual friendship– he turns Harry down every time he asks him out to lunch, he refuses to speak about heavier topics (the war, his parents, etc)

Harry catches him off guard when one day he shows up at the music shop where Malfoy works during one of his shifts 

Harry insists it was truly coincidental, he was only at the shop to buy a book of blank sheet music to give to Malfoy so he could write his own music

 Malfoy is so touched that he gives in to Harry’s attempt at friendship, and within practically no time at all, they’re friends burgeoning on something more 

They become a couple (probably w/ some dramatic confessions, heated kisses, and encouragement from Parkinson)

When Harry’s case is closed, he has to go back to Wizarding London,, when he tells Draco, Draco breaks things off with him, saying Harry deserves someone who can be with him in his own world

Harry, devastated, goes back to the Ministry with an agenda- make sure Draco and his friends are allowed back into the Wizarding World

B/c he’s Harry fucking Potter and b/c of some Slytherin ambition which rubbed off on Harry, he succeeds

happy ending where Draco and Harry get back together, Draco opens his own music shop in Dragon Alley, and Harry wakes up in the mornings to his boyfriend playing piano in the living room 

I wonder if a girl has ever looked at me and thought, “Dang, I hope she’s gay.“

i wanna thank jude law for personally ruining my childhood by making me thirst after albus fucking dumbledore 

Raising Harry

I’ve read all these cute raising Harry fics where Remus and Sirius have no issues bringing him up. There’s never arguments. They always see eye to eye and Harry is this perfect angel of a child. And it’s cute, really. But also unrealistic.

Show me a fic where Remus and Sirius have disagreements on how to handle certain situations. Have them argue behind close doors. Have them get annoyed with each other or angry and one of them has to leave for a few hours to calm down.

Have Harry be a little shit. No kid is perfect. And let’s be honest, kids can be assholes. Even the best behaved child has a bad day. Show me that. Show me Harry having a tantrum because he didn’t get a cookie before dinner. Harry being placed in timeout and being petulant about it the entire time. Toddler Harry holding a grudge over the fact that Remus told him “No”. Harry knowingly doing things he’s not supposed to. Because he’s a child and that’s what children do.

On top of that, if he were raised by his Godfather he’d be a spoiled child. He’d be used to getting lavished in attention and love. He’d have these two men over-compensating because his biological parents are dead. So they’d feel like they’d have to go the extra mile for Harry.

Sirius grew up in an abusive home, and he’s gonna want to be the opposite of that. But he’s also gonna end up doing some things his parents did. He’s gonna say things and he’s gonna hear his mother’s voice. He’s gonna try his best, and show that. Show that it’s a struggle.

I want to see how both Sirius and Remus lose patience. How they have to tag team because the other can’t handle Harry screaming or crying. Have them need some space from it all. I want to see them feel guilty for feeling this way too.

Being a parent is hard. It is the most difficult thing that a person will do on their life. It’s rewarding, yes, but it’s not easy. And in both fic and canon, Sirius and Remus are so young. They’re barely out of childhood. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. Be realistic about it.