Here Are My Exact Thoughts While Reading This Chapter (that I Finally Got Around To Reading!).

Here are my exact thoughts while reading this chapter (that I finally got around to reading!).

Tattoo(s)!?!?!

Thank you, Binna, for telling her to jump on that man 😂

Mama Jeon taking a picture of the two of them when she was sleeping 🥺

Why is Sehun there 🤨

Wow, that is big of Sehun

Wait, why is there some random woman answering the door!?

WHO IS THIS WOMAN!?!?!?

You did it yet again, Maddie!! Although you have a lot of explaining to do for that cliffhanger!! Good thing I'm behind because I better get some answers in that next chapter!!

Amour-Haine & Co. | Chapter 15 |

series masterlist

word count - 10k

warnings - brief mention of assault and toxic relationships (I won't ever go into great detail with this subject, but I have decided to make it part of this series), pls let me know if I forgot something

"It might be a little less complicated now..."

As soon as you could feel yourself waking up, the numb feeling of your limbs hit you. Your eyes felt heavy, and you knew once you would open them, there was no way of going back to sleep.

You got a tighter hold of the fuzzy blanket that was thrown over your body and cuddled yourself deeper into the cushions underneath your head. If you had really wanted to, you could've gone back to sleep, but that's when it hit you. Your eyes opened instantly, and you turned your head to the side, staring blankly at the coffee table in front of you. With a groan, you pushed yourself up and rubbed your eyes, only then realising that there was still your mascara from the day before, and another groan left your lips.

"Well, aren't you delightful in the morning," the familiar deep voice made you look up - even deeper and scratchier than usual. Wonwoo grinned at you while you glared at him with squinted eyes since the light was still just a little too bright for an early morning.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" You complained, throwing the blankets off you when you were suddenly hit with the cold air hitting your bare legs, making you hastily cover them again, "Jesus! Why am I not wearing pants?!" Forgetting that you had changed out of your day clothes and into a shirt Wonwoo gave you.

Talking about the CEO, he looked at you slightly confused and slightly worried as he walked up to you, two mugs in his hands.

"Are you okay? How much did you drink?"

You looked up at him as he lowered one of the cups to place it on the coffee table right in front of you, "Not much," and got a hold of the cup right away, "thank you. Not that much... wine drunk is just different. I changed out of my clothes myself, right?"

As Wonwoo sat down next to you, you noticed what he was wearing and could feel your breath suddenly get stuck in your throat. Even with simple grey sweatpants and a black shirt, that man looked much more put together than you ever would at home. His hair was still slightly disheveled from just waking up. This was also the first time you had ever seen him in such casual clothing. You're used to finding him in suits and button-ups in the office - this simple fit on him was new to you. And if there had been someone to pinch you, you would've asked them too, but you could've sworn you saw gentle tattoos decorating his upper arm. A line wrapped around his bicep, travelling down, but you couldn't exactly tell what it was supposed to be, the sleeves covering up most of it. The bottom of what looked like a four-digit number peeked out from the rim of his sleeve as well, catching your attention as you tried to read it. Jesus... God really knew how to play with you. Due to the formal outfits, you were so used to, you had never gotten a clear sight of his skin in these places.

You decided to turn your head, hoping to get the ungodly thoughts that were running through your brain, out of your mind as quickly as possible.

"Yeah," he chuckled softly, "I gave you a shirt and some shorts, I don't know why you didn't put them on though. I didn't undress you in your sleep, don't worry."

You leaned back against the back of the couch, the blanket now just lazily spread across your legs, covering them only barely. You sent him an amused glance, "You've seen me in much less. I wasn't worried about that," making him chuckle while you continued with a nod, "So it wasn't a dream, good." You assured yourself since the memory of changing did cross your mind for a split second, but you weren't sure if it actually did happen. The heat of the mug warmed your hands, and you lifted it to take a sip. He remembered what you had told him last night - that you prefered tea over coffee.

The two of you fell into a comfortable silence, both just sipping on the hot liquids. That was until Wonwoo stood up again to bring his mug back into the kitchen. On his way, he cleared his throat and dared to open his mouth, "So...," he began, sounding slightly on edge for some reason, "You remember last night?"

Oh. Oh.

You immediately knew where he was going with his question. There was no possible way you could talk yourself out of this moment, and, to be completely honest, you didn't want to. The words of the night before still lingered in your brain, and if he hadn't put that question into the room, you could've sworn it must've been a dream. There was no way Jeon Wonwoo, THE Jeon Wonwoo, the bachelor, dougebag CEO, had declared his admiration for you.

"That I'm on my fucking knees for you, Y/N."

It should've made you chuckle. It sounded insane - unbelievable if anyone were to ask you for your opinion on a bold statement like this. But you would be lying if it didn't occupy your brain for the entirety of the rest of the night - which wasn't long, by the way. The two of you had stayed up for a little bit longer, and the last thing you remembered was chilling on the couch, where you must've fallen asleep and taken off your clothes, but that part was still a bit blurry.

"You have me wrapped around your fucking finger, and you don’t even realise it."

"Yeah...," you answered him. Of course, you remembered. You looked up into the kitchen, only to be met with his clearly tensed back. Wonwoo had put the mug on the kitchen island, but stood still on the side, not even moving a millimetre.

You stood up. You didn't know why, but you did. Your feet brought you over to the kitchen, but you held still in place right behind him. His heavy breathing was the only sound in the way too big for one person's apartment, and it made you want to breathe heavier too.

"Wonwoo-"

"I'm sorry for overwhelming you like that," he was quick to interrupt you, continuing his task of putting the mug into the dishwasher.

You glanced at him in confusion, not brave enough to get closer to him again, "What do you mean overwhelm me?" Was it surprising? Yes. Overwhelming? Kinda... not...

A deep sigh fell from his lips as he turned around and placed his elbows on the countertop, putting his head into his hands and brushing them over his face. 

"I don't know what came over me, and I want to apologise for that."

That stung. Why apologise? The sound of regret his voice was laced with stroke your heart like a sharp knife. He wasn't supposed to feel like that about giving in to his feelings. But then again, you already had told him the night before that he would regret it, and now you feared that it had become true.

You gulped, "So... s-so you didn't mean it?" Your nails scraped over the countertop when all you wanted to do was pick at your nails again, but there was already no nail polish left, thanks to the evening before. 

The slow shaking of his head made you suck in a gasp of breath. You could feel your teeth sinking into your bottom lip, biting down harder than you wanted but you suddenly had no control of it. That little movement of his was hitting you harder than it should. You didn't even know how you should react, what you were thinking, or what you were feeling, and yet, seeing the sign of regret on him just hurt.

"No," he whispered, making you immediately turn your head towards him. You opened your mouth, ready to react, but he was quick to continue, "I meant every single word that you heard from me last night." You didn't even blink when he looked up to meet your eyes. "But I know that it wasn't okay of me. It's not right, and it wasn't okay to just put this burden onto your shoulders. I'm s-"

"Stop." You interrupted him, making him raise his eyebrows in surprise. You had caught him off guard. "Stop apologising for that. You've said that word way too much within the past few hours." He raked himself up to stand tall again as you made your way around the corner, stopping in the middle to stand right in front of him. His eyes travelled down your body, reminding you that you weren't wearing anything but underwear and one of his shirts, making your cross your arms in front of your chest.

You gazed to your right, eyes trained on your pile of clothing on the other end of the couch. "I know, I didn't say anything yesterday...," and took a deep breath, "but that's just because... I..." his gentle touch on your chin as he turned your head to look back at him, made you stop. His touches were always so soft if it wasn't in the heat of a moment. Wonwoo put his fingers on you as if he was scared to cut into your beautiful skin. Even with the roughness of his hands, they felt silky against you, and you could feel your body wanting to lean into every single one of his touches.

"I told you, I don't expect an answer from you," he quietly spoke to you even though you were the only two people in the room.

You sneaked your hand up to wrap around his wrist as his fingers were still placed underneath your chin. Your thumb brushed against skin, petting it gently - you could've sworn you felt the hair on his arm spiking up.

"I know," you copied his tone, taking a small step forward to be just the littlest bit closer to him, "But you're making this really hard." Was all you could come up with on the spot. Wonwoo opened his palm and cupped your cheek. His eyes fell down to your lips before meeting your eyes again. You could feel him slowly pulling you in while also leaning in slightly. You noticed just how close you were when you felt his breath against your mouth, "Don't think too much about it. Just go with it."

You were about to close your eyes, letting the moment just happen, when the ringing of your phone echoed through the apartment, making you jump away from his touch. Your phone was still in your bag that hadn't been moved ever since Wonwoo had placed it on there. 

Suddenly out of breath, you rushed over, dropping the CEO's hand, snatching the phone into your hands, and taking a quick look at the screen, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion before accepting the incoming call.

"Bina?"

"Can you open the fucking door?! Where the hell are you?" She shouted through the speaker, making you have to distance your phone from your ear, "I've been knocking like a maniac for five minutes. What the fuck are you doing? You know that I'd rather catch you in the middle of fucking with someone than waiting in the hallway."

Once you were sure she wouldn't say anything anymore, you brought the device closer to your ear again and spoke, "Good morning to you too, and thank you for destroying my ear-drum first thing in the morning. What's going on?"

"I just told you what's going on, open the door, I'm waiting and I have some neeews," singing the last word happily. Her ask made you look down at your feet and stutter,

"Ehm... I...," your eyes fell on Wonwoo, who was eyeing you, clearly interested in what you had to say to the person on the other end of the line. "I can't... I-"

"What do you mean, you can't? Is there someone with you right now? Is it Won-"

"NO!" You quickly stopped her, scared that her voice might be too loud coming from the phone, "No, no. I just... I'm not home right now?" You made it sound more like a question than a statement by accident.

A gasp came from the speaker, "What?! But you don't start work until like an hour, where are you? I got out of bed extra early to catch you!" She whined, making you sigh and cup the bridge of your nose.

"Alright, alright, I'll be there in a bit, okay? Just wait."

"But where are you right now? Do you want me to come get you?" She kept on asking, to which you shook your head, walking over to the couch, to get dressed as quickly as possible once you would end the call.

"No, don't worry, give me just a few minutes, and I'll be there. I'll explain everything then, okay?" Hastily putting your phone between your ear and shoulder.

Bina huffed out a big chunk of air, "Alright, alright. You better have an explanation for this, young lady." You shook your head in disbelief before ending the call, throwing your phone onto the sofa and digging through your clothes to find your pants first.

Wonwoo took a few steps closer to the living room, "Everything alright?" You turned around, finding him on the other side of the couch.

"Yeah yeah, just a... friend emergency," you didn't know what else to call it and waved it off with your hand, "I should get going."

"Oh, you're already awake! That's good!" The cheery voice of Chaewon rang through your ears, making your eyes go wide when you realised how little you were wearing as she strutted into the open space of the apartment, looking as ready as she could be - hair and make-up done and dressed perfectly like the classy lady that she was. 

Wonwoo noticed your panicked reaction and did the first best thing he could come up with, which was to hurry to stand in front of you, covering your entire body with his.

"Hey mum," he greeted her, whereas you were only able to shyly wave at her with one hand while your other was trying to pull down the shirt to cover up as much as possible.

"Good morning," you quietly greeted her, a kind but nervous smile on your lips.

"Okay, so I was thinking," she immediately started ranting, not noticing the awkward situation she had just interrupted with her eyes fixed on her phone, "We could go for breakfast now. I found a wonderful little café around the corner. I totally forgot how beautiful some of the restaurants in the era are. Then after-"

"Mum, didn't you want to curl your hair?" Wonwoo suddenly asked her, making her stop in her tracks and lift her head to look at her sun. Her hands flew up to her head and touched her hair,

"What? I already did," she looked panicked, "Did I forget a strand? Doesn't it look curled? Oh no- wait, I'll be right back," before rushing out of the room, back into the bedroom where she had just come out of.

You chuckled at her reaction and hit the man's stiff back that was still in front of you, "You didn't have to say something like. You almost gave her a heart attack."

He shook his head and turned around, "She'll be fine once she sees that her hair looks perfect. And it made her leave, didn't it?" He looked down at you, a smirk playing on his lips, making you slightly more nervous than you would've wanted. 

It seemed as if he was about to say something, but decided to close his mouth again, opening it once he thought about the next words more clearly, "Get dressed before she comes back," and stepped aside, leaving you more room to breathe again. He got a hold of his phone on the coffee table and continued speaking to you while looking down, "I'm gonna call Hongseok so he can bring you-"

"No, stop." You snatched the device out of his hands, only to put it back on the table to your right, "I told you I don't want to be driven around by him." Wonwoo remained calm and kept his gaze on you, nodding gently, "Right, sorry. I'll try to remember that." And turned around to walk towards the entrance.

You took the time to put your clothes back on, starting the pants before taking your shirt, sorry, Wonwoo's shirt off, and putting your blouse from the day before on again. Right before you finished buttoning it back up, the deep familiar voice rang through your ears again, "Are you done? Can I turn around?" His question made you turn around, finding him standing at the dining table, his back turned to you. He held his head low, looking down at his hands. 

His stand made you chuckle as you walked up to him, stopping next to him, "You didn't have to do that. As I said, you've seen me in much less."

He positioned himself so you were chest to chest again, "Privacy is still privacy."

You squinted your eyes at him, slightly amused by the line that was playing in your head that you couldn't hold back, "Think about that the next time you rip my blouse open, leaving it with no buttons to close it again."

Your sudden comeback made him smile to himself and clear his throat as he played with whatever he was holding in his hands, "So you're saying they'll be another opportunity for me to do that?" Looking up with a proud smirk decorating his goddamn near-perfect face, watching a beautiful rush of pink come to your cheeks as you pressed your lips into a thin line.

Wonwoo chuckled at your reaction, "Just playing, kitten," he tapped your chin, "Thinking back to last night, I know I'll get another chance for that."

Kitten? Kitten?! Did he just-

"I'm gonna go now," you announced, your voice just as stiff as your body as he reminded you of what had almost happened just a mere few hours ago.

He nodded, "Okay," and whispered, waiting for you to walk away from him, but you kept up your interlocked stares for another good ten seconds before the voice of his mother came back.

"Wonwoo, I don't even know why I believed you, I forgot you-," she came to a halt once she spotted the two of you, "Oh, sorry for interrupting." You jumped back and immediately turned to face her,

"Oh, no no no, don't worry, I was just leaving," and approached the entrance door with quick steps. You found your shoes by the wall and crouched down to put them on, not seeing the disappointed facial expression of Jeon Chaewon.

"Ah, I see... I thought that... we could maybe spend the day together...," you raised your head, quickly meeting her eyes and once you did, the feeling of guilt spread in your stomach. This woman had so much power with just her words and expressions... for some reason, disappointing her was the last thing you'd ever want to do, and you had only just met her the day before. What a powerful woman...

"Sorry..." you pushed yourself back up after closing the clasp of your shoes, "I-I ehm... I have to go to the office today- I mean, first home and then to the office. So..."

"Well then maybe tomorrow?" She wondered, "I can change my train ticket and go back home tomorrow evening, so we can spend some time together tomorrow."

"Sure!" Your mouth reacted before your brain could, not even thinking about the fact that the next day would be a normal day at work as well. After your brain registered the words you had left to linger in the air, your eyes travelled to the side, stopping on the CEO who was standing only a few steps behind his mother, gazing at him with raised eyebrows. "Right, Wonwoo?" The man smirked before walking up to you after getting a hold of your jacket and bag, putting it on his shoulder to help you put the outerwear on first. 

He put his hands on your shoulder, brushing along the fabric, "I'm sure if you asked nicely, you could get a day off."

If you asked nicely... he really had to do that in front of his mother?!

"If I asked nicely?" You wondered, meeting his gaze as he handed you your bag with a nod. "I'd love to spend some time with you tomorrow, Chaewon," you didn't go further into Wonwoo's demand and smiled at the older woman who clapped her hands excitedly,

"Great! I'll get your number from Wonwoo and will text you later, alright?" To which you nodded, watching her disappear into the kitchen.

Once she was out of sight, the CEO put his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, looking at you a little confused, "I... I don't remember you asking nicely."

