Thanks For The Ask On @talk-to-the-mercs ! Pyro Has A Question For You...can You Guess His Favorite

Thanks for the ask on @talk-to-the-mercs ! Pyro has a question for you...can you guess his favorite Disney movie?

“From... From the research I-I’ve done, maybe... Something like- um, Peter Pan? Oh! Or- or Alice in Wonderland! I-I think that’s the name of... That movie. Um, please... Don’t tell anybody I sent this letter. EQUINOX OFFICE 165 - SECRETARY ELWYNE - TOP PRIORITY MESSAGE

Fanart of a beautiful moment :)

(did the mercs ever change appearance save for the splits? if so i can fiX IT i just wasn’t sure)

@talk-to-the-mercs​ has a rlly good story goin on! Might put some posts I make here into context bc i reference it sometimes-

YOOOOO SNIPER welcome back mate! it's been a while, innit? we all missed you something terrible! how're you feeling?

Sniper: [giggling]

Engineer: Whatcha laughin’ about, Snipes?

Sniper: [laughing] Batman.

Engineer: That anesthetic is really hittin’ ya hard, huh?

Sniper: Nah, barely scratched me...I gave ‘im the ol’ one two...

Engineer: When’s this stuff gonna wear off?

Medic: A few hours to a day, depending on zhe pain and functionality of the heart.

Scout: Maybe we can tote him around like on Weekend at Bernie’s.

Demo: People’d talk. Besides, he doesn’t look dead, just drunk. Drunk out of his skull, sure, but still alive.

Scout: Eh, he looks more stoned. Actin’ stoned, too. Yo, Sniper, what’s two plus two?

Sniper: Water.

Scout: [snickering] Yeah, friggin’ high as a kite.

Engineer: Don’t mess with him, Scout, he’s been through enough.

Heavy: Heavy missed you, Sniper.

Sniper: [mumbling] A’course you missed me. I’m the best bloody shot this side of down under...

[END OF TRANSMISSION]

Click the link. This is a threat.

You guys just have to trust me on this one and click here okay?

On my way to steal your canned beans (Doodle I made earlier, figured I’d make something simple to post!)

Starter headcanons!

We’re beginning with some Engie headcanons!

ENGINEER

Despite his profession, Engie is probably the sweetest team member.

Basically the team mom. Everyone loves when he and Pyro are on cooking duty for the week, because you’re guaranteed to have the best barbecued, baked, fried, or buttered foods in your life.

Dell knew from the beginning that Scout and Spy were related. He was shocked when few other members had noticed the fact, and kept it to himself.

Because of this, fatherly instinct kicked in and he treats Scout like he would a son. Scout may not respect his inventions, but Dell knows he won’t hesitate to come talk to him if he needs a shoulder to lean on.

Tell an incorrect fact anywhere in the base, and Engie will BOLT to correct you. This man has what can only be described as a spidey sense. He could be in his workshop with the door closed, you could whisper, on the other side of the base on another floor, and he would just... know.

The best way to get Engineer to sleep is to use this fact to your advantage. Utter a clearly untrue fact in his room, and watch him come running.

As amiable as Engie is, he’s still a mercenary, and a cold blooded killer at that. He’s painfully aware that he appears a friendly face to all, and is basically a child magnet when disguised as a civilian, since he’s required to ditch the glove and hat, but refuses to take off the goggles.

He’s not opposed to telling stories to the brave little ankle biters, or showing off his robotic arm (albeit shyly). But he tries to throw in a good lesson or two, or spook ‘em off after a while with his whole cyborg shtick.

In the end, Engineer just wants to make sure those kids are inspired to get an education, then take a path that ain’t his own.

Imagining the future; a public statement (or rather questioning) about why 39,000 students across the entirety of the United States, all majoring in some form of engineering, cited their inspiration as varying descriptions of a cyborg man who wanted them to share their knowledge to make the world a better place. Occasionally, Dell is approached at bars or random locations by adults and children alike, sheepishly asking if they’re the cyborg man they met when they were little, or that their big brothers and sisters told stories of. All he gives is a knowing smile and a handshake.

Engineer can’t sit still for very long. He’s always tinkering with something or fidgeting with anything that could be used for scrap or built into something else.

An insomniac, Dell has trouble falling asleep at night thanks to his constant urge to work. He won’t rest until he’s finished with his latest idea, or until he passes out from exhaustion.

The other mercs usually have to carry him to his room after a few nights in a row of this behavior, especially if he had an off day on the field because of it. Even then, there’s no guarantee you won’t find him sitting up in his bed, scribbling down his dream inventions before they fade from memory, muttering equations under his breath.

Sews stuffed animals for pyro and any other merc who wants one. Each mercenary has at least one, even spy and scout, since they were given as gifts a long time ago. Scout would never admit it, but he keeps it under his bed and cuddles it when he has a particularly bad nightmare. Spy has it on display on his shelf, perfectly polished. If he gets drunk and emotional, you’ll probably find a sobbing Frenchman wrapped around a big soft plushie on the floor.

The stuffed animals:

Scout: a little white rabbit with black buttons for eyes, and a tiny fitted headset with a mini hat perched on top. It’s velcro.

Spy: a black cat plushie with blue buttoned eyes and checkered overalls. It has a blue bow tie.

Sniper: A green felt and fabric chameleon. Has a lime -> blue -> red satin texture gradient on its tail and large black beads for eyes.

Soldier: Just. An eagle. Photorealistic eagle texture filled with stuffing. He knows.

Engie: Teddy! Cuddles teddy bear. Big bear. Very soft, very good.

