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“you drew stars around my scars”

pairing: experimented on! jungkook x experimented on! reader

powers au!, childhood besties au!, patients au!

genre: angst, fluff, sfw

wc: 5.9k

synopsis: meeting jungkook was like gazing up at the brightest star in the sky as you lay helpless on the cold ground in the dark night. you both found comfort in one another. you healed each other as you suffered through painful experiments together. the pain was bearable, with him by your side. whenever he was around, your smiles were brighter, your shoulders were lighter, and all your worries just seemed to disappear in an instant. good things don’t last though. you learned that the hard way.

OR

jungkook and y/n meet in the hospital both trying to be cured of their ‘disease’ (they have powers :O) and form memories along the way <3

tw: experiments on human (not detailed though), scars, gun

*inspired by ‘cardigan’ by taylor swift: “you drew stars around my scars” pls listen to it while u read this 🥹🥹(A/N: GONNA BE FIGHTING HARD FOR TICKETS TO ERAS TOUR THIS WEEK SO I WROTE THIS HOPING TO MANIFEST SOME TICKETS😭🙏🙏)

——

13 june, 2005

You monitored the pale, white room around you. White bed. White cupboard. White walls. You sighed in frustration. Your rainbow obsessed 7 year old brain screamed at you to add some colour to the walls. Note to self: Bring crayons to colour walls next time.

“Please…I will take care of her… don’t do this…”

Hearing the small familiar voice of your mother, your eyes lit up, and you climbed onto your white bed, propping your elbows onto the tiny window frame in the small room, peeking your small head out as you stared curiously into the other room. Your mother talking to a man in a white coat. They were having a serious conversation, and your mother seemed like she was about to cry. Why is mommy crying? Is she hurt? You thought to yourself, immediately jumping off the bed and running to the room next door to find your mother and comfort her.

The moment you entered the room your mother was in, you noticed she instantly wiped her tears away, trying to hide her tears from you.

“Hey sweetie, you like the room?” She plastered a smile on her face as she looked endearingly at you.

“It was alright. It could have more colour though. Next time I should bring my crayons and draw Bibi on it!” You let out a huge smile at the thought of Bibi, showing off your missing front tooth. Bibi was your imaginary friend. Picture a golden retriever, but covered in rainbows. Making friends were not exactly your specialty. For some reason, everyone called you a freak and did not want to talk to you, all because you were able to move things with your mind. And so you found comfort in your imaginary friend Bibi instead. He was the only one who understood you.

“Hey sweetheart, you’ll be staying here for a while, ok? It’s to make you better. Don’t worry, mommy will come back to visit when I can.” You could tell your mother was holding back her tears. It was the same face she made when daddy screamed at her and left us, or when she received a call that grandma died.

“W-why can’t mommy stay with me?” You felt tears brimming at your eyes as a sinking feeling appeared in your heart. You could feel that something bad was happening.

“Y/n, you are a danger to your mother. You need to stay here to get better-“ The doctor in the coat was cut off as I screamed out loud.

“NO! I WANT MY MOMMY! IM NOT GOING TO STAY HERE!” Your tears were overwhelming you as more people stomped into the room, grabbing your mother’s arms as she tried to grab you into her embrace. She had released her tears by now, sobbing uncontrollably. The people who stomped into the room grabbed her arms harshly, dragging her away from me and out of the door.

You felt your arms being pulled back by the doctor as you tried reaching out for your mother. You let out a frustrated scream, as your emotions ran rampage. The room around you started to shake and you unintentionally slammed everyone in the room against the hard wall — including your mother. Everyone except you fell hard to the ground as they hit the wall, all groaning in pain. You looked at your mother apologetically, then looked at your own hands in disgust. What have I done?

Your mother looks at you with one last glance, glossy eyes as she mouths to you ‘It’s ok, i love you’ The security people, as if unphased from the hit, immediately got up, containing their job as they dragged your mother forcefully out of the room. You didn’t dare to stop them. Not after what you did. You knew you were a monster.

“Do you see now, y/n? You’re a danger to everyone. If you want to be fixed, you will do the wise choice of cooperating with us so you can see your mother again.” The doctor got up slowly, looking at you with a cunning smile.

You gulped. You were scared. So, so scared and lonely. But you knew you had to do this. You had to get better. You had to make your mom proud. So you bravely nodded, agreeing to stay at the facility to get help.

—

2006

You never saw your mother again after that incident. You were unsure if she chose not to see you again because she thought you were a monster or if she was not allowed to visit you, but you sure hoped it was the latter.

You grew accustomed to the lifestyle. Everyday, your morning would be filled with ‘recreational activities’ like playing chess, but having to move the pieces with your mind, or doing basic commands with your powers that the doctors made you do. Afternoons were the worst. They would strap you into the terrifying pink chair in the ‘rainbow room’ and conduct experiments on your brain. For a room called ‘rainbow room’, it was certainly not full of rainbows. You would have to sit through hours of excruciating pain as the voices in your head overwhelmed you. There were so many needles, blood. But there was nothing you could do. None of the doctors cared for you. You had no one.

As time passed, you started getting used to the lifestyle. The food wasn’t bad, you had a chef that would make what you wanted, and servants that would get you what want. The only issue was the loneliness. You realised you were the only patient at the facility. Nobody ever talked to you. The guards, doctors and servants were not allowed to form a relationship with you. You had no one to talk to — except Bibi. But you knew Bibi wasn’t real. You weren’t a kid anymore - you had matured quickly from having to face the bitter reality. Bibi was merely your coping mechanism from the horrors of your daily life.

That was until he came along.

On 13 June, 2006, Jeon Jungkook, a 9 year old boy, was admitted into your facility exactly a year after your admittance. You were excited when you heard the news. You would finally have someone to talk to, someone to share your pain and to hang out with — a friend. Sadly, you did not hit it off as well as you expected it to. Jungkook was a shy, frightened boy, slightly shorter than you, eyes red and puffy probably from the amount of times he cried after being separated from his family. You felt for him. You were in the exact same situation as him a year ago, and you understood that he needed some private time to heal himself. He was definitely not in the mood for making friends. So you kept your distance for a while, not wanting to seem too desperate.

Until the night of his first experience in the ‘rainbow room’. You laid on your bed, reading the same book for the thousandth time as you sighed in boredom. Until you heard a sniffle in the hallway.

Curious, you stepped out of your room, not shocked to see Jungkook crouching into a little ball in the hallway outside his room, crying quietly. You could see the deep scars left on his left arm, the same ones you get daily from the experiments. You crouch down beside him softly, hesitantly patting his back as you tried to comfort him wordlessly. At first, he looked tense and uncomfortable at your touch, but he slowly eased into it as he saw the same scars on your arms. You inched closer to him, giving him a warm embrace as you cried together with him.

After that night, the two of you became closer. He realised that you were just like him. That he was not alone in his painful journey. And so started your friendship with Jungkook.

You soon realised Jungkook was more than a shy, frightened boy. He could be playful and kind at times, and he quickly became your close friend — more like only friend.

He painted your bleak childhood colourful with memories and fun moments. The two of you would make inside jokes about the staff there, laughing at how they always wore the same clothes and probably didn’t wash them, and joke over stupid things like whose powers were stronger or who was taller.

Yet despite all the jokes, the two of you placed deep trust in one another, comforting each other when the experiments got too harsh and painful, convincing each other that it would end some day. Mornings and afternoons of playfulness and fun ended in late nights of cuddling and crying together. This lifestyle became a norm for the two of you. But still it was tolerable, because you had each other.

—

2010

“Y/n, look what I found!” Jungkook ran into your room with a big, smug toothy grin on his face, hiding something behind his back.

“Did you finally find out where your room actually is? Because I’m starting to think you don’t know that since you’re always in my room.” You rolled your eyes playfully as you pretended not to be interested in what he actually brought.

His smile faltered for a second, processing your words, before he faked an angry frown, and pounced onto your bed that you were laying on, tickling you as revenge.

“Ok stop,” you giggled, “I was just kidding, tell me what you brought.” He finally stopped tickling you, pulling something from under his shirt behind his back, as he excitedly presented it to you.

You jaw dropped in shock as you immediately snatched it from his hand, staring at it in disbelief.

“That’s right! A full set of rainbow coloured crayons just for you!” Jungkook beamed with pride.

It was only the previous night that you admitted your obsession with rainbows to him, telling him stories about Bibi, and sharing about how you wished you could colour your room walls. You’ve been begging the workers for some sort of colour since you’ve arrived, but they never met your requests, saying that it was too “childish”. You couldn’t help but wonder how Jungkook managed to get it.

“I bet Bibi could have never gotten this for you, it just proved I’m a much better friend than him!”

You laughed at Jungkook’s statement. After telling him about Bibi, he had been so jealous that you had another friend other than him, even though you repeatedly told him numerous times that Bibi was an imaginary friend. However, you didn’t admit that you hadn’t talked to Bibi in a long time since you’d made friends with Jungkook. That would make his pride swell too much.

“How did you get it? The workers never ever let me get anything like this!” You were still in disbelief.

“Well, doctor choi has been wanting to do the new form of experiment on me since a few weeks back, and he said he would reward me with anything I wanted if I did it! So since I’m the bravest and coolest person ever, I did it today!” Jungkook said with a smug smile.

You frowned when you heard what he said. For the past few weeks, Jungkook had opposed greatly to doing the new format of experiments, since it was on a much larger scale than the previous experiments we had done. Our previous experiments usually ended in scars on our arms, but this new experiment was performed on the whole body. Jungkook had protested against it, because he was too afraid of needles. He had always been less receptive to pain than you. But why did he suddenly agree to do it today?

You looked down on Jungkook’s body, noticing new scars that were on his legs. He quickly tried covering them, saying, “It’s no big deal! It wasn’t even painful!”

You knew it had to be painful. The size of the scarring were just much larger than the usual. You pouted in guilt, hugging Jungkook tightly, “You didn’t have to do that! I bet it hurt so bad!”

“It’s fine, I just wanted to do something for you after all you’ve done for me…” He looked at you, face blushing slightly from your close proximity.

That night, the two of you didn’t sleep, colouring the plain walls with the crayons until dawn broke.

“Pfff. What is that supposed to be?” Jungkook muffled his laughter when he turned to see what you were drawing.

Frowning, you exclaimed, “It’s the galaxy! These are all the planets and all my beautiful stars!”

“Those are supposed to be stars?! They’re so ugly!” Jungkook joked with you.

You threw one of the crayons in his face, ignoring his comments. You didn’t care how ugly your drawing was, you loved seeing the sky and stars shining. Especially the stars. Stars were your favourite thing. Before you came here, you and your mother went stargazing every week, staring into the beautiful sky. Even though you probably would never be able to see them again since you weren’t allowed out of the building, you still held on to the hope that maybe one day you could have that chance again.

You stared at your galaxy for a while before turning over to Jungkook’s side to see what he was drawing.

You were shocked to realise that he was a much better artist than you. You inched closer to his side, smiling when you realised what he drew. A portrait of you and him together, on a lush green field, staring up into a sky full of stars. Although you never told him directly about your love for stars, you realised he must have guessed it from all the times you talked about them and tried drawing them. Your felt your heart beat a little bit faster at the thought of Jungkook being so attentive to your likes.

Your eyes trailed down to below the beautiful drawing to see a small writing below.

‘Y/n and Jungkook together forever!’

—

2015

As the years ticked by quickly, Jungkook started growing from a boy into a man. Once he hit puberty, he shot up like a tree and grew muscles. His featured became more defined and he grew out of his baby fat. You noticed that as Jungkook turned into a teenager, he had also turned more rebellious towards the workers, always unwilling to follow through their instructions and ending up getting punished. Yet he still stayed kind and sweet towards you, acting like the same 10 year old boy when he’s around you.

“One more time and we will not tolerate this anymore! You got it?”

Hearing the faint voice of doctor choi, you quietly get up from your bed and run to your door, peeking out softly, looking in the hallway.

Doctor Choi stood outside of Jungkook’s room in anger, scolding him. You could barely see Jungkook from your angle, only seeing half of his body.

“Ya, ya whatever. I won’t do it again.” Jungkook rolled his eyes and then slammed the door in Doctor Choi’s face, resulting in Doctor Choi stomping away in anger.

When you were sure Doctor Choi was out of sight, you quietly tip toed to Jungkook’s room, knocking on his door impatiently.

“What more do you want? I-“ Jungkook opened the door, annoyed.

When he saw you, he paused and his eyes softened.

“What did you do again? I was so worried when I couldn’t find you this morning! You have to start being more careful! These people have power over our entire lives! You can’t just act recklessly like this!” You immediately pushed past him and entered his room, sitting on his bed, as you looked at him angrily.

He carried a childishly guilty look, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“I didn’t do anything bad! I just kind of sneaked out…”

“What!?? You tried sneaking out again?? Are you crazy? You could get into serious trouble-“

“I didn’t try, I did sneak out. I succeeded.” He said with a smug smirk on his face.

You paused your words in shock.

“Wait what? You sneaked out? Whats outside? Did you see the sky? How did you sneak out?” You bombarded him with questions.

He chickled slightly, sitting beside you in the bed.

“Chill, it’s mostly just greenery. But I found a really nice spot. I’ll take you there tonight.” He smiled gently at you.

You don’t know why you agreed with Jungkook’s ridiculous rebellious plan, but the thought of even a chance of being able to see the night sky again was just too tempting.

So now you and Jungkook were currently hiding in the vents, waiting for the right time to sneak out when nobody was looking. You sat rolled up in a circle beside Jungkook who looked noticeably more uncomfortable than you due to his size. The two of you were inches away from each other and you could feel your face heating up at the close proximity.

“This is really uncomfortable.” You muttered in the awkwardness.

He chuckled stating that it would be worth it.

Sure enough, he was right, as he usually was. When the workers were not looking, he quickly dragged you out of the vent as the two of you ran as quickly and quietly as you could to the spot he was talking about.

“Don’t open your eyes!” Jungkook placed his large hands over your eyes excitedly as he led you quietly to the spot.

You followed him blindly, placing your trust in him.

“OK! Open your eyes now!” You could hear the smile in his voice, excitedly opening your eyes.

When you peeled your eyes open, you stayed silent, in awe at the view you saw. The sky was pitch black, but the bright stars around twinkled in the dark. You felt like crying. You’ve been longing for this view for years. And now that you could see it in real life you didn’t know how to feel.

“I-It’s not the best view but I thought you would like it.” Jungkook said with a shy smile.

“It’s beautiful, Jungkook! I love it so much.” You were on the verge of tears, throwing yourself onto him as you embraced him tightly in gratitude.

You could feel him sigh in relief, hugging you back just as tightly.

“I’m glad you love it.”

The two of you sat on the field in silence, staring at the sky in awe. From your peripheral view, you noticed that Jungkook was looking at you the whole time.

“You should take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You joked with him as you turned to him momentarily.

“I really wish I could.” He replied.

You kept quietly, not expecting that response. The two of you stayed quiet for a while before you broke the silence.

“My mom used to bring me out to star gaze every week… I miss her so much.”

Jungkook looked at you in slight shock, not knowing how to reply. Though the two of you shared everything with each other, parents were not a topic you commonly discussed as it was pretty sensitive.

As silence engulfed the two of you again, you asked Jungkook, “Do you want a family when you grow up?”

“Yes, but only with the woman I love.” He stared intensely at you.

You looked back into his eyes, not knowing how to reply.

“Y/n, you are the one I lo-“

You cut him off quickly, pressing your finger onto his lips.

“Please don’t, I don’t think I can handle that.” You say apologetically, “I don’t deserve to be loved. My scars, they’re too ugly. I- I’m ugly. I don’t deserve love.” Your tears fumbled your words.

Jungkook’s eyebrows fumbled, his strong arms grabbing your arms gently, relentlessly pulling it towards him even as you tried your best to pull it away. He gently looked at your scars, rubbing onto them as he pulled them to his lips and kissed them gently.

“They’re beautiful y/n, everything about you is beautiful.”

Your tears started pouring as Jungkook looked at you with so much love and affection, kissing your ugly scars with so much care as if they were the most beautiful thing in the world.

“No they’re not, I can’t even look at them. It hurts, Jungkook. I hate everything about myself.” You leaned your head on his shoulders as you cried harder.

Jungkook hesitated for a moment, before grabbing something out from his pocket.

You almost laughed amidst your tears when you saw what he took out. A pink crayon. You remember giving that to him because you refused to use that colour in your drawings, stating that you hated that colour. (mostly because it was the colour of the chair in the rainbow room) As years passed and your crayons were used up, you never knew he had kept that crayon until this day, keeping it in his pocket like that.

You kept quiet as you watched him curiously. He grabbed your arms gently, drawing cute little stars around them.

“Look, now your arm is a cute little galaxy. It’s even more beautiful than the sky up there.” He smiled gently at you.

Looking at your arm now, you chuckled slightly as it did slightly resemble the universe above you. Jungkook used his fingers to wipe away the tears below your eyes.

“Since I kissed your scars, don’t you think you should kiss mine too?” He smirked.

You laughed, tears dissipating as you bent down and kissed the scars on his arm as well. You grabbed the pink crayon, drawing stars around his scars as well. You frowned when you realise his little universe didn’t look nearly as nice as yours.

“Wow you’re trying to make my scars uglier with your ugly stars.” He teased you.

This time, instead of throwing the crayon into his faces, you smiled endearingly as you leaned your head onto his chest, savouring as much as you could of this sweet moment.

“Jungkook… sorry for cutting you off just now. In fact, I-I actually love-“

Just as you were about to confess, you were suddenly interrupted.

“Jeon Jungkook! I told you no more sneaking out! This is it! You will be punished! Grab her!”

You felt yourself being pulled away from Jungkook’s side as two strong men grabbed both sides of your arms.

“Let go of me!” You tried pushing yourself off and using your powers but you were too weak after the experiments this week.

“Stop! Let go of her now!”

You’ve never seen Jungkook this mad before. Jungkook used his powers, twisting the heads of the two men holding you, making them crumble on the floor with blood gushing out of their eyes. You looked at Jungkook in shock.

Before you could run away, more men appeared, grabbing you once again, other men grabbing onto Jungkook.

At this point, you were a sobbing mess and the both of you were unable to escape since Jungkook’s powers were too weak from attacking the two men.

Jungkook was fuming, struggling in the grip of the two men, as he repeatedly shouted, “Don’t hurt her! Please! Let her go!”

You could feel yourself getting weaker as the men holding you placed a device onto your arm, draining your energy.

“This is your punishment, Jungkook. You’ll never see her again.”

That was the last thing you heard before you blacked out.

——

2016

You barely saw Jungkook again after that. They moved his room into another wing, and held his experiments elsewhere. You were back to 2005, lonely and depressed.

The only times you heard of Jungkook were through overhearing gossips from the workers.

“He caused a ruckus again, asking to see y/n. “

Your heart ached, longing to see him once again as well, and also concerned that he would be punished for being uncooperative.

You started focusing more on following the doctor’s instructions, with the hope that you could rid of your powers quickly so you could be released together with Jungkook. You were starting to see hope, everyday your powers were slightly diminishing and becoming weaker as you focused diligently during your experiments. Although as your powers grew weaker, you noticed you were becoming weaker as well. You’d lost a bit of weight and strength. But that didn’t falter you. You were too determined on losing your powers and escaping the facility.

Every morning, you would wake up to the fading drawing of you and Jungkook together watching the sky, bringing you back to the memory of that cursed night. Nights ended with you daydreaming on what could have been if you guys weren’t separated. You just wished you could have seen him one more time.

You didn’t know that your wish would have came true so soon.

It was 2am at night. You were lying on your bed, staring at the stars you had drawn on your ceiling with the crayons Jungkook gave years back. When someone entered your room quietly.

“Y/n, I have no time to explain. You have to come with me now.”

You looked up, shocked at the familiar voice. Sure enough, it was Jungkook in the flesh. He had an anxious look on his face, as if he was in a rush.

“W-what? How?” You didn’t know how to react after seeing him for the first time in so long. He looked the same from the last time you met him, except he grew buffer and more handsome. You looked at his arms, realising he still had pink stars that looked like the ones you drew around his scars. You assumed that he had traced over the stars when they started to fade so that they would stay intact. You let out a small smile at that.

He grabbed your wrist tightly, dragging you out of your room in a rush as he kept looking around for workers. You were still in a state of shock, unable to say a word as you followed him. When he was sure no one was in the hallway, he dragged you into the janitors room, closing the door.

He turned to you, glossy eyes looking at you as if you were the only thing that mattered in his life.

“I missed you so much.”

“Me too.”

The two of you stood in silence for a few seconds until Jungkook remembered why he came to find you.

“Look, y/n, we have a chance to escape. No, we need to escape. I found out something about the facility here. They have no plans to actually cure us, they can’t. They plan to have us stay here forever, to contain us and weaken us so we can’t escape. They’re afraid of us, y/n. And they can kill us at any time. They couldn’t kill us previously because the government did not allow it with the public watching. But with time passing, I overheard them saying that the public is forgetting and the government gave them the green light to kill us anytime we prove we’re a threat. We need to go, y/n.”

You knew this time it wasn’t a joke. Jungkook had never put on such a serious face before, and you could only nod at whatever he was saying. It was weird, the way you trusted him so easily. But he was the only person in your life who ever truly understood you and supported you. Maybe that was why you agreed to easily to whatever he said.

“W-when do we leave?” Your mind was still confused at how fast things were escalating. A moment ago you were just about to fall asleep, and now you were about to escape from the only place you’ve been in for the past few years of your life.

“Now.”

You followed him quietly as the two of you entered the vent you’d once been in. Memories of that horrible day came into your mind, but you pushed them away. Despite having an inkling that something about his plan could go wrong, you tried ignoring that thought, hoping it would be a success and that the two of you could actually leave together.

The two of you crawled through the vent, going a different route from the previous time. When he stopped abruptly, you stopped as well, waiting for his instructions. Looking down from the vent through the tiny holes, you realised you were above the main entrance of the building, the same entrance you and your mother had walked through the first time you entered.

You held your breath at the memory of that day. You hadn’t seen this door since that day in 2005 since it was always blocked off by guards and lots of protection. You felt heartbeat increase, maybe there really was hope at an escape.

“Ok on my signal you follow me and jump down, alright?” Jungkook turned around to look at you as he whispered. You nodded determinedly in response.

When Jungkook mouthed the word ‘now’ to you, he kicked off an opening on the vent and jumped down onto the floor as you followed along. As you jumped down, you stumbled slightly, but Jungkook caught you, steadying you with his arms.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” The guards, who had been on break took notice of us and ran after us from a few meters away.

“Run!”

Jungkook grabbed your arm tightly, pulling you along with him as the two of you ran for your lives out of the building.

As you ran, you started panicking as all you could see around you were greenery. But then hope came again when you could see a town with people and buildings in the far distance. There was a chance the two of you could make it.

You ran harder, locking hands with Jungkook as you both ran towards the town.

Bang!

The sound of the gunshot resonated through the forest. You didn’t feel any pain. But that made you feel worse. Because you knew it was Jungkook that had been shot.

“Shit…” Jungkook groaned in pain as he grabbed onto his stomach, blood gushing out.

Despite the pain, he didn’t give up, dragging you to a blind spot in the forest behind a tree where no one could see the two of you.

You placed him gently on the floor as tears flowed down your eyes uncontrollably.

“No…no, please…” You muttered as you tried putting pressure on the wound.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Go. Go without me.” He said with little energy.

“No! No… I’m not leaving you here.” At this point you could barely see anything, everything blurred from your tears.

“You have to go now y/n… please… I love you so much…” He said with tears.

“Sorry, y/n, I didn’t want to show you my new power this way, but I have no choice.” He said weakly.

You were confused for a moment, until he grabbed onto your arm and said, “You will run as fast as you can to the town there and not look back once. And you will never ever return to this place.”

Instantaneously after his command, your legs stood up without your will and ran towards the town.

“W-wait! Jungkook! I love you! Stop this now! Please! I’m begging you!”

Your words were no use, your legs following Jungkook’s command as you couldn’t even look back to give a final glance at him.

When you reached the town, you broke down on the street immediately, wanting to run back to help him, but you physically couldn’t.

2018

Healing was hard. Especially without Jungkook. But eventually you moved on, like you always do. After escaping, you found a small job as a cashier at a convenience store, becoming close friends with the old grandma who owned the store. Your income was not a lot, but it was enough for three meals a day and rent for a small apartment. You went on that way for about 2 years, until realising you were too lonely and needed a new companion. And so you adopted an 8 year old golden retriever who had previously been used for animal testing. The moment you saw the scars on his frail little body, you broke down and sobbed at the adoption drive in front of dozens of people. You knew at that moment that he was yours. You named him Jeon Bibi.

—

13 June, 2020

“Jeon Bibi! The park is this way, where are you bringing me to?” You chuckled at your dog’s cute behaviour as he excitedly dragged you away to the opposite direction of the park you usually walked to.

“Ok, ok you’re the boss, i’ll follow you.” You smile affectionally at him as you trail behind him, curious to find out where he was bringing you to.

When Bibi came to an abrupt stop, you realised that he stopped behind the tall silhouette of a man’s back. You looked up curiously at the man, wondering why Bibi brought you to him. The man whipped around when he felt Bibi sniffing his hands.

You felt your breath hitch as the familiar man turned around, staring deeply into your eyes. For a moment, time stopped. Your eyes turned glossy as years of memories flashed passed your mind in an instant, the walls you’ve built around your heart demolishing in a split second. Your eyes trailed from his slightly longer, curlier black hair down to his large brown doe eyes, and to his pink lips, adorning a new lip piercing. You brought your eyes down to his body, noticing he became even buffer and taller. Then your eyes reached his arms and you felt your heart stop, looking at the scars that you once rubbed, kissed, newly decorated by familiar stars that were now permanently inked onto his skin.

He seemed equally shocked as he stared at you, tears brimming his widened eyes.

You both didn’t move an inch, staring into each other’s eyes. You were the first to break the silence.

“I thought you said my stars were ugly.”

He broke into laughter amidst his tears at the fact that that was your first comment after meeting him. You could feel your heart squeeze at his laughter. God, you missed him so, so much. You found yourself laughing along to his contagious laughter. For a moment, it felt like the two of you were 10 again, laughing without any worries.

“Y/n, everything about you is beautiful, even your ugly stars.” He ceased his laughter, small smile on his face as he looked at you intensely, years of memories hidden behind those eyes.

He paused for a second, hesitating before confessing.

“Y/n, I love yo-“

Before he could finish, you cut him off by taking a step closer to him and smashing your lips against his. He instantly melted into the kiss, grabbing you tightly, scared you would be separated again. You hugged him back tighter, reassuring him that the two of you would stay together forever.

After all, he was your star, your salvation, the one who made you love your scars, the one taught you acceptance and love, the one who made living worth it.