You secured the bag on your shoulder and grinned, "And you can wait for that to happen because I'm telling you now, I'm taking the day off tomorrow to spend time with your mother."

He copied your facial expression, "Alright." As you were able to turn towards the door, you felt his hand on yours again as he got a hold of it, lifting it up and opening your palm. Before you could wonder what he was doing, your felt something being placed inside of it, making you look down. As soon as his hand left yours, you found a car key in your grasp, "What's that?"

Wonwoo chuckled, "I think you know what a car key looks like."

"Yeah, but I'm wondering, what the hell I'm supposed to do with it," you kept your hand open.

"You know what a car key does? Open a car. You know what a car does? Drive," he simply answered, but you continued staring at him perplexed, reaching to grab his hand, and putting the key back into his hold.

"I'm not driving your car, are you insane? I told you-"

He put it back into your hand, "You said, you don't want Hongseok to drive you, and you really think I'm gonna let you get into a taxi? Girlfriend?" He teased you with the last word, smirking down at you.

You sighed in annoyance, "And you're just gonna let Hongseok drive you and your mum around town today?"

Wonwoo smiled at you, leaning down slightly to push a strand of hair behind your ear, "She doesn't like being driven around by him too much either, she's just as annoying as you about that. And besides, I have two other cars and a motorcycle waiting for me in the garage as well, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, princess."

You gulped, feeling a rush of heat coming to your cheeks again, making you push his hand away from you,

"Stop that," you spoke hushly, only making his grin widen at your reaction.

You felt his thumb stroke your cheek for a second, "But I really enjoy seeing you like this."

"I'm gonna go," you announced again, to which Wonwoo smugly replied,

"You've said that before."

"Yeah, and now I'm actually fucking going to," you looked down at your hands for a quick second before looking up again, catching him with raised eyebrows, awaiting another one of your complaints, "How do you know I'm not gonna crash it?" You knew you were provoking him. That was exactly your plan.

"Please be careful. We don't want you to get hurt, do we?"

"I was talking about the car."

He shrugged, "I have insurance."

"What if I spill something inside of it?"

A nod and a smile from him, "There are people that can clean that."

"What if it gets dirty?" That question got a deep chuckle out of him as he took a step closer to you, leaving you, once again, little room to breathe normally.

"The dirtiest thing that car could come across can only be you and your foul mouth." You gasped, immediately hitting him in the chest, only making him laugh out loud as he got a hold of your wrists, holding you closely against his body, letting you feel his muscles underneath his shirt. "Tell me I'm wrong."

You fought against him, amusing the CEO, "I'm not telling you shit, let me go." With another chuckle, he let go of you, and you were finally able to walk towards the door,

"I'm leaving!"

"Bye, babe! Have a good day at work!" He shouted through the apartment, making you turn around after you had opened the door. You glared at him, holding up your middle finger, earning you a whole-hearted laugh from him.

"Bye Y/N!" Wonwoo's mother's voice came from the kitchen.

"Goodbye, Chaewon!" You smiled as you left.

In the elevator, you let your back hit the wall hard. A deep breath left your lungs as you let your head fall back and you closed your eyes. Too much had happened in the last 12 hours or so.

Suddenly, you had a fake-dating scheme going on with the one person you swore off and told yourself to not get too close to, that exact same man admitted his feelings for you while slightly intoxicated, and then you crashed on his couch, woke up with him in the same room, wearing his clothes, and now you were on your way to go and drive HIS car. The world seemed to be moving a little too fast for your liking.

Yes, you had kissed. And yes, you even had fucked. But... whatever this tension was that was going on between the two of you was something different. It started off with being purely sexual, out of hate, mixed with desire and just impulsive actions. But now...

Even though you may have had a glass too much the night before, you were sure that if you had been stone-cold sober, your body would've reacted the exact same way to his words - they were still lingering in your mind.

On my fucking knees for you Y/N.

You have me wrapped around your fucking finger, and you don't even realise it.

Didn't you realise it? Did you really not realise it? Or didn't you want to realise it?

The gifts, the invites to events, the pick-ups, that fucking fake-dating shit that you suddenly had going on because Jeon Jinyoung couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. It all was right there in front of you.

The fake-dating Wonwoo didn't seem to want...

I thought it was a good idea. I have no idea why the fuck I thought it would be a good idea. But this is just bullshit. I can’t do it.

If he really meant it, he was a good ass actor in front of his mother.

But not only could you remember his words. You also remembered his actions. His touch. His kiss. Kisses. As much as you'd want to deny it, and at that point... you were pretty sure you were above that, they felt good. It felt too good to deny it. Your body reacted to him whether you wanted it to or not. The last time someone had engulfed you into his arms like that, kissed you like that was... never. Chanyeol used the same amount of force, probably even more, but there was no passion. At least not compared to whatever the fuck Wonwoo was doing. Because THAT was... passion. It must have been.

Everything felt so good with him. From the first kiss in the meeting room, which was way too long ago, to the quick fuck in the janitor's closet, him bending you over his table, to the night before. Him hugging you. Tightly. God... fuck, so tightly. And kissing you. Deeper than you could've ever imagined.

You had wanted more. You remembered that. As drunk as you were on him and the alcohol, you vividly remembered where your little session had ended because you were ready to go all the way for a third time with him. But he wasn't... he didn't want to.

Not tonight, Y/N. Not here, not now. I want to do this right.

Jesus... even with him not even in the room, he was able to make you feel flustered as you noticed the damp feeling of your underwear and heat, not only between your legs but also in your face. The power the words of this man had on you...

You snapped out of your daydream and noticed the elevator had long ago come to a stop, and the doors were open, leading you into the garage. You had been here before but didn't remember it as well as you would've liked to. Looking down into the palm of your hand, you did the next best thing you could come up with, which was to press the unlock button, hoping to hear the sound coming from the car or see the headlights flashing up. Thankfully, you were surprised by both and quickly found the slick black, from what you could see, Bugatti.

You sighed deeply at the sight of the monster, "What the actual fuck." Fear washed over your body at the mere thought of driving that thing across the town and even having to park with it. You whined out loud, not even caring if anyone saw or heard you - people should know what this man was doing to you. The amount of trust he must have. Or he truly just didn't care since he had other vehicles as backup. You chuckled at the thought. 

Other vehicles as backup, you could only dream of that. But then again, who would even need multiple vehicles? You have one, that's great, and if something is wrong with that one, you bring it to a workshop, you get a different one in the meantime while they're fixing it, and within a few days, you have your car back. Owning more than one was just purely to boost your confidence and show off, you rolled your eyes. There was no other reasoning behind that, or so you told yourself. And there you had it, a red flag right in front of you. Right?

-

It is safe to say, the drive with Wonwoo's Bugatti was the most nerve-wracking thing you had ever experienced. The journey to your apartment was accompanied by multiple men rolling down their windows to tell you how cool the car was, wolf whistles from the sidewalk and hundreds of eyes that followed the vehicle. You couldn't imagine having to go through that every time you drove a car like that and wondered how Wonwoo was able to do this without it getting on his nerves, but again you remembered the Wonwoo you first met and the Wonwoo you knew from the past - cocky and full of confidence. It was attractive in some way, you hated to admit.

You parked in the garage and took the elevator up to your floor, where you were greeted by an over-dramatic Bina, who had taken a seat on the floor, and her back against the wall with her head hanging in an awkward position.

"Oh, thank God, the queen has finally made it!" She jumped up in ecstasy, throwing herself into your arms, "I thought I was gonna have to call the cops to come and get you."

"Jesus," you chuckled, "Alright, alright, calm down," and patted her back before pushing her away from you, earning yourself a growl from the girl.

She stood back with her arms crossed while you fished your keys out of your bag, "You know, I would've expected you to be a bit happier to see me. We haven't seen each other in like weeks, and you just push me away like that?" You rolled your eyes and opened the door, motioning for her to go in first, but after she gave you the cold shoulder, you got a hold of her coat and dragged her inside with a yelp coming from her.

"Shut up, you idiot. You know I'm always happy to see you," the two of you took off your outerwear before walking further into the apartment, "But where are the keys I gave you? I thought you had the spare one."

With a shy grin, Binna opened one of the doors of the cupboard in the hallway and took out what you had just mentioned. She held it up, grinning at you, "Sorry."

With a sigh, you brushed past her, walking through the living room and into the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water and make her the cup of coffee she always needed early in the morning.

"Soooo," she trailed after you, singing, "What did I interrupt? At," she took a quick look at the clock on her phone, "six in the morning."

"You didn't interrupt anything," you answered her before gulping down the entire glass.

She smirked, "Well... something or should I maybe say someONE did make you quite thirsty, huh?" Wiggling her eyebrows only made you roll your eyes once again. "Where the fuck were you last night, young lady?"

While Binna stood proudly next to the counter with her arms crossed, you leaned onto the sink, debating how to start this conversation as you eyed her outfit. A thin black turtle neck crop top with no sleeves, slick black leather skirt and thin see-through tights that were underneath knee-high socks. Interesting choice of outfit for the cold temperatures outside, but nothing too surprising from someone like her.

"Maybe I should ask you that," you smirked, knowing that she wore that exact outfit for most of her first dates - of which she had quite a lot, little miss no to commitment. 

With quick steps, she stopped right in front of you, taking the glass out of your hands before pointing at you sharply, "Don't you dare change the subject. Where were you?"

You couldn't help but smile for some reason, maybe because even just the memory of it was ridiculous, maybe because it kinda made you want to smile. "You're not gonna believe me anyways."

"Says who?"

Another sigh left your lips before you locked eyes with her, holding it for a second when you finally gave her the answer she had been waiting for, "I was with Wonwoo."

It didn't even take her a millisecond to react. The reaction came right away. She gasped, taking a step back, holding onto the counter, "Shut the fuck up, no you weren't."

You chuckled, "Yes, I was. But before you-"

"SHUT. UP." She smiled brightly at you, twirling into the living room, her giggles filling the apartment, "OH MY GOD. You spent the night with him?! You said it's complicated between you two! Is this your definition of complicated?!"

You inhaled sharply, sucking the air into your lungs between your teeth, "It might be a little less complicated now..."

-

"Hm..." was the only sound that came from Binna after you had finished the story of the night before, not leaving out the slightest detail. From the unlucky encounter with Jeon Chaewon to the evening you spent together, and the night you shared with none other than Jeon Wonwoo. But most importantly, the words he spoke to you, and the feelings that were currently messing with your stomach, your head, and your heart.

"Yeah...," you breathed out, taking a quick look at your clock to know when you should be getting ready to get to work on time. 

Your friends took the last sip of coffee that was in the mug before sighing, "Not gonna lie... I don't know if that makes the whole situationship you've got going on even more or less complicated."

"I don't know either!" You whined out loud, holding your head in your hands, letting your elbows rest on the countertop. "Binna... what the hell is going on?"

"You have to know that, babes."

Even though she was right, and you very well you that she was, you wanted to hit her so bad as soon as those words left her lips.

"But one thing's for sure," she started again, coming to put her mug into the dishwasher, "That man is SUCH A FUCKING simp, oh my god."

"Binna!"

"What?! He is! He even said it himself, Y/N!" She got a hold of your hands, "He said that he was on his fucking knees for you," she made sure you were looking directly at her as she spoke to you, "That man is down bad." She stared at you for a moment before continuing, "And I'm afraid... it's not much different for you."

"Huh?!" You snatched your hands back from her grasp, "What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't you even dare try to deny it! You had a smile on your lips the entire time while you were talking about him," your hand flew up to touch your lips, "AND you were blushing when you got to the kissing and simping and disgusting loving shit."

With a groan, you hid your face behind both of your hands, hoping it would somehow disguise what you were feeling right now, but as every best friend would, she knew exactly what was going on.

"It's okay to give in, Y/N?"

"What do you mean?" You lowered your hands again, looking at her in confusion.

"I understand that you might be a bit hesitant now. First, because it's fucking Jeon Wonwoo we're talking about here, and second... because of... him... you know?" She didn't have to say his name, you knew what she meant and who she was talking about. "But Wonwoo doesn't sound all too bad now..."

"You said he was disgusting!" You chuckled with a desperate undertone. Why was this all so difficult?

"Yeah," she smiled, "At the beginning, because what the fuck was up with him. But now... from what you've just said... he's a lot different from how I imagined him to be, to be honest. And..." she took a deep breath before continuing, "I know it's hard to give in, but... he seems so much different from... Chanyeol."

You shuddered at the mention of his name and shook your head, "At the end of the day every man's the same."

"Just because Chan-"

"Not only him!" You argued back, "I have proof of that all around me, all the fucking time! And for all my life! Chanyeol, Jeonghan, my own fucking father! Wonwoo's father!"

"Yeah?" She threw the argument back at you, "And what about Mingyu? Or Jisoo? Huh?!" Binna knew you wouldn't argue about these men. "They're different. So why not Wonwoo too? He sounds like... not gonna lie, he kinda sounds perfect."

"A bit too perfect," you mumbled.

She shrugged, "Yeah, so what? Why not give it a try? Why does it have to be too perfect? Why can't it just be perfect."

"Because it never is for me."

"You never know unless you try." You looked at her in disgust, making her nod, "I know, that was a disgusting quote. I know, I know, I'm sorry. But I mean it."

You crossed your arms in front of your chest and let your eyes rest on your best friend. The woman that swore off true love. "That's coming from you? The person that said she doesn't believe in true love?"

"Not for me," she stated, "I don't think it fits for me. But for you?" Suddenly your face was cradled into her hands as she was squishing your cheeks, "You are such a perfect little person. The perfect woman that I want to see get married to someone that deserves her." You smiled as best as you could in that position. "And you know who that perfect someone would be?"

"Who?" You wondered with raised eyebrows as she dropped her hands again, sending you her signature smirk, "A man that admits that he's down on his fucking knees for you."

-

After dropping Binna off at the school she works at since she got a ride from a taxi to you, you made your way to the office. Getting out of the car, knowing that you'd never drive it again was one of the most relieving feelings you have ever felt. As much as your best friend loved getting a ride in that thing, you just couldn't befriend it. It was everything you didn't want in a car.

You made sure to lock it properly and walked up the few steps to enter the lobby, greeting everyone that had already arrived there just like you would every other morning. It was a little later than you had planned to get to work, but Binna's one-night stand story from the night before took a little longer than expected, and she had to remind you once again of the chance you were letting pass if you didn't 'jump onto the Jeon train, or rather Jeon body' as she put it. Thinking back to her comment in the car made you chuckle.

The silence you were surrounded with in the elevator was quickly interrupted by the messenger sound of your phone. You looked down into your bag to get it into your grasp. The screen lit up with an unknown number right at the top of your notifications. After opening it and tapping on the messenger app, you were able to read the message, but what caught your eye at first was the picture attached to it.

You, on the couch, laying comfortably wrapped up in a blanket, while Wonwoo was sitting in the corner of the sofa next to your head, his legs stretched out on the other side of the L-shaped couch. His hand was gently placed on top of your head as if he had been brushing through your hair only moments before the picture got taken.

A rush of heat went through your body, making the blood shoot into your cheeks. You took a deep breath to calm your beating heart and hoped for the weird feeling in your stomach to pass. Yes, I know, you told yourself. Fucking heart… always ratting you out. A quick glance at the message made you chuckle:

Don’t tell him I took this photo, but the two of you were too sweet, I could help it. P.S.: very excited for tomorrow! <3 - Jeon Chaewon

After you typed a quick reply, hoping to convey the same ecstatic emotion through it, you arrived at the right floor and exited the elevator, putting your phone back into the bag and trying to calm the multiple thoughts haunting your head. You hoped not many other employees had already arrived to see you come in later than usual and were greeted with exactly just that. Most offices were still empty, making you sigh in relief. Once you reached the open area that held more tables of employees, you were greeted by silence. You frowned. Is this usually how late the others arrive to work? Or were you just abnormally early on any other day?

You brushed the thought away and turned towards your private office room, noticing the lights had already been turned on. Someone was sitting in one of the chairs in front of your desk, their back facing you, making you jump when you realised it was probably just Mingyu waiting for you. But when you dared to take a closer look, you noticed the silhouette had absolutely no resemblance with the co-CEO. They seemed to be on the taller side as well, but the haircut was quite different, as well as the build of his shoulder. 

