Soooo Uhmm Hiii I Don't Usually Know How Request Works But I'm Gonna Give It A Try Because You Write

Soooo uhmm hiii I don't usually know how request works but I'm gonna give it a try because you write freaking good stories! Can I request a Shelby!Sister fic where in she and her family used to be really close (she was the closest to Tommy 🥺) then everything changed after the war and they barely have time to spend with her because the business was booming and everything and she had to raise Finn on her own too. Then she turned 18 and she was finally allowed to work in the business and she was happy but then money goes missing, they accused her of stealing it (bcoz like her job was writing down all the money that enters like she records it) she got fed up, told her everything (her problems, the neglect she experienced etc. ) she realized that she deserved better than this after all all she did was lookout for her family when everything was going downhill. She was always there for them but they where never there for her. So she left home. Started working 24/7. Finding jobs, getting an education, and making a name for herself. Moving to London and then to the US. Then many years later she's successful. She became a doctor, she has business all around the world. And when she can, she helps people in need. Then she meets her brothers (and family members) again. DUN DUN DUNNNN realizations where made. hehe the rest is up to you, you can change whatever you want hehehe. If ever you decide to do this request for me I just want you to know that that will make me incredibly happy. This scenario has been stuck in my head for monthsss its just that I suck at writing things (clearly, from the way this request is written) anyways, thank you so muchhhh! And I love your stories very much! I always come back and reread them! I can't get eough of it 😫 I hope you have a good day! :))))

Word count: 9079 - AH!

Okay first of all I'm sorry this took forever. I've literally been working on this for like three weeks. No matter what I do I just keep wanting to add things or fix them... Honestly I have other parts planned out that didn't make in. I'm a hot mess for this idea. I changed some stuff... Also I added in a romance and I'm sorry not sorry. Really hope you enjoy this and thank you for sharing it with me. If you all enjoy let me know and I might post some extra bits I have planned for it.

XOXO

Warnings: heart break, depression, anxiety, peaky related stuff, kissing, flirting. Happy ending because I'm not capable of hurting the Shelby fam. If you want to spoil the romance - its in the tags!

Being a Shelby meant very little growing up. It was a name that was often cursed for the criminal actions of your father. As a little girl you remember looking up at the loud man, watching him sway around the house temper flaring. Adults approaching you on the streets uttering death threats for you to pass along to the men of your house. But almost every memory you had of your parents or other people also included the back of Tommy’s leg. He was always standing in front of you and it never took long for him to scoop you up into his arms and carry you away.

Tommy was always more of a parent to you when you were young, he didn't play dolls with you like Ada, but he always took the time to try and teach you how to think. Eventually you were old enough for it to become more brotherly. By that time your mother was dead and your father had disappeared. Polly took hold of the family and you followed in suit, raising Finn and John’s kids.

You thought that you owed it to the family to look after the children as Tommy had taken so much time over the years to help you. So you managed your school work, cleaning, and all the children. You told yourself that you were just as important as the rest of the family, this was just your job right now.

The war hit and things fell on your shoulders more than ever. Wasn't long before you had to watch your brothers leave. You’d been Polly’s right hand man after that. The Children were old enough to be in school and out in the streets with the other kids. It caused a bit of tension between you and Ada but it was never spoken about so you let it go.

The things you had to do to pull the family through, you would never speak of again. You wrote letters about how lucky the family had been, but only you and Polly knew the extent to how badly things were. No point in worrying the boys with things they couldn't change.

All three boys came back. You weren't naïve, you didn't think they would be the same as they were, hell you were only a small fraction of the girl you were before they left. But nothing prepared you for what it would be like.

They tried their best to settle in. Tommy was not your loving big brother anymore, he fought against Polly and all the changes we had to make while they were away. She tried to protect you claiming she’d done most of it herself.

No use in telling him that it had been you, burying bodies, up to your eyebrows in illegal trades. But the Shelby name was cursed by all, and the rumors caught up with him eventually. People always underestimate the capabilities of women, how the Shelby family pulled through got placed on your willingness to whore yourself out. Which you would always be grateful for, was not the case.

Tommy outright refused to look at you in the eyes after that. He was cold, he drank too much, and he didn't have an ounce of gratitude for what you’d done.

No one did.

But you continued on, reduced to a bookkeeping position. You worked in the corner, got spoken over in family meetings. The only thing that proved it was happening was the occasional sympathetic glance from Polly. It hurt like hell, but you’d been through worse. At least the money was coming in…

Until it was gone. The shop was broken into, and despite John being the last person in. The last person to lock up. He’d sold you down the river claiming you’d been there when he left and that’s why the door wasn’t locked.

Thomas started in on you, screaming his head off about what you’d done and what you’d been rumored to do. Tears welled up in your eyes as your heart raced, watched as everyone stood there and let it happen. Death would have been a kindness as opposed to standing there watching someone who used to be your sole protector tear into you with a viciousness reserved for the enemy. He screamed about how hard he was working to pull the family out of this life of poverty, as if he hadn't come home to destroy all the work you’d done. Then it finally snapped, whatever strings that had tied you to this family were not as strong as you believed they were. You were as good as the enemy to them, it just took you too long to realize it.

With him standing inches from your face shouting, those blue eyes looking at you wide with disgust. You took a big breath in, curling your slender fingers into a small fist. He paused for a moment, giving you the opening you needed to get on with the rest of your life.

“If anyone knows a thing about working hard, and being underappreciated it’s me. But because I'm such a kind woman, I’ll do you all the favor of a lifetime.” You turned and walked out of there with your head held high. No one followed you out but you heard them shouting at him to go make it right between the two of you.

You didn't have many things to pack, within fifteen minutes you were back to your gypsy roots. The rain falling on you as tears stained your cheeks.

This was the worst day of your life. As you got on the train to London with nothing more than a bag and a shattered heart, you had no idea that your life was just beginning.

_________________________________________

You watched as you transformed into many things in this time of darkness. You were finally separate from the thing that had defined you your entire life. What were you without it? Being raised and drowned in that life how could you have possibly grown something separate in the depths of your soul? How could you be anything different than the poor gypsy choices that have plagued your family for generations. It was their blood, their bone, their skin, the hum of your bloody heart was more theirs than it would ever be yours.

Surely that's how it worked. And yet you kicked and bled to escape that sentence, working three times harder than the people who frequented your new life. You were determined to rise up above this, find something in the darkness of your soul that had the strength to persevere past your heritage and the consuming bleak world around you.

If you were put here, now, of all the things you could have been, there must have been a reason. Perhaps that was just another feature to the grayness that enveloped you in this world, maybe there was no purpose. Maybe you should just become hardened, fade to nothingness, enjoying the bitter-sweet taste of irrelevance and all the freedom it offers…

Or you could make something better. You’d accepted, after many nights sick from drink, that you were going to die now, tomorrow, and everyday until it actually happened. When the final blow would land would always be a delicious mystery a step ahead of you. So naturally you might as well do something with the time you had, and figure out what's on the other side of death's door when it opened to you.

At least you would be leaving your name on something separate from the savagery of this place. Something divine and entirely your own.

London was where you’d made peace with yourself and the spirits that stood behind you. London was where your bones became strong enough to be your own.

America was when you started to heal. After years of hard work you graduated top of your class, you were a doctor, often one spoken about in very high regard. Your heart broke over the man you left behind, but it was something that had to be done….

You had a top floor apartment where you could look over the ocean that stood as a barrier between you and your old life. Often storming as if to show you that there was no way back.

It was a place that made you feel safe. You became a name known to the rich and poor alike, meaning you went where you wanted to and no one said anything about the large dog that stayed at your side.

Everyday you saw the strength of ordinary people and it renewed your faith every breath you took. When you’d see a woman's life improve over your education, or a child recover, a man cry over his newborn, you knew you’d made the right choice in London. The mark you were making would make up for the wrongs committed by your hands and blood.

Things were chaotic and stressful in the most peaceful way possible. Your mind was your own and your heart was shared with many. You’d made friends with some of the women you worked with, bonds you were grateful for as they made you laugh, and their mothers held you tight when they had you over for dinners.

Your dog, Aminta stayed close to your side which proved very useful wandering the city at all hours for house calls. She kept you sane and often barked at you when you drank too much.

Things were going better than you thought possible for yourself.

You just finished helping with a particular tricky birth and laid down on one of the sofas in the women's change room. Light streamed through the windows and you wondered how it could possibly still be day time. The space was very cozy after you’d had your way with it, it was a change room with lockers but you’d moved some furniture in so it looked more like a living room. Aminta lumbered over and sat with her head placed on your stomach. You closed your eyes, having missed her presence in the treatment room.

“There you are! How did it turn out then?” Betty called out walking through the door. You watched as she looked herself over in the mirror.

“Successful.” You murmured.

“Calm down woman! You only saved two people this morning. Try to contain your excitement!” she teased, causing you to smile.

“I am so tired, and I can't feel my feet, I can't feel anything”

“Join the club. At least your shift is over darilin’ oh by the way there was a phone call for you. Some man with the name Shelby.” She said, giving you a strange look. She often found your lack of love life something that needed to be sorted, but eventually she adopted the theory that perhaps something awful had happened to you and it was better to let you find your own way.

“What?!” You shot up sending Aminta into high alert. “What was the name??” You shuddered thinking that perhaps all that storming sea wasn't enough to keep yourself safe after all.

“Thomas? Look if this is the one you're running from. Go straight to my parents place and I’ll take Tod to your place after to grab some of your things. I’ll call my momma -” Your head started to spin and you watched her worry over you.

“No no, I’ll call him. He’s my brother. I can take the call. Maybe that will be enough…” Your heart ached at her willingness to help you. “If things don’t go well I’ll let you know.”

She came closer to you and a waft of perfume hit you. She slipped you the piece of paper with a phone number written in her loopy writing.

“Call him right now in front of me so I can get things sorted before my shift.” She pointed to the phone and you were shocked enough to do it.

“Maybe just give me some space?” You asked in a small voice she nodded and stepped out into the hallway.

“Shelby.” Polly’s voice called out over the line and your stomach dropped.

“Thomas called me at my place of work?” You started coldly. You heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.

“Darling is that you?” Her voice shook in a way that brought years of pain flooding into your mind.

“Yes” You said as naturally as you could.

“That's her, hand it over.” You hear his voice in the background. There was a sound of fabric rustling.

“NO I wont have you take her away again Thomas!” You heard her snap at him, this was a mistake you thought heavily. Aminta let out a wine, pushing her face into your leg. You sat down and took a deep breath.

“Family needs you, we are moving to do some business in London. Our contact won't meet with us unless you're present.”

“You want me to come all the way across the ocean. For a meeting in a world I moved passed? Nice try.” You said slightly amused. You loved how unbothered your voice sounded.

“I will make it worth your time, I’ll pay for the trip, pay you a hefty amount, as well as making a considerate donation to your Women’s fund of $20,000 pounds.”

This was how he was going to do it. The bastard. You could do a lot of good for people with that donation. Fucking bastard. You knew who they were meeting. You knew why that man wanted you there. You groaned internally, at the raise in your heart rate.

“Put it in writing and I’ll sign it when I arrive.”

“Deal. You have a place on a ship leaving tomorrow at six am.”

“Tomorrow is no good. I have a meeting that morning. I’ll leave Monday after my affairs are in order.”

In case I don't make it back.

He sighed and swore softly.

“I’ll make that work.”

“I’ll see you then I guess.”

“Thank you.” His voice sounded hesitant, like the words were new to him. He cleared his throat. “For taking the call and coming back. Be safe on the way over, alright. Last I recalled you swam like a stone.”