A/N: I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭Ifeel so attached to them i cant do this rn i’m so sad. if u don’t understand the last part basically he REMEMBERED THE SHAPE OF HER STARS AND GOT A TATTOO OF THEM EVEN THOUGH HE HATES NEEDLES OK 😭😭😭😭ok but actually this piece was a bit of a rush since i wanted to quickly post it before my great war so it may be a bit incomplete at parts ANYWAYS PRAY FOR MY GREAT TICKETING WAR TMR🙏🙏THANKS LOVELIES FOR READING and do give comments if u can because i love reading feedback <3

i really need jungkook in my life 🙁

boyfriend drabbles (pt.33)

pairing: jungkook x oc

summary: the one where you and jungkook celebrate christmas, and you get a tiny bit jealous

word count: 1.4k+

masterlist

 sometimes you curse the universe for intoxicating you, making you become addicted to him like a drug. every moment spent with him made you find another reason to love him, another reason to gaze at him and think one thing: forever.

to you, jungkook is like an angel, glowing the brightest amongst all darkness and light in your life, always there to catch you if you fall. it makes you wonder just how much you’ve done in your past life to deserve a man like him.

that’s what you think as you hold the front door open for your boyfriend, who’s grunting as he tugs the christmas tree into your apartment. the lights in the apartment have yet to be switched on, and only the little cat lamp that jungkook had bought you a few years ago provides minimal light to guide the both of you through the door.

yet even the small lamp manages to make his face glow, his eyes meeting yours for a second when he realises your staring, again. instantly it’s like you’re falling in love all over again, and jungkook loves every moment of it. the way your pupils dilate the moment you look at him, or the way your eyes instantly light up even at the mere sight of him.

“where should the tree go?” he hums, halting in his steps as he pulls the tree to stand upright, huffing when the weight finally lifts off his hands.

“right next to the fireplace,” you point over to the empty spot where a plant use to sit, before you had overwatered it and caused its death. “right… here!”

jungkook carefully adjusts the tree, realising it might have been much larger than the both of you had expected it to be, as he notices how close it is to the ceiling.

“baby, are you sure this is the right size?” he laughs as you peer up to the top of the tree, bewilderment written all over your face as you try to recall if it was meant to be this big.

“i think we got the wrong size!” you whine, realising that since the top of the tree was so close to the ceiling, the star that you had planned to place at the top would definitely not fit.

“it’s okay, you know what they say, the bigger the better,” he snorts, sending you a wink as you gasp at his sudden innuendo, before sending a smack to his chest as you sigh.

-

“oh, you two are finally here!” your sister squeals when she opens the door, your niece running to peek at you and jungkook between her mum's legs as she waves at you shyly.

“yeah, sorry we got caught in a jam,” your boyfriend explains, passing the huge bag of gifts that he insisted the two of you needed to get for your niece, the small girl hiding behind her mum now curiously peering into the bag.

“come in, come in, ___ everyone’s excited to see him,” she snickers as you roll your eyes.

every year your family hosts a huge christmas celebration with friends and relatives, and one thing that doesn’t fail to happen is the guests gushing over jungkook.

“oh, jungkook is here!” your mum immediately calls out when she spots him supporting you as you remove your heels, your boyfriend chuckling when the aunties squeal a little louder than usual, him becoming the center of attention as he greets everyone.

“all good?” he turns to you, whispering slightly so that only you can hear his words, and you turn to him and meet his gaze.

“yeah, seems like you have fans here too,” you joke, poking his rib, jungkook laughing before he’s being called to answer more questions about, ‘what have you been up to lately’ and ‘you look more handsome”

as the conversations flow, you’re having a pretty good time catching up with your relatives, and chatting with newly made friends, but there was a sight that poked at your nerves ever so slightly.

a girl, looking about your age, which you had been sure was your sister’s college friend, batting her eyelashes at your boyfriend as she attempts to flirt with him.

“you’re so muscular, i’m sure you’d be able to lift me up so easily,” she giggles, reaching her hand out to slap over jungkook’s, but not before he quickly slips his hand off the table and onto your thigh, thumb stroking the exposed skin as he laughs nervously.

“so, how long have you guys been together anyways, like a year? ten months?” she smiles a little too widely, gesturing to you sitting next to him.

“we’ve been together for six years,” he proudly says, now shifting his arm around your shoulder as he shifts his gaze to you, noticing the slightly stiff and awkward look on your face.

the girl on the other hand tried to conceal her surprised expression, which she doesn’t do very well considering both you and jungkook noticed the shift in her demeanor.

“i’m gonna refill my drink,” you awkwardly shuffle out of your seat, grabbing your cup that couldn’t have been less than half full, quickly walking towards the table where the pitcher of water was.

“baby,” you hear jungkook walking up behind you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he shifts your body to face him.

“save me from her, please,” you hear him plead, now looking up to meet his eyes.

you almost burst out laughing at the desperate look of pure torture on his face.

“she’s being so obvious, when i’m literally sitting next to you,” you roll your eyes, pouring the water into your cup before jungkook takes the pitcher from your grasp.

“jealous?” he smirks at you, now passing you the full cup of water, “i’ll make sure she knows i have the fattest crush on you,”

you let jungkook drag you back to the table, not missing how the girl squints at your interlocked hands that disappear under the table when the both of you sit back down.

suddenly, a piece of meat is being brought to your mouth, as you widen your eyes in surprise, but you happily accept it as you open your mouth, letting jungkook feed you.

“good?” he asks you, making his voice loud enough for the girl sitting opposite to hear, and you nod, pressing a kiss to his lips, and staying there a little longer than needed, but just long enough to send her a message.

she seems to receive the message well when she scoffs and pokes at the potato on her plate.

-

“finally,” you huff, clicking in your seatbelt as jungkook gets in the driver’s seat and shuts his door.

the engine hums softly as you drive home, the warmth of the car cocooning you both.

jungkook, still riding the high of the night, reaches over to intertwine his fingers with yours, his thumb gently tracing patterns on your hand.

stopping at a red light, jungkook turns to you with a playful grin. “can you believe that girl thought we'd been together for only a year?” he chuckles,

“six years of putting up with you, and she thought it was just a year,” you playfully quip, earning a light nudge from him.

-

the familiar scent of your apartment greets you as you step through the door, and jungkook wastes no time pulling you into a tight embrace, his warmth enveloping you.

“i missed this," he murmurs against your hair, and you smile, reciprocating the hug.

“me too, maybe next time we should make out in front of her,” you giggle, making jungkook tut at your words.

you decide to unwind on the couch, the soft glow of christmas lights creating a cozy atmosphere. jungkook wraps a blanket around both of you, his arm draped casually over your shoulder. with the tv remote in hand, he navigates through the movie options with playful commentary.

“let’s watch the grinch,” you point at the tv when it lands on the movie, and he nods, clicking on it.

as the movie begins, jungkook’s affectionate nature takes center stage. he presses gentle kisses to the top of your head, his fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns on your arm.

“baby, focus on the movie,” you giggle when his breath fans against your ear, tickling the skin and making you squirm.

“shh, let me love you,”

with the room bathed in the soft glow of holiday lights and whispered conversations between scenes, jungkook’s fingers find their way through yours, a silent reassurance that he's there, grounding you in the moment.

you rest your head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. his fingers gently play with your hair, and the room is filled with a sense of contentment. the outside world fading away as you lose yourselves in the movie and the warmth of each other's presence.

taglist!: @imlyfie @jksgirlhere @laylasbunbunny @borahaexoxo @jklvrs-world @jksoftii @yoongisgirl69

♬ Summary: Having depression is never easy but having a partner that understands you makes things easier

♬ Pairing: Established relationship; Jungkook x reader 

♬ Rating: Pg - 14

♬Genre: Established relationship, angst, and fluff

♬ Warnings: Angst and talks about depression 

♬ Part of, ‘ His Fan Girl

Note: Been having a depressive episode for awhile now and I thought it would help me to write about it

Life gets too much sometimes and it's worse at night. The moon is supposed to give you comfort with the shimmery silver but instead the only thing you see is the shadows that it produces. Even though the stars shine so bright in the night sky, it never translates. It’s complicated. You feel so happy at moments but then those moments get sucked up and replaced with sadness. As if your body is mourning those happy moments because it knows it's rare to keep them consistent. That’s how it's been for Y/N the past few months. 

She lives with the love of her life and is surrounded by people that love her, so why does she feel this nothingness? Every day is too long and it just feels like her life is on repeat. She’s doing everything to make herself feel better, mediating, taking a short walk, and self care but the feeling is still there. She tells her therapist this at every session but she tells her it's okay for recovery to take its course. She just wishes that it can work a little faster. 

Feeling lost is the worst feeling especially when you're surrounded by people who care for you. It makes you feel guilty in a way. They love you so much but you can’t even recover, it's sad. It's sad for you and it’s sad for everyone around you because they try to understand you. That’s even worse. When the people around you try to understand your feelings, it makes you feel like a test subject at times or it makes you feel like they pity you. Y/N knows they don’t pity her and they just care and love for her but her brain has always been her saboteur at happiness. 

Jungkook sees this and he tries his best to make her feel better. He takes her on small walks with Bam and even has her cook with him but when days are hard, he doesn’t know what to do. There are days where she stays in their bedroom and just lays there. She watches youtube and her shows but she doesn’t really do anything else. She barely eats and even when Jungkook gives her food, she sometimes just eats two bites. She always says sorry to him, sorry that he has to see her like this but he tells her that no matter he loves her. He loves at her lowest and he loves her at his highest, no matter what. 

Tonight Jungkook wanted to change things. He actually got her into the car and he drove to their favorite place. He glanced at her and saw her staring out the window with a blank look, something she's been doing more. He frowned at this and turned his head back to the road. Y/N stared at the clouds hiding the stars in the afternoon sky. It was as if the clouds were asking her to play hide and seek and the winner gets to see the bright moon. She was so focused on the sky that she didn’t even notice the care stopping. She snapped at her haze and she saw the beach. She felt her heartbeat get faster and turned towards Jungkook. She let a small smile escape and placed her hand on top of his, “Thank you...” 

“Of course, babe.” 

Jungkook got out of his side and quickly went to her side. He opened the door and she gently placed her hand into his. He creased the tops of her knuckles and placed a quick kiss on the top of her head. He locked the car and they made their way to the sand. Each step she took her foot was engulfed with the tiny rocks and shells. It felt like a metaphor in her mind. Each step she takes in life, she just gets sucked in and she knows she has to keep going forward but it's so...it's so hard at times. It feels impossible. 

They sat far enough from the water but close enough to feel the droplets of the waters. Jungkook wrapped his arm over her shoulder and brought her to him. She tilted her head so it could perfectly fit into him and stared at the ocean. She watched the waves crash into each other and her thoughts started to wander. 

The stars always told her stories. Some are sad and some happy. Ever since she got with Jungkook, the stories have been more happy. When they were broken up, watching the stars without him made her soul cry. The stars were there to comfort her no matter what while the sun mocked her for having problems. 

“Babe, what are you thinking about?” 

She looked up at him and shook her head, “Honestly...I’m not sure.” 

“That’s not good. Want to talk about it?” 

“I don’t even have a subject to talk about...what’s there to talk about?” 

He glanced down at her and it was his turn to shake his head, “There’s always something to talk about. Regardless of the lack of subject, just let your brain do the talking and I’ll listen.” 

“Are you sure? It gets pretty dark up there.”

“I’m sure.” 

She sighed and turned her head back to the ocean. She closed her eyes and let her brain do the talking, just like Jungkook told her to do, “I used to look at the night sky as this beautiful painting. The darkness never altered my view on it, it was just beautiful to me. Throughout my life I always looked at the sky because it was the only consistent thing in my life. It was also safe. I always knew what I was getting when I glanced up...”

“What about day time?”

“Day time...day time just mocked me. On days when things got hard, the sun would laugh at me. It always felt like the sun would judge me on another sleepless night while night time made me feel at ease. Like the feelings I felt were normal. It’s complicated...” 

Jungkook kissed the top of her head and looked out at the crashing waves, “I have time.” 

“When night time came, I knew it was okay to cry. It was okay to cry because the darkness around would hide it while the day time highlighted it. I always felt safer in my bedroom...the four walls gave me so much comfort but was it really comfort? It didn’t feel like it because my mind wouldn’t stop, it just kept going. I kept this a secret from my family...they had no idea until it got worse. I asked my mom if I could go into therapy and she of course said yes. She wanted to do anything for me and she never questioned my mental struggle. She just wanted to support me in every way she could...just like how you do.” 

“I’ll always be there to support you...I think...nobody taught you how to cry.” 

She glanced at him with a confused look as he continued to look at the water, “What do you mean?” 

“Sure you cried at night but you were by yourself...the pain and anger you held inside just became too much and you popped. You were taught to lie. You were taught to put this mask on to hide your true feelings and you never were truly vulnerable. Lying made things easier for you as you went through life because if you ever said the truth then it would make things hard. The more you lied, the more complicated things got. All the feelings you don’t show are the reason to let go, regardless of what it is.” 

She continued to stare at him with wide eyes as a tear escaped, “Wh-What if I don’t know the feelings I have on the inside?”

“Then we can figure it out together. You have never been free and it sounds like your mind is wanting to experience that now. You're scared.”

“I-I am.” 

His arm tightened around her and rubbed her shoulder gently, “That’s okay to be scared. I know it’s going to take a while for you to feel normal. Well, you're normal. I can go on and on about how much I love you and give you comforting words but it’s easier said than done. Don’t rush the healing process.” 

“You heard my therapist say that...”

“I did and it's true.” 

She bit her lip and looked out towards the ocean as more tears escaped, “I-I don’t want to hold you back.”

“You're not. I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ll be there for you no matter what. Your lowest low will never push me away.”He turned towards her and gently placed his thumb under her chin to turn her head. He let a soft smile appear and he brought his finger to wipe away tears. He leaned forward and placed a longing kiss on her forehead, “One day at a time...I’ll be there for you.”

“You shouldn’t have that responsibility…”

“I don’t see it as that, I just see it as me loving you.”

She brought her hand up and gently touched his cheek. Her thumb caressed his soft skin, “I know that but my brain won’t let me see that. Everyone around me gives me love but my brain stops me from enjoying it. It’s tiring.”

“I know baby but that won’t push me or the guys away. We all love you the way you are.”

Another tear fell and she looked up at him, “Even if I’m broken?”

“I don’t see you as that. We don’t see you as that. We’ll help you through this.”

“One day at a time…”

“One day at a time, babe.”

fantasy - kim taehyung x fem!reader

🖤 pairing: taehyung x fem!reader, established relationship, married

🖤 warnings: pure smut (18+ only), no plot, degradation (tae calls reader a slut *affectionately*), dom/sub dynamics, masturbation, explicit language, fingering, use of vibrator

🖤 summary: you love a man in uniform. more specifically, you love the way your husband looks in a uniform. he attempts to come home and surprise you, but he's the one left in shock.

🖤 a/n: this is 100% based on that video of v on patrol. he is too sexy. 😮‍💨 thus, this was born. hope you enjoy! ☺️

disclaimer: i am in no way affiliated with taehyung aka "v of bts". this is purely a work of fiction.

my masterlist

your thighs tremble, locking around the vibrator pressed to your center.

you're fighting your orgasm, not ready for the pleasure to end. if you had an ounce of shame, you'd be embarrassed by how quickly a few photos of your husband can make you cum. but, alas, you have none.

shutting your eyes in ecstasy, it's hard to focus when the vibrator is so steady against your clit, massaging the sensitive nub. still, your mind drifts to him. he looked even bigger than the last time you saw him. firm muscles filling out the black uniform, a timid smile on his perfect face.

and ugh, did he have to be so polite? you're caught between cuteness aggression and the need to jump his bones. the latter wins.

he quite literally looked like your ultimate fantasy. it flashes through your mind. taehyung hovering over you, still dressed in that black uniform. you can almost hear his deep voice, whispering pure filth into your ear.

goosebumps break out over your body. the vibrator feels amazing, your vagina clenching around nothing. you feel hot all over and unable to keep teasing yourself. if your husband were here, he'd be able to give you exactly what you want. the thought makes you press harder, wetness coating the silicone toy.

"fuck, tae," you whine out, still imagining his thick cock inside of you.

"i guess we're both suprising each other today." his low timbre makes you scream, heart beating out of your chest.

"ohmygoshwhatthefuck!" you're trembling, yanking the vibrator away to regain your bearings. your husband only lets out a chuckle, making his way over to the bed. and that's when you notice.

that fucking uniform.

he's still fully dressed. the black fabric pulled tight over his newly acquired muscle. you saw him just a few weeks ago on his break, yet he's somehow gotten even bigger. his hair has grown out a little more, too. you're appreciating his tanned skin, loving the way it contrasts the dark uniform.

"tae, what are you doing here?" you breathe out, rising up to meet his lips. the kiss accelerates your heartbeat, arousal stirring deep in your stomach. he brings an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his warm body. he's a little rough nowadays, a desperation he's picked up since being in the military. you feel that way, too, hands roaming all over him.

"i requested more time off," he breathes in between kisses, "needed to see you again." his admission turns you on even further, in love with the way he loves you. his hands are greedy, slipping from your waist to grab handfuls of your ass. you made it easy for him. one of his loose t shirts paired with your thong does little to cover you.

"missed you so much," you whine out, head lulling back, lost in the way he kisses down your neck.

"i can tell." you hear the smirk in his voice, suddenly remembering the predicament he caught you in just a few moments prior.

"about that..." you mutter, suddenly feeling shy again. you're quiet for a few moments, finding it hard to focus on anything aside from the way his hands feel against your skin. they're rough, obviously a side effect of his active duty. the cool metal of his wedding ring sears into your heated skin, the sensation driving you wild.

"i do the same thing, baby. almost every night," he huffs, tucking an arm under under your ass to wrap your legs around his waist. he lowers you onto the mattress, strong frame hovering over you. a moan slips out of you, the sight of your fantasy playing out in front of you is almost too much to bear.

"i get in the shower and imagine you're there with me," he speaks against your skin, starting from the valley of your breasts. "i get so fuckin' hard, and all i have is my hand," he confesses, closing his lips around your hard nipple.

"s-shit baby," you moan, running your fingers through his short hair. he's almost animalistic in the way he sucks your breast, tongue swirling around your areola. he massages the other with his hand, rolling your sensitive nipple between his fingers.

"had to come home and have you in front of me. couldn't take it anymore," he grunts, finally pulling your shirt off. his eyes are dark, unabashedly checking you out.

your nipples are hard, and he watches them rise up and down each time you pant. he studies your body, eyes finally landing on your skimpy thong. an unmistakable groan reaches your ears, more arousal flooding the flimsy fabric.

"tae, c'mon please," you beg, reaching for his arms to do anything. you don't even care what he does. you just need to feel him.

he lowers himself to your neck, sucking on your sweet spot. holding himself up with one arm, he's careful not to put his full weight on you. his soft lips trail up to your ear, pressing a delicate kiss there.

"tell me what you were thinking about, baby," he hums, slowly dragging his hand down your stomach. he toys with your thong, dipping in, still not deep enough to give you much stimulation. the sensation makes you clench around nothing, desperation coursing through your veins.

"t-this, i was thinking about exactly this," you confess. he rewards you immediately, middle finger slipping down to draw slow circles on your hardened nub. his cock throbs at the loud moan you let out, sounding like an absolute wet dream.

"yeah, just needed me to come home and touch your little pussy?" he coos into your ear, before sucking a love bite right below your jaw.

you swear you're going to come any second. all of it is too much, but not enough at the same time. his body is so warm and inviting, and his scent floods your senses. it's a clean scent, laced with a hint of musk that makes your eyes roll back.

"y-yeah, saw a picture of you in that uniform," you squeal, hips bucking into his hand. he's using more pressure, rubbing faster circles into your clit.

"what a slut. you started touching yourself just from a picture?" he's teasing you. the cockiness in his voice is so attractive. he has a smug look on his face, studying the way you shamelessly grind into his hand, chasing your long lost orgasm.

"mhmm, 'm a slut for you, tae," you babble, unable to focus on anything but this earth-shattering pleasure.

"i know you are, baby. that's why i fuckin' love you." you jump at the sudden vibration. he's using one hand to press the vibrator against your clit and using the other to fuck you with his fingers.

"o-oh, i'm gonna cum," you gasp. the squelch of his fingers sliding into your wetness makes you feel filthy. he presses a button, making the vibrations grow stronger. you whine out, more wetness coating his fingers.

"damn, you're wet." his deep voice only adds to your pleasure. his fingers are thick, gliding against your walls with ease. the stretch is perfect, exactly what you've been needing.

"shit, shit, shit!"

"yeah, baby. go ahead and cum on my fingers," he mutters, brushing against that spongy spot inside of you. the moan you let out is pornographic, satisfaction radiating throughout tae's body.

"yeah, let it out. good girl." his praise sends you over the edge, clenching around his fingers like a vice. he works you through your orgasm, slowing pleasuring you through the intensity. you're seeing stars, the orgasm overriding your senses.

you hear tae's soft affirmations in your ears. a steady stream of good girl, so pretty, my perfect girl, only add to the airy feeling. it takes you a minute to come down. he slowly lowers the vibrations, not wanting to overstimulate you.

"you still with me pretty girl?"

"i'm good, baby," you mumble, nestling into your husband's side. he kisses your forehead, pulling you closer to him. he stays with you for a few minutes. your breaths become slow and shallow, fully relaxing into the mattress.

"i need to get changed, sweetheart," he whispers, untangling himself and tucking your body under the covers.

he hovers over you, unable to take his eyes off your peaceful form. your eyes are closed, a content smile on your lips. this is exactly why he needed time off. he's been missing you so much that it hurts.

"tae, get changed so you can hurry back," you whine, a warm blush spreading across his cheeks. he thought you were asleep, and he's been staring at you like a creep. but, he's too in love to care.

"okay, baby," he soothes you, pressing a final kiss to your forehead before heading to his wardrobe. he trips over himself a few times, excitement making him jittery. he laughs at himself, feeling like a lovesick fool. but, he wouldn't have it any other way. and neither would you.

Age gap

▫️summary: your parents get you forcefully married to a guy who’s eight years older than you. And the problem is he doesn’t know it.

Pairing: doctor Jungkook x female reader

Rating: 13+

Genre: angst

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: deep love stuff, soft romance, hella angsty.

“Have a good night” Jungkook closed the door of his bedroom and sighed exhaustively, leaning his back on the door as he rubbed his face with his hands. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna do now. He opened his eyes and felt a knife against his throat and hands against his mouth. “You let out a single noise and your grave is ready at twent-eight.” You brawl in his ear as his eyes almost popped out in fear. He was particularly screaming silently. “You’re so overdramatic.” You say as he stood there stunned. He joins his hands, asking for forgiveness as you leave his side and make him breathe in terror.

“You’re my wife, how can you do this?!” He started lashing out walking inside the bedroom. “If I can’t kill my step mom. I might kill my husband.” You said monotonously making him choke on water. “What did I do?!” He yells, “you married me. And that’s your fault.” You walk closer to him and lay out the map. “You will help me sneak out.” It was all happening so fast that he glitched. “Hold on. We are married. Husband and wife. Like actually committed to each other.” He danced his hands around trying to explain to you as if you’re a child. “Dude. How can you be so fucking dumb? Isn’t it obvious that I’m saying to run away and I don’t want this committed thingy?”

You say as he scratches his head in confusion. “Then why did you agree to this?” You rolled your eyes and sigh. “I was forced. And I can’t tell how.” The seriousness in your voice made him bite his lower lip. He can’t believe that the first actual conversation with you would be this. “You should‘ve given signs. Or something.” He was heartbroken. Not because of you not wanting this but because he thought he’s doing the right thing although he trusted his parents in the matter. “I wasn’t allowed out of my room. And I’m fucking twenty one how can you agree on marrying me!?”

He let out an audible gasp. “They said you’re twenty six!” You monotonously clap your hands, “congratulations.” He fell onto the bed. “Don’t get traumatised please I still need to go.” You say before you go inside The restroom to remove your wedding dress. Your age was a new piece of information which he wasn’t ready for. “How can she be younger than my sister?” He whispered to himself and held his head.

You exit the washroom with your casual clothes on and walk to the bed. You took the laid-out map and folded it. “It’s okay,I can help myself.” He looked at you. “My life is ruined.” He says as you sigh and turn to him. “So is mine.” You said as he removed his coat making you lower your eyebrows. He threw it aside, took a pillow and screamed. He pulls out his head from the pillow with tense breathing. “I married so I can get over my ex.” You rolled your eyes so hard that you saw your skull. “You proved you’re a man.” He looks at you as you click your tongue. “Be fucking for real man, why would you do this to get over an average girlie?” he wipes his forehead.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Should I divorce you?” You shake your head instantly. “No no, don’t do that.” You fold your hands and walk around to think. “You help me get out of this household some way, like help me escape.” He licked his bottom lip. “I can do that. But where will you go? You have a place to stay?” You blinked and looked down, slowly shaking your head. “Then how can I just…” he shrugs. You exhaled and sat on his bed. “What about you? Does your family treat you well?” You asked as he sat beside you with a safe distance. “They forced out a medical degree inside of me so…” you chuckled and gaze outside the small window which displayed the full moon. “Why don’t you run away as well?”

He chuckled, “I’ve been away from home for eight years. Two months ago I moved back in to get married.” You nod your head. You’re lost again. You don’t know If there’s an End to this. If you’ll ever get your freedom. “Can you do a job?” You look at him. “What?” He nods his head, “you can work at my hospital. How much have you studied?” He inquired, “high school. Wasn’t allowed after that.” He takes his bottom lip in his teeth. “You can work as a receptionist right?” Your eyes lit up as you nod like a child. “I can!” He hums, “okay then. You can stay with me if you wish until you get enough money to pay rent every month.” You nod your head, “thank you.” You say genuinely as he smiles back. “You’re welcome.”

“If it wasn’t for your urgent work, I would’ve kept my daughter in law as my own daughter.” His mother pinched your cheeks. “It’s not a huge deal, we’re coming back anyway sooner or later.” We’re not. You smile nervously. “Y-yeah. He’s right.” You say as you bid your goodbye and sit in the taxi with your luggage. “Yes yes!” You screeched In excitement.

Your eyes widened at the sight of the hospital. “Woah this is bigger than my neighbourhood. You own this?” You asked as he chuckled. “No, of course not. I work as a lead assistant under my professor. I’m an ophthalmologist.” You blinked, “what’s that?” He points his two fingers at your eyes, “an eye specialist.” You nod in realisation. “Damn, you must be good at reading people.” He chuckled and shook his head, “surprisingly I’m not.” “Hi dr.jeon!” He smiles at the nurse, “hello” he bows as you lower your eyebrows. Everyone seems to know him well. He guided you around and made you sit in the lounge. “Sit here, my friend is coming. He’s in the hiring department.” You nod your head and sit quietly in the luxurious hospital lounge for doctors. Never in your dreams did you think you'd be able to sit at such a place.

“Jeon!” You looked up to see a tall figure running towards your husband while his white coat and id pass flared in the air. He takes Jungkook in a bone crushing hug. “How was the wedding?! And why are you back so early?! Where's my new bestie?! How is your wife!? You?” He asked you as you subconsciously nodded. He sprint beside you, “oh my god, you’re so pretty! I’m Dr.jung Hoseok. Been with Jungkook for five years. What’s your name, pretty?” You smiled shyly, “y/n.” He claps his hand. “You look so young for your age!” His spirit was so high you could fly in the air. ”yeah thanks, I’m twenty one.” You say with a small smile as he halts and drops his smile.

