Coffee Stain | Jjk

Coffee Stain | jjk

☆summary: you grief, and it's the expression of your everlasting love for Jungkook.

☆pairings: Jungkook x reader

☆rating: 18+ (it deals with heavy themes)

☆genre: grief!au, angst

☆warnings: this is a grief!au so it's rough. jungkook died and reader tries to grieve him. lucid dream where she sees him and talks to him again, curses, a lot of crying

☆word count: 1.9k

☆a/n: this hurts. idk why i wrote it. i was sad watching a sad instagram reel and then this happened. i apologize, and i love y'all, and if you need to talk just reach out <3 i'm always here for you guys.

☆☆☆☆☆

            There’s been a coffee stain on the kitchen counter for weeks.

Staring at it, you can almost hear the laughter it brought forth then. A laughter of crinkling doe eyes, of a bunny grin and arms wrapping around your middle. It’s a hand clutching around your heart, like it used to clutch around your fingers.

It’s the ghost of bodies entwined that weren’t meant to be separated.

In the bathroom, his towel has started to smell like humidity instead of the body wash he used, the one he claimed was good for his hair too. A 3-in-1 combo thing, something you used to tease him constantly about. And though the smell is a sign that you need to clean the towel, you can’t bring yourself to do the laundry.

In fact, you can’t bring yourself to do any chores. You just let Bam out three times a day, and then you go back to bed. Back to a cold bed that was supposed to be an island of you and him.

Now it’s an island of your grief, of tear-stained pillows and sorrow-filled sheets.

The sun rises and sets every day, but time has stopped. Time stopped on a surprised rainy day when he didn’t come home.

And he’ll never come home again.

It burns. It burns like the pizza you put in the oven, thinking that maybe you’d eat for the first time in weeks. The smoke pricks your eyes, suffocates your lungs. You hope it’ll steal your breath like his breath was stolen, too.

A last exhale, one you weren’t there to share.

You open the windows to air the room, and late spring flows in. Chirping birds and a soft breeze surround you, and you feel sick to your stomach. Because he won’t experience any other season. His life ended on a rainy April day, forever altering yours in the process.

Bam watches you from where he’s lying down by the door, still waiting for him to come home. Indeed, he’d used to come home around this time every day, to whisk you in his arms and tell you he loves you. But not that day.

No, that day, you sat on the couch watching the raindrops chasing themselves on the window, your phone clutched in your hand because he’d been supposed to be home an hour ago. When the phone rang bringing the news, your life became quiet.

It’s been quiet since then.

Your friends come over in the evening, with food you try to eat. You remember evenings that you’d spend with them and him, laughing and playing games and doing everything that young people do.

Young people aren’t supposed to die. Or so you tell yourself as you follow the conversation, but never participate, like maybe he left with your voice too. Your friends don’t complain about it – they know how much he meant to you, how much you meant to him, too.

You wonder what he’d say if he were here tonight, and you think you wouldn’t be able to hear it. Not when you haven’t been able to listen to his last voice message again, even though it sits on your phone, a keepsake of your love gone too soon.

When your friends leave, they hug you tight, though it’s never as tight as he used to hold you. Because he was the only one to know how to hold your pieces together and tonight, like every night since then, they fall apart. They fall apart like dandelions in the wind, so easily blown away.

You go to bed, Bam with you, staring up at the ceiling, imagining that it is his body next to yours. That it is his soft snores you can hear, his gentle breaths dragging you to sleep hours after you lied down.

You wake up feeling different. The light shines differently, like it’s from another world. The apartment smells of bacon and coffee, and you furrow your brows. The bed is empty, yet warmth lingers in the sheets next to you.

You step out of bed, tiptoe on a floor that you know to be usually cold in the morning, yet today it’s warm. You’re wearing an oversized white t-shirt he usually wears, and you feel like you’re forgetting something, yet you can’t quite tell what.

You walk out of the bedroom, and Bam greets you like he always does in the morning after his walk, with his tag wagging so wildly it’s making his whole body shake from side to side. You laugh, petting him as he tries to jump on you so that he can lick your face, though he eventually abandons to trot to the kitchen instead.

You follow behind him, smiling at the sight of his naked back, as he cooks something on the stove.

“You woke up just in time,” he tells you, shooting you a quick glance over his shoulder.

His eyes are sad. A sorrow deeper than the ocean hides in his pupils, and you’d frown if you hadn’t missed him so much.

“What are you making?” you ask.

He motions to a bowl on the counter. “Pancakes. And bacon and coffee, too.” He glances at you again, like maybe you disappeared while he was looking at the pan on the stove. “You can pour yourself a cup of coffee while I get everything ready.”

You nod, smiling softly, before doing so, grabbing your favourite mug from the cupboard. You frown – wasn’t there supposed to be a chip in it? Yet the mug looks pristine, entirely new. You shrug it off, and then you pour the coffee, before pouring one for him too. You set them on the table and sit in your usual spot, looking out the window.

The sky outside is purple and bright, and you think you can see constellations dusting it.

You know. You’ve known since you woke up, but you don’t care.

You watch him as he finishes cooking, and then he carries the food over to the table. He sits next to you, in his favourite spot because he gets to see you and the TV at the same time. The TV is not on right now, and his attention is solely on you, like he’s drinking you in like you’ve been drinking him in.

“How did you sleep?” he asks.

His eyes are infinitely sad. It’s startling, and you can’t bear the weight they hold. So you focus on your food, while he sits there watching you.

“I slept okay,” you reply. “You?”

He chuckles. “I slept too much.” He sighs, and it’s heavier than the universe. “I’m always sleeping lately.”

You laugh, because what else are you supposed to do?

“You’re awake now,” you tease, and you pat his arm.

His skin is soft and warm, void of any scars.

“Only because you’re here,” he replies, and he smiles again as you meet his doe eyes. “Now eat.”

You obey, enjoying the taste of his food – he’s always made the best pancakes, and today is no different. You even think they’re better, though you reckon that would be impossible.

“You should make pancakes more often,” you say when you’re done eating. “I can’t remember the last time you made them.”

He chuckles, eyes crinkling at the corners, yet the depths remain eternally sorrowful. “I’ll make them again soon.”

You smile, pausing to admire him for a few seconds before you ask, “Should we go back to bed?”

“We’re not Sunday,” he teases.

You narrow your eyes. “It can be Sunday just this once.”

His giggles accompany you as he grabs your hand and pulls you to the bedroom, and soon you’re in bed again, laughing as he tickles you.

“Fuck, I missed your laugh,” he says, and you pout.

“I missed you,” you answer.

He nods, and the sadness invades all his features. “I know.” Bam appears, jumping on the bed to lie next to you while Jungkook kneels between your legs, hands still resting on your sides. “You’ve been taking good care of Bam?”

“Yes,” you say. “We’ve been taking a lot of walks.”

He grins like the sadness was never there, and then he turns towards the dog. “Aren’t you lucky?”

Bam rolls on his back as Jungkook starts petting him, and soon he’s rubbing the dog’s belly, cooing like he’s talking to a baby. It’s adorable, and you admire the view even though it hurts so deeply you think you might be dying.

When he’s done with the dog, he looks at you again, a soft smile gracing his lips. “What have you been up to?”

You sigh, and you pull on his arm until he’s lying with his head on your chest. “Nothing.”

“That sounds boring,” he teases, and you think you feel his tears wetting the shirt you’re wearing, though you don’t mention it.

“Hey, I’m just doing my best,” you reply, pinching his side.

He laughs. “I know.”

“How long until you have to go?” you ask.

He sighs, and he glances at the time on the night table. “Not long.”

You rub a hand on his back, your arms tightening around him. He looks up at you, and you meet his gaze, hoping to find an eternity in them.

“I wish you could stay,” you whisper.

“Me too.”

He kisses you then, his feather soft lips meeting yours for a short embrace of the love you share. Your heart settles in your chest, your ache momentarily forgotten, and you wish to get lost in him. Wish to stay here with him forever, but he inevitably pulls away from the kiss, looking over his shoulder.

“It’s time to go,” he says.

You nod, because you know. You feel it too, and so you force yourself to get up. He quickly puts a shirt on, and then you follow him to the door.

“Text me when you get to work?” you tell him, eyes filled with tears.

“I will.” He meets your gaze, his own eyes lined with silver. “Please be safe.”

You chuckle. “You be safe.”

“Always,” he says. He opens the door, looking outside, but he doesn’t move for a while.

“Should we hang out again soon?” you ask, hoping that it’ll make him stay.

