Levi Ackerman X Reader - Tumblr Posts

🔥Wings of Freedom Part 3🔥

A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait, I’ve had some requests and school’s been a pain in the ass so its been a while since I’ve been able to work on this series, but I am super pumped to finish it! It definitely took a turn I was not expecting when I first started writing it but hey, that’s what writing is all about, right? Sorry this one is kinda short, I’m planning for the next chapter to be very action packed so this one is a bit less to avoid making it feel rushed. Warning: mentions of abuse, neglect, mistreatment, etc. This one is heavy despite its short length. Sorry not sorry. Enjoy! Also I’m tagging @amive2567 since the quote I sent back for the 🌹game was from this story!

🐉Song Recommendation: “Twinkling Lights” By: Annalise Emerick 🐉

Word Count: ~2.9k

Taglist: @whore-for-anime​ @macaronnv

If you would like to be added to the taglist, please let me know!

Part 1 | Part 2

~~~

Erwin raised his fist to knock on the unassuming wood door in front of him but paused, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for what he knew he would see. Anxiety rolled in his stomach, and he wanted nothing more than to turn in the other direction, to walk away and save himself from what he knew would be burned into his brain for a week. But he had to do this. Breathing deeply one last time for good measure, Erwin knocked.

He had only been in the middle of the second knock when the door flew open. Just as he expected, he was not prepared for the sight of the man in front of him.

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The Ones who Matter the Most

Request for: motherly captain!reader where they get heavily injured during an expedition and wouldn’t wake up for weeks. [original request can be found here]

Word Count: 6.2k (oops, it flows tho)

Warnings: major character injury, descriptions of injury, angst and some fluff, female pronouns used for reader.

A/n: I think I’m addicted to the reader being motherly so thank you for requesting this. I also listened to ‘arcade’ the orchestral version on repeat while writing so ahahah sorry for how intense it gets. This was also loosely (not a spoiler for it though) inspired by one of the chapters in the aot2 game. Enjoy <3

It took hours of convincing on Hange’s end to persuade Erwin to think capturing more Titan’s was a good idea. When Hange’s proposal was brought up at a weekly meeting, multiple squad leaders present turned it down. It sparked debate about whether it was a useful application of their precious resources and especially after last time, it was hard to persuade some of them that it could be worth it again. Losing Sawney and Bean had been a personal loss for Hange, but there were others who saw it as an insult to the resources they’d put into the experiment. The whole while Erwin mediated the meeting and for the most part, you’d stayed out of it. On a rare occasion you would pitch in, always in favour of Hange’s argument, it was important to advance their knowledge, but you hardly engaged in the others dissension.

“Very well. Its clear the opinion is split. Hange, I support your proposal,” at these words Hange’s spirits seemed to visibly lift “however, it will be up to each squad leader to decide whether their squad will take part.” Their shoulders slumped again at Erwin’s words, after all, the divide in opinion had been so strong, it was not looking favorably that many would join.

“I’m happy to join Hange.” You put forward to first word of support and Hange offered you an appreciative nod. A weighty silence fell over the room and for a second no one else spoke. You wondered if your squad and Hange’s would be enough, it wouldn’t be easy, but it could be done.

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request for reader reacting to Levi being seriously injured and taking care of him (or Levi protecting reader) I know you’ve done some requests with the reader protecting Levi and it’d be nice to have one where it’s the opposite :)

A/N: uhh this kinda went off topic to your prompt but i hope you enjoy nonetheless. also this somehow ended up at 4.5k idk how

Small Price

(Y/N) opens her eyes, squinting as the golden beam of light attacks her face. Once the fogginess that clouds her vision fades away, she slowly turns around. A soft smile is one her face as she is met with the rare sight of her sleeping husband, Levi. Her gaze shifts to his chest and her smile vanishes, replaced by a look of sadness and pain. 

It starts at his right shoulder, trailing down his side and then curving left. It slopes down, disappearing beneath his black pants but she knows it stops at his left hip. It’s long and narrow, a clean swipe. She bites back a sob as her eyes repeatedly trail over the hideous mark.

He got that scar because of her. 

It’s worse than any other mark he has on his body, and it’s all her fault.  She feels the hot sensation behind her eyes but wills the tears back. Unable to look at it any longer, she tears her eyes away from his chest and sits up. As she moves to get up, a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His gruff voice calls out to her.

“I’m going to make tea.” She answers, trying to pry his arms away from her body but he tightens his grip.

“Do that later, it’s still early. Cuddle me.” He says playfully, nuzzling his face into her lower back. 

Any other time she would’ve played along, she loves being in his arms. However, now it means she has to face what she did to him, and she knows she’ll break down. (Y/N) can’t have that. 

“Sorry Levi, not today.” She says, keeping her voice firm. 

“You’ve been saying that a lot.” Levi grumbles, relinquishing his hold on her. She bites the inside of her cheek at his answer. She has been brushing his attempts off for any sort of affection that would make her face his scar ever since that day. The day she messed up.

“Ah well, we can’t just stay in bed Levi. We’ve got things to do.” She adds a laugh towards the end, standing up and quickly shuffling to her closet. 

“Yeah yeah..,” She hears his annoyance. It’s ironic really. Normally she was the one that makes him stay in bed a little longer, but not anymore. Now she’s eager to not face him, avoiding any chance to see her mistake. 

As she changes into her clothes, his familiar presence is behind her. She’s pulled back to his body, his face buried into her neck. She may not initiate any forms of affection towards him now, but Levi sure did. He’s been showing more of his affection through his actions lately. 

(Y/N) squeaks as she feels his lips pepper her soft skin, occasionally nibbling. 

“L-Levi…,” 

The raven haired man only hums, his teeth grazing her neck. He bites down on her sweet spot, making her gasp. She wriggles out of his hold before he could leave a bruise. A dissatisfied noise leaves his lips.

“Not now Levi...people will see it…,” she says, her back still facing him.

Levi sighs behind her. “Then give me a kiss, you could at least do that.”

There’s a pause, his words churning inside her head. She does feel bad for the things she’s doing to him, essentially pushing him away when all he’s been doing is showing her his love. She could do a kiss, just to avoid his chest. Turning around, she tranfixes her eyes on his face. Then she kisses him, soft and sweet. She makes sure to turn around after they part.

“I’m going to go to the mess hall. I’ll make you tea too.” She gets a grunt as a response.

Leaving the room the clacks of the boots fill the air as she walks down the halls. Entering the kitchen, she takes out two tea cups and prepares the beverages. Soon she holds two cups of tea in her hands. Chatter lightens the atmosphere as she walks into the mess hall. Cadets begin to thunder down the corridors, eager to get their seats and talk with their friends. She smiles at Erwin who is already seated at the table, which he returns. Setting the cups down with a clink, she retrieves two trays of food.

“How are you doing (y/n)?” The Commander questions.

“Oh I’m doing well, how about you?” She replies, digging into her meal. 

“Tired mostly. Lots of proposals to look over.”

“You can pass some of them on to me if you’d like. A tired Commander isn’t a good one.” 

“Thank you for your offer, but Levi wouldn’t allow me to dump a lot of work on you.”

“You’re right about that.” 

Speak of the man himself. Levi slides in next to her, taking his teacup by the rim. She purposely avoids his gaze. Erwin watches them closely, his lips pursued. Before he could say anything, a voice the three were all too familiar with, much to Levi’s displeasure, makes itself known. 

“Hiya everyone!” The scientist chirps, plopping herself down next to Erwin. Levi mutters under his breath.

“Hello to you Hanji.” Erwin greets.

“Hi Hanji.” (y/n)  says with a smile, happy that she’s here. At least she keeps her mind off things and helps keep a conversation going. It was beginning to get awkward with the two men.

“Aww, aren’t you going to say anything Levi?” 

“No.” Levi deadpans. 

Hanji pouts. “Oh come on.”

He drags out a sigh. “Morning”

“Such a grouch you are.” She tsks, shaking her head. She turns her attention to the other female. “Anything you can do to make him less of a grumpy old man~?” She teases, a glint in her eyes. Levi tightens his grip on the cup and (y/n)’s afraid the force of his grip will shatter the cup.

“Uhh,” She doesn’t know what to say. 

“Oooh, I see I see.” She says suggestively.

“Hanji I will cut you with a fork if you don’t stop talking.” Levi says darkly. She places a hand over his, hoping to extinguish the fire in his nerves. Thankfully it does. His grip loosens, setting the cup down.

“Now Levi, no need for unneccessary murder.” Erwin joins in. Levi rolls his eyes. 

After breakfast, the superiors were getting ready to train the cadets. While (y/n) puts on her gear for ODMG training with her squad, Levi walks towards her. Immediately she trains her eyes on the ground.

“Are you feeling okay?” He inquires, his hand grasping hers. 

She stiffly nods. “Fine.”

“You think you can lie to me?” 

He hooks two fingers under her chin, tilting her head up. Concern swirls in his ashen hues.

“Talk.” He commands.

She swallows thickly. She can’t possibly tell him what’s really bothering her.

“Just a lot of things on my mind, that’s all.” She says, attempting a smile to quell his suspicions. 

“Care to tell what those things are? You haven’t been acting yourself lately.” Levi points out.

She racks her brain for a viable excuse, but even she knows that he’ll see right through her. 

“Really, it’s nothing you should worry about. Just girl things, you know?” She tries to move away but he pulls her into his embrace. She places her hands on his chest to steady herself, her heart beating vigorously. The fabric is the only thing keeping her from touching the scar physically, but she mentally traces it in her mind. Her heart twists painfully. Oh god, she has to get out of his hold. 

“As your husband, I have a right to know what’s bothering my wife. Now spit it out.” His eyes bore into her. His patience is wearing thin.

Thankfully, a savior in the form of an exuberant brunette saves the day.

“Shorty stop keeping (y/n) to herself! She has to train the cadets!” Hanji hollers.

Levi scowls, removing his arms from her frame, (y/n)  internally sighing in relief. 

“Damn shitty glasses.” He growls. 

“You heard her, I should get going.” 

After making sure she attached all her equipment, she hurriedly leaves the shed. She feels his gaze on her as she walks to the training grounds. 

~~~~

She sighs as she enters their room, making a beeline to the bathroom. Today was exhausting and not to mention very hot. Training under the sweltering heat was not fun. Her clothes stick to her skin due to the amount of sweat she produced and she’s disgusted. Some of the cadets even passed out from heat exhaustion which worried her greatly. It’s why she ended training early so the soldiers would be okay, but others not so much. Levi’s group is still training in the hellish heat. She  prays they’ll make it out okay. 

Peeling off her uniform and tossing it in a corner, she steps inside the bathtub. She turns on the shower, allowing the cool water to run down her body and cool her off. The cooling sensation on her skin is a welcome change. Soon, the heat dies down. (Y/N) stares at the bathtub, water dripping down her hair. Now it feels icy cold, too cold. Her arms go around her body, a choked sob escaping her lips. 

It’s coming back to her.

Levi’s and (Y/n)’s squad was tasked to scout around the perimeter for any titans since a few scouts reported of titans near the walls. It was strange since it was during nighttime that they were handed this assignment and normally titan sightings are rare during the night. 

“Man, this is creepy.” Jean comments as they ride around the perimeter. Their torches are the only source of light, along with the ethereal glow of the radiant moon above in the abyss. 

“Scared, horse-face?” Eren taunts.

She notices the twitch in Levi’s eyebrow. Quickly sensing his mood, She speaks up. “Eren, Jean, please don’t fight. We are on a mission right now and messing around is uncalled for.” 

“Yes ma’am!” They yell in unison. Thankfully, they stay quiet although they threw each other dirty looks. 

“What a bunch of brats.” Levi huffs. (Y/n) chuckles a little, moving her horse so she was closer to him. She places a hand over his.

“After one more round then we can go back. Just hold on for a little longer, okay?” 

“If those two start a fight again, I’m flinging them off the wall.” 

She could only shake her head at his words. She looks around, her eyes sharp for any sort of movement.

“I don’t know what those Scouts saw, but it looks pretty clear to me.” Connie says.

“Yeah, we haven’t seen anything so far. I think they were just spooked.” Armin reasons.

“Still better to be safe than sorry.” Christa pipes in. 

After doing their last rounds and confirming that nothing was out of place, they start to ride back. Suddenly everyone stops, their heads whipping around. There’s an odd presence.

She strains her ears to pick up on anything, but all she hears are the whispers of the wind. (Y/N) unsheathes her swords, everyone else doing the same. Something is going to happen soon. The anxiety that courses through her body causes her heart rate to spike, the adrenaline priming her body for action. She gulps. 

A barrel comes out of nowhere and explodes, a huge smoke cloud covering the group. It’s so thick that she couldn’t see Levi or the others.

“Is everyone alright!?” She calls out, frantically looking for Levi.

“Take them all out!” Levi barks.

The sound of metal clashing together rings in the air. Someone appeared in front of her, their swords ready to strike but she was quicker. Evading the hit she goes for their blind spot, cutting them down easily. Blood stains the lush grass. She catches a glimpse of her husband before having to take out some other culprits. Where were they coming from?

“There are more of them!” Jean shouts.

More and more goons came out of nowhere. With more firepower, it was proving difficult to cut them all down. As she is evading a hit, someone comes up behind her. Spinning on her heel, she trips them with her leg and cuts them down, turning back around to get the second culprit. Then they start to swarm everyone. (Y/n) cries out when she’s roughly pushed down to the ground, an explosion of pain in her shoulder.

The smoke is clearing, she could make out the other soldiers and Levi. They were all getting swarmed too. Getting back on her feet she takes out as many as she could. Then she makes a mistake.

She goes in for the kill but the guy moves out of the way. Her feet turned the wrong way, so there was an opening and she noticed that a second too late. The man has a feral grin on his face, his sword position to strike her. There was nothing she could do. She stared in horror as the man was about to cut her down.

There’s a flash of in front of her. (Y/n) widens her eyes as Levi appears in front of her just as the man brings his sword down. It happened so fast. The man brought his sword down, cutting Levi across his chest. A strangled noise escapes his lips, blood gushing from his wound. In the next instance the man falls dead.

(Y/N) didn’t even realize she was screaming.

“CAPTAIN!” Everyone shrieks.

Levi staggers back, his wife catching him in his arms. She collapses to the ground, holding his body close to her. His eyes are closed and his expression is one of pain. His breathing is ragged, his head rolling to the side.

“Levi! Levi, answer me please! Levi!” She cries out. 

Oh god the blood, there was so much blood. His blood. She takes off her cloak and wraps it around his body, hoping to stop the blood flow. The crimson stains her clothes and hands. She trembles uncontrollably, screaming at him to wake up. Tears cascade down her cheeks, falling onto his skin. 

“What do we do!?” Someone says and she wishes she has an answer. Her mind isn’t working, the gears malfunctioning. 

She sees a sliver of his ashen hues. “Levi!” her desperate plea rings out in the air.

“You..okay?” He manages to speak before squeezing his eyes shut again, a groan leaving his mouth. He’s asking if she’s fine when he’s the one with the wound? 

“Eren, Jean, help me get Levi on my horse! We’re going straight back!” She yells out, her voice strained. His body is growing cold. 

The boys do as they’re told and everyone quickly rushes back to HQ. Time is ticking for her husband and she’s never been more afraid in her life. Being held at gunpoint? Not even close. In the jaws of a titan? Perhaps, but still no. 

She positioned Levi to be in front of her, his head resting on her shoulder. She keeps her hands on his hips to steady him. Her heart is pounding, the sound ringing in her ears. Levi moans in pain, digging his face into her shoulder.

“Please, hold on.” Her voice cracks.

“(y/n)…,” his voice is slurred.

“We’re getting help, just hang on.” Her bottom lip quiver, a few stray tears sliding down her cheek.

She nearly broke down the door to the infirmary while Jean and Eren helped carry Levi in. She could only sit down with her head in her hands as she let the doctors work. God she was terrified. His blood was still on her clothes. The scene kept replaying in her mind, how he just jumped in front of her with no hesitation. It was tearing her apart.

A nurse comes out of the room. (Y/N) stands up, a hopeful look on her face. 

“He’s alright. Needs lots of rest though.”

She lets out the biggest sigh of relief. “May...I see him?” She asks slowly, each word heavier than the last. The nurse nods, moving out of the way for her.

(Y/N) walks inside the room and her breath hitches. It almost looks like he’s sleeping, a tranquil look on his face. Her eyes trail down to his chest, seeing the bloody bandages. She did that to him. Her legs give out when she reaches the bed. Laying her head on his stomach, rivers stream down her face.

“I’m sorry...oh god I’m so sorry..,” (Y/n) chants, the words filling the empty air. 

Her tears mix with the water, falling into the tub. She digs her fingers into her skin. It’s all her fault. He nearly died because of her. (Y/N)furiously rubs away the tears, but more continue to fall like rain falling from the sky. She tenses when she hears the bathroom door open, followed by the sound of rustling clothes. Snatching a bar of soap she washes herself. The curtain is pulled back, Levi standing behind her. 

“It was so fucking hot outside.” Levi mutters.

“Y-Yeah, it was.” 

She keeps looking down at the tub, rubbing the soap over her body. She squeaks when she feels his arms go around her waist, pulling her back to his chest. The soap nearly slips from her grasp. She puts it down to the side. (Y/N) gulps, feeling the roughness of the scar on her back. 

“You’re tense, did the brats do anything?” Levi hums, pressing his hands on her shoulders.

“No, they were fine.” She tries to keep her voice steady.

“Then what’s the reason?”

“It’s just the heat, making me feel all sorts of things. By the way, you shouldn’t have trained your team so hard in the heat.” She lightly scolds him, hoping to distract herself.

“They need to learn how to survive these kinds of conditions.” He reasons, his nose tracing her neck. His warmth breath sends shivers down her spine. His lips press against her skin, his fingers tracing patterns on her stomach. Her knees wobble, his touch making her melt. 

“It’s been some time since I had you to myself..,” He murmurs, his tongue tracing her ear.

“L-Levi…,” (Y/N) stutters. She won’t deny that she has missed these moments.

He spins her around and slams his lips onto hers. She grips his biceps as he kisses her deeply. Her eyes are closed, preventing her from seeing the mark. He releases her, pressing a thumb against her lips. Kissing her again, one arm slips around her waist while the other tangles itself in her wet locks. Losing herself in him, her hands knot themselves in his hair. They slide down his neck and then she freezes when her fingers make contact with the rough patch of skin on his right shoulder. Noticing this, Levi pulls away, his eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…,” She doesn’t know what to say. She feels the tears again, the dam waiting to burst. 

“Hey, talk to me.” He speaks softly, cradling her face gently. 

“I...don’t feel good..,” She breathes, averting her gaze. It wasn't an entire lie. 

“Let’s get you to bed then.” 

Levi stops the water and steps out of the tub. She watches the droplet splash onto the tub, breathing deeply. It was her first time touching the scar and it tore her up. It’s nothing like his other scars on his body. It’s the scar that shouldn’t belong. 

Within minutes he returns, a large towel in his hands. Wordlessly he covers her with the towel, bringing her out of the tub. Gripping the fabric tightly, she allows Levi to dry her hair with a smaller towel. He’s so attentive towards her, his eyes flickering to meet hers every now and then.

God did it hurt, it’s like a chain coiling around her heart. 

He hands her clothes which she quickly puts on. (Y/N) gasps when he sweeps her off her feet, her arms instinctively going around his neck. He briskly walks into their room, gently laying her down on the bed. 

“Rest. If you need me, I’ll be in my office.” Levi says, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“..Thank you.” She whispers.

