This Is Me Trying (ft. @springcourthighlady)

This is Me Trying (ft. @springcourthighlady)

Tamlin was warm. He floated on the soft cloud of rest that sheltered his body with comfort and his mind with peace. His chest rose and fell in a natural rhythm as the birds in the trees began to trill just before morning light. There was a weight on his shoulder. During the night, he’d casually drifted to and away from Briar until they fell asleep for good with her hand resting over his heart. The High Lord slowly opened his eyes and blinked in the early morning sun, adjusting the relaxation in his limbs.

Where am I? What happened?

Tamlin rubbed his eyes and woke with a soft groan. He grasped his head, freshly aware of the pain lingering there, and discouraged by the lack of progress wish his efforts to sleep. The curl of her fingers was enough to fully open his eyes and begin waking to the world around him. When he did, Tamlin became hyper conscious of the way Briar’s hand rested on his chest.

His heart leapt into his throat and he carefully unthreaded her body from around his own, leaving behind his close call from the night before. Tamlin scratched the back of his head and stepped over Briar while she snoozed. What is going on?

He pushed past the opening of the tent, thankful that she slept soundly and he had a few moments to settle his nerves and try to gather what had happened, yet no matter how hard he tried the memory would not resurface. What happened? What had he done? Tamlin walked into the fresh spring breeze and found some odd relief from the stress and tension which he normally awoke to at dawn. The likelihood was just that they’d both been cold and huddled together for maximum shelter.

Still, he had a difficulty with eye contact as Briar emerged from the tent and he handed her a plate of warm breakfast, complete with a carefully sliced red apple and the last of the bread. They had a half day of travel left in the woods, but would have to take shelter in an inn tonight. Hopefully, the provisions would be plentiful.

“Good-morning.” Tamlin mumbled, shyly glancing up between bites of food. “Are you ready for an adventure?”

Wolves liked to play in these parts of the woods as evening rose. When he heard the sound of them baying in the distance, he abruptly stopped both horses and held a finger to his lips, to ask for quiet. Tamlin grouped their horses closer together and placed a reassuring, warm hand on her shoulder as he noticed her eyes spark with fear. The last thing they needed was unpredictable magic thrown into an unpredictable situation. He was powerful enough to censor her magical meltdowns, but it required them to be touching. He nodded, eyes focused on the horizon, slipping his glove off his right hand and keeping it on her shoulder. He hadn’t needed to do this in several years. Hopefully, it felt calming, not suffocating. The last time he’d tried to calm cauldron magic, it hadn’t gone well.

“Very well.” He said quietly. His baldric reappeared against his chest and he silently drew his bow from the quiver, notching it in his left hand. Shooting one handed wasn’t a problem. Controlling the horses, two streams of magic and answering questions while playing guard was going to get difficult — but Tamlin liked a challenge. “Ask away.”

Safe and Sound | Tamlin & Briar @thehighlordofspring

Briar stirs awake as sunshine filters through the delicate curtains of her room. The scent of blooming flowers and fresh earth lingered in the air through a half open window. She stretches, feeling the cool silk sheets slide against her skin, and smiles to herself, humming with pleasure. It was cozy and peaceful here, in a way that always made her feel both at ease and restless--in a way she didn't know if she'd ever get used to.

Slipping out of bed, she dresses quickly in a simple, pale--bordering lime-- green gown that hugs her curves nicely and flows airily around her hips, perfect for the warmth of the morning, before padding softly across the wooden floor down the hall. The grand, sweeping staircase awaited her, sunlight spilling over the banister as she made her way down to the kitchen, where the promise of fresh bread and pastries beckoned her to start the day.

She smiles brightly and thanks Griffin, one of the cooks, as she nabs a slice of blueberry bread and wanders out to the garden, taking in the lightness of the clear day.

Today. Today is the day she saves her soul nephew; takes him home where he belongs. Today is the day she becomes...becomes a mother.

Gods, a mother.

Her nerves rush though her and she chews her food slowly, trying to calm her racing heart. And Tamlin...

