2020 Reflection

2020 reflection

wow, 2020 is over. let’s start this new year with refreshment. 

though many have had a hard time in 2020, i think that the year was given to people of our generation to give us a break and time to reflect on ourselves and lives. it was sort of like a wake up call to all souls. 

2020 rose the question of, “did or am i living my life to the fullest?”

in that year, i suffered deprivation of friendship, depression, anxiety, falling out of love with my passions, and disconnection with the rest of the world, but i also discovered self love, healthier living, acceptance, and a life free from toxicity.

starting from the beginning of 2020, i was in canada. i had experienced a once-in-a-lifetime experience. my wish had been granted, and yet again, i was experiencing another snowy holiday. then, my tumblr presence was growing. i didn’t dread the return of school. i welcomed the new year with warm, open arms.

3-4 months into the year, i reached my first obstacle. a fight broke out between me and my very close friend. i was abandoned and betrayed by my alleged “close friend” group.

then, the pandemic hit. i was in denial. i didn’t want to be cooped up in my house for months. i thought people were over-exaggerating this virus. i was furious to hear that we would be quarantined.

summer comes and i finally have time to breathe. i get back in to gaming. for a good amount of time, i forget that school exists. i’m working out for 2-3 hours a day. i’m binge watching all the movies i could. i finally bring myself to remove any social media, other than tumblr, from my life.

third obstacle: i fell out of interest with tom, following my writing. soon after i got rid of instagram, i disconnected from much related to tom. i no longer saw his posts, heard his voice. i no longer had any ideas to write out. i had lesser of the emotions i had in the previous year. my account seemed to be dying out, like a candle melting to its very last. i had no will left to continue.

fourth obstacle: i became depressed, once again. in 2019, i suffered a terrible episode of depression. my thoughts were fucked up, to say the least. what arose this renewed episode was stress, loneliness.

then, i discovered a band. a group of men who made music that touches the soul, made for cheering you up. this band is very successful, even compared to the beatles. i won’t disclose the band’s name to leave it to your mind to figure out if you want, that is.

life goes on. i do what i need to. winter break comes around. for a couple of days, i feel good, happy. new years eve appears and disappears before i can even register what’s happening. a whole year of my life, gone, not to waste though.

even though this year was hated by many, i can’t say i agree with those people. instead of looking for reasons to why you hated 2020, look at things that you learned and grew in such year.

remember 2020 as a year of growth and experience. prepare yourself for our new life ahead. envision a clear and happy 2021, and that you will get.

- m

edit: my stupid ass didn’t realize i posted this to my drafts,, i’m-

i posted a fic today because i felt like i actually had inspiration but i’m starting to fall out of interest with tom, so i’ve created a new writing account for bts called @gukieoppa. so if you want to check it out go ahead. i’ll try my best to continue writing for tom but it’s not for sure. i might even change this account to my bts one (i’m joking... or am i)

I’m prob gonna post a fic tonight but I’m not rly sure :// it’s my bday present to you guys lmao

changes to this account

hello, fellow readers! it’s been a long while. i’m not sure if many of you will read or want to read this but i wanted to explain my hiatus as well as the changes that will be brought to this page (?). i’ll put the changes in bold so you can read ahead, if you want.

okay, firstly, as you may or may not know, i’ve been on a hiatus for the past almost 6 months, i think, so i’ve been gone for a while. to be completely honest, i never expected myself to take a break from this account, especially since, at the beginning of 2020, i dedicated my life to this page. i don’t think the i was able to register the fact that i was starting to grow, age wise, and my past was my, well, past. i started to outgrow things that i enjoyed and loved when i was younger, but i wouldn’t accept that reality, and i’m still not today. on instagram, i noticed that the app was making my mental health go downhill, as well as the fact that i lost almost all of my friends due to a petty fight we had before quarantine. i ended up deleting instagram, only recently deleting my account, because i thought that i was making the right decision. to be honest, it truly was a good choice of mine because nowadays, i’m much happier. another cruel truth, though, is that i’m friendless as of now. that’s a lie. i have one friend and one friend only. it’s not too bad, but it puts me down, sometimes. i’m going off topic, sorry. anyways, getting to the point, i began to outgrow tom. this shocked me to my core because i dedicated like 3 years of my life stanning this man and fantasizing about him. i also think that the deleting of instagram did push me further into losing interest in him because i didn’t have the habit of constantly checking his page everyday anymore. then, rumors came out that he had a girlfriend. when i first heard about it, i decided to ignore it and continue writing, but at this point, i already began my decline. when the rumor became fact, i kind of felt uncomfortable writing for him because he had a real, existent, confirmed girlfriend. i know it sounds obnoxious because either way, single or not, writing fanfiction about a celebrity is just a bit weird but knowing they’re in a relationship and continuing to write for them put me off a bit. also, i ran out of inspiration to write and the spark i once had began to dim. writing creatively is very important to me, so i didn’t stop and decided to write on random docs and never post them. this was a lot less stressful for me, knowing i didn’t have an audience. over this hiatus, i did consider completely quitting and deactivating this account, but i pushed myself to continue, bringing me to where i am today. i still have a bit of pressure, feeling as if i have a responsibility to write, but i’m trying to ease my way back into writing for tom, even though i don’t have much interest in him anymore.