Levi goes into his office, leaving the door ajar. She shakily exhales, closing her eyes. Turning over to her side, she silently cries. 

~~~~~

She really couldn’t stay in the same room as him. (Y/N) would wake up way earlier than usual to start her day and keep herself busy, an impressive fear knowing how early Levi wakes up. Every time she was in the same room as Levi, she would make up some excuse and leave. He would always try to ask her what’s wrong but she manages to get away from him. She did everything she could to avoid him. The second she sees Levi, everything comes back to her. The blood, the pain, the guilt, the scar. It takes all her willpower not to break down. 

(Y/N)  briskly walks down the halls, the clacks of her boots filling in the air. She needed to get her black straps for ODMG training and thankfully Levi’s at a meeting. Entering their room, she rummages through her things. “Now where did I put those straps…,” She says to herself. 

She was so absorbed at the task at hand she failed to hear the door opening. Her eyes light up when she finds the item, clutching them in her hands. When she turns around her eyes widen, the straps fall to the floor with a thud. 

Levi leans against the doorway, a bored expression on his face.

“Levi, you’re here.” She says in a high pitched voice. 

“Meeting ended early.” He responds simply, his gaze boring into her.

“Ah well, I should be goin-”

“Stop with that bullshit, you’re not going anywhere this time.” He snaps harshly. He walks up to her, hooking his fingers under her chin and forcing her to look at him.

“You intentionally look away from me, don’t do any sort of affection towards me anymore, and now you’re avoiding me.” His voice raises a few octaves. (Y/N) still says nothing. Levi grits his teeth. “Dammit, what the hell is wrong?! You’re not telling me anything!” Concern swirls in his eyes as he searches her face for answers. 

She bites her lips, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. Something bubbles in the back of her throat but she pushes it down. 

“Please, tell me what’s wrong so I can help you. I hate seeing you like this…,” He says in a whisper, moving his hands to cup her cheeks. 

“The only thing that’s wrong is me!” She cries out, ripping his hands away from her. He looks at her in shock at her outburst. Moving a few steps back, she pulls at her hair. Tears begin to flow down her cheeks.

“What are you-”

“Because of my dumb mistake, I gave you that scar!” She explodes, her voice bouncing off the walls. She looks at him with blurred vision, her finger shakily pointing at him. “Because of me, you always have that as a reminder, a hideous scar that doesn’t belong on your body. You never deserved that Levi...but because of me, you…,” 

(Y/N) breathes heavily, her lungs burning like she just ran a marathon. Zapped of all energy, she slowly sinks to the floor, hands covering her head. “God I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry I gave that to you…,” She chants to herself.

She hears the rustling of clothing. Peeking through the gaps of her fingers, she sees him taking off his cravat and tan jacket. Then off goes his shirt. She shuts her eyes.

“Look at me.” 

“I can’t.” She says in a meek voice. He walks up to her, crouching to her level.

“Look at me.” He orders again.

Something about his voice compels her. With a shuddering breath, she removes her hands from her face, opening her eyes. Her initial reaction is to close her eyes again but the way Levi looks at her makes her keep them open. Swallowing thickly, her eyes follow the mark, stopping at his left hip. It makes her feel choked up with emotion.

“I do not regret my decision for doing what I did.” He takes her hand.

“W-Why?” 

Levi places her hand over his heart. The vibrations of his steady heart beat travels through the nerves of her fingertips. 

“I will do anything to protect you, the woman I love.” He says sincerely, his ashen hues reflecting genuine love for her. The only time he lets his walls down was when he was with her.

She cries even more at his statement. “Y-You could’ve died.”

“But I didn’t. I’d do it a thousand times if it meant keeping you safe.” He lost too many people in his life, he wasn’t going to lose her, not if he could do something.

God this man loves her so much that it makes her heart clench She launches herself at him, embracing him tightly. Her shoulders shake as more sobs rack her body, her face pressed against his chest. Levi returns the hug, his arms like a safe haven for her. 

“That scar...it’s nothing more than proof of what lengths I’ll go for you. It’s a small price to pay for your safety.” He murmurs.

“I love you...,I love you so much.”  (y/n) says, moving her head back and kissing him hard, pouring all her emotions into that kiss. His thumb brushes against her cheek, responding with equal passion. They rest their foreheads together after they part, gazing into each other’s eyes. 

“You should’ve told me about this sooner instead of pulling this stunt.”

“Yeah..I’m sorry about it all.” she sheepishly looks away.

“What’s done is done. Come to me whenever you have a problem, I am your husband. Rely on me (Y/n), I’m here for you.” 

A smile stretches across her face. “And I’m your wife.” It makes her giddy every time they say those words. His lips twitch. He stands up, helping her up. They lay down on the bed, Levi propping his head up with one arm. (Y/n) stares at the mark, her hand hesitantly reaching out to touch it but retracts.

“Go ahead.” He encourages her. 

“Does it still hurt?” She questions, worry in her eyes. 

“Not anymore.”

Her fingers brush against his right shoulder, where the scar starts. He watches her intently as her fingers travel down his scar. With a half lidded gaze, she leans forward and kisses his chest, right where his heart would be.

“I love you.” She says once more.

They share another tender kiss. “I love you too,” Levi says softly, closing the gap.

He rolls her onto her back, him hovering above her. Her hands roam his body, feeling the scar several times. It’s going to take a while for her to get used to it, but in time she will. For now, all she could focus on is Levi kissing her passionately, a prelude of what is about to transpire as they continue.

Runaway Part 1 (Levi x Reader)

Pairing: Levi x Reader, Levi x You, Levi x y/n, Levi x OC

Trigger Warnings: Mention of Blood and Violence

Genre: fluffyyyyy flufffffffff

Summary: As a brilliant scientist of the Survey Corps -and a researching buddy of Hange's- you've started discovering things about the Titans that the government has tried so hard to keep in the dark. During the Uprising Arc, the MPs come after you and chase you down. Little do they know that you're Captain Levi's girlfriend and they'll have to go through him first if they wish to go after you.

Part 1 >>> Part 2

She knew it wasn’t Levi when a bullet came flying her way. (Y/n)’s reflexes kicked in. She jumped out of the way. She looked at the table where she had all her samples. Her eyes widened. No! There was no way she was going to let it all go to waste. She had to protect those samples. She had to protect her notebook and her research. It had all the answers. It had everything they needed.

(Y/n) saw two soldiers from the Military Police barging in with their rifles in their hands. She kicked her chair to their way. They moved out of the way and pointed their rifles at her. She heard footsteps from behind her and before she even knew it, a hand was around her neck from behind, choking her. (Y/n) gritted her teeth. Bastards.

She stepped on the man’s leg powerfully with her own. He winced. She elbowed him on the jaw and the other two started firing. She grabbed the man that she had elbowed and she used him to shield her body from the bullets. The man’s blood spilled on her clothes. Dammit. Her skirt was ruined.

“Just take her out already!” One of them shouted to the other, but before they had the chance to place down their guns and attack on hand-to-hand combat someone else attacked them from behind.

Levi’s punches and kicks were rough, fast, and precise. It only took a few of them for the MPs to fall down unconscious. (Y/n) let down the man that had been shot at many times only for Levi’s hand to find its way around her waist and pull her protectively against him. His eyes, wide in alarm, met her own.

“Those bastards didn’t hurt you, did they?!” Levi asked worriedly.

His thumb found her cheek making sure he had her attention. He was breathless. He must have been running. And, of course, he had been running. He had to find her as fast as possible. He had to keep her safe. Coming in Trost was incredibly foolish of her. Alas, he knew the importance of her research.

(Y/n) shook her head. She escaped from his arms and she started stuffing her samples back in her bag as hastily as she could, and most important of all, her notebook.  

“We need to get you out of here,” Levi grabbed her hand and started dragging her away with him.

“Why would the MPs attack me?!” (Y/n) asked as they ran downstairs. His fingers were almost painfully tight around her own.

“Because you know things you’re not supposed to,” Levi answered but he heard footsteps.

He urged her to get into one of the many offices around the hall that they were now in. The offices were empty and dark. Night had finally fallen outside, but the halls had torches all around that were bringing enough light in the Survey Corps HQ. That office was empty and dark as well. They should be able to hide.

There were more MPs. Of course, they’d send an entire battalion for her. She was Captain Levi's childhood friend. She had survived living in the Underground. A talented Lieutenant of the Survey Corps. There’s no way merely three MPs would be enough to take her out. And Levi’s assumptions were correct. A hand was thrown around her protectively as he leaned and peeked through the keyhole.

“Do you think they got her?”

“I did hear a couple of shots, sir, but I’m not so sure,”

Levi was right. They were many. He could take them out on his own empty-handed and he wouldn’t break a sweat, but he had to take her out of there as fast as possible. He turned at (y/n). Her back pressed against the door. She tried to whisper something, but his fingers found her lips, sealing them back closed. They had reached the ground floor. They would be able to escape through the windows.

He nodded his head at the direction of the windows in the office and she nodded. If she didn’t know him as well as she did, he wouldn’t be able to tell her an entire plan through just one look. His fingers were still tight around her own and they approached the windows. Much to their luck, the stables were right beside that part of the building. He pulled the window open and he jumped out. She jumped out as well, careful not to make a sound. It wasn’t too high, but high enough to make her doubt herself.

But he caught her. Levi’s arms were tight around her, and he cursed when he realised that footsteps were once again approaching. Of course, they’d check the stables. It was still dark. There were no lights at the back of the building and anybody could grab a horse and sneak away.

Levi turned only to see that they were pretty damn close. There was no way they had enough time to grab a horse and start riding away without having the damn MPs chasing them. Maybe he’d have to fight after all. But (y/n) had a better idea in mind. Her hand found his shoulder, drawing his attention.

“Kiss me,”

Levi turned and looked at her confusedly. “(Y/n), this is no time for-”

But she grabbed his black jacket bringing him closer and before he had the chance to finish what he had to say, her lips crushed against his own and he instantly forgot what he was trying to say. She had never kissed him so ferociously before. Her tongue met the back of his throat and he groaned. Shit. He was beginning to catch up on what she was trying to do. But still, this was too risky and too exciting, but brilliant nonetheless.

His hand found her hip, settling a leg around his waist and he kissed her back just as ferociously as she did. He knocked her back against the brick wall. His fingers clutched in her thigh. Levi bit down on her lip and she let out the filthiest moan he had ever heard in his life. It made his blood go south. Fuck. If they kept this up, they’d be putting more than a show outside the freaking stables.

“Everything clear, officer?”

A superior’s voice came from behind and the officers found themselves unable to come up with a clear answer. All they had were two people making out at the back of the building and they doubted if the woman was (F/n) (L/n). (F/n) (L/n) should be on the run by now. These two were probably drunkards from a nearby inn and they had just ended up out there.

“Everything clear, sir!”

“Get your asses back here!”     

“Yes, sir!”

The MPs left fast enough, but Levi wouldn’t stop kissing her until she actually pulled back. Her taste, still on his lips. His hands still too tight around her, but she still managed to get away. How could she always know how to escape his grasp? It frustrated him. She still caught his hand and guided him over to the stables to get a horse and ride away.

“Let’s go!” She whispered.

“R- Right,”  

Compose yourself!

A/N: Lemme know what you guys think!!!! Lemme know if you liked it!!! I'll post a Part 2 soon!!!! Feel free to reblog and comment below 🥰

Love Hate Me: A Levi x F!Reader Series (Completed)

summary

There is only one thing in life that you are sure about: you hate Levi Ackerman just as much as he hates you.

You and Levi have never gotten along. You hate how he is utterly full of himself, how he looks bored all the time, how he constantly picks on you. He hates how you glared at him the first time you met him, how you seem to spend too much time with Jean Kierstein, how you seem like your hiding something. The two of you despise each other, and perhaps that is the only thing that the two of you can agree on.

But, you have to wonder, is there something else hiding under all of that hate?

warnings

nsfw: fingering, cunnilingus, smut, degradation, name-calling, hint of somnophilia

violence: mentions of blood, wounds, killing

spoilers: fic takes place in season 3 and references the plot

chapters

part 1: the dream

part 2: his eyes

part 3: the handkerchief

part 4: the cut

part 5: the wound

ao3 link

click here

fanart

sketches by @mioni-sora

drawing by @mioni-sora

taglist

thank you to all of you for following along with my story <3

@katsuhera @christina-mj-stan @roayaloveslife @sunascumsl-t @kc-braun @dear-hao @iwantnewhorizons @thecaptainsbride  @thefuckupoftoday @levisbebe @lilichan123 @vedjagames @justanotherlifeff @awkwardangelthings @thegirlofhaydn @vinishsama @hawksbff @pasteldaze @lottie289   @margaritas-en-la-montania  @pachnetequila @itzgabz22 @nefelimalfoy @latenightdreamss @bakubae @definitetrashlord @ed3n-nn @rip-arson @beakami @d-2-moonlight @batakprincess @watanabeyours @bohica160 @number-0-iz @nekomxncer @justari0801 @yourfavoritemermaid

Soo apparently Tumblr has this thing where posts won’t show under relevant hashtags until you’ve actively used your account for a certain period of time so idk when this will become officially public but if you’re reading this I suppose it’s been sorted. I will happily take requests if you think I’m good enough.

Levi Ackerman X Reader

Summary: Eren is being held on trial for his newly revealed power of being able to transform into a Titan. You being his sister are also accused of being of being a Titan. Levi is not happy.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Attack on Titan or its characters which is sad, I also don’t own you because why would I want to? I also don’t own the GIF below. Just my words. That’s all I own.

Please don’t reblog without permission or crediting me thank you

Like and follow for more crap one shots

You stood outside the courtroom leaning against the cold stone wall, your arms folded and legs crossed over each other, biting your lip so hard you were surprised the skin hadn’t broken. Your brow furrowed into a small glare as you stared intently at the ground, nerves eating away at your insides causing a sick feeling to wash over you, some bile rising in your throat.

Your Survey Corps jacket still steaming from Titan blood that had yet to evaporate from the previous battle outside wall Rose, your adrenaline still pumping from the experience of flying through the air and cutting down the titans. Your brain still hasn’t fully grasped what the fuck had happened. One minute you had seen Eren be devoured by a Titan, the next he was storming the battle field very much alive and in the form of the enemy. Your little brother. The boy you had protected almost your whole life could transform into a Titan.

It just couldn’t be real.

You squeezed your eyes shut, your grip tightened around your arms, the brown leather from your jacket crunching under the pressure. Is this what your father had been doing in the basement? Experimenting on Eren? Is that why he had these powers? You couldn’t separate facts from assumptions, your mind lagging at every thought. They were willing to kill him if they thought he was guilty of anything, they would happily drag him away to be executed and you no doubt would suffer some kind of interrogation. If you screwed this up your entire future could be in jeopardy. Eren’s too.

But that begged the question: where you a Titan too? Did the power reside in you too? You hoped to God it didn’t.

You growled a sudden surge of rage flying through your body and on instinct you lashed out, your fist pummelled the wall a loud crack coming from your knuckles a hot sting pulsing through your hand. Your body trembled violently as you stood, your fist still connected to the dented stone, lines of thick scarlet liquid running down the wall to drip on the floor creating a pool of scarlet blood.

“That was stupid.”

You turned your head to meet the steely gaze of Captain Levi, the man stood before you his arms folded, his uniform pristine and clean as ever, as if he hadn’t been battling titans an hour before. His sharp jaw set in a firm line, raven black hair brushing over his silver eyes, his lips set in their usual unsmiling position. You let your hand fall to your side, standing straight turning away from him to hide your face, blood still dripping from your cuts.

“You’re acting like you wouldn’t do the same if you were in my situation.” you replied icily, your tone not even making him flinch. He lazily moved his eyes to the side in response as if exasperated by the entire ordeal, he moved forward so he was less then a meter from you.

“I know I wouldn’t break my hand punching a fucking wall.” he drawled gesturing to your now reddened and bloodied mess of a hand. You pulled it infront of yourself to hide it from his line of view cradling it in your other hand, he made a “Tch” noise you didn’t raise your head or turn around, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

You stood in silence for a while as the last few members of the military and court opened the door. You turned your head see a glimpse of the courtroom as the door closed behind the last person that entered. You could see an ocean of faces, the stand in the middle where your brother would be held in five minutes when the trial began. You sighed folding your arms staring back down at the cobbled floor, tears pricking your eyes which you refused to let fall.

“I’m just scared for him.” you whispered your voice cracking slightly “they could kill him Levi...they...they could dissect him or or worse...”

You trailed off a wave of dread washing through you, but you quickly regained your composure, you heard Levi step closer behind you flinching slightly when he reached up placing his hands on your shoulders turning you round to face him. You turned your head down refusing to look at him, reaching up he roughly grabbed your chin and pulled your face to meet his, his eyes dead set and serious.

“You’re a fool if you think I’d ever let anything happen to you or your brother.” he said his voice as monotone as ever but his misty eyes softened ever so slightly his hand reaching up further to brush your cheek before pressing his lips to your own, soft and comforting against yours, his free hand grabbing you by waist and pulling you closer to his small but muscular body. Gently he pulled away, the familiar taste of lemon and mint on his breath lingering in your mouth.

“Captain, (y/l/n)!” Petra called from down the corridor “it’s about to start.”

You trembled slightly, swallowing the lump in your throat. Levi turned towards the door at the end of the corridor his hand grasping your own, guiding you down the corridor your legs weak as you came towards the huge oak doors. He opened them, holding it open for you before letting it close behind himself.

The courtroom fell into a hush as they laid their eyes on you, you noticed Mikasa and Armin in the crowd they waved you over, the military police and Garrison members staring at you. You glared defiantly back marching over to where your brothers friends where, the staring only stopping when Levi glowered at them the infamous captain asserting his authority and protection over you with just a look before walking off to join Hange and Erwin, you gave him a small smile as thanks as he passed.

“Are you ok (y/n)?” Armin asked, you stared down at the small blonde and nodded swallowing a lump in your throat.

“I’m ok Armin.”

“You look quite pale.” Mikasa answered gently, you kept your vision forward where the verdict stand stood, you let your gaze drift to where the judge sat before your eyes drifted over to Levi, as a veteran you should have been standing with your Commander and Captain but you took comfort with being with your younger brother’s friends.

Before you could reply to Mikasa’s concerns the door opened with a bang, the entire room falling into another silence all eyes on Eren, his hands cuffed behind him, members of the military police guiding him to the stand. The breath hitched in your throat at the sight of your little brother bound by shackles and forced to kneel before the judge a pole placed throug the chains he wore to hold him as prisoner.

You felt Mikasa grasp your hand, her own panic evident in her face at the sight of her best friend being treated like a criminal. Eren looked just as pale as you if not more, his huge green eyes plagued with unrest, he looked so much older then he did when you last saw him two days ago. Eren turned his head, l his emerald orbs widening at the sigh of you and his friends.

“Eren Yeager, you are here to prove to this court that you are not a threat to humanity and have a right to dwell within these walls.” The judge called out, his voice ceasing any and all chatter, Eren swallowed nervously and nodded “it’s said here that you have the ability to transform into a Titan. Is this true?”

“Yes.” Eren replied weakly dropping his head, his ebony hair falling around his face “it’s true.”

It wasn’t long before the court was yelling at each other, their arguments all crashing into each other falling apart as quickly as they were put together. The Garrison yelling at the military Police, the Wall Worshippers yelling at the Survey Corps, all the while you could only watch as Eren closed his eyes tightly, his nose scrunching up and his chest rapidly falling and rising.

You knew he was stressing. His form hunched over as he pulled against the restraints, the clanking of the chains falling on deaf ears as the court continued to yell at each other. You felt your heart rate increase, your own thoughts scrambled not being able to properly form at the confused and fear stricken atmosphere.

You looked to your side leaning forward slightly to meet eyes with Levi, his steely gaze met with yours, your own eyes quivering slightly in panic at the situation your brother was in. His expression never changed from it’s ever present frown but his eyes told you enough, telling you that you shouldn’t worry because he would protect you and Eren even if it meant his own form of punishment. You nodded to him, inhaling a shaky breath, your eyes drifted over to Hange who looked just as concerned as you. Erwin seemed to be calculating in his own head what the next actions should be, your commander had promised when Eren was still imprisoned that he would try everything he could to save your brother. But you knew that one slip up would cost Eren his life.

“How can we trust him?” a voice called out “how do we know that he isn’t a Titan who can transform into a child and he came here to destroy us?”

“Do you hear yourself?!” you yelled your anger getting the best of you, slamming your hands into the wooden bar infront of you, Armin jumped violently as you grit your teeth “Eren didn’t even know he had this power, how can you accuse him of being an enemy Titan?!”

“Well he is a Titan if some kind, we can’t neglect the idea he could be our foe!” another voice called out, you shook your head a low growl escaping your throat.

“I’ve seen Titans! I’ve killed many of them I know what a Titan is, who here can say they’ve seen one? Killed one even?” you pointed out, although you couldn’t see him ticked away from your view behind Erwin, Levi smirked to himself his lip lifting upward slightly at your honest backlashes, he would always love your confrontational streak “he sealed Wall Rose, he killed other titans and he saved Mikasa!”

“It says in the report he also attacked her when closing up Wall Rose. Is this true Mikasa?” the judge asked all eyes turning to the raven haired girl who stood quietly her gaze drifting to Eren who stared at her wide eyed “you cannot lie young lady, you are in a house of truth.”

“Yes. It’s true.” Mikasa said quietly, your breath hitched in your throat as the crowd began their murmurs again, you knew she would lie if she could but a part of you couldn’t help but be angry with her for throwing Eren under the horse like that it was selfish of you really , it’s not like she had a choice in her candour.

“Knowing all this are we really prepared to invest our money, will power, time and the face of humanity into this danger? One who has unexplained abilities that could put all of us at risk?” someone from the stands called out, your fists clenched inton tight balls.

“What about her!?” someone yelled, their finger pointed at you, the entire court room turned to face you. Any normal person would have shrunk back in their place at being given this much negative attention. You were not a normal person, you were dating Captain Levi you would never be classed as normal. Instead you folded your arms glaring at the Garrison member who had his dirty finger pointed at you “she’s his sister it’s probably genetic! She probably came here with him to damn us all!”

“He’s got a point we don’t know what causes it she could be the same as him!” another person yelled.

“She could be a monster too!”

“Maybe we should dissect her too!”

Your eyes widened slightly. For the first time since becoming a scout you felt threatened, fear rising in your throat like a sickness. All sound had left your mind, the shouts from Levi and Eren against the court members not even being processed as you own thoughts internalised. Where you a Titan too? It was possible. If Eren could do it then what was to say you couldn’t too? You didn’t want to be a Titan if you were one.

What would Levi do? He wouldn’t love you anymore, he hated Titans he spent his whole existence killing them, there was no way he would stay with someone who could become his most hated enemy. The thought of that scared you more then anything, you didn’t know what power you held, you prayed you were not like Eren, you prayed that your life would stay the same as it always had. Levi would never look at you the same way again if you were in fact a monster. He would never touch you the way he did, or even acknowledge you like he did if it was true that you were in fact plagued with that burden.

You were ripped from your thoughts when you felt three pairs of hands roughly grab you, one pair pulling up and down on your hair smashing your face into the wooden beam below of the stand pinning it there, your cheek smushed into the cold wood. The other pair of hands firmly grabbed your arms pulling them behind your body while the third pair pressed sharply into the back of your neck. You hadn’t even realised what was happening until it had happened and you found yourself being crushed against the bar your breathing restricted to raspy gasps, your eyes wide in alarm as you tried to see who your attackers were.

Your eyes darted around the room, your vision limited by the position you were in, the world sideways. You could see Levi, an angered glare on his face his body tense and ready to fight as he made a sharp move towards you, Erwin and Hange both having to hold him back from making a bigger scene, your boyfriends angered shouts and cussing ringing in your ears.

“You son’s of bitches.” he seethed his patience wearing to its last nerve “let her go! She has no part in this! Wait till I get my hands you you bastards!”

The captain clearly very disturbed but the position you were in, to hear that the love of his life was threatened to be dissected like an animal. He only stopped his shouting when Erwin roughly grabbed him by the shoulder pulling him back, Levi fuming quietly to himself.

“Hey maybe I’m the monster you’re after but you leave her out if this you hear me?!” Eren yelled his desperate cries echoing in the hall as you struggled against the men holding you down trying to raise your head only for it be slammed back into the wood, your form shaking in shock and anger, Eren pulling against his shackles “she’s innocent! Do whatever you want to me but leave her out if it!”

“Why should we trust you?” a voice called out.

“What does it even matter? You’re so intent on pushing selfish agendas you’re blind to what’s infront of you.” Eren spat, his voice low, you could only stare at home trough your compromises position the firm grip on your body not letting up “non of you have ever seen a Titan,so what are you so afraid of huh? What’s the point in having a weapon if your not going to fight? You’re all cowards! I’ll do it for you, I’ll kill the Titans I won’t stop until every last one is dead. Shut up and put all your faith in me!”

The room was silent for the longest time. You could hear your own heart beat in your skull, the blood pounding through your brain, your chest and face beginning to ache from the position you were gripped in. Your laboured breathing the only thing anyone could hear, a muffled moan escaping your mouth as your hair was yanked on harder.

Your eyes were only focused on Levi, his gaze never leaving you, you could see it in his eyes that he was plotting how he would punish the military police members who had you pinned. You knew he wanted to come and get you out if your painful position, but he couldn’t get to you, you knew what he wanted to do to the men holding you down you could see it in his body language. His fists clenched by his sides his jaw clenched, he leaned forward before jumping the gate and walking swiftly up to Eren, his eyes dark.

You watched with anxiety as Levi made his way over his next move unknown, before lifting his leg, you knew what he was going to do but before you could even attempt to stop him Levi’s leather boot had connected with Eren’s cheek, sending his body into a recoil his tooth flying from his mouth bouncing along the floor. Mikasa rushing to pull Levi off of her best friend, Armin pulling her back causing her to grunt and only glare at the man currently laying it on Eren.

You could only watch in horror, squirming under the hold, as your boyfriend mercilessly beat your brother to a pulp. Eren’s eyes black and blood dripping from his mouth as his body was pummelled in all directions, his cuffs clanking against the pole that restrained him. Levi continued to smash his fists and feet into Eren, the captain’s face ever expressionless as he continued his ruthless beating until Eren was gasping for the right to breath slumped over, blood dripping from his lips. Levi stood above him, his eyes glazed over before looking up.

“You know personally I believe nothing instils discipline like pain, what you’re in need of boy isn’t a talking to. You need a firm lesson and luckily you’re in the perfect kicking position.” Levi said smoothly before landing a few more kicks to Eren, your brother grunting in intense pain as you tired once again to pull out of grip from your captors yelling at Levi to stop, a grubby hand clamping down around your mouth as you heaved as much air as possible to try and breath.

“N-now hold on Levi.” a Military Police member said, Levi pauses his kicks, his foot rested firmly on Eren’s forehead.

“What is it?”

“It could be dangerous, what if he gets angry? Turns into a Titan?” he asked his voice cracking. Levi stares at him, arching an eyebrow his leg dropping to the floor, his eyes glancing at you his last half lidded gaze shifting to one of more enraged fury at the sight of you being muffled by a Military Police member.

“You seem to have no problem inflicting pain on my partner,” he drawled his tone laced with ice as he glared at the Military Police members holding you down, as if to emphasise your discomfort the one holding your hair tightened his grip from the fear of the Captin casuing you to gasp, Levi growled but remained composed “you’re telling me that Eren Yeager will turn into a Titan if pain is inflicted on him but not if you inflict it on his sister who we actually have no proof is a monster?”

You flinched slightly at his words, so he would think you would be unlovable if you were a Titan? You closed your eyes, your heart sinking as you felt your captors swiftly release you, your body no longer being pushed into the wooden bars as you slowly stood up, Mikasa helping you stand as your head spun. Your back cracking lightly as it straightedges out from his bent position, your neck stiff and cheek red.

Levi gave you a look his eyes softening and you nodded letting him know you were alright. He gently nodded in return and lowered himself down grabbing Eren’s hair and pulling him up, your brother moaned in discomfort but you were still dizzy from your lack of air to say anything, Mikasa still clutching you tightly.

“Anyways don’t be silly. After all you were going to dissect him weren’t you? They say when he transformed Yeager could take down twenty titans before he ran out of strength. As an enemy his intelligence makes him all the more dangerous, but I can still take him down without a problem. How many of you can say the same? Before you torment the beast you’d better think : can you actually kill him?”

The room fell into a silent hush for what seemed like foreve as the minds of the intellects worked trying to configure an argument. Levi walked back over to where you stood, his glare hardened at the sight of the Military Police members who stepped away from you and Mikasa, but not before Levi landed landed a harsh blow with his elbow to each face of the three men, they cried out in muffled pain as blood began to run down their faces trying desperately to claw their way back through the crowd to get away.

Levi made his infamous “Tch” noise before gently taking you from Mikasa’s grasp, she hesitated but only let you lean against him when Armin tugged on her jacket. Levi wraped his arm around your slim waist, your head leaning against his shoulder, you felt weak leaning into him for support infront of everyone who viewed you as a fierce Titan killer, but in this moment you needed him to be your crutch to hold you while your brothers life lay out of reach from your control.

“Are you ok?” Levi mumbled his gaze dropping to look at you, Erwin’s request about Eren’s placement on the Survey corps fading to the background.

“Yeah, I’m ok.” you mumbled pressing your sore cheek further into his firm chest, the white material of his shirt creasing“just took me surprise.”

“Hmm, I still want to behead them for what they did to you,” Levi growled his grip tightened around your waist.

“That makes two of us,” you reply and he lets a small huff of air escape his nose in small amusement “you went a bit harsh on Eren, you knocked his tooth out. You’re lucky I was held down.”

“It was necessary, now he gets to join the Scouts. You can keep an eye on him.”

“You mean you can keep an eye on him.”

“Tch, I don’t want anyone getting hurt, least of all you. If it means I lose a few extra hours of sleep trying to keep Eren contained then so be it.”

“Don’t do that to yourself, you don’t get enough sleep as is.” you scolded pulling away from his chest to stare directly into his eyes, despite being taller then Levi, the Captain still had more dominance over you.

“If I continue to wake up next to you I don’t care how many hours of sleep I get. I have to keep you safe, I have to keep everyone safe,” he replied and you felt your face heat up. Levi rarely showed public displays of affection or said anything that would make him seem like he had gone soft. But his love for you was never out of the question. Maybe your previous thoughts about being a Titan and it’s consequences were mislabelled.

“Alright we have a conclusion,” the judge said banging his hammer against the wood of his stand “Eren Yeager, you will be handed over to the Survey Corps. Your ability will be monitored and tested outside the walls. Captain Levi will adopt you into his squad and will be under constant surveillance. Any slip ups, any casualties, anyone gets injured where unnecessary by your hand, you will be placed back under the custody of the Military Police where you will be executed and used for scientific experiment.”

“At least we get to look after him.” you whispered as you watched the Military Police unchain Eren, letting him rise to his feet, the court beginning to disperse “I can’t imagine how scared he must be.”

“He’ll be fine, but you had better let him know how serious it is if he makes a wrong move. I can only get him out of his messes for so long. And if it came to a choice of humanity’s safety or your brother’s you know I would always pick humanity. No matter how much you would hate me after.” he said glancing at you and you nodded pressing a kiss to his cheek. You knew Levi cared about Eren, of course he did. But you also knew that when the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, Levi would always pick the majority.

“(Y/n) are you ok?”

You looked away from Levi to see Eren stood before you, his eyes searching your body for injury. You nodded rushing forward and embracing your brother tightly, his own arms wrapping around your form to pull you into a tight hug, your pelvis crushing once again into the wooden bars that separated you, but you don’t mind this time.

“Yes Eren, I’m fine. But what about you? I was so worried I thought they were gonna take you away from me.” you gushed pulling away from the hug, clutching his cheeks in your slender fingers.

“I’m great. Better then ever. I finally get to kill titans, I have the power to do it so no one else has to get hurt. Not you or Mikasa or Armin. We can take back Shinganshina.” he answered and you stepped back slightly. You knew Eren’s desire to cleanse the world from titans, but sometimes he scared you with how aggressive he could be. He would get himself killed if he continued to act so impulsively.

“Just be careful kid,” you whispered “you’re the only family I have left.”

Eren nodded, giving you one last hug before exiting the court room, his two friends and the rest of the Scouts following behind. You turned back to Levi, the small man holding his hand out which you gladly took as he walked you toward the oak doors letting them close behind you, his hand clutching yours tightly as you walked through the corridors. You stayed silent for a while, your own thoughts spinning on loop as you stared down at the floor.

“How’s your hand?”

You glanced down at Levi’s words, the skin still stained with blood and bits of skin peeling away where the stone wall had pierced the fragile flesh. It felt numb and it looked swollen, you sighed and pushed it into your pocket.

“We’ll clean it when we get back, .” Levi continued and you nodded, he stared at you before realeasing a small sigh “Eren’s going to be fine you know.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Then why are you so down?” he asked, although sounding exasperated his layers of genuine concern lay underneath, the hints of his affection that only you could pick out from his own Levi language smothered by his harsh tone.

“What they were saying back there, in the court, that if I was like Eren. It just got me thinking,” you raised your head to stare into his silver eyes holding back small tears that threatened to fall “what if I am like him? What if I can also become a monster.”

“That’s what had you so upset?” he asked, he sounded almost relieved that that was the only problem, you shook your head.

“No. That wasn’t it. I was worried...” you trailed off, you didn’t like taking about your own feelings too much it made you feel stupid but with Levi it would come so easily once you built up the courage “I was worried that you wouldn’t love me anymore if I could do it. Become a Titan. You hate Titans, I couldn’t bare it if you hated me too Levi. You’d never look at me the same way.”

Levi stopped in his tracks, his hand letting yours slip out of his causing you to walk a few steps forward, you stopped too and turned back to face him, nerves spasmed in your stomach and you suddenly felt just as awful as before the trial. Levi just stared at you, his eyes giving away his shock at hearing what you had just said, as if it was blasphemy that you had even conjured those thoughts to begin with. He glared at you, causing you to shrink slightly before he stepped forward and took your hand firmly in his own dragging you behind him like a rag doll.

“Don’t you ever say that.” he partially growled “don’t ever say that to me again.”

“But Levi I...” you don’t have time to finish before Levi had swung you round, your back slamming into the wall behind you, his hands placed either side of your head, his gaze never leaving your own, his well built chest pushed up against your breasts, his hot breath falling lush on your face.

“I’m ashamed you think I’m that shallow,” he said his tone no longer holding its edge, instead replaced with his usual boredom but once again his voice held layers of hurt “I don’t think you realise how much you mean to me. You think I’m going to let something like that get in the middle of what we have? You’re an idiot if you think I would ever stop loving you (y/n) Yeager. I hate Titans, not you. If you have the same power as your brother then that’s how it is, I’m not going to stop caring about you not after I’ve cared about you for so long. So you can stop any ideas you might be forming in that head of yours right now, because you’re the only one thing in this entire damned earth I need.”

His lips were hovering inches from your own, your bodies pressed together your heart hammering in your chest as you stared into his eyes, his scent filling your senses as you tired so hard not to cry. Relief flooding your veins as his words sunk into you, absorbing every heartfelt word he had said. Before you knew what was happening you had thrown yourself into his arms, your lips crashing against us own. It didn’t take him long before his arms wrapped themselves around your waist, his hand reaching up to tug lightly on your locks of (y/h/c) hair as he bit on your lips letting his tongue wrestle for dominance over you own. Before he pushed back up into the wall, despite his small stature he was very strong as he lifted you up, his hands reaching to grab your ass giving it a squeeze, your own long fingers raking through his onyx locks, trailing through his spiked undercut, letting your hands run down his broad shoulders and over his toned chest, your fingertips brushing the ascot that he wore so proudly round his neck.

Gently he pulled away from the intimate kiss, both of you panting lightly as he let you slip down the wall back to your feet. You lips numb from the passionate act of affection, Levi once again took your hand in his own walking you back down the corridor any doubts in your mind now completely erased.

...

I hoped you enjoyed that sorry if it was boring I like little actions of affection sometimes, this took me ages to finish cause I just write too much. I might do a Haikyuu one next with Kageyama (it will be fluff I promise I just don’t see Levi as a fluffy person so I wrote more grit with him) because my kink is aggressive and moody black haired anime boys. If you want updates on what I post then be sure to follow and if not I hope you have a nice day and thank you for reading.

https://phen0l.tumblr.com/post/164281646983/dust-diamonds-part-i-levireader

Birds of a Feather Masterlist

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Current Word Count: 46.7K

Summary: You were the most notorious criminal in The Underground City. With your organisation of highly skilled professionals, only one man could take you down. He also happened be be Humanity’s Strongest... and your ex.

Content Warnings: Canon typical violence, torture, abuse, smut, death, major character death, survivor’s guilt, mentions of suicide (nothing explicit)

A/N: hallo hallo, this is my first Levi series! i hope i haven’t missed any warnings off, but if i have please don’t hesitate to let me know. this was probably the first Y/N x Levi idea i came up with, and my god has so much planning gone into this. this whole mini masterlist will be updated with things as i go, but for now let’s keep it to chapters ^-^

Chapter list

Chapter One: The Nest (4K) {𖣘}

Chapter Two: Hunted (5.9K) {𖣘}

Chapter Three: Bird Cage (8.2K) {𖣘𐀔}

Chapter Four: Firefly (14.8K) {𖣘𐀔}

Chapter Five: War of Hearts (13.2K) {ꨄ𖣘𐀔}

Chapter Six: Soar Free (12.9K) {𖣘𐀔}

Chapter Seven:

Chapter Eight:

Prequel:

Part one:

Part two:

Part three:

Tag list:

@asmos-pet @padfootii @geese-goose18 @samvmgh @angelofthorr @sadpotato10 @commienistx

message or comment if you’d like to be on the tag list

I read your recent Levi fic and I absolutely love your writing??? May I request a canon verse Levi fic too? A fic where the reader is Levi's wife and she visits him at the survey corps and a lot of the people are in awe of her and are shocked finding out the husband she's looking for is Levi? Just some funny fluff! Bonus points for the reader being more soft and affectionate in public with him so we have a cute embarrassed Levi LOL tysm!

The Wife

Levi Ackerman x Reader (Mayyybe some Erwin x Reader?)

Summary: : A particularly breathtaking woman has decided to visit, and gossip is strife in the Scouting Legion.

Warnings: SFW / mentions of a miscarriage

Wordcount: 7.1K

Genre: Tooth rotting FLUFF

A/N: EEEKK this took soo long! But thank you for appreciating my scribbles, anon! I try :> Also, I absolutely LIVE for this request, I'm so glad you asked for it <3

Maria's Scribblings MASTERLIST

Depending on who you are, Sundays in the Scouting Legion either meant you get to finally have your once a week visit to go home and see your family, or-- if you’re Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Ymir, Christa, Reiner, and Bertholdt-- you don’t have a family to go home to, and so you get to spend Sundays lazing around and keeping post in the Legion’s base.

But it isn’t all too bad! Sundays can be quite eventful if you’ve got a good eye for entertainment. Because where Eren is glad he’s finally fucking free of that bastard Jean’s neighing, the rest of the newly minted 104th recruits of the Scouting Legion get to keep themselves up to speed in the military’s juicy, juicy gossip.

And if they’re lucky, Sundays would let them see scandal unfold! In fact, Ymir can’t tell you how many stories she’s heard of Officers’ mistresses visiting the compound. Or of Officers whose wives just visited the morning before, visiting their mistresses the afternoon later!

For Commanding Officers specifically, affairs are fairly easy to spot since most of them don’t leave the compound even on Sundays, thanks to their mountains of paperwork. No one’s judging them though; they are only human after all. And there is an understanding amongst Legion soldiers that a few trysts with prostitutes—like Squad Leader Zacharias’ happy excursions with a woman named ‘Babydoll’-- could slide every now and then considering their lifestyle. The job doesn’t exactly allow for many long term attachments.

There’s also the matter of figuring out which soldier is sleeping with who.

Did that Squad Leader’s subordinate just stay in his office all day? Not even coming out once?

Or perhaps, who may be secretly married with kids without telling anyone, including a fellow Scout that they’ve been sleeping with.

Maybe a few civilian girlfriends here and there.

Once, Bertholdt had to gently lead out a weeping woman who’s apparently fallen pregnant, and was telling a Scout that the child was his.

Now, Mikasa didn’t give a rat’s ass about it all.

Eren just does his job with an almost impressive single-mindedness, but he reacts every now and then.

Armin tries not get too caught up in it all, but he often ends up being the one to unravel whatever compelling mystery-scandal they’ve got, because of course he does.

Bertholdt just listens quietly, so quietly you can hear him praying to the goddesses that their superiors don’t catch them. But he’s also the one who would end up telling Connie, Sasha, and Jean everything once they come back the next day.

Reiner gives a snide comment or two, always trying to rationalize things before jumping to conclusions. He’s probably the only person who’s actually actively listening to Ymir.

Christa hisses at Ymir to stop gossiping about their superiors’ sex lives, that it’s not right. All while secretly curious about the gossip, but never admitting to it.

And Ymir? Ymir just laughs at Christa, and proceeds to gossip some more. She loves this shit. Lives for it even.

“Oh loosen up! It’s literally my only form of entertainment these days,” she would say.

But there was one riveting piece of gossip that’s got them all glued to every word Ymir says. Yes, even Mikasa.

“I swear I heard that Captain Levi’s got a secret girlfriend somewhere! A particularly young girlfriend, in fact.”

“We’re all but three weeks in the Scouts and already, you’re starting a smear campaign on the Captain,” Christa admonishes.

“It’s not a smear campaign if it’s true,” Ymir quips back.

"Uh huh, and who’s your ‘reputable’ source this time?” Reiner chimes in, shaking out a fresh load of hay for the horses. The cadets have been tasked to guard the main gate as well as the stables nearby for the day’s expected visitors and soldiers going in and out of the compound.

“I overheard my Squad Leader whisper about it.” Ymir’s smug snicker was all Christa needed to pause what she’s doing.

In fact, it made them all pause. If the Squad Leaders were whispering about it, then it must hold water.

Mikasa was the first to speak, nonchalantly going back to her task, “Well, I wouldn’t put it past an officer who would openly beat up a helpless man on his knees just to prove a point.” Eren responded by muttered that he was fine.

“Right? Besides, Captain Short Stack’s in clear need of a good lay!” Ymir guffawed, piling onto Mikasa’s spite. This time, it was Christa’s turn to chide.

“Don’t talk about the Captain like that! It’s not right, Ymir. We’re going to get into some serious trouble because of this.” And as long as it’s Christa disagreeing with something, you best believe Reiner would take her side straight away.

“Christa’s right,” he says, Ymir rolling her eyes at the way he puffs out his chest in bravado. “There’s no reason for us to gossip like hens. Besides,” Reiner grins mischievously to his friends, “I heard Commander Erwin's wife is coming today.”

“And so?” Bertholdt raises an eyebrow at him.

Reiner takes his closest friend in a clutch around his arm. “And so, I heard she’s a hot piece of ass, Bertie!”

Annoyed, Bertholdt shakes him off. “Call me Bertie one more time, and I’ll tell Jean you’ve been fantasizing over the girls he draws.” A threat which promptly shuts Reiner up with a conceding gesture.

“The Commander’s married?” Christa asks curiously.

“And how hot is the wife exactly?” Eren nudges Reiner. Reiner would’ve given the younger cadet the low down if it weren’t for Mikasa’s death glares trained right on Reiner’s jugular.

“Err… I’ll tell you another time, Eren.”

Waving her hands in the air, Ymir intervenes. “Yeah and who the hell cares about Commander Erwin’s babe of a wife anyways—put your hand down, Reiner.”

“And I thought you were a woman of culture,” Reiner grumbled.

Ignoring the blonde man, Ymir continued excitedly. “The meat gets juicier! Seems like Captain Levi’s young girlfriend was his lieutenant.”

There was a collective gasp.

“No.” It was the first time Armin spoke. Ymir nodded enthusiastically.

“Yup! Before Petra, she was the only girl in the Special Ops Squad. Handpicked by our esteemed Captain, of course.” Ymir looks to her friends conspiratorially, her eyes conveying what was said between the lines.

“A-are you saying she… had an affair with her superior?” Armin could barely say the words. Very dangerous words.

“And it seems like the Captain got his favorite pregnant and so she had to be quietly dismissed and sent away. My Squad Leader even mentioned catching her leaving his office well into the wee hours of the night. Even spotting matching hickeys on them both.” Ymir snorted. “Who would’ve thought, huh? Captain Levi? She must be a fucking bombshell for the Captain to even notice her. Or a saint. Because who the fuck wants to deal with Captain Scrooge McShorty? Never thought I’d see the day when I’d hear a woman is actually interested in that midget. But I suppose a rank adds a few inches, eh?”

All while Ymir was yapping along, the rest of the cadets were quiet.

“…So the Captain has a kid?” Eren could barely wrap his head around what he just heard. It just doesn’t check out to him. Captain Levi, for all his singular tastes and dangerous temper, did not strike Eren as the type to take advantage of his young subordinates.

Ymir frowned. “Well. From what I heard, she miscarried.”

Armin was still, “That’s not why she was sent away w-was she?”

In a snap, Christa shook her head vehemently. “Stop that! How can you say those nasty things about another woman, Ymir?! From what I know, Squad Leader Klaus doesn’t have the best track record either, so who is he to judge?!” Christa’s little face was contorted in loathing now. And she was right. Klaus’s reputation precedes him, and it certainly isn’t a good one.

Mikasa sighs, standing by Christa comfortingly. She was no avid advocate for the Captain, but she can recognize blatant misogyny when she sees it. “True or not, talk like that has no room in our job description. The Captain’s personal affairs is none of our business, and frankly,” Mikasa’s face scrunches up in disgust. “I’d rather not know. Let’s just finish up here before the next wave of visitors arrive.”

