Human, Picking Up And Petting A Small Cat

Human, picking up and petting a small cat

Human: Wow! Look at the kitten! It’s so adorable!

Vulcan: Yes, she is my new companion. She is most pleasant in appearance.

Human: She’s so soft! I could pet her all day!

Vulcan: While an illogical sentiment, I do agree. Her fur is most pleasing to touch.

Human: She’s SO CUTE! I could just EAT HER!

Vulcan: *horrified*

Human: I mean… ha. Wow. Um… I guess Vulcans don’t have dimorphous expressions? It’s, um, it’s called “cute aggression.”

Vulcan, still horrified: Illogical. Please remove your hands from the kitten.

“Humans are weird” idea

It seems to always be the case that aliens have names that are “unpronounceable by the human tongue.”  But, y’know, humans are actually really good mimics.  We can do impressions of anything, and some of us are really good at it.  What if that was a special skill of ours that was constantly surprising the aliens?

Alien talks about human like s/he’s not there, only to be shocked when its own language comes out of that strange little mouth.

Alien can’t figure out WHAT that noise onboard is, only to find human crewmate pranking it.  (“As soon as he leaves, I’m gonna do the sound of a failing hover engine, okay?  Just see where he looks first!”)

Alien hears a different noise and a thud, then “Sorry, I tripped.”  (”But you squeaked.”  “Yeah, didn’t mean to.  Sounded kinda dumb.”)

Alien is alarmed to hear the sound of two Dangerous Animals coming from the containment room.  Thinks the one has multiplied.  Runs in, find human yowling back at it.  (“It seemed lonely, so I was talking to it.  Reminds me of a cat I had once.”)

The away team is threatened by a Large Animal protecting its young.  Alien Captain knows what to do.  Shoves the human up front and points.  “Make the noises that the little ones are making.  This is your time to shine.”

“Babyyyyyyy!”

Aliens witness humans going “Babyyyy” when they see other animals and mistakenly believe that humans are liable to believe ANYTHING is a member of their young if it acts/appears similar enough; this has resulted in MULTIPLE cases where aliens leave their children at human orphanages instead of on their own world because of humanity’s pack bonding ability and it becomes some huge scandal where aliens are like.

“Manipulating them into taking care of our own young is immoral”

and

“Have you seen humanity? The moment they figure out what we’re doing, they’re freak out and go on a murder spree!”

Meanwhile, humanity is just like ‘sweet, we’re taking care of alien kids… we can handle this :)’

Bonus points if a human brings something like a puppy on board a ship and call it by saying ‘babyyyy!~’ and, despite knowing that it is DEFINITELY not a human infant, they try to treat it as such despite the fact that it is not a human.

Humanity appreciates this. 

Brainstorming-

Mkay I have several ideas for alien/human posts so I'm putting them here before I forget. If this gets popular maybe I'll actually write some lol

Songs/singing : sounds being very powerful w/ other species; the most severe (?) sounds you'll find are soft clicks/rumbling and most languages developed through touch / what we'd call sign language. So these species are mesmerized by human singing cause they either can't do it / don't have enough control over the pitch of their voice or they "hear" by feeling vibrations and process tones differently.

This has endless possibilities- a human singing softly while working and causing some extreme reaction in the mechanics of the ship or their crewmates, humans taking over ships by accessing the intercom system, humans knowing the first thing to do if they're kidnapped is to yell at a really low pitch then a really high one cause chances are one of them will do something, videos of humans harmonizing becoming really popular (and being banned in several galaxies), two humans realizing they both know a song with a harmony and proceeding to sing it (causing everyone on the ship to stop what they're doing and just listen in awe), sign language becoming the main form of communication and ships having soundproof rooms so humans can talk to each other / themselves...