He looks back at you. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

You nod, and he takes a step outside. He’s fading out of focus, yet you try to hold onto it, to keep him here with you. It’s like it works – he turns back around, and then rushes to you, wrapping his arm around your waist as he hides his face in your neck. But you’re losing him again – already, the apartment has faded away, and all that’s left is the purple sky with its infinity of stars.

“I love you,” you whisper as he, too, fades away.

In the vast expanse of nothing, you think you hear him saying it back. You reach for him, and you think you can see him again, see his smile, though he’s just a little too far for you to touch.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come home.”

You wake, the bleak light from the sun filtering through the blinds, and the sky proves to be the blue of sorrow again. Grief, the expression of your everlasting love, sits on your chest, and you can’t breathe.

“I love you,” you whisper through the pain, and you mean it, more than you’ve ever meant anything before.

After all, there’s been a coffee stain on the kitchen counter for weeks.

☆☆☆☆☆

if you need to talk please reach out, and also don't hesitate to scream at me for this bc idk wtf it is

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate

BROKEN FUTURE

PAIRING: jungkook x reader

GENRE: college students, angst

TAGS/WARNINGS: established relationship, pregnancy, arguing, logic vs feelings, blood, heavy angst, minor character death, talks of abortion, uncensored profanities

WORD COUNT: 9k (excl. synopsis)

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!

𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗧𝗟𝗬 𝗡𝗢 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗠 𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

SYNOPSIS;

You and Jungkook were the epitome of young romance ever since the early days of high school, with dreams of a shared future that included graduation, exciting careers, and a life filled with love and adventure. Your bond was unbreakable, or so you believed.

𐚁₊⊹

You stumbled backwards, your legs weak and unsteady, and your back collided with the cold surface of the wardrobe. A gasp escaped from your mouth, sharp and involuntary, as the reality of the situation struck you with full force.

You blinked rapidly, hoping that your vision was somehow deceiving you, that the line would fade or vanish altogether.

But it remained, bold and certain.

“No, this can’t be happening, not now” you kept chanting to yourself.

You paced back and forth in your room as tears streamed down your face, marked by sobs that echoed through the confined space of the thin walled apartment that you shared with your boyfriend. Your heart was pounding against your chest like a trapped bird desperately seeking escape, and your tear-streaked face betrayed your inner ruckus as you tightly clutched the small white stick in your trembling hands.

A positive pregnancy test.

The longer you stared at it the more breathless and disoriented you felt.

You remembered laughing and dismissing what your friends, Hana and Mina, had to say about your stomach protruding more than it usually was. But now, the two distinct lines displayed upon its surface confirmed your greatest fear. It scared you how much of a blunt reminder it was of the life-altering consequences that awaited you.

The room, once a haven of comfort, now felt like a suffocating prison, closing in on you from all sides. Louder and audible sobs escaped your lips, intermingling with short gasps for air, as panic consumed your thoughts.

The weight of the situation bore down on you, colliding with your dreams and aspirations. You had invested countless hours into your education, many sleepless nights, and gave your everything to strive to become a nurse. You didn't want it all to go to waste.

How would Jungkook react? What would he say?

Jungkook wasn’t just any college student; he was ambitious, dedicated, and entirely focused on his dream of becoming a lawyer so he could build the future you both planned together. He had worked tirelessly since his early days, excelling in every class, every extracurricular, all with the singular goal of being accepted at a top law firm. You remembered the long nights he spent studying, the countless sacrifices he made to stay on top of his game.

You didn’t want to ruin what he worked so hard for.

But the problem didn’t just end there.

What would your parents say?

You were the only child, the apple of their eye. They had worked tirelessly and sacrificed so much to provide you with the best opportunities. Your mind flooded with images of your parents’ faces — the pride in their eyes when you were accepted into your dream college, the joy in their voices during frequent phone calls, and the unshakeable support they had always shown you.

They had high hopes of you making them proud, often reminding you of the bright future they envisioned for you. They trusted you to be miles away from them, pursuing your dream with their hard earned money.

But now?

What do you tell them now? You were barely 21.

Your heartache intensified with every step you took, your feet echoing in the silence of the room. “What do I do?” you cried to yourself as you sat on the bed, bouncing your legs up and down.

Just as despair threatened to overwhelm you, the front door creaked open, and a familiar voice echoed through the hallway.

“Babe, I’m home!” you heard.

Jungkook returned home after a long day of classes at the university, and he stepped into the apartment expecting a quiet and peaceful evening. However, as he switched on the main lights, he heard the sound of soft cries coming from the bedroom.

“Babe?” he called out once again, his brows furrowed in confusion as he took his shoes off.

Hearing no response, he made his way towards the bedroom. There he saw you sitting on the bed with your face buried in your hands. Your tear-streaked face and trembling shoulders immediately sent alarm bells ringing in his mind. Concerned, he dropped his backpack and speed walked over to your side.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked, taking your hands away from your face. Instead of answering, you threw yourself into his embrace and wrapped your arms around his neck, breaking down even more.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Come on, tell me” he asked, his voice soft and filled with genuine worry.

“I…I think w-we messed up Jungkook” you cried in between your sobs.

“What do you mean?” he frowned, pulling away and looking at you confusingly.

You looked up at him with your red puffy eyes, filled with a mixture of defeat and anxiety. It took you a moment to find your voice, but you had to tell him. Breathing out a shaky sigh, you revealed to him the white stick that displayed two red lines on it. Your voice quivered as you uttered the words he never expected to hear.

“I'm pregnant” you finally muttered out, your voice barely above a whisper as you felt yourself choke up with overwhelming emotions.

Jungkook’s eyes widened, and his initial shock soon transformed into a mixture of fear and uncertainty.

“W-What?” he stuttered as he shifted his gaze from the pregnancy kit to you. A wave of emotions crashed over him, and his mind spun with conflicting thoughts.

“That day…you didn’t use a condom, a-and I forgot to take the morning after pill” you then said, adding to his fear.

There was a long uncomfortable silence, and you saw the way Jungkook’s gentle gaze shifted into sheer panic and disbelief. “Are you serious?” he asked, his voice shaky and unstable. And you simply nod, sobs continuing to escape from your mouth.

“Fuck! This can’t be happening” he abruptly stood up, startling you. You eyed him anxiously, his breaths became shallow and he began pacing around the room as he ran his fingers through his brown locks.

You and Jungkook had dreams of your own which you were both set on achieving to live up to the future you both planned. And the idea of a baby entering the equation threatened to disrupt everything you both had worked for, and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the weight of responsibility that accompanied parenthood.

“I’m scared, Koo, I never wanted this to happen” you whimpered, “I don’t know what to do” you bit down on your nails.

“Abortion. Y-You need to get an abortion” Jungkook blurted out without thinking twice, stopping in his tracks and turning to you.

You felt your entire world stop, his words hitting you like a physical blow. The thought never crossed your mind, but now having to be confronted by it, it made you feel sick to your stomach. It felt too cruel to you.

You looked at him in disbelief, “are you serious?” you asked as you stood up.

“Does it look like I’m joking to you Y/n? I don’t want my, and our, future to be ruined by a drunken mistake we’ve made” he said, taking a few steps towards you.

“But it’s our baby Jungkook, we can’t kill something we both created” you argued, feeling more tears flood down your cheeks.

“So then what the fuck do you want me to do Y/n? Stay and raise the kid with you?” he raised his voice.

“I’ve been studying so hard and spent so many sleepless nights wanting to become a lawyer, and I’m almost there. I don’t want to have it all going down the drain over a child I don’t even want” he spat.

“And you think I do? I’m all the way on the other side of the country, Jungkook. I made a promise to my parents to work hard and make them proud. I’ve been working just as hard as you. Do you think I want to throw it all away too?” you cried.

Jungkook let out a deep frustrated groan as he pulled onto his hair, “then what do you want to do Y/n? If you’re going to keep the baby, you know it’s going to ruin both of our futures, and none of us want that” he tried to explain.

But you lightly shook your head as you sat back down on the bed, “but I can’t kill it either. I just can't, it’s our baby” you cried, hugging yourself around your womb.

However, as you expressed your decision to keep the baby, Jungkook’s anger erupted like a dormant volcano finally reaching its breaking point. His frustration swelled as he confronted you, his voice trembling with a mix of rage and despair.

“What are you being so damn selfish?!” he exclaimed, causing you to flinch.

“You fucking know this is not the right time! We're both in university, away from our homes and barely making ends meet. How can you even think about going through with this knowing it’s not what we want right now?!” he raged.

Your eyes widened at his outburst, feeling your heart sink to the pit of your stomach. Tears welled up in your eyes as you fought to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

It was as if it was a battle between logic and feelings. You knew he was right — bringing a child into your chaotic, uncertain world would be a huge challenge and put your hard work in jeopardy.

