Unfiltered-disaster-being - ...

scientists in the 1990s, putting a Get More Purple gene attached to a harmless plant virus into an already purple petunia: please get more purple

the petunia, sensing an apparent honest to god Get More Purple Disease, using the previously undiscovered RNAi antiviral ability to shut down all other purple genes along with it just in case: you put VIRUS in petunia? you infect her with the More Purple?? oh! oh! her children shall bloom white! jail for mother, jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

You might have a crush on them if

You try to call them every day

You’re rehearsing what to say

You’ve been working on a unified theory

You are the right one on your touch tone telephone

You are the only one on their AM radio

a lemon demon song for every conceivable human emotion:

you are a literal bear, your lady friend with awesome hair is freezing somewhere in the snow, and you still can’t find that goddamned mushroom man

you just can’t remember the exact details of the plot of Jaws but this is probably close enough right? yeah

you really super feel like stalking and confessing your love to renowned cartoonist and artist Bill Watterson 

you are very chaotic neutral and would very much like a mask of your own face please and thank you

the wild late-night party from next door has spilled over into your house, and you’ve just noticed that everybody may or may not be dead, including you

old godzilla is hopping around tokyo city like a big playground

everything is slowly collapsing around you in every possible way but fuck that actually because everything’s FINE

life is absurdity. someone’s just fucked up your sundial and there might be a god on your back

there are two oversized american motor vehicles engaging in passionate intercourse very close to you, and it is beautiful

you are eight, and have just watched a violent, pyrotechnic-filled b-movie featuring a macho hero dude who walks away from explosions. you know exactly where to find dynamite right now. there is no possible way that this plan could work out badly

you really fucking love mowing the lawn

the truth is shrouded in mystery and your literal shadow has just invited you to a metaphor-filled tea party

you have fallen in love with your amnesia

that wig you saw in your dreams last night does not exist in real life. this makes you very very sad.

you are not perfect and this is okay, because your lover has just torn their eyes out and filled them to the brim with mercury, and also nobody’s ever perfect

you have seasonal affective disorder and it is winter. this is not going to stop you from going absolutely hogwild to a bop of a song

everyone you know is angry. your daughter is angry. you are so very angry. the world is angry. let’s all turn into tigers

BRODYQUEST