Why Did Chai Do That?

Why did Chai do that?

just out of curiosity bc some people I know with glasses can just go a few hours or a day without them and be chill but I need them on all the time or I’ll go crazy

In the spirit of heart day tomorrow I wanna write some stuff about Vanichai from (mostly) Chai's POV

OKAY LIKE I feel like I don't talk about how Chai feels about Vanilla well...I have a joke with friends that he's getting Rose Quartz'd because I haven't been able to tell them much about VaniChai because I don't wanna spoil HFR for them but ahem...maybe I can rectify that by just talking about how he felt in college.

So, I think he's pretty chill about Vani the first time they meet because they get to talk about music for a bit. He doesn't have to say anything about himself much, just his opinion on a band's newest album! Though the conversation gets a little dizzying when Vanilla starts using a bunch of technical terms that Chai doesn't understand. He's totally the type of guy who just listens to music and goes "this slaps!" but doesn't know anything else. I mean, apparently he doesn't even know what being a rockstar entails according to info on his wiki, so...he definitely doesn't know what the hell percussion instruments are by that categorization but he'll see some cymbals and go "oh, cymbals!"

Anyway, he has to really fake it when Vani goes into those kind of tangents so he just nods and agrees with whatever he's saying and Vanilla is none the wiser. He definitely looks up what the hell he was talking about later and goes "oooh...damn this guy knows a lot about music!" And find its really impressive and cool.

So, yeah, we all agree that Chai is the type to keep people at arms length, and that's a result of bullying growing up. I agree with the folks who have said he probably had to deal with fake friends and pity friends and that also reinforced his friendship moat. So when Vanilla is here being genuinely excited to be around Chai and talk to him and hang out, it wigs him out quite a bit on the inside. He tries to reason with himself though, like, why would Vani want to pretend to like him? They're both grown adults! This kind of crap is typical of kids growing up but...this is college, it's different, right?

He also doesn't want to admit that he wants a friend deep down. He's convinced himself he's better off by himself and he doesn't need others, but c'mon...it's very obvious Chai still yearns for something. The fact he wants to be a rockstar proves it. Being a rockstar allows you to be loved and admired by millions without them getting too close! You don't have to worry about any of the crap you had to worry about growing up because security will get those fans out of your hair, but they'll still shout about how much they love you from afar! Perfect, right?

So! Chai tries his best to push aside the thoughts that Vani is just pitying him or faking that he wants to be his friend. He'll give this guy a shot! He seems so genuine...and Chai actually likes hanging out with him, too. He's never really had someone in his life that listened to what he had to say so attentively. Well, anyone besides his parents. It's just nice being able to hang out with someone and feel like the fun is real and it's not at anyone's expense. There's never a moment with Vani where Chai thinks he's being laughed at instead of laughed with, unlike those other times growing up.

Things were going pretty well the first year they knew each other! It was especially funny when they realized Vani was delivering pizza to Chai's two years before and how he has Chai's favorite pizza order memorized from how many times he'd get pizza from their pizzeria. But, the fun goes downhill once Vanilla shares the idea of starting a band together and Chai agrees in excitement. (At this point I've been re-working the iced tea lore because I want it to make more sense and also properly convey that both Chai and Vani were in the wrong in their own respective ways!)

Vanilla runs the idea by Chai after a late night snack run. They're a bit hyper off some soda and candy and it just sounds like the perfect plan! Vanilla wanted to be vocals and Chai wanted to be guitar, but both not being able to fulfill those roles, they agreed that Chai being vocals and Vani being bass would work. They'd just have to find a drummer and a guitarist and if they wanted a keyboardist they'd work that out later! Chai was super stoked! He had a friend for the first time in what felt like ages, and now they would be rockstars together!

It all sounded perfect...until Vanilla started to go into overdrive. He'd do his best to pressure Chai to pick up on his school work, but Chai didn't really see the big deal. He was mostly here in college for his parents' sake. Chai strikes me as the type of guy to think making music should just happen and there shouldn't be a huge emphasis on school stuff to achieve the dream. Vani doesn't agree with him, but not being one to push a confrontation, he would find a way to push Chai along...by secretly doing his work for him in classes they shared.

