
You can call me Dinosaur šš¦| she/her | im not a minor but i will not be saying my exact age | hufflepuff | James 'jamie' fleamont potter's girl | I sometimes write fanfiction, it's not very good and I'm not good at continuously writing | I will frequently post art, art is a big part of my life | I š D&D, WOF, WC, NCIS, Eminem, Star Wars, Marvel, Harry Potter, and so many other fandoms
162 posts
I Just Realized This Is Literally Just Simon Riley. Now I'm Thinking About Roman Soldier/gladiator Simon
I just realized this is literally just Simon Riley. Now I'm thinking about Roman soldier/gladiator Simon Riley, affectionately called ghost, meeting a beautiful woman, you, and then it proceeds to jaw dropping, feral, dirty sex. Then you become his pretty pretty wife. ššš¤š¤š¤
Went to the Midwest horse fair and saw some cool horses, but most of all I found the sexiest man alive š„µ










I tried to get good pictures but they weren't the best, but like my God, he's so fucking hot.
Mask link go brrrrr š©š©š©
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More Posts from That1nerd-20
Reblogging this because it's useful
hbo max blocks screenshots even when I use the snipping tool AND firefox AND ublock which is a fucking first. i will never understand streaming services blocking the ability to take screenshots thats literally free advertising for your show right there. HOW THE HELL IS SOMEBODY GONNA PIRATE YOUR SHOW THROUGH SCREENSHOTS. JACKASS
AHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG!! You did wonderfully as always, I just want to say that I love this series and the way you write. You are one of my biggest inspirations and I cannot wait to read more! (Obviously don't feel pressured take your time please)
Redamancy: Chapter Twenty-Nine

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, whatās there to lose?
Warnings: does a handsy Jasper need a warning?
Notes: oh my god itās been so long, Iāve been eating myself up over not posting. Iāve been working myself to death, but Iāve finally got a long weekend off and so I used it to get back to what makes me happy - this story! Omg I hope you guys love itš„¹ I also have to go through and update my taglist later tonight, so bear with me on that until I add it!
Word Count: 1500
Series Masterlist

⢠April 3rd, 2006 ⢠Forks HS ā¢
Reader
Tingly.
Thatās the state of my body this morning, the state of my mind.
Not only am I riding an emotional high from our conversation this weekend, but my dream last night⦠Good lord, that dream.
I can feel the echoes of his fingers on my skin, the coolness of his lips, the wet trail they wouldāve left behind⦠the solid weight of what surely his body would feel like, pressed against mine. I can imagine all of what it would be like vividly, to be under him, to get carried away, to just explore-
āYou alright, darlinā?ā
His voice jolts me from the day dreaming stare I had on the locker before me, caught red handed. To make matters worse, that deep southern tenor questioned me inches from my ear, causing a blush to heat my cheeks to an almost uncomfortable degree.
āPerfectly fine, why?ā I immediately busy myself within my locker so that I donāt have to face him right away.
āYou do remember that I can feel you, right?ā His voice is low and his hands find my hips tenderly, but the air changes around us.
My heart rate skyrockets, this is dangerous. His fingers flex against me and the death grip I have on this book in my hands turns my knuckles white.
āJasper-ā his name is a whispered warning, but also a plea.
āI know.ā Instantly a cooling, soothing balm blankets our tension and I release the tightness in my chest. Leaning backwards into him I just feel tired all of a sudden, like I had run a marathon. āLetās get out of here.ā
His request sounds more like a demand and I twist in his arms, āIs that a good idea?ā
āDarlinā, I donāt have many of those these days.ā His mouth quirks up in a lopsided grin as he shoves all of my school supplies back in my locker, shutting it and tugging me along behind him towards the student parking lot.

Jasper
Something is on her mind, something dangerous. Something I absolutely want to know, something Iām not sure I have the strength for, but I canāt help it - itās her.
Iāve never been more thankful for an overcast day with no rain: perfect motorcycle weather. Come to think of it, my sister had a knowing look in her eyes as my siblings all piled into their respective vehicles as I straddled my bike this morning. A decision that currently led me to now: Y/n and I leaving school before midday.
Those thoughts I interrupted earlier have her quiet, but her emotions are raging and it is driving me insane. Curiosity, need, nervousness - a dangerous concoction begging to overtake my rational mind. Separating myself from her feelings is almost impossible at this point, she is so well ingrained in me.
Finally arriving at my thankfully empty home, I shut my motorcycle off and offer a steady hand to help her dismount. Swinging my own leg over, I turn towards her and lean against it, observing her for a moment with crossed arms.
āWhat?ā She makes eye contact as she struggles with the chin strap of my helmet.