She shakes her head, unable to stop the giddy laughter from escaping her as she waits for him.

Her husband. What a thought. Fake husband, obviously, but still. The idea is both absurd and exhilarating. Despite herself, it spreads a warmth through her, flushing her cheeks.

A familiar hum of power seems to surround her then, making the hair on her neck and arms stand on end. Tamlin. He's arrived for the journey across the wall.

She wonders what it will be like to be human again, even for a short time. If it will feel wholly different, or like becoming her true self again.

Turning toward the pulse of magic, she smiles brightly to greet him. "Good morning!", she chirps excitedly.

She lightly tosses her sheet of onyx hair behind her, freckles seeming to dance on her nose as the sun lights up her eyes, making them a paler blue than usual.

Tamlin’s brow wrinkled as she recounted details from the night before which he did not remember. He focused on his tasks while trying to recall even a semblance of what had happened, but it stayed blank. What she described sounded eerily similar to the way Lucien had once needed to comfort him from his nightmares. He found it difficult to socialize on an average day. There were nights where his mind lost connection to his mouth and he lost the ability to speak at all.

He hid some of his anxiety beneath a placid expression. Cool, calm, and collected, it was a rarity that anyone actually see the mental burden that he carried. He took in the scenery, trying to gauge an adequate response to her vulnerability. He neither wanted to encourage it, or deny it. I can do that.

All he needed to do was put the gentle crown of leadership, which he wore around all of his patrons, back onto his head.

“You must have overheard one of my nightmares.” He said, clearly self conscious. “I appreciate your kindness, Lady Briar.”

Tamlin rose from his breakfast and began checking on the horses, readying them for the journey ahead. “I must apologize. If I’d known of your fear for the dark — I would have planned an alternate route.”

The lip bite, the shy smile — he recognized them. Clearly, there was something about him which she found attractive. She is pretty, he supposed. Her long black hair and blue eyes were comely. It wasn’t those things that made him feel so conflicted. Her beauty was obvious.

I just can’t. Even after all this time, he couldn’t risk lying his heart on the line for someone else. It was better of buried in the cold ground.

I held her? Being held was very different than being hugged. Perhaps, he’d underestimated his own loneliness, sharing his bed through the night. Everyone needed comfort. Every heart needed companionship. Yet, he’d managed to avoid sleeping with strangers in the past.

Sunshine in his veins. He tilted his head. His mother had always told him that — long before it was obvious that was destined to lead Spring. “You are too kind. Whatever happened last night, I’m sure it would have been much harder for me today if you hadn’t gone to all that effort.”

Despite his innate hesitation, his shoulders felt less heavy today than they had before. He would remain in his place, but the discomfort between them was less than it had been. “We can leave whenever you are ready. The earlier we start, the more likelihood we have to make it to the village before nightfall.”

Tamlin waved his hand and the campsite disappeared into the void. “This part of the ride is said to be more…pleasant. Hopefully you will enjoy yourself.”

This is Me Trying (ft. @springcourthighlady)

Tamlin was warm. He floated on the soft cloud of rest that sheltered his body with comfort and his mind with peace. His chest rose and fell in a natural rhythm as the birds in the trees began to trill just before morning light. There was a weight on his shoulder. During the night, he’d casually drifted to and away from Briar until they fell asleep for good with her hand resting over his heart. The High Lord slowly opened his eyes and blinked in the early morning sun, adjusting the relaxation in his limbs.

Where am I? What happened?

Tamlin rubbed his eyes and woke with a soft groan. He grasped his head, freshly aware of the pain lingering there, and discouraged by the lack of progress wish his efforts to sleep. The curl of her fingers was enough to fully open his eyes and begin waking to the world around him. When he did, Tamlin became hyper conscious of the way Briar’s hand rested on his chest.

His heart leapt into his throat and he carefully unthreaded her body from around his own, leaving behind his close call from the night before. Tamlin scratched the back of his head and stepped over Briar while she snoozed. What is going on?