“You’re what?” He blinked and removed his glasses. “You’re twenty one?!” The spirit might start burning you. He scratches his head and walks to Jungkook. “You were into young girls? I never knew..” Jungkook inhaled in temper, “jung Hoseok. Hear me out.” Hoseok scratched his upper lip gently. “Yeah you must explain your creepy ass.”

“Done. Think as If your work is done. It will maximally take me a week.” Hoseok says as he slurps his noodles. “I’ll try my best to get you as high a salary as I can. But the most you can get is around five hundred dollars a month.” Your eyes showed dollar signs. “That’s more than enough! Just get a job, I’m okay with anything.” He cracks a smile, “that’s good then. Good luck, I’ll get going now.” You smiled sweetly at Hoseok and waved him goodbye. “Come on, let’s get you home.” Jungkook offers, standing up and wearing his coat as you stood up as well. Seoul is big, Seoul is pretty. It’s just that breathing is tough here. Beautiful people, beautiful architecture. It’s your first time here and it’s marvellous. Jungkook scans his card and enters his passcode while opening his front door.

It’s a really small apartment. “It’s so small.” He scratched his head, “wellll, try to fit in? Rent prices are crazy here, and I was alone. So I find this the most suitable for me, I almost don’t come home often so you can be pretty comfortable here.” You look at him, “why?” He plops on his bed. “Because I’m really busy. Most of my nights in the early days were spent in icu. Gladly I come here at night to sleep and leave at eight. So you have enough time to be comfortable.” You nod and drop your bag at the corner. “Is this a washroom?” You asked as he nodded. You went there to freshen up as he ordered some food through his phone. He also opens up the curtains and windows to let the air in. You come out and your eyes wide enough to tear. “This is so pretty!” You say walking to the almost full size windows.

“Ah yes.” Jungkook says laying down while staring at the white ceiling. “The landlord made me pay a hundred dollars more for this. Especially for the view.” He slightly scoffed as his doorbell rang. “The food is here.” And you spent your evening slurping black bean noodles. And within a few days you get your own hospital pass as a worker. That was the best day of your life yet. You felt so independent all because of Jungkook. You don’t think you can possibly ever thank him enough. You started going to the hospital daily and received your first paycheck. Hoseok and Jungkook helped you a lot in that. The first thing you did was give both of them a dinner treat. You also paid a small amount to Jungkook to add in the monthly rent.

You made new friends slowly, everyone is nice and friendly and very welcoming. Everything was nice except one thing. You never heard Jungkook say anything about your divorce in fact, he dodged the topic multiple times. You place the envelope on the kitchen counter, “add this in the rent.” He shakes his head, mixing something in his bowl “I told you before, you don’t have to do all this. You’re my wife.” You sighed, “I won’t from next month. I’m moving out. And, please get us divorce papers.” You say as he stops and looks up at you through his bangs. “Why are you moving out? And you didn’t even tell me?” “I did just now.” He shakes his head. “What do you mean, Jungkook?”

He removed his gloves and washed his hands. “What’s the point of moving out? We can get a big apartment if this feels small.” You lowered your eyebrows, “what? You want me to stay with you forever? Like a real partner would?” He thinks for a moment. “Maybe.” He himself is unsure of the answer making you scoff. “No, like, isn’t it better? We’re splitting In everything. We will eventually get pretty comfortable with each other and life will be good!” You can't believe your ears. “Eventually not willingly. Just because you helped me, which I’m very grateful for, doesn’t mean I’ll do as you say. In Fact that’s the reason I wanted to leave.” There’s tears in your eyes.

He deep down got the point but doesn’t want to admit it. It makes his heart heavy, you’re such a nice person and he might not be the one for you at all. “Can’t I just see you grow?” You shake your head. “You possibly can’t. I've been here for two months with you, and you already seem to get attached. If I stay longer, I won’t feel that good.” He lowered his lashes, how are you supposed to tell if he’s attached or is he in love? “Fine. Good luck on your journey, I’ll find a way out of my situation and try to help you as much as I can.” He forcefully smiled.

Years later, when Dr.jeon Jungkook; Head opthamologist in Seoul hospital, is sitting on a hill in jeju. He finds out he was in fact in love with his ex-wife. Not the kind of love to which he’d send cliche confessing texts. But the kind of love and adoration of seeing someone grow, seeing someone become close to him. Being a part of their journey. He smiled as light air kissed his skin. The sun peeking as it dissolves in the sea ahead of him. He has believed his whole life that you were right. He was just attached to you, being around you and your presence. But his heart still flutters whenever he hears good news about you.

Recently he got to know you’ve got a boyfriend and he smiled so wide hearing that. It's the kind of love he’ll never let go of. Even when he is in his eighties, with wrinkled skin and low deficiency of hearing. When his grandchildren are messing with his stuff, He’d still smile wide hearing you’ve lived another year.

Life’s been good to him. And he hopes it’s good with you too. And he also hopes you experience the kind of love he has with you. It’s good. Real good. And it taught him quite a few things. He takes a Polaroid of the setting sun and sticks to his journal.

‘I love you. Just like how the sea loves the sun. Watching it rise and fall. Pushing it up and drinking it down. Every evening, and never getting tired of it. I’ll never get tired of you, and I’m so proud of you.’

#jeju22

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who knows his mistake was falling in love with you, but would do it again if you gave him a second chance. and it was just a second chance that he asked, that he begged. let Jungkook make the same mistakes. let Jungkook learn from his mistakes. let Jungkook love one more time so he can stop being in love with you. Jungkook was full of devotion, an ocean of pure love ran inside him desperately looking for a beach where he could delight and calm all the turmoil that existed inside him. just one more time. just one more kiss. just one more touch. just another chance was all Jungkook asked for because, even though his downfall was rooted in his devotion, Jungkook knew nothing more than loving you. it was a reality for Jungkook for years, an eternal life, and it was all he knew — let him live his life once again, that was all Jungkook asked for. “i should have seen this ending coming for myself, but it never stopped me from loving you. i allowed myself to feel because i knew you would never leave me. so why did you leave? why don’t you come back to me?”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who has a table full of bouquets of flowers that he never gave you. Jungkook could never get rid of that annoying habit of buying you flowers whenever a day was more beautiful or a special date was approaching — it had been a constant in Jungkook’s life to offer you several bouquets of flowers. there was always love in the bright colors of the flowers, a little understanding in some branches, complete fascination in the various leaves and all the flowers, all the bouquets, contained much more than Jungkook’s love. the bouquets had hope blossoming between the many petals; hope for a repeated past, hope for an altered present, hope for a future with you. but, no matter how colorful the bouquets were, no matter how bright the flowers were, they all had the same fate when bought by Jungkook; without any support or water, Jungkook just placed the bouquets on the table, looking at them with regret, hating himself a little for having succumbed to that habit of his that was only born with you. and the bouquets piled up. and Jungkook didn’t throw away the bouquets. there, on that table adorned with the destruction of his love, lay all of Jungkook’s devotion, a withered devotion that had no one as the object of its desires. “today i bought you a bouquet again. i just wanted to tell you that i bought your favorite flowers. they will always be here waiting for you. please, come and get them when you can.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who feels his heart break every time he hears news about you. it was as if every word about you was loaded with sharp daggers that stabbed heavily into Jungkook’s heart and made him bleed tears of longing and hurt. hearing any information about you destroyed Jungkook. you got your promotion? you didn’t celebrate with him. you adopted a new cat? you didn’t ask Jungkook for name suggestions. you were okay? how could you be okay if Jungkook felt smaller and smaller, breaking into insignificant fragments that scattered wherever Jungkook passed in hopes of finding you and clinging to you? how could you be happy when Jungkook counted all the stars at night in hopes of one of them granting his wish for you to return to him? each piece of news burned hotter than the next, Jungkook’s small, fragile heart turning to paper, burning with the flames of insignificance and neglect — so much news about you and none about how much you missed Jungkook. “i heard you finally managed to buy the house you wanted. it’s still strange to imagine you in a house different than mine, but i want you to know that i’m really happy for you.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who swears his lips were dry with all the words he didn’t get to say to you. Jungkook couldn’t remember the last time he felt like his lips were his — since the beginning of time it was clear that Jungkook’s sweet lips belonged to you; every word Jungkook said was adorned with your smiles and sweet laughs; every song Jungkook recited was framed with your beauty and essence; all the kisses Jungkook gave you were star-lit, all the constellations creating stories about you. for years, Jungkook’s lips belonged to you — now that you were gone, you’ve stopped taking care of them. your negligence appeared in rough form on Jungkook’s lips, no amount of lip balm being able to replace the lack you did to them. slowly, Jungkook’s lips were forgetting about you, getting rid of the skin you once touched, pushing with it all the words Jungkook liked to have said to you. “i love you and i want a life with you. i don’t think i can handle a life without you by my side. please stay.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who stops sleeping because he can’t bear to dream about anything other than you. between sleepless nights and random dreams, Jungkook always chose to spend his nights sitting on the couch with the television on, his eyes staring but his mind running through memories and scenarios of when those restless nights were shared with you. how could Jungkook dream about anything if he only wanted you? he didn’t have any control over his dreams — he wanted to dream about you, but Jungkook knew he didn’t control his mind and he preferred to forbid his brain from creating any comfort for his heart rather than live experiences not worth living, just because there was no you.

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who burns all the memories he has with you in the hope of being able to forget you. all the photos that had a touch of your magic were deleted from his cell phone, but not before printing them and throwing them in the fire; all the letters you exchanged with Jungkook when he traveled the world were thrown into the fire without a second thought; all the tickets to the movies you went were consumed by the hot flames of a fire of revolt and devastation. standing in front of the fire, seeing his entire life reduced to the same ashes that dusted his heart, Jungkook was static, no emotion behind his eyes glazed over in the fire; seeing the flames dancing, consuming everything he was, Jungkook could onl—

EX-BOYFRIEND!JUNGKOOK who stopped loving all the details about himself that made you fall in love with him — if you had stopped loving Jungkook, why would he love himself?

Especially if it's Jungkook Au, all I want is to cry. Please recommend some fic that is full of angst. Noo smut, please.😭

when i want fluff/angst fics and all i’m getting is smut

the struggle is real

i miss reading angst matt 😢😢😢

Enduring | Matt Murdock x AFAB!Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x afab!Reader

Warnings: Angst, chronic (lower abdominal) pain, mentions of spotting (blood), self-loathing, allusions to Doctors Not Listening To Patients With A Uterus, health anxiety (warranted), non-sexual intimacy, hurt/comfort, self-indulgent, not proof-read

Summary: You’ve been experiencing chronic lower abdominal pain for years regardless of the point in your menstrual cycle. Some days, it’s worse than others, but when the first heatwave of the year hits New York City and you have another flare-up, your day takes a sudden turn for the worse. Thankfully, Matt is there to comfort you in any way he can.

WC: 3k

A/n: Even though I tagged my tag list, don't read if this could be triggering to you! So, I know pain is a very sensitive subject and everyone experiences it differently. I used my personal experience with pain and chasing a diagnosis to write this. That doesn’t mean it’s the only experience. Lower abdominal pain can have many causes, which is why advice from a medical professional is often necessary. That being said, I know how hard it can be to have been born into a female body and be treated like my pain is worth less for whatever reason just because I was born female. There is no shame in standing up for yourself in a man’s world that completely disregards women’s health. I had to learn it the hard way to the point it has taken a toll on my mental health, so I just needed to write a little comfort piece for my own peace of mind before my appointment on Monday. I wrote this for the sake of getting it out of my system, meaning it’s probably not perfect, but if you can relate to what I said in any way, feel free to read it and make up your own mind. (I will not be posting this on AO3 for now. I hope you can forgive me for that.)

Matt always knows when something is wrong with you. 

Sometimes, he can smell it. Other times, it’s the way you taste when you kiss him or the sweat that clings to your skin, or when he goes down on you and your essence is slightly tangier than it was the day before. 

Matt knows when you’re ovulating because the changes in your hormones make him go crazier than he already is for you, and he is familiar with the metallic scent of blood when you’re on your period. He can tell when you start sweating more often, when your muscles tense up more than usual, or when you are slightly more emotional. He knows before you even do because he has to. 

You are miserable almost every day, really, but more often than not it happens around the time of your period. So, he pays close attention to the signs. When the painkillers stop working, or when you get more tired, or when you stop moving around as much. When you tell him you’re fine even though he can feel the muscles of your abdomen tensing under his touch when he hugs you. When he can tell you have been crying and he wasn’t there to help. He has to know because you need him. 

You’re not entirely dependent on him, of course; you have lived on your own before and while it was hell, you pushed through somehow. With him, you don’t have to be alone on the days you can’t get out of bed because the pain keeps you locked in a fetal position, or on the days you have to cower on the bathroom floor until you’re too weak to move. Matt has reached a point of knowing you where his four working senses don’t play much of a role in telling what kind of a day you’re having; he just knows. 

Tonight, he senses it when he comes through the door after work, finally escaping the raging heat from the streets that made him feel like he was dying on the commute home. He instantly loosens his tie to get some air into his lungs, feeble fingers working desperately to free himself, but it doesn’t take a second longer for him to realize something is wrong. It is nothing but a mere hunch—some kind of aura that emits from somewhere in the apartment that makes the hairs on his arms stand up. He calls your name, frantically searching for your heartbeat. Through the rattling of the fridge as it tries to keep up with the rising temperatures inside, he makes out the rapid drumming of your heart against your ribcage. If you’re not dizzy yet, he thinks, you soon will be. 

Upon hearing you huff from the kitchen floor, Matt doesn’t hesitate tossing his bag mindlessly into the nearest corner, followed by his keys before he makes his way to find you. He’s overheated, itchy, and sweating through his clothes, but not anywhere near as desperate as he is to get to you. 

“Sweetheart?” he asks.

Hearing the sound of his voice, you realize that what felt like five minutes must have been hours spent on the cool kitchen floor. You can’t even remember how you got there. The hours have blended into minutes, the tiles digging into your sweat-coated skin. You’re curled up in a ball, wearing nothing but one of Matt’s loosest shirts. You couldn’t stand the feeling of a waistband around your stomach, so you took your pants off, changing into the oldest pair of cotton underwear you could find. It’s all soaked by now, and part of you wonders if you did finally get your period or if your pores just decided to drench you for the fun of it. 

Everything hurts. Your muscles are tense, yet at the same time they are so incredibly weak, you don’t react when the front door opens. He’s worried, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. It is as though the pain has made you entirely apathetic, coiling in your lower stomach and spreading into your legs like a parasite. All you can do is succumb to it. 

Matt’s feet come into view. The purple cast of the billboard outside falls upon him, painting the shadow of a halo above his head. It’s ironic, really; the man you love as your knight in shining armor, a Catholic looking like an angel in artificial neon light. 

His gentle voice reaches for you, “What’re you doing on the floor?”

He doesn’t ask if you’re okay because he knows it is futile, but even that question you don’t know how to answer. What are you doing on the dirty kitchen floor?

You clear your throat, trying to sound nonchalant when you answer, “It’s too hot up there.”

He crouches down. “Just too hot?”

You sigh. “No.”

It was a good day until it wasn’t, and then you were in pain again and all the days you spent feeling a little more like yourself are suddenly gone with the wind. The tears wrap a noose around your neck for the second time today, your eyes burning with faint resistance. Every time you think it gets better, it gets worse again. And every time you try to pretend that maybe things are looking up for you and it isn’t as endless of a pit as you thought, the exact opposite proves itself. You’re tired; you’re in pain and you’re tired and you feel so silly for letting it dim the light Natt pointed out a few days ago that he had so deeply missed, but there is only so much hope you can have.  

This isn’t the first time he has found you like this, but it truly never gets easier. Hearing the strain in your voice, the quiver in your entire being as you try to catch your breath, telling yourself not to fucking cry. It never gets easier to know how much you beat yourself up for something that isn’t your fault. Because the doctors that were supposed to listen failed you, and now the road to relief is paved with bricks you can barely climb over. You are on your way now, finally, but the future is still not certain. In the end though, what kills him the most is that he can’t help you. 

Matt reaches out, his hand shaking as he aimlessly brushes his fingers over your forehead. “Cramps?” he says.

You nod weakly. 

“Since when?”

“I don’t know,” you confess, and that is when the glass overflows. 

With a click of his tongue, he wipes the first of your tears away. His brown eyes bore into your soul, completely bare in front of him. Your body is like a complex crafted melody only he knows how to decipher.  

The tears quickly form a barrier between you and the tiles. Matt tilts his head. The faintest hint of copper clings to your skin. “Did you get your period?” he asks. 

You shake your head. “Just… some spotting.”

“Explains the blood.”

He is way too nonchalant about it, you think. The way he accepts your version of normal even though you feel like a failure trapped in a body that refuses to work like it is supposed to.

“How’d you get here?” he asks again, his voice so soft you want nothing more than to hide your face from him and cry some more. 

He refuses to let you go, gripping your chin to the point it almost hurts. “I was trying to do the dishes and then–” a broken sob gets stuck in your throat. “It hurts and it’s hot, and I can’t breathe.”

He gently cradles your face in his hands. “I know,” he says like he can read your mind. And maybe he can.

Your chest heaves with every breath you take. “I couldn’t stand anymore, so I laid down. On the floor,” you tell him. “I just… I didn’t get anything done today.”

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“It does. I–”

He cuts you off, “No, sweetie, it doesn’t. I can wash the dishes, but I can’t replace you.”

His dedication hurts. You used to be called sensitive and not worth the drama, but with him, you count, and that hurts because you are barely hanging on by a fragile thread. You don’t know how to ever give back to him what he has given you. The countless nights you patched him up after he got his ass handed to him do not seem to matter much compared to what he does for you. 

He studies your erratic heartbeat for a moment. “You want a heating pad?” he offers. 

You physically cringe at the thought of a hot water bottle when the entire city could function as one, and you are quick to deny, “Too hot.”

Matt chuckles. “Yeah, I figured.” He brushes a damp strand of hair away from your face. “Have you taken anything yet? Advil? Naproxen?”

You growl. “You know none of the pills they gave me fucking work!” 

He doesn’t seem deterred by your tone. All he does is smile softly at you, fingers tracing invisible patterns on your skin.

“I know,” he says. “I’m just trying to help.”

“Well, nothing’s helping,” you retort. 

“That why you’re lying on the floor?” 

Another tear rolls down your cheek and past your cracked lips. “I told you. Nothing helps.”

Snapping at him for only trying to care may be petty of you, but there is nothing you loathe more than feeling so utterly helpless. 

Matt moves closer, your words pearling off of him like he is made of stone. He doesn’t even flinch. 

“Okay,” he murmurs. “Can I try something else?”

The voice in your head is screaming, what else is there to do? You are tired of trying everything and nothing ever working. Two more weeks until you will meet with a new doctor, but those two weeks might actually kill you. That’s what it feels like, anyway. 

He sighs, “C’mere.” Without another word from you, Matt slides his arms under your sticky frame and lifts you off the ground. His skin offers a stark contrast from the cold kitchen tiles, but he’s clean, and he smells like home. Not this place, not this city, but him. 

“Where are we going?” you ask.

“Bathroom,” is all he tells you. 

Your brain is too slow to even dare protest. He carries you to the bathroom, setting you down on unsteady legs. 

“May I?” he asks. You nod, but even as he pulls his shirt over your head, he doesn’t once let go of you. 

You close your eyes. The pain in your abdomen is dull yet searing. You try to focus on anything else, but just when you think it’s getting better, it breaks through again, burning through you like a wildfire on the blade of a hot knife. And that makes you sad. It makes you so sad and angry you don’t know what to do with yourself. You want to scream and cry and tear the apartment apart, but you’re exhausted and tired and you know that if this pain keeps rippling through you, you might fall apart. 

You hate when he sees you like this. When you’re falling apart and there’s nothing either of you can do, and you blame yourself even though there is nothing to blame yourself for. Matt knows that. You sometimes wonder if you are a burden to him and he just won’t tell you because he doesn’t know when to stop. To stop caring, to stop helping, to stop trying to change everything. But then again, he has always told you that loving you isn’t a burden. If you get lost in the what ifs, you might actually fall apart.    

“I’m gonna start a cool bath,” Matt murmurs next to you, snapping you out of your thoughts with his gentle baritone of a voice. “Just stay here.” 

You nod weakly, too exhausted to argue. The thought of immersing yourself in cool water, even for a few minutes, seems like a small mercy. 

Water starts to run in the distance. His belt hits the floor, followed by the fabric clinging to his skin. You’re afraid you might get dizzy if you open your eyes. Dizzy because of the pain. Dizzy because of him. 

The cabinet behind you rattles when he reaches for it. “Claire gave them to me, but you took these before,” he says, skillfully working on the cap of an orange capsule. “They’re a bit stronger than Advil.”

You don’t protest, you simply let him place one of the pills in the palm of your hand. He is right behind you with his hand on your waist when you take them, swallowing with a handful of water. There’s nothing sexual in the way he touches you, just a tenderness born from years of knowing each other’s bodies inside and out. 

Maybe that is why you could never be a burden to him; he has felt like one for most of his life, and the last thing he wants is for his love to feel the same way. And he needs you to remind him that he is everything to you, too, his hands never wavering when they find your skin. You’re his lifeline as much as he is yours.

The cold water hits the inside of the bathtub, pattering down like raindrops on a windowpane. Matt gently tugs you closer to him and guides you toward the tub. At first, when he lifts you in, the cool water is a shock to your overheated skin, but it doesn’t take long for you to welcome the change in temperature. 

He eases you between his legs once he is sat, your back against his chest, wrapping his arms around you. His hands come to rest on your lower stomach, close enough to allow you to pull your legs up to your chest. It’s the only position that doesn’t hurt. 

You remember nights spent crammed in the same position, not because of you but because of his nightmares. The roles were reversed then. When it’s too hot outside, he needs the world on fire to burn a little less bright. Today, you finally realize what he must feel like on days like these. 

“How’s that?” he asks, his breath warm against your ear.

You nod. “Better,” you whisper. Better isn’t perfect, but the pain is just dull now, and the gentle movement of his fingers against your sore muscles lulls you into a state where you can breathe. It’s not perfect, but it is as good as it gets. 

Your head falls back against his collarbone. “Thank you,” your voice is barely above a whisper when you tell him.

He shushes you, lips moving to your temple. The gesture is supposed to say, don’t thank me. But it feels wrong not to. 

You lift your head enough to look at him, finally, your eyes fluttering open to look back into his hazel orbs. “Matt…” 

“Yeah?” he breathes. 

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” you confess. It’s a truth you’ve grappled with, the stark realization that his presence has become indispensable. It is a burden, to be loved so fiercely, as much as it is an addiction. Because a life without him seems like a sheer impossibility you don’t ever want to face again. 

Matt holds his lips against your skin, smiling. “Good thing you never have to find out, hm?”

You chuckle weakly. “You sure about that?”

“Mhm.”

“What if you get sick of me?”

“Then I’ll be sick of you for a few hours,” he says, “and you’ll be sick of me ‘til we’re not.”

Your eyes roam his face for any indication that he might not be telling the truth. “That easy?” you ask. 

He nods, fingers coming up to find your lips. He touches them for a moment, exploring the soft skin there. Instead of kissing you though, he halts.

“What?” You frown. 

Matt shakes his head. “Nothing. Just… You’re gonna be okay,” his voice is barely above a whisper. “I’ll make sure of that.”

A whimper breaks from your chest. He believes it wholeheartedly, but it is incredibly hard to hear it out loud because you don’t believe it. You press your lips together, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over again. “I just wish it didn’t have to be this way,” you whisper. “I wish I could be… normal.”

Again, he nods, fingers brushing over your cheek to catch a stray tear. “You are normal,” he insists softly. “Your pain doesn’t make you any less. And ‘cause I know how strong you are, I know you’re gonna be okay.”

“Even if I’ll be ill for the rest of my life? Even if I–”

“Of course,” he stops you. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. I promise. Not ‘even if’ but regardless of whether it’s endometriosis or… or something else. Your pain is a part of you, but it’s not all of you. I love all of you.”

There is no stopping the avalanche of tears that is forced down the hill by his words. They hit you harder than an arrow to the heart. 

You crack under the weight of your emotions. “I love you,” you whisper. Those three words mean the world, but they feel inadequate to describe what you feel. 

“I know,” says Matt. “I love you too.”

The once open wounds of the blood you shed just to find him are nothing but scars now—scars you can learn how to live with once you accept that there is nothing wrong with you. Being a human being with an illness, both mentally and physically, doesn’t make you any less worthy of love. It doesn’t make you any less worthy of life. 

With Matt by your side, you are no longer alone in this. You have him, all of him, and that makes all the difference. 

Matt Murdock (Angst) Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @itwasthereaminuteago @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @thychuvaluswife @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @thatonegamefish @amberritonicole @pigeonmama @bohemianrhapsody86 @a-gir1-has-n0-name @winkev1 @callsign-ember @chittaphonstar @buckyyyismahhlife @trublu2u @xnatyx @zomtart @abucketofweird

Also tagging: @moncherriis

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who still has your pillow on his bed, just because it smells like you. no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi swore that particles of your essence were still reveling in that white pillow; no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi swore he still felt you every night, when his thoughts were more violent and his heart asked for comfort, asked for you; no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi would never wash that pillow, fearing that the memories of you would drown in the sea of neglect that covered the entire space outside the bed, outside of Yoongi’s safe haven. yes, no matter how much time had passed, Yoongi would never be able to forget how your soul smelled like home. “i carry with me the weight of the longing you left behind. part of me wants to believe that it’s all just a dream. but when the moon is high and my thoughts suffocate me, it’s your comfort that i miss. it’s you that i miss.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who looks for you in every crowd. he knew he was just hurting himself, but Yoongi couldn’t stop his eyes from taking in each face closely, hoping to see your sweet smile on them, hoping to see your bright eyes on them, hoping to see you in the middle of them. without noticing, Yoongi always found himself in the middle of crowds, those places he always avoided and preferred to see from afar; but now, when your departure squeezed Yoongi’s heart and the longing for you guided Yoongi’s steps, he always ended up in the middle of the crowds, wanting, waiting, begging, to see you one last time. “your existence haunts me. the ghost of our memories wanders among the crowds, seeking from them the love they know only you can give. it’s a game without any victories.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who goes back to the places where he kissed you to relive the memories. the days were grey, painted in tones of melancholy, and Yoongi could only feel his heart sink. it was there that he kissed you for the first time, your shy smile was still stuck on the small park bench; it was in front of that tree that Yoongi said the first i love you to you, your nervous laugh still echoed through the tree’s branches; it was in front of that window that you stole a kiss that tasted like caramel, he could still see his rosy cheeks in the immaculate glass of the store. the entire city was a map of Yoongi’s happiest moments; in every corner, in every nook, in every neighborhood lived fragments of your soul and the memory of you covered every street with a permanent veil of pure guilt, regret, longing, love. “it is in these places that the beauty of your soul still endures. and it was in those places that i kissed you and loved you and swore to always love you. and i will always love you.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who spends sleepless nights wondering where he went wrong. had Yoongi forgotten any important dates? no. your birthday was celebrated with laughter, the smiles from your anniversary still painted works of art in Yoongi’s heart. would his work have interfered in any way with your life together? no. Yoongi no longer spent nights in the studio. Yoongi had already stopped locking himself in his office when he was at home. Yoongi had renounced his art, his passion, to be able to love you. but, was that Yoongi’s mistake? did he love you too much? was Yoongi’s love so big, so intense, so suffocating, that it only gave you one way out? a way out of his life? “tell me if my devotion was the cause of my destruction. i ask you. please, tell me where i went wrong so i can love you again. tell me what i didn’t do so i can have your love again.”

