Eleventh Doctor X Insecure/ Anxious Reader?

Eleventh Doctor x insecure/ anxious reader?

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"Cold feet" - 11th Doctor x Reader

SUMMARY: Funnily enough, after facing death and vicious aliens, it's small talk with strangers that gives you cold feet. Fortunately enough, you found yourself in the company of an expert on running away.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.9k

A/N: As an anxious person I cannot be thankful enough for people in my life who casually roll with my anxiety and don't try to "fix" it with cheap advice

"Time Lord to human! Are you listening to me?"

The sudden yelling shook you awake. Only then did you realize you zoned out in the first place, letting Doctor's rushed words brush right by you. You looked at him only to see pure annoyance seeping from his expression. Although you never meant to hurt him, the guilt still gnawed at you.

"Sorry, missed the last bit," you explained yourself as you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck. "What were you saying?"

Instead of repeating his scientific ramblings which definitely would have been a little too fast and complex for you to understand, he shifted his posture to rest his hands on his hips. You felt as if he had caught you red-handed doing something he had absolutely prohibited you from doing.

"Oi, what's going on with you? It's like you've lost your head."

You absentmindedly shook your head to dismiss his worry. "Yeah, sorry, it's no-"

"Are you in love?"

For a moment you couldn't get any sound to leave your mouth. "What?" It was a bizarre conclusion to jump to. You couldn't tell what on Earth could even get him that idea. "No, it's on-"

"Good for you!" he said as he clapped his hands. "Now, moving on. Focus, eyes on me."

"Look, it's just that I've got a..." you suspended your voice thinking of the right word to use. The Doctor stared at you with wide eyes, clearly awaiting the second part of the sentence. "Thing."

"A thing?" he repeated in confusion. It seemed as if with each of your words he only grew more offended at your misplaced attention.

"Yes, a thing." Out of all the words you could have used, your choice seemed to have fallen on the worst and least exhaustive one. "My friend, Ada, is throwing a party for some of her college friends but apart from me everyone invited is from her course, so she's going to be the only person I know there."

"And that's what you've been thinking about while I was explaining my clever, clever plan?"

The Doctor stared at you with closely knit eyebrows. In some way, he couldn't fathom how a party invitation could be in any way more interesting than him showing off his extraordinary intellect and creativity. Choosing between a college party and aliens should have been a lot easier than it truly was.

"It's not as simple as it sounds, you know?"

"Alright, then tell me." By his hand-flapping and surprisingly undivided attention, you couldn't tell whether he was growing more upset or actually wanted to hear about what was troubling you.

"Honestly, I don't want to go but it's important for Ada. Also, I haven't seen her in ages. On the other hand..." your voice drifted away. Now that you've started this little heart-to-heart, it was pointless to lie to the Doctor - if successful, fooling him wouldn't gain anything anyway. "It's a party full of strangers."

For a moment he stared at you in silence, visibly expecting you to elaborate but truthfully, there wasn't anything more to say. The hypothetical group of strangers, as faceless as they were, was already stressful enough, even without giving them imaginary traits or habits.

"Strangers, right," he said as he clasped his hands. The sound echoed throughout the console room. He looked away for a moment, basking in enlightenment, before looking back at you. "How exactly is that a problem?" he dwelled on the subject. It seemed as if the discomfort of a company of strangers was hardly conceivable.

"You wouldn't get it." You vaguely waved your hand at him in a dismissive manner. Maybe it was unfair towards him but you really couldn't imagine a scenario in which he doesn't throw in a sarcastic comment about your anxiety. "I mean, how could you? Socializing has never been a problem for you."

"How could it be? People, party, cake, dancing. I love dancing! Great times, nothing to be scared of."

"Yes, there is: small talk and thirty people I've never met. And that's only the beginning."

Even the mere mention of that situation made a cold shiver run down your spine. A flutter of anxiety in your chest brought an unpleasant, suffocating sensation. Unconsciously, your face contorted in a grimace.

"You just go up to them and talk, what's hard about that?"

