BRUCE CAMPBELLARMY OF DARKNESS (1992)

BRUCE CAMPBELL ARMY OF DARKNESS (1992)

Marriage headcanons for The Horned King please? 👀👀

*banging pots and pans together in a cavern somewhere* ANON YOUR MIND-

Let's get this Lich a harem STAT here we go:

The Horned King Marriage Headcannons

I think, after he manages to recover from the revelation that yes, you BOTH want to tie the knot and he's not daydreaming in a cellar full of skeletons right now, I think he would want two ceremonies.

The first ceremony is for the kingdoms.

He IS a royal and a threat at large to his neighbours - guests are not invited so much as made at sword point to attend. Those that dawdle or don't show are next on the invasion list.

Your chosen guests/family get a distinctively less threatening welcome but he won't stand for even well meaning questioning of your union. So , uh, warn them beforehand k?

He would want you to match. It's a wedding and coronation in one, a second throne atop the dias securing your position as Queen.

I don't know who the Fuck would officiate this or even condone it, but any alterations or plans you have are gladly accepted. He's never done this before, what even is tradition, send help.

He spends months pouring over his vows. He does not take this lightly.

Has a dress created for you that threatens to dislocate his jaw when he sees you wearing it. How are you his, again? You're perfect-

Won't even think to upgrade his own look until you mention it. Time to crack out his old armour...

Flower goblin Creeper because he does not trust the foul little thing with something as precious as the rings.

Instead the rings are hung around the gwythents necks. Badass entrance and execution.

The second ceremony, once the first is said and done, is done alone.

This is the one that means so much more. The first was a declaration, this is the promise.

The vows are quiet but ring in your ears as he whispers them, your foreheads pressed together, hands entwined.

"I will persist as long as you do, my dear." He gently raises your hand to his empty chest, eyes scarlet but not with fire. "Be it one lifetime, or a thousand more."

it's them,,, manipulate mansplain manwhore

The one that’s easy to please and the one that’s impossible difficult to please

TANGO & CASH (1989) dir. Andrei Konchalovsky

personal favorite mouse boy (he’s dating Leopold, for context)