It was then that a soldier from outside Legion perimeters hollers to the cadets to open the main gate; a visitor was to stable their horse. Bertholdt and Reiner jog to yank open the gates to let in a rider with a lady riding side-saddle on pillion as his passenger.

A very pregnant lady riding side-saddle on pillion, indeed.

Hurriedly, Reiner helps the woman down the moment he saw her condition, being the biggest of the bunch. Once he sets her down in a graceful sweep, very careful to be gentle, Reiner was immediately struck frozen to his spot.

This very pregnant lady was absolutely gorgeous.

Her beauty was only accentuated by the pretty smile she offered the strong blonde soldier, when she beamed up at him with a, “Thank you, Cadet. Would you terribly mind showing my steward where he can stable the horse, as well as where he can rest with some food and drink?”

While Reiner was slack-jawed and stupid trying to formulate a coherent answer, the woman’s steward dismounted and handed the lady a full-looking wicker basket. Most likely bearing treats and food for whoever she was visiting in the Scouts, judging by the wonderful smell of baked goods coming from it. Quickly, Bertholdt and Eren swoop in.

“I’ll stable the horse for your steward, ma’am. We’ll give him some fresh hay, too,” Bertholdt says, already getting a hold of the horse’s reins. He looks to the steward, “If you’ll just follow me, sir. I’ll show where the refreshments and the nearest inn are after I stable the horse.”

And Eren, also already dumbstruck by their new lovely visitor, immediately offered to carry the woman’s basket for her. With an equally charming smile, she thanks Bertholdt, and gratefully hands Eren the basket—whose face blooms into a blush when she said he was too kind.

“She’s… so beautiful. Like, in an elegant way,” Christa quietly squeaks to Ymir who, just as in awe, distractedly replied with a, “Must be the pregnancy glow hormones.”

But something makes her stop.

The woman had a wedding ring.

This wasn’t just any pretty visitor, this was a very beautiful married woman come to visit the Scouts who—judging by the fine horse and the personal steward—must be connected to somebody high-ranking indeed.

“Psst! Reiner!” Ymir nudges at the still stuttering oaf. Her eyes dart to the lady then back to Reiner.

“That’s the Commander’s wife!”

Before the realization fully sunk into Reiner’s ogling face, Armin and Mikasa quickly jumped into protocol.

“I presume you are here to visit your husband, ma’am?” Mikasa asks courteously.

The woman smiles kindly, “I am.” Already expecting that she would have to be escorted to her husband’s office, immediately follows with, “His office is at the Commander’s Corridor in the North Wing.”

In a wordless look amongst the Cadets, the 104th immediately recognized that this lady was indeed who they thought she was at her reply. After all, who else would she be visiting in the Commander’s Corridor of all places?

“Alright, Cadet Braun and I will just go up to inform him that you’re here so that you won’t have to climb all the way up. We wouldn’t you to strain yourself, ma’am,” Armin says, taking the woman’s pregnancy into consideration. But the woman said otherwise.

“Oh, no need for that! He’s a busy man, I understand. And he probably won’t take kindly to you kids disturbing his work. Besides,” she says with a twinkle on her eye. “I want to surprise my husband, considering he hasn’t seen me in months.” A hand smooths over her large belly, telling the Cadets exactly what she means. At that, Armin and Christa especially smile back at her, saying they completely understand.

“But do allow us to go ahead and alert him that you’re here. It’s protocol, you see,” Armin said apologetically. The woman just nods and says it’s all fine, as Armin taps at Reiner before they begin to jog up to Commander Erwin’s office.

Turning back to the visitor, Mikasa tells her that as is also protocol, the rest of them would have to escort her up; also so that they could assist her in her climb up. Hardworking as always, Eren eagerly nods with the basket in hand; always ready to serve, as the woman agrees. And so, with Mikasa and Eren leading the group, Christa walks by the woman right behind the two, as Ymir walks at the tail-end of the group.

~

As they were walking past the courtyard, Christa looks up to the North Wing—the highest of the livable offices in the base—and then looks worriedly to the woman she and her friends were escorting.

“Ma’am? Are you absolutely sure you can climb up? It’s a lot of stairs to the top of the highest office wing. We wouldn’t want to endanger you.” They’ve reached the bottom of the steps leading up to the Commander’s Corridor, cueing Christa and Ymir to flank the pregnant woman in order to support and assist her up; allowing Christa to hold her hand, while Ymir rest a ready hand at the base of her back.

The woman just laughs indulgently. “Don’t worry Cadet, I’m made of tougher stuff than you think.” She winks at Christa.

“I was once a Scout like you, you know.”

“You were a Scout?!” Ymir gasped in surprise. Mikasa gives her a sharp look for the impolite shock in Ymir’s voice. But the woman didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she humored the question.

“Oh yes, how do you think I met my husband? We were in the same squad when we did,” she smiled.

With wide eyes, Eren swivels and starts going up the steps backwards to exclaim, “Damn, you must be really good!” (An action which Mikasa promptly calls out, jabbing him in the side to make him face front.) For her to be a part of the Commander’s Squad, she must at least be an above average soldier.

The woman just gave a modest shrug, “Well, I was already a veteran when I married. So I suppose I was.”

With thoughtful eyes, Christa asks, “It must have been difficult to leave the Scouts. It’s for a happy occasion of course, but I can’t imagine it was ever easy to readjust to a new life.”

The lady purses her lips playfully, her bright eyes looking up in thought. “Weeell, having to be a Scout is pretty darn difficult, I’d say. Especially when I had to serve at the vanguard before I could become a full-fledged veteran. So setting down a Scout’s mantel was fairly easy.” It was a lighthearted but plainly honest answer. Then her face turned solemn. “But I’d say the hardest part was to leave my husband to it all.”

She looks to the young and curious eyes around her. “There’s something about leaving your spouse to the perils of being a Scout that’s terrifying. Knowing that while I’m safely cooped up with his child in my belly, he’s still out there risking his life with no guarantee that he’d make it out alive. It kept me up at night. Especially knowing how truly dangerous those perils are because I, myself have experienced them. And I would wonder, who would look out for him now? Because it was I who looked out for him.” Like a spell broken, she shakes her head, and her brilliant smile comes back to light up her face.

“Yet still, if a little bit of fear and bravery is all it takes to spend a life with him, to be the woman who gets to love him forever, then so be it. My husband is a skilled soldier. I trust that he can take care of himself.”

Christa—and secretly, Mikasa—all but swooned and sighed at how romantic their visitor’s words were. Ymir meanwhile, was eager to hear more as the group was nearing the mezzanine.

“How was it? Dating as soldiers, I mean. I can’t imagine it was particularly welcomed that you were dating the Scout’s top-dog,” Ymir says carefully assisting the woman through the last few steps. The woman wiped at the sweat on her forehead with a kerchief, and took a deep breath; the flight of stairs already getting to her. Still, she gave her usual lovely smile to Ymir.

“The relationship was certainly kept under wraps. People have suspected that I’m dating someone, but they never could figure out who.” She chuckled to herself. “I can’t imagine how not, with the many times I locked myself in my husband’s office to help him with late night ‘paperwork’ back then,” she says with air quotes, grinning at the Cadets’ blushing faces in realization of what she meant.

“And when I finally fell pregnant, and the cat was out of the bag, people couldn’t believe who exactly I was dating either, much less that he’s the father of my child. ‘How could someone like him, be with someone like her,’ they would say,” the woman laughed.

Ymir-- who was positively charmed by their visitor’s warmth and bubbly energy-- scoffed in jest. After all, it only made sense for a lovely woman to fall in love with an equally lovely man.

“Please, you’re a perfect match for Commander Erwin!”

~

Meanwhile, walking along the Commander’s Corridor, Armin and Bertholdt—who joined them on the way after he finished his errand— had the unfortunate opportunity to spend the walk to Commander Erwin’s office listening to Reiner gush about how beautiful that pregnant visitor they just had was.

“The Commander’s one damn lucky bloke!” Reiner moans, a hand rubbing his face.

“Well what did you expect? Have you seen the Commander? Of course he’d have a gorgeous wife,” Bertholdt replies blandly, already tired of Reiner’s constant groaning.

“And maybe it’s best not to lust after the Commander’s pregnant wife, Reiner,” Armin reminds nervously, eyes darting around in case anyone were to hear Reiner adulations.

Reiner sighed, “You’re right. Besides, if I were husband to a woman like that, I’d make sure to get her pregnant. I’d go absolutely feral, I’d tell ya!” Reiner smirks, elbowing a wincing and a grossed out Armin and Bertholdt.

“Shut up Rei, I don’t want that image in my head,” Bertholdt deadpans.

“Okay be quiet now, we’re here.” Armin says, as the three stop in front of the Commander’s door.

Bertholdt went ahead and gave three respectful knocks.

Oddly enough, instead of the usual prompt reply of their usually prompt Commander, the cadets heard a series of muffled shuffling and a few bangs on wood. Then finally, came Erwin Smith’s—albeit slightly strained—baritone.

“Come in!”

Armin could’ve sworn he heard giggling after the Commander’s reply, but Bertholdt turned the knob and swung the door open nonetheless.

To their surprise, they found the Commander with none other than Petra Ral in his office.

“Is it just me or did we interrupt something?” Armin discreetly whispers to Reiner, eyeing the slightly disheveled appearance of their Commander as well as the hurriedly awkward way Petra is combing down her ginger hair.

“Sorry to disturb you on a Sunday, Sir. But we’d thought to let you know that you’re wife is here,” Bertholdt announces with a firm salute.

At his words, both the Commander and Petra look to each other with a funny look on their faces.

Confused, Erwin cocks a thick eyebrow. “I’m sorry, who?”

Back at the doorway, the three Cadets blink back. “Err… your wife, Sir?”

It was then that the boys heard a brisk tap on the still-open door behind them.

They pivot to see Squad Leader Miche by the door, smirking at them, and an utterly amused twinkle in his green eyes.

“Sorry to break it ‘ya, boys. But the Commander’s already with his wife,” Miche winked at a peeved Commander Erwin and the blushing ginger girl right beside him. Miche then gives the couple a woman’s name, telling them that she’s here. (He must’ve smelled her in the premises before anyone even had to tell him.)

Extremely puzzled, Reiner looks from the entertained look on the Squad Leader, to his Commander, and now apparently, to his Commander’s wife.

“Then who’s…?”

Before Reiner could finish, Miche simply threw his head back in a fit of laughter, as him and his newest piece of gossip to tell Hange, went on their merry way.

~

At the mezzanine, the woman stops.

“Commander Erwin?”

The woman blinked at the Cadets who have also stopped walking, looking back at her in confusion now.

She then turns to Ymir with a bewildered look on her face.

“Erwin isn’t my husband.”

“What? Then who are you here to—“

“Lieutenant Ackerman!”

At the sound of that unmistakable screech, the pregnant woman whirls and shrieks back.

“Hange!”

Excitedly, the bespectacled scientist ran over to the woman and gave her the tightest—but careful—of hugs. Immediately, Hange started fawning over her old friend.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mrs. Ackerman herself,” Hange says cheekily, as she went to hold her laughing friend’s hands. “Oh, look at you! Oh my goodness, you’re so big!” She exclaims giddily, gently rubbing the pregnant lieutenant’s belly.

Meanwhile, Christa stammers quietly. “D-did she just say… Lieutenant?”

“…Ackerman?!” Eren added, mouth open.

“Hell no.” Ymir gaped. There was no fucking way.

Beaming prettily, you giggled at Hange. “Well, I’m already at my third trimester!” You took a breath, and held Hange’s forearms. “It’s so good to see you again, Hange. I hope Levi didn’t sass you too much while I was gone.”

“Puh-lease! I’d say it’s Levi who’s had his hands full with me and my shenanigans since you’ve been gone,” Hange chuckles teasingly. She then tilts her head towards Eren and sighs dramatically, “I wouldn’t say the same about Jaeger over there, though.”

Now addressing Eren, Hange tells the Cadet, “Thank your lucky stars, Eren! You’re about to have a helluva stress-free weekend now that Levi’s wife is here!”

Still shocked, Eren just nods absently.

“Well, Lieutenant. I’m sure you’re here to see your Captain?” Hange loops her arms around the woman’s cheerfully. “I’ll take you to him! Let’s pass by Erwin and Petra along the way, I’m sure they’ve missed you.”

And off you two strolled, across the mezzanine and up the last flights of stairs onto the Commander’s Corridor, four flummoxed Cadets trailing behind you.

~

Reiner, Bertholdt, and Armin’s bafflement was broken by Petra’s squeal at the mention the woman’s name.

“She’s here?!”

Petra then flies out her husband’s office, the boys quickly getting out of her way. At the sight of her best friend at the end of the corridor, she calls out her name and goes, “About time you visited!”

Lieutenant Ackerman hugs Petra back, and soon enough, the three women were already thrilling about the Lieutenant’s pregnancy. Compliments on how glowing she looked, questions about how far along she was, how she was faring with the pregnancy, and if she had a clue about the baby’s gender flew about in giggles and sighs.

In a moment, Commander Erwin himself has followed Petra out to also engulf his subordinate-turned-good-friend in a warm hug.

~

At the side, Eren was still carrying your wicker basket. When he and the girls finally met up with Reiner, Bertholdt and Armin by the Commander’s office, Eren nudges Reiner sharply.

“She isn’t the Commander’s wife!”

“So we’re finding out,” Reiner grits out. Eren gives out some really painful jabs.

~

“Is it just me, or did your eyebrows get bushier, Erwin?” you tease.

“Shut up.” Erwin quips back, still hugging you. He looks down at you, smiling fondly, and feigning annoyance in his voice. “You’re lucky I missed you.”

When you finally separated, Erwin held your shoulders gently as he glanced to the flight of stairs you just traversed. “How are you and the baby? The stairs didn’t exhaust you too much did they?”

“We’re fine, and the stairs were nothing, don’t worry. I wasn’t handpicked by Humanity’s Strongest himself for nothing, you know,” You beam up at Erwin who was already nodding in relief.

“Good. Levi would kill me if I allowed you to get strained.”

You roll your eyes, “Levi fusses over me whether or not I get strained. But guess what, Commander,” you had a delicious sparkle in your eye.

“I made cake.”

And like a little kid, Erwin Smith gives a small pump of his fist; he’s always been a terrible sweet tooth. While Hange whoops in joy.

Petra looks to the new recruits who were watching the odd scene before them. It isn’t everyday they see their commanding officers act so ecstatic and carefree, after all. Incredibly far from the usual strict fashion their superiors would carry themselves. Commander Erwin, especially.

Smiling, Petra addresses the Cadets, “Look sharp, Cadets. You’re looking at one of the most exceptional sharpshooters in the three Walls! Graduated first in her class and everything. Even precedes me to the Special Ops Squad!”

“And the Scouting Legion’s finest Lieutenant,” Erwin added proudly, to which you only chuckled bashfully at, lightly swatting at his arm.

“But you kids can call her Lieutenant Ackerman,” Hange shrugged, grinning. Knowing exactly how Reiner, Bertholdt, and Armin would take the new information, despite her nonchalance.

And Bertholdt’s answer delivered just the reaction Hange anticipated.

“Wait. Did you just say--?”

“OI YOU RAT BASTARDS!”

Then like the rumbling thunder of an approaching storm, came Captain Levi Ackerman, stomping in with a smirking Miche just behind him.

And absolutely furious.

“What in the actual fuck made you brats think that letting my pregnant wife climb up the stairs was all fine and dandy?! I swear to sweet Sina’s shit, if something happened to—“

But something makes Levi stop in his tracks.

It was you. And oh, what a sight were you to behold.

The last time he saw you, your baby bump was only just showing. But in that moment, when you made that graceful turn of yours to peek up at him through your eyelashes, a playful smile dancing on your lips, Levi was convinced he must have married a goddess. A faerie woman who has quite utterly entranced him in a spell. A nymph who’s sly smile holds many a delicious promise to a simple man like him.

You looked absolutely divine with your full belly. And his wonderstruck burns deeper at the thought that it was his child that your beautiful body was growing; it elicits something primal in him. His wonderfully gorgeous wife was pregnant with his child, and Levi’s entire being ached to be near her. Ached to protect her and their baby; to provide them with everything their hearts desired.

Then Levi Ackerman quickens his pace to a sprint until finally, you were in his arms, safe and sound…

Until finally, he had you wrapped up in a kiss.

Furtively, Hange whispers to Ymir with a grin, “She’s always been the only who could calm him down.”

~

Once Levi was satisfied that he’s kissed his wife enough, he looked to you with warm eyes—warm eyes that no one else would see otherwise, if it weren’t for your presence smiling glowingly back at him.

His hands, so strong and calloused, wavered at your belly; hesitant that they might hurt the precious treasure within. Patiently, your soft hands took Levi’s hard ones—hands that have seen so much violence—and held them against the swell of your belly.

“It’s okay, Levi. Hold your baby.”

He held you so tenderly, so lovingly.

“Next time, don’t take the stairs. I’ll be coming down to you, no matter the time of day. ” Levi admonishes in a low voice, gunmetal eyes serious.

You just giggled at what the Cadets would think to be a fairly intimidating face, “You worry too much, darling. As if you haven’t trained me to be tough as nails.”

It could be nothing else but sorcery, the Cadets think. Absolute witchcraft! How in the world could this tiny woman turn the Captain’s temper up on its head just like that? They were like a tableau of the sun and the moon come together—a bright and bubbly girl, with a cold and aloof Captain. And much like the sun and the moon, one’s lightheartedness bounces off the other.

Now, Ymir understood why the Scouts couldn’t believe who she was dating back then. She couldn’t believe her eyes even as she watched Humanity’s Strongest himself envelop the woman in an embrace! But hey, Ymir was at least right with two things—Captain Levi’s lover is indeed both an angel and a bombshell of a woman.

Suddenly, Levi’s soft expression turns sour.

“I’ve also been filled in by Miche, you brats.” Levi’s menacing eyes flash to the Cadets that have accompanied his wife. A look which has promptly frozen the soldiers into attention.

“What kind of dimwit-loving maggot ate at your brains for you lot to think to bring her to Erwin’s office, huh?”

Briefly, Levi wondered if it was a breach of military decorum to smack these nitwits up the head for assuming his lovely wife was Erwin’s and not his.

The Cadets only stood frozen, not daring to say a word. The Captain certainly wasn’t a man whose anger they wanted to incite; even accidentally.

“Hey, hey, Levi, please,” you speak up, cupping your jealous (and adorable) husband’s cheek to make him face back to you, treating him once again to your tinkling laugh. “It’s my fault, I didn’t exactly introduce myself properly. Besides, it’s for the best. We both know that once you’ve got in me in your clutches, who knows when you’ll let me see Erwin and Petra anymore?”

And with your magic touch, the Captain visibly calms down. A little embarrassed (and blushing) that’s he’s been so easily rendered love-struck by his wife’s laughter, Levi sighs. He reaches to stroke the luscious locks of your hair, “And for good reason.”

Levi glares up at his blonde friend’s grinning face.

“He’s gonna finish up all the cake.”

~

Once the Cadets have been dismissed, you distribute the quaintly packaged boxes of cake to the Smiths, Hange, and Miche. Before you and Levi left for his office, Hange tells you to drop by her lab before leaving so that she can do a check-up on you.

“I know you have a good midwife and doctor back home, but you can never be too sure, eh? I also want to make sure you’re okay enough for the travel back.” She says to you and Levi, something you very much appreciated. You thanked her as Levi, after putting some serious thought into it, begrudgingly promised to bring you over despite the fact that it would leave him with even less time with you.

With an arm around your waist and a hand resting securely on your hip, Levi takes your wicker basket, and leads you to his office at the other end of the corridor. At the back of his mind, Levi knew that news of his wife would spread like wildfire now that the new recruits have met you. But he didn’t mind, because all he wanted was some much needed alone time with his wife.

Even now, on the way to his office, aides and squad leaders have already taken notice of you and the way he was holding you. Stares—both curious and disbelieving—followed them as these poor Scouts wrapped their heads around the fact that their fearsome Captain was being tender to a woman.

A woman who was delightedly telling him about the special carrot cake she made him—his favorite. As well as the artisan jasmine and ginseng teas you got him from Wall Sina. You even brought Levi’s favorite cleaning wax!

But when Levi finally had you behind his office door, all these treats were effectively forgotten. Because in a single husky order from your Captain, he’s got you melting like putty beneath his hands. Moaning his name and whimpering for him to come closer, to kiss you deeper.

And Levi, happily obliged.

~

The next morning when you woke up, your husband was nowhere to be seen. That didn’t alarm you though, knowing full well that as Captain, he often had a full schedule and has always liked to start his day early. So he’s probably somewhere working out, or overseeing training if he wasn’t in his office doing early morning paperwork.

And then something heavenly hits you. Something deliciously heavenly, to be exact.

You heard your stomach rumble, as the smell of butter, maple syrup, and freshly roasted nuts rouse you from bed and into your maternity clothes. With the morning dew still hanging in the air, you waddle across the courtyard to reach the mess hall where all the food you were craving was, when you heard a horse’s familiar neigh.

Looking up, you find Levi looking every inch the battle hero he was, as he gracefully rode on his great steed, Midnight, whom he’s slowed to trot and then finally to a halt beside you.

“Good morning, Captain,” you greet your husband cheekily.

“Good morning, why are you up so early?” Levi asks, thin eyebrows crunched together in concern. You haven’t even done up your hair yet.

Shyly, you bit your lip, and shrugged. “I got hungry.”

At that, Levi’s eyes widened in realization. Already mentally kicking himself that of course his pregnant wife would be craving for some food. He hasn’t lived with you for so long that he’s forgotten to ensure that you had breakfast by your bedside once you woke up.

‘Duh Levi, you dumbass,’ he thinks to himself

Quickly, he swings himself off his horse, and while firmly holding the reins, goes to you. He cups your face with an earnest and apologetic look in his face.

“I’m sorry, darling. I should’ve brought you up some food, you shouldn’t have had to come down.”

You give him a peck, “Shh, it’s alright. You wouldn’t have known which one I was craving for anyways. And exercise is good for pregnant women, Levi.”

Levi looks back to you softly. “Okay,” he concedes. “But you have to kiss me again.”

And so you did.

Passionately. Devotedly.

~

It would have been unmistakable to those who witnessed you and your Captain kiss as to exactly who you were to him. Especially once they’ve noticed your matching wedding rings and your very pregnant condition. And it was nice, you think, to finally be able to wear your heart on your sleeve around the man you love; free and unafraid of judgment after years of secret rendezvous and feigning innocence.

It was certainly a thrill for a young woman like you to have unexpectedly attracted the interest of her handsome, older, Captain. And not just any Captain, Humanity’s Strongest, no less! The flirting behind closed doors, heated gazes across rooms, the innuendos, and the whispered promises; it was all as if your life has turned into a novel.

But you and Levi prefer this—to love unrestricted, and for Levi especially, to care fuck all who saw him kissing his lovely wife.

Yet still, when Levi lead you to the mess hall where many Scouts were already having their early morning breakfast at, you once again felt like the foolish young lieutenant that’s gotten herself pregnant, and even worse, has lost the baby. The stares and whispers following you both as you entered the hall took you back to time where stares and whispers felt like a weapon against you. And for a while, walking into the mess hall was like walking into a battlefield with the way you had to hold your nerves together, and desperately tried not to freeze up.

You felt well and truly disgraced back then. There was no denying the quiet but stifling judgement of seemingly all seeing eyes that trailed the girl who dared let Levi Ackerman fall in love with her. Who dared be as careless as to lose their esteemed Captain’s baby, on top of pretty much being branded as a whore.

Of course, Captain Levi promptly and adamantly married you after you miscarried and were safe enough. Levi was the one who convinced you to at least take a break, if not to retire completely, from being a Scout in order for you to safely have your pregnancies. It would kill him, Levi said, if anything bad happened to you while on the job. And he’d be damned if he’d let even a sliver of a chance where you or your baby could get hurt. Not again.

And so while your ordeal as the Scouting Legion’s newest scandal has long since been a bad memory now, you still couldn’t help but anxiously and unconsciously walk a half step behind your husband in order to hide yourself behind him.

Noticing this, Levi takes your hand, and gives it a firm and reassuring kiss.

I’m right here, it said. You’re safe.

But the dread would soon dissipate, as Levi carefully lead you to a table where his squad was already beaming up at you in greeting, morning coffee in their hands.

“Lieutenant! Good morning!” calls out Eld. He was always a morning person.

“I knew you were here! The Captain hasn’t rang us for paperwork all night!” Oluo jibes good-naturedly.

“How’s the mini-Captain going along?” Gunther added smiling, referring to your big baby bump.

“You mean mini-Lieutenant,” Levi says to his squad pointedly. He’s always hoped for a girl. You once joked to him that he only wanted a girl because he wanted to be able to kick their daughter’s future boyfriends’ asses. Levi scoffed at you then, “No shit.”

You just rolled your eyes, “The baby is going along well, Gunther. Healthy and strong just like their father.”

At that, Levi kisses the top of your head tenderly. He then looks to his men, “She’s too good to me.”

Gunther and Oluo chuckle fondly while Eld just raises his coffee cup in salute, “Cheers to that, sir.”

Once you’re settled, Levi asks you quietly, “Will you be alright? I’ll just go and get your food for you.”

You smile up at your indulgent husband, “Yes, I’ll be alright. I’m sure Oluo’s itching to share me the latest gossip, anyways.” You then proceeded to tell Levi what you want to have. “I want the potatoes with lots of butter, okay?” You all but gave Levi your best puppy dog eyes, knowing that he’d protest at you wanting unhealthy food.

Alas, the Captain sighs in defeat. He can’t say no to what his pregnant wife wants. Especially when she looks at him like that. “Alright, fine. For the baby.”

You beam up and give him another peck, “Thank you, darling.” And off Captain Levi went, with you watching the confident strides of his retreating form.

“Who would have thought, huh?” Eld’s voice breaks your reverie. “That our very own Captain and Lieutenant would be married. With a baby on the way, no less!”

“Yeah,” Oluo chimes in. “Who would have thought-- our lovely Lieutenant and our err… less than lovely Captain,” he says patronizingly. Oluo, perhaps more than anyone, would agree that Levi is an exceptional man. But even he could recognize the funny little couple you and Levi made.

You pointed at him, looking past Gunther’s arm which was pouring you a cup of coffee. “Don’t let him hear you say that.”

Soon enough, Oluo and Gunther started telling you the buzz now that the new recruits have met you. Apparently, the cadets have been convinced that Levi was dating Petra. So you were quite a surprise to them. Eld even tells you how some of the recruits that haven’t met you yesterday—Connie, Jean, and Sasha, he said their names were—even walked up to this table this morning with very determined faces, asking if it was all true.

And with that, you and your old squad just laughed, feeling very much at home with the company.

~

Levi decided not to comment on the knowing smirks that the cooks met him with as he requested for extra portions for his wife. Levi knew he was sight to behold— their formidable Captain, gathering as much food as he can for his pregnant wife.

Levi’s used to it all now, the surprised looks and the gaping stares of soldiers at the sight of his undeniably dazzling wife. He’s also used to the confused looks of eyes darting between him, then to his wife, and then back to him, as if the bastards were trying to compute fucking rocket science. And he gets it. Even he has to pinch himself sometimes that this isn’t all a dream; that he’s actually married to the most riveting woman in the Legion.

But as he walked back, tray of all your favorite food in hand, the sight of you laughing with a hand contentedly resting on your belly was all a man like him needed to be satisfied that you’re real. You’re here, you’re real, and you’re his.

Once he’s sat back down beside you, he can’t help but kiss your temple again.

“Eat up,” he says, and it nearly fucking kills him the way your eyes lit up at the sight of the food.

Fucking adorable.

There was once a time Levi was convinced that he would never be one to have a family. That things like that just aren’t meant for men like him. But seeing you happily doing your little dance at how delicious you thought the food was (a truly very funny sight, considering this is Scouting Legion Mess Hall food.) He wonders what other preconceptions Levi had that you, and now your new baby, would be shattering for him.

After all, it was his own little miracle that you chose to love him at all. And at that, Levi has to agree with everyone else—

Who would have thought, indeed.

A/N: I had so much fun with this one, as usual. Maybe too much fun. I guess I'm incapable of writing short fics huh? Also, my inbox has been filling up, and I'm thinking back on writing The Wingman and The Paramour again so I'll be closing requests.

But hey, if you have any thoughts and questions, do hmu! My ask box is always open, and I love talking to you guys. Far better than talking to myself, I'd say. lol.

Edit: Requests Re-opened! HERE are the rules!

Superior

Her being captured is a problem. Him being captured is a bigger problem. But both of them? That’s just shitty, and she doesn't care for it.

starring: reader and levi care about each other and some people wanna be assholes about it, they love each other but they're also professionals, goddammit, and a little torture isn't gonna make them break

warnings: the torture isn't overtly graphic by any means, but content warning for zapping with an unnamed device and a knife cutting into the skin.

a/n: and now all three oneshots are uploaded!! stay tuned for the first chapter in the next part of the series. again, reminder that all these oneshots can be read and enjoyed without reading any of the other works in the series.

Her back aches.

God, it aches bad.

They’ve only been here for what, an hour? Two hours? But they haven’t spoken - in fact, Levi has not even thrown a single glance in her direction, despite their close proximity in the cell. Good. She knows that the worst possible situation has finally come to their doorway. Her being captured is a problem. Him being captured is a bigger problem. But both of them? That’s just shitty, and she doesn’t care for it.

They couldn’t speak even if they wanted to, because there’s two guards at the door and a man whose gaze makes her blood run cold, both because of his reputation as a mad scientist and because he keeps looking at them like he can’t wait to cut them up and see what’s inside.

She finds herself afraid. She hates it.

Why did Levi have to come after her? She can’t even glare at him like she enjoys doing most of the time - instead, they can only sit and stew. She wonders what he’s thinking. Knowing him, he’ll find a logical explanation for why this is her fault, but the blame only extends for getting herself captured. As far as she is concerned, Levi could have easily escaped. So he can blame himself, the asshole.

“Are you in pain?” the scientist - she decides to call him Dick - asks, looking at her.

“She’s fine,” Levi answers for her.

Dick does not seem to like this response. “Captain Levi, while it is an honor to have you with us, I do want to ensure that that lieutenant is not feeling uncomfortable.”

Levi gives the man his most deadpan look, and she winces before he even starts speaking. “I’m her superior, and I didn’t fucking train her to be uncomfortable.”

Well, that much is true. Countless drills at 4 AM in the morning definitely made this jail cell seem like child’s play. But the scientist must have received information that Levi hasn’t. Before he had arrived on the scene, she had taken a rather hard blow to the back, and the sting (both the one on her back and her ego) is still acting up. There’s no need to tell him that though, she doesn’t need the lecture on top of the biting remarks that are going to follow.

“Regardless.” Dick waves a hand, and looks at her with a gleam in his eyes. “If she’s uncomfortable, perhaps...perhaps we should change her position.”

She knows what that means. It means that the torture is about to begin. Apparently she’s going first, oh goody! She is up on her feet before the guards even reach the cell. She doesn’t look at Levi, and she knows that he is certainly not looking at her. This was inevitable, and neither of them are idiotic enough to not prepare themselves for this.

As they drag her out, she does her best to not let the heavy pounding in her chest get to her. Surely, surely, all those times that her trainers beat the absolute shit out of her - as a lesson, a punishment or just because - would be worse than this. She survived those, she can survive this. Right? Right?

None of the uncertainty plays out on her face. It remains impassive, and this time, when Dick asks her once again whether or not she is in pain, she responds before Levi can be an asshole about it.

“No.” It’s simple, no need to make him mad. Her goal is not to gain the upper hand, it’s to survive.

Dick radiates sick positivity as a wide smile grows on his face. “Oh? But I heard that one of our soldiers had delivered a rather well-placed kick to your back. They said they heard a crack.”

“Nothing’s broken,” she says loudly, more for Levi’s benefit than anything else. She will not have him think she’s not ready to fight the second he needs her to. “I am absolutely fine.”

“Is that so?”

With the snap of his fingers, one of the guards moves, and within a few seconds has her pinned against the wall. Her cheek presses against cold stone, and she does her best not to tremble. Her uniform is yanked off, followed quickly by her shirt. Thankfully, none of them are ripped, so she’ll be able to wear them again. The nasty voice in her head tells her that she’s going to want to cover up very soon.

“Well, you were correct, Lieutenant. Nothing appears to be broken, but you may want to get that bruise looked at.”

She is turned back around harshly, Dick picks up some sort of device that looks like it’s crackling with static. She grits her teeth roughly, and gets ready.

He raises the device, she closes her eyes, and -

Nothing happens.

A second passes.

“Now, this won’t do.”

She opens her eyes, confused, and notices he isn’t even looking at her. He’s looking at Levi with a frown, shaking his head.

“Now you see, I can’t do this until you look at her. How else will I get you to talk and spill your dirty secrets?”

Finally, her gaze goes towards her captain, who is standing as well and looking at the wall next to him pointedly. His whole body is tense, with clenched fists and narrowed eyes.

“I don’t plan on talking. You can continue. This isn’t a performance, so you don’t need an audience.”

Dick clicks his tongue. “If you don’t look, I’m going to make this twice as hard on her.”

“Go ahead,” Levi mutters, still not looking. “That’s her problem. Not mine.”

Thanks, she thinks without any real bitterness. She doesn’t want him to look either.

The scientist decidedly likes her more than he likes Levi. Maybe that’s because she acts like a normal human being who is in captivity and not a smarmy asshole who knows he is always in control of his emotions and lords it over people.

He sighs, as though talking to a child. “Now, this doesn’t make sense. There are widespread rumors that you and Lieutenant (L/N) are more than superior and subordinate. I put faith in people’s words, Captain. Is that not true?”

“Please.” Levi scoffs. “That woman has been a pain in the ass since the day I met her. You think I’m interested? I’m not. And just so you know, the sound of your voice is torturing her more than that stupid toy is going to. So if you want this to work, go ahead, keep talking.”

Dick sighs again, and motions to the other guard. The imposing man walks into the cell, grabs a fistful of Levi’s hair and shoves him down on his knees, yanking his head up so he can’t take his eyes off her.

A flare of anger rushes through her at the sight. Levi could take that man down, easily , but there’s no point. There’s about thirty more outside, and they can be replaced fairly easily. But still, the humiliating sight of her captain on his knees, forced to watch the shit they’re about to do her, enrages her. This was worse than anything else they could possibly dream of.

Levi’s face is blank, but his eyes are scarier than normal.

“Now, let’s begin.”

And then her stomach is on fire.

She clashes her teeth together, hard, and barely stops herself from screaming. Instead, her legs buckle and she topples over, a hiss barely escaping her lips. In a second, it is as if nothing happened - she even places a hand on her stomach just to make sure.

Above her, she hears a disbelieving, almost disappointed sound from Dick. When he speaks, he sounds like one of her early professors about to tell her that she could do so much better if she only applied herself.

“Surely you’re not that weak, Lieutenant (L/N)? A woman with so many titan kills to her name can’t even take a little pain?”

She was wrong, dead wrong. Just that small bout had been about fifty times more painful than any time someone had ever kicked her in the stomach. She dares not look at the captain, but a spark of anger rises knowing that he is watching, that these dirty bastards are making him see this. She looks up, prepares, and spits at him.

Dick only chuckles.

She is brought to a standing position by the guard, and is then jolted again. And again.

And again.

“What is the scouts’ next move?”

“Where is Eren Jaeger now?”

What does Commander Erwin mean to do with him?”

“Have tea with him,” she spits out harshly, panting, “I hear human-titan hybrids like oolong.”

He holds it to her skin for just two seconds longer as punishment. This time, she can’t help it - a cry escapes her, and her head falls forward as her eyes shut in pain.

“Do you want to answer, Captain?”

There is a few seconds of silence. God, she can usually tell what he is thinking, but right now all she can focus on is how bad it stings, how much she wants it to stop. An image of her bed back home, warm and soft, flutters through her mind, and she shoves it back down as firmly as she can. She can do this. She can take this a thousand times if she has to.

“She seems fine to me,” comes his uninterested response.

And so it continues. On one hand, she is relieved that they never change the weapon and continue to use the small hellish device. It gets her accustomed to it, and as much as it hurts like a bitch, at least it is not breaking the skin. Certainly burning it, though. Or something. She can’t think straight. It hurts. It hurts.

Cries turn to screams as the questioning is drawn out.

The screams that sound terrible even to her own ears, honestly. With the guard’s vice-like grip on her arms, she can’t even catch a moment’s relief. She has no time to catch up with the pain, to reel herself back in control. Instead, her screams get louder, and her fists clench so hard that her palms burn, and her hair starts coming loose from the tight bun it’s been in.

Half an hour later, or four hours later, they finally stop. The guard lets go, and she falls to the floor in a heap, panting harshly. Every inch of her chest and stomach stings so bad that she is scared to touch the skin in fear that it will turn to ash under her touch. Instead, she struggles to reach forward and grab her uniform, fingers trembling.

With a humorous chuckle, Dick tosses it to the side.

“Fetch it.”

It doesn’t matter. None of the shit they’ve done to her in the past few minutes (hours?) matters. Her pride is still intact, thanks very much. With hateful eyes and her teeth bared furiously, she looks up at him, remaining exactly where she is.

He doesn’t like this response, but lets it go, maybe because he is tired too. Poor guy, she thinks, having to stay up past his bedtime just to torture her.  She hears a grunt to her right - the other goon has let Levi go, and the two of them go stand by the door again without a word. Damn, she bets that her captain wishes she was as silently obedient as these two.

Dick helps her up, and then throws, actually throws, her into the cell. She feels her back hit the wall and remembers that she was injured before as well. Right, both front and back are in pain! This will be such a fun night for her, she thinks bitterly as she crumples to the ground. Her uniform is thrown on the floor in front of her, but her shirt is kept outside the bars. That’s probably fair. Her life for the cause and all that noise.

Except it’s too far and she can’t reach for it. She doesn’t want to try only to collapse and appear more pathetic than she already is.

The cell is slammed shut in front of them, and her eyes meet the scientist’s, who watches the two of them hungrily. “That didn’t quite go the way I was planning. So, tomorrow…” He licks his lips. “We’re going to switch the roles.”

Her fingers twitch angrily, but she can do nothing but glare at him.

“Lieutenant,” he coos in a way that makes her skin crawl, “I know you’re in pain. But I want to assure you that for every bit of pain I’ve inflicted on you, I intend to inflict tenfold on your precious superior. To not spill your secrets would be insubordination!” He laughs as though he’s told the world’s greatest joke.

“Honestly,” Levi drawls, “you really are as stupid as you look. She’s going to enjoy that, dumbass.”

“We’ll see,” Dick responds simply. He whistles a merry tune before picking up his Toy From Hell and leaving the room.

She hears his footsteps as he gets farther and farther from the room, but she still refuses to look at Levi. Besides the humiliation she has just suffered, she’s not sure if she physically can turn her neck to do it. Every movement feels like a burden right now. She closes her eyes, willing herself to push through the pain. This is nothing. This is nothing.

Suddenly a hand is on her bare back, pushing her forward gently. She lets him do the work and move her forward, just a bit. Her uniform is flung over her shoulders and tears spring to her eyes. What is this? If she can go through the entire torture session, then she can certainly deal with Levi being gentle without crying. The tears don’t fall.

Arms are wrapped around her, and a kiss is pressed against her temple before he murmurs, “You are so brave.”

A small cry of anguish escapes her lips and she buries her face in his neck. His arms tighten around her as much as they possibly can, and she can tell he’s trying not to squeeze her too tight.

“He’s gone,” Levi whispers, raw anger creeping in his voice, “he won’t be back until morning. He’s done, he won’t hurt you anymore. Someone is gonna find us soon.”

He keeps going on like this, whispering reassuring things. He doesn’t seem to realize that his close presence is enough to keep her from panicking. She finds what little strength is left in her arms and clutches onto his shirt, closing her eyes and pressing as close to him as she can. This is the easy part. This is Levi, and Levi means safety, there’s no one in this room that she needs to fear anymore.

Still, she chokes out, “I’m not crying.” She simply refuses to.

His fingers are shaking a little. “Why not? You have every right to.”

“I won’t,” she hisses, and this time she means it. She pulls away despite her mind and body both protesting - he’s warm, he’s safe, and it’s him. But she needs to show him she’s not going to break and she needs to show him why.

“I don’t know if you remember.” She sits back against the wall, wincing in pain. “But...before I joined your team, before the Garrison and all that shit, back when I was still training…” She groans, realizing that there really is no comfortable position. “You told me something. When I got that letter from my mother, remember?”

Levi remembers, she can tell by the way his eyes soften, but he lets her continue.

“You told me to stop crying. You said…” She grunts, but manages to finish. “You said that you were the only one allowed to make me cry.”

“That was for training,” he mutters, taking off his own uniform and placing it behind her back so that she has some kind of cushion. “You have full control of whenever you want to burst into tears now.”

She laughs, making him raise a brow. “I have no control over anything whenever you’re around, Captain. Joining your squad was equivalent to selling my soul to you.”

“Then you shouldn’t have done it.”

Her eyes close - she focuses only on his voice. “How could I not, when you were begging?”

“Tch.” She smiles when he sounds like himself again. “I didn’t beg, you insolent minx.”

It still hurts. But her hand finds his and she squeezes and she manages to keep everything in. There is no outpouring of tears. Just him and her, communicating through silence just like they have always managed to do oh so well.

“It’s going to be me tomorrow. I don’t suppose I need to order you to keep your mouth shut?”

She thinks about it. She imagines what it will be like tomorrow, when they’ll force her down in Levi’s place, yank her up by her hair and make her watch as they hurt him, over and over. The thought of it makes her nauseous, but if she can handle it, then he can handle it better. She knows that. Between the two of them, he’s seen more shit, purely due to being in the Scouts longer. And a hard childhood, as opposed to her rather comfortable one.

“You know I’m more likely not to listen if you order me. I’m interesting like that.” She opens her eyes, managing to crack a grin at him.

His shoulders sag, and he gently brushes her cheek with his knuckles. His touch is so soft that she wonders if he thinks it’s going to hurt her. “I like when you joke around. Lets me know you’re okay. Tell another one,” he requests.

Having Levi request one of her jokes makes her wonder if she’s dreaming, because for one thing, Levi never requests anything, he mostly demands and orders and grumbles. And second, he has made clear exactly what he thinks of her jokes - and she’s lucky if he doesn’t roll his eyes or make a scathing remark about her poor sense of humor every time she tries. Which is ridiculous, because her humor is amazing.

“You don’t even like my jokes.”

“I promise I’ll like it, no matter how shitty it is.”

“Okay,” she agrees. “Um…” She bites her lip, thinking. “What do you call a…” She shakes her head. “No. Wait. Wait.” Her stomach is still too sensitive to touch. “How many…” She furrows her brows, trying to focus. Captain Levi is requesting a joke. This is big, feeling pain can wait right now, “Oh, I have one!”

“Tell it to me,” he says encouragingly.

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there.” When she gives him a look, he asks in a proper tone. “Who’s there?”

“Colossal Titan.”

Levi sighs, shaking his head. “Colossal Titan who?”

“ Pew, ” she says, waving her arm a little.

He stares at her blankly and she pouts. He said he would like it. She makes the motion again, miming the titan breaking down the wall.

A hint of a smile comes upon his face, and he lets out a low chuckle. She looks at him crossly.

“Don’t fake laugh.”

“I’m not.” He looks down and laughs, genuinely. “I get it. It’s breaking down an outer wall. But it knocked first. It’s funny.”

“No, that was bad.” She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “Because then everyone dies.”

Levi tilts her chin down so that she’s looking into his eyes. No matter what else, she loves how truthful, how genuine he seems at all times, even when he’s not trying to be. His eyes bore into hers, leaning in just close enough that she could lean forward and catch his lips if she tried.

“Knock knock,” he says, his voice low.

“Who’s there?”

“Armored Titan.”

“Armored Titan who?”

“I’m not sure, we haven’t figured it out yet.”

She actually laughs, and then winces, squeezing her eyes in pain as her body protests. How was laughter going to be the best medicine when she couldn’t even laugh? What a stupid saying. Levi’s general negativity is getting to her, honestly.

When she opens her eyes, he is still gazing at her as though he has never seen anything so captivating.

“You look your prettiest when you laugh,” Levi murmurs, “don’t ever stop making your shitty jokes and laughing at them. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.” Any other time she might have been snarky, cocky even, asking in a singsong voice if he really thought she was pretty , just to annoy him. But being snarky requires effort, and she spent the last of it on that amazingly stupid joke.

Levi notices. He can’t seem to help himself. Still trying his best to be gentle, he wraps his arms around her, moving her just a little so that she’s resting against his chest instead of the wall. She doesn’t mind, he’s much more comfortable anyway. And the day’s events are catching up with her, as evident by the yawn that escapes her as much as she tries to fight it.

“Go to sleep,” Levi orders, no room for argument in his voice. “Come on.”

“Mm...don’t want them to find us like this…”

“They won’t,” he says firmly, “now sleep . That’s an order, (L/N).”

Hearing her name from him only makes the sleepiness worse. A wave of calmness washes over her, and she presses her face in his chest and breathes in against his shirt. It feels impossible to be scared like this, feels ridiculous to think that anyone could possibly hurt her when he’s holding her like this.

Still, she tries to hang on. The logical but dire part of her brain reminds her that this is fleeting. Within a few hours, maybe less, they’ll be woken up and he’ll be snatched from her and they’re going to hurt him and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt and can’t they just leave him alone -

Levi starts stroking her hair. God, her eyes are closing without her consent, goddammit , this is a dirty trick on his part.

“That’s…” She feels her consciousness slipping. “My move...thief...”

She knows she mumbles more, but she can’t tell what she’s saying, or whether it’s even coherent or not. She doesn’t make out his response either, too busy losing herself to his soothing touch and to the welcoming arms of sleep.

Her last thought is that he is way too good at this.

A thud to her head is her wake-up call, and she wakes up with a gasp. The ugly guard from yesterday is in front of her, and before she realizes what is happening, her and Levi are both on their feet, pressed against the wall and made to look at the scientist, who looks like he certainly had a good night’s sleep.

Gratefully, she notices that she and Levi had indeed no longer been sleeping in the same close proximity. Bless him, he didn’t give them away. Even though she misses and craves his touch, waking up in his arms just isn’t a luxury they can afford right now. She also notices that her hair is tied up again, and a rush of love for her captain swells inside her.

“So!” Dick says in his grating chirpy voice. “Did you sleep well?”

Neither of them answer. She is simply too groggy to come up with a clever response right now, and she suspects Levi is too busy trying to kill the man with his glare. Dick does not seem to be bothered - in fact, he looks even more eager than yesterday.

“Let’s give you two a proper wake up call. Are you ready, Captain?”

Her heart beats a little faster, but she prepares herself. Levi can handle this, he’s going to be fine.

“Just get it over with,” Levi mutters dryly, “I’ve been ready for hours.”

“Good!” Dick smiles widely. “Bring her out.”

Her head snaps up, and she gasps in pain as the guard shoves her forward roughly.

“What?” Levi growls angrily. “No, it’s my turn! You said it’d be me!”

