I Had Been Talking With A Guy From South Korea For A Few Months That I Became Friends With On Instagram.

I had been talking with a guy from South Korea for a few months that I became friends with on Instagram. I really enjoyed talking with him, and we mostly shared our day-to-day activities and things we love. This weekend, there were posts from a funeral saying he died. Someone messaged me through his account, saying he had died in a car accident, and now his profile is gone. I am in shock.

Khione!! I'm sorry it took me so long to finish reading this, but I'm so glad I did!!

I love soul mate fics, and you delivered on the angst!! My heart went out to Wonwoo for all his time spent lonely without a mark or his soul mate. And then all he went through after he did find them!

Joshua really is a sweet angel. For him to be so sweet and considerate when his soul mate was not sure how they felt and when they found Wonwoo is very much Joshua. At least how I feel he would be. You definitely chose well when choosing a Seventeen member.

Thank you for writing this and sharing it!! I am always grateful for you and your writing! ❤️

dear autumn / jeon wonwoo

➝ Wonwoo x Reader (ft. Joshua, Seungcheol, Mingyu, etc.)

➝ nonidol!au // angst???? // romance // fluff?????? // drama...ish??? // soulmate!au // somewhat past life!au

➝ word count: 18k (lol🧍🏻‍♀️) // playlist🎶

➝warnings: curses, lots of pov changes i'm sorry lol, i'm honestly not sure if the pace is a abrupt or not?, i'm not sure how you'll like this OC, she cries quite a lot towards the end sddfgd, that's about it i think

➝A/N: happy birthday, wonwoo❤ shoutout to @ahundredtimesover who's not even a carat but readily brainstormed with me when i asked🥺😭 also special thanks to @sleeplessdawn @twogyuu @savventeen for sparing your time to talk with me when i was unsure where to go with the plot💕💕 i'm gonna talk more on the author notes at the end instead of here. enjoy! hope you'll like this and don't hesitate to drop by and tell me what you think abt it even if you... don't like it sdjhfbsjhdf

In a world where everyone bears the soulmate mark to find the one heaven perfectly made for them, Wonwoo is an outlier with no marks in sight. But he has more pressing matters to attend to because he remembers his past life and the promise he made to his soulmate that he’d find her again no matter what. Alternatively, He didn’t think he’d be reborn in a world where you are made for someone else.

Wonwoo isn’t sure when it began. But he’s eighteen when he knows why they appeared and realizes that the memories in his head do not belong to his current lifetime.

They come to him through his dreams; sometimes long, sometimes short. At first, he thinks his mind is just playing games with him, but when he wakes up with an almost perfect recollection of whatever his older self in the dream did, he eventually realizes they aren’t simply dreams.

They’re his memories from another lifetime. Which one, he’s not sure. Wonwoo imagines they’re pieces of a puzzle–a very big one–making a bigger picture he doesn’t really understand at first until he does. Until it clicks one day why the dream has been getting longer and why he’s getting them in the first place.

He’s not himself when the dream happens, more like a shadow that watches from the sideline. He’s been seeing this older self of his for quite some time; he can’t be much older than he is now, probably in his mid twenties or so. 

It was weird at the beginning, knowing how he’d look (looked?) in the future (...in the past? Fuck, this is confusing), but it was even weirder to watch himself with a girl that he seemed to be so very much in love with. Not that he can’t blame his other self. They’re soulmates, after all, if the identical marks on their wrists mean anything.

The word doesn’t even sound bitter in his lips anymore, and he wonders if it ever was.

Sure, he used to question why he’s an outlier and why he deserved to have no one when everyone else around him has someone predestined for them–someone that the universe deems just right and someone that will complement them in ways unimaginable.

He’s never angry though. Just a little lonely.

It’s not easy to be surrounded by people who are happy with their fate, who have someone that they know is their person for as long as eternity allows them to live. People are subtle with their pity when it comes to him and Wonwoo would like to think it probably has to do with the fact that Wonwoo doesn’t seem bothered at all.

Outliers aren’t that rare; perhaps one every one hundred people or so, and they’re not ostracized from society, just that they need to handle the pitiful looks every now and then–which never stops being annoying.

Wonwoo knows there’s a community for people like him though he has never been one to seek companies. He’s fine the way he is. He’d attend their gatherings when it’s one of the rare days he feels like being social, but he doesn’t attend enough to feel any kind of kinship towards them. They’re just some people who he somewhat sympathizes with.

Naturally, it means the community becomes a place where people try to find their romantic partner. After all, it is frowned upon if you try to date someone with a soulmate even if they haven’t met their other half.

…Which makes it awkward when they break up because even if the community isn’t very small, they’re still a minority and they need to stick together.

Hence, Wonwoo never really bothers.

It’s not like he’s into the concept of romance. When he was a kid, it simply didn’t appeal to him. During high school, games were more worthy of his time than anything. And during university… How could he when he’s been dreaming of the same girl over and over again? Any other romance potential simply didn’t register in his mind. His parents, who obviously had no idea about the dreams, tried to talk to him about it; to try dating and find love but quickly changed their insistence once they realized their son wasn’t too bothered himself. 

He doesn’t even know if she’s alive in this lifetime, and yet…

“You’re really moving, huh?” Seungcheol brings him out of his mind, reminds him that he’s packing and he needs to get things done.

“They knew I’d be the one most willing to move away.” He shrugs. “Everyone else has their significant other here. Pretty sure they asked Namjoon first but with his pregnant wife and all–yeah.”

“I’m sure you’re still a choice because you’re competent.” The older guy reassures him. “What do you need me to do to help?”

“Help me throw away those bags in the living room, please.”

“Got it.”

Five minutes later, Seungcheol pops back into his bedroom.

“Are you throwing this away too?”

Wonwoo looks at the postcard in his hands, a look of recognition passes through his face before he takes it from him before he says he’s keeping it. The older guy throws him a curious look, but Wonwoo doesn’t offer any explanation so he leaves him be and returns to the living room.

“Autumn, huh.” He mutters to himself as he stares at the rows of yellow trees and ginkgo leaves adorning the ground on the postcard.

Autumn in the city is beautiful, Wonwoo has heard. He doesn’t know how it would be more beautiful there than here with the buildings and the busy lifestyle, but perhaps he’ll take the time to find out now that he’s moving there.

Maybe he’ll find out once he’s seen it himself.

And maybe…

Maybe he’ll also–

“Should we have some jjajangmyeon for lunch? I’m starving, man. Think I’d be able to eat two servings and an entire plate of dumplings. What about ordering some shrimp also? I think–”

Yeah.

Maybe.

Four months pass by in a blink and July comes around.

The city life is better than Wonwoo expected, but it’s not like he has any particular expectations to begin with. He’s a twenty six years old doing a regular job, living a regular life. He doesn’t have any grand plans in life, doesn’t strive to climb the corporate ladder nor make any difference in the world.

By theory, he should be some kind of a main character: an outlier with no soulmate mark and memories of a past life? Wonwoo would’ve written a book had he possessed any sort of literature gifts. But he can even barely express himself, let alone pour them into writings, so there goes his spotlight. 

Plus, it’s not like he has ever told anyone about the memories. He tries looking things up online, and except for some ridiculous claims that were eventually proved to be false, he barely finds anything about it that would help. And if he could find nothing in the wonderful, vast world that is the internet, he doubts he would find answers in the real world.

So he’s just another guy. Another Jeon Wonwoo in the sea of people that would pass by people’s lives and lots would forget about.

And he doesn’t mind.

He really doesn’t.

But if there’s anything he could wish for…

He looks down at the small birthday cake his brother has ordered from the delivery app for him on behalf of his parents, the package greeting him in front of his door when he has just gotten back from work. He doesn’t really celebrate his birthdays, and usually only does so if the people around him encourage him to, namely Seungcheol and his family.

Though, now that he’s actually by himself in a city he’s still trying to get familiar with, it does feel a little lonely to be celebrating it alone, if you can even call it that. At least there’s a cake from his family and he might as well keep up with the tradition.

He lights up the ‘27’ candle and stares at it for a few seconds before he closes his eyes and makes a wish. A familiar smile he’s only seen in his dreams flashes through his mind, the warmth of the small fire blankets his face for a few seconds before it goes out.

I hope I can find you… whoever you are.

He dreams of another memory that night.

But, for the first time, he’s not watching from the sideline. The love of his life is pressed to his side as she urges him to blow the candle and make a wish. She takes his face while hers scrunch up into a smile, wishing him ‘happy birthday’ that he doesn’t think is the first that day before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

He catches a glimpse of the single ginkgo leaf on her right wrist, the same exact thing on his left.

Wonwoo wakes up with a jolt before he could taste her lips against his, a thunderstorm outside his window and another inside his heart.

Despite being born in the season, Wonwoo isn’t fond of summer.

It’s too hot and there’s almost nothing he can do about it. He would’ve stayed inside 24/7 if he could, but that’s out of the question because he needs to go to the office and the amount of people in the public transportation is not something he looks forward to.

He doesn’t like winter for basically the same reason: it’s too fucking cold.

Spring and autumn are nice. But Wonwoo has a pollen allergy so he can’t enjoy the blooming season even if he wants to.

So if someone asks what his favorite season is, he always says autumn.

Wonwoo isn’t sentimental enough to actually have opinions about seasons. Like he said, he doesn’t like summer and winter because they’re extremely hot and cold respectively. He doesn’t mind spring but he has pollen allergies. And so he’s left with autumn.

It’s all just practical.

But, if there’s one season that actually means something… it’d also be autumn. And it doesn’t even have much to do with the actual season. It’s the memories it carries.

Yeah, that’s what he’ll call it.

Memories.

Because no matter what–

“Get going, will you?” Someone grumbles and goes past him.

Right, another reason why he hates summer. People get (rightfully) annoyed all the time and everyone wants to hang out near the Han river, him being one of them.

What can he do? He was already outside due to prior meetings, it’s hot, and being near the body of water sounds like a good idea if there’s any. He just happens to be in the area and he supposes why not. It’s been quite some time since he’s spent some time outside by himself, anyway.

At least he’s by himself so it’ll be much easier to find a seat. –Or so he assumes as he sighs,  still trying to look for an empty spot to sit down ten minutes later. He doesn’t find any, if only because the only one-person spots available are surrounded by couples making googly eyes at each other.

Eventually, he finds one a little further away and settles there with his plastic bag filled with a canned highball and a bag of chips. It’s only somewhere after two in the afternoon, a weird time to be drinking alcohol, but he sighs blissfully at the first sip and stares mindlessly at the people around him.

He likes people watching, though he doesn’t make any grand scenarios about them in his head; simply thinks about how he’s only one of many in the sea of people. That he can be special but he chooses not to be. On the contrary, he likes to pretend that he’s normal; that he has a mark somewhere hidden on his body and he just simply hasn’t met his soulmate. That his dreams are simply dreams.

Or maybe they are nothing but dreams.

Maybe he’s simply thinking too much about them.

Maybe he’s just projecting the ideal life he’d have had he not been an outlier.

He blinks.

Why… had he not considered that before?

Sure, he feels too strongly about them (and Wonwoo isn’t even an emotional person) and is way too conscious because they feel real, but what if his head really is just messing with him? What if they really are just illusions and–

“Hey, sorry, do you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full and you’re the only one by yourself so…”

Wonwoo looks up at the weirdly familiar voice, freezing when he recognizes the person in front of him at once, the word coming out of his mouth before he even can stop himself.

“Autumn?”

Surprise colors your face at the name, your head empty because you honestly have no idea what to think. You don’t even have it in you to be suspecting, just very fascinated and somewhat nostalgic in the matter of seconds.

It’s been some time since someone calls you ‘Autumn’; the nickname that your late grandfather would always call you by because he said it’s his favorite season and you’re his sweetest grandchild. A few of your relatives adopted the name even though they outgrew it almost immediately after your grandfather passed. You’ve never told anyone outside the family about the nickname, not even your closest friends, as you’d like to keep it dear to your heart.

And it still stings to think about it after his passing ten years ago.

Several seconds–minutes?–pass like that, with you and this stranger looking at each other, mouth a little ajar, unsure what to say. But he breaks the silence first, shakes his head before he apologizes.

“Uh, sorry. You just–umm, uh, look like someone I know. You can sit down, sure.”

You nod and whisper a ‘thanks’, holding back the urge to ask him about his friend who apparently looks like you and shares your old nickname. But the silence that looms over you both is a little suffocating, and your usual extroverted self who never hesitates to talk to new people seems to die in front of him as you ponder if it’s okay to start a conversation with this handsome stranger.

Perhaps it’s just the weird interaction earlier, you think to yourself, the memory of your grandfather and your favorite nickname that no one except your family knows filling your chest with warmth. The last time you heard someone referred to you by that name was probably a decade ago, and to be referred to ‘Autumn’ again after so long… you wonder if you should’ve told someone about it if it inflicts this much fondness within you.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be so special if you had.

“So you have a friend who looks like me and is called ‘Autumn’, huh?” You try to maintain a confident smile, pray that you’re simply imagining the slight shake in your voice.

The stranger flinches a little, a gesture that you’re not sure what to make of, but then he nods and offers you an awkward smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

“You know, it used to be some sort of my nickname as a kid.” You’re not sure why you’re telling him this, but you are and it’s almost comical the way his lips open a little in surprise before he mutters a small ‘I see’. You offer your name to him, and thank him once again for letting you share his spot.

“Don’t mind it.” He smiles tightly before returning the gesture, and you can’t help but wonder why the name Jeon Wonwoo rings something in your head even though you’re sure you haven’t met this guy. You’re pretty good when it comes to remembering names and faces. You’ve never had any friends called Wonwoo, though you recall there were probably some people from your year in school and university who share his name. 

Never a Jeon though. And he doesn’t look familiar at all, so you’re sure he’s not a friend of a friend that you might’ve seen in passing either, but… why does he feel familiar?

You shake your head before you let go of the thought, and then rummages through your bag to look for your drink. You take everything out of the way only to find your bottle lying sadly at the very bottom of your tote bag, when you look up again, you see Wonwoo glancing at the book you’ve put on the table.

On Soulmates: Love without Commitment

Xu Minghao

You hope the way you put everything back to your bag is subtle, like you’re not trying to hide the book you’ve been reading and the glimpse into your mind that people can easily decipher from your choice of literature alone. His face doesn’t tell you anything though, and it’s his next question that gets your heart beating in irregular beats.

“It’s quite the book, isn’t it?” He takes a sip from his can. “Gave me insights that I didn’t know I needed.”

“Right!” You reply with exaggerated enthusiasm. But can anyone blame you? Anyone who catches you reading that book always gives you the side eye, some people who are frontal even asked why you’re reading something that sounds as stupid as a flat earth. “I haven’t finished, but it’s so interesting to read why the author thinks soulmates aren’t it because it doesn’t give you a choice and everything about the relationship is a given. That perhaps the love that people who don’t have the soulmate marks might be purer because they choose to love and they put effort into it. I’m currently on chapter 7 and–”

You stop when you realize you’re rambling, words of apology on the top of your tongue when you see Wonwoo tilting his head in question. Not in judgement because you’re enthusiastic about it. Not in annoyance because you talk too much when it hasn’t even been twenty minutes since you’ve met him.

“Why are you stopping?” He asks, further making you speechless with the genuine interest in his voice. “Chapter 7 is about fate and destiny, isn’t it?”

You cough a little to hide your flustered face, a little too excited to finally find someone that isn’t against you reading this essay. You’ve been wanting to talk about it with someone–anyone–, all those hours you’ve spent on countless communities online with people who share the same sentiment as you not being enough.

“Yeah. I’m almost done with the chapter, though I haven’t been able to pick it up again these days.”

Wonwoo hums, seemingly deep in thought before he asks you again. “What do you think about it?”

“Fate and destiny?”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s bullshit.”

He looks at you in surprise; whether it’s because of your choice of words or because of your opinion, you don’t know. But he doesn’t look like he’s going to jump at you for having such an opinion, so you continue even though he didn't ask you to.

“I’d hate to think that someone–something out there has enough power to decide what’s going to happen to us moving forward. That everything we do is predestined and that we have no choice whatsoever in life because it’s fated to be and it’s thanks to the universe that something happens a certain way.” And then you add, your voice comparably smaller as you suddenly realize you’re being too open with this stranger. “It feels… confining…”

He nods as he opens his bag of chips, putting it right in the middle as if telling you it’s okay to take some.

“I agree.” He doesn’t meet your eyes as he says this, looking straight over the Han river like he’ll find an actual answer there. “If it’s true, it’s very cruel for some people to know that their life is fated to be miserable and can do nothing but accept it.”

“Right? And, personally, I don’t know how I feel about the soulmates concept. You know how in the book it says that soulmates might take each other for granted because they’re meant to be together? Or that they simply accept the other person because, apparently, they’re their person? What if the universe messed up and you’re paired with a serial killer or something?”

Wonwoo looks at you alarmed, and you laugh before you say that you’re just speaking in general. He hesitates before he asks, unsure about where you actually are when it comes to soulmates. Are you this opinionated because you don’t have a soulmate? His heart skips a beat at the thought of it; or perhaps you simply hate the idea of it regardless. But before he can actually ask the question, his eyes fall to the side of your neck, and he notices the strings of flowers on the side of your neck, something that you also notice–so you clear your throat to dart his attention away.

“You feel… strongly about it, don’t you?” Wonwoo settles it at that, not wanting to offend you somehow. He doesn’t deny the mixed feeling in his heart as he realizes what it means. You have a soulmate. Even though there’s a chance that you don’t want them, you still have a soulmate and whatever feeling that’s brewing on the pit of his stomach, it’s not a good one.

What was he expecting, anyway? That if somehow he found you in this lifetime–which he did, what the fuck. It’s you who found him, even–you’d happily take him in your arms? The bitter taste on his mouth is getting worse by the seconds, only now realizing that even though he’s been wishing he’d find you, he never has any real plan about what to do if he actually did.

