How The Mercs Would Cuddle

How the mercs would cuddle

Really want some soft stuff rn figured I’d share

Not really in any particular order? I just picked some mercs from the pile and put em in there.

Image from tf2gallery

Scout

Touch starved, Scout will melt into any move regarding affection possible!

He’s adamant that he thinks cuddling is gross, but you know he’s a cuddlebug when the two of you are alone.

Prefers to hug facing you while sitting in your lap, maybe leaning against something so you’re more comfortable.

If you’re taller, he’ll probably be attached to your side, arms around your torso.

If you’re shorter, his arms are around your shoulders, head leaning next to yours.

Heavy

Doesn’t mind public displays of affection, though he seems surprised at how confidently you show that he’s your s/o or platonic friend-

Normally when the two of you are together, he has you wrapped up in a bear hug with you resting on his chest.

Other times, if you’re somewhere like a couch, you’ll sandwich yourself between him and the back as if he’s a wall of safety.

But most of all, Heavy prefers to be held. Even if he’s the bigger guy, he’s the little spoon and it shows. He’s always afraid of crushing you in his grip, and he’s always been the mother hen type. Having you there to be his emotional support means the world to him.

Demoman

Being so broad shouldered means hugging can be an issue at times. When cuddling, the two of you tend to be in a sort of sideways position around each other, curled up like cats. The other mercenaries find it hilarious, especially when Demo is drunk and unable to realize he’s even with somebody, holding you to his chest while you just lay there smiling, content.

He is. A sweetheart when it comes to that kind of thing. When he’s more sober, which isn’t very often, he’s much closer and tries to make the best of remembering the moment.

Spy

Being the most well versed in the world of romance, one would think that Spy would be a cuddler. He’s not.

He’s great with giving out compliments, whispering them in your ear as he brings you closer into his arms, but the second you approach him and he isn’t expecting it, he freezes up quicker than lightning.

“Mon cher, what is it you are doing?”

He’s completely flabbergasted by the idea of just. Sitting, and relaxing next to another person? He much prefers to be alone, but you manage to convince him to try after an unbelievable amount of effort.

At first, it started with him sitting, unsure next to you with you leaning into his side, or maybe with your arm wrapped around his shoulder and your head nestled into the crook of his neck.

Eventually he warms up to it, returning the gesture of having one arm around your shoulders and ith the other hand preoccupied with a book, a cigarette or a glass of wine.

After a particularly long battle, disheveled and ready to throw something, he realized just how helpful having somebody there with him turned out to be. No need for any fancy rituals, just being in each other’s company. He’s drooped over in your arms, hung over your shoulder sideways and exhaustedly bringing you both into a laying position, just so you can both talk without the effort of sitting up.

Medic

Medic is a busy man, constantly moving about in the infirmary attending to his latest inventions or tending to his beloved doves.

He hates when he has no say in something, which is why you have to convince him to step away from his projects after two days without sleep by being there with him for practically every second.

He’s the big spoon, no questions asked. It gives him the feeling of having control over a situation, having you in his arms and close to his chest.

Around the base, particularly if waiting for an early morning mission to begin, he loves it when he can use somebody’s lap as a pillow, meaning yours are the first choice.

When he truly cannot step away from his work, you can probably try sitting in his lap. He likely finds it cute, but he’s very absorbed in his experiments. This means he’s on autopilot and might slice you a few times when reaching over to make an incision, so it’s a risky move for both parties.

Sometimes in the evenings while doing paperwork, when warm orange sunlight filters through the window and onto the desk, he can be found conked out in his office chair, with you in his arms, facing against his chest. When this happens, the doves join in, tucked beneath your neck, on his shoulders, on the seat by your legs, some are even brave enough to quietly nest in your hair. You both deny it happened when scout walked in on the sight while looking for a bandaid.

Sniper

Much like Scout, Sniper is hopelessly touch starved and any affection sends him into overdrive.

Prefers to sit straddling your hips, he’s got long, long legs and is NOT afraid to use them.