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who can’t look in the mirror without seeing you next to him. it was a constant agony that stepped and beat in Yoongi’s heart, squeezing tightly all the love he still felt, sharply attacking all the longing he had. and Yoongi only had to look in the mirror to feel it, to see it. there you were. always smiling, your hand gently holding Yoongi’s hand, your eyes locked on him. entire years were spent living next to you, living with you. entire days were spent in a weightless sea of pure love and fascination. and now, looking in the mirror, Yoongi felt empty, he felt incomplete. now, looking in the mirror, Yoongi’s heart manufactured a memory of you, cruelly reminding him that what was next to Yoongi was just the hope that still made his heart beat.

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who is slowly isolating himself. the crowds stopped hiding your face in them; the streets cleared every step you had walked; Yoongi’s house expelled all your essence without his permission. and now, lost in the middle of nowhere, without finding any hope in his sheets, in your pillow, Yoongi just sat on the floor and stayed there. still. the longing of you was the only thing that still made him live, still made him exist. every step Yoongi had taken, led him to that exact moment, to that point wh—

EX-BOYFRIEND!YOONGI who can’t say the word love again — for, without you being in his life, what meaning did that word have?

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

raven unit I (m) jjk

Jeon Jungkook x Reader

‒ raven unit. (m) chapter one: gallaticus. ✎  [13k words]

genre: political!Au, taskforce!Au, warcrime!Au

warnings: eventual smut, angst, gore, violence, drug mentions, alcohol mention, graphic description of violence, death.  With your life at risk and several people around you dead, your loyal head of security makes sure your safety is taken care of when he’s out of the picture. Three ruthless, dangerous and deadly men take on the task to protect and hide you, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok and the one in command, Jeon Jungkook.  masterlist. chapter two. So, I would just like to mention I neglected my duties to write the requests sent my way because my good friend @diofulin​ had me thinking of this idea and when I knew it I had written 25k words and was looking at a small series. For what it’s worth, I hope you like it. Comment, reblog and I’ll be posting the nest chapter around Wednesday. 

Keep reading

to be loved is to be seen.

pairings. idol!jungkook x reader

genres/aus. fluff, established relationship, idol!au

warnings. mentions of smoking and alcohol

masterlist

—

“i’m going to use the bathroom real quick.” you tell jungkook as you lift yourself off the couch. he’s quick to stand up with you but you lightly push him down, your index finger grazed against his skin from the buttons on his shirt being unbuttoned and exposing a bit of his chest.

you shake your head. “stay, i’ll be back.” you say while pulling one side of his shirt closed to hide the bareness. girls have been staring at him and trying to come up to him and it’s getting annoying.

his bottom lip is pushed out slightly, pouting before he lets you go alone.

jungkook watches you make it to the stairs until you disappear from his sight.

you’re thankful the bathroom wasn’t occupied and you could easily walk in, locking the door behind you.

anxious thoughts invade your mind. the five drinks you’ve had can’t even cloud your thoughts nor make you tipsy enough—curse your body for not being a lightweight.

jungkook’s friends had invited you two to a party and originally he didn’t want to go because you were with him and he wanted to be with you. but he barely gets to see his friends and it’s been awhile since he’s been out with them. it took a bit to persuade him but he gave in on the exception that you came. and you didn’t mind. you thought it would be fun. it was fun.

but his friends aren’t your friends and your social battery around strangers tends to drain fast. they’re nice people and all, but now you just want to go home.

this was your idea you know… yeah well, you’re gonna tough it out for him because he’s having a good time and you’re gonna do anything for him. good pep talk!

“__?” three soft knocks and his sudden voice makes you jump, realizing you’ve been standing in front of the sink, stuck in your head.

“hang on!” you shout out, quickly using the restroom and washing your hands before you step out to meet the boy on your mind.

his eyes find yours quickly, trying to decipher any changes in your body language or to read anything going on behind your orbs.

“you okay? you’ve been in there for awhile so i came up to check on you.” he asks with concern in his voice.

you try to smile but it comes out small. “yeah, sorry,” you opened your mouth to continue but nothing comes out.

a couple drunkenly tumbles up the stairs, heading towards you both but he’s quick to grasp onto your waist and move you both against the wall. the couple passes you and disappears into a room, slamming the door behind them.

both of you slowly turn your heads to look at each other with raised eyebrows and you burst into fits of laughter. him still holding onto you, as you two start to quiet down. the scent of his cologne and cigarettes permeated your nostrils, remembering him and his friends were outside smoking earlier. in the early stages of you two dating, the smell used to bother you, so jungkook had the notion to smoke outside shirtless so the smell doesn’t catch onto his clothes and to brush his teeth so he can kiss you easily. now you’re used to it.

suddenly, he’s gazing down upon you. “you tired?”

immediately shakes your head, “no.”

he lets out a deep breath and hums, sliding a hand into the front pocket of his jeans before throwing the other over your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side as he guides you downstairs.

“well i am. let’s go home.” he declares, his head turning left and right to find where his friends went while you just gawk at him.

but you don’t say nothing.

once you both reach his group of friends, they’re heads turn towards you both. “guys i’m feeling tired so we’re gonna head home.”

“what, already?”

“that’s cool, thanks for coming man.”

you released yourself from jungkook so they could bid their manly goodbyes, them also thanking you for coming and saying it was good to see you.

jungkook links his hand with yours as you both make your way out the building onto the streets. with your hand in his, he brings it up to his face and softly kisses the back of it three times.

you fondly stare at him before hanging your head as you watch both your pairs of feet walk in sync.

“sorry i made you leave early, i know you said you were tired because of me. i didn’t mean to force you to leave ‘cus i know you were having fun–“

he stops in his tracks and squeezes your hand. “baby, ever since i met you, the thought of being without you made me crazy. so what makes you think i’d want to be out without you?” he expresses, taking your face in the palm of his hands and pressing his lips against yours in a short kiss. “plus, being at home in bed with you honestly sounds really fucking good right now.”

a timid smile stretched onto your lips before you reached on your tippy toes to kiss him again. “i love you.”

“i love you, silly. now let’s go home. are you hungry, ‘cus im craving ramen and i might make some when we get home.”

“ramen actually sounds really good right now.”

it’s 3am as i finish this so enjoy another self indulgent jungkook brain rot :D the way ill be at an outing w family or friends having fun but then two hours pass and with the snap of fingers i go quiet and have a rbf and i’m ready to go home and be in bed💀 anyway likes & reblogs are v much appreciated !! stay safe and healthy <33

ICHOR | jjk

pairing: idol!boyfriend!jungkook x f. reader

genre: fluff

word count: 2.4k

summary: after a bad day at work, you lose a sense of yourself and jungkook leads you right back to her.

warnings: crying, capitalism, death metaphors, sadness, jungkook is sweaty and is wearing that nike shirt he wore in his working out live, has fluffy hair!

note: hiii, bubbas, so this is fluff fic is partly for @frmisnow bc she inspired me to write this & i also want to make her feel better with this sacchariny-sweet jungkook, partly for me bc i genuinely wrote in detail about what i went through at work these past two days. and, also, for all you guys because i made you go through reading about such evil jungkook in my last berries fic. i hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think. here's to a bit of happiness in our lives *cheers with an imaginary glass of imaginary pink, glittery, strong, fairy alcohol*. <3

You used to be a goddess, the ichor in your veins carried the color of roses, glinted with flecks of gold that would radiate your skin from beneath, make any heads turn, especially the one you loved the most. Customers at work smiled upon seeing your cordial aura, close-knit even though they were mere strangers, preferred to go to you amidst the flock of your other colleagues around. They would become radiated just the same, joy so terribly evident on their faces as their smile would grow. They would frown upon seeing the state of you at this current moment—curled up on your bed while the heat of the beginning of the summer clings to your near bareness, coming through your wide opened windows, the white, translucent curtains billowing up and down in their strange, but magnolious dance. 

You’re not Aphrodite. You’re not Euphrosyne, the goddess of joy and mirth, either. 

You’re the slain fawn at their feet—for their very own feast and for the feast of those aforementioned customers, who stand behind the dryly bloodied cause of your death. 

Work was hell, to say the least. 

You always thought death was a kind embrace, not a tight clasp of doom around the nape of your neck, your mental strain and disquietude the half moon marks that ever so slowly deepen. You mimic the movement on the hem of the linen shirt you wore for the day, one that you were too drowsy to take off when you arrived at home, having only a slight wisp of an energy to rid yourself of the uncomfortable tightness of your jeans and crawl onto your bed, knees to chest, on your side. You bunch up the fabric in your fist, wrinkling it, but you hardly vanquish the cuts that your anxiety slashes on your skin. You thought it would alleviate you of your tenseness, but as it seems—it only worsened it. 

You don’t even have tears to shed. Wept them all out in your manager’s office while she harshly, yet calmly reprimanded you for your mistake and the gravity of the fact that you almost lost your precious job, that you can’t imagine living without, washed over you and pained you like a splash of salty water in your eyes. Wept them all out when you breathed in the crooked, paralyzed expression of disappointment in her face—and that’s the sole thing that emptied out your system of that ichor, wiped out your reputation of being a good, reliable employee that everybody liked. 

Now the next unfolding of your days spent at work shall be filled with silent judgements and secretive gossip, the big talk of the entire building—something that will hang by the strands of your hair for every head to turn to until something else comes along. Another topic, another fuck-up. That’s the face of modern capitalism, the absurdity of day-to-day normalcy its features, and you’re so sick, so repulsed to be staring at it every single day of your life that you yearn to not be anymore. 

Death has flattened over you, but has not finished its job. It was Dante who described the process of hell in his Divine Comedy and you hate him for the rotten pulchritude of his mind because you find yourself to be standing in the middle of inferno with no guide—no Virgil, no Beatrice—to hold your hand and lead you through this scalding maze. You’re all alone, your mistake carving the branches of the trees burning down in your hell over your burdened, heavy heart that has been longing for the company of another ever since you walked out of your manager’s office. 

Your face screws as another agonized emotion rises in you. You can’t stand your aloneness, can’t stand your burden—and before you realize what you’re doing, your fingers have already tapped on your boyfriend’s name in your history of calls. The screen of your phone is cool against the fever of your cheek and you rub your face harder against your duvet, staining the strawberry pattern with the particular tinge of your makeup, which must have been the color of your ichor. 

You wince, the rings prolonging in your ear, your impatience running thin. 

Then, your heart drops once you hear the broken whisper of your Beatrice, faintly, barely, which causes your heart to spread its longing. Damn iPhones and their bad service. 

“Jungkook?” you call out, nonsense coming through the other end—and you repeat his name until his voice smooths out, relief sinking in like a stone in a pond. 

It turns out you were exchanging each other’s names and the intimacy of it curls the smallest of smiles on your mouth. You miss him; you need him. 

“When are you coming home?” you ask, wishing to descend into the emitting waves of the call, slide through them until you spring to wherever he is, no matter how tired you are—you’re willing to cross the distance. 

You hear him turn on his blinker and your heart almost does it for you. 

“I’m driving home right now. I’ll be there in ten,” he says and your relief expands in your chest, taking a small weight off of your heart. You place your palm against it. 

“Okay.” 

A beat of silence. 

“Why do you sound so sad?” 

Your mouth curls downwards. “Something happened at work.” 

An inhale of breath. “Screw that, baby. I’ll be there in five, okay?” 

A whimper. “Okay, drive safe.” 

And your Beatrice didn’t lie to you. Soon, you hear the banging of the front door closing, the tossing of his keys and the prodding open of your shared bedroom door. The hastened footsteps, hefty on the floating floor, the squeak of the mattress as his knee dips on it and the glide of his hand up your thigh. All before you use the last of your strength to focus your swimming vision on him. 

Hearing him alone helped you take a step further in your inferno. 

And then you can smell him. The scent of sweat clinging to his favorite ivory Nike shirt, interlaced with his natural, poetic scent, creating something divine that blesses you with the strength to place your palm on top of his hand. Your coworkers hugged you earlier, clasped your hands in theirs in reassurement and more than welcome it, you absolutely despised it. Lingered in their affection only because you thought you should let yourself be consoled, for you know they care about you. But his touch… that’s not something you sense your body to want to run away from. On the contrary, it seems to be something that it’s missing. 

You can’t part the stream of your new tears with your other hand. 

You spill, completely. 

Jungkook coos, squeezing the bare flesh of your thigh as turns you onto your back and nudges himself between them, plopping his body on top of yours. And then, he’s kissing the place your undone shirt made for him, trailing his lips up your neck, where he stays, where he conjures a garden of fluttering gardenias, their tender petals tickling you. 

“What did they do to my princess?” he murmurs against your skin, his words muffled but heard clearly by your ears. You sob, your chest shuddering in violent staccatos against his, unable to settle, unable to speak. Jungkook lifts his small head and frowns, his thumb swiping your tears away while the rest of his four fingers cradle your cheek. You lean into the balmy safety of the realm of his palm, gaze fixed on the wrinkle between his brows, mouth letting out puffs of soft, gentle exhales. He kisses your chin, the corner of your mouth, the wetness of your other cheek—buries his nose into it, right beside yours, inhaling you, giving you fresh air to breathe in. “Don’t cry. I’m gonna decapitate them.” 

The whisper, the hand that parted the stream. You whimper and he steals the traces of your despondency, pecking the new, smooth surface, planting roses to bloom, its roots bestowing you with the ability of speech. 

Two sentences, two miles further in the inferno. Your burnt down trees are lost in the far distance, swallowed by the fire, yet the forest shows every sign of growing anew the longer Jungkook’s heart beats against your breast. 

He’s so benevolently patient with you, not rushing you with your explanation. It all the more drives you to disclose it to him—and you open your mouth to speak, your fingers following suit, helping you with your words as you drag them through the soft mop of his fluffy hair. 

“I made a mistake yesterday while closing up,” you croak out, licking your lips. Jungkook lifts himself onto his elbows, clutching your shoulders, keeping the close proximity intact. His warm grip is a stability you lean on, one you appreciate with every broken shard in you. “I did it five minutes earlier and somebody came in. I sent them away and they filed a complaint against me. They wrote an email to my manager and I… I almost lost my job.”

The wrinkle between his brows deepens and you thumb it, wishing it away. You don’t want to mar his beautiful face because of your foolishness; you want it to remain that soft ball of light that he always is, but then you realize you’re asking for the impossible. His mouth flattens, pity flashes across his round eyes, which helps you perceive that if he didn’t react like this, he wouldn’t love you—and his love is the air you breathe; his love is the ointment you need for your sadness. 

As if he heard you, he kisses you delicately and you sail—skip the purgatory and land in paradiso, a meadow of wildflowers overlooking a cliff that opens the restfulness of the sea, scattered with windswept petals of those lost blossoms, coloring the surface with pinks, whites and the greens of their leaves. 

“Did your manager yell at you?” Jungkook questions, his lips lifted a millimeter above yours, his thumbs fondling the fabric of your shirt upon your shoulders. 

“No, but she was very strict with me. Told me not to cry—”

His breath wafts over your face when he looks into your eyes, displeased. “She made you cry?” 

You cried because through her words you comprehended the gravity of your mistake and its repercussions, not because she deliberately used them to open the dam of your emotions. It’s precisely why she told you not to cry, giving you a hint of her perpetually nonexistent compassion. And you tell him. 

“No, she didn’t. She was very professional with me and made me realize what I did after I apologized. I cried because I was so scared of losing my job, of disappointing her and shit like that.” 

Jungkook purses his lips, shaking his head, curly strands rippling like the tremor of leaves. “She should’ve dropped it after you apologized. Five minutes is nothing, baby. You did nothing to deserve to be treated like that.” 

Your chest heaves, his love and reassurement sifting sand into your bloodstream, the color of ichor. “I know but… you know,” you trail off, indicating the realm of respect all peers must have for the management that you don’t really want to venture into, not when Jungkook had to deal with it as well in his music company. But unlike you, he broke out of its clutches. It cost him tears, frustration and weight loss, but now he’s a free bird of paradise. You don’t wish to make him remember his cage. 

Jungkook sighs. “Yeah, baby, I know, which is why I’m telling you that you didn’t deserve that.” 

Your chin quivers, the negative thoughts that wore you down in his absence returning at full speed. “It affects my mental health when I’m bad at my job.” 

Brows rounding upwards, his eyes flick to your chin, a glossy wetness coating them. He pecks it before he gazes into your irises. “But you’re not bad at your job. You just closed a few minutes earlier. You’re amazing at your job. You make people happy. I’ve seen it with my own eyes,” he says, meaning every word with the way he presses each one into your pupils. You feel its magnetism and you take it. “And I’m proud of you. Every day. You work so hard. Come home tired every day. Deal with people who aren’t always nice to you with kindness that I envy. I’m proud of you, you hear me? You didn’t make a mistake. You did good.”

And there it is, the stampede of your bloodstream—Jungkook has seeped the entirety of the sand until he emptied out his hand and your ichor charges forward, its light like a bud flaring open beneath your skin. And you're floating on that sea in paradiso, your braid adorned with the wet petals that swims back and forth to his arm that holds your body steady upon the surface, the names of the Greek goddesses lining every perimeter, sinking within. 

You’ve become them, all over again. 

“Thank you, Ggukie,” you whisper, running your hand through the front bangs of his hair, gripping them. It’s as if you’re holding the petals. “I needed to hear that.” 

He pouts, touched by the love name. “I know. You need to rest now after such an emotionally exhausting day. No more tears, okay?” 

You nod, feeling whole, feeling like you can face tomorrow with more courage. “Okay.” 

You pout, mimicking him, asking for a kiss and he gives it to you in that same delicate manner, plunging the entirety of the summer’s heat, molded by his hands, into you, making it bearable for you. 

Looks at you for a long time, after. Smiling. 

“You know, I didn’t take a shower after the gym for you,” he says, quirking a smile on your face.

You’re intimately acknowledged with the reason why, yet still you ask: “Why’s that?” 

He reciprocates the smile. “I thought you’d help me wash up. My muscles are sore and all. I lifted the double amount of your body weight.” 

You bite your lip. You’re willing to wash every inch of him with your utmost care. You deem he deserves it for enlivening you, but you’d much rather stay here, inhaling that dizzying scent of him. 

“I’ll do that, but let’s stay here for a little while.” 

Jungkook nods, kissing your jaw before he finds a comfortable place on your bosom, listening to the rush of your ichor, the sun rays upon the sea of that paradiso, inching you closer and closer to God. Augments the ending of that Divine Comedy. 

Doesn’t lead you to the final installment of death, but pushes you to life full of that brisk wind, the humming of the sea and the song of swaying wildflowers. 

Holds your hand. 

Doesn’t let go. 

𓂃 ౨ৎ LOVE-KISSED BABIES: @tkslovechild, @jjk7k, @parkinglot-nights, @bethvar, @Sexytholland, @yoongibaybee, @crystaleah,@fennecnco, @lil-kpopstan, @euphoricmyth.

© 2024 hoseoksluna, all rights reserved

BACK to masterlist

Arguments with bf!bts: Yoongi

a/n: this is me elaborating on the bangtan boys during an argument post. so not all rainbows and sunshine. tags and warnings on each part separately. these are just moments. some have a beginning and an end, some have one of those, and some have neither. i did not want specify the topics of the arguments too much. feedback is greatly appreciated. (see more author's notes below the story)

~

(threats, stalkers, intruders, bts is in danger, yoongi is in a bad mood, distant!yoongi, past injured!yoongi, apologies, happy-ish ending, comfort)

~

You let out a sigh and lower your face into your hands. The time seems to stand still. The silence is broken only by the clock on the wall. It goes tick, tock, counting the time until Yoongi breathes in.

“I know you are upset”, he speaks slowly, his voice low, “and I know why. But, I don’t know what you want me to do.”

You straighten your back, trying to meet his eyes, but he averts your gaze. You sigh again, deep, trying to find the words.

“I just want you to see me”, you finally whisper, “I want my partner to see me, notice me. It may seem selfish to you, but I really wish you were my boyfriend every day, not only on your days off or when you come back from tour.”

Yoongi opens his mouth, as if he is about to say something, but closes it soon after. Still, he does not look at you, but you can see his brows frown.

“I love you, Yoongi-ah”, you continue, sudden tightness in your throat making it hard to speak, “I am so damn deep in love with you, but sometimes, I am not sure if you feel the same.”

Yoongi shifts in his seat, but keeps his gaze lowered.

“I knew what I signed up for when we got together”, you tell him, “I knew you would be away a lot. I knew you would take two-hour naps every day after writing and composing all night. I knew you would not stay home even sick or injured.”

You start to tear up, remembering the time when you got a call from the hospital after Yoongi had ripped the tendons in his knee. You remember how you hurried there to see him, but he refused to let you in until he was discharged. You remember, how, every day for a month, he refused to ask you for help and would fall over with his crutches, drop plates on the floor and stay up nights after nights because of the pain.

“I know you love your job, and I get it", you explain, keeping your voice steady, "but I did not expect you to love it more than me.”

Now, Yoongi nails his eyes at you.

“How dare you?” he asks. He speaks through his teeth, but in his eyes, you can see that he is hurt by your words.

“How dare you”, Yoongi speaks again, “even hint towards questioning my love for you, let alone say it to my face like that?”

“I am sorry I offended you”, you say, gaining a little confidence in your voice after getting a reaction out of him and not just speaking to a brick wall. “But this is how I feel. I feel like, nowadays, I am on the second place for you, an afterthought.” You search for the next words but pause after seeing Yoongi’s face drop.

Yoongi steps to you, dropping down on one knee on the floor and taking your hand in his.

“I thought I was protecting you by keeping this to myself”, Yoongi says, and you move to sit on the floor as well.

“I thought you did not have to know, that I could handle it. I just didn’t want you to worry.”

Your head is spinning, trying to get hold of what he is saying. His expression is softer now, and he is rubbing your palm with his thumbs.

“What?” is all you can get out. Yoongi sighs, deeply, and in your mind, you go through a million scenarios of what this sudden mood change could be about.

“It is work”, Yoongi says, and you feel the worry raise its head inside you again.

“But it’s not what you think.”

What then? you want to scream, grab his shoulders and shake him, but his thumbs keep rubbing the soothing circles against your sweating skin.

“After the comeback”, Yoongi begins, his voice only above a whisper, “things got… weird. We started to have cars outside the label, and the studios. They were there when we arrived and when we left. I heard they were taking pictures of us, even following us on our way home.”

Yoongi looks up at you, as if he is making sure you are not getting too upset by what he is saying.

“We thought it was just paparazzi, or fans that had gone a bit too far. But then, we started getting threats.”

You cannot stop your jaw from dropping and your hands from squeezing Yoongi’s a little harder. “What do you mean?” you ask.

“Letters, calls”, he explains, “banners outside venues. One day, a group of people got in the building. Fortunately, they were stopped and arrested before they made it past the lobby. But, we were adviced to stay alert.”

You are not sure if you heard him right. Your ears are ringing, your breath getting fast and shallow.

“Is that why-“, you begin with a shaky voice, but Yoongi stops you.

“That is why I have spent nights elsewhere”, he admits, tilting your chin so that you are facing him. “That is why I have been in a bad mood, stressed out and short-tempered. I know it is not an excuse, but I have been worried sick over you. The last thing I wanted to do is lead the stalkers to our home.”

You wipe your face with your sleeve to stop the tears that you did not notice escaping your eyes. Yoongi pulls your hands to bring you closer to him, and wraps his arms around you.

“I am sorry for keeping this from you, but I thought I was doing the right thing”, he says, running his hands up and down your back, “I did not want you to worry, but I did not see how much my behavior was upsetting you.”

“I wish you had told me”, you speak against the fabric of his shirt.

“Me too”, he says, “now that I rethink about it.”

“Is it-“, you begin, not sure how to place your words, “I mean, are the threats still coming?”

“I am afraid so”, Yoongi replies, his voice blank all of a sudden, “I guess the intruders were not the only ones involved. But everyone is working day and night trying to figure out who they are.”

You nod, trying to stop your mind from creating horrible scenes about the stalkers, wondering what if…

“But”, Yoongi’s voice stops your train of thought, “I still have to keep my eyes open.” You nod, expecting him to continue.

“I am sorry but I cannot answer your calls when I am at work. And, sometimes, I may have to stay there overnight so that they cannot follow me home. To you.” He whispers the last two words but you hear it anyway, feeling a warm touch of relief in your chest. What Yoongi has just told you, is scary, unreal, but you decide to hold on to the fact that the distance you have been sensing, the chill you sometimes felt between you, is not about you or your relationship.

“Try not to worry too much, dear”, Yoongi says, letting go of you to meet your eyes, “and, never ever doubt my feelings for you.”

You nod, embarrassment creeping up your spine. Yoongi cups your face with his hands, replacing the feeling with warmth and safety.

“I love you so much”, Yoongi says, sealing his words with a gentle kiss, “and I hate being away from you." Another kiss. "But if that is what it takes to keep you safe, it is all worth it.”

~

a/n: why am i kinda nervous to post this?? i was thinking about saving this one for last bc gahhh i personally love this and yoongi so much. but, i want to go by the age order so here it is. lmk what you think xoxo

😭😭😭😭

all too well | epilogue

↳ 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | epilogue

summary: you and Yoongi shared a loving relationship with one another until you both agreed to end things and pursue your separate careers. but two years later, Yoongi is a member of the ever growing Bangtan Boys, and you are a new makeup artist for their upcoming tour.

pairing: yoongi x fem!reader

genre: idol au, makeup artist au, exes au | angst/smut

warnings: the end, that’s all folks <3 thank you for sticking through until the end! 

word count: 3k

.

(THREE YEARS LATER)

You always took the saying ‘all good things must come to an end’ in application to lots of different stages of your life and lots of different circumstances. While endings always make you sad, you constantly tried to think of it more as a springboard effect towards bigger and better things that would surely be thrust upon into your life. You made sure to put 110% of your effort into everything you did and every little challenge that presented itself into your life. You liked to believe that the way you handled certain events and situations were always important to changing the course of your life, and every decision you made was conjured up for a reason.

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i need more of something like these 🥹🥹🥹🥹

when did it end? - park jimin

short and sweet. mild angst. inspired by billie eilish's 'what was i made for?'. dad!jimin au.

my masterlist!

｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆｡･::･ﾟ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆

jimin had watched his daughter grow up.

her face, round with youth and bright like the sunshine, had changed little in his eyes even though he knew that she wasn’t a baby anymore. in fact, she was exactly the age that you were when he met you, today.

looking at her, laughing with her friends in the living room while he sat at the kitchen counter, he couldn’t help but think back to how life was with you.

days that felt neverending, spent at the beach. wading through the cold water, all year round, even during the freezing winter when you would grumble about how it was way too cold for the sun to work, way too cold for you to tan the way you wanted to. regardless of what you said, he always managed to drag you into the ocean. not that it took too much convincing—he knew, deep down, that you had always been a lover of the sea. just like he was. it was something that had brought the two of you together.

other days, you would go to the cinema like teenagers always did, on first dates, and second dates, and whenever they weren’t sure of where else to go. you were a sucker for horror and even though jimin always had nightmares for days after watching one, he still went with you. anything to make you happy. (even if it traumatised him a bit...)

it had all ended far too fast. not even three months after the birth of your daughter, you were gone. the doctors had done everything they could to save you, but you were gone.

that was sixteen years ago, now. sixteen years ago, jimin had had no idea how he would raise his daughter without you, without his lover, his best friend, his rock.