Grabbing the helmet by the chin piece, I gently tug her forward between my legs, āTell me.ā I lace the command with neediness to encourage her to be pliant.
And judging by the way her lips part behind the dark visor, the immediate dilation of her eyes, and the weight of her hands settling on my thighs gently, I mightāve laid it on a little too thick.
Chuckling, I free her from my helmet and riding jacket. By the time I finish, she seems to snap from the daze and her hands clench on top of my legs.
āNot fair, Hale.ā Feisty this morning.
I lean forward towards her ear with a grin as I stand from my bike to put away the gear, āAllās fair in love and war, sweetheart.ā
Reaching to swat my chest, I grab her hand gently before she could injure herself.
Pausing as I hang my jacket up, her teasing response sends excitement through me, āTwo can play at that game, baby.ā

Stepping into my room, I realize too late what has her curiosity: my desk. Well, the art that occupies every inch, my art.
āWhat is all this?ā Leafing through pencil sketches of my favorite hunting spots and pen etchings of my family at random moments, she gets to the important ones hidden below. Her breathing hitches and I know sheās found them, the ones of her.
Some are in pencil, some are in random felt-tip pens, but my favorites? Those are charcoal. A decently basic medium, but I feel like it captures so much more than anything else ever could. Maybe itās because I use my fingers to smudge and shape her perfect curves and lines, but it radiates emotion in sweeping gestures and subtle shading - something thatās hard to capture with anything else.
āThereās-ā awe, shock, surprise, they all shuffle through her and Iām on edge, waiting to hear her thoughts. āThereās so manyā¦ā
I watch her carefully examine each one and I smile when she chuckles at a few - some of her at school, some of her here in my home, moments I not only committed to memory, but to paper.
āNow you know what I do with my free time.ā I smile through the minuscule anxiety that bubbles up at her seeing my secret hobby. Everyone in my family knows I draw, but they havenāt seen my drawings.
āJasperā¦ā I can tell sheās getting emotional, but a part of me is excited for her to see my innermost thoughts on paper, to see herself through my eyes - the unaltered beauty she contains.
āYou havenāt even seen the ones I cherish the most.ā Opening a familiar sketchbook buried under many other drawings, I reveal my favorites. āThe very first ones.ā
Her breath hitches, running a reverent finger down the first page. Itās the very first moment I saw her, crouched, scooping up papers on her first day of high school in Forks - absolutely radiant.
āYou were a vision that day. A beautiful tornado that wrecked my world, I tried to capture every detail from memory because I never want to forget-ā
Her hand finding my cheek breaks me from my explanation and my eyes find her watery ones, mouth open, searching for words clearly hard to get out, āJasperā¦ā
āI love you.ā My confession steals her breath completely this time, the first time Iāve uttered these words aloud and it feels absolutely right. āIāve loved you since the moment you hit me with that door. I knew I was absolutely ruined for anyone else and I wouldnāt have it any other way.ā Tilting her chin up with the tip of my finger as it wobbles at my confession, I smile, āSay something, darlinā.ā
āI love you, too.ā Now itās my turn to go wholly still. āI knew from the moment I saw you Iād never be the same, I was yours-ā
I couldnāt wait another second, I closed the minuscule gap between our mouths to seal these confessions. I love her and she loves me. Me.
Tilting her head back slightly as I cradle her, I take my cue to deepen the kiss, to pull her closer carefully. Groaning into her mouth, fuck I canāt get enough of her. Trailing kisses down her jawline as she tips her head to the side for much needed air, her gasps drive me to lift her onto my desk.
āJazā¦ā her breathy plea of my nickname freezes me, panic seizing my actions.
āI am a gentleman, but only just barely.ā My voice is gravel in my own ears, breathed down the slender column of her throat.
A shiver from her causes me to clench my jaw and attempt to gather myself.
āMaybe I donāt want a gentleman right now.ā Her whisper damns me, it fucking sets me on fire.
A slamming door downstairs straightens my spine and my hands abandon the exploration of her. Fuck, my familyās timing couldnāt be better, but also worse.
āHoney, weāre home!ā Emmettās booming voice echoes up the stairs and immediately I know he knows, he can probably smell it.
Huffing, I help her regain her footing and straighten her clothes from the rumpled mess my hands made of it. I also take half a thought to smooth her arousal, a damn shame-but a necessity if weāre to face my siblings for the rest of the evening.
āFucking Emmett.ā Her frustration draws a chuckle from me as we make our way downstairs.
āI heard that!ā My brotherās response causes her to roll her eyes at me playfully and I shake my head, my heart weighing much fuller in my chest as she plucks its invisible strings with her shit-eating grin.

