To Lead A Better Life, I Need My Love To Be Here

“To lead a better life, I need my love to be here”

Summary: Toji notices something is off about you after you take care of Megumi. Genre: Fluff, angst, hurt, comfort, toji x black!stepmom! Reader

CW: Literally nothing, toji and reader curse, discussions of addiction, Toji calls reader Ma

A/N: This man takes up too much space in my brain. 🤡

6:47 P.M 

Toji knew there was something off when he came back home that day. 

The silence engulfed the house, with only the occasional sound of your knife slicing into the meat you were preparing for dinner. 

7:25 P.M 

When he finally gets a good look at you at dinner, you look shaky. Your eyes swirl with worry. So, he bites.

“How was the parent-teacher conference?” 

You snap your head up and put a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. “It went well. Megumi is a great student, the teachers are mostly worried because he is quiet. They say he needs to participate more in class and interpersonal discussions.” 

Megumi casually rolls his eyes hearing the conversation and goes back to finishing his vegetables. 

Toji looks you over. Maybe, you're just tired? Probably, a mood swing of yours. He shrugs and looks down at his plate. 

“...Ok.” 

10:00 P.M

The night is deadly quiet. He hoped that after Megumi had gone to sleep, you would be better. You weren’t. So, he put his faith in a good night’s rest. It’s been an off day for you, you can just sleep it off. 

3:30 A.M 

Toji wakes up to an empty bed. He fucking hates it. It reminds him of the lonely days of being a widower. He slowly gets up and begins his mission to find you. 

He checks the bathroom and doesn’t find you nor does he find you in the guest bedroom. So, he goes downstairs. He finds you lying on the couch with the tv playing some type of liminal rain ASMR, or whatever white noise helps you sleep. However, when he peeks over the arm, you’re still awake. 

“Ma, are you aware of what time it is?” He asks cheekily. 

You slowly rise and rub your eyes. Even with the low glow of the TV, he can tell they’re puffier than usual. He bites for a second time. 

“Hey Ma, what’s got you so worked up huh?” 

You look down. “Nothing, baby.” 

Toji sits down on the couch. The third time is the charm right? 

“Bullshit. What happened? Hm?” 

You sigh. Toji has always been persistent. 

“Toji..have you ever noticed that Megumi is like really mature for his age?”

He tilts his head to the side as if you’ve asked him the most idiotic question. 

“ ‘m, yeah. What about it?” 

You scratch at the nicotine patch on your arm. You stopped smoking when Toji decided he and Megumi would move in with you almost a year ago. 

“I don’t see any reason why you should stop, seems like more trouble than it’s worth.” 

“Kids learn by example, If I smoke what kind of message is that sending to Megumi?” 

You fiddle with the patch, still unused to the foreign feel as you grin. 

“Besides, I don’t think he would like the smell.”

“Toji…that’s not normal.” You sigh. 

He raises a brow. He knew Megumi was different. However, he always accepted  it as a funny, convenient quirk. 

You stand up and drag your hands down your face. 

“Kids are kids for a reason Toji. They’re supposed to be chaotic, messy, emotional, hell even unpredictable. Megumi is none of those. Every move that child makes is so carefully planned and throughout. He’s never excited about toys, games, or cartoons. he’s always offering to help around the house, Toji he fuckin asked me about our finances once. Hell, even his teachers agree! How can you look me dead in the eyes and tell me that a 6-year-old is “Mature for his age” as a good thing!” 

You take a heavy pause. You scratch at your leg. 

“He’s only a first grader Toji. He shouldn’t be like this. He-he shouldn’t be a mini adult! He shouldn’t have his guard up all the fuckin time! He’s a child!” 

You sit back down on the couch and throw your head between your legs. Toji rubs your hands that are placed on the back of your head. 

Your voice cracks, “And-and I know I’m not his mother, hell, I’d never try to replace her. I don’t need him to call me “mom” and have me baby him 24/7, but god..god I’m so fuckin worried.” 

You raise your head slightly. Your eyes have become more red and puffy with unshed tears. Toji knows you hate crying. You’ve only cried in front of him twice. First time when you thought your pet Doberman ran away. Second, when you picked Megumi up from school, his homeroom teacher referred to you as his mother. 