“Lot’s has changed since then.” You responded shortly.

“I look forward to hearing about it.”

“Good bye”

“Take care” His voice rang out in your mind for a long while after the line went dead. Betty poked her head in and saw you frozen in place. She took the phone from your hand and placed it back on the hook. You realized that Aminta had gone to get her.

“Sorry. I’m okay.” You took a deep breath trying to calm the dog down. “My family needs me to come home.”

“For how long?”

“I’m not sure. But I told them I would go on Monday.”

“Well there are a few good things about that. There were some rich callers from London that requested you to help with an experimental surgery. Meaning you can do it while you're gone. Marie can take our caseload and give it to the newbies. Tod should be able to help out momma while I’m gone, lord knows he should be doing more already. It’s gonna be a good experience for them. Show ‘em what they're missing.” She prattled on for a while about how Marie will be good at looking over everything, before it clicked that she was going with you.

“Betty. No. You are not going my family are- It’s complicated - they - it’s messy and -”

“They are British gangsters, It will be dangerous, they could hurt you - Am I missin’ anything darlin?”

“HOW ON EARTH DO YOU KNOW THAT?” You hissed.

“One time when we were drunk you accidentally introduced yourself with the wrong last name and I looked into it. I figured the story fit.” She waved her hands around you.

“And you just-”

“Kept it a secret.” She nodded. “ I decided to keep being your friend, and that’s not changed.” Betty gave you a small smile.

“Good lord.” You murmured.

“I gotta tell momma! I'll tell the boss we are taking the job in London, then we need to go shopping!!!!” She was trying to make you feel better, something you appreciated but it didn't reach your heart the way it should.

“Look if you come with me I can't guarantee that we will make it back. Things are dangerous over there. This kinda stuff can stick with you for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve been looking out for you since you started here at this hospital and I’m not stopping now.” She answered in a serious tone.

“Well then don't worry about shopping, nothing here compares to the shops there. Save your money for when we get there.” You watched her do a little happy dance. You can’t imagine what the contrast between her and your family was going to feel like.

___________________________________________________________

The journey was surprisingly fun. Thomas adjusted things to add Betty and Aminta on to your trip. It was ritzy and expensive, you spent most of it half cut with her partying and gambling. In the evenings she stayed up as you described your family members and some of the backstory.

You were happy that she was happy. She’d never left the city she was born in, her family were good people and from very poor beginnings. All of them had worked very hard to be where they were now. You weren't certain what this journey would bring, but you felt you owed her this fun as she was the main source of brightness in your life.

You arrived at the station after trying to make it look like you hadn't spent the whole journey drunk. You thought you both looked polished, and you were shocked by the greeting party.

The whole family was there outside the doors looking for you. Fin was taller than you, Aunt Polly looked like she’d been crying. Two new women were there, Arthur and John looked nervous. And Tommy looked like himself. Unimpressed and tired.

“Is that them?” Betty whispered. To you they looked like a family that had hurt you to the point of near death, to her she probably saw the sparkling cars, the expensive clothing, the way other people gave them space and looks of envy.

“That’s them.” You took her arm and walked out of the place. You watched as they took you in and then shifted to Betty on your arm. Polly moved away from them and quickly took you into her arms. You allowed her to hold you tightly. She whispered words of longing in your ear, and you hated yourself for it but you melted into her touch. She was the only mother you remembered and that was a challenging thing to turn away from. You watched as Betty took your example of a greeting and awkwardly hugged everyone. John looked like he was ready to be his usual self but you saw Tommy’s cold eyes land on him and watched the humor disappear.

Fin was the next person to give you a hug, there was a lot of emotion in his eyes and you realized that this trip was going to be a lot more difficult than you realized. Aminta stayed close to your side taking everyone in.

You were introduced to John’s wife Esme, then you shook Grace’s hand, deciding that you’d met corpses that were warmer. Seemed fitting she’d be with Thomas.

“Missed you kiddo” John said quietly, pulling you into an awkward hug. You started to struggle with keeping yourself neutral. The look on Arthur's face was what almost broke you. He held your small frame tightly, and let out a soft howl.

“Arthur, it’s alright. She’ll be around all week.” Tommy said, patting his shoulder.

“Bold of you to assume that,'' Betty said in an unusual tone for her sunny personality. “We’ve got a surgery to perform and lots of meetings to attend while here.” You were floored by the way she went up against him. But she didn't back down against him, she wanted to make a statement about you that said Successful without you.

He looked at her from under his hat, you watched as Esme seemed particularly amused. Tommy only turned and pulled you into a hug.

“Looks like you’ve done well for yourself! That’s our girl.” His words hit you hard and you were grateful that it ended the reunion. You were shuffled into a car and boys put your suitcases in the boot.

__________

Your bones adjusted to the soft mattress under you. Tears started to spill and you were grateful that you had a separate room from Betty.

Memories from your childhood flooded your mind and soon you were struggling to breathe. Finally your mind slid down to the place you were avoiding.

The man that caused all this meeting nonsense. You’d ended on good terms, you had two options at the time: Move to America for the job opportunity of a lifetime - or - Stay and die in a gang conflict.

Memories of his hands cradling your face, the way his breath tasted the last time he placed a soft kiss to your lips. How he held you there with his forehead pressed to yours. Whispered promises in a language you didn't speak, and yet the words were painfully etched into the layers of your heart.

He sent you away with a fury that still burned you.

Now you were back, your family pretending to miss you, and you would have to sit in a meeting with everyone.

The mess of emotions threatened to choke you further. You didn't care about Thomas or his plans or the family business, that’s not why you agreed to any of this.

You came back because it was an excuse to see him again.

_____________

You woke up to the phone ringing loudly. Your mouth was dry and you could barely open your eyes. You grabbed the phone hating how cold it felt in your fingers.

“What?” You grumbled.

“Are you available today?” Tommy’s voice called through the receiver sounding like a megaphone pressed to your ear. You sighed in annoyance.

“For what?” You tried to think of what day it was.

“I was hoping to spend the day with you” You couldn't tell anything from the tone of his voice, which irritated you further.

“Just us?” You asked.

“Yes, Polly wants to see you in the evening if you have the time.”

There was a shift in your body, you knew deep down that you couldn't put this off any longer. You were supposed to talk with Thomas. Something needed to be said. The more logical part of your brain reminded you that the only options for the day was to go shopping or wallow over a broken heart that should be forgotten.

“Okay. I have all day so that should be fine.” You answered quietly.

“I’ll come by and pick you up in a half hour.”

The phone went dead and the possibilities started to pile up in your mind. Was this going to be some kind of business nonsense?

___

You watched as the green countryside flew past you, the cab filled with cigarette smoke and a heavy silence.

Tommy had dragged you out to the countryside to take you on a picnic. You rode horses the rest of the way in, stopping at a clearing he frequented often, you watched him climb off his horse and lay a blanket out on the grass. Aminta wandered around, happy to be out of the city for once.

He’d brought you treats that you used to like when you were a kid. Guilt pooled in his eyes as he watched you snack on a sandwich.

“Suppose we have some business to discuss” He said while chewing on a mint leaf. The last thing you wanted was to discuss business but you gave him a small nod anyways.

“I didn’t like how things ended.” His words hit you like a truck. He paused for a moment trying to find his words. “ I tried to find you afterwards but you were gone. If you were that well hidden I eventually decided to let it go. You knew where to find us - and then this came up and - I - had to call Winston Churchill and ask a favor before I finally found ya.” He closed his eyes. “Things that were said about you weren't true. Even if they were true it shouldn't have mattered. I just gave so much, lost so much and to come home and see that you’d given every bit of yourself away.” His jaw clenched.

You gave him a few moments, shock coursing through you. How the hell were you supposed to do this?

“When I came home to see everything, it just made everything I did worthless. I did all of that for you lot, coming home to see you, I couldn’t handle it. I wanted things to be legal and they were further from it than imaginable. I’m still trying to get us out, but out of everyone, I didn't want your hands dirty.”

“Why not?” You asked, mind still spinning.

“Because you were the one that was going to make it. You wanted to go to school, you had the marks, you had the brains. You had enough inside you to pull yourself out of this place the right way. I wanted to do it for you, I was working on it and figured I had the time to sort everything out with you.``

“I don’t know what to say” You mumbled as tears started to sting your eyes.

“You don’t have to say anything. Since you left Polly has been harder than ever. Finn tolerates me, just barely. When we couldn't find you John tried to jump into the cut, like mum. Arthur, he’s not well. I don't know how much further he has in him.” He ran his hands over his face. “You don’t ever have to forgive me, don’t have to be around me. Just please try to see the others. If you can’t forgive John then don’t but please speak to Ada, Polly, Arthur, and especially Finn.” His voice was pleading and you wanted more than anything to hold him. He looked pale, too pale, running around with a family that hated him.

You scooted over to him and rested your head on his shoulder. He flinched and quickly pulled you into a side hug, holding you awkwardly. You felt him place a kiss on top of your head.

Something inside you felt as if it had fallen back into place.

“Can I ask you some questions?” He asked.

“Sure” You murmured as he let you go. You placed your head back on his shoulder enjoying the sun hitting your face.

“How do you know my contact in London?”

“Takes alot for a girl to get through medical school. Betty is the only woman I know with the same credentials as me. World of hell she had to go through to get there. I needed a few things when I got to London and I only had a specific skill set to get them. He helped me out and I helped him back.”

“That’s all then? Old business partner?” You coughed awkwardly, damn him. You spent years hating him and yet much like when you were little you still couldn't lie to him. Your face always got hot and your words became jumbled. You could lie to the whole world, even to yourself sometimes, but never to Polly and Tommy.

“Why do you ask?”

“He seemed eager to see you.” Tommy answered hesitantly.

“I wanted one life, he lives another. Unfortunately they don't mix.” The words were strangled and you desperately wanted to leave the topic there. Tommy seemed relieved.

“Good. I don’t want him anywhere near you. Don’t trust him” He said sternly and you rolled your eyes.

______

Polly was all over you that evening and you agreed to stay over with her as you were too tired to go back to the hotel. You called Betty, she was happy your day trip was pleasant, and was planning on going out dancing with some girls she met at the salon.

You enjoyed the conversations you’d had, the whole family wanted to know about school and what you did for a living. Stories about how you and Betty became friends, how you got Aminta. Once things settled down you watched more closely as Polly fussed over you. You could see in her eyes that this is where she wanted you. Home where she could hold your hand, laugh at your stupid jokes. Finally it was just the two of you.

“What about this man in London?” She asked, sipping on her whiskey. You gazed into the fire and thought about what to say. “Ah that’s why he wants to see you then?” She nodded, answering her own question. “You're the one that got away.”

“I guess so.”

“Did he hurt you? I don’t care what the consequences are. I wont have you around him if he hurt you.” You could feel the anger rising out of her.

“No, he sent me to America to build the life I wanted. Things in London were getting complicated in his line of work. For my safety he sent me away.”

“Now he wants you back?” She sighed.

“I doubt it. But I’ll shortly find out what he wants. Tommy will get his way and all will be settled.”

“I know you have a heavy caseload back home, but could I talk you into staying a while longer?” Her eyes were watery and you could just barely stand to look into them. “I promise that I looked for you love. I prayed, I tried -” Her voice cut off and you held onto her tightly. “I promise I made him pay for what he did. Both him and John.” She choked out and you knew that doing that would have hurt her just the same.

