What We Have And What's Up There

What We Have and What's Up There

"I have heard about your heavens and the earth. None of them is of my concern. What I do concern myself with is you, who wrecked me and built me up in a matter of touches. When you look at me, I hear your silent begs. The prayers you make to whatever entity is up there. It's not my desire to take you away from your rightful place, neither it is my desire to let you slip away. You always have a choice. Choose to whatever your heart desires. I can only hope that it is me."

Sometimes people forget that they're also humans, they dehumanize themselves in defense against something undesirable, perhaps a bad experience. Some argue it's best to use logic and ignore the emotional aspect of things because being emotional is irrational. But being irrational is what makes us human. I think.

Jump.

Here is a little excerpt of what I have in my drafts, consider this as a teaser or a drabble with an open ending, if you will. But hopefully, I will finish it, because Haikyuu and Taehyung are the loves of my life. (I don't know shit bout volleyball irl). Enjoy!

Character: Kim Taehyung (x reader) Words: 455 Genre: slice of life, sporty (is this even a genre), future angst Summary: Taehyung's passion for volleyball is really something to admire. But something broke his heart, and it forever sticks to him and his volleyball.

This feels good. 

Everything feels right. Right at this moment, the court and the ball are his friends. All the time spent for the team’s practice is not in vain. He remains cool-headed and it is as if everything is moving in slow motion. The scream and shouts of the watchers are drowned out from his ears by his sheer focus. 

As he waits for the whistle, he inhales a breath. He watches the ball float in the air after he launches it. He runs, jumps, and hits. It’s only a matter of seconds before their victory, and it’s all in his hands, quite literally. The ball moves in the air for only two seconds. Two seconds, too short. Too much for the opposing team that has no hopes from the very beginning. It is a sad thought, but should it matter?

A loud thump echoes in the massive court. A whistle is blown. Another one, longer, follows. The victory is theirs. 

People who are watching soon pump their fists in the air as they cheer for the team’s victory while the other’s heads are hung low. Having already felt it ever since the ball was in his hands, their win doesn’t come as a surprise. He has expected everything. He could feel the opponent cower under pressure. They watch him with envy as his teammates jump on him excitedly, celebrating their first win and more to come.

“You did it!” exclaims Jungkook. With a relieved exhale, Taehyung replies, smirking, more to his teammates than only to Jungkook, “we did it.”

Most of the time, people don’t spare a passing glance to the losing team. Yet there is always something that glues his feet to the ground whenever he and his team wins. He watches the dejection on their faces. He is always on the winning team, but when he loses, he feels hopeless. He lets the weight of the failure drown him until there’s nothing else he can see besides the loss. 

“Come on,” Jungkook puts a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder and ushers him to stand in line. He wants to meet the eyes of his opponent that lost, but he can’t bring himself to do it. On one side, the victory turned him euphoric, on the other, it scares him that they would hate him.

The celebration doesn’t stop, it only roars louder when they face their supporters. His eyes roam the seats, trying to find something, someone, that isn’t there. His euphoric state dies little by little. The joy becomes saturated with the feeling of loss. He curses that he lost something else he loved in something he has always loved. He and his teammates bow in appreciation to the courage given by their supporters.

Highway of Regret

"Countless things surround me and I take them for granted. The air I breathe, the water I drink, and the food I consume. They burst with flavor on my senses but they end too quickly, always reminding me of how fleeting they always are, and how I should have savored when it is still here. Much like when we slip through each other’s grasps. When time passes quick like a blur and we did not realize it until it was too late. Until repressed emotions came out like thunders, profanities being spewed out of our mouths like it was easy. It never was, until that day when we had blamed each other for our own wrongdoings. We were both at blame, no one to judge who carries more guilt when it did not matter anyway. You were always beautiful. I have always loved you."

Hate You.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader/Unnamed OC Words: 542 Warnings: jerk Jungkook lololol Summary: basically Jungkook's song "Hate You".