"Everything!" you exclaimed as you made a broad movement with your hands. "It's just... I can't do that. I physically can't make myself go up to a stranger and ask how they're doing, I'd rather hit my head against a wall. I know the theory, the 'walking through a house' metaphor, it's just... I can't force my body to do that. And when I do find myself talking to a stranger, I want it to end immediately. And the silence! Oh God, the silence... Like when you ask them a question, they answer and then the silence. The awkward silence of my anxiety, lack of social skills and being a generally uninteresting person. Just a bit of quiet and everyone knows I'm weird, awkward and-"

"Hey, hey, stop it!" he scolded you in a whiny voice as if you were a child. "Don't say that. You're not awkward or weird, you're brilliant!"

"Thanks, that's nice of you but unfortunately, I am self-aware."

He may have known you for weeks but you've known yourself for decades.

"No, really." He refused to let go. If the Doctor was going to spout cliche pick-me-ups, he appeared exceptionally committed to the meaningless act. "You crossed the universe as it is wide and long. Fought aliens and risked your life because a toddler couldn't sleep at night. Blimey, you told a Sontaran with a bomb bigger than your head to piss off. And it's house party small talk that gives you cold feet?"

Contrary to his presumption, the context didn't give you any comfort or motivation - it only made you feel worse. If you really were as brave as he made it seem, why couldn't you just start a conversation with your friend's guests? By the measure of saving the universe multiple times, you should be more than capable to do so.

"I know it sounds ridiculous and I agree it's stupid but it's not the same. When we're saving worlds it's a mission, a puzzle to solve." You paused for a moment but by your expression, the Doctor could tell there was something else on your mind. "And I've got you," you added.

"Me?" he asked sheepishly. The Doctor vaguely pointed his finger at himself. "What does that have to do with me?"

"You make me a little braver. I mean, you don't look scared even when you are, so it gives me a little push. I feel a little less anxious when I know that you've got my back."

"So what do you do when I'm not there?"

"Bail," you answered with a shrug. Were you really the same person who criticized the fashion choices of an alien with more guns than limbs? "I rarely go but when I do, I just run off around midnight like Cinderella." You made a small pause when you lowered your gaze, avoiding the Doctor's face. "Honestly, it always makes me feel ashamed like I'm making myself miss out on something but it's either that or panicking in the bathroom."

A silence fell between you. The Doctor's typical hand flapping came to a strange halt as he continued to stare at you with an inexplicable expression. He would have agreed on your resemblance to Cinderella, your regent-esque charm and princess-like beauty but there seemed to be a matter more important at hand:

"Has that ever happened?"

His voice was surprisingly quiet, hesitant even as if he didn't want to actually know the answer. Maybe he wasn't sure he was ready for the responsibility the knowledge would bring. The Doctor's words were barely audible over the whirring and wheezing of the TARDIS's engineering.

"Which part?"

"Panicking in the bathroom."

"Yeah," you said quietly. Your gaze fell to the floor. Looking for some kind of comfort, you slowly rubbed your arm. "It was New Year at my friend's, didn't know anyone there except for him. At some point, I just needed to take a break from being around so many people. I sat in the bathroom wearing a silver sequin ballgown and fought back tears. Funny, I probably looked equally pathetic and great. The only thing I could think about was how rubbish I was at just hanging out with people and, you know, being a normal teen at a normal teen party filled with normal teens. I just..." you stopped yourself at the last moment possible. A heavy, defeated sigh left your lips before you continued in a voice barely above a whisper. "I just wish I was a little less anxious."

"You never said anything."

"Why would I? It's not something I'm exactly proud of." You let out a bitter chuckle as you answered him.

Suddenly you found yourself engulfed in a tight hug. The Doctor's arms were tightly wrapped around you, his slow but ragged breath brushing against your neck. Surprised at the unforeseen affection, you hesitantly reciprocated the embrace. The tweed of his jacket was slightly coarse, some strings were coming out of the seams. He always smelled like burnt wires and a second-hand bookshop. At first, that distinct fragrance wasn't exactly pleasant to you but with time it became a beacon of hope, comfort, adventure and a good laugh.

"Oh, you brilliant, clever you," he quietly said in a sad voice.

Then he stepped away from you just as swiftly and surprisingly as he hugged you in the first place. The first thing you noticed was the change in his facial expression: the Doctor was no longer annoyed or concerned but excited as if he had just come up with a perfect solution to some mind-boggling problem.

