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its kind of amazing to me how many people come away from watching hellsing seeing alucard as this unshakeable badass vampire which like he is to some extent but also throughout most of hellsing hes suffering from major amounts of ptsd and panic attacks which almost none of the characters are privy too because alucard cloaks himself in said unshakeable badass vampire image and even especially when only integra catches on because she remembers that her father described alucard as truly nothing more than a sobbing child whose lost everything

im saying this mainly bc the first thing that always comes to mind whenever i think of alucard is that. we see his feelings hurt Multiple times throughout the series but especially whenever people give up on their lives when faced with him. when luke valentine called him a monster alucard drops all his intimidation tactics and excitement about a fight and just somberly kills him. when that brazilian soldier kills himself out of fear we see alucard enter a full on manic ptsd state where he lashes out at seras and is talking like hes still in wallachia on the battlefield. when hes fighting alhambra and rip van winkle and all of milleniums forces he always loses any and all enthusiasm he has for fighting the moment they give into their fear and call him a monster.

like for what is supposedly in-universe this intimidating monster that can never be understood, alucard is so emotionally vulnerable with basically every major character he fights, he mourns anderson, he understands why walter betrayed them, he responds to the majors resolve to find glory in battle and death, he so genuinely wears his heart on his sleeve in most cases that it’s almost hilarious that characters can’t really catch onto his character.

walter couldn’t understand why alucard turned seras into a vampire and it really starts and ends with “she wanted to live and I didnt want to walk the night alone”, and integra knows that she won’t be around forever so she doesn’t mind it.

People who like slasher movies are hot

Any Hellsing fics that explore Alucard’s trauma ?