Khione, This Sounds So Good!! I Can't Wait!!

Khione, this sounds so good!! I can't wait!!

dear autumn / jeon wonwoo (preview)

➝ Wonwoo x Reader (ft. Joshua)

➝ nonidol!au // angst // romance // fluff // drama...ish??? // soulmate!au // somewhat past life!au

➝ word count: 18k (lol🧍🏻‍♀️)

➝drop date: 17 July 2023 00:00 KST

➝ playlist

In a world where everyone bears the soulmate mark to find the one heaven perfectly made for them, Wonwoo is an outlier with no marks in sight. But he has more pressing matters to attend to because he remembers his past life and the promise he made to his soulmate that he’d find her again no matter what. Alternatively, He didn’t think he’d be reborn in a world where you are made for someone else.

A/N: WELL HELLO i didn't think i would actually finish this, nor that it would reach 15k lol and as i reached the final scene it suddenly hit me that this might... not what people might be into. but, well, i wrote this for wonwoo's birthday and i've had this idea for a while. hopefully, you'll look forward to this anyway!💙 now i just need to edit it and put it on queue💃🏻💃🏻

A fic combining my love for the Mandalorian and my love of Changbin and Stray Kids - YES!! This was well written, and I love how Changbin came across as both strong and gentle, just as he seems in everyday life.

Star Lost

F/M Pairing: Fem! Reader x Changbin (SKZ)

Genre: Science Fiction; Star Wars AU

Word Count: 13K

Warnings: Explicit Smut, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Alcohol Consumption, and Language; Changbin as a Brooding Mandalorian

Summary: They found you, a speck among millions of stars, and they gave you a home in their ranks. But how will your ragtag family of bounty hunters fare against a former storm trooper who offers you a compelling reward in exchange for your services?

A/N: if you see any mistakes, no you don’t…

Tag List: @luminouskalopsia​ @straykissss​ @charreddonuts​ @pandinha-puff​ @mrs-grim-reaper​ @elkel​ @lamerchesan​ @idek-at-this-point-lol​ @poutypoutybin​ @lavenderbang​ @adaamazing​

“Do you have the target in sight?”

The question, heavily modulated, hummed through the dusty speakers along with a fresh wave of static.

Keep reading

---

Omg, what an update!! Gosh I love CEO Wonwoo and this series!!

Amour Haine & Co. | Chapter 16 |

series masterlist

word count - 13.3k

warnings - cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of non-consensual sex, prostitution; this might be a kinda heavy chapter for some, so please do read with caution! I will never ever write a scene where any of the mentioned trigger warnings are actively happening to the reader, but there are mentions of it in this chapter

a/n: none of the things happening in this story are things that I put into relation to the real people that exist in this story! I also want to send every single one of you an immensely huge thank you!! For your patience, for your love, and for your support! I'm getting back into writing more frequently and hope to give you weekly updates from now on ˙ᵕ˙ I also hope that you of course enjoy this chapter and do not worry, there is so much more to come for this story! We're not getting towards the end of the story in the next few chapters.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT GUYS🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

"You're not gonna be able to walk away from this conversation forever, just so you know."

"Is this even legal?"

Your leg hadn't stopped shaking ever since you had stepped foot into the modern law firm. In the elevator, the air started feeling restricted again, just like it did back in the car that you had to share with Wonwoo. Only Wonwoo. Wonwoo and you.

His head snapped towards you, looking slightly down at your frame, hidden underneath the oversized clothing you were wearing, "What?" His eyebrows were scrunched, and you could tell his head was somewhere else, his thoughts were not in the room with you.

"This," you pointed towards the envelope, holding the possibly most important papers of your career in his hand. "What we're doing here. Is this legal?"

With pure confusion written all across his face, he kept his gaze interlocked with yours. "Are you seriously asking me if talking to our lawyer is illegal?"

"No," you rolled your eyes, a soft sigh escaping from your lips, "You know exactly what I mean. These are confidential, and I'm just not sure if... you know... we're allowed to use them to get an advantage in court."

Your eyes fell to Wonwoo's chest rising and dropping again heavily as he took a deep breath, adjusting his jacket.

"We got this information legally. We didn't steal it," he explained sternly, making sure that you were listening to him, "Sehun came to you, gave you this and that's it. It's an important part that we can't leave out when explaining it to the judge, but I'm gonna leave that to Jihoon. We'll see what he says." You nodded in understanding. Fidgeting with your fingers didn't help ease the nerves, but the CEO's words seemed to do a good enough job - at least a little bit.

It didn't feel right. The whole situation felt off. First, Sehun just showing up in your office and then just dropping such heavy info onto you, giving you everything you could possibly need to take down the worst enemy you had ever had to face in your entire life: Park Chanyeol. You trusted Sehun, there was no doubt of that. Whether that was a good thing or not, you didn't know just yet. Maybe you had been too forgiving too quickly and you were sure that Wonwoo would remind you of exactly that again, once you were back at the office. As if his rant back at his apartment wasn't already enough. Oh god,... that apartment. Too much had already happened there, and more shit just keeps piling up.

-

“Can I help you?”

The squeaky clean voice of the beautiful woman in front of you kept echoing in your brain. Beautiful doesn't even cover it. Gorgeous. Breathtaking. That's it. Breathtaking. Because that's exactly what she did to you.

The rain that had drenched your hair suddenly added so much more weight onto your head, making even the clothes on your body feel too tight. When did taking a breath become so difficult?

The raise of her eyebrows along with a tilt of her head brought you back as you just stared into her light-brown eyes, beautiful like soft caramel. Even her skin seemed too perfect to be true. Out of which fucking magazine did that woman just jump out? With that oversized sweatshirt hanging loosely on her body, it would most likely have been more of a YA novel rather than a magazine, but such a face could decorate the covers of each Vogue magazine across the world, and no one would question it.

You shook your head hesitantly, "S...Sorry," gulping hurt, "I- ehm-" Thank God, another voice interrupted you because who knows what would've come out of your mouth if you had continued.

"Jesus, Yeri, I told you not-" Wonwoo came to a sudden halt once his gaze stopped at your figure, standing in the hallway like a lost puppy. "Y/N? Why aren't you at the office?" Taking in your heavy breathing, and the wet clothes sticking onto your body, his eyes quickly found yours, "What happened?", immediately realising what was about to happen when you started shaking your head.

"Nothing," you quietly spoke, not trusting your voice to be any louder, "I... I'll get going... See ya," turning around, ready to make your way back to the elevator, back to the office building, back to your normal work day, or as normal as you could be after what had just happened. Not even two hours ago, this man was standing in front of you, his fingers tracing over your chin, desperately wanting to pull you closer and intertwine your souls. Even his ghost of a touch was still imprinted on your skin, making you want to scream. Not even eight hours ago, he was sitting down, looking up at you with those big brown eyes, almost begging at you. Admitting to his feelings, revealing the deepest of his feelings towards you. And now, not even ten seconds ago, he let it all fall. Every word he said, every sentence he spoke just evaporated into thin air.

Before you could let the tears in your eyes dwell up, a harsh yet soft tug at your wrist made you stop and turn back around, immediately faced with the body of the man you had become so familiar with, whether you liked it or not - this position didn't feel all too foreign to you.

"What's going on?"

His low voice mixed with his touch sent an electric wave through your body, yet you avoided his eyes, knowing exactly it would hurt too much. You rather kept your head down, looking at his hand wrapped around your wrist, shaking free from his grip.

"Nothing, forget it, I'll tell you later-"

"No," he stopped you, "Come on," and nodded towards his apartment since you were still not looking at him, he repeated the action you dreaded so much as his fingers found their place on your chin again to tap it, making you look up and move away from his touch. "Let's go inside."

You gulped, hugging the envelope closer to your chest, "No, it's fine, you seem-"

"Busy?" There was something teasing, yet slightly concerned, in the raise of his eyebrows. "She's my cousin."

"Hm?" You met his eyes quickly after the last word left his lips, which have slowly but surely curled up.

"Mh," he nodded, "Yeri's my cousin." He didn't let you intervene as you opened your mouth but just kept on talking, "My mum called her over to spend some time with her. On the way here, it started raining, so I gave her something warm to wear. They were just about leave, that's why she was close to the door and opened it even though I told her not to open it to anyone that doesn't use the bell downstairs, but oh well." He turned towards the open door, raising his voice slightly, "It's not like it's her first time here."

The female voice shouted a soft, "Sorry!" back, making him shake his head with a sigh, before catching your gaze again. You held your mouth tightly shut. Oh.

Locking eyes with him seemed too intense, explaining your drifting glances around the hallway that slowly fell to the floor, looking down at your shoes.

"You didn't have to explain that to me," you raised her head again, "I-... It's none of my business... you know..."

An almost chuckle escaped Wonwoo's mouth, just almost, with that stupid smirk still plastered proudly on his face. "Sure." Sharing a quick one-second glance at each other before he took the word again. "Would you like to come in now and explain what's going on?" So soft, so gentle. As if the person in front of you had just found out about the vulnerable side of you and was trying to speak as softly as possible to you.

You nodded, rushing past him without sending him another look, just praying to forget this scene had ever happened.

Chaewon was surprised to see you back at the apartment, but she got the message after a quick explanation that you and Wonwoo had to have an important discussion - 'business stuff' as he put it without even knowing the exact reason for your sudden appearance. 

After the two women had left, you took a seat at the dining table, putting the envelope down, expecting the CEO to sit down across from you when he suddenly disappeared.

"Wonwoo?" Your voice echoed through the apartment.

"Yeah? What?" He exited his bedroom and came back into the living space.

"What are you doing?" You wondered, nervously tapping your nails on the glass of the table.

He put the sweat-set he had carried from the room over to you onto the surface, nodding towards it, "Getting you something warm to wear."

You were quick to shake your head, "No, don't worry, it's fine," and pushed the envelope towards it, the sound of it scraping over the table scratching your ear, "You should see this."

"And you should put something on that's not drenched in water. Go change." You opened your mouth to protest, but he beat you to it, "I'll take a look, but you go. Now." With a sigh, you gathered the clothing into your grip as he mumbled, "I don't need you calling in sick to work tomorrow."

You rolled your eyes and were about to make your way to the bathroom when a comment tickled your tongue that you just couldn't let go. "You really enjoy giving away your clothes, huh?"

A deep sound that could be counted as a chuckle came from Wonwoo as he reached for the letters you had brought along. Once you were a few more feet away from him, he sighed, eyeing your figure disappearing in the bathroom, "To people I care about." Before you closed the door, a small smile appearing on your face.

-

You decided to leave your pants on as they were spared by the rain, unlike your top, but happily accepted the soft sweater Wonwoo had offered you, the name of his past university on wide display across your chest. Once you were back in the open living space, your eyes drifted to the dining table, expecting the CEO, but coming to sight with empty chairs. The pieces of paper were spread all over the glass, clearly only hastily looked at.

You were about to call out for Wonwoo, when his voice caught your attention, "Jesus Christ, Jihoon, pick up." Low and angered, just like you used to hear it all the time. Before. Before... all of this. It almost seemed unfamiliar to you, that's how long it must have been.

Turning to walk to the kitchen after hanging your wet clothing over one of the empty chairs and the sweatpants on the seat, you found said CEO leaning against the countertop. What caught your eyes though was the glass he had put up to his lips, throwing the brown liquid down his throat.

"Wonwoo, it's 9 am!" You called out, catching his attention. He threw his phone to the side with a clearly annoyed sigh and put the glass down, right next to the Whiskey Decanter.

Ignoring your exclaim, he raised his hand, gripping the pieces of paper tightly, wrinkling them harshly, "Are those real?"

The stern tone of his voice made you take a deep breath and reach forward in a hopefully somewhat calming manner, "Can I explain?" But that didn't calm him at all. Not in the slightest. He rushed past you.

"Yes, in the car. Put your shoes on."

"What?" You turned around, watching him hastily compiling all the evidence and stuffing everything into the brown envelope. He brushed past you once again, back into the kitchen to grab his phone before getting to the front door and slipping into his shoes.

"Jihoo's not picking up his fucking phone, so we're gonna go visit him. Come on," he nodded for you to come closer. You knew it wasn't the right time to ask any questions and just followed his order, right until he reached for his car keys. A slap on his hand made him flinch back.

"Are you insane? I just saw you jugging down Whiskey! You really think I'm gonna jump into a car with you now?" He was quick to shake his head, trying to get some sense back.

"Right, right... sorry," he opened the door, "You got your keys?"

You nodded, "Yeah, let's go," with a calm voice you pushed him out, praying this was gonna go at least somehow the way you expected it to go.

-

The elevator doors opened, bringing you back to the present as you thought back to the car ride where you had tried to explain everything that had happened in your office. Wonwoo had 'only' interrupted you about twenty times with 'what the fuck was he doing there?', 'Are you being for real right now?', 'you're fucking with me, right?', 'I'm gonna fire Jisoo, for fuck's sake'. A separate argument had started on behalf of that last statement of his as you tried to talk him out of that thought, but at that point, you had already reached Jihoon's law firm building, and everything was forgotten again as you stepped into the elevator and let silence overcome the two of you.

Just as you were about to step onto the designated floor, Wonwoo's call made you stop, "Y/N."

You turn around with a hum.

"Who did you think Yeri was?" Was that why he had been so quiet the entire elevator ride? Was he really gonna ask that now?

"What?" You scrunched your eyebrows, slightly shaking your head, "N-No one."

As the door wanted to close again, the CEO stepped forward, putting himself in between.

His eyes never left yours and you couldn't get yourself to break the intense stare you two shared.

"You still don't believe me?"

You shrugged softly, "Believe what?" There were more important things to discuss, was he really not gonna let this go?

"You thought Yeri was some girl I slept with. Be honest."

...

Yes. Yes, you did. Alright? And you hated it. Every fucking second of it.

"So what, Wonwoo," you barely whispered, "Can we go now?" Motioning towards the hallway. You didn't wait for an answer but just stepped forward, stopping at the extended arm suddenly in front of you.

"I meant what I said. Last night." Again, his eyes were still trained on you. Even with your gaze straight, you could feel his burning the side of your face, making you turn your head.

You nodded, your eyes drifting down to the floor, "I know. I did too." Your comment seemed to have calmed him as you could see his eyebrows relaxing and his eyes softening.

"But still, you..." You could tell, he himself wasn't sure where this was supposed to go, so you stopped him with your palm up.

"Can we talk about this later?"

Wonwoo nodded with a heavy breath leaving his nose. You were ready to walk forward, but his finger pointing at you made you stop once again.

"You're not gonna be able to walk away from this conversation forever, just so you know." With a roll of your eyes, you pushed his hand aside and walked past him, waiting for him in the hallway to show you the way.

Similar to your office building, you stepped through glass doors but came to a halt at what seemed to be like a reception.

"Oh, Mister Jeon," the voice of the woman behind the desk rushed through your ear, "Do you have an appointment with-"

"I'm sorry, but I need to see him now," he interrupted her quickly.

"He has a client in there, and I don't think he's free until-"

"No," he stopped her again, "I didn't ask. I want to see him. Now."

She nodded, "I understand, but I can't interrupt-"

"If you can't, I will," his tone grew more and more serious with every word falling from his lips, making you step closer to him, your soft hand finding its way to his shoulder.

"It's fine," you said out loud, everyone knowing it was more directed towards Wonwoo than to anyone else, "We can wait."

He shrugged off your touch, "No, we can't," and turned around without another sound, crossing the floor with quick steps, and running down the hallway as he definitely already knew the way to Jihoon's office.

"Wonwoo!"

"Mister Jeon!" The two of you that had stayed behind called out, before you looked at the woman with a gentle smile, "I'm sorry," but still went to rush after him. 

You caught up just as he opened the door to an office.

"Jihoon!" With a quick look inside, you were met with the surprised eyes of the man you were looking for and a second pair sitting right across from him, gazing at you in shock and confusion.

"Get out," Wonwoo motioned to the stranger to get up, "Come on."

"Wonwoo, I-" the lawyer tried to stop him, but the man in front of him was already standing up, clearly intimidated by the stature of the CEO. He almost bumped shoulders with you with the rush he was in, excusing himself quickly, not even daring to cross gazes with you.

"We have to talk," he sternly told Jihoon, throwing the envelope onto his desk.

The smaller man sighed, "And that can't wait?"

"No."

-

Wonwoo and you had taken a seat across from Jihoon, each in their own seat as your eyes were fixed on the man in front of you. You had wanted to start picking at your nail polish, but once you realised that it truly was all gone, your fingers found new entertainment by playing with the leather of the chairs. While you could practically hear and feel your heartbeat slowly coming up to your throat, your foot twitching out of nervosity, Wonwoo next to you seemed to be doing just fine. A deep breath would leave his lips every now and then as his gaze drifted around the room, taking in the decor on Jihoon's shelves and the big windows showing you the skyline of the city. After that became too boring for him, he stood up and started pacing around the room, clearly getting impatient by how long the lawyer was taking, which you could definitely relate to. One quick look at the digital clock on his desk though let you know that it had only been four minutes. Four long fucking minutes.

"So?" Wonwoo was the first to break the silence, making his friend sigh, look up and lean back in his chair. His eyes first fell on Wonwoo, but then travelled to you, suddenly a confused look written across his face.

"You went to Seoultech?"

"Hm?" You wondered, copying his facial expression before you lowered your head to where his gaze was fixed on. The sweatshirt. You forgot. "Oh, no," you stuttered, "I-It-"

"It's mine, not important," the CEO finished the explanation quickly, not wanting to dive further into the reason why you were wearing it, making Jihoon's eyebrows jump up in surprise. His change in expression went uncommented. "So, what do you say?" Wonwoo steadied his figure by placing his hands on the backrest of the chair he had sat in only a minute ago, not looking anywhere else but at the man whose opinion mattered the most at that very second.

"I think you know what I'm gonna say," he answered calmly.

"Well, I wanna hear it," Wonwoo argued back.

The lawyer sighed, "It's great evidence. Amazing even."

"Exactly," the younger man nodded with somewhat of a proud grin on his lips.

"But," Jihoon started again, catching both of your attention suddenly.

"But?" The CEO and you questioned in chorus. That was never a good start.

He gathered the papers together in his hands, waving them gently, "It's too good. And too much."

"What the fuck do you mean, too much?" Wonwoo didn't seem as confident anymore as before, annoyed by what he had to be confronted with. "That asshole did all of this, how could it be too much?!" You didn't miss the slight raise in his voice, neither did Jihoon, but he seemed unfazed by it.

"I mean it's too much." He stated once again. "You bring this amount of evidence to a judge out of nowhere, they're gonna start questioning it. All of it."

"So? Let them question it."

The shake of his head, made Wonwoo stop in his tracks. "That would give Chanyeol just more time to come up with something to fight this. Because he WILL find out that everything's getting delayed because of a sudden appearance of evidence the court needs to look through."

"Fuck that," the CEO shook his head with a deep mumble, followed by a sigh.

"How did you even get this?" Jihoon wondered, his eyes flicking between you two, waiting for an answer.

You lifted your head to find Wonwoo's gaze already on you. The soft nod towards the lawyer along with a gentle, "That's your story to tell," made you take a deep breath.

With your fingers holding on tightly to the sleeves of the sweater, you started, "Sehun came into the office today."

"Oh Sehun? Park's guy?" To which you nodded, but Jihoon had more questions, "Why? You know him too?"

"Yeah... he..." you tried finding the right words, "He used to be one of my best friends before... Chanyeol and I became a thing. So- I don't know, he just was there, sitting in my office with that envelope and told me to use it for the lawsuit."

"Just like that?"

"He feels really guilty for what they did," as much as you didn't want to defend him, since you knew the other party was still in the wrong, you couldn't help but let your feelings play into it, "He wants to be better than that them-"

"That sounds pretty sketchy to me, not gonna lie," Jihoon sighed, crossing his arms over his chest as he stood up. Wonwoo was back to sitting down next to you, his eyes never leaving your side profile.