“dad!”

pulled out of his thoughts, jimin met the gleaming eyes of his clever daughter and smiled, lines creasing at the corners of his eyes. “soomin, what’s wrong?”

“we’re going out,” soomin responded with a bright grin, gesturing at her three friends, who had begun to pack up their things, “i’ll see you tonight. i’m so excited for your cake.”

jimin chuckled, silenced by how deeply her smile reminded him of you. how the way her left cheek dimpled was the way yours had. how her voice was as bright and beautiful as yours had always been.

“stay safe, soominie,” he said, patting her on the head, “i love you.”

she jokingly slapped at his hand for the pat, before heading out the door. jimin was left staring at the door, the house absent of sound.

he wished you were here to see it all.

hopeless hearts

summary: you never understood the gravity of your position as an intern working Kcon until you fall for one of your favorite idols, Jeon Jungkook—quite literally too.

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

genre: idol/fan au, strangers to lovers au | fluff 

warnings: the slowest of slow burns <3, mushy mushy fluff <3 

word count: 17k

a/n: inspired by a job application a friend sent to me. sentences in italics are the characters speaking korean! 

.

Sometimes you think you have a lot of mixed feelings when it comes to your job.

On one hand, it’s a pretty incredible opportunity, one that you acknowledge not a lot of people get to experience first hand: which is working as an intern in the event operations department for Kcon—the annual Korean convention in which big Kpop groups will travel around the world to bring their music and their joy to the international fanbase. For someone who never actually had the means and the ability to make the trip as an audience member of your own accord, it’s fascinating to witness the back-the-scenes sight of how much effort and how much time goes into planning and organizing an event of this scale.

And because Kcon it in of itself is half a convention and half a concert, there were always many people needed to cover the different subsections of the event, which is where your role as an intern came into play. Given that there were two interns in the department of organizing the physicality of the event, you were put on the team mainly in charge of organizing the convention while the other intern assisted with scheduling of the talents and making sure the performances would go by smoothly.

But on the other end of that spectrum, working with vendors really allows you to see how many people handle responsibility and deadlines and it makes you want to pull the hair out of your roots. You like to think of yourself as a fairly reasonable person, giving a vendor 24 hours to respond to emails at the latest before having to resort to more emails and phone call—but this is absolutely ridiculous.

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Forever Has A Limit

; Jungkook x Reader

; Genre: Angst

; Word Count: 2.3k

; Warnings: Infidelity, low self-esteem

; A/N: Sorry. Lol

-

“I’m sorry.” You whisper quietly, playing with the pile of mashed potatoes nervously. Your stomach feels like you’re on a rollercoaster, dipping with nausea that has you swallowing thickly to try and stave the vomit.

He pauses, a forkful of chicken halfway to his looks before he looks at your with a frown marring that beautiful face you’d fallen in love with with so long ago. When you’d first started dating it had been wonderful and he’d looked at you as if you’d hung the stars in the sky and coloured in the sun for him.

Now you were lucky if he talked to you at all. But you still loved him so much - he made your heart trip when he smiled and your lips smile when he laughed. He just didn’t seem to do it anymore with you. Not since her.

“Sorry for what?” The quick glance to the side has you guessing that he’s trying to figure out if he’s done something wrong. Which makes you laugh, because he has. But you’re stupid, and you’d forgive him if he’d just come back to you.

Keep reading

pairings. jungkook x reader (f)

genres/aus. comfort, established relationship

warnings. descriptions of anxiety

notes. another self indulgent writing with jk on my mind <3

masterlist

—

oh god. why do you do this to yourself? and always at this time at night, always when you have to piss too.

it’s late, around 1:30 in the morning and your boyfriend is sound asleep peacefully snoring into his pillow. you’ve grown accustomed to his sleeping habits and it’s now become something you miss on those months he’s gone for work.

he fell asleep easily, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out fast. muttering an ‘i love you’ half asleep before slumber took over.

you’ve been scrolling on your phone switching from different apps back to tiktok. until one specific tiktok appeared on your for you page, one that piqued your interest with the eerie sound. a lady was explaining a nightmare she had and how she saw a creepy, shadow face with picture evidence. and now you can’t unsee it and you paused the video because the sound was becoming overwhelming and suddenly you feel like it was in the room with you.

you remember how you had to pee and that urge comes back but no way are you walking that three feet in the dark.

you scroll past the video and it’s one showing an otter swimming in a pool. yes, much better.

but that haunting image keeps flashing behind your eyes, so you exit out the app and go back to youtube. trying to find one of your comfort videos you always go back to rewatch. you take a peek over your phone to see the faint outline of jungkook on his side, mouth slightly open. oh how i wish that could be me right now.

anxious thoughts hit you again and you wonder if you turn over, would that face be there?

you’ve always been like this since you were little. afraid of the dark and gets easily scared. suddenly you wish you kept that ocean nightlight you had since you were five, but your mom gave it away to your cousins.

there’s only one thing you could think of.

“kook, kook..” you gently shake his shoulder to wake him. it takes a few more tries before he’s awake. your phone automatically turns off from the screen not being touched. leaving your room pitch black.

he breathes out, “what’s wrong? you okay?” you open your phone, illuminating the room a bit.

you bite your lip. “can you walk with me to the bathroom? i’m scared..” do you sound like a child right now?

jungkook, without questions, kicks the blanket off and crawls out of bed to walk around to your side of the bed.

“come on.” he mutters, he holds out his hand for you to grab as you get out of bed. you’re clinging to his side as you take those few steps to the bathroom in your room.

when he turns the light on, you both hiss at the brightness. your appearances in the mirror looks like you’ve been in bed for a bit. but jungkook doesn’t look bothered at all, a small smile that says a million things to you eases your worries.

he leans against the counter with his arms crossed as you do your business before washing your hands.

while you’re in front of the sink, he comes up behind you to circle his arms around your waist. “wake me up always if you need anything, i don’t mind. and if i don’t wake up for the first couple times, i allow you to smack me with a pillow.”

you chuckle. “okay.”

“okay.”

he walks you back to your side of the bed and tucks you in, crawling over you to get on his side. blindly reaching for your hand under your pillow, giving it a squeeze. “put your youtube video on baby.”

you nod, even though he can’t see. then you hear his soft snores again. you lean in to place a kiss on of his forehead before doing as he says.

If We're Being Honest [1/2]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word Count: 6.8k [Part 2]

Summary: Already having an awful week, you're a bit out of it while at Josie's with your friends, too busy sulking and drinking down your feelings to keep up with conversation. The sight of Matt wandering off with a beautiful woman yet again certainly doesn't help. But when you stay behind by yourself to finish your drink and wallow a bit more, you're surprised when Matt reappears and offers to let you stay the night at his place. Eventually, the night takes a turn you weren't anticipating.

Warnings/Tags: Angst with a happy ending, confession of feelings (with a twist), delayed comfort, anxious/depressed inebriated Reader

a/n: This is a two part little fic with angst in this first half and the comfort y'all want in the second half. I was craving angst and a twist on the typical confession of feelings fic, so here y'all go! Feedback is always appreciated!

Matt Murdock One Shot Tag List: @pazii @shouldbestudying41 @kmc1989 @ebathory997 @mattkinsella @yeonalie @shiorimakibawrites @xxdrixx @wkndwlff @leikelle @pinkratts @lazyxsquirrel @1988-fiend @marvelcinematiquniverse @carstairswife @stilldreaming666 @kiwwia-wiwwia @willwork4dilfs @will-delete-this-later-probably @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @theetherealbloom @yarrystyleeza @dramaholic18 @ladywholikesreading @sleepysleepymom @tartbeanpuzzles @harleycao @sunflower-tia

Absently spinning your bottle of beer on the table with one hand, your eyes were fixed on the little droplets of condensation along the side of it. Your chin rested in the palm of your other hand as you watched one of the droplets begin to snake its way down the side of the brown glass, moving as if it was in slow motion. Outside of the bar, the downpour of summer rain battered against the window to your left.

Foggy’s hand loudly and abruptly slapping the table broke through your daze, causing you to jump in your seat. Eyes flying over towards him beside you, you watched as he let out a boisterous laugh, throwing his head back over his shoulders. Karen and Matt both quickly followed after, breaking into a fit of laughter along with him. Meanwhile you sat in your seat with absolutely no idea what had them laughing so hard because you hadn't been paying attention to the conversation for the past few minutes. 

You'd been having a rough week, both emotionally and mentally, and were currently trying your hardest not to sit and wallow in self-pity tonight–but you weren't doing a great job of that so far. Not only had you received a wedding invitation to your cousin's wedding the other day, but last night Marci had asked you to be a bridesmaid at her and Foggy’s upcoming wedding. Which of course you'd said yes to, ecstatic for your friends to finally be getting married and having an actual date set for their big day. But all of that had made you increasingly aware of your own single-ness this week in particular, especially after Karen had spent the first part of tonight gushing about the new guy she'd been seeing. 

You were happy for your friends, honestly. They were amazing people who deserved nothing but the best. You absolutely couldn't wait for all of the wedding festivities coming up that you'd be celebrating with everyone, either–for Marci and Fog's wedding and your cousin. You even thought the guy Karen was seeing sounded like an actual great catch for her for once. 

But you just couldn't help but feel like there was something wrong with you tonight. It had been far too long since you'd last had a date, and even longer than that since you'd been in a relationship. It didn't help that you certainly didn’t feel like you fit in with this group of friends you’d somehow found yourself a part of for the past almost year now. 

It had been by sheer accident that you’d met Foggy and Karen one morning all those months ago. And it was only because the three of you had had a coffee mishap at a coffee shop near the office where they worked. It was Foggy who’d chased you out of that shop for the drink you'd accidentally grabbed by mistake. Apparently it had been for his law firm partner Matt, who happened to be very particular about his coffee. They needed to be at the courthouse in time for a court case that morning so he didn't have time to get back in line to reorder the coffee. Having not had a chance to drink from the cup in the time you'd managed to grab it and make your way out the door, you'd readily swapped Matt's drink with your actual coffee that Foggy had grabbed. You’d apologized profusely for the mistake, but you'd formed the opinion that his firm partner sounded like an ass to be that particular about his coffee.

And for the next few mornings before work after that, you kept noticing Karen and Foggy at the same coffee shop. The pair of them were always excited to greet you, jokingly dubbing you the ‘coffee thief’ from that moment forward. It wasn’t long before the morning small talk in the line for coffee eventually led to them inviting you out to this little dive bar at Josie’s where you had finally met him .

Matthew Michael Murdock.

As the laughter subsided at the table, your eyes shifted over to Matt as if they were magnetically drawn to him. There was a broad smile stretched wide across his face, displaying his perfect, white teeth. The adorable, lone dimple in his right cheek was visible tonight just beneath the stubble that was a bit darker and thicker than he usually kept it. His dark hair was partially windswept but now finally dry from the rain that had dampened it earlier. Somehow that had just made his hair look messy in a way that seemed intentional. His tie was partially undone, loose around the collar of his light blue dress shirt; and as usual by the time he’d reached Josie’s, his sleeves had been rolled up exactly two times to reveal those muscular forearms of his covered in that smattering of little dark hairs you’d always longed to touch. 

He looked good– so good. But he always did. 

And of course, you were aware that you weren't the only one who ever noticed that.

The tall brunette you’d caught eyeing Matt all night finally appeared just over his shoulder and you released a sigh, already knowing what was coming next. Matt always attracted attention from beautiful women wherever he went because he was handsome and charismatic and sweet. He was impossible to miss in a room full of people. Which was honestly true of Karen, Marci, and Foggy, too. They were all attractive, successful, and exceptionally well-spoken individuals with big personalities that you couldn’t help but be drawn to.

But not you. You stood out like a painting on a hotel wall wherever you went–common, bland, and not remotely out of the ordinary. 

“Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt,” the brunette began as she stopped beside the table. Her eyes landed on Matt as she flashed a stunning smile his way. “I couldn't help but keep stealing glances at you all night and I figured I'd finally just say hello.”

Matt turned in his chair towards the woman, a charming smile already prepared on his face for her. “Well I'm flattered,” he told her. “I only wish I could say the same about stealing glances at you in return all night, but well–”

Matt gestured at his red glasses as the woman laughed, the sound itself somehow even perfect and attractive. That dark feeling of jealousy and despair began knotting together, swirling in your gut and mixing with the beers you'd already downed. Movement across the table from you caught your attention and you glanced over, catching the sight of Karen playfully but discreetly rolling her eyes at you and Foggy. Foggy chuckled lightly in response, nodding a little. Your attention returned back to the condensation on your beer bottle, not interested in having a front row seat to watching another one of Matt's hook-ups pan out.

“Would it be alright if I bought you a drink?” you overheard the brunette ask. “I mean, if I'm not interrupting?”

“I can assure you that you’re absolutely not interrupting anything,” Matt told her, already sliding his chair back and rising to his feet. “I think these three have endured my company long enough for this evening anyway, and it isn't often a woman offers to buy me a drink.”

Matt said a quick round of goodbyes to the three of you as that beautiful brunette’s perfect laugh trilled over the sound of the rock music playing on the bar’s speakers. You muttered something back half-heartedly, not even bothering to glance up from your beer. It wasn’t like he’d have noticed anyway.

“Well maybe it’s about that time,” Foggy said, pulling the sleeve of his dress shirt back to check the time on his watch. “Marci had appointments for cake tastings tomorrow morning and I do not want to miss out on that.” 

Across the table, Karen raised her bottle up to her lips, downing the rest of her beer before setting the empty bottle back onto the table. “I might see if Alex wants to stop over tonight, actually,” she told you both. “Since it’s Friday and I don’t need to show up at the office for once on a Saturday morning.”

As both of them began sliding their chairs back, gathering their things from the table, you remained seated. Fingers tapping against the beer bottle, you watched as a droplet of condensation raced another over the curve of the glass. Out of your peripheral, you caught the way both Foggy and Karen’s movements slowed, the two of them exchanging an uncertain look with each other. Then you heard the way Karen said your name softly in question. Eyes shifting upwards, you focused on her on the other side of the table.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” she asked. “You’ve been oddly quiet all night.”

You forced a tired smile onto your face, nodding as you continued to rest your chin in your hand. “I’m fine,” you lied. “Just going to finish my drink before I leave, I think. Been a rough week at work and I just need to relax a little.”

“Do you…want us to stay?” Foggy asked.

You shook your head, releasing the bottle from your grip long enough to wave the pair of them off. “I’m fine drinking by myself, don’t worry about me,” you told him. “Go on. You both have someone to get back to tonight anyway, I’ll be alright.”

Karen hesitated beside the table, her concerned eyes landing back on Foggy still standing next to you. It looked like they were having a silent conversation with each other, but the thought of them staying here to keep you company when you knew there was somewhere they’d rather be–some one who’d they’d rather be with–only made that uncomfortable and sickening feeling of jealousy in your gut worse. 

Forcing that smile back on your face, you sat upright in your chair, ignoring the way the bar around you briefly spun in your vision from the beers you'd drank. Attempting to play the part of being just fine, you hoped that neither of them could see the truth behind the mask you’d thrown on. You just wanted to sulk back for a few minutes and finish your beer while you unhealthily forced yourself to acknowledge the fact that Matt looked far better next to a woman like the one he was currently laughing with at the bar than someone like you. Then you’d go home, throw on your stained and worn pajamas that weren’t remotely sexy, and probably watch a bit of mindless television before going to bed. Alone. Like every other night.

“Alright, well…hopefully you enjoy your drink,” Karen replied hesitantly, still looking uncertain.

“Make sure you call for a ride, too,” Foggy said, pointing a finger at the window beside you. “Still raining cats and dogs out there. You don’t want to step in a poodle–I mean, puddle–on your way home.”

You laughed lightly at his joke, though not as much as you would’ve done any other night. Exchanging goodbyes with both of them afterwards, you sighed in relief when they finally turned and headed towards the exit. Slumping back down in your seat, you focused on the window to your left as you drew your bottle of beer back up to your lips, watching as the rain continued to come down hard. 

Maybe Melissa at work was right. Maybe it was time you tried downloading one of those stupid dating apps, even though the thought of weeding out so many assholes who just wanted sex was the last thing you wanted to do. But maybe it would beat being alone all the time. It wasn’t like you were having any luck trying to meet someone the old fashioned way–in person.

Taking another drink from your beer, your attention returned to Matt's back as he sat at the bar beside the attractive woman. Drinking down a few deep gulps, you wondered what it would be like to ever have his undivided attention like that. To have him throw jokes your way because he was trying to win you over, not because you were just one of his friends. To have his hand linger on your thigh while he spoke to you because he wanted you and he wanted you to know that. Or to have him lean in towards your ear and whisper literally anything to you. 

Swallowing your beer down, you tore your eyes away from the sight of Matt at the bar. He'd never once flirted with you like that, the thought only increasing the lingering pain of jealousy now spreading to your chest, feeling like it was sucking your heart into a blackhole of nothingness. You just weren't good enough were you?

Ducking your head, you tried to hide the emotion on your face even if the only person left at this bar to notice and comment would be Josie herself. Still, you'd rather not be asked to explain why you looked quite so miserable. But it hurt to realize that every single one of your friends had someone else to go home to tonight, and here you were drinking alone. Going home to an empty apartment after.

Figuring it was time you just downed the rest of your drink and headed home, you grabbed your beer and quickly drained the rest of its contents. Maybe being drenched in the summer rain on your walk back home would make you feel something tonight besides the growing ache of loneliness. 

Setting the finished bottle of beer back onto the table, you clumsily pushed your chair back. Rising to your feet, you nearly lost your balance when you slid out of the chair. Your hands darted out, grabbing onto the table to steady yourself for a moment. Maybe you'd drank those beers back faster than you'd realized, clearly a little more buzzed than you'd expected.

“Not a big deal,” you mumbled to yourself, maneuvering around the chair, “I can still manage to walk back inebriated in the rain.”

Slipping your purse from off the back of the chair, you tossed the strap over your head and readjusted it on yourself. Then you pushed the chair forward so as not to trip over it before turning. 

Immediately you stopped when you saw you weren't alone, a surprised gasp coming from you. You would’ve stumbled backwards if it hadn't been for your hand that flew out, grabbing onto the back of the chair you'd just pushed in. Matt was standing at the edge of the table, his cane unfolded and in both of his hands.

“Hey,” he said, his attention clearly fixed on you. “Josie said you were still here by yourself.”

Brows knitting together in confusion at him suddenly appearing over here when he had just been at the bar, you glanced back over to where you'd last seen him. The brunette he'd been talking to had disappeared entirely, no longer sitting on the bar stool. 

“Yeah, I was just…finishing my drink,” you replied, still scanning the bar for the woman. “Weren't you with someone just a minute ago?”

“Well I was,” he answered, “until Josie pointed out how you were sitting here all by yourself after Fog and Karen had already gone home. Had me worried. Are you doing alright?”

Your gaze returned back to him, taking in the look of concern etched across his handsome face. The same look Karen and Foggy had shared tonight. 

“I'm fine,” you said, repeating the same lie. 

Matt's head tilted curiously to the side, a mannerism of his that you always found adorable. Except for right now, because it felt like he was analyzing what you'd said far more closely than your other friends had.

“If you're heading out, I can call you a car,” Matt suggested. “I can even wait with you if you'd like.”

You shook your head, beginning to make your way past him. “I'm fine, Matt,” you told him. “I was just going to walk back.”

“In the rain?” he asked. “I might be blind but I'm not deaf. It's pouring outside. And you've had quite a few drinks tonight, let me just call you a car. You shouldn’t be walking home in that.”

“Maybe I want to take a walk in the rain,” you countered, coming to a stop beside him. “Something wrong with that? It's just rain.”

His brows drew up onto his forehead behind his glasses as he shifted on his feet. “You really want to walk almost two blocks in the pouring rain right now? Stumbling down the sidewalk alone?” he asked. “You sure about that?”

A frown settled onto your face. When he put it like that, no, you sort of didn't. But you also didn't feel like waiting to grab a cab, either. Especially if it meant waiting with Matt and being the cause of further ruining his evening.

“Alright, how about this,” he continued when you hadn’t answered. “You come back and stay at my place tonight. I think we can both manage a walk around the corner in the rain. I'll let you borrow something dry to sleep in and you can take the bed. That way I won't have to worry if you made it home alright and you can still have your walk in the rain.”

As his offer made its way past the alcoholic fog in your brain, your body stiffened. Had Matt really just invited you to stay the night at his place? Because he was worried about you getting home? And he'd walked away from what was clearly going to be an obvious hook-up? For you ?

You could feel your heart beating a little faster in your chest as all these things gradually began to register in your mind. Why would he do that? He’d never invited you to stay at his place before.

“I–” you began.

You could barely find the words to reply, your brain too muddled by the alcohol to think clearly. Was this just an invitation as a friend, or was it something more? 

“Is that a yes?” he questioned. “Because it sounds like the rain has eased up a bit, now would be the perfect time to head out before it downpours again.”

Slowly you nodded, the ‘yes’ coming out of you before you even realized you’d agreed. Because could you really pass up the chance to stay over at Matt’s place? You knew you’d always be left wondering what might’ve happened if you didn’t go. 

His hand extended out towards you, the movement drawing your gaze downwards. It hovered there in the space between both of your bodies, your eyes lingering on it. 

“Should we go then?” he asked.

Swallowing hard, you hesitantly reached your hand out, slipping it with uncertainty into his. But when his fingers curled around your hand in return, you realized that’s what he’d been silently asking. For you to hold his hand as you walked back with him in the rain.

“Probably will make it easier to keep either of us from tripping,” he told you, turning the pair of you around in the bar until you were both facing the exit. “Though I suppose now if one of us falls down, we both do.”

His head turned towards you, a cheeky grin on his mouth directed solely at you. You could feel the way your heart skipped in your chest at the sight, the cold, miserable feeling that you’d been experiencing all night easing its way out of you just a little. 

“So, do you care to lead the way or…?”

Snapping out of your daze staring at him–something you were grateful he couldn’t see–you quickly nodded. “Right, sorry,” you muttered, beginning to lead the pair of you towards the door.

The moment you’d led the pair of you out of Josie’s and out from beneath the little overhang at the entrance, the warm rain had already begun to soak your hair and your clothes. It had felt good though, especially with Matt’s warm, calloused hand wrapped around yours. As you sidestepped a puddle, you found yourself surprised at the unexpected turn that your evening had taken. Though there was still something on your mind and your inebriated brain just couldn’t resist finding out the answer as the pair of you neared the corner of the block.

“So…how much did I ruin your night tonight?” you asked Matt cautiously.

He glanced over his shoulder towards you, his cane tapping along the sidewalk and occasionally splashing up water each time it hit a puddle. Your bottom lip rolled back between your teeth as you began nervously gnawing on it, afraid of his answer.

“You didn’t ruin my night,” he replied easily. “Though I’ve been a bit worried about you. You’ve been quieter more than usual tonight. Is something on your mind?”

Yeah, you , you thought.

But of course, you couldn’t say that aloud.

You shrugged, your gaze dropping to the pavement ahead of you. “Just feeling a little down on myself, I guess,” you muttered. 

Hearing the words aloud had you cringing as you walked. You hadn't exactly meant to be honest and tell him that. 

“Feeling down on yourself about what, exactly?” he asked.

The pair of you rounded the corner, your blouse already drenched and sticking to your skin. Glancing up at Matt from beneath your lashes beside you, you couldn't help but notice the way his dress shirt was soaked and clinging to his muscular torso. It was physically painful how attractive he was. 

“It's stupid,” you mumbled, focusing back down on the pavement. 

Matt's hand squeezed yours, your heart practically slamming into your ribcage in shock at the gesture. You hoped he didn't notice the way your palm was gradually beginning to dampen with nervous sweat.

“Tell me what's on your mind,” he urged. “You know I won't judge you.”

The pair of you were quickly approaching Matt's apartment building as his words hung in the air between you. It was true though, in all your time knowing Matt he'd never once been mean to you. Never once had he made you feel bad about yourself. If anything he'd always been sweet and supportive, which only made you like him that much more. You sighed, and then suddenly you felt your drunk thoughts spilling out of your mouth faster than you could stop them. 

“I feel like I'm not good enough,” you confessed, the words spewing from you. “I haven't had a date in a long time. And then there's Marci and Fog who're getting married soon–and that's great. They're perfect for each other. And Karen, well, she might usually have poor luck with men, but she gets dates left and right. And she's gorgeous and smart so I get it. And then you–” you continued, wincing at the memory of him next to that brunette at Josie’s, his hand on her thigh, “–you could have a new fling for every night of the week in this damn city. But me?” You roughly shook your head, a tear managing to slip out of your eye and camouflaging itself with the drops of rain on your cheeks. “No one looks twice at me. I'm not special and I'm certainly not Karen or Marci. I don't even remember the last time a guy showed up to my place with flowers. It's been a long time since someone actually asked me on a date. And–”

You stopped short, your brain finally catching up and realizing all the things you'd just said aloud. You sucked in a breath as the wave of embarrassment hit you, your mouth promptly closing. How could you have possibly just admitted all that to Matt of all people?

“You know that's not true, right?” Matt said gently, his hand once again squeezing yours. “I'm sure plenty of guys have given you second or third looks. You're an incredibly smart and talented woman and you're being far too hard on yourself.”

You scoffed loudly, rolling your eyes as heat burned at your cheeks. But at the sound of your disbelief, Matt's hand gave a sharp pull on yours, drawing you both to a stop in front of his building. 

“Hey,” he said, tugging your hand and pulling you towards himself. “You should stop thinking about yourself like that. Stop being so critical of yourself. You're so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

Hearing his kind words, you couldn't bear to look him in the face. Feeling awkward, your gaze fixed down on your wet dress flats. “Easy for you to say,” you muttered, the alcohol once more loosening your tongue, “because you're successful and don't remotely have an issue attracting the opposite sex. It's not like that for the rest of us.”

Matt said your name firmly, the tone of his voice practically commanding you to focus back on him. His expression was serious despite the red glasses he wore obscuring his eyes, making it impossible to see the entirety of his face. His hair was soaked and clinging to his head from the rain, a few droplets streaming down his handsome face as he fixed his attention solely on you. Your hands instantly began to grow clammier under his undivided attention and you hoped he thought it was just from the rain.

“You're an amazing person and some lucky guy is going to come and sweep you off your feet,” he told you. “You'll find him, I can assure you of that.”

As you gazed back at him on the sidewalk, the rain still falling over the pair of you, your buzzed brain tried to understand if there was something else hidden in Matt's words, some other thing that he was trying to tell you. Because just like he'd never invited you to stay at his place, he'd never said anything like that to you before. He'd certainly never looked at you like he currently was before, either. 

“Please try to be kinder to yourself,” Matt nearly begged. “Okay?”

Unsure what to make of his behavior tonight, you nodded slightly. “Okay,” you agreed quietly.