Dick finally likes Levi’s response. He lets out a hearty chuckle, motioning for the guard to pin her against the wall. Her breathing quickens, but this time, she’s ready. This is the best option she could have hoped for. As much as she was sure that seeing Levi hurt wouldn’t break her resolve, she is glad that her mental fortitude does not have to be put to the test.

Damn it all, she can do this!

“She’s had enough!” Levi shouts. She hears a movement behind her, and then the guard holding her up leaves her side, knowing she doesn’t have enough strength to struggle. Without looking, she knows that Levi is putting up a fight now. If he doesn’t stop, he’s going to give them away.

She understands the anger. The bastard pulled a clever move last night, letting them prepare for something that wasn’t going to happen. Levi must have spent the night readying himself for this, and so he had no time to consider what would happen if they continued on with her.

An arm presses her further into the wall and a sharp pain explodes from her stomach up to her chest, making her vision go blurry a little. Levi shouts protests that end with a thump and him on his knees again. God, she could kill these sons of bitches.

She feels Dick tug her bun upwards, exposing her neck and making her wince in the cold. “This is your favorite part of the body, isn’t it, Captain?”

“Don’t you fucking dare -“

She’s not sure what’s happening until she feels her skin break right over the nape of her neck, and she lets out a hoarse scream.

“Stop it! Stop it! ”

Red hot blood drips down her back from her neck, pouring from an alphabet-shaped slice. Her world is spinning - she wonders if this is karma sent from the titans themselves.

L.

“I think I’ll leave her a somewhat memorable scar,” Dick crows, “how about your name, Captain?”

“ You’re going to kill her, you bastard, stop it!”

E.

God, now that she knows what he’s carving into her neck like it’s a tree bark, she can feel it all the more keenly. She’s written his name several times, after all, whether it be in copious amounts of paperwork, letters responding to people’s inquiries about how the good captain is doing, or her own notes that she’ll leave next to a cup of tea that will be as simple as dear levi, i accidentally put salt instead of sugar in this, sorry and she’ll see him roll his eyes but pocket the note anyway before forcing himself to drink her godawful beverage.

Dick’s handwriting is nice, she thinks hysterically. The scars will look pretty on her corpse.

V.

Levi keeps screaming and she hears the doors open as more people rush in to contain him. If only he had his gear, he could probably take them all on, but there’s only so much one guy can do without any weapons against ten or so people, even if it is Levi Ackerman.

Right before he writes the final letter, Dick stops, keeping a firm hand on her back just in case she was some kind of immortal goddess and could run away in this state. She’s closed her eyes by now, but her ears are still listening, and she can hear Levi panting harshly. She tries to imagine him, but it hurts to think.

“You can end this, Captain. Tell me what I want to know, and I can get her medical treatment in an instant. It’s your choice.”

There is a pregnant pause in the air, and she assumes all eyes are on him. The tip of the knife rests against her neck, ready to resume when need be.

“Tell me,” he presses, and she feels the blade dig into her skin a little. “What is the commander planning?”

There is more silence for a couple more seconds.

She hears the slightest hitch in breath, and it’s a credit to how well she knows Levi that she knows he’s about to say something. In a split second, she finds a will inside herself that she didn’t know existed until now, and she screams.

“Don’t even think about it!”

Dick laughs this off, digging the knife in a little deeper as punishment. “Well, Captain?”

Everyone waits. Her heart pounds loudly against her chest and she wonders if they can hear it.

“Burn in hell,” Levi hisses, and with a sigh relief she allows herself to submit to the pain.

I.

Several things happen all at once.

Someone screams - besides her - and the door is all but blown apart. From her left, she hears Levi yell something. She thinks a full on brawl has started, how does he hope to come out on top?

The weight that had been pressing her against the wall is gone, and she hears a voice that sounds suspiciously like Major Hange saying, “Let’s see how you like it!”

With nothing holding her up, she feels herself fall, fall, fall until her knees hit the ground hard. The room erupts into chaos around her, and she can only make out so much of it. She tries taking it one at a time. Behind her Hange is waving around a knife like a madwoman which is pretty on-brand of her so it’s not too alarming. Outside the door, it seems like the guard dogs of this hellish lab-place are engaged in combat with the Scouts. People fighting people. Huh. Seems a bit refreshing. At least no one was planning to eat her in this situation.

She’ll take what she can get.

Finally, at the center of the room, shouting something at Hange and throwing punches, is Levi. He looks slightly unhinged and wonderfully furious, with his feral grey eyes (who even has grey eyes) being the only warning any of the poor chaps get before slams into them with his knuckles.

Wow. All this for her sake? She’ll have to tease him if she lives through this.

It doesn’t feel like she will, though. Pain seems to be radiating from every part of her body. She can’t differentiate between areas of her body that are actually injured versus what’s hurting by association. This is actually more than a bit embarrassing, after fighting titans for ages, it was going to be one man with too many toys that was going to take her out?

No, fuck that. She decides, losing consciousness, as Levi elbows his next victim in the face and then finally makes his way to her, his face contorted in anger and his eyes focused, that she absolutely has to make fun of him for this.

In the ten minutes since she’s woken in the infirmary, Hange has asked her about a million questions. Truthfully, she has no problem answering - she even adds hand gestures and extravagant details to entertain the woman more. After all, Hange had led the charge that saved her life, the least she can do is give her something to write about in her collection of horror stories. Hearing about a human monster seems to thrill Hange enough to hang onto her every word.

Besides, it’s much better than sitting and idly twiddling her fingers in her hospital bed.

Eventually, Hange sighs, standing. “Sorry. I’d love to keep you company longer, but there’s a load of work calling my name.”

“It’s fine, Major.” It’s so not fine, she’s going to be damn bored holed up in here. “Er, I was wondering…”

“Short stack hasn’t come in here since after they confirmed you were gonna make it.” She scoffs. “Truthfully, I was surprised, considering how he carried you in here like he was ready to say his vows right then and there.”

Her nose wrinkles. “I’m not a married woman now, am I?”

Hange laughs, shaking her head. “Not yet. Next time, try getting your entire head sliced off and I’ll bring a white dress for you.”

See, this is why she likes Major Hange - at least someone in this military has a sense of humor, she can’t be expected to pull all the weight herself.

“If you see Captain Levi, can you tell him I’m up?” She relaxes back against the pillow. “I want to talk to him.”

Her savior agrees, and leaves with a wink and encouragement to get better. Now that she has time to actually sit back and think, her thoughts are sour.

Levi is avoiding her? She takes two beatings, lets him coax her to sleep using her own genius move, gets his fucking name carved into her neck, stays alive out of pettiness, and this is the thanks she gets? He’s not that cold. She doesn’t know what it is she’s done that made him want to stay away, and she knows that Levi never does anything without his reasons, but that doesn’t stop her from being irritated.

Nearly half an hour later, he arrives - well, he sure took his damn time walking there. He’s in his stupid suit and his stupid cravat, looking as unperturbed as ever, as though him screaming bloody murder and punching people out left and right wasn’t the last thing she saw before she fell unconscious. She thinks she catches the briefest flash of relief in his eyes, but then he looks as bored as she’s been feeling while waiting for him.

She puts her hand to her chest and salutes, because he’s still her superior first and foremost.

“You’re awake, good.” He steps up to the front of her bed. “There’s a shit ton of paperwork with your name on it.”

She waits, but that’s all he says, and she realizes that he’s waiting for her response.

“Yeah, I’m glad to see you alive too, Captain. ” She crosses her arms, glaring daggers at him. “Do you want some tea while I get to my chores?”

“Your tea? No thanks, I’d rather drink Jaeger’s disgusting titan blood than whatever the hell you manage to brew every time you touch a kettle.”

Asshole.

He turns to leave, and not able to contain herself, she squawks out angrily, “Captain! Aren’t you even going to ask if I’m alright?”

Her captain doesn’t even stop walking. Without looking at her, he says, “You look alright to me.”

“Levi!”

There. That stops him in his tracks.

He turns back to her slowly, and she matches his cool irritation with her own, defiantly jutting her chin out, just daring him to punish her for being informal when she’s in this condition. Besides, who was the one cuddling her in a jail cell less than twenty four hours ago? If he reports her for being informal, she’ll report him back even harder and then they’ll be stuck in an endless cycle trying to out-report each other.

He starts walking right up to her and she leans back on the bed a little and raises her hands because if he plans to fight her she needs to prepare her defenses, hold on -

Levi is suddenly crushing her in a hug, his arms around her waist and her face looking over his shoulder. She freezes up as he buries his face in her neck, and squeezes her like she’s going to disappear as soon as he lets go.

Well, she thinks, tearing up for the second time in the past few days, now he’s being even more informal.

“This is what got us in this mess in the first place, (F/N).” He breaths into her neck and without further encouragement she slides her fingers in his hair, keeping him close. “Because apparently we’re so fucking obvious that everyone’s caught on.”

“So what?” she protests stubbornly, eyes narrowing. He’s the best thing that’s happened to her and she doesn’t plan to let him go just because some psycho had too much fun with a knife. “We held out. We’re not stupid or weak - neither of us broke.” She can’t help it, and presses a kiss to his cheek. “I know I didn’t get the chance to show you, Levi, but I could have done it. I would have held out, I swear.”

“I know.”

“But then, why are you -”

“Because I didn’t hold out.”

And there it is, the big confession. She forgets how to breathe for a split second, thinking back to how quiet the room had been, everyone waiting for Levi’s response, seeing if he’d choose to keep his secrets or whether he’d choose her.

And he’d been about to choose her.

“If you hadn’t screamed right then, I don’t...” He sighs, frustrated, holding her even tighter. “I don’t know what I would have done. I was ready to tell them anything just to make it stop.”

“ Levi ,” she whispers softly, not sure how to react to what is such a raw display of love for him, humanity’s strongest, the one who never lets himself care for anyone anymore. “He fucked with your head. I know you’re stronger than that, it was just a bad day.”

He chuckles mirthlessly, repeating her words incredulously like he always does whenever he thinks she’s just said something ridiculous. “A bad day.”

“Yes, a bad day.” She pulls away so she can look up at his face. His expression tightens when he sees the tears pooling at the corner of her eyes, before he reaches up and brushes them away with his thumb. She wonders how he manages to keep his touch so light after all the fighting he’s been thrown in. “And don’t worry, I’ll be there to scream at you next time too.”

This promise seems to only make him even more miserable. “And what happens the day you’re not?”

She opens her mouth to answer, but there is really no good response to him asking what happens when she inevitably dies. It probably will happen, and she doesn’t want to lie to him. She’s made her peace with it.

“Then that day you don’t have to worry about having a weakness anymore. It’s a win-win.”

It’s a dark, fucked-up answer to give him, and she knows that. But Levi doesn’t appreciate bullshit responses, and that’s probably half of why he likes her in the first place (the other half is her strikingly good looks). She’s always been blunt if nothing else - she would always rather tell him the truth than a pleasant sounding lie, as much as she is tempted to do the latter at times, if it would make the haunted look in his eyes go away. Still, she says what her conscience dictates.

Levi nods, closing his eyes for a few seconds before opening them with a newfound sense of peace. Nudging her shoulder, he gestures for her to move aside. “Let me sit.”

“You sure, Captain? This is a hospital bed, you know - think of all the germs and sick people that have crawled all over it.”

He rolls his eyes and pushes her to the side himself, climbing on and leaning back against the pillow. Without an invitation, she lowers herself down until her head is resting against his chest, hand on his waist, and basks in his comfort. In turn, Levi slides his arms around her back and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“I’m still mad at you for stealing my hair-stroking thing,” she mutters, rubbing circles against his hip with her thumb.

He smiles against her skin. “You didn’t invent hair-stroking.”

“Yeah, but it was my tool to put you to sleep.”

“And it works annoyingly well, so I was seeing how you liked it.”

“I did like it,” she admits shyly, hiding her face against his chest. “But still, you’re a damn thief.”

Levi reaches up to the hair tie keeping her hair in a far looser bun than he had tied it in. With a practiced motion, he takes it off, letting her hair sprawl against his chest and running his fingers through it. She feels him press his fingers to her nape and she swallows nervously as his thumb and index finger start stroking his own name on her skin. That’s right, he is touching the scar for the first time, a scar that’ll last pretty damn long if not forever. His Adam’s apple bobs when she places her hand over his, squeezing his fingers gently, letting him know it’s okay, that she’s fine. There were worse things that could have been marked on her skin. This she can deal with.

“It’s easier like this,” he mumbles, “with you.” She understands.

She wants to tell him everything is easier with him there. But the words die on her lips, afraid of pushing him away. If he figures out that she’s ready to die for him, her superior, one day, then he’s going to keep her from doing just that. Instead, she raises her head and gives him a kiss with his fingers still tangled in her hair. She tries to convey everything, and it does feel like he understands, as he cups her cheek with his free hand and kisses her back fervently.

His lips are always such a treat for her, a rare delight that she gets to have when he’s feeling generous or particularly longing. She takes advantage of these moments, pouring her all into it, showing him just how much she adores him. How much she loves him.

Levi hooks their legs together to keep her close, and her heart thrums at this unspoken message that he needs her as much as she needs him. God, fuck , she wishes he could stay this close always. From his low groan and the way he tugs her even closer to deepen the kiss, she knows he feels the same.

Somehow, he pulls back first and makes a small tsk at the pout she sends his way. “I’m not going to make out with you on a hospital bed. Who knows how diseased you are already?”

Just for that, she kisses him again, and smirks victoriously when he kisses back again.

This time, she pulls back, grinning victoriously. Levi makes a show out of rolling his eyes at her obvious desire to have the last word, but doesn’t comment. He pulls her back against his chest, and seems content burying his face in her hair and finally letting himself relax.

Which, she decides, closing her eyes and intertwining her fingers with his, is all she needs for now.

Hii I have an angst scenario where levis so gets trapped under a collapsed building after a titan attack because she was saving civilians -with a happy ending please :3

Out of the Ashes

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Work count: 6.4K

Warnings: Canon typical violence

A/N: god you people know me so well at this point. I. LOVE. WRITING. HURT/COMFORT. PLEASE the angst is just the best. i love all your requests but hurt/comfort just holds a special place in my heart… FUN FACT! this is actually named after my favourite Michael Morpurgo book i read as a kid :,)

i hope this is what you hand in mind ^-^

You could never just have one fucking day to yourself, could you? There always had to be one thing after another, one disaster immediately following the next. It was how you found yourself zipping around Trost district, slicing through nape after nape.

Vibrations rattled the legs of your bones as you quickly kicked off the wall of a spire, sending yourself through the outstretched fingers of a 15m, before it's nape too was swiftly taken care of.

This was a shitshow. An absolute fucking shitshow. Once again humanity had been caught unawares by the Colossal and Armoured titans, somehow taking out your defences as if they were punching and kicking through paper. And not a Scout in sight. The Garrison were doing as much as they could, protecting civilian lives and evacuating them to the gates, but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

You winced as you landed on a rooftop, your knee giving out slightly as it buckled beneath the impact and your weight. It was the reason you’d stayed behind rather than heading out on the most recent expedition. Managing to pop your knee out of place when taking a hit for another soldier on the last mission had hindered your mobility too much to ride a horse, much to your dismay, and Levi’s relief.

You’d been dating for some time now. When you first met him, you still being a cadet and him fresh from the underground city, you thought he was the most annoying, foul tempered, vile humoured, prickly little bastard you’d ever had the displeasure of meeting, often finding yourselves provoking each other, belittling each other or just plain ignoring each other. That was until a particularly harsh expedition roughly eight months after your begrudging introductions. The same expedition where you’d lost your best friend. She’d been with you since you were cadets. You were partners in crime, two peas in a pod, she was your ride or die. And then she did die. She died protecting you, throwing you clear of a crawling titan’s jumping trajectory and quite literally sacrificing herself to save your pathetic little life.

You were barely holding yourself together, your sanity hanging on by a quickly fraying thread, when he made a comment about you being here and not her. It didn’t have his usual biting tone, but the words were there nonetheless, and you snapped. You snapped and punched him square in the jaw, the faintest crack gracing your ears as you raised your fist to strike again, before two arms looped beneath your armpits and held you back. Of course you struggled against it, you wanted to fucking kill him. Not for what he said, but for being right about it. She had given her life to save you. You, of all people. And you screamed at him. Screamed every damn word about how stupid she was, how fucking ridiculous she was that she’d had chosen you over herself. How pitiful and shameful it was that you were the one to live. How you knew every single damn insult that was about to fly from his mouth because you’d already thought of it beforehand. You’d already realised before he even had time to say anything that yes, it was a great fucking shame that you were the one to return and she wasn’t.

It was only when you fell quiet did you realise the entire courtyard was looking at you in sympathetic pity, and you hated those looks. You didn’t want pity when you were just stating facts, and the raging fire in your shining eyes told Levi just that, before the flames were quenched completely. You relaxed in Hange’s grip, now realising it was your mutual friend who had stopped you from going berserk, and there was no other way to describe you other than fractured. You looked tired, broken. Like an old toy nobody wanted to play with anymore, left on the shelf to gather dust and cobwebs.

When you’d later discussed this incident a little further into your relationship, Levi described you like he was watching sunlight bleach the cover of a book, or grey skies sapping the green from the trees. You drained of colour before his eyes, monochrome replacing the fiery oranges and striking reds he’d always seen you as, before you silently walked away. Nobody went after you, everyone having heard your outburst knew what you’d just experienced, and knew you probably wanted to be left alone. But by the fourth day of not hearing your random biting remarks about whatever tea he was drinking, he’d started to realise he actually missed you. He missed hearing your laughter in the mess hall, as much as he used to claim he hated it. He missed seeing your scowl whenever you made eye contact with him. And though that punch really fucking hurt, he missed when you were paired up during hand to hand combat practice, feeling you give every strike your all, watching your eyes light up whenever you manage to gain the upper hand. He missed you. Fuck, he really missed you.

So by the end of the fourth day, Levi took his metaphorical olive branch in the form of a tray of tea and two bowls of soup, to your door.

You shared a dorm with your best friend, or rather, you did. But it didn’t exactly look like a dorm, more like the site of a titan massacre. Whatever anguished rage you couldn’t take out on Levi had been taken out on your possessions, and on hers. Picture frames had been shattered, pillows had been torn apart, clothes ripped from their drawers or closets and flung in any and all directions. The wooden bedframe had splintered under the weight of one of your kicks, and small splatters of blood decorated the floorboards where you’d sliced your foot open on broken glass.

A sharp intake of breath was the only sound your soon-to-be lover made as the door slowly creaked open. Nobody had been in here, not even Hange, since you’d locked yourself away. Well, not locked, only high up’s doors could lock, but you’d shut yourself away nonetheless. And Levi then immediately understood what you were going through, because he went through something extremely similar not eight months previous. His eyes fell to you, curled up in a corner by your bed, not even sitting on the stripped, ruined mattress. Whether you’d noticed him come in or not, he couldn’t tell, but he set the tray down on the nearest flat surface, having to gently move what looked like a really sweet pencil drawing of the two of you from beneath shards of glass, before kneeling in front of you. He’d removed his own cravat to use it as a bandage for your foot, cleaning the wound with a spare cloth he kept in his jacket pocket.

When you’d finally lifted your head, you’d expected to see Hange, or maybe a member of your squad. The last person you’d expected to see was the man who you swore hated you, and who you could have sworn you hated too. But when his soft eyes met yours, so full of empathy and understanding, you realised that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t so bad afterall.

You ended up talking most of the night, answering his questions about who she was to you and how you knew each other. He, in turn, opened up about his own experience when he lost Isabel and Farlan, explaining who they were to him and how they died. You knew vaguely, of course, you’d lightened up on the insults and general nastiness when word reached you he’d just lost the two people who had come up with him from the dirt. But you didn’t quite understand the connection between the three of them, not until now anyway.

You ended up understanding that the two of you were fairly similar in some ways, and you realised that night, you’d just seen a side to him nobody had ever seen before, at least nobody in the Scouts, to your knowledge. And you sure as hell never expected to see this side of him. Shit, you doubted he even had this side to him. But when he turned your head to look you in the eyes, gently gripping your shoulders and asking you to promise him you would never regret what happened, never regret her decision, you realised just how wrong you had been.

It was after that night you two actually managed to talk without wanting to rip each other’s throats out. You congratulated him on becoming a captain, only to be met with his request for you to be on his squad. You shared his paperwork, his tea –as foul as you thought the drink was–, his thoughts and fears, and all of a sudden you were sharing his bed, sleeping in his arms after you’d both realised you’d fallen in love with each other.

It was with his help you managed to honour your best friend’s life. You fought for her, and for this new relationship that seemed to have blossomed from the seed of grief. She used to take th piss out of the two of you relentlessly, constantly chiming about how thin the line is between hatred and love. And you guessed she was right.

That must have been nine or ten years ago now, seven of those years having been spent by his side as his lover, and three of them as his wife. The thin, simplistic gold band around your ring finger glinting in the midday sun as a testament to your love for each other. You wonder where he was now, whether he too was fighting titans, or whether they were setting up camp. Their return date wasn’t for another couple of days, you knew that, but then again, Erwin Smith was always a little unpredictable. You knew from experience, having known the man for a while now.

Smoke and fire rose from ruined homes, screams of the innocent rising like a choir singing for a malevolent god. You carved through flesh and muscle, felling as many beasts as you could whilst still keeping your injury fairly safe. If you didn’t stop, it didn’t have time to hurt, that was your mentality. Until high pitched cries for help stopped your rhythm, twisting in the air so you could at least deduce where the pleas were coming from.

And your heart dropped as soon as you realised.

There was a school. An entire class worth of children and teachers trapped by surrounding titans and flames. It was a hellscape, but one you had seen before, and wouldn’t hesitate to walk through. Flipping your direction from the original path you’d set yourself on, you drew two more razor blades from your scabbard, metal singing a chorus as they too glinted in the sunlight, before you set to work.

Your first port of call was to clear the area of titans. The giants currently surrounding the building, reaching their large hands through flaming, shattered windows in search for their next morsel filled you with a certain kind of rage you’d never felt before. You’d recently had that talk with Levi. The whole “children” talk. Whether you both wanted one, and whether it was a good idea to bring a child into this world of death and terror. Maybe that was why you sliced through titan flesh so viciously, watching with sick satisfaction as the beasts toppled and fell before they even knew what hit them.

You fired a green flare, a visual sign for backup as you kept up your attack, growing tired as more large hands replaced the ones you just severed. There were too many, and the screaming from within the building wasn’t helping your sense of panic either. You were trying to stay calm. Trying everything you could to keep your breathing regular. If this was any old titan attack, you’d be fine. But there were civilian lives at stake. Children’s lives at stake. Letting them die wasn’t an option.

Relief calmed your stuttering heart as the sound of gas accompanied by the sick squelch of blades through muscle came to your aid. A small squad of Garrison soldiers putting their cadet training to good use by actually killing some titans. You would have been impressed if the current situation wasn’t so dire.

“Keep them at bay! There’s people in there, don’t let a single titan near this building, understand?!” even if they didn’t know who you were, they obeyed your orders without question. Something about your tone of voice screamed authority, and they knew you were everyone’s best bet at survival here.

Without a second thought, and without even considering the faint cracking of strained support beams, you disengaged your gas, running through the small inferno. Smoke clogged your lungs immediately, and you crouched as low as you could whilst still being able to travel at a reasonable pace. You were listening. Over the roar of fire, you were listening for the panicked shouts and hollers for help. You just needed to find where they were, and you’d get them out. You had to.

You managed to look up seconds before a part of the ceiling collapsed in front of you, prompting you to dodge back. The movement had you coughing, and once you started, it was difficult to stop. Pulling a small cloth from your pocket, you planted it over your nose, hoping to filter out the smoke as you continued your painstaking search. Long hallways lit by the blaze taunted you as you ran into each classroom, searching what felt like in vain. Until angelic, blood-cooling screams graced your ears, and you sped up as much as you could without prompting yourself to pant.

Throwing open the door, you surveyed the class of terrified looking kids, all huddled close to the ground. Tear stained and puffy eyed, they looked to you in fear, and your gaze fell to the teachers keeping them as safe as possible. It didn’t look too bad, if not for the fire that separated the two sides of the room, blocking off their exit and preventing you from accessing them. You were now frantic, searching in desperation for something, anything that could help them escape. Some desks and tables had already been consumed by the flames, but others were almost unharmed.

The structure creaked and cracked all around you, falling debris could be heard outside the classroom as you dragged one of the desks as close to the blaze as you could, gesturing for one of the adults to do the same. You had managed to create a sort of makeshift bridge, although they would have to leap across a small gap, fire licking the legs of the desks, as if taunting you, mocking you. Reaching up to pull you into the flames.

“You have to jump! I will catch you, I promise!” you shouted, heart beating faster than you thought possible as a little girl clambered up onto the desk opposite you, her expression one of utter terror. You held your arms out, cringing slightly as the heat from below engulfed and singed your skin, but you didn’t have a choice. You had already told yourself you were going to save these children, so that’s what you were going to do. Mustering all the courage you had, you wiped your own expression, before producing a calm, reassuring smile. Determination sparkled in your now flickering irises, and you took a step closer to the edge of the desk, the toe of your boot now hanging over the inferno. “Trust me.” you implored, before you saw the girl nod, take a small step back, and leap into your arms.

Instinctively you curled her into your embrace, before placing her onto the ground behind you. The next kid, a smaller, brown haired boy, seemed a little braver, and didn’t hesitate to jump over the flames, colliding into your steady body.

“I have to take two at a time! I’ll be back, I promise!” your voice must have carried to one of the teachers, her wide eyed expression, though nodding in confirmation, silently pleaded you to hurry. You had nine more children to help escape, that and the two adults. Hauling the two kids over your shoulders, you started to run. Smoke and ash coated and burned your lungs, but you didn’t stop. Eyes streaming, you gasped for fresh air as soon as your eyes saw the blue sky beyond. A small crowd had gathered in front of the school, the titans nearby having been eradicated, civilians and soldiers alike stopped to watch in awe of a single woman running in and out of a burning school, collective screams ringing out each time a piece of the building collapsed. Some people yelled at each other to help you, but nobody seemed willing to risk their lives in the same way a Scout would.

It was the commotion that drew Levi to the scene. Word had reached the Scouting Expedition that titans had broken through the wall and were running amok in Trost District. His immediate thought turned to you, worry infecting his mind as he constantly wondered if you were okay, unable to think of anything else the entire gallop back to the walls. He’d already seen enough shit today. Some cadet falling from the nape of a titan skeleton was bad enough, but arriving in front of a burning building just in time to see his wife sprint back inside of that very same burning building was enough to drive him insane. Hange ran up to his side, clearly having seen the exact same thing.

“Was that–?”

“Yeah, it was…” Hange’s eyes flicked from the doorway to Levi’s face, slack jawed with fear as he watched wide-eyed. You’d just run head first into a burning building. You. When he finally managed to tear his gaze from the door, Levi realised what was happening. There were people in there. Evident by the Garrison soldiers providing water and blankets for ashen faced children. Soot coating their little bodies, clothes stained black. Dread pooled in his gut. You were injured. That’s why you stayed behind. You had badly fucked up your knee and needed to rest. His stomach roiled as more screams from the crowd pierced the air, another section of the school collapsing to the ground, rubble and embers piling up as only one section remained. Levi couldn’t wait any longer.

There was no hesitation in his step as he ran forward, only increasing his speed with Hange’s panicked shouts behind him. But the longer he didn’t see you emerge, the more the icy hands of terror gripped his heart. He couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t–

“Levi?!” snapping out of his hazed trance, Levi looked up to see you, covered head to toe in ash, two kids thrown over each shoulder. Neither of you stopped to say just how fucking relieved you were to see the other. It was all conveyed through your eyes anyway. You passed the kids over to him before cupping his neck and pressing your forehead to his.

“You’re okay…” he breathed, eyes flicking between yours.

“I’m fine. Get these ones out of here. There'll be two teachers next, followed by me and the last kid. Don’t do anything stupid like come back in for me, okay? I’ll be back soon.” you reassured him, briefly capturing his lips in a light kiss before you both turned your backs on each other and ran the opposite directions.

The situation was becoming more and more dangerous by the second. Splinters and shavings of wood crested with sparkling embers continued to fall from the ceiling, smoke continued to swirl from shattered windows and broken walls. Levi didn’t know how long you had been doing this, but he was impressed you hadn’t collapsed. His own lungs strained from the excess inhalation of smoke, coughing slightly as he managed to carry the kids out to safety, gently setting them down with the rest of their class. Now was the waiting game.

Hange came to his side again, offering their canteen of water, but Levi was too focused on the doorway to notice. Everything had dulled slightly. The din around him had faded as he could focus on nothing but the door. You had to return. You had to come back.

The crowd erupted as two adults came running from the building, arms stretched out to greet those who had been waiting for them. But that’s not who Levi was looking for. That’s not who he was waiting for.

“There!” a miscellaneous shout to his left brought him back and spurred him once again into action. There you were, limping badly, a little girl clutched in your arms. His subconscious mind briefly admired how good you looked carrying a kid, before he ran back in to help you. Like earlier, you handed the little girl over to him, but as Levi went to put your arm around his shoulder so you could take some of the weight off your injured knee, you immediately protested.

“No! Get her out first, I’ll be right behind you.” you shouted over the sound of fire and destruction around you.

“I’m not fucking leaving you here,” he spat through gritted teeth, hand still clasped around your arm, but your expression remained steely.

“I’m not giving you a choice. You die, she dies. Get the fuck out of here, I’ll be right behind you, I promise!” Levi lost his grip on your arm as you shoved him forward. He gave himself time to look back as you, brows creased with worry.

“You better be.” he said, before leaving you behind. If there was ever a time Levi doubted his speed, it was now. He couldn’t seem to move swiftly enough, run fast enough. Every step seemed like it was taking another hour. But you were, of course, unable to keep up with his speed. Your knee howled in pain, having to make the jump over the fire yourself since the last girl was too scared. You’d managed to fall and land on it, badly. No permanent damage, but enough to keep you a good six or seven feet behind your husband, a man who you could usually keep up with.

But it was six or seven feet too far.

Levi cleared the doorway, shielding his face as a sudden burst of fire exploded to his right. A shrill scream of your name had him whirling, the deafening crack of solid wood hitting the ground an accompaniment to your pained yelp as you once again jumped back. It was Hange who had screamed your name, a fear like one Levi had never seen raged in her hazel irises as he set the girl down before turning back to you.

Or to where you should have been.

The doorway had caved in, creating a barrier of raging heat and smouldering logs. You were trapped. Trapped in a building that was seconds from collapsing. Levi could see it in your face. Could see the sudden, horrified realisation. The paralysing fear that you were now caught in a web of fire. The panic as your eyes searched for a way out, and the grim resolve as you realised, this was it. And it was that gentle, melancholic smile of acknowledgment that speared his chest.

Time came to a standstill. Everything faded into the background as fiery gold met desperate silver through the impassable doorway. Levi couldn’t breathe, the familiar feeling of helplessness wrapping barbed wire around his windpipe. Feet stuck to the ground, heart stuck in his throat. He couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t–

“I love you.”

Levi’s breath hitched in his throat as he swore he could hear your words. He lurched forward, arm outstretched, fingers flexing, trying in vain to reach you. A roar of your name ripped from his throat, anguish and grief shattering the moment of stricken peace.

Before the ceiling, and his world, came tearing down, snuffing out the flames, and your life, in a heartbeat.

There were no screams around him, or if there were, he couldn’t hear them. White noise clogged his mind as he could do nothing but watch, stuck staring at the last place he’d seen you.

You were gone.

The woman he’d sworn to protect. The woman he’d given his heart to. The woman who’s finger wore the symbol of his devotion. The future he was going to have with you. The memories he hadn’t made yet, had just been snatched away in a split second. No time to say goodbye. No time to tell you yes, he wanted to have a child with you. Wanted to start a family with you. In this world of death and terror, he wanted to bring something joyful, something brimming with such innocent happiness that he could come home to. He wanted that, more than anything.

But you were gone. A reality he couldn’t accept, not yet.

Where his legs found the strength to run, he wouldn’t question, but he was carrying himself forward. His hands didn’t even register the searing burn on his palms as they began tossing smouldering debris to the side. You weren’t gone. You weren’t. You couldn’t be. No, you weren’t. No. No. No, no, no no no nonono–

Halted in his movements by a pair of arms looping beneath his elbows, Levi felt himself being pulled back and away from the rubble. The rubble you were trapped under. Nothing made sense. No sound was distinguishable. An cacophonous amalgamation of shouts swirled together like an oil spill. Thick, stagnant air constricted his lungs as the iron-like grip around his arms dragged him further away from you. And as quickly as everything had slowed, time sped up again.

“LEVI STOP!” it was Hange’s voice, a voice he knew well. One he could easily distinguish in the sudden tsunami of sounds. Everything was suddenly too loud. Too fast. The smokey stench of death curled around him, taunting him, mocking him. But there was a kernel of hope. A small flicker that he clung onto and held tight. You were alive under there. You had to be.

“The fuck are you doing? We’re getting her out. Now.” His voice held the usual authoritative edge to it, but laced with desperation. Hange didn’t lessen their grip, only held him tighter.

“Levi… there’s no point. She’s–”

“She’s not dead.” he snapped, whipping round to face the morose looking scientist. Their expression slowly dimming the small flame of hope. Anger flared in his gut, eyes narrowing in grief stricken rage. “She’s not fucking dead, but she will be if we don’t get her out. She was right behind me, she promised…” his voice was losing what little conviction he had, expression falling as the reality finally dawned on him. He’d left you behind. He’d abandoned you. He shouldn’t have listened, he should have stayed and helped you. And now you’re gone.

You’re gone.

“I’m so sorry Levi…” apologies were worth nothing. Not when he’d survived and you hadn’t. You’d given your life to save him. And he can’t help feeling every single word you’d screamed at him years ago. This was how you’d felt. He’d forgotten the feeling. Forgotten what it felt like to lose someone so close to him. To lose someone he loved so dearly. He never thought this was possible. Losing you. He’d never even entertained the thought because it was simply too terrifying to think about. But now he had lost you, and he realised there would have been nothing he could do to prepare himself.

Sinking to his knees, the bite of the stone didn’t even reach his numbed mind. Unbeknownst to him, Garrison soldiers had been having trouble keeping people back from the devastation. Your act of selfless heroism had struck a chord with the civilian crowd, and though the likelihood of you being alive was small, they wanted to do what little they could to at least recover your body. With soldiers being tired after a day’s battle, there was nothing they could do when the crowd broke through. Immediately people set to work, wrapping their hands with whatever material they could gather to protect their hands from the heat. Though the fires were now out, a few glowing embers still glowed.

Hange watched with tear glistening eyes, their expression awestruck as they surveyed the situation. Levi too had managed to turn his head. In this world of death and terror, the occasional kindness of humanity mesmerised him. This is what your selflessness had done. You’d brought people together, people who were too scared to move, too scared to help. Through the blanket of agony, a small arrow of pride cut through the cloth. Pride over how high you’d soared from how far you’d fallen. He was so fucking proud of you. So–

“SHES HERE!” any more lacerations to his heart and Levi didn’t think he would survive. They’d found you. From beneath the smouldering debris and rubble, they’d found you. His hope reignited, Levi was on his feet, the crowd parting for him like some biblical figure.

Joke after joke had the universe played at his expense. Death after death, loss after loss, heartbreak after heartbreak. But the weak strained cough from your dusty, bloodied body felt like fate giving back. You were alive. You were alive.

Your lower half was still buried, a beam of solid wood preventing you from crawling to safety, but the slow, shallow rise and fall of your back was the proof Levi needed that you hadn’t left him. You were still here. He didn’t have to say goodbye. Not yet. Levi couldn’t quite work out why his vision was suddenly blurry, until wet warmth trailed down his face. Sinking to his knees for a second time, a tentative hand cautiously brushed bloodsoaked hair from your face.

Cracking an eye open, you struggled to focus your gaze on the familiar yet hazy outline of your husband, head spinning from the crushing weight currently paralysing you from the waist down. You opened your mouth to speak, immediately tasting the metallic tang of blood on your tongue, but before you could say anything, Levi was already shushing you.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, we’re gonna get you out, okay? Just hold on for me, you’ll be out soon, just hold on,” whilst his words and gentle caresses of your hair soothed you, a small smile pulled at your lips when you mentally questioned whether he was trying to reassure you, or himself.

Levi briefly looked up from your face to quickly gage how they were actually going to get you out. Currently, the entire weight of the collapse wasn’t on your legs. But there was a steady creak of wood telling him that soon, the supporting plank will give way and completely crush you. He needed to get you out. Now.

“Captain Levi Sir! We’re more than willing to pull together and lift what we can! But we won’t get another chance Sir! That plank is minutes away from breaking and once it does, we won’t be able to lift the full weight.” Levi closed his eyes for a second as the soot stained civilian addressed him. He needed to separate his emotions. He needed to forget that it was your life at stake, because everytime his mind reminded him, panic flooded his system and he couldn’t think straight.

“Alright, thank you. We have one chance at this, I’m counting on you.” he replied, his voice steadier than it was a few moments ago. Reverting his gaze back to you, you seemed a little unaware of what was going on. Drifting in and out of consciousness, you tried your best to stay awake, but exhaustion was proving that task difficult. Levi’s brows pinched slightly, before once again stroking your hair to get your attention. “Hey, ‘m going to need your help. Can you prop up your upper body for a second? Can you do that for me?” it wasn’t really like you had much of a choice. The only way Levi could gain enough leverage to pull you out without ripping your arms off was if he could hook his elbows under your armpits and tug.

You nodded, slowly bringing your arms from their positions to push yourself up. Only, all and any strength had left you. Your arms wouldn’t work, bones feeling like twigs, muscles feeling like foam. You tried in vain to muster any strength, closing your eyes in defeat as you relaxed your body, accepting your fate.

But Levi wasn’t having any of it.

“Don’t you fucking dare give up. Don’t you dare.” he hissed, lifting your head with a finger beneath your chin. Though his words were harsh, his touch was gentle, eyes filled with steely determination. “I thought I lost you earlier, I thought you were dead. I thought you were gone. We’ve been given a second chance, I am not losing you now, understand?” the haphazard, makeshift support groaned in protest to the weight, spiderwebbing cracks only underlying the urgency in his tone. You were tired. You were hurt. But giving up was not an option. Not now.

You nodded as much as you could, a new determination igniting to life as you grit your teeth. You had never felt heavier, but as soon as you’d managed to elevate your upper body high enough, Levi slid beneath you. Bracing a foot against the wreckage, his hand cupped the back of your head, still unable to quite believe you were still alive. Though now wasn’t the time for reprieve, neither of you could help quickly basking in each other’s presence as you buried your face in his neck.

“Levi–”

“It’s okay. You’re gonna be fine. This might really hurt sweetheart, but you’re going to have to trust me, okay? You’ll be safe soon, I promise, just a bit longer,” he soothed your slightly matted hair, reassurance spilling from his lips before he looped his arms beneath your shoulders. He felt your breath against his neck quicken slightly, anxious adrenaline feeding your heart.

“Ready?!” the same man from before shouted, a whole line of both civilians and soldiers alike had their hands braced on the beam that was currently rendering you helpless. Multiple answers of “Yes!” and “Ready!” rang out amongst the crowd, before the countdown started.

“Three! Two! One–”

“I love you too,” Levi murmured, before his arms tensed around you.

“LIFT!”

Wood and brick tumbled from the wreckage as the entire mountain of rubble was lifted from your body. An agonised scream tore from your throat as blood stabbed a thousand needles into your legs, rushing to rehydrate the veins and nerve endings. A grunt of effort left your husband’s gritted teeth as he dragged you from beneath the debris, using his leverage against the collapse to push against, finally pulling you free.

As if unable to bear the weight any longer, as soon as you were safe, the deafening crash behind you told you all you needed to know, the split of the support beam and the rumble of falling shrapnel making you jump in Levi’s embrace.

But, you were free. And your husband wasted no time in gently adjusting you so you were cradled in his arms, secure within the crease of his abdomen. He held you against his chest, your hand coming up to weakly grasp his bicep. You didn’t realise you were shaking.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now. You’re safe. Fucking hell you scared me shitless, fuck.” he muttered, breathing slightly erratic. You could tell by the tone of his voice he was crying. Not that you could blame him. Not when you were crying as well.

“I c-couldn’t breathe, Levi, I th-thought I was going to die, I never thought I’d g-get to see you again,” you stuttered through tears, prompting him to hold you tighter.

“I know sweetheart, I know. But you’re safe now. I’m sorry I didn’t come back for you, I’m so fucking sorry,” you slowly, gently pushed against his chest so you could look up, wanting to show him it wasn’t his fault. And peering into your now shining eyes, Levi saw everything you wanted to say. Your tentative hand came up to softly caress his cheekbone, and though he couldn’t help feeling like he should be comforting you, he couldn’t help leaning into your touch, hand coming up to encase your wrist, holding you against his cheek after being so terrified he’d never feel it again. You guided his head to yours, tiredly raising your head to touch your brow against his, and finally you could breathe again.

A small, calm smile pulled at Levi’s lips, allowing the peace to settle in both his mind and his body. “If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I swear I will just kill you myself and get it over with,” there was nothing in his demeanor that even remotely suggested he would do such a thing. You chuckled weakly, contently resting your head back against his chest.

“Yeah yeah, like you wouldn’t have done the same thing.” you responded, and though exhaustion swaddled your bones, you had enough energy for a spark of mischievous defiance to enter your gaze.

“Tch, I mean it. Don’t fucking do that again,” he reiterated, though clearly amused by your old self slowly returning. In those brief minutes he thought you were dead, he realised he’d never get to see this again. But you’re here, and Levi silently made a promise to himself to always protect you, no matter what. There was a beat of contented silence, before you spoke up again.

“Sooooo, about that kid…” your smile morphed into a sly, toothy grin. Rumbles of laughter vibrated from his chest at your expression, his hand coming up to cup your face, thumb smoothing your ruffled brow.

“You are in no state to bring that up now. Heal up first, then we can start trying for a brat,” and the look on your face was worth everything the two of you had just been through. Your jaw slackened slightly, eyes widening in realisation as his words processed in your mind. Fresh tears welled in your eyes as your smile broadened into something awestruck, searching his face for any sign of deceit and coming up naught.

“Wait, really? You want one? A family?” you couldn’t help confirming what he’d literally just told you, incredulous disbelief swirling in your irises as he just nodded, admiring your expression.

“Yeah,” he brought you into his embrace again, reslishing in your face once again being buried in his neck. “Yeah, I think I do.”

Left Behind Pt. 1

Part Two >>>

Levi x FemReader

Established relationship

Concept: You're gravely injured during an expedition that goes wrong, and in the confusion you're abandoned in Titan territory.

Pt. 1 Summary: Everything had been going far too well, so it only makes sense that when you're reaching record breaking distances beyond Wall Rose that it all goes to shit. Could you blame them really? Leaving you behind? Assessing the sharp point of your femur poking through your thigh you decide, yeah, you could blame them a little. The question now is how you're going to get back to blame them in person. Or rather, how you're going to survive long enough to try.

Warnings (PLEASE BE AWARE this is a rough one): Angst, a lot of cursing, gore, graphic descriptions of injuries, dead animals, dead bodies, Titans, using Titans to survive, burns, starvation, dehydration, (if I missed anything, please let me know)

A/N: This is Part One in a five-part story. The reader centric parts (one and three) are actually inspired by a nightmare I had when I first got into the show years ago. Still love it with all my heart! Levi is only mentioned in this one, but Part Two and Four are Levi centric so stick around if you're interested! This is definitely different from my first drabble post, but I want to show I have some range in my writing - plus if this idea sticks around any longer in my head I'll start having nightmares again, so consider this a personal purge I guess.