But you didn’t have the heart to go through an abortion. You couldn't explain it, but despite the logical reasons, doubts and the fears, you felt a deep connection to the life growing inside you.

The look in your eyes and face scared Jungkook.

You were a person of deep emotion and empathy, traits that had always guided your actions and decisions. And now, faced with the reality of an unexpected pregnancy, he could see those same traits overwhelming you to make decisions that would put all your hard work and future at risk.

He knew that you knew he was right, but he also knew that an abortion was not an easy decision for you. Everything that connected you and him, you’d protect. And the baby somewhat served as a symbol of your long and unbreakable bond.

“I know it's not an ideal situation Jungkook, but I just can't” you whimpered. The room seemed to shrink around them as their opposing perspectives clashed. Jungkook’s anger surged, fueling his words.

“Okay fine, but what about my life? What about our plans? This is going to ruin everything we've worked for Y/n. We won't be able to finish our degrees, pursue our careers, or have any stability. How can you be so selfish and inconsiderate?!-” he continued raising his voice.

“I’m not forcing you to stay!” you yelled almost instantly.

The room fell silent, the weight of your words hanging heavily between you both. Jungkook felt his slowly anger subside, and his shoulders slump in surprise and defeat as his teary eyes stared into yours.

Both of you were passionate individuals, deeply committed to your goals and aspirations to build yourselves a future you both planned ever since you were kids. But in the sudden unexpected turn of events you found yourselves at a crossroads, your paths diverging before your very eyes.

The heart that was once one was torn into two, each piece slowly drifting away from each other and into the unknown path ahead.

The silence was deafening, too loud and suffocating to speak into. And you mustered up the courage to soon break that silence.

“I said what I had to s-say…and I n-never said that you had to s-stay” you cried through your trembling voice. But who were you kidding? You and him both knew how badly you wanted him to stay.

“You’re right, this isn’t what I expected, let alone wanted, but life is full of unpredictable shit Jungkook. I’m scared of the future ahead of me, but I can never have the heart to kill a life we both created, whether you choose to stay or not” you sniffled, placing your hand over your womb.

“Y/n-” Jungkook tried to speak as he stepped forward, but you were quick to cut him off.

“I’m sorry for ruining everything we had planned, okay? But please…I can’t do this. It’s difficult for me enough” you cried.

Jungkook struggled to find words as tears began to stream down his cheeks, mirroring the anguish in his heart. In that moment, the love you both had for each other felt tested and strained under the weight of your diverging paths. You both grappled with difficult choices and the uncertainty that lay ahead. Despite the heartbreak, you had to confront your individual desires, knowing that your decisions would irrevocably shape your lives.

Without saying a word, Jungkook heaved out a deep sigh before storming out of the room. Hearing the front door slam shut, you dropped down on the ground and broke down into loud heart wrenching cries.

You felt torn. Confused. Overwhelmed. You loved Jungkook more than anything, but you couldn’t deny the connection you felt with the life blooming inside you despite your fears.

You knew that carrying this baby to term would cost you your future, your hard work and your parents’ money, but you couldn't shake the feeling that terminating the pregnancy would be an act of betrayal against yourself and your unborn child.

You yearned for Jungkook’s understanding, for him to see things from your perspective and be with you in this journey. But you knew he wasn’t ready to become a father, not when he was close to achieving his dream. And the last thing you wanted to do was ruin everything he was working for.

As you gazed out of the window, you wondered if you could find a way through this. At the same time, you questioned your own strength, your ability to raise a child against all odds.

Perhaps you could seek support from your parents, lean on their shoulders to seek guidance and stability. But you knew you couldn’t do that. They’d hate you. Perhaps they might disown you, too disappointed and ashamed to have a daughter like you.

You had Hana and Mina, but even with them, you felt as if in the end there was no one who knew you like Jungkook did. No one who could comfort you like he did. But the person who knew you the most and loved you the most was now abandoning you, and you were scared.

And deep down, you prayed he came back, telling you he would stay.

As the morning light streamed through the curtains, you slowly opened your eyes, your eyelashes weighed down by your tears. You had cried yourself to sleep, your heart heavy with emotions. The soft warmth of the bed provided a fleeting comfort, but the faint scent of Jungkook’s cologne that still lingered in the sheets and in the air brought you back to the painful reality and the memory of last night.

As you sat up on the bed, a wave of nausea washed over you, causing you to wince and clutch your stomach. You stumbled toward the bathroom, your body still plagued by waves of morning sickness. Dropping down in front of the toilet, you hunched over and began vomiting.

But it wasn't just the nausea that burdened you; it was the painful realisation that your dreams, your relationship, and your future had suddenly become entangled in a web of your overwhelming choices.

On the other hand, the front door unlocked, revealing Jungkook, looking weary and disheveled, as if he hadn't slept at all last night. As he pushed open the front door, his footsteps echoed through the quiet hallway as he stumbled in, a haunting reminder of the fracture in your relationship.

An uneasy stillness hung in the air, accompanied by the distant sound of you heaving and gagging in the bathroom. His heart clenched with guilt and conflict realising the physical toll pregnancy was already taking on you, and he knew you needed him now more than ever.

With hesitant footsteps, Jungkook made his way to the bathroom, where he found you hunched over the toilet, your face pale and your eyes looking tired. The sight tugged at his heartstrings, the realisation of the life growing within you engulfing him with conflicting emotions. He couldn't deny the love he had for you, nor the bond you both had formed over the years.

It wasn't that he didn't care for you; rather, he struggled to envision a life where he could balance his aspirations and provide care for a baby. He just wasn’t ready yet.

With a heavy sigh, Jungkook felt his firmness crumble. He couldn't ignore the sight of you, doubled over in discomfort, emptying out whatever you ate yesterday. Kneeling beside you, he reached out tentatively, his hand coming to rest on your trembling back and rubbing it in a gentle manner.

Your vomiting eventually subsided, and you slumped back, exhausted and pale. Jungkook stayed beside you, his hand never leaving your back as he kept you steady. As your breathing steadied, he wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your shoulder.

He could feel the tension in your body slowly dissipate as you leaned into him, finding comfort in his embrace. He pressed a soft kiss on your neck, the familiar touch stirring a mix of emotions within both of you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his lips brushing against your neck in another soft kiss. You nodded weakly, your eyes welling up with tears.

Yet, even as he held you, Jungkook’s mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He felt a crushing guilt for your pain, but also a deep-seated fear of losing his dreams. He loved you, without a doubt, but the thought of sacrificing his future for a child he wasn't ready for filled him with dread.

As you turned to look at him, he saw vulnerability mixed with a flicker of hope. It was a plea for understanding and support, for unity in the face of an uncertain future. He knew at that moment that his decision would shape not only your lives but the life growing inside you.

Conflicted and divided, Jungkook realised he had a choice to make.

He could choose to run away from the responsibilities that lay ahead, escaping the challenges and embracing a life of comfort and ambition. Or he could confront his fears head-on, standing shoulder to shoulder with you, embracing the unknown together.

There was an unspoken understanding between you as you both stood looking at each other — a realisation that your paths had diverged. Deep down Jungkook knew he didn’t want to stay. He couldn’t be the partner you wanted, nor the father the baby deserved.

He knew he had hurt you with his words and what he was about to do next, he was guilty, but he couldn't stay.

You knew Jungkook for years. You could practically read him like a book, especially what his eyes displayed. And staring up at him now, and the look in his dark and tired eyes, you knew.

You knew.

You knew he wasn’t going to stay. Whatever that was happening right now, it was the least he could do to offer you some kind of comfort before he leaves you. Out of pity at least. And that was what hurt you the most.

“Jungkook-” you tried to say, but he beat you to it.

“Let’s get up first and wipe your face” he said and he stood up, and he held your arm as he helped you up to your feet.

Grabbing some tissues from the nearby tissue box, he passed them to you and you began wiping your mouth. You then tossed the tissue and flushed the toilet before you followed him out to the living room.

Your tears didn’t stop, and neither did your eyes leave his. You waited. You waited for him to say something — anything.

Jungkook’s shoulders were slumped, and he looked as though he had aged years in a single night. There were bags under his eyes, face pale and puffy as if he hadn’t slept at all. He sighed deeply and hung his head, unable to meet your gaze. He fumbled for words, the silence stretching unbearably between you.

“Y/n,” he finally managed, his voice barely more than a whisper, “I don’t know what to do. I really don’t” it then cracked.

“Baby I love you, and I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, “but I can’t do this. I can’t stay. I’m not ready to be a father just yet” his lips trembled as he spoke and tears building up in his eyes.

