Someone At Work Just Asked Ordered A Big Mac. Not Only Do I Not Work At McDonald's, I DONT EVEN WORK

Someone at work just asked ordered a big mac. Not only do i not work at McDonald's, I DONT EVEN WORK IN FAST FOOD. One of these days I'm gonna fuckin snap.

Done For, but I'm tired and thought this was funny

Odysseus: I don't mean to tip your scale but you will fail at placing any spells on me

I just ate a flower one that claims your power so you better cower now and flee

Circe: Oh well in that case I'll do plan B.

Odysseus: Plan B?

A nymph who was standing behind Odysseus knocks him out with a baseball bat and Circe slits his throat

The end

I would go to war and die if I got a fun sized KitKat for my efforts

professor: I'll give badges to people who finish the module on time

me: pssh what does he think we are? animals to be bribed? I will not be so easily manipulated

my hind brain: badges you say

Couldn't find him :(

Had a dream where I won a baby at a carnival and took care of it and got attached and named it. And then somehow it got lost and then I woke up

Goddamn did they eat?? Were they healthy afterwards?? How much sleep, you need to get that friend to a doctor, a psychologist, or an exorcist. Probably all three at the same time

I have a friend that just read the entirety of Way of Kings in under two days. How.