"It's not," you argued, "I trust him. Kinda..."

"Kinda?"

"I know that it's hard to believe, but if you knew him like I do, you'd trust him too. Of course, I don't want to put all of my trust into him and into this," you pointed at the papers on his desk, "But I do believe he meant what he said. He wants to take down Chanyeol just as much as we do. He's done with his bullshit."

"Alright," Jihoon nodded, "I'll take your word for that," and took a few steps closer to his desk again, suddenly separating the papers into two piles, "This," he pointed to the left one, "We can use. I'll get that to the judge as quickly as possible." Then turned to the right one, "But this. We can't use it like that."

You sat up straighter, trying to get a glimpse at what pieces of evidence he was talking about when you found the statements of the women Sehun had told you about.

"What?" You called out, "What do you mean, we can't use that? Are you kidding me? You just wanna throw that away?!" Your voice got louder with each sentence, desperation and shock lacing every word. Frustration started building up in your body like a slow fire spreading.

"Listen, we-"

"These women deserve to be heard! They had the courage to talk about what happened to them, and now you don't even want to use it?! You can't be serious right now..." The rough hand gently covering yours on the armrest of your chair made you take a deep breath. You didn't need to look down to feel the intensity.

"Jihoon," Wonwoo spoke up, much calmer than you, "Their statements are just as much evidence as that other shit-"

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is-"

"Not, it's not, Wonwoo!" Jihoon was the last person to raise their voice in the room, but it had to happen at some point. Before either of you could interfere, he continued, his tone much lower but not any less strict, "We know what law enforcement is like these days. You out of all us should know it the best," he pointed at the CEO, who shifted in his seat and his grip on your hand tightened. He hit a nerve with that. "What they're gonna do once they read through these is give that Park idiot a warning and those women some money because they think it's gonna make them feel better and forget everything that happened. This is their way of handling these types of situations these days, and it's not gonna benefit us in any way or bring Park down."

The three of you sat in silence. You understood now. Wonwoo did too. And Jihoon was right. When it comes to sexual assault cases, law enforcement was the worst to deal with it and whatever the outcome would be, it never benefited the women on the lower end.

"There's a big difference between the raid videos and the statements," the lawyer started again, sitting down opposite of you, "Here with have video evidence, which is VITAL in a case like this. Yes, videos can always be edited, but these idiots forgot that you have a watermark on all of your security camera footage, like smart people would." His comment almost made you chuckle, but it certainly made Wonwoo smile. "Statements won't get us far, that's the problem. They can be faked easily. They can even say we bribed these women to say bad shit about Park." You nodded in understanding. "But."

"Can you stop with these 'buts' and get to the fucking point?" Wonwoo started becoming impatient again, never breaking the cold demeanour you had become so used to.

Jihoon took the right pile of paper into his grasp, "Did you read through them?"

"Not all of them, why?" The CEO shook his head.

The smaller man sighed, "I figured," earning himself an unamused facial expression from his friend, "Some of these women stated that the sexual harassment happened at the workplace. There's no way we're getting camera footage from their office unless Sehun helps us with that, but that again could get us into some deep trouble as well," he explained, knowing he had both of your full attention. "But not all of them talk about their workplace. Some of them mention a club."

Wonwoo stared at him in confusion as he noticed the slightly smug look on the lawyer's face, "What club?"

Not giving him a verbal answer, Jihoon pushed the papers towards the two of you, making Wonwoo's hand lift from yours, leaving a cold empty space. It was only then that you noticed for how long his warm palm was covering your entire hand. The man next to you got a hold of the papers, reading through them quickly until his eyes stopped and what he was looking for.

"The Monbebe..."

"The Monbebe," Jihoon nodded with a smirk, a pen of his now in between his fingers as he played with it.

Wonwoo shook his head in slight annoyance or disappointment, you weren't sure, "Fuck..."

Your eyes switched between the two men, hoping someone would explain what had just happened, but since neither of them continued, you decided to speak up, "What's the Monbebe?"

Wonwoo was quick to answer, "A club downtown."

"And part of our past," the lawyer continued, a subtle smirk daring to escape on his face.

"Jihoon. Don't." The CEO looked up, glaring at his friend. But he just rolled his eyes.

You didn't miss the sudden change in the atmosphere that ran across the room, the tension that had started to build up again, and you couldn't help but let your curiosity win over, "W-What do you mean?" Eyes on Jihoon first, but when he pointed towards Wonwoo, you switched to look at him, "What does he mean?"

The man next to you shook his head as he threw the papers back onto the table with a huff, "Nothing, it's not important."

"Oh, it is VERY important," Jihoon contended.

"No, it's not, you fucking know I don't want to have anything to do-"

"You can't run from your past, Wonwoo!" The two men started to argue. You stayed seated, watching the heat in both of their eyes as they took a trip down memory lane, to a memory that Wonwoo seemed to want to forget.

The CEO stood up with an angry breath leaving his lips, "That was never supposed to be my past! Or any of our pasts! You forgot about that?! Oh sorry, my bad, just because it got deleted from your record, you're just gonna pretend like it was fine what happened back then?!"

"Don't start with that," Jihoon, now also standing as a defence mechanism, pointed a finger at his friend, "I'm not the one trying to erase everything that happened. Yes, it wasn't okay, but like I said, it's in the past, Wonwoo." He shook his head with a sigh, "Jesus Christ... I'm not saying you should go back there and become their best fucking friend."

"Then what exactly are you trying to say, Sir lawyer?!" Wonwoo spat those words at his face, almost sounding like he was holding them against said lawyer.

"Will you let me finish for once?"

The CEO raised his arms in defence and motioned for the other to continue talking. You just hoped to soon get out of this misery of the unknown.

Jihoon took a deep breath, taking a look out of the window before turning his attention back to you, "I told you. The security camera footage that Sehun brought you won't be a problem. That's good evidence. But the statements are not enough-"

"You already said that," Wonwoo interrupted him, earning him a glare from both you and Jihoon, receiving an annoyed sigh in return.

"BUT, we know that the Monbebe has security cameras all over that freaking place, and those also have a watermark, meaning that the judge and everyone else would look through, but they wouldn't question the sincerity of the footage. Because those are harder, if not, impossible to fake in the period ever since it happened to now."

"And... how do we get to this security footage?" You had started picking on the fabric of the chair again, still not feeling an ounce of casualty or calmness yet.

Jihoon dared to look at his friend from across the room for a split second before answering, "That's why I mentioned our past," looking at his shoes and meeting your eyes again, "We-"

"She doesn't have to know everything," Wonwoo stopped him sternly, taking the last piece of patience you had with those final words. You shot up from your seat and turned your entire body towards him,

"I'm in this shit as much as you are! So yes, I do in fact have to know everything, are you kidding me?! While you two have been fighting over God knows what shitty past you have, I've been sitting here and just listening to this, not knowing what the fuck is going on. So you better start telling me about this right now! I've had to tell you everything about Chanyeol as well-"

"That's not the same!" With a few quick steps, Wonwoo got dangerously closer to you, "Your fuckhead of ex-boyfriend is suing our company, so I think I'm damn well entitled to know who the fuck he is and why he's doing that!"

"Yes, and now this is also part of that whole fucking trial, that I'm in as well, so stop arguing and start fucking talking," you had lowered your voice, remembering that there was still another person in the room with you and you were in fact in an official law firm, holding multiple other lawyers that worked next to yours.

Wonwoo couldn't tear his eyes off you, but the same went for you. He captivated you once again. So easily. And he didn't even try.

"The owners of the club are old friends of ours," Jihoon spoke up, making you turned towards him, but you still caught the sigh escaping the other man's lips as he shook his head,

"Friends..."

"They were." The lawyer repeated, much sterner this time and definitely directed at Wonwoo.

"Exactly, there WERE."

"But they'd still help you," Jihoon argued, "If they saw you at the Monbebe, you don't think they'd want to talk?"

The CEO nodded with a smirk, "OH, I know they'd want to talk, but I wouldn't let them finish whatever the fuck they're gonna say."

"Well then, you're gonna have to learn to in order to get those security camera videos."

You switched your weight from one leg to the other as you crossed your arms, "You think they're just gonna give us that footage?"

Jihoon motioned you a clear 'no' with his head, "No, not just like that. But if that idiot over there could get the stick out of his ass, I'm sure they'd be more willing to do it... Maybe bring Mingyu along too. They always got along with him the best."

Your gazes switched between the annoyed CEO and the calm but smug-looking lawyer, while you stood in the middle, unsure of what was to come next. Wonwoo was for sure not going to take the next word as his friend's last sentence was still running through his mind. You decided to take the initiative to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

"So...?" Eyeing the two men, "What are we gonna do?"

Jihoon took a seat behind the desk again, leaning back in the chair, looking straight at you, "You might want to go shopping."

"What?" You scrunched your eyebrows in confusion, "Why?"

 A quick glance at Wonwoo made the smile on his face only go wider, "The Monbebe is... how would you put it, Wonwoo?"

"Don't." The other man growled, catching you off guard, but Jihoon chuckled.

"It's... a very special kind of club. With... a very special audience."

But that only fed into your confusion.

-

"You’re kidding.” You stated matter-of-factly, rather than as a question, gazing at Wonwoo with raised eyebrows. Your eyes travelled to the dress he held by the hanger. Scratch that. Piece of cloth, that’s what it was. You could not call that a dress or any type of clothing, just something that should represent a form of shorts? Undergarment? A small little cover of some sort with a top not wider than a headband.

“Underwear has more fabric than that.” Your comment made him chuckle, followed by a roll of his eyes.

“You wanted to find out what the Monbebe was all about. And I hate to break it to you, but this is exactly what women that go to that club would wear. Although this here is already very modest for that kind of club.” He put it back on the clothing line and continued walking behind you as you passed multiple other racks filled with not much different attire than he had just held in his hands.

“I don’t want to find out what that club is like, especially after what you told me, but if Jihoon thinks we could get the security footage by talking to them, or with you talking to them, then I’d say let’s give it a try,” you explained while continuing your search of something appropriate to wear.

He swallowed the ball that had formed his throat, "You know if you'd just stay at home like I proposed-"

"No," you turned around too quickly for him to react, catching him off-guard as you pressed your fingers into his chest, "Don't even start with that shit again. We're in this mess because of me." Before you could continue, Wonwoo wrapped his much bigger hand over yours, releasing your finger from touching him, but keeping you just as close as he leaned down.

"And you don't even start with THAT. We're in this because your ex is a fucking moron. This could've happened to anyone he wanted to fucked over."

You shared two more seconds of silence, just gazing into each other's eyes before a voice tear you apart again.

"Hi," she screeched into your ear, "Can I help you find something?"

"N-"

"Yeah, we're looking for something for her to wear to the Monbebe," Wonwoo answered for you, earning himself a quick glare from you that just made him nudge you towards the direction the over-motivated lady was heading.

"Oooh! Special night, I see, I see," she rushed over to a corner you didn't even dare to look at, already sensing the 'not my style' vibes from miles away. "Well," she picked out the first outfit, as skimpy as it could get, "You can never go wrong with a classic black bodysuit."

"That- That's not really what I was going for, you know?"

She shoved it back on the rack, nodding quickly, "Alright, alright, well then, what exactly were you looking for?" Her big caramel eyes were digging holes into your soul, almost making you want to give in and just go with whatever fabric would cover the most important parts of your body. What a great selling strategy...

"Something...." you started motioning around your body, trying to think of the right way to say out loud what was going on in your head, "that maybe looks a little bit more like... clothing?"

The questioning tilt of her head made you sigh in frustration, but Wonwoo was quick to come to the rescue.

"Maybe more coverage. More fabric."

You nodded, holding in a deep breath, "Yeah... that would be great," looking back at the woman, who just stared blankly at you, blinking with her big eyelashes.

"More coverage? For the Monbebe?"

"I already explained that to her, but... yeah," the CEO nodded in defeat.

The sales assistant seemed to think for a few seconds before clapping her hands, "Okay okay, I think I may have a few pieces, but I'm gonna have to check the back. How about you go take a seat in the changing rooms, and I'll get back to you once I've got something."

The two of you went off on your own, trying to find the changing rooms that were on their individual floor, where you were welcomed by two other women, who just couldn't keep their eyes off the man by your side. You'd like to say it didn't bother you, that you didn't even notice the way their eyes basically undressed him before they turned to each other only to start whispering and giggling like little school girls. Oh, what you'd do to be able to think like that. But that was not the case. You didn't like their gazes on him. You couldn't help but try to stay as close to him as possible. He must've noticed at that point. And that thought made you want to crawl into a hole and never come out again. You prayed he couldn't tell how your heart had started speeding up anytime he had more or less accidentally touched you. You begged he didn't notice the chill running down your spine, making the hair on your body spike up when he would bend down to whisper something in your ear. 

But he did. He observed you like homework. He wanted to be able to read you better than anyone else. And he wasn't going to be subtle about it - why should he? He had already confessed almost on his knees to you, what else was there to lose? You already held his heart and his dignity in your soft hands, whether you knew about that yet, he wasn't sure, but he was going to find out. There was no doubt about that.

You had taken a seat in one of the dressing rooms, the curtain still open, giving you a perfect view of Wonwoo, who was sitting right in front of you, making himself comfortable on the soft cushions in the middle of the room, probably specifically made for the boyfriends to wait for their girlfriends. Or rather sugar daddies that would wait for their sugar babies to put on a show for them in the dress they would be getting just for them.

"Sooo...," you wanted to break the stillness and tension that had started building up, "What exactly is the dress code for the Monbebe?"

He leaned back slightly, the upwards shift of his hips didn't go unnoticed by you, making you take a deep breath in. "You want mine or the official one?" Wonwoo had his head turned to the side, leaving you to stare at the sharp line of his jaw.

"What?"

He looked at you. Gazed at you.

"Come as you are. Be and feel free. Don't hide. That's how they word it."

"And yours...?"

A sigh tumbled from his lips, "Skimpy. As less as possible to give us easy access."

You scrunched your eyebrows at his comment, "Us?"

He met your eyes with a guilty look, "Men." You nodded. Right... you remembered the explanation of him in the car. What the Monbebe club was. A whorehouse basically. The more known and official designation was 'Gentlemen Club' but everyone knew what it really was. You felt the sick feeling in your stomach come back when your mind brought you back to that part of your conversation.

"So, prostitution?"

"Pretty much," Wonwoo had looked out of the window the entire ride, not even sending you a quick glance.

"But," you swallowed at the hard fact that was reality, "I mean, it's definitely not legal, but the police doesn't care about it, right? They just seem to turn blind when it comes to that. Those women know what they're doing, so... why do Jihoon and you talk so bad about it?"

"Because they don't." You stopped at a red light and turned to face him, answering him with a questioning hum, hoping to get his attention. He did change his line of sight but kept his head straight ahead, still not meeting your eyes. "It's not consensual prostitution."

Oh.

"I mean," he cleared his throat uncomfortably, "In a way, it is because they're the ones who come to Monsta X to start working there, but... their... clients... and visitors... they can do whatever the fuck they want with those women. And they can cry as loud as they want... it doesn't bother those pigs. If anything, it only turns them on even more."

You had heard enough.

Disguised as a club with a bar, but in the back was where the 'fun' for the visitors truly was at. Wonwoo had also mentioned something about a fighting/boxing business even further down into the basement, but he didn't want to go into further detail about that area of the entire building, hoping that he'd be able to keep the two of you as far from it as possible.

"But I'm not working there," you told the CEO as he crossed his arms, watching your legs that you crossed, "Why should I dress the same as the women that do?"

"Do you think they care? The people that go there do not give a fuck about who officially works there and who doesn't. They just try to get their hands on anyone that's available and the Monstas need to uphold their honour in the industry." He explained. You could tell he didn't enjoy talking about this which seemed to have been a part of his past at some point. It scared you. He hadn't told you how he had gotten involved with them just yet, but you were terrified to find out. Scared of what side of him would be revealed to you. It seemed like such an unlikely place for a man like him to be, for any of his friends that you had met so far, so you were curious to find out more.

"But...," the start to your question made him look up, "If they're so infamous for such things, how did you guys-"

"Alright!" The familiar voice of the saleswoman rang through your ear, making you stand up. With four steps, you were out of the dressing room, only to stop right next to Wonwoo, but with your eyes on the lady, or rather the stuff hanging on her arm. The questionable things hanging on her arm. Your eyes caught some glitter, some pearls, and... chains?! "I know, I know, some of it might not look THAT good at first, but just try it on and trust me, okay?" She beamed the brightest possible smile at you, her bleached teeth blinding you as you unsurely nodded, opening your arms to get the pieces of clothing handed over. She brushed past you and hung everything on the hangers on the wall before stepping out again,

"I'm gonna leave you two to it, but if you need anything else you can just ring that bell over there," and pointed towards what looked like a light switch. With one last, what you presumed to be, fake smile, she left you two to have the entire floor to yourself.

"Wonwoo...," you gasp-whispered as your gaze travelled across the fabric hanging on the wall.

The CEO shot up from his seat, with one big step closer to the dressing room, pretty much standing inside of it with you, "What? What's wrong?" You didn't notice the slight worry in his voice as you were still trying to calm yourself from the embarrassment you were about to experience as soon as you would put on any of these things.

"What?" He repeated.

You shook your head, "I-I don't know..."

"What do you mean?" He kept on digging for a proper answer from you, but you just stared at him with a blank expression.

"This. This dress. All of them. No." The words fell quickly from your lips before you could even think of properly forming sentences.

"Y/N...," he spoke softly, "You haven't even tried any of them on-"

"Look at them!" 

"I am," he calmly answered you.

You motioned at them wildly with your hands, "Well then, you should see the problem."

"Look," the man sighed once again, "I told you, it's their fucking dress code, if I could change it, I would. Trust me."

"I knowww," you whined, a defeated breath of air leaving your lips. Wonwoo was patient with you. Too patient. But at some point, it had to be over.

"You know, I can still do this on my own-"

"On it," you were quick to interfere, pushing him out of the dressing room, making him fake gasp,

"I don't even get the full show?" You revealed your face from behind the curtain with a scolding expression.

"Watch your mouth, mister." Leaving him with a smirk on his lips to fall back onto the cushioned seats.

Two minutes later, the curtain was pulled back again as your head out, finding his eyes immediately. Before he could even open his mouth, you started,

"I look ridiculous."

He couldn't help but grin at you, "I highly doubt that." Wonwoo couldn't lie, his position was making him excited. The thought of what the clothing this particular store was selling would look like on your body made his own react in ways he wished it wouldn't.

You shook your head, the blush evidently on your cheeks, "You can't see me like this." But that only made him chuckle as he leaned forward, letting his forearms rest on his upper thighs.

"I think we've crossed that boundary a few times already, don't you?" He teased. You knew the answer. But you kept your mouth shut and just motioned him 'no' once again.

"Still."

"Come on," you tilted his head, but you stood your ground, sending him a blank facial expression, "What? You're getting shy now? It's too late for that."

With a sigh, you disappeared again, mumbling a loud enough, "I hate you," for him to hear, making him grin. 

That smirk got wiped off his face as you surprised him by stepping out of the dressing room fully, standing in a skimpy little black lingerie dress in front of him. A dress that pushed your boobs up so much, they almost quelled out of the cups, and your boobs had never been THAT big.

Wonwoo whistled, "Well, hello," his eyes were clearly not on your face.

"Stoooop," you whined, hands coming up to clasp your breasts in defence, hoping to hide a little bit.

He chuckled, "What? I said hello," raising his arms in defence.

You squinted your eyes at him, "I know who you said hello to," hands still on your boobs. The chuckling continued. He couldn't help it. He couldn't hide it.