“I have dreamed of becoming a lawyer ever since I was in elementary school, you know that, and I have come a long way working hard towards it. And I know you tirelessly worked hard for your dream too. But this is too much Y/n. Balancing our academic life alongside parenthood, I can’t do it. I just can’t!” he gritted his teeth and pulled on his hair in frustration.

“I know I’m being selfish, but I’m scared Y/n, just as much as you are” he said, his teary eyes finally meeting yours.

“I’m scared. I don’t want to lose everything I’ve worked for, but I can’t stand the thought of losing you either” he sniffled.

Your heart shattered at his words, knowing that you were both trapped in a situation with no easy answers. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and broken, shattered your willpower to stay strong. You had never seen him so scared, so utterly defeated. And you wanted to reach out, to comfort him, but your own fear and sadness held you back.

The weight of your predicament hung heavily in the air, and for the first time, you realised just how fragile your future had become.

There was no right or wrong solution in this. And it shattered you both completely that maybe it was best to just part ways and live with the choices you both made. No matter how badly you wanted him to stay, you knew you couldn’t let your decision on keeping the baby weigh him down. And as much as it hurt you, you knew you had to let him go.

“I…” you tried to speak but found yourself choking on your sobs. You shut your eyes tight and clenched your hands to tight fists by your sides as tears continued to flood down. You took a deep breath and fluttered your eyes open to meet his gaze again.

“Like I said, I’m not forcing you to stay Jungkook” your voice was weak and barely audible, but Jungkook could still hear you clearly. And it somewhat angered Jungkook that you were still adamant on keeping the baby knowing the consequences.

A deep frustrated groan escaped from his chapped lips as he ran his inked fingers through his messy locks.

“Y/n, it’s not like I don’t want a family with you, of course I do. I do want a baby with you one day, but just not now. We can have all the babies we want when we’re settled with our careers!” he said, his breathing fast and ragged.

He walked over to you and hastily cupped your face in his, leaning his forehead against yours as he looked down into your eyes.

“You’re the only woman I picture my life with, no one else. And I do see a future with you. I do see us with a family of our own. But this is all too early my love. We’re barely standing on your two feet right now” he tried to persuade you. You felt his hot breath fan over your quivering lips, absorbing everything he was pouring out to you.

“I know this is not easy for you. I know we created this baby. But please, please think with your head and not your heart for once” he then said. And somehow his words rubbed you the wrong way.

With the little strength you had, you shoved him back, taking him by surprise.

“Why can’t you just accept that I don’t want to get an abortion Jungkook?” you cried.

“Maybe you don’t have the heart to understand how hard it is, but I do. Whether it was a drunken mistake, we still created a life, and it’s growing inside my womb. And killing something we created? I just can’t, okay?” you slapped him with your words.

Jungkook stood stunned for a second before his features morphed into total defeat. At this point, the two of you were just going round in a circle with no end. And Jungkook didn’t see the point in trying anymore, because either way, the two of you had already made up your minds.

He didn’t know how to respond to that outburst. All he could do was stare at you silently crying. “Right…okay” it was all he said before giving you a teary glance and walking away.

You watched him walk into the bedroom, and you felt your heart sink to the pit of your stomach. Your world was slowly crumbling down and there was nothing you could do.

He wasn’t staying.

Using the walls to guide you, you staggered your way to the bedroom where you heard shuffling. You stood silently in the doorway, your heart aching as you watched Jungkook furiously stuffed his belongings into the suitcase.

The room felt heavy with tension, but none of you spoke a word. You stood there crying silently, a torrent of emotions coursed through your veins.

Jungkook, on the other hand, was aware of the presence by the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up. His heart was torn apart. He never wanted to be faced with such a dilemma, but his determination to fulfill his dream was much stronger.

Although you didn’t want to force him to stay, you felt yourself give in to the fear of being alone without him by your side.

And you found yourself trying once again knowing the obvious answer. As tears cascaded down your cheeks, you mustered the strength to break the silence that engulfed the room.

“Jungkook,” you whispered as you walked inside, your voice trembling with sorrow.

“I’m sure we can find a way to make this work. Together” you said Jungkook paused for a moment, his hands frozen in midair, caught between the task at hand and the plea of the woman he loved.

His eyes were filled with hurt and unspoken emotions when he looked at you. “We can't Y/n” he finally replied, his voice hoarse and tinged with regret.

“I can’t have a baby that would ruin everything I’ve worked hard for. Please try to understand” he added.

With every shirt stuffed into the suitcase, your heart sank deeper into despair. The realisation that you both were headed towards a heartbreaking separation became more tangible with every passing moment. And as he closed his suitcase, the sound of the zipper sealing your fate seemed to echo throughout the room.

You watched, your eyes following his every movement, as he picked up the suitcase and walked towards the door. The weight of your shattered dreams lingered heavily in the room, overshadowing the memories of your once-happy days.

“I hope you find the success you're searching for Jungkook, truly" you said with a small smile on your face as you followed him to the door, your words filled with a mix of sadness and hope.

Swinging his bag over his shoulders, Jungkook gave you a look of guilt and disappointment through his teary eyes. “I love you Y/n, I always will, but I’m sorry” he whispered.

Jungkook didn’t exactly know what he was sorry for; for choosing his dream over love, or for how cruel fate was. With one last glance, he picked up his suitcase and walked towards the door. You felt a lump form in your throat as the door shut behind him, the ache of loss enveloping you.

The room grew quieter, emptier, and as the door closed behind him, you knew that your relationship had entered a new chapter, one that would require your own cognition, healing, and a willingness to rebuild what had now been broken.

You were scared. The bright clear you and Jungkook had planned was now all dark and blurry. And the possibility of your parents disowning you terrified you even more.

But even though fear was following you like a shadow, you were determined to protect what was now a symbol of your lost love.

“Momma will protect you baby” you cried, caressing your abdomen.

2 YEARS AGO

──────────

Hand in hand, you and Jungkook strolled along the deserted sidewalk, your fingers interlaced as you both savored the aftertaste of the delightful dinner you just had to celebrate on you getting into your dream college — the same one Jungkook was going to go to as well.

Your footsteps echoed softly against the quiet streets, a soothing rhythm that mirrored the calmness of the night. The night air was cool and breezy, carrying the faint scent of blooming flowers from nearby gardens.

Jungkook pulled you a little closer, feeling you shiver from the gentle breeze that rustled the leaves of trees. Your lips curled up into a tender smile as you glanced at him, and he returned the smile followed by a soft peck on your forehead.

You walked in a comfortable silence for a while, the only sound being the rhythmic tap-tap of your footsteps on the pavement. Wanting to light up the mood, Jungkook gave you a light nudge and a playful look.

“Wanna hear something funny?” he asked, and you raised your brow in curiosity. He leaned in and whispered something into your ear, and seconds later, you found yourself laughing hysterically as you doubled over clutching your stomach.

Your laughter rang out into the quiet streets, earning a few curious but admiring looks from people who passed by. Your laughter was music to his ears, a symphony of joy that he cherished a lot.

“Jungkook! Oh my god, I can’t believe you just said that!” you playfully elbowed him, looking at him a little surprised.

“What? It’s true though” he reasoned, giving you a shrug. Jungkook continued cracking more jokes, and your laughter continued to echo through the tranquil night.

Soon enough, you both found yourselves walking up a hill. As you reached the summit, your laughter gradually faded into silence, replaced by a shared sense of awe.

Reaching towards the edge and leaning against the rails, a deep overwhelmed sigh escaped your lips as you gazed at the scenery in front of you. The twinkling lights of the metropolis created a breathtaking view, as if the stars had descended to earth.

You and Jungkook stood there, side by side, hand in hand, each lost in your own thoughts. No words were needed as you both admired the breathtaking view.

The view felt like a canvas of dreams and aspirations, and in that moment, it felt as if the world was yours to conquer. The night had shifted from chaos to serenity, and your connection with Jungkook felt deeper than ever.

The cool breeze continued to brush against your cheeks, but now it carried a sense of calm, as if the city itself was taking a deep breath, ready for another day of challenges.

You tilted your head upwards, your gaze fixated on the starry sky above. A soft sigh escaped your lips as you admired the celestial beauty that shone light at the dim earth. Your eyes began to water, and your shoulders drooped a little, feeling a sudden heaviness weighing upon your heart.

Sensing the shift in your mood, Jungkook turned to look at you, his smile faltering as he noticed your glistening eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked as he pulled you closer.

You gave him a weak nod, “yeah, I just…I miss my grandma” you answered as your voice cracked.

Jungkook felt a tug in his heart, and his hand moved up to your waist, giving it a gentle comforting massage as he leaned into place a kiss on your forehead.