now for the changes i’m bringing to this page. please note that i’m on a semi–hiatus still, but that will be a constant from now on. this is because i’ve entered a new stage of life where i have more responsibilities and less time. it’s also because of my lack of interest in tom. don’t get me wrong, he was a very important figure in the past couple of years of my life, but i’m outgrowing him and moving onto newer people. i’ll forever support him, though. not only is this why i’m going to stay in a semi–hiatus state, but posting fanfiction is no longer a blissful escape for me anymore, more so a burden. bringing me to my next change, i’ll be posting very rarely, meaning only when i feel like writing it or am in a good mood. i will continue to try hard for my readers, though. i’ll also be changing the formatting of my work, albeit it’s not much to note. otherwise, that should be it, and if there are any changes that come to mind, i’ll update you guys on that. thank you so much for staying and supporting me. it means the world to me. i love you guys so much!

Love your writing

If you have time please write some soft #mob!tom

failed surprises

pairing: soft mob!tom x reader

genre: angst, mostly fluff

warnings: y/n worrying about tom, sobbing, holding each other, soft comforting with tom

a/n: i’m not really back from my hiatus but i just wanted to give you guys something to read,,, enjoy i guess 

masterlist

You sat quiet and alone in your large, shared bedroom. The television ahead of you shone brightly, but you paid it no mind. Your eyes were glued to your phone, reading each text Tom had sent you before going on his “business trip.” You hadn’t heard from him for days, and knowing his job, there was a possibility he wouldn’t come back.

how’s my darling? i hope you’re safe and healthy. i wish i could be with you. don’t stay up too late. i love you! goodnight baby ♡

sent: 1:39 A.M. September 29, 2020

Tears rolled down your face as the dark thoughts sunk deeper into your mind. You tried your best to fight away these thoughts, but you were too weak. You were fatigued, worried, and depressed. You could easily drown in your emotions, and you did.

The soft hums from the television were interrupted by your heart-wrenching sobs. You clutched your phone close to your chest and let your tears flow freely.

Unbeknownst to you, though, was that the man you yearned so deeply for was standing right outside of your door. 

Tom had planned on surprising you, not texting you about the date of his arrival. He thought that it would be a fun, pleasant gift to surprise you with his presence, but once he heard your pained cries coming from your shared room, he immediately regretted his plan.

Dropping the flowers he held in his hands, he opened the door to see you laying on your side, the television’s brightness lighting you multiple different colors.

He rushed over to your side, holding your shaking body in his arms.

“It’s alright, darling, I’m here,” you immediately responded to the sound of his voice, cuddling further into the familiar scent.

“Tommy,” your voice squeaked.

His hand reached to the top of your head and began to stroke your hair, “I’m here, love, I’m back.”

“You’re back,” you hiccuped.

“That’s right, love. I’m so sorry for worrying you. I thought it would be a good idea to surprise you. That’s why I didn’t talk to you for these past few days,” he placed a kiss at the top of your head.

Reassured that he was in no harm not that you expected him to get hurt, i mean look at him, your tears came to a halt, and a smile made its way onto your lips. You stretched yourself upwards and stole a quick kiss from Tom, making him blink in shock.

“You’re stupid,” you said blatantly, “If you wanted to surprise me, you should’ve stayed in contact with me. I get that you spoil things a lot, but you really know how to worry a woman.”

“I do not spoil things easily,” he pouted, furrowing his brows.

“So you’re telling me that you didn’t ruin your own Valentine’s Day plan by accidentally telling me a week earlier?” You arched a brow at him, fully knowing he couldn’t deny it.

“Ugh, fine, I admit I messed up that once, but-” you cut him off with another one of his mishaps.

“And that time, on my birthday-” you’re cut off abruptly by Tom’s rushed acknowledgements.

“Okay, okay, so I do spoil things a lot. You still love me, though,” he smirked, kissing the tip of your nose.

“That I do,” you giggled, cheeks flushing a rose red.

The two of you sat in each other’s embrace, the sound of the your quiet television humming keeping the room from being silent.

Tom admired your puffy, pink cheeks and red-rimmed eyes, staring at your beautiful figure. He loved every part of you, from every flaw to perfection. 

“What?” You squirmed under his gaze.

“Nothing,” he smiled softly, “’m just grateful to have met such an amazing girl, even have the chance to make her mine forever.”

As he talked about you, you swore you could see his eyes twinkling with love and admiration. You hoped your eyes shone like his when you looked at him.