"And what were you so worried about?" Wongoo genuinely wondered as he kept eyeing you up and down, he really tried to stop but it was almost as if his eyes moved on their own.

You sighed and turned back to take a look in the mirror, your backside now facing him, not making it any better for the poor man in the chair. He decided to stand up to not have your ass on perfect eye level and was only graced with the beauty of your reflection.

Your hands caressed the dress, trying to get every single crease out of it. "I mean-," you breathed out in frustration, "just look at it! The fabric is way too thin, my boobs are on the verge of falling out and one wrong move and I'm flashing my ass to everyone."

"I'm not complaining," he grinned, hoping to get a similar reaction from you, which you gave him, but it quickly changed to a shake of your head.

"Clearly." Wonwoo didn't like the tone of your voice. He knew it all too well. It reminded him of his mother. All the times she would check her reflection in any passing mirror, trying to fix every hair that was possibly laying wrongly on her head. Any tiny smudge of her makeup had to get corrected, and every inch of her body had to either be hidden or look fit and young.

The comments of his father rang through his memory. The words he had thrown at his mother as she, slowly but surely, aged like beautiful fine wine, much to the dismay of his father, who had looked like the molerat he had always been. He hated the way his mum saw herself. Just because that asshole couldn't keep his mouth shut. Wonwoo promised himself to never make that same mistake.

"Well," he wanted to touch you, oh so badly, but he kept his hands to himself. For now. "If my opinion is of any importance to you, I think you look beautiful. But so did you in my old ass university sweater, so I don't know how much of help I really am."

You raised your head, meeting his gaze in the mirror, sending him a shy and tight smile as you grasped the seem of the dress tightly. God... why was he doing this to you. Well, you knew it. He had told you. He told you exactly what he was thinking, so, you knew. But what were you going to do with that information?

"Thank you," you softly told him, to which he just nodded. "But I still don't feel comfortable in this."

"Then let's try to find something you at least find somewhat comfortable to wear," he suggested kindly, sitting back down as you went back into the dressing room, pulling the curtain close before you released a heavy breath.

-

"They can't be serious about this," you commented as you stepped out in your now fifth dress. ...Dress? If you could call it that. It was much rather just a bunch of chains that were intertwined with each other, creating something you could throw over your upper body.

Wonwoo looked up from his phone, putting it back into his pocket immediately. 

"Why are you wearing underwear with that?" He exclaimed, getting a wide-eyed stare from you in return.

You stuttered, "Wh- Am I- Am I supposed to just go bare?!"

"Well, with this, clearly," he stated like it was the most obvious answer possible.

You crossed your arms, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" He didn't answer you verbally but just shrugged, making you roll your eyes with a chuckle.

"But this is actually something that a woman would wear to the Monbebe," he quickly added before you could disappear again.

"This?" You pointed to yourself, "Without underwear? Seriously?"

Wonwoo kept quiet for a few seconds, eyes interlocked with yours, before sighing, "I know, you don't actually want me to answer that." You nodded.

With the curtain closed, you started to get undressed again.

"You know," the CEO stated, "The more time we spent here and the more dresses you try on, the less I enjoy the idea of you coming along," he decided to just throw out the facts as they were. He didn't like it at all. He was almost terrified. Almost.

"Well, too bad," you got the dress off and put it back on the wall, "Because you're not getting rid of me now." You could hear the quiet mumble from outside but couldn't make out what he said. But you knew better than to ask him and just decided to let it pass.

Standing half naked in front of the dresses, you realised that the fifth one had been the last, and now you were left in your underwear, gazing at the clothing in desperation.

"You okay?" Wonwoo had gotten up and walked towards the curtain, his voice now closer than before.

You sighed, "That was the last one. Last dress."

"So then? Which one is it gonna be?" He wondered, only adding to your frustration.

"I don't know," you soughed, running a hand through your hair, "No fucking idea..."

"What about that third one," the CEO suddenly suggested, "You said that wasn't too bad, right? I think it was the best out of all of them."

You reached out to look for the mentioned piece of clothing, getting it out and hanging it at the front once you had found it, studying it with your arms crossed.

"But you said it had too much fabric on it," you argued.

"Mh, guess why it was my favourite," he commented back, almost getting a chuckle out of you. "Do you need help?" His question made you grin.

"No!" You shouted back, "Don't you dare come in here." Looking at the curtain as it started moving, you found fingers creeping in and grasping the seem of the hanging fabric, making you jump forward and slap it before poking your head out.

"Won-" you hisses but stopped as soon as you realised just how close you were all of a sudden. This position felt familiar with him. Too familiar. You could feel his breath on your lips, and you did not mind at all. It was too close and yet not close enough.

"Are you sure, you don't need any help?" He whispered.

The breath that left your lips was clearly shaky, yet you hoped he didn't notice. Although... maybe it wouldn't be too bad if he did notice it... right?

You smiled shyly, "Yes... thank you."

Wonwoo copied your facial expression, "Look how considered I am."

"Mh," you hummed with a nod, "May I go back and change now?"

"I'm not stopping you," he stated, smirking, knowing damn well what he was doing. Without another noise, you were about to close the curtain fully again. "Y/N," but his soft voice stopped you and made you look back at him. Why did he still have to be so close?

"This morning," he started, "What did you want to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"In the kitchen. Before we got interrupted." He didn't take his eyes off of yours, but you couldn't help but to lower your gaze, feeling intimated by his question. The gentle touch of his finger made you lift your head again, "I think there's something we need to catch up on." The almost kiss. Before Binna ruined your pretty much perfect morning. Was he so caught up on that? The memory made you grin. Oh how bad you wanted to kiss him. You still wanted to. Damn you Wonwoo...

"You really want to do this here?"

"A beautiful woman is half-naked in front of me. What more could I ask for?" His comment received a soft chuckle from you, "But I want you to do it. Because you want to, not because you feel like you have to."

"Wonwoo...," another whisper escaped your lips as you could feel yourself leaning more into him, now only millimetres away from his lips. He noticed it too.

"I just need to know that you want to," he copied your tone, his hand coming up to brush your hair on the side of your face.

You would've trusted your heart to stop right then and there. It was beating so hard, it had to be close to exploding. Your breathing had quickened, the adrenaline rushing through your body just like you had missed it.

You nodded so very gently, someone could've missed it, "I want to." Earning an even wider grin from Wonwoo.

"Well then," he just answered, not moving from his position, waiting for you to continue. You knew what you had to do. And yes God, it didn't matter how much of a mistake this maybe was, you were about to do it. Just one last time, you dared to look down at the man's lips, before meeting his gaze again. That was the last thing you saw as you closed your eyes and finally closed the small gap between the two of you. Finally. It had been way too long. Well, at least it felt like it. The soft moans coming from both of you just emphasized that. Finally, you felt his lips move against yours again. His hand held your cheek, his thumb brushing smoothly over your skin, trying to pull you in closer while you had a tight grasp on the curtain, hiding your body from the chest down. It didn't matter that you were in the middle of a clothing store. You could not give less of a fuck. What mattered was the man in front of you with his lips on yours, keeping you as close as he possibly could. The lips you had found so much comfort in.

Whatever this was... it was complicated, yes. But you were so ready to find out what exactly it was and how you could make it work. Finally ready. 

You pulled back before it could get any more heated, out of breath, your eyes met again. You bit down on your lip as he opened his mouth.

"I meant what I said last night."

You looked down with a soft grin, "How often are you gonna say that?"

"Until you believe me," he stated, finding your hand that was still choking the fabric of the curtain. 

Your gazes met. His once cold and dark eyes had turned so soft. The face you had once wanted to avoid at all cost had become so warm and comforting to you. You felt seen. You felt safe.

The subtle nod of his head brought you out of your trance, "Go change, we gotta get ready for later."

You turned around, careful to not let go of the curtain, taking the clothing hanger with the 'dress' into your hands, "Okay, take that for a second, we still gotta pay for that. I'll-"

"Alright done." He grasped the dress and took a few steps back to give you some space again.

"What?" Your question made him look up, "When?"

"I gave them my card and told them which dress you're gonna take," Wonwoo got a hold of his phone, just shrugging his shoulders, looking as comfortable as ever while you were still desperately hiding your body behind a curtain.

You squinted, "How did you know which dress I was gonna pick?"

He stared at you with his soft gaze, "You really think I would've let you pick any of the others?"

-

Already out of breath, you kept running through your apartment, trying to find the pieces of accessories you were looking for, groaning when they weren't in the bathroom, or your bedroom. You rushed into the living room, hoping you had maybe left them on the coffee table, but no luck. You had been looking for your earrings for at least ten minutes. Ten long minutes. After showering and literally shaving every single inch of your body, you had taken the time to do your makeup better than ever before, but now the problem was something else. Fucking earrings.

The shoes you should wear were already waiting for you in the hallway, along with the little black bag you had decided on. With one last groan, you chose to forget about the accessory and went back into the bedroom to finally put on the dress as you were sure Wonwoo would be here in no less than five minutes.

You took it out of its cover, revealing the beautiful stitch it had, along with the chains and pendant attached to it. It was gorgeous. Hot. Nothing you'd ever wear anywhere outside, not even a nightclub - and you had been to clubs before.

Putting in on seemed easier back at the store, you realized as you tried to close the last hook in the back. God dammit... why did expensive clothing also have to be so extra.

The ringing of your phone caught you off guard, making you have to walk into the living room again, where it had sat on the sofa. Wonwoo's name lit up the phone screen as you accepted the call, still trying to somehow get that freaking dress to close.

"Hello?"

"Hey, you can come down, we're here."

"Ehm...," you thought about it for a good second before continuing, "Could you maybe come up?"

"Why?" His voice was laced with confusion, and a little bit of worry, "Are you okay?"

You quickly assured him, "Yeah yeah yeah, I just... I need help with this dress, I ca-"

"On my way."

"Thank you," a gentle smile crept its way onto your face, "Fourth floor, ap-"

"I know." Were you ever going to be able to finish sentences with that man around? Who knew.

Not even two minutes later, there was a knock on your door, letting you know he had arrived. With your hands still behind your back, you entered the hallway, opening the door just a little to make sure that it, in fact, was who you were waiting for.

"Hi," you beamed brightly at him.

"Hey," your facial expression made him chuckle. He was about to ask you something else, but the sight of your entire figure in front of him made him stop, "Wow..."

You rolled your eyes as you felt the heat in your cheeks come up, "Don't."

"What? Am I not allowed to compliment a beautiful-looking woman." You didn't know what to say. What do you answer to a comment like that just being thrown at you? Multiple of those comments as a matter of fact. 

Wonwoo's eyes fell on your hands that were holding onto the piece of clothing in the back. He took a step forward to get closer to you, making you almost breathe out at the sudden close distance when he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around. His hands replaced yours. "You're gonna have to get used to me complimenting you."

You shrugged, "I just don't know how to react."

"Then you're gonna learn," he placed his palm on your lower back, "Done." You turned back around to meet his gaze.

"What if I don't want to?" The teasing question even surprised you, but for some reason, it felt fitting. And God did it feel good.

He grinned, his eyes running down your hair, his fingers followed, "You'll have to." Making you roll your eyes with a shy smile,

"You don't look too bad yourself, Mister Jeon." You brushed an invisible piece of lint off his suit jacket. Seeing him in suits every day at work didn't change the excitement that crept up your stomach at the sight of him in this clearly much more expensive anorak. All black.

"Shoes on." You nodded at the demand and brushed past him to bend down, forgetting how short your dress actually was. Only when you felt the sudden wash of cold over your clothed core, you shot up again, taking the shoes to the little stool you had placed in the hallway. Wonwoo waited patiently for you, watching you put on one shoe when he bent down onto one knee, taking the other shoe into his hand before moving to put it on your foot.

"Thank you," you told him, watching his fingers move so gently and skillfully over your skin, trying to make sure he tied the strings of the heels just the same way you did with the other one.

With a pat on your leg, he let you know he was finished, looking up to smile at you. If you hadn't been sitting down, you for sure would've melted to the floor at the look on his face. When had the cold-hearted bachelor turned so soft?

"Ready?"

You shifted in your seat, sitting up straighter, moving closer to him unknowingly as you put your hands underneath your thighs, trapping them between skin and cushion.

"I don't know," you let him know in full honesty, shaking your head in the process.

"As long as you stay next to me, you'll be fine. Alright?" He tried to find your eyes as you looked away, not being able to shake the unweary feeling you had about this whole situation you were about to run into. "I won't let anyone there touch you. I promise." His hand on your knee assured you even more of his statement. He promised. You knew he meant it.

With a nod, you agreed, "I know."

For a few more seconds the two of you stayed in your positions, sharing gazes as you watched his eyes go from concerned to reassuring to... something you couldn't quite put your finger on. So much had happened over the past few months for you to sit right there with the man in front on his knees. Just like he told you... 

"What?" His question brought you back, making you shake your head,

"Nothing, let's go." You stood up to walk past him, but his hand on your naked leg stopped you when he stood back up, only to let it travel up slowly, knowing damn well what it did to you when he caught your eyes again, and your lips slightly parted.

"What was that look on your face?" Again, he tried to dig deeper. You shook your head. But you knew there was no escape from him. If he wanted something, he'd get it.

His fingers grasped your chin to make you look at him. You were quick to wrap your hands around his wrist, ready to pull back whenever you wanted to. If you ever wanted to. 

The raise of his eyebrows let you know that he wouldn't move until you answered his question in proper words, so you took a slightly deeper breath.

"I was just trying to read you."

You saw his eyes falling to your lips before meeting your gaze again. "You don't have to try to read me. Just ask me."

A quick look down at your shoes got you the small amount of confidence that would hopefully be enough for what you were about to do.

"Can I ask you something?" You whispered.

He nodded, "Everything," lowering his voice to match yours.

You swallowed, tightening your grip on his wrist, as your heartbeat quickened, "Can you kiss me?"

He grinned right away and didn't waste a second to pull you in, only stopping when your lips brushed against each other before he whispered, "You don't have to ask for that."

You could've cried if you wanted to. The emotions had been building up for too long, and there were oh so close to spilling out of you.

The passion his lips wrote all over yours let the tingle in your stomach errupt. The butterflies were finally freed from their cage, letting an exciting chill run across your entire body. God... it felt so good. Too good. His warmth made you feel finally safe again. You felt... loved. Truly loved. Cared for. Anything you could ask for. Right there in front of you.

But all good must come to an end, and so did this kiss.

Wonwoo smiled all so gently at you again, his thumb caressing the faded touch of his lips left on yours, almost making you moan.

"Ready?"

But even in your dizzy state, you were able to hear him. You saw him. You felt him.

You answered him with a nod, followed by a soft, "Yeah."

-

In the car, driven by Hongseok, on the way to the club, the two of you had fallen into a comfortable small-talk-like conversation. Wonwoo let you know about the day in the office run by Mingyu as the two of you had been busy. He also informed you that the co-CEO would not be joining you that evening since he "never wants to ever put another foot into the cursed, run by the devils themselves, building", as he had worded it apparently.

The man's rough hand was on your naked thigh throughout the entire drive. It wasn't uncomfortable. Not at all. It didn't even make you nervous. It just made you feel safe. But you couldn't hide the shaky breath tumbling from your lips whenever he'd start moving that freaking thumb over your skin. Fucking tease.

Before you knew it, Hongseok notified you of your arrival, making the breath get stuck in your throat. You were about to enter a lion's den. A literal hell, just like Mingyu had put it. If it wasn't for the CEO next to you, you would've already had the worst nervous breakdown of your life, but his presence assured you. He wouldn't let anything happen to you. He promised.

The driver opened the door for you and you were greeted with a mix of blue, red, and purple light blinding your eyes once you stepped out, Wonwoo's hand right there to help and steady you before his moved to the small of your back, leading you forward. You two thanked Hongseok and wished him a good evening before he disappeared again, but not without sending you a warm smile.

You walked ahead, stopping a few feet away from the bouncer in front of the big, fancy-decorated doors. There was no line, which surprised you, but they probably wouldn't want to catch too much attention, you explained to yourself.

"Jeon," the big man suddenly exclaimed, making you jump at the tone of his voice. Not welcoming, that was for sure. "The fuck are you doing here?"

"Good to see you too Sidae," Wonwoo nodded at him, changing the placement of his hand as it was suddenly in front of you, making you pause in your tracks.

"Why are you here?" The man was not about to let you two off easily, you could tell. His eyes came to you, running up and down your body, sending an uncomfortable chill down your spine.

The CEO closed the button on his jacket, "I need to talk to them."

The doorman was quick to shake his head, crossing his arms in front of his massive chest. "They're gonna talk to you."

"And how would you know that?" Wonwoo argued back, earning himself a growl from the man in front of you to which your arms snaked over his, trying to keep close to him. His hand immediately found yours, hoping to give you some form of comfort.

"Do I have to remind you of what happened the last time you and your friends were here? The mess you idiots left." His comment made you scrunch your eyebrows in question. Wonwoo hadn't told you everything. He didn't want you to know the entire story of this part of his past. But slowly more and more was coming to the surface, whether he wanted to or not.

The CEO looked around, "Am I here with my friends? I don't see them anywhere," annoying the bouncer just a tad bit more, "Just me. And I just want to talk."

The big man in front of you nodded towards you, "And her?"

"You really think she's gonna start something?"

"I don't trust any bitches you bring along," he commented, earning a warning glare from Wonwoo.

"Careful with your words, man. I'd better shut my mouth if I were you." Even though the man was double Wonwoo's size, he didn't seem intimidated in the slightest. The past they shared together must add to that.

The bouncer sighed, before turning to the barricade, opening it and motioning for you two to go through. The man on your arm took a step first, making you follow. You didn't get far though as the doorman stopped you by grabbing Wonwoo harshly by the arm.

"If I hear anything about you starting God knows what shit, it's over for you, Jeon." If you hadn't gotten the message before, you sure as hell got it now. You gulped. Wonwoo just nodded relaxed, opening the door to let you go in first, but he was still hot on your step.

Immediately, loud music and darkness, only lit up by the same colour as outside surrounded you. While the entrance was empty, only men lined up next to each other, one bigger than the one next to them - must've been bouncers too - the open space, functioning as a dance floor was FILLED. You didn't think another person could fit into the mass. The bar to the side was fairly empty too, with only a few men sitting there, waiting for one of the women that walked through the room to stop by their side.

Your eyes widened when you saw the outfits. That's what Wonwoo meant... Those were rarely clothes... not even underwear... you guess they were supposed to be covers, but they hardly covered anything. There were a few women in another corner that were wearing slightly more, but still not enough for a normal nightclub in your opinion. You felt out of place. Wildly out of place.

Wonwoo was next to you again within a second, taking your hand and taking it to loop your arm with his.

"Just follow me, okay?" He shouted over the loud music, to which you nodded.

He took you to the right and right before you passed the bar, he brought you in front of him, his hands securely on your hips as he lead you straight forward, past all of the men on the side and women on the other. It was bigger than you expected. From the outside, it looked like a smaller nightclub but just could tell that that was just an illusion.

One more turn around the corner and through deep black curtains, you found yourself in front stairs but waited for Wonwoo to continue. He noticed you hesitating and stepped forward, taking the first step down. He turned around again, extending his hand for you to take and leading you down.

Black stone surrounded you, and the temperature dropped a significant amount as you were now in a basement - still lit up by blue, red, and purple lights.

Arrived on the lower floor, two signs let you know where everything was. With one look to the right and left, you also found multiple doors, leading to more rooms. You could guess what was going on behind those doors. Wonwoo had told you, and you didn't want to imagine what those men were possibly doing with the women that worked there.

You were dragged towards the 'lounge', passing all those doors. You didn't question anything, you knew this was the moment to shut your mouth. If you had any questions, you could ask those later.

