Welp, I'm 19 Now...I'm Young But I Still Feel So Old

Welp, I'm 19 now...I'm young but I still feel so old😂

hello my favorite writer it is me again i was wondering if i could have another will imagine (gn as usual) and could it be about a reader who feels insecure about being wills partner because they’re still working on being famous and feel like they’re mooching off of wills fame and end up pushing him away slightly and it’s angsty, but ends in fluff with will finally telling them he loves them and reassuring kisses <3

Favorite writer?? You flatter me, darlin', but thank you!

Also, so sorry this took so long! I've been really unmotivated/lazy lately and I wanted to write this as perfect as I possibly could. Also also, ya know how the Powerpuff Girls were made? Sugar, spice, and everything nice but Chemical X was added accidently? Yeah, this is that, but replace Chemical X with a lot of angst. My bad.😬

WARNING: Depressing themes throughout

~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't often you felt insecure, but you figured it was just one of those days.

You hadn't been in many blockbuster films or tv shows, you were still working hard on your career. You loved the indie projects you worked on, you loved any job where you could act. It was your passion, after all.

You couldn't help feel a little bit insecure when your partner, Will, was where you aspired to be your whole life. He was brilliant, working with amazing people like Tom Hardy and Leonardo DiCaprio. So early in his career too. You looked up to Will so much, praying that you'd be just as talented as him one day. But you knew it wouldn't be easy, acting isn't exactly the easier job in the world, you knew it would take a lucky break.

You always joked that maybe you should work as a waiter in some restaurant, knowing that Edward Norton got his first movie role while working in such a place, only to move on to work beside the amazing Richard Gear.

It was just one day you felt bad about your career, but then it started to snowball into anxiety and depression. It got to the point where it was all you could think about, especially when you were out with Will. And you could tell that he knew something was up, the thousand yard stare that you often had was something that couldn't really go unnoticed.

But for the most part, you acted like everything was fine.

You hated that you let your insecurity pile on and on like this, it normally was something you could handle. You don't know what came over you, but you found yourself scrolling for hours looking at comments on any of your posts. Most people were supportive of you and Will's relationship, and you were thankful for that. But of course, there are always a few bad apples.

The wonderful and lovely, supportive comments were many, outweighing the hate by miles. But just one negative comment could throw you off, ruining your day.

You wished you could just focus on the positive, but unfortunately, that's not how brains are designed. It always has to point out a flaw, find that one odd man out, find the error in the system. Usually, most of those errors can be fixed. You spent your entire life trying to get people to like you, being somewhat of a pushover and a people pleaser, disregarding your own self in favor of praise. So seeing people online hating you for no other reason besides being with Will, seeing that they might never change their minds, it was devastating.

You knew that the hate would usually come from obsessed fans who must've been jealous of you, and you could understand that and it was fine. You remembered the younger years of being jealous of a person who dated your crush, it was something that most people grow out of thankfully. You could get over those comments, saying you weren't good looking enough or not fit enough, any comments about your appearance. The ones that really got to you was the comments about your "horrible" personality.

It was odd, people saying awful things about you when they didn't even know you at all. Most of the contradictory was were amusing. There was a point in time after your relationship with Will was made public, where you'd feel to nervous about going to red carpet events with him. The comments would say, "Y/n's not there with Will? What an unsupportive partner they must be!" or anything similar. But when you started to go with him sometimes, the comments would shift dramatically.

"Y/n's a gold digger."

"They're just using Will for his fame."

"He deserves better than that snake."

It hurt, more than you'd admit. You told Will it didn't bother you that much, just wrote it off that it's normal. Then, you never talked about it again.

You felt awful, every single day. Thoughts of self doubt clouding your brain constantly, thinking, "Am I really deserving of such a kind person like Will?" No matter how you looked at it, the answer was always no.

You started to feel like you shouldn't even be with Will anymore. There was most likely someone else out there, an actor with more talent and more self-sufficient than you were.

You and Will had been together for a couple years, you loved him so much, but when he asked you to move in with him, you said you weren't ready. The biggest lie you ever told, and you instantly regretted it when you saw the disappointed look on his face. But being the gentleman that he is, he said it was completely okay and that there was no pressure.

You absolutely didn't deserve him.

Every time Will asked you to go out with him, you always came up with an excuse to stay home. You felt too anxious about being out in public, the thought of a fan seeing you with Will brought you to the verge of a panic attack. You became distant, trying to distract yourself by throwing yourself into your work. You rarely saw Will anymore, and you knew if you kept up with how you were acting on your insecurity, you'd lose him. But you couldn't bring yourself to try and talk to him about it, you felt too embarrassed.

