I have thoughts then make them your problem
39 posts
Thedevilsaysthings - Satan - Tumblr Blog
NOPE! I'm biblical propaganda
WAIT PEOPLE ON TUMBLR ARE REAL FUCKING PEOPLE
pls reblog for sample size etc
at the end of april fools day* idk if they're removing it or not
Just used a hairdryer for the first time in like 8 years. Not sure I'll ever recover from this
FUCK! HOW DO I SUPER BOOP??? I WANNA PUNCH PEOPLE IN THE FACE (affectionately)
Every single time I boop somebody I think of this image, and feel no remorse
Every single time I boop somebody I think of this image, and feel no remorse
no language should be mocked other than french
Awkward makeup
pairing: joey jordison x fem!reader
summary: joey likes the way his girlfriend wears makeup. but even more, he likes when she puts makeup on him.
genre: fluff, established relationships, comfort
warnings: sexual tension, age regression/de-aging joey (21)
word count: 1,589
a/n: this one shot was written based on this request. I hope you like it!
tag list: @jakekisska @retro-fr6 @boulder-2 @gougie , @novaleedartis , @neteyamgfs , @alex-cold17 @ilovehobi101
Slipknot concerts were always too tiring for (Y/N) to prepare for. A lot of work, too much responsibility for the props. A lot of fans who make so much noise at the sight of their favorite metal stars that sometimes they shout over the music coming from the amplifiers, which sometimes makes (Y/N) convinced that her eardrums will burst. Living in a trailer, which was cramped and terribly stuffy on hot summer nights. All this and much more forced the girl to ask herself over and over again, why does she need all this? Why can’t she sleep peacefully in her soft, cozy bed, in her home, in which she knows every corner. Why should she endure the fact that fans rush at her at the sight of their idols, almost knocking her down, trying to trample her with their heavy boots? Every time she asks herself this question, but it instantly disappears and leaves her thoughts when she wakes up in the morning and sees Joey, who is completely sleepy and clumsy, trying to pull the blanket over his head so that the sun does not shine directly in his eyes and he can sleep another five minutes, which will ultimately drag on for a full hour. The way he held her tightly around her waist, hips or shoulders while drool flowed from his slightly open mouth, dripping onto the pillow, causing (Y/N) to laugh quietly, and furiously want to take a photo of him.
Therefore, despite all the inconveniences of life on tour, (Y/N) still stubbornly follows her drummer boyfriend, who himself does not want her to leave him.
Joey always loved spending time with (Y/N), whether it was braiding each other's hair, or the way she admiringly listened to him play the drums or guitar, how he supported him in any, even the most difficult moment of his life. The moments when they are together are incredibly valuable for both of them, neither (Y/N) nor Joey want to give them up, and therefore, they spend every possible second together.
Stretching from side to side, (Y/N) pulls her arms, numb from a long sleep, and looks down again, smiling at how tightly Joey pulls her towards him. He snores quietly, and doesn’t even seem to think about waking up, although it’s time for both of them to get ready for the interview. But Joey again tests the patience of Corey, who will certainly start yelling at them for being late again, and this vicious circle repeats itself again and again, although it is high time to break it. So it is for this reason, despite the fact that she herself really wants to close her eyes again and cling to Joey, plunging into sweet dreams, (Y/N) gently but persistently shakes his shoulder, trying to wake him up.
Joey mutters something into his pillow, and (Y/N) can barely make it out - “five more minutes,” - but she knows this trick of his, and is absolutely sure that five minutes will drag on for ten, after which it will turn into several hours of deep sleep , so she pats his shoulder again and again, on which a hickey blooms like a bright red spot, which slowly but surely begins to darken, as a pleasant reminder of last night.
She herself has a lot of them on her neck and chest, and (Y/N) has no doubt that she will have to cover them with foundation for a long time, and the way Joey grabbed her hips with his hands doesn’t make the situation any easier.
(Y/N) shakes his shoulders again and again, but Joey doesn’t give up, continues to close his eyes tighter, into which his tangled long hair falls, which clearly prevents him from continuing to sleep, but no one is going to give in and because, (Y/N ) takes a long strand of Joey's hair in his hands and begins to trace it around his nose in a circle until he begins to wrinkle his nose and frown, grumbling in displeasure. (Y/N) grinned, but didn't give up on her little torture, continuing to tickle Joey's face until he grabbed the pillow and threw it at (Y/N)'s face, to the sound of her loud laughter.
"You're annoying, you know that?" Joey mutters, to which (Y/N) proudly lifts her chin, flicks Joey on the tip of his nose, and then leaves a kiss on his forehead.
"Of course,” the girl replies, to which he just rolls his eyes in playful irritation. "You tell me this every morning."
(Y/N) suddenly leans closer to him and straightens his hair, whispering hotly right into his ear, which gives Joey goosebumps.