Speaking of legs, your cuddling positions can get a bit crazy at times. Considering the fact they can fold entirely across your back, his hugs are more like a trap than an actual method of snuggling up to each other.

When lying down, it’s easier for you to lie on his chest than anywhere beside him thanks to how long his limbs are, but you both don’t mind.

Even just sitting beside each other, Sniper practically melts. Hug? He’s jello. Pet his hair? Cries.

The way he holds you isn’t just for his own comfort though. He’d sacrifice it to see you happy in his arms. No, it’s because in the end, he always has to have one eye open and is therefore rather protective of you.

It’s a sort of defense mechanism, really. If you can’t move away, nobody can try and take you or steal you either. He’s too embarrassed to admit it though, or maybe he just doesn’t know how.

Either way, seeing you safe and sound in his arms is enough.

Not doing all the mercs, but if you want to see the others let me know! It’s just getting late and I need to sleep, also don’t really have many ideas for the other mercs hhh-

So a decent amount of people showed interest about this when I gave the idea of this through an sfm poster I made, so I wanted to talk about it here! (Also to show off my work, im rather proud of it!)

Taking place during MvM’s arc, a few of Gray Mann’s bots malfunction and become creepily... sentient, if you could even call it that. They displayed keen interest in their real counterparts, most notably the bot medic. Deep within the tunnels that usher tanks into the scene, a makeshift infirmary was created, where they attempted to mirror the real RED medic, their medicine, their birds, and most of all their excitement. 

They would take pieces of worthless, broken comrades and spare them from incineration, instead repairing them. Unfortunately, they didn’t seem to understand their surroundings quite like he did, and in turn deactivated themselves. So, out of sheer loneliness, they saw one other option...

But enough talk about the Medic, who’s that Sniper?

Bot Sniper was just another pawn of Gray Mann’s, and a younger one at that, fresh out of the factory and emotionless just like the others. Hurriedly rushed onto the battlefield and clueless of what would become of them-- (not having an ai will do that to you) --and began to pick away at the enemy team. 

They aren’t sure what happened that day that allowed them to survive, but a stray rocket hit them square in the chest, exposing their circuitry and leaving them for dead. Yet, as the battle raged on, they held on by a thread, malfunctioning and twitching the entire time. And as it ended, Scout found them convulsing and sparking on the ground long after the mess of cogs had been collected and sold off. 

While he was initially tempted to put it out of it’s supposed misery with his trusty ol’ bat, he uh, wouldn’t tell ya this but he kinda felt bad for the little guy y’know? I mean, not like he didn’t enjoy bashing their heads in, but he was reminded a bit of his own sniper, who very much despised Scout despite his advances to try and be friends.

So, he carefully brought the bot all the way to the base. 

The others did not react well. After all, it could have tracking on it! it could self destruct! spy! what the hell was this kid thinking?!

But he was adamant, saying it couldn’t do crap. I mean, he wasn’t wrong, the bot had little to no function in the first place, but being moved around had... Changed something, wires crossed and code malfunctioned that enabled the experimental programs meant to allow for better fighting tactics in the other robots.

And in that moment of clarity, Sniper let out a fairly broken and staticky transmission.

[ H E L P - M E ]

...

But that’s all in the past. Who are these people, what’s up with scout’s leg? I suppose you may know in the future... Or not! :)

Mercs reaction to S/O cuddled up against them and waking them with a kiss, saying, "Good morning, handsome..." Pretty please with gummy bears and whipped cream on top!

Sorry for the wait on this one, I tried to put depth into everyone! 

Image is from tf2-pngs! 

Demoman: 

As somebody who frequently wakes up with some form of a hangover, having their s/o there is a godsend. Though, with you there for emotional support also means he’s been cutting back a bit on drinking.

He’s immediately in a much better mood throughout the day! Just being there for him when he wakes up allows him to be much more sociable, it gives him a reason to be out and about just to make it up to you.