From Will's point of view, he thought you were becoming distant because of him. He wracked his mind trying to think what was it that he did to make you spend less time with him? At first, he thought, maybe you just needed some space. There were times where he needed to be alone, just like everyone does. But it felt like it was going on for too long. Every time he wanted to take you out somewhere nice, you'd politely decline and you'd opted for a night in.

There came a point where enough was enough, Will was determined to find out what was going on with you.

You stared at your cellphone, the screen lighting up with a picture of Will along with your set ringtone. You sighed, you really didn't feel like answering. You knew you should, but you couldn't bring yourself to. A feeling of dread washed over you, you didn't want him to think you hated him, yet you still couldn't. You rang your fingers through your hair, anxiously scratching your scalp harshly.

Your screen darkened, following with a notification, voicemail and text. "Y/n, what's going on? I've been trying...", you couldn't listen anymore.

"I'm sorry, Will..." You whispered to yourself, wrapping yourself up tightly in a blanket.

You almost screamed when you heard a rapid knock on your door, quickly tensing up when you heard Will call out from outside. "Y/n?"

You wanted to fucking scream.

"I know you're in there, just, please, talk to me."

The desperation in his voice forced you to get up from your couch, tossing away your cozy blanket with a huff. You shakily reached out and opened the door, Will's concerned face filling your view. "...hi."

Will chuckled bitterly. "Hi? That's it? You haven't talked to me in days. What's going on, love?"

"Nothing!" You explained, plastering on a fake smile with a chuckle.

Will smiled sadly. "You're lying." He said simply, pushing his way past you into your home.

"Will, please, I'm not up to talking right now."

"You know, I want to respect your wishes, I really do. But I feel that I've been patient. I've been trying to support you in any way that I can, but I can't help if I don't know what's going on." He sat down on your couch, pleading for you to sit next to him with his eyes. "We used to be open and honest with each other about everything. Tell me what's going on so I can help you."

You huffed, running your hands over your face. "It's not that simple..."

Will casted his gaze to your wooden floor, squeezing his hands together and taking a deep shaky breath. "Is it...is it because it's something I did?"

"What?"

"You're shutting me out. It's because of me, isn't it? I did something-"

"No." You quickly exclaimed, rushing over to his side when you heard his voice waver, taking ahold of one of his hands. "No, it's not you, I promise."

"Then...why? Why are you pushing me away?" Will sighed, biting his lip to keep himself from crying. "Do you not love me anymore?"

"I love you, Will, more than I can express." You chuckled bitterly. "It's hard to talk about."

Will brought a hand up to your face, gently brushing a freshly fallen tear off your face. "You can tell me anything, Y/n, anything."

You smiled weakly, bringing his hand you were holding up to your lips and kissed his knuckles softly. "Okay..." You took a deep breath.

"Take your time, love."

"Being with you, brings me so much happiness that it feels like I'm dreaming. You're so...amazing, and honestly the best and most kind person I've ever met. And I? I feel like I'm nobody."

"Y/n..."

"Compared to others, I'm no one. Just another person trying to live out their dreams that are so far fetched that it doesn't even seem possible to even come close to achieving them. You're so self assured that acting is what you were born to do and you're so talented. I envy you, and I feel so guilty feeling that way. Sometimes I feel like I wasn't meant to be an actor. I feel like...I'm trying to run towards my goal, but every time I make progress, the goal moves farther and farther away until I can't even see it anymore."

"Y/n," Will started softly, "I know how you feel. I've felt that way about my career too. I always wondered if there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, you can work as hard as you humanly can, but it also takes luck. You just have to be at the right place at the right time sometimes. That's why they call it a lucky break, ya know." He smiled, making you giggle tearfully.

"I know, but that's not all." You frowned. "I know you said, it's just better to ignore what the internet has to say, but...I was looking some of our comments a few months ago. And...I just went down a fuckin' rabbit hole. I know I always say that hate comments don't bother me, but...they do. They really do, and I let them get to me. I'm sorry."

"No, darling, I'm sorry. I didn't see what was really going on when I should've."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Will. I thought I was stronger than this."

Will quickly brought you close to his chest, wrapping around your torso with one arm, the other gently cupping your jaw. "Hey, you are the strongest person I know, okay? Don't think you're weak just because you're feeling something that every human on planet earth feels. Whatever those comments said, there's no one I'd rather be with than you." He leaned forward and kissed you gently, pressing his forehead against yours.

"I felt so embarrassed, Will. I wished I had talked to you sooner."