With slow and careful steps, you got closer to the door, opening it just as slowly, and just peeking your head in before you spoke,

"Can I help you?" You managed to keep your voice strong and steady, not showing just how nervous you were at that moment. The strong gulp that followed ratted you out though.

The figure jumped at the sudden appearance of you, turning around and standing up quickly, making you gasp as soon as you came to sight with who it was. As soon as your eyes met, his fell down to the floor, just like they usually would whenever you had met ever since the fallout.

"Sehun?" You wondered in shock, your eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

The man cleared his throat, scratching the back of his left hand, finding the situation clearly uncomfortable. "Hey, Y/N."

"What the hell are you doing here?" You raised your voice slightly, stepping into your office but keeping the door open, "Get out."

"No, wait," he raised his hand to stop, "Let me ex-"

"No! What the fuck, Sehun! You can't just walk in here. Do you want to get sued?! How on earth did you even get in here?"

"Hong Jisoo let me in," he simply answered, stunning you.

"What? Jisoo? Where is he?"

Sehun shrugged, "I don't know, he told me to wait here and threatened me that he would tell Mister Kim and Mister Jeon if I did anything stupid." You had to hold back a chuckle at the thought of Jisoo threatening someone. 

You sighed, "Sehun, I really don't want to see, so please get the hell out of here."

"Let me explain why I'm here," he almost begged, taking a step closer to you.

"I don't care why you're here!" You raised your voice once again, "You're not supposed to be here. Do you know how vital this can be for this fucking lawsuit?! You can't just wa-"

"I have evidence that will help you win this case." His interruption made you shut your mouth. You stared at him with an unreadable facial expression. Just straight. No emotion.

"What?" You let the door fall closed.

He turned around to grab something off your table. Holding up an envelope, he explained, "Here is everything you need." With two big steps, he stopped in front of you, handing the envelope over to you. You reached out for it hesitantly, trying to read his eyes, but it just confused you more because you couldn't tell whether he was lying or not or what the hell he was trying to do.

"What do you mean?" You tried digging deeper, walking over to your table to get your bag and coat off and opening the package. Your fingertips were tickling with anxiety as you fished out the pieces of paper. Documents filled with texts and pictures. You spread them out on the table.

"Everything that's inside here will help you guys. I promise you."

"Sehun, I don't understand, can you-"

"We stole your app." You looked up at him, waiting for him to continue. He raked his fingers through his hair, "That Parasound app that we're suing you for. We stole it from here- well, one of our employees did. For Chanyeol. It was never ours in the first place. It was yours." Before you knew it, he was standing right beside you, putting the documents into an understanding order, showing you each picture as he continued his explanation, "Here. These pictures were taken with your security cameras, but we took that footage with us and deleted it. Kinda deleted it... I found it again. First, one of your employees, Chen, came to your office. I don't know how they just let him through, but they did. He managed to get past everyone else and held some kind of presentation. Here." The picture of the security camera made you gasp. You remembered him. He was the guy you hadn't been familiar with. The guy you wondered what he was presenting when you met him in the meeting room. So he actually wasn't an employee you hadn't seen before. He never worked there in the first place.

"While he was doing that, Baekhyun managed to sway one of your employees to let him borrow her ID to get into the building and asked her about some security stuff. I don't know much about that, that's his speciality." You recognised that face anywhere. Nahee. That bitch. One compliment from a guy, and she's on her knees already choking on his dick. You rolled your eye in frustration, but Sehun continued.

"Then," he brought out a new set of pictures, "The night of the raid. Those were Minseok and Baekhyun. They managed to get in, turn off the alarm and then had around five minutes to get everything they needed, took the security footage with them and ran off. That's... how we got your stuff."

...

...

...

This. What the hell was this. What was happening?

Everything that happened in the past weeks, even months... suddenly everything came together. How on earth was all of that somehow connected to each other... How long had they been planning this?

You stumbled back, holding your hand in front of your mouth. Sehun stood on the side, watching you carefully, a look of guilt written all over his face. You didn't dare to even take a quick glance at him, not knowing what your reaction would be. There was nothing you felt at that very moment. What were you supposed to feel? Surprised? Shocked? Hurt? Stupid? Dumb? Because all of it was suddenly making sense. Because somehow no one thought of putting two and two together. But who would've thought of such a master plan? One man. There was one man that would do exactly that - and that was Park Chanyeol. What a menace that man was...

You expected a lot of bad things to come from him. You shouldn't be surprised. And yet you were. How were you supposed to imagine him doing such a thing? No normal person could ever come up with that type of plan, but then again, Chanyeol was anything but a normal person.

And now you had his best friend or past best friend, you guessed, in your office, showing you every single piece of evidence he had in his hands against the one person that had taken him under his wing and given him a job when he needed one. Chanyeol and Sehun had known each other ever since you could remember. It had always been Chanyeol and Sehun. They were known by the entire campus. Teachers knew them, students knew them, hell, even some parents were familiar with their names. They had built up their little empire of Exodus Entertainment and now Sehun was ready to throw that all away. For what was right.

"I'm sorry, Y/N-"

You were quick to stop him with a raise of your hand.

"Why are you showing me this?" Your voice was suddenly not much but a quiver, quiet and breathy.

Sehun sighed, trying to find something his eyes could be fixed on, "I don't know... I... I'm so fucking tired of this. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't know what Chanyeol was thinking when he came up with this plan... but I don't want to be any part of it anymore. I never wanted to," he quickly added, "But you know... you know how he can be sometimes."

You could feel tears coming dangerously close to dropping from your eyes, "Oh my god." Another shivering whisper.

"I know this is probably a bit much. All at once-" he lowered his tone, speaking carefully now.

"Oh, you think?!" A salty chuckle fell from your lips as you turned your head to glance at him.

He dropped his gaze to the floor, "I just really thought you should know about this. I'm sorry this happened, Y/N."

A moment of quietness washed over the two of you. You took a few deep breaths to gather yourself and pinched the bridge of your nose, hoping to get a clear mind again. There was too much going on right now.

"You shouldn't be the one to say sorry," you broke the silence.

Sehun nodded and lifted his head again to meet your eyes. He looked at you in agony. You could tell. You saw the boy you had met in the first year of college again. The quiet one who was too shy to talk to anyone, but suddenly was the life of the party around the people he was comfortable with. The quiet boy who loved helping you understand your homework better. The quiet one who never missed a study date, and would stay up late to explain everything in detail to you. The one Chanyeol always got overly jealous of whenever you spent 'too much' time together.

He wasn't the asshole that betrayed you. That used you. No. He was the good friend you had lost thanks to an asshole you now had to call an ex-boyfriend.

"Maybe not only me," he started, "But I have so much to apologise for... to you," and gulped, "I hope this might be a start to that." Your eyes fell down to his hands, where one was scratching the back of the other again - a bad habit he had never gotten rid of. With quick steps you approached him, wrapping your arms around him tightly, surprising him as he stood still, and just let the moment rest. After realising what was happening, he freed his arms from your embrace and wrapped them around you, holding your shoulders in comfort. You let your head rest on his shoulder, closing your eyes as you whispered,

"Thank you."

He squeezed you just a little tighter, "Thank you too."

With a deep breath in, you let go of each other, gazing into each other's eyes with a smile, remembering what the two of you used to be. Friends. Good friends. Alys. All before it was pulled away from you.

Just when you went back to look at the document again, Sehun spoke up again, "There's another thing," making you look up at him. He thought for a second before opening his mouth, "There's a USB stick in the envelope," you immediately reached for it, turning it around to let the stick fall onto the table, getting you curious, "There...," he lowered his head, "There are women... who..." He spoke slowly and seemed to be unsure of how to continue this conversation, careful with every word he was about to say. "There are women who... have similar stories to you... with Chanyeol," his statement made your bloodstream stop. "Very similar encounters. And they're ready to speak up on it and make sure he will never be able to run a company ever again. Their statements are on the USB stick. You can take a look if you want to," he took a closer look at you, trying to make sure you were okay with what he was saying, "You don't have to. But most of them would be ready to speak in court. I talked to them."

You met his eyes again. While his were full of pity and hope, yours were red. Red and filled with water, just waiting to run down your cheeks. 

"Are you serious?"

He nodded with a slight smile lighting up his face, "Dead serious."

"Why are you doing this?" You couldn't help but to let the question tickling your tongue fall from it finally.

Sehun sighed and shook his head, "I'm tired of this. I don't want to continue supporting a man like him."

You nodded in understanding, scared of what your voice would sound like if you opened your mouth. By closing your eyes, you hoped to suck the tears back into your body, just wanting the haunting memories of what used to be a relationship to rest in the past and be forever forgotten. Now was your chance to come clean with it. To let everyone know. To finally free yourself from the daunting reminders of 'love'.

Your gazes met for a last time, eyes sparkling with the reflection of the lights above.

"Thank you," you mouthed, making Sehun nod. You didn't need to speak. He knew.

-

Even though you were thankful that morning when you had stepped out of the Bugatti, thanking whoever was up there in the sky that you would never have to drive that thing ever again, you were even more thankful that you still had it as you had rushed to Wonwoo's apartment. You prayed that there was no speeding ticket awaiting you in the future, but that wasn't for certain because never had you ever driven around the city with a speed such as then.

The rain didn't help much and only scared you more. You didn't know you were scared of the rain until you had to drive at full speed in a sports car through a packed city during rush hour. Now you knew that you were scared of said thing.

Hastily, you gathered the envelope from the passenger seat and left your bag in the car as you exited it. You had parked on the side of the street, needing to get inside the building as quickly as possible. Plus, you weren't sure if they would let you into the garage or if you'd need a special card or key - who knew in a fancy complex like that.

With quick steps and your free hand shielding your eyes, not caring how wet you and your hair were getting, you made it to the entrance, looking for the right button to press, but there were no names next to them. Why the fuck were there no names written next to the buttons?! You whined in frustration and decided to just hit one button after the other, thinking that one of the people behind those doors must expect something or someone and might open up. To your luck, it only took five seconds before you heard a buzz, letting you know, you were able to open the front door. You pulled it towards you harshly before stepping in, rushing over to the elevators, only to assault the buttons there as well - sometimes logic helps and is good and sometimes your mind will convince you that the quicker and more often you would press a button, it would help the elevator to arrive faster.

After another moment that passed way too slowly, it finally arrived and you pushed yourself in, remembering the right floor and waiting for the doors to close.

One the entire way up, you couldn't help the anxious trembling of your leg. You looked down into your hands that were clutching onto that paper as if your life depended on it. Because in one way or another, it did. What you were holding was so precious. More precious than anything you had ever owned. You were certain that your brain still hadn't fully fathomed just what was going to happen once the information that you were holding would leak to the public, and most importantly, the court.

The familiar 'ding' of the elevator let you know you had arrived, making you look up and exit it the second the doors opened for even just a centimetre. You cursed as you walked towards the wrong direction and had to turn around but breathed out deeply as soon as you arrived at Wonwoo's apartment door. There was no time to be wasted. You knocked. Hard. If it hadn't been the most expensive-looking apartment complex you had ever seen, you probably also would've shouted out his name, but that was not the time to make enemies with the neighbours - there'll be another time for that.

On the other side, someone must have approached the door as you heard a faint, "No, wait!" Before the door opened. You raised your head, mouth already open to start rambling to the CEO you were expected to be met with. But that was not the case. In front of you was a brunette woman. Probably around your age.

You shut your mouth quickly and just continued staring at her.

"Can I help you?" Her voice was kind. Too kind, which immediately made you think negatively of her.

Were you at the wrong door? No. There was no way. The apartment behind her looked exactly like Wonwoo's. But then... who the hell was she? And why was she wearing a sweater just a little too big and cut too differently to be an oversized one for women...

taglist: @nctxtrash @leicy0756 @hoe4wonwoo @jeonwonhi @nothingbutadeadesceane @smileywoo @angelarin @onewoowonderboy @goodforgyu @kavvs @sugarmilkchan @sweetheart-gs @wonforgyu @lilactangerine @meltinghershey @wonw00t @soonchanshua @jayswifeuwu @allorysayshi @shaurenlaw @drama-1998-girl @yoonren07 @malakasae @sseuyeon @venusprada @jeminiepabo @billboard-singer @safsaf1980 @monmarguerite @ji-jii-visha @renjunphile @haogyuslut @destinyg237 @taestrwbrry @renkkuri @travelleratheart101 @love-svt @sunshinein17 @morklee02 @wonuziex @pwwarkjisung @hokuuu @clvudisan

He is so so fine!!

WONWOO SUPER

---

After a really rough several months, I feel like I'm finally back on my feet. I have missed my favorite people on here, @wonwoonlight and @wonwoosthetic especially, and have a lot to catch up on. It feels good to be back!

Khione!! I'm sorry it took me so long to finish reading this, but I'm so glad I did!!

I love soul mate fics, and you delivered on the angst!! My heart went out to Wonwoo for all his time spent lonely without a mark or his soul mate. And then all he went through after he did find them!

Joshua really is a sweet angel. For him to be so sweet and considerate when his soul mate was not sure how they felt and when they found Wonwoo is very much Joshua. At least how I feel he would be. You definitely chose well when choosing a Seventeen member.

Thank you for writing this and sharing it!! I am always grateful for you and your writing! ❤️

dear autumn / jeon wonwoo

➝ Wonwoo x Reader (ft. Joshua, Seungcheol, Mingyu, etc.)

➝ nonidol!au // angst???? // romance // fluff?????? // drama...ish??? // soulmate!au // somewhat past life!au

➝ word count: 18k (lol🧍🏻‍♀️) // playlist🎶

➝warnings: curses, lots of pov changes i'm sorry lol, i'm honestly not sure if the pace is a abrupt or not?, i'm not sure how you'll like this OC, she cries quite a lot towards the end sddfgd, that's about it i think

➝A/N: happy birthday, wonwoo❤ shoutout to @ahundredtimesover who's not even a carat but readily brainstormed with me when i asked🥺😭 also special thanks to @sleeplessdawn @twogyuu @savventeen for sparing your time to talk with me when i was unsure where to go with the plot💕💕 i'm gonna talk more on the author notes at the end instead of here. enjoy! hope you'll like this and don't hesitate to drop by and tell me what you think abt it even if you... don't like it sdjhfbsjhdf

In a world where everyone bears the soulmate mark to find the one heaven perfectly made for them, Wonwoo is an outlier with no marks in sight. But he has more pressing matters to attend to because he remembers his past life and the promise he made to his soulmate that he’d find her again no matter what. Alternatively, He didn’t think he’d be reborn in a world where you are made for someone else.

Wonwoo isn’t sure when it began. But he’s eighteen when he knows why they appeared and realizes that the memories in his head do not belong to his current lifetime.

They come to him through his dreams; sometimes long, sometimes short. At first, he thinks his mind is just playing games with him, but when he wakes up with an almost perfect recollection of whatever his older self in the dream did, he eventually realizes they aren’t simply dreams.

They’re his memories from another lifetime. Which one, he’s not sure. Wonwoo imagines they’re pieces of a puzzle–a very big one–making a bigger picture he doesn’t really understand at first until he does. Until it clicks one day why the dream has been getting longer and why he’s getting them in the first place.

He’s not himself when the dream happens, more like a shadow that watches from the sideline. He’s been seeing this older self of his for quite some time; he can’t be much older than he is now, probably in his mid twenties or so. 

It was weird at the beginning, knowing how he’d look (looked?) in the future (...in the past? Fuck, this is confusing), but it was even weirder to watch himself with a girl that he seemed to be so very much in love with. Not that he can’t blame his other self. They’re soulmates, after all, if the identical marks on their wrists mean anything.

The word doesn’t even sound bitter in his lips anymore, and he wonders if it ever was.

Sure, he used to question why he’s an outlier and why he deserved to have no one when everyone else around him has someone predestined for them–someone that the universe deems just right and someone that will complement them in ways unimaginable.

He’s never angry though. Just a little lonely.