Next
Taglist part 1

Best thing ever, I'm not crying in public, you are ššššššššš„²š„²š„²š„²š„²

Ok sorry for blowing up your asks, but I have one that might be right up your angsty alleyā¦
Marshall is having a particularly hard time on one of the anniversaries of Proofās passingā¦šļø Heās super vulnerable with reader and she has to comfort him šš„ŗ
DIFFICULT šļø
Eminem x Assistant Reader
Synopsis : Em is nowhere to be found as you're waiting for him for an important meeting. Turns out... It's the anniversary of Proof's passing and he needs you.
Tags : Vulnerability - Grief - Angst - Comfort
Author's Note : Thank you for this Ask ! I low-key love that you thought of me when it comes to angsty requests š. I got inspired and ended up writing quite a bit but I'm afraid it's all over the place. I hope you like it nonetheless. ā¤ļø
Do you know where he is ? Paul asked, visibly unnerved. He should already be here !Ā
Heās coming, you assured the manager. I reminded him of this meeting on Friday, donāt worry, heās going to show up.Ā
Itās your job to make sure he shows up on time, Y/N, Paul added sternly. Thatās what personal assistants are for.Ā
Heās never late, you said. Iām sure thereās a good reason. Something must have come upā¦Ā
It was unlike Marshall to show up late to a work meeting, especially when it involved music. In the past year, since you had started working for him, he had never shown up late anywhere. If anything, he was a bit neurotic about punctuality. « Early is on time, on time is lateĀ Ā» he always said. And when it came to anything regarding his latest album, he tended to show up extremely early, polishing details up until the last minute. Except that, today, he was almost thirty minutes late and you were facing Paul and Dre on your own, and there was only so much small talk you could make.Ā
Look, if the albumās not ready for me to listen to yet, you guys just have to say so, Dre said.Ā
No, it is, Paul assured him. I mean, you know Marshall, heās always trying to polish and tweak little things, but we have a version thatās more than ready for you. We wouldnāt have you come from LA otherwiseā¦Ā
Iāll try an call him, you said.Ā
You got up and went to your office. You were starting to be a little freaked out. You didnāt want to be dramatic, but you were starting to feel scared that something terrible had happened. One time, he got into a car crash and was not even that late. Thirty minutes late for Marshall was basically four hours late for anyone else. You got out of the room and tried to call him, but he didnāt pick up. Had he lost his phone ? You knew he hated the iPhone you had convinced him to buy - to replace his more than ancient Blackberry - and he used it as little as possible, but him losing anything was unlikely. And he knew about this meeting. You had specifically reminded him of it. He wouldnāt show up late to a meeting with Dre. He had way too much respect for the man. You nervously checked his iCloud calendar, thinking that maybe he was confused about the time. Unlikely but not impossible either. You remembered adding the event « Meeting with Dre - ALBUM VERSION 1Ā Ā» for this Monday, 9:00 AM a while ago. But it was nowhere to be found. Had it been accidentally deleted ? Had you dropped the ball ? No. Impossible. Not to toot your own horn, but you wouldnāt screw up like that. It was probably a bug. You checked the weekās other events. Deleted too. You knew he had other meetings and studio sessions planned, but they did not appear on the calendar. Weird. Especially since last weekās event were still appearing, and the following weekās too. It looked like someone had cleared this weekās schedule and you knew it wasnāt you. It had to be Marshall, then, since he was the only other person to have access to his calendar. You were worried. He would not clear a whole weekās schedule, especially not when he was nearly done with his album. Something had to have happened. Something awful, by the looks of it. Your mind immediately went to his family. They were the only people he would clear his schedule for. You decided to call Hailie, hoping that nothing awful had happened to her or her sisters.Ā
Hey Y/N, you heard her soft voice say as she picked up the phone. How are you ?Ā
Hey Hailie, you said nervously. Are you alright ?Ā
All good, she said. Why ? Are you ok ? Is there anything wrong ?Ā
Um⦠I donāt know, you said. I'm trying to reach your Dad. Have you heard of him ?Ā
Not since Thursday, I think. He told me he was spending the weekend with you. Whatās wrong ?Ā
Heās just a little late to a meeting, you said as you tried to sound casual. I was worried that something had happened to you, your sisters, Nateā¦Ā
No, weāre all good, she said reassuringly. Look, Iām in Chicago, but I can try and call himā¦Ā
Donāt worry about it, you said. Enjoy Chicago.