Medic: a recreation of Archimedes with large cotton wings. Has a patch of red on its chest and the buttons used for its eyes are a very subtle cherry color, almost unnoticeable unless you see it in good lighting. When not being held at night, you can occasionally catch a glimpse of the birds cuddled up to it in the day, save for Archimedes himself, who keeps trying to fight it.

Heavy: Were you expecting a bear? Nope! It’s a salmon. Being filled with stuffing of course, but has a soft wooden spine linked together by string. Clatters together softly like chimes sometimes when shaken, but if you do you’re getting socked in the face by heavy. The little wooden framework allows it mobility, so that heavy can comfortably hold it during his nightmares without waking up with stiff shoulders.

Demo: a penguin with an eyepatch. About the height of his forearm with a mix of a sort of softer denim texture for the body and polyester for the spots and patterns. Has a red chiffon bow tie attached to it, and the one eye it has is a big white bead to match the accents. Definitely has a tiny scrumpy bottle. Also definitely not haunted. Certainly, without a doubt.

Pyro: The very first was a balloonicorn! A few others were based off of pyros crayon sketches of pyroland, but there’s just too many to describe! Engie can’t get enough of making the little firebug clap their hands in excitement and endearment after a bad day or stormy weather, having gifted them another soft toy for their collection.

But to pyro, Engie is the best stuffed animal of them all. Passing on the battlefield? Hug. Working in the garage? Hug. Underneath a vehicle performing maintenance? Damn right they’re getting under there somehow! Because Engie is the only one who seems to understand what they see, what they say, how they act.

Hey look buddy,

He’s an engineer.

He solves problems.

HEAVY X MEDIC HEADCANONS

OKAY! GUESS WHO ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ASK SOMEHOW? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID BUT IT THANOS SNAPPED ITSELF WHEN I PRESSED TAB SO.

Edit: Okay, so apparently it posted itself, that’s why. Here’s the ACTUAL post.

I’m glad I took a screenshot, I had a feeling this would happen.

@drjamjams​

Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m so stoked to be able to do this, and it means the world to me that people are enjoying my writing!

I do hope that this rewrite isn’t too messy. This is the ask that I lost yesterday, I did my best to recover what I could and add some extra!

Yall, please give me tips on how to wrangle this site. But without further adieu...

HEAVY X MEDIC

Medic had his eyes on Heavy from the beginning. Hell, who wouldn’t? An absolute bear of a man, stoic but kind hearted, caring for his sisters in Russia.

It was rare before he had met this man to have ever been respected for his work. Most of the time he would deflect comments with an alarming smile and a morbid joke (or by inserting extra organs inside of them next time he had the chance, though it could be argued that he does that to everybody), so when Heavy treated the doctor with respect from day one, he was smitten.

Smitten? Medic had no clue what his feelings meant. Perhaps it was a side effect of surgically adding those souls to his own body, but he couldn’t help being a bit less wound up around his comrade, even going so far as to tell stories of his own past in exchange for theirs.

Misha, on the other hand, never noticed this until the other mercenaries pointed out the clear favoritism. Even then, he assumed it was because they were good friends. Until they hit the battlefield, when they became gods.

Medic, quite like the Engineer, is practically nocturnal. He has no time to waste in his eyes, he has too many organs, experiments, surgeries to conduct. This man will manage to cram a surgery between two autopsies within the span of a few hours, but this means he will hardly eat or sleep until he’s satisfied with his latest abomination.

Why do I bring this up? It’s because Medic tends to crash outside of the med bay. A lot. 

Heavy is frequently the first to notice, and becomes something of a guard dog. He paces the halls, any and every noise swiftly shut down by a steely glare. 

Likewise, if Heavy is the one to crash, be it on a couch, the floor, or slumped over a table, the doctor will carry this man to bed. You’d be surprised what lugging around a heavy metal backpack and a medi-gun will do for your strength. Ludwig basically Disney-princess style wrangles his birds and helps lift him back to bed.

Once, Scout tried to pull a prank while Medic was passed out after one of his many week-long all-nighter streaks.

It’s safe to say Ludwig was not ecstatic to wake up to a medical emergency. This is something Scout will never overshare about.

If Heavy is being pocketed by Medic that day, expect to be stuck in respawn for the entire match. Not that it would matter, the team will still win! The two are an ubercharge machine.

Heavy is the only one who is allowed to pet Archimedes and the doves. Medic trusts that Misha won’t harm them or accidentally crush them.

It’s mesmerizing for the doctor to watch. It’s as if his large, calloused fingers become light as feathers, gently holding the little angels with such care, petting them in just the right places. The doves practically flock to Heavy whenever he enters the infirmary nowadays.

Likewise, Archimedes and Medic are the only ones allowed to touch Sasha. There’s nothing else to say here.

Heavy only ever shares his sandviches with Medic! Sometimes, Scout will badger him to convince Heavy to share with the others, too. Scout will also never overshare about the incident that followed. Starting to see a pattern here?

Matching pajamas. No, I will not elaborate.

Any chore list there is, Misha and Ludwig immediately pair up. If they change, they still insist on being together. During the change to the kitchen list (all mercs pair up save for spy, designated to a week in which they cook for the rest of the team), they immediately reach across the table towards each other, A gloved hand fit snug on top of that of the gentle giant.

“HEAVY IS WITH DOKTOR! NOT CHANGE THIS.” - Ten’s a crowd, chapter 8 I think. One that hasn’t been published at the time of writing this.

They’ll cuddle together on one of the couches if they know they have privacy from the rest of the mercs. Medic also uses Heavy’s lap as a pillow. Does this hurt his shoulders? Probably. Does he care? Nope. This man is stubborn and it shows.

Heavy is the little spoon. I rest my case.