That day when all hell broke loose, all ties were cut, and it was the end of them. He had made a mistake so grave, nothing will turn back to the way it was. All things he did, he blamed it all on everything but himself. Not even deep down, he knows, it was all on him. The way that the words left his mouth, all the profanities and blames were thrown like they had no weight. He regretted it. Even though it has been years and all are forgotten, he knows he won’t be easily forgiven. Would it hurt to try?

Perhaps, today might be the day he can piece them all back together. Everything will be forgiven and they will have a fresh new start. Little did he know, too many things have happened outside his lonely life for the past few years. Her heart is whole again, but his is chipped here and there. She had accepted his offer to talk and catch up, but she had no intention of repeating the past.

When it comes to Jungkook apologizing and forgiving another, it all will come down to his unhealthy defense mechanism. One to protect himself, so he blames others. Her soul might be healed, but it was once wounded. No matter what she says to herself to calm down, it would be the biggest lie to say meeting him again didn’t faze her a little bit.

“Why did you leave then?”

“I didn’t leave you, you did,” she didn’t want to do this, she knew if they were to argue, it won’t end.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about– hey! Where are you going!?”

The moment she got up from the chair, his legs were glued to the ground for a hot moment, trying to decide whether it’s better to let her go or chase. He ends up choosing the latter. A few steps outside the shop, he grabs her wrist, stopping her from fleeing. She yanks her wrist out of his grip. A sharp pain pierces through his chest when he sees the first tear fall out of her eye. 

Not able to hold herself back anymore, she yells, “what did I ever do to deserve this? Jungkook, tell me, what did I do?”

You did nothing wrong.

“Everything, you did everything wrong!” he argues.

“I see, if you can tell me just one thing I did wrong, I might just apologize and end whatever this is once and for all.”

They stand there, ignoring all the people walking past by giving them weird stares. She waits for his answer with dread. He’s searching for a mistake she made but can’t think of any. All he can think of is all the things he did that turned them the way they are right now. He croaks out, “I hate you.”

The tears return as he watches her wipe them away, rubbing way too harsh on her skin. Her nose turns even redder from the cold and crying. He wishes she could say it back. He wishes she said that she hated him more, but she just gathered herself together. She gives him one last look that he can’t decipher before walking away, and gone for good. 

In Every Single One of Them, I Choose You

"I believe in the existence of other universes. The idea of only one universe existing, the one where we live in, is too underwhelming for me to believe. It's hard to look at the sky at night, seeing the moon shines so far beyond my reach yet still bright as ever, and force myself to believe that this is the only place where beings like us exist."

"I do too," she responds simply, chuckling at his random remark.

A dreadful pause haunts both of them before he finishes what he previously couldn't, "I also believe that there's other me, and maybe other you."

At this, she can't bring herself to say anything. It was ages ago when their affection for each other had ceased, when their red string of fate had broken, and no matter how hard they try to tie the loose ends, it had been futile. When he sees her lack of words and detect more of it, he muses on, "I also think that that wasn't the end, this is not the end."

The world suddenly feels more dimmed, with the only light shining to illuminate this intimate moment are the stars and the moon. Her chest constricts from the rush of old memories coming back, and her throat feels tight as she holds in the sudden urge to cry.

"I will choose you, over and over again. I know I will. Maybe I don't know about other me. But if they exist, I know they will choose you too. Hopefully, at least one of other you chooses me again."

Eyes glistening with tears threatening to cascade down his cheeks, he stares at her watery ones, akin to his. His warm palm cupping her face, his voice breaks, "I'm sorry."

Memories of the moment where he knew he had screwed everything up; he realized that there was no going back; or that he had lost the right to say that they belong to each other, he begins to replay every single one of them and she can see it in his eyes. All the longing and regret.

"I'm sorry if you don't believe me, but frankly, I don't really care if you don't, I just want you to know that I mean it that when I say here and everywhere; in the past, present, the future, and other lifetimes and worlds. I love you."

All that's left is a wish he knows that this universe cannot give him, he can only hope one of them is merciful enough to reunite them along with the promise of a happy ending.