“I know she’s proud watching how strong you are” he said, and his words brought comfort to your heart as you imagined her among the shining stars in the heavens above.

“I hope she is” you whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder.

You knew she was.

It had been almost three years since your grandmother had passed away, but the memories of her and all the time you’ve spent with her were still vivid and precious, engraved deeply in your heart. She was more than just a family member. She was your best friend, and your life mentor.

Growing up, you had spent countless hours at her house. Her grandmother always had a way of making everyday moments magical.

You recalled the countless hours spent in the garden with your grandmother, tending to the vibrant flowers and vegetables. She had a way of turning mundane tasks into magical experiences. She taught you the names of each plant, explaining how they thrived under different conditions, and in the process, imparted lessons about patience, hard work, and the beauty of nature.

Your grandmother’s faith in you had been a guiding light, especially during the dark days of grief and doubt. When you received your acceptance letter to nursing school, your first instinct was to rush to her house to share the news. But she was no longer there. Her chair by the fireplace was now empty, and her presence remained a cherished memory.

As you closed your eyes, you could almost hear her gentle voice, filled with warmth and affection.

“You can be anything you want to be, darling. I’ll always be proud of you no matter what. Never forget that strength is in your blood.” she would say, her eyes sparkling with confidence. “Believe in yourself, and the world will open up to you.”

You were pulled back to reality when you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. He didn’t say anything, just held you close, offering silent comfort. Feeling the love and warmth radiating from his hug, the tears you had been holding back now flowed freely.

“I miss her so much,” you whispered, your voice breaking.

“I know baby” Jungkook murmured while stroking your hair gently, tightening his embrace as he rested his chin on top of your head.

“But you know she would be so proud of you. You’ve become everything she believed you could be” he said.

His words brought a fresh wave of tears, but also a sense of peace. You knew he was right. your grandmother’s legacy lived on in you, in the way you cared for others, in your passion for nursing, and in the love you carried in your heart.

If not for yourself, you wanted to work hard and make her proud.

1 MONTH LATER

───────────

It was a cold winter morning and the air was crisp, biting at the young man's cheeks as he walked alone, lost in his thoughts. Jungkook, his breath visible in the frigid air, trudged through the frosted pathway towards his lecture. The icy wind whipped through the campus, reflecting the chill in his heart.

It felt like an eternity, but it had been a month since he had broken up with you. A decision made out of fear and a desperate need to protect his dreams. It had been a month since he last talked to you. A month since he even saw you. He had been avoiding you completely as if you didn't exist, yet he still wondered how you were doing. Part of him felt like he lost the right to, but his heart was still there in your hands.

As he made his way inside the building, his steps felt heavier than usual, burdened by everything that had happened a month ago. Every day has been a challenge for him. He barely took care of himself anymore like he used to when he lived with you.

He never wanted this to happen, for things to turn out how they were, but he was so torn between his dreams and his responsibilities.

“Jungkook!” he heard a manly voice call out for him from behind, breaking him out of his thoughts.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, and there he saw his best friend jogging his way towards him. As he finally reached him, the short male threw his arm around Jungkook's neck as they both continued to walk.

“What's your plan after your class finishes? You only have a two hour lecture today” the boy asked.

Jungkook sighed and turned his gaze back to the front, “I don't know, just do a few grocery shopping first and head back to the dorm” he answered.

His routine ever since he moved out of your shared dorm has been the same — wake up, attend lectures and head back to the dorm to continue studying. On his days off, or if he had hours to spare, he would do a little shopping or go to the gym.

Anything to get his mind off you. But as days passed, he felt himself grow weaker and tired, maybe because of not having you by his side.

“Ehh? That's it?” the boy cringed.

“Then what do you want me to do Jimin? And besides, it's freezing cold” Jungkook sighed once again.

“Me and Taehyung are planning to head out for a karaoke night and have dinner there as well. We booked a room, so you should join us” Jimin suggested.

But Jungkook shook his head, “thanks, but I'll pass,” he told him.

Jimin's face dropped in disappointment, “come on Jungkook, loosen up. You can't keep living in the dark like this” he said.

“But what if I want to live in the dark like this?” Jungkook stopped and turned to the blond one.

Jimin stayed silent and stared at his best friend with a heavy heart. Despite Jungkook's efforts to be silent about his pain, Jimin could see through the facade, recognising the hurt and weariness in his best friend's eyes.

Jungkook gave Jimin one last look before turning around and walking away.

“Because you're guilty Jungkook,” Jimin said, loud enough for Jungkook to stop almost instantly.

Jungkook's fists clenched, and his jaw tightened, but it wasn't anger that boiled within him; it was a mix of shame, regret, and frustration. Jimin walked towards Jungkook to catch up with him, and placed his hand on his broad muscular shoulder.

“I know you're still thinking about whatever happened between you and Y/n. And I know you're still hurting thinking about her even though you're doing everything to avoid her” he began to speak.

Jungkook's heart clenched at his best friend's words. He was right.

“But you can't keep running away like this,” Jimin added, “and can I tell you something?” he then asked as he turned himself to face the weary man.

Jungkook raised his head to look at his best friend who paused for a moment as he nibbled on his bottom lip.

“You need to talk to Y/n, and I mean properly” he began, and Jimin could see how almost instantly his face fell hearing your name. The silence that followed was loud, and Jungkook could feel his heart starting to pick up its pace.

“We did, Jimin, but it didn't work out. Clearly we already knew what we’re choosing” Jungkook told him.

“I know, but just…” Jimin sighed as he trailed off.

“She's struggling a lot, Jungkook. Her friends said she's barely attending her classes anymore. But when she does, it's like they can't even recognise her anymore. I saw her yesterday and it made me worry about her even though we’re not close. She's gotten paler and thinner, and has bags under eyes like she hasn't been sleeping for days. I tried to talk to her a few times but she just didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to talk to anyone” he explained.

Jungkook's heart sank to the pit of his stomach, and his walls around him came crumbling down.

“You and her may be on different terms about the baby, but she really needs you more than anything right now. I know all of this is sudden, and that you're not ready, but you can't run away from your responsibilities forever. Go and talk to her, you'll both figure something out, I'm sure of it” he said as he placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

To Jungkook, it was easier said than done. But right now, he couldn't endure the heaviness in his heart as the realisation was soon settling in him as he began to acknowledge how his actions had caused you pain. And everything Jimin had told him began to make sense. He was right, he needed to talk to you again — to see you.

Jungkook quickly blinked away the tears before they could fall, and he relaxed his clenched fists as he zoned back to reality.

“You guys aren't completely alone in this, okay? You have us, always” Jimin reassured the boy who looked like he was carrying the weight of the world. Jungkook's heart warmed at his words, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful to be surrounded with amazing people in his life.

Jungkook hoped to see you find you during the rest of the day so he could talk to you, but you were nowhere to be found. He tried to approach your two friends, Mina and Hana, but they scowled at him and walked past, ignoring him completely.

Jungkook sighed and gave up, and decided to wait until tomorrow.

THE NEXT DAY

──────────

It was another crisp winter morning, and amidst the frost-kissed streets, Jungkook clung onto his bag as he made his way to the university. His heart was heavier than yesterday and his steps were uncertain.

His thoughts were consumed by what Jimin told him yesterday. It was all he could think about. After failed attempts to get a hold of you anywhere at the campus yesterday, Jungkook hoped that he would get to see you today at least.

As he reached inside and into the hallway, he heard a loud, shrill cry that pierced the air. It came from the corridor that led to the female toilets.

Confusion and worry consumed him as he quickened his pace. But when the screams and yells began to sound familiar, he heard your name. He heard those familiar voices desperately calling for you to wake up, and in that moment his heart stopped and his fear intensified. His heart began to pound in panic, and without a second thought, he broke into a sprint.

As he reached the entrance to the female restroom, he pushed the door open, and there he saw a sight that made his heart drop. There you laid on the tiled floor, looking paler than he had ever seen you, your face blank and eyes half open.

“Oh my god! Mina, call the ambulance!” Hana yelled at Mina. Your two friends were kneeled huddling around you as they tried to get you to consciousness, but you were barely giving any response.

That's when Jungkook noticed the blood that ran down between your legs, staining your skirt and the floor beneath.

He ran towards you and pushed your friends aside, gently scooping you and cradling you in his arms. Your body was so cold that he almost flinched.

“Y/n, hey, wake up!” he gently shook your body. You were barely conscious, and he could see you trying to keep your eyes open.

“J-Jungkook?” you struggled to speak as your hand slowly made its way up to his sweater. You tried to grab hold of him but your body was too weak.

“I’m here, I-I’m right here baby” he whimpered as his hug tightened.

