On One Hand I'm Thankful This Class Is Holdin' My Hand And Treatin' Me Like I Don't Know A Goddamn Thing

On one hand I'm thankful this class is holdin' my hand and treatin' me like I don't know a goddamn thing about computers (because I don't).

On the other hand I'm bored out of my mind and this is servin' as a constant reminder that I'm soooo behind the times.

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by collections. People that dedicate their lives to collecting coins, comic books, shoes, etc. I've never had the patience to collect one thing in particular but I still consider myself a collector. I attach setimental value to random shit and then I surround myself with it. When I was a kid I was really good at finding four leaf clovers and I'd press em in between the pages of my Precious Moments bible. I should really ask my Mama if she still has that lyin' around somewhere.

Here lately, my focus has shifted to feathers. I've got a small pile on my dresser of ones I've found on my walks. Today was particularly fruitful. I found four that my cousin said all came from mockingbirds. Then there was the one in this picture... See, I tend to talk to myself when I go on these walks. I'll whisper out plans for the future or talk myself through things that have happened in the past and try to dig out a lesson. Today, I decided to give myself a pep talk. I was walking up a particularly steep hill and I was reminding myself of all the things I've done. Just as I was realizing that, even though I've had a lot of help along the way, I've also accomplished a great deal on my own. Sure, there were people there to guide me but I was the one that made it work. I'm stronger than I give myself credit for.

Amyway... just as I was reaching the top of the hill and reminding myself that I'm a survivor and always have been, I saw this little hawk feather. Sometimes life has a beautiful sense of timing.

Yesterday was rough. I used to work 10 hour days all the time but it's different now.

I've been awake since...early? I don't fuckin' know, man. Time is a man-made construct anyway. Who cares? Point is: I had a sexy gay dream that was realistic and awesome. Some hunky borderline goth dude wanted to do stuff with me and I hate that I had to wake up and end the fun.

It's just after 10 and I'm already 5 beers in.

I'm a poet and I...didn't even realize it.

I finally watched that big brother documentary on hulu. I've been a Jackass fan since day one but seein' that shit made me nostalgic for somethin' that was before my time. Also, docs like that remind me that I gave up on my dream of goin' to film school. I talked about it before on my old blog before I deleted so there's no point in goin' down that road again. I just bum myself out from time to time. I'd love to make movies or docs but I just don't have the drive anymore.

Christ, if we ever perfect time travel...

I get myself so worked up over things. I was talkin' with Broke about this the other night. Like, I'll read an "article" with some click baity title like "EVERYONE FURIOUS AT ADELE FOR BRAIDING HER HAIR!" but then I'll do some quick investigatin' on my own and discover that what "they" call outrage is actually a dozen or twelve people commentin' about people gettin' mad about somethin' that only three or four people are actually mad about. Manufactured rage. This mornin' it was this bullshit about how Ellen made fun of Sofia Vergara's accent. Sofia finally spoke up and was like "it's not a big deal, I was in on the joke" but, of course, that's not good enough for everyone. Funniest part to me is Chelsea Handler did a bit on her show about Sofia's accent too but no one seems to give a shit about that.

This Britney Spears thing is gettin' scary, man.

Brb gettin' fitted for my tin foil hat and grabbin' another beer 'cause it's my fuckin' day off and I need to blow off some steam.

I miss Thursdays.

i just feel things deeply & it tires me