Oh, how the two of you were whipped, in your own world, loving each other with all of your life.

the right decision

❧ prompt: you and tom grew up together but always as enemies — nothing more, nothing less. as you grow older, you must realize it’s time to be mature. you either must throw tom out of your life or take him in as an ally. which will you choose?

❧ pairing: prince!tom holland x princess!reader

❧ genre: angst, e2l

❧ warnings: light swearing, hints of infidelity, hints of a toxic relationship

❧ a/n: this was half-assed because i didn’t have the will to write this lmao but i feel bad for not posting anything over my break, so... there’s gonna be a second part to this because, like i said, i had no will to write these past few days. happy new years, merry belated christmas/happy belated hanukkah 

chap. 2 →

masterlist                     prompt list

Stepping into the ballroom, you are met with hundreds of pairs of eyes staring at you.

You are clad in an elegant gown of ivory fabrics and sewn-on golden delicacies. Your feet are already stinging in pain from the uncomfortable stilettos you wore. Your hair is pulled back into a braided half-up styles, gentle waves accenting your beautiful face. 

The music abruptly begins, and everybody’s eyes have avert back to converse with the others in the room. Only does one pair of eyes not leave your figure as you glide down the grand staircase.

You can hear your heart pounding loudly in your chest, a bundle of nerves stir in your stomach.

Usually, you avoided attending these crowded occasions because whenever you did, you’d get weird stares from the other princesses.

As you curtsey politely to passing royals, a familiar figure catches your gaze. Closing your eyes into an elongated blink, you open your eyes once again to ensure that your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you. When the image stays the same, it’s all the confirmation you need.

Your longtime arch-nemesis was standing beside a large, marble pillar, smirking at you. 

For a moment, you feel a sudden rush of relief at the familiar face, but dread overtakes you, once again, as you realize that you have to spend the night with the infuriating man. 

From behind you, a hand rests on the small of your back, and a voice fills your ear, “Good evening, darling.”

You stiffen at the familiar voice. Forcing yourself to face the man beside you, you plaster a fake smile on your face. 

“Vincent,” you inwardly cringe at the taste of his name coming off your lips, “I didn’t know you’d be attending tonight.’

“I could say the same for you. You never were one to attend these events,” he eyes you strangely, “Unless you were lying to me?”

Your eyes widen at the accusation, and you scoff, “I don’t lie about foolish verity, unlike some.” Your voice comes out bitter, features mirroring your tone.

“I don’t understand what you're trying to imply, my darling,” a wicked grin grows on Vincent’s face.

You roll your eyes, fists clenching at your sides. You laugh spitefully, desperately trying to prevent yourself from knocking that grin off his face.

“You-” you are cut off by an accented voice.

“Excuse me, who are you?” The voice says.

“Vincent Callon, Prince of Averna,” Vincent bows before raising a suspicious brow at the man, “You are?”

“Tom. Tom Holland of,” the brunette pauses for a moment, “it doesn’t concern you.”

“How disrespectful,” Vincent snarls at Tom’s remark.

“I could say the same about you. What kind of man promises a woman all of his love and loyalty to crush it within less than 24 hours?” Tom snaps, slyly.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Vincent growls through clenched teeth.

“Do I? Or is it you?”

The tension was uncanny to any other being in the room. You, being the reason of which, decide to speak up and end their quarrel.

“Well, it was,” you gulp, “nice to see you again, Vincent, but we must be going. There is much to do, tonight, especially since I don’t often appear at such events.”

Not letting him reply, you grab Tom by the hand and drag him along with you, ignoring the burning sensation of his hand in your small, in comparison, hand. You pull him through the crowd of people, barely acknowledging the glares you received from envious princesses. 

When the pair of you are in an isolated space, you snarl, “What was that?”

“What was what?” He asks, blatantly.

“Don’t do this with me right now. I’m already as mad as it is,” you sigh, hand reaching to massage your temples.

“You seemed uncomfortable,” he shrugged, uselessly.

Scoffing, you reply, “As if you care.” Looking him right in the eyes, albeit making your fierceness falter, you ask him with entirely seriousness in your voice, “Why’d you help me? What do you think you’ll achieve from it?”

Furious, he snaps, “I don’t think I’ll achieve shit from helping you! Why are you assuming the worst of me? I don’t want to keep this petty relationship between us! I’ve known you since you were just a newborn. How long are you going to hate me?”

Shocked at his sudden outburst, you stutter, “T-Tom, I... I don’t know what to say,” he throws you an unimpressed look, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know my behavior offended you. I just thought-”

“Thought that I hated you?”

You shamefully nodded.

“Great to know you think highly of me,” he rolls his eyes, walking past you in fury, hurt, and humiliation.

“Tom,” you call out, turning to face the direction he walked away in.

You thought that if Tom ignored you and let you be, you would be happier and complete, but now that he’s walked out of your life, you can’t help but feel guilty and ashamed of yourself.

Did you make the right decision?