The two of you came to a stop at the end of the hallway, one bright red door right in front of you. Your eyes fell to Wonwoo to your left, watching his chest rise before falling again. Maybe he wasn't as relaxed as he pretended to be. You squeezed his hand a little tighter, just to let him know that you were also still there. He wasn't about to do this alone. He copied your action, followed by a gentle shake of your hands.

He brought his other hand up to the door, knocking hard against it three times. Not even trying to open it, he knew only seconds later it would open up just like it was supposed to. His hand dropped yours the moment a beam of light came from the other room. You looked to your side, hoping to catch his attention as you didn't expect the sudden action. He sent you an assuring smile, tapping your palm with his finger before looking straight ahead again, walking in first to keep you secure behind him.

You were about to follow him when the sight in front of you made you stop in your tracks. A lounge with a big U-sofa, massive even. But more importantly, were the people on the couches. You found three men, sitting with their legs wide apart, surrounded by multiple women, one dressed skimpier than the other, all over those men. Their lips and hands running all over their bodies and all you could do was stare blankly.

The one in the middle caught your attention first as he saw you walk in. A bright smile, that you could only describe as creepy, brightened up his face.

"Jeon Wonwoo!" He shouted, pushing the women off him while gaining the attention of the other men left and right who had turned to look at the two of you. "A face I never thought I'd ever see again." With a slight tilt of his head, he also met you. A wink was sent your way making you quickly walk up right behind the CEO. The door behind you closed. Turning around you found two security men on either side of it. Those people here really care for their safety apparently. "To what do we owe the pleasure? And tell me why I shouldn't tell my men to pop your eyes out of your skull immediately."

You wrapped your arms around your torso in comfort as you started to feel the chill coming down your spine once again. He maybe didn't look as scary. But he sure as hell sounded terrifying.

Wonwoo sighed, putting his hands in his pockets, "Good to see you too, Shownu. And that would just make a terrible mess, don't you think?"

The man on the sofa looked to his left and right, sharing glances with his colleagues before gifting you his attention again.

"Well," he smirked, "Can't be worst than last time, right?"

Can’t even explain how nervous I was finally releasing this bc I haven’t written in so long, I hope I haven’t lost my spark… thank you for taking your time to continue reading this series🤍

Taglist: @nctxtrash @leicy0756 @hoe4wonwoo @jeonwonhi @nothingbutadeadesceane @smileywoo @angelarin @onewoowonderboy @goodforgyu @kavvs @sugarmilkchan @sweetheart-gs @wonforgyu @lilactangerine @meltinghershey @wonw00t @soonchanshua @jayswifeuwu @allorysayshi @shaurenlaw @drama-1998-girl @yoonren07 @malakasae @sseuyeon @venusprada @jeminiepabo @billboard-singer @safsaf1980 @monmarguerite @ji-jii-visha @renjunphile @haogyuslut @destinyg237 @taestrwbrry @renkkuri @travelleratheart101 @love-svt @sunshinein17 @morklee02 @wonuziex @pwwarkjisung @hokuuu @clvudisan @awyunh @restlesswritings @woohaosworld @everyw0nu @woo8hao

---

Khione!! I'm sorry it took me so long to finish reading this, but I'm so glad I did!!

I love soul mate fics, and you delivered on the angst!! My heart went out to Wonwoo for all his time spent lonely without a mark or his soul mate. And then all he went through after he did find them!

Joshua really is a sweet angel. For him to be so sweet and considerate when his soul mate was not sure how they felt and when they found Wonwoo is very much Joshua. At least how I feel he would be. You definitely chose well when choosing a Seventeen member.

Thank you for writing this and sharing it!! I am always grateful for you and your writing! ❤️

dear autumn / jeon wonwoo

➝ Wonwoo x Reader (ft. Joshua, Seungcheol, Mingyu, etc.)

➝ nonidol!au // angst???? // romance // fluff?????? // drama...ish??? // soulmate!au // somewhat past life!au

➝ word count: 18k (lol🧍🏻‍♀️) // playlist🎶

➝warnings: curses, lots of pov changes i'm sorry lol, i'm honestly not sure if the pace is a abrupt or not?, i'm not sure how you'll like this OC, she cries quite a lot towards the end sddfgd, that's about it i think

➝A/N: happy birthday, wonwoo❤ shoutout to @ahundredtimesover who's not even a carat but readily brainstormed with me when i asked🥺😭 also special thanks to @sleeplessdawn @twogyuu @savventeen for sparing your time to talk with me when i was unsure where to go with the plot💕💕 i'm gonna talk more on the author notes at the end instead of here. enjoy! hope you'll like this and don't hesitate to drop by and tell me what you think abt it even if you... don't like it sdjhfbsjhdf

In a world where everyone bears the soulmate mark to find the one heaven perfectly made for them, Wonwoo is an outlier with no marks in sight. But he has more pressing matters to attend to because he remembers his past life and the promise he made to his soulmate that he’d find her again no matter what. Alternatively, He didn’t think he’d be reborn in a world where you are made for someone else.

Wonwoo isn’t sure when it began. But he’s eighteen when he knows why they appeared and realizes that the memories in his head do not belong to his current lifetime.

They come to him through his dreams; sometimes long, sometimes short. At first, he thinks his mind is just playing games with him, but when he wakes up with an almost perfect recollection of whatever his older self in the dream did, he eventually realizes they aren’t simply dreams.

They’re his memories from another lifetime. Which one, he’s not sure. Wonwoo imagines they’re pieces of a puzzle–a very big one–making a bigger picture he doesn’t really understand at first until he does. Until it clicks one day why the dream has been getting longer and why he’s getting them in the first place.

He’s not himself when the dream happens, more like a shadow that watches from the sideline. He’s been seeing this older self of his for quite some time; he can’t be much older than he is now, probably in his mid twenties or so. 

It was weird at the beginning, knowing how he’d look (looked?) in the future (...in the past? Fuck, this is confusing), but it was even weirder to watch himself with a girl that he seemed to be so very much in love with. Not that he can’t blame his other self. They’re soulmates, after all, if the identical marks on their wrists mean anything.

The word doesn’t even sound bitter in his lips anymore, and he wonders if it ever was.

Sure, he used to question why he’s an outlier and why he deserved to have no one when everyone else around him has someone predestined for them–someone that the universe deems just right and someone that will complement them in ways unimaginable.

He’s never angry though. Just a little lonely.

It’s not easy to be surrounded by people who are happy with their fate, who have someone that they know is their person for as long as eternity allows them to live. People are subtle with their pity when it comes to him and Wonwoo would like to think it probably has to do with the fact that Wonwoo doesn’t seem bothered at all.

Outliers aren’t that rare; perhaps one every one hundred people or so, and they’re not ostracized from society, just that they need to handle the pitiful looks every now and then–which never stops being annoying.

Wonwoo knows there’s a community for people like him though he has never been one to seek companies. He’s fine the way he is. He’d attend their gatherings when it’s one of the rare days he feels like being social, but he doesn’t attend enough to feel any kind of kinship towards them. They’re just some people who he somewhat sympathizes with.

Naturally, it means the community becomes a place where people try to find their romantic partner. After all, it is frowned upon if you try to date someone with a soulmate even if they haven’t met their other half.

…Which makes it awkward when they break up because even if the community isn’t very small, they’re still a minority and they need to stick together.

Hence, Wonwoo never really bothers.

It’s not like he’s into the concept of romance. When he was a kid, it simply didn’t appeal to him. During high school, games were more worthy of his time than anything. And during university… How could he when he’s been dreaming of the same girl over and over again? Any other romance potential simply didn’t register in his mind. His parents, who obviously had no idea about the dreams, tried to talk to him about it; to try dating and find love but quickly changed their insistence once they realized their son wasn’t too bothered himself. 

He doesn’t even know if she’s alive in this lifetime, and yet…

“You’re really moving, huh?” Seungcheol brings him out of his mind, reminds him that he’s packing and he needs to get things done.

“They knew I’d be the one most willing to move away.” He shrugs. “Everyone else has their significant other here. Pretty sure they asked Namjoon first but with his pregnant wife and all–yeah.”

“I’m sure you’re still a choice because you’re competent.” The older guy reassures him. “What do you need me to do to help?”

“Help me throw away those bags in the living room, please.”

“Got it.”

Five minutes later, Seungcheol pops back into his bedroom.

“Are you throwing this away too?”

Wonwoo looks at the postcard in his hands, a look of recognition passes through his face before he takes it from him before he says he’s keeping it. The older guy throws him a curious look, but Wonwoo doesn’t offer any explanation so he leaves him be and returns to the living room.

“Autumn, huh.” He mutters to himself as he stares at the rows of yellow trees and ginkgo leaves adorning the ground on the postcard.

Autumn in the city is beautiful, Wonwoo has heard. He doesn’t know how it would be more beautiful there than here with the buildings and the busy lifestyle, but perhaps he’ll take the time to find out now that he’s moving there.

Maybe he’ll find out once he’s seen it himself.

And maybe…

Maybe he’ll also–

“Should we have some jjajangmyeon for lunch? I’m starving, man. Think I’d be able to eat two servings and an entire plate of dumplings. What about ordering some shrimp also? I think–”

Yeah.

Maybe.

Four months pass by in a blink and July comes around.

The city life is better than Wonwoo expected, but it’s not like he has any particular expectations to begin with. He’s a twenty six years old doing a regular job, living a regular life. He doesn’t have any grand plans in life, doesn’t strive to climb the corporate ladder nor make any difference in the world.

By theory, he should be some kind of a main character: an outlier with no soulmate mark and memories of a past life? Wonwoo would’ve written a book had he possessed any sort of literature gifts. But he can even barely express himself, let alone pour them into writings, so there goes his spotlight. 

Plus, it’s not like he has ever told anyone about the memories. He tries looking things up online, and except for some ridiculous claims that were eventually proved to be false, he barely finds anything about it that would help. And if he could find nothing in the wonderful, vast world that is the internet, he doubts he would find answers in the real world.

So he’s just another guy. Another Jeon Wonwoo in the sea of people that would pass by people’s lives and lots would forget about.

And he doesn’t mind.

He really doesn’t.

But if there’s anything he could wish for…

He looks down at the small birthday cake his brother has ordered from the delivery app for him on behalf of his parents, the package greeting him in front of his door when he has just gotten back from work. He doesn’t really celebrate his birthdays, and usually only does so if the people around him encourage him to, namely Seungcheol and his family.

Though, now that he’s actually by himself in a city he’s still trying to get familiar with, it does feel a little lonely to be celebrating it alone, if you can even call it that. At least there’s a cake from his family and he might as well keep up with the tradition.

He lights up the ‘27’ candle and stares at it for a few seconds before he closes his eyes and makes a wish. A familiar smile he’s only seen in his dreams flashes through his mind, the warmth of the small fire blankets his face for a few seconds before it goes out.

I hope I can find you… whoever you are.

He dreams of another memory that night.

But, for the first time, he’s not watching from the sideline. The love of his life is pressed to his side as she urges him to blow the candle and make a wish. She takes his face while hers scrunch up into a smile, wishing him ‘happy birthday’ that he doesn’t think is the first that day before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

He catches a glimpse of the single ginkgo leaf on her right wrist, the same exact thing on his left.

Wonwoo wakes up with a jolt before he could taste her lips against his, a thunderstorm outside his window and another inside his heart.

Despite being born in the season, Wonwoo isn’t fond of summer.

It’s too hot and there’s almost nothing he can do about it. He would’ve stayed inside 24/7 if he could, but that’s out of the question because he needs to go to the office and the amount of people in the public transportation is not something he looks forward to.

He doesn’t like winter for basically the same reason: it’s too fucking cold.

Spring and autumn are nice. But Wonwoo has a pollen allergy so he can’t enjoy the blooming season even if he wants to.

So if someone asks what his favorite season is, he always says autumn.

Wonwoo isn’t sentimental enough to actually have opinions about seasons. Like he said, he doesn’t like summer and winter because they’re extremely hot and cold respectively. He doesn’t mind spring but he has pollen allergies. And so he’s left with autumn.

It’s all just practical.

But, if there’s one season that actually means something… it’d also be autumn. And it doesn’t even have much to do with the actual season. It’s the memories it carries.

Yeah, that’s what he’ll call it.

Memories.

Because no matter what–

“Get going, will you?” Someone grumbles and goes past him.

Right, another reason why he hates summer. People get (rightfully) annoyed all the time and everyone wants to hang out near the Han river, him being one of them.

What can he do? He was already outside due to prior meetings, it’s hot, and being near the body of water sounds like a good idea if there’s any. He just happens to be in the area and he supposes why not. It’s been quite some time since he’s spent some time outside by himself, anyway.

At least he’s by himself so it’ll be much easier to find a seat. –Or so he assumes as he sighs,  still trying to look for an empty spot to sit down ten minutes later. He doesn’t find any, if only because the only one-person spots available are surrounded by couples making googly eyes at each other.

Eventually, he finds one a little further away and settles there with his plastic bag filled with a canned highball and a bag of chips. It’s only somewhere after two in the afternoon, a weird time to be drinking alcohol, but he sighs blissfully at the first sip and stares mindlessly at the people around him.

He likes people watching, though he doesn’t make any grand scenarios about them in his head; simply thinks about how he’s only one of many in the sea of people. That he can be special but he chooses not to be. On the contrary, he likes to pretend that he’s normal; that he has a mark somewhere hidden on his body and he just simply hasn’t met his soulmate. That his dreams are simply dreams.

Or maybe they are nothing but dreams.

Maybe he’s simply thinking too much about them.

Maybe he’s just projecting the ideal life he’d have had he not been an outlier.

He blinks.

Why… had he not considered that before?

Sure, he feels too strongly about them (and Wonwoo isn’t even an emotional person) and is way too conscious because they feel real, but what if his head really is just messing with him? What if they really are just illusions and–

“Hey, sorry, do you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full and you’re the only one by yourself so…”

Wonwoo looks up at the weirdly familiar voice, freezing when he recognizes the person in front of him at once, the word coming out of his mouth before he even can stop himself.

“Autumn?”

Surprise colors your face at the name, your head empty because you honestly have no idea what to think. You don’t even have it in you to be suspecting, just very fascinated and somewhat nostalgic in the matter of seconds.

It’s been some time since someone calls you ‘Autumn’; the nickname that your late grandfather would always call you by because he said it’s his favorite season and you’re his sweetest grandchild. A few of your relatives adopted the name even though they outgrew it almost immediately after your grandfather passed. You’ve never told anyone outside the family about the nickname, not even your closest friends, as you’d like to keep it dear to your heart.

And it still stings to think about it after his passing ten years ago.

Several seconds–minutes?–pass like that, with you and this stranger looking at each other, mouth a little ajar, unsure what to say. But he breaks the silence first, shakes his head before he apologizes.

“Uh, sorry. You just–umm, uh, look like someone I know. You can sit down, sure.”

You nod and whisper a ‘thanks’, holding back the urge to ask him about his friend who apparently looks like you and shares your old nickname. But the silence that looms over you both is a little suffocating, and your usual extroverted self who never hesitates to talk to new people seems to die in front of him as you ponder if it’s okay to start a conversation with this handsome stranger.

Perhaps it’s just the weird interaction earlier, you think to yourself, the memory of your grandfather and your favorite nickname that no one except your family knows filling your chest with warmth. The last time you heard someone referred to you by that name was probably a decade ago, and to be referred to ‘Autumn’ again after so long… you wonder if you should’ve told someone about it if it inflicts this much fondness within you.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be so special if you had.

“So you have a friend who looks like me and is called ‘Autumn’, huh?” You try to maintain a confident smile, pray that you’re simply imagining the slight shake in your voice.

The stranger flinches a little, a gesture that you’re not sure what to make of, but then he nods and offers you an awkward smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

“You know, it used to be some sort of my nickname as a kid.” You’re not sure why you’re telling him this, but you are and it’s almost comical the way his lips open a little in surprise before he mutters a small ‘I see’. You offer your name to him, and thank him once again for letting you share his spot.

“Don’t mind it.” He smiles tightly before returning the gesture, and you can’t help but wonder why the name Jeon Wonwoo rings something in your head even though you’re sure you haven’t met this guy. You’re pretty good when it comes to remembering names and faces. You’ve never had any friends called Wonwoo, though you recall there were probably some people from your year in school and university who share his name. 

Never a Jeon though. And he doesn’t look familiar at all, so you’re sure he’s not a friend of a friend that you might’ve seen in passing either, but… why does he feel familiar?

You shake your head before you let go of the thought, and then rummages through your bag to look for your drink. You take everything out of the way only to find your bottle lying sadly at the very bottom of your tote bag, when you look up again, you see Wonwoo glancing at the book you’ve put on the table.

On Soulmates: Love without Commitment

Xu Minghao

You hope the way you put everything back to your bag is subtle, like you’re not trying to hide the book you’ve been reading and the glimpse into your mind that people can easily decipher from your choice of literature alone. His face doesn’t tell you anything though, and it’s his next question that gets your heart beating in irregular beats.

“It’s quite the book, isn’t it?” He takes a sip from his can. “Gave me insights that I didn’t know I needed.”

“Right!” You reply with exaggerated enthusiasm. But can anyone blame you? Anyone who catches you reading that book always gives you the side eye, some people who are frontal even asked why you’re reading something that sounds as stupid as a flat earth. “I haven’t finished, but it’s so interesting to read why the author thinks soulmates aren’t it because it doesn’t give you a choice and everything about the relationship is a given. That perhaps the love that people who don’t have the soulmate marks might be purer because they choose to love and they put effort into it. I’m currently on chapter 7 and–”

You stop when you realize you’re rambling, words of apology on the top of your tongue when you see Wonwoo tilting his head in question. Not in judgement because you’re enthusiastic about it. Not in annoyance because you talk too much when it hasn’t even been twenty minutes since you’ve met him.

“Why are you stopping?” He asks, further making you speechless with the genuine interest in his voice. “Chapter 7 is about fate and destiny, isn’t it?”

You cough a little to hide your flustered face, a little too excited to finally find someone that isn’t against you reading this essay. You’ve been wanting to talk about it with someone–anyone–, all those hours you’ve spent on countless communities online with people who share the same sentiment as you not being enough.

“Yeah. I’m almost done with the chapter, though I haven’t been able to pick it up again these days.”

Wonwoo hums, seemingly deep in thought before he asks you again. “What do you think about it?”

“Fate and destiny?”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s bullshit.”

He looks at you in surprise; whether it’s because of your choice of words or because of your opinion, you don’t know. But he doesn’t look like he’s going to jump at you for having such an opinion, so you continue even though he didn't ask you to.

“I’d hate to think that someone–something out there has enough power to decide what’s going to happen to us moving forward. That everything we do is predestined and that we have no choice whatsoever in life because it’s fated to be and it’s thanks to the universe that something happens a certain way.” And then you add, your voice comparably smaller as you suddenly realize you’re being too open with this stranger. “It feels… confining…”

He nods as he opens his bag of chips, putting it right in the middle as if telling you it’s okay to take some.

“I agree.” He doesn’t meet your eyes as he says this, looking straight over the Han river like he’ll find an actual answer there. “If it’s true, it’s very cruel for some people to know that their life is fated to be miserable and can do nothing but accept it.”

“Right? And, personally, I don’t know how I feel about the soulmates concept. You know how in the book it says that soulmates might take each other for granted because they’re meant to be together? Or that they simply accept the other person because, apparently, they’re their person? What if the universe messed up and you’re paired with a serial killer or something?”

Wonwoo looks at you alarmed, and you laugh before you say that you’re just speaking in general. He hesitates before he asks, unsure about where you actually are when it comes to soulmates. Are you this opinionated because you don’t have a soulmate? His heart skips a beat at the thought of it; or perhaps you simply hate the idea of it regardless. But before he can actually ask the question, his eyes fall to the side of your neck, and he notices the strings of flowers on the side of your neck, something that you also notice–so you clear your throat to dart his attention away.

