I'm So So SO Glad, As An AuADHDer, To See More People Taking Kokichi Out Of The Equation When Discussion

I'm so so SO glad, as an AuADHDer, to see more people taking Kokichi out of the equation when discussion the logistics of Gonta committing a murder in chapter 4

As much as I love Kokichi, as a Gonta lover as well, it ain't all about Kokichi <3 Sometimes it's about the gentle giant who's soul was so gentle that only his kindness could drive him to murder and that is a Choice He Made Himself

loving how this man saw his friends being in love and went "me and my dead wife frfr"

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

had a fun (read: interesting) lil dream that started off as a heathers reenactment where obviously junko was heather chandler, mikan was heather mcnamara, and i think mukuro was heather duke (but she was barely there so it's not important)

so i get the privilege of being part of class 77-B, ✨whee, yay, woo✨ /s

junko dies the way heather chandler dies, but like. nobody ever finds her corpse even when it's in plain sight, and whoever I'm supposed to be is wracked with guilt, constantly seeing her body out of my periphery. people start asking questions as to where she is and stuff, but like. she's right there. why don't any of you see her???

so I'm chilling in I guess what's the common area of the dorms, laying on the couch with mikan sitting near me. I'm feeling so guilty that for a brief moment, i see junko's ghost, and I see her as harmless. so then she puts on a docile act for a second, kneeling on the side of the couch, arms and head rested on my legs. the room is kinda dim since we're all watching a movie or something, so i cup junko's face in my hand. still playing innocent, she places a single kiss on my wrist, before she starts tormenting me. she places kisses all over my legs, trying to get me to squirm, testing how much she can get away with, and how long it takes for me to lose my cool in public. her ghost leaves lipstick marks all over my legs, and as she leaves them, i try to wipe them away because they are unmistakeably her lipstick, and they're really bright and obvious. mikan notices just before i wipe away the last few, and she looks at me, kinda betrayed looking. and now we get into ✨act three✨

one day after class, she takes me aside and asks what junko was to me, and if i had any idea, any at all, where she'd run off to. i said "I don't know, I'm sorry" to both. whether or not I was a convincing liar was a mystery. later, there's a schoolwide activity thing, and she takes me aside into a place on campus that's unseen, but we still have the risk of being caught. we end up having sex there, and i'm acutely aware of the fact that even though i'm focusing on pleasuring mikan, I don't love her, and I'm just doing this because i feel so guilty for taking away someone she loved. i just wanted to make her happy. (also that part of the dream was hot, wish i could've enjoyed it more without the bad feelings and fear of being caught :/ )

i keep being nice and friendly to her outside of that, but after what happened between us, mikan probably thinks im genuinely into her. for whatever reason, i keep up this act, especially since I've been noticing how much more confident she's been acting lately. finally, she asks me on a date, telling me that there's this outdoor cinema type thing she wanted to go to, and i say yes because what harm could seeing a movie do?

breaking the fourth wall a bit, i start wondering when I'm supposed to be meeting the JD parallel in my dream. mikan and i get to the place we're supposed to go. she picks up a brick from the paving and tells me to start smashing statues, but there are no statues, just people that she can only perceive as statues for some reason? then i realize, "oh, shit. she's the one who got addicted to killing, she's my JD"

and then i woke up

- 🌌 (there was also a part of my dream where i picked up a label from a faygo bottle and said "I'm a faygo" because y'know. girl liker. play on words n all. and i still feel so jealous of my dream self for being able to openly do that 😞)

How can this character be dead, if there are 40k stories on AO3 telling me otherwise?

if you're that woman who frantically stopped my grandad's car thinking it was a taxi because of the "dad's taxi" sticker, and got really embarrased, i want you to know that if you're thinking "it's been years, no-one remembers" ....i remember