It’s not easy to be surrounded by people who are happy with their fate, who have someone that they know is their person for as long as eternity allows them to live. People are subtle with their pity when it comes to him and Wonwoo would like to think it probably has to do with the fact that Wonwoo doesn’t seem bothered at all.

Outliers aren’t that rare; perhaps one every one hundred people or so, and they’re not ostracized from society, just that they need to handle the pitiful looks every now and then–which never stops being annoying.

Wonwoo knows there’s a community for people like him though he has never been one to seek companies. He’s fine the way he is. He’d attend their gatherings when it’s one of the rare days he feels like being social, but he doesn’t attend enough to feel any kind of kinship towards them. They’re just some people who he somewhat sympathizes with.

Naturally, it means the community becomes a place where people try to find their romantic partner. After all, it is frowned upon if you try to date someone with a soulmate even if they haven’t met their other half.

…Which makes it awkward when they break up because even if the community isn’t very small, they’re still a minority and they need to stick together.

Hence, Wonwoo never really bothers.

It’s not like he’s into the concept of romance. When he was a kid, it simply didn’t appeal to him. During high school, games were more worthy of his time than anything. And during university… How could he when he’s been dreaming of the same girl over and over again? Any other romance potential simply didn’t register in his mind. His parents, who obviously had no idea about the dreams, tried to talk to him about it; to try dating and find love but quickly changed their insistence once they realized their son wasn’t too bothered himself. 

He doesn’t even know if she’s alive in this lifetime, and yet…

“You’re really moving, huh?” Seungcheol brings him out of his mind, reminds him that he’s packing and he needs to get things done.

“They knew I’d be the one most willing to move away.” He shrugs. “Everyone else has their significant other here. Pretty sure they asked Namjoon first but with his pregnant wife and all–yeah.”

“I’m sure you’re still a choice because you’re competent.” The older guy reassures him. “What do you need me to do to help?”

“Help me throw away those bags in the living room, please.”

“Got it.”

Five minutes later, Seungcheol pops back into his bedroom.

“Are you throwing this away too?”

Wonwoo looks at the postcard in his hands, a look of recognition passes through his face before he takes it from him before he says he’s keeping it. The older guy throws him a curious look, but Wonwoo doesn’t offer any explanation so he leaves him be and returns to the living room.

“Autumn, huh.” He mutters to himself as he stares at the rows of yellow trees and ginkgo leaves adorning the ground on the postcard.

Autumn in the city is beautiful, Wonwoo has heard. He doesn’t know how it would be more beautiful there than here with the buildings and the busy lifestyle, but perhaps he’ll take the time to find out now that he’s moving there.

Maybe he’ll find out once he’s seen it himself.

And maybe…

Maybe he’ll also–

“Should we have some jjajangmyeon for lunch? I’m starving, man. Think I’d be able to eat two servings and an entire plate of dumplings. What about ordering some shrimp also? I think–”

Yeah.

Maybe.

Four months pass by in a blink and July comes around.

The city life is better than Wonwoo expected, but it’s not like he has any particular expectations to begin with. He’s a twenty six years old doing a regular job, living a regular life. He doesn’t have any grand plans in life, doesn’t strive to climb the corporate ladder nor make any difference in the world.

By theory, he should be some kind of a main character: an outlier with no soulmate mark and memories of a past life? Wonwoo would’ve written a book had he possessed any sort of literature gifts. But he can even barely express himself, let alone pour them into writings, so there goes his spotlight. 

Plus, it’s not like he has ever told anyone about the memories. He tries looking things up online, and except for some ridiculous claims that were eventually proved to be false, he barely finds anything about it that would help. And if he could find nothing in the wonderful, vast world that is the internet, he doubts he would find answers in the real world.

So he’s just another guy. Another Jeon Wonwoo in the sea of people that would pass by people’s lives and lots would forget about.

And he doesn’t mind.

He really doesn’t.

But if there’s anything he could wish for…

He looks down at the small birthday cake his brother has ordered from the delivery app for him on behalf of his parents, the package greeting him in front of his door when he has just gotten back from work. He doesn’t really celebrate his birthdays, and usually only does so if the people around him encourage him to, namely Seungcheol and his family.

Though, now that he’s actually by himself in a city he’s still trying to get familiar with, it does feel a little lonely to be celebrating it alone, if you can even call it that. At least there’s a cake from his family and he might as well keep up with the tradition.

He lights up the ‘27’ candle and stares at it for a few seconds before he closes his eyes and makes a wish. A familiar smile he’s only seen in his dreams flashes through his mind, the warmth of the small fire blankets his face for a few seconds before it goes out.

I hope I can find you… whoever you are.

He dreams of another memory that night.

But, for the first time, he’s not watching from the sideline. The love of his life is pressed to his side as she urges him to blow the candle and make a wish. She takes his face while hers scrunch up into a smile, wishing him ‘happy birthday’ that he doesn’t think is the first that day before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

He catches a glimpse of the single ginkgo leaf on her right wrist, the same exact thing on his left.

Wonwoo wakes up with a jolt before he could taste her lips against his, a thunderstorm outside his window and another inside his heart.

Despite being born in the season, Wonwoo isn’t fond of summer.

It’s too hot and there’s almost nothing he can do about it. He would’ve stayed inside 24/7 if he could, but that’s out of the question because he needs to go to the office and the amount of people in the public transportation is not something he looks forward to.

He doesn’t like winter for basically the same reason: it’s too fucking cold.

Spring and autumn are nice. But Wonwoo has a pollen allergy so he can’t enjoy the blooming season even if he wants to.

So if someone asks what his favorite season is, he always says autumn.

Wonwoo isn’t sentimental enough to actually have opinions about seasons. Like he said, he doesn’t like summer and winter because they’re extremely hot and cold respectively. He doesn’t mind spring but he has pollen allergies. And so he’s left with autumn.

It’s all just practical.

But, if there’s one season that actually means something… it’d also be autumn. And it doesn’t even have much to do with the actual season. It’s the memories it carries.

Yeah, that’s what he’ll call it.

Memories.

Because no matter what–

“Get going, will you?” Someone grumbles and goes past him.

Right, another reason why he hates summer. People get (rightfully) annoyed all the time and everyone wants to hang out near the Han river, him being one of them.

What can he do? He was already outside due to prior meetings, it’s hot, and being near the body of water sounds like a good idea if there’s any. He just happens to be in the area and he supposes why not. It’s been quite some time since he’s spent some time outside by himself, anyway.

At least he’s by himself so it’ll be much easier to find a seat. –Or so he assumes as he sighs,  still trying to look for an empty spot to sit down ten minutes later. He doesn’t find any, if only because the only one-person spots available are surrounded by couples making googly eyes at each other.

Eventually, he finds one a little further away and settles there with his plastic bag filled with a canned highball and a bag of chips. It’s only somewhere after two in the afternoon, a weird time to be drinking alcohol, but he sighs blissfully at the first sip and stares mindlessly at the people around him.

He likes people watching, though he doesn’t make any grand scenarios about them in his head; simply thinks about how he’s only one of many in the sea of people. That he can be special but he chooses not to be. On the contrary, he likes to pretend that he’s normal; that he has a mark somewhere hidden on his body and he just simply hasn’t met his soulmate. That his dreams are simply dreams.

Or maybe they are nothing but dreams.

Maybe he’s simply thinking too much about them.

Maybe he’s just projecting the ideal life he’d have had he not been an outlier.

He blinks.

Why… had he not considered that before?

Sure, he feels too strongly about them (and Wonwoo isn’t even an emotional person) and is way too conscious because they feel real, but what if his head really is just messing with him? What if they really are just illusions and–

“Hey, sorry, do you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full and you’re the only one by yourself so…”

Wonwoo looks up at the weirdly familiar voice, freezing when he recognizes the person in front of him at once, the word coming out of his mouth before he even can stop himself.

“Autumn?”

Surprise colors your face at the name, your head empty because you honestly have no idea what to think. You don’t even have it in you to be suspecting, just very fascinated and somewhat nostalgic in the matter of seconds.

It’s been some time since someone calls you ‘Autumn’; the nickname that your late grandfather would always call you by because he said it’s his favorite season and you’re his sweetest grandchild. A few of your relatives adopted the name even though they outgrew it almost immediately after your grandfather passed. You’ve never told anyone outside the family about the nickname, not even your closest friends, as you’d like to keep it dear to your heart.

And it still stings to think about it after his passing ten years ago.

Several seconds–minutes?–pass like that, with you and this stranger looking at each other, mouth a little ajar, unsure what to say. But he breaks the silence first, shakes his head before he apologizes.

“Uh, sorry. You just–umm, uh, look like someone I know. You can sit down, sure.”

You nod and whisper a ‘thanks’, holding back the urge to ask him about his friend who apparently looks like you and shares your old nickname. But the silence that looms over you both is a little suffocating, and your usual extroverted self who never hesitates to talk to new people seems to die in front of him as you ponder if it’s okay to start a conversation with this handsome stranger.

Perhaps it’s just the weird interaction earlier, you think to yourself, the memory of your grandfather and your favorite nickname that no one except your family knows filling your chest with warmth. The last time you heard someone referred to you by that name was probably a decade ago, and to be referred to ‘Autumn’ again after so long… you wonder if you should’ve told someone about it if it inflicts this much fondness within you.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be so special if you had.

“So you have a friend who looks like me and is called ‘Autumn’, huh?” You try to maintain a confident smile, pray that you’re simply imagining the slight shake in your voice.

The stranger flinches a little, a gesture that you’re not sure what to make of, but then he nods and offers you an awkward smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

“You know, it used to be some sort of my nickname as a kid.” You’re not sure why you’re telling him this, but you are and it’s almost comical the way his lips open a little in surprise before he mutters a small ‘I see’. You offer your name to him, and thank him once again for letting you share his spot.

“Don’t mind it.” He smiles tightly before returning the gesture, and you can’t help but wonder why the name Jeon Wonwoo rings something in your head even though you’re sure you haven’t met this guy. You’re pretty good when it comes to remembering names and faces. You’ve never had any friends called Wonwoo, though you recall there were probably some people from your year in school and university who share his name. 

Never a Jeon though. And he doesn’t look familiar at all, so you’re sure he’s not a friend of a friend that you might’ve seen in passing either, but… why does he feel familiar?

You shake your head before you let go of the thought, and then rummages through your bag to look for your drink. You take everything out of the way only to find your bottle lying sadly at the very bottom of your tote bag, when you look up again, you see Wonwoo glancing at the book you’ve put on the table.

On Soulmates: Love without Commitment

Xu Minghao

You hope the way you put everything back to your bag is subtle, like you’re not trying to hide the book you’ve been reading and the glimpse into your mind that people can easily decipher from your choice of literature alone. His face doesn’t tell you anything though, and it’s his next question that gets your heart beating in irregular beats.

“It’s quite the book, isn’t it?” He takes a sip from his can. “Gave me insights that I didn’t know I needed.”

“Right!” You reply with exaggerated enthusiasm. But can anyone blame you? Anyone who catches you reading that book always gives you the side eye, some people who are frontal even asked why you’re reading something that sounds as stupid as a flat earth. “I haven’t finished, but it’s so interesting to read why the author thinks soulmates aren’t it because it doesn’t give you a choice and everything about the relationship is a given. That perhaps the love that people who don’t have the soulmate marks might be purer because they choose to love and they put effort into it. I’m currently on chapter 7 and–”

You stop when you realize you’re rambling, words of apology on the top of your tongue when you see Wonwoo tilting his head in question. Not in judgement because you’re enthusiastic about it. Not in annoyance because you talk too much when it hasn’t even been twenty minutes since you’ve met him.

“Why are you stopping?” He asks, further making you speechless with the genuine interest in his voice. “Chapter 7 is about fate and destiny, isn’t it?”

You cough a little to hide your flustered face, a little too excited to finally find someone that isn’t against you reading this essay. You’ve been wanting to talk about it with someone–anyone–, all those hours you’ve spent on countless communities online with people who share the same sentiment as you not being enough.

“Yeah. I’m almost done with the chapter, though I haven’t been able to pick it up again these days.”

Wonwoo hums, seemingly deep in thought before he asks you again. “What do you think about it?”

“Fate and destiny?”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s bullshit.”

He looks at you in surprise; whether it’s because of your choice of words or because of your opinion, you don’t know. But he doesn’t look like he’s going to jump at you for having such an opinion, so you continue even though he didn't ask you to.

“I’d hate to think that someone–something out there has enough power to decide what’s going to happen to us moving forward. That everything we do is predestined and that we have no choice whatsoever in life because it’s fated to be and it’s thanks to the universe that something happens a certain way.” And then you add, your voice comparably smaller as you suddenly realize you’re being too open with this stranger. “It feels… confining…”

He nods as he opens his bag of chips, putting it right in the middle as if telling you it’s okay to take some.

“I agree.” He doesn’t meet your eyes as he says this, looking straight over the Han river like he’ll find an actual answer there. “If it’s true, it’s very cruel for some people to know that their life is fated to be miserable and can do nothing but accept it.”

“Right? And, personally, I don’t know how I feel about the soulmates concept. You know how in the book it says that soulmates might take each other for granted because they’re meant to be together? Or that they simply accept the other person because, apparently, they’re their person? What if the universe messed up and you’re paired with a serial killer or something?”

Wonwoo looks at you alarmed, and you laugh before you say that you’re just speaking in general. He hesitates before he asks, unsure about where you actually are when it comes to soulmates. Are you this opinionated because you don’t have a soulmate? His heart skips a beat at the thought of it; or perhaps you simply hate the idea of it regardless. But before he can actually ask the question, his eyes fall to the side of your neck, and he notices the strings of flowers on the side of your neck, something that you also notice–so you clear your throat to dart his attention away.

“You feel… strongly about it, don’t you?” Wonwoo settles it at that, not wanting to offend you somehow. He doesn’t deny the mixed feeling in his heart as he realizes what it means. You have a soulmate. Even though there’s a chance that you don’t want them, you still have a soulmate and whatever feeling that’s brewing on the pit of his stomach, it’s not a good one.

What was he expecting, anyway? That if somehow he found you in this lifetime–which he did, what the fuck. It’s you who found him, even–you’d happily take him in your arms? The bitter taste on his mouth is getting worse by the seconds, only now realizing that even though he’s been wishing he’d find you, he never has any real plan about what to do if he actually did.

It helps that he doesn’t actually think he would, so he can hold on to it like a dream that would never come true. Something he holds dear in his heart but doesn’t really need to take responsibility for because it’s not going to happen. Something that somewhat keeps him going and some sort of wishful thinking.

You shrug, not offering any explanation.

He doesn’t press.

“I think.” He begins, looking at you this time, and if anyone ever asks, you’re going to deny the way your heartbeat picks up and up and up the more he looks into your eyes, your face getting hot like a high school girl with a crush. “You can always go against your destiny if that’s what you choose to do. If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path? Perhaps it’s just one of many and you can try taking another road to see if you’ll like it more. Even if they exist, it doesn’t mean you have to follow them all the time.”

You lay in bed thinking about his words that night, wondering if it’s as easy as he makes it to be to get away from your path and try a new one.

You dream of Wonwoo, a birthday cake, and a ginkgo leaf mark that you’re sure was not on Wonwoo’s wrist when you saw him earlier that day.

You wake up wishing you’ll meet him again.

Joshua, you’ve always known, is the ideal partner that anyone could ask for. He’s sweet, he takes care of you well, is respectful, and you honestly feel bad for not returning even half of what he feels for you.

You love him, you really do, but you don’t think what you feel for him is strong enough to be considered in the same league with the love that people believe soulmates should have for each other. It’s nowhere near there.

You love him, he’s very important to you, and you’ll drop anything for him if he needs you. But you know something’s wrong when Joshua starts talking about living together, marriage, and family, and dread is the only thing that fills your chest.

You know something’s wrong when you don’t feel the butterfly nor the fireworks that everyone–and you mean everyone–says they experience when they meet their soulmates.

