tangentialdrone

“someone will remember us”, I say…

…even in another time

110 posts

The Unexpected Consequence Of Making Too Many Suicide Jokes

ID: a screenshot of a poem written in black text on a white background. the poem reads:
""Kill yourself"
It's not like it's my first thought every morning,
Nothing like that
and it's not like I ever mean it
but I will hear it at least twice,
from my internal monologue,
Before hitting snooze for the fourth and
final time

"I'm addicted to coffee," I say,
"You should see me without it."
As I add my sugar
(just under two teaspoons)
to an empty mug, I think of the way I delivered that
A little awkwardly.
That one didn't get a laugh, (Kill yourself)
I'll say it better next time

I sit on the couch and I drink my double-double and I try to work my way up to being a person again
(I'm likely addicted to caffeine)
(You should see me without it)
The coffee will not make me kinder to myself,
I expect another three "Kill yourselfs"
before I finish my bus ride this morning
I hope it will make me kinder to other people.
That's something I need to work on
(Kill yourself)"
end ID

ID: more text, reading:
"I'm being a bitch, and I know it
And being an asshole
and I'm talking myself in and out of
Thinking I deserve better than the inside of my head
I know I deserve worse (kill yourself)
(Please don't worry)
(It's not like I ever mean it)
I rationalise my actions, analyse my flaws, and
Always come to a conclusion that is
kinder than I deserve
Because my self-pity is nearly as
Over-inflated as my ego
(Kill yourself)
I enable myself
I give myself far too much credit
I should kill myself

I never cease to find myself in
Shock
of how much you all like me
When, even in the moments in-between
my stretches of self-absorption,
I don't try nearly hard enough to
earn the approval you've inexplicably offered
(Kill yourself)(not you)
Never you, not really
I don't mean it, of course, when I say that to other people
(Not that I mean it at any point, ever)
(Kill yourself)
I've never been suicidal, I've never wanted to die
(Kill yourself)"
end ID

ID: more text, reading
"I think I could do a better job
at being someone to look up to
Fuck that. I know I could
I know there's room to grow; I'm less sure of my own capacity for growth
I could be nicer about your mistakes
(And be nicer, generally)
(Kill yourself)
I could make fewer of my own
(Kill yourself)
I could spend less time thinking about them,

More time trying to go to sleep
I can't sleep, I haven't brushed my teeth yet
(Kill yourself)
Haven't washed off the day
and all of its errors, with the help of a
Green tea foaming cleanser, tap water, and
an old facecloth
It hasn't made a difference, I'm still breaking out (Kill yourself)
I need to fix it (Kill yourself)
Something's got to give (Kill yourself)
Only, I don't need penance
Only forgiveness. Only forgiveness
(Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill y-)"
end ID

ID: more text, reading
"Dear Lord, thank you for this day.
Thank you for all that you have given me.
Thank you for the sunshine, despite the heat it brings,
Thank you that the leaves are returning to the trees
Thank you for the beauty around us, thank you for the richness of my life
Thank you for the people I know and love and care for,
I pray that you be with them tonight
and tomorrow,
and forever. Bless them, please, Lord God
I'm sorry, Lord, for having sinned against them, and
Against you. I'm
Sorry for my unkindness, for my harshness,
for the ways I have hurt people today
Please forgive me Lord, for it is
By your grace we have been saved.

(Kill yourself)

You know the thoughts you have toward me, Lord,
Thoughts of peace, and
not of evil, to give me hope and
A future

Thank you Lord, I pray this in
Christ's name, Amen."
end ID

ID: more text, reading
"It feels as though I'm melting into my mattress
I didn't know I could be this tired
Aren't I always tired?
Lord knows I spend enough time
whining about it
I need to fix that
I need to fix a lot of me,
I need to kill myself
(I don't mean that)

I need to go to sleep."
end ID

The Unexpected Consequence of Making Too Many Suicide Jokes

More Posts from Tangentialdrone

tangentialdrone

1 year ago

people need to stop treating the "paraphilia" as a valid concept. in order for it to be a legitimate concept, you must presuppose that there is a natural, typical expression of sexual desire that paraphilias stand against in contrast. this presupposition completely ignores that what are considered "normal" expressions of sexual desire are entirely socially defined and violently enforced as part of the patriarchy. for example, the only reason that attraction to fat people is considered a paraphilia is because fatphobia dehumanizes fat people (especially fat women), thus making attraction to them taboo and worthy of ridicule. attraction to skinny people, on the other hand, is not considered a paraphilia because that's what the patriarchy has decided is "normal". stop giving credence to the patriarchy by accepting the pathologization of "deviant" sexuality at face value.

Tags :

txt social issues subscribing to the concept of paraphilia is to subscribe to the eugenicist and white supremacist mindsets the concept is rooted in especially towards queer and mentally ill individuals you cannot cherrypick which ones you think are valid in any form when they are all intended to rid the world of ‘less-desirables’ that being said yes of course sexual abuse towards children and animals is bad but that is not because they are ‘paraphilias’ you have to remember this is coming from the same playbook that considers being trans sexual deviancy and many of the people who uphold these ideals are the ones who commit actual sexual violence while weaponising these terms against queer individuals or those they deem lesser

2K notes View Post

tangentialdrone

1 year ago

Infinite in Both Directions

@sketiana // cells undergoing mitosis // neutron stars colliding // 'saturn', sleeping at last // voyager golden records // diagram of an atom // diagram of the solar system // 'a toast to the alchemists', laura giplin // neural stem cells // ciliated ventral epithelium // 'constellations', the oh hellos // jwst deep field // 'singularity', marie howe // heart of the phantom galaxy // 'zephyrus', the oh hellos // apoferritin // aerial view of a forest // a graph me and my project co-chair made to model angle over time of our payload // molybdenum and sulfur atoms // unknown // pillars of creation

Tags :

.img lit stem web weaving physics Astronomy microbiology

11K notes View Post

tangentialdrone

1 year ago