“I…I just want to tell him that he’s safe. That-that he doesn’t have to worry about not keeping everything in check. That he can exist without having to be “useful”, that he’s not a burden or unlovable because he’s a little kid. I just want him to exist. I just- just don’t want him to turn out like us.” 

You slump back on the couch and scratch your nicotine patch again. You look at Toji with glossy eyes. 

Usually, he’d put in a snarky remark of “What’s so wrong about me, huh?” but he’s all too aware. Additionally, the shock of you acknowledging your family. He’s always had suspicions, but he, of all people, knew better than to ask. If someone doesn’t talk about their family, its for a reason.

He looks back at you and pulls you into a hug. You lay your head on his broad shoulder. You’re shaking. He slowly leans back to lay you both down. He runs his hand through your scalp. 

“You know…” He quietly speaks, almost as if he’s afraid to startle you. 

You turn your head to hear him better. 

“I think..you’re pretty great. I think…that me and Megumi are thankful to have someone like you. It’s hard right now…but things take time. Don’t push yourself.” 

A few loose tears fall as you snuggle in closer to him. 

“Thank you, baby.”

Yeah sure we’ve all binged a long fic, but have you ever read a WIP and followed someone’s life?

Tidbits of information - (“I graduated today!”) - and small joys (“It’s my birthday!”) and you get to be there to say “This chapter made me cry, happy birthday, thank you for gifting us this”.

I remember reading this fic of someone at the end of high school, older than me then. They seemed infinitely wise, spoke of their future career and getting into the college they wanted. I remember them posting on days they felt like nothing could bring them down - and on days the whole world did and it’s the aftermath of a hospital visit. Cancer, I think it was, their father. I got to the end of the story, I know their father was fine, but also they got to finish their WIP. I graduated three years later than them, still dutifully wrote thank you notes in every comment. I wonder if they remember me, or just the collective of people reading the story as it updates.

Four years ago I was into my first year of university, my first year of figuring out being out in public spaces. I made excuses as to why my name didn’t match my paperwork and read a fic on the train, the same five chapters over and over again for the next years as I thought the story abandoned. It updated this week after such a long hiatus, I left another thank you comment.

There’s an author I love, they update their stories like a clockwork. When they don’t, I check their blog, just to see if their doing alright, not because I feel like they owe me, just to ensure whether I better get out my laptop to write that really detailed university level essay chapter analysis to get them smiling when their day sucked.

And then, once, when I was 17, I read a fic that hadn’t updated in over a decade. I wasn’t even in primary school when it started posting. On the last chapter, I left a comment that, in retrospect, was horribly rambly and most likely full of grammar mistakes. The author replied and though I couldn’t see their face, I thought of them crying. They were married now, had children, and hadn’t thought about this fic in years. They went through their files again, found another half written chapter and an outline. I got two new chapters to read that year.

And then, recently, someone told me they got back into writing original fiction because of my comments. I get to read nearly weekly chapters.

I love binge reading a finished fic, but nothing is ever going to top the feeling of anticipation of waiting for a chapter, the pure joy when someone tells you I was done with this, but you made me think of it again, so this is for you.

Anyway, I think we should romanticize reading WIPs more, growing up alongside the authors writing the stories we love.

there’s absolutely nothing better than reading a 100k word fanfic, that is until you remember you have a body that is starving, thirsty and incredibly sleep deprived and hasn’t used the bathroom since the sun set 8 hours ago

reblog bocchi the money for a wealthy new year

”Close my eyes, embrace my matter”

Summary: Nanami has a bad day at work, so you decide to help him. Word count: Almost 1K

Cw: sub! Nanami, choking, reader has him in a chokehold, handjob, cum eating, grinding, cursing, marking, dom! reader

A/N: I’ve been missing him, so i decided to treat him and myself.

Nanami Kento is a man burdened with responsibility. 

Even now in his late 20s, as he tries desperately to catch a break, the borderline Sisyphean task of leaving work at work suffocates him. That’s where you come in. You often nag him when he returns to the house with blue-black eyebags and a clear chip on his shoulders. 