Once Chai finds out about this he feels awful. He knows Vani is very serious about school and if he got caught doing this, it could get them into big trouble. He only really cared about Vani ruining his own chances, so he tells him to stop that and just let him handle it. Vanilla trusts him enough to keep his word, and Chai does put a little more effort into his work, but the shitty attitude from their professors pushes him back onto his slacker tendencies as a way of not letting them push him around. An act of defiance.

This makes Vanilla panic a bit and he tries once again to nudge Chai along, but Chai tells him to seriously not worry about it and let him take care of it. Which brings me to my next point! Chai notices how much of a nervous wreck Vanilla is in college. He may need to squint to see the giant QA center sign, but he doesn't have to in order to see Vanilla's stress levels. Chai often does his best to get Vanilla to take naps and get decent sleep whenever this dude stays up all night to do homework. He also does his best to convince Vani to stop and smell the roses and goof off/take breaks. He'd take him to the record shops or arcades outside of campus or hang out casually in their dorms to get some proper down time and not overthink about essays and exams. Seeing Vanilla happy and at ease made him feel great. Really great...How could he be neutral when this, admittedly cute guy, was smiling and laughing so much and he was the reason for it! Yeah, Chai thought Vani was cute but he didn't wanna think about those feelings too much since he wasn't sure Vani was a boy liker like him and he knew Vani was much too busy with school stuff and wanting to be a musician to probably do any dating stuff. So! Even though Chai has good intentions, his actions could come across as him being a bad influence, something Vanilla's other friends misinterpret and don't like. The cocky attitude Chai has also doesn't sit well with them and they start to dislike him, even though Vanilla insists Chai is a cool dude.

It's thanks to people like their professors and Vani's friend group that Chai starts to believe that maybe he is a bad influence on Vani down the road. He starts to think Vani would be better off without him and that maybe he should burn the bridge to friendship he built for him and let the moat take over again. (Boy, I hope that sentence made sense!) He starts to act more like the douchier Chai we meet at the start of Hi Fi RUSH as a means of getting Vani to stop liking him so much. Maybe then when Vani stops talking to him altogether it won't hurt so bad. (Oh, the irony.)

The attitude plan doesn't work. Vanilla doesn't stop hanging around Chai no matter what dickish thing he says or does to him! Ditching him didn't work, calling him a ditz or making fun of him didn't work, nothing did! And honestly? Chai was kind of glad nothing worked! He didn't want to stop being friends! But the more he saw how much potential Vani had and how little he did, it all started to make his head spin. His 'fake it till you make it' attitude started to dip and he got moodier thinking about his professors being right about him. Didn't help when they'd make those jokes about him and Vanilla. Their jokes about how much of a better student Vanilla was than him and how they hoped he wouldn't drag Vanilla down...Didn't help to see Vanilla sheepishly laugh them off. Then the guest speaker band came and...yeah...a mixture of Chai's insecurities and his guilt towards Vani clash and make him have a whole "FUCK" moment.

Soon enough they have the argument on their snacking roof. Chai tries to tell Vani that maybe he should find someone else to be vocals in the band. Vanilla freaks out and tells him that it has to be him! He doesn't want anyone else to be in the band if it means Chai has to go. Hell, he doesn't want a band at all if Chai isn't in it. It kinda freaks Chai out how upset he gets so he tries to shrug it off like "alright! jeez!" Vanilla apologizes for snapping like that but he just...really wants to do this with Chai. It makes Chai feel even more guilty about things, and then Vani shares a song he's been working on with him.

Chai reads the lyrics to himself and he keeps feeling all his guilt and insecurities pile up again and he decides to trash the song, still trying his best to get Vani to stop sticking around him. Chai harshly critiquing it also doubles as him letting out his frustrations with himself. Vanilla just gets embarrassed and thanks him for his feedback. Tells him that this is why he needs him in the band and now Chai wants to snap and tell him that no he doesn't!!!! He doesn't need a guy who doesn't even know what the hell he's doing to be in a band with him!!! But then he thinks about it...thinks about how Vani's friends think he's an egotistical prick...