“You feel… strongly about it, don’t you?” Wonwoo settles it at that, not wanting to offend you somehow. He doesn’t deny the mixed feeling in his heart as he realizes what it means. You have a soulmate. Even though there’s a chance that you don’t want them, you still have a soulmate and whatever feeling that’s brewing on the pit of his stomach, it’s not a good one.

What was he expecting, anyway? That if somehow he found you in this lifetime–which he did, what the fuck. It’s you who found him, even–you’d happily take him in your arms? The bitter taste on his mouth is getting worse by the seconds, only now realizing that even though he’s been wishing he’d find you, he never has any real plan about what to do if he actually did.

It helps that he doesn’t actually think he would, so he can hold on to it like a dream that would never come true. Something he holds dear in his heart but doesn’t really need to take responsibility for because it’s not going to happen. Something that somewhat keeps him going and some sort of wishful thinking.

You shrug, not offering any explanation.

He doesn’t press.

“I think.” He begins, looking at you this time, and if anyone ever asks, you’re going to deny the way your heartbeat picks up and up and up the more he looks into your eyes, your face getting hot like a high school girl with a crush. “You can always go against your destiny if that’s what you choose to do. If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path? Perhaps it’s just one of many and you can try taking another road to see if you’ll like it more. Even if they exist, it doesn’t mean you have to follow them all the time.”

You lay in bed thinking about his words that night, wondering if it’s as easy as he makes it to be to get away from your path and try a new one.

You dream of Wonwoo, a birthday cake, and a ginkgo leaf mark that you’re sure was not on Wonwoo’s wrist when you saw him earlier that day.

You wake up wishing you’ll meet him again.

Joshua, you’ve always known, is the ideal partner that anyone could ask for. He’s sweet, he takes care of you well, is respectful, and you honestly feel bad for not returning even half of what he feels for you.

You love him, you really do, but you don’t think what you feel for him is strong enough to be considered in the same league with the love that people believe soulmates should have for each other. It’s nowhere near there.

You love him, he’s very important to you, and you’ll drop anything for him if he needs you. But you know something’s wrong when Joshua starts talking about living together, marriage, and family, and dread is the only thing that fills your chest.

You know something’s wrong when you don’t feel the butterfly nor the fireworks that everyone–and you mean everyone–says they experience when they meet their soulmates.

It was nothing like that for you; you knew he’s your soulmate, and if there’s anything right about what people said regarding your first meeting, it’s true that it just clicked that it’s your soulmate in front of you. But your heartbeat picked up for all the wrong reasons that didn’t have anything to do with rush of excitement nor romantic expectation. You were a little anxious, even, but you couldn’t do anything when Joshua immediately recognized the feeling once his eyes met yours and he ran to you like he’d give you the world right that very second.

There was nothing magical about it.

You’re not sure how you feel either about the universe giving you the perfect partner by theory, but also somehow shaping you into a person that believes the whole soulmate thing is bullshit. It doesn’t seem to matter whether Joshua notices your lack of romantic reciprocation or not, because Joshua still treats you like you’re the love of his life and he looks at you like you’re his whole galaxy.

Or perhaps he mistakes the way you care for him as romance?

What a fucking drama you live in.

“What got you thinking?” You blink at his voice, and Joshua looks at you amused as he settles right beside you despite the heaps of empty space on your sofa. “You’ve been zoning out a lot these days.”

“Have I?” You ask, accepting the way his arm automatically goes behind you on top of the sofa head. You like his warmth, you really do. You like–no–you admit that you love a lot of things about Joshua and you’re glad you met him even though you absolutely abhor the soulmate system.

You love his eyes, the way they seem to stare into your soul and are able to tell what’s inside your mind most of the time.

You love his hands, they always know to wrap around yours when you need it most, pull you closer when you stray away because something distracts you along the way.

You love his voice, so calm and soothing that you would ask him to talk you to sleep through the phone on nights sleep refuses to find you, the way he’ll hum when he’s in a good mood though he never actually sings in front of you because he says he can’t carry an actual tune otherwise. (Two years since you’ve found each other and you’re still on a mission to make him sing because you just knew he sings well.)

But, most of all, you love the way he treats you.

The way he’ll ask if he’s not sure what you want him to do, the way he’ll carefully thread through your mood when the day hasn’t been good, and the way he gives you space even if he wants to be near you all the time.

He respects you. Not only as his soulmate but also as a person, and you can’t thank him enough for that.

Perhaps that’s why it hurts much more now; why guilt is eating you inside out because you can only think about Wonwoo and his words when Joshua is right next to you, his thigh pressed against yours and his thumb caressing your shoulder over your shirt.

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path? 

You force back the tears before they can actually form, gulping before you tell him it’s nothing.

“Should we go out?”

“Where?”

“Hmmm. Namsan? We can take a walk, get you off your mind.” His smile is kind, and you feel like crying again because of how considerate Joshua is. He doesn’t even ask, doesn’t push even once just in case you’ll crack. He simply accepts that you don’t want to talk about it and offers you something that might help.

Why the fuck aren’t you in love with him when he’s your soulmate and he’s as perfect as someone could be?

His arms envelop you and thrust you into his chest before you could break, and you manage to hold it for three full seconds before the tears stubbornly fall and you whimper softly into his hold. Joshua doesn't say anything, doesn’t hush you and asks if you’re okay.

No.

He accepts that you’re not okay and you don’t want to tell him about it. That you’re crying and he feel so fucking useless because he can’t do anything to help you with it.

That you’re hiding something from him that’s possibly making you cry even though you never did before. 

Still, he holds you close and lets you cry.

You grasp the front of his shirt as you try your best to stop your tears. You don’t even know why you’re crying this much, but you suppose between the stressful week and the whole Wonwoo situation, the guilt combined with Joshua’s innocent look trigger something within you.

“I’ll just get you some water.” He whispers against your head once you’ve calmed down, squeezes your shoulder and then lets you go. He’s back not even a minute later, and you thank him as you take your mug, embarrassed when you wipe the remaining of your tears off your face. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” You manage to whisper, too embarrassed to even look him in the eyes. 

His smile is meant to be comforting, but thinking yet again about the reason why you even cried to begin with, it only makes your heart squeezes painfully.

“You probably need it. You know I won’t judge.” He caresses your cheek as if to make sure to get rid of all traces of tears there. He searches for your face, as if he can tell what’s inside your mind just by doing so, and for a moment, you’re afraid that he really can; that he’ll see the man that you’ve met once some time last week clouding your mind like there’s no tomorrow.  “Do you want to go for a walk anyway? Perhaps you need to get out of the house for a bit?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” You reach up to circle your fingers around his wrist, smiling back at him because despite everything, you’re still thankful that the universe thinks you’re deserving of someone like him. You’re still thankful that you get to be on the receiving end of his affection.

Joshua leans forward to kiss your forehead, lingering for a good few seconds before he tells you to get ready.

It doesn’t take you too long to get ready, nor does it take long for you two to arrive at Namsan. Climbing the stairs to get to the park, Joshua asks instead if you’re willing to just go further up to get to the peak where the tower is. You’re not exactly dressed for climbing (though it’s really just stairs, stairs, and more stairs), nor are you in the mood for it, but you think exhausting your body is just what you might just need so you can pass out the moment you reach your bed later on.

He extends his hand, and you take it with a smile despite the pinch in your heart. You spend the first ten minutes in silence, hand in hand as you ascend up the seemingly never-ending stairs.

Already out of breath, you begin to doubt your decision of climbing up when Joshua speaks. 

“I haven’t gone here in so long.” Undeniably, it’s a very nice weather out. You being out of breath has more to do with your lack of exercise on a daily basis more than anything, but even in your predicament you can still appreciate the night view around you. As much as you feel like dying right now, you know you don’t actually regret it.

“Yeah? Me too.” You grip his hand tighter for support, then ask if you could rest for a bit when you see a rest stop. Joshua laughs as you ask this, though he nods and hands you a piece of chocolate the moment you both sit down on an empty bench overlooking Seoul from where you’re at.

“You’re a lifesaver.” You moan as you take a bite of the chocolate, leaning your head on his shoulder and stretching your legs. “I haven’t climbed in so long. My legs will fall tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“I’ll run a bath for you before I go home tonight.”

You try to trample the way your heartbeat picks up; not because you’re fluttered, but because you’re once again eaten with guilt by how perfect Joshua really is. He doesn’t exactly know how you feel about soulmates; you’re not cruel enough to say things right to his face. 

But you know for sure that he’s aware of your choice of literature.

He doesn’t comment on them, and you try not to read them when he’s around. But he once caught you reading on your phone over your shoulder and you sheepishly said you simply find those essays interesting.

Joshua isn’t stupid, knows that there’s a reason why you find them interesting, but he chooses to be in ignorant bliss and says you’re free to read whatever you want and there’s no need to justify yourself to him of all people.

Yeah, because it’s totally normal that your soulmate is interested in reading essays on why soulmates are bullshits.

Forty minutes later with some short breaks along the way, you finally reach the top. There aren’t as many people, and you walk around for a bit to let your legs relax before finding yet another bench to sit on.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here at night.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. Sure is different from being here during the day.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Joshua agrees, his palm absentmindedly caresses your thigh as if it helps relieve your sore muscle.

“Should we have some cup ramyeons?” You suggest, pointing to the convenience store you pass by earlier. “I think I can do some if I share with you.”

Joshua nods, but before he can offer to go, you tell him he can rest instead.

“I’ll go get it. Should I buy two or are you fine just sharing one with me?”

“Two is fine.”

“And the usual drink?”

“And the usual drink.” He grins. “You sure you can take everything by yourself?”

You roll your eyes in mock annoyance, exhaling a ‘duh’ as you tell him to just wait.

Pleased that the convenience store isn’t crowded either, you hum as you go through the snack isles instead. Knowing yourself, you’ll probably only eat two thirds of the cup ramyeon and wolf down the snack instead if you buy some; but you don’t see why not because Joshua’s there to finish your food anyway. Plus, it’s a nice night out and that’s enough to justify your choice of dinner.

Juggling two big cups of instant noodles, a packet of cheese, a hotbar, and a bag of shrimp chips isn’t your talent, but you manage and you drop them on the cashier before quickly telling the cashier you’re just going to grab a drink real quick.

Almost bumping into the person behind you, your apology is stuck in your throat once you realize who’s the person exactly.

What the fuck.

“Oh…” Wonwoo says in surprise, the words seemingly out of his mouth before he even realizes. “Hi…?”

You give him an awkward smile and nod before quickly going to the drink aisle. Apologizing once again to the cashier who’s still scanning your purchase (and to Wonwoo) once you return even though it’s barely been five seconds.

“Need help?” Wonwoo says good-naturedly, gesturing to the amount of things you’ve just bought.

“Hey, I–”

Wonwoo looks at you staring between him and the guy who has just entered. Getting the hints immediately that his help isn’t needed, he smiles before paying for his stuff and leaves the convenience store.

He looks spitefully at the night sky, it’s so unnecessarily pretty too, unsure if he wants to curse whatever’s up there that of all days he decides to go outside, he just has to see you again. With another guy at that. He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. The guy could simply be your friend for all he knew.

But if there’s one thing that is Wonwoo, he’s quick to put pieces together. From your panicked glance and the way you tense when you see him, he knows. Perhaps it’s also just intuition. But he just knew that man, whoever he is, is the one that heaven has decided to be the one for you.

He exhales a deep breath before finding a secluded place somewhere behind a tree, carefully hidden to minimize any chance of being seen by you (or seeing you with your soulmate). He would’ve immediately left if he could, but he’s only arrived and it feels like it’s such a waste for him to leave just like that despite the situation.

What even is the situation?

He’s been thinking a lot since he met you, if he wants to seek you out again and what he wants to do if he does. The thought is no longer so much of a wishful thinking like it used to be. He knows you exist now. You’re actually living, you’re real, and you have a soulmate that is not him.

It sounds so much like an exaggeration, but he’s never felt so empty after going home that night, thinking about you and your soulmate. Do you live together? Do you care about him regardless of your stance on the whole soulmate thing? Does he treat you well? Does he get to hold you while you sleep? Does he–Fuck.

Wonwoo hates being like this, and he’d love to say it’s gotten better the more time passes by, but it has only gotten even worse because his dream is getting longer and even more prominent since meeting you. And what he hates most is he’s started to feel more and more strongly about you even through his dreams.

What is one supposed to do when they fall in love with an illusion that has a counterpart living in the realm of reality? He’s pretty sure no one would have the answer.

He glances up at the sound of faint laughter, seemingly so loud in the silent night, or perhaps he simply picks it up because he knows exactly who it belongs to before he even sees you. He bites his lip at the scene he’s witnessing: you, laughing with your soulmate at god knows what.

He can’t blame the guy for looking at you like you hold the universe for him. After all, Wonwoo would probably do exactly the same thing had he been given the chance. His past self from another life could vouch for that.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he’s not sure, you end up sitting a good distance away from where he’s at, your back facing him as you settle beside the man destined to be with you. You’re not too far that he can’t see your side profile, which gets his heart both squeezing in pain and fluttering at the same time.

He doesn’t even know that was possible.

Wonwoo looks far to the distance, at the endless night sky that’s so unnecessarily full of stars today of all day. He wants to think the universe is mocking him, playing a joke on him for being alone by himself on such a beautiful night, making him watch you laughing with your soulmate as the cherry on top.

But he knows he’s not that special.

He’s just one of many; his misery wouldn’t be all that amusing for the universe.

Scoffing at the thought of the universe, he lowers his eyes from the sky only to accidentally meet yours.

Is this the work of the universe too?

Nah, he shouldn’t give too much credit to the damn thing. But, then again, blaming it for every single thing that went wrong in his life has proved to be some kind of comfort if he’s being completely honest.

You offer him a small smile anyway, not even waiting for him to return the gesture.

It hurts still to see you with your soulmate, sharing food and talking about what he assumes to be nothing and everything. But as he lays in bed that night and thinks about your smile, he admits that if the universe lets him meet you in this lifetime, perhaps it isn’t so bad, after all.

Wonwoo has always liked the number three.

Third’s time the charm and all that jazz. He doesn’t hold on to it religiously, just some fun little routine that he finds amusing. When he takes an item in a grocery store, he takes the third one from the front; when he goes to the convenience store because he needs one (1) thing, he takes two small snacks so it’s three items in total; on the rare days when Wonwoo feels like trying a new drink in a cafe, he’d just choose the third item in the menu.

It’s fun.

Today, Wonwoo’s supposed to meet Mingyu for a little get together. He’s the first friend he’s made in Seoul, a guy that’s a little too flashy for his liking but is still a good person nevertheless and definitely a much better company than most people that he’s made to be acquainted with in the new city. 

He’s not too excited about the invitation, but doesn’t see why he should turn the younger guy down when he has no plan during the weekend, and, as much as he loves staying inside, the four walls of his apartment is starting to feel a little suffocating because it’s almost been a month since that night he randomly went to Namsan and saw you, and… he hasn’t gone out for anything that’s not a necessity since then.

So when Mingyu asks for the third time since they got to know each other if he wants to join him on a night out or not, he decides he should also appreciate the guy’s persistence despite already being turned down twice before.

Anyway.

He was supposed to meet him for a little get together. Apparently, Mingyu’s version of ‘a little get together’ is to invite a group of friends that Wonwoo obviously doesn’t know for dinner and only notifying him of the additional party thirty minutes before their promised time.

He exhales. It’s too late for him to bail. Right now, his hope is only as high as the ground: he simply wishes he wouldn’t return home socially exhausted.

It’s a small pizza diner inside an alleyway where they promised to meet. And Mingyu along with his friends thankfully arrive at the same time as him so Wonwoo wouldn’t need to go inside and look around like a fool, wondering where his table full of strangers and a slightly familiar friend is.

He’s not close enough with Mingyu to say he’s comfortable around him, but he’s still the most familiar face between the four faces in front of him so he decides sitting next to Mingyu is the best choice. Thankfully, the younger guy doesn’t seem to be the type to push him to interact with new people immediately.

Thirty minutes into dinner, Wonwoo can tell Mingyu probably brings these friends around because he thinks Wonwoo needs to meet new people (or maybe he thinks it’ll be awkward if it’s just the two of them?). It’s easy to tell that he’s brought the friendliest people who’s just loud enough, who understand that Wonwoo’s quiet but still able to naturally included him in conversations without making him feel bad about being, well, quiet (god knows how many people have tried to make him feel bad for staying quiet during conversations).

Jungkook is a friend from high school, he’s learned, apparently one of Mingyu’s closest friends. Jeonghan is a senior from his previous company; someone that he didn’t know he’d end up being close with because, at first, Jeonghan was obviously just someone he had to work together with. Jisoo, he finds out later on, is Jungkook’s ex-girlfriend before he found his soulmate, though they treasure their friendship too much to cut each other off.

Except for Jungkook, the other two friends seem a little unconventional and Wonwoo doesn’t understand how Mingyu ends up being close enough with them to go out together like this.

He doesn’t ask.

“We’re planning on bar hopping.” Mingyu tells him, and Wonwoo feels dread fill his chest at what this might imply until Mingyu adds, “You’re free to leave if you don’t want to go with us though! I understand it might not be everyone’s thing.”

Weirdly, Wonwoo now wants to go because he’s been given the freedom of choice. Plus, at least he knows he’d be surrounded by these people and he can go home at any time if he wants to.

“What kind of bar?”

“Definitely not clubs pretending to be a bar.” Mingyu jokes. “Maybe wine or cocktail bars?”

“Sure, I’ll come then.” Wonwoo shrugs, then tells Mingyu he’ll probably return home first if he and his friends are planning to go until morning, to which Mingyu nods and says that it’s no problem at all.

Wonwoo doesn’t really understand the concept of bar hopping. He’s always been curious about it, but never curious enough to actually do it. So he supposes it’s also his curiosity that pushes him to say yes. He kind of wants to see what it’s all about and he doesn’t think he’d have another opportunity where he might remotely enjoy the experience if not now.

The first cocktail bar isn’t that great, if only because the place is small and it feels like everyone can hear what they’re talking about. They each have one drink and immediately leave for the next one. They go to a wine bar, and Wonwoo is pleased to know the alcohol in his system (and the current company, he’s sure) has made him more relaxed than he had been the past week. 

After an hour or so, Mingyu decides he’s had too much energy and asks if it’s okay to move to an open bar that’s not as noisy as a club but is still noisy enough for people to enjoy the music and fill the dancing floor.

Normally, Wonwoo would say no. But he surprisingly still has enough social battery and thinks might as well go all out while he’s at it. It’s not often that he’s in a social mood.

The bar is a little too noisy for Wonwoo’s liking, though the half part of the building has no roof so it’s not too loud nor suffocating. After ordering their drinks, Mingyu and Jungkook head to the dance floor. Jisoo and Jeonghan stay at the table with him; Jisoo says she’s not really in the mood to dance while Jeonghan says his soulmate is picking him up in a bit so he’s just going to stick around til then.

It’s thirty minutes later that he leaves and Wonwoo’s now left alone with Jisoo. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is a little awkward and Jisoo seems to share the sentiment as she tries to find topics to talk about.

They end up talking about literature and movies, and Wonwoo has to lean forward to be able to listen to her clearly over the music until she eventually moves to sit next to him so they can talk easier. He notices Jungkook glancing every now and then, and when Jisoo follows his gaze, she chuckles a little and shakes her head.

“Sorry. It’s just a habit of his, don’t mind him.”

Wonwoo blinks, unsure. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I know a lot of people find his stares uncomfortable.” She shrugs. “He’s just protective of me. It’s nothing, I promise.”

Wonwoo’s not nosy. But between the alcohol in his system, his remote curiosity, and the way Jisoo looks like she wants to talk about it, he kindly throws the bait.

A subtle one, though.