He pushed past the opening of the tent, thankful that she slept soundly and he had a few moments to settle his nerves and try to gather what had happened, yet no matter how hard he tried the memory would not resurface. What happened? What had he done? Tamlin walked into the fresh spring breeze and found some odd relief from the stress and tension which he normally awoke to at dawn. The likelihood was just that they’d both been cold and huddled together for maximum shelter.

Still, he had a difficulty with eye contact as Briar emerged from the tent and he handed her a plate of warm breakfast, complete with a carefully sliced red apple and the last of the bread. They had a half day of travel left in the woods, but would have to take shelter in an inn tonight. Hopefully, the provisions would be plentiful.

“Good-morning.” Tamlin mumbled, shyly glancing up between bites of food. “Are you ready for an adventure?”

Donna Tartt, from The Goldfinch (2013)

Tamlin tried desperately to anchor himself to the present moment as the terrible dreams of everyone he loved being ripped from his arms emerged from his slumber to stab his heart once again. His shoulders shook in a cold sweat and the haze of sleep lingered over his muscular form, keeping him halfway inside the moment of Eiley’s death. His hands were slick with sweat and he stared down at them in horror, trying to mitigate the flashing images of blood flowing across his palms.

Briar ducked into his tent and Tamlin did not respond right away. His wide eyes stared into the open darkness as he began to hyperventilate. Brown hair, light eyes — he shoved the knife aside, pounding his head into his fists. “Dead. Dead. Dead! You are dead!”

Tamlin inched away, clearly both drawn towards and frightened of her presence. He squeezed his arms around his limbs, going utterly still. His muscles twitched with the energy that flooded them, but his willpower met adrenaline and he refused to look weak.

Treacherous | Tamlin & Briar @thehighlordofspring

"Tamlin, wait--", she calls out softly as he heads toward his tent. She scrambles to her feet and rubs her arms a bit, picking up her cloak from where it fell on the ground.

"I don't ever want you to blame yourself for what happened to me. Lilly and me and the rest of The Blessed...we planned that trek. We went in the middle of the night. We climbed up the wall. It was our own actions that got us spotted by Hybern. Campfires and laughter...joy. We foolishly made ourselves targets. Regardless of anything happening on your side. He took us. He jailed us. He tortured us. And he used the Cauldron and killed us. Not you."

Taking a few steps closer, she raises her chin to meet his gaze. "You had nothing to do with that. You are a protector and a leader, and you would never let that happen to anyone if you could prevent it. When I was the last one left, shaking in that cell from shock and blood loss...you didn't walk by." She swallows hard. "You didn't...gawk or enjoy the sight of my pain or my ripped scraps of clothing. He could have killed you if he found out you were a plant and not an ally. And you still risked taking away my pain. So I don't ever want to hear you blaming yourself for what I went through. Okay? Promise me."

She holds his gaze, unwaveringly. "You did not condemn me. You are my savior. And one day...perhaps my friend. I didn't really have any stock in being human either. Both ways...my mom and my friends are dead. Lilly is dead", she says quietly. "Sometimes I wonder if I leaned on her too much in my grief when I lost my mother. She became my next everything, her and Caedin when he was born. I even helped deliver him, actually. And even though we had other friends...we were the closest. Like sisters, as I mentioned. Family by choice, not blood."

She sighs sadly. "I suppose now I have an eternity to maybe befriend others and attempt to try and live with myself. Being the one that lived, when she should be here to raise her son...the way he lost them both...", her throat bobs. "I'll make sure he has everything and knows about her...how much she loved him and wanted this amazing life for him. And I-I'll give him that. However I can. At least, if I can make it through the night here."

Her eyes shutter. "Hybern snatched us in our tents. In the forest. At night. So I... I'm having a really hard time right now. My brain knows he's dead. Obviously. But my body and my magic doesnt get the message that I'm safe, so...it's in total breakdown mode," she scoffs as she tries to hold back tears. "I will do my very best to stay quiet for you. So at least one of us can sleep."