He smiled back at you, the sight nearly knocking you off your feet. It was quickly becoming far too difficult to just stand here trying to look at him as only a friend. And it was getting harder and harder to keep your mouth from blurting out how you felt with that stunning smile on his perfect mouth. Thankfully he continued on towards the entrance of his building, breaking you from your thoughts and leading you into the small lobby and over towards the elevators.

The entire way up to Matt's apartment had been silent after that. You were too busy trying to analyze everything he had been doing and saying tonight to even remotely think of conversation. Because it was supposed to have been that pretty woman at the bar coming up to his apartment tonight, not you. Yet here you were, still holding Matt's hand as he led you down the hallway to his place.

And while this certainly wasn't the first time you'd been here before, it was the first time you'd been here alone at night with him. The thought of staying here overnight in his bed still had your insides buzzing along with the beer you'd downed this evening. 

Was there something more you were missing? Every step closer to his apartment had you feeling like there was.

Matt eventually pulled you to a stop in front of his door, fishing his keys from out of his dress pant pockets. You watched in silence as he unlocked the door, your nerves only growing as you stood there. 

“You can come on in,” Matt told you, swinging his door open and gesturing for you to step inside. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you hesitantly stepped forward and made your way past Matt into the apartment. Your shoulder gently and accidentally brushed against his damp chest as you tried to squeeze past him. Immediately you wrapped your arms over your chest, feeling your heart beat a little harder from the brief touch. His chest was so incredibly solid, you'd never understood how he was so in shape.

Glancing down as you paused in his entryway, you noticed the damp patch you were making on his floor as he shut and locked the door behind you. 

“I'm sorry, I'm dripping water everywhere,” you told Matt. “Do you have a towel or something?”

“How about I grab some dry clothes for you to change into,” he replied, slipping out of his dress shoes. “Then we can worry about the mess we're making.”

As he made his way down the short entryway, you stood awkwardly in place, arms still wrapped around yourself. When Matt reached the end of the little hall, he paused, glancing back at you with a charming smile on his face.

“It's just water, it's fine,” he assured you. “You can come in.”

Slowly you began to make your way into his apartment, cautiously making your way over to the side of his leather couch. Matt once again assured you he would grab some dry clothes for you to change into before disappearing into his bedroom, leaving you alone.

The lights were off in his apartment, but truthfully you didn't even need them. Looking out the window to your right, your eyes landed on the eyesore of a billboard just across the street. It had been awhile since you'd been here at night with your friends and you'd forgotten just how bright it was. Currently it was advertising a nearby hospital, the blue light shining through Matt's windows and coating the room in a navy glow. In a way it was beautiful, but you could absolutely understand why he’d gotten such a great deal on the place. 

“Hopefully these will work,” Matt said.

Tearing your eyes away from the window, your attention returned to Matt as he was leaving his bedroom. But your breath immediately caught in your throat at the unexpected sight of him sauntering his way towards you with some neatly folded clothes in his hands. It felt like you suddenly couldn't breathe as you watched each of his casual steps towards you.

He'd taken his damp shirt off and removed his glasses when he'd gone into his bedroom to grab you some clothes. The sight of which had left you damn near speechless because you'd never seen him shirtless before. It was impossible not to just blankly stare at the sight, taking in all of the defined muscle along his chest along with the girth of his muscular arms. You curiously noted the scars on his chest, but you were too busy trying to control your now violently beating heart at the view before you to think much more of them.

Matthew Murdock looked far too good to actually exist in real life. 

But why hadn't he thrown a shirt on before he'd come out to hand you the clothes? It would’ve taken him barely any time to do so. Had it been intentional that he'd done that? Was it…possible that Matt might’ve been trying to make some sort of move on you tonight? Was that why he’d invited you back here this evening instead of the other woman at the bar?

He stopped just before you, a smile on his face as his eyes fixed somewhere along your chest. You always loved when he took his glasses off around you, but unfortunately it wasn't often. He always seemed far more vulnerable, which was probably why it was a rare sight. But he’d removed them now, and as you watched him, you noticed the faintest twitch to the corner of his eyes. You wondered what that was about as he extended the clothes in his hands out towards you. 

“Here,” he said softly. “Hopefully they're comfortable, but if not, I can always get you a towel to dry off. Though really you can sleep however you're comfortable.” His smile turned cheeky–a smile he didn’t often flash your way–as the corners of his eyes creased. “Not like I can see anything anyway.”

Your fingers tightened around your damp blouse at the implication of his words. Had he just said he didn't care if you slept in nothing? In his bed?

Swallowing hard, your eyes dropped down and focused on the shirt and sweatpants that were neatly folded in his outstretched hands. His clothes. He was offering you his clothes to sleep in. Nervously you unwrapped your arms from over your chest as you took a step towards him, your trembling hands carefully reaching out and accepting the clothing from him.

“Thanks,” you whispered.

Glancing up, you realized how close the pair of you were now standing to each other. Barely any distance was left between you two. Had he even managed to move closer or were you imagining that?

“Of course,” he whispered back.

He was still smiling down at you as you drew the clothes in towards your chest. His head had tilted ever so faintly to the side as you observed him, the heat of his body warming you in your damp clothes. Why hadn’t he moved? Why was he still standing so close? 

A thought struck you as you stood there, your attention turning towards his lips. Was he…wanting to kiss you? No, that couldn’t be it.

…could it?

He had invited you back to his place after all. He’d walked you home with him in the rain hand in hand–which had been his idea. That had been far more intimate than anything the pair of you had ever done before. And now he was letting you stay the night in his bed, offering you his own clothes to change into. Saying such nice things about you. And he was just standing there, gazing down at you in nothing but a pair of damp dress pants because he’d removed his shirt without bothering to put on another one. 

This had to all be intentional, right? He could’ve easily gone home with the brunette from the bar, but he chose you, didn’t he? Maybe what he’d been saying earlier outside the building in the rain had meant something more. Could he have been talking about himself being the guy to come along and sweep you off your feet? Had that been what he’d meant all along?

Hope instantly sparked in your chest at the thought. Everything seemed to make sense, everything seemed to point at the fact that Matt might possibly view you as more than just a friend. So was this your moment then? Your chance to tell Matt how you felt and to hear he felt the same in return? Because he was still just standing there, so close you could kiss him. Why else hadn’t he moved?

Without even thinking–most likely due to the alcohol in your system–you leaned forward and boldly closed the rest of the distance between your mouths. It was a hesitant kiss, your lips ever so gently pressing against Matt’s in an uncertain connection. You couldn’t believe how incredibly soft his were, how warm they felt against your own. Your stomach began somersaulting inside of you because you were kissing Matt. It was everything you’d wanted for almost a year now.

Until he gently but abruptly pulled away from you.

Your eyes fluttered open as you drew back from him, taking in the look of utter confusion on Matt’s face. Panic immediately set in, your hands tightening around the bundle of clothing in your hands. 

“What–what are you doing?” he asked.

“I–I thought–” you stammered, struggling to form a sentence. “Was that–is this not…?”

Matt’s head only tilted further to the side, his dark brows furrowing further together on his forehead until there was a deep crease between them. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or your nerves at this point, but you felt on the verge of vomiting now.

What the hell had you just done?

“Did you think I was inviting you here to sleep with you?” he asked in disbelief. He said your name, the sound like a stab to your chest as he shook his head. “I had no intention of that. You’re drunk and you’re my friend. I wanted to make sure you got to somewhere safe tonight. I wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. That’s not–that’s not what I was doing.”

“Oh my God,” you breathed out, taking a step back from him. “Oh my God, I thought that–that you…”

Your words trailed off, eyes growing wide as the urge to bolt quickly took over you. You could feel the sting of tears burning in your eyes already, absolutely mortified at what you’d done and how you’d wildly misread the entire situation. How could you have been so incredibly stupid?

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, vision blurring from the tears welling up in your eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have–that wasn’t okay. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ve had too much to drink and–and I wasn’t thinking,” you blabbered on. “I absolutely misread things, I just thought that–that maybe you liked me, too and–”

Matt said your name softly, as if he was trying to calm a panicked animal. “You’re my friend,” he told you. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression at all this evening but–”

You practically threw the bundle of clothes back at Matt’s bare chest. His hands flew up, somehow catching them, but the gesture had cut him clean off. That spark of hope that had formed in your chest moments ago quickly sizzled out. A roiling, churning instead grew in your stomach, making you certain that you’d throw up soon if you didn’t get the hell out of here. 

“I need to go,” you blurted.

Turning abruptly, you hurried through Matt’s living room and down the entryway hall. Behind you, you heard him calling your name, but you didn’t dare stop. You couldn’t face him, not after what you’d just idiotically done. Especially not now as the tears were finally falling down your cheeks in hot spurts, embarrassment and rejection both burning inside of you. You just needed to get out of here, needed to get away from this entire horrible situation. You couldn’t believe you’d just gone and kissed him like that.

Your frantic hands fumbled with the lock on his door, but you managed to undo it and wrench it open in a rush. Continuing to ignore him calling after you, you pulled the door shut after yourself before you darted across the hall and straight to the door leading to the stairwell. Throwing it open, you began racing down the stairs as fast as you could, a hand covering your mouth as you tried to muffle your pathetic sobs. Your heart slammed away against your ribcage as the tears began to fall faster down your cheeks. As you descended the stairs, your vision blurred from tears and the alcohol you'd drank, causing you to stumble a few times on your way all the way down to the main floor. 

Ignoring the looks from the few people you sprinted past in the lobby, you headed straight towards the building’s exit. Forcefully pushing the doors open, you made your way back out onto the sidewalk and into the rain. A choked sob slipped past your fingers as you continued to hurry down the pavement and back towards your own apartment, your flats quickly becoming soaked as you stepped through a few puddles, splashing water up onto your dress pants. 

You’d just gone and kissed Matt like an absolute idiot. Of course he’d told you that he only saw you as a friend. Why would Matt ever be interested in someone like you? Someone awkward and average, nothing special. 

You’d absolutely ruined that friendship now, too. There was no way in hell you could ever face him again. You weren’t sure how you were going to survive Marci’s wedding months from now. Maybe if you were lucky you could try to ignore him all day. He’d probably be more than happy to do the same after tonight.

“ Why did I kiss him?” you lamented to yourself. “How stupid !”

Your tears continued to fall, mixing with the heavy rain drops pelting your cheeks as you rushed back to your place. All you wanted to do was get up to your apartment and crawl beneath the blankets in your bed and hide. You just wanted to forget this entire nightmare of an evening. There was no way to salvage what you’d done, to take it back. 

You should have never gone out tonight.

Coffee Stain | jjk

☆summary: you grief, and it's the expression of your everlasting love for Jungkook.

☆pairings: Jungkook x reader

☆rating: 18+ (it deals with heavy themes)

☆genre: grief!au, angst

☆warnings: this is a grief!au so it's rough. jungkook died and reader tries to grieve him. lucid dream where she sees him and talks to him again, curses, a lot of crying

☆word count: 1.9k

☆a/n: this hurts. idk why i wrote it. i was sad watching a sad instagram reel and then this happened. i apologize, and i love y'all, and if you need to talk just reach out <3 i'm always here for you guys.

☆☆☆☆☆

            There’s been a coffee stain on the kitchen counter for weeks.

Staring at it, you can almost hear the laughter it brought forth then. A laughter of crinkling doe eyes, of a bunny grin and arms wrapping around your middle. It’s a hand clutching around your heart, like it used to clutch around your fingers.

It’s the ghost of bodies entwined that weren’t meant to be separated.

In the bathroom, his towel has started to smell like humidity instead of the body wash he used, the one he claimed was good for his hair too. A 3-in-1 combo thing, something you used to tease him constantly about. And though the smell is a sign that you need to clean the towel, you can’t bring yourself to do the laundry.

In fact, you can’t bring yourself to do any chores. You just let Bam out three times a day, and then you go back to bed. Back to a cold bed that was supposed to be an island of you and him.

Now it’s an island of your grief, of tear-stained pillows and sorrow-filled sheets.

The sun rises and sets every day, but time has stopped. Time stopped on a surprised rainy day when he didn’t come home.

And he’ll never come home again.

It burns. It burns like the pizza you put in the oven, thinking that maybe you’d eat for the first time in weeks. The smoke pricks your eyes, suffocates your lungs. You hope it’ll steal your breath like his breath was stolen, too.

A last exhale, one you weren’t there to share.

You open the windows to air the room, and late spring flows in. Chirping birds and a soft breeze surround you, and you feel sick to your stomach. Because he won’t experience any other season. His life ended on a rainy April day, forever altering yours in the process.

Bam watches you from where he’s lying down by the door, still waiting for him to come home. Indeed, he’d used to come home around this time every day, to whisk you in his arms and tell you he loves you. But not that day.

No, that day, you sat on the couch watching the raindrops chasing themselves on the window, your phone clutched in your hand because he’d been supposed to be home an hour ago. When the phone rang bringing the news, your life became quiet.

It’s been quiet since then.

Your friends come over in the evening, with food you try to eat. You remember evenings that you’d spend with them and him, laughing and playing games and doing everything that young people do.

Young people aren’t supposed to die. Or so you tell yourself as you follow the conversation, but never participate, like maybe he left with your voice too. Your friends don’t complain about it – they know how much he meant to you, how much you meant to him, too.

You wonder what he’d say if he were here tonight, and you think you wouldn’t be able to hear it. Not when you haven’t been able to listen to his last voice message again, even though it sits on your phone, a keepsake of your love gone too soon.

When your friends leave, they hug you tight, though it’s never as tight as he used to hold you. Because he was the only one to know how to hold your pieces together and tonight, like every night since then, they fall apart. They fall apart like dandelions in the wind, so easily blown away.

You go to bed, Bam with you, staring up at the ceiling, imagining that it is his body next to yours. That it is his soft snores you can hear, his gentle breaths dragging you to sleep hours after you lied down.

You wake up feeling different. The light shines differently, like it’s from another world. The apartment smells of bacon and coffee, and you furrow your brows. The bed is empty, yet warmth lingers in the sheets next to you.

You step out of bed, tiptoe on a floor that you know to be usually cold in the morning, yet today it’s warm. You’re wearing an oversized white t-shirt he usually wears, and you feel like you’re forgetting something, yet you can’t quite tell what.

You walk out of the bedroom, and Bam greets you like he always does in the morning after his walk, with his tag wagging so wildly it’s making his whole body shake from side to side. You laugh, petting him as he tries to jump on you so that he can lick your face, though he eventually abandons to trot to the kitchen instead.

You follow behind him, smiling at the sight of his naked back, as he cooks something on the stove.

“You woke up just in time,” he tells you, shooting you a quick glance over his shoulder.

His eyes are sad. A sorrow deeper than the ocean hides in his pupils, and you’d frown if you hadn’t missed him so much.

“What are you making?” you ask.

He motions to a bowl on the counter. “Pancakes. And bacon and coffee, too.” He glances at you again, like maybe you disappeared while he was looking at the pan on the stove. “You can pour yourself a cup of coffee while I get everything ready.”

You nod, smiling softly, before doing so, grabbing your favourite mug from the cupboard. You frown – wasn’t there supposed to be a chip in it? Yet the mug looks pristine, entirely new. You shrug it off, and then you pour the coffee, before pouring one for him too. You set them on the table and sit in your usual spot, looking out the window.

The sky outside is purple and bright, and you think you can see constellations dusting it.

You know. You’ve known since you woke up, but you don’t care.

You watch him as he finishes cooking, and then he carries the food over to the table. He sits next to you, in his favourite spot because he gets to see you and the TV at the same time. The TV is not on right now, and his attention is solely on you, like he’s drinking you in like you’ve been drinking him in.

“How did you sleep?” he asks.

His eyes are infinitely sad. It’s startling, and you can’t bear the weight they hold. So you focus on your food, while he sits there watching you.

“I slept okay,” you reply. “You?”

He chuckles. “I slept too much.” He sighs, and it’s heavier than the universe. “I’m always sleeping lately.”

You laugh, because what else are you supposed to do?

“You’re awake now,” you tease, and you pat his arm.

His skin is soft and warm, void of any scars.

“Only because you’re here,” he replies, and he smiles again as you meet his doe eyes. “Now eat.”

You obey, enjoying the taste of his food – he’s always made the best pancakes, and today is no different. You even think they’re better, though you reckon that would be impossible.

“You should make pancakes more often,” you say when you’re done eating. “I can’t remember the last time you made them.”

He chuckles, eyes crinkling at the corners, yet the depths remain eternally sorrowful. “I’ll make them again soon.”

You smile, pausing to admire him for a few seconds before you ask, “Should we go back to bed?”

“We’re not Sunday,” he teases.

You narrow your eyes. “It can be Sunday just this once.”

His giggles accompany you as he grabs your hand and pulls you to the bedroom, and soon you’re in bed again, laughing as he tickles you.

“Fuck, I missed your laugh,” he says, and you pout.

“I missed you,” you answer.

He nods, and the sadness invades all his features. “I know.” Bam appears, jumping on the bed to lie next to you while Jungkook kneels between your legs, hands still resting on your sides. “You’ve been taking good care of Bam?”

“Yes,” you say. “We’ve been taking a lot of walks.”

He grins like the sadness was never there, and then he turns towards the dog. “Aren’t you lucky?”

Bam rolls on his back as Jungkook starts petting him, and soon he’s rubbing the dog’s belly, cooing like he’s talking to a baby. It’s adorable, and you admire the view even though it hurts so deeply you think you might be dying.

When he’s done with the dog, he looks at you again, a soft smile gracing his lips. “What have you been up to?”

You sigh, and you pull on his arm until he’s lying with his head on your chest. “Nothing.”

“That sounds boring,” he teases, and you think you feel his tears wetting the shirt you’re wearing, though you don’t mention it.

“Hey, I’m just doing my best,” you reply, pinching his side.

He laughs. “I know.”

“How long until you have to go?” you ask.

He sighs, and he glances at the time on the night table. “Not long.”

You rub a hand on his back, your arms tightening around him. He looks up at you, and you meet his gaze, hoping to find an eternity in them.

“I wish you could stay,” you whisper.

“Me too.”

He kisses you then, his feather soft lips meeting yours for a short embrace of the love you share. Your heart settles in your chest, your ache momentarily forgotten, and you wish to get lost in him. Wish to stay here with him forever, but he inevitably pulls away from the kiss, looking over his shoulder.

“It’s time to go,” he says.

You nod, because you know. You feel it too, and so you force yourself to get up. He quickly puts a shirt on, and then you follow him to the door.

“Text me when you get to work?” you tell him, eyes filled with tears.

“I will.” He meets your gaze, his own eyes lined with silver. “Please be safe.”

You chuckle. “You be safe.”

“Always,” he says. He opens the door, looking outside, but he doesn’t move for a while.

“Should we hang out again soon?” you ask, hoping that it’ll make him stay.

He looks back at you. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

You nod, and he takes a step outside. He’s fading out of focus, yet you try to hold onto it, to keep him here with you. It’s like it works – he turns back around, and then rushes to you, wrapping his arm around your waist as he hides his face in your neck. But you’re losing him again – already, the apartment has faded away, and all that’s left is the purple sky with its infinity of stars.

“I love you,” you whisper as he, too, fades away.

In the vast expanse of nothing, you think you hear him saying it back. You reach for him, and you think you can see him again, see his smile, though he’s just a little too far for you to touch.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come home.”

You wake, the bleak light from the sun filtering through the blinds, and the sky proves to be the blue of sorrow again. Grief, the expression of your everlasting love, sits on your chest, and you can’t breathe.

“I love you,” you whisper through the pain, and you mean it, more than you’ve ever meant anything before.

After all, there’s been a coffee stain on the kitchen counter for weeks.

☆☆☆☆☆

if you need to talk please reach out, and also don't hesitate to scream at me for this bc idk wtf it is

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate

without you, part 2

matt murdock x f!reader

A/N: hey the title rhymes. Hi angels! Part 2 is finally here, by heavy demand! And uh... for those who thought I was gonna fix everything with this part?? No, I'm here to make it worse! Woo! (Don't hate me, I did warn you lmao). So, enjoy the angst! Hope it's worth the wait x

Summary: continuing on from Part 1 - You return after the ‘blip’. Five years is a long time, and a lot of things can happen in that time. Where does that leave you now?

Word count: somewhere in the 2.7k zone idk

Warnings: ANGST. Angst squared, if you will. Broken hearts everywhere. Broken hearted reader. Broken hearted Matty. A brief broken hearted Frank coming in for the rescue. Not a happy ending. Mentions of divorce and the religious thoughts surrounding that, the Blip and the devastation it would've caused, break ups, brief jealousy, heavy denial, anxiety, lots of crying and I just want to hold onto him forever & ever. This is unedited coz I'm lazy and like to just throw things out into the void and die like a warrior.

There’s a vicious, relentless pounding behind your temples when you finally begin to feel the darkness pulling at your mind recede. With the constant stab of pain, everything returns—the apparent lost time, the strange new world that had grown during your absence, the relationships that had also changed during those five years.

Five whole years.

It might as well have been an eternity.

Your whole life, everything you knew—gone. It doesn’t seem real, it’s just not possible, and yet here you are. Here you are in a world that still feels so familiar, and sickeningly not. Your thoughts are a vicious storm in your mind, merely intensifying the throb running along your forehead. Your system flutters between confusion, denial, mourning.

It’s enough to make you want to simply fall back into the blissful void of unconsciousness, until—

“Sweetheart?”

Matt. 

Your heart still jumps at his gentle rasp, a part of you longing to just soften into his hold and cling to him like you’d done so many times before, but you can’t. He’s not—he’s not your Matt. Not anymore. 

It’s hard to pull away from the fingers tracing your cheek, and when you open your eyes, they wince from the light shining through the large windows. He’s knelt on the floor beside you, a frown of concern creasing his brows as you slowly shift on weak limbs until you’re sitting upright on the leather.

You study his features through raw, hazy eyes, and it’s only now you notice the subtle changes you had missed upon your return to the apartment—the few more creases lining his face, the extra spatterings of grey strands amongst his dark tresses. His hair… it’s shorter too, now that you’re really looking. How had you not seen that? Not noticed?

Maybe it was the panic. It had to have been. You didn’t notice anything else when you ran in. Your surroundings had changed within a second, everything was all just so confusing and mad—you had just wanted him, you wanted home. Turns out, you had no home to return to. No one to return to. 

There must be so many others. The pain must be immense throughout the world. Lovers returning to mere memories. Parents returning to kids left behind, now years older and practically strangers. Children returning to homes that were no longer there, lost amongst the new world and without anyone familiar around them to find comfort in. God, they must be so scared.

Matt’s hand returns to your face, the backs of his fingers testing the feel of your forehead before ever so slowly trailing away until they rest where your pulse thrums through the skin of your throat. It’s not necessary—he’d hear it across town. Maybe he’s seeking physical reassurance that you’re really here, right in front of him.

“Talk to me,” he pleads quietly, “say something, anything.”

You find nothing worth speaking. You doubt you’d even have the strength to speak with how dry and heavy your tongue feels in your mouth. His hand moves, fingers hot on your skin as he cups the underside of your jaw and this time, you don’t quite have the strength to pull away.

All you want is this.

His touch, his presence—him.

“Sweetheart, I—” he stops, head tilting ever so slightly towards the door.

You watch him stiffen, tension rolling through his shoulders as he rises from his knelt position before turning towards the door to the apartment expectantly. It takes longer for your senses to catch up, but eventually the dull thud of boots hitting the flooring outside of the apartment hits your ears—

Frank.

Where was he through all of this? Had he been left to carry on with life, trying to make sense of a world left in ruin? Or had he been washed away with the breeze, just like half the planet? Universe? You want to ask Matt, but words seem to fade away on your tongue. 

He doesn’t bother knocking—he never has.

While there had been some stirrings of indifference between him and Matt after everything that happened, there was still a solid foundation of respect, which quickly extended to you the more you attempted to coax the beaten and bloodied man into your clutches for some much needed medical treatment. You were more than acquaintances, a little less than friends—just close enough for him to feel comfortable coming and going from the apartment should he have ever needed patching up.

“Apparently it’s been a while,” Frank mutters gruffly as a somewhat greeting once he’s stepped into the apartment, and you feel the same air of confusion and denial radiating from him.

He had been gone then, like you. How is he handling this? Does he feel as lost as you? As scared? You’d always thought him to be someone not exactly immune to the feeling, but at least stronger than others. As much as you feel for him, hurt for him, knowing exactly the type of thoughts and feelings that plague him, you find comfort in the fact that you weren’t alone in this.

Matt doesn’t respond, and Frank sighs tiredly, eyes flashing briefly to the side under his heavily bruised and swollen brow.

“I ain’t here to fight, Red.”

Matt’s tongue flicks over his lips and he gives a humourless huff, still not relaxing from his defensive stance. Maybe he was expecting Frank to be pissed and burst in like a raging bull with red in his vision, seeing as he and Karen had something brewing slowly between them all those years ago, but Frank doesn’t seem to be interested in any violence whatsoever.

You’re not even entirely sure what he’s here for.

“Well, Karen’s not here—”

“I know, she was with me,” Frank rumbles deeply, head tilting as he appraises Matt, “told me the happy news—congrats.”

It’s not insincere, but it’s damn near close. 

His gaze moves to you.

He studies the way you sit, drawn in on yourself and cuddling your chest in an effort to hold yourself together. You can feel how raw and swollen your eyes are, and when you finally manage to tiredly lift them to meet his, Frank seems to soften.

It’s only slight, imperceptible to anyone who didn’t know his mannerisms well, but you see it.

“I was thinkin’ you might need a place, after hearin’ about—” he swallows, jaw rolling ever so slightly. He exhales sharply and shifts on his feet, “You got anywhere to go?” 

He’s here for you?

Matt intervenes immediately. “She’s staying here, Frank—”

Staying here? In the apartment you used to live in? That he now lives in with another woman? Was his idea to leave you sleeping on the couch alone, while they sleep in your bed together? No, it’s not your bed anymore. It’s their bed. Their apartment.

Five years of Daredevil and regular concussions must’ve really killed some of his brain cells. Is he even still Daredevil? Maybe married life changed his perspective on his dangerous nightly habits. Maybe his perspective changed on a lot of things. Is he even the same Matt you had left behind?

Frank’s head tilts, his eyes narrowing into a scowl as they flick back to Matt. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t askin’ you—was I, Red?”

“No,” you finally rasp in reply to his earlier question before Matt could retort, voice rough and weak in your throat, “no, I don’t.”

He nods, expecting your answer. “You got a bag?”

“I don’t know if I have any things left,” you mutter, bitterly wondering where your belongings went. Storage? Donated? The trash? How long did they leave it, did Matt leave it before tossing it all away? Like you’d never even existed, like you’d never even mattered. “Do I have anything here, Matt?”

Matt baulks at the ice coating your tone, and it’s unfair. You know that. Deep down you know you’re being unfair, a part of your mind gently reminding you that you probably would’ve thought and done the same in his position should it have been reversed, but you don’t care.

The familiar bite of anger, pain, still stirs relentlessly in your system and it trumps all reason and logic.

You had a life, and now it’s in complete ruins.

What are you supposed to do with that?

Frank nods sagely, “We’ll get you some things, ain’t gotta worry about that. You comin’?”