"Well then, good thing you're not going alone this time."

"I'm... not?"

"Yes! A plus-one. It's still a thing, right? I'm your plus-one."

"That's sweet of you but you really don't have to. I'm fine on my own," you assured him, although he had no reason to believe you after what you'd already told him.

"Change of plans, sweetheart!" he exclaimed as he pulled one of the many levers. The TARDIS was about to take flight and it was a little too late for arguments and second thoughts. "We're going together and when people become a little too much we attend to an emergency," he said while running between different parts of the flight console. As if he was dancing, he made a whole circle around the control switchboard and stood in front of you once again. The Doctor stuck his index finger in your face as if reprimanding you once more. "No panicking in the bathrooms."

"Wait, what emergency?" you asked as he was already taking directions to your hometown.

"You know, this very real emergency that can't wait and we have to take care of it at the very moment. The crisis that I definitely did not invent just now."

"Right..." you drew out your answer as you caught on to his ruse. A smile crept unto your face. "Time travellers, defenders of the universe. You can never know when you're needed. Any suspicions as to what the emergency is?"

"Laskos' fourth moon. There's that small waffle bar that might need an inspection."

The Companions as perfumes

I did it anyways lol. Once again let me know if you want a link to any of these.

Rose Tyler: Blackberry peach preserves- Nui Cobalt

Fox in the flowerbed- Imaginary Authors

Notes: Blackberry peach preserves-Deep and delicious, this scent recalls the purple skies of Autumn’s sunset. Ripened plump blackberries, vanilla sugar, luscious peach, and subtle spice. Wear for soothing, healing, and protection.

Fox in the flowerbed-Jasmine Tulips Frankincense Wildflower Honey Pink Peppercorns Silver Thistle Alpine Air

I feel like these both complement the ninth and tenth doctors pretty well. And they are both a sweeter and sort of flirty scent which suits Rose's personality. A note about fox in the flower bed is that it isn't a artificial flower scent. It smells exactly like if you laid down in a bed of flowers. I'm not one for florals but this is a perfume I would be reaching for.

Martha Jones: Zuma 1975- Thin Wild Mercury

Notes: Top Notes Bergamot, Coriander​ Middle Notes Ocean waves, Jasmine Sambac​ Bottom Notes Sandalwood, Vetiver, Ambrette Musk

I don't have this perfume but from what i've heard it is very good. It's advertised more as a beachy summery perfume I believe.

Donna Noble: Yesterday Haze

Notes:Fig Iris Cream Tonka Tree Bark Walnut Bitters Orchard Dust

This perfume immediately draws you in. It's personally one of my favorites and would suit Donna insanely well. It's just one of those perfumes that if you smelled it out in public you would never be able to forget about it.

Amelia Pond: O'Unknown- Imaginary Authors

Notes-Black Tea Lapsang Souchong Tincture Orris Butter Kyoto Moss Musk Balsam Sandalwood ???

Another perfume that I don't personally have but just from the name alone I had to pair this one up for Amy Pond. Each of the Imaginary Author perfumes have a story behind them and this one is Amy's. A man that left for adventure ready to leave it all behind.

Rory Williams: Classic Old Spice.

Look. I love Rory. I really do. But I have a pretty good feeling the only thing he wears is old spice. It's comforting and well known scent. Not only that but it's dependable and I feel like that Rory to a t. In order to have Rory wear something else I'd feel like it would have to be a gift. And if that were the case I'd choose Painted Fires by death and floral.

‘Painted Fires ’ - Dry desert rose & dusty ground, sweet summer citrus, leftover bonfire ash, white sage distilled in New Mexico, sun-warmed ghostly glow

Clara Oswald: Saint Julep- Imaginary Authors

Notes:Sweet Mint Tangerine Southern Magnolia Bourbon Grisalva Sugarcube

This smells like drinking a sweet tea with some bourbon in it during the summer time. It's not over powering but it still lets you know that it's there. It's a delicate sounding perfume that gives a nice hit once you smell it.