Species variation : most species didn't figure out efficient space travel for millions of years. Pair that with gene editing (to get rid of "imperfections"- usually this portion of the species' history is their "dark age"), and each individual looks pretty much identical. Most species have some sort of fetishized/slur word for individuals with any kind of abnormality, cause they're really really rare at this point. Think crocodiles; maybe some color variations but they've stayed more or less the same for millions of years. But humans? No two look the same- except maybe identical twins, but they could have different haircuts (don't even get me started on body modifications- other species do it, sure, but humans are already so different that it makes them a nightmare to teach about.) And in space the beauty standards are all over the place so if you want tattooed stripes you can get them- but wait, aren't there already some humans with stripes? And pointed ears? Dyed hair?

There's also the constant battle between human willpower and circumstance. When other species carefully figure out how to turn and move around an obstacle, humans are literally slingshotting themselves off of it. But for every death-defying feat, there are God knows how many feat-defying deaths. One human got an adrenaline rush and lifted an entire gnarflax. Another fainted 'cause they stood up too fast. Most species have clearly defined limits, so there's no pressure to push past them.

And mimicry : As if humans' vocal range isn't enough (what's that clicking? Sounds like a xhrhghfnl from my home planet- nope, it's John. Machinery malfunctioning? Alarms? Nope. F***ing John.), they can also make disguises and act. See, most species can manipulate the holograms or whatever but there's no way they'd be able to do convincing impressions in real time. Just going for it? Completely irrational.

One time, a human even convinced an entire rhusngi fleet that she was a rhusngi inspector "in disguise". (Honestly that line should've given it away but it walked and moved with the same mannerisms- the same- I don't even know. We were completely- what's that human expression?- shook.)

Not knowing what someone's going/been through unless they tell you is a completely novel concept. Imagine a human acting all violent when you take over their ship so you put 'em in the brig somehow, only to pull up the camera feed later and see them sobbing or completely frozen in a fetal position, or even worse- hurting themselves somehow. But the second you go down there, they're spitting curses at you and showing zero signs of weakness.

If anyone wants to write about these pls go right ahead. Sorry if they've already been done/overused (if they have, please lmk so I can go read them).

Cecilia

Sounds are powerful. That goes without saying- the most severe (?) sounds you'll find your average sentient species making are soft clicks/rumbles. Most languages developed through touch, or something like sign language. The species that can make noise don't have much control over their pitch. They don't need to. Others "hear" with specialized pads, designed to pick up the slightest vibration... (Don't ever touch them, you hear?) Anyway-

You know how the human voice can literally break glass? Yeah, so do the higher-ups in any organization that knows what they're doing. In the Rhusngi's Immigration fleet, crews are chosen through a complex AI system. Applications take Jovian aeons to process- But this ain't Rhusngi Immigration.

There's no one name for what we are. A bunch of idiots, taking random jobs here and there- wait, what? No, we're not- We just do deliveries! *unintelligible alien muttering* Sure, it can be dangerous, but we're not stupid. Our crews communicate, for Dsheng's sake.

I understand your concern- Ship 7 does have a more, er, potent blend of species... they balance each other out- The two humans? Hhhhhhharmless. *xe hisses, frustrated.*

｡.:*☆*: .｡:*.:*☆☆*

"Aaaaaalright, Bumblebees! Another day, another dollar! Everybody, up, up, up!"

Kit's voice crackled with enthusiasm and static. It reverberated through the black-and-yellow ship, signaling the start of another shift. Most of us had been on board for "decades"- that's what Faizan says, at least. We've gotten used to each other by now, what with all of us being so... different.

It's been a few months since we picked up Kit and, erm... There have been some difficulties, sure, but yeah. It's made us closer, if anything. -Besides, now it's even. Seventh ship, seven crew members! Faizan chimes in, startling the mantis-like being. She promptly donks him upside the head with one blade-like arm.

He chuckles, then looks her in the eye- or tries to. "We just got some new cargo. Needs scanning." He holds a small device up to his mouth and speaks into it, making a series of clicks. He presses a button, adding- "Kit, you too- be at the loading deck in 5."

☆☆

Pretty soon, most of the crew joined Needih (insectoid), Faizan (human), and the new cargo. Kit (also human) was late- as per usual. But eh, she's on time when it really matters...