It helps that he doesn’t actually think he would, so he can hold on to it like a dream that would never come true. Something he holds dear in his heart but doesn’t really need to take responsibility for because it’s not going to happen. Something that somewhat keeps him going and some sort of wishful thinking.

You shrug, not offering any explanation.

He doesn’t press.

“I think.” He begins, looking at you this time, and if anyone ever asks, you’re going to deny the way your heartbeat picks up and up and up the more he looks into your eyes, your face getting hot like a high school girl with a crush. “You can always go against your destiny if that’s what you choose to do. If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path? Perhaps it’s just one of many and you can try taking another road to see if you’ll like it more. Even if they exist, it doesn’t mean you have to follow them all the time.”

You lay in bed thinking about his words that night, wondering if it’s as easy as he makes it to be to get away from your path and try a new one.

You dream of Wonwoo, a birthday cake, and a ginkgo leaf mark that you’re sure was not on Wonwoo’s wrist when you saw him earlier that day.

You wake up wishing you’ll meet him again.

Joshua, you’ve always known, is the ideal partner that anyone could ask for. He’s sweet, he takes care of you well, is respectful, and you honestly feel bad for not returning even half of what he feels for you.

You love him, you really do, but you don’t think what you feel for him is strong enough to be considered in the same league with the love that people believe soulmates should have for each other. It’s nowhere near there.

You love him, he’s very important to you, and you’ll drop anything for him if he needs you. But you know something’s wrong when Joshua starts talking about living together, marriage, and family, and dread is the only thing that fills your chest.

You know something’s wrong when you don’t feel the butterfly nor the fireworks that everyone–and you mean everyone–says they experience when they meet their soulmates.

It was nothing like that for you; you knew he’s your soulmate, and if there’s anything right about what people said regarding your first meeting, it’s true that it just clicked that it’s your soulmate in front of you. But your heartbeat picked up for all the wrong reasons that didn’t have anything to do with rush of excitement nor romantic expectation. You were a little anxious, even, but you couldn’t do anything when Joshua immediately recognized the feeling once his eyes met yours and he ran to you like he’d give you the world right that very second.

There was nothing magical about it.

You’re not sure how you feel either about the universe giving you the perfect partner by theory, but also somehow shaping you into a person that believes the whole soulmate thing is bullshit. It doesn’t seem to matter whether Joshua notices your lack of romantic reciprocation or not, because Joshua still treats you like you’re the love of his life and he looks at you like you’re his whole galaxy.

Or perhaps he mistakes the way you care for him as romance?

What a fucking drama you live in.

“What got you thinking?” You blink at his voice, and Joshua looks at you amused as he settles right beside you despite the heaps of empty space on your sofa. “You’ve been zoning out a lot these days.”

“Have I?” You ask, accepting the way his arm automatically goes behind you on top of the sofa head. You like his warmth, you really do. You like–no–you admit that you love a lot of things about Joshua and you’re glad you met him even though you absolutely abhor the soulmate system.

You love his eyes, the way they seem to stare into your soul and are able to tell what’s inside your mind most of the time.

You love his hands, they always know to wrap around yours when you need it most, pull you closer when you stray away because something distracts you along the way.

You love his voice, so calm and soothing that you would ask him to talk you to sleep through the phone on nights sleep refuses to find you, the way he’ll hum when he’s in a good mood though he never actually sings in front of you because he says he can’t carry an actual tune otherwise. (Two years since you’ve found each other and you’re still on a mission to make him sing because you just knew he sings well.)

But, most of all, you love the way he treats you.

The way he’ll ask if he’s not sure what you want him to do, the way he’ll carefully thread through your mood when the day hasn’t been good, and the way he gives you space even if he wants to be near you all the time.

He respects you. Not only as his soulmate but also as a person, and you can’t thank him enough for that.

Perhaps that’s why it hurts much more now; why guilt is eating you inside out because you can only think about Wonwoo and his words when Joshua is right next to you, his thigh pressed against yours and his thumb caressing your shoulder over your shirt.

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path? 

You force back the tears before they can actually form, gulping before you tell him it’s nothing.

“Should we go out?”

“Where?”

“Hmmm. Namsan? We can take a walk, get you off your mind.” His smile is kind, and you feel like crying again because of how considerate Joshua is. He doesn’t even ask, doesn’t push even once just in case you’ll crack. He simply accepts that you don’t want to talk about it and offers you something that might help.

Why the fuck aren’t you in love with him when he’s your soulmate and he’s as perfect as someone could be?

His arms envelop you and thrust you into his chest before you could break, and you manage to hold it for three full seconds before the tears stubbornly fall and you whimper softly into his hold. Joshua doesn't say anything, doesn’t hush you and asks if you’re okay.

No.

He accepts that you’re not okay and you don’t want to tell him about it. That you’re crying and he feel so fucking useless because he can’t do anything to help you with it.

That you’re hiding something from him that’s possibly making you cry even though you never did before. 

Still, he holds you close and lets you cry.

You grasp the front of his shirt as you try your best to stop your tears. You don’t even know why you’re crying this much, but you suppose between the stressful week and the whole Wonwoo situation, the guilt combined with Joshua’s innocent look trigger something within you.

“I’ll just get you some water.” He whispers against your head once you’ve calmed down, squeezes your shoulder and then lets you go. He’s back not even a minute later, and you thank him as you take your mug, embarrassed when you wipe the remaining of your tears off your face. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” You manage to whisper, too embarrassed to even look him in the eyes. 

His smile is meant to be comforting, but thinking yet again about the reason why you even cried to begin with, it only makes your heart squeezes painfully.

“You probably need it. You know I won’t judge.” He caresses your cheek as if to make sure to get rid of all traces of tears there. He searches for your face, as if he can tell what’s inside your mind just by doing so, and for a moment, you’re afraid that he really can; that he’ll see the man that you’ve met once some time last week clouding your mind like there’s no tomorrow.  “Do you want to go for a walk anyway? Perhaps you need to get out of the house for a bit?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” You reach up to circle your fingers around his wrist, smiling back at him because despite everything, you’re still thankful that the universe thinks you’re deserving of someone like him. You’re still thankful that you get to be on the receiving end of his affection.

Joshua leans forward to kiss your forehead, lingering for a good few seconds before he tells you to get ready.

It doesn’t take you too long to get ready, nor does it take long for you two to arrive at Namsan. Climbing the stairs to get to the park, Joshua asks instead if you’re willing to just go further up to get to the peak where the tower is. You’re not exactly dressed for climbing (though it’s really just stairs, stairs, and more stairs), nor are you in the mood for it, but you think exhausting your body is just what you might just need so you can pass out the moment you reach your bed later on.

He extends his hand, and you take it with a smile despite the pinch in your heart. You spend the first ten minutes in silence, hand in hand as you ascend up the seemingly never-ending stairs.

Already out of breath, you begin to doubt your decision of climbing up when Joshua speaks. 

“I haven’t gone here in so long.” Undeniably, it’s a very nice weather out. You being out of breath has more to do with your lack of exercise on a daily basis more than anything, but even in your predicament you can still appreciate the night view around you. As much as you feel like dying right now, you know you don’t actually regret it.

“Yeah? Me too.” You grip his hand tighter for support, then ask if you could rest for a bit when you see a rest stop. Joshua laughs as you ask this, though he nods and hands you a piece of chocolate the moment you both sit down on an empty bench overlooking Seoul from where you’re at.

“You’re a lifesaver.” You moan as you take a bite of the chocolate, leaning your head on his shoulder and stretching your legs. “I haven’t climbed in so long. My legs will fall tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“I’ll run a bath for you before I go home tonight.”

You try to trample the way your heartbeat picks up; not because you’re fluttered, but because you’re once again eaten with guilt by how perfect Joshua really is. He doesn’t exactly know how you feel about soulmates; you’re not cruel enough to say things right to his face. 

But you know for sure that he’s aware of your choice of literature.

He doesn’t comment on them, and you try not to read them when he’s around. But he once caught you reading on your phone over your shoulder and you sheepishly said you simply find those essays interesting.

Joshua isn’t stupid, knows that there’s a reason why you find them interesting, but he chooses to be in ignorant bliss and says you’re free to read whatever you want and there’s no need to justify yourself to him of all people.

Yeah, because it’s totally normal that your soulmate is interested in reading essays on why soulmates are bullshits.

Forty minutes later with some short breaks along the way, you finally reach the top. There aren’t as many people, and you walk around for a bit to let your legs relax before finding yet another bench to sit on.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here at night.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. Sure is different from being here during the day.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Joshua agrees, his palm absentmindedly caresses your thigh as if it helps relieve your sore muscle.

“Should we have some cup ramyeons?” You suggest, pointing to the convenience store you pass by earlier. “I think I can do some if I share with you.”

Joshua nods, but before he can offer to go, you tell him he can rest instead.

“I’ll go get it. Should I buy two or are you fine just sharing one with me?”

“Two is fine.”

“And the usual drink?”

“And the usual drink.” He grins. “You sure you can take everything by yourself?”

You roll your eyes in mock annoyance, exhaling a ‘duh’ as you tell him to just wait.

Pleased that the convenience store isn’t crowded either, you hum as you go through the snack isles instead. Knowing yourself, you’ll probably only eat two thirds of the cup ramyeon and wolf down the snack instead if you buy some; but you don’t see why not because Joshua’s there to finish your food anyway. Plus, it’s a nice night out and that’s enough to justify your choice of dinner.

Juggling two big cups of instant noodles, a packet of cheese, a hotbar, and a bag of shrimp chips isn’t your talent, but you manage and you drop them on the cashier before quickly telling the cashier you’re just going to grab a drink real quick.

Almost bumping into the person behind you, your apology is stuck in your throat once you realize who’s the person exactly.

What the fuck.

“Oh…” Wonwoo says in surprise, the words seemingly out of his mouth before he even realizes. “Hi…?”

You give him an awkward smile and nod before quickly going to the drink aisle. Apologizing once again to the cashier who’s still scanning your purchase (and to Wonwoo) once you return even though it’s barely been five seconds.

“Need help?” Wonwoo says good-naturedly, gesturing to the amount of things you’ve just bought.

“Hey, I–”

Wonwoo looks at you staring between him and the guy who has just entered. Getting the hints immediately that his help isn’t needed, he smiles before paying for his stuff and leaves the convenience store.

He looks spitefully at the night sky, it’s so unnecessarily pretty too, unsure if he wants to curse whatever’s up there that of all days he decides to go outside, he just has to see you again. With another guy at that. He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. The guy could simply be your friend for all he knew.

But if there’s one thing that is Wonwoo, he’s quick to put pieces together. From your panicked glance and the way you tense when you see him, he knows. Perhaps it’s also just intuition. But he just knew that man, whoever he is, is the one that heaven has decided to be the one for you.

He exhales a deep breath before finding a secluded place somewhere behind a tree, carefully hidden to minimize any chance of being seen by you (or seeing you with your soulmate). He would’ve immediately left if he could, but he’s only arrived and it feels like it’s such a waste for him to leave just like that despite the situation.

What even is the situation?

He’s been thinking a lot since he met you, if he wants to seek you out again and what he wants to do if he does. The thought is no longer so much of a wishful thinking like it used to be. He knows you exist now. You’re actually living, you’re real, and you have a soulmate that is not him.

It sounds so much like an exaggeration, but he’s never felt so empty after going home that night, thinking about you and your soulmate. Do you live together? Do you care about him regardless of your stance on the whole soulmate thing? Does he treat you well? Does he get to hold you while you sleep? Does he–Fuck.

Wonwoo hates being like this, and he’d love to say it’s gotten better the more time passes by, but it has only gotten even worse because his dream is getting longer and even more prominent since meeting you. And what he hates most is he’s started to feel more and more strongly about you even through his dreams.

What is one supposed to do when they fall in love with an illusion that has a counterpart living in the realm of reality? He’s pretty sure no one would have the answer.

He glances up at the sound of faint laughter, seemingly so loud in the silent night, or perhaps he simply picks it up because he knows exactly who it belongs to before he even sees you. He bites his lip at the scene he’s witnessing: you, laughing with your soulmate at god knows what.

He can’t blame the guy for looking at you like you hold the universe for him. After all, Wonwoo would probably do exactly the same thing had he been given the chance. His past self from another life could vouch for that.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he’s not sure, you end up sitting a good distance away from where he’s at, your back facing him as you settle beside the man destined to be with you. You’re not too far that he can’t see your side profile, which gets his heart both squeezing in pain and fluttering at the same time.

He doesn’t even know that was possible.

Wonwoo looks far to the distance, at the endless night sky that’s so unnecessarily full of stars today of all day. He wants to think the universe is mocking him, playing a joke on him for being alone by himself on such a beautiful night, making him watch you laughing with your soulmate as the cherry on top.

But he knows he’s not that special.

He’s just one of many; his misery wouldn’t be all that amusing for the universe.

Scoffing at the thought of the universe, he lowers his eyes from the sky only to accidentally meet yours.

Is this the work of the universe too?

Nah, he shouldn’t give too much credit to the damn thing. But, then again, blaming it for every single thing that went wrong in his life has proved to be some kind of comfort if he’s being completely honest.

You offer him a small smile anyway, not even waiting for him to return the gesture.

It hurts still to see you with your soulmate, sharing food and talking about what he assumes to be nothing and everything. But as he lays in bed that night and thinks about your smile, he admits that if the universe lets him meet you in this lifetime, perhaps it isn’t so bad, after all.

Wonwoo has always liked the number three.

Third’s time the charm and all that jazz. He doesn’t hold on to it religiously, just some fun little routine that he finds amusing. When he takes an item in a grocery store, he takes the third one from the front; when he goes to the convenience store because he needs one (1) thing, he takes two small snacks so it’s three items in total; on the rare days when Wonwoo feels like trying a new drink in a cafe, he’d just choose the third item in the menu.

It’s fun.

Today, Wonwoo’s supposed to meet Mingyu for a little get together. He’s the first friend he’s made in Seoul, a guy that’s a little too flashy for his liking but is still a good person nevertheless and definitely a much better company than most people that he’s made to be acquainted with in the new city. 

He’s not too excited about the invitation, but doesn’t see why he should turn the younger guy down when he has no plan during the weekend, and, as much as he loves staying inside, the four walls of his apartment is starting to feel a little suffocating because it’s almost been a month since that night he randomly went to Namsan and saw you, and… he hasn’t gone out for anything that’s not a necessity since then.

So when Mingyu asks for the third time since they got to know each other if he wants to join him on a night out or not, he decides he should also appreciate the guy’s persistence despite already being turned down twice before.

Anyway.

He was supposed to meet him for a little get together. Apparently, Mingyu’s version of ‘a little get together’ is to invite a group of friends that Wonwoo obviously doesn’t know for dinner and only notifying him of the additional party thirty minutes before their promised time.

He exhales. It’s too late for him to bail. Right now, his hope is only as high as the ground: he simply wishes he wouldn’t return home socially exhausted.

It’s a small pizza diner inside an alleyway where they promised to meet. And Mingyu along with his friends thankfully arrive at the same time as him so Wonwoo wouldn’t need to go inside and look around like a fool, wondering where his table full of strangers and a slightly familiar friend is.

He’s not close enough with Mingyu to say he’s comfortable around him, but he’s still the most familiar face between the four faces in front of him so he decides sitting next to Mingyu is the best choice. Thankfully, the younger guy doesn’t seem to be the type to push him to interact with new people immediately.

Thirty minutes into dinner, Wonwoo can tell Mingyu probably brings these friends around because he thinks Wonwoo needs to meet new people (or maybe he thinks it’ll be awkward if it’s just the two of them?). It’s easy to tell that he’s brought the friendliest people who’s just loud enough, who understand that Wonwoo’s quiet but still able to naturally included him in conversations without making him feel bad about being, well, quiet (god knows how many people have tried to make him feel bad for staying quiet during conversations).

Jungkook is a friend from high school, he’s learned, apparently one of Mingyu’s closest friends. Jeonghan is a senior from his previous company; someone that he didn’t know he’d end up being close with because, at first, Jeonghan was obviously just someone he had to work together with. Jisoo, he finds out later on, is Jungkook’s ex-girlfriend before he found his soulmate, though they treasure their friendship too much to cut each other off.

Except for Jungkook, the other two friends seem a little unconventional and Wonwoo doesn’t understand how Mingyu ends up being close enough with them to go out together like this.

He doesn’t ask.

“We’re planning on bar hopping.” Mingyu tells him, and Wonwoo feels dread fill his chest at what this might imply until Mingyu adds, “You’re free to leave if you don’t want to go with us though! I understand it might not be everyone’s thing.”

Weirdly, Wonwoo now wants to go because he’s been given the freedom of choice. Plus, at least he knows he’d be surrounded by these people and he can go home at any time if he wants to.

“What kind of bar?”

“Definitely not clubs pretending to be a bar.” Mingyu jokes. “Maybe wine or cocktail bars?”

“Sure, I’ll come then.” Wonwoo shrugs, then tells Mingyu he’ll probably return home first if he and his friends are planning to go until morning, to which Mingyu nods and says that it’s no problem at all.

Wonwoo doesn’t really understand the concept of bar hopping. He’s always been curious about it, but never curious enough to actually do it. So he supposes it’s also his curiosity that pushes him to say yes. He kind of wants to see what it’s all about and he doesn’t think he’d have another opportunity where he might remotely enjoy the experience if not now.

The first cocktail bar isn’t that great, if only because the place is small and it feels like everyone can hear what they’re talking about. They each have one drink and immediately leave for the next one. They go to a wine bar, and Wonwoo is pleased to know the alcohol in his system (and the current company, he’s sure) has made him more relaxed than he had been the past week. 