Captain Jack Harkness: Apre's - Ellis Brooklyn

Notes: Juniper Berries, Bourbon, Cedarwood

I have heard this perfume is that it is the embodiment of cutting up wood all day out in the forest and coming back home to sip on a glass of bourbon. There's also some notes of sweet vanilla to some. It's a more masculine leaning scent that envelops all who smell it.

River Song: Whiskey 1969- Thin Wild Mercury

Notes: Top Notes Pink Pepper, Cardamom Middle Notes Raspberry, Nutmeg, Ylang Ylang Base Notes Cedarwood, Bourbon Amber

This is a perfume I wish I had. From what i've heard its a more sexy and sultry scent that breathes of something wild. Another perfume oil I had in mind for River Song was Two cups of tea a summer monsoon and me and you by Death and Floral. It's a sweet summery petrichor scent that I just adore.

I’m Here. We’re Here.

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Song: Touch- Sleeping at last

Warnings: TW! Mentions of self harm! Swearing. Angst.

An: I know that this is a Doctor Who blog but I had this dream a long time ago and I can't stop thinking about it. It. It helped me so much and the funny thing is was that I wasn't even that much into Supernatural. I was just a casual fan. God I'm rambling again. I just hope that this will help someone out there like it did for me. And if this gets popular enough maybe I'll do both DW and Supernatural on here. And I’m sorry that it’s a bit short. 

Oh god I fucked up. I’ve fucked up big time. Stumbling out of the bathroom I fall to a heap on the floor, my back slamming against the wall as I breath in deeply. I thought I was done with this. I was doing good. So fucking good.

My legs sting as I run my hands across my thighs that burning sensation dulling my senses even more. The only focal point I have in this too dark a place. I draw my legs in close and cross my arms over my chest. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” With each word I smack my head against the wall anger bubbling up from my chest and spilling out past my abused lips. Screaming into the silence that no one else was there to break.

No one else there to help pull me out from the darkness I was drowning in.

It was so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid that I fell back on old habits. I knew I shouldn’t be beating myself up like this but God. 

It was so fucking stupid.  

My body trembles as I try to breathe. My chest heaving as if though I had just ran a marathon. 

Sam and Dean weren’t here and wouldn’t be for hours to come. And I wasn’t about to call them just to talk about feelings or make them worry about me. It wasn’t a good reason for them to be concerned and I would feel to guilty to drag them into my mess.

As I hold my trembling hand into the light flooding from the bathroom I felt myself break. The light didn’t reach into the little corner I shoved myself in and it hit all to close to home.

I scream again.

And again.

And again.

I cry out into the night like a lost child looking for their mother. And maybe I was. Who the fuck knows. Maybe I was just calling out to anything that would hear me. Anything that would make me feel something other than anger.

At some point I stop screaming and rest my head on top of my knees and close my eyes. Listing to the quiet. I was tired. A heavy weight settling itself atop me. Pulling me down further than I already was.

“Y/n?” I pull into myself further and curse silently. “Y/n what’s wrong?” I felt Cass lay his hand on top of my head and I jerk back. Wincing when my head smacks against the wall behind me. His eyes grow wide when he see’s me. I more than likely look a mess. Eyes puffy from crying and trails running down my face from the tears. I know I bit to harshly on my lip at one point. My skins probably blotchy as well. It always does that when I get to upset.

“Y/n?” He tilts his head as his voice grows soft. I almost start crying again. Cass is on one knee in front of my. The light illuminating a halos light behind him. He almost seems to glow. And sure enough he’s on the right side of the light. 

I pull back when he reaches his hand out again. I didn’t want him near me. Not now. Not in the dark.

“You can tell me. You know. Or do you want Dean and Sam instead?” I shook my head no.

“I fucked up Cass. I fucked up big time.” There was no use hiding it from him. He could read me like an open book. He sighs and grabs my hand.

“No. You didn’t.” I came out of my tight shell and got up on my knees so I could look him face to face. 

“Yes. I did.” I swallow thickly as my voice threatens to give. My throat sore and scratchy making it hurt to talk. “I wanted to feel something more. And I fucked up. I fucked up badly and I can’t make it go away. No matter what I do. It won’t go away!” I smack my hands against his shoulders and fall back. Sitting on my heels as I begin crying anew.

