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I LOVE THIS

[9:14 AM]

church boy!mark entwines his fingers with yours as you hold hands in prayer, silently praying you won’t feel his heart thumping through his fingers.

[9:32 pm]

you jump into best friend!mark’s arms as soon as he opens his door, burying your face in his navy blue sweater and struggling not to instantly burst into tears.

“whoa there,” mark says softly, immediately noticing your downcast mood, “what’s wrong?” he asks, his voice heavy with worry as he places one hand on your waist and runs the other gently through your hair. it’s a habit of his that he knows calms you in the same way that a hand on his arm or thigh calms him.

you mumble something incoherent into his chest, not looking up. you’re sure you’ll cry if you look up to meet his beautiful eyes and see them drip with concern. 

“let’s go to my room,” mark almost mumbles as he wraps an arm around you and practically buries you in his side, hiding you from his members in the living room so that you don’t have to greet them without being rude. you hear the muffled sound of the tv, and assume that they’re too busy to notice. 

you sit down on mark’s dark green bed. he sits down besides you. 

“do you want to talk about it?” he says, genuinely concerned. there aren’t many things that can bother you this much.

“i-i,” your lip trembles. “i got my semester report back. it’s definitely not what i expected.”

mark’s eyes soften. he knows how much your grades mean to you and how diligently you work for them. 

you start to sob. “i really don’t know what to do, mark. i honestly think i deserve to lose my scholarship, by this point.” your vision is blurry as you hiccup, trying to stop the tears from your eyes. “i-i really worked so hard this term, and my individual grades were even better than last term - i thought i’d get the scores i wanted,” you choke on a sob. “i just feel so useless.”

mark hugs you as you cry into his shoulder, patting your back. “it’s okay,” he murmurs. “you did work so hard - i know how much effort you put into your studying,” he says softly, “you have other semesters left to make up, and they’re not going to take away your scholarship.”

you continue to sob, shaking as you choke on your words. “i-i really need these grades,” your lip quivers again, “but i’m realizing that i can’t - i can’t really do it by this point.”

“no,” mark says firmly, pulling away from you to look into your eyes. “you can. you’re gonna make everything possible - i promise.”

you believe him more than you believe yourself. maybe it’s because mark’s always ensured every single one of his promises came true, whether it be that he’d buy you ice cream on the way back home or that he’d get his first win before his debut season ended; maybe it’s because mark’s the most hardworking person you know, not complaining even once as he was constantly forced to work with two hours of sleep per day for weeks on end; or maybe it’s because right now, mark’s eyes are telling you a thousand things that words couldn’t ever convey.

you sob as you bury your head back into mark’s shoulder. “i love you,” you murmur, and mark can feel the small vibrations from your voice through his hoodie. “you’re the best friend i could ever wish for.”

mark smiles, and hope you don’t hear the bittersweet tinge to his voice as he mumbles, “i love you,” just loud enough so that you can hear it. mark will be here for you whenever you need him - he's always waiting for you to just bury yourself into his chest and cry for as long as you need to.

does anyone remember reblogging my 13k word hogwarts au of johnny?? i did put the read more function but i’m desperate to salvage whatever’s left :(( i actually spent so much time on it i’m so sad right now :(((

did you delete your johnny fic? :( i liked it

aww thank you so much! i’m assuming you mean my 13k word one that i’ve been whining about losing haha. i don’t know if you scrolled through my blog already, but tumblr suddenly deleted it and i don’t have any way to recover it. i have broad bullet points on it, though, so i might re-write it later. thanks for asking again! it means so much to me that you remembered it.

childhood friend!mark - friends to lovers

you’d liked childhood friend!mark for as long as you can remember. you had fallen in love at first sight from the very moment your toddler self had met him in the sandbox of your preschool’s playground. you had been new to the class, but mark smiled at you with those lovable, brown sparkling eyes, and shouted to ask if you wanted to make a sandcastle with him. you felt the first butterflies in your stomach of your entire life, and giddily shouted back “yeah!” as the two of you plopped down in the sand together. at the end of the day, you told mark you liked him - a sweet phrase neither of you really knew the meaning of. you just thought it was what you felt, and you’d always been very honest. mark just laughed and asked you to play sandcastle with him the next day, too. 