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You know the moment your eyes lock onto hers, a desperation unlike anything you've felt before clawing up your throat as you reach out to the too young, too scared, too fresh-faced cadet too far from your fingertips. You can see it in the shake of her hands, the quiver of her lip, the wet stain between her legs, she isn't going to help you. She takes one step back, hovering somewhere between the weight of her boots like she hasn't already decided which direction she's going to go in, before a terrifying resolve settles on her face and she sprints away from your prone form partially trapped beneath the corpse of your horse.

Not so long ago, you remember advocating for this particular cadet to join your squad despite her lack of experience. Number One in her graduating class but still choosing to join the Scouts and skills with the ODM gear that rivaled many of their veteran soldiers. You wanted her close during the expedition, wanted to make sure she lived because you had no doubt she could be valuable to the cause with the right mentorship.

You have doubts now.

You can't even remember her name.

And what does that even matter when you're being crushed under the dead weight of your horse, rain flooding what remains of your vision, pain the likes of which you could have never imagined sparking from your right leg up into the delicate curve of your spine.

No one had expected rain so far into the expedition, let alone monsoon calibers of the icy cold hazard. Perhaps you should have given the approach of winter, but nearly two days on horseback with no clouds in sight had led you all into a false sense of security. The goal of the expedition had been simple: ride out as far as feasibly possible, establish a new base within wall Maria, stock it with the supplies you brought along for future expeditions, and return with minimal casualties. Erwin's evasion strategy was practically fool proof given the right circumstances.

Thickets of rain and hail, not to mention a wave of unnoticed abnormals, were not the right circumstances funnily enough.

You're lucky no titans have spotted you struggling to wiggle out from where your right leg is stuck between the unforgiving ground and your even more unforgiving horse. They're too busy chasing after your remaining comrades, now so far you could only distinguish them by the cloud of blue smoke in the distance. Blue, Retreat. But you can't, trapped as you are with your stubborn bull of a horse. She'd always been an ornery beast, nipping at your fingers and hair, playing tricks when you'd try to saddle her properly. You'd lovingly named her Bully within minutes of your assignment to her. You miss her already.

"I'm sorry girl, I - fuck that hurts," you wince, salty tears mixing with the rainwater on your cheeks. "Fuck, shit sorry girl - my leg, you have to let me go Bully...you - shit SHIT! Okay okay okay, deep breaths, deep fucking breaths." Your chest rattles in a way you think it shouldn't every time you breath. You brace your hands against her flank and push. "Just a little more, just - fuck - just a little more girl. You gotta let me go, please please, they're leaving - I have to, shit ow! Walls, you snuck way too many sugar cubes Bully. Ah, shit shit dammit, just let me - !"

Your body flails in the mud, agony pulsing like a heartbeat from your now free leg, arms limp and spent at your sides. You contemplate, for just a moment, stopping there because the next step is looking at your leg, assessing the damage, and you're far too scared to see how screwed you are.

But you don't want to die, not here, not like this. Not when you have someone waiting for you. Levi doesn't deserve to lose anyone else. Walls, Levi. You wish he was here, barking orders at you to get up, get up, get the fuck up, FUCKING GET -

With a gasp of wet air and a cry lodged in your throat, you sit up. The right side of your ribcage shifts unnaturally, but you ignore that in favor of the main problem. Seeing the white of your bone through a tear in your pants has you choking back a sob.

"This is fine, this is - fuck, okay not fine, not fine." You breathe through your teeth, your mouth worryingly sticky and metallic. "Don't - don't think about it, just take stock. Figure out what to do next."

Next, right, what's next? Obviously, the most pressing injury is your splintered femur, the sharp point piercing through the meat and muscle of your thigh. You're fairly certain your knee is dislocated and the awkward bend of your ankle isn't very promising, nor is the warmth pooling in your boot that definitely isn't rain. Okay, so the next step has to be removing your boot and cutting away the fabric of your pants.

It takes longer than you like because ODM gear belts are the absolute worst, but you can't cut them away because you actually fucking need them if you want any chance of surviving. It hurts so much you wonder if you've reached new decibels of pain that no one's ever felt. But you get them off eventually, after a few more muttered curses. Bile threatens to rise in your throat at the discoloration of your leg once you slice away the fabric. You're pretty sure, had you made it to the medics, they would just decide to cut off the leg altogether; but, you can't afford the blood loss even if you could summon the strength for the task.

You prep one of your remaining two short halves of a broken blade, wrapping them in the scraps of fabric from your pants. With no sticks readily available in your reach, this would have to work as a splint for now. You hope they don't cut up what's left of your thigh with the fabric as a cushion. Removing the belt from your waist, you place the leather between your teeth.

Popping the bone back into place is far harder than you thought it would be. Quickly lining up your tailored splint, you pull the belt from your mouth and stabilize your femur as tightly as you can without losing feeling in your leg - although you wouldn't mind some kind of numbness to soften this whole experience. You wonder briefly at what point you'll cross the threshold into shock.

A deep breath that's really more of a resigned sigh pulls you back to the task at hand and you remove your cloak from your shoulders to tear the fabric into strips. Your knee is definitely dislocated, and your ankle is at the very least severely sprained if not broken. Realigning and wrapping them is far easier than taking care of your thigh, but you still curse your way through tying the final knots.

The last bit to take care of has you gritting you teeth in frustration. You don't have any supplies for stitches, but you can't just let your blood flow freely from the gash in your calf. You're not sure if a rock somehow made its way into your boot and sliced you open or if Bully's weight had caused your muscles to pop and split the skin of your calf, but either way your priority is now closing the gash that stretches just below the back of your knee down to your Achilles tendon.

Your fingers scratch at your scalp, tangling into your hair while you try to suppress your panic. And then you have a thought.

Levi swore up and down when he showed you the matching rings he had made that it wasn't a proposal. "A promise," he'd said. "A promise to each other, that we'll do everything we can to survive this war." He'd taken the slightly larger of the two, the one meant for his hand, and threaded it onto a long silver chain to hang around your neck. "And when it's all over, well you know..." and he'd trailed off with a rare blush and a shrug like it wasn't the most romantic gesture he could have made.

You feel that chain now, cold under the collar of your shirt. Sniffling, you unclasp the chain from around your neck and hold it close to your heart. "Thank you, my love," you whisper, pulling the ring from the chain. "And I'm so very sorry."

For the time being, you put the ring on your thumb because it's just snug enough you don't have to worry about it falling off. You hold the end of the chain in one hand and your knife in the other.

It's bloody and messy and the chain isn't even silver anymore by the time you're done, but the gash is closed and you think you have the chill of the rain to thank for the numbness settling into your body. You wrap the remaining scraps of your cloak around your calf.

You know at this point it's too late to follow. Even if you could run, there's no chance you would catch up either before they're all already safe behind Wall Rose again, or a Titan snatches you up for a midnight snack.

"I have a promise to keep," you say with a gentle kiss to the silver on your thumb.

There's a small forest about a kilometer north from your position. With great effort and no small amount of curses, you reattach all of the ODM gear belts to your legs, both grateful and entirely in pain from the pressure they put on your wounds and bruised bare skin. There's no way your boot will fit over the swell of your ankle let alone all of the extra bindings so you decide to leave it behind. You're fairly certain your ribs are bruised, not broken, so you try not to worry about them as you struggle up into a standing position. A wave of vertigo washes over you, but you steady yourself and push through the nauseating dizziness.

Leaning heavily on your blade as a sort of cane, you spare one last look at Bully's body, swallowing the sadness in your throat, and slowly start to stumble your way towards the forest.

You think that cadet's name may have started with an O.

-----

You find what's left of your squad midway between your dead horse and the forest.

Daryl Lepton was still relatively new to your squad, this being your third expedition together. He'd been kind and so very shy. He talked about his younger sister all the time, a little girl with a passion for baking. He always shared the treats she sent to him. Daryl's head is completely turned around, one of his legs and a chunk of his torso missing.

Benjamin Cross was your second, the member of your squad that had been around the longest and you trusted with your life. He trusted you with his own. He was a quiet man, but always made you laugh at the most inappropriate times. Half of Benny's skull is missing, his arms bent all wrong. His chest is caved in and pooling with rainwater.

You'd known Hailey Mitchell since your training days in the Cadet Corps, but she'd joined your squad only a year ago. She thrived on teasing you about your relationship with Levi and trying to dig up all the juicy details you refused to share, respecting your privacy while also pushing any buttons she could reach. Everything below Hailey's sternum is gone, and her eyes are wide with lingering terror.

You take their cloaks for the warmth. You take their patches for their memory. And you take as many intact blades and tanks of gas as you can carry for your survival.

You keep moving towards the forest, tears leaving tracks in the blood on your cheeks.

-----

The rain turns to snow just as you reach the line of massive trees you'd been looking for. Using the ODM gear with your mangled leg is a special kind of agony you don't wish on anyone, but you manage to scramble your way to a high enough branch that you shouldn't have to worry about any titans grabbing you in your sleep - if you sleep at all - while still having the cover of the upper canopy of leaves from the weather.

You wrap yourself in the cloaks of your fallen comrades. Two snug across your torso and head, the third wound around your damaged right leg stretched out in front of you. The bark is icy against your back, and your breath puffs out in front of you in clouds of white.

With the appearance of snow, you know you're beyond screwed. Expeditions are dangerous in the snow. Winter is the Scouting Regiment's slowest season, which is one reason it used to be one of your favorites. The others were distinctly Levi related, of course - like warm cups of tea and the occasional hot chocolate if you can convince Levi to indulge his sweet tooth, holding hands while you each read your respective books in front of the roaring fireplace, nights pressed skin to skin under a mountain of blankets...

Okay, stop, it physically hurts you to think about that right now. Because it's winter, and winter means snow, and snow means at least two months before the next expedition.

Fuck.

You lose your battle with consciousness sometime between the first feelings of thirst settling in your throat and the sound of thunderous footsteps in the distance.

-----

Thirst and hunger become major issues three days later. So are the two titans at the base of your tree that have been staring up at you for the last twelve hours or so.

There's a thick blanket of snow on the ground. Cold has set deep in your aching bones, and the only thing that keeps you from completely panicking is the fact that you're still shivering.

"Look at you two down there," you spit, stomach clenching painfully. "You as hungry as I am?" You shake your head, blinking passed the dizzy spell the action causes. "No, cause you don't actually need to eat anything, you fucking parasites!" The two titans just shuffle around, excited by your movement.

You've been trying to move your leg as often as possible to keep the blood flowing and hopefully limit any lasting damage from the injuries. It hurts like a bitch, but you can more or less bend your knee without dissolving into tears which is a big literal and figurative step in the right direction. You'd pat yourself on the back if your whole body didn't feel like one giant bruise.

"Okay, priority number one is getting rid of Dumb Fuck and Dumber Fuck down there. Priority two, water." Because you refuse to die of dehydration when the ground is literally covered in frozen water. You're spine screams at you as you rise, the tree you've called home the last few days not nearly as plush as your bed at home. You ready your blades, making sure the extra tanks of gas you took are safe on their perch.

Dumb Fuck is the taller of the two, about seven meters if you had to guess, with bulbous eyes, strangely short arms, and a tuft of wiry gray hair. Dumber Fuck is only around four meters, skinny for a titan, and with a smile as wide as it's face is long. It makes more sense to go for the bigger problem first, right?

Wrong, apparently. As you're about to slice through the nape of Dumb Fuck, the littler bastard actually fucking jumps to swat at you like a pesky fly. It misses, of course, because even injured you're still one of the fastest soldiers in the military. You were trained by Humanity's Strongest after all. Plus, titans are slower in the cold, which is definitely a bonus. But having to swerve like that jostles your leg and spine in a particularly unpleasant way that has you toppling towards one of the snow piles.

And you remember why snow is so dangerous. Not just the cold or the wet. Titans practically hibernate under there, and you've just poked the bear.

Dumbest Fuck joins the ranks, all fat and round in the middle, limbs long and gangly - too thin for a torso so large. At least eleven meters, if it bothers to stand, which you aren't sure if it will. Its eyes are sunken, peeking out from behind a curtain of greasy black hair. Its gaze is locked onto you, but no other part of it moves. You quickly decide the other two are more important because they're actually trying to eat you.

It's a fucking process to take down the two titans because you're tired and cold and thirsty and in pain and nothing has gone your way and any second that big one could decide to join the party and -

Oh, you're screaming. That's probably not good, that could attract more titans, so you bite your tongue hard enough to draw blood. You're still screaming, you think, but the sound is mostly muffled by your teeth and lips. You stand between the smoldering remains of Dumb Fuck and Dumber Fuck, screaming into your gums because you need the release about as much as you need to stay quiet.

The big one still hasn't moved. Prone on its back, oversized head tuned towards you.

You take a moment to bask in the warmth of the steam from the titan corpses before turning to your quiet companion. It's still watching you, but it doesn't even twitch as you take a step closer. And another. And another, until you're close enough to poke it's hand with your blade. Which you do.

Not a flinch or a tick or a blink. You poke it harder. Nothing. You stab its palm. It starts steaming, but doesn't move. You're starting to get an idea, and it just might be the most repulsive thing you can think of.

But you're so cold. And it's only going to get colder.

"This may be the best worst idea in history. Hange would be losing their shit right about now." You cut off its hands first, and then sever the muscles in its shoulders. It still doesn't move, even when you carefully creep up to its face and cut away its jaw. Just watching you with its sunken eyes. You shrug at it, unable to discern what, if anything, it’s trying to tell you in its gaze.

"Nothing personal," you say as you stab into its protruding gut and slice a sizeable hole. Titan blood steams in a puddle around you, but there doesn't seem to be any kind of stomach acid that could eat away through your clothes or skin. "Gotta stay warm, right?" You grimace, already regretting the brilliance of this idea, but your eyes lock on the silver band around your thumb, and resolve hardens in your chest.

You might be the first person ever to willingly subject yourself to a titan's stomach.

Steam billows around you as you widen the gash you made. It's stiflingly hot, which you decide is better than the deathly cold you've suffered through the last few days. The feeling is so relieving in fact, you don't even notice at first the red splotches forming on your hands, your skin burning away as it comes in direct contact with the muscle beneath the titan skin. Not until the pleasant sting of heat turns into a white-hot flash of pain that has you stumbling back into the snow. Pressing the burns into the frost only creates a new pain that has you hissing through your teeth.

"Fuck fuck fuck! Okay, alright, new approach." You sacrifice two long strips of one of the cloaks, Benny's you think, and wrap each of your hands like oven mitts. "Note to self: Try to avoid skin contact with your new furnace."

You situate yourself in a small nook you carved in the titan's gut, wondering what's become of your life in only a few days, and you allow yourself to hope for just a moment that you might make it through the next two months alive.

You scoop up a pile of snow nearby not drenched in titan blood and finally, finally, quench that gnawing ache in your throat.

-----

A few hours later, as the sun is beginning to rise, you remember you're hungry. Or rather, your stomach cramps so violently, you realize you're starving.

And you have no idea what the fuck to do about it.

Any plants you could eat have either withered away from the cold or are buried under so much snow you wouldn't even know how to start looking. Any animals you could kill are already dead, hibernating in places you can't find, or migrated somewhere warmer.

You're pretty sure titan isn't edible, and even if it was - which isn't something you particularly want to test - the thought alone somehow triggers your gag reflex despite not having had anything in your stomach for days.

But then you remember something awful.

"I'm going for a walk," you tell your furnace, your back itching from the prickly sensation of its stare. "If you heal up, I don't know, please don't wait around to eat me or something." You wave halfheartedly and start hobbling south.

-----

You stare down at Bully, now five days dead. Surrounded by snow, but luckily not completely buried. Luckily for you anyway. No visible rot, no bad smell or spoiled looking skin, no maggots or flies or disease that you could discern. Her body is preserved in the ice from the storm.

"You've always taken such good care of me, Bully," you whisper, resting your bandaged palm against her mane. "I'm so sorry, my precious girl."

With blurry vision, you start cutting.

-----

When you get back to your little makeshift campsite, you first recut all of the mobility points on your titan that still hasn't moved. Better safe than sorry, though it is regenerating rather slowly; you make a mental note to ask Hange if the cold could affect something like that next time you see them.

You go about making a fire from bark trimmings, a pile of twigs you pulled from branches, two rocks to light the spark, and some loose thread for kindling. You need to cook the meat before it spoils. You'll go back for the rest of it tomorrow.

"Looks like we're stuck with each other," you mumble, fumbling through starting the fire with cloth-wrapped hands and the two slippery rocks. "Giving you a name won't be the worst thing I've done today. How 'bout it? Any thoughts?"

Glancing over your shoulder, you meet the titan's unwavering gaze and wait for a response you know will never come, even if it had use of its jaw. You remember a kid from your childhood. Similarly gangly, all elbows and knees. He had a stutter. He used to make fun of you for being scared of bugs.

"I'm gonna call you Preston," you decide. "Any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Preston doesn't say a word.

The rocks spark, the fire catches.

You think about what Levi is doing right about now, his ring cold against your thumb. He must think you're dead, they all probably do.

You wonder what that cadet told them after abandoning you to die.

SOBBINGGGG

Left Behind Pt. 2

<<< Part One

Part Three >>>

Levi x FemReader

Established Relationship

Concept: You're gravely injured during an expedition that goes wrong, and in the confusion you're abandoned in Titan territory.

Pt. 2 Summary: Realizing you're not among the survivors from the expedition, not even lost in the crowd of injured soldiers, Levi feels the world closing in on him. Your whole squad is missing, except for one. Part of him refuses to believe it, just waiting for you to stumble through the gates of Wall Rose on the back of Bully with a sheepish grin and a wild hyperbolic story of why you're later than everyone else.

Warnings: Angst, cursing, Levi's explosive anger, violence, dead and injured bodies, Titans, descriptive panic attack, small references to Furlan, Isabel, and Levi's mom (spoilers if you haven't seen the OVA's or gotten to Levi's backstory), a little bit of Erwin hate (nothing malicious, but the mission always comes first with this guy)

A/N: I've gotten a ton of love and support from Part One, so thank you to all my readers! Here's Part Two, I hope I do Levi justice because the fact that he's in a relationship like this at all will make him a little OOC. Thanks for reading!

-----

Levi has never been one to trust easily. He trusts Erwin's vision and the steps he's willing to take to get there. He trusts Hange's insanity and brilliance to navigate the hundreds of questions of their simultaneously far too small and far too large world, not that he'd ever tell them. He'd be a fool not to trust Mike's nose. Slowly but surely, he's learned to trust his squad, with no small amount of help from you.

You. He trusts you implicitly. With his life, his thoughts and frustrations and memories. With his heart.

He trusts your skills, having facilitated your extra training himself. He trusts the squad you hand-picked yourself as much as he trusts his own. The ring, slightly too small for his own hand, that rests against his chest reminds Levi of your promise to each other.

He trusts you to always come back to him.

Which is why he doesn't spare a thought to you or your squad during the chaos of the expedition's retreat. He can't afford the distraction, even if he'd like nothing more than to be by your side. The torrential rain already has him scattered enough, images of decapitated ginger heads and split torsos threatening the corner of his vision, so he refuses to fall into the trap of worry. Even when something heavy settles in his gut, something like a warning.

Levi grits his teeth. He needs to fucking focus if he wants to get his people out of this alive. "We need to stay close!" He has to yell over the thundering of the rain. Or, at least, what he hopes is rain and not footsteps. "Anyone who gets separated is fucked! Stay the course and keep an ear out for Titans! They'll come out of nowhere, if you're seeing one in this mess, it's already too late!"

"Yes Captain!"

He follows the path set out by Erwin's flare, and he spares himself a moment to hope you saw the blue smoke from your position.

Hours pass before they happen upon some of the other squads from the expedition, though Levi's unsure if their reduced numbers are because of a high casualty count or because some are still lost in the confusion of the storm. Probably both. He doesn't see your squad and tries not to let the weight in his gut sink further. Just because he can't see you, doesn't mean you're not there, or even just near; he knows you two may not have a chance to reunite until you're back at headquarters. It's happened before.

After a quick head count of his squad to make sure they all kept close, Levi nods to himself and urges his horse further forward beside Erwin. "Any idea how many we lost?"

"Not yet, but it's starting to look like nearly a third if we can't regroup as many as possible between here and Rose." Erwin gives him a long look that shouldn't scare him but has dread pooling in his throat regardless. "I need you focused, Levi."

Levi scoffs, already steering his horse back into formation. "I always am." He's glad Erwin doesn't comment on the way his eyes follow each squad, scanning their faces.

A small shot of relief hits his chest when he spots a few of his fellow veterans, though the eye contact he makes with Mike has his heckles rising despite himself. Next to the bloodhound in human form rides Hange, and the sight of them has Levi's brow furrowing. There's a cadet sitting behind them, arms latched tight around their torso and face pressed between their shoulder blades obscuring any recognizable features not already hidden by the bulk and hood of the signature green cloak every Scout wears. He notes absentmindedly that whoever it is, they're too tall to be you.

He doesn't like feeling suspicious of the people he calls friends - which they are, even if he gripes about it all the time - but something in the way Hange is clearly avoiding his gaze has the very familiar, and very unwelcome, feeling of doubt bubbling under his skin.

Levi tries not to dwell on the reminder that Hange's squad had been closest to yours in the formation before it all fell apart.

It takes until what they all assume is the end of the day of nonstop riding to reach the gates of Wall Rose. Time is hard to gage amidst a monsoon, but the intense ache in his thighs and back tell enough about how long they've been on horseback. They manage to collect more survivors along the way, most of them injured in some way, others just stranded without a horse. Petra and Eld are both riding with extra passengers now. The formation can't afford the time or extra weight it would cost them to account for the dead bodies they pass, but Levi can't help himself from looking for something familiar in every dismembered limb or gutted body in his range of sight. He's not sure if he wants to find what he's looking for.

The process of filtering everyone through the gate seems slower and more tedious than it ever has before. Levi can feel a restless energy surging beneath the surface, only outwardly notable in the way he grips the reins, white knuckled and biting into the skin of his palms. His teeth latch onto the soft flesh of his cheeks until his mouth tastes metallic.

Ever the good soldier, he'll wait. But the ring of silver dangling by his heart feels especially cold.

When they reach headquarters, the rain has turned to snow. The world is dark without the sun, whether it's set or it's hidden by the weather is difficult to tell, but his pocket watch tells him its most likely the former. His grip tightens around the watch, a gift from you a year after he was forced into the Survey Corps, back when you were just crossing the threshold from begrudging comrades into something resembling friends. A joke about his obsessive punctuality, while you were always exactly three minutes late, down to the second. He was convinced you were doing it on purpose until he realized you set the watch back three minutes just to mess with him.

And now you're something worth far more to him than the irreplaceable friend you used to be, and he can't shake the wrongness that's been following him for hours.

The watch falls safely into his pocket. His fingers pop as they flex at his sides, he feels especially weak as he stomps towards his so-called friends that he knows, he knows, are hiding something from him. Something to do with you. It makes his insides curdle.

"Hange!" Levi's voice is guttural, cracking from the recesses of his throat. His hair is plastered to his forehead from the rain and his sweat and a fear he doesn't wasn't to acknowledge. The squad leader jumps at his call, body shifting to shield the cadet behind them. Mike places a steadying hand on their shoulder, the sight of which has Levi's lip curling unpleasantly, as if they aren't the ones with the power to completely destroy him right now.

"Levi, wait a minute, just - "

"Who the fuck is that?" It takes more focus than he'd like to admit to keep his hand steady when he points at the huddled mess behind Hange.

Hange jitters on their heals, looking so unsure and heartbroken that it has Levi's lungs clawing their way to his throat. "It's - "

"Cadet Theodora Oswin."

Levi glares over his shoulder at his Commander and sneers at the far too professional curve to Erwin's oversized brow. But he knows that name, remembers your rants about the potential behind that name, remembers squeezing your hand and cracking quips about you celebrating that name joining your ranks. It has to just be a name now because there's no way, absolutely now way, that the sniveling bad omen of a soldier shaking in front of him could be attached to that name. Not when you aren't here to praise that name.

He blinks away the snowflakes that catch in his eyelashes.

"What happened?" That's his voice asking somehow. He wonders where he found the strength to move his jaw when he can't even seem to breathe. No one says anything and something hot burns in his throat at the silence. "What the fuck happened out there?! Where is she?!"

He can't stand the looks they're giving him, full of pity and remorse and making him feel small like he should understand but he doesn't. Just tell him, just fucking say it, get it over with and tear him apart from the inside out, dammit just SAY IT -

"Um, C-Captain Levi, sir." No part of him moves except his eyes when he looks toward trembling little Theodora Oswin. She swallows and does a sloppy salute with the wrong hand that has his jaw clicking from how tight he clenches it. "I was, um, was newly as-assigned to Squad Lead- "

"I know," he cuts her off, turning fully toward the girl. Because she is just a girl, barely out of training and with baby fat still rounding her cheeks. Tall for her age, maybe, but certainly not old enough for this fight. Levi had joked to you once that you may have seen something of a little sister in this cadet and that's why you wanted her on your squad. To protect her. You had laughed and said a shy 'maybe' that had him wondering if sister was the right word for how you felt. His chest twists. "Mission report."

"W-what?"

"Mission report, Cadet Oswin. What happened to your squad?" The strain in his voice is palpable, thickening the tension around him like a rubber band about to snap.

"W-we...there were - I, um - "

"I don't have time for this Cadet. Where's Cross? Lepton, Mitchell? Did any of them make it back?" He looks to Hange at this question, desperation coming across as a seething rage that he's more familiar with than the terror licking at his throat. It's almost comforting, that rage he had once known so intimately.

"Maybe they wandered in among the injured, but we're not sure," Hange eventually says, clearly debating between acting as a barrier between him and the cadet or trying to comfort Levi as he teeters on an edge he's not sure he could catch himself from as he topples over.

"We were separated!" Oswin says, or rather shouts, a flush rising to her cheeks as her four superiors turn to her. "We, the Squad Leader and I, um - there were three...they were so big, and the rain, then it was just us and - and I was thrown from my horse by another one of those, those things and then the Squad Leader, she...and then I was running, and it started chasing me, and I was going to die - "

Hange quickly grips her shoulder, shaking her slightly out of her hysteria. "That's when I found her. Picked her up and got out of there as fast as we could."

Levi rolls the information around his tongue, a bitter taste scratching against his gums. It's not real yet, nothing is real because no one has actually fucking said it yet. He takes one careful step forward that has everyone tensing. "I'm going to ask one more time," he annunciates, each word punctuated by a flex in his jaw. "What happened to your Squad Leader?"

Oswin looks back at Hange as if searching for permission, and something in Levi just snaps. Before he realizes he moved, his hands fist the collar of her uniform pulling her down to his height with a snarl baring his teeth. "Just fucking tell me! Where is she?! Fucking SAY IT!"

"C-crushed! She - I saw...she was crushed!" A sob catches in her throat, her whole body shaking in his grip.

"You saw it happen? You saw her go down?" Now eerily soft, Levi can barely get the words past his lips.

Oswin nods through her sniffling, eyes clenched shut. "Y-yes, yes sir."

When he releases her, she drops to the ground like dead weight, dissolving into gut wrenching cries that he can't even hear passed the ringing in his ears.

"You knew, right? All three of you?" He can't even look at them.

Hange clears their throat, daring a step closer to Levi that has him stiffening like a cornered animal. "N-not exactly, not for sure. Levi, you have to understand - "

"You going back for her wasn't a gamble I was willing to take," Erwin's declaration sets Levi's teeth on edge. "We couldn't risk it."

"Couldn't risk 'Humanity's Strongest' going back to rescue one of the greatest soldiers this regiment has ever seen! Shit Erwin, she isn't one of your pawns!"

"You're right, she wasn't." The only thing holding Levi back from the inferno raging in his chest is the weight of a loss he's not willing to acknowledge. Not here, not in the open, not where the world can see him fall. "But she was a distraction."

Levi feels himself nodding, wondering why he's even surprised at this point. He makes a move towards headquarters, wanting to escape, wanting find a way out, a way to you, but he stops. Shoulder to shoulder with his Commander. "I trust you with my life, I can confidently say I always will," he pauses, eyes slowly making contact with Erwin's, "but, I should never have trusted you with hers."

"Levi - "

"Fuck off Hange." There's no bite to his voice, just a hollowness that he hasn't felt since he was a child, too small and too scared to understand why his mother was so still.

-----

He contemplates going to the infirmary, not because he's hurt - at least not any kind of hurt that a team of medics could wrap in bandages - but because there's a defiant spark of hope that he can't bring himself to extinguish. Your squad could be there, you could be there, injured, maybe unrecognizable, but alive. He's not ready to let go of that hope.

Instead, Levi finds himself in his office with no memory of how he got there. He stands in front of the door to your shared quarters, adjacent to his desk piled with paperwork he can't even look at without feeling nauseous. The doorknob is mocking him.

Walking into the room leaves Levi breathless. He picks out all the pieces of you in a space that used to just be his. A space that used to be empty and cold.

There's the cushioned armchair in the corner that you insisted on because you demanded a comfy spot to write and read that wasn't the stiff couch in his office. He only agreed to the garish blue piece of furniture when you promised to position it in view of his desk when the bedroom door is open. The throw blanket draped across the back of the chair, hand-knitted in the most mismatched color combinations he could come up with, was actually a sort of housewarming gift from Hange when you officially moved into his quarters.

You love curling up in that chair, blanket snug around your shoulders, journal resting on your knees as you vigorously write or doodle or whatever it is you do in your collection of journals. He loves watching you comfortable and warm in the same space as him.

That very collection holds an entire shelf all their own in the bookcase, dating back to before you even joined the military. The only pages he's ever read are the ones you share with him. Those books are your safe space, your peace. Seeing their spines line the shelf makes his heart ache. Your most recent journal - he quickly banishes the thought that it's your last - sits on the nightstand, brass fountain pen resting on top ready to be used for your next entry. A matching pen lays on his stacks of paperwork.

There's a half-drunk glass of water next to the book.

So many pieces of you fill this space, fill the best parts of his life, but now it's cold.

You have a pillow on the bed specifically designated as your hugging pillow, used only when you're left alone in bed late into the night. Those nights happened far too often, he realizes as he's about to brush his fingers on the pillow.

There's blood and dirt under his nails. Levi pulls away like he's been burned, horrified at the thought of tarnishing any part of you. He stumbles back into the bathroom to scrub away at his hands. The water runs a sickly pink color, and his breath catches at the sight of your toothbrush in a cup on the counter. He doesn't realize tears are trailing down his cheeks, leaving paths in the dirt and dripping from his chin down the curve of his neck.

His eyes flick up to the mirror, and everything seems to freeze. Your name rasps from between his lips, a desperate keening sound following soon after that makes him feel infantile.

"Where are you? Why haven't you - " his voice catches, suddenly clawing at his throat for that silver chain. The ring is small, meant for your hand. He wants too see it on your hand. He settles for pressing the metal to his lips. "Why haven't you come back to me?"

Levi falls to his knees, black spots dancing in his vision that forces a breath into his burning lungs. And then he's only breathing in and in and in. His tongue feels too big for his mouth, throat drying out. He hunches over, nails digging into his throat and chest as he tries to remember how breathing works, how living works, but he can't because you're not here.

"Not here. Not here. Not HERE!" He chokes, feeling dizzy, feeling useless, feeling far too alone. Air rushes passed whatever is lodged in his throat keeping him from breathing. "You went somewhere," your name slips like a prayer from his lips. "You went away...somewhere I can't follow."

He presses his forehead against the cold tile of the floor, fingers digging into his scalp. "But I want to!" Levi cries, swallowing the scream threatening to shatter his teeth. His voice cracks, splitting into a broken whisper. "Come back to me. Please."

-----

When he finally showers, it's after a number of hours curled up on the bathroom floor that he doesn't bother to count. Levi washes with your soap instead of his own, the scent soft and slightly floral and you. It's as painful as it is calming to wrap himself in something so distinctly you.

He dries and dresses without much thought, hesitating at the threshold of the bathroom when he's confronted once again by the bed. But in this moment, Levi embraces that part of himself that's scared out of his mind of being in that bed alone, and he turns to your chair instead. He sits stiff and proper, back ramrod straight like someone will scold him for stealing or skipping curfew or missing you. He has a perfect view of his desk from this spot, and he wonders how often you watch him work. Watched. The tense has his eyes fogging despite himself.

The room is so silent and still, Levi worries that if he blinks everything will shatter around him. The pocket watch ticks deafeningly in his pocket. He sighs, moving to place the watch on the nightstand when his hand slips and your journal slides to the ground. The fountain pen goes flying, the clatter so jarring he's unable to mask his panic, and -

And an envelope falls from the pages of the book. An envelope with your scrawling neat script spelling out his name. He freezes mid-frantic kneel when he spots the slanted penmanship as familiar to him as his own more looping cursive.

Levi

If he reads it, he's pretty sure he'll throw up. He picks it up anyway and traces the letters of his name with a trembling index finger. Levi's desperate suddenly to know your words, to read them and feel you in them and maybe even hear you if he listens hard enough. He tears open the letter and blinks.

I love you more than anything in this world.

Sorry, I know that's not proper form but, well, I needed to get that out first. I need you to know that before anything else.

I love you, Levi.

Okay right, lettering technique, let's try again.

He pauses there, unsure if he should keep going, unsure if he can. But they're your words, maybe your last words. His eyes drop to the page again.

My Dearest Levi, (little corny? I think so)

I write one of these letters the night before every expedition as a sort of, I don't know, precaution I guess? Sometimes I wonder if I'm tempting fate, getting my goodbyes out in the open like this before anything's happened. Could be bad luck, but I can't stand the thought of breaking my promise, of not coming back to you, without leaving you with an honest goodbye. We don't get very many goodbyes in our line of work. You deserve one, for once, even if the thought of having to be the one who gives it to you withers in my heart like poison.

You've always thought me just a tad dramatic. Hyperbolic, I think you once called me. I wear the moniker like a badge of honor. I always manage a laugh from you somehow, or as much of a laugh as you can share with me. I treasure them all.

It's a euphoric feeling when we come home, settle in with warm cups of tea after much needed showers, and I can sneak away under the guise of paperwork to burn whatever letter I wrote before that expedition. Watching the flame chip away at whatever farewells I managed to write without falling into despair.

If you're reading this, I never got the chance.

I'm sorry Levi, for breaking our promise, for leaving you. Know that whatever happened, whatever took me from you, I did everything I could to come back to you. It just...wasn't enough this time. I can only hope you didn't have to watch.

I'm going to ask you to do something really hard for me okay? Well, actually two things. First, I want you to take a deep breath. Right now, breathe in as deep as you can, feel it in your chest, and let it go slowly.

Levi does as he's told, albeit shakily. His face feels warm and wet and stings with his sorrow.

Okay second, and this is the big one, please don't shut out the others. Hange, Erwin, Mike. Petra, Eld, Oluo, Gunther. You need people, Levi, whether you want to admit it or not. They'll take care of you.

And I guess I have a third request, it came to me just now as I watch you frustrate over your paperwork, shuffling the flyers all around. Be patient with yourself. You deserve time and kindness and understanding.

If I keep going, I'll start crying and I'm not quite ready for you to know about these letters yet. So, I guess now is the hard part.

Goodbye, Levi. I loved you in this life, I'll love you in the next, and every one after that.

His thumb presses into the dried ink of your signature, mouthing a declaration of love that goes unheard. Little wet splotches now litter the page. He can't bring himself to say goodbye, not yet. But, at least he has yours for when it feels right to accept it. Levi doubts that time will ever come.

That night, Levi sleeps in your chair, your letter tucked back into the pages of your journal, the book cradled gently against his chest.

-----

The next morning, he goes to the infirmary. The rest of your squad is unaccounted for, and so are you.

He feels his heart crack a little more.

Left Behind Pt. 3

<<< Part Two

Part Four >>>

Levi x FemReader

Established Relationship

Concept: You're gravely injured during an expedition that goes wrong, and in the confusion you're abandoned in Titan territory.

Pt. 3 Summary: There are nights it's so cold your skin burns and blisters, other nights the quiet gets to you so much you scream to the clouds just to hear something that isn't your own heartbeat. The silver frozen to your thumb keeps you alive more than the meager morsels of food you ration or the warmth you savor from your titan's flesh. But hey, at least Preston's got jokes.

Warnings (PLEASE BE AWARE): Angst, a lot of cursing, blood, injuries, gore, burns, body horror, infection, fever, hallucinations, mania, dehydration, starvation, mentions of dead animal, dead bodies, Titans, using a Titan to survive, self harm, suicidal ideations (If I missed anything, please let me know)

A/N: This chapter gets pretty rough so please read the warnings above before starting below. I'm absolutely blown away by the support I've gotten for this story, so I want to thank all of my readers, everyone who's liked and reblogged my work, and everyone who has sent me such kind words! I've reached more than 100 followers in only a few days, so thank you to everyone who is sticking around for this story! For those who wanted to be tagged, the taglist is at the bottom. Let me know if you want to be added!

-----

It takes nearly two days to cook, dry, and preserve what you've collected so far of Bully's meat as jerky. The pieces are small for rationing purposes, about the length of your palm but only half as wide. They take longer to dry in the damp and chill of the storm's wake, but you manage under the cover of the trees. You're lucky the inevitable follow-up blizzards haven't rolled in quite yet, but they will, and the wait has the marrow of your teeth on edge.

What's left of Benny's cloak becomes food storage, though sacrificing the extra warmth of a thick cloak unsettles the two pieces of jerky you'd indulged in to curb the stomach cramps. But you can't just let your only food source freeze solid, even when the wind picks up and your skin starts to prickle unpleasantly.

Or maybe that's just the weight of Preston's stare heavy between your shoulders.

Turning your head, you scrunch your nose at Preston's sunken eyes, only now realizing they're a shiny yellow color that you just know Levi would compare to piss. "I'd offer you a piece," you say, waving around a slice of jerky, "but you don't actually need to eat and I don't want to starve. Besides, you didn't help."

His tongue just lolls out of his gaping mouth, lower jaw completely removed and steaming. The upper row of his teeth are deceptively sharp and straight. All pearly white and even. Your own teeth feel fuzzy in your mouth.

Preston still doesn't move, though a guttural growl bursts from his exposed throat that sprays molten blood into the white snow. You scoff with a shake of your head, and low under your breath you mutter a simple, "Drama queen."

In the time it takes you to finish tying off the sack you made from the cloak, you realize three things.

One, Preston graduated from being an 'it' to a 'him' and you're not quite sure when that happened or how to feel about it. You suppose he's sort of a pet at this point, although instead of feeding and watering and walking him, you make sure to sever his joints every few hours and use the heat of his innards to survive the chill. He doesn't seem to mind, just blinks every now and then and stares like he's expecting you to willingly waltz down his throat.

You wonder if he resents you or if he feels anything at all.

Second, you think as you flex your fingers to get feeling back in the tips, you somehow need to find the strength to swing back up to your perch in the trees to protect your food. Besides, your extra gas canisters are still up there. Which brings you to number three and why number two poses a challenge.

You're pretty sure your calf is infected.

It's not really a surprise, you didn't exactly have the supplies to properly sterilize the chain you threaded through your wound so you wouldn't bleed out, not to mention the bandages you fashioned from your cloak were hardly the cleanest. And, to be fair, you haven't confirmed if the gash is infected, so maybe the wound is fine and healing and you're overreacting. You're too scared to look.

But the deep throbbing pain you feel without even moving can't possibly be a good sign. The green of the cloak bandages have long since turned a murky brown color which means you never really stopped bleeding, just slowed down. An experimental flex of your calf has you almost doubling over. You really really can't afford to lose your leg right now, not that you can afford to rot from sepsis either.

Eyeing the fire you've been using to cook your food, you come to a very good and very painful conclusion.

It'll take several minutes for the metal of one of your blades to heat up enough to cauterize your wound. You place two blades over the fire because the gash stretches the whole length of your calf and you'd rather get the burning part finished as quickly as possible. In the mean time, you need to look at it. You need to remove the bandages and the chain and use your knife to cut out the infected flesh because otherwise the sick will spread and you'd die from the inside out without antibiotics.

You're really starting to hate the ideas you come up with.

You take a deep breath and hesitantly begin peeling away the makeshift bandages. They stick unpleasantly and sting like lemon juice in a paper cut, but for the most part the pieces of fabric come off easy. Blood runs anew down your skin when the scabs are lifted, but you're about to bleed a lot more so you don't blink twice at the thick trails of it on your leg.

If anger was a color, you're pretty sure it'd be the pulsing red of infection, something spiteful and entirely unwanted. Or maybe it'd be the blistering green of the puss leaking between your metal sutures. Or the black of your rotting skin and muscles under the dried flakes of blood. Maybe anger is a smell that reminds you of disease and filth and decay. Maybe it's not anger but fear that festers in your skin. Regardless, you know your wound is angry, furious even. You hope your knife is sharp enough to cut the anger out.

You don't have any leather to bite into because your only belt is still wrapped tight around your thigh to stabilize the break in your femur, and you're not about to risk disturbing that healing process for a little pain. Instead, you stuff your mouth with one of the cloths you'd been using for glove wrappings. It tastes like sweat and the blood from your burns that Preston's insides caused, but it'll protect your tongue from your teeth just fine.

Before you can cut away the infected pieces of your calf, you need to remove the chain. You stall as long as possible by deciding if it'd be better to rip the metal out quickly or to gingerly unthread it from your skin. Doing it fast sounds nice in theory, but you're not willing to risk the possible irreparable damage to your leg. Slow and steady and painful works in your favor.

Your muffled curses throughout the process would make even Levi blush, or proud considering you learned most of them from him.

Without pausing to dwell too much on the agony searing through your body, you grab your knife that you cleansed as much as possible in the snow and start cutting. The task is slipperier than you imagined, but the mess definitely reaches your expectations. Blood of course, and the rivulets of green that grossly mix with the red. When you cut away the last of the rot in the wound, you quickly reach for one of the glowing heated blades and press it to your flesh.

The scream you let out even has Preston shifting behind you, garbled as the sound may be behind your gag. You spare a brief glance at your titan to make sure he isn't rearing up to eat you while your back is turned. He's not, but for the first time he's moved to curve his bulbous head down to watch you at the base of his gut. You play with the idea that he's concerned about you for half a second before deeming that thought Hange levels of ridiculous and making a mental note to slice into his spine later as an extra precaution.

Not wanting to bask in the wake of burning your own flesh for long, you reach for the second heated blade and press it onto the lower half on your wound. Your scream this time around cracks in your throat like broken glass and you nearly weep at how much you crave a cup of Levi's tea with a spoonful of honey, as much for the relief as the comfort his tea always brings you.

You probably would cut off your leg if it meant a cup of tea.

You're familiar with the stench of burning flesh, every scout learns the smell early on in their military career. That burnt crispiness of your comrades' bodies, or what could be recovered of them. It's a terrifying reality of your career. But you never thought you'd be smelling your own sizzling flesh, it's enough to make you gag.

Breath stuttering through your nose, you choke on the rag, a disgusting amount of saliva and tears dripping off the sharp curve of your chin. You spit out the cloth and cough through a dozen or so inhales and exhales that have your ribs jostling in a way that reminds you they're still bruised.

"That hurt like a bitch," you mutter, pain now a throbbing ache instead of the initial sharp agony it had been. Your bones feel flimsy now that you're not quite as tense, and your head lolls in the direction of your faithful companion. "Thanks for the moral support, couldn't have done it without you, Pressy."

Your nose scrunches at the name and the weird way it rolls across your tongue. "Pressy? Tony? Esty? No, you're not one for nicknames are you?" Not a twitch from the titan in question, but you expected as much. "Thought not, you're too classy. Right, Sir Preston it is."

Clearly, it's counterintuitive to rebandage your calf in the soiled strips of cloak you had used before, so you decide to let the burns breathe rather than waste more of your blanket supply. In a motion that you imagine is comically fawn-like, you stumble into a standing position with your sack of jerky clutched between your teeth and your hands moving into position on the ODM gear triggers. Nearly all your weight settles on your left leg, but you still have full mobility of your hips, so once you're in the air it becomes second nature to maneuver yourself to your perch of spare supplies. The stack of gas canisters and spare blades are untouched. Despite there not really being anything around to reach your supplies, unless Preston snuck a quick tree climb when you weren't looking, the relief you feel at seeing them unbothered is palpable.

