Feel Free To Dm Your Requests Whether It's Fluff Or Nsfw. ^w^

Feel free to dm your requests whether it's fluff or nsfw. ^w^

Plenty Dreams, Yet Many Limitations

My life ain't a path where a dream can easily be set straight. There are plenty of things I had to let go of. And lately I came to wonder..why is it that? Because in the world we live in money, wealth itself is everything... no matter how much talent you have you cant win it over when money is put on the other side...

I dislike it, a lot. I feel this gut churning distaste for being limited due to the little money we have. I dislike it all because I cant have what others have. And I sometimes feel like cursing the social status Im born in. Despite the connections of our family..yet the one Im born in is the one in the middle class, and it isnt the rich type middle class..its totally in the middle where you suffer through budgetting expenses. I hate it. I hate it so much...how I keep having second handed things. I hate...how little it feels that we can only afford. I refuse this way of living...

As for an example I have certain hobbies I want to step up with..yet I cant. Because...the expenses..I feel blamed whenever something gets damaged too easily..well..this is a second hand device..and its been with em for years or so.. why cant I have something new? Why!? Why? IT UPSETS ME! I DETEST THIS LIFE! I know I should be grateful for the other stuff...but why..? Why is it..i still feel this dread of having to give up my dreams!? My passions!? This is nervewrecking...I hate this life...so much. I...dont want to die with these limitations..on the day i end up on my death bed. I want to at least have something to be proud of.

"Will be by your side 'til then..."

War within Society

What is a society? A society is a composed of a group of people. People are bound to interact with one another, social animals as quoted by Greek philosopher Aristotle himself. Without the feeling of belongingness within the society it will be difficult for an individual to adjust and to feel at home. Without having a home is already troublesome enough for an individual. But it can be easily solved by finding a substitute by a certain place.

But what happens if there is a place, but no people? There begins a feeling of dettachment from others. Amongst the people within a society there will always be one out of the many isolated, due to physical flaws or intellectual uniqueness. How does one feel belongingness? It may come by being able to feel acceptance from those around you. Everyone was made differently. There will always be a hierarchy within the society and it is human nature to have a desire to have more once you get a taste of something that quenched your curiosity, you craving. And everytime you crave you will wish to have more.

Greed stains the society, so does envy and many other desires. It is most likely possible that there will never be equality within the society. Because there are those who seek control and power. As for the wealth they wish to have it all. Desiring power is one, but having too much is different. Putting ones self above the other is an instinct. With this society there is barely any union but it is all for the sake of survival. One must be one with the strong to survive a war. Because when you cannot fake allegiances to save yourself knowing how weak you may be, in the end you still will lose.

It may make you think most humans are by nature evil and heartless. Yet there are those within the society suffers from having a big heart and a deep mind. They wish to share their intellect, visionaries as said. As those below want more and envy those above with intellect they may make use of it. Which goes to say not every wolf will be attacking you directly sometimes they are in sheep's clothing. Making sure you are vulnerable and trusting enough only for them to pounce on you and drain your life out of you, mercilessly tearing you apart until there is none left of you.

They will make sure of it.. until they are satisfied with their deed. And the power they have gained out of killing the life in you. You will lay bloody a complete ghost as you stroll along the bustling streets. You find yourself dead in the night. Your heart may feel nothing but resentment towards those around or yourself. Body heavy.. yet your soul...somehow dead. Perhaps it is not the place but the people in it are the problem.

Self loathing.

Is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

Having to move on

It was difficult for me to move forward, because I realized just recently I am still holding onto the pieces, that had broken me as a person. And it destroyed a lot of my time in the present. I allowed that shadow of gloom to latch itself on my soul, and held onto it. It was all the more difficult due to how it had blinded me, how I missed that everyone moved on and changed. Because I stayed in there... I stayed in that same room with the pain all in me. I bottled it up too much that's why the cycle never ended. And no it wasn't my fault but my fault was not letting go of it... as well as keeping the pains inside of me. As if I was a vessel for that pain to live on to.

I was the damage that caused the pain, because the pain is in me. I was focused in my own wounds, that I didn't think of the cuts of mine would cut the hearts of those that genuinely cared for me... I may be aware with others but I lacked awareness regarding myself... my fault was never letting that pain go.. due to how it traumatized me. I had focused on the pain... and it led me to nothing but in a reckless, self loathing, self destructive path.

I'm...sorry to those that actually holds me dear. I'm sorry...truly I am.