Living Here :(

living here :(

10:00 PM

You had agreed to meet him in your dorm room at 10 p.m.

It's half-past eight, and you've been alone with your thoughts for far too long. There were no messages, not even from your friends. Of course, it's not because they dislike you. Everyone is just too preoccupied with final exams right now. You should probably study for yours, but you believe the three days you've spent cooped up in your room have prepared you enough, if not too much.

The internet connection in the dorm building is agonizingly slow, allowing your show to run at 480 frames per second.

I can’t even finish this god damned episode.

You made the decision to leave your room before going insane. There’s a lounge on the second floor of your building, so you decided to head there.

The room has bean bags, couches, a table, some seats, a vending machine, and a TV. It's nine in the evening, you've had your dinner, so you've settled on some chips. You chose to sit on the brown leather couch in front of the TV, your legs resting on the sofa's arms. Because students aren't allowed to change the channel, you're stuck watching the news.

Well, it’s not like I have anything better to do.

A couple of minutes later, two students enter the room. They're giggling all the way to the table, their arms locked. You give them a quick glance before averting your gaze to avoid drawing unwanted attention to yourself. You return your gaze to the television and see a man being arrested for drug use in a bar's staff room.

Soon enough, the giggles become too loud, interfering with your ability to watch in peace.

Can’t they fucking do this someplace else?

You glance at the couple and see them eating each other’s faces out. But instead of being more frustrated, your mind wanders over a certain boy.

The two of you had no label for whatever you two had. Just people who are more than friends but less than lovers. It's not like you were keeping it from everyone or your friends. You had just agreed to keep it that way. The reason for so, though, was uncertain. Perhaps out of fear? Fear of what others would say, or fear that if you made it known to everyone and things went bad, it would be absolutely embarrassing. But maybe you both just wanted each other for yourself. Who knows.

He isn't unpopular. Girls are definitely lining up for him. When he gets tired of you, it won't be long before there's a replacement for you right by his side. The most daunting aspect of it all is that you already have a female candidate in mind for the position. She's been suspicious of you both ever since she saw you holding hands in a café. She's also very attractive. And smart. And incredibly fucking kind. That is the most upsetting aspect of it all. She’s a sweet girl. She’s known him since freshman year and developed a much-too-obvious crush on him.

You admit that in some aspects, she’s definitely better than you.

Hell, if I were him, I’d choose her.

So tonight, you think. Think of where he is. Is she there by his side, as she should be? Is he entertaining her? Is she making him happy? These awful thoughts linger in your mind for the remainder of your stay in the dorm lounge, with the TV playing in the background and the giggles of that damned couple who prompted this dilemma.

Fuck, it’s quarter to ten. I’m gonna be late.

And so he runs.

He’s been at the bar since 5. As a reward for finishing the exam, a group of his classmates invited everyone out for a drink. Mr. Congeniality that he is, he gladly joins in. The girl he’s known since freshman year sticks by his side. She’s nice, he thinks. However, a distinct image of someone comes to mind. He glances at his watch, which reads 8:30 p.m.

To be honest, he's tired of it. The party, the people, and the beverages. All he can think about right now is leaving this bar and going back to their dorm. Eating take-out together, watching random Youtube videos on their bed, and keeping them close enough to smell that fresh coconut shampoo they use that he loves so much. But it would be too weird.

Because they aren't his significant other, arriving early would be too obvious. He clearly likes them more than he's letting on. But he's not sure how much longer he can go on like this. Clandestine meetings and longing gazes. He wants to walk around campus with them, post pictures of their dates, and let everyone know that he already belongs to someone else.

The bartender's yell snaps him out of his trance. He tries to approach the commotion to find out what's going on, leaving his spot and the girl behind. He stands on his toes as he sees one of his classmates being dragged out by the bouncers. Soon after, sirens and the all-too-familiar red and blue lights appear. He learns from others that the man who was just dragged out and is now being arrested was doing drugs in the staff room. Fucking moron. Now he really wants to go.

He goes outside to wait for a cab. But so is everyone else. And, being the gentleman that he is, he allows everyone to hail a cab first. Moments later, the girl who had been by his side earlier approaches him and asks if he wants to share a cab with her because they live close together. He refuses, claiming that he has someone waiting for him. Which is a lie, and in retrospect, a better option than where he is now.

Running.

Waiting for a cab made the time fly quickly, and now he was running late. He really doesn't want to let them down and make them feel unimportant. They were so far away from it. If they had texted him and he was on the other side of the world, he would immediately book a flight to meet them.

He calls them, hoping they'll understand that he'll be late. Unfortunately, he only gets a dial tone. He tries again and comes up short. He considers calling them again, but this may be too clingy of him.

So he keeps running until he sees that familiar building, which strangely makes him smile. In his mind, he laughs at how mundane things have become extraordinary simply because of them.

You are startled awake. Shit, I fell asleep. When you look at the time, it's five to ten. You make your way quickly out of the lounge, shaking your head as you pass the couple passed out by the bean bags. And, to make matters worse, the elevator is being repaired. As a result, you begin your journey by ascending several flights of stairs.

By the time you make it to your floor, you’re completely out of breath.

I probably look fucking insane right now.

You make your way to your room to prepare for a bit before he comes. However, the universe had other plans for you.

Just when you turned towards the hallway where your dorm is, he stood there, almost mirroring your condition. He's heaving, his hair is stuck to his brow, and his hands are on his knees.

You take a few tentative steps forward. He looks up, sees you, and smiles. You do the same and ask as to why he looks tired.

"I- uh, used the stairs because your elevator wasn't working," he says, not making eye contact with you, which usually means he's lying. But you remain silent and hum in agreement.

You nod towards your door, inviting him to enter and follow you.

If I told them I ran from the bar, I’m actually fucked. Whipped son of a bitch.

He follows them in and heads straight for their bed. He believes that this bed is softer than the expensive one he has at home and that it must feel like a cloud.

Like routine, they head to the bathroom to freshen up, and he looks for a shirt of his in their drawer. While waiting, he sets up the movie and orders some food.

They emerge from the bathroom, and he believes it would be fine if he died right now. He doesn't mind if he ends up in hell because he's already seen an angel.

They settle in the bed, with him enclosing them in their arms.

“How was your day?” He asks, trying to beat the awkward silence.

“It was alright. I was busy all night studying.”

“Well, if you don’t mind me asking.. Uh, where did you come from when I saw you in the hallway?”

Their eyes seem to widen a bit as if caught in the act. “Oh, I just gave my friend my notes at the lobby.”

With no energy to pry further, he nods and moves to turn the movie volume up.

As the credits roll, you turn your head to face the body that is enclosing yours. He's fast asleep with his arm around your waist.

You admire him in this way, but you think it's too domestic. But you'd give anything to sleep every night and wake up to this every morning. But you know all too well that by the time the sun rises, like clockwork, he will rise and move so as not to wake you, but you always are.

With eyes closed, you silently beg for him not to go, and just this once, to stay. To hear him say he feels the same way you do and that all your doubts were just you rationalizing.

He is jolted awake by that familiar alarm. He carefully gets out of bed and never forgets the part of his routine of looking at you asleep, a picture that will stay with him all day. He notices the polaroid picture of you two on the night you met as he grabs his shirt from the top of your drawer. As he gazes out the window, he decides to be brave and make an exception today.

He returns beside you, enveloping you in his arms and burying his head in your neck. And, ever so gently, he says,

“Just tell me you love me already. Please, please, please."

“a burning hill” by mitski

hair tie: a stsg comic about keeping random items from your childhood

this is bullshit

why even make the movie

nap time with dad nanamin!!