"But at the same time, every night you claim the opposite."
Damn this girl... She's driving him crazy. (Y/N) is too deep under his skin, and Joey definitely has no intention of getting rid of her. (Y/N), who is so pleased with his reaction, playfully pecks him on the lips, and hurries to get out of bed, running into the bathroom, from which she brings a large cosmetic bag, and sitting down on the bed, begins to hastily look for something in it. Joey watches her curiously from the corner of his eye as he pulls on his clothes. His gaze is drawn to the large eyeshadow palette of all sorts of colors that (Y/N) holds in her hands, carefully running a thin makeup brush over her eyelids.
An idea suddenly appears in his head, which lights up like a light bulb in a dark room, and he hurries to sit down next to the girl, to which she looks at him in complete bewilderment. One of her eyes is already brightly but stylishly painted, while on the second there is not even a hint of makeup.
Joey takes her eyeliner in his hands and pulls down her lower eyelid so that (Y/N) momentarily fears that his eyes will fall out of his socket, and begins to snatch the eyeliner from his hands, to which Joey leans back, and (Y/N) falls on top of him.
"You'll poke your eye out like that." (Y/N) grumbles, carefully getting up from her boyfriend, who, however, is in no hurry to let her go, and holds her wrists with his own hands.
"Well, show me how to do it correctly, since you are such a professional." Joey grins, and (Y/N) is happy about it.
Not that he needs this makeup - at the interview, he will, as always, wear a faceless plastic mask, hiding his charming face behind it. But since Joey wants it, she's willing to spend a little time getting naughty with him.
"Sit down and close your eyes." The girl commands, and Joey obeys her, obediently doing everything she tells him.
(Y/N) gently touches his face, carefully applies foundation, and rubs it into his skin with soft patting movements to make sure that the cream lies evenly. Joey chuckles, which earns (Y/N) a playful slap on his shoulder, scolding him for moving around too much and getting in her way. Joey just pouts at this, but stops moving, allowing (Y/N) to apply the black eyeliner that brings out his huge blue eyes so effectively.
(Y/N) pulls back for a moment and admires the work done, and frowns slightly because she doesn’t like the way she put makeup on his face. No, (Y/N) wants to highlight his beauty, not make it grotesque.
Carefully smudging the eyeliner over his eyes with a small sponge, (Y/N) sticks out the tip of her tongue slightly, and when she realizes that she’s only making things worse, she rolls her eyes and, licking her thumb, begins to wipe the makeup off his eyes.
Joey smiles only with the corners of his lips, and reaches his hands to (Y/N)'s hips, squeezing them with his fingers as she tries so hard to correct her failure. (Y/N) is too busy to notice what Joey is doing, so she allows him to continue stroking her buttocks and lower back with impunity.
(Y/N) is already completely desperate, and doesn’t know what to do, and therefore sits down comfortably, right on the guy’s lap, while he raises his hands to her waist, reaches for her chest, when the girl suddenly pulls away sharply, and with a smug look rises to the legs, much to Joey's displeasure.
"Here, look in the mirror."
With these words, she hands him a small mirror that she always keeps in her cosmetic bag, and Joey snorts loudly in indignation and looks at it. The makeup was applied carefully and really looked stunning. (Y/N) carefully emphasized the expressiveness of his eyes, focusing on their color and shape.
The makeup looked so good that for just a moment, Joey forgets that (Y/N) so abruptly interrupted what could have ended up being such a sweet and pleasant pleasure, from which both of them would have benefited, but of course, this harmful the girl needed to ruin everything...
(Y/N) notices his surprisingly enthusiastic and at the same time gloomy appearance, and therefore comes closer to Joey, and languidly biting him on the cartilage of his ear, handed him the mask, whispering:
"We could have had some fun if you slept less."
“Damn,” Joey thought defeatedly, reluctantly getting out of bed, taking (Y/N)’s hand and heading out of the trailer. "Good point."
When idiots are in love
Pairing: Joey Jordison x Fem!Reader
Summary: Joey Jordison is many things at once. He's a playful, he's a pain in the ass, and most importantly, Joey Jordison is a brat. But here's the rub, he's your brat, and there's no escape from that fact.
Genre: Love, fluff, comfort, friends to lovers, idiots in love.
Warnings: Age-Regression/De-aging, joey (21), reader (20).
Word count: 1,586
A/N: This story was written based on this request. Anonymous who requested this story, thank you, I hope you will like it! I miss Joey…
Tag list: @jakekisska @retro-fr6 @boulder-2 @gougie, @novaleedartis, @neteyamgfs, @addi1978, @alex-cold17, @nothingtoseehereanymoreblog, @isntitdarling13
It's no secret that Joey is loud at times. It is noisy and sometimes there is too much of it, even when it would seem that it is not necessary at all. There's nowhere to hide from him, because when Joey wants attention, he gets it, no matter if it's continuous drumming until you start banging on his door with your fists, cursing him at the top of his lungs, or his futile butts. annoying attempts to make you take your mind off work by pulling your hair, or running up to you and slamming the laptop lid, waiting for you to run after him.
