Despite All My Dread I Am Still Just A Rat Made Of Thread

despite all my dread i am still just a rat made of thread

The Unhinged or whatever that chinese bl show was called

i made another uquiz! answer some questions and i'll assign you a tarot card

I have never mistaken myself to be just. I’m just making a choice.

— Kang Yohan, The Devil Judge (2021)

Shane Madej is actually insane tho I haven't seen someone release something that's made tumblr creatively snap this quickly since Homestuck still updated, like the amount of art and memes and analysis posts?? this shit is rivaling Goncharov levels of quality creative works, he's a genuis who just set y'all off in the span of two episodes and I for one love to see it <3

The something between us we don't talk about,

It's a normal thing for people in love to question what kind of relationships do they have with the people they have romantic feelings for. And so it's normal when they want something more, something bigger than just watching this person afar and talking like friends and nothing more.

And there are two solutions: confess to the person you like, or bottle your feelings and pretend like relationships between you are enough for you... but pretend doesn't mean be, right?

[ Warning ] : spoilers for episodes seven, eight, eleven, twelve, thirteen.

The discovery of Doh Young-Choon being switched was something very painful for Ga-On since he was convinced: the system is just and will punish the conman; but when something he had to believe into turned out to be a lie, he was stunned and returned home.

Then, after a few days, Yo-Han suggests going back home, and Ga-On doesn't mind. But what he doesn't like is the reason behind his return: Yo-Han excuses himself with Elijah and her being anxious, so Ga-On lowers his eyes and sighs; however, he still comes back with Yo-Han the same evening and even waves at Elijah with a sincere smile on his face.

In the kitchen, Yo-Han's shining like a star on the Christmas tree, while Ga-On’s mood doesn't change much after he figured out who was the Elijah who missed him; he doesn't say anything, as usual discussing with Yo-Han their plans and thoughts while drinking coffee.

Talking about as usual: the ending of episode eight when Ga-On took Yo-Han’s side officially, is another beautiful example of how much the show hides the true motives in emotions instead of saying them out aloud.

Ga-On takes Yo-Han’s side officially, and they’re standing on a bridge both looking at the night version of Seoul; this is when an important conversation takes its beginning: Yo-Han turns back since he was one step ahead, and Ga-On turns his torso to Yo-Han, showing him he’s all ears.

The first phrase is Yo-Han’s “do you regret it?” and Ga-On’s answer of lowering his eyes; and since Yo-Han got to know some Ga-On’s expressions and their meaning by spending countless some time with him, he nods and starts listing advantages of being on his side. Ga-On lifts his eyes at “I’ll promise you one thing,” but pretty soon lowers them again, after not hearing what only he knows he expected in his head.

So while Yo-Han lights up the whole Seoul with his contentment of Ga-On taking his side officially, Ga-On tries to quickly make another reason for him helping Yo-Han. And finds it: fighting with the wrong world; and when Yo-Han accepts it, proudly lifting his head with a satisfied look in his eyes, Ga-On turns back to him for the first time after a while.

And even though officially their agreement was based only on revenge and will to change the wrong world, the first clause of their partnership was them becoming a family; so no wonder they started to act like a married couple — because they were, even though it’s written with invisible ink.

What we else don't see is Ga-On’s reaction to Yo-Han inviting Sun-Ah to their his house in episode eleven. We just see him cooking a whole banquet dinner for a guest and him being ready to interrupt and stop every small hint of flirting between Yo-Han and Sun-Ah.

But when Sun-Ah comments on him blending into this family perfectly, Ga-On starts to literally shine: he widely and sincerely smiles, being all proud and pleased with the fact of him looking like he always was there; but the moment Sun-Ah says she's envious of Yo-Han for being not alone anymore, Ga-On raises his eyes at Yo-Han with a clear sadness in his gaze. His mood drops, and the one moment he smiles after this little talk is when Ms. Ji appears in the kitchen.

Maybe it's when Ga-On understood that being colleagues and taking down the higher-ups together is good and all, but it's not what he wants. Not when it comes to Yo-Han.

Because in the same episode, just a bit later we hear Ga-On's "once this is over, I'll definitely..." when he is with Soo-Hyun in a famous restaurant. He's in a good mood, smiles, and jokes a lot that even Soo-Hyun notices the changes that happened in her friend; and maybe it's the moment Ga-On started to think about his confession to Yo-Han since he already knows when he'll tell him how he feels.

Because Yo-Han’s plans are pretty clearly shown in episode ten, in the scene of Yo-Han building a house of cards right after they caught Doh Young-Choon: he doesn't know how many floors the building will have, but what he’s more interested in is bringing the whole thing down; Ga-On lowers his eyes, thinking about something only he knows.

And when Yo-Han acts as if he’s about to put the house down, Ga-On shudders; Yo-Han says that Ga-On thought he would destroy the whole thing, Ga-On just smiles, proving his assumptions.

Note: even though the original scene didn't look like this, the original script still has Yo-Han saying “(to me) it’d more fun to bring the building down.” So we can assume that even in the original script, Yo-Han still wanted to destroy the house of cards in one movement instead of taking avenge on his enemies slowly.

But Cha Kyung-Hee shoots herself at the end of episode eleven, and the plan starts to fall apart since it lost the main key; then, everything related to Ga-On's sanity falls apart as well. For the first time since episode eight, Ga-On drinks soju. Like he did before he officially took Yo-Han's side and threw all the years of Professor's lectionaries; now he sits all alone, drinking a few bottles and being aggressive towards annoying fans of the show.

Ga-On calmed himself down: he'll wait until Yo-Han finishes his avenge. He'll talk about his feelings after this all will be over; but now, the situation is blurred and unclear, so he attempts to talk about them now, provoking and asking in what kind of monster he turns into. But Yo-Han talks only about their destroyed plans, so Ga-On’s gaze fades, even though a minute ago it was full of hope.

So the second Yo-Han starts to say that Ga-On had to cut Soo-Hyun out of his life to save the world, the decision is already made. But when Soo-Hyun starts to say that she doesn't care about what is right and what is wrong; when she talks about how she only needs him, he hears the words he wanted to hear from Yo-Han a few days ago.

The outcome we see in Soo-Hyun's case is Ga-On kissing her and her being shocked by his actions and not responding to it in any way; the outcome in Yo-Han's case is Ga-On taking away Yo-Han's hand from his shoulder and claiming that Soo-Hyun is his world, leaving pretty soon afterward.

— As in addition : the confession scene in episode thirteen... the whole speech was made for Yo-Han from the very beginning. He might have changed some parts of it to match their relationships with Soo-Hyun but the most important parts and words were all meant for Yo-Han.

First, the way how his expression when he says he wants to like her forever and that he was scared he would ruin everything is so similar to the one he had in episode ten when he was defending Yo-Han. The same smile, the same warmth in the eyes which quickly vanishes the moment he talks about their friendship in particular and him not wanting to be alone.

Second... as it was noted in @b612sunsets's gifset, the confession pretty well describes their relationships with Yo-Han, fitting in perfectly.