After an hour or so, Mingyu decides he’s had too much energy and asks if it’s okay to move to an open bar that’s not as noisy as a club but is still noisy enough for people to enjoy the music and fill the dancing floor.

Normally, Wonwoo would say no. But he surprisingly still has enough social battery and thinks might as well go all out while he’s at it. It’s not often that he’s in a social mood.

The bar is a little too noisy for Wonwoo’s liking, though the half part of the building has no roof so it’s not too loud nor suffocating. After ordering their drinks, Mingyu and Jungkook head to the dance floor. Jisoo and Jeonghan stay at the table with him; Jisoo says she’s not really in the mood to dance while Jeonghan says his soulmate is picking him up in a bit so he’s just going to stick around til then.

It’s thirty minutes later that he leaves and Wonwoo’s now left alone with Jisoo. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is a little awkward and Jisoo seems to share the sentiment as she tries to find topics to talk about.

They end up talking about literature and movies, and Wonwoo has to lean forward to be able to listen to her clearly over the music until she eventually moves to sit next to him so they can talk easier. He notices Jungkook glancing every now and then, and when Jisoo follows his gaze, she chuckles a little and shakes her head.

“Sorry. It’s just a habit of his, don’t mind him.”

Wonwoo blinks, unsure. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I know a lot of people find his stares uncomfortable.” She shrugs. “He’s just protective of me. It’s nothing, I promise.”

Wonwoo’s not nosy. But between the alcohol in his system, his remote curiosity, and the way Jisoo looks like she wants to talk about it, he kindly throws the bait.

A subtle one, though.

“How did you end up being close with Mingyu?”

“Through Kook, at first.” Mingyu and Jeonghan don’t refer to Jungkook with that name, he notes. And a part of him wonders if it’s a nickname that Jisoo has for him or if it’s just how his girl friends call him. “We dated before. But we broke up because, well, he found his soulmate and… Mingyu was kind enough to keep me company and made sure I was okay after the whole ordeal. I’m not sure why he felt the need to do that, but I’m thankful regardless. So… yeah.”

He bites the question about soulmates. Doesn’t ask why they tried dating each other if they knew they aren’t soulmates, but he does wonder about how she must’ve felt or how she’s feeling right now. He can’t exactly compare his situation with hers, because as much as he’s going through a… heartbreak, it’s somewhat onesided while Jisoo actually had a relationship with Jungkook.

And she still has to be friends with him.

He doesn’t know if it’s the universe or Jungkook that is cruel.

Or perhaps Jisoo is a masochist.

Apparently, she’s also very honest when she’s tipsy.

“I’m an outlier.” She smiles bitterly after downing a shot, then she pulls up the sleeve of her cardigan and shows him what he assumes to be a trace of a soulmate mark; a faint outline of a snowflake that’s barely visible unless you actually take a look at her wrist. “I hav–had a soulmate. They died before I even met them and that’s why the mark… burned.”

Her chuckle is nowhere near amused when Wonwoo’s eyes widen in surprise, and she answers before he even asks as she pulls down the sleeve of her cardigan.

“It literally burned. I was sixteen; and I was out with Jungkook getting ice cream when it started to burn and he had to witness me being all hysterical, crying as I told him my wrist burnt and it felt like it’s going to fall off.” She doesn’t look bitter at all as she talks about this, just very sad and perhaps even a tad bit nostalgic. “He was fourteen. A little shorter than I was at that point, but he tried his best to tug me to a secluded place so people wouldn’t stare despite my struggle because everything hurt and I just felt like crying, hugged me to muffle my scream, and stayed with me for hours after that even though I was just zoning out, not saying anything.”

Wonwoo isn’t sure if it’s a story for him to hear; but Jisoo looks like she needs it (or is it just the alcohol?) and the least he could do is to listen. At least he can rest easy knowing this story wouldn’t be going anywhere else.

“I knew what happened even though I didn’t know by theory. I could feel it; felt the connection that was only faintly there just… gone. Jungkook took me home and told my parents about what happened. Of course they knew what it meant and they thanked him before sending him home. I couldn’t really talk for weeks, the emptiness and the burn were too prominent for me to be doing anything. My parents told the school I was sick so I was dismissed from classes.”

She pauses, and for the first time, Wonwoo can tell exactly what she’s feeling: she’s numb and she’s exhausted. There’s no trace of tears in her eyes. They’re void of anything and Wonwoo suddenly feels an odd sense of affinity the more he listens to her.

“Jungkook… stopped by everyday even though he didn’t know what actually happened. He probably had an idea, but he didn’t press and he talked to me about anything and everything even if I didn’t say anything–said from the beginning that I didn’t need to answer, that he’d do all the talking for me.”

Wonwoo doesn’t need to listen to the rest of the story to know why Jisoo still treasures Jungkook as…, well, whatever she regards him as right now. He doesn’t want her to talk about more sad things like how she ended up dating him and how she broke up with him, so he offers her what he could: honesty and a change of topic.

Even if it’s only a little.

“I’m an outlier also.” He says quietly that Jisoo almost misses it. “Doesn’t have a soulmate but… it’s complicated.”

Thankfully, Jisoo doesn’t pry, simply takes another shot and offers a cheer to him.

“Sucks to be us.” 

It’s weird, but Wonwoo finds himself chuckling before he takes his own drink and clinks his glass to hers and takes a sip of his highball.

“Sucks to be us.”

His mind wanders to you, thinking if he could stand being in Jisoo’s place had it been like that for him. He had only seen you with your soulmate from afar, had only talked to you once, and it hurts anyway.

Why is he cursed with the memories of his previous life, again?

He’s been mentally restless since that night. How could he not when he keeps on seeing you everywhere? His dreams are getting more and more prominent and so are his feelings. He keeps on thinking he sees you somewhere–everywhere–only to realize it’s not you, just ghosts of you haunting him in every person that he sees.

How fucking stupid, falling in love with a series of images and illusions.

Drinking the rest of his drink, he shakes his head and winces at the alcohol and at how his mind is playing tricks once again. Perhaps drinking alcohol hasn’t been the best option if he ends up imagining you even here between the blurry images of people.

Fuck, he’s down bad.

In such perfect timing, Mingyu and Jungkook return to the table, so Wonwoo leaves Jisoo with them and excuses himself to the restroom. He looks at himself in the mirror, and then looks at his phone only to realize it’s already almost one in the morning. Perhaps it’s time he goes home; the talk he’s shared with Jisoo proves to be more mentally exhausting than he thinks it is.

He almost bumps into someone on his way out, hands reaching out to the person in front of him in reflex only to let go just as quick once he sees your face once again. Christ, is he that drunk? He really needs to go home.

That version of you is very pretty too, fuck.

“Uh… Wonwoo?” He’s even imagining your voice now? “Are you… okay?”

He looks up in alarm once he realizes you’re real. It’s actually you in front of him and you’re not a figment of his imagination. He opens his mouth to say something, but someone bumps into you hard and you tumble into his chest.

Wonwoo’s breath is caught in his throat at the turn of events, but his arm catches you anyway and glares at the guy before he looks down and asks if you’re okay. You look as flustered as he’s feeling, and he hopes the loud music is enough to cover the sound of his heartbeat.

“You’re okay?” It’s stupid how disappointment fills his chest the moment you step away, a sense of longing already making its way to his heart.

He needs to get away.

“I—yeah.” You look unsure and Wonwoo doesn’t like how your body screams uneasiness.

“Are you by yourself?”

“No?” Now you sound unsure, and even though Wonwoo is also another stranger in the sea of strangers, he thinks he trusts himself better than any other people here to help you if you don’t want to be here. “Well, I was with my friend but she… yeah.”

You’re biting your lip, as if afraid he’d scold you (Why would he? He’s not your boyfriend (Wait. No. Back pedal, back pedal)). Fuck, fuck, fuck. He swallows hard to calm himself down; this is not the time to imagine what it’d be like to be your boyfriend.

“Come on.” He says as calmly as possible, his fingers balled into a fist to stop himself from taking your hand in his. He considers bringing you to his table, but he doesn’t know how he should introduce you to his party so he quickly texts Mingyu he’s going home because something turns up before he leads you out of the club.

It’s silence filling you two despite the somewhat noisy alley you’re walking through, and you don’t know Wonwoo enough to be able to tell if he’s pissed or what; but he does seem tense and you’re the one uncomfortable with the unnerving silence.

“I’m–I’m sorry.” You try to open a conversation. Wonwoo stops in his tracks and turns to you in confusion. “You were probably there to have fun or something… Sorry I made you get me out of there.”

He shakes his head, and your heart relaxes when he smiles a little. “It’s fine. About time I go back anyway. Do you mind if we stop by a convenience store for a bit?”

It’s then that you realize you’ve been blindly following him. You don’t even know the guy. You’ve met him twice before, and your second meeting barely even lasts five minutes, yet you readily follow him because you know you’ll be more comfortable with him than there–more safe, more… secure.

Fuck, you didn’t even ask him where he’s taking you earlier. It was almost automatic the way you followed his steps. You try to convince yourself that it’s his familiarity that makes you feel safe. Because even if you don’t know him that well, his face is still one imprinted in your head so it’s normal that you’d feel safer than you would with any other person in that club.

Plus, you’ve talked to him once before and he at least passed the vibe check, right?

But as you pile these thoughts in your head, trying to justify the uncalled feeling of security this stranger brings you, deep down you know why exactly your anxiety seeps away at the sight of him earlier, why your shoulders drop down in relief, and why your chest is no longer filled with dread. 

“Here, have this.”

That’s why. You think to yourself.

Wonwoo isn’t smiling at you, but there’s a kind of warmth that he radiates as he hands you a drink and ushers you to sit on the table in front of the convenience store. There’s a certain warmth that reaches you as he sits in front of you and places a hot bun on the table, pushes it towards you without saying anything.

You watch him slot his hands into the pocket of his jackets, and you suddenly wonder if he gets cold easily. It’s not that cold outside, though you suppose it is one in the morning and the wind picks up a little at times like this.

“Thanks.” You mumble as you wrap your fingers around the small bottle of warm honey water. You can’t help but smile at the drink of his choice, a little funny how he didn’t get you a hot chocolate or tea; something most people would usually get. “Can I ask why honey?”

He blinks, as if not getting what you’re talking about until you hold up the glass bottle for him to see.

Wonwoo panics a little. He has bought the drink without thinking, a part of his mind that stores the information about you from his dream making him do so. In fact, it was only yesterday that he dreamt of you drinking one.

The dream is still vivid in his mind. He dreamt of you sleeping, and he assumed he was trying to sleep himself when you jolted awake out of nowhere, eyes frantic and hands flailing around looking for him. He saw himself whispering words of comfort to you, and he saw you burying yourself into him like there’s any space between the two of you before he pulled away and said he’d get you some drink from the kitchen.

You had smiled weakly at the sight of your favorite drink, a warm honey water that always comforted you at nights like this.

“Do you not like it? I can get you something else if you want?”

“No, it’s fine.” You smile, something inside you blooming dangerously at his words and what you may or may not be implying with yours. “Just… I usually drink those too. Some of my friends judge me for that.”

He’s more surprised about the fact that you share this with your past self more than anything, but, still, he asks. “Huh? Why?”

“Just because it’s unusual, I suppose.” Shrugging, you proceed to open the lid and take a sip. “Not a lot of people drink this, you know? Or, at least, they drink it cold. I prefer it warm.”

He wonders if you share anything else with your past self. So far, there’s been two: Autumn and this drink. Would you be suspicious if he threw it out there? Would you freak out?

“Someone I know eats watermelon only if it’s frozen; I’m sure it's just a preference on your part.”

You smile shyly as you answer him, an image that’s forever burned into his mind. “I do that also.”

His mind runs a thousand hundred scenarios of what this could mean, wonders if it’s simply a coincidence or if the universe is on to something.

“Aren’t you special,” he smiles tightly, hoping  that you don’t catch upon his awkwardness.

“Thank you for putting it that way.” The sound of your laughter makes him want to be selfish; to drag out conversations and spend as much time as possible with you even though he knows you have a soulmate. Is it considered cheating like this? Is he immoral for wanting this? “My friends also judge me because I don’t like cheese cake, cheese sauce and anything cheese flavored even though I don’t mind an actual cheese.”

“You… don’t like cheese cake?” Wonwoo blinked, unsure if he heard right. He wasn’t a cheese lover or anything, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone who grimaced at the word ‘cheese cake’.

“They’re too… cheesy.”

“Autumn, it’s called cheese cake for a reason.”

“And the texture… yuck.” You grimaced before telling him to stop talking about it before you lose your appetite.

“Are you judging me too?” Your voice snaps him out of his gaze, and he blinks a few times before he shakes his head no. This can’t be good, fuck. It’s been less than 10 minutes since he’s been talking to you, and yet his heartbeat is out of control and the fact that you share a lot of things with the illusion of yourself that he’s developed an attachment for isn’t good at all. 

He tries his best to remind himself that his feeling isn’t real; that perhaps he’s too blinded by something that he’s been holding on to and he doesn’t know what to do now that it’s somewhat changing. That he’s confused and he shouldn’t do anything that would cause him further confusion.

But with you in front of him, as real as you can be, smiling and launching into a bunch of topics that is actually dear to his heart, he can’t help but indulge his feelings and bask in your presence, in your smile and your voice, in the sound of your laughter and the way you lean forward so you can speak to him better, a habit that he notices the you in his dream also had.

So he lets go.

Whatever consequence that awaits him, he’ll face it when it comes. Right now, he just wants to pretend like you don’t have a soulmate who’s probably waiting for you back home–who may be worried sick because you haven’t looked at your phone even once since the moment he sits down in front of you. 

Wonwoo isn’t usually selfish and he hopes that the universe will let him go this one time for wanting to be–for wanting to keep you to himself even for a limited time. Even if you aren’t aware of it.

This chance might not come again, he tells himself. The chance of talking to you under the stars in front of a random convenience store at ungodly hours, like you’re just two people talking to each other–like soulmates isn’t a thing and he’s free to feel whatever it is he’s feeling.

He wants this, he realizes as his eyes flicker down to your lips for a few seconds, subtle enough for you to miss. He wants a real memory of you. Something real that he can keep to his heart, something that isn’t a part of his dream and a fragment of his memories. And even though he’d go home feeling empty and he’d curse himself tomorrow, it doesn’t matter because what matters now is that you’re here with him and he’s going to take as much as you’re willing to give him.

“I’ve finished reading the book, by the way.” You open another topic. A controversial one, if you may say so yourself, and you know deep down what you’re trying to do by saying this even though you’ll deny it if anyone asks.

“Oh yeah? How do you find it?”

“I think I agree with most of what he said.” You bite your lip, your mind wandering to Joshua for the first time since you saw Wonwoo. “I just… I don’t know. I’m not anti soulmate, I just don’t see why you should succumb to your… instincts? Feelings? And simply accept your soulmate without thinking too much about it.”

Wonwoo doesn’t say anything for a moment and you wonder if he disagrees with you or if he’s simply gathering his thoughts. He seems thoughtful, perhaps trying to find words that won’t offend you before he offers you his opinion.

“Can I ask why you started thinking that way?” he asks instead, and it’s your turn to be silent and arrange your words.

Because you don’t know. 

You can’t tell since when do you feel this strongly about the soulmate situation. You used to be quite indifferent about it, not having any opinion whatsoever though you sure weren’t as excited as the other kids your age when it came to romanticizing anything about soulmates.

Your friends would talk about their dream scenarios of the first meeting with their soulmates, or they would go on and on about looking forward to meeting them.

But you were never that excited.

It was just another thing in your life: like eating ice cream or trying out a new cafe. There’s nothing so special about it.

“I think…” You contemplate, wondering if you want to be that honest with this beautiful, familiar stranger in front of you. “It was when I met my soulmate?”

Wonwoo seems surprised, probably not sure how to interpret your words and you don’t blame him at all.

“Sorry?”

“You know how people say that there are… fireworks? And butterflies? Just those big, grandiose feelings blooming inside your chest at once when you meet your soulmate?” He nods, trying to see where you’re going with this. “Well, I… didn’t feel those when I met mine. Sure, it all made sense and it just kinda… clicked in my head. Like a moment of eureka, if you will. But I wasn’t… excited or anything of the sort. If anything, my heartbeat picked up because I was anxious, already worried about what he might expect of me and all that.”

You refuse to look at Wonwoo. You’re not sure what kind of answer that you expect from him, but he doesn’t seem like he’d judge and, between the ungodly hour and the little alcohol that’s left in your system, it feels relieving to finally be able to say this out loud. 

You’ve never been able to. Not only because people would call you crazy, but because you know no one wouldn’t not judge you for it.

But here in front of Wonwoo… Jeon Wonwoo who you’ve only met for the third time in your life, you feel safe for reasons that you can’t comprehend. 

So you continue. You’ll blame it on the alcohol tomorrow morning, even though you know you’re not intoxicated enough for it to be the case. You’ll justify yourself by saying Wonwoo isn’t a friend and he knows no one in your life–that if this goes south, you technically wouldn’t lose anything.

Yeah.

That’s how you’ll go down this road.

“I mean… I love him, you know?” You would’ve seen Wonwoo’s face drop had you not been busy staring at your nails, still too afraid to look at him despite the resolve you’ve made. “But not… that way.”

“Like… platonic?” Wonwoo offers, careful.

“Yeah…” You bite your lip, trying to stop the tears that suddenly blur your eyes. “Like platonic.”

You hate yourself for the way your heart lightens at your own words. Because even though it’s something that you’ve thought of once before, you bury it so deep somewhere you can’t reach. You never say it out loud to anyone; never admit it to yourself even though you know it’s true.

And to say it like this to another person–out in the open… You hate yourself so fucking much because it’s true and you’re somehow going to hurt Joshua even if you don’t mean to.