“I know. I just had to look after myself and- “

“Shhhhh - no - don't you ever apologize for anything you’ve done.” Her voice was sharp and you didn't have it in you to argue.

The morning passed as you slept off the whiskey. The surgery was in the evening and you’d gotten ready to head back when you found Polly fully dressed in a posh suit sitting in the kitchen.

“Alright I know I’m probably not allowed to watch, but I’d like to go with you.” She said hopefully. You froze, unsure of what to say.

“Alright, yeah, just gotta go back to the room to get ready then head over.” She responded with a big smile.

Polly went through your clothes watching you pick an outfit for the day. Asking you questions about where you got certain pieces and how you normally dressed at work. Once you were washed and dressed she handed you a plate of food.

“I called room service, they had your favorite. Plus I have sandwiches and some fruit for your lunch break.”

You smiled as you took the plate from her. She was trying so hard to look after you, show you that if you stayed she would be good to you despite the fact that you were a grown woman now.

“Now come sit on the floor, how do you have to have your hair pinned for such things?”

You sat on the floor as she combed out your hair. A deep sense of rest caressed your body. This was the most comfortable you’d felt in ages. You felt love, love from a mother. Who wanted you to eat a full breakfast, who took pride in taming your wild hair, in her eyes she was sending you into some kind of battle. You knew Polly had a very limited understanding of what you were doing, but officially today you were making history and that was something she understood very well.

Betty came through and was taken back by the situation. You were never relaxed like this, ever. You heard Polly sniffle and right herself before going back to twisting your hair up.

“Morning Mrs. Gray”

“Morning darling.” Polly answered easily.

“There you are, love. Can’t believe how long your hair is.” She gave you a firm pat on the shoulder and reached into her hand bag.

“This was my mothers, it’s for luck. You can tuck it under your top.” Polly carefully pulled the necklace over your head and dropped the pendant down your neckline.

“Thank you.” All of this was so strange and yet so familiar at the same time. You felt powerful with her behind you. The coolness of the necklace against your skin felt like long lost love that spanned back even further than Polly’s mother.

“Don’t mention it, love.”

______

The surgery was a success, you changed in the lockers with Betty feeling like you’d climbed to the top of a mountain. It would take about a week to see how things settled and you were informed you would need to stay for at least another two weeks.

Betty was even more pleased with that news.

“Miss! Your family is waiting in the lobby for you.” A nurse called out as you moved down the hall.

You and Betty were met with loud cheers as you rounded the corner.

In a hospital, in the dead of night, by your wild gangster family. You had half a mind to shoot them, but your heart swelled at their pride.

They embraced you and Betty into large hugs. You looked at Polly and realized she’d sat on the same bench the whole time you were in there.

“Did you stay for the whole thing?!” You asked, watching her face flush.

“I wasn't sure how long it would be, or if you would need anything.” She said quietly, and you remembered the sandwiches she’d brought.

“I’m absolutely starving.” You answered by giving her a big hug. You caught Betty’s eye and she smiled knowing full well that you never ate after a surgery. Your nerves were always too wired up, anything you ate you would just puke up.

“Good, good, Tommy has something planned at his place but I have some snacks for the ride over” She pulled you both into the back of a car, before you could process her words.

Something planned. You groaned, you were so tired, the thought of doing anything seemed impossible. But you watched as John and Arthur yelled into the streets about how their baby sister made history.

“Betty? You feel up for this?” You asked and saw her flushed face and lopsided smile.

“Your family is crazy!.” She said lightly, causing Polly to stiffen in the seat next to you. “Darlin’ I wouldn't miss this for the whole world!”

The two of you ate and Betty thanked and complemented Polly on the simple sandwich. To you it felt like a gold bar. Arthur got in the front and the rest of the family piled into separate cars.

“Here you are, love. Gotta catch up to us.” He passed you an amber bottle from the passenger seat. You took a long drink and passed it off to Betty whose face pulled into a hilarious pucker.

Tommy tore down the road, taking you all to his big fancy house he’d mentioned.

The night passed on in drunken dancing and laughter. This was a part of the family you’d never really seen before.

Eventually Arthur stumbled over insisting on talking to you outside. You followed him through to a balcony and John was there. You had an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

“There you are.” John said. “Look, I've been trying to apologize to you for years. I pray, every fook’in morning that you’d come home and let me. I thought Tommy wouldn't get that mad if you’d done it. He’d got a soft spot for ya. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, about you and the family” He shook his head.

“Now you don't have to forgive him! You don’t” Arthur slurred, pointing a finger at you.

“I do. I forgive you. No more lies though eh?” John's eyes got watery and he pulled you into a rib crushing hug. You looked at Arthur and watched as a weight was lifted from him, you forgave John and Tommy, so now he could too.

“MY BABY SISTER MADE HISTORYYYYY” He shouted out into the sky and you almost toppled over in laughter. Arthur pulled you into a hug after. “Look, I don't care how big or little. I don't want to lose you again. If anyone does anything you come to me. I will fix it for ya, love. I’m your big brother and I’ll fix it next time.” He whispered.

“I promise.” You whispered back and felt his tears land in your hair.

______________________

You woke up to light streaming through an unfamiliar room. Betty snoring softly next to you. You smiled to yourself as you looked at her smudged makeup.

Your guts were turning, head pounding, limbs shaking, but you felt that you could have both these lives and be just fine.

Maybe you could also help Tommy make things legal? You pushed the thought out of your mind knowing it was too soon to put yourself and career in that much danger.

You rolled out of bed and padded down the stairs knowing that Tommy should be up by now. Going past his office you heard his wife’s accent drifting under the door. You brushed off her harsh words about the family and made a note to get on Tommy’s case about it later. With your head pounding and multiple meetings with reporters planned that evening all you wanted was some breakfast and coffee.

You pushed open the heavy door to the kitchen and found Finn sitting over some breakfast. He looked up at you with a soft smile. Taking in his appearance properly, you remembered the last time you saw him. He was breast level, big wide eyes, chubby face, and now he was taller than you, angular face, broad shoulders. Seeing him was almost the hardest part, he must have felt just as abandoned by you as you had your family. Suddenly you felt sick for other reasons, the pain of the hangover fading.

“Can we talk about all this?” You asked softly.

“‘Course” You moved to sit next to him.

“I’m sorry that I left you behind.” You got right to the chase, you wanted this fixed. You wanted him to know that none of this was his fault.

“Wasn’t your fault.” He looked out the window and clenched his jaw.

“Yeah, but it wasn't your fault either. I thought about you often. I figured Pol would make sure you were alright. I feel selfish. I want, I need you to know that this wasn’t your fault.” You stumbled, not realizing how much pain was reserved in your chest for the boy.

“I think Mum would still be alive if I wasn't born. I think you would have stayed in the family too.” Tears started to well up and your heart was breaking all over again. Such heavy thoughts carried by such a wonderful boy.

“Tommy and Polly raised me, she was still a person but by the time I was little but she couldn't be a mother. When you came around it was time for me to step up. Should it have been that way? No, but it was mum and da’s fault. Not ours and not Tommy’s. Him and I have made our peace. I know why he did what he did and he knows my side of things now.” You watched him take in your words and eventually he nodded. “You are a gift, and I should have taken my role in your life more seriously. If you give me a chance I’d like to work on it.” You didn't know what you were saying. You would be gone back to your life in America shortly. You internally scolded yourself for opening up more wounds than you could sew back up.

“I’d like that a lot.” He answered stiffly and you pulled him into a big hug. His body eventually relaxed against yours and he took a deep breath. More shifts and changes were felt in your bones.

__________________________________

Reporters, surgeries, family reunions, apologies, shopping, sightseeing, partying….. It was a lot. And now it was coming to an end.

You couldn't stay any longer. The meeting was lined up for that evening and the ship home was booked for tomorrow morning. Betty had become quite taken with a friend of Ada’s, and was dreading the trip home.

What else were you supposed to do? Give up everything you worked for? Transfer to a hospital in London?

All these thoughts swirled in your head as you got ready. You didn't want to face him, but you didn't really have a choice. You picked out a black dress that hugged your figure. It was far more fancy than you would normally wear but looking your best felt like an additional level of protection. Polly’s mother’s pendant was still heavy around your neck, you kept hoping she wouldn't notice you had it so it could stay with you through the meeting.

The car ride was long and Tommy insisted you go with him, leaving Arthur and John trailing behind.

“I didn’t agree to let him have you alone. I know he’ll ask but don't respond. I’ll handle it.” He took a long drag of his cigarette. “Just stay next to me, I won’t let anything happen to you, watch your mouth.” You smirked. “Don’t let your temper get the best of you.”

“It’s not my temper I’m worried about” You answered, stealing a cigarette out of his silver case resting between the two of you.

“Well don't worry about that either. No way I’ll let it happen”

“And if I want to see him alone?” You raised an eyebrow taking in his cold appearance.

“I’ll allow you 15 minutes, then I burn the place down.” He responded coldly. We’ll see about that. You thought to yourself, slightly amused. It was if he had 10 years of being your big brother to make up for, so he was squashing it all into one car ride. He was annoyed at your uncharacteristically lax attitude about the situation, but no matter how many thoughts raced through your mind about how this could end, your body had fully checked out.

You pulled up to the familiar house. The sea air bit at your skin and caressed your lungs. Your body felt so at ease you worried it would simply blow away, half of you wished it would. Your brothers looked around, stretching and scanning the place.

You didn’t make it up to the door before the dogs tore around the side of the house. Tommy put his arm out in front of you, stepping close. You instinctively crouched down and let the dogs crowd you. Three of them you remembered fondly, they were rubbing up against you whining. The others were new but followed along, happily assessing the newcomers.

“There she is! You rotten beasts!” His voice boomed out and everything inside you gave away. This was a tense business meeting, life or death rested on some of the decisions that were to be made, and yet he strode over towards you and every bit of logic evaporated.

“Where’s my grand welcome then?” You said cheekily and before you could catch Tommy’s glare of warning, you were squealing as he picked you up. He crushed you against his chest, your feet dangling off the ground.

“This grand enough eh?” He twirled you around. How had you gone so long pushing this down? Pretending it hadn't existed. Your body was humming and the world slipped away.

“I’ve had better.” You let out a laugh as he smacked your ass.

“You have not.” He growled quietly in your neck.

“That’s enough.” Tommy said sternly. Your face flushed as you looked at John’s crooked smile and Arthur clearing his throat fists clenched. You were going to need more than 15 minutes, you were going to need more than a lifetime.

“Alright let’s get down to it.” He declared placing you gently on your feet. You tried to steady yourself which proved to be useless as he had no intention of letting you go. His arm wrapped around your waist tightly and he turned towards the house.

You’d spent many weekends away here. You passed rooms that had only gotten more cluttered, your boots clicked against the wooden and tiled floors and you ached for days when you would run through the halls bare foot.

He took you all into the sitting room and there was tea already prepared on the table. Business was tense, not just because of the mess Tommy was involved in, but more so due to the fact that Alfie rarely took his eyes off of you.

“I’ll agree to whatever ‘slong as she thinks it’s a good idea.” He declared lazily making your stomach ache.

“She won’t be involved so I wouldn't recommend that.” Tommy said sharply.

“We’ll see about that” Alfie responded cockily. Arthur slammed his hand down on the table.

“Like hell you will” Arthur boomed.

“Arthur!” Tommy snapped. “That’s enough”

“It’s fine, I’ll vouch for him.’ You responded fully placing your trust in your family. Alfie looked into your eyes and found the answer he was looking for.

“When do you leave then?”