Thank you ! See you !Ā
Hailie didnāt seem too worried, so there was at least that. However, you were a little bugged off. You absolutely had not spent the weekend with Marshall and, frankly, you were a bit shocked that he had lied to his daughter about it. Not that you never spent the weekend together - in the past six months, it had happened quite a bit - but he was not the type to lie to his daughter. It was odd that he would use you as a lie, especially since your relationship - if you could call it that - was still in the developing stage. As far as Hailie was concerned, you were the closest thing her Dad had to a girlfriend but, in actuality, it was a bit more complicated. It wasnāt necessarily serious or committed, and there most certainly wasnāt any label on it. You were his personal assistant, whom he occasionally fooled around with. The only reason Hailie saw you as his girlfriend was that she had walked in on the two of you making out with very, very few clothes on. Thank God, she was an adult and didnāt really want to know anything about it. No one ever mentioned the incident but she assumed there was something between you and Marshall. And there was. In a way. But he wasnāt really the kind of guy to put a label on it and you knew it. He was extremely guarded and, even though you knew you were one of the people closest to him, you didnāt expect much. He was a really great boss, amazing man and more than satisfactory lover, but you knew him enough to know it would never evolve into anything serious. « I donāt do relationships, you knowĀ Ā» he had once told you. And you didnāt mind. You enjoyed things just the way they were. The way you saw it, the sex you sometimes had - usually on work trips or late nights - was a perk to your job, along with the generous salary and health benefits. But regardless of all that, him lying about spending the weekend with you was extremely odd. You tried calling him again, but were sent straight to voicemail. You sheepishly went back to the conference room.Ā
Did you talk to him ? Paul asked.Ā
No news, you said. Thatās odd. Iāll go to his place and if heās not there, Iāll try the hospitals. Iām sorry.Ā
I hope heās ok, Dre said. Keep us posted ?Ā
Of course.Ā
You made your way to your car and drove to his place. Security knew your car and plates and saw you often enough to let you through the gates. You parked in front of Marshallās house and immediately noticed that the car he used the most was parked out front. He was home. Thank God, you didnāt have to worry about a car crash. You rang the bell but no one came to open it. Maybe he had slipped in the shower and injured his head ? Or fallen down the stairs ? No. You often joked about him being older but he wasnāt geriatric either. Still, you were worried so you used your spare key and let yourself in.Ā
The house was unusually dark and messy. You checked downstairs, the living room, kitchen, office⦠It was messy, like someone had rummaged through things, but Marshall was nowhere to be found. You tried every room upstairs, every closet, every bedroom, but he wasnāt there either. You decided to try the only remaining space you hadnāt checked : the basement (you doubted he was in the garage - he liked his cars but not enough to cancel a meeting about music). Thatās where you found him : in one of the dimly lit rooms he had converted into a home music studio, laying on the carpet, eyes closed, headphones on his head. You gasped and almost thought he was dead. You immediately rushed to his side and checked his breath. As soon as you approached, he slowly opened his eyes and groaned.Ā
Marshall, are you alright ? You asked. Are you hurt ?Ā
No, he said in a raspy voice before sitting up.Ā
You examined his face : he looked like a zombie, or at least like someone who had forgotten what sleep and food were. And judging by the smell, he had also forgotten about showers. You usually enjoyed his masculine scent but now he was smelling as rank as a teenage boy addicted to video games.Ā
What are you doing here ? He asked.Ā
I came to check you werenāt dead, you said. You missed the meeting with Dre. Paul is furious.Ā
Wait⦠What day is it ? He asked in confusion.Ā
Monday, you said. April 12th.Ā
Fuck.Ā
He rubbed his eyes and scratched his beard, and you inspected him closer. His eyes were bloodshot, with huge dark circles. The beard he usually kept well-trimmed was all over the place, so was his short hair, and his breath smelled of energy drink. He had always had a penchant for soda and Redbull, but it usually wasnāt to the point of smelling like a candy factory. Well, if you added the smell of sweat, it was more like someone who ran a marathon in the Redbull factory. Marshall looked at you without saying a word.Ā
Are you alright ? You asked.Ā
Does it look like Iām alright ? He groaned.Ā
Not really, you admitted - not really knowing what to say.Ā
Why are you ask, then ?
