I Think It Would Be Funny If The Custodes Subcontracted Trazyn To Capture Shit For Blood Games

I think it would be funny if the Custodes subcontracted Trazyn to capture shit for Blood Games

“Hmmm, I cannot acquire the World Eaters you requested unless you give me your Corpse Emperor’s toenail clippings for my collection”

WoK and WoR Kaladin whenever people mention he has the same abilities as Gavilar's assassin

Stormlight Characters Switch Roles for a Day

As request by anon. :) [Some spoilers for Stormlight! Includes some roles people only have in later books]

It's important to me for you all to know that these combos were generated by a random number generator. Here is how fate (=random number generator) has decreed that Stormlight characters will be swapped around! How will they do in their new job?

1. Renarin takes on Jasnah's role as Queen of Alethkar

Renarin: [smiling beatifically] Rlain: You're stressed out of your mind, aren't you? Renarin (calmly): I am about to vibrate out of my skin, yeah. Rlain: Does it help that we already have three preemptive surrenders from nations who "don't want to risk angering the all-seeing prophetic god-king of Alethkar"? Renarin: What?! Rlain: Just kidding. Rlain: ...There's only been one surrender so far. Renarin: ... Renarin: I didn't even SAY anything!

2. Navani takes on Kaladin's role as leader of Bridge 4

Navani (Hour 1): I'm not a commander, of course. I'll stay out of the way and allow Teft and the other lieutenants to handle things. Navani (Hour 4): I'm not a commander, of course, but I have suggested a few small improvements. If Teft and the other lieutenants can make them work, then that's great. Navani (Hour 8): With the help of Teft and the other lieutenants, we have created nineteen new devices that have improved the efficiency of Bridge 4 by 35%. I'm so glad I can support them in some small way. Navani (Hour 12): Wait a second...I'm actually amazing at this.

3. Shallan takes on Adolin's role as duelist

Jakamov stands in the dueling ring, frozen. The 7 Shallans surround him, taunting him. One of them seems to know all of his secrets. One of them wears the face of an old girlfriend whom he ghosted. One of them has his mother's frown--only her frown. All of them have swords. All of them are watching him. Shallan (actually up in the stands): I'm so great at this, actually. Adolin: Shallan...he's crying.

4. Dalinar takes on Shallan's role as Ghostblood spy

Dalinar tramps into a seedy bar. Everyone takes one look at him and immediately they all file out. He is alone. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: And I wore a fake mustache and everything.

5. Teft takes on Dalinar's role as leader of Urithiru

Teft: Kal...congratulations on becoming the leader of Urithiru. Kaladin: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS

6. Szeth takes on Navani's role as artefabrian

Navani: Well...you've certainly been...busy. Szeth: I am physically incapable of not giving a role my all. Navani: So... Navani: ... Navani: They're all complicated instruments of horrible death, huh? Szeth: I like the one with the spring.

7. Sadeas takes on Szeth's role as the Assassin in White

Sadeas: Ialai...can you have your assassins kill all these men? Ialai: Already sent 'em out. Sadeas: I love you! Sadeas: Wow...this job was so easy and not emotionally taxing in the slightest.

8. Leshwi takes on Sadeas' role as betrayer of Dalinar

Leshwi: I feel like........I'm just going to fly down and stab him. Leshwi: Well, after I introduce myself of course. Leshwi: And allow him to summon his sword for an honorable duel. Lezian: You suck at betrayal. Leshwi: ...Thank you?

9. Rlain takes on Wit's role as the King's/Queen's Wit

Rlain: I see that you have chosen to wear yellow to this feast. Rlain: It was a good choice. It looks nice on you. Wit: I want to cry. Rlain: What? I said it to Amusement.

10. Wit takes on Rock's role as Bridge 4's cook

Wit: As a vegetarian whose morals are supernaturally enforced...I'm gonna introduce you all to a little something I call "Tofu." Rock: YOU'RE FIRED

11. Jasnah takes on Teft's role as Kaladin's lieutenant

Jasnah (holding an enormous notebook): I have some suggestions...Captain. Kaladin: M-My life is flashing before my eyes!

12. Adolin takes on Lirin's role as ultra-pacifist doctor

Adolin: Okay, but...dueling is pacifist, right? No one dies. Lirin: Play-violence is still violence! People get injured and it's so horrible and pointless! Adolin: What about fighting but, like, noble fighting? Lirin: D-Do you know what pacifist MEANS? Adolin: But my sword is my best friend! Lirin: ...every day the Almighty tests my patience.

13. Lirin takes on Renarin's role as Prophet of the Everstorm

Lirin: ...and that is how and why I know that something bad is coming, and why I think you need to prepare to save everyone. Dalinar: Wow...you just...said all that. To me. Directly. With details. Lirin: I understand that you may choose to execute me for blasphemy or whatever, but I couldn't sit back and allow people to die for my own comfort. Dalinar: What a mature and straightforward way to handle that!

14. Rock takes on Rlain's roll as "Parshendi" spy

Rock: Here are everyone's secrets! Rlain: I am...impressed. How did you get all this intelligence so quickly? Rock: People LOVE talking to the cook!

15. Kaladin takes on Leshwi's role as leader of shanay-im

Kaladin: So...you guys...can't die? Shanay-im guy: That is correct. Kaladin (tears welling up in his eyes): S-So...I can be commander of a squad where...no one ever dies? I-Is this happening? Shanay-im guy: However, we have to kill someone and take over their body to return. Kaladin: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

No song nor poetry can convey tragedy like a cat who wants through a door

Fuck elves, people should be hornier about dwarves

Magic swords peaked at lightsabers