“W-What’s happening?” he trembled as he looked at the two panicked and crying girls.

“I-I don’t know. We were just talking a-and all of a sudden she collapsed, and now she’s b-bleeding” Mina explained.

“Jungkook,” Hana looked at him, “I-I think she might be having a miscarriage” she stammered tearfully.

“The ambulance is on its way right now” Mina said.

Time seemed to come to a stop as Jungkook felt his world crumble. It was in that moment, with his heart in his throat, that he feared the worst and hoped for the best, ready to confront the unexpected turn of events. The voices around him blurred into the background as he focused on your pale face.

“I’m sorry” he whispered as tears pooled in his eyes, “I’m so sorry” his voice cracked in the end. He wished he could turn back time, undo the pain he had caused, and be there for you in every possible way.

“O-Our baby, she’s g-going to be o-okay, right?” you stammered, trying to focus your gaze on him, but all you could see was blur. Jungkook’s chest tightened at your question, and he didn’t know how to answer, and instead just hugged you to reassure you.

A few moments later, the paramedics finally arrived. Jungkook felt his body suddenly lose its warmth as they took you from his arms and placed you on the stretcher. He silently watched you finally lose your consciousness, and the paramedics quickly rushed to place an oxygen mask over you.

“We need to get going, now” one of them urged, and with a nod from the rest, they all made their way back to the album with the stretcher.

Jungkook didn’t think twice to ditch his class and rush to his car to follow the ambulance with Mina and Hana deciding to tag along. At that moment, he didn’t care about anything. All he could do was pray for you and the baby to be safe.

As Jungkook and your two friends rushed through the corridors of the hospital, his heart violently pounded in his chest. “She’s going to be okay, right? A-And the baby?” he asked, looking at the doctor desperately.

“She’s going to be alright. But we can’t be too sure about the baby since she’s well early into her pregnancy, and bled quite a lot” the doctor answered honestly before rushing inside the emergency room, leaving the crying boy standing numb.

All he knew was that if anything happened to the baby, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

Jungkook sat himself down on the chair with his head buried in his hands, lost deep in his thoughts. That was until he heard Hana’s angry voice.

“This is all your fault!” she yelled as she marched towards him. Jungkook didn’t react or lift his head to look at her, instead, he let her say whatever she had to.

“If you weren’t such a selfish fucking coward none of this would’ve happened!” she screamed.

“Hana, calm down” Mina told her. Hana glared at him and backed away before sitting on the chair opposite him.

But she was right, he was a coward.

Time crawled by as he anxiously paced the hospital's cold floors, continuing to question his past decisions and praying for the baby to be okay. He had never felt more helpless and regretful. Every minute that passed felt like an eternity.

And finally, the same doctor emerged from the emergency room, his face a mix of exhaustion and relief. Jungkook rushed over to him, his heart filled with a mix of fear and hope.

“D-Doctor, are they okay?” he asked.

“She’s okay. She’s stable now, we managed to stop the bleeding” he began, “and miraculously the baby is okay too” he added.

Jungkook’s tensed shoulders finally relaxed as relief flooded over him.

“It seems like she collapsed because of stress and weakness. I encourage her to take some time off and stabilise her health first, because she’s at a very vulnerable stage of pregnancy — so anything can happen” the doctor explained. Jungkook nibbled down on his lip in guilt. It was all his fault.

“She’s resting, but you can go and see her” he gave him and smiled before leaving.

Jungkook turned and looked at your two friends, they gave him a look that they wanted to go first.

So he let them. And as he sat there feeling relieved that both of you were safe, he thought back to that day. He couldn't believe the situation he had created, the pressure he had put on you to get an abortion, and how close he had come to losing you both. He realised the magnitude of the situation that his fear and immaturity had created, and the innocent life he was so willing to abandon.

He couldn’t deny the connection he began to feel between his unborn baby.

Thirty minutes or so passed.

After Hana and Mina were done visiting you, Hana gave him a hard glare as she walked past him.

“If you really love her, Jungkook, you better make it right” she said, before leaving.

Jungkook clenched his jaw as he watched them leave, but then his attention went towards where your room was. He took slow and hesitant steps, and when he finally reached the room, pushed the door open. There he saw your pale and fragile form on the hospital bed. Seeing the tubes and monitors surrounding you, his heart grew heavier.

You were awake, sitting up when your back rested against the pillows. Your expression was unreadable as you blankly stared at the plain white wall in front you. The sight was a clear contrast to the vibrant girl he had once known.

“Y/n” he whispered your name as he slowly walked towards you, the sound barely audible in the quiet room.

But you heard. And before he could draw nearer, your voice pierced the silence, cutting him off sharply.

“Get out” you commanded.

Your words were like ice, sending a shiver down his spine. You didn't even glance in his direction, your eyes remaining fixed on the empty space before you. The coldness in your tone struck him, differing from the warmth he had always associated with you.

But who was he kidding? He made his choice and he knew you were going to hate him, especially after everything he had said to you. You were upset, heartbroken, and you had every right to be.

But why did it hurt so bad?

He stood there clenching his fists, paralysed by your rejection, feeling the ache of his heartache like a physical pain in his chest. Blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over, he searched desperately for something to say, some way to bridge the gap that had opened up between you.

“I’m sorry” he finally whispered.

It was all he could say. It was a pathetic attempt to reach out, to offer some sort of comfort or apology, but he knew deep down that mere words could never erase the pain he had caused.

In all honesty, deep down you knew he wasn’t entirely at fault. But you were angry. Angry at him. Angry at yourself. You were angry at the world.

You heard the rawness in his voice, the guiltiness.

But you were afraid he was going to fall in the trap of your doomed fate, and you didn’t want to ruin or burden his life any more than it already was.

“Just get out Jungkook. Go. Go live the life you want. Don’t let us hold you back” you said, finally turning around to look at him with your glossy eyes.

And as he stood there, shattered and empty, he realised that in that moment, he had lost not only you, but a piece of himself as well.

“I’m sorry Y/n” he said once more, lowering his head as he slowly broke down.

“Me too” you replied before tearing your gaze away from him. there was some silence between you both as Jungkook stared at your silently crying form.

“I love you, and I’m sorry” his voice cracked.

With a final longing gaze, he turned around and walked away with heavy footsteps. It was a matter of seconds that once he stepped his foot out of the room, he would be leaving behind the girl he loved and the life you had once dreamed of together.

When you heard the door closing with a soft click, your shoulders dropped. With a shaky sigh, you clenched your eyes shut, unable to contain the flood of emotions any longer.

You began to sob.

And each sob grew louder as seconds passed by, echoing outside the corridors. Jungkook heard the heart wrenching cries, and it took him so much to not stop and run back in to engulf you in his arms.

His eyes, filled with tears, shut tightly, as if closing them could shield him from the reality of the pain he felt. His breathing was ragged, each breath came in shallow, uneven gasps. The sobs that he tried to choke back rose uncontrollably from his chest, shuddering through his body.

He felt a raw ache in his throat, the bitter taste of the partition of your years long of love. He bit his lower lip and clenched his jaw, but the sobs broke free, escaping in rough, broken bursts the further he walked away.

Everything was over.

And despite that, you both knew deep down that a piece of your hearts would forever remain with each other.

𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗘𝗗

@𝗷𝗸𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰

©️

(insta: jeonjkfiles)

i need more of something like these 🥹🥹🥹🥹

when did it end? - park jimin

short and sweet. mild angst. inspired by billie eilish's 'what was i made for?'. dad!jimin au.

my masterlist!

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

jimin had watched his daughter grow up.

her face, round with youth and bright like the sunshine, had changed little in his eyes even though he knew that she wasn’t a baby anymore. in fact, she was exactly the age that you were when he met you, today.

looking at her, laughing with her friends in the living room while he sat at the kitchen counter, he couldn’t help but think back to how life was with you.

days that felt neverending, spent at the beach. wading through the cold water, all year round, even during the freezing winter when you would grumble about how it was way too cold for the sun to work, way too cold for you to tan the way you wanted to. regardless of what you said, he always managed to drag you into the ocean. not that it took too much convincing—he knew, deep down, that you had always been a lover of the sea. just like he was. it was something that had brought the two of you together.

other days, you would go to the cinema like teenagers always did, on first dates, and second dates, and whenever they weren’t sure of where else to go. you were a sucker for horror and even though jimin always had nightmares for days after watching one, he still went with you. anything to make you happy. (even if it traumatised him a bit...)

it had all ended far too fast. not even three months after the birth of your daughter, you were gone. the doctors had done everything they could to save you, but you were gone.

that was sixteen years ago, now. sixteen years ago, jimin had had no idea how he would raise his daughter without you, without his lover, his best friend, his rock.