Wonwoo panics at the sight of your tears, at the way your lips tremble and the way he’s sure your nails are digging into your palms. He doesn’t know what to do, unsure about what he can do because you’re…, he winces as he thinks to himself, not even a friend.

What is the appropriate distance he needs to keep? Is he even allowed to comfort you? He can’t even be relieved at your revelation because you’re obviously not fine and there’s something churning at the pit of his guts the longer he sees you try to stop yourself from crying. 

It’s when a sob eventually escapes your lips that he stops thinking. Because how can he stand still when you’re there crying like you’re admitting a crime worthy of a death sentence? When you can’t even lift your head because you’re trying so damn hard to hide your face and your tears?

He hears you gasp when he wraps his arms around you, something that he wishes you’re okay with, and if there’s anything Wonwoo would describe as magical, it’s the way you perfectly fit against him as you press yourself closer for comfort, your forehead on his neck and your tears warm against his skin. He’s sure he’s just making things up, but it feels like there’s a soft wind going through his whole body, leaving trails of goosebumps on his arms.

It’s probably not the most appropriate moment for him to be feeling that way, but he doesn’t have time to be guilty because it seems like you somewhat share the sentiment–pulling away like you’re electrocuted before you look at him wide-eyed and gaping.

“Won–”

“I’m an outlier.” He cuts you off, riding the rush he’s feeling across his body and letting his honest words get out before he can think too much. He doesn’t know why but he feels like he should tell you and he should do it right now. “I don’t have a soulmate and–”

“Kiss me?” There’s urgency and a slight tremble in your voice as you ask this, fingers grasping the material of his shirt tightly like it’s your lifeline. 

“But your soul–”

“Wonwoo, please?”

It’s hard to tell who moves first, or perhaps you two move at the same time, but the moment his lips meet yours, Wonwoo would like to retract his statement earlier about your embrace being magical because it’s nothing compared to this.

It’s absolutely nothing compared to the thousand fireworks exploding in his chest at different intervals–never stopping and electrifying in the most pleasant way possible. He doesn’t know it’s possible for humans to feel this way. Is this what people with a soulmate feels like when they meet their soulmate? Isn’t this what you said earlier: fireworks and butterflies?

It’s not even butterflies in his stomach. He’s pretty sure there’s an earthquake down there. But, the most important of them all, it feels right and it makes sense even though it shouldn’t be. 

The longer his lips move against yours, your fingers grasping the front of his shirt to pull him closer while his fingers thread through your hair to pull you closer, the more it feels like… fuck, he hates to say it but, it feels like it’s meant to be.

It’s only because you both need to take a breath that you pull away, and Wonwoo doesn’t think it’s possible for his heart to run even faster than it already is, but it is because, Christ, the way you look like you’re in a trance and your slightly swollen lips are doing things to his heart that he has never experienced before.

It’s a mystery how long you spend looking at each other like that in silence, wrapped against each other without saying anything. He wants so badly to just kiss you senseless once again, but the gears in his head are starting to turn and he knows the right thing to do is to talk.

You have a soulmate. But you asked him to kiss you and he did. And it was magical and all the good things he’s heard before, but it’s not supposed to be… right?

“What was that?” You whisper, more to yourself than to him. “I… I don’t understand?”

He whispers your name softly, trying to pull away only for you to pull him closer again, your eyes full of distress and your body tense, a complete 180 from how you were just seconds ago.

“W—why?” You look at him like he has an answer. But he doesn’t, because he’s not even sure what you’re asking about and he’s still trying to find words to say. “This… this is what they say about–about fireworks and… and butterflies but… you’re not my soulmate? What does this mean?”

Wonwoo tries once again, this time reaching out to caress your hair to calm you down. It helps, because your shoulders visibly relax and he reminds you to breathe. You refuse to let go of him though, and his heart squeezes painfully at how shaken up you seem to be.

“Hey, I’m–I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He tells you softly, trying to appear calm even despite what he’s feeling inside. But he can’t show it. Not when you look so lost and your feelings are presumably all over the place. “I’ll just… get some stuff inside. I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.”

True to his words, Wonwoo comes back not even a minute late with a pack of tissues and two water bottles. He opts to sit right beside you as he hands you the tissue and opens the water for you.

“Here, drink this.”

“Thanks.” You murmur quietly, embarrassed now that you’ve (somewhat) come to your senses. There’s a thousand questions running through your head, some of them hateful, loathing yourself for asking another guy to kiss you when you have a soulmate who’s probably worried sick at home because you haven’t texted him at all since you left the club.

But you have more pressing matters at hand–like why did Wonwoo actually kiss you, and why did it feel like how people around you have been describing what it feels like to be with your soulmate? And… Did he say he’s an outlier?

“Feeling better?” His voice is meek, like he’s not sure if it’s okay to talk to you. But you’re too all over the place to think about politeness and whatnot. It’s a trainwreck inside your head. Your head isn’t dizzy because you’re overthinking; it’s dizzy because you’re thinking of too many things at once–it’s thought after thought after thought after thought. They’re colliding and everything’s a mess.

“You felt that too right?” is the first thing that you manage to say and it’s only after you say it that you realize how horrifying it would be if Wonwoo says no.

He nods, albeit hesitantly, but you don’t really mind because you’ll take anything right now. “It’s… what was that? Why… Why do I feel it with you but not Joshua?”

Joshua is your soulmate, Wonwoo registers in his mind, and he looks at you helplessly, his heart dropping a little at the mention of his name. Should he tell you? About the dreams and the memories? He thinks the dreams and the memories are simply, well, dreams and memories after he met you and Joshua all those nights ago.

Perhaps he really is just an outlier, a special one at that, but that’s about it. He has trampled any hope of making something out of his dreams when it’s clear that you belong to someone else in this lifetime. The universe that gifts him the memory of his past life with you, one that arranges another meeting in this lifetime with you, is the same fucking universe that decides you have a soulmate and it’s not him.

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

But with how he–and you, apparently–feel earlier, he doesn’t think it’s a meaningless coincidence.

He might’ve considered it as one if it was only him feeling it. That he might’ve been desperate and any contact that he was to have with you would simply be magical because it’s nothing but an illusion on his part.

But you?

You’ve just said you feel it too, whatever it might be. And he feels a glimpse of hope even though the whole situation is completely fucked up and there’s no way to get around it without hurting anyone.

How would you feel if you knew?

Would you freak out?

Would you hate him for hiding it?

Would you think he was planning something against you?

Would you laugh at his face and call him crazy?

“You know something.” Your voice brings him back to reality, your eyes searching his face. You don’t sound accusing, you sound downright confused and, dare he says, a tad bit hopeful. “There’s something you’re not telling me… right?”

Wonwoo takes a deep breath and braces himself for whatever he might need to face afterwards. He owes you that much, he thinks to himself. To a certain extent, his memory is your memory, and if you’re as distraught as you seem to be, he hopes this would help you somehow.

“I remember my past life.” He says as calmly as he can, carefully hiding his fear somewhere behind. “They come to my dreams. I thought it was just dreams at first, but they’re… memories and they’ve been getting longer since I met you. Clearer, too.”

It’s hard to say why you’re not freaked out, why you simply believe him like it’s not the craziest thing you’ve heard in your life. But if the universe can decide two people are destined for each other and grant marks to people to seek their other half, why should this be regarded as impossible?

“Did you… know me in your past life?”

Wonwoo smiles bitterly, and it takes everything in you not to reach out to cup his cheek–tell him that he can be honest and you’re going to listen to him no matter what.

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“As honest as you can be.”

“I might sound crazy.” He whispers, basking in your touch. “This… might affect you in a bad way.”

“Crazier than you remembering your past life?” You smile a little as you say this, which he returns. He appreciates your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere, and he reaches up to take the hand that was cupping his cheek, his fingers tighten around yours before he braces himself once again.

“You were my soulmate.” He rips the bandaid in one go, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to say it otherwise.

It’s hard to describe what you’re feeling: your breath is caught in your throat, the revelation means more than you thought it would. But it’s not shock that’s filling you up. No. It’s recognition, acceptance, and tears because things finally make sense.

“I promised you that I’d find you again in our next life and–”

It finally fucking makes sense why you always feel like there’s something missing in your life, why Joshua’s arrival doesn’t fill it up even though you secretly thought it would; why you feel that pull with Wonwoo since that first time you met him.

You remember that day still. You were just taking a walk, there was no plan whatsoever to sit around and spend time out in the open when it’s so hot outside. But you had seen him by himself, and it felt like time stopped for a few moments and you were enchanted. You felt compelled to look at him–to approach him and ask if it’s okay to take the empty seat on his table.

It wasn’t magical, your first meeting, but something about Wonwoo had pulled you in and you didn’t even try to question it. 

The shock you felt when he called you ‘Autumn’ never really died down. And while you tried to convince yourself that it’s simply because it had been a long time since someone referred to you with that name and it was a nickname that is so dear to you, you could feel deep down that there was something else.

And then there was that dream.

Wait.

Right, that dream. 

Is that dream…?

“Ginkgo leaf?” You whisper out of nowhere, trying to recall what you saw all those nights ago. “Was that your mark? In your previous life… was that your mark?”

It’s his turn to look at you in shock, the way he’s gaping at you wide-eyed giving you the answer you were looking for.

“H–how?”

“I had a dream, once.” You’ve never felt this vulnerable in your life, but how can you not be when it feels like you’ve just found the reason you’ve been seeking for your whole life? “It was… that night we met… at Namsan. It was your birthday and we were celebrating with a cake and–”

“Hey, breathe?” Wonwoo cuts you off, and you squeeze his fingers in return, only then realizing that you’ve been holding hands the whole time. “Take your time, okay?”

“And I saw the ginkgo leaf on your wrist…” You finish, trying your best not to glance at his wrist even though you know it’s not there. “I didn’t get to see mine though, and that’s why I didn’t assume you were my soulmate.”

“I see…”

You hate how defeated he sounds. And for all the time you’ve been doubting the universe, questioning its means and cursing its ways, you don’t know what to do right now.

Should you be cursing it some more for putting Wonwoo in that position? For making you feel the way you feel only to find out the reason why is because your heart is apparently caught in the past? What does this make Joshua? What does this make your entire relationship with him?

You ask about his dreams, and even though Wonwoo is hesitant at first, he gets more comfortable the more he relays them. And you feel like crying because, apparently, all of them are about you. There’s not one single dream that doesn’t have you in it, and it feels like a punch to your guts to know that he has to live his life with this replaying in his mind, that he can’t even talk about it to anyone because he doesn’t want to risk it, that he’s been keeping something this big for his whole life because he doesn’t really have any other choice.

You grief about the memories you don’t have. About what could’ve been and about the pain Wonwoo has to go through by himself because the universe has arranged you to be with someone else when he’s been seeing pictures of you with him in his dreams.

“What… what do you think we should do?” You throw the question out there, hope that someone has the answer. But Wonwoo stays silent, and he looks at you with eyes full of yearning that wrenches your soul. You know what he’s trying to say. You’re the one who has a soulmate. Whatever that he might want with you, what he might’ve imagined throughout the entire time he has those memories, they all don’t mean anything because you’re off limits.

“I don’t… think there’s anything that we can do.”

“But–”

“It’s okay.” He shakes his head with a sad smile. “I didn’t… I wasn’t expecting anything. I didn’t even think I’d be talking about this with you.”

“But, still!” You’re grasping his hand tightly–as if he’ll be gone if you let go even slightly. “This… this has got to mean something!”

“You have a soulmate.” He reminds you, his voice shaking. And tears blur your eyes once again at how resigned he sounds, but can you blame him? The universe has fucked him up in more ways than one, you would’ve lost it a long time ago if you were him, but here he is, taking care of you still even though it might make things worse for him.

“Do you love me?”

Wonwoo exhales deeply, pressing his lips together to hide the fact that they’re trembling because he’s so close to tears.

“I know my past self loved you more than life itself.”

“Do you love me?”

“Look–I…”

“Because there’s—there’s clearly something because my heart feels like it’s about to burst and I already want to be with you all the time.” You cry as you honestly bare yourself in front of him, as you tell him all the emotions that have been going through you since the kiss you share with each other minutes ago. “I don’t… I’ve never felt like this before and I’ve always questioned why–wonder what went wrong and if there’s some kind of mistake. But I couldn’t do anything because supposedly he’s my soulmate and I’m supposed to accept that. Because it’s a given and it’s obvious and there’s just no fucking reason for me to question it.”

Wonwoo lets his tears fall as you say all this, his hands warm against yours and he relishes at the way you’re holding on to them tightly, like you want to convince him that there’s something–some way to go around this.

“But you just gave me a reason to question it now.” You sob, reminding him about the talk you had the first time you met each other. 

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path?

You must look absolutely hideous right now, with tears all over your face that won’t stop no matter how many times you wipe them. But you don’t care, because you finally feel content with him beside you. Because even though it’s selfish and you would need to figure out the whole Joshua situation, you’re not going to let go of the person who finally makes you feel complete, who makes you realize the things your friends have been saying are all true: that it just makes sense, that it’s practically binding to the point where you even hate to think about having to separate with him after this night ends.

“You told me I could always go against my destiny if that’s what I choose to do. Why are you not letting me? Do you not feel it?”

“I do. I swear, I feel it too.” He wipes the last of his tears and calms himself down, makes you panic when he tries to let go of your hands only for his palm to rest warmly against the side of your face. “But you have a soulmate and it’s not something that you can decide by yourself. It wouldn’t be fair to him, don’t you think?”

“Has the universe ever been fair to you?” You ask him, wondering how he can still have this much consideration for someone who he should’ve harbored ill feelings for.

“It leads me to you, doesn’t it? In two different lifetimes too.” He smiles and caresses your cheek, wiping your tears also. 

“Please stop making me cry.” You whisper weakly, certain that your eyes will be red and puffy once you’ve stopped crying.

Wonwoo chuckles at this, and the sound of his small laughter brings a smile out of you despite the tears.

“I’m not saying you’re not in your right mind. But perhaps… we’re too high on our emotions right now, don’t you agree?”

You don’t. You really don’t. But you get what he’s saying so you nod and instead bask in the way his thumb is caressing the apple of your cheek.

“So what do you suppose we should do?

“You… might want to think this through and have a talk with… Joshua.” It’s bizarre to hear Joshua’s name from Wonwoo, but you know he’s right and if… if you want to try whatever it is you’re going to try with Wonwoo, you don’t want to do it in hiding and you don’t want to betray Joshua’s trust and respect more than you probably already have at this point. He might hate you, he might not accept it, but you have to at least try and a part of you believes Joshua would understand somehow. “And then we can decide from then?”

“Okay…” You close your eyes and lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, feeling his arm pulling you closer and trying to memorize his scent and his warmth to calm the erratic beat of your heart. “Okay.”

Wonwoo takes you home, sitting a good distance from you in the taxi like you both weren’t pressed against each other just minutes prior. But you know why he’s doing it, and you still appreciate him for going with you just to make sure you’ll go back safely even if he doesn’t have to.

For the first time that night, your mind wanders to Joshua. About how you should approach the subject with him and all the consequences you might need to face afterwards. It’s not going to be pretty even if Joshua somehow understands: what would you say to your family? To his family?

But you can’t let go of Wonwoo. Not now that you’ve met him, that you’ve found out what his existence means to you and you’ve felt all the magic you’ve been hearing from other people.

You wonder now if the reason why you’ve questioned the whole soulmate system is because it doesn’t apply to you personally. Because you didn’t feel the pull and all that should’ve come along with the first meeting.

Now that you’ve felt it with Wonwoo… You glance at him, which Wonwoo catches almost right away. He smiles at you, though you can tell his eyes are full of worries, his mind probably elsewhere. You don’t blame him though, what has transpired tonight is beyond the two of you; it’s only right for him to be out of it.

You suddenly feel like one of those stupid main characters in a romance movie, one who would throw everything away for a man they barely know. But your heart knows Wonwoo, yearns for him before you even know it. In a world where two people are destined to be together… you don’t think it’s stupid of you to want to do this.

When the driver tells you that you’ve arrived you hesitate before you get off, not wanting to leave Wonwoo. But he smiles in encouragement, tells you that you have his number and you’re free to text him after you’ve figured things out.

He omits Joshua from his sentence, but you know that’s what he means.

“Hey.” He calls for you right when you’re about to close the door and reaches out to squeeze your hand once, letting go before you can return the gesture. “Don’t rush it, okay? Take your time. I’ll be waiting. You know I’m good at that.”

Wonwoo waits.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months.

There’s a reason why he gave you his number instead of asking for yours.

He wants you to be ready before deciding anything, wants you to make the decision that you think is best for you.

He knows he’d call you right away if he has your number, to make sure you’re okay and to see how you’re doing.

But that’d be even more painful, he feels like. More painful than a thousand scenarios going through his mind because he’s by himself. At least like this, he knows it’s nothing but scenarios that he comes up with; nothing is real and it’s all in his head.

Like his dreams.

Like his memories.

He exhales as he looks at his phone once again, waiting for your message that isn’t coming.

The third time Wonwoo meets you might be the last time he sees you, after all.

Three months later, October comes around, yellow leaves telling him that autumn has arrived. Not his Autumn, obviously, and he glares at the ginkgo tree he passes by that is still annoyingly green even though everything else has started to turn yellow.

The third week of October, you finally text Wonwoo, apologizing for the time you took and asking if it’s still okay to see each other even though it’s been months since then. He says yes, of course, and you’re currently sitting anxiously in the taxi on your way to his place.

You don’t know how Wonwoo is going to take what you’re about to tell him and you don’t think it’s wise to be having this conversation out in the open; hence why you’re thankful that he agrees when you ask if it’s okay to talk in the privacy of his walls.

