Three Pirates Walk Into A Haunted House

three pirates walk into a haunted house

Drew stede in my moms glitter pens while visiting my grandma lol

She didn't have s skin tone pen 😭

reunion catfight

Stede should have been more suspicious when Ed asked to go on the teacups and Izzy nearly refused him

Okay not a full one but this needs to go all by itself for how real it is

So real

I love everyone who's into Steddy Hands but ALSO so many people are saying Stede/Izzys dynamic should be tolerating each other for Eds sake and doing threesomes but having no real love for each other and NO. NO my fics can't end like that. You don't understand.

They have one of the most interesting dynamics in the show. I'd put it right up there with Ed/Izzys, Ed/Stedes dynamic (hence this ship appealing to me so much) because like. Okay so first you've got their canon interactions:

"This isn't over Mr Bonnet." "Good. Because I kind of enjoyed it"

"He has terrible taste in lackies"

"His names Blackbeard DOG"

"Trouble in paradise"

"I stood up for you you little shit"

*homoerotically touches curtains* "plum the depths"

"DONT YOU EVER SHUT UP"

Okay and yes obvs it's funny imagining them having to put up with each other for Ed BUT this dynamic??? It's ripe for some enemies to lovers. I mean. They're like. Weirdly obsessed with one another and HATE one another IMMEDIATELY - Blackbeards not in the picture yet and Izzy is CUTTING UP STEDES TOP TO MAKE HIS BOOBIES LOOK ALL SLUTTY. Hes lying to Ed about him for...what reason? Ed doesn't care about stede at this point. It's literally just bizzare random immediate grudge.

And it's so much funner and compelling to me to watch them go from THIS to bickering but dealing with one another for Eds sake to OH MY fucking god I think I'm in love with that TWAT. Like. I just want them to get to that point. That's what I want.

I want someone to insult Stede and Izzy to punch them out and he's like...fuck. FUCK. shit. I actually cared that he was being shat on. Fuck.

I want Stede to be making tea and he realises he knows exactly how Izzy takes it and he has a lil breakdown because oh my god I know what that bastard likes to drink holy shit that's basically a love language.

I want Stede to be like 'this is Edward 🥰 the love of my life and... *sigh* this is Izzy...also the love of my life 😤💖'

I want Izzy to be like 'yes Captain' to Stede and then realise shit does he RESPECT this guy now what the fuck?

I want Stede to kiss eds cheek one evening in front of the crew and then kiss Izzys and Izzy decides not to stab him because...fine. maybe that was...Nice.

I want Izzy to be like...fuck this guy STILL can't hold a sword properly. Get the FUCK over here Bonnet I'm teaching you how to sword fight.

I want Edward to walk in one day from being on deck to find Stede and Izzy cuddling and they just look up and GLARE and dare him to say anything and ACTUALLY I'm only laid here because it's COMFORTABLE and I'm hoping Izzys arm goes to sleep and he SUFFERS-- wait shit darling did your arm actually go to sleep here let me move over for you--

I want someone to be like 'hey Izzy - you still looking for someone to kill Bonnet?' And izzy has to go 'unfortunately...no. I am in love with him. 😕 if u hurt him I will have to kill you I'm afraid. He's a fucking idiot tho'

I want Izzy to realise that Stede actually IS good at fuckery and oh shit he loves TWO dramatic theatre kids he has a TYPE

I just. I don't want the end game of steddy hands to be 'stede and Izzy put up with one another for Eds sake' I want it to be 'they love one another actually and it fucking sucks but also its the best thing that ever happened to either of them'