Burrying my face into my hands I curl in on myself. I felt ashamed for crying in front of him. Oh god who wouldn’t? He was an angel of God. A man who has been alive since before Earth was even a thought. He has seen and done many terrible things. 

What i’m going through now must seem so. So trivial. 

“Stop.” Almost a whisper. His fingers rest underneath my chin and oh so gently lifts my head up to look at him. His eyes grew sad as they looked at me. 

“Whatever you are telling yourself right now. Stop.”

“I-” He cuts me off with a furious glare.

“No. I know you and I know what’s going on in your head right now. And I know I’m not good with human emotions. Much less ones like your. But I do know what you’re telling yourself right now isn’t real. It isn’t you, y/n.” He brings his fingers up  and presses them against my head.

My body shakes as warmth floods through. Fading away and leaving me a little less hollow. Cass cups my chin an runs his thumb just beneath my eyes. Getting rid of the tears.

“It’s hard now. I know. And I won’t lie an tell you that it’s going to be easy. Because its not. But I want you to know that you are worth much more than you think. You are here on this Earth for a reason. And it wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t.” He pulls me in close and wraps his arms around me. I was to stunned to say or do anything.  

I was touching the light.

I.

“I’m here for you. Were’re here for you.” Cass runs his hand up and down my back before pulling away. “Don’t you ever forget that. Don’t you dare ever forget that again.” 

Eater Of Time

:A sneak peak into what I'm writing next. Trying to keep this blog somewhat active lol:

Last part first

"Help me. Remind me why I'm here."

-Kim Addonizio, from 'Death Poem', Wild Nights: New and Selected Poems.

"What are they?" Your voice shakes. The creatures in front of you move and shift along the shadows. Their eyes are hungry. Feeding off of the very being of you.

"Eaters of time." The Doctor spoke from beside you. Quiet. Soft. Almost scared if one could believe it. You glance up at him as he still stares back at the creatures.

"Eaters of time?" You ask. One of them lurches forward and the Doctor places you behind him. His sonic whirs uselessly against them. The darkness they spread swallows the little green light. "Doctor." You whisper. "Doctor please. What are they?"

You have never seen that look on his face before. So broken. Empty. You've seen his joy, his anger, his sorrow. This. It.

"They eat time, Y/n. Specifically the time someone has lived. They eat it. Consume it. Almost immortal because of their hunger." He pulls you away from him and towards the open forest the two of you had trekked god knows how long ago. "I'm sorry." He gives you a hug. Presses a kiss to your brow. "I am so sorry. But I need you to run. Go. To the Tardis. She'll take you home."

"I'm not leaving you!" The creatures surge as your voices rises. "Doctor. I will not leave you." Your voice is hoarse. Your body strung tight. Muscles and a base primal fear begging you to do just that. Run.

His face hardens and you catch a glimpse of the Doctor that only those who whisper his name in fear have witnessed. Not at you. No. But that foolish heart of yours. The one that begs to stay. To help.

"I need you to run. Now." He begins to push you away from it all. Away from the baying creatures. The forest seems to grow. To swallow the both of you as he pushes you further and further away. "Go! Before they-"

A message from The Doctor.

Yes! Hello. Is this thing on? Y/n are you there? Hold on a sec just let me...

Ahh! There we go all better. Now. I heard from a little bird that you weren't feeling well. Well by a little bird I mean the Tardis. Not much of a bird. Unless you count all the flying. Well.

Nevermind. What matters right now is you.

I know that I haven't been there as much as I should have. Didn't notice the way you have begun to shut yourself off from everyone else.

Now I know that that is a tempting thing to do. To pretend that the world isn't here to judge you. For people to ask you if your okay all the time and not wanting to hear the real answer.

The want to be alone.

But I'm also here to tell you that isn't a way to live.

It's. *Static*

Oh yes. Sorry bout that. Now where were we. Ah.

Y/n you have so many people that care. You humans. Always surprise me with that. The way you give your heart out so freely. The way you love so much it kills you when that love leaves.

I'm telling you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hope when all seems lost. There is family. Friends. Even your pet. You are loved and you will be missed.

And most of all.

*The line falls silent. The humming of the Tardis is heard along with the shuffling of fabric*

*A throat is cleared*

And most of all. I wouldn't have you.