“Tomorrow.” Your voice betrayed you slightly, more than what was acceptable.

“Stay the night then?”

“Absolutely not.” Tommy answered. You wanted to, but the thought of standing Polly up on the dinner she prepared herself was not something you could do. He shook off Tommy’s words reading your face.

“Fine. Let me drive you back.” He finally countered.

“Deal” You responded quickly. Tommy let out an annoyed breath.

_______________

After hammering out a few of the smaller details, you were being guided into the the back of a car. The dogs howled as you got in and tears spilled down your cheeks. If you couldn't say goodbye to a pack of dogs, how on earth were you going to say goodbye to your family tomorrow?

Tense words were passed between Arthur and Alfie before he climbed in to sit next to you.

His driver got in and Alfie closed the curtain separating the front and the back of the car.

“Now, my love - you got someone waiting on ya back home then?” You watched his large hand find your knee and studied the new scars on it.

You couldn't speak so you just shook your head.

“Come ‘ere then.” He growled, pulling you up onto his lap. You let him manhandle you as you completely let go. It was a mess of kissing, crying, caressing, and heat.

______

“Now that he have that settled. How do I make you stay?” He whispered, eyes boring into yours.

“I don’t know, is it safe?” You wanted him to say no. That this was a horrible idea and you should go back to your apartment, hide yourself away.

“I can’t speak for Thomas, but I can keep you safe. Plus you know how this place is, absolutely filled with the sick and deranged, no doctors. I read that the other day, no bloody doctors. I thought to myself I know a way to fix such things. So when he came knocking for a deal, I thought I could kill two birds with one shoe.”

“Fix the medical staffing crisis in England, which I'm sure doesn't actually exist. And strike up a deal with Thomas.” You asked smiling, missing these stupid conversations that always seemed to make you feel better.

“Well, I’ll admit I mostly just wanted my girl back.”

“So you’d help my brother carve out a spot in London just to have me back?” You teased.

“Love, there isn't anything I wouldn't do to have you back” His hands sunk into the soft flesh of your ass and you were drowning again. You knew that three weeks to come back into this madness that hurt you so badly was a horrible, stupid, awful idea, and yet it was the only you knew that you could live with. He saw the flash in your eyes and his lips were back on yours in a second.

_______________

You’d been crying, holding on to Aminta for hours.

You walked down the dark hallway and pushed open the door to Betty’s room. She was laying on her side looking positively devastated. There was the slightest amount of light pouring in from the window giving her a ghost-like appearance.

“I love him. That stupid Brit. I can’t leave my parents, I can’t make him come home with me.” Her face twisted up and you rushed to her side bursting into tears. You almost thought it funny that you’d both ended up in the same situation.

“I have to stay. Betty - I can't - go back. I know I should - but I can’t” She held onto you and stayed quiet for a long moment.

“We still have a few weeks leave, we could stay and see how things go?” She whispered, finally a bit of logic.

“Let’s just do that. Give it a bit more time. Need to meet this boy, make sure he’s treating you right.” You joked, relief spreading through you. You would need to corner Ada and learn everything you could about this friend of hers.

“Likewise. Will Thomas be upset? the tickets probably cost so much… I don’t want to put you out - I -”

“Tommy will be fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll go talk to him. Go to sleep, I’ll sort it all out.” You ran a hand through her blond curls.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

You tiptoed through the big house. It was strange and drafty, not at all what you’d pictured for Tommy. You poked your head into his office and found him there pouring over a pile of documents.

“Cold feet.” he stated without looking up. You quickly moved towards him without speaking. He looked up at you in shock as you fell into his lap like you used to when you were small. You started crying, and his hand patted your back like it used to.

“What did he do?” He asked in a deathly calm voice.

“Everything, stupid man, stupid family, Finn - Polly, You, I don't like your wife - I don’t know about Esme yet - The kids, - Finn, Alfie’s dogs. God you hurt me so badly, and after three weeks I’m willing to throw everything away. It’s a risk and I shouldn't - I'm scared - I want to but - ” You stuttered and choked, your heart felt like it was hemorrhaging. You couldn't breathe.

“Won’t be losing anything, you transfer to London. See how things go. He hurts you, I kill him. We won't hurt you. I know that. But if things here aren't what you want then transfer back.” He ran a hand through your hair. “Give me some time, I’ll make it right. Sort everything out, want you here to be a part of it.” He said softly and you took a deep breath.

“I think that’s what I’ll do. We still have another three weeks we could use up, we are going to telephone tomorrow and see if we could stay. See how that goes, I have a feeling I'll transfer anyway.”

“Good. I want you here. We all do.” You melted at his words. He sent you up to bed with a kiss on your forehead. Polly had stayed over as well and you felt the need to tell her immediately. You knocked on her door softly, then poked your head in. She was stirring.

“What is it, are you alright?! What’s wrong?” She hissed about to get up.

“Nothing, nothing. Just wanted to talk.”

She let out a loud sigh.

“Come here, love.” She said groggily pulling the covers up and shifting over. You climbed into her bed, wondering how you’d unraveled back into a small child.

“Now tell me what’s got you worked up, love.” She asked once you were settled.

“I’m staying for another three weeks. But I want to put the papers through to transfer this week. Tommy says he’ll help me sort it all out.”

There was a moment of silence where you thought she’d fallen back asleep. But her arms crashed around you pulling you against her slender frame. You felt her cry and you cried too. She cradled you in her arms and you drifted to sleep surrounded in her love.

_______

The next day you and Betty got your lives sorted, she was going away to stay with Teddy for a few days. Tommy insisted on having his full name, parent’s names, addresses, and phone numbers. She was clearly important to you, making her an extension of you that Tommy was determined to watch over.

As for Alfie he had little patience. You insisted on driving yourself over to his house to talk things over with him, much to Tommy’s annoyance.

“Just let me take you. I’ll wait in the car.”

“Tommy! No!” You started on him tired of the argument. You snatched a piece of toast off the kitchen counter.

“Let the driver take you, alright - Someone needs to go with you. Take fucking Francis, anyone”

“Me and Aminta have been just fine on our own thank you big brother. I’ll ring you when I get there.” You took his keys and kissed his cheek.

_____

You knocked on the front door as Aminta tried to settle in with all the other dogs. The heavy oak swung open.

“Couldn’t stay away?” He picked you up and wasted no time getting the story out of you. He already knew. His mouth was on yours and soon you were a hot mess pressed up against the entryway wall. “Not goin’ to let you get away this time.” He growled.

Somehow you managed to have everything. Yourself, your career, your family, your man, all in messy chaotic harmony. You were home, and you were so very loved.

Tags List: @tommydoesntpayforsuits @misselsbells06 @kpopgirlbtssvt

5 times it wasn't a date and 1 time it was

Aaron Hotchner x Female!Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence (vague mentions)

Words: 5,957

1.

“Where is everyone?” Your boss paused in front of your desk where you were typing away, eyes focused on the screen in front of you. You finished the sentence you were halfway through before stopping and looking up at him.

“I think Reid is in Garcia’s office with her. Morgan and Prentiss went to go get something to eat.” You informed him before your eyes returned to the screen - but your boss didn’t move.

“You didn’t go with them?” He asked voice tinged with slight surprise. Hotch knew his team socialized outside the office as much as they could. He’d never seen you turn down a trip to the bar after a case went well - He knew you went to movies and speeches with Reid - He knew the girls did brunch any time they could. Why wouldn’t you go? Or at least join Reid and Garcia for a small break.

“I’m trying to finish this paperwork from the Daniels case before we get called anywhere else. It's not often we find time between cases,” You both knew that was true. Hotch nodded and came around the desk to stand behind you, reading the words as you typed them.

“Have you taken a break? Eaten?” He prodded, and you gestured to the empty coffee cup on your desk, “That isn’t food.” Hotch made a disappointed tisking noise before straightening up, “Let’s go get something to eat.” Your hands paused on the keyboard, and you glanced over your shoulder at the man.

“What?” He gestured towards the elevator with his head, face composed and stoic as always.

“You need to eat. I didn’t pack a lunch, I was running late with Jack this morning.” When you didn’t move for a moment, just looked at him, he cracked the faintest half-smile and nodded again, “It’s an order, agent.” You rolled your eyes and chuckled before pushing your chair back and standing up.

“You’ve twisted my arm, I yield.” You quipped, grabbing your bag before following Hotch to the elevator and out of the building. Lunch was quick and pleasant, grabbing sandwiches at a café down the street from your building. You opted for a tea after Hotch had inquired about your current caffeine intake. Before you knew it, you were back at the office.

Hotch went immediately to his office, nodding at Prentiss and Morgan when he passed them, and you returned to your desk.

“Where were you two?” Emily asked, and you could hear her smirking from behind you.

“We got lunch,” You responded offhandedly, waving towards her. “Sandwiches as The Corner Café.”

“You didn’t want to go get food when we asked,” Morgan added, leaning back in his chair as he watched you ignore both of them.

“I wasn’t hungry when you asked.”

“Yeah alright.” He nodded, chuckling as he leaned back onto all four legs of his char, “Whatever you say, doll face.” Your head snapped around to look at your two smug coworkers.

“What?”

“So it wasn’t a date?” Emily asked, barely masking her grin, and your eyebrows shot up.

“Why would it be? Obviously not.” She continued to gaze at you, nodding slowly.

“Alright.”

2.

The case had gone well, something that wasn’t always guaranteed, and you knew you should feel happy, but you felt guilty - that you didn’t. The circumstances had hit close to home for you, and despite the favorable outcome, it wasn’t an easy feeling to shake.

It was a local case, so the moment it was over, Derek and Emily had begun excitedly organizing a night out for the team that evening. Garcia had bargained with Derek until they agreed to go with Garcia’s idea - a semi-nice dinner out at a local restaurant (with an attached bar, of course). In her words, we ‘deserved nice things’.

You wanted to say no, but everyone else had agreed to go, even your boss - who usually passed on these types of things. You listened to Garcia gush about how sometimes you just need to look nice and eat good food with the people you love, and you agreed. So you tried to lighten up and enjoy the night for their sake.

During dinner, Hotch could tell you were withdrawn more than usual, especially after you all experienced such a relief. He kept an eye on you during dinner and attempted to toe the line between profiling you - which you all agreed not to do - and simply worrying about a team member. Despite that, he had trouble exactly placing the look on your face you wore for most of the evening.

Dinner wrapped up and Morgan and Prentiss were begging Garcia to go dancing with them.

“Baby girl, you promised we’d go out grooving if we did dinner,”

“No, I promised to go out dancing some night, not tonight! I don’t care how sensually you move, I am tired and full and ready for my bed!” You chuckled at that, taking the last sip of your wine and sitting back in your chair. Morgan turned on you, pointing.

“Don’t laugh, you’re coming too.” You shook your head quickly at that, laughing again.

“Oh, definitely am not, but thank you. Another night.” Morgan continued to point at you for a moment.

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart and all,”

“Alright, Emily, looks like it’s me and you. JJ last chance?” Morgan offered. JJ quickly shook her head, smiling.

“I need to go home to Henry.” Rossi finished off his own drink and placed his napkin on the table.

“You didn’t ask Hotch if he would go.”

“Dave,” Hotch responded, but the corners of his lips turned up slightly, and you smirked at the idea of Hotch dancing at the club with Morgan and Prentiss. “I’ll pass.” Rossi paid the bill after that, despite some protests from everyone else, but you caught Hotch forcing some extra money into the checkbook for the tip regardless.