“dad!”

pulled out of his thoughts, jimin met the gleaming eyes of his clever daughter and smiled, lines creasing at the corners of his eyes. “soomin, what’s wrong?”

“we’re going out,” soomin responded with a bright grin, gesturing at her three friends, who had begun to pack up their things, “i’ll see you tonight. i’m so excited for your cake.”

jimin chuckled, silenced by how deeply her smile reminded him of you. how the way her left cheek dimpled was the way yours had. how her voice was as bright and beautiful as yours had always been.

“stay safe, soominie,” he said, patting her on the head, “i love you.”

she jokingly slapped at his hand for the pat, before heading out the door. jimin was left staring at the door, the house absent of sound.

he wished you were here to see it all.

Age gap

▫️summary: your parents get you forcefully married to a guy who’s eight years older than you. And the problem is he doesn’t know it.

Pairing: doctor Jungkook x female reader

Rating: 13+

Genre: angst

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: deep love stuff, soft romance, hella angsty.

“Have a good night” Jungkook closed the door of his bedroom and sighed exhaustively, leaning his back on the door as he rubbed his face with his hands. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna do now. He opened his eyes and felt a knife against his throat and hands against his mouth. “You let out a single noise and your grave is ready at twent-eight.” You brawl in his ear as his eyes almost popped out in fear. He was particularly screaming silently. “You’re so overdramatic.” You say as he stood there stunned. He joins his hands, asking for forgiveness as you leave his side and make him breathe in terror.

“You’re my wife, how can you do this?!” He started lashing out walking inside the bedroom. “If I can’t kill my step mom. I might kill my husband.” You said monotonously making him choke on water. “What did I do?!” He yells, “you married me. And that’s your fault.” You walk closer to him and lay out the map. “You will help me sneak out.” It was all happening so fast that he glitched. “Hold on. We are married. Husband and wife. Like actually committed to each other.” He danced his hands around trying to explain to you as if you’re a child. “Dude. How can you be so fucking dumb? Isn’t it obvious that I’m saying to run away and I don’t want this committed thingy?”

You say as he scratches his head in confusion. “Then why did you agree to this?” You rolled your eyes and sigh. “I was forced. And I can’t tell how.” The seriousness in your voice made him bite his lower lip. He can’t believe that the first actual conversation with you would be this. “You should‘ve given signs. Or something.” He was heartbroken. Not because of you not wanting this but because he thought he’s doing the right thing although he trusted his parents in the matter. “I wasn’t allowed out of my room. And I’m fucking twenty one how can you agree on marrying me!?”

He let out an audible gasp. “They said you’re twenty six!” You monotonously clap your hands, “congratulations.” He fell onto the bed. “Don’t get traumatised please I still need to go.” You say before you go inside The restroom to remove your wedding dress. Your age was a new piece of information which he wasn’t ready for. “How can she be younger than my sister?” He whispered to himself and held his head.

You exit the washroom with your casual clothes on and walk to the bed. You took the laid-out map and folded it. “It’s okay,I can help myself.” He looked at you. “My life is ruined.” He says as you sigh and turn to him. “So is mine.” You said as he removed his coat making you lower your eyebrows. He threw it aside, took a pillow and screamed. He pulls out his head from the pillow with tense breathing. “I married so I can get over my ex.” You rolled your eyes so hard that you saw your skull. “You proved you’re a man.” He looks at you as you click your tongue. “Be fucking for real man, why would you do this to get over an average girlie?” he wipes his forehead.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I divorce you?” You shake your head instantly. “No no, don’t do that.” You fold your hands and walk around to think. “You help me get out of this household some way, like help me escape.” He licked his bottom lip. “I can do that. But where will you go? You have a place to stay?” You blinked and looked down, slowly shaking your head. “Then how can I just…” he shrugs. You exhaled and sat on his bed. “What about you? Does your family treat you well?” You asked as he sat beside you with a safe distance. “They forced out a medical degree inside of me so…” you chuckled and gaze outside the small window which displayed the full moon. “Why don’t you run away as well?”

He chuckled, “I’ve been away from home for eight years. Two months ago I moved back in to get married.” You nod your head. You’re lost again. You don’t know If there’s an End to this. If you’ll ever get your freedom. “Can you do a job?” You look at him. “What?” He nods his head, “you can work at my hospital. How much have you studied?” He inquired, “high school. Wasn’t allowed after that.” He takes his bottom lip in his teeth. “You can work as a receptionist right?” Your eyes lit up as you nod like a child. “I can!” He hums, “okay then. You can stay with me if you wish until you get enough money to pay rent every month.” You nod your head, “thank you.” You say genuinely as he smiles back. “You’re welcome.”

“If it wasn’t for your urgent work, I would’ve kept my daughter in law as my own daughter.” His mother pinched your cheeks. “It’s not a huge deal, we’re coming back anyway sooner or later.” We’re not. You smile nervously. “Y-yeah. He’s right.” You say as you bid your goodbye and sit in the taxi with your luggage. “Yes yes!” You screeched In excitement.

Your eyes widened at the sight of the hospital. “Woah this is bigger than my neighbourhood. You own this?” You asked as he chuckled. “No, of course not. I work as a lead assistant under my professor. I’m an ophthalmologist.” You blinked, “what’s that?” He points his two fingers at your eyes, “an eye specialist.” You nod in realisation. “Damn, you must be good at reading people.” He chuckled and shook his head, “surprisingly I’m not.” “Hi dr.jeon!” He smiles at the nurse, “hello” he bows as you lower your eyebrows. Everyone seems to know him well. He guided you around and made you sit in the lounge. “Sit here, my friend is coming. He’s in the hiring department.” You nod your head and sit quietly in the luxurious hospital lounge for doctors. Never in your dreams did you think you'd be able to sit at such a place.

“Jeon!” You looked up to see a tall figure running towards your husband while his white coat and id pass flared in the air. He takes Jungkook in a bone crushing hug. “How was the wedding?! And why are you back so early?! Where's my new bestie?! How is your wife!? You?” He asked you as you subconsciously nodded. He sprint beside you, “oh my god, you’re so pretty! I’m Dr.jung Hoseok. Been with Jungkook for five years. What’s your name, pretty?” You smiled shyly, “y/n.” He claps his hand. “You look so young for your age!” His spirit was so high you could fly in the air. ”yeah thanks, I’m twenty one.” You say with a small smile as he halts and drops his smile.

“You’re what?” He blinked and removed his glasses. “You’re twenty one?!” The spirit might start burning you. He scratches his head and walks to Jungkook. “You were into young girls? I never knew..” Jungkook inhaled in temper, “jung Hoseok. Hear me out.” Hoseok scratched his upper lip gently. “Yeah you must explain your creepy ass.”

“Done. Think as If your work is done. It will maximally take me a week.” Hoseok says as he slurps his noodles. “I’ll try my best to get you as high a salary as I can. But the most you can get is around five hundred dollars a month.” Your eyes showed dollar signs. “That’s more than enough! Just get a job, I’m okay with anything.” He cracks a smile, “that’s good then. Good luck, I’ll get going now.” You smiled sweetly at Hoseok and waved him goodbye. “Come on, let’s get you home.” Jungkook offers, standing up and wearing his coat as you stood up as well. Seoul is big, Seoul is pretty. It’s just that breathing is tough here. Beautiful people, beautiful architecture. It’s your first time here and it’s marvellous. Jungkook scans his card and enters his passcode while opening his front door.

It’s a really small apartment. “It’s so small.” He scratched his head, “wellll, try to fit in? Rent prices are crazy here, and I was alone. So I find this the most suitable for me, I almost don’t come home often so you can be pretty comfortable here.” You look at him, “why?” He plops on his bed. “Because I’m really busy. Most of my nights in the early days were spent in icu. Gladly I come here at night to sleep and leave at eight. So you have enough time to be comfortable.” You nod and drop your bag at the corner. “Is this a washroom?” You asked as he nodded. You went there to freshen up as he ordered some food through his phone. He also opens up the curtains and windows to let the air in. You come out and your eyes wide enough to tear. “This is so pretty!” You say walking to the almost full size windows.

“Ah yes.” Jungkook says laying down while staring at the white ceiling. “The landlord made me pay a hundred dollars more for this. Especially for the view.” He slightly scoffed as his doorbell rang. “The food is here.” And you spent your evening slurping black bean noodles. And within a few days you get your own hospital pass as a worker. That was the best day of your life yet. You felt so independent all because of Jungkook. You don’t think you can possibly ever thank him enough. You started going to the hospital daily and received your first paycheck. Hoseok and Jungkook helped you a lot in that. The first thing you did was give both of them a dinner treat. You also paid a small amount to Jungkook to add in the monthly rent.