If you hadnāt been so worried, you would have snapped at him for behaving like an ass, but it wasnāt him. You sighed and looked at the CDs heād been listening to : « Searching for Jerry GarciaĀ Ā» and « I Miss the Hip Hop ShopĀ Ā» by Proof. Thatās when it hit you : today was April 12th and April 11th was the anniversary of his best friendās passing. The both of you were sitting on the carpet, not saying a word. He knew that you knew.Ā
Do you⦠Um⦠Want to talk about it ? You asked tentatively.Ā
I need a shower, he said.Ā
Yes he did. He definitely did. You got up and waited for him to do the same but he simply groaned as he tried to move. You gave him your hand and helped him up as he let out a moan and held his back. You wondered how long heād been laying there, listening to music and losing track of time. He seemed to have trouble even standing up. « God, he must be exhaustedĀ Ā», you thought.Ā
Need help ? You asked.Ā
Y-Yeah, he said.Ā
Shower ?Ā
Yeah.Ā
Without a word, you helped him to the nearest bathroom where he started undressing without even waiting for you to leave. You could feel your cheeks burn. Youād seen him naked before, sure, but this different than the two of you shedding your clothes in a passionate moment. Now, you had the feeling of seeing something you werenāt supposed to. It felt a bit weird. You watched him step in the shower and went upstairs, to his closet, to pick some clothes for him to wear. You grabbed boxers, some sweatpants, a wife beater and a hoodie and put them in the bathroom, near the sink before opening the windows to let in some light and fresh air, as you tidied up a bit. Youād spent some time in his house before but you had never seen the place this messy.Ā
Thanks for the clothes, Marshall said as he emerged from the bathroom.Ā
Feeling better ? You asked.Ā
Yeah.
When was the last time you showered ? You asked.Ā
I donāt know, he shrugged.Ā
Last time you ate ?Ā
Friā¦Sat⦠I donāt know, he replied.Ā
He seemed gaunt and, even if the shower seemed to have done some good, Marshall seemed like a corpse. He was standing there, staring at you, not extremely responsive. You had never seen him like this and it was definitely a far cry from his usual self. Ever since you had met him for the first time, you had found him to have an impressive presence. Whenever he walked into a room, he naturally drew attention to him and he had such charisma that he seemed bigger than he actually was. But for the first time, he looked weak and lost.Ā
Are you hungry ? You asked.Ā
A bit, he replied.Ā
Sit, you said. Iāll prepare something. What do you want ? Pasta ?Ā
Whatever, he said.Ā
He sat on the couch and you made your way to the kitchen. Being the one responsible for his shopping, you knew the pantry like the back of your hand and knew exactly what was in there. You decided to make some homemade spaghetti, using Momās Spaghetti sauce with homemade garlic toasts. His lazy comfort food. When you brought his plate to the living room, he was manspreading, looking at the ceiling.Ā
Thanks, he said as you handed him the food. Chips would have been enough, you know ?Ā
You need to eat a real meal, you simply said.Ā
He nodded and started to eat. You noticed he was avoiding your gaze. He usually didnāt have much trouble maintaining eye contact, except for when he was ashamed, or sad, or tired. In this case, you knew it was probably a mixture of everything. There was no doubt as to his exhaustion and sadness, and you knew he would feel ashamed for missing an important work meeting. You looked at him and left the room to go and call Paul.Ā
So ? He asked. How is he ?Ā
Heās⦠sick, you lied, knowing full well Marshall wouldnāt want you telling people how you had found him.Ā
Sick ? The managed asked. What does he have ?Ā
The flu, you said. Itās pretty nasty. I cleared up his schedule for the week. He needs rest. Heās really sorry about the meeting.Ā
Alright. Iāll call him later, he said. Dre has to leave today, weāll have to set up another meeting.Ā
Iāll let him know.Ā
You also texted Hailie to let her know you had managed to get ahold of her Dad. When you got back to Marshall, he was looking at a picture frame of him and Proof. From the looks of it, you guessed it was from 2005-2006. You sat next to him in silence.Ā
The flu ? He asked in a raspy voice.Ā
Couldnāt come up with anything better on the spot, you said. At least, it buys you the rest of the week so you can rest.Ā
No need, he said. I can⦠I can work.Ā
Bullshit, you sighed.Ā
He stared in your eyes for the first time all day and sighed. His eyes went back to the picture frame and you could see hum swallow dryly.Ā
Went was this taken ? You asked.Ā
March 2006, he said in a breaking voice. Itās the last picture of him I haveā¦Ā
His breath was shaky and you could tell he was on the verge if tears. You placed a hand over his and gently stroked his skin.Ā
Itās ok to cry, you know ? You said softly.Ā
You werenāt too sure why you said that. Of course it was ok to cry. A man in his fifties, especially your boss, did not need your permission to cry. Or so you thought. Because as soon as the words left your lips, the tears started to flow and he started sobbing. You put a hand on his back and tried to soothe him while you saw his face redden and scrunch up, his tears wetting his face. It was painful seeing him like this and you wished there was something you could do. If that were possible, you would gladly take his pain and make it yours.Ā
Fu-fuck, I-Iām sorry, he said after a while.Ā