“How did you end up being close with Mingyu?”

“Through Kook, at first.” Mingyu and Jeonghan don’t refer to Jungkook with that name, he notes. And a part of him wonders if it’s a nickname that Jisoo has for him or if it’s just how his girl friends call him. “We dated before. But we broke up because, well, he found his soulmate and… Mingyu was kind enough to keep me company and made sure I was okay after the whole ordeal. I’m not sure why he felt the need to do that, but I’m thankful regardless. So… yeah.”

He bites the question about soulmates. Doesn’t ask why they tried dating each other if they knew they aren’t soulmates, but he does wonder about how she must’ve felt or how she’s feeling right now. He can’t exactly compare his situation with hers, because as much as he’s going through a… heartbreak, it’s somewhat onesided while Jisoo actually had a relationship with Jungkook.

And she still has to be friends with him.

He doesn’t know if it’s the universe or Jungkook that is cruel.

Or perhaps Jisoo is a masochist.

Apparently, she’s also very honest when she’s tipsy.

“I’m an outlier.” She smiles bitterly after downing a shot, then she pulls up the sleeve of her cardigan and shows him what he assumes to be a trace of a soulmate mark; a faint outline of a snowflake that’s barely visible unless you actually take a look at her wrist. “I hav–had a soulmate. They died before I even met them and that’s why the mark… burned.”

Her chuckle is nowhere near amused when Wonwoo’s eyes widen in surprise, and she answers before he even asks as she pulls down the sleeve of her cardigan.

“It literally burned. I was sixteen; and I was out with Jungkook getting ice cream when it started to burn and he had to witness me being all hysterical, crying as I told him my wrist burnt and it felt like it’s going to fall off.” She doesn’t look bitter at all as she talks about this, just very sad and perhaps even a tad bit nostalgic. “He was fourteen. A little shorter than I was at that point, but he tried his best to tug me to a secluded place so people wouldn’t stare despite my struggle because everything hurt and I just felt like crying, hugged me to muffle my scream, and stayed with me for hours after that even though I was just zoning out, not saying anything.”

Wonwoo isn’t sure if it’s a story for him to hear; but Jisoo looks like she needs it (or is it just the alcohol?) and the least he could do is to listen. At least he can rest easy knowing this story wouldn’t be going anywhere else.

“I knew what happened even though I didn’t know by theory. I could feel it; felt the connection that was only faintly there just… gone. Jungkook took me home and told my parents about what happened. Of course they knew what it meant and they thanked him before sending him home. I couldn’t really talk for weeks, the emptiness and the burn were too prominent for me to be doing anything. My parents told the school I was sick so I was dismissed from classes.”

She pauses, and for the first time, Wonwoo can tell exactly what she’s feeling: she’s numb and she’s exhausted. There’s no trace of tears in her eyes. They’re void of anything and Wonwoo suddenly feels an odd sense of affinity the more he listens to her.

“Jungkook… stopped by everyday even though he didn’t know what actually happened. He probably had an idea, but he didn’t press and he talked to me about anything and everything even if I didn’t say anything–said from the beginning that I didn’t need to answer, that he’d do all the talking for me.”

Wonwoo doesn’t need to listen to the rest of the story to know why Jisoo still treasures Jungkook as…, well, whatever she regards him as right now. He doesn’t want her to talk about more sad things like how she ended up dating him and how she broke up with him, so he offers her what he could: honesty and a change of topic.

Even if it’s only a little.

“I’m an outlier also.” He says quietly that Jisoo almost misses it. “Doesn’t have a soulmate but… it’s complicated.”

Thankfully, Jisoo doesn’t pry, simply takes another shot and offers a cheer to him.

“Sucks to be us.” 

It’s weird, but Wonwoo finds himself chuckling before he takes his own drink and clinks his glass to hers and takes a sip of his highball.

“Sucks to be us.”

His mind wanders to you, thinking if he could stand being in Jisoo’s place had it been like that for him. He had only seen you with your soulmate from afar, had only talked to you once, and it hurts anyway.

Why is he cursed with the memories of his previous life, again?

He’s been mentally restless since that night. How could he not when he keeps on seeing you everywhere? His dreams are getting more and more prominent and so are his feelings. He keeps on thinking he sees you somewhere–everywhere–only to realize it’s not you, just ghosts of you haunting him in every person that he sees.

How fucking stupid, falling in love with a series of images and illusions.

Drinking the rest of his drink, he shakes his head and winces at the alcohol and at how his mind is playing tricks once again. Perhaps drinking alcohol hasn’t been the best option if he ends up imagining you even here between the blurry images of people.

Fuck, he’s down bad.

In such perfect timing, Mingyu and Jungkook return to the table, so Wonwoo leaves Jisoo with them and excuses himself to the restroom. He looks at himself in the mirror, and then looks at his phone only to realize it’s already almost one in the morning. Perhaps it’s time he goes home; the talk he’s shared with Jisoo proves to be more mentally exhausting than he thinks it is.

He almost bumps into someone on his way out, hands reaching out to the person in front of him in reflex only to let go just as quick once he sees your face once again. Christ, is he that drunk? He really needs to go home.

That version of you is very pretty too, fuck.

“Uh… Wonwoo?” He’s even imagining your voice now? “Are you… okay?”

He looks up in alarm once he realizes you’re real. It’s actually you in front of him and you’re not a figment of his imagination. He opens his mouth to say something, but someone bumps into you hard and you tumble into his chest.

Wonwoo’s breath is caught in his throat at the turn of events, but his arm catches you anyway and glares at the guy before he looks down and asks if you’re okay. You look as flustered as he’s feeling, and he hopes the loud music is enough to cover the sound of his heartbeat.

“You’re okay?” It’s stupid how disappointment fills his chest the moment you step away, a sense of longing already making its way to his heart.

He needs to get away.

“I—yeah.” You look unsure and Wonwoo doesn’t like how your body screams uneasiness.

“Are you by yourself?”

“No?” Now you sound unsure, and even though Wonwoo is also another stranger in the sea of strangers, he thinks he trusts himself better than any other people here to help you if you don’t want to be here. “Well, I was with my friend but she… yeah.”

You’re biting your lip, as if afraid he’d scold you (Why would he? He’s not your boyfriend (Wait. No. Back pedal, back pedal)). Fuck, fuck, fuck. He swallows hard to calm himself down; this is not the time to imagine what it’d be like to be your boyfriend.

“Come on.” He says as calmly as possible, his fingers balled into a fist to stop himself from taking your hand in his. He considers bringing you to his table, but he doesn’t know how he should introduce you to his party so he quickly texts Mingyu he’s going home because something turns up before he leads you out of the club.

It’s silence filling you two despite the somewhat noisy alley you’re walking through, and you don’t know Wonwoo enough to be able to tell if he’s pissed or what; but he does seem tense and you’re the one uncomfortable with the unnerving silence.

“I’m–I’m sorry.” You try to open a conversation. Wonwoo stops in his tracks and turns to you in confusion. “You were probably there to have fun or something… Sorry I made you get me out of there.”

He shakes his head, and your heart relaxes when he smiles a little. “It’s fine. About time I go back anyway. Do you mind if we stop by a convenience store for a bit?”

It’s then that you realize you’ve been blindly following him. You don’t even know the guy. You’ve met him twice before, and your second meeting barely even lasts five minutes, yet you readily follow him because you know you’ll be more comfortable with him than there–more safe, more… secure.

Fuck, you didn’t even ask him where he’s taking you earlier. It was almost automatic the way you followed his steps. You try to convince yourself that it’s his familiarity that makes you feel safe. Because even if you don’t know him that well, his face is still one imprinted in your head so it’s normal that you’d feel safer than you would with any other person in that club.

Plus, you’ve talked to him once before and he at least passed the vibe check, right?

But as you pile these thoughts in your head, trying to justify the uncalled feeling of security this stranger brings you, deep down you know why exactly your anxiety seeps away at the sight of him earlier, why your shoulders drop down in relief, and why your chest is no longer filled with dread. 

“Here, have this.”

That’s why. You think to yourself.

Wonwoo isn’t smiling at you, but there’s a kind of warmth that he radiates as he hands you a drink and ushers you to sit on the table in front of the convenience store. There’s a certain warmth that reaches you as he sits in front of you and places a hot bun on the table, pushes it towards you without saying anything.

You watch him slot his hands into the pocket of his jackets, and you suddenly wonder if he gets cold easily. It’s not that cold outside, though you suppose it is one in the morning and the wind picks up a little at times like this.

“Thanks.” You mumble as you wrap your fingers around the small bottle of warm honey water. You can’t help but smile at the drink of his choice, a little funny how he didn’t get you a hot chocolate or tea; something most people would usually get. “Can I ask why honey?”

He blinks, as if not getting what you’re talking about until you hold up the glass bottle for him to see.

Wonwoo panics a little. He has bought the drink without thinking, a part of his mind that stores the information about you from his dream making him do so. In fact, it was only yesterday that he dreamt of you drinking one.

The dream is still vivid in his mind. He dreamt of you sleeping, and he assumed he was trying to sleep himself when you jolted awake out of nowhere, eyes frantic and hands flailing around looking for him. He saw himself whispering words of comfort to you, and he saw you burying yourself into him like there’s any space between the two of you before he pulled away and said he’d get you some drink from the kitchen.

You had smiled weakly at the sight of your favorite drink, a warm honey water that always comforted you at nights like this.

“Do you not like it? I can get you something else if you want?”

“No, it’s fine.” You smile, something inside you blooming dangerously at his words and what you may or may not be implying with yours. “Just… I usually drink those too. Some of my friends judge me for that.”

He’s more surprised about the fact that you share this with your past self more than anything, but, still, he asks. “Huh? Why?”

“Just because it’s unusual, I suppose.” Shrugging, you proceed to open the lid and take a sip. “Not a lot of people drink this, you know? Or, at least, they drink it cold. I prefer it warm.”

He wonders if you share anything else with your past self. So far, there’s been two: Autumn and this drink. Would you be suspicious if he threw it out there? Would you freak out?

“Someone I know eats watermelon only if it’s frozen; I’m sure it's just a preference on your part.”

You smile shyly as you answer him, an image that’s forever burned into his mind. “I do that also.”

His mind runs a thousand hundred scenarios of what this could mean, wonders if it’s simply a coincidence or if the universe is on to something.

“Aren’t you special,” he smiles tightly, hoping  that you don’t catch upon his awkwardness.

“Thank you for putting it that way.” The sound of your laughter makes him want to be selfish; to drag out conversations and spend as much time as possible with you even though he knows you have a soulmate. Is it considered cheating like this? Is he immoral for wanting this? “My friends also judge me because I don’t like cheese cake, cheese sauce and anything cheese flavored even though I don’t mind an actual cheese.”

“You… don’t like cheese cake?” Wonwoo blinked, unsure if he heard right. He wasn’t a cheese lover or anything, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone who grimaced at the word ‘cheese cake’.

“They’re too… cheesy.”

“Autumn, it’s called cheese cake for a reason.”

“And the texture… yuck.” You grimaced before telling him to stop talking about it before you lose your appetite.

“Are you judging me too?” Your voice snaps him out of his gaze, and he blinks a few times before he shakes his head no. This can’t be good, fuck. It’s been less than 10 minutes since he’s been talking to you, and yet his heartbeat is out of control and the fact that you share a lot of things with the illusion of yourself that he’s developed an attachment for isn’t good at all. 

He tries his best to remind himself that his feeling isn’t real; that perhaps he’s too blinded by something that he’s been holding on to and he doesn’t know what to do now that it’s somewhat changing. That he’s confused and he shouldn’t do anything that would cause him further confusion.

But with you in front of him, as real as you can be, smiling and launching into a bunch of topics that is actually dear to his heart, he can’t help but indulge his feelings and bask in your presence, in your smile and your voice, in the sound of your laughter and the way you lean forward so you can speak to him better, a habit that he notices the you in his dream also had.

So he lets go.

Whatever consequence that awaits him, he’ll face it when it comes. Right now, he just wants to pretend like you don’t have a soulmate who’s probably waiting for you back home–who may be worried sick because you haven’t looked at your phone even once since the moment he sits down in front of you. 

Wonwoo isn’t usually selfish and he hopes that the universe will let him go this one time for wanting to be–for wanting to keep you to himself even for a limited time. Even if you aren’t aware of it.

This chance might not come again, he tells himself. The chance of talking to you under the stars in front of a random convenience store at ungodly hours, like you’re just two people talking to each other–like soulmates isn’t a thing and he’s free to feel whatever it is he’s feeling.

He wants this, he realizes as his eyes flicker down to your lips for a few seconds, subtle enough for you to miss. He wants a real memory of you. Something real that he can keep to his heart, something that isn’t a part of his dream and a fragment of his memories. And even though he’d go home feeling empty and he’d curse himself tomorrow, it doesn’t matter because what matters now is that you’re here with him and he’s going to take as much as you’re willing to give him.

“I’ve finished reading the book, by the way.” You open another topic. A controversial one, if you may say so yourself, and you know deep down what you’re trying to do by saying this even though you’ll deny it if anyone asks.

“Oh yeah? How do you find it?”

“I think I agree with most of what he said.” You bite your lip, your mind wandering to Joshua for the first time since you saw Wonwoo. “I just… I don’t know. I’m not anti soulmate, I just don’t see why you should succumb to your… instincts? Feelings? And simply accept your soulmate without thinking too much about it.”

Wonwoo doesn’t say anything for a moment and you wonder if he disagrees with you or if he’s simply gathering his thoughts. He seems thoughtful, perhaps trying to find words that won’t offend you before he offers you his opinion.

“Can I ask why you started thinking that way?” he asks instead, and it’s your turn to be silent and arrange your words.

Because you don’t know. 

You can’t tell since when do you feel this strongly about the soulmate situation. You used to be quite indifferent about it, not having any opinion whatsoever though you sure weren’t as excited as the other kids your age when it came to romanticizing anything about soulmates.

Your friends would talk about their dream scenarios of the first meeting with their soulmates, or they would go on and on about looking forward to meeting them.

But you were never that excited.

It was just another thing in your life: like eating ice cream or trying out a new cafe. There’s nothing so special about it.

“I think…” You contemplate, wondering if you want to be that honest with this beautiful, familiar stranger in front of you. “It was when I met my soulmate?”

Wonwoo seems surprised, probably not sure how to interpret your words and you don’t blame him at all.

“Sorry?”

“You know how people say that there are… fireworks? And butterflies? Just those big, grandiose feelings blooming inside your chest at once when you meet your soulmate?” He nods, trying to see where you’re going with this. “Well, I… didn’t feel those when I met mine. Sure, it all made sense and it just kinda… clicked in my head. Like a moment of eureka, if you will. But I wasn’t… excited or anything of the sort. If anything, my heartbeat picked up because I was anxious, already worried about what he might expect of me and all that.”

You refuse to look at Wonwoo. You’re not sure what kind of answer that you expect from him, but he doesn’t seem like he’d judge and, between the ungodly hour and the little alcohol that’s left in your system, it feels relieving to finally be able to say this out loud. 

You’ve never been able to. Not only because people would call you crazy, but because you know no one wouldn’t not judge you for it.

But here in front of Wonwoo… Jeon Wonwoo who you’ve only met for the third time in your life, you feel safe for reasons that you can’t comprehend. 

So you continue. You’ll blame it on the alcohol tomorrow morning, even though you know you’re not intoxicated enough for it to be the case. You’ll justify yourself by saying Wonwoo isn’t a friend and he knows no one in your life–that if this goes south, you technically wouldn’t lose anything.

Yeah.

That’s how you’ll go down this road.

“I mean… I love him, you know?” You would’ve seen Wonwoo’s face drop had you not been busy staring at your nails, still too afraid to look at him despite the resolve you’ve made. “But not… that way.”

“Like… platonic?” Wonwoo offers, careful.

“Yeah…” You bite your lip, trying to stop the tears that suddenly blur your eyes. “Like platonic.”

You hate yourself for the way your heart lightens at your own words. Because even though it’s something that you’ve thought of once before, you bury it so deep somewhere you can’t reach. You never say it out loud to anyone; never admit it to yourself even though you know it’s true.

And to say it like this to another person–out in the open… You hate yourself so fucking much because it’s true and you’re somehow going to hurt Joshua even if you don’t mean to.

Wonwoo panics at the sight of your tears, at the way your lips tremble and the way he’s sure your nails are digging into your palms. He doesn’t know what to do, unsure about what he can do because you’re…, he winces as he thinks to himself, not even a friend.

What is the appropriate distance he needs to keep? Is he even allowed to comfort you? He can’t even be relieved at your revelation because you’re obviously not fine and there’s something churning at the pit of his guts the longer he sees you try to stop yourself from crying. 

It’s when a sob eventually escapes your lips that he stops thinking. Because how can he stand still when you’re there crying like you’re admitting a crime worthy of a death sentence? When you can’t even lift your head because you’re trying so damn hard to hide your face and your tears?

He hears you gasp when he wraps his arms around you, something that he wishes you’re okay with, and if there’s anything Wonwoo would describe as magical, it’s the way you perfectly fit against him as you press yourself closer for comfort, your forehead on his neck and your tears warm against his skin. He’s sure he’s just making things up, but it feels like there’s a soft wind going through his whole body, leaving trails of goosebumps on his arms.

It’s probably not the most appropriate moment for him to be feeling that way, but he doesn’t have time to be guilty because it seems like you somewhat share the sentiment–pulling away like you’re electrocuted before you look at him wide-eyed and gaping.

“Won–”

“I’m an outlier.” He cuts you off, riding the rush he’s feeling across his body and letting his honest words get out before he can think too much. He doesn’t know why but he feels like he should tell you and he should do it right now. “I don’t have a soulmate and–”

“Kiss me?” There’s urgency and a slight tremble in your voice as you ask this, fingers grasping the material of his shirt tightly like it’s your lifeline. 

“But your soul–”

“Wonwoo, please?”

It’s hard to tell who moves first, or perhaps you two move at the same time, but the moment his lips meet yours, Wonwoo would like to retract his statement earlier about your embrace being magical because it’s nothing compared to this.

It’s absolutely nothing compared to the thousand fireworks exploding in his chest at different intervals–never stopping and electrifying in the most pleasant way possible. He doesn’t know it’s possible for humans to feel this way. Is this what people with a soulmate feels like when they meet their soulmate? Isn’t this what you said earlier: fireworks and butterflies?

It’s not even butterflies in his stomach. He’s pretty sure there’s an earthquake down there. But, the most important of them all, it feels right and it makes sense even though it shouldn’t be. 

The longer his lips move against yours, your fingers grasping the front of his shirt to pull him closer while his fingers thread through your hair to pull you closer, the more it feels like… fuck, he hates to say it but, it feels like it’s meant to be.

It’s only because you both need to take a breath that you pull away, and Wonwoo doesn’t think it’s possible for his heart to run even faster than it already is, but it is because, Christ, the way you look like you’re in a trance and your slightly swollen lips are doing things to his heart that he has never experienced before.

It’s a mystery how long you spend looking at each other like that in silence, wrapped against each other without saying anything. He wants so badly to just kiss you senseless once again, but the gears in his head are starting to turn and he knows the right thing to do is to talk.

You have a soulmate. But you asked him to kiss you and he did. And it was magical and all the good things he’s heard before, but it’s not supposed to be… right?

“What was that?” You whisper, more to yourself than to him. “I… I don’t understand?”

He whispers your name softly, trying to pull away only for you to pull him closer again, your eyes full of distress and your body tense, a complete 180 from how you were just seconds ago.

“W—why?” You look at him like he has an answer. But he doesn’t, because he’s not even sure what you’re asking about and he’s still trying to find words to say. “This… this is what they say about–about fireworks and… and butterflies but… you’re not my soulmate? What does this mean?”