"It doesn't matter now. You opened up and I'm proud of you for that. I love you so much. And I promise to try my very hardest to never let you feel that way again."

~~~~~~~~~~

hope you enjoyed, @fcvcritecrime ! 🖤

Hope Chauvin has fun rotting in prison

Would you mind telling us if you’re an adult?

I mean, technically? I turned 19 last month so, but I know some people think that's still a teenager *cough* my parents *cough cough* 🤷🏻‍♀️

Omg yay, you’ll write for the cuties :)

Can I request a Newt fluff piece where he DOESNT get the flare (sorry I’m still so heart broken over it) and he confesses that he’s in love with f!reader and they just get their happy ending. Please?

Yes, of course, sweet Anon!😊 And aren't we all honestly, Newt deserved better. But I'll be honest, kinda feel like I was cheating on Gally while writing this lmao

Sorry if this is a little short as well.

~~~~~~~~~~

Watching the sunset in your new home, you thought back on all the hardships you and your friends went through.

You all were so lucky to be alive, coming close to death too many times to count. Only, you did lose people along the way...

You lost friends, people you loved dearly. It hurt more than you could express, yet, you were so thankful for the people that survived along with you.

You upturned your lips into a bittersweet smile, watching your friends conversing near the bonfire, sighing in relief when you saw Newt smiling and laughing along with the rest of your friends.

You were the most thankful that Newt had survived, and you definitely shouldn't felt more guilty for thinking that, but you weren't.

Newt had been your rock, since day one when you first came up in the Box. He was the first face you saw in a sea of unfamiliars, terrified out of your mind, he made you feel more safe. He made sure you were taken care of, and you took care of him in turn. You both shared long nights of just talking, getting to know each other, bonding over what similarity you could find in each other and the hellish situation you were put in.

You loved him, you found that out pretty quickly, but nothing ever came of it. You and Newt both had a sense that something powerful was there, but so much was going on around you at all times, never getting a respite long enough to discuss your feelings.

After a close call in Denver, you made sure he knew how much you loved him. Even if it wasn't the most heartfelt confession, just saying it out loud to him was enough.

But now that you were all in the Safe Haven, the danger far away across the sea, Newt never said anything about it. You didn't know if he was the type to want to wait awhile before confessions such as those, but the way his eyes seemed to shine when you told him, you figured that he felt the same. It shouldn't have bothered you as much as it did, but hearing him say it out loud would make it feel more real to you.

As if right on cue, you and Newt locked eyes, smiling softly at one another. The strong connection you shared drawing him to you, taking a seat next to you, instinctually throwing an arm around your shoulders and placing a kiss to your temple. "They talking off your ear?" You joked.

Newt chuckled, pulling you closer. "Nah, they couldn't even if they tried. Just wanted to sit next to you is all." He said, making you blush lightly.

You looked back at your friends, the little village that you called home now, it all felt so surreal. "We made it." You voiced softly.

"I know. Sometimes I can't believe it myself. It all feels like a dream."

"Then it's a really good dream." You said happily, kissing at the edge of his lips. Newt looked at you, a fondness in his eyes that made you blush once again. He always had the power to make you blush, even with just a look. "What?" You giggled nervously.

"Back at the W.C.K.D. facility, you told me you loved me. Did you mean it?"

You smiled, taking ahold of his hand. "Of course I did. I know it wasn't as heartfelt as I wanted it to be, but...I didn't want to take any chances. If we didn't make it, I wanted you to know regardless. But it was the truest thing I've said in my entire life."

You froze when Newt took hold of your face, his callused hands brushing across your skin delicately, his now tear filled gaze entrancing you. Placing his lips upon yours softly, he held you close, feeling his tears fall down your cheeks. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, deepening the kiss with a simple movement. His touch the only thing you could focus on, the world around you falling away, Newt was the only thing that mattered to you in that one moment. His lips pulling away feeling like you were awakened from a dream, your head clouded and your vision blurry with tears of your own.

"I love you too, Y/n. I always have."

You grinned tearfully. "You do."

"I do." He smiled. "And I always will."

~~~~~~~~~~

Bruh, listening to the acoustic version of This Is Goodbye by Imminence while writing this was just *chef's kiss*

Thanks so much for the tag, @lunamooney2406 ! I'd probably ship you with Jimmy Darling, Mallory, or Kit Walker 😊

Here's my (depressing) moodboard!:

Moodboard ship game!

Make a collage that represents you and comment under others which Ahs character you ship them with!

@jamberry @mossybank @omgpoorshelby @quicksilverownsmysoul @lunamooney2406 @amourtentiaa @langdxn @ahsxual @diary-of-deadweight @acidentlly-overdosed