It was nothing like that for you; you knew he’s your soulmate, and if there’s anything right about what people said regarding your first meeting, it’s true that it just clicked that it’s your soulmate in front of you. But your heartbeat picked up for all the wrong reasons that didn’t have anything to do with rush of excitement nor romantic expectation. You were a little anxious, even, but you couldn’t do anything when Joshua immediately recognized the feeling once his eyes met yours and he ran to you like he’d give you the world right that very second.

There was nothing magical about it.

You’re not sure how you feel either about the universe giving you the perfect partner by theory, but also somehow shaping you into a person that believes the whole soulmate thing is bullshit. It doesn’t seem to matter whether Joshua notices your lack of romantic reciprocation or not, because Joshua still treats you like you’re the love of his life and he looks at you like you’re his whole galaxy.

Or perhaps he mistakes the way you care for him as romance?

What a fucking drama you live in.

“What got you thinking?” You blink at his voice, and Joshua looks at you amused as he settles right beside you despite the heaps of empty space on your sofa. “You’ve been zoning out a lot these days.”

“Have I?” You ask, accepting the way his arm automatically goes behind you on top of the sofa head. You like his warmth, you really do. You like–no–you admit that you love a lot of things about Joshua and you’re glad you met him even though you absolutely abhor the soulmate system.

You love his eyes, the way they seem to stare into your soul and are able to tell what’s inside your mind most of the time.

You love his hands, they always know to wrap around yours when you need it most, pull you closer when you stray away because something distracts you along the way.

You love his voice, so calm and soothing that you would ask him to talk you to sleep through the phone on nights sleep refuses to find you, the way he’ll hum when he’s in a good mood though he never actually sings in front of you because he says he can’t carry an actual tune otherwise. (Two years since you’ve found each other and you’re still on a mission to make him sing because you just knew he sings well.)

But, most of all, you love the way he treats you.

The way he’ll ask if he’s not sure what you want him to do, the way he’ll carefully thread through your mood when the day hasn’t been good, and the way he gives you space even if he wants to be near you all the time.

He respects you. Not only as his soulmate but also as a person, and you can’t thank him enough for that.

Perhaps that’s why it hurts much more now; why guilt is eating you inside out because you can only think about Wonwoo and his words when Joshua is right next to you, his thigh pressed against yours and his thumb caressing your shoulder over your shirt.

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path? 

You force back the tears before they can actually form, gulping before you tell him it’s nothing.

“Should we go out?”

“Where?”

“Hmmm. Namsan? We can take a walk, get you off your mind.” His smile is kind, and you feel like crying again because of how considerate Joshua is. He doesn’t even ask, doesn’t push even once just in case you’ll crack. He simply accepts that you don’t want to talk about it and offers you something that might help.

Why the fuck aren’t you in love with him when he’s your soulmate and he’s as perfect as someone could be?

His arms envelop you and thrust you into his chest before you could break, and you manage to hold it for three full seconds before the tears stubbornly fall and you whimper softly into his hold. Joshua doesn't say anything, doesn’t hush you and asks if you’re okay.

No.

He accepts that you’re not okay and you don’t want to tell him about it. That you’re crying and he feel so fucking useless because he can’t do anything to help you with it.

That you’re hiding something from him that’s possibly making you cry even though you never did before. 

Still, he holds you close and lets you cry.

You grasp the front of his shirt as you try your best to stop your tears. You don’t even know why you’re crying this much, but you suppose between the stressful week and the whole Wonwoo situation, the guilt combined with Joshua’s innocent look trigger something within you.

“I’ll just get you some water.” He whispers against your head once you’ve calmed down, squeezes your shoulder and then lets you go. He’s back not even a minute later, and you thank him as you take your mug, embarrassed when you wipe the remaining of your tears off your face. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” You manage to whisper, too embarrassed to even look him in the eyes. 

His smile is meant to be comforting, but thinking yet again about the reason why you even cried to begin with, it only makes your heart squeezes painfully.

“You probably need it. You know I won’t judge.” He caresses your cheek as if to make sure to get rid of all traces of tears there. He searches for your face, as if he can tell what’s inside your mind just by doing so, and for a moment, you’re afraid that he really can; that he’ll see the man that you’ve met once some time last week clouding your mind like there’s no tomorrow.  “Do you want to go for a walk anyway? Perhaps you need to get out of the house for a bit?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” You reach up to circle your fingers around his wrist, smiling back at him because despite everything, you’re still thankful that the universe thinks you’re deserving of someone like him. You’re still thankful that you get to be on the receiving end of his affection.

Joshua leans forward to kiss your forehead, lingering for a good few seconds before he tells you to get ready.

It doesn’t take you too long to get ready, nor does it take long for you two to arrive at Namsan. Climbing the stairs to get to the park, Joshua asks instead if you’re willing to just go further up to get to the peak where the tower is. You’re not exactly dressed for climbing (though it’s really just stairs, stairs, and more stairs), nor are you in the mood for it, but you think exhausting your body is just what you might just need so you can pass out the moment you reach your bed later on.

He extends his hand, and you take it with a smile despite the pinch in your heart. You spend the first ten minutes in silence, hand in hand as you ascend up the seemingly never-ending stairs.

Already out of breath, you begin to doubt your decision of climbing up when Joshua speaks. 

“I haven’t gone here in so long.” Undeniably, it’s a very nice weather out. You being out of breath has more to do with your lack of exercise on a daily basis more than anything, but even in your predicament you can still appreciate the night view around you. As much as you feel like dying right now, you know you don’t actually regret it.

“Yeah? Me too.” You grip his hand tighter for support, then ask if you could rest for a bit when you see a rest stop. Joshua laughs as you ask this, though he nods and hands you a piece of chocolate the moment you both sit down on an empty bench overlooking Seoul from where you’re at.

“You’re a lifesaver.” You moan as you take a bite of the chocolate, leaning your head on his shoulder and stretching your legs. “I haven’t climbed in so long. My legs will fall tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“I’ll run a bath for you before I go home tonight.”

You try to trample the way your heartbeat picks up; not because you’re fluttered, but because you’re once again eaten with guilt by how perfect Joshua really is. He doesn’t exactly know how you feel about soulmates; you’re not cruel enough to say things right to his face. 

But you know for sure that he’s aware of your choice of literature.

He doesn’t comment on them, and you try not to read them when he’s around. But he once caught you reading on your phone over your shoulder and you sheepishly said you simply find those essays interesting.

Joshua isn’t stupid, knows that there’s a reason why you find them interesting, but he chooses to be in ignorant bliss and says you’re free to read whatever you want and there’s no need to justify yourself to him of all people.

Yeah, because it’s totally normal that your soulmate is interested in reading essays on why soulmates are bullshits.

Forty minutes later with some short breaks along the way, you finally reach the top. There aren’t as many people, and you walk around for a bit to let your legs relax before finding yet another bench to sit on.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here at night.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. Sure is different from being here during the day.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Joshua agrees, his palm absentmindedly caresses your thigh as if it helps relieve your sore muscle.

“Should we have some cup ramyeons?” You suggest, pointing to the convenience store you pass by earlier. “I think I can do some if I share with you.”

Joshua nods, but before he can offer to go, you tell him he can rest instead.

“I’ll go get it. Should I buy two or are you fine just sharing one with me?”

“Two is fine.”

“And the usual drink?”

“And the usual drink.” He grins. “You sure you can take everything by yourself?”

You roll your eyes in mock annoyance, exhaling a ‘duh’ as you tell him to just wait.

Pleased that the convenience store isn’t crowded either, you hum as you go through the snack isles instead. Knowing yourself, you’ll probably only eat two thirds of the cup ramyeon and wolf down the snack instead if you buy some; but you don’t see why not because Joshua’s there to finish your food anyway. Plus, it’s a nice night out and that’s enough to justify your choice of dinner.

Juggling two big cups of instant noodles, a packet of cheese, a hotbar, and a bag of shrimp chips isn’t your talent, but you manage and you drop them on the cashier before quickly telling the cashier you’re just going to grab a drink real quick.

Almost bumping into the person behind you, your apology is stuck in your throat once you realize who’s the person exactly.

What the fuck.

“Oh…” Wonwoo says in surprise, the words seemingly out of his mouth before he even realizes. “Hi…?”

You give him an awkward smile and nod before quickly going to the drink aisle. Apologizing once again to the cashier who’s still scanning your purchase (and to Wonwoo) once you return even though it’s barely been five seconds.

“Need help?” Wonwoo says good-naturedly, gesturing to the amount of things you’ve just bought.

“Hey, I–”

Wonwoo looks at you staring between him and the guy who has just entered. Getting the hints immediately that his help isn’t needed, he smiles before paying for his stuff and leaves the convenience store.

He looks spitefully at the night sky, it’s so unnecessarily pretty too, unsure if he wants to curse whatever’s up there that of all days he decides to go outside, he just has to see you again. With another guy at that. He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. The guy could simply be your friend for all he knew.

But if there’s one thing that is Wonwoo, he’s quick to put pieces together. From your panicked glance and the way you tense when you see him, he knows. Perhaps it’s also just intuition. But he just knew that man, whoever he is, is the one that heaven has decided to be the one for you.

He exhales a deep breath before finding a secluded place somewhere behind a tree, carefully hidden to minimize any chance of being seen by you (or seeing you with your soulmate). He would’ve immediately left if he could, but he’s only arrived and it feels like it’s such a waste for him to leave just like that despite the situation.

What even is the situation?

He’s been thinking a lot since he met you, if he wants to seek you out again and what he wants to do if he does. The thought is no longer so much of a wishful thinking like it used to be. He knows you exist now. You’re actually living, you’re real, and you have a soulmate that is not him.

It sounds so much like an exaggeration, but he’s never felt so empty after going home that night, thinking about you and your soulmate. Do you live together? Do you care about him regardless of your stance on the whole soulmate thing? Does he treat you well? Does he get to hold you while you sleep? Does he–Fuck.

Wonwoo hates being like this, and he’d love to say it’s gotten better the more time passes by, but it has only gotten even worse because his dream is getting longer and even more prominent since meeting you. And what he hates most is he’s started to feel more and more strongly about you even through his dreams.

What is one supposed to do when they fall in love with an illusion that has a counterpart living in the realm of reality? He’s pretty sure no one would have the answer.

He glances up at the sound of faint laughter, seemingly so loud in the silent night, or perhaps he simply picks it up because he knows exactly who it belongs to before he even sees you. He bites his lip at the scene he’s witnessing: you, laughing with your soulmate at god knows what.

He can’t blame the guy for looking at you like you hold the universe for him. After all, Wonwoo would probably do exactly the same thing had he been given the chance. His past self from another life could vouch for that.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he’s not sure, you end up sitting a good distance away from where he’s at, your back facing him as you settle beside the man destined to be with you. You’re not too far that he can’t see your side profile, which gets his heart both squeezing in pain and fluttering at the same time.

He doesn’t even know that was possible.

Wonwoo looks far to the distance, at the endless night sky that’s so unnecessarily full of stars today of all day. He wants to think the universe is mocking him, playing a joke on him for being alone by himself on such a beautiful night, making him watch you laughing with your soulmate as the cherry on top.

But he knows he’s not that special.

He’s just one of many; his misery wouldn’t be all that amusing for the universe.

Scoffing at the thought of the universe, he lowers his eyes from the sky only to accidentally meet yours.

Is this the work of the universe too?

Nah, he shouldn’t give too much credit to the damn thing. But, then again, blaming it for every single thing that went wrong in his life has proved to be some kind of comfort if he’s being completely honest.

You offer him a small smile anyway, not even waiting for him to return the gesture.

It hurts still to see you with your soulmate, sharing food and talking about what he assumes to be nothing and everything. But as he lays in bed that night and thinks about your smile, he admits that if the universe lets him meet you in this lifetime, perhaps it isn’t so bad, after all.

Wonwoo has always liked the number three.

Third’s time the charm and all that jazz. He doesn’t hold on to it religiously, just some fun little routine that he finds amusing. When he takes an item in a grocery store, he takes the third one from the front; when he goes to the convenience store because he needs one (1) thing, he takes two small snacks so it’s three items in total; on the rare days when Wonwoo feels like trying a new drink in a cafe, he’d just choose the third item in the menu.

It’s fun.

Today, Wonwoo’s supposed to meet Mingyu for a little get together. He’s the first friend he’s made in Seoul, a guy that’s a little too flashy for his liking but is still a good person nevertheless and definitely a much better company than most people that he’s made to be acquainted with in the new city. 

He’s not too excited about the invitation, but doesn’t see why he should turn the younger guy down when he has no plan during the weekend, and, as much as he loves staying inside, the four walls of his apartment is starting to feel a little suffocating because it’s almost been a month since that night he randomly went to Namsan and saw you, and… he hasn’t gone out for anything that’s not a necessity since then.

So when Mingyu asks for the third time since they got to know each other if he wants to join him on a night out or not, he decides he should also appreciate the guy’s persistence despite already being turned down twice before.

Anyway.

He was supposed to meet him for a little get together. Apparently, Mingyu’s version of ‘a little get together’ is to invite a group of friends that Wonwoo obviously doesn’t know for dinner and only notifying him of the additional party thirty minutes before their promised time.

He exhales. It’s too late for him to bail. Right now, his hope is only as high as the ground: he simply wishes he wouldn’t return home socially exhausted.

It’s a small pizza diner inside an alleyway where they promised to meet. And Mingyu along with his friends thankfully arrive at the same time as him so Wonwoo wouldn’t need to go inside and look around like a fool, wondering where his table full of strangers and a slightly familiar friend is.

He’s not close enough with Mingyu to say he’s comfortable around him, but he’s still the most familiar face between the four faces in front of him so he decides sitting next to Mingyu is the best choice. Thankfully, the younger guy doesn’t seem to be the type to push him to interact with new people immediately.

Thirty minutes into dinner, Wonwoo can tell Mingyu probably brings these friends around because he thinks Wonwoo needs to meet new people (or maybe he thinks it’ll be awkward if it’s just the two of them?). It’s easy to tell that he’s brought the friendliest people who’s just loud enough, who understand that Wonwoo’s quiet but still able to naturally included him in conversations without making him feel bad about being, well, quiet (god knows how many people have tried to make him feel bad for staying quiet during conversations).

Jungkook is a friend from high school, he’s learned, apparently one of Mingyu’s closest friends. Jeonghan is a senior from his previous company; someone that he didn’t know he’d end up being close with because, at first, Jeonghan was obviously just someone he had to work together with. Jisoo, he finds out later on, is Jungkook’s ex-girlfriend before he found his soulmate, though they treasure their friendship too much to cut each other off.

Except for Jungkook, the other two friends seem a little unconventional and Wonwoo doesn’t understand how Mingyu ends up being close enough with them to go out together like this.

He doesn’t ask.

“We’re planning on bar hopping.” Mingyu tells him, and Wonwoo feels dread fill his chest at what this might imply until Mingyu adds, “You’re free to leave if you don’t want to go with us though! I understand it might not be everyone’s thing.”

Weirdly, Wonwoo now wants to go because he’s been given the freedom of choice. Plus, at least he knows he’d be surrounded by these people and he can go home at any time if he wants to.

“What kind of bar?”

“Definitely not clubs pretending to be a bar.” Mingyu jokes. “Maybe wine or cocktail bars?”

“Sure, I’ll come then.” Wonwoo shrugs, then tells Mingyu he’ll probably return home first if he and his friends are planning to go until morning, to which Mingyu nods and says that it’s no problem at all.

Wonwoo doesn’t really understand the concept of bar hopping. He’s always been curious about it, but never curious enough to actually do it. So he supposes it’s also his curiosity that pushes him to say yes. He kind of wants to see what it’s all about and he doesn’t think he’d have another opportunity where he might remotely enjoy the experience if not now.

The first cocktail bar isn’t that great, if only because the place is small and it feels like everyone can hear what they’re talking about. They each have one drink and immediately leave for the next one. They go to a wine bar, and Wonwoo is pleased to know the alcohol in his system (and the current company, he’s sure) has made him more relaxed than he had been the past week. 

After an hour or so, Mingyu decides he’s had too much energy and asks if it’s okay to move to an open bar that’s not as noisy as a club but is still noisy enough for people to enjoy the music and fill the dancing floor.