My brilliant companion.

My absolutely stunning human that loves with no bounds.

Where would I be without you.

My darling y/n.

Your smile could put the stars to shame. Your laugh the sound space.

Don't laugh now. You truly haven't heard music until you've listened to the song of lost time.

Y/n.

My companion.

My friend.

Please. Do not go.

I would be lost without you.

Now.

Look out your window.

*The screen statics and fades to black."

(Is this something anyone would like? I really don't know. But what I do know is that sometimes every one needs to hear something from someone they care about. I know that the Doctor means a lot to some people. Myself included. Just. Let me know if any of you would like more of these. I can set up rules for it as well. I just hope that this makes someone happy. And I'm sorry about the length.Its a little short.)

Space Oddity

Pairing: The Doctor x Reader

Song: Space Oddity- David Bowie

Warnings: None.

An: This is like. One of my biggest fears. But I do hope y'all enjoy and would like any feedback you have!

There's moon dust in my lungs. Filling every aching breath and flowing out through my veins.

Starlight dances across my visor. Zooming by like headlights on the high way.

When I was promised all of time and space I didn't expect this.

My arm floats upwards. My fingertips caress the side of the shrinking moon. Shaking and never moving at the same time.

Something begins beeping off to my left.

I ignore it.

Nothing matters now.

Not anymore.

"Ground control to Major Tom." My breath fogs the glass in front of me.

"Ground control to Major Tom. Take your protein pills and put your helmet on."

When I was younger I used to dream of space. Spending entire nights doing nothing but staring at the moon.

Oh God how she was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. It took my breath away.

It still does.

Never moving yet just out of reach.

I used to count the stars to. Day dreaming about flying away in a little grey spaceship of my own.

"Ground Control to Major Tom (ten, nine, eight, seven, six)

Commencing countdown, engines on (five, four, three)

Check ignition and may God's love be with you (two, one, liftoff.)"

But nowadays that ship is blue and I've done more than just seen stars and dream away at moons.

I've meet new people of every kind. Some who are as pure as snow is white and some as spiteful as the day is long.

I've seen places that took my breath away an stole pieces of my heart.

I've walked in the footsteps of a man bound for greatness.

Oh God. I have met people who sing my name with love and have left people who utter my name with only the foulest of curses.

That's the thing about traveling. You don't always make friends.

Sometimes you leave a place behind far worse than you left it. And it sticks with you until the bitter end.

"This is Ground Control to Major Tom . You've really made the grade. And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear. Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare"

My vision is fading now. Muddling swirling galaxies together.

The bright and vibrant colors that once drew me in with anticipation now my only comfort as I float on by.

I swear I could hear singing now. My numbed lips try to sing along.

I don't know what I'm hearing. I don't know if there's even any words. But if I didn't know any better I swear she was singing to me.

A child lost without their mother.

That's all I was.

"This is Major Tom to Ground Control .I'm stepping through the door. And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the stars look very different today. For here."

Oh God I'm scared.

I'm alone.

Yet I'm surrounded by life.

A few light-years to my left and you have the tiny rundown diner me and the Doctor visited.

Centuries. That's what its name was. When I asked why the owner just smiled.

"Because, my dear." He had spoken with a thick Glarainen accent. "The memories you make here last for centuries." He had a slight lisp to his voice. And his skin the same color of the oceans back on Earth.

And he was right about one thing.

I remember vividly slow dancing with the Doctor on the patio. Water laping against the banks below us. The planets twin moons reflecting on the water.

I remember burying my face into the crook of his neck. My arms linking together over his shoulders. The scent of old wood and something I could place my finger on. Not quite a spice but not sweet either.

"Am I sitting in a tin can. Far above the world. Planet Earth is blue. And there's nothing I can do." I shudder. It seems to get colder and colder with each passing second. The only warmth to be had is my breath against the freezing glass in front of me.

I can hardly move any more. I feel stiff. Like someone had...

Had what?

Why can't I move.

Limbs drifting.

Blood rushes in my ears. I can't hear her song anymore.

"Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles

I'm feeling very still

And I…"

Moon dust fills my lungs one last time.

The ship we were repairing gone from my sight long ago.

All I see is blue.