“Mine and Emily’s Uber is here, does everyone else have a safe way to where they need to get?” Morgan asked, standing up from the table and grabbing his coat, Emily following his lead.

“I can take people.” Reid offered, and JJ and Garcia quickly accepted.

“Y/N and I could share an Uber, we’re further out of Reid’s way. Dave?” You didn’t comment and missed the brief look shared between Hotch and Rossi, but Dave shook his head.

“I have a ride.” He assured, removing his credit card from the returned checkbook and standing. “Goodnight all,” The rest of the group followed suit, including Hotch but when they walked towards the door he remained to hover at the table, so you remained as well.

“Do you want to grab a drink at the bar before we go?” He offered, and you froze, staring at him for a moment.

“Why?” Hotch didn’t reply at first, either, just looked back. After a moment, he shrugged slightly and gestured towards the bar area.

“You look like you could use a good chat.” He admitted finally, and you glanced down for a moment, looking away from his knowing gaze. When you look up again, you nodded slightly and the man turned, leading the way.

It was a nice drink. Hotch was glad he had stopped you and offered it. You hadn’t gone into great specifics, you didn’t have to. He was just happy you spoke about it, and when the conversation moved on to more casual topics, you didn’t feel as reserved as dinner. Hotch paid for the drinks, and you insisted on ordering the Uber.

“I have a five-star Uber rating, so I need you on your best behavior,” You joked as you followed him outside to the waiting car, and Hotch chuckled, opening the back door for you to slide into first. He got in after and shut the car door behind him.

“Me? I think I can manage.” He assured. After you were safely in your apartment, Hotch gave the driver his address and sat back in the seat. His phone pinged, and he fished it from his pocket, checking the message from Dave.

/Hope your after-dinner date went well./ He frowned at the screen and rolled his eyes, quickly replying before silencing his phone and placing it back into his pocket.

/It wasn’t a date./

3.

“Hey Reid, Much Ado About Nothing is playing at Warner Theatre and I snagged tickets last minute, do you want to go,” You stopped in front of his desk, tapping it excitedly. Reid looked up at you with wide, guilty eyes.

“Tonight?” Your face fell and you groaned.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I’d love to, I can’t.” You nodded, disappointed, but you understood.

“Un-reschedulable?” You asked hopefully and Spencer shook his head.

“Maybe Rossi?” You shrugged and nodded and decided to go ask around. You were met with disappointment. You did go to Rossi first, pitching him the full experience of a night out on the town at the theater. He chuckled, and despite - in his words, ‘a tempting evening with a beautiful woman on his arm’ he couldn’t. Morgan said he didn’t do Shakespeare. Prentiss didn’t feel like going out but offered a movie night at her house, which you appreciated but declined. You were on your way to plead your case to Garcia when you were intercepted by Hotch.

He had overheard your initial conversation with Reid earlier that day and had heard via Dave and Prentiss that so far everyone else had declined as well. After a quick text to Jack’s aunt to confirm his plan, he had gone to find you.

“Is it still available?”

“Hm?” You asked, stopping as you passed him, turning to talk.

“The extra ticket? Rossi told me it’s a good play, he’s disappointed he can’t go.” You tilted your head, surprised.

“You want to go?” He nodded, flashing you a small smile.

“An enjoyable evening out on one of our few nights off? If they won’t jump at the opportunity, I’d be happy to, if you’d like.” You were nodding before he was done talking.

“Awesome, I hate it going to waste. Thank you.” You smiled brightly, and Hotch couldn’t help but to return the smile. He had hated the idea of you missing out on something you seemed excited about because no one else could go. “Show starts at seven.”

“I can pick you up.” You nodded and flashed another bright smile at him before turning to continue to Garcia’s office, might as well go see her anyway.

That evening, Hotch came to pick you up as promised. You wore a nice dress that didn’t do as much wearing as it should, you were excited for the evening, as a treat to yourself.

“You look nice,” Hotch commented politely as you got into the car.

“Thank you,” You smiled, “The cuff links are a nice upgrade to the usual suit,” You joked and Hotch smiled, gesturing to his sleeve.

“Jack’s Christmas present to me,” He explained, and you looked slightly closer, seeing the little sliver ‘DAD’ on his cuff. You made an awe sound, sitting back in your seat and smiling widely.

“Very sweet, how is he?” You watched the prideful look that came across Aaron’s face, almost exclusively reserved for when he talked about his son, and it warmed your heart.

“He’s doing good, school is good. He likes his teachers and his classmates, and he’s doing well in all his subjects. He’s a little disappointed soccer is over for the year, but he’s going to start music lessons after school, so he’s excited about that.” You mirrored his smile and nodded your head.

“That’s good, he’s a wonderful boy.” The play was wonderful as well. You enjoyed it immensely, and Hotch was content to enjoy the play, but your happiness was the most rewarding part. You talked his ear off the ride home about the show, telling him some tidbits and facts you knew about the play and the venue, “You know the theater was built in 1924,”

“You sound like Reid,” He teased, and you chuckled, glancing out the car window.

“Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Don’t apologize for talking about something you enjoy.” You turned back to Hotch and watched him for a moment. He felt your eyes on him and briefly glanced away from the road to look sideways at you, before returning his eyes to the road, “Yes?”

“Thank you for coming tonight,” He shook his head, tossing you another glance and smiling.

“It was my pleasure.”

“I would have gone, even if no one else could make it. But it was nicer with someone else to enjoy it with.” Hotch pulled up to your apartment building and wished you a goodnight, which you returned, waving to him as you shut the door. He didn’t pull away until the front door had shut securely behind you. Kicking off your heels, you walked towards your kitchen to start the kettle for tea when your phone rang. You checked the caller ID and answered as you turned the stovetop on.

“Hey, Spencer,”

“Hey, Y/N, how was the date?” You frowned, crossing your free arm over yourself.

“It wasn’t a date.”

“Right, of course not, I just-”

“If you and I had gone, would you have thought it was a date?” You questioned, grabbing your favorite mug from the cabinet.

“No, of course not, I mean, I didn’t mean anything by it. I don’t think before I talk sometimes.” You didn’t say anything for a minute, and when Spencer spoke again you could hear the smirk so clearly written on his face, “Why are you getting so defensive?”

“Goodnight Spencer,” You groaned, turning the stove off when the kettle began to cry.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He replied with a laugh before you hung up on him, rolling your eyes.

4.

The jet was eerily silent the entire flight home - everyone remained in their own little bubble. It’s not often a case goes that poorly, despite all of your best efforts. Despite doing everything right. Hotch watched his team that flight, he felt like he had failed you all. He was watching Morgan, who was listening to his music and staring out of the window. When his eyes moved to you, you were already looking at him. You gave him a small, tight smile from across the table, which he did his best to return.

You departed the plane in silence, and after a few scattered goodnights and get home safes, you began to split and go your separate ways. Hotch remained unmoving, and you watched for a moment as the rest of your team disappeared before turning to him.

“Are you alright?” He didn’t respond for a moment before, finally, he shook his head - just barely, but enough you saw, “Yeah, me either.” The silence returned for a few moments and neither of you moved, before finally, you broke it again, “Are you hungry?” Aaron looked at you, and you continued, “I am, there’s a 24-hour dinner by my apartment. Cheap and good. And if you don’t respond soon, I’m just going to keep talking.” You smiled sadly when you were done and Hotch looked down, letting out a small ghost of a chuckle.

“Alright.” You were both quiet while you ate, casual conversation at first. You asked about Jack, and he asked you if you had seen any plays lately.

“No,” You shrugged, “Our work doesn’t really allow much free time, as you know.” He nodded solemnly. You stared over his shoulder for a moment, watching a few drunk teenagers chatting and laughing, and smiled almost bitterly, “Does it get easier?” Aaron didn’t need to ask what ‘it’ was - he slowly shook his head, swallowing thickly.

“Not on days like this.” He admitted seriously. Your eyes moved back to his, and you blinked a few times before looking away again quickly.

“I just - If I had figured out the location, if I-” A firm hand on your wrist stopped your words from falling from your mouth. Hotch squeezed gently until you looked at him. He was serious when he spoke, his eyes were not stern but almost pleading.

“You are not the only member of this team, even if we were culpable for what happened in some way, you would not bear that weight alone. We did our jobs to the best of our ability, and that is all we are capable of doing. There is nothing we can do but grieve and take its experience - do better next time.” You looked away again, blinking as a few tears escaped, “If you blame yourself every time, you will drive yourself insane.”

“Can I get anyone anything else?” The waitress broke the tension and Hotch released your arm, sitting back while you wiped the tears from your cheek and looked at the girl.

“We’re all set actually, uh here,” You began to rifle through your purse for your wallet but Hotch beat you to it, handing a card over that the girl hesitantly took, eyes still on you.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else, miss?” She asked, and the corner of your mouth turned up, and you found yourself chuckling for the first time that night. The girl relaxed slightly, and you smiled as genuinely as you could at her.

“Thank you, I’m fine,” She smiled and nodded and went to go run the credit card as you turned back to Hotch smirking slightly.

“Smart girl,” When you pulled up to your apartment, you sat for a moment in Hotch’s passenger seat, looking at your hands. “Do you ever think of doing something else?”

“I’ve considered it. Seriously, a few times.” He affirmed. “When Jack was little and after Haley died.”

“But you didn’t.” He shook his head and watched you. You looked out the front window of his car, and the streetlight at the corner provided just enough light for him to see the slight shine of your eyes.

“No. I couldn’t.” You looked down at your hands again, and he wanted to reach over and grab them, to assure you everything was alright, “Have you considered doing something else?” You looked back at him and this time he decided to, he reached out to one of the hands on your lap and took it, squeezing gently.

“Sometimes. Never seriously.” The wind rattled the surrounding car, and you squeezed his hand back tightly.

“Why not?” You squeezed Hotch’s hand once more before removing it from his grasp in order to wipe a stray tear from your cheek. You smiled softly at the man across from you.

“I know I couldn’t.” He nodded. He understood - for many of the same, and probably even more different reasons - neither of you would ever be able to step away from this job. “Goodnight, Aaron.”

“Goodnight, see you tomorrow.”

5.

You were working point from the office with Garcia after a mishap on the last class which resulted in you breaking your dominant hand. The rest of the team was on your most recent case, about two hours up the road. You had honed in on a very likely suspect and the team was on the move when your phone got a call from Hotch.

“Hotch, what’s up?” Your stomach dropped when he spoke, and Garcia looked at you in panic when you paled.

“I need a favor.” His voice was thinly masking a tinge of worry, and your brain Immediately began jumping to worst-case scenarios.

“Anything. What’s wrong?”

“I need you to go to Jack’s school to pick him up.”

“Jack?”

“Oh my god,” Penelope gasped, a hand going to her mouth.

“There was an active shooter threat at the high school. Nothing is confirmed but they think it was a parctical joke, and they assured me everything is fine, but they are sending the district home.”

“Okay, no problem, what do you need me to do,” You were standing, already pulling on your coat.

“His aunt is a few hours away for a meeting, can you-”

“Of course, I’m on my way,”

“I informed the school you’d get him, just show your ID.”

“Of course, I’ll let you know the moment I have him.”

“Thank you, we have everything under control here, tell Garcia to call Morgan.”

“Got it,” You nodded and hung up, turning to Pen, “Everything is okay, there was a threat made at the high school in Jack’s district, they’re sending the kids home just in case. I can get there quicker than his aunt, Hotch said to call Morgan.” She nodded her head quickly.

“Keep me posted.”