“Hi.” He opens the door, offering you a small smile that you return tightly. It’s weird that you immediately feel at peace in his presence despite the anxiety that has been building up in your chest. 

“Hi.” You press your lips together, exhaling a deep breath before you apologize to him once again. “Sorry it took me quite some time to text you. I didn’t want to… rush, like you said.”

“It’s okay.” You know it’s not, you can tell by how tense it is and how forced his smile seems to be. Plus, it doesn’t take a genius to know why he looks like he hasn’t been getting decent sleep because you know you probably would’ve looked the same if not for your makeup.

He ushers you to come in, tells you to sit down on the sofa and offers you a drink, in which you say you’re fine with just water.

Wonwoo returns with a cup of warm tea though, and he says that he’s put some honey in it, that you look tense and hopefully the drink helps.

“I figure you’ve made up your mind?”

Truth be told, you can’t even begin to imagine what’s been going on inside Wonwoo’s head. You offered yourself to him only to go missing for three months straight, not even a text that tells him that you’re okay and you’re not forgetting him. 

But you didn’t want to text him when things were uncertain, not with what happened right after you got home–with what went down between you and Joshua.

You couldn’t.

That’s why you’ve only finally managed to text him a few days ago. With things being in the clear, you can finally talk to him and decide what’s going to happen moving forward.

“Give me a chance to explain?” You look at him hopefully.

“I wouldn’t tell you to come if I wasn’t going to listen to you.” His smile lifts parts of your tension, and you take a deep breath before you begin, already having imagined this conversation a hundred times in your head. 

“Joshua was there when I came home that night.” You bite your lip, already feeling like crying as you recall that scene in your head. “He was on the floor, passed out. He wouldn’t wake up no matter how much I shook him, and I realized he was clutching his neck–right where our soulmate marks are. It was hot, like it was burning before, and I called the hospital right away and–”

“Wait–burning?” 

“Yes and… and the mark was fading and it was only hours later that I realized mine was fading also.” You swallow hard at this, a painful wave crashes against your heart as you recall his face when he came to, when he told them what happened and when they told him what actually happened.

“It just… started burning out of nowhere.”

The doctor glanced at you, your eyes were puffy from crying even more than you already did before that, your fingers tight against Joshua’s because you thought you’d lost him.

“Did you feel the burn also?” The doctor pulled you out after Joshua fell back asleep, a conclusion already knitting itself together in her mind. There’s no way you’d be fine enough to stand on your own feet if you had felt the burn, but still, she had to make sure before jumping into conclusions.

“No…” You sniffled. “I… was out with… a friend and he already passed out when I came back home.”

“No pain, at all?”

You shook your head, mentally and physically exhausted after everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours.

“No. I–He’d be fine, right?” You asked in desperation. “What… what happened, exactly?”

“We need to run some more tests. But… you’re sure you didn’t feel anything at all?”

“No, I didn’t. I really didn’t. Does that mean anything?”

“They… they said it’s the universe… taking our marks from us.” You force a smile just right after the first tear falls, your feelings still all over the place even though almost three months have passed since then. “Apparently, it had happened before. Though it’s been fifty years or so since they last heard of a case. They couldn’t really tell why it happened because there weren’t many cases to study and compare, but I felt like… I might have an idea why it happened so I met the doctor privately and told her about you.”

Wonwoo holds back the urge to reach for your hands that are balled into fists, to free your lower lip from your teeth because he’s sure you’d bleed if you bite down just a tad bit harder. 

“She said that there’s a possibility that I was right. That… the universe is rearranging my soulmate because I met you. It’s not unheard of, but it’s not something that you’d even find in books because it’s some sort of myth at this point.”

You look up to meet his eyes. His heart breaks at how sad you look, and the protective feeling from three months ago when he saw you crying at one in the morning returns at once. He’s not sure if it’s okay to comfort you this time around though, because by the way you’re relaying the story, he can’t tell at all where you stand exactly.

“I was debating with myself whether it would be better to tell him right away or wait until he got better. But Joshua… caught on easily that something bothered me and it just… came out. I didn’t say your name, and I only told him what he might need to know: that I met someone and it just… made sense.

It wasn’t easy. He was the one laying on the hospital bed but he was also the one comforting me. And I felt so bad and I kept on apologizing to him but he said it’s okay and he understood. That it’s not my fault because he knew I didn’t have a say in how I felt.”

From the thousand scenarios Wonwoo has imagined in the three months you left him in silence, this is not one of them. He can’t even begin to imagine how painful it must’ve been for Joshua, both physically and mentally. His mind takes him back to Jisoo, about what she said about the burn she felt and how it affected her after.

How could Joshua say that in his position?

For what it’s worth, Wonwoo is glad to know that you were meant to be with someone as caring as Joshua is–who is so understanding that he would withstand that kind of pain and said it was fine. That he doesn’t blame you for it.

But where does this leave the two of you now?

“He asked me what I wanted to do now that we’re… no longer bonded by the marks. And I told him honestly that I don’t want to lose him; that I still… love him even though it’s not how he expected me to. That I understand if he doesn’t want me around because it can’t be easy to look at someone who used to be your soulmate.”

You’re sobbing at this point, and he hands you some tissues to wipe your tears, reminds you to breathe before you continue.

“Can you… can you hold me, please?” Your voice is small as you say this, as if you’re uncertain whether you’re allowed to ask that. Wonwoo is glad you did though, because he immediately comes closer and pulls you into his chest, offering you whatever comfort he might be able to give that way. “Sorry, I just–”

“Shh. It’s fine.” Whatever the outcome of this conversation may be, this is the least he can do for you. And perhaps a little for himself also, because it’s painful to see you cry and not able to do anything at all. Because he’s been dreaming of hugging you–the you in this lifetime, not the past one–and he’s not going to pass any chance that’s presented in front of him even if it might be wrong. He still doesn’t know how your talk ended with Joshua, but if you asked him to hold you… that should mean something, right? “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” You sniffle, pulling away to look at him.

“It is my place, so.” He tries to joke to help you relax, and it works because you weakly hit his chest before you exhale another deep breath and continue after Wonwoo makes you take a sip of your tea.

“He… He’d like to keep me around too.” You say quietly, your tears now replaced with hiccups. “But not now. Because it still hurts and… and he says he’d contact me once he’s ready.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

You shrug, burying yourself further into his neck. Is it bad that it feels so right to do this already? Is it bad that you’re doing this when you’re still trying to move on from your guilt?

“I honestly have no idea… But… Well, he says he wants me to be happy with you and that he doesn’t want me to not give you–us–a chance because I feel guilty towards him. That… what’s done is done and he’ll eventually be okay.”

“He’s very kind, isn’t he?” He comments instead, unsure how to feel after everything you’ve said. A big part of him is relieved, but it’s still hard to be completely happy when he knew it cost someone the kind of pain that would last a lifetime. 

“The kindest.” You smile for the first time, agreeing with him. “I think that’s also why I’ve always had this guilt within me, you know? Even before I met you. Because I just know I can’t return his feelings but he was supposed to be my soulmate.”

“I understand.” He whispers against your head, leaning his cheek there. “Is that also why it took you three months to text me?”

“Partly… yeah. I ended up taking care of him until he got discharged, and we decided to just… talk to our parents separately about what happened and what… might happen moving forward. And then I spent some time arranging my thoughts and cleaning up his stuff from my apartment. I haven’t given them back to him, but they’re all in a box in my place. So… yeah. Sorry for not texting you at all.”

He hums and holds you tighter, feels the way your arms are also hugging him in apology. He doesn’t press about your parents, he supposes you would’ve talked about it if you want to. But you’ve just relayed a very emotionally loaded story which must be very exhausting in itself.

“I did tell you to take your time.” He says, a smile blooming into his face at what he says next. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

“Thank you for letting me come back to you.” You say instead, pulling away from him to meet his eyes. Your eyes must be puffy from all the crying, gosh, you seem to be crying all the time when you’ve only seen this guy four times in total. You wonder if you were this much of an emotional wreck too in your past life, but you decide against asking about it because it does not matter now.

Your past lives might be the one that eventually leads you to each other; but Wonwoo has probably had enough stories regarding the past life and you don’t see why you should talk about it when you have the future in front of you.

“They’ve stopped, you know?” Wonwoo suddenly says.

“What have?”

“The dreams.” He presses his lips together and looks at you for comfort, which you readily give as you squeeze his shoulder. “They don’t appear anymore. Like, completely stopped. I do dream of you, but not… you from the past life. Just you.”

“How do you know it’s not me from the past?”

He takes your hand before he answers, gently lifts it up to point at your empty wrist and smiles.

“Because there’s no mark on your wrist.”

“Ah… right.” You lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, and you spend a moment like that: your body pressed against each other and the ghost of his lips on top of your head.

It’s then that you whisper, a little afraid but also hopeful–perhaps even excited at what the future might have in store for you two.

“Are we really doing this?”

“A little too late to not do this, I think.” He jokes, which earns him another hit on the chest and a glare that doesn’t affect him at all. He cups your cheek and looks into your eyes, making you shy from the sudden attention. “If you want it then I want it. Easy as that.”

You press your lips together and bask in his stare, get lost in his eyes as you finally try to let go of the guilt holding you down and focus more on the certainty that you felt that night you tried to convince Wonwoo to do something about your situation.

“I’ll be okay.” Joshua reassured you for the nth time as you dropped him off his place, your second home that you probably wouldn’t be able to visit until an indefinite time. “Don’t worry too much about me, okay? You know how I am.”

“I’m really–”

“I don’t want you to apologize again.” He cuts you off, his voice stern. “I don’t blame you, I really don’t. I’m happy to know you’ve met someone that has made you complete. I’m sorry for not being able to do that to you. It must’ve been hard for you all those time, hm? So try to be happy now. Don’t think too much about me. I will be okay, trust me on that. I’ve never gone back on my words, have I? I don’t regret the time I had with you and I don’t want you to feel guilty for not feeling a certain way.”

“Let’s do it, then?” You say, wanting to make sure like there’s any way Wonwoo would say no. “Fuck the universe, right?”

Wonwoo laughs and gently squishes your cheeks before he nods, his forehead leaning to rest against yours, his breath warm against your face even though his lips aren't touching yours just yet.

“Fuck the universe, indeed.”

It's later that night that you point at the inside of his wrist and gasp when you check yours: identical marks of a twin gingko leaves intertwined with each other adorning your wrist and his.

Wonwoo grins.

His Autumn is finally here.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.

permanent taglist: @kyeomjjigae @stantrash171819 @sebongmochi @luveveryonewoo @thinkinboutwonu @kpopjackie @ursweetener @lavenderautumnx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups @sunshinein17 @leechanniee @twogyuu @hoe4wonwoo @h3h3tm0n @noraehey @seokshook @rubyhoons @02psh @just-here-to-read-01 @listxn @janandbeyond @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly @svtreverie @coveyland @reallydgafaboutmyusername @sysymei @ovai @aikisbbq @fr0g-filez @nvmbheart

pls tell me if you wanna be removed btw it's totally ok, no hard feelings!!

A/N 2: well, if you're reading this, thank you once again!! i have never written this trope before and i honestly can't tell at all if you'll like it or not. but i wrote this for wonwoo's birthday, so hopefully i'll have it in me to accept it if it's not your cup of tea. but anyway, it's been some time since i write anything this long also--didn't even know i had it in me to still write anything this long, and it kinda made me realize that... this might be my last long piece for a quite some time. it's not easy to write this, to see my notifications everyday and see less and less feedbacks while the likes take up 95% of them. i've said it before, but it gets discouraging the more it goes. i'm not announcing hiatus or anything, but i hope you know where my blog stands at this point. happy birthday once again wonwoo, my muse, the loml 🥰💕

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Jeon Wonwoo, you might be the death of me. It's between you and Hwang Hyunjin right now. Both of my biases killing it in red outfits lately. My poor heart ❤️

230722 follow to seoul d-2. someone 🐱 do not edit/crop logo. (1,2,3,4)

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Maddie!?!? I should be cleaning, but I had to stop and read this new update!!!!

What a rollercoaster!! From the chaos flashback where we learned what happened between Seventeen and Monsta X to the current time period - wow!! I can't believe Wonwoo let Shownu touch his girl! I know it had to be hard for him, but they had to get the footage from Shownu. Also, I love the concern he showed for his members in the flashback - he really is a softy at heart.

I don't blame her for being curious about Wonwoo's past and understand her not wanting to know everything; it's a lot to take in at one time.

And dare I not mention that smut at the end!! Holy cow, it was hot, and it's about time!!! I hope this means they will be together as a couple and not be afraid to love each other.

Thank you for updating this!! It truly is one of my favorite fics!! ❤️

Amour-Haine & Co. | Chapter 17 |

series masterlist

kpop masterlist

warnings – SMUT hehe, cursing, explicit fight scene at the beginning, mentions of blood and death

word count – 13k

A/N: for making you guys wait for way too long, I wanted to give you some more smut FINALLY🫶🏼 a side remark: everything that happened right after the end and the follow ups of the event have already been written and will be posted at some time next week ˙ᵕ˙ of course, thank you for the continuous patience while I make my way through uni and tumblr and I hope you enjoy this series as we take it further and further <3

"We've been here once before, right?"

With one last huff, Shownu dropped the limp body of the man he had been punching only seconds ago. The white dress shirt now covered in blood, stuck to his body as he adjusted the sleeves. With the hand he had used to cause the damage surrounding him, he wiped his mouth and spat on the floor.

Bodies were scattered all over the club floor, which was usually filled with dancing feet and people drinking and celebrating. Only a few moments ago, music was playing, drinks were being shared, couples were making out, and just within a split second, everything stopped. And it all started with a woman and two men, that suddenly turned into an entire troupe with no trace of her.

The men of Monsta X stood at different points within the room, now looking at the mess they created. Heavy breathing filled the space, coughing coming from each corner. The lights were still dimmed, just like they would be on any other day, the soft red beams striking the walls.

"What the fuck just happened?!" The panicked voice of Changkyun, the newest and youngest member of Seoul's most notorious gang, echoed through the club.

With a low chuckle, the leader lifted his head, his eyes immediately scanning the men in front of him - the other group they had decided to trust merely a few weeks ago. All were breathing harshly, gazing at the ground in almost horror. Shownu's glare fixated on one person in particular.

"Yeah, Jeon." Wonwoo looked up, the cold look meeting his. "What the fuck just happened."

The SVT men's heads shot to the guy they considered their leader. The man that had brought them to where they were then and now. But he just gently shook his head, his palms open as he pointed with them to his surrounding.

"These are your enemies Son, not mine."

Shownu took one step closer, his leg lifting to cross the body ahead of him. "Then explain to me how they got in here. You really think I'd leave my doors open for my own enemies."

Everyone knew what he was indicating. They all knew it from the beginning. 

The whole vision of Monsta X and SVT working together came out of thin air almost. It was Wonwoo's idea. Of course, it was. He wanted to do right what his father did wrong. And number one on the list longer than his lifeline was to fix the relationship between the long-lasting rivalry between the Sons and the Jeons. What started off with a purely business idea had turned into gang work decades ago. Each leader brought their family into it, and if you were the son of said man, you would be the next in line to lead a future team. No questions. 

It had been Wonwoo's biggest nightmare. It had haunted him all throughout his childhood, up until the day he was officially assigned to the position he had been trying to avoid his entire life. But with a new generation came new connections and new leaders in line. Wonwoo had hoped Shownu would accept his offer and attempt to fix their families' rivalry instead of trying to bury each other six feet under.

It all had been going well up until that night because what goes around, comes around and Wonwoo had learned that the hard way.

"Look," he spoke up. "I don't know what you think of me, and I honestly don't care. But I couldn't give less of an interest in these guys when I was just trying to work with you, alright?" He tilted his head in a slightly demeaning way. "So maybe you should start looking for a wolf in sheep's clothing."

If the breathing of each man in the room hadn't been so unbearably loud, you would've felt the immediate change of atmosphere in the shared space. Wonwoo should've regretted the words he had just let fall from his lips, but he didn't. He couldn't. Mingyu dreaded getting closer to his leader, his best friend but knew better and stayed in the back, covering the other members he considered family.

Shownu's hands found their way into his pockets as he casually took a few more forward, his broad shoulders chilling along with with his body. His tongue glided over his teeth. "Are you trying to set me up against my own men?"

"I'm not trying to set you up against anyone. I'm only giving you possibilities." Wonwoo shrugged. He didn't budge. Not with each step the other leader got closer to him. Not even a little bit.

Shownu continued until the two men were nose to nose in front of each other, glaring into their souls. He gave the other man a quick up-and-down look before opening his mouth.

"Vernon." He got the attention of the, back then, youngest that had stayed back in a different room, only joining the other men once he heard the dead silence. "Start cleaning up the mess." Meaning the corpses on the floor. The blood splashes on the tiles would come later.

The youngster gulped, looking around the room, trying to lock eyes with one of his friends, begging for help, but all they did was copy his facial expression. Wonwoo's scoff reached their ear.

"Ehm," Vernon cleared his throat. He started nodding hesitantly, glancing at each body. "Yeah, yeah... I'll... do that." Just as he was about to bend down, his leader's deep voice bounced off the walls.

"Vernon," still staring at Shownu, no blink shared between them. "Don't you dare even lift a finger."

The older guy raised his left eyebrow. "Now, suddenly you're the one giving orders?"

"They listen to me. They're not one of your maids." Wonwoo spat back.

Shownu chuckled, looking around the room, almost finding humour in the situation. "And here I thought we would finally become one, but no, the Jeon ego just always gets in the way." Looking down at the floor, he kicked one of the bodies to give him more space. His arms were crossed in front of his chest. His glare fell back on Wonwoo. "You know, I had my doubts, Jeon. I really did. But here you waltzed in with your cute little entourage of businessmen wannabe gangsters, begging for forgiveness for all the shit your ancestors did, and I almost wanted to believe you. Almost. And then pull this shit here." He opened his arms widely, welcoming the mess around him.