Waking up to “Good morning handsome…”, He’s immediately smitten. The love of his life is right there in front of him, and he feels like he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve to have somebody like his s/o, but the expression on their face eases that thought. They look so content and happy just being there, and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy to the point he feels he might cry.

Engineer:

“G’mornin, sweet pea…”

Engineer is awestruck, and doesn’t want to move for fear of disturbing his S/O’s comfortable position. His face is redder than a tomato, but the adoring smile plastered across his face is more than enough to show his feelings about it all.

Eventually, the two of you laugh at how flustered Engie became, and shift a bit closer. They’ll have to get up for work eventually, but the two together are too comfortable to give up another fifteen minutes of sleep.

Heavy:

The feeling of wanting to protect somebody is strong for this man, so when he wakes up to a kiss and to see his S/O there, looking so comfortable and happy, he feels a swell of pride and joy.

When he sits up, the first thing he does is pick up his S/O and kiss them back, holding them bridal style and complimenting them in Russian. 

“[Name] is handsome like Heavy. Is good. Heavy likes this about [Name].”

Heavy takes the time to brush out his S/O’s hair and grab whatever they may need for the day (glasses, watch, a mask, their earpiece, etc.)

The comfy atmosphere never once breaks.

Medic:

“Oh stop it meine Liebe, you flatter me-”

The two of you share a laugh as he begins to wake up. He’s rather quick to do so, being a night owl and an early bird simultaneously means that Medic has a mental alarm clock.

Seeing his S/O laying there, willing to be vulnerable around one of the more dangerous mercenaries is something he’s yet to work out the reason for. 

He’s reminded of the fire of spunk that they have though when he’s attacked with a kiss and the ruffling of his hair. In reality, he really is flattered, but he’d never tell his S/O to the extent of such. No time, he has experiments to do!

He returns the kiss, but doesn’t allow for his S/O to stay where they are, since the early bird gets the worm- or rather, the fresh coffee. Not that the two mind, whether his S/O is a morning person or not, sleep is a necessary sacrifice for being with him. 

The doves also get very, very angry when not fed on time, so...

Pyro:

Pyro immediately returns the gesture, filled with energy for the day thanks to their S/O’s compliment. Even without pyrovision, being with you is like being in a dream world of it’s own. 

They let out a muffled laugh at the compliment, and beneath the mask, are honored to have you there with them. The fact their S/O has accepted them for who they are and is so relaxed around them-- even when the other mercs aren’t, is something of a wish come true.

The other mercs have to come get you, since Pyro and their S/O both started a pillow fight upon finishing saying good morning to each other. 

Scout:

Immediate ego boost. If you thought Scout could ever feel any better about himself than he did already, then you’re wrong and he will fight you on this.

In reality, Scout is flustered to no end, but tries not to show it outside of the beet red blush that creeps up his face when woken up in this way. Part of him has his doubts that he was ever meant to be with you. After all, who could ever deserve anyone this sweet?

But with your reassurance, he feels so, so much better about receiving compliments and does his best to return the favor, even while he’s still half asleep.

“Hheeey babe, mmorning, ever… uh… tell you how… preeetty you looked? … Yeah, ‘cause you’re… Freakin’, unbelievable, you’re like-- a ghost or somethin’, ‘cause you’re too good t’ be real… Yeah… G’morning…”

Sniper:

Like Scout, Sniper is rather unsure about what he’s ever done to deserve somebody like his S/O. Being awoken to compliments only reassures him that you’re his, and his alone.

That being said, he’ll have his S/O in his arms for the rest of the morning, head resting atop yours as you both get ready. He’ll do his best to return the compliments, but through actions rather than words.

He’ll have a bright grin for the remainder of the morning, too. When the other mercs ask him what’s got him so cheerful so early, he’ll blush and look away, tilting his hat over his face. Moreover, the jitters he gets when you take a moment to rest your head on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his own in front of the others to show why he wore a genuine smile. Giddy as a word under-describes how he feels around his S/O.