Joey annoys you, or at least you successfully pretend that he annoys you. And yet, despite this, Joey is nice. He is sweet and kind, and is always that ray of sunshine that can light up the road even on the darkest and gloomiest night. Joey, a fun guy who always makes you feel good. Even if sometimes, he is an incredibly loud pain in the ass.
It's not like you weren't used to his quirks. No, it would be more than strange, given the simple fact that you have been friends almost since the cradle. You knew before that this sneaky little boy would be your headache, but how could it be otherwise? In the end, just looking at his huge blue eyes would make you lose your breath and make your knees weak. And even despite the fact that he, being shorter than you, he should have at least looked up to you, and yet, he managed to do everything to make you feel completely small next to him. And God, this guy... You didn't know what else to say. He's an asshole, no doubt about it. He is noisy and sometimes very childishly strange, oh dear Lord, of course. Joey can be a pain in the ass, and that's a fact, but what matters most is that he is YOUR pain in the ass, and there is no way that anything could be different.
Not that this day was different from all the previous ones. You continued to work on your college English project, tiredly rubbing your eyes, which were now the same bright red color as the streaks in Joey's hair, drooping from the burning lack of sleep. Taking a sip of bitter and completely tasteless coffee from a glass, you continued to write the project, again and again re-reading the lines written on the laptop monitor, which now seemed completely identical and meaningless, and only for a moment leaning your head back on the back of the sofa, you closed your eyes, massaging your closed eyelids with palms, when suddenly you realized that the house was quiet. The house where Joey Jordison is is too quiet. Why did it happen? You didn’t know, but you understood too clearly that this was all not good.
No-no-no! You know him too well to think that he could just lie down and fall asleep, like any normal person would do at such a late hour. Joey will bully you until you satisfy his boredom, and there's no chance you'll fall for his stupid tricks again. In any case, you sincerely wanted to believe it.
Having saved your project, you put your laptop aside, went into the kitchen, and turned on the water to wash your face. The cool water sobered you up, and even though it didn’t last long, it filled you with the energy that you were missing right now. Turning off the water, you awkwardly scratched the back of your head, thinking that it would be nice to take a break from all this studying and get some sleep. Rubbing your eyes sleepily, you returned to the living room, and sitting down on the sofa, you were about to make the last edits to the project for the day, when you saw the words in bold italics:
"Who didn't hide..."
Oh no, you thought wearily. More of his little games that will give you a headache. Quickly erasing the words that you will absolutely forget about in the morning, you closed the laptop lid, and frowning, said:
"I have no time for your stupid entertainment now, Jordison!" in response there was silence, which seemed to begin to hum while you looked around, trying to find this cunning head. "Come out now, otherwise when I find you, you can rest assured that I will wash you in the washing machine!"
There is no answer again, but suspicious sounds are heard upstairs, and you, knowing exactly what this threatens you with, still go upstairs, rolling your eyes and muttering curses under your breath with displeasure.
Something is rustling in the bedroom, and you have no doubt that Joey is there, preparing another dirty trick, which may be innocent, but will definitely bring you to white heat, especially when you are terribly tired and want to sleep. And yet, it’s too late to retreat, and you go to the door leading to the bedroom, and open it slightly, watching how carefully Joey hides in your closet, hiding behind T-shirts and dresses, just to remain unnoticed. Haha, well, two can play this game, right? Opening the door, you walk into the bedroom with a completely unsuspecting look, loudly indignant, and pretending to be desperately looking for Joey while he quietly laughs sitting in the closet. To his credit, you probably wouldn't have noticed him there.
Cursing especially loudly, you smile slyly and throw the large teddy bear that Joey gave you for your last birthday on the bed, which makes a very quiet creak, but this is enough to convince him that you are in bed and going to sleep. Covering the toy with a blanket, you quietly sink to the floor, hiding behind the bed, while Joey, sincerely convinced that you have absolutely no idea where he is, gets out of the closet and goes to the bed, not forgetting to put his favorite kabuki mask on his face.
Tossing his hair forward, Joey, a white sheet draped over his shoulders, walks towards the bed with his arms out in front, and you have to bite your index finger to keep from laughing at how ridiculous it looked. And yet, if his plan succeeded and he woke you up in the middle of the night, such a sight would indeed be nothing less than frightening. Joey crawls onto the bed and approaches the teddy bear lying on it instead of you, and is about to let out a loud scream when you jump out from behind the bed and shout a banal, but so effective - “boo!” - from which Joey screams, but this time from panic, and falling onto his back, tangled in the sheet.