“You too.” The drive to Jack’s school was quick. When you got there, there were teachers and uniformed officers checking IDs before releasing kids to their parents. You waited in line and showed your FBI credentials when you got to the front. “I’m here for Jack Hotchner, his dad confirmed I’d be picking him up.” The woman nodded and one of the officers disappeared. He returned a few moments later with Jack in tow. You smiled at the boy waving - you had met Jack several times since joining the BAU, dinners at Rossi’s, holidays, a few times you all even went to his soccer games, but he was young, so you asked, “Remember me?” to be certain.

“Hi, Y/N,” He came to you easily, and you were relieved. “I remember you,” He assured, and the officer waved you off, trying to keep the number of parents in front of the school to a minimum. You offered your hand to Jack, and he took it before following you to his car. “Daddy never lets me sit without a booster seat,” the boy informed you excitedly, as you buckled him into the backseat of the SUV you had borrowed from work. You chuckled, patting his head as you stood back.

“Can I send a picture of you to your dad, he wanted me to tell him when I picked you up.” Jack nodded happily and gave you a wide grin when you said ‘cheese’. After double-checking his seat belt, you closed the door and got into the driver’s seat before sending the picture in a text to Aaron.

/Everything here is good, Jack’s perfect./ You received a response back nearly Immediately.

/Good, thank you, we’re almost wrapped up here, I will call in a few minutes./ You looked at Jack in the rearview mirror before plugging your phone in.

“What kind of music do you like to listen to, Jack?” You asked and he smiled, shrugging.

“I like all musics,”

“All of them? That’s pretty cool of you,” You found a playlist geared towards younger kids and put it on, “Does this sound like the sort of music you like listening to?”

“I know this one!” He informed you, and you grinned, pulling out of the school parking lot. Jack proudly showed you that he knew all the words to the song, singing out happily. You headed back towards the office as you waited for Aaron’s call. When it came through, you quickly hit talk.

“Y/N?”

“Hi, Daddy!” Jack called from the backseat.

“Hi, buddy! How was school?”

“It was fun, we did quiet reading all day!”

“Oh wow, that’s so fun! I have to talk to Y/N as grownups now, but I’ll be home very soon, alright?”

“Okay! See you soon, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You smiled and switched the phone off the speakers and placed it against your ear.

“How did everything go?”

“Fine, we got an excited utterance confession, and he’s in custody. We’re on our way back, I’ll be there in about two hours. Can I further inconvenience you, and ask that he stays with you until I get back?”

“Of course,”

“I don’t want him to go to the office and think something was wrong if they didn’t explain to him at school what was happening.”

“No problem, I understand, we can go back to my apartment. I’ll see you later.”

“Thank you again, see you soon.” With that, you ended the call and changed directions towards your apartment. You had a nice afternoon with the boy, he was impossibly bright for his age and had you cracking up the entire time. You were able to find some old colored pencils in your desk from when you tried to get into adult coloring books to relax and supplied him with plenty of paper to draw on.

A few hours passed and there was a knock at the door, you smiled at Jack and assured him you’d be right back before getting up to go see who it was. When you saw the boy's dad on the other side of your door, you unlocked it, letting him in.

“Hey,”

“Hey Y/N,” He smiled, stepping inside, “I hope he was good for you,”

“He was perfect,” You promised, walking him towards your living room, when Jack saw his father he sprung to his feet and ran towards him. Aaron grabbed him, scooping him up into a hug.

“You’re home, me and Y/N had lots of fun, we did sooo many pictures.” He wiggled out of his dad’s grip before dragging him over to the coffee table to show him all the pictures he’d spent the afternoon making.

“Wow, these are so good,”

“This one is for Y/N,” He handed one to you happily, “And these are for you, daddy.” Aaron took them smiling.

“Jack, do you remember the other week, I promised you we’d go out for ice cream soon? What if we go today?” Jack was the literal expression of jumping for joy at Aaron’s words.

“But I haven’t had dinner yet!” You and Hotch shared a look and you both smiled.

“Well, I won’t tell if you won’t,” Aaron assured him, and you made a gesture of locking your lips with a key before pretending to throw it over your shoulders.

“Can Y/N come?” He asked hopefully, and Hotch glanced at you quickly before nodding his head.

“Of course, if she wants to?” He offered, and you smiled, nodding your head.

“I would be honored,” Ice cream for dinner, a special treat. Such a domestic moment, and here you were sitting across from him. Smiling, laughing with his son. And it felt so right in that moment. For the first time, he allowed himself to truly savor the moment, to imagine a future - an impossible future - with you. You caught him looking at you, but he couldn’t make himself look away. You smiled, and he smiled back.

and 1 more

The nervousness in the pit of your stomach continued to grow until you could no longer ignore it. You had promised yourself two weeks ago you would swallow your worries and talk to him, and every day you pushed it off, you grew more nervous. You were anxious around him, and had become avoidant and you were worried it was becoming obvious. Suddenly, your legs were carrying you before you had time to second guess, and the next thing you knew, you were standing outside your boss’s closed door. You knocked and waited for a reply before entering.

“Y/N,” He greeted, putting the pen he was holding down, he regarded you with a small smile as you shut the door behind you, leaning against it. “Can I help you with something?”

“Do you want to get dinner tonight?” You both asked each other at the same time, Hotch looked surprised for a moment but nodded.

“Of course, anything specific you had in mind?”

“Do you remember the place we went to, a few months back, after the O’Conner case?”

“Yes.” Hotch nodded, “It was good.” You nodded but remained hovering at the door, “Will the others be joining us?” He asked, eyes remaining glued to you.

“No.” You shook your head, “I mean, no. I’d prefer they didn’t. If you’re alright with that.” Aaron nodded his head, corner of his lips curling up slightly.

“I am alright with that. This wouldn’t have anything to do with how strangely you’ve been acting the last two weeks, does it?” You rolled your eyes but smiled nonetheless, pointing an accusatory finger towards the man.

“Don’t profile me.” He lifted his hands in surrender, completing his smile.

“I will pick you up at seven, head home, tell everyone else I said to get out of here.”

“Aye aye,” You relayed Hotch’s message to the team, who were all too happy to cut out of the office early. You went home to get ready for dinner with Aaron, and at seven, perfectly on time, there was a knock at your door. You grabbed your bag from the kitchen counter before going to it and opening it.

“Y/N,” He smiled at you from your doorstep, “You look lovely,” You smiled, feeling your cheeks begin to heat up.

“You got me flowers?” Aaron held them out to you with an almost sheepish expression.

“I apologize if I misread the situation.”

“I told you not to profile me,” You joked, reaching for them, but Aaron pulled his hand back at the last moment with a smirk.

“You’re right, you did, I suppose I can take them back.” Rolling your eyes, you chuckled and reached for them again, this time Aaron let you take them, “Jack told me every good date has flowers.” You placed the flowers down on the table next to your door before stepping out and locking up.

“You told Jack you were going on a date?” Aaron placed a hand on your back as he led you to his parked car.

“I told him I was going on a date with you, yes.” You reached the car and Aaron opened the passenger door for you, “He asked if you were going to pick him up from school again soon, he thinks it’ll mean ice cream for dinner again.” That made you chuckle once more as you got into the passenger seat. Aaron shut the door and a moment later rejoined the conversation from the driver’s seat. “I did call the restaurant ahead of time, they don’t take reservations on weekends but assured me there would be a table available.” You grinned sheepishly as he started towards the restaurant.

“I am the one who asked you out, I suppose I’m the one who should be opening your car door and thinking ahead to call the restaurant.” Smirking Aaron shrugged.

“I figured, you did the hard bit, that neither of us seemed to be able to accomplish, I might as well take care of the easy bit - wooing you.”

“Oh ho, you think I’m easy to woo?” He laughed, glancing away from the road long enough to fix with you the smuggest smile you’d ever seen from Aaron Hotchner.

“I mean, you did spend the last two weeks visibility nervous to ask me on a date,”

“Watch yourself, Hotch.” You poked at him.

“Don’t,” He glanced at you, “I mean, don’t call me Hotch. If we’re going to explore this, outside the office, it’s Aaron.” He smiled and glanced over at you again, “Please.”

You didn’t talk about work once during dinner, a rarity, but that didn’t stop you from profiling, it’s who you were. You leaned over the table to speak to Aaron, lowering your voice enough that no one would hear it above the restaurant chatter.

“Red dress,” You whispered, barely gesturing to the left with your head, “New money, you can tell because all of her jewelry is expensive but not vintage.” Hotch nodded, urging you to continue as he hid a smile behind the rim of his wine glass, “If I had to guess where the money came from I’d say illegal diamond trade, maybe even animal trafficking,” He rolled his eyes chuckling, but you watched as he looked her over out of the corner of his eye before leaning in as well.

“Nothing about her suggests a life of crime,”

“That’s not the point of the game, it’s not about being right. It’s just making up outrageous stories while people watching.”

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, darling. You don’t need to extrapolate ridiculous things to see something outrageous about most people. Look at the husband. Designer suit and Italian shoes. He keeps checking his phone. They are new money, you didn’t make that up. But he’s the one who made it.” You grinned, letting out a giggle. Aaron’s hand found yours on the table, and he began running his fingers over the back of your hand as he continued, “If you look closely, he’s got a faint facial tick, a muscle above his left eye is twitching. An indicator that something is weighing heavily on his mind. I would guess most of his new wealth comes from white-collar crime.” Your eyes flicked over to the couple a few tables away, before returning to Aaron.

“Really?” He grinned widely at you, leaning back in his seat again with a wink.

“No, I made that up, I have no idea why he has money. Is that how you play?” You sat back as well, turning your hand beneath his so that his fingers were drawing gentle patterns on your palm instead.

“You’re ridiculous.” You accused, and he smiled across the table at you.

“Thank you.” The food was wonderful, the wine was good, and the company was perfect, there was little more you could ask for on a date with a handsome man. When the check arrived, Aaron reached for his wallet, and you quickly grabbed for your purse.

“No. I asked you out, I’m buying.”

“Y/N, it doesn’t matter-”

“I agree,” You grinned happily, quickly handing your card over to the waiter, “which is why it doesn’t matter that dinner is on me,” The waiter disappeared and Hotch chuckled shaking his head.

“My apologies, I forgot it was you courting me tonight,” You wiggled your eyebrows in response. The drive home was quicker than you would have liked it to be, and when Aaron stopped the car in front of your apartment, you remained rooted to the spot.

“Thank you,” You titled your head and smiled at the man.

“For what?” You asked.

“Inviting me to dinner. I’ve been - I’ve been working up the courage for a while. But I kept convincing myself I was misreading any signal I thought you sent me.” He paused, smirking slightly, “I did become significantly more convinced I wasn’t reading too deeply into it these past two weeks,”

“Hey,” You both laughed.

“But thank you for beating me to it.” Aaron smiled, “However, if I may, you’re not going to beat me to this.” His eyes flickered down to your lips momentarily before he raised a questionable eyebrow at you. Your heart rate quickened, and you smiled, turning yourself towards the man.

“You may,” You murmured, and he leaned in the rest of the way, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss across the center console of his car. Aaron pulled back far enough to look at you for a moment before placing another kiss on your lips. He guided the kiss, briefly deepening it, before pulling away again, a soft hue to his cheeks that made your chest warm.

“Let me walk you to your door,”

“Alright,” You agreed softly, allowing him to do just that. You unlocked the front door of your apartment before leaning against the door frame, gazing over at the man.

“I had a wonderful time,”

“So did I,” You assured.