You check your gas and deem them full enough that you don't need to replace them, though you do add two blades to your arsenal before making your way back to the ground. Before you forget, you cut into Preston's joints again.

"This is going to be a long fucking winter," you huff, frowning at the sight of your breath puffing out in front of you. You look to the south, already feeling the exhaustion of the two kilometer trek, but you need the food. Bully's meat won't stay salvageable much longer and your current supply will only last you a month if you're stingy with the rations.

You limp, one of your blades keeping you balanced like a crutch, and throw a last second farewell over your shoulder. "Hold down the fort, Preston! I'll be back tomorrow!"

-----

On the way to Bully, you spot a bloody hand peeking out of the snow that you know belongs to Daryl. Your hearts twists in your chest, and you feel guilt settle heavy in your stomach when your eyes linger on the cuff of his sleeve.

"They'd want you to survive," you mutter, lip quivering despite yourself. "You know they would, that they'd understand." You swallow the lump of guilt in your throat and wonder how long it will take you to dig them up from beneath the snow.

You start with Daryl because he's already close to the surface, and you quickly feel the chill of ice creep into your fingertips through the makeshift gloves you tailored. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry," you repeat as you dig, the words heavy in your throat. "I'll make sure she knows, that little Annabelle knows her big brother was kind and strong and helped me survive." You pause, shoulders trembling through your quiet sobs. "I'll make sure she knows you're at peace now."

You wonder if that would be a lie, but decide it doesn't matter. You need to believe it as much as his family does. After all, funerals are for the living.

His skin has gone as pale as parchment, solid like a rock and marred by splotches of frozen black rot. A selfish and sickened part of you is relieved you can't see his deadened eyes because of the snap of his neck. You gingerly recover his jacket and sweater even though both are missing a sleeve, the fabric soaking in some titan's belly somewhere along with Daryl's arm and leg. You decide to leave his pants, but what's left of his belts could be helpful, so you carefully go through the process of unbuckling what you can salvage. When you finish, you use your blade crutch to soften the packed dirt as much as possible and spend the following hour burying Daryl's body.

You can almost remember where Hailey and Benny are in relation to Daryl, a few paces away and tucked deeper into the snow than Daryl had been. You find Hailey first.

Nothing about her uniform can be recovered, other than the cloak you had already taken, because so much of her body had been eaten or otherwise mangled. But she did have a habit of wearing goggles on her head for an extra barrier of precaution from the wind when horseback riding. You carefully untangle the goggles from the brittle curls of her dark hair and stretch them over your forehead.

"I'm sorry," you whisper again, gently placing your palm against her frozen cheek. The chill of her death seeps into your fingertips. "I'll tell your mother how brave you were." You try to close her eyes, but they're stuck frozen in that same haunting expression of terror.

It doesn't take you long to bury what's left of her body, but your shoulders feel heavier than they ever have before.

Benny poses a challenge because of his size. The man is tall and bulky, he'd always been a bit slow on the ODM gear because of it but he made up for it with his strength and accuracy with the blades. You spend a long time staring at the bite taken out of your friend's skull, feeling your spine shiver with guilt and sorrow. His jacket and shirt aren't useable, punctured by the points of his caved in ribs as they are. Like Daryl, Benny's belts are salvageable and miraculously, despite a few blood and dirt stains, his pants, boots, and socks are intact.

"Thank you for saving me, Benny." You dare to touch your forehead to what's left of his. It's stiff and frozen and pulls a sob from your aching chest. "For this time, and every time you've saved me before. You deserve to rest now."

Benny doesn't have any family, except you. Burying his body deep beneath the earth is the hardest thing you've ever done. You pretend it's because you're tired and injured and cold rather than the truth of your own grief. You feel more alone than you have this entire nightmare, and suddenly you're desperate to remember why you're still alive, why you keep going, why you don't just dig a hole for yourself.

Air pulls from your lungs as you try to remember, as you tear at the wrappings around your left hand to see the silver ring on your thumb. Your fingers are a violent red and puffy with swollen blisters, but you only care to focus on the ring.

"I'm trying, Levi, I'm trying so hard," you stammer through the snot and tears of your sobs. "I'm doing everything I can, everything I fucking - " you choke, sucking in air through your hissing teeth. It's not enough, never enough, and you feel a strange haze settle over your eyes.

"I'll come back to you, my love, I promise."

-----

You put Daryl's sweater on backwards over the top of your uniform, and then his scout jacket goes on properly overtop of the sweater so each of your arms has a sleeve. The arms of his clothes are much longer than yours, so you can curl the fabric over your fingers to preserve some extra warmth. You tighten his belts around your wrists, waist, and collar to hopefully curb any cold draft.

It takes you only a few painful minutes to remove your own functional ODM gear belts so you can start layering your legs. Benny's socks go on next, both on your right leg to simultaneously bandage and warm your calf. You use one of the extra belts to seal the cuff of the socks just above your knee. You only need one of his boots, and there's enough room in them that your still swollen ankle, thick layered socks, and throbbing calf are cushioned comfortably inside.

His massive pants work in your favor as they easily go over your boots and the splint on your thigh, though you do have to roll the bottoms up several times for practicality's sake. You use the last of Benny's extra belts to cinch his pants around your waist and each ankle. You can already feel a new and refreshing warmth settling into your sore joints.

You swaddle your head, neck, and shoulders with the cloak you brought with you. It's either Daryl's or Hailey's, but you're not sure which. You leave your eyes uncovered, obviously, but you can insulate the opening in the cloth with Hailey's goggles and still see relatively well.

Fighting the repulsive feeling that hovers behind your eyes at using the demise of your friends for your survival, you reattach your ODM gear with foggy eyes. Lifting yourself to unsteady feet, you look down at the three graves you've now spent hours digging.

You sniff, saluting with a hard fist over your heart and your back as straight as your lopsided gate can allow. "Thank you for your service, your trust, and your companionship. I couldn't have asked for a better squad, better friends. I only wish we had more time together. I'm sorry...I'm sorry we don't get that time. Humanity will honor your sacrifices, I'll make sure of it."

Turning away from their graves towards Bully has you stumbling a few steps, but you right yourself with the help of your crutch and keep going.

Moving forward is the only thing you can do now.

-----

The rest of the way to Bully is uneventful, though it does take you through the night. You manage to recover the rest of her meat without incident. Hiking back to camp the next morning, however, isn't quite so kind. You're attacked by two titans during your trek.

The first surprises you from beneath the snow. It's small compared to most titans you've encountered, just around three meters, and more head than body. It moves quicker than you expect in the cold, and your thigh screams at you when you crash into the snow to dodge its swiping hand. You feel like your win here is almost entirely luck because it seems the beast has used the last of its reserved energy for that desperate grab for your body. Your blades slice through its nape like butter and you take advantage of the steam its death billows in your direction.

You actually see the second one coming, a taller five meter titan that struts chest first and doesn't swing its arms. It's easier to kill than the first just because you had the time to prepare, but you can feel your body strain with every step you take. You need to sleep, but sleeping here is a death sentence.

You take a handful of snow and pull away the bottom of your head covering so you can hydrate. The cold of it makes you shiver, but it's also strangely refreshing on your aching throat.

When you finally stumble your way back into camp, Preston is still waiting despite the cuts you made now almost entirely regenerated. You take the time to cut into those joints again, remembering to sever his spine as well, and pat his head as a small thank you for sticking around. He actually blinks at you, which you take as a gesture of friendship, and you move back to the base of his gut where your fire supplies are.

Before you can sleep, you have to get the meat at least cooked and starting to dry. It takes longer than you'd like, but you're slow from your exhaustion and lingering grief. Preston is warm at your back, and you can't help but feel comforted by the strangely supportive weight he poses behind you. That comfort is dangerous, that comfort could get you killed.

As soon as your final pieces of meat are cooked and set out to dry, you swing back up into the trees and cuddle into your last spare cloak.

Sleep doesn't come easy despite your exhaustion.

-----

A week later, the first of the many blizzards you're expecting this winter rolls in. You wait it out in the nook you fashioned in Preston's stomach, your bag of food cradled close to your chest to keep the pieces from freezing solid. It lasts long enough that you have to keep cutting into the hole you made in Preston's torso otherwise it'll heal over and, even if you could just slice your way out again, you don't particularly like the idea of your only quick exit disappearing.

He doesn't seem to mind, because you know by now the chunks of his joints you removed would have regenerated by now, but he lays motionless. You decide not to dwell on the fact that you're the parasite in this weird relationship you've found yourself relying on.

Despite all of your precautions, you tremble at the cold that sweeps into your warm haven. You groan at the strain in your muscles, but you keep reminding yourself you're still shivering. Shivering is good, shivering means your body hasn't given up yet, shivering means you're alive.

Your teeth clack together. "T-this is g-g-gon-na be a long-g f-f-fuck-fu-fucking w-winter-ter." You wonder if your blood will freeze in your veins.

-----

Two more blizzards hit your camp, lasting far longer than the short days of calm in between. You pass most of your time huddled somewhere close to Preston because you have no doubt he's the only reason you're still alive.

In many ways, your reliance on the very creature threatening to completely wipe out humanity makes disgust bubble in your blood, but in many other ways, he's a much better conversationalist than you expected.

It's during a lapse in another storm that you find yourself sitting in the fresh snow in front of Preston's unwavering yellow gaze. You blink and he actually blinks back. The action has you curious, the kind of curious that would have Hange vibrating in their seat from excitement. You blink again, twice this time, and he blinks once, but that's still a response.

Right?

You tilt your head, Preston blinks again. You can't decide if you actually see any intelligence in his eyes or if you're just fishing for something that isn't there.

"Is there anyone waiting for you, Preston?" You sigh, feeling ridiculous, but the world around you is so fucking quiet. "I bet you have a brother out there somewhere. Someone who taught you all the tips and tricks of hunting down humanity." You laugh under your breath, eyes dragging across the divots you've repeatedly made along his joints. "He didn't teach you very well."

Realizing what you're doing, you scoff and shake away the fuzziness in your head. "Walls, I'm losing my mind." You move to press your palms to your eyes, regardless of the goggles in the way, but something in your left hand feels unnaturally numb and wrong. "Shit, what now?"

You pull back the cuff of Daryl's sweater and start unwrapping the scrap of cloak that has been working well as a glove. Or, at least, you thought it had. The burns you'd gotten from Preston have long since faded, leaving behind the barest of silvery scars. They aren't the problem.

Staring down at the blackened dead tips of your index and middle finger, you think you may have been wrong about your gloves. The frostbite has spread down to the ridge just before your second knuckle on each finger. You have no feeling in those two fingers. You almost want to ignore the implications of your frozen charred digits, but you can't let the frostbite creep any further. Losing your entire hand is unacceptable; finger though, fingers are manageable.

Using your gear is about to get a lot harder, but it won't be impossible. At least, you don't think it will be.

You take a deep breath through your nose and reach for the blade at your hip that you've been using for a crutch. At this point, it's sharper and far cleaner than the smaller hunting knife you've been using for your food. You place your hand flat on a nearby rock and spare a glance at Preston, who is, of course, just watching you.

"This is a cruel fucking world, Preston," you spit between clenched teeth. You don't even bother with a gag this time around. "But, you already knew that, didn't you?"

The blade cuts through your fingers as easily as a carrot, completely severed just above your second knuckle. With a few curses, you press the fresh wounds directly onto Preston's exposed muscle from your most recent disabling of his limbs. You pull back your hand when you think it's been sufficiently cauterized and cradle the limb close to your chest.

Survival is fucking hard, but you've learned a few shortcuts along the way.

Eyes locking on the silver ring on your thumb, you smile sadly and start wrapping your new stumps in the discarded cloth. "Looks like I'll have to learn to fight like you Levi, all backwards and efficient." You grip the handle of your ODM gear, repositioning it in the exact opposite way you were trained. The new position is a little awkward, but it still settles nicely in your palm. Your pinky and ring finger can operate the triggers and you still have enough of your index and middle fingers, not to mention the bracing of your thumb, to keep a solid grip on the handle. You'll have to practice, but you think it's doable. "Maybe you've always had the right idea, I'm not even surprised."

You can practically picture his smug smirk at that kind of admittance. You miss it.

You don't even notice the familiar prickling of tears behind your eyes. You can't remember a time when that feeling wasn't there.

-----

Waking some number of mornings later, you feel uncomfortably warm under your skin and your head is foggy with sleep and dizziness. You stopped counting the days sometime during one of the many blizzards when it exceeded seventy-two hours, but you know enough about how long it's been that winter isn't over yet. Not quite, not...right?

A sharp pain in your stomach has you scrambling to your knees, only vaguely aware of the agony that rips through your right thigh, the sharp cramp in your belly not from hunger but rather nausea. Ripping off your head covering, sending the goggles flying, you retch into the snow with nothing but stomach acid and a half-digested piece of jerky to show for your efforts. You only kind of realize you fell asleep pressed to Preston's side the night before, but you have no time to dwell on that mistake. A wave of vertigo crashes over you and it takes everything in you not to collapse into the measly pile of sick.

The cold snow seeps into your heated skin, soothing the initial ache of what you think is probably a fever. You gag your way through another bout of nausea but there's nothing left in your stomach to throw up, and even if there was, you couldn't afford to lose it. Your eyes seem to pulse in your skull to the rhythm of your heartbeat, which you're pretty sure is too fast. Sweat is freezing to your cheeks and neck in little glass droplets as your body is simultaneously far too hot and far too cold.

The world tilts strangely in your vision, clouds drifting beneath your feet and trees winding unnaturally. You claw your way to your feet only to lose whatever balance you'd scrounged up, stumbling into Preston's arm to steady yourself. Your eyes roll in their sockets and a headache pierces your temples like twisting knives.

You lose consciousness somewhere between your joints locking up and falling onto the padding of Preston's regenerating palm, his yellow sunken eyes doing what they always do. Just watching.

-----

"Pathetic."

The sky is still spinning when you manage to crack your eyes open, crusty at the corners and straining against the light of the dancing sun. You don't understand, but you're pretty sure you just heard -

"You should move." That voice, that - no, wait wait wait, that's impossible, that's - "You should move unless you want to become titan shit."

Wait, just stop, just just hold on - something's pinning you down, trapping your arms at your sides. Your body is burning from the inside out, you choke on the heat, and you just want whatever is gripping you to let go.

"Actually, titans don't have digestive organs so technically you can't - " And that voice is just as impossible as the first, just as mental and wrong and why won't they help you if they're just watching -

"Oh shut up, doesn't change the fact she's gotten all buddy buddy with a fucking titan and it's going to get her killed."

"Sure, I suppose, but you know titans may be capable of more than -"

"Stop stop stop STOP!" Your voice cracks through the air, wide eyes straining to find the voices, to see them, to scream at them to help you, to get you out and take you home. You just want to go home. But you can't see them, only hear them, except now not even that, and nothing makes any sense -

Your rolling eyes connect with Preston's steady gaze and you realize you're trapped in his grip, long fingers curling around your body in a way that's almost...gentle? Your lungs shrivel as you try to take in air, ribs aching, throat clogged, and you don't understand. "Let me go, let me go, let me go, please let me go, Preston please!" You babble, tongue feeling swollen and dry in your mouth. "Please, please, Preston please let me - "

His grip is actually loosening, each finger slowly releasing their hold on your body. As soon as you have the room to move, you scramble off his palm and skid across the snow to put enough distance between you two so he can't reach for you from his reclined position. Your chest rises and falls rapidly with your breaths, right hand desperately grasping for your blade to hold it in front of you as some form of miniscule protection. It rattles in your fearful grasp.

You look for the voices, arms and throat and soul trembling as you scan your surroundings. "L-Levi? Are you - where did - Levi? Ha-Hange?" But you see nothing, nothing but Preston, and you hear nothing. You focus back on your titan, teeth grinding so roughly your jaw has started to ache. Preston's full grin glares back at you, shiny and white and healed. "You...y-you were holding me, keeping me warm. You - I don't understand, why did you...what the fuck? What the FUCK?!"

Fingers tangling into your knotted greasy hair, you pull and pull and pull. You pound a trembling fist against your temple. You're dreaming, you have to be, you're unconscious or sleeping or dying because there's no way...or maybe you're just fucking crazy -

"Not dreaming, jury's still out on the crazy part though."

Your neck cracks as you whip towards the voice, blinking at the flash of green cloak and black hair that has your heart stalling in your chest. On your feet before you can register any kind of pain, you're already ambling toward the tree he ducked behind, confused and scared and losing your mind.

"Levi! LEVI!" You hear a cackle from the opposite direction and spot a wayward brown ponytail. "Hange?! Please, what's going on?!" Something blonde flashes in your periphery. "Mike? Or - or Erwin?! Anyone?!" You're panting like a fucking dog, unable to get air passed the words caught in your throat. Right leg buckling under the strain of your panic, you trip into the snow and cry out at the way your broken femur jostles.

You curl up on your side, arms winding protectively around your middle. Tears paint trails through the grime on your cheeks, and your agonized cries are muffled by the snow.

"You left me." The whisper isn't real, it can't be real. It isn't him. It isn't him. It isn't him.

You curl up tighter. "I didn't mean to go away, my love. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

-----

You still hear them when you shouldn't, still see little teasing glimpses of them in the corner of your eye. It's Levi and Hange bickering back and forth. It's Erwin giving you orders or Mike sniffing behind your ear. It's Hailey screaming and Daryl begging for help and Benny blaming you for all of their deaths. It's Cadet O turning her back on you and running away without so much as a sorry.

It's Levi pleading for you to come back to him.

It's Levi cursing you for breaking your promise.

It's Levi telling you he hates you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, calling you names, spitting venomous words at your back, saying he loves you.

It's Levi who always sounds close enough to touch but is never actually there.

You rewrap the cloak around your head as much for the warmth as to try to muffle the voices. It doesn't work, but you pretend it does and position the goggles over your eyes to protect from the blistering wind.

You've been giving Preston the cold shoulder, unsure how exactly to approach whatever happened with the titan days ago now. He doesn't move, doesn't make a sound, doesn't try to fucking eat you like his nature wills him to.

Even so, you haven't severed his joints since that day, lost in the pounding of very real not real voices in and around your head. Your skin still feels sticky and hot, and your stomach never quite settles.

You sleep up in your tree with the last of your supplies. Only a handful of jerky pieces are left. Rationing what remains of your gas, you take the few minutes here and there where dizziness doesn't curb your balance and practice using your gear with the adjusted handhold you'll have to use from now on. You make sure one canister stays full. Every part of your body is aching and exhausted and withered from the strength it used to have.

Now, in a moment of rest and thirst, you chew on ice and sit several meters away from your titan. You tilt your head, staring directly into the unwavering yellow you've come to know so well. And then Preston does something you haven't seen him do since the day you crashed into him in the snow all that time ago.

He looks away from you.

Following the path of his gaze, you see it. Small and new and blooming from the depths of the snow. A daisy.

Your breath stutters in your chest when you see the flower, a new hope boiling with the fever under your skin. The first sign of spring. You stand and limp towards the flower, kneeling down to caress its velvety soft petals despite the wrappings on your hands.

"Time to go home," you whisper over the cacophony of voices in your ear. You focus on the feeling of the cool silver encircling your thumb. You smile. "Home."

Glancing over your shoulder, you feel something strange settle in your heart. You think you might just miss those yellow eyes. A good soldier would kill it, but he's not an 'it' anymore, and you're not sure if you can still be the good soldier you used to be.

"Goodbye," you offer a small wave, staring into those eyes that have been watching you for months now, "and, thanks for...well you know."

With your handy crutch still steady by your side, you start walking north. You tuck the daisy into the front pocket of Daryl's jacket for safe keeping.

-----

Tag List:

@leviackermanmyhero245 @everything-is-hollow @ashbash2403 @purplecandygerl @roseelilly @barnesbabyy @pissbabybitchboy @ekaymnslvs @dazzling-roaring-20s @iloveinej @gojosbucket @logibearhockey1 @beefcakebarnes

Left Behind Pt. 4

<<< Part Three

Part Five >>>

Levi x FemReader

Established Relationship

Concept: You're gravely injured during an expedition that goes wrong, and in the confusion you're abandoned in Titan territory.

Pt. 4 Summary: Levi doesn't want to learn to live without you. He doesn't want your pillow to lose your scent or you clothes to gather dust or your journals to go unread and unfilled. He's terrified for the day Erwin replaces the you-shaped hole in his strategies with a new Squad Leader, a new set of soldiers in line to replace your subordinates, your friends, who are just as unaccounted for as you. Levi has to learn to breathe without you and, honestly, he'd rather suffocate in your loss than get used to a bed without you beside him.

Warnings: Angst, cursing, depression, angry outbursts, grief, suicidal ideations (but no actions), Levi is a sad boy in this one, graphic nightmares, self-destructive tendencies (If I missed anything, please let me know)

A/N: Part 4 everyone! Sorry it's been so long! We're almost finished, thank you so much to everyone who's enjoyed the series and sent me kind words. If you want to be added to the taglist, comment below! If you're interested in making a request, check out my page for more details (I work with a bunch of different fandoms and characters). This one was a bit of a challenge to write, I hope Levi isn't too OOC. I have mixed feelings about how this one turned out, it got a little away from me sometimes, but overall I'm happy with it! Thanks again! And yes, I have a soft spot for Mike. He died too soon!

-----

Mike comes looking for him first, not that it's an especially difficult challenge. Between the giant man's canine sense of smell and the fact that Levi hasn't been able to leave his quarters since returning from his devastating visit to the infirmary, the biggest hurdle is the lock on his office door.

Which he didn't bother to actually lock, too busy wallowing in the reality of you, your body, crushed beyond the wall. Not buried, not even rotting because of the chill and the ice. Frozen in the last terrifying and agonizing moments of your life.

He doesn't even notice Mike has found him until the taller man sinks to the floor next to him. Levi hasn't been counting the seconds, minutes, hours, days since he sat down against the wall in your...in his bedroom, journal with that damning letter between its pages clutched to his chest and eyes locked on the bed he's too scared to approach.

Part of Levi is surprised Mike came to him before Hange or Erwin or any member of his own squad really. The two of them aren't exactly close, with an introduction stained in threats and gutter water and a deal that got his only friends killed. Levi has obviously grown to respect his comrade, but he can't think of a single one-on-one interaction with the man that wasn't work related.

But then he remembers that the two of you are friends - were friends - even before Levi was bullied into joining the scouts. You were on Mike's squad after Erwin rose to Commander before you graduated to a squad leader position. Any lingering surprise fades, but still, Levi is grateful for the half meter or so of space Mike leaves between them.

It's quiet for what feels like a long time, and Levi can't imagine being the one who breaks the silence. He thinks Mike must realize this because he just sits, heavy and warm and still, and he stares as resolutely at the bed as Levi does.

"Did she ever tell you we were in the training corps together?" Mike eventually asks, his deep voice uncharacteristically soft in the emptiness of the room like he doesn't want to disturb the air if he can help it.

Levi is thankful for the consideration and mumbles a barely-there 'no' in response.

"I joined later than most soldiers, nearly into my twenties actually," the blonde continues, keeping that gentle rumbling tone. "I have a big family back home. The second oldest of five, all boys, all practically carbon copies of me." He pauses here for a long enough moment that Levi wonders if that's really all he has to say. "I fight for humanity, fight as a scout because I believe in Erwin's cause, but I initially joined the military for a much less noble and much more selfish reason. I joined to get away from the plan my family had set out for me. I wanted to break the mold my brothers had all fallen into so easily."

"Tch, why are you telling me this?"

But Mike just pushes on like Levi hadn't spoken - maybe he hadn't, his tongue feels swollen and his throat tight. "Most cadets in the training corps start between the age of fourteen and sixteen on average, but there was this tiny twelve-year-old girl in our ranks that year. I'll give you one guess as to who that little girl became."

Your name gets stuck in his chest, but neither of them need to say it to imagine that small girl. Levi thinks about what you must have looked like at that age, probably too small and too innocent, all baby teeth and pigtails and thin limbs with none of the built up muscle he knows you to have, but still just as passionate and kind and you.

Picturing that tiny version of you standing at attention next to hardened cadets, whatever Commandant existed before Shadis screaming in your face to scare you, break you, mold you into the perfect soldier, and Levi thinks about if he could go back in time to warn that little girl away from her path to suicidal heroism even if it meant erasing all the time you shared together. At least you'd be alive, far away from the tragedy of this life. Maybe married, maybe with kids. Happy and safe.

Nausea crawls up Levi's throat when he realizes that picture doesn't include him. Selfishly, he can't wish for that reality either.

The sound of Mike taking a deep shaky breath brings Levi out of his spiral. He chances a glance to his left and holds back a frown at the despair he sees in Mike's posture.

"She was always the butt of the joke, y'know? Youngest, smallest, one of only a handful of girls. Easy target. Even to our instructors." Mike scoffs, large hand running through his hair. He has a smile curving his lips, but Levi can see the melancholic edge to it. He's never actually heard Mike speak this much before, let alone this familiarly. Levi isn't really sure how to feel about it. "I started eating lunch with her. I think I was hoping if everyone saw me, the oldest and biggest one there, favoring her then they'd back off. I didn't find out until years later that they all just got better at hiding it."

Levi frowns, wondering why you never told him about your time in the training corps, about the bullying, about Mike. But then, he never asked. Too busy wanting to know and love and cherish the you of now that he never thought much about the you of then. The past has always been something he wanted to leave behind, learning about yours prompted the possibility of inviting you into his own. A possibility that held him back from you for so long, too long. Wasted time. He wishes more than anything he could ask why you decided to join the military so young, what you were like as a child, as a cadet, how you became the person he loves so much.

He knows some of it. No siblings, dead parents, the hardest worker he's ever known. It's not enough, it'll never be enough. And now he can't ask you.

But he can ask Mike.

"What was she like?"

"Back then?" Mike seems to roll many possible answers between his teeth before he finally parts his lips. A sad smile pulls at his cheeks. "Small, smart, real quiet at first...so fucking strong. Not just with the bullying, I mean literally strong." He barks half a laugh, covering a sniffle with a swipe to his nose. "She took hand-to-hand combat so seriously during training, more than anyone. A few lessons in and she knocked me off my feet. I would have been embarrassed if she didn't look so proud. Not smug or arrogant. She, uh, she did this little dance, pumped her fist in the air, laughed. Not even at me, just laughed, like she couldn't believe what she did."

Levi can picture it, a smaller you and that little jig you do for every worthwhile accomplishment. You still do it, goofy and ridiculous, and he misses it. Every promotion, every bet you win against Hange, every time your squad comes back with no casualties. That thought has bile churning in his gut.

You did it the first time he kissed you, not that you knew he saw you do it. It's one of his favorite memories.

"I think it was that day," Mike's voice drifts, bringing Levi back into the moment, "she became more to me than just a fellow soldier. She's the little sister I never had and didn't realize I wanted, has been since she smiled and held out a hand like she could actually lift me to my feet and asking me if we could spar again."

"She was."

"Hm?"

"She was your little sister." The words taste bitter and bite like acid from his throat. "She can't be that anymore."

Levi's pretty sure under any other circumstances, Mike would have hit him. He can see the larger man in his periphery, fists clenching and unclenching on his knees, deep unsteady breaths ruffling his chest, eyes glaring hatefully at the floor.

It's a long anger-filled moment before Mike speaks again, his voice carefully controlled - more familiar to Levi than the soft grief he'd spoken with the last several minutes. "What each of us lost out there, it's different Levi. I lost a sister, Hange a friend, Erwin a trusted ally, you...you lost what you lost. I can't speak on that, on how you move forward from that. But me? I don't stop caring just because she isn't here to be cared for."

Levi swallows, eyes stinging as he stubbornly grapples with his grief. Part of him thinks it'd be easier to give up loving you now that you're gone. Because it hurts so fucking much and he doesn't know how to make it stop. The rest of him is terrified of who he'd become without that love. His fingers flex around the journal, hoping Mike doesn't ask about it next.

"She is my little sister, she'll always be my little sister, even if she isn't here to knock me on my ass and laugh."

Mike leaves Levi with those parting words and a brave hand gripping his shoulder, kindly closing the door behind him.

The room feels small without you to warm its corners. Quiet too. He stares at the bed the two of you shared for months now, trying to remember the last thing he said to you, wondering when he last told you he loved you, and realizes something he may have to actually thank Mike for later.

You are the love of his life, and that will never change. A tear warms his cheek, but he doesn't bother to wipe it away. Levi wishes you were still here to be loved.

-----

Nothing helps him move forward, but at least training keeps him busy. With the harsh weather wracking against the rickety walls, shuttering the windowpanes, and snow piling high like stones, Levi thrives in the chill settling in his bones amidst the raging storm and the extra challenge of the wind curving his swings unpredictably.

Levi doesn't order his squad to join him - not when his objective has more to do with the emptiness of you at his side than honing any actual skills - but they're behind him anyway. Dependable and strong and showcasing every reason why he chose them in the first place. Your squads were close, elite as they always have been, and he knows they're feeling a heavy loss as well.

He accidently walked in on Gunther comforting a sobbing Petra two days ago, drying tear tracks flashing on the taller man's cheeks. All Levi could do was clutch the letter in his pocket, now wrinkled and soft from being unfolded and read and folded over and over and over, while offering as understanding a nod as he could manage before leaving them to it. Normally he'd have a word or two of support, if not encouragement, but he hasn't managed more than a few syllables since his conversation with Mike.

The wind is sharp like razors, nipping at any weak points of exposure on their skin. Levi knows a kind of cold from his childhood, of loneliness and damp and death and no sun rising on any future days. This cold reminds of that. His heart withers at the reminder of future sunrises without you - the first sunrise without you.

He's grateful the clouds of every storm since their return, blizzards you once told him back when he didn't know what weather meant or how it felt, have blocked the sky and sun and the stars at night. Not ready to see them, to experience them, without you to point out fake constellations or make up stories about the sun chasing the moon, never catching it, but rising everyday to try again.

Somehow, he's become the sun in your relationship, and the reality of that has his throat tightening. Pulling air into his lungs burns more than it soothes.

When he finally notices the chattering teeth of his comrades, following a harsh wind and a fresh drenching of snow, he orders them inside to change, eat, and warm up. Petra asks if he's going inside too. He's never been a liar.

They stay out with him until he decides the chill of ice in his veins and snow in his eyes is no longer cold enough to numb him.

-----

He's somewhere dark, so dark he can't see anything beyond his hand when he lifts it in front of him. Everything is empty, not cold or hot, wet or dry, or anything but the soft tickle of grass between his toes. Levi's brow furrows, looking down at the circler patch of green he's found himself standing in.

Why is he barefoot?

His lip curls at the thought of the filth he'll have to scrub away later. He's dressed in the pajamas you often coax him into wearing instead of his uniform to bed. Plush long pants, low on his hips with a drawstring and a material that feels just as good against your skin as it does his own when you twine your legs together throughout the night, and a simple t-shirt he tends to forgo in exchange for the relaxing tingle of your fingers dancing doodles onto his chest.

You.

Where are you? Why aren't you here with him? In this dark empty place. A place seemingly untouched by bad or evil or tragedy, but also unknown to goodness. Maybe that's why you aren't here, chased away because of your kindness and compassion and smile. The possibility has panic twitching under his skin. His fingers flex at his sides, itching to lace with yours and trail loving touches down your cheeks. He needs to find you, to see you.

Levi takes a cautious step forward, dew drops soaking into the soles of his feet that has his nose scrunching distastefully. He takes another. And another. And another.

Nothing changes. Not the light, not the grass, not the pitch blackness that seems to be drawing him in as much as it's pushing him away. But he's moving forward, or...it feels like he is.

There's a sudden pressure on his shoulder, but when he spins around, nothing is there and he wonders if he imagined it. A few more steps and then it's back, a gentle press of what feels like a hand between his shoulder blades. It's familiar and comforting and reminds him of a home Levi never thought he deserved, let alone could actually attain. He knows it's you.

It's you pressing into his back, now both of your hands kneading into his muscles, molding the sharp edges of his bones. His eyes drift closed. He feels a warm gust of your breath against his neck, instinctually tilting his head to give you more access, to feel you as much as you're willing to give him. A ghost of your lips brings goosebumps to his skin. Levi doesn't turn this time, doesn't open his eyes, terrified you'll disappear and he'll lose your touch, your breath, your warmth.

Your hands wind around his chest, tracing your name onto the spot his heart beats for you, the shape of your body he's come to learn so well pressed wholly against his back. A scent so uniquely you surrounds him, drawing him further into your arms that now cradle him so so perfectly. Your lips reach his ear, breath fanning across the ridge and he sighs in contentment, waiting for your voice to reach him.

"You abandoned me." It's a whisper, intimate and soft in his ear, but the words grate along his skin and make him freeze. "You left me to die." It's your voice - the voice that soothes him to sleep, that laughs at his jokes, that sobs and screams and sings and melts into his heart - but they're the wrong words, the worst words. Words you would never say because they could never be true.

Why are you saying those awful words? Why are you driving a blade into his chest, squeezing his lungs, tearing into his heart until his bleeding soul is exposed?

Levi's eyes snap open and he whirls around, but you're already gone and that same dark emptiness seems to expand around him, suffocating in a way it hadn't been before. He falls to his knees, trying to draw in breaths as he chokes on your name. The air feels heavier, pressing him down into the grass, snapping at his joints and crushing -

Crushing. That's right, you were crushed. You were alone and scared and crushed beyond the wall. And he left you out there.

Levi hears what sounds like a horse's hooves thundering on the ground, a sound as familiar to him as his own footsteps. He manages to look up despite the pressure of the air on his neck holding him down, gritting his teeth at the effort it takes.

He sees Bully. He sees you, fully decked out in your gear, rain plastering your hair to your skull, fresh blood steaming on your blades and your hands as proof of a recent kill. You don't see him, riding Bully directly passed his kneeling point, but he sees you and he screams. He screams so agonizingly his throat splits and blood pools on his tongue. He screams for you to stop. Stop stop stop STOP! Don't go! DON'T -

Levi sees the titan before you do, but the air is pinning him down and he has no gear, no horse, you're too far away, and the titan is raising its fist. The world cracks beneath him when the fist comes down, your blood and Bully's blood spraying the titan's skin in a macabre painting of gore. Nausea and horror attack his stomach, but nothing comes up except his pleas for you to come back to him.

The hoof beats start up again, Bully running by with you riding strong on her back. Levi fights against the air, clawing at the ground and his skin and wailing at you to slow down, to wait for him. He'll save you, he'll protect you, he'll -

The ground beneath him cracks again as the titan stomps on you this time, your limbs stuck between its toes and blood leaving prints in the grass as it runs.

And then Bully is back, coming from another direction, only to pass by Levi's begging pitiful form again. The earth splits a third time when Levi is forced to watch the titan grab for you, squeezing until you pop between its fingers and dribbling your remains down its throat.

He has to watch again and again and again as you're crushed over and over and over. With every death a new crack severs the ground below him, the air pushing him down and down and down.

Kicked into a tree.

Flattened between two heavy hands like a bug.

A casualty of a clumsy titan's tripping body.

Slapped into the ground.

Chewed and split between a titan's teeth.

He's forced to see every way your death could have happened, fingers knotted in his hair, his voice raspy and broken from his screaming, begging and begging and begging.

Eventually there are too many cracks, and the earth opens up below him, swallowing him whole.

Levi welcomes the fall, wondering if he'll see you at the bottom.

He blinks awake, a heaving breath expanding his chest and fingers grappling for some kind of purchase. Levi's nails dig into the plush blue arms of your reading chair he's taken to sleeping in on nights he can pull himself from his desk and dare to rest in the room you shared. It still smells like you, holds the shape of you in a way that's strangely comforting.

The bed stays untouched, gathering dust because Levi can't even bring himself to shake out the sheets.

He has this nightmare every time he sleeps for more than an hour. It tears into his heart and lingers, blackening any solace he tries to find in his days. He pretends a large part of him doesn't look forward to the dream because at least he gets to feel you, to see you, even if it kills him a little more each time.

Levi doesn't know how it happened, but he knows you were crushed. There are so many ways to be crushed.

He doesn't bother to wipe away the tears on his cheeks until the sun rises and the day starts, even though they make his skin sticky and his eyes crusty.

-----

Levi is unwilling to risk the health and safety of his squad more than he has already - Oluo had a cold for days after the last impromptu training session in a blizzard - so instead he splits his knuckles in the gym and perspires enough that his sweat drips like fresh rain.

The sand bag is stained with his blood since he hadn't even bothered with wrappings to cushion his fists. He thinks his pinky might be broken on his right hand, it's purpling and bruised, but the pain spurs him on because you're not here to scold him or fix him or spot him when he trains. Maybe if he keeps going, you'll come barging in with a lecture on your lips and bandages in your hands because, no matter how angry you are, you would never leave him hurting.

Except he's hurting now, and you're nowhere to be seen.

Instead, Hange steps into the gym, a flask of water and a small bag under their arm that he knows is a first aid kit. They don't approach him. They don't stop him. They take a seat on one of the benches lined up against the back wall, set aside the supplies they brought, cross their arms and legs, and they watch him. They wait.

Levi pummels his knuckles until they're raw and numb and more red than flesh. He eventually drops down next to Hange when it takes more effort to breathe than it does to punch, bracing himself on his knees with his elbows. His hair has grown too long, untrimmed bangs hanging in front of his eyes when he leans forward, but he's more grateful for the barrier than he is annoyed by the length.

Without a word, Hange opens the kit they brought and pulls out some cloth, alcohol, and bandages. They soak one of the cloths in the alcohol and reach for the hand closest to them, which also happens to be the one with a broken finger.

Levi hisses between his teeth at the sting of the alcohol on his cuts, but otherwise doesn't protest or complain. Spotting the bright bruising on his pinky, Hange again reaches into the kit, and pulls out supplies for a small finger splint. The clean white bandages are speckled with his blood, but the process overall doesn't take long when neither of them are talking.

When Hange is finishing the wrappings on his broken finger, they sigh and gently hold his damaged hand between their ink stained palms. "I saw Oswin this morning too," they murmur, brow furrowing and rare frown pulling down their lips. "I wanted to tear her hair out as much as you probably did. I'm only half glad neither of us followed through."

Theodora Oswin had been reassigned to a new squad considering she was the last surviving member of yours and still far too green to take on any kind of leadership role. He hadn't seen much of her since the expedition, which he's grateful for, but that morning in the mess hall...

He'd gone for a fresh cup of tea, foolishly hoping this time it wouldn't be bitter like ash in his mouth, when he'd seen her with her new squad mates. Laughing.

The mental image of her jaw cracking under his fist was enough to have him turning on his heal and seeking out the gym, forgoing the tea because the cup would have shattered in his grip anyway.

Levi rumbles a noncommittal sound in his throat and lets Hange finish tying off the bandages on his other hand.

Neither of them move to stand. They sit until long after the sun has set and dinner is over and curfew is in effect. Levi doesn't say anything about the occasional sniffle that shakes Hange's shoulders. Hange doesn't say anything about the way he laces his fingers, gripping so tightly the bandages stain red.

-----

Sometimes he stands in front of your collection of journals, itching to read them, to know parts of you he shamefully never asked about. Wanting to hear your voice in the words you wrote. But he doesn't because you never gave him permission into that part of you, not explicitly, not beyond a few pages. It feels like an invasion of privacy, and really, he would be disappointed no matter what he finds because it doesn't matter. Not when you aren't here to read the passages of your life to him. Not when you aren't here to add to the collection. Not when he can't be a part of every passage in your future.

But he does stare at them often.

-----

When the snow starts melting and there are no clouds to block the sunrise, Levi hides away in his office so he doesn't have to watch it. Curtains closed, head in his hands, your goodbye letter unfairly crumpled in front of him. He's thought about burning it, about tearing it up, about writing back to you. He does none of those things and just reads it again.

There's a knock on his door, so he calls out a gruff, "Name and business," while frantically folding the letter and tucking it in his breast pocket.

No one answers him, but when Erwin walks in, any irritation on that matter fades quickly.

"The snow is melting," he says like Levi hasn't nearly slipped in the sludge and barked orders at fearful cadets to shovel the pathways. Levi nods at him to continue. "The next expedition is planned for three weeks from now so that enough of the excess water either dries up or soaks into the ground so our horses can travel safely."

Levi knows this procedure, it's the same every year. He's confused why Erwin feels the need to spell this out for him.

Absentmindedly, he thinks about how three weeks from now will be exactly three months since you...didn't come home.

"What's the point of this, Erwin? I already know all this shit."

"We're taking the same route as the last expedition." Levi's jaw locks, air stalling in his throat, and he barely hears when Erwin goes on. "It's still the quickest path to Wall Maria and Shiganshina, if we can make it work safely in our favor."

"We lost a third of our soldiers going that way, Erwin. We lost - I lost - "

"Which is why," Erwin interrupts with a condescendingly raised hand that has Levi curling his lip into a snarl, "you and your squad are staying behind. I can't afford you being distracted by what we might find."

Eyes wide in disbelief, Levi's on his feet and rounding his desk to spit fire at his Commander. "Are you fucking crazy? We're your best defense against those shit-ugly fucks and you want to bench us because you think we can't handle seeing our dead comrades? Like we haven't seen enough of them anyway."

"It's you, Levi. I don't think you can handle seeing her."

Levi shakes his head, willing his composure back into place. He can't prove Erwin right, he needs to calm down, needs to square his shoulders and hide the agitated trembling in his hands. "Leaving us behind is a death sentence for the rest of the battalion. Don't do it, Erwin, don't risk the lives of all those kids on some misguided feeling about what I can and can't handle." He takes a deep breath, meeting his Commander's eyes with a defiant jut of his chin. "Trust me, the way you have since the beginning."

A moment passes with Erwin studying Levi's resolve, eyes trailing across every twitch and line of his face in scrutiny. He eventually seems satisfied with his assessment, gives a final nod, and turns to the door.

But Levi has one last thing to say, something that he needs to spit out before it rots and spreads in his chest. Something he needs to ask his friend, not his superior. "Do you even care?" He doesn't have to say about what for Erwin to understand.

He eyes the way Erwin's hand tightens on the doorknob, the way his shoulders wilt the slightest bit. "Of course I do, Levi. You forget I knew her long before you did," he says softly, a deep sadness in his gaze that surprises him. "But someone in my position doesn't get the luxury of grieving. I thought you would have figured that out by now."

Levi knows that, of course he knows that. But this is you, and he can't imagine anyone not breaking under the oppressive weight your absence has caused. Maybe Erwin's broader shoulders are just better under the strain. Maybe the weight Levi carries is greater because of what you mean to him.

Maybe he's just so fucking tired and wants to know how Erwin keeps going each day like nothing happened while he can't even sleep in his own bed.

Maybe convincing him that he can hold it together on the expedition was a mistake.

-----

It's not a mistake, but it feels like one.

Three weeks went by in a blur of training, prepping, and choking awake from nightmares before almost every dawn. Now they're outside Wall Rose, nearly halfway to the point of disaster that hit them last time, no rain in sight. They've managed to maneuver the formation around all but three titans, taken care of easily and quickly by the outer reconnaissance squads.

Levi can't decide if he's anticipating or dreading the inevitability of sinking his blades into a titan that gets too close. Energy is buzzing under his skin, the kind that shifts unpleasantly and threatens the stability of his hands.

He's not sure what he wants to find. If he even wants to find anything.

A purple flair in the direction of Erwin's squad at the front of the formation has Levi dialing in his focus, signaling his subordinates to make haste towards their Commander. His brow furrows, however, when they see two fallen and long since steaming titans. Erwin's squad stands unharmed but stationary between the two disintegrating corpses, Erwin himself looking rather contemplative with his arms crossed and his prominent brow angled harshly.

"No one looks like they're being torn apart," Levi grunts as he sidles up next to Erwin. "What's the situation?"

"There's someone alive out here."

"Tch, what the hell are you talking about?"

Erwin gestures at the two dead titans. "They were already down and steaming by the time we got here."

"You sure a squad didn't just break formation?"

"Pretty sure, we would have seen them pass. This is directly on the route we planned."