The cargo wasn't particularly large today, nor moving- thank God. "...And it's our turn to scan it in, got it?" Faizan lectured the younger human as he carried a box across the room. The two got to work, moving packages from the hatch as the rest of the crew chattered away.

Kit laughed when he stopped talking-

"You know you're breaking my heart..."

Faizan stopped in his tracks, a smirk on his face.

"You're shaking my confidence, daily." He replied.

--Here's a link for y'all--

He didn't know what he expected- The song was old. Really old. And Kit had never even set foot on Earth...

Kit started tapping the side of the box and stomped to a rhythm Faizan hadn't heard in forever-

"...'Celia... you're breaking my heart..."

Faizan's eyes lit up. Of course Kit sang the higher part, and of course he knew the lower one.

"You're shaking my confidence daily!"

Needih was in awe. She felt her shell shake with the vibration- it was impossible to describe. Sometimes, on her home planet, wilder sounds would align- but that was incredibly rare. Almost mythical. The crew all "heard" in different ways. We're lucky 'cause they're similar enough to communicate...

"... I'm beggin' you please to come home!"

Jaws dropped. Scrounge and Sdaer put down their drinks, eyes wide. Scrounge let out a deep rumble and tilted his ursine head. Faizan rolled his eyes and kept singing- the crew had never seen him like this...

The two humans sang like nobody else was in the room. They felt a sense of belonging, of harmony, like nothing else in the universe.

For the first time in years, Faizan dropped the package. He and Kit tapped out a beat on every available surface- the walls, the floor, even the boxes. And they laughed. It scared the hell out of the rest of the crew, who were too stunned to do anything but stare.

Goodness knows how Kit was able to sense Faizan's movements before they happened- and vice versa. Sure, they both missed a beat here and there but what did you expect? They're only human.

"Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!" He exclaimed, conveniently skipping to the good part. Kit grinned.

☆☆

"God, I haven't sang in years..." Faizan paused and looked around the room. The crew was just. In shock.

"To, skh..." Sdaer struggled with the English. "To quote you, what the fUCK was THAT?"

"That was harmony." Kit said with a smile. And the humans just? Got back to work? Kit hummed softly, and Faizan smiled (without baring his teeth, to be polite- as if he and the newbie didn't just break goodness-knows-how-many-galaxies' regulations).

"How do you know Simon & Garfunkel, anyway?" the captain asked.

Kit looked down at the box they were holding. "...Does it matter?"

"No. No, it doesn't."

Earth oceans and what's in them

Going off how the Humans are Space Orcs and “Humans bond with anything despite obvious danger” that annoys the rest of the alien crew, think about them being introduced to earth oceans

After all it’s common to have to always remove their human from unknown likely dangerous life forms despite constant protests and that they were only “playing” they start to notice that their human never really speaks of their earths sea creatures, which makes sense as the humans organs aren’t equipped to survive in that environment despite being able to “swim” (it is a common theory discussed that humans could survive if given no option to otherwise as that’s what they always seem to do) curious and nervous, a rookie of the crew, decides to ask (the veterans have learned not to ask about earth as it always ends in confusion and horror) Only to be told that “they aren’t really sure”, in human speak this can mean many things. One is that they never looked, another is that they were honestly telling the truth. Confused, they ask again as surely the species that does everything to fulfill their curiosity would surly know what fills 75% of their surface? Only to be told of creatures that are the length of their ship with a jaw just as wide. Of creatures that glow to attract and trap their pray. And that there was never a pod that was created could withstand the pressure of deepest depths. Or if it could, the visual feed would always disappear within rows of jagged teeth. And that are only the stories that have been proven. There are stories of the old ages, of creatures that could drown you with the sound of their voice, of things only seen in the shadows with a glimpse of sharp teeth. Humans don’t go in the ocean, they learn. Humans that are made of iron and steel, known to bond with anything, and a curiosity that defies all known logic don’t dare to explore the depths of their own planet. The crew learn that the only thing to terrify their human are the creatures that lurk in the oceans of their own earth. Everything must seem tame to them compared to the monster planet that they call home. And suddenly, things make sense.