“I’d like to have a second date if you’re willing. Maybe, somewhere more private, I can cook us dinner. We can talk about everything a bit more clearly.” You smiled and nodded your head in agreement. “It’s not going to be simple.” He warned, and you knew he was right, “But you’re worth it.” Pushing yourself off the door frame, you leaned up to press another quick kiss to Aaron’s lips.

“Sounds like a date to me,” You promised him.

Requests are open!

All Grown Up Series

summary: a collection of moments between reader, aaron and jack as jack grows into his own.

pairing: nonbau!fem!reader x aaron hotchner, teenage/college!jack hotchner x estelle ‘tess’ sanders (fem!oc)

warnings: angst, fluff, kissing, sadness/feelings, mentions of Haley and grieving, transitioning to college, more warnings to come

an: this is a bit of an au as i’m not going to focus on jess being a big part of jack’s life since reader has played a big part. i also plan on focusing heavily on the dynamic between reader, hotch, and jack so there won’t be a lot of team interaction except in one specific part. all of this will be hotch out of the office, so even team interactions won’t be case related. graphic is by the amazing, talented @sadgirlml, thank you for making this for me bestie.

current word count: 2.8k

Intense: where reader teaches jack how to drive.

Prom: reader teaches jack to dance and to take a risk.

Graduation: reader helps jack and aaron start the process of letting go, helping herself in the process.

Bittersweet: reader reminds aaron that adjustment isn’t linear.

Winter Break: reader and aaron learn that jack is really growing up.

First Love: reader helps jack take another risk when it comes to love.

First Mistake: reader and aaron hold jack accountable for his actions.

A Summer: at the end of the day love and family perseveres.

while we untangle

Pairing: Steven Grant x F!Reader (implied Marc Spector x F!Reader) Wordcount: 2.9K Warnings: Explicit AF. SMUT. DID. Wounds. Oral. CUM eating. Sry. Summary: Things happen to Steven. He ends up with dates he doesn’t remember making. He finds his fridge full and fishes with two fins. There is an attractive woman inches from him and he should just shut up and take it as a sign from God or Gods. Whatever. A/N: wow i wrote this instead of working on wys because i hate myself. title from Rufus Du Sol's No Place. i know vague shiz about moon knight but this is my current headcanon of marc being aware of steven and steven just doing his best (lmao). idk if this is really spoilery.

Steven doesn’t quite recall when he started dating you. He does not remember how it happened. You just appear and he simply goes with it because you’re soft and warm and you call him by his name.

It’s a little like magic. He falls asleep and wakes up and you’re there.

“Hi,” you murmur by the side of his bed. His body is aching. His shoulder is screaming. He feels his bones bunching up against the thin shell of his skin.

“What?” He shakes his head. “Who-?”

Their first conversation (that he remembers) is just fragments of words. It is a series of cut-off questions.

Who? What? Where?

You lean forward so quickly he nearly misses it. A flash of your hair and your eyes glittering like fish scales in the blue dawn light. You touch his jaw and use your other hand to comb his sweat-damp curls back from his brow. He wants to say something because he feels naked in front of you - this stranger in his sweats and one of his t-shirts.

Who are you? Who are you?

Instead, he says: “I’m sorry…I didn’t expect guests. I would have cleaned…”

He would have. He would have made an effort. You smile at him and that’s when he notices the gash at your hairline. The strange bruising along your collarbone.

“Did we…?” he finally asks because why else would a girl be in his apartment - at his bedside. Your lips quirk and you shake your head.

“I’m - do we know each other?”

He really shouldn’t press his luck. Things happen to Steven. He ends up with dates he doesn’t remember making. He finds his fridge full and fishes with two fins. There is an attractive woman inches from him and he should just shut up and take it as a sign from God or Gods. Whatever.

“In a way,” you hum as you stretch your arms above your head. Your joints crack and that cut on your forehead beads with blood. A few hours later, he will notice that it’s gone. He will notice that marks on you never last longer than a day.

“In a way?” he echoes. He is lost in this conversation just as he is lost in most conversations. Everyone seems about five feet ahead of him at all times.

“Yes - in a way, but,” You shoot your hand out and grasp his own tightly. He notices his palm is covered in raven-black grease and you don’t seem to mind. “I suppose we should meet formally.”

You tell him your name and he repeats it - rolls it around over his tongue like a smooth marble. His accent is thick and often too chewy in his mouth. He doesn’t know why he even uses the term “accent” because shouldn’t it just be his voice? His tone. His.

He feels like he’s trying to shove himself through a narrow hole. Nothing fits.

***

He starts waking up with you - coming to with you - in weird places. One time, he’s restocking mugs etched with incorrect hieroglyphics and the next thing he knows he’s coughing up blood on a rain-soaked street. It’s thundering. The clouds spiderweb with lightning. There’s the smell of wet leaves and garbage and a neon Exit sign is blinking above him.

“Marc! Help me out here.” You’re a few feet away punching the hell out of a man in back. There’s a splash of blood. It splatters over your nose and chin. You’re in this tight suit that shimmers grey-blue in the rain. Weird. When your eyes meet his, you suddenly grimace. Your expression flits between seemingly concerned and incredibly irritated.

“Who’s Marc?” He rubs his forehead. His teeth feel loose in his mouth. “Wait - where are we?”

Wait. Wait. Wait. He’s always colliding into a disaster or conflict before he can confirm what it is. Where - when - what -

“Fuck,” you growl and then the man you’re fighting socks you right in the temple. You stumble to your knees. Steven doesn’t really think - he doesn’t have to - he rushes forward in some hopeless attempt at protecting you and - well - everything goes black again.

***

He wakes to the tinkling music of a Carnival. He’s got his hands wrapped around a pole with chipped gold paint. There’s a thousand colors blurring into a mosaic of blues and pinks and purples and reds. Yellow as buttered popcorn. Green and copper as scarab beetles. He can taste sugar on his tongue. Cotton candy. His stomach aches.

He looks down and sees the white mane of a wood worse. It’s uncomfortable between his legs. He blinks. He shakes his head.

“You okay?”

He turns to find you sitting - riding - next to him. You’re straddling a unicorn, which oddly seems fitting since he’s about 67% certain you don’t exist. There’s an unreadable expression on your face. A strange transformation. You go from cheerful to anxious and he feels as if he has interrupted something. You bite your lip and reach for his hand. You thread your fingers together as the carousel picks up speed - as it circles and whirs like a cyclone.

That terrifying, obnoxious jingle of music.

“Hi Steven,” you tell him, which he doesn’t understand. Why are you greeting him when you’ve obviously been with him for a while. Are they on a date? This must be a date. Did he drink? He swears it was 4 PM last he checked, but the sky is black-navy. Violet and midnight.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters as he clings to the pole with one hand as you hold onto the other. He leans his too-hot temple against the wet-cold surface of it. “I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t know what else to say.

***

His eyes flutter open and it’s day again. The midafternoon sun peeks through his heavy blinds. You’re sitting next to him - hunched over like a curled C. One of his heavy mythology books in your lap. You’re reading about Isis and Osiris and he wonders if all his pieces are scattered over the Earth. It would make sense. It would honestly be a relief. An explanation.

There’s a white bandage around your arm with old blood staining half of it. It’s practically brown. He sniffs a metallic tang in the air along with the harsh scent of antiseptic.

He lifts himself up gingerly. More soreness. More agony in his back and the constant headache that thumps at the center of his forehead. He leans into you out of reflex, his chest brushing your shoulder. He touches your arm - drags his finger down the bandage.

“I didn’t do that did I?” He can’t trust himself. He doesn’t know anything. He loses days and nights and you are the only constant in his life. The one unmoved variable.

You twist around to look at him. You’re visibly exhausted. He wonders when you sleep because he’s never seen you do it.

“No,” you assure him. They’re so close that your breath fans over his lower lip. They’re dating and they aren’t. “Dating” is the only word he has for it because he wakes up and you’re in his room or literally in his bed. Sometimes you haul him to a restaurant or coffee shop.

Eat, Steven. You’re very pale.

They’ve never kissed though. They’ve never done anything beyond you looping your arm through his as you take him around London. He hadn’t realized it until now, but every errand they go on has been for his benefit.

You need more shampoo. You need another jacket. You need to get your haircut. Do you want another fish so he has a friend?

You let him talk to you. You let him vomit his words all over you because he has no one else. His mum’s voicemail. His mirror. His mind. One minute, he’s spilling his guts to a living statue and the next he’s spilling his guts to you.

And you respond. You nod and agree or disagree or drop your chin into your hand and listen intently. You laugh when he says something he actually meant to be funny.

“You’re such a weirdo,” you tease in between sips of coffee. It makes his lungs expand to the point he can finally get a full breath in. He is wide awake.

He shifts on the bed. The springs squeak. His sheets are scratchy and he notices there are granules of sand in the folds of linen. Bloody hell and all that.

There’s a wrinkle between your brows as you watch him watch you. You don’t avert your gaze like so many others do when he makes them uncomfortable. He can’t help it. He forgets himself sometimes. You’re different. You meet his stare straight-on.

His voice is low and urgent when he finally asks: “Why do you take care of me?”

You suck your lower lip between your teeth. It turns a color and he has to stop himself from swiping it with his tongue - from digging his thumb into the flesh. “I promised someone I would.”

He should question that. Who?

You know who.

The voices have returned. Swelling and shivering at the back of his head. They distract him. Solid. Tempting.

You know her mouth. You’ve tasted it before just not as you. You’ve had her. You’ve felt her. She’s ours.

He doesn't know what to do. He’s aware of his own awkwardness. He’s aware that he often misses social cues even though a large part of him seems to understand them. He just can’t get there.

“Steven,” you whisper like a secret - like their secret - every fucking letter deliberate and compassionate.

He wants to feel this.

He surges forward and kisses you. His body does it before his brain even catches up. He grips the hinge of your jaw and crushes his mouth to yours. You squeak in surprise before relaxing - before allowing him to cradle your cheeks between his hands and continue.

It feels familiar.

His lips move against your lips. His tongue traces your tongue - teasing and caressing and it subtly changes from sweet and careful to frantic and dirty. Your hand is on his chest - right where his heart thumps. He scrapes his teeth over your lower lip before soothing it with his tongue. He makes a demanding sound and pulls you closer.

He senses that he’s been at this threshold a thousand times previously. He has to move forward. He knows the steps. He needs to take you - plant himself inside you where he’d be safe. He’s been safe.

His hand palms the crown of your skull. He tilts your head to deepen the kiss. You respond gracefully - your own fingers now locked in his t-shirt. They trade kisses in his dusty room with all of his old books and white-noise sound machines and cheap cutlery. You sigh into his mouth - your breasts crushed against his chest. Your heart. His heart. Pound for pound. Sharing a rhythm. How much would they weigh? The bandage on your arm chafes the inside of his bicep.

You shiver and it surprises him - the fact that he’s capable of arousing such a sensation out of you. He wants to go further.

He wedges himself between your legs. He doesn’t know entirely what he’s doing and yet he does. He’s had to have done something like this before. Maybe, at school. His twenties? He should know though no distinctive memories come to mind. No images of teenage lust in a backseat or fumblings in a dark theater.

Still - he appears to be getting it. Gestures before thoughts. It’s like the act itself is already written on his bones - taped somewhere in his mind with instruction.

At some point, they get naked.

You are spread out on his pillows and he uses his hands to open your thighs. He watches your cunt - shiny and pretty in the afternoon light. There are bruises on your hips - along your ribs. He wants to ask, but doesn’t.

You already know, Steven. You saw her get them last night. Fighting. You have some too.

That voice that’s like his voice, but not.