"That's definitely our gear though." The napes are sliced cleanly, clearly done with ODM equipment.

"It is."

Before Levi can say anything else, Eld gains their attention with a resounding, "Captain!" He's pointing towards the east where a cloud of steam rises from nowhere near any of part of the formation at its current pace.

"Guess we should go say 'hi' then, eh Erwin?" Levi grumbles, already directing his horse when he doesn't here any orders to stand down. His squad follows close behind, a brace against he's back that he's grateful for. He carefully smothers the warm feeling threatening the shield he's put around the pieces of his heart that are left, unwilling to allow even a drop of hope to settle in his eyes.

Hope is cruel. It will tear him apart from the inside out if he lets it. He can't afford that kind of devastation, not again. Putting himself back together won't be an option anymore if his pieces are dust.

They're coming up fast on the billowing ribbons of steam, two more titans having been felled by whoever got their hands on their gear. Both on the larger side, more than ten meters most likely, and pearly wild grins jutting towards the sky. Levi meticulously surveys the area as they get closer, narrowing his eyes at the flash of dark green through the thick rivulets of steam. He holds up a hand for his subordinates to wait as he dismounts his horse.

"Hey! Who's out here?!" He calls, one hand drifting to his holstered swords as a precaution, the other waving away the steam as he ventures further. "Think it's fun? Playing the hero with stolen gear!" Levi taunts, eyeing the veteran looking slices in the napes of the corpses. Another scrap of familiar green catches his eye. "Hey! You!"

A few quick steps and another wave of his hand because of the steam and he spots a figure messing with one of the blades for their gear. Maybe trying to decide if it's still useful as they swipe it back and forth, carefully looking at the now jagged edge. Must be too dull because the next second, Levi watches as they toss it too the ground and go for what looks like their last fresh blade.

"You're out of formation, Cadet," Levi chastises, raising an annoyed brow when whoever it is just ignores him in favor of replacing the blade. Confusion has him frowning when he eyes their uniform, because it's clearly the same pieces of the scouts uniform, but they're all out of order. Boots, one larger than the other. White pants cinched over top the boots instead of inside, obviously too large for the slighter frame of the wearer. More belts than the normal uniform calls for and in all the wrong places. Big sweater - backwards he notices - and the cropped scout jacket only has one sleeve. Green...gloves? He's pretty sure those were pieces of a cloak, though not the same one they're wearing. The cloak is bundled up around their shoulders and over their head, goggles hiding their eyes.

Familiar goggles. His breath catches in his throat, disbelief bleeding into his eyes.

"Mitchell? That you?" No response, but he can tell whoever it is is listening. "Hailey? Hailey Mitchell? It's Captain Levi," he holds up his hands placatingly, wracking his brain for some details you shared with him about the girl. "C'mon brat, let's go home, yeah? See your mom?" The figure seems to pause, and he's almost sure it must be her when the cloth covered head nods weirdly after a few muffled murmuring sounds. But then she plants the blade in the ground like a cane and starts limping away from him. Levi is shocked still, not understanding why she's moving in the opposite direction, away from him. Away from help.

He doesn't know how she survived out here, but it's just one of the many questions speeding behind his teeth at the moment. They'll all have to wait.

"Mitchell stop! I order you - tch, Hailey!" He chases after her, easily catching up when she has the obvious mobility disadvantage. Impressive really, that she managed to kill at least four titans with a busted leg. You'd be proud of her. When he reaches Hailey, he grabs for her wrist to stop her little adventure away from the people trying to help her. "Fucking brat, where do you think - "

Levi pauses, feeling the poor girl go completely rigid in his grasp. He curses himself for not thinking because, Walls, she must be so scared, so weak but -

But she's reaching for the goggles and the cloak. He doesn't know why he's holding his breath, but he is and his chest is burning and there's a stinging threatening his eyes and now he suddenly never ever ever wants to let go because...because...

He’s staring into a face he never thought he'd see again.

Hope is devastating, but it's also the only reason any of them have made it this far.

-----

Taglist:

@everything-is-hollow @ashbash2403 @purplecandygerl @roseelilly @barnesbabyy @pissbabybitchboy @ekaymnslvs @dazzling-roaring-20s @iloveinej @gojosbucket @logibearhockey1 @beefcakebarnes @lilshades @leviackermanmyhero245 @mochalate @whattheheckmidoriya @ursa-the-stranger @answer-the-sirens @levibabe20 @otomaniac @roseelilly @mmo1997 @macehysteria @lqme @snailsposts @kiss4kazu @isabellawigginss @lawlerek @sluttydarlin @zirbsy @tsukilover11 @ekaymnslvs @saturnsjustabouthadit @madmadamemimble @kamizama @geese-goose18 @fckwritersblock @skeletondeerart

SO GOOOOOOD!!! one of the best aot fics I have ever read!! 😭❤️

Left Behind Pt. 5 (Finale)

<<< Part Four

Levi x FemReader

Established Relationship

(~14k words)

Concept: You're gravely injured during an expedition that goes wrong, and in the confusion you're abandoned in Titan territory.

Pt. 5 Summary: Home is not the steaming cavern of warmth you made for survival in the one docile titan in existence. Home is not chewing on snow for water or rationing jerky made from your own horse. Home is not a limping gate and flashes of your dead comrades in the edge of your vision. Home is his fingers grasping your wrist so you know he's real and the look in his eye when he realizes you aren't Hailey Mitchell.

Home is not the empty bed that frightens him more than gnashing teeth the size of people. Home is not his desk piled high with paperwork he either avoids or uses as a distraction, in perfect view of a warn-in and soft blue reading chair. Home is not bleeding knuckles and broken pinkies and grief-filled conversations with his fellow soldiers. Home is you, a little worse for wear, but alive and in reach and fuck - he really hopes this isn't some new nightmare rearing to tear the floor out from under him.

Warnings (if you made it this far, you know the drill, but just in case): Angst, cursing, graphic descriptions of injury, injury recovery, hallucinations, frightened violent outbursts, sedation, needles, aftermath of dehydration and starvation, threats, trauma, dissociation, suicidal ideations (If I missed anything, please let me know)

A/N: Did I make myself cry writing this? Yes, yes I did. I briefly debated make this into two parts because it's so long, but I promised you a 5 part series!

The POV will be switching between characters in this one, I tried to make it as obvious as possible with page breaks (-----) so hopefully no one gets confused!

I know this is a long one (~14k words) so if you think I should split it into two parts for easier reading, let me know!

As always, thank you to everyone who has supported this story and all of my work thus far. It means so much to me that you enjoy my writing and it absolutely makes my day when I see people engaging with my work and the kind words you have. More content is coming from me, but for now this is goodbye to Left Behind!

-----

Sometimes - the kind of sometimes that's often and exhausting - when the dead members of your squad are taunting and jeering and stalking the corner of your eye, it's their corpses trailing behind you.

Instead of Benny's kind, laugh-lined smile and strong broad shoulders, his arms hang twisted and bloody at his sides with a concaved chest arching his torso forward unnaturally. Only half a crooked grin with gore between his teeth and the chunk out of his skull festering with flies. He hobbles and winks and reaches with fingers bent all the wrong ways like he wants to caress your cheek and listen to your sorrows.

Hailey has to hold tight to Benny's neck and shoulders as what remains of her torso bounces like a backpack with his every lumbering step. No hips to sway or legs to dance with. Her innards hang loose and bloody, eyes always wide and frightened despite the cheery teasing she spits between bloodied lips. She often asks for her goggles back or makes biting little comments about the endless steps you take as if you're actually getting any closer.

She makes you think of purgatory and afterlife and traps you in the one chasm of hopelessness you're desperate not to fall down. That this is your eternity. That you died that first night you fell asleep in the cold and the damp and this is the forever you deserve. Wandering and thinking and never knowing if you're actually breathing when the air tastes stale and metallic. It's hardest to tune her out.

Daryl usually hops quietly beside them, precariously balanced on the one leg, but when he wants his turn at licking insults and screaming blame, he has to bend his torso in half so his twisted around head can face the right way. He mostly stares and weeps, the tears wetting his forehead instead of his chin, and begs to trade places with you because his sister is small and kind and needs her big brother.

You're rarely sure you wouldn't trade places given the chance.

Sometimes the injuries stay the same but the faces change.

It's Hange's manic grin leering over Moblit's wilting torso as they fire question after question like bullets into the marrow of your bones. Questions about Preston more often than not that have your head spinning and your heart longing and your feet sometimes backtracking to the forest you left him in when you're not paying attention.

It's Mike bouncing and shifting on one leg, nearly toppling in a way that has you wondering if the ground would shake when he has to bend clumsily forward to sniff in your direction, but Nanaba catches him before he can with a gnarled arm bent in too many places for elbows while she buckles under the considerable weight of Erwin's severed torso clutching to her back. They hiss at you and stare and weigh you down without saying much at all.

The roles shuffle between members of your squad and members of Levi's squad, cackling and sobbing and raging. Petra screams and Oluo's split tongue lolls out of his missing jaw and Eld laughs between bouts of choking on blood and Gunther snarls passed the tear tracks burning from popped eye sockets.

Sometimes all three of them are Levi.

Sometimes all three of them are you.

Sometimes there's no injuries at all and you want to sink into a blissful ignorance as if the glimpses of their smiles or the light sound of their comforting voices are as real as the blisters on your hands or the cramping in your stomach. But those thoughts are dangerous and cruel and almost always leave your eyes twitching painfully.

You're not sure which is the greatest hell, but you find that as long as they stay at the edge of your vision, unacknowledged, unwitnessed, untouched by your attention, focusing on taking one step after another is manageable.

So when you're fresh off two titan kills and you hear your love's voice calling out taunts to the make-believe hero playing with stolen gear, you don't blink twice and instead inspect your blunted blade. The edge is jagged and dull and likely wouldn't cut through your own soft skin let alone the tough hide of a titan's nape. You decidedly toss the useless metal to the ground and reach for the final blade in your arsenal as a replacement. Levi is adamantly stomping towards you in your periphery, a characteristic frown to his brow and hands prepped near his gear, but you know he'll only get close enough to teasingly breeze by your skin before fading away like he does every time.

Close but never close enough. There but never actually there.

Your focus narrows on the reattached blade, jaw clicking and tongue like dry dirt in your mouth. Water, the last time you had water was a muddy puddle nearly half a kilometer back. It's been harder to find since the snow melted, however long ago that was, you're not really sure.

"Mitchell? That you?"

Huh? Your head tilts, brows furrowing when Levi's voice drifts closer to you. With a quick scan, you try to spot Hailey's mirage tag-teaming with Levi - wouldn't be the first time - but her ghost doesn't seem to be haunting you like Levi's at the moment.

"Hailey? Hailey Mitchell? It's Captain Levi." He says that like his voice isn't ingrained in your mind, more familiar to you than the sound of your own at this point. Levi's gotten closer, hands raised like you might jump out at him if he steps wrong. "C'mon brat, let's go home, yeah? See your mom?"

"Mom? Mom's dead," you murmur, the words are garbled and slurring between your dry sticky lips. Your tongue feels swollen, teeth too thick with plaque and gums raw. Everything tastes coppery. "Home, 'm goin' home. That - that way." Your head bobbles, satisfied with the direction you picked. Firmly planting your blade in the grass, you hobble along despite the sharp twinge that pulses in your hip with every step. For a moment, you think Levi must have faded like he always does, but then -

"Mitchell stop! I order you - tch, Hailey!" You're not sure why your brain has conjured a Levi that thinks you're Hailey, but as you absentmindedly listen to his footsteps racing closer, you think how you've lost enough control of the fragments of your mind that the why probably doesn't matter much.

You wish he'd fade away already. A Levi who can't recognize you is more painful than the one that hates you. Ignoring him is easy though when you know he'll never reach you. He never does, an eternity of reaching but never touching.

But then there's a pressure, a tightening around your wrist that you logically know must be fingers, except that's impossible so it has to be something else. Something that isn't the steady grip of a hand you know so well, fingers long and always always so gentle despite the gruffness he tends to carry in his shoulders. Your whole body tenses, rigidly freezing like stone so acutely you think you've stopped breathing. It's impossible for that grip to be real and you're suddenly terrified that you've fractured again, that your mind has gotten crueler, that you can't even trust what you touch anymore when it's been your last tether to a reality you're no longer sure is actually real.

Eyes flickering, you spot Benny, clean and unharmed and daring you to turn around with a kindness in his eyes you've missed more than clean water. You decide to trust the version of him you knew in life and brave a look over your shoulder.

It's still Levi, though admittedly a part of you thought it wouldn't be, and your chest stutters cruelly with hope when you eye the way his hand wraps your wrist. You can feel the heat of his skin, the pressure of his fingers, the small tremble in his palm when he flexes just so. Your breath catches because he's there and he's close and he's touching you.

The goggles are in the way and - and the cloak, you need them off, you need to see. Your blade drops to the ground when you reach for the green fabric, feeling unbalanced and small and terrified. The leather straps on the goggles catch in your knotted hair and the cloak is sticky with your sweat, pulling unpleasantly at your skin in your haste to take it off, your makeshift glove unraveling in the process. But then they're gone and your eyes are clearer than they've been in months and he's still standing there, holding your wrist, holding your racing pulse between his fingers.

He's so beautiful.

You risk a step closer, and another until you're nearly chest to chest. His breathing is off, silver eyes wide and sparkling and alive in a way you're sure your mind could never replicate. Not this, not your Levi. You raise your hand, fingers shaking as you hesitate half a second at the curve of his jaw. What if this is what shatters his image? What if this takes him from you again? Is that worth gambling? Your lonely heart chooses for you.

He's solid under your fingertips, warm and soft and everything you've missed about your life together. Your hand moves to cup his cheek, thumb swiping at the stray wetness under his eye when he leans into your palm, and for a moment you wonder if you've somehow crossed the threshold into a heaven you were never meant to find.

"A-are you real?" Your eyes sting when you ask the question, only slightly shocked you have any water left to spare for tears, and your voice grates like razors in your throat, but there's no room to care when salvation is in your reach. "Are you my Levi?"

You meet his gaze again, startled by the pure heartbreak you find in his eyes and you think this is it...he's going to fade and you're going to whither in this purgatory forever, always waiting, always alone, always on the edge of oblivion. Your hand drops to your side, cold without his skin beneath your touch, and your eyelids slip closed as you stumble back.

"Trick, another trick, ano - " you choke, words lodged in your shredded throat as you suck in air, in and in and in until you're on your knees and all you can do is scream...

-----

Terror holds a vice on his windpipe that Levi isn't sure he can shake because you're here, in his reach, in his hands, and if he blinks you might just disappear. Good things don't just happen, not to him, but there you are, breathing and touching him and your fluttering pulse is under his fingertips.

Except you're asking if he's real. As if the miracle is his beating heart instead of your own.

Agony rips through his chest because he knows...he knows. Good things don't just happen, and nothing good has lead you to standing before him now, broken and battered and shaking in your very skin. Before he can take that next step, hold you close and assure you that he's very real, that he's taking you home, that he'll protect you this time, you're already pulling away from him so abruptly that panic joins the cluster of emotions in his throat and he stutters forward after you too late.

Levi knows that your scream will haunt him for the rest of his life.

He's on his knees in front of you with no memory of taking the steps to do so, your name a repeated mantra on his lips as he reaches out for you. His palms find your cheeks, pulling you up just enough that he can press his forehead to yours.

"I'm real, I'm real, I'm real, I promise I'm real," he chants over your scream, hoping to soothe you with his words and his touch and your name on his lips because he doesn't know what else to do when you're unraveling between his fingers. Minutes or decades pass kneeling in the grass, trying to grasp onto any thread of calm, until eventually you quiet into small hiccupping whimpers that pull at his heart. "I'm here, I'm real. It's over, you're safe, you're safe...I've got you now, I've got you."

Your hands dance across his wrists, up his arms to grasp his shoulders tightly, and Levi knows he'll bruise under the grip of your fingers, but he couldn't care less. You're breathing and you're shaking and you're so fucking alive that Levi feels euphoria pulsing in his veins. It's a kind of relief, a kind of gift, he never thought he deserved, but this...this second chance the two of you have been given, he'll cherish every breath of it.

He can't help the small curve of his lip or the tears in his eyes when your voice joins his mantra. The repetition of, "You're real, you're real, you're real, I'm safe and you're real, you've got me, I kept my promise, I kept my promise," in your parched raspy voice is like music to him.

A wet laugh bubbles in his throat, thinking of the silver ring hanging by his heart. You came back to him, you kept your promise.

But then he's reminded where they are when Petra calls to him over his shoulder. "Captain! Captain Levi, we heard a scream, we - "

Levi chances a look behind him, not even surprised when your iron grip tightens further, as afraid of him disappearing as he is of losing you, but this is still titan territory. Dangerous. Unpredictable. Walls, he has so many fucking questions, but he bites his tongue.

His first priority now is getting you home.

Petra and the others are huddled a few meters back, as shocked into stillness as he had been, with wide eyes and gaping mouths. "C-Captain, is that - ?"

"Fire off every purple signal flare we have, I need Hange and a med cart here now!" Levi wonders if they can hear the tremble in his throat or spot the wetness in his eyes. "And Petra, my waterskin!"

It takes nearly three seconds for them to move at his orders, but Levi's already turned back to you, still mumbling that mantra under your breath.

He taps your cheek, trying to get your shining gaze to meet his own again, swallowing at the haziness he finds there, the desperation he's been feeling for months sparkling in your eyes. And then he's really seeing you, heart cracking in his chest at the hurt he finds in every divot of your face, every stain on your clothes, every stuttered breath in your lungs.

You're here, and you're alive, but you're definitely not okay.

Your cheeks are sharper than he's ever seen them, gaunt and hollow with a starvation he knows all too well. Eyes sunken into their sockets, heavy purpling bruises darkening under the curves of your lids. There are red blotchy sores along your jaw and neck from the sun or itching or both, scabs bubbling on your dry lips, dirt and sweat and blood freckling across your sallow oily skin. Your hair is longer, tangled with knots and grass and who knows what else. He's suddenly terrified what they'll find under you tailored scraps of a uniform.

"A-are they real?" You ask him so quietly he has to strain to catch the words. Brow arching in confusion, his mouth drops open to ask what you mean when you speak before he can. "Which...which ones are real? Petra...she must be because you - you spoke to her dire - directly, but the others...you - I - which ones - " You ramble on air, eyes flicking between him and the purple smoke now drifting over his shoulder, panic sharpening the tense curve of your spine.

Levi holds back a frown, tapping your cheek again in the hopes of helping you focus. Your ramble stops, but your breaths are too quick and eyes too wide. He carefully places your hand over his chest and takes a deep calming breath, finding he needs it as much as you probably do. "Follow me, breath with me, I've got you," he coaches with a soft voice. "I'm real, Petra's real, Oluo is real, Eld is real, Gunther is real. Say it with me."

"You are real," you begin hesitantly, pupils flickering. "Petra is real. Oluo and Eld and Gunther are real. They're real. Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther. You, you're real." You lean forward, burying your face in his neck and sighing through the stutter of a sob as his arms automatically wrap around your body. You're solid in his grasp but thin, so fucking thin and he wants to snap at whatever's taking Hange so long.

"I love you, so fucking much." He whispers into your hair he pretends doesn't smell rancid, pulling you closer. Levi can't believe he's holding you again, heartbeat against heartbeat. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he mumbles between reverent sighs of your name because he can't remember when he last said it before your disappearance and he's not willing to let another second pass without making sure you know. He hates himself for ever hesitating to say the words before.

Petra is quickly kneeling by his side, waterskin heavy in her shaking hands as she stares at you in his arms like she's seeing a ghost. Which, for all intents and purposes, she is. Her eyes meet his above your head, and the horror of what it means to find you here alive is clear on her face.

Levi reluctantly pulls back from your embrace, motioning at Eld, Gunther, and Oluo to stay where they are, cautious about overwhelming you. He takes the waterskin from Petra, who's still staring awestruck at his side, and carefully encourages you to tilt your head back.

"Drink," he orders, pressing the spout to your chapped lips, minding that you go slow. Your eyes flutter closed, throat constricting with every swallow, small drips trailing down your chin. He moves the watershin away when you push at the pouch, watching your tongue lick away the extra droplets, and for a moment he's actually startled to see tears in your eyes.

"It's so clean," you whimper through the barest of smiles. It has him both wanting to scream at the unfairness of it all and worship the joy pulling at your cheeks because maybe...maybe you will be okay. Levi trails his thumb along the prominent edge of your jaw and offers as reassuring a smile as he can.

Petra turns her head away beside him to hide the wetness he can see building in her eyes, her hands tucked between her knees to cover their shaking.

Dozens upon dozens of hoofbeats thrum the ground below them, Levi looking over to see not only Erwin's squad, but Hange's thankfully close behind as well. He's relieved to spot a cart among the herd of horses.

You tense in his hold, but he swiftly calms any rising panic with soft words and little shushes. "It's okay, it's okay. They're real, they're here to help." His brow furrows at the way you seem to shrink into yourself, shoulders hunching forward and eyes trained resolutely on the grass. "I want you to say it. I'm real, they're real, they're here to help."

"You're real, they're...are they all real? There's to-too many, not all - they can't all be - " And he watches your gaze lift, stalling on a spot behind him that he knows is nothing but grass and dirt, and you look so scared. How does he protect you from something he can't even see?

"Petra, get Hange, now." Levi doesn't even acknowledge his subordinate stumbling to her feet, keeping his eyes and his hands on you. Your name slips from his lips, attention shifting back to him. "I'm real. Hange is real. We'll figure out the rest when we can."

You nod, leaning into the palm still cupping your jaw. "You're real, Hange is real. They're here to help."

In no time at all, Hange is sweeping you up in their arms, obnoxious sobs quaking their shoulders and all but spinning you around in relief and glee and grief. Babbled combinations of your name and apologies and questions race from the scientist's quivering lip. You're clutching just as tightly to their chest, though he's not sure if it's in relief or fear as you lose any control over your balance.

Levi can feel panic crackling between his teeth when you're no longer in his reach, quickly jumping to his feet to pull you from the vice Hange has on your body.

"Damnit Shitty Glasses, be careful, she's not exactly in top fucking form," he growls, steadying you with on hand at your elbow and the other resolute between your shoulder blades. You're clearly favoring your left leg, and he remembers the heavy limp you stumbled with earlier, the now discarded blade practically the only thing keeping you upright. Levi makes eye contact with an approaching Erwin, but speaks directly to Hange with a curt order searing his words. "We need to get her in the cart so you can do a basic assessment of her injuries on the way back. We're taking her home, now."

That last bit may have been directed at more than just Hange, but he's not about to negotiate anything right now. And neither is Hange if he's willing to trust the resolute look in their eye and the uncharacteristically serious jut of their jaw when they nod in agreement. The two of them stand strong at your back when Erwin finally reaches them, ready to argue and defend and fight if they need to...but they don't.

Erwin engulfs your small trembling body in his broad hold, one hand cradling your head to the beat of his chest and the other wrapped firmly about your waist. "I made the wrong call all those months ago, but I'll make the right one this time." Levi isn't sure if he imagines the tremor in Erwin's voice when he says your name, but the shock flashing in Hange's glasses makes him think he probably didn't.

Slowly, your hands come around Erwin's back, fingers grabbing at the green fabric of his cloak for purchase. "Erwin...Erwin's real," you hum, rocking further into his arms for balance. "I want to go home."

"We're bringing you home, soldier."

Levi sticks close, joining you in the back of the cart with Hange not far behind. He's careful to settle you gently in his lap, legs on either side of your waist, with your back pressed to his chest. You rest your head just below his chin, tightly lacing the blistered fingers of your right hand with his own. He's as grateful for the physical tether as you probably are.

While they wait for the convoy to regroup and prepare to set out back towards Wall Rose, Levi encourages you to drink more water with a not so subtle nudge of the waterskin against your lip. The flicker of a teasing grin he spots, small and gone between two blinks, has his heart warming in his chest and a fresh wave of relief curving over his shoulders.

He's never been so grateful for his reality before.

As much as he tries to refrain from indulging in fantasy, there's always been a small part of himself - locked away in a tiny box at the corner of his mind with the memories of his mother's singing voice and Isabel's cackling laugh and Furlan's gentle smile - that yearns for a reality without titans. One with a quiet tea shop to his name, no blood staining his fingers, and your soft hand twined with his own.

Now all he can think is he wouldn't care if their world burned to the ground, ravaged by the beasts of burden, not as long as your heart beats and your warmth permeates his chest.

Levi's knocked from his musings when Hange rocks the cart, loudly clattering around the tight space with a medic bag at their hip. They take a cautious knee by your side, an awkward lilt to the curve of their toothy smile and tears still shining in the corners of their eyes.

"Right then, what hurts sweetie?" They ask, but from the way you squirm in his hold, Levi's sure everything probably hurts. He gives Hange a look over your head, nostrils flared and stoic brow arched just so. They laugh nervously, scratching at the back of their head. "Okay, okay, um any open wounds? Anything bleeding or in dire need of stitches?"

"Nothing life threatening or that I haven't already taken care of," you whisper, words hesitant like you're ashamed to be hurt at all. Levi bites on the scoff he wants to let out. "My um, my right leg is pretty fucked up. It's why, uh, why I was - why I couldn't..."

"It's okay, it's okay," Levi mumbles close to your ear, tightening his hold. He knows what you're saying, that your leg is the reason you didn't catch up or make your way to the wall. His lips brush against your temple, reminding himself you're here, in his arms, alive.

Hange is eyeing your leg, clearly wanting to see the injuries for themself, but they shake their head instead. "Well, best not to mess with anything as long as you're stable until we know what we're working with. The medics at headquarters will be far more thorough, but in the mean time, just tell me the most pressing parts."

You nod against Levi's chest, body stiff and uncomfortable in his arms. He can feel you twiddling with Hailey's goggles in your lap. Questions about your squad float behind his teeth. Your voice sounds far away, and he can tell you're back there, back to that day. "A titan had, um, swiped at us - me and...and Bully." Levi mouths the word 'horse' at Hange's confused brow, not wanting them to interrupt you. "Just out of nowhere in the rain, this massive hand...then I was on the ground, leg stuck under Bully's body. She was - she was already..." You take a deep breath, whole body shuttering with the flutter of your ribs. "Broken." You gesture to your thigh. "Dislocated." Your knee. "Cut open." Your calf. "Broken" Your ankle. "I did what I could...I - " You turn, looking up at Levi with wide watery eyes that have fear pulling at his throat. "I had to eat Bully."

Levi closes his eyes in sorrow, touching his forehead to yours. "You did what you had to, you survived."

Hange clears their throat, looking awkward as they pull at their collar. "Any, um, anything else?"

Levi finds himself wanting to ask about the hallucinations, about what you're seeing that has you so frightened, but he swallows the words.

"I'm pretty sure everything is bruised in some way," you actually joke, pulling half a smile from Hange. "Oh, and - um..." You pause, pulling your hand from Levi's lingering grasp to unwind the scraps of fabric on your left hand. Levi's chest constricts at the sight of two severed stumps, burned on the ends. The silver ring he gifted you all those months ago with a promise in his heart shines safely on your thumb. "Frostbite, weeks ago, before the snow melted. I didn't want it to spread."

He knows the image of you having to cut off your own fingers will appear in his nightmares. He knows every injury, every tear, every scared whimper will haunt him with the rest of his failures.

Hange stops asking after that, holding their tongue and carefully hiding the horror in their eyes with a flash of their glasses. They try to make you as comfortable as possible with spare blankets as the jostling of the cart knocks you all back and forth. Erwin heads the convoy, obviously, with Levi's squad and Hange's squad flanking the cart on either side as a protective guard. Levi spots Mike's squad joining their ranks, stationing themselves at the back of the cart with hard eyes focused intently on your trembling form in his arms. He shares an understanding nod with the larger man.

When they pass through the gate into Trost, blissfully lucky to have not encountered any titans on their retreat, Levi can feel the tension bleeding from your body, a heavy breath lowering your shoulders. A hiccupping sob stutters in your chest that has him shielding your head from the crowd that gathers in the streets to greet them home with complaints and insults and misguided assumptions.

Levi grits his teeth, holding back on the same urge to knock heads and split jaws that hits him every time ignorant assholes scream about tax dollars and wasted time and worthless sacrifices. Instead, he places his palms over your ears and wraps his body around yours as a protective barrier, burying his glare in your neck.

The medics are waiting for them at headquarters, Erwin having sent a scout ahead to warn them about their arrival, so Levi is quick to pick you up in his arms, stable behind your back and under your knees, careful about the movement of your leg. He hops off the back of the cart, jerking his head to the nearest wide-eyed medic, an older woman named Martha if he remembers right, to get her to follow him. She's close on his heels, listening to Hange as they explain the basics of what they know of your condition to Martha.

He handles you like delicate fractured glass, carefully placing you on the nearest bed in the infirmary. You frantically grapple with his arm, panic surging in your eyes. Levi traces your cheek, pressing his lips to your forehead. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here the whole time." He ducks his head, holding your gaze steadily. "Say it with me. I'm real, Hange's real, Martha is real. She's here to help."

You smile so beautifully through chapped bloody lips that his breath catches in his throat. "You're real, Hange's real, Martha is real. She's here to help," you repeat, tapping his hand on your cheek.

Martha steps up to the other side of the bed, pulling a tray of supplies behind her and shuffling a clipboard in her hands. "Okay, Squad Leader Hange has filled me in on your situation. I'm so sorry, dear." She speaks calmly and clearly, a gentle authority to her tone. He can tell she's experienced with frightened and traumatized patients, she'd have to be working within the Scout Regiment. You wilt away from her, but still offer a hesitant curl of your lips in return. "This may be scary to hear, but I think we can do our best to help you if you're sedated. I know - " she continues quickly as you stiffen with trepidation. "I know that's not ideal, but I need you to trust me. All we want to do is help."

Levi frowns, not particularly fond of the idea either, but a quick questioning look at Hange makes the decision for him. The concern in their expression is evident, nodding in agreement with Martha, and Levi trusts that Hange knows what's best in this situation more than anyone. He looks down at you, meeting your quivering eyes as he says again, "I'll be right here the whole time."

You're shaking your head, hovering between pulling back from him or burrowing closer to his chest. "I - what if I don't wake up?"

"You will," he promises with a reverent whisper of your name.

"And what if I do, but I'm...but I wake up back out there, alone. I c-can't, I can't, I can't, I - " you spiral, fingers gripping at your scalp, fist pounding at your temple that Levi is quick to stop with his own soft hold.

"I need you to trust me," he kisses your hand. "You will wake up, and I'll be right here waiting for you." Your eyes are shining, wet tracks pulling through the grime on your skin, but you nod with him and turn back to Martha despite your rightful fear.

Martha carefully rolls up your sleeve, and the sight of your too-thin arm and bony wrist splotched with sores and bruises ranging from deep purple to murky green to fading yellow has despair bubbling in his throat. The needle goes in at the juncture of your elbow. Levi holds your hand through your flinch, squeezing tight when your body shudders.

"I love you," he murmurs into your ear, caressing his fingers against your cheek as your eyes slowly close, body going limp on the bed.

Martha reaches for some scissors on the tray. "We need to start by cutting away her clothes. Squad Leader Hange, if you could help me. And you, Cadet..."

"Petra Ral," the strawberry blonde answers, stepping forward from where the rest of Levi's squad is standing at attention. Erwin, Mike, and Moblit are all there as well, hovering just at the threshold of the infirmary.

"Please Commander, we need privacy," Martha implores, saluting the Commander with the scissors held tight in her fist, tone firm and bordering on orderly. "I'll take good care of her, you have my word."

Erwin clenches his jaw, looking from your prone form to Martha before settling on Hange. "See that she does."

"Of course, Erwin, you know I will."

"We'll be on standby just outside should you need anything."

As they file out, Mike lingering half a moment longer than the others, Martha turns her attention to Levi. She stares in a manner that has his hackles rising. "Captain Levi, sir, I understand - "

His lip curls into a snarl, hands clenching at his sides. "I'm not going anywhere."

She frowns, but nods in resignation. "Right then, let's get started."

They start with removing the ODM gear, a painstaking process that he's glad you're not awake for. Then they move onto cutting away all of the belts and scraps of leather you have tied securely around your wrists, ankles, waist, and collar - probably to help insulate against the cold and wind and frost of winter. The oversized clothes and boots come off next, clothes that he's suddenly realizing came from other solders - big as they are - more questions building on his tongue.

The find a dry, wilted daisy in your pocket.

The sight of your right leg has nausea stirring in his gut. Martha carefully unstraps the belt holding together the makeshift splint on your thigh, Hange focusing on the wrappings on your knee, calf, and ankle while Petra delicately holds up the limb for easier access. Your feet are blistered and raw. Deep flowering bruises, old and new, decorate your once soft and unblemished skin, dried blood browning around half a dozen different scabs and sores. The muscles of your leg have atrophied, smaller and with none of the strength he knows you to have. Your femur clearly punctured the meat of your thigh and your calf - Walls, Levi can feel a tremor in his spine. The cauterized wound stretching the entire length of your calf has memories of burning human flesh singing his nose and mixing with the nausea dangerously.

He can count your ribs and sharpen his blade on the edge of your collarbone. Joints all red and raw from sweat and overexertion and itching from the filth of months in the wilderness. Your arms are bony, the point of your elbows fragile, and your stomach has caved inward with starvation, pelvis bones jutting forward under the sallow stretch of your skin. Levi can't help the wetness in his eyes, turning away for a moment because he knows what this kind of hungry feels like, knows it better than most.

It's something he wouldn't wish on anybody, let alone you.

"She has lice, the poor thing," he hears Martha sigh over his shoulder, glancing behind him to see her reaching for the scissors again. She's going to cut your hair, she -

"No, no don't," Levi's quick to grab her wrist. He's not sure why, but the idea of shaving away your hair feels like a betrayal, like just another thing to trap you in this experience instead of moving forward. He can't undo anything, but this...this he can fix, this he can save you from. "Focus on her injuries, I can take care of the lice."

Memories of his mother's fingers combing little itchy bugs from his scalp shift behind his eyes, the smell of vinegar and the rare luxury of steaming water linger in his mind. He goes to the hallway, looking directly to his squad.

"Oluo, Gunther, go to the kitchen. I need vinegar and two large pots of hot water. Eld, my quarters. I need towels, soap from the shower, and the two small combs in the cabinet under the sink. And," he adds after a second thought, "a t-shirt and sweats from my wardrobe for her after she's been bandaged." Levi nods in thanks to their salutes.

Mike steps forward, a rare hesitancy in the deep curve of his shoulders. "How is she?"

"Alive," Levi says because it feels like the only true thing he can say. He clears his throat for a proper update. "Mostly old injuries that need cleaning and stabilizing. Sores that need disinfecting. More than anything she needs food, water, a fucking bath, and rest."

He swipes his hand down his face, suddenly so very tired.

"Hey," it's Erwin's hand on his shoulder, holding him steady when he fears he's about to fall apart. "You brought her back, Levi. You did that."

Levi frowns, brushing away his Commander's attempt at comfort. "No, she did that. I left her to die three months ago."

"Under my orders."

"You think that matters?!" Levi hisses, jaw clenched so tightly his teeth rattle. "I could feel it, I knew - my instincts were telling me to find her, that something was wrong and she needed me. I ignored every part of me screaming to look for her in favor of being the perfect fucking soldier."

Mike steps forward, shaking his head. "We thought she was dead, Levi. We thought she was..."

"Crushed," Erwin finishes, a harsh curve to his prominent brow.

Something red and hot and violent boils in Levi's chest. "Find Oswin."

-----

Waking up is harder than it's ever been. Your body feels heavy and sluggish, something you thought you had gotten used to in the cold and the damp and the rough, but this is different. This is the kind of fatigue that blurs your vision and pulls you down into the depths of unconsciousness with kind welcomings and warm caresses.

Waking up this time is hard because you're not sure if you want to.

But then you remember silver eyes and feathery black hair and the rarest kind smile that makes your heart skip and your breaths stutter. The promise of a silver ring. You remember finding the love you've been enduring eternities of hell for.

Lashes fluttering, your eyes sting at the harsh light of the morning sun shining through the window, and you're half tempted to burrow further under the blanket to chase away the light.

Window. Blanket. You're in a fucking bed. In the infirmary. At headquarters. It was real.

You scramble into a sitting position, heart pulsing in your throat and aches pulling at your limbs with every movement. Hunched forward, hands clawing at the blanket to draw it away, your eyes flicker over the fresh clothes - a white shirt and gray sweats you know to be Levi's - and the clean bandages on your arms.

Running your fingers through your hair, scalp feeling raw and itch free, marveling at the lack of knots and tangles and dirt. Everything is sore in the most pleasant way, in a way you know is healing and safe, lacking the twinge of infection.

Levi's ring is still on your thumb, a little cold and shining like it's been cleaned. You press it to your lips, a comforting habit you've formed over the lasting months.

Looking to your left, tears spring to your eyes and warmth floods your chest at the sight of Levi passed out and contorted uncomfortably in the wooden chair by your bedside. "You kept your promise," you whisper, fighting the urge to lean forward and brush the fringe from his eyes because you don't want to wake him.

"Morning!" A cheery voice calls from your right, startling you so much your neck pops when you turn to them. It's Petra, smiling, gentle, kind Petra. She's standing with her hands behind her back, relief shining in the lights of her eyes, pink in the apples of her cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

You offer a clumsy grin, small because it pulls uncomfortably at your chapped lips. "Tired, mostly."

"I bet." A soft chuckle shakes her shoulders. "Well, we're glad to have you back. It's been...it's been hard."

You frown, brows drawing together. Something about the curve of her smile is off; the way she's looking at you has your teeth on edge. You shuffle under the sheets. "How...um how was he?"

Her face seems to crack, twisting cruelly with darkened eyes and a hateful manic grin that could never belong to Petra. "You abandoned him, how do you think he was?"

"I - I didn't - I," you stammer, head shaking. You came back, you came back. Levi knows you didn't have a choice. He knows that, right?

"You left him, you let him suffer, believing you were dead for months. It's your fault."

"It's not, it's not, I didn't - I came back," your jaw shakes, tears slipping off the curve of your chin. The sheets bunched and crinkled between your remaining fingers. "You weren't there, you don't know - "

A frantic call of your name has your words stalling, whipping to your left to see Levi sitting up with a worried curve to his brow. "Who are you talking to?"

"Pet - " you swallow the lump in your throat, looking back over your shoulder to see no one there. "Petra, I thought - she was real, she's supposed to be real. I don't - I..."

"Here." Levi hands you a clear glass of water, resting his other hand on the top of your head, a kind of understanding in his gaze that has your lip quivering. He's real, you know he is from the warmth that bleeds from his hand into your scalp. "I can ask someone to get Petra, if you want. I'm sure she'd like to see you."

"No!" You nearly shout, an embarrassed blush warming your cheeks. "No, no that's okay." As a distraction, you take a deep drink of water. It's cold and clear and clean, smoothly gliding down your parched throat. You're not used to it. It cramps in your hollow stomach unpleasantly, and for a moment you think it might make its way back up your throat, but you swallow through the nausea. The unfamiliarity, the strangeness, of clean water has you practically pitying yourself and the urge to hide your face grows.

Levi sighs beside you, leaning his hip against the edge of the bed and crossing his arms. "I'm not going to force you to talk about it, any of it. But," he makes sure to hold your eye, "it might help."

"That's rich coming from you." You wince as the words escape without your permission, an unreasonable defensiveness building in your aching joints. They were venomous and cruel and you regret them immediately. "I - I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. It's just - "

"It's okay," Levi gives you a tight-lipped smile that you're sure you don't deserve. "Like I said, I won't force you." He pauses, rolling his next words on his tongue. You almost hold your breath, shaking for the moment he pushes you away, tells you he moved on, blames you for it all. "You once told me to be patient with myself, now I'm telling you the same. What you went through..." Levi trails off, and he's never felt further away from you. "You need time to heal, that includes up here." He pokes your forehead, fingers dropping to cup your cheek soon after.

Relief floods your chest, more grateful than you have words for that this bleeding-heart of a man cares for you. Loves you even. You're not sure how you managed to trick him into it, but you cherish it all the same.

You lean into his hold, giving half a smile in return. "I sound smart, when did I tell you that?"

But then he's reaching for his pocket, pulling out a crumpled, stained slip of parchment that has your blood stalling in your veins and any content in your smile to slip away. A letter, your letter. The letter he was never supposed to see; a jinxed precaution you cursed yourself for writing every time you did it. "At first, I thought this letter was the cruelest thing you could have done to me," he says softly, tracing the aged edges of the page like he's scared it will fall apart in his grasp. "Then it became the only thing I had left and...just, thanks - for, um, for writing it."

You reach for his wrist, drawing your thumb over his pulse point and reveling in the beats you feel there. "I'm sorry you ever had to read it."

"Me too."

"I love you," you're suddenly desperate to say, to chant, to scream with all the air left in your lungs. "I love you so much, Levi. More than anything. I'm sorry I got stuck." Your vision blurs with tears, happy or sad or just devastated in every way you could be.

He taps his forehead to yours, palm still warming your cheek. "I'm sorry I left you behind," he chokes on what you're scared may be a sob.

You're already shaking your head to deny his apology - you don't need one, you don't blame him - but he's already leaning into you, pressing his lips to yours. The kiss is all that you've been craving for months. It's comfort and love and warmth. It's wet with your shared grief and sorrows and relief. It's safety and it's grounding and it's your Levi.

It's everything. It's home.

His lips are softer than yours, gently caressing the cracks in your skin like he's scared you might fall apart. You're scared of the same, but he's there and he's real and you can easily push away any lingering fear with Levi's perfect touch.

Martha finds you two a few minutes later, Levi nearly lounging on your bed beside you, hands laced in your lap, exchanging gentle loving whispers to each other. You're half-surprised he doesn't pull away when the woman comes in, but you think he's just as starved for your warmth as you are for his. A wonderful quiet has settled between the two of you that you could just bask in for a better eternity, for that heaven you've been searching for. You're almost upset to be interrupted, but you also really want a shower.

You look to Levi with a question in your eyes, and his answering nod is enough for you. She's real.

"So good to see you awake, dear," Martha greets with a cheerfulness you don't share, but you're grateful someone can manage that bright of a smile. "It's been nearly two full days of rest for you. How are you feeling this morning?"

Two days doesn't seem right when your bones sting with fatigue and your eyes are still playing tricks, but you remember the sedative and just decide your body probably needed it instead of questioning the absurd amount of time that's passed. You hesitate to offer the same answer you gave to the very not real Petra when you first woke up, but it's the truth, so you use different words that mean the same thing. "Just...exhausted I think, and achy."

Martha hums, nodding her head as she makes notes on a clipboard. "To be expected of course. Any dizziness? Nausea?"

A lie is on the tip of your tongue because the fact that water made you nauseous is embarrassing and weak, but lying wouldn't help anything except maybe your ego, but that's hardly your priority at this point. "I had some water a little bit ago, it stayed down but it didn't...feel right. No dizziness though."

Levi squeezing your hand grounds you in that moment.

"Proper hydration and sustenance is something you've been lacking, you're body is in survival mode, using every facet to keep you going. It will take some time to readjust, especially with food." Martha seems to stall as if she doesn't want to move on to the next part. You're not sure if you want to hear it. "Most of your major injuries have healed about as much as they're going to since they happened months ago. You did a remarkable job caring for your wounds despite your limitations."

She pauses again and your teeth rattle with impatience.

"But...?" Levi actually speaks up, a protective arch to his brow and back stiff like he's expecting an attack.

"But..." Martha repeats, a tired sigh lacing the words. "You need to be prepared for the likelihood of permanent damage. The break in your femur, especially, has healed enough that slight pressures won't be a danger, but that doesn't mean it healed well. Your limp has put extra strain on your hips that's concerning for your future mobility."

"What does that mean?" You think you know, but you need to hear her say it.

"You won't be able to move the same way you did before, and if you're not careful moving forward in this process, it may get worse. I'm aware - " she says before you can interject, " - that you were able to successfully operate the maneuver gear on several occasions despite your injuries. That doesn't mean you're okay; in fact, it probably exacerbated the breaks and made everything worse. You had to survive, no one begrudges you that, but you don't need to survive in here anymore. You can't take those kinds of risks if you still want to be able to walk at all."

"You're telling me to quit the military." Your breath catches, panic seizing in your chest. You can't leave...this life is all you've known since you were twelve. Leaving - leaving isn't an option, it can't be; and Levi, you can't lose this, lose him again.

"I'm cautioning you about taking care of yourself. With the state of your leg and your hand, I'm advising against any field work. You'll likely need a crutch for the rest of your life. However, you're still a valuable asset. I'm sure the Commander already has a place planned for you in his personal counsel." She may be sure, but you're definitely not.

A crutch. For the rest of your life? Useless, you feel useless. Weak. She called you valuable, but all you can think is you've lost all purpose beyond breathing.

Your hands are shaking, lips pulling down into a deep watery frown as you fold into yourself. Forehead pressing tightly to your knees as you try to catch air, hips and spine aching at the angle. "I ca-can't...I need to be out there, but I can't - "