Normally, Wonwoo would say no. But he surprisingly still has enough social battery and thinks might as well go all out while he’s at it. It’s not often that he’s in a social mood.

The bar is a little too noisy for Wonwoo’s liking, though the half part of the building has no roof so it’s not too loud nor suffocating. After ordering their drinks, Mingyu and Jungkook head to the dance floor. Jisoo and Jeonghan stay at the table with him; Jisoo says she’s not really in the mood to dance while Jeonghan says his soulmate is picking him up in a bit so he’s just going to stick around til then.

It’s thirty minutes later that he leaves and Wonwoo’s now left alone with Jisoo. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is a little awkward and Jisoo seems to share the sentiment as she tries to find topics to talk about.

They end up talking about literature and movies, and Wonwoo has to lean forward to be able to listen to her clearly over the music until she eventually moves to sit next to him so they can talk easier. He notices Jungkook glancing every now and then, and when Jisoo follows his gaze, she chuckles a little and shakes her head.

“Sorry. It’s just a habit of his, don’t mind him.”

Wonwoo blinks, unsure. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I know a lot of people find his stares uncomfortable.” She shrugs. “He’s just protective of me. It’s nothing, I promise.”

Wonwoo’s not nosy. But between the alcohol in his system, his remote curiosity, and the way Jisoo looks like she wants to talk about it, he kindly throws the bait.

A subtle one, though.

“How did you end up being close with Mingyu?”

“Through Kook, at first.” Mingyu and Jeonghan don’t refer to Jungkook with that name, he notes. And a part of him wonders if it’s a nickname that Jisoo has for him or if it’s just how his girl friends call him. “We dated before. But we broke up because, well, he found his soulmate and… Mingyu was kind enough to keep me company and made sure I was okay after the whole ordeal. I’m not sure why he felt the need to do that, but I’m thankful regardless. So… yeah.”

He bites the question about soulmates. Doesn’t ask why they tried dating each other if they knew they aren’t soulmates, but he does wonder about how she must’ve felt or how she’s feeling right now. He can’t exactly compare his situation with hers, because as much as he’s going through a… heartbreak, it’s somewhat onesided while Jisoo actually had a relationship with Jungkook.

And she still has to be friends with him.

He doesn’t know if it’s the universe or Jungkook that is cruel.

Or perhaps Jisoo is a masochist.

Apparently, she’s also very honest when she’s tipsy.

“I’m an outlier.” She smiles bitterly after downing a shot, then she pulls up the sleeve of her cardigan and shows him what he assumes to be a trace of a soulmate mark; a faint outline of a snowflake that’s barely visible unless you actually take a look at her wrist. “I hav–had a soulmate. They died before I even met them and that’s why the mark… burned.”

Her chuckle is nowhere near amused when Wonwoo’s eyes widen in surprise, and she answers before he even asks as she pulls down the sleeve of her cardigan.

“It literally burned. I was sixteen; and I was out with Jungkook getting ice cream when it started to burn and he had to witness me being all hysterical, crying as I told him my wrist burnt and it felt like it’s going to fall off.” She doesn’t look bitter at all as she talks about this, just very sad and perhaps even a tad bit nostalgic. “He was fourteen. A little shorter than I was at that point, but he tried his best to tug me to a secluded place so people wouldn’t stare despite my struggle because everything hurt and I just felt like crying, hugged me to muffle my scream, and stayed with me for hours after that even though I was just zoning out, not saying anything.”

Wonwoo isn’t sure if it’s a story for him to hear; but Jisoo looks like she needs it (or is it just the alcohol?) and the least he could do is to listen. At least he can rest easy knowing this story wouldn’t be going anywhere else.

“I knew what happened even though I didn’t know by theory. I could feel it; felt the connection that was only faintly there just… gone. Jungkook took me home and told my parents about what happened. Of course they knew what it meant and they thanked him before sending him home. I couldn’t really talk for weeks, the emptiness and the burn were too prominent for me to be doing anything. My parents told the school I was sick so I was dismissed from classes.”

She pauses, and for the first time, Wonwoo can tell exactly what she’s feeling: she’s numb and she’s exhausted. There’s no trace of tears in her eyes. They’re void of anything and Wonwoo suddenly feels an odd sense of affinity the more he listens to her.

“Jungkook… stopped by everyday even though he didn’t know what actually happened. He probably had an idea, but he didn’t press and he talked to me about anything and everything even if I didn’t say anything–said from the beginning that I didn’t need to answer, that he’d do all the talking for me.”

Wonwoo doesn’t need to listen to the rest of the story to know why Jisoo still treasures Jungkook as…, well, whatever she regards him as right now. He doesn’t want her to talk about more sad things like how she ended up dating him and how she broke up with him, so he offers her what he could: honesty and a change of topic.

Even if it’s only a little.

“I’m an outlier also.” He says quietly that Jisoo almost misses it. “Doesn’t have a soulmate but… it’s complicated.”

Thankfully, Jisoo doesn’t pry, simply takes another shot and offers a cheer to him.

“Sucks to be us.” 

It’s weird, but Wonwoo finds himself chuckling before he takes his own drink and clinks his glass to hers and takes a sip of his highball.

“Sucks to be us.”

His mind wanders to you, thinking if he could stand being in Jisoo’s place had it been like that for him. He had only seen you with your soulmate from afar, had only talked to you once, and it hurts anyway.

Why is he cursed with the memories of his previous life, again?

He’s been mentally restless since that night. How could he not when he keeps on seeing you everywhere? His dreams are getting more and more prominent and so are his feelings. He keeps on thinking he sees you somewhere–everywhere–only to realize it’s not you, just ghosts of you haunting him in every person that he sees.

How fucking stupid, falling in love with a series of images and illusions.

Drinking the rest of his drink, he shakes his head and winces at the alcohol and at how his mind is playing tricks once again. Perhaps drinking alcohol hasn’t been the best option if he ends up imagining you even here between the blurry images of people.

Fuck, he’s down bad.

In such perfect timing, Mingyu and Jungkook return to the table, so Wonwoo leaves Jisoo with them and excuses himself to the restroom. He looks at himself in the mirror, and then looks at his phone only to realize it’s already almost one in the morning. Perhaps it’s time he goes home; the talk he’s shared with Jisoo proves to be more mentally exhausting than he thinks it is.

He almost bumps into someone on his way out, hands reaching out to the person in front of him in reflex only to let go just as quick once he sees your face once again. Christ, is he that drunk? He really needs to go home.

That version of you is very pretty too, fuck.

“Uh… Wonwoo?” He’s even imagining your voice now? “Are you… okay?”

He looks up in alarm once he realizes you’re real. It’s actually you in front of him and you’re not a figment of his imagination. He opens his mouth to say something, but someone bumps into you hard and you tumble into his chest.

Wonwoo’s breath is caught in his throat at the turn of events, but his arm catches you anyway and glares at the guy before he looks down and asks if you’re okay. You look as flustered as he’s feeling, and he hopes the loud music is enough to cover the sound of his heartbeat.

“You’re okay?” It’s stupid how disappointment fills his chest the moment you step away, a sense of longing already making its way to his heart.

He needs to get away.

“I—yeah.” You look unsure and Wonwoo doesn’t like how your body screams uneasiness.

“Are you by yourself?”

“No?” Now you sound unsure, and even though Wonwoo is also another stranger in the sea of strangers, he thinks he trusts himself better than any other people here to help you if you don’t want to be here. “Well, I was with my friend but she… yeah.”

You’re biting your lip, as if afraid he’d scold you (Why would he? He’s not your boyfriend (Wait. No. Back pedal, back pedal)). Fuck, fuck, fuck. He swallows hard to calm himself down; this is not the time to imagine what it’d be like to be your boyfriend.

“Come on.” He says as calmly as possible, his fingers balled into a fist to stop himself from taking your hand in his. He considers bringing you to his table, but he doesn’t know how he should introduce you to his party so he quickly texts Mingyu he’s going home because something turns up before he leads you out of the club.

It’s silence filling you two despite the somewhat noisy alley you’re walking through, and you don’t know Wonwoo enough to be able to tell if he’s pissed or what; but he does seem tense and you’re the one uncomfortable with the unnerving silence.

“I’m–I’m sorry.” You try to open a conversation. Wonwoo stops in his tracks and turns to you in confusion. “You were probably there to have fun or something… Sorry I made you get me out of there.”

He shakes his head, and your heart relaxes when he smiles a little. “It’s fine. About time I go back anyway. Do you mind if we stop by a convenience store for a bit?”

It’s then that you realize you’ve been blindly following him. You don’t even know the guy. You’ve met him twice before, and your second meeting barely even lasts five minutes, yet you readily follow him because you know you’ll be more comfortable with him than there–more safe, more… secure.

Fuck, you didn’t even ask him where he’s taking you earlier. It was almost automatic the way you followed his steps. You try to convince yourself that it’s his familiarity that makes you feel safe. Because even if you don’t know him that well, his face is still one imprinted in your head so it’s normal that you’d feel safer than you would with any other person in that club.

Plus, you’ve talked to him once before and he at least passed the vibe check, right?

But as you pile these thoughts in your head, trying to justify the uncalled feeling of security this stranger brings you, deep down you know why exactly your anxiety seeps away at the sight of him earlier, why your shoulders drop down in relief, and why your chest is no longer filled with dread. 

“Here, have this.”

That’s why. You think to yourself.

Wonwoo isn’t smiling at you, but there’s a kind of warmth that he radiates as he hands you a drink and ushers you to sit on the table in front of the convenience store. There’s a certain warmth that reaches you as he sits in front of you and places a hot bun on the table, pushes it towards you without saying anything.

You watch him slot his hands into the pocket of his jackets, and you suddenly wonder if he gets cold easily. It’s not that cold outside, though you suppose it is one in the morning and the wind picks up a little at times like this.

“Thanks.” You mumble as you wrap your fingers around the small bottle of warm honey water. You can’t help but smile at the drink of his choice, a little funny how he didn’t get you a hot chocolate or tea; something most people would usually get. “Can I ask why honey?”

He blinks, as if not getting what you’re talking about until you hold up the glass bottle for him to see.

Wonwoo panics a little. He has bought the drink without thinking, a part of his mind that stores the information about you from his dream making him do so. In fact, it was only yesterday that he dreamt of you drinking one.

The dream is still vivid in his mind. He dreamt of you sleeping, and he assumed he was trying to sleep himself when you jolted awake out of nowhere, eyes frantic and hands flailing around looking for him. He saw himself whispering words of comfort to you, and he saw you burying yourself into him like there’s any space between the two of you before he pulled away and said he’d get you some drink from the kitchen.

You had smiled weakly at the sight of your favorite drink, a warm honey water that always comforted you at nights like this.

“Do you not like it? I can get you something else if you want?”

“No, it’s fine.” You smile, something inside you blooming dangerously at his words and what you may or may not be implying with yours. “Just… I usually drink those too. Some of my friends judge me for that.”

He’s more surprised about the fact that you share this with your past self more than anything, but, still, he asks. “Huh? Why?”

“Just because it’s unusual, I suppose.” Shrugging, you proceed to open the lid and take a sip. “Not a lot of people drink this, you know? Or, at least, they drink it cold. I prefer it warm.”

He wonders if you share anything else with your past self. So far, there’s been two: Autumn and this drink. Would you be suspicious if he threw it out there? Would you freak out?

“Someone I know eats watermelon only if it’s frozen; I’m sure it's just a preference on your part.”

You smile shyly as you answer him, an image that’s forever burned into his mind. “I do that also.”

His mind runs a thousand hundred scenarios of what this could mean, wonders if it’s simply a coincidence or if the universe is on to something.

“Aren’t you special,” he smiles tightly, hoping  that you don’t catch upon his awkwardness.

“Thank you for putting it that way.” The sound of your laughter makes him want to be selfish; to drag out conversations and spend as much time as possible with you even though he knows you have a soulmate. Is it considered cheating like this? Is he immoral for wanting this? “My friends also judge me because I don’t like cheese cake, cheese sauce and anything cheese flavored even though I don’t mind an actual cheese.”

“You… don’t like cheese cake?” Wonwoo blinked, unsure if he heard right. He wasn’t a cheese lover or anything, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone who grimaced at the word ‘cheese cake’.

“They’re too… cheesy.”

“Autumn, it’s called cheese cake for a reason.”

“And the texture… yuck.” You grimaced before telling him to stop talking about it before you lose your appetite.

“Are you judging me too?” Your voice snaps him out of his gaze, and he blinks a few times before he shakes his head no. This can’t be good, fuck. It’s been less than 10 minutes since he’s been talking to you, and yet his heartbeat is out of control and the fact that you share a lot of things with the illusion of yourself that he’s developed an attachment for isn’t good at all. 

He tries his best to remind himself that his feeling isn’t real; that perhaps he’s too blinded by something that he’s been holding on to and he doesn’t know what to do now that it’s somewhat changing. That he’s confused and he shouldn’t do anything that would cause him further confusion.

But with you in front of him, as real as you can be, smiling and launching into a bunch of topics that is actually dear to his heart, he can’t help but indulge his feelings and bask in your presence, in your smile and your voice, in the sound of your laughter and the way you lean forward so you can speak to him better, a habit that he notices the you in his dream also had.

So he lets go.

Whatever consequence that awaits him, he’ll face it when it comes. Right now, he just wants to pretend like you don’t have a soulmate who’s probably waiting for you back home–who may be worried sick because you haven’t looked at your phone even once since the moment he sits down in front of you. 

Wonwoo isn’t usually selfish and he hopes that the universe will let him go this one time for wanting to be–for wanting to keep you to himself even for a limited time. Even if you aren’t aware of it.

This chance might not come again, he tells himself. The chance of talking to you under the stars in front of a random convenience store at ungodly hours, like you’re just two people talking to each other–like soulmates isn’t a thing and he’s free to feel whatever it is he’s feeling.

He wants this, he realizes as his eyes flicker down to your lips for a few seconds, subtle enough for you to miss. He wants a real memory of you. Something real that he can keep to his heart, something that isn’t a part of his dream and a fragment of his memories. And even though he’d go home feeling empty and he’d curse himself tomorrow, it doesn’t matter because what matters now is that you’re here with him and he’s going to take as much as you’re willing to give him.

“I’ve finished reading the book, by the way.” You open another topic. A controversial one, if you may say so yourself, and you know deep down what you’re trying to do by saying this even though you’ll deny it if anyone asks.

“Oh yeah? How do you find it?”

“I think I agree with most of what he said.” You bite your lip, your mind wandering to Joshua for the first time since you saw Wonwoo. “I just… I don’t know. I’m not anti soulmate, I just don’t see why you should succumb to your… instincts? Feelings? And simply accept your soulmate without thinking too much about it.”

Wonwoo doesn’t say anything for a moment and you wonder if he disagrees with you or if he’s simply gathering his thoughts. He seems thoughtful, perhaps trying to find words that won’t offend you before he offers you his opinion.

“Can I ask why you started thinking that way?” he asks instead, and it’s your turn to be silent and arrange your words.

Because you don’t know. 

You can’t tell since when do you feel this strongly about the soulmate situation. You used to be quite indifferent about it, not having any opinion whatsoever though you sure weren’t as excited as the other kids your age when it came to romanticizing anything about soulmates.

Your friends would talk about their dream scenarios of the first meeting with their soulmates, or they would go on and on about looking forward to meeting them.

But you were never that excited.

It was just another thing in your life: like eating ice cream or trying out a new cafe. There’s nothing so special about it.

“I think…” You contemplate, wondering if you want to be that honest with this beautiful, familiar stranger in front of you. “It was when I met my soulmate?”

Wonwoo seems surprised, probably not sure how to interpret your words and you don’t blame him at all.

“Sorry?”

“You know how people say that there are… fireworks? And butterflies? Just those big, grandiose feelings blooming inside your chest at once when you meet your soulmate?” He nods, trying to see where you’re going with this. “Well, I… didn’t feel those when I met mine. Sure, it all made sense and it just kinda… clicked in my head. Like a moment of eureka, if you will. But I wasn’t… excited or anything of the sort. If anything, my heartbeat picked up because I was anxious, already worried about what he might expect of me and all that.”