He slips his fingers against the seam of your folds - nudging between them and watching the effect it has on you. He thrusts to the knuckle before twisting his hand so he can press his thumb to the peak of your sex. You’re so wet and hot and each jerk of his fingers makes you tighter. The repetitive clench of your walls as he eases you through it. The push of slick more erotic than anything he’s ever even dreamt of.

“Oh,” you moan softly. “Oh - shit.”

“I-I think - is that alright?” he stammers - his chest tight - his cock so hard that it juts against his stomach.

You nod furiously. You open your arms to him - come come come - be with me. He goes - capturing your mouth - tongue warm as it slides over yours in a desperate, messy tangle. Your hand circles his cock, grasping him tenderly. You stroke him slow as he fucks into your palm. He kisses you. He kisses your throat - your breasts - your cheeks. You lead him - let him in - and then the head of his cock is rubbing right up against your pussy. It’s furiously hot - making slick sounds as it slips through the seam of swollen flesh.

You stare up at him, lips twitching and kiss-bruised. He keeps his eyes fastened to your face as he sinks in too quickly. You stretch around him - nails digging into his shoulders. Your mouth parting. Oh - it’s like this.

You feel like home. You feel like him. He knows this. He knows the wet clutch of your sex around him. Vice-like. Murderous. He rocks down and you glide with him. He draws back until he’s nearly out of you before snapping forward - punching a moan from your lungs. A push and pull. He tilts his hips and you follow - knowing the ebb and flow of his movements like you’ve done this before. You fist a hand into his curls as you nip his jaw. There is the loud liquid suck of your body greedily accepting his cock again and again. It’s so crude that he can’t quite believe it.

“Steven - fuck,” and now he is acting without thought. He is allowing the insides of himself to take over. It’s like a dance that he is watching from a step away, but oh he feels every second of it. He savors the soaked clasp of your cunt. The smell of your sweat and your hair and your lush skin as it slaps against his.

You shove him away and he groans as he rears back on his heels. His pleasure is dismantled. It is interrupted. You rise up on your knees and kiss him hungrily - nearly swallowing his tongue before you turn around. You get on all fours - your grip taut around the bed frame. His gaze traces the lines of your body - the curve of your ass that hitches into his hip bones and fitting snug.

You know what to do. You’ve done it before. Our girl likes it like this.

Ours. Ours. Ours.

That voice unbearably deep and vibrating with power. It’s like heartburn in his chest - bubbling up his throat.

This is for you, Steven. Trust us. Trust us.

He takes himself in hand and guides it back into your spread, dripping cunt. He bottoms out and you respond beautifully - a fragile wisp of a sob as you blossom around the length of him. You bury your forehead into his pillow. You bite the blanket.

Steven has never been able to keep quiet, but now he is out of words. He grunts low, rumbling noises and sometimes: oh god - fuck - so good -

He hopes that it’s enough for you to realize that this is everything he’s ever wanted. This true connection when he’s always felt like he’s living behind glass. He’s grateful.

He reaches around to pluck at your clit - something he wouldn’t have known to do or hadn’t done before and yet he does. It’s imprinted. The second he touches the swollen nub of it, you seize up like you’ve been electrocuted - pleasure ringing through your veins and limbs and he meets it by grinding deeper into you and there are filthy words flying from your lips in heaving, breathless whimpers and Steven blushes bright red because he can’t quite believe he’s done this with you - even as his cock spits inside you - even as he fills you to the brim without wasting a drop. When he eases himself out, there is his own pearly seed sliding down the backs of your thighs. It seeps between your swollen folds, dripping onto his comforter, which he will never wash again -

He touches it with his fingers - mesmerized. The voice in his head is throaty and smug: do it, Steven. I know you want to. She’ll love it.

He listens. He flips you onto your back - mouthing at your throat and tits before he travels downward. He forces your knees apart and buries his face between your legs - lapping and sucking and devouring what he has done to you. You arch up - hips jerking against his face. His nose hooked enough to deliberately scrape against your clit as he licks from your fucked-open pussy.

You cry out, yanking at his curls until it stings and he’s sure he’s missing patches of hair. He won’t let up. He latches and remains there - his hands now under your ass as he lifts the bowl of your pelvis up - like a platter - like an offering to the Gods - overflowing with nectar - a ritual -

He’ll repeat it. Day in and day out. He will perform this.

His skin burns with arousal. A fever. You know it’s him doing what he’s doing as he feasts - as he suckles his own come from your sex. He does not know this and yet he does. Another lifetime perhaps. Another yesterday. All of his memories are wrapped in plastic and yellowed with age. Opaque. Potentially not his. But this is clear. This he is sure to remember.

He knows. He knows. He knows this and there aren’t any lost hours between them. It is one long day and one long night of this tryst where he doesn’t wake up with a broken jaw or bleeding gums. He does not question your presence or why his fish die or why you care enough to keep him alive when no one else seems to notice him. He’s Steven and you call him by that name.

More Than a Feeling

din x reader; din dreams of you

word count: 2.6k

a/n: big thank you to @flora-screeches for some much-needed encouragement and to @saradika for reminding me that this song exists!

also tagging: @zinzinina (anyone else, let me know if you’d like to be tagged!)

(on a personal note, i am really proud of myself for getting this done during a writing funk so i hope you enjoy!)

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Valentine's Day (Aaron Hotchner x Reader)

Summary: You and Aaron are celebrating your first Valentine's Day together. Or, at least, you're trying to.

Chapter TW: Spicy (16+), mention of a sick kid, wine

Word Count: 1204

Masterlist

You anxiously wait outside Aaron’s apartment. You have a bottle of wine and lingerie set with some well-placed hearts to make sure that today is perfect. You care more about your first Valentine’s Day with Aaron than you care to admit. Standing in the hall is certainly not helping your nerves.

Luckily, Aaron lets you in quickly. “Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.”

“Oh! Aaron!” you gasp, looking around the room. “When did you have time to do this?”

He blushes before pressing a kiss to your lips. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“That wasn’t an answer.”

Taking the wine from you, he leads you to the kitchen. “And you’re not getting one.”

You roll your eyes before sitting on the counter. “You seem to have a whole evening planned.”

“Well, I had planned on you spending the whole evening with me.”

“And the morning?” you tease.

He smiles, turning his attention to the stove. “I’d love to keep you here all weekend.”

“I’d love to be kept here all weekend.” You glance at what he’s cooking. “Though, not if you’re planning on cooking.”

He wants to be insulted, but looking at the monstrosity he’s made, he can’t help but laugh. “I can order in.”

You hop off the counter. “Don’t bother.” You twist his tie between your fingers. “I’d rather just get right to dessert.”

“Yeah?”

Biting your lip, you answer, “Yeah.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. Ever practical, he turns off the stove, moving the pan to another burner, before pushing you back against the counter. His arms cage you in. “Tell me, my love, how long did you spend picking out what to wear,” he groans, kissing your neck. “Did you plan this entire outfit around your new set, or-” he starts unzipping your dress “-did you know that whatever you wore would be ruined in a matter of seconds, so you wore nothing?”

He slides your skirt up, revealing the barely-there panties. His fingers trace the embroidery. “Well then, pretty girl, why don’t you show me my present?”

You waste no time sliding out of the dress. Watching his eyes unabashedly roam your body gives you a bit more confidence. You give him a little show, holding your arms out and giving him a slow spin. “What do you think?”

“I think I am the luckiest guy in the world,” he answers. He loops his fingers in the waistband of your panties. “And that I am never learning how to cook.”

You let out a loud laugh. “We’ll have to work on that last one.”

He shrugs but smiles nonetheless.

“Should we take this to the bedroom?”

“I have a better idea,” he answers, moving toward the fridge. It doesn’t take him long to find what he’s looking for. Unfortunately, before he can show you what it is, his phone rings. With a groan, he closes the fridge before answering.

His tone immediately softens. “Yeah, of course. Send him over. It’s fine.” Hanging up, he turns to you. “I’m sorry. Jack must’ve caught some sort of stomach bug, and-”

“No, no,” you cut him off. “I get it.” You’re already sliding your dress back on. “Just, promise me you’ll show me what you were planning.”

He smiles, pulling you in for another kiss. “Mhm. As long as you promise to wear that set again.”

“Deal,” you mutter against his lips. “I can’t wait.”

The two of you lose track of time, and your dress is nearly off again when Jess knocks on the door. The two of you jump apart, and you feel like a teenager again. Aaron quickly pulls himself together, while you try to make it look like you weren’t just about to have Aaron break your back.

“Hi, buddy, not feeling well?” Aaron asks, answering the door.

Jack shakes his head, falling against his dad’s legs.

“Let’s tell Aunt Jessica goodbye, and then we’ll get you into bed.”

Jack nods sleepily, giving his aunt a small goodbye, before following his dad into the apartment.

You’ve only seen Jack a handful of times, so you (and Aaron, though he’d never tell you that) are understandably stressed about still being in the apartment. Luckily, Jack barely seems to notice that you’re there, solely focused on getting to bed.

You clean up the dishes from when you were supposed to have dinner, while Aaron puts his son to bed.

“Thanks,” Aaron says, walking into the kitchen. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“It’s fine. How’s Jack?”

He shrugs. “I think he just worked himself up. He should be fine once he wakes up.”

You nod. “Well, I better get going. Thank you, for tonight.”

“I really am sorry. I just wanted tonight to be perfect.”

“It was.”

Looking down, he retorts, “It was until my sick son showed up.”

“Aaron, what’s wrong?”

He sighs. “This just made me realize what you’re getting into. What this relationship is going to be.”

“Aaron-”

“No, no you were expecting a sexy, romantic evening, and I had to wreck that for you.”

“Aaron.”

“And, it’s what I wanted, too, but we-I, I can’t have that. There’ll always be my son and my job and-”

“Aaron!” you cut him off. “I know you’re a master profiler, but can I tell you what I think?”

He nods timidly.

“Yeah, of course, I wanted a ‘sexy, romantic evening’. Who doesn’t? But, I only want that with you. Look, I know everything that comes with you. It’s been what six months and we’ve had to reschedule how many dates? If I were going to leave when things got tough, I would’ve left a while ago.” You grab his hand. “Look, Aaron, I love you, and if you think some job or sick kid is going to scare me off, then-”

He cuts you off with a kiss. Pulling away, he holds your face in his hands. “I love you, too. Stay the night, please?”

“Yeah,” you agree, smiling widely. “Yeah.”

“Good. He’ll be feeling better tomorrow, and then we can actually celebrate.”

“I can’t wait.”

He pulls you in for another kiss. “But, you’re going to have to change.”

You giggle. “Of course. I’ll change, you check on your son, then we can watch a movie?”

“Perfect.”

You’re curled up on the couch when Aaron comes back out. To your surprise, Jack is following him.

“He couldn’t sleep,” Aaron explains.

Jack climbs onto the couch, settling himself just far enough away from you for Aaron to sit between the two of you.

“Well then,” you reply, “I think we should let him pick a movie.”

“Can we watch Aladdin?” Jack asks.

“Sure, buddy,” Aaron answers. “I think it’s still in there from last time.” He hits play on the remote, and sure enough, the title screen comes up.

“(Y/N), do you like Aladdin?” Jack pipes up, curling into his father’s side.

“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites.”

“My daddy likes it too. He says that he wanted to make you feel like Jasmine tonight.”

You glance over at a blushing Aaron. “He certainly made me feel like a princess tonight.”

Jack goes quiet and is asleep by the twenty-minute mark.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” you whisper.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”