"I said it before, I'll say it again. I have nothing to do with what happened here." SVT's leader pulled his sleeves up higher from where they fell down during his fight with one of the guys that attacked him in the scene that happened only a few minutes ago. "But you know," he took a deep breath, "It's always difficult trusting new people." His eyes fell on the newest and youngest addition of Monsta X. A person he considered a past friend, now long forgotten.

"And here you go doubting my men again." With quick strokes, Shownu was at arm's length of Wonwoo. "I'd better watch my mouth if I were you and want to keep living my life, Jeon. Or imma end it real quick for you."

Wonwoo casually put his hands into his pocket, sighing in boredom. "You can keep your trust issues to yourself, Son. I don't want to have anything to do with that."

Shownu squinted his eyes at the younger man before erupting in laughter, scaring not only the men on the other side but his own as well. Madness wasn't a level the leader had reached yet. But maybe the time had come. 

"You know, you truly are just like your father. Just... utterly intolerable.-"

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" Wonwoo's facial expression changed within less than a second. His eyes glared holes into the man in front of him, his mouth slightly agape.

A low chuckle shook Shownu's body. "First blind, and now he's also turning deaf," glancing at his members that joined in on the humourous reaction, before turning back to Wonwoo, who still kept his nose up high. "I said, you're exactly like your father. So you better bet-" And that's when the first fist flew. Wonwoo's knuckles clashed against the other man's jaw, a crack coming from the impact, but who got hurt more was unknown.

Shownu couldn't help but to stumbled back slightly, his fingers grazing over the burning bruise forming on his skin. He just had to chuckle.

"Struck a nerve?"

"I don't think I should be the one keeping my mouth shut."

Shownu straightened his back followed by cracking his neck by moving his head from side to side. "You really want to go separate ways like this?"

Wonwoo shrugged. "I think you'd enjoy that."

Monsta X's leader nodded, "Oh, you better I'm gonna enjoy this." Before crossing the floor to let his fist collide with Wonwoo's stomach. He was quick to catch himself from stumbling too much, reaching out to grab the man's collar, pulling him in closer, only to send him crashing against the bar counter.

That's all it took for the other men of the gang to go up against Wonwoo's group, running towards them individually, preparing themselves to follow their leaders into another fight when they had only just won one.

Minhyuk got a hold of Dokyeom, throwing him onto the floor quickly, but the younger man managed to pull him down with him. 

Kihyun didn't see Hoshi, who had snuck up behind him, his arm circling around his throat to cut off the air, causing the Monsta X member to choke loudly before knocking both of them back into the wall, earning a grunt from Hoshi.

Hyungwon got rid of his jacket to wrap it around Seungkwan's wrists skillfully, pulling the younger one closer to him and twisting his arms around to his back, getting a cry out of pain in return.

The grunt reached Mingyu's ear, making him run towards the duo, only to be stopped when Wonho bumped into him as S.Coups had punched his face, involving now also the tallest member even though he just wanted to get the second youngest of the group, who had now managed to free himself and turned the fight around. Changykun was close by when his eyes found his member fighting off the eldest and the tallest members of SVT, alerting him. He snatched a glass off one of the small tables, taking it along with him. Right as he showed up behind Mingyu, he smashed the glass against his head before getting a hold of his dress shirt and dragging him off his fellow member.

Wonwoo and Shownu had gotten their own space behind the bar, earning punch after punch from each other, interrupted by a few bottles being thrown or kicks to the legs.

Huffs, grunts, moans in pain, and cracking bones were the only sounds filling the club that usually only housed music and skin-against-skin slapping during sexual encounters.

If the space didn't already look messy enough from the party before, it now seemed more than just destroyed. Glass pieces decorated the floor and bodies, the suit jackets the men had worn before were scattered on different furniture and sticky fluids covered all possible surfaces.

Shownu managed to get a hold of Wonwoo's thick set of hair, holding his head up against his, his low voice ringing through his ear.

"You're a fucking rat, Jeon. Not a bit better than your father. You're the same asshole he was and will forever be exactly just that." With full force, he pushed the younger man's head against the bar countertop. He kept pressing down while Wonwoo wiggled around, trying to get out of the situation. He was about to kick back, hoping to hit his kneecap when the pressure against the side of his skull lifted. With a quick push, he was back up on his feed, watching what had happened. He found Vernon, standing behind Shownu, a pole in his hand, with which he must've hit the Monsta X leader as he was holding the back of his head, glaring at the youngest.

Wonwoo took the chance to snap off the metal hose that was connected to a beer chug underneath the counter. Just as Shownu was about to connect his fist with Vernon's face, SVT's leader wrapped the house around the older man's neck, pulling him up against his chest. Wonwoo tightened it as much as possible, hoping to knock the other man out when Shownu smacked his head back against Wonwoo's forehead, making him lose the grip on the hose. With a quick move, Shownu got a hold of the younger one's shirt and lifted him slightly, only to throw him over the bar counter. Wonwoo's back hit the floor, making him grunt out loud as he felt the tiniest splinters of glass boring his skin.

He knew he had to get up quickly, no matter how much pain he was in. His head was throbbing, there was a continuous ringing in his ear, and his glasses were God knows where at this point - he cursed whoever was up there for his terrible eyesight. He could feel the blood trickling down his back and hands as he got up, his jaw feeling swollen, and his left eye was almost glued together from the blood that had already started to dry out.

Shownu came around the corner, spitting out a tooth onto the floor as his gaze was back on his rival. He watched the man come back to his feet. The action made him chuckle.

"You better not die on my floor."

Wonwoo glared at him. "You wish. A Jeon's corpse in your club must be like Christmas to you."

His comment made Shownu smirk. "You know me too well." Before running up to the younger man again, raising his fist. Wonwoo was quick to react and duck out of the way, snatching a knife he saw earlier from the countertop, only to jam it into the older one's shoulder. He cried out in pain, stumbling forward as he tried to reach for it, but it was stuck in a place he couldn't reach. He turned around in anger, his face burning red. Shownu was met with a gun pointed directly at him. 

"Who would've thought Jeon Wonwoo carries a gun with him," he choked out, slight amusement concealing his voice.

Wonwoo shook his head, his breathing still harsh as he tried not to fall to the ground. "It's not mine."

That's when Shownu noticed the sudden silence in the room. Ahead of him was Seungkwan laying on the ground, Hyungwon right next to him, his own gun pointed at Wonwoo. Wonho was knocked out on the floor with S.Coups and Mingyu sitting on one of the blood-covered couches, Changkyun right underneath Mingyu's foot, begging for air.

Hoshi was coming closer to the leading duo, Kihyun's gun now in Hoshi's hands as he held it right against his rival's temple with his other arm tight around his throat.

Everything was quiet when a painful cough echoed through the room. Through a door, that was now flat on the floor, came Dokyeom crawling on his knees while Minhyuk pushed him further with his foot. Wonwoo locked eyes with his member, who glanced at his leader in despair and embarrassment. He nodded at the younger member to reassure him before directing his attention back to his rival.

The gun was still pointing directly at Shownu, who had decided to stay still on the floor, but he chuckled with a salty undertone.

"So you want a Son's corpse in this club?"

Wonwoo shook his head, lowering the gun in his hand. "I don't want you dead. I don't need any blood on my hands."

"Look around you. Look at what you did, Jeon." The Monsta X leader tried to trick him.

"These guys are passed out for good, but not dead." His statement earned him a look of confusion from Shownu, so he continued, "I teach my men how to fight. Not how to kill." He dropped the gun and threw it towards the leader on the floor before turning around, only to get stopped when the older man got up. He told the other members to lower their weapons with a quick hand move.

"You're still a rat." Wonwoo turned around one last time at the sudden comment. "I should've listened to my father. Don't trust a Jeon. Never trust a Jeon."

He got a nod from SVT's leader in return, who exchanged glances with his guys, making them stand up as Mingyu rushed over to help Dokyeom up from the floor.

With a quick glance at Shownu, he bid his goodbye. "Well. From now on, you won't have to anymore." And started walking towards the door, the other members in trail close behind him. He couldn't help but to let out the last comment that kept tickling his tongue before exiting through the front door. "You better start cleaning up the mess if you want the club to re-open tomorrow."

Outside, each man was finally able to breathe in the fresh air, sounding like men starved from breathing for a decade as they enjoyed the night breeze that struck their bruised skin. Wonwoo immediately started looking around for the youngest member. He quickly found his silhouette sitting on the side of the pavement, a cigarette dangling between his lips. Right next to him, was the limp body of the security guard that had let them in about two hours ago. The sight made the leader almost chuckle.

"How's the guy?" He asked the youngster, who had turned around, nudging his head towards the buff man on the floor.

Vernon puffed out the last bit of his cigarette. "Knocked out pretty good. He won't remember any of this in a few hours."

Wonwoo nodded, "Good," and patted the shoulder of the younger member, giving him a quick glance. "Well done."

"Thanks, boss."

-

Not even letting anyone else interrupt, the man, apparently called Shownu, continued right after he brushed off the two women on each side of him, followed by his colleagues doing the same thing. "I see you replaced your little entourage with something much much more beautiful. Hey." His eyes were fixed on your form, noticing how you had tried to hide half of your body behind the CEO's frame.

"I'm more important than her right now, Son," Wonwoo's deep voice sliced the room while you watched the women awkwardly jogging out of the room.

The other man scoffed, exchanging amused glances with his friends before locking eyes with you again. "Well, how dare you say something like that about such a beauty. What's your name, darling?"

"I swear-"

"You should've brought the other guys if you didn't want me to talk to her, Jeon." Shownu cut off Wonwoo right away. His legs were still wide, his back relaxed against the back of the couch, the other men in similar poses.

A low chuckle came from the one on the right. "He knew they wouldn't survive another visit."

"You weren't even here the last time, so shut your fucking mouth, Jooheon," Wonwoo snapped at him. He jumped up from the couch immediately, ready to rush over to the two of you, when his leader stopped him.

"Boys, boys, calm down." He stood up with a grunt, taking two steps forward. His right hand held onto the wrist of his other one, giving a clear stance of power as he gave you another look that ran up and down your body, shooting a cold shiver through your body. "I'm sure Sir Jeon Wonwoo right here is smarter than that, right? Like you said, it would just make a terrible mess, wouldn't it?"

Not getting a verbal answer in return, was enough for him to continue. "Well then." He clapped his hands, rubbing them together. "Let's not play around and cut to the chase, huh?" His eyes met Wonwoo's cold glare. "Why the fuck do I have your feet on my ground again? And more importantly-" Before bending down to the side slightly to find you. "What is a lady like you doing in a hellhouse like this?" 

Uncontrollably, you lifted your hand to touch Wonwoo's back, hooking your fingers into the small belt thing in the back of his suit jacket. Wonwoo knew better than to spit at Shownu again, but he could also feel the fear radiating off your body, making him change his stance just slightly, hoping it would go unnoticed by his rival. Of course, it didn't.

With a bright smile, the other man opposite you took a step to the side, extending his arm to point at the seating arrangement behind him.

"Please." All while keeping his eyes on you. You tried to look away, tried breaking the intense contact he held with you, but it seemed almost impossible.

In the first second, your brain didn't want to understand what he was proposing, but you quickly caught onto it, shaking your head softly in response. Opening your mouth, your voice seemed so much smaller than you had wanted to. It was bound to happen, in a room as big as that, surrounded by men with their physiques.

You gently raised a hand. "I... I'm good."

Shownu stood back straight, raising one eyebrow. "I wasn't asking, darling."

All while Wonwoo was unresponsive. No change in posture, no noticeable uneven breathing. Not even a clenched fist. It seemed as if he almost didn't care about his possible biggest rival inviting the woman behind him to come closer. You let your eyes travel to the side, hoping to catch a glimpse of him looking down at you, letting you know what to do, but the CEO continued to keep his head up high, glaring at the man in front of the two of you.

With each passing second spent in unbearable silence, Shownu got more and more impatient, slowly but surely also rubbing off on the other men of his in the room as they sat forward, their arms resting on their upper thighs.

Deciding that keeping that man waiting any longer couldn't result in anything good, you dared to make your left foot step forward. You didn't even get to finish it before Wonwoo's body was quickly in front of you, hiding your entire frame behind his shoulders.

You heard Shownu sigh. "Move, Jeon."

He shook his head in return as his hand moved behind his back, showing you his palm. You were unsure if it was an act of courtesy or if he wanted you to place yours in his palm, so you just continued standing still. One glance behind you let you know that the security men were just as unamused about you two being there as the owners of the club.

"She has nothing to do with this. I'm here-"

"You know the rules, Won." A different voice suddenly spoke up. The man on the left side of the couch decided to speak up, using a nickname you hadn't even heard coming from Mingyu. Ever.

Noticing his fingertips moving, you looked down and found them extended as if waiting for something to hold onto. You hesitated at first but once you saw him clearly indicating you to place your hand in his, you did as asked. With one swift but surprising move, you were pulled right next to him, almost making you gasp. Looking up to your right, the side profile of the CEO glanced at you. You could see him eyeing you from the corner of his eye as he nodded, hoping to assure you of whatever was to come next. Your head turned to Shownu, who just kept a smug smile on his lips, eyeing you up and down the entire time. As if your outfit wasn't uncomfortable enough for you already, you now wished to rip it off your body and hide your figure in the biggest, longest, and thickest robe the world had ever seen.

With each step you took closer to the bad guy in the situation, your heart let you know just how bad of an idea it actually was. You had already had to let go of Wonwoo's hand, which you noticed only freed you hesitantly, keeping a tight grip on you until the very last second. There was one more step up separating you and the other men. While it did feel like a good and protective barrier, even though it would most definitely be the last thing keeping them away from you, you didn't get to appreciate it for as long as you would've liked to as a hand reached out for you. Looking up, you were once again met with brown eyes radiating anything but comfort. They were just as dark as Wonwoo's but yet so different. You had never been afraid of the man behind you, not even for a second. Intimated, of course, for obvious reasons, but his eyes always wrapped a cloak of comfort and protection around you while the two eyes now in front of you were clearly telling your body to run. Run and hide. Don't get closer. But you were very well aware that that wasn't an option at that moment.

Your shaky hand lifted to meet his palm, helping you up to the podium where you were now alone with the three men. Shownu's rough hands found their way to your hips, freezing your body even though they were much warmer than expected. He turned you around to face the room.

Now you understood where his confidence came from. Standing up there, you clearly felt more elevated than everyone else in the room. Better than anybody that even dared to enter this hole of a hell.

With a deep breath, you hoped to shake off the frightening feeling of the unknown as you glanced at Wonwoo, hoping to find some form of stability through him. He had hidden his hands in his pocket, carefully analyzing each man on the left and right, quickly regretting not coming up with a secret code between the two of you. He should've seen this coming. He knew the moment you'd step foot into that club, he was gonna lose the hold on you at some point, but he had prayed it wouldn't actually happen.

"Are you ready to listen to me now?" His voice was laced with slight annoyance. Shownu's hands left your hips, giving you time to breathe freely, but only for a second before you felt his hot breath against your ear. 

He extended one finger in Wonwoo's direction. "Let me enjoy this here first." 

You wanted to lock eyes with the man standing only a few feet away from you, but he didn't even dare. He had broken a promise he made to himself, and he couldn't even look at you. As annoyed as you wanted to be, the lips by the side of your head were too distracting, followed by the calloused fingertips running over your collarbone.

"Now onto you, beautiful," he whispered, making you close your eyes as you prayed to whoever was up there to just make it stop. "What's your name?"

"Y/N." You shot out. Of course, you could've lied. You should've lied. You noticed it quickly by Wonwoo's reaction, but in a fight-or-flight situation, lying wasn't going to be your strength.

He hummed into your ear, that almost sounded like a groan. His fingers danced around your shoulders, coming to a halt at the straps of your outfit. You wanted to call it a dress, but it was barely that. With one move, Shownu was suddenly behind you, his lips now close to your neck.

"You know, you're wearing quite the outfit here." His fingers hooked underneath your strap, to which your body immediately reacted by straightening and lifting your shoulders to stop him from what you thought would probably come next. "A bit too much for my liking." Without a warning and unfazed by your reaction, he pulled the right strap down.

"Son, I swear to-" Wonwoo's harsh voice hit your ear. You saw him take one step forward but he was quickly stopped by your sudden gasp echoing through the room once you felt cold metal meeting your lower back. Before anyone could react, you heard guns reloading and quickly realised what was being held against your skin. You closed your eyes.

"You swear to God what, Jeon? Huh? Be smart now." Shownu didn't show any sign of remorse. He wasn't going to be the one the back down from this.

Wonwoo raised his hands in defence, eyeing the other men who had raised their guns to point them at him. "I came here to talk to you. I don't wanna start anything."

"Who is she?" The older man nodded at you. "To you."

A sigh came from the CEO. "My partner." His comment made you look at him.

Shownu suddenly laughing out loud caught you off guard. "Yeah, right." His rough fingers graced your jaw and down your neck. "You really think I'd believe you bringing your own bitch here?" He chuckled again and took back the metal against your back as he rounded you to stand to your right again. "I mean, I must give it to you. You played the part of protective boyfriend pretty fucking well, but I know you better than that, Jeon. You can't fool me." And just when you thought you were out of the line of fire, he raised the gun again, close, yet not touching, to your temple. Your breathing cut off immediately. Something in your body stopped you from crying because God, you just wanted to start weeping.

"Business partner," Wonwoo quickly told him. "We work together."

Shownu raised one eyebrow as he chuckled. "No shit." He lowered the gun again, letting you let out the breath you were holding. "What kind of business?"

"Not the business you're thinking of. I told you I'm out of that." The CEO explained. "I bought a company."

