Sometimes Im Terrified Of My Heart; Of Its Constant Hunger For Whatever It Is It Wants. The Way It Stops

Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.

Edgar Allan Poe (via gtbunburywrites)

It is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe.

Woody Allen

China Days 32-37 宁波 and 上海:

1. Visited my ancestors' hometown of Ningbo and toured the mountain villages in which I might have grown up had subsequent generations of Dus not bust their respective balls to improve their quality of life.

2. Scandalized relatives by wearing raggy shoes and smoking at the dinner table with the men. Apparently Chinese society is extremely materialistic, and I'm obligated to not only accept this as an unerring fact of Chinese culture but modify my personal lifestyle to impress those around me. Also, as a woman I should accept that my freedoms are fewer than those of men because Confucius said so.

3. Befriended a flirtatious Pakistani hotel chef by getting him to talk about his wife and son. Received a specially made omelette. 

4. Beat my cousin at basketball at the cost of getting my foot cut open, courtesy of the aforementioned raggy shoes.  

5. Saw my grandma naked one too many times.

6. Tolerated my brother's continuous poking and pinching of the various flabby bits of my body (i.e. underarms, abdomen, thighs), coupled with repeated insults to my physical appearance and intelligence. 

7. Had afternoon tea at the Waldorf with another cousin.

8. Ferried about the Huang Pu River thinking about a boy.

Chicago Pride 2013 in Lakeview, the year of the repeal of DOMA

In my dreams I stalk the streets of Melville like a ghost.

Workaholism

me: do you ever step back and think about how obsessed we all are?

Kaitlin: about the Daily?

me: yes

Kaitlin: yes,

it horrifies me sometimes.

me: =D