St. Petersburg: Champ De Mars, The Savior On Spilled Blood

St. Petersburg: Champ de Mars, the Savior on Spilled Blood

Bonsergent Studio

“I don’t know if there’s a word for it, but the thing I‘m aching for the most at the moment is change. I‘m craving it with every fibre of my body. I want to throw the windows wide open and breathe in the spring air that is not quite there yet. I want to redecorate the house, throw my old stuff out and buy new clothes, new plants, new everything. I want to cut my hair short, or curl it, or straighten it - I just want to wear it different than before. I want to dress more boldly and do things that scare me. I want to break out of my comfort zone and learn to be completely and devastatingly honest about things that hurt me and things I can’t face yet. I want everything to go back to the way it was before and yet I want it all to be different. I want to be different. There‘s a German word that basically translates to being homesick for a place you’ve never been. It’s called Fernweh. I wish there was a word to describe what I‘m feeling right now, because I think I might be homesick for a version of myself I haven’t met yet. For a version of myself I can’t meet at the moment, because every day seems so much like a repetition of the day before and I can’t see the end of the route we’re on. Right now, I can only hope for the slow sort of growth. The silent one. And maybe at the end of these difficult times, I’ll look back at who I was before and notice that I’m no longer the same.”

— silent changes / n.j.