"I know that. You don't think I watch the news, idiot?" His question made Wonwoo almost roll his eyes, but he knew to hold himself back.

"She used to work there, now she's COO."

A silence fell over the room. Glancing to the side, you found Shownu, looking straight ahead, his eyebrows slightly scrunched as he turned to glare at you, a smirk forming on his lips as soon as your eyes met.

"Yoon Y/N." Hearing your name fall from his lips made you gulp.

"Wow," he laughed and directed his attention back to Wonwoo. "You took Sungho's company and his little princess? You are cold-hearted, Jeon." After a look up and down your body, he licked his lips. "He used to keep her so hidden, and you're out here, showing her off like the price that she is. I taught you well." Listening to them speak as if you weren't even in the room with them made you want to accept the offer of squeezing out the eyes of every man in the room.

"You didn't teach me shit." Wonwoo gained back the confidence he usually holds himself up with once no gun in the room was pointed at him or you again. He knew very well what he could and could not do in each situation, having studied the rival group for years. When no snarky remark came in response, he continued with a sigh. "Now are you finally ready to listen to me?"

By now, you had brought the strap of your outfit back up on your shoulder, hiding your body behind your crossed arms once again, hoping and praying to escape from this place as quickly as possible.

Shownu let a small laugh tumble from his lips. "You must be pretty damn desperate to come to me."

He didn't need an answer. It seemed like everyone in the room already knew. No one in their right mind would even dare to set foot in this building if not desperately needed.

Yet, Wonwoo gave in with a nod.

-

"That Park fucker, I swear to God," Shownu leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, his fingers running through his hair.

After shooing every single person out of the room, he got situated back onto the couch, Wonwoo taking a seat to his right at the corner, where another member of Shownu's group had been sitting merely a few minutes ago. He brought you along to sit down next to him after making sure you were somewhat doing alright. Good to know he still cared after pretending a little too well that he didn't.

"You know him?" The CEO wondered, saying out loud what went through your mind as well.

After sharing the entire story of the break-in, and the lawsuit, followed by the evidence brought in by Sehun and finishing off with Jihoon expertly recommending the two of you to pay Monsta X a visit, Shownu seemed to know a little more than you expected.

The rival nodded. "The last time you were here-"

"We went over this-"

"Those were his men."

Wonwoo stopped. He wasn't expecting that to come out. "What? His men?" Getting a nod in return. With a loud sigh, he stood up. "And you thought it was us?! When it was him all along?! What the fuck was the interrogation for then?!"

"Sit back down before I put a bullet through your head," Shownu told him. The low calmness in his voice a little sending a wave of fright through your body.

But Wonwoo didn't budge. "Why didn't you say anything?" Lowering his voice as well.

"You could be working with him for all I know. You really wanna fight about that now?!"

"Just admit that you were in the wrong."

"You better shut your fucking mouth. I'm the only one that can help you right now." Now both men were standing, facing each other with heavy breaths. It made Wonwoo chuckle as he shook his head.

"You're pathetic." Walking around the seating space as Shownu sat back down.

"So, what do you need from me?"

"The security camera videos," the CEO answered him. "Give me that, and we're out."

The rival straightened his back. "You want to have security camera footage to bring it to court and reveal what's going on in my club. I think the fuck not. You can see yourself out." He got up and was quick on his feet as he stepped down from the slightly elevated part of the room, walking towards the door.

You had finally had enough, and just as Wonwoo was about to open his mouth, you beat him to it. "They won't know it's from here." Shownu stopped in his tracks, only to turn around with a smug smirk plastered on his face.

He raised an eyebrow. "So she can actually talk." Commenting on your choice to stay quiet for the night. While he seemed amused by your outburst, Wonwoo was anything but that and quickly took in his position from before, covering half of your frame with his.

"Your watermark on the cameras isn't your fucking logo, and we won't tell them where we got the footage from." 

The rival redirected his attention, leaving you in the back once again. "And you expect me to believe you?" The older man crossed his arms in front of his chest, his feet wider apart to show dominance in the situation.

Wonwoo copied him, only hiding his hands in his pockets. "You want to watch him go down just as much as we do."

Shownu sighed out loud in clear annoyance, running a hand through his hair. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend. You're taking that stupid saying a bit too seriously, Jeon."

"Trust me, you're anything but my friend."

-

You were advised to wait outside of the security man's room at the very back of the hallway, suggesting that what they would find on each of those videos was anything but pleasant. What you thought of the way Wonwoo was handling bringing you into this scene was still undecided by you. On one hand, you were definitely thankful you were able to stay clear of witnessing anything you'd prefer to keep unseen, but on the other hand, you were in this shithole just as much as Wonwoo and him treating you like some fragile dove was almost humiliating. Yes, of course, you weren't all that big and strong as him and whatnot, and yes, you were definitely more scared of whoever these men here were than you'd like to admit, but being a little damsel in distress would feel a bit different, you thought. 

Question after question kept running through your head as you walked along the walls of the cold hallway. The stones on the side made everything just look more and more like a dungeon, sending yet another chill down your spine. This used to be a place Wonwoo would visit frequently... most of his friends along with him... How much of this timeline in Wonwoo's life did you actually want to know about? He seemed to have put it behind him, but that's when you remembered one of your dad's sayings.

"Your past will forever be a part of you."

You were too young to understand what he meant and to this very day, you couldn't recall what the context of the moment was. But it stuck with you. And now it made you think. Every single thing that had happened with Wonwoo in the past 48 hours... what were you getting yourself into? Did you want to just let yourself fall into the arms of another man when you swore to yourself you wouldn't be doing that exact thing? And what man were you even trusting here? Back in the day, he was just the stupid douchebag, a rich kid of a CEO, then he became your boss, and now... now he was a man you found comfort in. A man you could trust... you... you tried to trust. But... he had secrets. Secrets that only now are making an appearance and God only knows, if everything with Chanyeol had never happened, how would your relationship with Wonwoo even have turned out? Would you still think of him as the annoying bachelor turned CEO or would be able to see the caring man he was behind this facade? The man who despised his father's wrongs and tried to do everything right again. You saw the way he acted around his mother, and it almost made your knees give in. It was a gentleness you had never seen before. It was so foreign to you, but it made you oh that much more jealous... why did it make you jealous? You hated to admit it, and Binna would slap you and tell you 'I told you so' but in your head, you were finally able to admit it. Jealous of a soft man's touch. Jealous of someone caring for you. Worrying about you. No gang member would act like that, right? You almost chuckled at the thought of Shownu treating a woman with respect. That was not a man with the possibility of having respect for anyone but himself. But Wonwoo... no, he wasn't like that. Maybe he had changed. Potentially, he had been similar to Shownu in the past... The mere thought of it made you want to throw up... But no, he told you himself, that he had promised himself to become everything his father hadn't been growing up. But after all, this kind of life had still been a part of him at some point. The dark side. The side where men would spend hours in clubs just like the Monbebe, touching, pulling, and groping women. The image of seeing him or any other of his friends in either one of these rooms behind those doors or upstairs, enjoying a drink by the bar, eyeing women up and down as they passed them, touching them, kissing them, taking th-

The door the two men had disappeared behind a few minutes ago opened, revealing the man that had been occupying your brain for the entirety of the time you had spent alone. The smoke from your brain overworking finally stopped, letting you take in a deep breath you didn't remember holding in. Too many thoughts for one night...

"You're okay?" Where the first words coming from him as he noticed the clear distance you had out between yourself and the door.

You nodded with a shaky smile in return. Before you could say anything, Shownu made an appearance behind the CEO, closing the door before you could even try to get a look inside.

"Are you ready to leave my club now?" He snapped at Wonwoo. Clearly, the two hadn't magically just become best friends behind closed doors.

Wonwoo turned around with a nod. "You won't see me here again."

"I'm counting on it." He leaned to the side slightly, sending a smirk your way. "You on the other hand, I would love to invite you someday again."

You couldn't even react as the CEO placed a hand on the older man's bigger chest. Their cold eyes met. "Over my dead body."

"I can make that happen." Shownu smiled, smacking the hand off of him.

Without another word, Wonwoo turned to you, taking a few steps forward to step in line with you, his hand finding a comforting place on your lower back.

"Come on, let's go," he whispered. "Let's get out of here."

"You got everything?" You wondered, surprising yourself with the steadiness of your voice after keeping quiet for so long.

He nodded. "Everything we need."

Before you could run up the stairs again, the sound of the older man's voice echoed through the hallway. "You better take Park down, Jeon."

Wonwoo said goodbye with a raised hand in return, before both of you finally made your way out.

-

After getting out of the club, the CEO had given you his jacket once again before you found Hongseok already waiting for you. With you not knowing what to do or say, and Wonwoo unsure of what was going on in your head, the car ride was spent in complete silence. Neither one of you wanted to even dare interrupt the quietness you shared, even though it was anything but comfortable. Good for you, that you were too lost in thought to notice him moving around in his seat almost nervously. You didn't even realise that Hongseok was driving you back to Wonwoo's place. At least not until you felt a tap on your shoulder, making you turn to the side, only to find Wonwoo waiting by the open door. His extended hand was waiting for you to reach out for it to help you out. You quietly thanked the driver before letting the CEO guide you into the building, into the elevator, and right into his apartment.

It was only then he dared to speak. "You want something to drink?" 

You snapped back into reality. "Hm?"

He turned back around as he was just about to enter the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?"

You shook your head slightly, "No, no, I'm good. I had enough wine last night."

Wonwoo couldn't help but hold back a chuckle. "I meant like water... or tea?"

"Oh. Ehm... yeah, okay," you nodded this time. Remembering, you still had your shoes on, you followed him into the kitchen, taking a seat on one of the barstools. That man had way too many places to sit and eat for a one-bedroom apartment.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Your head snapped up to look at him standing by the sink. You nodded. "Yeah..." Before bending down to release your feet from the confinement of those terrible high heels. Wonwoo watched your slight struggle, leaving the cups on the countertop as he rounded the kitchen island to bend down in front of you. You let your hands drop, already knowing where this was going. Your eyes analysed his fingers playing with the clasp on the leather strap.

"You know, it's okay if... you're a bit... unsure," he softly spoke, not losing focus on his task.

"Unsure?" You wondered.

"Does scarred sound better?" He looked up. The sight almost made you gasp. Just like all the other times when you had been in similar situations. Him... on his knees... in front of you... looking up at you with those dark eyes that looked so cold yet made you feel so warm.

You shook your head. "I'm not scared."

"Okay," he simply answered before letting both of your shoes fall to the floor. A soft moan of freedom tumbled from your lips.

"Thanks."

His fingers running up your feet slightly didn't go unnoticed by you, even though you think it should've gone by the way Wonwoo just simply stood back up and got back to making you your cup of tea.

"I'm not scared," you repeated, knowing that you mostly said it, trying to reassure yourself of the truth of the statement. "Maybe a little weirded out... but not scared."

He nodded again. "I understand. And I get it."

An important question was tickling the top of your tongue. One that you had been asking yourself ever since he disappeared with Shownu, leaving you alone with your thoughts in the hallway. They gave you too much time to think and now you were starting the question too many things you shouldn't even be thinking about. But you couldn't help it. You had to know.

"How-" As soon as the first word fell from your lips, you stopped yourself. Wonwoo's head shot in your direction, leaving the water to boil in the back. Seeing his eyes trained on you just made you forget about every worry you had before. This man couldn't possibly...

"Ask," he assured you, leaning on the counter as he watched you debate with yourself. He wanted you to ask. He almost needed you to.

You stuttered. "I... I don't know if I want to know." Your voice was suddenly quieter than before as you looked down at your hands that had started a thumb war.

"You deserve to know," he simply let you know. 

"But..." you sighed out loud, almost in annoyance. Who were you annoyed at though? "Jesus... I just." You tried collecting your thoughts as well as you possibly could, but there was way too much going on and your brain didn't have nearly the capacity you needed it to have at that very moment. "I don't know what to think. I... It's just weird."

"I understand that." He continued to let you know, nodding along with you as his gentle voice reached you. 

With a desperate sigh, you let your elbows rest on top of the counter, bringing your hands up to cover your face. You had to. "How involved were you in the Monbebe?"

He hummed, pushing himself off to stand straight again. "I wasn't one of those men sitting, drinking and pulling women down into their lap, if that's what you're thinking."

You nodded shyly, whispering almost to yourself. "That is what I was thinking..."

"I hate that club just as much as you do now," he sent you an almost sympathetic smile before turning back again to finish the tea. You noticed two cups next to each other.

"I don't know if that's possible," you chuckled, brushing over your arms that were still covered by his jacket.

He copied you. "You're right. You probably hate it just a little bit more than me, but trust me," he placed the cup for you right under your nose, "I didn't enjoy even a second I had to spend in there. Not back then, not today."

You nodded. Still hesitant about asking more questions, Wonwoo noticed your nervous frame, deciding to continue to avoid another uncomfortable silence washing over the two of you.

"Shownu's grandfather and mine started it all." The beginning of his story made you look up, watching him set down his own mug. "God knows what exactly happened between them but it all started with them. Then, our fathers took over, and the rivalry just continued. It started as a normal business rivalry, you know, just... stupid shit and jealousy over the success of the other one. But then..." He took a deep breath. "My father made some really stupid decisions, and it brought him to the darker side of that business. And before he knew it, Shownu's father lured him into helping him and... it all took a very bad turn from then on. The whole gang shit- I... it's stupid. But if you're born into it, you're born into it. There's not much you can do. So I had I was pretty much forced into continuing whatever my father had started, but... I really wanted to make it right more so. Shownu obviously had his doubts about that, and it wasn't easy to convince him, but somehow, don't ask how, I managed to do so."

"You," you interrupted him, "You don't have to tell me all of this."

"But you deserve to know," he answered. "I shouldn't have brought you there. It was a stupid idea on my side, and now you have to carry that with you for the rest of-"

"Hey," you stopped him gently. "It was my choice to go with you. I could've said no."

"Still," he shook your comment off.

"No." You didn't even let him continue. "We had to go through that and... now we did." You shared a moment of silence, looking into his eyes before opening your mouth again. "But... I gotta be honest... I don't know how much I want to know... about that part of... your past."

Wonwoo sighed, his gaze on the mug on the countertop. "I told you I want to be honest with you, and you deserve to know everything-"

"But I also told you that I trust you," you quickly added before he could take his thoughts much further, making him look up at you. "And I meant that." You shook your head. "I don't have to know everything about that... Jesus, I don't even want to, honestly. Not now, at least." Adding the last statement a bit quieter.

With a deep breath, Wonwoo decided to speak up after watching to stir your tea with the spoon he gave you. He thought carefully about each word he let out. "I think you might see me a bit differently after... what happened that last time there."

"The bloodbath?" You wondered, remembering the comments Shownu and him made within the first seconds of meeting him.

Wonwoo just nodded, taking a big gulp from his drink.

"I don't care," your simple answer surprised him as his eyes fell back on you again. "Don't tell me." You shrugged, "In Jihoon's office, I... I wanted you to tell me what the hell was going on because I was just... confused and... I guess scared. But now..." Another sigh fell from your lips, slightly shakier than before. "I just don't think I want to know." Because you were scared. You might not verbally admit it, but God... you didn't even want to imagine what could've happened back then.

"Okay," Wonwoo understood you. He couldn't have been more thankful to leave that story to tell at some point in the future. "Not today. Another time."

"Another time," you agreed with him, finally bringing up the now lukewarm mug to your lips, letting it trickle down your throat, sending a wash of comfort through your body.

The two of you started talking about the next steps including, getting the videos to Jihoon, him bringing every piece of evidence to the court, and what could further happen. Possible delays, future court dates, and how to deal with the situation at work. It almost felt a little too nice. Too... domestic. You seating on one of the barstools, him in the kitchen, moving around as he got himself a glass of water, getting you one as well even without asking you. All while talking about work.

Before the scene could feel too good for your own good, you snapped back.

"Okay," you sighed, moving around with your hands awkwardly, "I should... probably go home now." After bending down to snatch your shoes into your hands, you made your way over to the door.

Wonwoo straightened his back from his leaning position over the counter. "Yeah, sure," he followed you to the entrance, his right hand suspiciously in the pocket of his pants.

You turned around to say one last thing when the close proximity of his chest surprised you, making you forget what you were about to say as you just stared up into his eyes. He smirked at you before you felt his hand on your free one again, placing something in your palm before taking a small step back to let you look down. That damn key again.

"Won-" you started with a heavy breath, but the show of his palms stopped you.

"You're not taking a cab or public transport. Not in this outfit."

His comment made you look down. The 'dress'... right... But you also were still wearing his jacket, which you decided to shrug off to give back to him, already deciding that fighting about the car wasn't going to get you anywhere. His hands on your shoulders stopped your movements.

"You're also keeping the jacket on."

You sighed, "You're really not gonna let me make any decisions, huh?"

His gentle smile sent somewhat of a tingle to your heart, making you almost grin too. "Not after today, no." It wasn't a one-time thing and didn't have much to do with the events of that day- both of you knew that, neither one of you decided to comment on it.

His voice had suddenly become much lower, or maybe it had always been that low, but the closeness of his body let you register it more.

Understandingly, you nodded along. "Today was... long."

"And weird," he finished your thought, his gaze still down at you while you stood in front of him, feeling smaller than usual. In just a skimpy dress, some almost see-through tights, and his suit jacket, along with your shoes in one hand and his car keys in the other, you could've jumped straight out of the depths of his imagination.

"Yeah," you breathed out. He had definitely come closer. He wasn't THAT close before. Right?... Right?! The grip on your shoes tightened as your heartbeat surprised you by speeding up. God...

You should've already been out the door. Why on earth were you still standing in his apartment, barely ready to actually walk out. Your body knew why. Your heart knew why. But your brain decided to yet decline what was going on. Your breathing and stuttering ratted you out though.