Wonwoo tries once again, this time reaching out to caress your hair to calm you down. It helps, because your shoulders visibly relax and he reminds you to breathe. You refuse to let go of him though, and his heart squeezes painfully at how shaken up you seem to be.

“Hey, I’m–I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He tells you softly, trying to appear calm even despite what he’s feeling inside. But he can’t show it. Not when you look so lost and your feelings are presumably all over the place. “I’ll just… get some stuff inside. I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.”

True to his words, Wonwoo comes back not even a minute late with a pack of tissues and two water bottles. He opts to sit right beside you as he hands you the tissue and opens the water for you.

“Here, drink this.”

“Thanks.” You murmur quietly, embarrassed now that you’ve (somewhat) come to your senses. There’s a thousand questions running through your head, some of them hateful, loathing yourself for asking another guy to kiss you when you have a soulmate who’s probably worried sick at home because you haven’t texted him at all since you left the club.

But you have more pressing matters at hand–like why did Wonwoo actually kiss you, and why did it feel like how people around you have been describing what it feels like to be with your soulmate? And… Did he say he’s an outlier?

“Feeling better?” His voice is meek, like he’s not sure if it’s okay to talk to you. But you’re too all over the place to think about politeness and whatnot. It’s a trainwreck inside your head. Your head isn’t dizzy because you’re overthinking; it’s dizzy because you’re thinking of too many things at once–it’s thought after thought after thought after thought. They’re colliding and everything’s a mess.

“You felt that too right?” is the first thing that you manage to say and it’s only after you say it that you realize how horrifying it would be if Wonwoo says no.

He nods, albeit hesitantly, but you don’t really mind because you’ll take anything right now. “It’s… what was that? Why… Why do I feel it with you but not Joshua?”

Joshua is your soulmate, Wonwoo registers in his mind, and he looks at you helplessly, his heart dropping a little at the mention of his name. Should he tell you? About the dreams and the memories? He thinks the dreams and the memories are simply, well, dreams and memories after he met you and Joshua all those nights ago.

Perhaps he really is just an outlier, a special one at that, but that’s about it. He has trampled any hope of making something out of his dreams when it’s clear that you belong to someone else in this lifetime. The universe that gifts him the memory of his past life with you, one that arranges another meeting in this lifetime with you, is the same fucking universe that decides you have a soulmate and it’s not him.

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

But with how he–and you, apparently–feel earlier, he doesn’t think it’s a meaningless coincidence.

He might’ve considered it as one if it was only him feeling it. That he might’ve been desperate and any contact that he was to have with you would simply be magical because it’s nothing but an illusion on his part.

But you?

You’ve just said you feel it too, whatever it might be. And he feels a glimpse of hope even though the whole situation is completely fucked up and there’s no way to get around it without hurting anyone.

How would you feel if you knew?

Would you freak out?

Would you hate him for hiding it?

Would you think he was planning something against you?

Would you laugh at his face and call him crazy?

“You know something.” Your voice brings him back to reality, your eyes searching his face. You don’t sound accusing, you sound downright confused and, dare he says, a tad bit hopeful. “There’s something you’re not telling me… right?”

Wonwoo takes a deep breath and braces himself for whatever he might need to face afterwards. He owes you that much, he thinks to himself. To a certain extent, his memory is your memory, and if you’re as distraught as you seem to be, he hopes this would help you somehow.

“I remember my past life.” He says as calmly as he can, carefully hiding his fear somewhere behind. “They come to my dreams. I thought it was just dreams at first, but they’re… memories and they’ve been getting longer since I met you. Clearer, too.”

It’s hard to say why you’re not freaked out, why you simply believe him like it’s not the craziest thing you’ve heard in your life. But if the universe can decide two people are destined for each other and grant marks to people to seek their other half, why should this be regarded as impossible?

“Did you… know me in your past life?”

Wonwoo smiles bitterly, and it takes everything in you not to reach out to cup his cheek–tell him that he can be honest and you’re going to listen to him no matter what.

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“As honest as you can be.”

“I might sound crazy.” He whispers, basking in your touch. “This… might affect you in a bad way.”

“Crazier than you remembering your past life?” You smile a little as you say this, which he returns. He appreciates your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere, and he reaches up to take the hand that was cupping his cheek, his fingers tighten around yours before he braces himself once again.

“You were my soulmate.” He rips the bandaid in one go, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to say it otherwise.

It’s hard to describe what you’re feeling: your breath is caught in your throat, the revelation means more than you thought it would. But it’s not shock that’s filling you up. No. It’s recognition, acceptance, and tears because things finally make sense.

“I promised you that I’d find you again in our next life and–”

It finally fucking makes sense why you always feel like there’s something missing in your life, why Joshua’s arrival doesn’t fill it up even though you secretly thought it would; why you feel that pull with Wonwoo since that first time you met him.

You remember that day still. You were just taking a walk, there was no plan whatsoever to sit around and spend time out in the open when it’s so hot outside. But you had seen him by himself, and it felt like time stopped for a few moments and you were enchanted. You felt compelled to look at him–to approach him and ask if it’s okay to take the empty seat on his table.

It wasn’t magical, your first meeting, but something about Wonwoo had pulled you in and you didn’t even try to question it. 

The shock you felt when he called you ‘Autumn’ never really died down. And while you tried to convince yourself that it’s simply because it had been a long time since someone referred to you with that name and it was a nickname that is so dear to you, you could feel deep down that there was something else.

And then there was that dream.

Wait.

Right, that dream. 

Is that dream…?

“Ginkgo leaf?” You whisper out of nowhere, trying to recall what you saw all those nights ago. “Was that your mark? In your previous life… was that your mark?”

It’s his turn to look at you in shock, the way he’s gaping at you wide-eyed giving you the answer you were looking for.

“H–how?”

“I had a dream, once.” You’ve never felt this vulnerable in your life, but how can you not be when it feels like you’ve just found the reason you’ve been seeking for your whole life? “It was… that night we met… at Namsan. It was your birthday and we were celebrating with a cake and–”

“Hey, breathe?” Wonwoo cuts you off, and you squeeze his fingers in return, only then realizing that you’ve been holding hands the whole time. “Take your time, okay?”

“And I saw the ginkgo leaf on your wrist…” You finish, trying your best not to glance at his wrist even though you know it’s not there. “I didn’t get to see mine though, and that’s why I didn’t assume you were my soulmate.”

“I see…”

You hate how defeated he sounds. And for all the time you’ve been doubting the universe, questioning its means and cursing its ways, you don’t know what to do right now.

Should you be cursing it some more for putting Wonwoo in that position? For making you feel the way you feel only to find out the reason why is because your heart is apparently caught in the past? What does this make Joshua? What does this make your entire relationship with him?

You ask about his dreams, and even though Wonwoo is hesitant at first, he gets more comfortable the more he relays them. And you feel like crying because, apparently, all of them are about you. There’s not one single dream that doesn’t have you in it, and it feels like a punch to your guts to know that he has to live his life with this replaying in his mind, that he can’t even talk about it to anyone because he doesn’t want to risk it, that he’s been keeping something this big for his whole life because he doesn’t really have any other choice.

You grief about the memories you don’t have. About what could’ve been and about the pain Wonwoo has to go through by himself because the universe has arranged you to be with someone else when he’s been seeing pictures of you with him in his dreams.

“What… what do you think we should do?” You throw the question out there, hope that someone has the answer. But Wonwoo stays silent, and he looks at you with eyes full of yearning that wrenches your soul. You know what he’s trying to say. You’re the one who has a soulmate. Whatever that he might want with you, what he might’ve imagined throughout the entire time he has those memories, they all don’t mean anything because you’re off limits.

“I don’t… think there’s anything that we can do.”

“But–”

“It’s okay.” He shakes his head with a sad smile. “I didn’t… I wasn’t expecting anything. I didn’t even think I’d be talking about this with you.”

“But, still!” You’re grasping his hand tightly–as if he’ll be gone if you let go even slightly. “This… this has got to mean something!”

“You have a soulmate.” He reminds you, his voice shaking. And tears blur your eyes once again at how resigned he sounds, but can you blame him? The universe has fucked him up in more ways than one, you would’ve lost it a long time ago if you were him, but here he is, taking care of you still even though it might make things worse for him.

“Do you love me?”

Wonwoo exhales deeply, pressing his lips together to hide the fact that they’re trembling because he’s so close to tears.

“I know my past self loved you more than life itself.”

“Do you love me?”

“Look–I…”

“Because there’s—there’s clearly something because my heart feels like it’s about to burst and I already want to be with you all the time.” You cry as you honestly bare yourself in front of him, as you tell him all the emotions that have been going through you since the kiss you share with each other minutes ago. “I don’t… I’ve never felt like this before and I’ve always questioned why–wonder what went wrong and if there’s some kind of mistake. But I couldn’t do anything because supposedly he’s my soulmate and I’m supposed to accept that. Because it’s a given and it’s obvious and there’s just no fucking reason for me to question it.”

Wonwoo lets his tears fall as you say all this, his hands warm against yours and he relishes at the way you’re holding on to them tightly, like you want to convince him that there’s something–some way to go around this.

“But you just gave me a reason to question it now.” You sob, reminding him about the talk you had the first time you met each other. 

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path?

You must look absolutely hideous right now, with tears all over your face that won’t stop no matter how many times you wipe them. But you don’t care, because you finally feel content with him beside you. Because even though it’s selfish and you would need to figure out the whole Joshua situation, you’re not going to let go of the person who finally makes you feel complete, who makes you realize the things your friends have been saying are all true: that it just makes sense, that it’s practically binding to the point where you even hate to think about having to separate with him after this night ends.

“You told me I could always go against my destiny if that’s what I choose to do. Why are you not letting me? Do you not feel it?”

“I do. I swear, I feel it too.” He wipes the last of his tears and calms himself down, makes you panic when he tries to let go of your hands only for his palm to rest warmly against the side of your face. “But you have a soulmate and it’s not something that you can decide by yourself. It wouldn’t be fair to him, don’t you think?”

“Has the universe ever been fair to you?” You ask him, wondering how he can still have this much consideration for someone who he should’ve harbored ill feelings for.

“It leads me to you, doesn’t it? In two different lifetimes too.” He smiles and caresses your cheek, wiping your tears also. 

“Please stop making me cry.” You whisper weakly, certain that your eyes will be red and puffy once you’ve stopped crying.

Wonwoo chuckles at this, and the sound of his small laughter brings a smile out of you despite the tears.

“I’m not saying you’re not in your right mind. But perhaps… we’re too high on our emotions right now, don’t you agree?”

You don’t. You really don’t. But you get what he’s saying so you nod and instead bask in the way his thumb is caressing the apple of your cheek.

“So what do you suppose we should do?

“You… might want to think this through and have a talk with… Joshua.” It’s bizarre to hear Joshua’s name from Wonwoo, but you know he’s right and if… if you want to try whatever it is you’re going to try with Wonwoo, you don’t want to do it in hiding and you don’t want to betray Joshua’s trust and respect more than you probably already have at this point. He might hate you, he might not accept it, but you have to at least try and a part of you believes Joshua would understand somehow. “And then we can decide from then?”

“Okay…” You close your eyes and lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, feeling his arm pulling you closer and trying to memorize his scent and his warmth to calm the erratic beat of your heart. “Okay.”

Wonwoo takes you home, sitting a good distance from you in the taxi like you both weren’t pressed against each other just minutes prior. But you know why he’s doing it, and you still appreciate him for going with you just to make sure you’ll go back safely even if he doesn’t have to.

For the first time that night, your mind wanders to Joshua. About how you should approach the subject with him and all the consequences you might need to face afterwards. It’s not going to be pretty even if Joshua somehow understands: what would you say to your family? To his family?

But you can’t let go of Wonwoo. Not now that you’ve met him, that you’ve found out what his existence means to you and you’ve felt all the magic you’ve been hearing from other people.

You wonder now if the reason why you’ve questioned the whole soulmate system is because it doesn’t apply to you personally. Because you didn’t feel the pull and all that should’ve come along with the first meeting.

Now that you’ve felt it with Wonwoo… You glance at him, which Wonwoo catches almost right away. He smiles at you, though you can tell his eyes are full of worries, his mind probably elsewhere. You don’t blame him though, what has transpired tonight is beyond the two of you; it’s only right for him to be out of it.

You suddenly feel like one of those stupid main characters in a romance movie, one who would throw everything away for a man they barely know. But your heart knows Wonwoo, yearns for him before you even know it. In a world where two people are destined to be together… you don’t think it’s stupid of you to want to do this.

When the driver tells you that you’ve arrived you hesitate before you get off, not wanting to leave Wonwoo. But he smiles in encouragement, tells you that you have his number and you’re free to text him after you’ve figured things out.

He omits Joshua from his sentence, but you know that’s what he means.

“Hey.” He calls for you right when you’re about to close the door and reaches out to squeeze your hand once, letting go before you can return the gesture. “Don’t rush it, okay? Take your time. I’ll be waiting. You know I’m good at that.”

Wonwoo waits.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months.

There’s a reason why he gave you his number instead of asking for yours.

He wants you to be ready before deciding anything, wants you to make the decision that you think is best for you.

He knows he’d call you right away if he has your number, to make sure you’re okay and to see how you’re doing.

But that’d be even more painful, he feels like. More painful than a thousand scenarios going through his mind because he’s by himself. At least like this, he knows it’s nothing but scenarios that he comes up with; nothing is real and it’s all in his head.

Like his dreams.

Like his memories.

He exhales as he looks at his phone once again, waiting for your message that isn’t coming.

The third time Wonwoo meets you might be the last time he sees you, after all.

Three months later, October comes around, yellow leaves telling him that autumn has arrived. Not his Autumn, obviously, and he glares at the ginkgo tree he passes by that is still annoyingly green even though everything else has started to turn yellow.

The third week of October, you finally text Wonwoo, apologizing for the time you took and asking if it’s still okay to see each other even though it’s been months since then. He says yes, of course, and you’re currently sitting anxiously in the taxi on your way to his place.

You don’t know how Wonwoo is going to take what you’re about to tell him and you don’t think it’s wise to be having this conversation out in the open; hence why you’re thankful that he agrees when you ask if it’s okay to talk in the privacy of his walls.

“Hi.” He opens the door, offering you a small smile that you return tightly. It’s weird that you immediately feel at peace in his presence despite the anxiety that has been building up in your chest. 

“Hi.” You press your lips together, exhaling a deep breath before you apologize to him once again. “Sorry it took me quite some time to text you. I didn’t want to… rush, like you said.”

“It’s okay.” You know it’s not, you can tell by how tense it is and how forced his smile seems to be. Plus, it doesn’t take a genius to know why he looks like he hasn’t been getting decent sleep because you know you probably would’ve looked the same if not for your makeup.

He ushers you to come in, tells you to sit down on the sofa and offers you a drink, in which you say you’re fine with just water.

Wonwoo returns with a cup of warm tea though, and he says that he’s put some honey in it, that you look tense and hopefully the drink helps.

“I figure you’ve made up your mind?”

Truth be told, you can’t even begin to imagine what’s been going on inside Wonwoo’s head. You offered yourself to him only to go missing for three months straight, not even a text that tells him that you’re okay and you’re not forgetting him. 

But you didn’t want to text him when things were uncertain, not with what happened right after you got home–with what went down between you and Joshua.

You couldn’t.

That’s why you’ve only finally managed to text him a few days ago. With things being in the clear, you can finally talk to him and decide what’s going to happen moving forward.

“Give me a chance to explain?” You look at him hopefully.

“I wouldn’t tell you to come if I wasn’t going to listen to you.” His smile lifts parts of your tension, and you take a deep breath before you begin, already having imagined this conversation a hundred times in your head. 

“Joshua was there when I came home that night.” You bite your lip, already feeling like crying as you recall that scene in your head. “He was on the floor, passed out. He wouldn’t wake up no matter how much I shook him, and I realized he was clutching his neck–right where our soulmate marks are. It was hot, like it was burning before, and I called the hospital right away and–”

“Wait–burning?” 

“Yes and… and the mark was fading and it was only hours later that I realized mine was fading also.” You swallow hard at this, a painful wave crashes against your heart as you recall his face when he came to, when he told them what happened and when they told him what actually happened.

“It just… started burning out of nowhere.”

The doctor glanced at you, your eyes were puffy from crying even more than you already did before that, your fingers tight against Joshua’s because you thought you’d lost him.

“Did you feel the burn also?” The doctor pulled you out after Joshua fell back asleep, a conclusion already knitting itself together in her mind. There’s no way you’d be fine enough to stand on your own feet if you had felt the burn, but still, she had to make sure before jumping into conclusions.

“No…” You sniffled. “I… was out with… a friend and he already passed out when I came back home.”

“No pain, at all?”

You shook your head, mentally and physically exhausted after everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours.

“No. I–He’d be fine, right?” You asked in desperation. “What… what happened, exactly?”

“We need to run some more tests. But… you’re sure you didn’t feel anything at all?”

“No, I didn’t. I really didn’t. Does that mean anything?”

“They… they said it’s the universe… taking our marks from us.” You force a smile just right after the first tear falls, your feelings still all over the place even though almost three months have passed since then. “Apparently, it had happened before. Though it’s been fifty years or so since they last heard of a case. They couldn’t really tell why it happened because there weren’t many cases to study and compare, but I felt like… I might have an idea why it happened so I met the doctor privately and told her about you.”

Wonwoo holds back the urge to reach for your hands that are balled into fists, to free your lower lip from your teeth because he’s sure you’d bleed if you bite down just a tad bit harder. 

“She said that there’s a possibility that I was right. That… the universe is rearranging my soulmate because I met you. It’s not unheard of, but it’s not something that you’d even find in books because it’s some sort of myth at this point.”

You look up to meet his eyes. His heart breaks at how sad you look, and the protective feeling from three months ago when he saw you crying at one in the morning returns at once. He’s not sure if it’s okay to comfort you this time around though, because by the way you’re relaying the story, he can’t tell at all where you stand exactly.

“I was debating with myself whether it would be better to tell him right away or wait until he got better. But Joshua… caught on easily that something bothered me and it just… came out. I didn’t say your name, and I only told him what he might need to know: that I met someone and it just… made sense.

It wasn’t easy. He was the one laying on the hospital bed but he was also the one comforting me. And I felt so bad and I kept on apologizing to him but he said it’s okay and he understood. That it’s not my fault because he knew I didn’t have a say in how I felt.”

From the thousand scenarios Wonwoo has imagined in the three months you left him in silence, this is not one of them. He can’t even begin to imagine how painful it must’ve been for Joshua, both physically and mentally. His mind takes him back to Jisoo, about what she said about the burn she felt and how it affected her after.

How could Joshua say that in his position?

For what it’s worth, Wonwoo is glad to know that you were meant to be with someone as caring as Joshua is–who is so understanding that he would withstand that kind of pain and said it was fine. That he doesn’t blame you for it.

But where does this leave the two of you now?

“He asked me what I wanted to do now that we’re… no longer bonded by the marks. And I told him honestly that I don’t want to lose him; that I still… love him even though it’s not how he expected me to. That I understand if he doesn’t want me around because it can’t be easy to look at someone who used to be your soulmate.”

You’re sobbing at this point, and he hands you some tissues to wipe your tears, reminds you to breathe before you continue.

“Can you… can you hold me, please?” Your voice is small as you say this, as if you’re uncertain whether you’re allowed to ask that. Wonwoo is glad you did though, because he immediately comes closer and pulls you into his chest, offering you whatever comfort he might be able to give that way. “Sorry, I just–”

“Shh. It’s fine.” Whatever the outcome of this conversation may be, this is the least he can do for you. And perhaps a little for himself also, because it’s painful to see you cry and not able to do anything at all. Because he’s been dreaming of hugging you–the you in this lifetime, not the past one–and he’s not going to pass any chance that’s presented in front of him even if it might be wrong. He still doesn’t know how your talk ended with Joshua, but if you asked him to hold you… that should mean something, right? “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” You sniffle, pulling away to look at him.