Soldier:

“GREAT MORNING, WITH YOU HERE!”

Blunt, to the point, and loyal as a dog, Soldier will be up on his feet the second he hears his S/O talking. He’ll shower them in compliments while carrying them bridal style to make breakfast.

The pride he feels for America still burns bright, but the pride of being able to hold his S/O in his arms outshines it by the magnitude of a sun. He shares your smile.

Spy:

“Good morning, mon amour…”

Having been well versed in the world of romance, Spy is pleasantly surprised that his S/O was the first to initiate a compliment for the morning. Seeing them in his arms, waking up to a kiss, he finds it telling that his S/O truly does care.

In fact, he holds them tighter. Knowing he’ll have to get up for work eventually-- Or perhaps it is a ceasefire, he finds that he cares less with them around. Years and years of putting on a snide, arrogant personality to ward others away has taken its toll, and he wonders how somebody like his S/O had seen so clearly through it and into his very core.

He returns the gesture as well as he can, having difficulty showing his emotions clearly and especially around the mercenaries, whom he must keep his persona around. With every kiss, he almost feels like his S/O is slowly but surely helping him become better, piece by piece.

50+ Followers?!

W??! Where did you all come from??? I love you all!

Hopefully I can get more headcanons out soon, I haven’t gotten any asks that have personally piqued my interest as of late! Feel free to send in any, even if it’s been done a lot. I’m happy to give my own takes!

Seriously though, thank you all a ton! It’s been a really fun ride so far, I hope to bring a smile to all of your faces!

To whom it may concern,

It has come to our attention that you have been tampering with our audio and publishing your findings to the public - or at least making it available to them. This is an official cease and desist from Mann Co. Though @talk-to-the-mercs is a public ask blog, their lives are not. There are some things that should remain private. We understand that you may have done this on accident, or that you are working for someone who, through either intimidation or financial promises, is forcing you to go through with this act. However, if this is intentional, remember, we have other ways of convincing you.

With all due respect,

Miss Pauling

R.E.D Corporation

𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗅.

𝗂 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗍, 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝖾𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺 dignified 𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺, 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗂 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌- 𝖼𝗅𝗎𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗌𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 '𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖺𝗇𝗒'.

𝗂𝗇 𝖽𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝗉𝗅𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗆𝗉𝗍 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝖾𝗆𝗉𝗅𝗈𝗒𝖾𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝖺𝗀𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗍 𝖽𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗈𝗋𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝖼𝗁 𝗂 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖼𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗉𝗅𝖾 𝗈𝖼𝖼𝖺𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗍 𝖺 𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝗎𝗀𝗌, 𝗂 𝗐𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖺𝗑 𝖺 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗂𝖽𝖽𝗅𝖾 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋 𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗋𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝖾𝗑𝗍 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍.

𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗇𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗒𝖾𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝗒 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗏𝖾𝗂𝗅𝖾𝖽 𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗋𝗂𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗌, 𝗂 𝖽𝗈 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗅𝖾𝗀𝖺𝗅 𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖻𝗎𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇?

𝗈𝗁, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗐𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗄𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇 𝖤𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗇𝗈𝗑 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝗐𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗌𝗎𝗋𝗏𝖾𝗂𝗅𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇, 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖯𝖺𝗎𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀.

𝗁𝗈𝗐𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋, 𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗌 𝗂 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗀 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝖺 𝗉𝖺𝗐𝗇 𝗍𝗈, 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗏𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗀𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖼𝖾. 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝗌𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾𝖽, 𝗇𝗈 𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗌𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖾𝖽, 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗆𝖺𝗒 𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾𝗅𝗂𝖾𝗏𝖾.

𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒, 𝖬.

when i think about how Wheatley had a cut line where he was supposed to tell Chell that ‘a man in a suit‘ was looking for her, aka G-Man, it makes me realize that G-Man must’ve gone up to Wheatley and asked him if Chell was up, which prompted him hearing Wheat ramble for like 6 minutes on hibernating test subjects and being worried that most of them are probably dead and he’s gonna be incinerated for not keeping an eye on em. in general, thinking about Wheatley and G-Man interacting has me in tears