He scoffs and nods. "Yeah, maybe you do need me! I dunno how a band with songs like these could get anywhere." Fuuuck does it suck to say something like that to Vani. Chai always really liked Vanilla's songs, even the ones with lyrics that scared him! He can tell that stung for Vani and he bites his lip but keeps at it. Vanilla asks him if he always felt that way about his songs and Chai tells him yup. It makes Vanilla panic and he asks Chai what he should fix. Chai sweats nervously and just tells him all of it and Vanilla asks how in clear distress. Being told a band with his songs would get nowhere makes him think about his parents and how they would react to his secret major. They'd definitely say something about how he wouldn't get anywhere with this too...and hearing it from Chai? He's fucking SHAKEN.

Chai instantly regrets saying those things upon seeing him freak out. He doesn't know how to backpedal after all of that, and knowing how bad Chai is with talking, he just keeps at it. He tells him he doesn't think any of his advice could do much. He can't make Vani a better songwriter. Vanilla feels like he got punched in the gut and still tries to muster up some kind of hope. He asks Chai if maybe he can still try? Chai feels like shit about all of this so he just shrugs and tells him "sure" to ease some of the guilt.

So they head back to their dorms, both feeling like utter crap. Chai decides that he should just drop out and if Vani wasn't gonna stop hanging around, then he would. It sucks...MAJORLY. Vanilla is even more fucked up by Chai suddenly leaving and not responding to any of his calls or texts. His friends convince him it is for the best that Chai left and that he should keep focusing on his dream. Vanilla takes their advice and keeps giving school his all out of spite for his parents and now Chai. It doesn't help that when Vani told them about their argument his friends put the idea in his head that Chai probably thinks he's better than Vani and would have just used the band as a stepping stone or something for a solo career.

I mean, Chai does cope by being self centered and pretending he's the coolest dude ever after all the disasters in his life...better to fall back on a crappy coping mechanism than be miserable and let the insecurity eat at him. After the events of Hi Fi RUSH, I think he would constantly argue with himself about hitting Vani up again and explaining himself to him, apologizing even! But it's hard...it's hard when he thinks that Vani is still better off without him in his life.

Then Vani gets a job as the band that came to visit their class' songwriter. He'd normally be overjoyed over it, but it's all such a bitter experience. He's bitter about not being the one play his songs, he's bitter that he was driven by his spite and anger to get this far, and he's bitter that he did everything the way he thought he was supposed to and didn't really achieve what he wanted in the end. The band is kind to him, and they praise his work a lot, but it's just not the same. He's not a part of the band and he doesn't always write the songs too so he's just...sooo bitter. Then he goes to get an enhancement from Vandelay because his parents gave him some guff about his ice powers being the weakest in the family and he snapped over it. Then seeing posters with Chai's face all over the campus because he's the new ambassador and face of Project Armstrong...oooo...when Vani finds him...

The boys will be fightiiiing...

sure, i'll drink the pink swirly potion that released a little heart shaped cloud when you uncorked it. what's the worst that could happen

Good morning. This might be my last message from the city of Rafah. The occupation [Israel] is carrying out crazy fire. Violent belts. As you’re hearing, there are helicopters. Planes and gunfire from the vehicles. There’s a complete invasion of the city.

We don’t know what is going on in Rafah. The place that the occupation [Israel] claimed to be safe. This is happening all of a sudden; the people didn’t go out. They didn’t do anything. More than thirty targets were hit in just minutes. People were asleep. We woke up to the bombing, to the shooting from the helicopters. It was horrifying. Unacceptable. This might be my last message. Please relay it to the world.

— Hazem, journalist residing in Rafah; 02.11.2024

Rafah was Palestinians’ very last safe zone. There is quite literally nowhere else left to go. And now it’s being bombed with airstrike after airstrike.

i keep forgetting to share my art here i'm sorry

(these pictures are unrelated but if you want to think that they're gonna kill someone at the game awards be my guest)