Whoa

whoa

i'm really lazy right now

i just read the raven and now i'm motivated to make something as deathly and chilling as that

yet i STILL CANT GET UP OFF MY FLOOR

help, the polyrhythms are taking over my stream of conscience

i'm not sure man was made to get polyrhythms stuck in his head

It sure hits like a brick when you live. To… step outside every hypothetical, all superficiality imposed on us for the sake of conformity, it feels really moving.

            It often feels like a movie, -slow-paced when needed, but engaging more often than not. To run through the everyday motions, to see the same thing all day every day, to love like always, to stay. Staying can be very nice. When you stay, there is no change; nothing to lose, but nothing to gain. It may seem very simple to fall into the thinking that where you are is perfect. It’s not. Hate to break it to you, but there’s a lot out there your mind couldn’t even fathom. That doesn’t mean it’s not real, it’s just---you haven’t found it yet.

Let me put you in a position: You’ve stepped out of your living room into the back lawn, your garden. The sun is the first to see you and your dog, as the rays surely only the angels may provide tickle your skin with energy, when abruptly you notice: Everything feels superficial. The grass, why is it there? Your dog, why does she care? What makes this all worth it? Why is this yours? Who are you?

It's a calm sensation, not gut-wrenching and knee-bending, but rather, a benevolent one, something you may seek if not for the whole, ‘existential crisis part’. You walk slowly through the yard, squinting for the sun, but seeing no further than the dust on your glasses. No thoughts run through your head; just clear, confusing, incessant bliss. Time seems to contort itself to the bliss for the sake of your feeling less and less passing of the ages.

At last, at last it leaves you. Or has it? Something feels offset inside you---as if the studs of your very house have moved an inch to the left, and none more.

Running through your mind comes to no avail, for there was no mindedness about the situation prior. Just… blank.

You’ve made it up to your roof through means you may not remember either, and are now practicing in something you know not why: You’ve taken up the fetal position on the rough shingles of your houses roof (not a very comfortable state, but you don’t know that). This is not happening out of vulnerability, be sure to know that. You do this because your mind and body are now separate entities altogether, beings of their own accord.

Your mind takes itself and puts a change on the term ‘up’. You are now attached, by a very thin force called gravity, to your roof, saved somehow from falling into the blue that hides the stars. It’s a terrifying experience to be sure. Your body still lies there, an incoherent fool, made to do naught but lie (lie as in lie down---this isn’t Calvinism)

Minutes…

Seconds…

Perhaps an hour…

A swirling sensation sends you into nausea, and you retreat to your room for fear of your own regurgitation.

When you come to (for as you know, nausea is constructed as such that there is no possible way to focus on any other thing than it in the moment), you have found the studs shifted to the right. There was no change after all.

Curious, isn’t it? Such a thing as detachment of the soul and body is near-forgotten for the smell of pancakes your father prepares in the kitchen? Run on now, go nourish yourself.

There’s so much more than what you may suppose

To summarise what has happened to you for you, understand this: There is a world so immense, you could never understand it all, or even a fraction. This often, or, relatively often, for this only happens maybe once a week, sends me into a state where I am lost and so overwhelmed by the beautiful complexity of life and the universe, that I struggle even to thank God for it all. It feels immoral and illegitimate to thank someone for something I cannot comprehend so badly as I do this. And that panicks me. The story I have related to you is one that I’ve just recently experienced a couple of hours ago, and I felt you may benefit from hearing it.

What I’ve come to understand from this and these is that we were never meant to understand it all. So, I beg you to thank God and thank others even when you have but a glimpse of what they are truly doing for you, as you may never know it all.

I have unfortunately discovered what it is like to hit the post limit at midday

It is not fun

I was just watching Jeff Cavins give a talk, and dare I say wow.

HI

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