You refuse to look at Wonwoo. You’re not sure what kind of answer that you expect from him, but he doesn’t seem like he’d judge and, between the ungodly hour and the little alcohol that’s left in your system, it feels relieving to finally be able to say this out loud. 

You’ve never been able to. Not only because people would call you crazy, but because you know no one wouldn’t not judge you for it.

But here in front of Wonwoo… Jeon Wonwoo who you’ve only met for the third time in your life, you feel safe for reasons that you can’t comprehend. 

So you continue. You’ll blame it on the alcohol tomorrow morning, even though you know you’re not intoxicated enough for it to be the case. You’ll justify yourself by saying Wonwoo isn’t a friend and he knows no one in your life–that if this goes south, you technically wouldn’t lose anything.

Yeah.

That’s how you’ll go down this road.

“I mean… I love him, you know?” You would’ve seen Wonwoo’s face drop had you not been busy staring at your nails, still too afraid to look at him despite the resolve you’ve made. “But not… that way.”

“Like… platonic?” Wonwoo offers, careful.

“Yeah…” You bite your lip, trying to stop the tears that suddenly blur your eyes. “Like platonic.”

You hate yourself for the way your heart lightens at your own words. Because even though it’s something that you’ve thought of once before, you bury it so deep somewhere you can’t reach. You never say it out loud to anyone; never admit it to yourself even though you know it’s true.

And to say it like this to another person–out in the open… You hate yourself so fucking much because it’s true and you’re somehow going to hurt Joshua even if you don’t mean to.

Wonwoo panics at the sight of your tears, at the way your lips tremble and the way he’s sure your nails are digging into your palms. He doesn’t know what to do, unsure about what he can do because you’re…, he winces as he thinks to himself, not even a friend.

What is the appropriate distance he needs to keep? Is he even allowed to comfort you? He can’t even be relieved at your revelation because you’re obviously not fine and there’s something churning at the pit of his guts the longer he sees you try to stop yourself from crying. 

It’s when a sob eventually escapes your lips that he stops thinking. Because how can he stand still when you’re there crying like you’re admitting a crime worthy of a death sentence? When you can’t even lift your head because you’re trying so damn hard to hide your face and your tears?

He hears you gasp when he wraps his arms around you, something that he wishes you’re okay with, and if there’s anything Wonwoo would describe as magical, it’s the way you perfectly fit against him as you press yourself closer for comfort, your forehead on his neck and your tears warm against his skin. He’s sure he’s just making things up, but it feels like there’s a soft wind going through his whole body, leaving trails of goosebumps on his arms.

It’s probably not the most appropriate moment for him to be feeling that way, but he doesn’t have time to be guilty because it seems like you somewhat share the sentiment–pulling away like you’re electrocuted before you look at him wide-eyed and gaping.

“Won–”

“I’m an outlier.” He cuts you off, riding the rush he’s feeling across his body and letting his honest words get out before he can think too much. He doesn’t know why but he feels like he should tell you and he should do it right now. “I don’t have a soulmate and–”

“Kiss me?” There’s urgency and a slight tremble in your voice as you ask this, fingers grasping the material of his shirt tightly like it’s your lifeline. 

“But your soul–”

“Wonwoo, please?”

It’s hard to tell who moves first, or perhaps you two move at the same time, but the moment his lips meet yours, Wonwoo would like to retract his statement earlier about your embrace being magical because it’s nothing compared to this.

It’s absolutely nothing compared to the thousand fireworks exploding in his chest at different intervals–never stopping and electrifying in the most pleasant way possible. He doesn’t know it’s possible for humans to feel this way. Is this what people with a soulmate feels like when they meet their soulmate? Isn’t this what you said earlier: fireworks and butterflies?

It’s not even butterflies in his stomach. He’s pretty sure there’s an earthquake down there. But, the most important of them all, it feels right and it makes sense even though it shouldn’t be. 

The longer his lips move against yours, your fingers grasping the front of his shirt to pull him closer while his fingers thread through your hair to pull you closer, the more it feels like… fuck, he hates to say it but, it feels like it’s meant to be.

It’s only because you both need to take a breath that you pull away, and Wonwoo doesn’t think it’s possible for his heart to run even faster than it already is, but it is because, Christ, the way you look like you’re in a trance and your slightly swollen lips are doing things to his heart that he has never experienced before.

It’s a mystery how long you spend looking at each other like that in silence, wrapped against each other without saying anything. He wants so badly to just kiss you senseless once again, but the gears in his head are starting to turn and he knows the right thing to do is to talk.

You have a soulmate. But you asked him to kiss you and he did. And it was magical and all the good things he’s heard before, but it’s not supposed to be… right?

“What was that?” You whisper, more to yourself than to him. “I… I don’t understand?”

He whispers your name softly, trying to pull away only for you to pull him closer again, your eyes full of distress and your body tense, a complete 180 from how you were just seconds ago.

“W—why?” You look at him like he has an answer. But he doesn’t, because he’s not even sure what you’re asking about and he’s still trying to find words to say. “This… this is what they say about–about fireworks and… and butterflies but… you’re not my soulmate? What does this mean?”

Wonwoo tries once again, this time reaching out to caress your hair to calm you down. It helps, because your shoulders visibly relax and he reminds you to breathe. You refuse to let go of him though, and his heart squeezes painfully at how shaken up you seem to be.

“Hey, I’m–I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He tells you softly, trying to appear calm even despite what he’s feeling inside. But he can’t show it. Not when you look so lost and your feelings are presumably all over the place. “I’ll just… get some stuff inside. I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.”

True to his words, Wonwoo comes back not even a minute late with a pack of tissues and two water bottles. He opts to sit right beside you as he hands you the tissue and opens the water for you.

“Here, drink this.”

“Thanks.” You murmur quietly, embarrassed now that you’ve (somewhat) come to your senses. There’s a thousand questions running through your head, some of them hateful, loathing yourself for asking another guy to kiss you when you have a soulmate who’s probably worried sick at home because you haven’t texted him at all since you left the club.

But you have more pressing matters at hand–like why did Wonwoo actually kiss you, and why did it feel like how people around you have been describing what it feels like to be with your soulmate? And… Did he say he’s an outlier?

“Feeling better?” His voice is meek, like he’s not sure if it’s okay to talk to you. But you’re too all over the place to think about politeness and whatnot. It’s a trainwreck inside your head. Your head isn’t dizzy because you’re overthinking; it’s dizzy because you’re thinking of too many things at once–it’s thought after thought after thought after thought. They’re colliding and everything’s a mess.

“You felt that too right?” is the first thing that you manage to say and it’s only after you say it that you realize how horrifying it would be if Wonwoo says no.

He nods, albeit hesitantly, but you don’t really mind because you’ll take anything right now. “It’s… what was that? Why… Why do I feel it with you but not Joshua?”

Joshua is your soulmate, Wonwoo registers in his mind, and he looks at you helplessly, his heart dropping a little at the mention of his name. Should he tell you? About the dreams and the memories? He thinks the dreams and the memories are simply, well, dreams and memories after he met you and Joshua all those nights ago.

Perhaps he really is just an outlier, a special one at that, but that’s about it. He has trampled any hope of making something out of his dreams when it’s clear that you belong to someone else in this lifetime. The universe that gifts him the memory of his past life with you, one that arranges another meeting in this lifetime with you, is the same fucking universe that decides you have a soulmate and it’s not him.

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

But with how he–and you, apparently–feel earlier, he doesn’t think it’s a meaningless coincidence.

He might’ve considered it as one if it was only him feeling it. That he might’ve been desperate and any contact that he was to have with you would simply be magical because it’s nothing but an illusion on his part.

But you?

You’ve just said you feel it too, whatever it might be. And he feels a glimpse of hope even though the whole situation is completely fucked up and there’s no way to get around it without hurting anyone.

How would you feel if you knew?

Would you freak out?

Would you hate him for hiding it?

Would you think he was planning something against you?

Would you laugh at his face and call him crazy?

“You know something.” Your voice brings him back to reality, your eyes searching his face. You don’t sound accusing, you sound downright confused and, dare he says, a tad bit hopeful. “There’s something you’re not telling me… right?”

Wonwoo takes a deep breath and braces himself for whatever he might need to face afterwards. He owes you that much, he thinks to himself. To a certain extent, his memory is your memory, and if you’re as distraught as you seem to be, he hopes this would help you somehow.

“I remember my past life.” He says as calmly as he can, carefully hiding his fear somewhere behind. “They come to my dreams. I thought it was just dreams at first, but they’re… memories and they’ve been getting longer since I met you. Clearer, too.”

It’s hard to say why you’re not freaked out, why you simply believe him like it’s not the craziest thing you’ve heard in your life. But if the universe can decide two people are destined for each other and grant marks to people to seek their other half, why should this be regarded as impossible?

“Did you… know me in your past life?”

Wonwoo smiles bitterly, and it takes everything in you not to reach out to cup his cheek–tell him that he can be honest and you’re going to listen to him no matter what.

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“As honest as you can be.”

“I might sound crazy.” He whispers, basking in your touch. “This… might affect you in a bad way.”

“Crazier than you remembering your past life?” You smile a little as you say this, which he returns. He appreciates your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere, and he reaches up to take the hand that was cupping his cheek, his fingers tighten around yours before he braces himself once again.

“You were my soulmate.” He rips the bandaid in one go, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to say it otherwise.

It’s hard to describe what you’re feeling: your breath is caught in your throat, the revelation means more than you thought it would. But it’s not shock that’s filling you up. No. It’s recognition, acceptance, and tears because things finally make sense.

“I promised you that I’d find you again in our next life and–”

It finally fucking makes sense why you always feel like there’s something missing in your life, why Joshua’s arrival doesn’t fill it up even though you secretly thought it would; why you feel that pull with Wonwoo since that first time you met him.

You remember that day still. You were just taking a walk, there was no plan whatsoever to sit around and spend time out in the open when it’s so hot outside. But you had seen him by himself, and it felt like time stopped for a few moments and you were enchanted. You felt compelled to look at him–to approach him and ask if it’s okay to take the empty seat on his table.

It wasn’t magical, your first meeting, but something about Wonwoo had pulled you in and you didn’t even try to question it. 

The shock you felt when he called you ‘Autumn’ never really died down. And while you tried to convince yourself that it’s simply because it had been a long time since someone referred to you with that name and it was a nickname that is so dear to you, you could feel deep down that there was something else.

And then there was that dream.

Wait.

Right, that dream. 

Is that dream…?

“Ginkgo leaf?” You whisper out of nowhere, trying to recall what you saw all those nights ago. “Was that your mark? In your previous life… was that your mark?”

It’s his turn to look at you in shock, the way he’s gaping at you wide-eyed giving you the answer you were looking for.

“H–how?”

“I had a dream, once.” You’ve never felt this vulnerable in your life, but how can you not be when it feels like you’ve just found the reason you’ve been seeking for your whole life? “It was… that night we met… at Namsan. It was your birthday and we were celebrating with a cake and–”

“Hey, breathe?” Wonwoo cuts you off, and you squeeze his fingers in return, only then realizing that you’ve been holding hands the whole time. “Take your time, okay?”

“And I saw the ginkgo leaf on your wrist…” You finish, trying your best not to glance at his wrist even though you know it’s not there. “I didn’t get to see mine though, and that’s why I didn’t assume you were my soulmate.”

“I see…”

You hate how defeated he sounds. And for all the time you’ve been doubting the universe, questioning its means and cursing its ways, you don’t know what to do right now.

Should you be cursing it some more for putting Wonwoo in that position? For making you feel the way you feel only to find out the reason why is because your heart is apparently caught in the past? What does this make Joshua? What does this make your entire relationship with him?

You ask about his dreams, and even though Wonwoo is hesitant at first, he gets more comfortable the more he relays them. And you feel like crying because, apparently, all of them are about you. There’s not one single dream that doesn’t have you in it, and it feels like a punch to your guts to know that he has to live his life with this replaying in his mind, that he can’t even talk about it to anyone because he doesn’t want to risk it, that he’s been keeping something this big for his whole life because he doesn’t really have any other choice.

You grief about the memories you don’t have. About what could’ve been and about the pain Wonwoo has to go through by himself because the universe has arranged you to be with someone else when he’s been seeing pictures of you with him in his dreams.

“What… what do you think we should do?” You throw the question out there, hope that someone has the answer. But Wonwoo stays silent, and he looks at you with eyes full of yearning that wrenches your soul. You know what he’s trying to say. You’re the one who has a soulmate. Whatever that he might want with you, what he might’ve imagined throughout the entire time he has those memories, they all don’t mean anything because you’re off limits.

“I don’t… think there’s anything that we can do.”

“But–”

“It’s okay.” He shakes his head with a sad smile. “I didn’t… I wasn’t expecting anything. I didn’t even think I’d be talking about this with you.”

“But, still!” You’re grasping his hand tightly–as if he’ll be gone if you let go even slightly. “This… this has got to mean something!”

“You have a soulmate.” He reminds you, his voice shaking. And tears blur your eyes once again at how resigned he sounds, but can you blame him? The universe has fucked him up in more ways than one, you would’ve lost it a long time ago if you were him, but here he is, taking care of you still even though it might make things worse for him.

“Do you love me?”

Wonwoo exhales deeply, pressing his lips together to hide the fact that they’re trembling because he’s so close to tears.

“I know my past self loved you more than life itself.”

“Do you love me?”

“Look–I…”

“Because there’s—there’s clearly something because my heart feels like it’s about to burst and I already want to be with you all the time.” You cry as you honestly bare yourself in front of him, as you tell him all the emotions that have been going through you since the kiss you share with each other minutes ago. “I don’t… I’ve never felt like this before and I’ve always questioned why–wonder what went wrong and if there’s some kind of mistake. But I couldn’t do anything because supposedly he’s my soulmate and I’m supposed to accept that. Because it’s a given and it’s obvious and there’s just no fucking reason for me to question it.”

Wonwoo lets his tears fall as you say all this, his hands warm against yours and he relishes at the way you’re holding on to them tightly, like you want to convince him that there’s something–some way to go around this.

“But you just gave me a reason to question it now.” You sob, reminding him about the talk you had the first time you met each other. 

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path?

You must look absolutely hideous right now, with tears all over your face that won’t stop no matter how many times you wipe them. But you don’t care, because you finally feel content with him beside you. Because even though it’s selfish and you would need to figure out the whole Joshua situation, you’re not going to let go of the person who finally makes you feel complete, who makes you realize the things your friends have been saying are all true: that it just makes sense, that it’s practically binding to the point where you even hate to think about having to separate with him after this night ends.

“You told me I could always go against my destiny if that’s what I choose to do. Why are you not letting me? Do you not feel it?”

“I do. I swear, I feel it too.” He wipes the last of his tears and calms himself down, makes you panic when he tries to let go of your hands only for his palm to rest warmly against the side of your face. “But you have a soulmate and it’s not something that you can decide by yourself. It wouldn’t be fair to him, don’t you think?”

“Has the universe ever been fair to you?” You ask him, wondering how he can still have this much consideration for someone who he should’ve harbored ill feelings for.

“It leads me to you, doesn’t it? In two different lifetimes too.” He smiles and caresses your cheek, wiping your tears also. 

“Please stop making me cry.” You whisper weakly, certain that your eyes will be red and puffy once you’ve stopped crying.

Wonwoo chuckles at this, and the sound of his small laughter brings a smile out of you despite the tears.

“I’m not saying you’re not in your right mind. But perhaps… we’re too high on our emotions right now, don’t you agree?”

You don’t. You really don’t. But you get what he’s saying so you nod and instead bask in the way his thumb is caressing the apple of your cheek.

“So what do you suppose we should do?

“You… might want to think this through and have a talk with… Joshua.” It’s bizarre to hear Joshua’s name from Wonwoo, but you know he’s right and if… if you want to try whatever it is you’re going to try with Wonwoo, you don’t want to do it in hiding and you don’t want to betray Joshua’s trust and respect more than you probably already have at this point. He might hate you, he might not accept it, but you have to at least try and a part of you believes Joshua would understand somehow. “And then we can decide from then?”