You made new friends slowly, everyone is nice and friendly and very welcoming. Everything was nice except one thing. You never heard Jungkook say anything about your divorce in fact, he dodged the topic multiple times. You place the envelope on the kitchen counter, “add this in the rent.” He shakes his head, mixing something in his bowl “I told you before, you don’t have to do all this. You’re my wife.” You sighed, “I won’t from next month. I’m moving out. And, please get us divorce papers.” You say as he stops and looks up at you through his bangs. “Why are you moving out? And you didn’t even tell me?” “I did just now.” He shakes his head. “What do you mean, Jungkook?”

He removed his gloves and washed his hands. “What’s the point of moving out? We can get a big apartment if this feels small.” You lowered your eyebrows, “what? You want me to stay with you forever? Like a real partner would?” He thinks for a moment. “Maybe.” He himself is unsure of the answer making you scoff. “No, like, isn’t it better? We’re splitting In everything. We will eventually get pretty comfortable with each other and life will be good!” You can't believe your ears. “Eventually not willingly. Just because you helped me, which I’m very grateful for, doesn’t mean I’ll do as you say. In Fact that’s the reason I wanted to leave.” There’s tears in your eyes.

He deep down got the point but doesn’t want to admit it. It makes his heart heavy, you’re such a nice person and he might not be the one for you at all. “Can’t I just see you grow?” You shake your head. “You possibly can’t. I've been here for two months with you, and you already seem to get attached. If I stay longer, I won’t feel that good.” He lowered his lashes, how are you supposed to tell if he’s attached or is he in love? “Fine. Good luck on your journey, I’ll find a way out of my situation and try to help you as much as I can.” He forcefully smiled.

Years later, when Dr.jeon Jungkook; Head opthamologist in Seoul hospital, is sitting on a hill in jeju. He finds out he was in fact in love with his ex-wife. Not the kind of love to which he’d send cliche confessing texts. But the kind of love and adoration of seeing someone grow, seeing someone become close to him. Being a part of their journey. He smiled as light air kissed his skin. The sun peeking as it dissolves in the sea ahead of him. He has believed his whole life that you were right. He was just attached to you, being around you and your presence. But his heart still flutters whenever he hears good news about you.

Recently he got to know you’ve got a boyfriend and he smiled so wide hearing that. It's the kind of love he’ll never let go of. Even when he is in his eighties, with wrinkled skin and low deficiency of hearing. When his grandchildren are messing with his stuff, He’d still smile wide hearing you’ve lived another year.

Life’s been good to him. And he hopes it’s good with you too. And he also hopes you experience the kind of love he has with you. It’s good. Real good. And it taught him quite a few things. He takes a Polaroid of the setting sun and sticks to his journal.

‘I love you. Just like how the sea loves the sun. Watching it rise and fall. Pushing it up and drinking it down. Every evening, and never getting tired of it. I’ll never get tired of you, and I’m so proud of you.’

#jeju22

😭😭😭😭

all too well | epilogue

↳ 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | epilogue

summary: you and Yoongi shared a loving relationship with one another until you both agreed to end things and pursue your separate careers. but two years later, Yoongi is a member of the ever growing Bangtan Boys, and you are a new makeup artist for their upcoming tour.

pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

genre: idol au, makeup artist au, exes au | angst/smut

warnings: the end, that’s all folks <3 thank you for sticking through until the end! 

word count: 3k

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(THREE YEARS LATER)

You always took the saying ‘all good things must come to an end’ in application to lots of different stages of your life and lots of different circumstances. While endings always make you sad, you constantly tried to think of it more as a springboard effect towards bigger and better things that would surely be thrust upon into your life. You made sure to put 110% of your effort into everything you did and every little challenge that presented itself into your life. You liked to believe that the way you handled certain events and situations were always important to changing the course of your life, and every decision you made was conjured up for a reason.

Keep reading

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who knows his mistake was falling in love with you, but would do it again if you gave him a second chance. and it was just a second chance that he asked, that he begged. let Jungkook make the same mistakes. let Jungkook learn from his mistakes. let Jungkook love one more time so he can stop being in love with you. Jungkook was full of devotion, an ocean of pure love ran inside him desperately looking for a beach where he could delight and calm all the turmoil that existed inside him. just one more time. just one more kiss. just one more touch. just another chance was all Jungkook asked for because, even though his downfall was rooted in his devotion, Jungkook knew nothing more than loving you. it was a reality for Jungkook for years, an eternal life, and it was all he knew — let him live his life once again, that was all Jungkook asked for. “i should have seen this ending coming for myself, but it never stopped me from loving you. i allowed myself to feel because i knew you would never leave me. so why did you leave? why don’t you come back to me?”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who has a table full of bouquets of flowers that he never gave you. Jungkook could never get rid of that annoying habit of buying you flowers whenever a day was more beautiful or a special date was approaching — it had been a constant in Jungkook’s life to offer you several bouquets of flowers. there was always love in the bright colors of the flowers, a little understanding in some branches, complete fascination in the various leaves and all the flowers, all the bouquets, contained much more than Jungkook’s love. the bouquets had hope blossoming between the many petals; hope for a repeated past, hope for an altered present, hope for a future with you. but, no matter how colorful the bouquets were, no matter how bright the flowers were, they all had the same fate when bought by Jungkook; without any support or water, Jungkook just placed the bouquets on the table, looking at them with regret, hating himself a little for having succumbed to that habit of his that was only born with you. and the bouquets piled up. and Jungkook didn’t throw away the bouquets. there, on that table adorned with the destruction of his love, lay all of Jungkook’s devotion, a withered devotion that had no one as the object of its desires. “today i bought you a bouquet again. i just wanted to tell you that i bought your favorite flowers. they will always be here waiting for you. please, come and get them when you can.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who feels his heart break every time he hears news about you. it was as if every word about you was loaded with sharp daggers that stabbed heavily into Jungkook’s heart and made him bleed tears of longing and hurt. hearing any information about you destroyed Jungkook. you got your promotion? you didn’t celebrate with him. you adopted a new cat? you didn’t ask Jungkook for name suggestions. you were okay? how could you be okay if Jungkook felt smaller and smaller, breaking into insignificant fragments that scattered wherever Jungkook passed in hopes of finding you and clinging to you? how could you be happy when Jungkook counted all the stars at night in hopes of one of them granting his wish for you to return to him? each piece of news burned hotter than the next, Jungkook’s small, fragile heart turning to paper, burning with the flames of insignificance and neglect — so much news about you and none about how much you missed Jungkook. “i heard you finally managed to buy the house you wanted. it’s still strange to imagine you in a house different than mine, but i want you to know that i’m really happy for you.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who swears his lips were dry with all the words he didn’t get to say to you. Jungkook couldn’t remember the last time he felt like his lips were his — since the beginning of time it was clear that Jungkook’s sweet lips belonged to you; every word Jungkook said was adorned with your smiles and sweet laughs; every song Jungkook recited was framed with your beauty and essence; all the kisses Jungkook gave you were star-lit, all the constellations creating stories about you. for years, Jungkook’s lips belonged to you — now that you were gone, you’ve stopped taking care of them. your negligence appeared in rough form on Jungkook’s lips, no amount of lip balm being able to replace the lack you did to them. slowly, Jungkook’s lips were forgetting about you, getting rid of the skin you once touched, pushing with it all the words Jungkook liked to have said to you. “i love you and i want a life with you. i don’t think i can handle a life without you by my side. please stay.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who stops sleeping because he can’t bear to dream about anything other than you. between sleepless nights and random dreams, Jungkook always chose to spend his nights sitting on the couch with the television on, his eyes staring but his mind running through memories and scenarios of when those restless nights were shared with you. how could Jungkook dream about anything if he only wanted you? he didn’t have any control over his dreams — he wanted to dream about you, but Jungkook knew he didn’t control his mind and he preferred to forbid his brain from creating any comfort for his heart rather than live experiences not worth living, just because there was no you.

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who burns all the memories he has with you in the hope of being able to forget you. all the photos that had a touch of your magic were deleted from his cell phone, but not before printing them and throwing them in the fire; all the letters you exchanged with Jungkook when he traveled the world were thrown into the fire without a second thought; all the tickets to the movies you went were consumed by the hot flames of a fire of revolt and devastation. standing in front of the fire, seeing his entire life reduced to the same ashes that dusted his heart, Jungkook was static, no emotion behind his eyes glazed over in the fire; seeing the flames dancing, consuming everything he was, Jungkook could onl—

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who stopped loving all the details about himself that made you fall in love with him — if you had stopped loving Jungkook, why would he love himself?