Quick, Theres No Time To Explain. You MUST Reblog This.

Quick, there’s no time to explain. You MUST reblog this.

After the events of atwq, Ellington vowed to ruin Lemony’s life through destroying the only thing he deemed incorruptible, untainted by the treachery surrounding every aspect of his life, the only thing that made him happy:

Rootbeer floats.

She put an absurd amount of effort into this.  The diner Lemony goes to solely for the rootbeer?  She shut it down after anonymously reporting several health code violations.  Every rootbeer bottle Lemony gets from the store?  Thoroughly shaken by Ellington.  His ice cream?  She takes it out of the freezer and lets it melt, or if she’s feeling particularly evil she eats all of it and sticks it back into the fridge.

Lemony thinks that this is the behavior of other volunteers, ones who have no regard for the possessions of others.  It’s not until the Baudelaire mansion burns to the ground that Ellington reveals herself.

“Snicket.”

“Feint.”

“Your suffering brings me great joy.”

“You… you killed Beatrice?  You left their home in ashes just to get back at me.”

“What?  No, who are you even talking about?  I’ve been preventing you from having decent rootbeer floats for the past fifteen years.”

“…”

“If I was going to kill someone, it would be you.”

“My rootbeer… how could you?!”

“You don’t deserve rootbeer!”

“Ellington, that’s like saying you don’t deserve coffee!”

They proceed to have one of the most petty arguments recorded in history.

“And you know what?!  Your sister’s been helping me get my revenge the whole time!”

“Just because I killed your father?!  Does that warrant such atrocities?!  What did my rootbeer ever do to you?!”

Children's books: an alignment chart

Dedicated to Rarepair Fic Writers

I am at my heart a hypocrite because I'll talk long and hard about the importance of platonic relationships in fiction and how they're just as important and powerful as romantic ones and then the instant two characters show undying loyalty for each other I'm like"👀👀👀👀 what if they kissed?"

sending you a compliment through asks rather than rbs. some of your observations (like your holmes and watson/lemony and theodora parallels!!!) just gave me a whole new perspective on certain dynamics, like wow!!! i never thought about them that way, but it makes perfect sense. i love your attention to detail--you always struck me as a really intelligent person and the more i talk with you, the more that feeling grows. <3 also it was fun reading adverbs at the same time as you :)

No seriously omg the cool person likes my theories