“Okay…” You close your eyes and lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, feeling his arm pulling you closer and trying to memorize his scent and his warmth to calm the erratic beat of your heart. “Okay.”

Wonwoo takes you home, sitting a good distance from you in the taxi like you both weren’t pressed against each other just minutes prior. But you know why he’s doing it, and you still appreciate him for going with you just to make sure you’ll go back safely even if he doesn’t have to.

For the first time that night, your mind wanders to Joshua. About how you should approach the subject with him and all the consequences you might need to face afterwards. It’s not going to be pretty even if Joshua somehow understands: what would you say to your family? To his family?

But you can’t let go of Wonwoo. Not now that you’ve met him, that you’ve found out what his existence means to you and you’ve felt all the magic you’ve been hearing from other people.

You wonder now if the reason why you’ve questioned the whole soulmate system is because it doesn’t apply to you personally. Because you didn’t feel the pull and all that should’ve come along with the first meeting.

Now that you’ve felt it with Wonwoo… You glance at him, which Wonwoo catches almost right away. He smiles at you, though you can tell his eyes are full of worries, his mind probably elsewhere. You don’t blame him though, what has transpired tonight is beyond the two of you; it’s only right for him to be out of it.

You suddenly feel like one of those stupid main characters in a romance movie, one who would throw everything away for a man they barely know. But your heart knows Wonwoo, yearns for him before you even know it. In a world where two people are destined to be together… you don’t think it’s stupid of you to want to do this.

When the driver tells you that you’ve arrived you hesitate before you get off, not wanting to leave Wonwoo. But he smiles in encouragement, tells you that you have his number and you’re free to text him after you’ve figured things out.

He omits Joshua from his sentence, but you know that’s what he means.

“Hey.” He calls for you right when you’re about to close the door and reaches out to squeeze your hand once, letting go before you can return the gesture. “Don’t rush it, okay? Take your time. I’ll be waiting. You know I’m good at that.”

Wonwoo waits.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months.

There’s a reason why he gave you his number instead of asking for yours.

He wants you to be ready before deciding anything, wants you to make the decision that you think is best for you.

He knows he’d call you right away if he has your number, to make sure you’re okay and to see how you’re doing.

But that’d be even more painful, he feels like. More painful than a thousand scenarios going through his mind because he’s by himself. At least like this, he knows it’s nothing but scenarios that he comes up with; nothing is real and it’s all in his head.

Like his dreams.

Like his memories.

He exhales as he looks at his phone once again, waiting for your message that isn’t coming.

The third time Wonwoo meets you might be the last time he sees you, after all.

Three months later, October comes around, yellow leaves telling him that autumn has arrived. Not his Autumn, obviously, and he glares at the ginkgo tree he passes by that is still annoyingly green even though everything else has started to turn yellow.

The third week of October, you finally text Wonwoo, apologizing for the time you took and asking if it’s still okay to see each other even though it’s been months since then. He says yes, of course, and you’re currently sitting anxiously in the taxi on your way to his place.

You don’t know how Wonwoo is going to take what you’re about to tell him and you don’t think it’s wise to be having this conversation out in the open; hence why you’re thankful that he agrees when you ask if it’s okay to talk in the privacy of his walls.

“Hi.” He opens the door, offering you a small smile that you return tightly. It’s weird that you immediately feel at peace in his presence despite the anxiety that has been building up in your chest. 

“Hi.” You press your lips together, exhaling a deep breath before you apologize to him once again. “Sorry it took me quite some time to text you. I didn’t want to… rush, like you said.”

“It’s okay.” You know it’s not, you can tell by how tense it is and how forced his smile seems to be. Plus, it doesn’t take a genius to know why he looks like he hasn’t been getting decent sleep because you know you probably would’ve looked the same if not for your makeup.

He ushers you to come in, tells you to sit down on the sofa and offers you a drink, in which you say you’re fine with just water.

Wonwoo returns with a cup of warm tea though, and he says that he’s put some honey in it, that you look tense and hopefully the drink helps.

“I figure you’ve made up your mind?”

Truth be told, you can’t even begin to imagine what’s been going on inside Wonwoo’s head. You offered yourself to him only to go missing for three months straight, not even a text that tells him that you’re okay and you’re not forgetting him. 

But you didn’t want to text him when things were uncertain, not with what happened right after you got home–with what went down between you and Joshua.

You couldn’t.

That’s why you’ve only finally managed to text him a few days ago. With things being in the clear, you can finally talk to him and decide what’s going to happen moving forward.

“Give me a chance to explain?” You look at him hopefully.

“I wouldn’t tell you to come if I wasn’t going to listen to you.” His smile lifts parts of your tension, and you take a deep breath before you begin, already having imagined this conversation a hundred times in your head. 

“Joshua was there when I came home that night.” You bite your lip, already feeling like crying as you recall that scene in your head. “He was on the floor, passed out. He wouldn’t wake up no matter how much I shook him, and I realized he was clutching his neck–right where our soulmate marks are. It was hot, like it was burning before, and I called the hospital right away and–”

“Wait–burning?” 

“Yes and… and the mark was fading and it was only hours later that I realized mine was fading also.” You swallow hard at this, a painful wave crashes against your heart as you recall his face when he came to, when he told them what happened and when they told him what actually happened.

“It just… started burning out of nowhere.”

The doctor glanced at you, your eyes were puffy from crying even more than you already did before that, your fingers tight against Joshua’s because you thought you’d lost him.

“Did you feel the burn also?” The doctor pulled you out after Joshua fell back asleep, a conclusion already knitting itself together in her mind. There’s no way you’d be fine enough to stand on your own feet if you had felt the burn, but still, she had to make sure before jumping into conclusions.

“No…” You sniffled. “I… was out with… a friend and he already passed out when I came back home.”

“No pain, at all?”

You shook your head, mentally and physically exhausted after everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours.

“No. I–He’d be fine, right?” You asked in desperation. “What… what happened, exactly?”

“We need to run some more tests. But… you’re sure you didn’t feel anything at all?”

“No, I didn’t. I really didn’t. Does that mean anything?”

“They… they said it’s the universe… taking our marks from us.” You force a smile just right after the first tear falls, your feelings still all over the place even though almost three months have passed since then. “Apparently, it had happened before. Though it’s been fifty years or so since they last heard of a case. They couldn’t really tell why it happened because there weren’t many cases to study and compare, but I felt like… I might have an idea why it happened so I met the doctor privately and told her about you.”

Wonwoo holds back the urge to reach for your hands that are balled into fists, to free your lower lip from your teeth because he’s sure you’d bleed if you bite down just a tad bit harder. 

“She said that there’s a possibility that I was right. That… the universe is rearranging my soulmate because I met you. It’s not unheard of, but it’s not something that you’d even find in books because it’s some sort of myth at this point.”

You look up to meet his eyes. His heart breaks at how sad you look, and the protective feeling from three months ago when he saw you crying at one in the morning returns at once. He’s not sure if it’s okay to comfort you this time around though, because by the way you’re relaying the story, he can’t tell at all where you stand exactly.

“I was debating with myself whether it would be better to tell him right away or wait until he got better. But Joshua… caught on easily that something bothered me and it just… came out. I didn’t say your name, and I only told him what he might need to know: that I met someone and it just… made sense.

It wasn’t easy. He was the one laying on the hospital bed but he was also the one comforting me. And I felt so bad and I kept on apologizing to him but he said it’s okay and he understood. That it’s not my fault because he knew I didn’t have a say in how I felt.”

From the thousand scenarios Wonwoo has imagined in the three months you left him in silence, this is not one of them. He can’t even begin to imagine how painful it must’ve been for Joshua, both physically and mentally. His mind takes him back to Jisoo, about what she said about the burn she felt and how it affected her after.

How could Joshua say that in his position?

For what it’s worth, Wonwoo is glad to know that you were meant to be with someone as caring as Joshua is–who is so understanding that he would withstand that kind of pain and said it was fine. That he doesn’t blame you for it.

But where does this leave the two of you now?

“He asked me what I wanted to do now that we’re… no longer bonded by the marks. And I told him honestly that I don’t want to lose him; that I still… love him even though it’s not how he expected me to. That I understand if he doesn’t want me around because it can’t be easy to look at someone who used to be your soulmate.”

You’re sobbing at this point, and he hands you some tissues to wipe your tears, reminds you to breathe before you continue.

“Can you… can you hold me, please?” Your voice is small as you say this, as if you’re uncertain whether you’re allowed to ask that. Wonwoo is glad you did though, because he immediately comes closer and pulls you into his chest, offering you whatever comfort he might be able to give that way. “Sorry, I just–”

“Shh. It’s fine.” Whatever the outcome of this conversation may be, this is the least he can do for you. And perhaps a little for himself also, because it’s painful to see you cry and not able to do anything at all. Because he’s been dreaming of hugging you–the you in this lifetime, not the past one–and he’s not going to pass any chance that’s presented in front of him even if it might be wrong. He still doesn’t know how your talk ended with Joshua, but if you asked him to hold you… that should mean something, right? “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” You sniffle, pulling away to look at him.

“It is my place, so.” He tries to joke to help you relax, and it works because you weakly hit his chest before you exhale another deep breath and continue after Wonwoo makes you take a sip of your tea.

“He… He’d like to keep me around too.” You say quietly, your tears now replaced with hiccups. “But not now. Because it still hurts and… and he says he’d contact me once he’s ready.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

You shrug, burying yourself further into his neck. Is it bad that it feels so right to do this already? Is it bad that you’re doing this when you’re still trying to move on from your guilt?

“I honestly have no idea… But… Well, he says he wants me to be happy with you and that he doesn’t want me to not give you–us–a chance because I feel guilty towards him. That… what’s done is done and he’ll eventually be okay.”

“He’s very kind, isn’t he?” He comments instead, unsure how to feel after everything you’ve said. A big part of him is relieved, but it’s still hard to be completely happy when he knew it cost someone the kind of pain that would last a lifetime. 

“The kindest.” You smile for the first time, agreeing with him. “I think that’s also why I’ve always had this guilt within me, you know? Even before I met you. Because I just know I can’t return his feelings but he was supposed to be my soulmate.”

“I understand.” He whispers against your head, leaning his cheek there. “Is that also why it took you three months to text me?”

“Partly… yeah. I ended up taking care of him until he got discharged, and we decided to just… talk to our parents separately about what happened and what… might happen moving forward. And then I spent some time arranging my thoughts and cleaning up his stuff from my apartment. I haven’t given them back to him, but they’re all in a box in my place. So… yeah. Sorry for not texting you at all.”

He hums and holds you tighter, feels the way your arms are also hugging him in apology. He doesn’t press about your parents, he supposes you would’ve talked about it if you want to. But you’ve just relayed a very emotionally loaded story which must be very exhausting in itself.

“I did tell you to take your time.” He says, a smile blooming into his face at what he says next. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

“Thank you for letting me come back to you.” You say instead, pulling away from him to meet his eyes. Your eyes must be puffy from all the crying, gosh, you seem to be crying all the time when you’ve only seen this guy four times in total. You wonder if you were this much of an emotional wreck too in your past life, but you decide against asking about it because it does not matter now.

Your past lives might be the one that eventually leads you to each other; but Wonwoo has probably had enough stories regarding the past life and you don’t see why you should talk about it when you have the future in front of you.

“They’ve stopped, you know?” Wonwoo suddenly says.

“What have?”

“The dreams.” He presses his lips together and looks at you for comfort, which you readily give as you squeeze his shoulder. “They don’t appear anymore. Like, completely stopped. I do dream of you, but not… you from the past life. Just you.”

“How do you know it’s not me from the past?”

He takes your hand before he answers, gently lifts it up to point at your empty wrist and smiles.

“Because there’s no mark on your wrist.”

“Ah… right.” You lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, and you spend a moment like that: your body pressed against each other and the ghost of his lips on top of your head.

It’s then that you whisper, a little afraid but also hopeful–perhaps even excited at what the future might have in store for you two.

“Are we really doing this?”

“A little too late to not do this, I think.” He jokes, which earns him another hit on the chest and a glare that doesn’t affect him at all. He cups your cheek and looks into your eyes, making you shy from the sudden attention. “If you want it then I want it. Easy as that.”

You press your lips together and bask in his stare, get lost in his eyes as you finally try to let go of the guilt holding you down and focus more on the certainty that you felt that night you tried to convince Wonwoo to do something about your situation.

“I’ll be okay.” Joshua reassured you for the nth time as you dropped him off his place, your second home that you probably wouldn’t be able to visit until an indefinite time. “Don’t worry too much about me, okay? You know how I am.”

“I’m really–”

“I don’t want you to apologize again.” He cuts you off, his voice stern. “I don’t blame you, I really don’t. I’m happy to know you’ve met someone that has made you complete. I’m sorry for not being able to do that to you. It must’ve been hard for you all those time, hm? So try to be happy now. Don’t think too much about me. I will be okay, trust me on that. I’ve never gone back on my words, have I? I don’t regret the time I had with you and I don’t want you to feel guilty for not feeling a certain way.”

“Let’s do it, then?” You say, wanting to make sure like there’s any way Wonwoo would say no. “Fuck the universe, right?”

Wonwoo laughs and gently squishes your cheeks before he nods, his forehead leaning to rest against yours, his breath warm against your face even though his lips aren't touching yours just yet.

“Fuck the universe, indeed.”

It's later that night that you point at the inside of his wrist and gasp when you check yours: identical marks of a twin gingko leaves intertwined with each other adorning your wrist and his.

Wonwoo grins.

His Autumn is finally here.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.

permanent taglist: @kyeomjjigae @stantrash171819 @sebongmochi @luveveryonewoo @thinkinboutwonu @kpopjackie @ursweetener @lavenderautumnx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups @sunshinein17 @leechanniee @twogyuu @hoe4wonwoo @h3h3tm0n @noraehey @seokshook @rubyhoons @02psh @just-here-to-read-01 @listxn @janandbeyond @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly @svtreverie @coveyland @reallydgafaboutmyusername @sysymei @ovai @aikisbbq @fr0g-filez @nvmbheart

pls tell me if you wanna be removed btw it's totally ok, no hard feelings!!

A/N 2: well, if you're reading this, thank you once again!! i have never written this trope before and i honestly can't tell at all if you'll like it or not. but i wrote this for wonwoo's birthday, so hopefully i'll have it in me to accept it if it's not your cup of tea. but anyway, it's been some time since i write anything this long also--didn't even know i had it in me to still write anything this long, and it kinda made me realize that... this might be my last long piece for a quite some time. it's not easy to write this, to see my notifications everyday and see less and less feedbacks while the likes take up 95% of them. i've said it before, but it gets discouraging the more it goes. i'm not announcing hiatus or anything, but i hope you know where my blog stands at this point. happy birthday once again wonwoo, my muse, the loml 🥰💕

---

A fic combining my love for the Mandalorian and my love of Changbin and Stray Kids - YES!! This was well written, and I love how Changbin came across as both strong and gentle, just as he seems in everyday life.

Star Lost

F/M Pairing: Fem! Reader x Changbin (SKZ)

Genre: Science Fiction; Star Wars AU

Word Count: 13K

Warnings: Explicit Smut, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Alcohol Consumption, and Language; Changbin as a Brooding Mandalorian

Summary: They found you, a speck among millions of stars, and they gave you a home in their ranks. But how will your ragtag family of bounty hunters fare against a former storm trooper who offers you a compelling reward in exchange for your services?

A/N: if you see any mistakes, no you don’t…

Tag List: @luminouskalopsia​ @straykissss​ @charreddonuts​ @pandinha-puff​ @mrs-grim-reaper​ @elkel​ @lamerchesan​ @idek-at-this-point-lol​ @poutypoutybin​ @lavenderbang​ @adaamazing​

“Do you have the target in sight?”

The question, heavily modulated, hummed through the dusty speakers along with a fresh wave of static.

Keep reading

---

Jeon Wonwoo, you might be the death of me. It's between you and Hwang Hyunjin right now. Both of my biases killing it in red outfits lately. My poor heart ❤️

230722 follow to seoul d-2. someone 🐱 do not edit/crop logo. (1,2,3,4)

---