“It is my place, so.” He tries to joke to help you relax, and it works because you weakly hit his chest before you exhale another deep breath and continue after Wonwoo makes you take a sip of your tea.

“He… He’d like to keep me around too.” You say quietly, your tears now replaced with hiccups. “But not now. Because it still hurts and… and he says he’d contact me once he’s ready.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

You shrug, burying yourself further into his neck. Is it bad that it feels so right to do this already? Is it bad that you’re doing this when you’re still trying to move on from your guilt?

“I honestly have no idea… But… Well, he says he wants me to be happy with you and that he doesn’t want me to not give you–us–a chance because I feel guilty towards him. That… what’s done is done and he’ll eventually be okay.”

“He’s very kind, isn’t he?” He comments instead, unsure how to feel after everything you’ve said. A big part of him is relieved, but it’s still hard to be completely happy when he knew it cost someone the kind of pain that would last a lifetime. 

“The kindest.” You smile for the first time, agreeing with him. “I think that’s also why I’ve always had this guilt within me, you know? Even before I met you. Because I just know I can’t return his feelings but he was supposed to be my soulmate.”

“I understand.” He whispers against your head, leaning his cheek there. “Is that also why it took you three months to text me?”

“Partly… yeah. I ended up taking care of him until he got discharged, and we decided to just… talk to our parents separately about what happened and what… might happen moving forward. And then I spent some time arranging my thoughts and cleaning up his stuff from my apartment. I haven’t given them back to him, but they’re all in a box in my place. So… yeah. Sorry for not texting you at all.”

He hums and holds you tighter, feels the way your arms are also hugging him in apology. He doesn’t press about your parents, he supposes you would’ve talked about it if you want to. But you’ve just relayed a very emotionally loaded story which must be very exhausting in itself.

“I did tell you to take your time.” He says, a smile blooming into his face at what he says next. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

“Thank you for letting me come back to you.” You say instead, pulling away from him to meet his eyes. Your eyes must be puffy from all the crying, gosh, you seem to be crying all the time when you’ve only seen this guy four times in total. You wonder if you were this much of an emotional wreck too in your past life, but you decide against asking about it because it does not matter now.

Your past lives might be the one that eventually leads you to each other; but Wonwoo has probably had enough stories regarding the past life and you don’t see why you should talk about it when you have the future in front of you.

“They’ve stopped, you know?” Wonwoo suddenly says.

“What have?”

“The dreams.” He presses his lips together and looks at you for comfort, which you readily give as you squeeze his shoulder. “They don’t appear anymore. Like, completely stopped. I do dream of you, but not… you from the past life. Just you.”

“How do you know it’s not me from the past?”

He takes your hand before he answers, gently lifts it up to point at your empty wrist and smiles.

“Because there’s no mark on your wrist.”

“Ah… right.” You lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, and you spend a moment like that: your body pressed against each other and the ghost of his lips on top of your head.

It’s then that you whisper, a little afraid but also hopeful–perhaps even excited at what the future might have in store for you two.

“Are we really doing this?”

“A little too late to not do this, I think.” He jokes, which earns him another hit on the chest and a glare that doesn’t affect him at all. He cups your cheek and looks into your eyes, making you shy from the sudden attention. “If you want it then I want it. Easy as that.”

You press your lips together and bask in his stare, get lost in his eyes as you finally try to let go of the guilt holding you down and focus more on the certainty that you felt that night you tried to convince Wonwoo to do something about your situation.

“I’ll be okay.” Joshua reassured you for the nth time as you dropped him off his place, your second home that you probably wouldn’t be able to visit until an indefinite time. “Don’t worry too much about me, okay? You know how I am.”

“I’m really–”

“I don’t want you to apologize again.” He cuts you off, his voice stern. “I don’t blame you, I really don’t. I’m happy to know you’ve met someone that has made you complete. I’m sorry for not being able to do that to you. It must’ve been hard for you all those time, hm? So try to be happy now. Don’t think too much about me. I will be okay, trust me on that. I’ve never gone back on my words, have I? I don’t regret the time I had with you and I don’t want you to feel guilty for not feeling a certain way.”

“Let’s do it, then?” You say, wanting to make sure like there’s any way Wonwoo would say no. “Fuck the universe, right?”

Wonwoo laughs and gently squishes your cheeks before he nods, his forehead leaning to rest against yours, his breath warm against your face even though his lips aren't touching yours just yet.

“Fuck the universe, indeed.”

It's later that night that you point at the inside of his wrist and gasp when you check yours: identical marks of a twin gingko leaves intertwined with each other adorning your wrist and his.

Wonwoo grins.

His Autumn is finally here.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.

permanent taglist: @kyeomjjigae @stantrash171819 @sebongmochi @luveveryonewoo @thinkinboutwonu @kpopjackie @ursweetener @lavenderautumnx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups @sunshinein17 @leechanniee @twogyuu @hoe4wonwoo @h3h3tm0n @noraehey @seokshook @rubyhoons @02psh @just-here-to-read-01 @listxn @janandbeyond @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly @svtreverie @coveyland @reallydgafaboutmyusername @sysymei @ovai @aikisbbq @fr0g-filez @nvmbheart

pls tell me if you wanna be removed btw it's totally ok, no hard feelings!!

A/N 2: well, if you're reading this, thank you once again!! i have never written this trope before and i honestly can't tell at all if you'll like it or not. but i wrote this for wonwoo's birthday, so hopefully i'll have it in me to accept it if it's not your cup of tea. but anyway, it's been some time since i write anything this long also--didn't even know i had it in me to still write anything this long, and it kinda made me realize that... this might be my last long piece for a quite some time. it's not easy to write this, to see my notifications everyday and see less and less feedbacks while the likes take up 95% of them. i've said it before, but it gets discouraging the more it goes. i'm not announcing hiatus or anything, but i hope you know where my blog stands at this point. happy birthday once again wonwoo, my muse, the loml 🥰💕

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Jeon Wonwoo, you might be the death of me. It's between you and Hwang Hyunjin right now. Both of my biases killing it in red outfits lately. My poor heart ❤️

230722 follow to seoul d-2. someone 🐱 do not edit/crop logo. (1,2,3,4)

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Khione!! You make me fall in love with this couple over and over again!! I just love this drabble about them! It shows just how smitten with each other they are. "...but you know his eyes hold your galaxies and you'll never get tired of drowning in them." 😍 What beautiful writing! Thank you for sharing this!!

my way to you special: in the moonlight / jeon wonwoo

➝ Wonwoo x fem!Reader

➝ rich!AU // heir & heiress!AU // est relationship // best friends to lovers <3 // fluff // slice of life

➝ warning: curses, so much fluff it's disgusting, kissing towards the end, they love each other so much it's unreal D:

➝ word count: 2.6~k

A/N: hi! another short one to celebrate my 3k milestone. i've missed this couple too and i'm just so so soft for them <//3 once again, thank you for your support and please enjoy this little gift. don't hesitate to drop by and tell me your thoughts too!

my way to you masterlist

[✾✾✾]

“So.”

“So?” Wonwoo raises his eyebrow, wondering what you’re up to.

“The wedding is next week.” You nudge him with a cheeky smile. “You ready?”

He rolls his eyes and nudges you back, then laughs when you stumble a little because he forgot just how easy you lose your balance.

“It’s Jinyoung’s wedding, why would I need to be ready?”

“Best man stuff.” You shrug as you lean over to hug his arm and claim the rightful spot that is his shoulder.

You’re currently out for a walk with Wonwoo, because it’s nice out and you’re a little too full from the lunch you’ve just had with him. You smile as you see a dog running in your direction, hugging yourself closer to Wonwoo to make ways for the owner to pass you.

“You know it’s just formality. I don’t even know why he needs a best man.”

“Formality is right. Let’s not have those for our wedding.” You say absentmindedly, not even looking at him.

Wonwoo bites his lip to suppress a stupid smile at your comment about your (currently) nonexistent wedding plan. You’ve been doing that a lot since Jinyoung’s wedding preparation; mentioning what to do at your wedding even though none of you has talked about marriage just yet.

Yes, you both know you’re going to marry each other and it definitely will happen someday. But it’s not like he’s proposed yet and he’s starting to think that he should do it soon now that you keep on mentioning it.

Is this you sending him codes?

He doubts. You’re usually very straightforward with what you want from him, even more when it comes to your relationship.

So, you talking about these things can only mean one thing: you’re already more than comfortable with the idea of marriage (hopefully only with him). He probably should start planning for a proposal after Jinyoung’s wedding.

“Why are you smiling by yourself, you weirdo?” You frown with a concerned look, stopping on your track. Wonwoo simply shakes his head and pulls you with him again, and he doesn’t even indulge you when you keep on insisting to find out what’s inside his mind.

You really should’ve known by now it’s only you in his mind and he has no plan in changing it.

[✾✾✾]

“Princess, I think you’ve tried enough already.” He pretends to be reluctant when you insist on going into one more shop for a dress. But, really, he’s just afraid his heart wouldn’t be able to take it if he sees you in one more dress.

He doesn’t see why you thought every single one you’ve tried on has some sort of flaws. Whatever it is, Wonwoo definitely can’t tell because you seem perfect in each one of them. Plus, it doesn’t help that he keeps on imagining you with a wedding dress everytime you come out of the fitting room to give him a twirl.

Fuck, can you be more adorable than you already are?

“Last one, I promise.” You pull him with no effort, because despite the fact that he’s whining for you to stop, he’s still an absolute simp when it comes to you so there’s no way he’d be able to say no under any circumstances. “If I still don’t find any, we’ll have dinner and head home?”

Home means Wonwoo’s place. And despite the fact that you’ve been addressing it as such since a few months back and you’ve been practically living in his place since the moment he moved in, it still warms his heart everytime he hears you call it home.

Seungcheol doesn’t even drive you to your place anymore after office unless you specifically say so.

“Why don’t you just make your own dress?” He suggests. “Don’t you do that sometimes?”

“The designer that makes my clothes is on maternity leave and I only like her works.”

“Clearly you’re not liking any of these, too.” He says before he even realizes, then winces when you hit his shoulder. You can really hit when you want to is something that Wonwoo has learned throughout the years he’s been with you. “Alright, come on. But I get to choose dinner.”

Wonwoo should’ve tried harder to convince you to go shopping with Chaeyoung. Because now his heart is about to burst at how fucking beautiful you look wrapped in a rose gold colored dress that hugs your body just right, falling just right below your knees. Some part of your skin is peeking through the sheer material, and he almost wants you to not like this because there’s no way in hell he is going to be able to stand you looking like this for hours straight.

“I take that you like this one?” You giggle at his expression; mouth ajar and eyes blown open though nothing escapes his lips.

“You look beautiful.” He says, almost like in a trance when he stands up to look at you closer.

It’s unfair just how beautiful you look, alright.

“A little too beautiful.”

You scrunch your nose at that, though your heart is beating in a messy rhythm. Wonwoo does that sometimes; gets severely honest during this kinda moment that he’s almost cheesy had this been any other situation. But you’re not complaining, and you can only whisper a small ‘really?’ because you’re suddenlt shy under his gaze.

“This is the dress, then.”

That was why you insisted on going shopping with him, alright.

[✾✾✾]

“How are you feeling?” You hold Jisoo’s hand, careful not to ruin anything even though there’s really nothing you can ruin by holding her hand. 

She looks like the pristine picture of a bride. She’s the bride, you decide. You’ve attended enough weddings to be able to tell when the bride is happy or is standing there against her will, but you’ve never seen a bride glowing as much as Jisoo is right now.

She’s radiating with all the good things in the world; she’s so in love and so happy that she’s not having cold feet at all. She’s so sure; in the promise of eternity, in life with Jinyoung, in whatever uncertainty that she might need to face after this day. Looking at the way she smiles before she mentions her soon-to-be-husband’s name, you suddenly feel like crying as you think about how you’d look on your wedding day.

“Hey, hey.” Jisoo panics a little, her hairstylist glaring at you for making her move. “Why are you crying?”

“No. Sorry, I just–” You blink continuously in hope it will stop your tears, but your lips are trembling and Jisoo actually tells her hairstylist to stop for a bit because she needs to stand up. Jennie has just come into the room when Jisoo reaches to hug you. She sends her friend a concerned look, but the look in the older girl’s face obviously means she’s not sure what’s going on either.

“I’m so sorry.” You shake your head as you carefully wipe your tears. “I’m not sure why I’m crying.”

Jisoo shares a look with Jennie, then takes a deep breath before she cups your cheek and gets into her older sister mode.

Dating Jinyoung for almost a decade and knowing him for more means she’s also known you for as long. She’s watched you and Wonwoo throughout the years, and she was probably one of the happiest parties when it was made clear that you and Wonwoo are finally dating.

She remembered telling Jinyoung a long time ago, way before you and Wonwoo started dating, that she’s envious of what you had with his brother. The both of you made love seem very easy, like it’s just obvious that you have to take care of each other.

As some sort of older sister for both you and Wonwoo, she can tell for sure that you’re one of those lucky couples that are just meant for each other. Jisoo has never believed much in soulmates; even her relationship with Jinyoung was nothing sort of magical because they choose to stay with each other.

They love each other, but it’s not easy to stay together when they have different ways of thinking and sometimes different views on life in general. She never doubts that Jinyoung loves her, but there used to be times when she doubted if love alone was enough. Unlike you and Wonwoo that she just knew would end up together no matter what, Jinyoung and Jisoo had quite the hurdles to finally get where they’re at.

Perhaps that’s why it feels fulfilling now that they’re taking another step for their future.

“Want me to call for Wonwoo?” Jennie offers, rubbing your back in comfort.

“No, it’s fine.” You smile despite your sniffles. “I’m just–happy for you. And… yeah. It’s not important. It’s your big day, sorry.”

Jisoo presses her lips together before she carefully asks Jennie and her makeup artists if she can have some time alone with you. You look up in surprise, but Jennie simply nods and smiles before she says she’ll just be nearby just in case.

It’s silent for a moment after everyone leaves, and you look at Jisoo, all gorgeous in her wedding dress even if her makeup is unfinished. You don’t talk to her on a daily basis, but she feels like she’s always been in your life due to her long years with Jinyoung–who’s basically your brother.

She’s always been kind to you though. She takes care of you a lot and even though you’re not the closest to her and you’d hang out with her from time to time even without Jinyoung or Wonwoo around. You remember going to her the few times you did end up fighting with Wonwoo, or when you just felt like sulking to someone older because Jeonghan and Shua just wouldn’t get it.

She’s not your closest friend, nor is she the first person you’d seek when you have a problem; but she’s still like your sister regardless and you couldn’t be happier for her.

“You’re thinking about your wedding, aren’t you?”

You offer her a small smile, a little shy but not seeing any reason to deny it.

“Do you want it to be soon?”

“Not sure.” You say honestly. Do you? Will it make any difference? You’ve always had Wonwoo by your side even though it’s only been two years or so since you framed your relationship under romance. You know it’s him you’re going to marry someday, but you’ve never thought of it as a pressing matter. Some days you even think it might be okay to just stay the way you are; together. 

Is there any need to get married when you already know you’re it for each other?

But after seeing more and more of Jinyoung’s wedding preparations, you notice some kind of preferences you have regarding a lot of stuff. You find yourself thinking about what to do or what not to do for your own wedding. 

And now that it’s d-day and you get to see Jisoo in her wedding dress, readying herself to seal the vow of eternity, you suddenly get a wave of imaginary pictures of you at your own wedding. They’re overwhelming, they scare you a little, but, more importantly, they give you a rush of giddiness that you’ve never experienced in your life.

“What scares you?” She shoots right to the point, and you open your mouth to say something–anything, but nothing comes out because you really don’t know what does. She seems to get this, so she changes her question to one far more fitting. “What makes you think you’re not ready?”

But you keep your silence. Because now that you think about it… nothing does.

Were you really not ready?

Or did you just think marrying him was just obvious?

“Nothing?” She smiles knowingly and squeezes your hands. “Maybe you’re more ready than you thought you were, then.”

[✾✾✾]

“What was that?” Wonwoo asks once you’ve settled beside him on the bed, fresh out of the shower. It’s almost 2AM now, Jinyoung’s wedding celebration ended just a few hours ago. But between being an immediate family and the after party for the youngsters, you and Wonwoo barely make it to the hotel room they’ve booked for you.

“What was what?” You know what he’s asking, but you’re still a little tipsy from all the drinks and you feel like playing dumb. You have all the time in the world, anyway.

You sneak your arms around his middle and lean against his chest, your ear right where his heart is at. The two of you really should be sleeping, if only because you’re dead tired and you’re sleepy; but none of you feel like doing so for some reason, so you’re just sitting there against the headboard of your bed, a blanket covering your bottom half as you cuddle with each other.

“You cried during the wedding.”

“Duh.” You bury yourself further into him. “It’s a wedding.”

He chuckles regardless, then drops a kiss on top of your head and rephrases his question. “You don’t usually cry at weddings, princess. Anything you wanna tell me?”

“Dunno.” You shrug. You look up and plant your chin on his chest to look up at him, the position is uncomfortable, but Wonwoo steals a kiss that you happily return. You spend a few moments just like that, sharing a lazy kiss that’s not going to lead anywhere.

If you hadn’t known Wonwoo since you were a kid, and if you hadn’t been practically living with him, you’d probably be thinking about how lucky you’d be if you got the chance to wake up next to him in the morning.

But you already do. You wake up to him everyday, and he’s not always the most handsome during then, sometimes he’s even borderline annoying, but you love him anyway and he’s still the most beautiful person in your world. 

You’re not taking his love for granted, but if there’s anything you’re sure of in this world, you’re sure about your love for him and his love for you.

“You’re really not going to tell me?” He whispers like it’s a secret, his lips barely away from yours.

You stare at him for a bit before you move to sit on his lap instead. If he’s surprised, Wonwoo doesn’t show it, but he happily lets you circle your arms around his neck while he puts his around your waist.

Time is a strange concept when you’re with him. You don’t know if it’s been seconds, minutes, or even hours, but you know that his eyes hold your galaxies and you’ll never get tired of drowning in them. Wonwoo doesn’t seem concerned though, which is yet another thing you love about him because he just seems to be able to translate your silence very well.

It’s then that you decide to break the serene moment.

“Hey.” 

“Hm?”

Your voice is small, barely even a whisper, but it's so clear to him like music that's only reserved for his ears and his ears only.

“Spend the rest of your life with me?”

Wonwoo blinks. Once, and then twice. And then he smiles and hugs you closer to kiss your forehead.

“I will even if you don’t ask me to.”

It’s 2 in the morning, you’re in your pajamas, and you don’t have any grand proposal up your sleeves but it’s okay because Wonwoo is always one step ahead than you are. And as he pulls away and gets off the bed to take something from his small luggage, you end up crying in the middle of the dusk when he slides the ring to your finger.

You can’t imagine a proposal better than this one; just you and him with no one to witness the magical moment that’s only reserved for you two, the city asleep and the moon high up in the sky.

[✾✾✾]

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don't allow any translations or reposting of my works.

A/N: hi. just want to remind you that your words mean a lot to writers and i wanna remind you also that we're doing this for free. when i say i can't believe i have 3k followers, i don't mean it in an insecure way, i mean it in a way that: i barely have people who interact with me, what do you mean there are 3 thousand blogs here??? i think not even 10% of these blogs ever talk to me. but, at this point, this felt like talking to a wall and it gets discouraging. so i'm just... going to write whenever i feel like writing, and i'm considering to get rid of my tag list too while i'm at it. anyhow, thank you to those who always leave feedbacks and drop by from time to time, and i'm thankful for all of you still for taking your time to read this and my other works and i'll see you whenever i post smth again :)

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