at the beginning of elementary school, mark had many close friends while you had only him. mark seemed a bit more distant, though - maybe it was because the boys were saying the girls had cooties. mark didn’t want his friends to think he had cooties, but he assured you that he was absolutely sure neither of you had cooties. you told mark you liked him again in first grade, and he said he thought you were a cool bro. it wasn’t serious, though; you just wanted to tell him what you felt because you’d always been very honest. but you regretted telling him when mark became distant and even moved to new york. you were heartbroken, and sent him emails - through mark’s email watermelonisawesome0822 - practically every day telling him how upset you were that he had left without telling you, how things were like back in canada and how much you missed him. the only response you’d ever gotten over the five years you’d emailed him was a week before he moved - i miss you too. i’m coming back really soon. you had been elated to see mark again, to see his bright lovable eyes and hear his laugh ring in the lunchroom.

unfortunately for you, middle school was different. mark attracted attention from the moment he stepped into school - probably because he was from another country, but also probably because he was so sweet and charming. well, at least you thought so. mark was awkward with you, though you’d never been as happy to see him. you were so excited to finally see him that you ran to hug him on his first day of school - and immediately remembered that he became flustered when you hugged him. he stammered nervously when your friends and classmates asked if he was your boyfriend. you laughed and shook your head almost regretfully because deep inside, you knew you still liked him. you talked to mark throughout middle school, but you weren’t in the same friend group and naturally grew a bit distant. 

your family had to move back to korea after middle school, and you were almost devastated to hear that you had to leave your friends - and mark - behind. when you told mark, though, his eyes widened as he told you that he was also moving to korea because he wanted to become a trainee. you were thrilled and laughed as you hugged him again, quickly detaching yourself when you remembered he didn’t like hugs. you were so overjoyed that the third confession just spilled from your lips. “oh my god, i really like you!” mark immediately became flustered, his cheeks flushing red and stammering. your eyes became the size of saucers as you recalled your words. you had been honest, but you hadn’t meant to push him away again. you immediately apologized, and told him honestly that you did mean it, but you still wanted to be friends with him. mark smiled, his cheeks still cherry red, and shyly thanked you for being honest and told you that friends sounded great.

from that moment, you were a bit more free to confess at random moments. truthfully, there were more moments you told mark you liked him because you wanted to see his cute cheeks flush red than moments you confessed because you really meant it. you told him at the airport, through text messages, through calls and on line for smoothies at mcdonald’s, finding the way his cheeks slowly reddened adorable. by this point, it was almost an everyday occurrence for you to tell mark you liked him, but mark’s reaction never got boring and you knew your heart had stayed the same.

at korea, mark became a trainee with a very busy practice schedule. the only time the two of you could really talk was at school - where luckily you were placed in the same class. mark asked you not to confess to him in front of the other students in case a rumor started, and you agreed for his career. you couldn’t keep yourself from whispering the words to him when no one was listening, though, giggling silently when mark pushed you away gently with flaming cheeks and a flustered expression. you resisted the urge to kiss those cheeks, then froze at the realization that you wanted to kiss mark for the first time in your life. maybe this was more than liking him. 

something tugged at your heart, and you struggled to keep your usual attitude with mark. he didn’t have the capacity to notice, though, with his constant training. after months after you realized you liked mark more than a simple like, you decided you wouldn’t be able to handle the heartbreak if you fell in love with him. 

frankly, you were already in love with him. it was obvious in the way you looked at him with hearts spilling from your eyes, the way you smiled whenever he laughed, the way every word he said clung to your mind. it was obvious in the way you always carried watermelon chapstick, in the way the only keychain on your backpack was a mini baby cheetah plushie, in the way you wore the friendship bracelet mark had made all his friends in elementary school every single day. 