You have nothing to apologize for, you said gently. Itās ok. He was your best friend. Itās ok to be sad.Ā
I-I fucked upā¦
Itās just a work meeting, you reminded him. Weāll set up another meeting with Dre, Iāll move a couple of appointments, itās fine.Ā
No, not⦠I-Iā¦
He was trying to speak but he wasnāt making much sense. He was stuttering, his voice cracking, changing pitch⦠You put your arms around him, half-expecting him to push you away but he didnāt. You kept running a hand up and down his back to soothe him a bit and it seemed effective.Ā
Thank you, Y/N, he said.Ā
Were you like this all weekend ? You asked.Ā
Yeahā¦Ā
Is that why you told Hailie I was spending the weekend with you ?Ā
I⦠Yeah, he said sheepishly. I didnāt want the kids to see me like this.Ā
I see, you said. So⦠what ? You listened to his music, looked at pictures and lost track of time ?Ā
I guess, he shrugged. I⦠I tried to go to his grave yesterday but it was packed.Ā
I guess a lot of people miss him, you said.Ā
No, it was⦠I saw them and they were wearing⦠My tee-shirts. My merch. They were my fans. On his grave. And it drove me fucking mad. Because I couldnāt even get out of my car, and I had to see these people pay respect but they were fans. They didnāt know him. And I saw the posts on social media. And people keep on making it about me.Ā
His voice broke again. You had often had conversations with him about fame and how he was dealing with it. Most of the time, he was grateful for it, though he often gave the impression that he didnāt really get why he was famous and how people could look up to him so much. « Itās just meĀ Ā», he often said. Deep down, he only saw himself as a guy trying to make it in hip-hop, trying to be the best emcee. Fame was never really part of his plan, though he was grateful for the success and love of people granted him. But the way he was speaking, it seemed like less of a blessing and more of a curse. He explained to you that he felt guilty for people making Proofās death about him. Sure, he was his best friend, but he was so much more, and he just wished people would respect his legacy and everything he meant to the hip-hop culture. He also felt guilty when he thought about Proofās family, who didnāt only have to deal with a tragic loss but also his own fame, and always being asked questions about him.Ā
His wife⦠She always hated me, you know ? He said. She hated all of us. Proof was never home, always either getting in trouble with us or trying to keep us out of it. Now we donāt speak too much and⦠I mean, I get it, I was his friend, not hers, but⦠I donāt know. I was supposed to be an uncle to his kids, you know ? Iām supposed to be there for them, not make things difficult. Iām supposed to be the one sending flowers, not receiving them in their place.Ā
Do you keep in touch ? You asked.Ā
I try, he said. I mean, if the kids need something, they know they can call. Sharonda too. She never would, sheās too proud but⦠Yeah, I just wish I could do more, you know ?Ā
I know, you said. You shouldnāt feel guiltyā¦Ā
No, I should, he shrugged. When he died, I was a massive asshole about it⦠I mean, I guess I made it a lot about me. But now it makes me so mad. And sad. And I miss him so much and I just wish I could apologize to him.Ā
For what ? You asked as you stroked his hand.Ā
Everything, he shrugged. For being ungrateful and not seeing everything he did to hold down the fort. Proof⦠He was strong when I was weak. And I never got to tell him how thankful I am. If it werenāt for him, Iād still be making burgers.Ā
Iām sure he knew how much you loved him, you said softly.Ā
I hope, he said. He was everything to me⦠Like⦠We didnāt love each other like that, you know. Like, no homo or whatever. But sometimes I think he was the love of my life. In a platonic way. Like, he was my other half, the one who made me a better person. And now that heās gone⦠Iām just me. And itās hard.Ā
Youāre still pretty great, you said. And I know he would be proud of you.Ā
I⦠I donāt know, he said.Ā
He seemed lost in his thoughts. You realized you had been stroking his back the whole time and stopped. He turned to you with his eyebrows furrowed and he didnāt even have to ask for you to resume. It was the first time the two of you had such a prolonged physical contact without it being sexual and you wondered if he noticed, too. He closed his eyes and you looked at him some more. He was clearly exhausted and you werenāt too sure how long he would need to sleep. Probably a long time.Ā
You should go to bed, you said softly.Ā
I guess, he shrugged.Ā
You need rest, you insisted. Iāll do the dishes and go home, ok ? You can call me if you need anything.Ā
Can you stay ? He asked nervously. I⦠I donāt feel like being⦠alone.Ā
Sure, you said with a hint of surprise.Ā
Ok.Ā
He got up and headed upstairs. When he noticed you werenāt following him, he turned to you with a raised eyebrow.Ā
You donāt want to come ?Ā
Upstairs ? You asked with your eyebrows furrowed. To your⦠room ?Ā
You said I needed to sleep, he pointed out. Iām not sleeping on the damn couch.Ā
You shrugged and followed him. That was new. You had slept over a couple of times, but never in the same bed as him. The only circumstances in which you had seen his bedroom were strictly sexual. But as soon as the deed was done, he wouldnāt sleep in the same bed as you. And even when you had slept with him during work trips, youād been back to your own room after. It was one of the many ways in which he could be guarded and you knew it had nothing to do with you. He just had his quirky, peculiar ways. He got in bed and looked at you intently.Ā