You looked around frantically, running a hand through your hair as you suddenly created a bigger space between the two of you, not noticing the hand Wonwoo just dropped back to be by his side.

"I... I'm gonna go." Without waiting for another remark from his side, you turned around. You didn't get far though.

"Y/N," his voice struck you, immediately making you turn back to him. Your face screamed hope but dropped quickly as he continued. "I'm sorry." Wait. No. No no no. That wasn't supposed to happen. That's not what usually followed the call out of a name.

You scrunched your eyebrows, all hope and desperation gone, now replaced by pure confusion. "For what?"

With two big steps, he caught up with you, not wasting another second as he reached out, placed his hand on your neck and pulled you in, his lips meeting yours instantly. The sudden movement made you jolt in surprise, your full hands coming up to his chest to steady yourself.

You quickly fell into a matching rhythm, your lips moving against each other like butter. His fingers tightened on your neck, truly pulling you in as closely as he possibly could, getting a soft moan of you return. Kissing you wasn't enough, this man wanted to breathe you in. His free hand came up to get a hold of the shoes you were still holding onto. You let go, giving him the freedom to let them drop to the floor behind him. As soon as you could feel his lips distancing from yours, a whine dared to escape from you. He kept your noses close enough to touch.

"Stay," he whispered, his hot breath tickling your lips. Wonwoo didn't give you time to respond, smashing his lips back on yours. You continued to enjoy this moment, just moving along with him, breathing heavily as you felt his left hand come to your hips, travelling to your lower back. You had to let go.

"Wonwoo-"

"Please." He didn't let you finish. Pleading against your lips as you were close to distancing yourself from him. You let your eyes meet. Your eyebrows raised, scrunched in desperation, his just as usual low and unsaying of any of his emotions. But you could hear it in his voice. The slight shake. He wanted this. He needed this. Just as much as you did. Your breaths were already becoming one, your mouths begging to touch.

Fuck it.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down onto you. He let go of your neck, both of his hands immediately working on getting rid of the jacket that was still covering your body. And you let him. He undressed you hastily, throwing the anorak somewhere onto the floor - neither of you could care less. Before you could intertwine your hands behind his neck again, his hand found yours, taking back the key, only to make it join the jacket. A chuckle left your lips at his eagerness. Everything happened while your lips were still dancing with each other. Not fighting. Not moving. Dancing, as they fit like they were made for each other. You didn't want it to stop, convinced that it would have the same effect as holding your breath forever.

Wonwoo's hands travelled lower until they reached your ass and he crouched down before whispering into your mouth, "Jump." Letting you hop into his arms, his hands firmly on your behind to steady you. Your legs wrapped tightly around his hips, hoping to be as close to him as you possibly could. You let your fingers start to play with the hair on the back of his neck, tugging slightly, making him chuckle as he leaned back. 

"Careful," he whispered before lowering you down onto his bed, his much wider frame covering yours, engulfing you in comfort as he just hovered above you. 

Wonwoo didn't give you enough time to enjoy his lips on yours with the softness of his bed underneath before he moved onto your neck. His mouth started following your jawline, down to the side of your neck while your hands found a good place on his shoulders. You moaned out loud, not even caring about holding it back.

"We've been here once before, right?" His voice vibrated on your skin. He travelled back up to kiss your cheek, keeping his face at a distance to look you in the eyes as his fingers petted some strands of hairs out of your face. "But I'm planning on finishing it this time. Okay?" 

In desperation, you nodded, hoping to get further and get his body back fully onto yours. "Please do," you whined, his hands exploring your still-covered body.

Wonwoo smirked down at you, "I got you, baby," giving you a quick peck, which you had hoped would turn into a continuation of before, but were let down when he let go again. "Let's get you out of this first." Rubbing the material of your dress. He stood back up on his two feet, getting a hold of your hand to pull you up with him. Before you had enough time to gaze at his face, taking in every inch of his perfectly sculpted facial structure, he turned you around softly. His lips immediately went back to his neck as his fingers looked for the zip he had closed up a few hours ago, getting a soft moan from you in return.

"You look so beautiful in this," he whispered against your skin, sending a chill down your spine. "But you have no idea how fucking hard it was to keep my hands off you the entire evening." With each word he spoke, the butterflies in your stomach grew wilder and wilder. You just wanted him to never stop.

Once the zip was all the way down, he let the fabric drop down your arms, and you let him. Why should you stop at this moment? As soon as the dress fell to the floor, you stepped out of it and were turned back to face Wonwoo. His hand came up to cradle your face.

"Do you remember how I said I wanted to do this right?" You only trusted yourself to nod, scared of what sound might leave your mouth if you dared to speak. He grinned, "Good." And his lips were back on yours. Swiftly, he also got rid of your bra before his hands went down on the side of your thighs, pulling you in and making you wrap your legs around him once again. He took the opportunity to kneel down onto the bed, getting both of you onto the mattress and making sure your head met a pillow. Just like before, his lips left yours yet again to trace a line down your neck, only now also following the natural line of your collarbone before going further down and down. He didn't stop until he reached your breasts, kissing the right side first, getting closer and closer to your nipple, waiting for your moans to get higher. That's when you started to feel his tongue just on the outline of your nipple, going around it in circles, making you lift your body up automatically. His grip on your hips tightened, pushing you down to lay you flat, making you unable to move, no matter how much your body was begging for friction.

Wonwoo moved onto your left side, his mouth leaving wet kisses all over your tits as his tongue tickled your skin. You had let your hands move on their own. They found Wonwoo's grasp as they tried to loosen his grasp to give you some more freedom to move around. No chance. That man wasn't gonna let go of you any time soon.

"Wonwoo," your breathy voice made him come up to your lips again, teasing you by hovering above you, only coming close enough that your lips could potentially touch if you just moved up less than an inch. He hummed, giving you the notice to continue talking. Easier said than done when he started to place kisses all over your face again until he reached your neck.

"Please," you continued to beg for more. He couldn't help but chuckle slightly.

"Why the rush, gorgeous?" If only he knew what all of those nicknames were doing to you. Well, he was about to find out.

Not giving you time to respond, he moved himself down your body, making sure to resume his trail of kisses down your entire body. As if it was his goal to have touched every bit of your skin with his lips - if only you knew that was his exact goal. Maybe not for just tonight, but as a life goal.

His skilled finger quickly made their way into the seam of your tights, pulling them down. Slowly. Gently. Painfully.

You groaned.

"Let me take my time with you," he whispered. You shuffled yourself up, your elbows steadying you as you looked down at him now pulling off the thin piece of clothing and throwing it onto the floor.

Your heavy breathing didn't stop. "You're teasing." It wasn't a question or a cry of desperation. Maybe just a bit... but it was also a simple fact.

Wonwoo smirked proudly, getting closer to you again, stopping right in front of your face. "Good." He gave you a quick peck. "Now you know what it's like having to stand next to you every goddamn day and not be able to touch you."

"Who says you can't?" Where the sudden boost in confidence came from, was a question to everyone involved.

His low chuckle sent a warm rush right down where you were begging for him the most. "Well, I am a gentleman after all." He got slightly closer, his breath now tickling your lips, continuing his tease. You were too focused on his mouth just barely touching yours, not noticing the hand he had let travel lower, diving right into your underwear. The tip of his finger grazed your clit, getting a quick shutter and deep moan in return. To silence you, Wonwoo was quick to break the tension, covering your mouth with his once again, his tongue brushing over your lips immediately too. 

As if his kisses alone didn't already make you moan enough, his fingers that had started moving in circles on your clit made it hard for you to even concentrate on moving your lips along with his.

He pushed your body down again to lay flat on the mattress before diverting his attention back onto your skin. His free hand had gotten rid of your panties swiftly, giving him more freedom to pleasure you with his fingers alone.

God... his fucking fingers... so skillfully moving over your bundle of nerves before slowly daring to go even just a bit lower. You felt him smile against your neck as soon as he came in contact with the wetness of your hole already waiting for him. His finger tickled your entrance for a quick second before diving in, making you bite your lip, not letting the high-pitched moan escape fully. It was just that Wonwoo was having none of that. 

Within a split of a second, his was right in front of you again, his fingers that had just been inside of you, now on your chin as his thumb pulled your lower lip free from your teeth. He lowered himself down to whisper into your ear.

"Don't you dare even try holding back a moan tonight."

With no warning, he slowly pushed his two fingers, still covered in your wetness up to your mouth. You opened up wide enough for them to fit, already knowing what he wanted.

"Let me hear you, beautiful," he encouraged you, kissing the side of your neck to get a reaction from you as you moaned on his fingers, licking them clean of your taste. Only a second later, he pulled them out again, drawing a line down your torso until he reached your tits, engulfing one in his grip as his upper body disappeared from your sight again.

It was only when you started to feel his mouth on your upper thighs that you knew where he was going. His free hand was already tapping your legs to open up, giving him access to your inner thigh. Even though this wasn't the first time you had Wonwoo in this position, it felt just like it did back then. Perfectly intoxicating. You couldn't get enough of his touch, his lips, or... just him.

Wonwoo was everything you told yourself to never fall for ever again. But here you were, underneath the man in question, letting your body react freely against his touch.

Even though you expected it, you couldn't help the loud moan to fall from your lips as soon as his mouth came into contact with your core. His tongue didn't waste a moment, immediately giving your clit all of the attention. He started circling it before using his entire mouth to suck, getting a follow-up of multiple heavy moans from you in return. Your fingers had started holding onto his hair desperately, almost pulling too hard, yet Wonwoo didn't budge. With one hand, he made sure to keep your hips as still as possible while his other one had joined his mouth by your pussy, his fingers teasing your entrance yet again. His lips occupied with sucking your soul out of your clit, and his fingers pushing inside of you made you jolt your hips up, only to get pushed down harshly again, not even a second later.

As much as you would've wanted to form words, letting him know just how good he was making you feel, you couldn't. No understandable word from the dictionary was able to form in your mouth. You were communicating in moans, groans and heavy breathing. And Wonwoo understood every single loud you were making. He was able to read you like his favourite book, remember you like his favourite lyrics and play you like an instrument he had been playing forever. Everything just fit... too perfectly.

The squelching sounds of his fingers moving in and out of you filled the room, entertaining the two of you like a song in the background. Mixed with your moans, Wonwoo's cock was already reacting to it. From the moment he had thrown you onto the bed, to be completely honest, if not as soon as he had seen you in that pathetic excuse of a dress. 

He couldn't hide a smirk once he felt your walls starting to tighten around his fingers, only letting him know to keep on going. He had switched to tickling your clit with his tongue again, the tip of it going up and down, circling the bud before pressing flat against it. Anything to make you come undone right under his touch - his biggest accomplishment. The harsh tugging on his hair got a deep groan from him, vibrating against your pussy, sending the last wave of pleasure you needed to finally release on his fingers with a loud moan. You fought against his grip, lifting your hips into his mouth as your orgasm hit you. It didn't stop him from continuing, still moving his fingers, only slightly slower now, making sure that his lips were also gently sucking on your clit, focusing more on kissing it, making you jolt with each touch. You whined out loud, your legs tightening around his head. This was heaven. No need to question it. This must be it. No other possibilities.

"Fuck," your uneven breathing filled the room, your fingers still tangled in his hair as he kept his head down, working you through your high as you tried to push him back. "Wonwoo-" you cried out. "Please- God..."

With a smug grin on his lips, he raised his head, looking up at you still trying to catch your breath.

"You call that teasing?"

You had to chuckle, covering your face with one hand.

Wonwoo pushed himself up, coming back to face you, taking your hand in his to look you in the eyes.

"You did so well for me," he whispered against your lips. You didn't know how to react, so you just pulled him in closer by his collar. A kiss was answer enough. That's when you noticed something.

You pulled back. "How come you're still in your clothes while I'm naked underneath you?"

He smiled. "Well, ladies' first." His comment made your eyes roll. He chuckled. "But I'd be happy to change that." Diving back to continue kissing you with just as much passion as he did when he pulled you in back by the entrance door. 

Your fingers got to work on the buttons of his dress shirt while he was occupied with getting his pants open and off. You got rid of his shirt, letting it drop onto the floor by your side. To get out of his pants, Wonwoo sat back, letting his underwear go as well. Before you went further, you let your eyes travel over his torso, taking in every single piece of art decorating his skin. His shoulder was covered in black and grey ink, going down his right arm, hugging his biceps. Oh, to run you tongue over each piece… You snapped back and quickly joined him, hopping onto his lap, before he even had the time to get on top of you again. You had been waiting way too long for this. Way longer than you'd like to admit.

He made sure to keep his hands on your ass, placing you comfortably on his lap, his erection high, slapped against his abdomen. You didn't need to look down to know how big he was. You knew. You remembered. Hell, you even dreamt of it after the times he had already fucked you. Don't tell Binna that.

With his lips back on yours, much more eager than before, you let one hand rest on his chest while the other had gone down, swiping over your still glistening cunt, wetting your palm before you grasped his cock. An immediate moan came from Wonwoo, his breath heavy in your mouth, groaning against each other as you felt him nudge his hips into your touch. You kept your hand on the upper half of his dick, your thumb brushing over the top, spreading the pre-cum all over the burning red tip. The chill going through his body didn't go unnoticed by you, making you smirk against his lips as his fingers dug deeper into your ass, making you throw your head back in pleasure. Your hand had started running up and down his entire erection, making him hide his face in your neck as he kissed it again, sucking harshly on one specific spot he remembered you reacting to the hardest. As if it was a competition, your hand movements became harder and sloppier while his kisses became much harsher. Both of you had forgotten about moaning, turning to groaning as it relieved much more of the pleasure.

Without a warning, Wonwoo slapped your hand away and lowered you closer to the mattress, his arm on your lower back to hold you up. His free hand grabbed the base of his cock, directing it towards your entrance as you held yourself up with your elbows. He teased you by circling your hole with the tip of his dick, just waiting to fill you up.

You threw your head back in desperation. "GOD, Wonwoo just put your cock inside of me, please." With a low chuckle, he followed your plead. You couldn't hold yourself up and let your back hit the mattress as both of his hands had found their way to your hips, holding onto them as he backed out and went straight in again. Just like with his fingers - painfully slow. The roughness of each vein that decorated his erection grazed your walls, only intensifying each thrust.

"Fuck," you heard him curse under his breath as he lowered his body, his mouth back on your right breast as his right hand played with your left nipple.

You moaned out loud. "Fuck, Wonwoo," trying to move your hips along with his rhythm.

He came back up, his hand now on your neck as he groaned right into your ear. "Jesus, you feel so good." His thumb was brushing against your cheek.

"Won-" your moan was interrupted by an uncontrollable whine you had to let out as he was suddenly going deeper, making you realise he hadn't put his full length inside of you up until you. "Please," you stuttered with heavy breaths, "Please make me come."

His hand left your neck, immediately going down to your clit, after dipping into your wetness, putting pressure on your little bundle of nerves.

You nudged your hips up, "FUck, yes." Crying out loud as he kissed your jawline. Listening to his moans so close to your ear, feeling his thrusts becoming more and more irregular, almost sloppy, made you all that more aroused, knowing how close he must be getting.

With another hit at your G-spot, you almost couldn't hold back anymore.

"Wonwoo, I'm gonna cum," you whined, getting his attention as he kissed you deeply.

"Come on, baby. I'm close too. Come on. Just like that," he encouraged you, keeping his rhythm as steady as he possibly could, which wasn't much. "Good girl." Sending a heavy rush of arousal right to your pussy.

With his fingers right on your clit, his breathing against your ear and just feeling his chest move against you, his cock hitting all the right places inside of you, you didn't dare to hold back, letting go right as it hit you. A loud cry tumbled from your lips, your head digging into the blanket and mattress underneath you. The tightness of your walls almost pushing his cock out of you as the pleasure rushed through your body.

Wonwoo pushed himself up, and with three last hard thrusts into you, you felt him fill you up just as you would have begged him to. The warmth of his seamen made another moan come from you. Your hands were quickly trying to find his that were once again on your hips - seemed like they had found their favourite place.

His movements had slowed down, now making sure to work you through your uneven breathing as you came down from your second orgasm.

For a good few minutes, he continued to rock the both of you back and forth comfortably, lowering himself down to cover your frame with his wide shoulders, kissing you deeply without having to ask him to. His fingers tangled in your hair to make sure he'd pull you in as close as possible while his hips stopped moving, only one last time as he pulled out, leaving you cold and empty on the bed.

With one last kiss on your cheek, and a quick whisper of, "Stay here," he disappeared into the bathroom. You laid still. You put your right hand right under your boobs, still trying to even out your breathing.

That's what's supposed to happen when someone calls your name out in such desperation.

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this chapter is not yet proofread! if you find any unexplainable gaps, grammar errors, etc. please feel free to let me know ˙ᵕ˙

Hot, hot, HOT 🔥 this was sexy and spicy, and it wasn't even smutty!

Dark Revelry

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x female reader

Genre: romance

Warnings: suggestive with the assumption of leading to sex.

Word count: 1288

The roar from the guitar was primal, sinking deep into your skin. Guttural rifts consumed the valley festival, the steady thrum of bass shooting through your veins. Your heartbeat marched in beat to the endless drumming, the music leading the path to animalistic moves from the partygoers.

The revelry had taken everyone hostage, and you were not immune. Your once dubious appearance at the festival was now forgotten, and the anxiety long dissipated, along with the tension in your body. You had been dancing for what had to be hours, yet you weren’t tired at all. Your body anticipated the way the musicians would dictate your next movements, as if you were a marionette and they held your strings. You had been consumed by darkness, the sounds claiming the valley and your soul. You briefly wondered if you had stepped into an enchanted land, forced to dance until the dawn broke, or your body gave out.

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He is so so fine!!

WONWOO SUPER

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