As much as you want to reject the idea of leaving, as much as your heart screams at you to stay with Matt because he’s all you know, he’s all you have, and he was telling you how much he loved you only mere hours ago… you give a minimal nod, and shift to stand from the couch.

It wasn’t hours ago—it was five years.

Five years.

Matt instinctively steps in front of you to keep you from moving any further, his tongue darting across his lips in an apparent panic, “You’re going with him?”

“Can you give us a minute? I won’t be long,” you ask Frank quietly, aching at the way Matt’s anxiety seems to heighten at your words.

Frank gives a single nod, and then slips out, the door clicking quietly shut behind him. Matt ignores it, every sense focused in on you and the way your heart beats a broken rhythm in your chest, the way your nails pick at the cotton of your sleeves, the way fresh tears smell building on your lash line—

“I have nowhere else to go,” you mutter, body now numb to feeling and just utterly exhausted from the onslaught of emotions the day had thrust upon you. “I can’t stay here, Matt. I can’t. Seeing you two—God, it’ll kill me. I can’t do it.”

Why you? Why did it have to be you? 

A part of you wishes it would’ve been Karen in your place, uncaringly and unknowingly torn from her life to leave everything she ever loved behind, only to return to a world that had survived, that had moved on without her… and you don’t even have the energy to feel guilty for such a thought yet.

It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t even Matt’s.

“Sweetheart,” Matt pleads softly, hands seeking and taking your hands tightly, “just—just tell me what to do. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

The thought is immediate—would he leave her? Could you ask that of him? Could you expect him to just drop and abandon everything he’s built during your absence?

You want to.

You want to tell him to break it off with her as soon as physically possible, to kick her out so you could be at home where you’re comfortable and with him and just act like nothing happened—

—but you can’t.

You can’t bring yourself to say the words.

What would he think of you asking a question like that? Would he even do it? You know how he feels about divorce, what his religion thinks of divorce. His whole belief system, his life, his God… would he abandon it all for you?

Looking at him now, how he physically pleads with you with those soft, lost eyes looking for guidance, you believe that maybe, just maybe, he would. 

But you can’t ask that of him.

You could never, and would never, ask that of him.

Unless—

“Were you happy?” You ask softly, eyes bouncing between his where they rest just left of your face. 

He blinks, a slight frown forming between his eyes in an effort to make sense of your unexpected words, “What?”

“Before I—” you take a breath, tongue rolling along your lips to moisten the sudden dry skin, “—before I just materialised back onto the street… were you happy? With your life? With her?”

Without me?

Say no.

God, please say no.

You begin to wonder why you asked. Maybe you’re a glutton for punishment, maybe you think nothing could possibly hurt any more than it already does, but when his expression falters, when his mouth opens and nothing seems to make it past his lips, you know that’s not possible.

This… this seems to hit the hardest.

He was happy.

He was happy before you came back.

He was happy without you. 

And it’s… good.

It is.

Of course you don’t want him to be anything but that. He had found what he wanted from life—some normality, some peace, and it’s with that understanding that you realise you have no place here anymore. At least not with him. You have no part in his life now, and it shreds that last little untouched piece of your hopeful heart to absolute ruins.

Denial still pulls at your mind, still blatantly refuses to accept that five years had actually passed. You’d been nothing but a distant memory to him, to your friends, to the world, and yet, everything is still so vividly fresh for you. You only got out of bed, held him, kissed him, a few hours ago—a few fucking hours!

Five years.

“It’s okay,” you mutter, as his saddened eyes flutter in a panic, “I want that for you, Matt. I’ve always wanted that for you, even if that means I’m not—that we’re not—”

You ache at the thought of being apart from him, a feeling he had already experienced and endured. 

“Three years,” he says quietly, brokenly, a slow gathering of tears building along his lash line, “three years I searched, I waited, I prayed… if I had known—if I had known you… I wouldn’t have—”

—moved on. 

You envision Matt lost in the organised pews with dozens of other faceless mourners, on his knees and weeping into his closed hands, begging for the strength to finally let you go. He was granted it, after enduring agony for such a stretch of time, and now it’s all fallen to pieces at your return.

“It’s okay,” you repeat softly, the feeling of your heart beating in your throat choking the words, “it’s okay.”

“No,” he shakes his head, face creasing as the tears begin to make their way down his cheeks, “no, it’s not. I’ve only just gotten you back. You’re back, and now—now I—God. I can’t say goodbye. Not again. I can’t.”

“So don’t,” you say simply, a fresh build of your own tears streaking your cheeks, “we won’t say goodbye. Just… just forget. Forget I ever came back, Matt. Everything will be as it was.”

He recoils sharply, as if you physically struck him. “I can’t do that—”

“Yes, you can. You have to, we all have to.”

“No, I won’t—”

“You told me to tell you,” you croak weakly, the feel of his coarse stubble piercing the soft skin of your palm as you cradle his cheek, “you told me to tell you what to do, and that you’ll do it. Well, this is it, Matt. This is what I’m telling you to do—forget I ever came back. It’ll be easier for everyone. You can keep what you had—what you have, and I—”

And you?

What will you do?

Where will you go?

Your hand falls from his face, only for it to be snatched up and returned to its previous spot with his own pressed tightly against it to keep it there. His tears smear against your skin, the evidence of his heartbreak an obvious reminder that he never let go completely.

There’s something still held for you within him, it just wasn’t the same as when you left.

His forehead comes to rest against your own, and you weaken into the familiar comfort of his touch, just for a moment. You don’t want to let go, don’t even know if you can. There's nothing left to be said, nothing left to be worked out. This is just it.

Why does it have to be this way? Your stomach churns at the idea of walking out for good. How can you? Nothing has changed for you—everything you feel for him is right there, right there where it’s always been, and you can’t do anything with it.

You indulge in the moment a little longer, stretching out to softly press your lips to his with the bittersweet taste of a loving goodbye—one last time. You savour the feel of him, his lips, so warm, so soft and sweet and familiar—

—and then pull away, the air filling the space between you lingering with the memory of what could have been.

He lets your hand fall away this time, pained haunted eyes scrunching closed as you further the distance between you until you’re at the door to the apartment. The quiet exhale of a sob reaches your ears as you open the door, and you dare not look back at Matt falling apart as you close it softly behind you.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

to be loved is to be seen.

pairings. idol!jungkook x reader

genres/aus. fluff, established relationship, idol!au

warnings. mentions of smoking and alcohol

masterlist

—

“i’m going to use the bathroom real quick.” you tell jungkook as you lift yourself off the couch. he’s quick to stand up with you but you lightly push him down, your index finger grazed against his skin from the buttons on his shirt being unbuttoned and exposing a bit of his chest.

you shake your head. “stay, i’ll be back.” you say while pulling one side of his shirt closed to hide the bareness. girls have been staring at him and trying to come up to him and it’s getting annoying.

his bottom lip is pushed out slightly, pouting before he lets you go alone.

jungkook watches you make it to the stairs until you disappear from his sight.

you’re thankful the bathroom wasn’t occupied and you could easily walk in, locking the door behind you.

anxious thoughts invade your mind. the five drinks you’ve had can’t even cloud your thoughts nor make you tipsy enough—curse your body for not being a lightweight.

jungkook’s friends had invited you two to a party and originally he didn’t want to go because you were with him and he wanted to be with you. but he barely gets to see his friends and it’s been awhile since he’s been out with them. it took a bit to persuade him but he gave in on the exception that you came. and you didn’t mind. you thought it would be fun. it was fun.

but his friends aren’t your friends and your social battery around strangers tends to drain fast. they’re nice people and all, but now you just want to go home.

this was your idea you know… yeah well, you’re gonna tough it out for him because he’s having a good time and you’re gonna do anything for him. good pep talk!

“__?” three soft knocks and his sudden voice makes you jump, realizing you’ve been standing in front of the sink, stuck in your head.

“hang on!” you shout out, quickly using the restroom and washing your hands before you step out to meet the boy on your mind.

his eyes find yours quickly, trying to decipher any changes in your body language or to read anything going on behind your orbs.

“you okay? you’ve been in there for awhile so i came up to check on you.” he asks with concern in his voice.

you try to smile but it comes out small. “yeah, sorry,” you opened your mouth to continue but nothing comes out.

a couple drunkenly tumbles up the stairs, heading towards you both but he’s quick to grasp onto your waist and move you both against the wall. the couple passes you and disappears into a room, slamming the door behind them.

both of you slowly turn your heads to look at each other with raised eyebrows and you burst into fits of laughter. him still holding onto you, as you two start to quiet down. the scent of his cologne and cigarettes permeated your nostrils, remembering him and his friends were outside smoking earlier. in the early stages of you two dating, the smell used to bother you, so jungkook had the notion to smoke outside shirtless so the smell doesn’t catch onto his clothes and to brush his teeth so he can kiss you easily. now you’re used to it.

suddenly, he’s gazing down upon you. “you tired?”

immediately shakes your head, “no.”

he lets out a deep breath and hums, sliding a hand into the front pocket of his jeans before throwing the other over your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side as he guides you downstairs.

“well i am. let’s go home.” he declares, his head turning left and right to find where his friends went while you just gawk at him.

but you don’t say nothing.

once you both reach his group of friends, they’re heads turn towards you both. “guys i’m feeling tired so we’re gonna head home.”

“what, already?”

“that’s cool, thanks for coming man.”

you released yourself from jungkook so they could bid their manly goodbyes, them also thanking you for coming and saying it was good to see you.

jungkook links his hand with yours as you both make your way out the building onto the streets. with your hand in his, he brings it up to his face and softly kisses the back of it three times.

you fondly stare at him before hanging your head as you watch both your pairs of feet walk in sync.

“sorry i made you leave early, i know you said you were tired because of me. i didn’t mean to force you to leave ‘cus i know you were having fun–“

he stops in his tracks and squeezes your hand. “baby, ever since i met you, the thought of being without you made me crazy. so what makes you think i’d want to be out without you?” he expresses, taking your face in the palm of his hands and pressing his lips against yours in a short kiss. “plus, being at home in bed with you honestly sounds really fucking good right now.”

a timid smile stretched onto your lips before you reached on your tippy toes to kiss him again. “i love you.”

“i love you, silly. now let’s go home. are you hungry, ‘cus im craving ramen and i might make some when we get home.”

“ramen actually sounds really good right now.”

it’s 3am as i finish this so enjoy another self indulgent jungkook brain rot :D the way ill be at an outing w family or friends having fun but then two hours pass and with the snap of fingers i go quiet and have a rbf and i’m ready to go home and be in bed💀 anyway likes & reblogs are v much appreciated !! stay safe and healthy <33

BROKEN FUTURE

PAIRING: jungkook x reader

GENRE: college students, angst

TAGS/WARNINGS: established relationship, pregnancy, arguing, logic vs feelings, blood, heavy angst, minor character death, talks of abortion, uncensored profanities

WORD COUNT: 9k (excl. synopsis)

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!

𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗧𝗟𝗬 𝗡𝗢 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗠 𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

SYNOPSIS;

You and Jungkook were the epitome of young romance ever since the early days of high school, with dreams of a shared future that included graduation, exciting careers, and a life filled with love and adventure. Your bond was unbreakable, or so you believed.

𐚁₊⊹

You stumbled backwards, your legs weak and unsteady, and your back collided with the cold surface of the wardrobe. A gasp escaped from your mouth, sharp and involuntary, as the reality of the situation struck you with full force.

You blinked rapidly, hoping that your vision was somehow deceiving you, that the line would fade or vanish altogether.

But it remained, bold and certain.

“No, this can’t be happening, not now” you kept chanting to yourself.

You paced back and forth in your room as tears streamed down your face, marked by sobs that echoed through the confined space of the thin walled apartment that you shared with your boyfriend. Your heart was pounding against your chest like a trapped bird desperately seeking escape, and your tear-streaked face betrayed your inner ruckus as you tightly clutched the small white stick in your trembling hands.

A positive pregnancy test.

The longer you stared at it the more breathless and disoriented you felt.

You remembered laughing and dismissing what your friends, Hana and Mina, had to say about your stomach protruding more than it usually was. But now, the two distinct lines displayed upon its surface confirmed your greatest fear. It scared you how much of a blunt reminder it was of the life-altering consequences that awaited you.

The room, once a haven of comfort, now felt like a suffocating prison, closing in on you from all sides. Louder and audible sobs escaped your lips, intermingling with short gasps for air, as panic consumed your thoughts.

The weight of the situation bore down on you, colliding with your dreams and aspirations. You had invested countless hours into your education, many sleepless nights, and gave your everything to strive to become a nurse. You didn't want it all to go to waste.

How would Jungkook react? What would he say?

Jungkook wasn’t just any college student; he was ambitious, dedicated, and entirely focused on his dream of becoming a lawyer so he could build the future you both planned together. He had worked tirelessly since his early days, excelling in every class, every extracurricular, all with the singular goal of being accepted at a top law firm. You remembered the long nights he spent studying, the countless sacrifices he made to stay on top of his game.

You didn’t want to ruin what he worked so hard for.

But the problem didn’t just end there.

What would your parents say?

You were the only child, the apple of their eye. They had worked tirelessly and sacrificed so much to provide you with the best opportunities. Your mind flooded with images of your parents’ faces — the pride in their eyes when you were accepted into your dream college, the joy in their voices during frequent phone calls, and the unshakeable support they had always shown you.

They had high hopes of you making them proud, often reminding you of the bright future they envisioned for you. They trusted you to be miles away from them, pursuing your dream with their hard earned money.

But now?

What do you tell them now? You were barely 21.

Your heartache intensified with every step you took, your feet echoing in the silence of the room. “What do I do?” you cried to yourself as you sat on the bed, bouncing your legs up and down.

Just as despair threatened to overwhelm you, the front door creaked open, and a familiar voice echoed through the hallway.

“Babe, I’m home!” you heard.

Jungkook returned home after a long day of classes at the university, and he stepped into the apartment expecting a quiet and peaceful evening. However, as he switched on the main lights, he heard the sound of soft cries coming from the bedroom.

“Babe?” he called out once again, his brows furrowed in confusion as he took his shoes off.

Hearing no response, he made his way towards the bedroom. There he saw you sitting on the bed with your face buried in your hands. Your tear-streaked face and trembling shoulders immediately sent alarm bells ringing in his mind. Concerned, he dropped his backpack and speed walked over to your side.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked, taking your hands away from your face. Instead of answering, you threw yourself into his embrace and wrapped your arms around his neck, breaking down even more.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Come on, tell me” he asked, his voice soft and filled with genuine worry.

“I…I think w-we messed up Jungkook” you cried in between your sobs.

“What do you mean?” he frowned, pulling away and looking at you confusingly.

You looked up at him with your red puffy eyes, filled with a mixture of defeat and anxiety. It took you a moment to find your voice, but you had to tell him. Breathing out a shaky sigh, you revealed to him the white stick that displayed two red lines on it. Your voice quivered as you uttered the words he never expected to hear.

“I'm pregnant” you finally muttered out, your voice barely above a whisper as you felt yourself choke up with overwhelming emotions.

Jungkook’s eyes widened, and his initial shock soon transformed into a mixture of fear and uncertainty.

“W-What?” he stuttered as he shifted his gaze from the pregnancy kit to you. A wave of emotions crashed over him, and his mind spun with conflicting thoughts.

“That day…you didn’t use a condom, a-and I forgot to take the morning after pill” you then said, adding to his fear.

There was a long uncomfortable silence, and you saw the way Jungkook’s gentle gaze shifted into sheer panic and disbelief. “Are you serious?” he asked, his voice shaky and unstable. And you simply nod, sobs continuing to escape from your mouth.

“Fuck! This can’t be happening” he abruptly stood up, startling you. You eyed him anxiously, his breaths became shallow and he began pacing around the room as he ran his fingers through his brown locks.

You and Jungkook had dreams of your own which you were both set on achieving to live up to the future you both planned. And the idea of a baby entering the equation threatened to disrupt everything you both had worked for, and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the weight of responsibility that accompanied parenthood.

“I’m scared, Koo, I never wanted this to happen” you whimpered, “I don’t know what to do” you bit down on your nails.

“Abortion. Y-You need to get an abortion” Jungkook blurted out without thinking twice, stopping in his tracks and turning to you.

You felt your entire world stop, his words hitting you like a physical blow. The thought never crossed your mind, but now having to be confronted by it, it made you feel sick to your stomach. It felt too cruel to you.

You looked at him in disbelief, “are you serious?” you asked as you stood up.

“Does it look like I’m joking to you Y/n? I don’t want my, and our, future to be ruined by a drunken mistake we’ve made” he said, taking a few steps towards you.

“But it’s our baby Jungkook, we can’t kill something we both created” you argued, feeling more tears flood down your cheeks.

“So then what the fuck do you want me to do Y/n? Stay and raise the kid with you?” he raised his voice.

“I’ve been studying so hard and spent so many sleepless nights wanting to become a lawyer, and I’m almost there. I don’t want to have it all going down the drain over a child I don’t even want” he spat.

“And you think I do? I’m all the way on the other side of the country, Jungkook. I made a promise to my parents to work hard and make them proud. I’ve been working just as hard as you. Do you think I want to throw it all away too?” you cried.

Jungkook let out a deep frustrated groan as he pulled onto his hair, “then what do you want to do Y/n? If you’re going to keep the baby, you know it’s going to ruin both of our futures, and none of us want that” he tried to explain.

But you lightly shook your head as you sat back down on the bed, “but I can’t kill it either. I just can't, it’s our baby” you cried, hugging yourself around your womb.

However, as you expressed your decision to keep the baby, Jungkook’s anger erupted like a dormant volcano finally reaching its breaking point. His frustration swelled as he confronted you, his voice trembling with a mix of rage and despair.

“What are you being so damn selfish?!” he exclaimed, causing you to flinch.

“You fucking know this is not the right time! We're both in university, away from our homes and barely making ends meet. How can you even think about going through with this knowing it’s not what we want right now?!” he raged.

Your eyes widened at his outburst, feeling your heart sink to the pit of your stomach. Tears welled up in your eyes as you fought to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

It was as if it was a battle between logic and feelings. You knew he was right — bringing a child into your chaotic, uncertain world would be a huge challenge and put your hard work in jeopardy.

But you didn’t have the heart to go through an abortion. You couldn't explain it, but despite the logical reasons, doubts and the fears, you felt a deep connection to the life growing inside you.

The look in your eyes and face scared Jungkook.

You were a person of deep emotion and empathy, traits that had always guided your actions and decisions. And now, faced with the reality of an unexpected pregnancy, he could see those same traits overwhelming you to make decisions that would put all your hard work and future at risk.

He knew that you knew he was right, but he also knew that an abortion was not an easy decision for you. Everything that connected you and him, you’d protect. And the baby somewhat served as a symbol of your long and unbreakable bond.

“I know it's not an ideal situation Jungkook, but I just can't” you whimpered. The room seemed to shrink around them as their opposing perspectives clashed. Jungkook’s anger surged, fueling his words.

“Okay fine, but what about my life? What about our plans? This is going to ruin everything we've worked for Y/n. We won't be able to finish our degrees, pursue our careers, or have any stability. How can you be so selfish and inconsiderate?!-” he continued raising his voice.

“I’m not forcing you to stay!” you yelled almost instantly.

The room fell silent, the weight of your words hanging heavily between you both. Jungkook felt his slowly anger subside, and his shoulders slump in surprise and defeat as his teary eyes stared into yours.

Both of you were passionate individuals, deeply committed to your goals and aspirations to build yourselves a future you both planned ever since you were kids. But in the sudden unexpected turn of events you found yourselves at a crossroads, your paths diverging before your very eyes.

The heart that was once one was torn into two, each piece slowly drifting away from each other and into the unknown path ahead.

The silence was deafening, too loud and suffocating to speak into. And you mustered up the courage to soon break that silence.

“I said what I had to s-say…and I n-never said that you had to s-stay” you cried through your trembling voice. But who were you kidding? You and him both knew how badly you wanted him to stay.

“You’re right, this isn’t what I expected, let alone wanted, but life is full of unpredictable shit Jungkook. I’m scared of the future ahead of me, but I can never have the heart to kill a life we both created, whether you choose to stay or not” you sniffled, placing your hand over your womb.

“Y/n-” Jungkook tried to speak as he stepped forward, but you were quick to cut him off.

“I’m sorry for ruining everything we had planned, okay? But please…I can’t do this. It’s difficult for me enough” you cried.

Jungkook struggled to find words as tears began to stream down his cheeks, mirroring the anguish in his heart. In that moment, the love you both had for each other felt tested and strained under the weight of your diverging paths. You both grappled with difficult choices and the uncertainty that lay ahead. Despite the heartbreak, you had to confront your individual desires, knowing that your decisions would irrevocably shape your lives.

Without saying a word, Jungkook heaved out a deep sigh before storming out of the room. Hearing the front door slam shut, you dropped down on the ground and broke down into loud heart wrenching cries.

You felt torn. Confused. Overwhelmed. You loved Jungkook more than anything, but you couldn’t deny the connection you felt with the life blooming inside you despite your fears.

You knew that carrying this baby to term would cost you your future, your hard work and your parents’ money, but you couldn't shake the feeling that terminating the pregnancy would be an act of betrayal against yourself and your unborn child.

You yearned for Jungkook’s understanding, for him to see things from your perspective and be with you in this journey. But you knew he wasn’t ready to become a father, not when he was close to achieving his dream. And the last thing you wanted to do was ruin everything he was working for.

As you gazed out of the window, you wondered if you could find a way through this. At the same time, you questioned your own strength, your ability to raise a child against all odds.

Perhaps you could seek support from your parents, lean on their shoulders to seek guidance and stability. But you knew you couldn’t do that. They’d hate you. Perhaps they might disown you, too disappointed and ashamed to have a daughter like you.

You had Hana and Mina, but even with them, you felt as if in the end there was no one who knew you like Jungkook did. No one who could comfort you like he did. But the person who knew you the most and loved you the most was now abandoning you, and you were scared.

And deep down, you prayed he came back, telling you he would stay.

As the morning light streamed through the curtains, you slowly opened your eyes, your eyelashes weighed down by your tears. You had cried yourself to sleep, your heart heavy with emotions. The soft warmth of the bed provided a fleeting comfort, but the faint scent of Jungkook’s cologne that still lingered in the sheets and in the air brought you back to the painful reality and the memory of last night.

As you sat up on the bed, a wave of nausea washed over you, causing you to wince and clutch your stomach. You stumbled toward the bathroom, your body still plagued by waves of morning sickness. Dropping down in front of the toilet, you hunched over and began vomiting.

But it wasn't just the nausea that burdened you; it was the painful realisation that your dreams, your relationship, and your future had suddenly become entangled in a web of your overwhelming choices.

On the other hand, the front door unlocked, revealing Jungkook, looking weary and disheveled, as if he hadn't slept at all last night. As he pushed open the front door, his footsteps echoed through the quiet hallway as he stumbled in, a haunting reminder of the fracture in your relationship.

An uneasy stillness hung in the air, accompanied by the distant sound of you heaving and gagging in the bathroom. His heart clenched with guilt and conflict realising the physical toll pregnancy was already taking on you, and he knew you needed him now more than ever.

With hesitant footsteps, Jungkook made his way to the bathroom, where he found you hunched over the toilet, your face pale and your eyes looking tired. The sight tugged at his heartstrings, the realisation of the life growing within you engulfing him with conflicting emotions. He couldn't deny the love he had for you, nor the bond you both had formed over the years.

It wasn't that he didn't care for you; rather, he struggled to envision a life where he could balance his aspirations and provide care for a baby. He just wasn’t ready yet.

With a heavy sigh, Jungkook felt his firmness crumble. He couldn't ignore the sight of you, doubled over in discomfort, emptying out whatever you ate yesterday. Kneeling beside you, he reached out tentatively, his hand coming to rest on your trembling back and rubbing it in a gentle manner.

Your vomiting eventually subsided, and you slumped back, exhausted and pale. Jungkook stayed beside you, his hand never leaving your back as he kept you steady. As your breathing steadied, he wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your shoulder.

He could feel the tension in your body slowly dissipate as you leaned into him, finding comfort in his embrace. He pressed a soft kiss on your neck, the familiar touch stirring a mix of emotions within both of you.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his lips brushing against your neck in another soft kiss. You nodded weakly, your eyes welling up with tears.

Yet, even as he held you, Jungkook’s mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. He felt a crushing guilt for your pain, but also a deep-seated fear of losing his dreams. He loved you, without a doubt, but the thought of sacrificing his future for a child he wasn't ready for filled him with dread.

As you turned to look at him, he saw vulnerability mixed with a flicker of hope. It was a plea for understanding and support, for unity in the face of an uncertain future. He knew at that moment that his decision would shape not only your lives but the life growing inside you.

Conflicted and divided, Jungkook realised he had a choice to make.

He could choose to run away from the responsibilities that lay ahead, escaping the challenges and embracing a life of comfort and ambition. Or he could confront his fears head-on, standing shoulder to shoulder with you, embracing the unknown together.

There was an unspoken understanding between you as you both stood looking at each other — a realisation that your paths had diverged. Deep down Jungkook knew he didn’t want to stay. He couldn’t be the partner you wanted, nor the father the baby deserved.

He knew he had hurt you with his words and what he was about to do next, he was guilty, but he couldn't stay.

You knew Jungkook for years. You could practically read him like a book, especially what his eyes displayed. And staring up at him now, and the look in his dark and tired eyes, you knew.

You knew.

You knew he wasn’t going to stay. Whatever that was happening right now, it was the least he could do to offer you some kind of comfort before he leaves you. Out of pity at least. And that was what hurt you the most.

“Jungkook-” you tried to say, but he beat you to it.

“Let’s get up first and wipe your face” he said and he stood up, and he held your arm as he helped you up to your feet.

Grabbing some tissues from the nearby tissue box, he passed them to you and you began wiping your mouth. You then tossed the tissue and flushed the toilet before you followed him out to the living room.

Your tears didn’t stop, and neither did your eyes leave his. You waited. You waited for him to say something — anything.

Jungkook’s shoulders were slumped, and he looked as though he had aged years in a single night. There were bags under his eyes, face pale and puffy as if he hadn’t slept at all. He sighed deeply and hung his head, unable to meet your gaze. He fumbled for words, the silence stretching unbearably between you.

“Y/n,” he finally managed, his voice barely more than a whisper, “I don’t know what to do. I really don’t” it then cracked.

“Baby I love you, and I never wanted to hurt you,” he said, “but I can’t do this. I can’t stay. I’m not ready to be a father just yet” his lips trembled as he spoke and tears building up in his eyes.

“I have dreamed of becoming a lawyer ever since I was in elementary school, you know that, and I have come a long way working hard towards it. And I know you tirelessly worked hard for your dream too. But this is too much Y/n. Balancing our academic life alongside parenthood, I can’t do it. I just can’t!” he gritted his teeth and pulled on his hair in frustration.

“I know I’m being selfish, but I’m scared Y/n, just as much as you are” he said, his teary eyes finally meeting yours.

“I’m scared. I don’t want to lose everything I’ve worked for, but I can’t stand the thought of losing you either” he sniffled.

Your heart shattered at his words, knowing that you were both trapped in a situation with no easy answers. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and broken, shattered your willpower to stay strong. You had never seen him so scared, so utterly defeated. And you wanted to reach out, to comfort him, but your own fear and sadness held you back.