Come, he said.Ā
Ok, you said as you sat next to him.Ā
Remove your socks, he instructed.Ā
Iām not removing my socks, you said. My feet are cold.Ā
Youāre not getting in my bed with your dirty socks, he pointed out.Ā
I just put them on this morning, you said. Theyāre not dirty.Ā
Itās a pet peeve, he said. Just⦠Socks off, ok ? And get under the covers.Ā
You scoffed. If he was in a good enough state to be oddly specific - as he often was about practically everything in his life - it was a good sign. You took your socks off and sat in bed, under the covers. It felt weird but Marshall didnāt seem to pick on it. He simply laid there and stared at you.Ā
Youāre not laying down ? He finally asked.Ā
Um⦠Sitting is fine, you said.Ā
Can you lie down, please ? He asked.Ā
You looked at him with a raised eyebrow but still did as you were told. As soon as you laid down next to him, he closed his eyes. Given how exhausted he looked, you half-expected him to fall asleep right then and there but he didnāt. Instead, he kept on tossing and turning.Ā
Whatās up ? You asked. Do you need anything ?Ā
I think itās the Redbull, he said. I havenāt drank much else in days. Itās keeping me awake.Ā
Oh, you said. Letās talk, then.Ā
About what ? He asked.Ā
I donāt know, you shrugged. We can talk about anything. Whatās up with the cleared schedule on iCloud ? Did you do that ?Ā
Yeah⦠I donāt know, he said sheepishly. I⦠I went to the cemetery yesterday and when I couldnāt go and had to go home, I guess I lost it. There were these thoughts in my head and⦠Iām not sure I can do it anymore. Without Proof itās⦠too hard.Ā
Tears were welling in his eyes again. It had been more than fifteen years since Proofās passing and Marshall had put out quite a few albums in that time, but the wound still seemed fresh. It wasnāt a matter of his technical ability to do it without Proof - of course he could - it was about whether or not he wanted to.Ā
Ok, you said.Ā
Ok ? He asked.Ā
What do you want me to say ? You asked. Do you want me to plead for you to keep going ? Iām not going to. If you want to quit and retire, thatās ok, youāre allowed.Ā
Really ?Ā
I mean⦠Yeah, you said simply. Itās your decision. If you think you donāt have anything else to bring to the table, thatās fine. Youāve had a good run and a career people can only dream of having. If you decide to put an end to it, thatās fine.Ā
Wait⦠No, he said. I mean, your job is to talk me out of it. Is that some reverse psychology thing ?Ā
Itās Paulās job to talk you out of it, you clarified. Me, Iām just a personal assistant. My job is to manage your schedule and make life easier for you. Whether or not you put out music, my jobās fine as long as you need me to do your shopping, come to football games with you and remind you of your dentistās appointments. Next one is in two months by the way.Ā
He chuckled and you couldnāt help but smile. His face was still puffy and he still didnāt look his best, but hearing him laugh - however lightly - was good. He was a great person and you hated seeing him like this. Of all the people you had ever met, he was the one who had suffered the most, and deserved it the least. He was a good, hardworking, honest and generous man, on top of being one of the most talented people ever. His sadness was breaking your heart. If his career was making him sad, if keeping on going without Proof was too hard, he should be allowed to quit. He had earned it and, in your opinion, he didnāt have anything left to prove to anyone.Ā
So you donāt care whether I end my career or not ? He asked with an amused look.Ā
As a fan, I think it would be tragic, you said. Especially If you donāt put out that last album. Itās your best work so far. But as a person⦠What I care about is you, Marshall. Iām in the front row, seeing how hard you work every day. If you say thatās too hard, then thatās too hard and I trust you on that. If you think youāll be happier doing something else, just enjoying life with your family and focusing on your charity, you should do that.Ā
Proof would kick my ass for thinking of quitting, he said pensively.Ā
I think Proof would want you to be happy, you pointed out.Ā
He hummed and looked at you. He brought a hand to your face and stroked your face as a single tear rolled on his cheek. You smiled and wiped the tear, letting your hand cup his face. You stared at each other in silence. It was unusual but, oddly enough, not uncomfortable.Ā
Thank you for staying, Y/N, he simply said before letting out a small yawn.Ā
You should really try and get some sleep, you replied softly.Ā
He nodded and closed his eyes as you heard him take deep breaths. A couple of minutes later, he was asleep. You could hear him snore lightly. You looked at your phone to check the time. It was only 1PM. You figured youād stay there for a while and let him sleep while you answered a couple of e-mails. After a couple of hours, Marshall was still sleeping soundly. You thought you might as well do some tidying up in the house, but as soon as you tried to move, you felt his arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him. You smiled to yourself as you realized it was the first time you actually cuddled with him - and you enjoyed it more than you probably should. Your back was against his chest and you could feel his heartbeat. This and the sensation of his arm around you were incredibly soothing and you allowed yourself to close your eyes for a minute.