Unable to bear it, you laugh loudly and loudly, bent over and holding your stomach with your hands, which is already starting to hurt, while Joey is still struggling with the sheet, in a vain attempt to get out of the trap into which he has driven himself.
With difficulty, you stop laughing, and after wiping your eyes from the tears that have appeared on them, you pull the sheet off Joey’s head, and crossing your arms over your chest, you say:
"Mischief didn't manage, ha?"
Joey just snorts at this, awkwardly getting out of the sheets onto the bed, while you, satisfied with how you finally caught him off guard, sit down next to Joey, while he takes off his mask and puts it on the nightstand, pouting displeasedly.
His hair is messy and looks rather comical, even without considering the situation, and you gently smooth the mess on his head with your hand as Joey blushes to the tips of his ears. The room is fortunately dark, and you can’t see well, but even so you notice how his pale skin is covered with crimson paint.
"What a mess you made,” you scoff, to which Joey rolls his eyes but doesn’t mind because it’s the truth.
"Yeah, yeah,” he smiles, while you diligently try to fix how much his hair is disheveled, although you understand perfectly well that without a comb, nothing will work out. "But it's all you. This time, you made the mess."
“It’s true,” you smile, taking a comb from the nightstand drawer, carefully running it through Joey’s tangled locks.
He doesn’t resist, and for the first time in such a long time, he sits quietly until you finish putting this chaos in order. Joey grins as you carefully braid his hair. Joey smiles, and even though you can't see it, too busy trying to braid him, or two or three, maybe twenty, you feel him relax in your arms, and how he starts to feel sleepy until in the end, he doesn’t fall back, his head falling on your shoulder.
You haven’t finished braiding his hair, but you know that you can always continue tomorrow, but for now, you gently move away, allowing Joey to lie down on the bed, and you lie down next to him, feeling how his head is pressed against your chest, and how tightly he wraps his arms around your waist. And you let him do it because Joey Jordison is an asshole and a troublemaker, no matter what, he is your asshole, and if only for that reason, you are ready to put up with all his quirks over and over again while he is mischievous but with such strong love smiles at you.
This map is the most up to date version as of 3-4-2023 and takes into account all recent movement on anti-trans legislation
Weirdly anti-millennial articles have scraped the bottom of the barrel so hard that they are now two feet down into the topsoil
Shouting this at all the tumblr porn bots that have been following me
ok quick poll for glasses-wearers reblog and tell me how you clean your glasses and if i hear bar soap im marrying you just to divorce you and take the kids
Thanks, I hate it
Peter: Just found out that 51 is divisible by 17. I feel fucking sick, I can’t breathe.
So Facebook then?
There was an evil company that was watching us.
Japanese tea bag maker Ocean-Teabag has been making waves by creating little parcels of aroma in the shape of marine animals. Luckily for us, their wide range of tea bags are available at online Japanese novelty retailer Village Vanguard, maker of such fine products as Space Tea and cat-shaped kitchen utensils.
Ocean-Teabag’s earliest designs included beautiful dolphin tea bags filled with blue mallow tea leaves. Steeping them turns your otherwise normal pot of water into a tranquil ocean. Proving to be a hit among tea lovers, Ocean-Teabag expanded their repertoire to many other sea creatures including the sea turtle (butterfly pea jasmine tea)…
the distinctive ocean sunfish (Japanese hojicha — roasted green tea)…
the graceful manta ray (tropical mango tea)…
and even a blood-thirsty shark (blended herb tea).
The newest addition to their robust series of marine creatures is a tea bag shaped like an innocuous sea cucumber. This little parcel is filled with jasmine tea, as well as a smidgen of sea cucumber powder to lend some authenticity. Ocean-Teabag warns that some people who have a sensitive tongue may find it tasting a little fishy.
The company also crafted a deep sea series that will satisfy even the most adventurous of tea drinkers out there. A few such examples are the anglerfish (earl grey tea)…
the creepy giant isopod (Eastern Beauty oolong tea)…
the horseshoe crab (white apricot tea)…
…and lastly the king of them all, the enormous giant oarfish. ( Delicious Assam tea of epic proportions! ) Just like its namesake, it measures a whopping 19 centimeters (7.5 inches). Drinking tea becomes an art when half of your tea bag hangs out of your cup.
While the notion of turning your cup of tea into fish-inhabiting waters is not new, these tea bags will hopefully conjure up images of gentle ocean waves in your mind.
WHERE TO FIND THE TEA
@staffs-secret-blog
wish u could post anonymously. like sending an anon but its making a post you dont have to send it to anybody. and like it shows up on ur followers dash and its like a game of amongus to guess who it was
I'll be honest, not entirely sure what to think of this. thanks, I guess?
A form of torture I do believe
What color is math?
What's math
Would that make the universe really big Canada?
petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’