"You need to heal," Levi's voice is stern by your ear, calm and steady and him. "Don't worry about anything else."

"B-but..." Your words are wet and so are your cheeks, sniffles shaking your shoulders. "It terrifies me - the thought of going back out there. Of seeing those things, of fighting, of getting stuck. But it's scarier to think that I can't stop this from happening to anyone else."

"That's not your responsibility."

You shake your head because he's not getting it, but you don't know how to form the words, how to make it make sense. Maybe it doesn't make sense, maybe you're just deluding yourself into thinking you'd make any kind of difference at all. Still, the idea of being benched is somehow both like acid in your mouth and warm relief in your chest.

It's not like you have a squad to lead anymore.

Martha clears her throat, drawing your attention back. "Are you feeling any significant pain or discomfort anywhere? Anything you're concerned about?"

Answering that is harder than you thought it would be. Everything hurts, everything needs time to fucking heal. You're concerned that you'll never be able to move forward from this. But you don't say that.

You clench your jaw, looking down at your hand linked with Levi's in your lap, that damn letter teasing the edge of your vision. Patience. You think of Levi's finger poking your forehead. That needs to heal too. You're starting to hate that word, 'heal'. It makes you feel weak. "I've been...been seeing things."

"Oh? Bad dreams? It's unfortunate, but certainly normal for your circumstances."

"No, I mean..." You pause, squeezing Levi's hand to keep you stable. "I got sick a few days after - " you wave around your left hand, Martha and Levi following the gesture to the bare scarred stumps. Levi swallows, but Martha only nods for you to go on. "I had this really bad fever and started seeing things...people that aren't real. I lost all track of time. And even after the fever passed, I still - they're still there."

There's pity in Martha's eyes that has shame shriveling on your tongue, as if you had any actual control in these circumstances. "Fever induced hallucinations are common for high temperatures. You know what else can cause hallucinations? Sleep deprivation, prolonged dehydration, physical trauma and blood loss, hypothermia, extreme isolation, all of which applies here. Your body has been balancing on the edge of shutting down for weeks. Whatever you're seeing, good or bad, is part of your body's way of coping."

"My body is making me see visions of my dead friends walking around to fucking cope?!" You snap, anger and frustration curling your lip. You can't look at Levi despite his steady hand on your shoulder, the upset he feels at your words clear in the frigid grip of his fingers. You can't handle this...this thing in your head that thinks it's okay to exploit your fallen comrades. Your friends. But it's not Martha's fault, so you try to curb the bite in your next words with a deep breath that threatens to turn into a yawn. Exhaustion still pulls at your eyelids and wilts your spine. "How do I make it stop?"

Martha just smiles kindly. "Time, same as all the rest. Patience with yourself. Routine would probably help. You need to reacclimate to your life here. In the mean time, I suggest you keep up whatever you've been doing to help you differentiate between the hallucinations and reality."

You focus on Levi's hand, on his pulse under your fingers. "Touch helps." You trace his knuckles, marveling at the softness you find there, looking back up at Martha. "When can I shower?"

The woman barely holds back a chuckle at your question, and you spot Levi turning away with an amused smirk. "You're well enough that staying in the infirmary won't make much difference. The rest is up to you." The words are spoken to you, but you notice the sly flicker of her eyes up to Levi. Honestly, you can't find it in yourself to be upset, you want to be taken care of so badly your nerves ache. You're sick of doing it yourself. "Before you leave, I want you to eat something. We'll start light, of course, just some bone broth, work our way up from there, and plenty of water."

After the near miss with the water earlier, you're hesitant about the idea of food, but you know you need it and you have to start somewhere. Bone broth is easy, thin like water and stale in flavor. The inner pep talk isn't quite as convincing as you want it to be. It's a hurdle you'll cross when you get to it.

"Thank you, Martha." You reach for her hand, squeezing when her aged fingers grasp your own. "Really, thank you for everything."

That kind smile is back, the one the reminds you of a long dead mother, and you feel more tears stinging in your eyes. You'd complain about being a fucking crybaby, but you decide you've earned the privilege and bask in the brush of Levi's thumb under your cheek. "Squad Leader Hange will be in with your food soon. While you wait, you have a couple other visitors waiting outside if you think you're up for it."

You offer a crooked grin with less than half the mirth you'd normally feel, but you guess that's something else to work up to as well. "I refuse to sleep until I get that shower. I'm up for a couple extra distractions."

"Of course, dear, I'll send them in." With a last lingering smile, Martha heads to the door. "Oh, and before I forget, Welcome Home soldier. You've been dearly missed." She's gone before you can say anything else, though you're not sure you could even manage half a word with the surprise blocking your throat.

Watching Erwin and Mike step into the infirmary isn't exactly surprising, but it does have you unconsciously straightening your spine. You're not sure why, but the idea of anyone other than Levi seeing your frailty is almost upsetting.

Hailey trails behind them. Hailey with legs and a smile and the goggles you know so well. Hailey who you know is dead, but she skips like she's alive.

You look to Levi, who blinks in understanding. "Erwin and Mike," he clarifies in a whisper, and when you look back, Hailey is gone.

Again, you expect Levi to pull his hand back when Erwin and Mike approach your bedside, but he doesn't. Just holds tighter and swipes his thumb across your knuckles.

Your relationship was never a secret, but it has always been private. Touches and kisses and loving words only shared behind closed doors. It feels strange, but you welcome this new side of Levi that revels in your touch despite prying eyes. Letting go, you decide, would be as devastating as losing the air in your lungs.

Mike gets to your side first, large palm engulfing the crown of your head when he leans forward to get a big whiff of the nape of your neck. He stands tall with that gentle smile you know so well. "Still you."

"Hardly," you chuff, turning to sniff at your shoulder. "I stink like sweat, dirt, and...vinegar?"

"You had lice," Levi curtly offers, looking uncharacteristically shy with the lightest of pinks on his cheeks. You kiss his hand in thanks, barely holding back a snort at the uncomfortable shuffle of his feet.

"Under that, you're still you," Mike insists, sharp eyes boring into your own.

You know what he's saying, you're thankful for it. He ruffles your hair beneath his palm like he's reluctant to pull back. You almost don't want him to, but he does, and you choose to revel in the heavy protective weight he posts at your side instead.

Looking up at Erwin feels more intimidating than it ever has before, and you're not even sure why - except the part of you that's terrified of being discharged, of being sent away, of being blamed and scolded for mistakes that weren't your own.

Okay...maybe you do know why. You wait for him to speak first because words tumble on your tongue and you're not sure how to string together a sentence yet.

And then he moves his fist to his heart, saluting you. Everything stalls, your brain has stopped working. You can only listen and try to understand. He starts with your name, you almost don't recognize it. "Under my orders, you were abandoned in titan territory. That was my call - "

"It was the right call," you interrupt, nodding at the widening shock in his eyes. "It was the right call, Erwin. We didn't plan for rain, you had to retreat with as many survivors as you could and...you didn't know I was alive, right?"

The way he hesitates has your brows pulling together, a shiver of fear pulsing in your spine when your eyes snap from Mike to Levi - who looks almost terrifyingly angry in that moment - and back to Erwin. His voice is far too professional, far too controlled, jaw locked and hard. "We were told by Cadet Theodora Oswin that you had been crushed. With no reason to doubt her account in the midst of an emergency, I ordered the information be withheld from Captain Levi until we were safe behind the walls."

"Oswin," you repeat, the name rolling off your tongue like a foreign language. A weird satisfaction settles in your mind, you knew it started with an O. You're suddenly back to that day, rain in your eyes and Bully pinning you down. "She - I...I reached out. She looked at me and...and she turned away. She was scared, I know she was, but she - she - "

"Theodora Oswin has been dishonorably discharged from the Survey Corps, held in contempt for lying in her report detailing the death of her Squad Leader."

And suddenly you can breathe again, air stuttering down your throat as Levi whispers calming words in your ear. She's gone, she's gone, she's gone. It's a harsh punishment, too harsh, but you're grateful for Erwin's protection. "Thank you, Erwin," you sigh through a fresh wave of tears.

"Tch, she got off easy, if you ask me," Levi grunts under his breath, and part of you might agree, but you're biased.

"If it's not too much," Erwin starts, tone lowering into a gentle timber that settles your rising anxiety. "Do you have any information about the rest of your squad?"

"Dead," you say before you can think, startled by the word on your lips. The three men look just as shocked, eyes wide and concerned. "They - sorry..." you shake your head, trying to get your thoughts in order. "We got separated, I um...I found them by accident when I started towards a nearby forest for shelter. I scavenged supplies and then...then I buried them."

Erwin nods like he understands, like he was there, but he wasn't and you're so fucking tired. There's a lull in the conversation that you're embarrassed to have caused, but you also don't know how to move forward from this.

Hange makes it easy, they always do, and you can't help the startled laugh that bubbles between your lips when they stumble into the infirmary, bowl of broth balanced precariously in their palm and what you think is probably a pitcher of water splashing onto the cuff of their jacket. "Food time!"

"Took you long enough, Four Eyes," Levi grumbles, reaching for the bowl when they trip closer to the bed. "If you fucking spill that, I swear - "

"Calm down, Shortstack, I got this," Hange cackles, plopping the pitcher on the table to your right and stretching the bowl out of Levi's reach. "I can handle a bowl of soup just fine, rein yourself in, Mama Bear." They wink at you, manic grin you've missed so much pulling at their cheeks despite the murderous glint you're sure is in Levi's glare to your left. "Open up sweetie, I have some deliciously bland broth for you here."

You accept the spoonful of broth Hange feeds you, half tempted to complain about being treated like a baby, but mostly your arms are tired, and you think your left hand might pose a problem with either the bowl or the spoon, so you decide not to care. The broth is thin like water as you expected, and just as bland as Hange bragged about. It's nicely warm down your throat, but settles about as well as your earlier drink of water. You fight to keep down the next few spoonfuls because you refuse to throw up in front of your friends, in front of Levi.

"So, I've been sort of itching to ask," Hange starts a few minutes later, and you just know they're going to ask about what kind of titan behavior you saw. Thinking of Preston has a complicated mix of longing and trepidation swirling in your chest.

"Hange..." There's a warning in Levi's voice, something you're grateful for but you also don't want your friends to tiptoe around you like something broken - even if you are, just a little bit.

"It's okay, Levi, really. I actually...I wanted to ask you something first," you mumble, tapping against Levi's whitened knuckles and staring at your lap. "We know titans are slower in the cold, but...do you think the temperature makes them docile?"

They're looking at you like you're crazy, you can feel it - except Hange, of course, who's practically vibrating. You try not to wince as the broth sloshes over the edge of the bowl. "Docile?! Docile how?!"

But you hesitate because Levi already knows about the hallucinations and what if he thinks you're making it up? What if you did? What if Preston was never actually there, or at least not there like you remember him to be? You don't know how to trust your own thoughts anymore.

You're not aware you're shaking or that you're clenching your hands until Levi's murmuring close to your ear. "Just breathe, it's okay. Whatever you saw, whatever you have to ask, it's okay."

A deep breath settles your fluttering heart. Hange is watching you with barely contained excitement. "There was this titan in the forest, eleven meters I think," you begin in a soft, almost timid voice. "It, uh, never stood up, but it was big. I used it to...to stay warm. Cut all of his joints over and over so he couldn't move. The only reason I didn't freeze to death was the steam, especially during the blizzards, I - " but you stop, suddenly sickened by the memory of a bloody muscular nook in the titan's stomach. The small amounts of broth you'd managed to choke down churn dangerously. "He never hurt me, never tried to eat me, even when I didn't have the strength to cut him up again. Just laid there, just watched me, for months."

Hange squeals your name, bouncing up and down on their heals. "You're a genius! Using their steam to survive the cold, absolutely brilliant, haHA!" They start rambling under their breath about the different ways a titan's steam could be useful and the benefits of holding a titan captive in a similar manner. Their index finger curls under the jut of their chin. "You said it just watched you? I wonder why...maybe it grew attached, or it was waiting for the perfect time to attack?"

"Preston had plenty of opportunity, he never - "

"Preston?" It's Erwin that interrupts you, one massive eyebrow raised. Your cheeks warm, blush brightening the tips of your ears, and you fumble through a few words as you try not to curl into yourself.

"I like that name!" Hange laughs, slapping your shoulder that hurts more than you'll admit and sending you a reassuring wink. "The beastie saved your life, deserves a strong name, I think. Good choice!"

Mike and Erwin both nod like it's obvious, but you're still fighting the fluster in your cheeks. Levi is weirdly silent at your side, and you're too scared to look at his reaction, so you just nod thankfully at the scientist and accept a few more spoonfuls of now lukewarm broth.

"I just wanted to know if the cold could have caused any of his strange behavior."

"Hmmm," Hange taps their chin, glasses flashing. "It could have, I suppose, but it's more likely that Preston is just an extra abnormal abnormal. Could be both. Redundant, maybe, but without observing him myself, I can't really say for sure." They smile kindly at you, placing their hand on your shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "We should just be glad Preston was there to help you come back to us."

"Yeah," you nod with half-lidded eyes, deciding not to mention that he's still alive, probably lounging beneath that massive tree. Thin arms and legs twitching, fat gut steaming. Sparkling white grin wide and sharp and straight. Yellow eyes stuck on the spot you disappeared into the horizon.

You wonder if he ever tried to follow you.

A jaw-cracking yawn interrupts your thoughts, wetness springing to the corners of your eyes, and you lean heavily into Levi's side when all your energy seams to drain from your limbs. His arm winds around your back, warm and holding you close to his chest, and you've never felt safer than when his heart beats by your ear.

"Tired?" You can hear the amusement in his voice, fingers threading through the loose strands of your hair that still smell of vinegar. Your nose curls.

You hum, burrowing further into his hold. "Mhmm, but shower first." You think you hear the others laugh, but you're too exhausted and comfortable to care at this point.

There's a few more muffled mumbles between Levi and the others before you hear the click of the infirmary door. It's just you and Levi, a tension you hadn't realized you'd been holding in your shoulders and the bend of your spine loosening in one fell swoop.

You can't remember the last time you talked this long. Your throat is sore from something other than thirst. It's refreshing, but still bothersome in its own way. You blink slowly, eyelids heavy and neck slouching.

"I wan' go t'bed," you slur, nuzzling the juncture of Levi's neck.

You feel one lean muscular arm bracing your shoulders, the other snaking gently beneath your knees. Your leg twinges when he lifts you and your hips dip a little too sharply, but mostly you're just glad not to be walking. "Thought you wanted to shower?"

"Tha' too, then bed. Our bed," you add, lips lingering on the silver ring on your thumb before placing your mangled hand over the beat of his heart. "Real."

"Yeah, I'm real," he says into your hair, chest rumbling with his words, grip tightening around your body. Safe, this is safe.

For the first time since you woke up, you're not so scared to let happiness in.

-----

It's unsettling the way your shoulders poke into his skin and your legs are thinner than his arms. You're weightless in his hold, lighter than the burden of fully stocked ODM gear at his hips, and it's fucking scary.

Levi's pretty sure if you weren't in his arms and he could hide from your beautiful gaze, he'd be on his knees heaving onto the floor.

He wants to kill Theodora Oswin. It's never been something he actually wanted to do, but this time he does. He wants to do it slowly; he wants to personally escort her outside the walls and leave her there with a broken leg.

As it stands, he'd only managed a sharp jab of his elbow into her jugular before Erwin and Mike pulled him off and practically exiled her from the Survey Corps. Too easy, too soft.

He wants her to know what she did to you, to have nightmares about the hell she forced on you. Because, even though you came back and you're breathing in his arms, she killed a part of you.

You had to bury your squad. People that trusted you with their lives, people you trained with, grew up with, people you cherished. Your friends, your family. You buried your family with your bare hands.

The severed remains of Furlan and Isabel dance behind his eyes and he's suddenly terrified of the images your mind conjures to torture you, apparently to fucking cope, according to Martha. He thinks the concept is cruel and unfair, but everything over the last three months has been the same. Levi just wishes this was something he could carry for you.

Your body will never fully recover, and even if he could erase the scars and the breaks and the hollow indent of your stomach that has marred your existence for the last three months, he can't even begin to imagine the mental toll. No, not that he can't...he's terrified to because you're seeing your dead friends and your living friends and they're saying things he's sure aren't kind.

Levi thinks of your scream when you thought he was another figment of your mind and he's scared to wonder what the mirage of him has polluted your thoughts with. He's thinks of not even an hour ago when an image of Petra had you trembling and mumbling and crying. He thinks of every time you've looked to him to confirm the breathing people in the room.

And you had to personify a damn disgusting titan just to compensate for the isolation. You named it Preston. It just...it makes him so sad to think of you huddled and shaking next to the steaming meat of a disabled titan, trying to make conversation because it's just so so quiet and if you don't fill the space with something you'll shatter within yourself.

He knows that kind of quiet, and the few days he spent whispering to his mother's body before Kenny came and whisked him away were a special kind of eternal hell he wouldn't wish on anybody.

But Preston was there for you when Levi couldn’t be, and he’s bizarrely grateful to a titan for keeping you warm and alive and maybe a little less lonely until the day you stumbled back into his arms. He's not used to such gray areas of thinking, not when it comes to the monsters that pick human bits of bone out of the crevices of their smiling teeth, but every beat of your heart and puff of air against his neck has him feeling indebted to the predator he's sworn to annihilate.

When you spoke of Preston, almost gentle, almost longing, Levi couldn't speak unless he wanted the sob he'd been holding back to rip through the feathered remains of his throat.

Preston was somehow kind to you and he's not about to curse that kind of blessing.

Levi holds you just a bit tighter, hoping enough of his warmth will sink so far into your skin that the you from weeks ago shivering in the snow will feel him and know...know that he loves you, that he never stopped, and he's so fucking sorry, but he's coming for you.

The corridors are blissfully empty of any stray cadets or higher ranking officers, likely because it's the middle of scheduled training. Not that he's in any way embarrassed to be seen cradling you to his chest. Hardly. He'd keep you there for the rest of his life if his arms could take the strain. But the staring would be annoying and the whispered gossip about the squad leader risen from the dead would set his teeth on edge and he really doesn't want to disturb your rest if he can.

You've already become a bit of a legend, and all he wants to do is shield you from tall tales that'll pull you back to that place.

The halls are cooler than the infirmary had been, so Levi is sure to walk faster towards his quarters when you start to shiver in his arms.

'Our bed,' you had mumbled before and he can't help the flutter in his ribcage or the pink rising to his ears. It's amazing how one possessive word can bring so much elation to his thumping heart. He's glad he asked Eld and Petra to scrub the room of dust and launder the sheets the morning before when he remembered the state of the untouched bed. You deserve clean and fresh and soft more than anyone.

He knows you're not asleep, though you're very close to tipping over that edge, because every few seconds you murmur under your breath or kiss his jaw or dance your fingers across the exposed skin of his throat. It gives him goosebumps. Your touch is something he never thought he'd feel again, he'll revel in anything you're willing to share with him.

His lips press to your forehead briefly before his focus shifts to the door to his office. It's takes a complicated stretch of his hand behind your back and a knock from his boot to push the door open, but you're seemingly undisturbed by his jerky movement, so he counts the clumsiness as a success.

It's still technically morning, so warm light filters into the stillness of his office. He holds back a snort when you try to hide your eyes in the lapels of his uniform as he steps to the bedroom.

Not as bright because the curtains are thankfully drawn, the air is particle free, smelling of the lemon cleansing solution he prefers for his rooms, and the bed sheets have been replaced. He notices the garishly colored throw blanket usually draped on your reading chair has been moved to quilt over the bed. Gently he lowers you into the divot of your blue chair, pressing his palm onto the new point of your cheekbone to get your attention. Your eyelids flutter, irises shining with sleepiness, but an automatic smile pulls at your lips that has his heart skipping.

You wiggle in the cushion, curious brow raising. "Mhm, feels different."

"It's more comfortable than it looks," Levi says instead of admitting he slept in the chair instead of the bed, too grief-ridden to subject himself to the too-empty mattress. The imprint of his body has replaced yours in the cushion.

You don't ask, just nod, and he thinks you might understand.

"I'm going to go prepare the bath." Levi stands, squeezing your hand when you grapple for his fingers like he's about to disappear. "You'll be able to see me the whole time. What do you want to wear to bed?"

"Sof' pants, big sweater," you mumble, clearly hesitant to pull your hand from his. One more squeeze to your palm, and then he makes his way to the wardrobe.

Soft pants means another pair of his sweats. Big sweater is this one specific pullover you purposefully bought two sizes too large because you like the way it covers your hands and reaches your knees. He thinks now you'll probably swim in the fabric, but he knows how comfortable it is because he's warn it several times over the last three months.

Maybe you'll notice his scent sunken into the fabric the same way you noticed the new dents in your cushioned chair.

He remembers to snag a pair of panties and some thick wool socks. Winter is over, but the chill lingers in the stone walls of headquarters, and the last thing he wants is for you to suffer any more cold.

Levi sets the clothes and two towels on the edge of the counter, making sure the bathroom door stays open so you can see him. He keeps the sensitive skin of his elbow under the running water to test the temperature in the tub because burning you is absolutely not an option.

Going back to that blue chair he's grown to cherish as much as you, he sit you up and helps you remove his shirt and sweats from your body. Part of him expected you to be mummified beneath the fabric, but you really only needed bandages on a few especially bad sores. They're due for cleaning and fresh wrapping anyway, so he removes them as carefully as possible so he doesn't pull at your delicate skin. He tries not to let his eyes linger on every detail of pain and neglect he finds on your person and carries you to the bath.

You sigh when you sink into the water, muscles visibly loosening as the warmth seeps into your flesh. Levi hands you your toothbrush that he could never bring himself to toss away, toothpaste already sticking to the bristles. Your eyes widen like he's just handed you gold and you immediately start scrubbing away at your teeth.

Eventually, your spit comes away lathered with blood and minty foam. You spit into the cup he holds in front of your mouth. He rinses the brush, puts more toothpaste on it, and hands it back to you because he knows the fuzzy feeling of built up plaque. You brush your teeth two more times before the red fades from your spit and you scrub away the film of time on your tongue. Levi cleans the toothbrush and the cup, placing both in their rightful place on the vanity.

He uses a different cup to wet your hair, pressing his hand over your forehead to protect your eyes.

"Do you think Erwin's going to discharge me?" Your question stalls him in the midst of squirting a dollop of soap onto his hand.

He huffs, lathering his hands until the soap is bubbling. You lean into his fingers scrubbing at your scalp, the vinegar smell disappearing under the soft floral scent. "You're the only person ever to have survived in titan territory for more than a few days, and alone at that, he'd be a damn idiot to let you go."

"But I can't fight anymore..."

Levi's jaw clenches through his frown, hiding behind your head as he rinses away the soap with gentle touches. "You shouldn't have to, you've fought enough."

"I just...you don't think I'm useless now?"

"What?" He's breathless, he's sad, he's angry. He takes a deep chestful of air and focuses on rubbing the citrus body soap into the sharp ridges of your spine. "Don't be stupid, you're hardly useless."

"Enlighten me then," you grumble, wrapping your arms around your legs and hiding your pout in the caps of your knees.

"You can strategize with Bushy Brow - "

You scoff, "Like he even needs help with that."

"More than you think. And besides, I'm sure Shitty Glasses would love to recruit you into their experiments and research, if that's something you want. Or you could guide training, our cadets could learn a thing or two from you." You just shrug noncommittally, moving your body as he guides so he can wash under your arms and down to your ankles. "You can do all my paperwork from now on."

Satisfaction blooms in his chest when you actually laugh. "Yeah, you got it."

He carefully rinses the suds from your body, pulls the plug for the water to drain, and guides you into a standing position balanced mostly against his side, wrapping you in one of the fluffy towels before you fully register the chilly air. "You'll never be useless, get that nonsense out of your head," he orders, dropping the other towel on your head to dry your hair.

"I love you."

Levi melts inside at the words, hoping to hear them and say them to you for the rest of your lives. "I love you more," he says against your hand, kissing the scarred knuckles.

"Impossible," you tease, and despite the little grin he gives you, he doesn't feel any amusement. He can't imagine anyone feeling anything more than the love he holds for you in his heart.

In a wonderfully comfortable silence, he rebandages the worst of the wounds and helps you into your pajamas. He was right, the sweater swallows you up, and you look so tiny. It's as endearing as it is tragic.

The bed has never looked as inviting as the sight of you sitting on the edge, watching him while he removes the bulk of his uniform. The belts he hangs on the door of the wardrobe, boots stacked next to it, while the rest gets piled into the hamper in the corner of the room until he's left in just his briefs. He's always run a bit on the hotter side, and he wants to feel as much of you as possible against his skin, swathed in warming fabric or not.

He joins you under the sheets and the knitted blanket. You're already huddling close to his chest before he has a chance to pull you in, and all Levi can do is marvel at your head tucked under his chin, hands cupping the beat of his heart, legs twining with his own.

It hits him all over again that you're alive.

You did that, you kept your promise, you came back to him. He wants to kneel at your feet in thanks, but settles for reveling in the brush of your breath against his skin.

"Levi?" Your voice tickles his ear.

"Hm?"

"Can you make me some tea when I wake up?" You say with a gentle timidity like he wouldn't bring the world to its knees if you asked him to.

He smiles, hiding the tears prickling his eyes in the softness of your hair. "Sure," Levi mumbles, holding you just a bit closer. "With a spoonful of honey." You hum contently in his arms, already drifting into sleep.

This is what perfection feels like, what home feels like.

He's missed it.

-----

Taglist:

@everything-is-hollow @ashbash2403 @purplecandygerl @roseelilly @pissbabybitchboy @ekaymnslvs @dazzling-roaring-20s @iloveinej @gojosbucket @logibearhockey1 @beefcakebarnes @lilshades @leviackermanmyhero245 @mochalate @whattheheckmidoriyaa @ursa-the-stranger @lqme @snailsposts @kiss4kazu @isabellawigginss @lawlerek @sluttydarlin @zirbsy @tsukilover11 @ekaymnslvs @saturnsjustabouthadit @madmadamemimble @kamizama @geese-goose18 @fckwritersblock @skeletondeerart @riotbearstuff @thel0v3hashira143 @shanksfav @belladaises @luvosamu @psychicwobblerpersonamonger @sherlockholmes08 @ladyalicevii @loverocks240 @princess-unicorn124 @clara-425 @yourfellowpopfiend

CONNIE’S “man fuck that kid” IM ROLLING BYE LMAOOOO THATS HILARIOUS

first date + kiss w/ the aot boys

modern! headcanons my brain requested while trying to fall asleep w/ little college major details i wanted to include hehe, also all these boys are extreme simps so, lol 

includes: armin, connie, eren, jean, levi, and reiner

(a/n): pls don’t clown me on connie’s manga panel, could not find a good one for the life of me (◡﹏◡✿)

Armin would definitely be a man of culture, he’d most likely be an anthropology major with some kind of STEM minor! I can totally see him just loving the idea of language development and social issues like gentrification. He just loves educate and involve himself with anything surrounding human behavior and culture.

After some weeks in the same sociology lecture you two share, he would ask you out on a date and for sure be super nervous. 

“Hey (Y/N)! Wait up!” he’d say while trying to collect his items, and himself to be honest. “I was thinking, maybe, we could go on a coffee date? Maybe enjoy some evening music this weekend? Only if you want to, obviously!”

“Now why wouldn’t I want to go on a date with you Armin?” 

After his shocked expression he invites you to meet up with him at a local coffee shop near the university you two attend. The small shop would be super cozy, fairy lights dangling from one side to the other with dim lighting. There’s plenty of filled bookshelves along with loud sounds of expresso machines but it just has good vibes.

“I usually come here to read and people-watch, I’ve never brought anyone here before,” he’d confess while sitting you down near a window to look at the city street. 

“How come?”

“Like to keep this place a secret,” and you can’t help but swoon that he lets you in his little secret. 

After the coffee is done with and the macaroons on the table are non-existent, he takes you to a jazz lounge nearby. You two sit near the bar at a small table that was far enough for you two to chatter but close enough to watch the band play. He recounts the time he stumbled in one day because he thought he was at the bar his friends were at but to his surprise, he was greeted with a sly saxophone. He tells you how ever since that day, he has been in love with jazz music. 

When the bread pudding is gone along with some white wine, you two decide it’s late. He’s gathering his things and slings his jacket over his shoulder as you two are heading out but the band starts playing their own rendition of ‘These Foolish Things (Remind Me of You)’ and he just has to stop and watch the woman on stage sing. 

You can feel yourself have a butterfly brawl in your stomach at just watching how beautiful he looked in the red mood lighting as he sways slowly. He would turn to you and wrap his arm around you. 

“This was the song that made me come back the next weekend,” he confesses. 

And the mood just feels right! So he leans down to give you a nice kiss, and you two just walk out as soon as the singer finishes her song, hand-in-hand. 

Keep reading

“What’s that for?” Levi’s brow furrows as he watches you swirl your teaspoon in the little jar before you, only to pull it back with long, syrupy strands drizzling from the end. The candlelight catches in the flow: shiny and translucent as it drips down slowly to pool back in its jar again.

“It’s honey,” you explain with a light laugh, dipping the spoon down to repeat the same satisfying motion again.

“Well, what’s it made of?” The man’s distrust is plain in his tone, his eyes narrowing as he glares at the indulgence that you’d picked up on a visit into town earlier that day.

“It comes from bees,” you say, angling the spoon over the steaming cup of tea to your left—Levi's cup—to which you're intent on adding a teaspoon's worth of honey. But you suddenly find your effort halted— Levi’s hand wrapped firmly around your wrist, keeping it frozen in place as another long rivulet of the viscous, amber syrup sinks back into the open jar below.

You peek at Levi with a curious gaze, your head tilting ever so slightly to the side in confusion.

His lips part.

“It’s made of bees?” 

He sounds positively horrified. 

You almost snort at the revolted look on his face, shaking your head and trying not to get distracted by how easily his large, calloused hand circles the circumference of your wrist. 

“No, no.” You swallow down the laugh you feel bubbling from your stomach up to your throat, knowing it will only irritate him more if you let it free. “It’s made by bees—harvested from their hives. It’s sweet.”

“Why would I want my tea to taste sweet?” he asks gruffly, as though the suggestion is the most preposterous thing he’s ever heard. “I want my tea to taste like tea.”

“But it’s nice.” You make an earnest attempt to reason with him, a lightly teasing smile playing at the corners of your mouth which you fight uselessly to keep at bay.

“It sounds repulsive.”

This time, you really can’t suppress your laughter at his staunchly uncooperative tone.

You attempt to pry your hand from his grip, pressing against his hold to lean closer to the still-steaming cup of tea waiting for your spoon, but his grip refuses to slacken even through your efforts. His grasp is firm and unyielding, but not painful—and is still far from the strength you know he’s capable of.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t falter.

Instead, he tilts your hand upwards in response to your struggle, and you watch helplessly as the honey begins to inch down the neck of the spoon—creeping closer to your fingertips with every passing second.

“It’s a treat,” you argue with him petulantly while still endeavouring to free your hand, twisting it this way and that in his hold, though the jostling serves only to make the honey drip towards your fingers faster.

“It’s unnecessary, and frankly an insult to the tea,” he bites back with an equal insistence, his tone verging more and more towards genuine offence on the tea’s behalf with every syllable. 

Finally, inevitably, you feel the honey meet the tips of your fingers: a sticky, unpleasant sensation. You stop fighting, dropping the spoon back into the jar of honey with a plop, and watch how the edges of the utensil sink into the thick liquid as though being slowly swallowed whole.

“You made a mess,” he chides you with a familiar reproachful tch.

He watches as you survey the residue left on your skin, his upper lip curling back in distaste when you spread your fingers to let the viscid strands stretch and break between them.

“Besides, if I wanted something sweet I—mmph!” Levi’s impending lecture is cut short as your fingers press against his mouth, your index and middle digit slipping unbidden between his lips as they part in speech. Thoroughly blindsided by the intrusion, his jaw goes slack—allowing you to run the pads of your sticky fingers over the surface of his warm, wet tongue. 

You watch raptly as his startled eyes never stray from yours—not as you slowly withdraw your fingers, running them gently over his pink lips, nor when you lift your hand towards yourself and slide the very fingers that had just been in his mouth into your own. Only once you’re satisfied that no lingering traces of the honey remain on your skin do you pull your fingers back, smacking your lips together to savour the pleasant, saccharine taste left behind.

“Hm,” you hum thoughtfully, finally breaking your prolonged eye-contact to inspect the tips of your fingers for anything you may have missed. “Tastes sweet.”

“You’re disgusting,” Levi chokes out an entirely unconvincing jab, clearing his throat roughly. 

You glance back towards his face, making absolutely no effort to conceal your provocative grin. You raise your hand to your lips once more, tongue flicking out to catch the last bit of honey you’d overlooked. His eyes follow your every movement with a sort of spellbound attention.

“And you’re blushing, Captain.”

chance | l. ackerman x reader

everything about her seemed to attract every type of person.

people younger.

people older.

people of the same sex.

people of the opposite.

but she paid no mind.

her only mission in life was to kill these titans and to get your life back to normal. and until she did that, she would push every person aside.

or so she thought.

she had never understood how people could do stupid things like putting themselves at risk for love, it wasn't until that someone came into her life and showed her how to fix that part of her that she finally understood. that the feeling of loving someone was too good to let go. and she was gonna make sure that no one would ever hurt her or her loved one until she died.

word count: 1,151 words

warnings: gore, cursing

part 2 here!

—————————— ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ——————————

 A loud grunt left her lips as she flung her whole body towards the titan coming her way, twirling mid air until she was face to face with the nape of its neck. The wind slapped her face harshly, digging her blades into its neck feeling every inch of it as she sliced his skin, swiping as hard as she could to her left. The sight of its chunk of skin flinging off merely satisfied her, jerking back as her ODM gear latched itself into a wall behind her. The 10 meter titan collapsed on the floor almost as quickly as it had appeared. Without letting her guard down she proceeded to go on foot landing on a nearby roof, running as quickly as she could from rooftop to rooftop in search of any other titan. 

The scouts were trying to make sure no titans came anywhere close to Eren who was a bit preoccupied with a boulder on his back. Suri wasn't entirely sure how this all came to be, but she was choosing to ignore it until after they had plugged up the wall.

She knew Eren.

She knew that boy would never do anything to harm any of them, so she wasn’t worried. 

“Hey! What’s got your head in the clouds, pumpkin?” Jean shouted, landing not so effortlessly beside the girl. She rolled her eyes, not letting her stride falter.

“Don’t worry about it, Kirstein. Also- what?”

“I thought it was cute,”

“Well, you thought wrong.” She huffed, brushing her hair out of her face, her eyes scanning her surroundings. Jean smirked at the stern look in her face, facing forward. The pair of you broke into a sprint, the hissing of her gear was all that was heard as she sped in the direction of a 7 meter titan making his way towards Connie. 

“Hyah!” She screamed, allowing her body to put as much of her frustration into that hit making the titan fall down a gush of steam slapping her face. Connie spun on his heel, a shocked expression etched on his lips. Without halting her movements feeling the burning sensation of titan blood on her face, “You have to be more careful, Springer!” 

The wind was twirling her hair, making it almost impossible to see. She angrily huffed, coming to a stop on a stone pillar. Hurriedly throwing her hair up into a tight bun so it couldn’t get in her line of vision. 

“Watch out!” The sound of someone screaming near her made her freeze, jumping up into the air. She looked down at her feet, noticing that a titan hand had narrowly missed her by less than an inch. Shaking her head at her recklessness, latching her hook onto a nearby building, arching her body backwards as she flung yourself into a ready position. Twirling her blades in her hands, effortlessly hitting its nape sending the smiling freak tumbling face first. Bits of rubble found their way flying towards her cheek, leaving small cuts as she sped off towards the remaining scouts. 

“What happened to being more careful-”

“Connie, respectfully, I will shove my foot up your ass if you finish that sentence of yours.”

“How do you know he isn’t into that?” Jean retorted, a playful glint in his eyes. A small smile made its way onto her lips as she eyed the buzzed boy whose mouth was wide open. Suri leaned over and shut it for him, ruffling the small strands of hair he had on his head. 

“He’s only jokin’”

“No I wasn’t-”

“Kirstein, I swear to god.” She rolled her eyes at the sandy haired boy, who chuckled at her threat. At this point she had managed to wipe out all the titans nearby, her hands dropping slightly as she adjusted her grip on them. “I wonder how many more titans there are left…”

“I mean if we’re not counting the 50 over by where Armin is, then I’d say 0.” Connie sighed, eyeing her frame as she turned your head to see where Armin had led all the titans. A small wince left her lips at the sight of all of their clamoring hands pawing at the wall.

“I wouldn’t say 0 quite yet, Springer.” Jean interjected, tapping his sword against hers gaining her attention. She turned to face him, who was nodding in the direction of Eren. 

“Fuck me…” The three of you had caught sight of five 10 meter titans that had just marched in through the entrance. Throwing her head back a groan leaving her lips, readying herself to take off.  “Don’t get yourselves killed. If you die, I’m reincarnating you just to kill you myself.”

“You be safe too, Suri!”

A bubble of laughter left her lips, throwing herself off the rooftop, her ODM gear latching onto a concrete wall sending her body flying towards the titans.

The familiar sensation of the wind slapping her calmed her in a way, keeping her attentive to her actions, eyes never once leaving the approaching limbs.

One thing that Suri bragged about when it came to being a cadet, was how agile she was while flying.

She was one of the fastest, along with Mikasa. The two girls had never failed to impress. Her swiftness and ability to kill titans like she was sleeping was a god given gift. Every ounce of her strength went into every strike, while making it look effortless. 

“Why don’t you assholes fucking die?” She growled under her breath, her blades down by your knees. 

The sound of her gas hissing caught the attention of 3 of them, their huge eyes eyeing her like a carcass of meat. Smiling at the sight of them, swinging herself around them as a way of taunting them. 

They all had the same fucking look in their eyes. Hunger. She didn’t know why, but seeing those 3 helpless titans swing their limbs in every attempt to grab her filled her with so much rage. Swiping her tongue across her bottom lip, wetting it as she hovered above them.

Suri shot her hook straight across them, flinging up into the air a loud laugh leaving her lips. I hope you assholes rot in hell.  

Leaving her swords to her right as she sped by them, the sound of her blades cutting through their flesh was like music to her ears as each one dropped right after the other.

Their blood coated her head to toe the stinging sensation from their boiling blood made her wince, wiping it off the corner of her mouth in disgust discarding the chipped swords.

The sound of Eren howling to her right made her tense up, watching as he flung the boulder into the entrance, a humongous gust of dirt and rubble flying towards her. The sound of people cheering sent a wave of relief over her, locking her swords back in place proceeding to fly down to where Levi was currently standing over a titans dead body.

“-tell me what the hell I’m looking at."

authors note: hey lovelies! im starting a new series about aot, and i really hope y'all enjoy it. i've been kinda experimenting with a bunch of new things and new ways of writing so hopefully all goes good! feedback and requests are always welcome!

chance pt.3 | l. ackerman

word count: 1,345 words

warnings: kissing, cursing (nothing major)

part 2 here!

“I don’t understand how in the hell you made this,” Connie practically moaned over the mouthful of chocolate in his mouth. Suri chuckled at the boy, popping another piece in her mouth allowing the treat to melt on her tongue. Connie had cornered her in her room a little over an hour ago while she was getting ready for the night in nothing but her embarrassing pajamas, demanding his treat with his eyes wide.

Suri was just talking about how her day had gone, his arms splayed behind his head as he watched her talk, his legs thrown across her lap. She tried kicking them off several times but he kept throwing them back on so she gave up.

“You’ve said this 15 times already, Springer,”

“I haven’t received a proper answer yet-”

“And you won’t. This is top secret-”

“Oh whatever-” He started, shifting from his position on her bed with a smile on his lips. A knock on her door interrupted him, the pair of them eyeing each other as she jumped down from her bed making her way over to her door, swinging it open. Jean's golden eyes met hers, his fist still raised as if she had stopped him from getting another knock in. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she eyed the boy, his cheeks turning a slight pink.

“Oh hey, Jean! How are you this evening?”

“I’m actually doing quite well, thanks for asking. Did you have a good late night workout?”

“How did you-”

“I didn’t see you at dinner.” Jean stuttered over his words at that, knowing he had been caught looking for her.

“Smart boy. I actually did. My legs are shaking though. I think I might have gone a little too hard,” She tried to cover up her flustered state by babbling, tucking a strand of her hair behind her head as she peered up at the tall boy. “You should join me one of these days. You know, hopefully that’ll stop you from trash talking.”

“Oh I do not-”

“Yes you do. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.” Jean let out a small laugh leaning his head down to look at his shuffling feet, shoving his hands into his front pockets. Something about the way he was standing there made her heart skip a beat, wrapping her arms around herself as she took in the tall boy.

“So…” She wrung her hands out nervously as she rocked her feet. “What brings you here? I’m not saying that I don’t want you here! I was just curious,”

“I was actually wondering if I could talk to you- like, in private.” His cheeks turned a slight shade of pink, his demeanor shifting to a more nervous one. She offered him a warm smile, fiddling with the hem of her pajama shirt.

“Of course! Let me just kick out Springer first-”

“Oh come on!”

The sound of Connie's muffled voice made her turn around, noting he was no longer on her bed. She groaned crouching down on her knees making direct eye contact with the shorter boy. He had his hands underneath his chin, a disappointed look on his face.

“Get out from under my bed, Connie.”

“Just pretend I’m not here,” She rolled her eyes, reaching underneath her bed and taking a hold of his arms. Using little strength to start dragging him out despite his protests. “Wait- no, please! Suri!”

“Connie- what the hell are you doing here?” Jean choked out having made his way into her room to witness the commotion, his eyes having narrowed slightly. Connie just kept his arms in hers, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Suri sent a little kick to the boy, who just yelped rubbing his ribs giving her a death glare. The girl just flashed him a smile, a playful glint in her eyes.

“Okay, okay I’m leaving. Don’t forget we have that thing tomorrow,”

“Wouldn’t dare dream of forgetting it, Springer. Now, do you mind taking your filthy shoes out of my room? Please.” He grumbled under his breath shuffling out of her room, closing the door behind him. Suri let out a small laugh, shaking her slightly damp hair.

“What was Connie doing under your bed?”

“Well, he was on my bed. But I guess he saw you and scrambled under my bed to eavesdrop on what you were gonna say.” Jean gnawed on his bottom lip nervously, leaning against the foot of her bed eyeing her as she walked around trying to tidy up the mess from the chocolate. “Damn it, that bitch took another piece of chocolate. Anyways, sorry about that. You can join me on my bed if you want, I don’t bite I swear… except Connie. That bitch gets on my nerves, ”

She hopped on her bed grabbing one of her pillows and throwing it over her lap. Jean swiftly kicked off his shoes making his way onto her bed, sitting on the end of her bed with his hands sitting idly on his lap. “What did you wanna talk about?”

“I- well… okay. I have wanted to tell you this for a while now, but I haven’t really worked up the courage to until just now. Please, don’t let this mess up our friendship. If you’d like I can always just drop off the face of the earth and pretend this never happened-” She cut off the rambling boy by pressing a hand on his, his words getting stuck in his throat. She squeezed his rough hand softly, rubbing her thumb across his knuckles, his breath hitching.

“You know… for a boy who talks a lot of shit, you’re quite a nervous guy aren’t you?” His face went bright red right away, his eyes locking with hers a playful smile gracing her lips. “I promise you, nothing you can say will change our friendship, Jean. Unless you’re telling me that you killed someone. That’s a whole other story,”

“No, no. I would never. Um… but- here goes nothing I guess.”

“Jean..?”

“I really like you. Like… a lot. When I saw you out there during the mission, I was so stressed. I didn’t want to admit it, but I got scared that I was going to lose you… which is why I’m taking my chance. I’d rather have died trying than to lose you and know that I could have had a chance.” Her hands tightened their grip around Jean’s hand, feeling her heart just about jump out of her chest.

His words had her heart melting. But the other half of her mind on was racing, wanting nothing more than to leave her room and run as far as she possibly could. It wasn’t because she didn’t like him. In fact, that was the opposite. Suri did like him. And that was absolutely horrifying.

“Jean… I-”

“Fuck, I knew it. Look, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to fuck anything up. I just needed to get that off my chest- look I’m leaving but I-I’ll see you-” She grabbed onto the front of his t-shirt, yanking the boy back onto your bed his feet stumbling over one another. Without a second thought she pressed her lips against his, hoping that would be enough for him to catch on to what she was trying to say.

Jean’s eyes were wide open as he peered down at her closed ones, scrambling to kiss her back. Their lips moved sporadically against one another her hands making their way into his sandy locks. His hands grabbed a hold of her hips tugging her as close to him as he could. There’s no way that this is happening right now…

His breath hitched as her lips pulled away from his, taking that moment to try to catch her breath resting her forehead against his. Jean licked his lips trying to steady himself, his heart fluttering rapidly in his chest.

“So- I- Um… does that mean-”

“Yes, Jean… I like you too.” At the sight of her smile he practically gleamed, wrapping his arms tightly around her squeezing her close to his chest. She giggled, allowing the boy to lift her out of her bed and swing her around. Jean swiftly set her down, smiling ear to ear as he eyed her flushed form. Suri offered to hang out for the remainder of the night before he had to go to bed, his tall body finding its way next to hers as he wanted to get to know her on a different level. God damn his beautiful brown eyes.