(ā¦)
Marshall groaned as you gently shook his shoulder to try and wake him up. He scrunched up his nose and let out a few obscenities. He looked pissed off as he opened his eyes.Ā
What time is it ? He groaned.Ā
About 7PM, you said.Ā
You better have a good reason to wake me up, he sighed.Ā
I think I do. You have clothes on your bed and ten minutes to get changed, ok ?Ā
Iām not getting dressed, and Iām not going out, he said with an eye roll.Ā
And Iām not giving you a choice, you said with a smile. Get up. Please. You wonāt regret it.Ā
You made your way downstairs and prepared a bottle of water and a snack for Marshall as you waited for him. When he arrived, he looked a bit puzzled. He was still clearly tired but he looked a lot better. You made him get in your car and drove to the cemetery. You had called ahead of time and asked if they would do you a favor and keep the place open for a couple more hours. You used the « Marshall MathersĀ Ā» card, which always worked when it came to getting a table at a fancy restaurant, borrowing a private jet or keeping a store open when Marshall needed to shop for his daughtersā birthday.Ā
What are we doing here ? He asked as you parked out front.
You know what weāre doing here, you said. Itās after hours and you get to pay your respects in peace.Ā
You⦠You arranged for this ?
I did, you said. Theyāll be open until 8:30PM. Iām sorry, I didnāt find a florist open, though.Ā
He looked at you in shock and immediately engulfed you in a hug before whispering a « thank youĀ Ā» in your ear before getting out of the car. An hour later, you were leaning on the hood of your car, smoking a cigarette when Marshall came back. He seemed more at peace. You could tell he had cried - as people often do when theyāre visiting someoneās grave - but he seemed alright nonetheless. He walked up to you and took you by surprise by kissing you. Contrary to all the kisses youād shared until now, this one wasnāt greedy, hungry or passionate. It was tender and soft. Intimate and emotional.Ā
A-Are you alright ? You asked.Ā
Yeah, he hummed. Thank you for taking me.Ā
Youāre welcome, you said with a smile.Ā
Ready to go ? He asked.Ā
Almost, you said as you pointed to your cigarette - knowing full well the hatred he had of your smoking habit.Ā
The drive home was a bit weird. You had kissed before but this felt different. You had always enjoyed his kisses but this one was, by far, your favorite. You felt a little guilty for enjoying it so much. If you were honest with yourself, it was a little scary, too. The only reason you had managed not to catch feelings for Marshall was because he was usually guarded and there were a lot of boundaries. But after today, after seeing him this open and vulnerable, you werenāt too sure you could go back to having casual sex with him. It would be too dangerous.Ā
Did you know Proofās family would be there ? He asked as you parked in front of his place.Ā
Were they ? You asked in surprise. No, I didnāt.Ā
The cemetery must have called them, then, he shrugged.Ā
Iām sorry, you said. I insisted that you have your privacyā¦Ā
Itās fine, he said. I talked to Sharonda. Nasaan was here too.Ā
How did it go ?Ā
Pretty well, he said. Iām seeing them later this week. Over dinner.Ā
Thatās great, you replied with a smile. Iām happy for you.Ā
Thank you Y/N, he said emotionally. For everything you always do for me. I mean, I wouldnāt be able to get through life without you. You put up with me, you make life bearable⦠And⦠Thank you for today, especially.Ā
Youāre welcome, you said with a small smile.Ā
He cupped your face and kissed you again. You leaned into the kiss more than you should. A part of you knew that you should push him away⦠But you couldnāt bring yourself to do it. Not after he had such a hard day. So you kissed him back and enjoyed the sensation of his tongue caressing yours, of his fingers in your hair.Ā
Now, you should go and get some rest, you said softly.Ā
Are you coming ? He asked as he stroked your cheek.Ā
Do you need me ?Ā
Y/N⦠I always need you.Ā
And just like that⦠You knew you were screwed. You felt an army of butterflies in your stomach and your brain was nowhere to be found. It had left the chat as soon as you heard Marshallās soft voice say he needed you. You were unable to think so your emotions took over as you exited the car and got inside the house, his hand in yours.Ā
Me with anything past Infinity War š¤š¤š¤

Pic found on Reddit