“It’s nothing Darling. I just had a rough day at work.” Your ass. 

So you take it upon yourself to care for him in small ways. Making him coffee in the morning. Fixing his tie, or wiping stray hairs or eyelashes out of his face. Ironing and steaming his button-downs to perfection.

Tonight is no different. You wait for Nanami to get out of the shower with some lavender massage oil on your shared nightstand. He’s always told you he thought lavender making you sleepy was an exaggerated pseudo-fact by large wellness corporations, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. 

You hear the drumming of his footsteps and you assume he’ll fall into his usual routine. He’ll put on his boxers, maybe a loose T-shirt if he gets cold. He’ll sit on the edge of the bed while you carefully dry his hair after some gentle convincing. You’ll try and give him a massage, but he’ll stop you once you reach his shoulders. Nanami has never been comfortable being pampered. Then he’ll lay on the bed with his bagged eyes closed until he eventually falls asleep. 

However, he smashes those expectations quickly when he swiftly throws on some boxers and practically throws himself on the bed, still drenched. 

Well. At least now you have your chance. 

You swiftly straddle his chiseled back. The stray water droplets soak into your garment while you lay yourself on top of him. God, he’s beautiful. You can see the curve of his long lashes and the slight pink that remains on his skin from the heat of the shower. 

“Kento.” 

“Mhm?” He muffledly asks from his place on the pillow, not even opening his eyes.

“Want a massage, baby?” 

He pauses. Usually, he would say no, but tonight is full of surprises. 

He gives you an exasperated, “Yes, please.” 

So begins the massage. Your skillful, oil-covered fingers lull him into a pleasant limbo. Then, a third expected thing happens, you grab his neck. 

In moments like these, he would be able to keep his cool, but the exhaustion and the vulnerability flowing through him and the blood rushing towards his dick makes it difficult for him to hold back. You hear his groggy gasp and see the back of his ears shine a reddish hue. 

“Kento…Baby?” 

He has no response other than to just bury his head into the pillow in shame. 

Still, you know better than to give up. 

You lean down pressing your chest into his back, slipping one hand near his jaw and the other close to his happy trail. 

“Kento…Did you like that? It’s ok if you did because I liked it too.” You whisper into his ear. 

He doesn’t respond but the wiggling of his hips tells you everything. 

“Kento, baby, lemme take care of you.” You whisper into his still-burning ear. This night wasn’t supposed to go this way, but fuck, if you both didn’t love it. 

You slowly move your oil-covered hand from his jaw and place it near his neck. 

“Just lift your head for me a bit baby, ok?”

He complies. You slither your arm under his neck until you can feel his adam’s apple bop into your forearm. You squeeze his throat between your arm and he lets out a groan. 

“Good job baby. Tap my arm three times whenever you feel like it's too much ok?” 

He grabs your wrist as confirmation. You kiss below his ear while whispering a “Good boy” as you slide your other hand finally down into his boxers. 

You already feel him throbbing in your hands. The oil on your hand gets mixed with the surprising amount of precum he’s let out. 

“You must really like this. Huh, baby?” You sigh into his nape. He thrusts into your hand. 

You thumb his slit and slowly, but surely stroke him. The whole time you whisper to him in between the kisses you leave on his shaking shoulders: 

“You’re doing such a great job baby. Thank you for letting me take care of you.” 

“You’re so handsome like this. We should do this more often.”

“You’re so turned on right now. Don’t worry, I am too.”

“Fuck, I can’t get enough of you like this. Do you want me to choke you harder?” 

The combination of the restricted airflow, your hands touching his sensitive dick, and feeling you grinding onto his lower back in an attempt to ease the friction between your legs leaves him gasping. However, what drives him over the edge when you suck a Hickie onto the junction of his neck and shoulders. The feeling and knowing that you wanted him so much in this moment you had to physically claim him? Fucking break him. 

He curls his hands into the sheets, almost ripping them underneath his nails as he climaxes. The ropes of his seed shoot into your hand as he convulses under you. He pants and groans as you remove your arm from his neck. You notice you left a red mark around his neck. You suck on your cum covered fingers in an attempt to ease yourself. Tonight truly was something special.