The Last Time My Parents Helped Me Move House My Mother Looked Around My Partially-packed Flat And Said

 The last time my parents helped me move house my mother looked around my partially-packed flat and said half-thoughtfully, half-bewildered,

“Have you ever considered....not buying books..?”

Person: You need to stop buying books.

Me: no I don’t

Person: there is no space in your room for them!

Me: I need more bookshelves!

Person: you’re hoarding them.

Me: I’m collecting them

When I did my teacher training, one of the first things they made very clear to us was this: we’re not here to teach you subject matter. Not brilliant at your maths, English, sciences? You’re on your own. We’re here to teach you how to teach. And I am immensely grateful because:

I just BLAGGED my way through AN HOUR AND A HALF of 1-to-1 GCSE Physics I know NOTHING about electromagnetic formulae I was speed-reading the kid’s study guide UPSIDE DOWN while TALKING VAGUE ELECTRICAL BOLLOCKS.

<wheeze>

I think I’m going through one of those near-death-experience natural highs...

I may occasionally demonstrate all the intellectual vigour of a potato, but my god, I have the hand-eye coordination of a mach 3 fighter pilot.

My last tutoring place of the evening sent me home with a mango as a sort of combined iftar / sorry-for-cancelling-the-next-three-weeks-of-lessons gift but it was really ripe and I was scared to put it in my bag as it would squish so I was walking down the Whitechapel Rd and then sitting on a bus just sorta... gingerly clutching a single small mango.

 I... made a noise when I saw this. I’m not sure the noise is describable or repeatable.

Me, noticing the sky is getting darker and darker: Look, I have to go out in less than an hour, could we maybe not rain?

Sky:*slowly starts to blizzard*

Me: Well, I think we both know that’s not what I meant...