you were tired of getting your heart broken every time mark refused to answer to your confessions or disregarded them as jokes entirely, and you were scared that mark would really shatter your heart one day. so you asked your friend to introduce you to someone else - anyone else that could take your mind off mark. she introduced you to a cute boy a grade above you who thought you were cute, and it worked for a while. the two of you texted constantly for weeks, called at midnight, went out on “friendly dates,” and did all the pre-couple things you wished you could do with mark. mark definitely noticed, as one of your closest friends. you felt your heart crack when mark grinned at you and the older boy laugh during a recess break, giving you a big thumbs-up. did mark really not know how much you liked him?

after three months of talking with the older boy, you thought it could work out. when you were with him, there were moments when you forgot you loved mark, moments you forgot about how much he’d like the café the two of you were at, moments you forgot about how badly he’d wanted to see the movie the two of you were seeing. the day the older boy publicly confessed to you in class, though, you almost thought you’d seen something you’d never seen before in mark’s eyes. you shrugged it off, smiled at the older boy, and teasingly told him you’d tell him your answer over call that night, to which the class erupted in cheerful anticipation.

that night, mark called you for the first time in weeks. you were surprised to see his contact name buzzing from the screen of your phone, and even more surprised when the older boy’s call rang at the same time. you would have to decline one and accept the other.

you almost sobbed when you realized you still wanted to accept mark’s call. you took a deep breath before pressing the green accept button to mark’s call. 

“hello?”

[hey, is this (y/n)?]

you laughed. “yeah, who else would it be?”

[i-i don’t know. it’s just been a while,] mark muttered, a bit flustered. there was a short, nervous giggle over the phone. [what are you doing?]

“i was gonna call someone,” you said honestly, “i just got ready to go to sleep.”

[o-oh. i guess it’s that boy? who c-confessed to you today?] mark said, and it’s the shakiest sentence you’d ever heard from him.

“yeah,” you replied. “um, is there something wrong, mark? that you want to tell me about?” mark was always more of a texting person, and never called unless there was an emergency.

[not really,] another short, nervous giggle. [um, i just wanted to call you for the first time in a while.]

you really hated how your heart jumped out of your chest the moment he’d said those words. “that’s really nice, mark,” you said, not being able to fully filter the sarcasm from your voice. “i’m going to hang up if you don’t have anything else to say - i need to call someone.”

[um,] mark said, a small whisper. [i do have um, something to say.]

“what is it?” you practically snapped. you knew it wasn’t his fault you liked him so much, but you couldn’t help but let a bit of your anger out on him.

[wait, don’t hang up. um, i don’t know how to say this.] there was a small silence on his end. 

“just say it, mark,” you sighed. mark had always been careful with his words, but you just wanted him to get it over with already so you could hang up and he could stop breaking your heart.

[okay, okay. i um,] a deep breath, [i like you, (y/n). wait, no, shit. it’s a more than that. like, i love you. well, it’s the first time i’ve said that to someone other than my parents, so i’m not really really sure if this is love, but i think it’s love and,] he stopped himself. [i love you.]

you forgot to breathe.

[i don’t know why this is coming to me just now,] mark said, and you could hear that he truly meant it in his voice, [but when i see you with someone else, i think i get, like, really jealous. and i can’t stop thinking about you, i can’t stop thinking about what you’re doing all the time, what you want to eat right now, what i can bring to make you smile, what i can like, say to make you laugh.] he gulped. it was obvious that mark was practically shaking from his voice and from his amplified habit of using his favorite filler word. [sorry, that was a lot cheesier than i meant it to be and i know you probably like that guy a lot. i’m really late and i-]

“i like you, mark,” you blurted, “i love you.”

[oh, shit. wait, really?] mark blurted, surprised. [you don’t understand how happy i am right now. wow, um, wow!] you could practically see him jumping around in his dark blue-themed room.

you laughed, tears in your eyes. you’d just heard the three words you’d longed to hear from his lips all your life. “no, mark, i don’t think you understand how happy i am.”

[maybe we’re both so happy we don’t understand each other,] he said, and you could practically hear the grin in his voice. he giggled. [oh fuck, i love you so fucking much.]

“i love you too,” you giggled as the two of you plunged into lively conversation, the rest of the world forgotten as you laughed into the night.