The weight of your predicament hung heavily in the air, and for the first time, you realised just how fragile your future had become.

There was no right or wrong solution in this. And it shattered you both completely that maybe it was best to just part ways and live with the choices you both made. No matter how badly you wanted him to stay, you knew you couldn’t let your decision on keeping the baby weigh him down. And as much as it hurt you, you knew you had to let him go.

“I…” you tried to speak but found yourself choking on your sobs. You shut your eyes tight and clenched your hands to tight fists by your sides as tears continued to flood down. You took a deep breath and fluttered your eyes open to meet his gaze again.

“Like I said, I’m not forcing you to stay Jungkook” your voice was weak and barely audible, but Jungkook could still hear you clearly. And it somewhat angered Jungkook that you were still adamant on keeping the baby knowing the consequences.

A deep frustrated groan escaped from his chapped lips as he ran his inked fingers through his messy locks.

“Y/n, it’s not like I don’t want a family with you, of course I do. I do want a baby with you one day, but just not now. We can have all the babies we want when we’re settled with our careers!” he said, his breathing fast and ragged.

He walked over to you and hastily cupped your face in his, leaning his forehead against yours as he looked down into your eyes.

“You’re the only woman I picture my life with, no one else. And I do see a future with you. I do see us with a family of our own. But this is all too early my love. We’re barely standing on your two feet right now” he tried to persuade you. You felt his hot breath fan over your quivering lips, absorbing everything he was pouring out to you.

“I know this is not easy for you. I know we created this baby. But please, please think with your head and not your heart for once” he then said. And somehow his words rubbed you the wrong way.

With the little strength you had, you shoved him back, taking him by surprise.

“Why can’t you just accept that I don’t want to get an abortion Jungkook?” you cried.

“Maybe you don’t have the heart to understand how hard it is, but I do. Whether it was a drunken mistake, we still created a life, and it’s growing inside my womb. And killing something we created? I just can’t, okay?” you slapped him with your words.

Jungkook stood stunned for a second before his features morphed into total defeat. At this point, the two of you were just going round in a circle with no end. And Jungkook didn’t see the point in trying anymore, because either way, the two of you had already made up your minds.

He didn’t know how to respond to that outburst. All he could do was stare at you silently crying. “Right…okay” it was all he said before giving you a teary glance and walking away.

You watched him walk into the bedroom, and you felt your heart sink to the pit of your stomach. Your world was slowly crumbling down and there was nothing you could do.

He wasn’t staying.

Using the walls to guide you, you staggered your way to the bedroom where you heard shuffling. You stood silently in the doorway, your heart aching as you watched Jungkook furiously stuffed his belongings into the suitcase.

The room felt heavy with tension, but none of you spoke a word. You stood there crying silently, a torrent of emotions coursed through your veins.

Jungkook, on the other hand, was aware of the presence by the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up. His heart was torn apart. He never wanted to be faced with such a dilemma, but his determination to fulfill his dream was much stronger.

Although you didn’t want to force him to stay, you felt yourself give in to the fear of being alone without him by your side.

And you found yourself trying once again knowing the obvious answer. As tears cascaded down your cheeks, you mustered the strength to break the silence that engulfed the room.

“Jungkook,” you whispered as you walked inside, your voice trembling with sorrow.

“I’m sure we can find a way to make this work. Together” you said Jungkook paused for a moment, his hands frozen in midair, caught between the task at hand and the plea of the woman he loved.

His eyes were filled with hurt and unspoken emotions when he looked at you. “We can't Y/n” he finally replied, his voice hoarse and tinged with regret.

“I can’t have a baby that would ruin everything I’ve worked hard for. Please try to understand” he added.

With every shirt stuffed into the suitcase, your heart sank deeper into despair. The realisation that you both were headed towards a heartbreaking separation became more tangible with every passing moment. And as he closed his suitcase, the sound of the zipper sealing your fate seemed to echo throughout the room.

You watched, your eyes following his every movement, as he picked up the suitcase and walked towards the door. The weight of your shattered dreams lingered heavily in the room, overshadowing the memories of your once-happy days.

“I hope you find the success you're searching for Jungkook, truly" you said with a small smile on your face as you followed him to the door, your words filled with a mix of sadness and hope.

Swinging his bag over his shoulders, Jungkook gave you a look of guilt and disappointment through his teary eyes. “I love you Y/n, I always will, but I’m sorry” he whispered.

Jungkook didn’t exactly know what he was sorry for; for choosing his dream over love, or for how cruel fate was. With one last glance, he picked up his suitcase and walked towards the door. You felt a lump form in your throat as the door shut behind him, the ache of loss enveloping you.

The room grew quieter, emptier, and as the door closed behind him, you knew that your relationship had entered a new chapter, one that would require your own cognition, healing, and a willingness to rebuild what had now been broken.

You were scared. The bright clear you and Jungkook had planned was now all dark and blurry. And the possibility of your parents disowning you terrified you even more.

But even though fear was following you like a shadow, you were determined to protect what was now a symbol of your lost love.

“Momma will protect you baby” you cried, caressing your abdomen.

2 YEARS AGO

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Hand in hand, you and Jungkook strolled along the deserted sidewalk, your fingers interlaced as you both savored the aftertaste of the delightful dinner you just had to celebrate on you getting into your dream college — the same one Jungkook was going to go to as well.

Your footsteps echoed softly against the quiet streets, a soothing rhythm that mirrored the calmness of the night. The night air was cool and breezy, carrying the faint scent of blooming flowers from nearby gardens.

Jungkook pulled you a little closer, feeling you shiver from the gentle breeze that rustled the leaves of trees. Your lips curled up into a tender smile as you glanced at him, and he returned the smile followed by a soft peck on your forehead.

You walked in a comfortable silence for a while, the only sound being the rhythmic tap-tap of your footsteps on the pavement. Wanting to light up the mood, Jungkook gave you a light nudge and a playful look.

“Wanna hear something funny?” he asked, and you raised your brow in curiosity. He leaned in and whispered something into your ear, and seconds later, you found yourself laughing hysterically as you doubled over clutching your stomach.

Your laughter rang out into the quiet streets, earning a few curious but admiring looks from people who passed by. Your laughter was music to his ears, a symphony of joy that he cherished a lot.

“Jungkook! Oh my god, I can’t believe you just said that!” you playfully elbowed him, looking at him a little surprised.

“What? It’s true though” he reasoned, giving you a shrug. Jungkook continued cracking more jokes, and your laughter continued to echo through the tranquil night.

Soon enough, you both found yourselves walking up a hill. As you reached the summit, your laughter gradually faded into silence, replaced by a shared sense of awe.

Reaching towards the edge and leaning against the rails, a deep overwhelmed sigh escaped your lips as you gazed at the scenery in front of you. The twinkling lights of the metropolis created a breathtaking view, as if the stars had descended to earth.

You and Jungkook stood there, side by side, hand in hand, each lost in your own thoughts. No words were needed as you both admired the breathtaking view.

The view felt like a canvas of dreams and aspirations, and in that moment, it felt as if the world was yours to conquer. The night had shifted from chaos to serenity, and your connection with Jungkook felt deeper than ever.

The cool breeze continued to brush against your cheeks, but now it carried a sense of calm, as if the city itself was taking a deep breath, ready for another day of challenges.

You tilted your head upwards, your gaze fixated on the starry sky above. A soft sigh escaped your lips as you admired the celestial beauty that shone light at the dim earth. Your eyes began to water, and your shoulders drooped a little, feeling a sudden heaviness weighing upon your heart.

Sensing the shift in your mood, Jungkook turned to look at you, his smile faltering as he noticed your glistening eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked as he pulled you closer.

You gave him a weak nod, “yeah, I just…I miss my grandma” you answered as your voice cracked.

Jungkook felt a tug in his heart, and his hand moved up to your waist, giving it a gentle comforting massage as he leaned into place a kiss on your forehead.

“I know she’s proud watching how strong you are” he said, and his words brought comfort to your heart as you imagined her among the shining stars in the heavens above.

“I hope she is” you whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder.

You knew she was.

It had been almost three years since your grandmother had passed away, but the memories of her and all the time you’ve spent with her were still vivid and precious, engraved deeply in your heart. She was more than just a family member. She was your best friend, and your life mentor.

Growing up, you had spent countless hours at her house. Her grandmother always had a way of making everyday moments magical.

You recalled the countless hours spent in the garden with your grandmother, tending to the vibrant flowers and vegetables. She had a way of turning mundane tasks into magical experiences. She taught you the names of each plant, explaining how they thrived under different conditions, and in the process, imparted lessons about patience, hard work, and the beauty of nature.

Your grandmother’s faith in you had been a guiding light, especially during the dark days of grief and doubt. When you received your acceptance letter to nursing school, your first instinct was to rush to her house to share the news. But she was no longer there. Her chair by the fireplace was now empty, and her presence remained a cherished memory.

As you closed your eyes, you could almost hear her gentle voice, filled with warmth and affection.

“You can be anything you want to be, darling. I’ll always be proud of you no matter what. Never forget that strength is in your blood.” she would say, her eyes sparkling with confidence. “Believe in yourself, and the world will open up to you.”

You were pulled back to reality when you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into a warm embrace. He didn’t say anything, just held you close, offering silent comfort. Feeling the love and warmth radiating from his hug, the tears you had been holding back now flowed freely.

“I miss her so much,” you whispered, your voice breaking.

“I know baby” Jungkook murmured while stroking your hair gently, tightening his embrace as he rested his chin on top of your head.

“But you know she would be so proud of you. You’ve become everything she believed you could be” he said.

His words brought a fresh wave of tears, but also a sense of peace. You knew he was right. your grandmother’s legacy lived on in you, in the way you cared for others, in your passion for nursing, and in the love you carried in your heart.

If not for yourself, you wanted to work hard and make her proud.

1 MONTH LATER

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It was a cold winter morning and the air was crisp, biting at the young man's cheeks as he walked alone, lost in his thoughts. Jungkook, his breath visible in the frigid air, trudged through the frosted pathway towards his lecture. The icy wind whipped through the campus, reflecting the chill in his heart.

It felt like an eternity, but it had been a month since he had broken up with you. A decision made out of fear and a desperate need to protect his dreams. It had been a month since he last talked to you. A month since he even saw you. He had been avoiding you completely as if you didn't exist, yet he still wondered how you were doing. Part of him felt like he lost the right to, but his heart was still there in your hands.

As he made his way inside the building, his steps felt heavier than usual, burdened by everything that had happened a month ago. Every day has been a challenge for him. He barely took care of himself anymore like he used to when he lived with you.

He never wanted this to happen, for things to turn out how they were, but he was so torn between his dreams and his responsibilities.

“Jungkook!” he heard a manly voice call out for him from behind, breaking him out of his thoughts.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, and there he saw his best friend jogging his way towards him. As he finally reached him, the short male threw his arm around Jungkook's neck as they both continued to walk.

“What's your plan after your class finishes? You only have a two hour lecture today” the boy asked.

Jungkook sighed and turned his gaze back to the front, “I don't know, just do a few grocery shopping first and head back to the dorm” he answered.

His routine ever since he moved out of your shared dorm has been the same — wake up, attend lectures and head back to the dorm to continue studying. On his days off, or if he had hours to spare, he would do a little shopping or go to the gym.

Anything to get his mind off you. But as days passed, he felt himself grow weaker and tired, maybe because of not having you by his side.

“Ehh? That's it?” the boy cringed.

“Then what do you want me to do Jimin? And besides, it's freezing cold” Jungkook sighed once again.

“Me and Taehyung are planning to head out for a karaoke night and have dinner there as well. We booked a room, so you should join us” Jimin suggested.

But Jungkook shook his head, “thanks, but I'll pass,” he told him.

Jimin's face dropped in disappointment, “come on Jungkook, loosen up. You can't keep living in the dark like this” he said.

“But what if I want to live in the dark like this?” Jungkook stopped and turned to the blond one.

Jimin stayed silent and stared at his best friend with a heavy heart. Despite Jungkook's efforts to be silent about his pain, Jimin could see through the facade, recognising the hurt and weariness in his best friend's eyes.

Jungkook gave Jimin one last look before turning around and walking away.

“Because you're guilty Jungkook,” Jimin said, loud enough for Jungkook to stop almost instantly.

Jungkook's fists clenched, and his jaw tightened, but it wasn't anger that boiled within him; it was a mix of shame, regret, and frustration. Jimin walked towards Jungkook to catch up with him, and placed his hand on his broad muscular shoulder.

“I know you're still thinking about whatever happened between you and Y/n. And I know you're still hurting thinking about her even though you're doing everything to avoid her” he began to speak.

Jungkook's heart clenched at his best friend's words. He was right.

“But you can't keep running away like this,” Jimin added, “and can I tell you something?” he then asked as he turned himself to face the weary man.

Jungkook raised his head to look at his best friend who paused for a moment as he nibbled on his bottom lip.

“You need to talk to Y/n, and I mean properly” he began, and Jimin could see how almost instantly his face fell hearing your name. The silence that followed was loud, and Jungkook could feel his heart starting to pick up its pace.

“We did, Jimin, but it didn't work out. Clearly we already knew what we’re choosing” Jungkook told him.

“I know, but just…” Jimin sighed as he trailed off.

“She's struggling a lot, Jungkook. Her friends said she's barely attending her classes anymore. But when she does, it's like they can't even recognise her anymore. I saw her yesterday and it made me worry about her even though we’re not close. She's gotten paler and thinner, and has bags under eyes like she hasn't been sleeping for days. I tried to talk to her a few times but she just didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to talk to anyone” he explained.

Jungkook's heart sank to the pit of his stomach, and his walls around him came crumbling down.

“You and her may be on different terms about the baby, but she really needs you more than anything right now. I know all of this is sudden, and that you're not ready, but you can't run away from your responsibilities forever. Go and talk to her, you'll both figure something out, I'm sure of it” he said as he placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

To Jungkook, it was easier said than done. But right now, he couldn't endure the heaviness in his heart as the realisation was soon settling in him as he began to acknowledge how his actions had caused you pain. And everything Jimin had told him began to make sense. He was right, he needed to talk to you again — to see you.

Jungkook quickly blinked away the tears before they could fall, and he relaxed his clenched fists as he zoned back to reality.

“You guys aren't completely alone in this, okay? You have us, always” Jimin reassured the boy who looked like he was carrying the weight of the world. Jungkook's heart warmed at his words, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful to be surrounded with amazing people in his life.

Jungkook hoped to see you find you during the rest of the day so he could talk to you, but you were nowhere to be found. He tried to approach your two friends, Mina and Hana, but they scowled at him and walked past, ignoring him completely.

Jungkook sighed and gave up, and decided to wait until tomorrow.

THE NEXT DAY

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It was another crisp winter morning, and amidst the frost-kissed streets, Jungkook clung onto his bag as he made his way to the university. His heart was heavier than yesterday and his steps were uncertain.

His thoughts were consumed by what Jimin told him yesterday. It was all he could think about. After failed attempts to get a hold of you anywhere at the campus yesterday, Jungkook hoped that he would get to see you today at least.

As he reached inside and into the hallway, he heard a loud, shrill cry that pierced the air. It came from the corridor that led to the female toilets.

Confusion and worry consumed him as he quickened his pace. But when the screams and yells began to sound familiar, he heard your name. He heard those familiar voices desperately calling for you to wake up, and in that moment his heart stopped and his fear intensified. His heart began to pound in panic, and without a second thought, he broke into a sprint.

As he reached the entrance to the female restroom, he pushed the door open, and there he saw a sight that made his heart drop. There you laid on the tiled floor, looking paler than he had ever seen you, your face blank and eyes half open.

“Oh my god! Mina, call the ambulance!” Hana yelled at Mina. Your two friends were kneeled huddling around you as they tried to get you to consciousness, but you were barely giving any response.

That's when Jungkook noticed the blood that ran down between your legs, staining your skirt and the floor beneath.

He ran towards you and pushed your friends aside, gently scooping you and cradling you in his arms. Your body was so cold that he almost flinched.

“Y/n, hey, wake up!” he gently shook your body. You were barely conscious, and he could see you trying to keep your eyes open.

“J-Jungkook?” you struggled to speak as your hand slowly made its way up to his sweater. You tried to grab hold of him but your body was too weak.

“I’m here, I-I’m right here baby” he whimpered as his hug tightened.

“W-What’s happening?” he trembled as he looked at the two panicked and crying girls.

“I-I don’t know. We were just talking a-and all of a sudden she collapsed, and now she’s b-bleeding” Mina explained.

“Jungkook,” Hana looked at him, “I-I think she might be having a miscarriage” she stammered tearfully.

“The ambulance is on its way right now” Mina said.

Time seemed to come to a stop as Jungkook felt his world crumble. It was in that moment, with his heart in his throat, that he feared the worst and hoped for the best, ready to confront the unexpected turn of events. The voices around him blurred into the background as he focused on your pale face.

“I’m sorry” he whispered as tears pooled in his eyes, “I’m so sorry” his voice cracked in the end. He wished he could turn back time, undo the pain he had caused, and be there for you in every possible way.

“O-Our baby, she’s g-going to be o-okay, right?” you stammered, trying to focus your gaze on him, but all you could see was blur. Jungkook’s chest tightened at your question, and he didn’t know how to answer, and instead just hugged you to reassure you.

A few moments later, the paramedics finally arrived. Jungkook felt his body suddenly lose its warmth as they took you from his arms and placed you on the stretcher. He silently watched you finally lose your consciousness, and the paramedics quickly rushed to place an oxygen mask over you.

“We need to get going, now” one of them urged, and with a nod from the rest, they all made their way back to the album with the stretcher.

Jungkook didn’t think twice to ditch his class and rush to his car to follow the ambulance with Mina and Hana deciding to tag along. At that moment, he didn’t care about anything. All he could do was pray for you and the baby to be safe.

As Jungkook and your two friends rushed through the corridors of the hospital, his heart violently pounded in his chest. “She’s going to be okay, right? A-And the baby?” he asked, looking at the doctor desperately.

“She’s going to be alright. But we can’t be too sure about the baby since she’s well early into her pregnancy, and bled quite a lot” the doctor answered honestly before rushing inside the emergency room, leaving the crying boy standing numb.

All he knew was that if anything happened to the baby, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

Jungkook sat himself down on the chair with his head buried in his hands, lost deep in his thoughts. That was until he heard Hana’s angry voice.

“This is all your fault!” she yelled as she marched towards him. Jungkook didn’t react or lift his head to look at her, instead, he let her say whatever she had to.

“If you weren’t such a selfish fucking coward none of this would’ve happened!” she screamed.

“Hana, calm down” Mina told her. Hana glared at him and backed away before sitting on the chair opposite him.

But she was right, he was a coward.

Time crawled by as he anxiously paced the hospital's cold floors, continuing to question his past decisions and praying for the baby to be okay. He had never felt more helpless and regretful. Every minute that passed felt like an eternity.

And finally, the same doctor emerged from the emergency room, his face a mix of exhaustion and relief. Jungkook rushed over to him, his heart filled with a mix of fear and hope.

“D-Doctor, are they okay?” he asked.

“She’s okay. She’s stable now, we managed to stop the bleeding” he began, “and miraculously the baby is okay too” he added.

Jungkook’s tensed shoulders finally relaxed as relief flooded over him.

“It seems like she collapsed because of stress and weakness. I encourage her to take some time off and stabilise her health first, because she’s at a very vulnerable stage of pregnancy — so anything can happen” the doctor explained. Jungkook nibbled down on his lip in guilt. It was all his fault.

“She’s resting, but you can go and see her” he gave him and smiled before leaving.

Jungkook turned and looked at your two friends, they gave him a look that they wanted to go first.

So he let them. And as he sat there feeling relieved that both of you were safe, he thought back to that day. He couldn't believe the situation he had created, the pressure he had put on you to get an abortion, and how close he had come to losing you both. He realised the magnitude of the situation that his fear and immaturity had created, and the innocent life he was so willing to abandon.

He couldn’t deny the connection he began to feel between his unborn baby.

Thirty minutes or so passed.

After Hana and Mina were done visiting you, Hana gave him a hard glare as she walked past him.

“If you really love her, Jungkook, you better make it right” she said, before leaving.

Jungkook clenched his jaw as he watched them leave, but then his attention went towards where your room was. He took slow and hesitant steps, and when he finally reached the room, pushed the door open. There he saw your pale and fragile form on the hospital bed. Seeing the tubes and monitors surrounding you, his heart grew heavier.

You were awake, sitting up when your back rested against the pillows. Your expression was unreadable as you blankly stared at the plain white wall in front you. The sight was a clear contrast to the vibrant girl he had once known.

“Y/n” he whispered your name as he slowly walked towards you, the sound barely audible in the quiet room.

But you heard. And before he could draw nearer, your voice pierced the silence, cutting him off sharply.

“Get out” you commanded.

Your words were like ice, sending a shiver down his spine. You didn't even glance in his direction, your eyes remaining fixed on the empty space before you. The coldness in your tone struck him, differing from the warmth he had always associated with you.

But who was he kidding? He made his choice and he knew you were going to hate him, especially after everything he had said to you. You were upset, heartbroken, and you had every right to be.

But why did it hurt so bad?

He stood there clenching his fists, paralysed by your rejection, feeling the ache of his heartache like a physical pain in his chest. Blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over, he searched desperately for something to say, some way to bridge the gap that had opened up between you.

“I’m sorry” he finally whispered.

It was all he could say. It was a pathetic attempt to reach out, to offer some sort of comfort or apology, but he knew deep down that mere words could never erase the pain he had caused.

In all honesty, deep down you knew he wasn’t entirely at fault. But you were angry. Angry at him. Angry at yourself. You were angry at the world.

You heard the rawness in his voice, the guiltiness.

But you were afraid he was going to fall in the trap of your doomed fate, and you didn’t want to ruin or burden his life any more than it already was.

“Just get out Jungkook. Go. Go live the life you want. Don’t let us hold you back” you said, finally turning around to look at him with your glossy eyes.

And as he stood there, shattered and empty, he realised that in that moment, he had lost not only you, but a piece of himself as well.

“I’m sorry Y/n” he said once more, lowering his head as he slowly broke down.

“Me too” you replied before tearing your gaze away from him. there was some silence between you both as Jungkook stared at your silently crying form.

“I love you, and I’m sorry” his voice cracked.

With a final longing gaze, he turned around and walked away with heavy footsteps. It was a matter of seconds that once he stepped his foot out of the room, he would be leaving behind the girl he loved and the life you had once dreamed of together.

When you heard the door closing with a soft click, your shoulders dropped. With a shaky sigh, you clenched your eyes shut, unable to contain the flood of emotions any longer.

You began to sob.

And each sob grew louder as seconds passed by, echoing outside the corridors. Jungkook heard the heart wrenching cries, and it took him so much to not stop and run back in to engulf you in his arms.

His eyes, filled with tears, shut tightly, as if closing them could shield him from the reality of the pain he felt. His breathing was ragged, each breath came in shallow, uneven gasps. The sobs that he tried to choke back rose uncontrollably from his chest, shuddering through his body.

He felt a raw ache in his throat, the bitter taste of the partition of your years long of love. He bit his lower lip and clenched his jaw, but the sobs broke free, escaping in rough, broken bursts the further he walked away.

Everything was over.

And despite that, you both knew deep down that a piece of your hearts would forever remain with each other.

𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗘𝗗

@𝗷𝗸𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰

©️

(insta: jeonjkfiles)

IRRESIST

PAIRING: jungkook x reader

GENRE: vampire jungkook, human reader, slight fluff, heavy angst

TAGS/WARNING: violence, manipulation, manhandling, assault, murder, blood, attempted rape (nothing graphic!), angst, sensitive/paranoid oc, panic attack, trauma

WORD COUNT: 7.8k (excl. synopsis)

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦!

𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗧𝗟𝗬 𝗡𝗢 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗚𝗜𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗠 𝗢𝗥 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡

SYNOPSIS;

Trust between a human and a vampire in the context of love is a complicated series of challenges that combines fear, curiosity, and vulnerability. For humans, trust involves overcoming natural instincts and societal conditioning. They deal with the temptation of the unknown while faced with the vampire's inherent danger. Meanwhile, the vampire, often burdened by decades of loneliness and secrecy, must rely on their own restraint and loyalty of their human partner in the face of their ravening thirst.

You trusted Jungkook despite what your parents had instilled about his kind and your own paranoia. You loved him, and you had never loved someone so much as him. But from time to time, you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Jungkook had broken your trust. You knew he had good control of himself and would never hurt you that way, but the thought of the unpredictable future scared you a bit.

𐚁₊⊹

────

Once considered creatures of myth and legend, vampires emerged from the darkness years ago to proclaim their dominance over the earth. They conquered humanity with their immortal lives, undefinable power and thirst for blood, reducing humans to an alienated minority fighting for survival at night.

Amongst the group of oppressed minorities was you, a young college student born into a society where fear and caution were as essential as the air you breathed.

Raised as an only child by parents who had witnessed the horrors of vampire dominion firsthand, you were nurtured with an inherent sense of alertness. They taught you how to navigate carefully in a world where one wrong move could cost you your life.

You heard all sorts of horrifying stories, but it wasn’t until you witnessed their brutal savagery with your own eyes for the first time. And as you grew older, you continued coming across more of the atrocities.

You could never stomach the fact that you lived in a world where merciless monsters ruled over the world and hunted humans like animals, and everyday you were scared for your life and those of who you cared about.

But it was about two years ago when your whole life changed.

It was quite late that day, you were hurrying home after a late class and your mind was preoccupied with thoughts of assignment. But little did you know that the night would transform your world forever.

You were walking through the deserted alleyway, and when you rounded a corner, you stumbled upon a chilling sight. A tall figure stood towering over another man, and his hand was wrapped around his neck with a tight iron grip. The man helplessly tried to break free but it was clear to you that he was no match to the other guy.

You were frozen in horror as you witnessed him effortlessly snap his neck. As you watched the lifeless man’s body drop cold with a thud, a bloodcurdling scream tore from your lips, echoing in the isolated streets as terror gripped your soul.

When the dark figure turned to face you, you felt the colours on your face drain completely. You felt as if your heart was about to jump out of your chest.

He was everything you had been warned about — tall, terrifying, and unmistakably a vampire. His eyes were ruby-red, like pools of crimson fire, and somewhat mesmerising. His skin was pale as a ghost which seemed to glow under the moonlight.

He then began to walk towards you, his movements slow and fluid, like a predator eyeing his prey. Your mind was screaming at you to turn and run, but you felt your feet glued to the ground. And as he drew closer, your heart raced at an unimaginable pace. Your breathing was erratic as droplets of sweat cascaded down the side of your face.

But to your surprise, he didn't lunge at you with fangs bared, ready to drain you of your lifeblood. Instead, he was looking at you with his head tilted to the side, studying your trembling form with curious intensity.

“Are you afraid of me, human?” he asked, his tone tinged with amusement. You nodded, unable to form words as you stared into those crimson eyes.

“You have every reason to be,” he continued, his lips curling into a sarcastic smile.

Like a flicker of light, you saw the colour of his eyes shift to a darker brown.

“But I assure you, I mean you no harm”.

His words should have sounded hollow, devoid of sincerity. After all, he was a vampire, a creature of the night who thrived on the blood of the living. And your instincts screamed at you to flee, to run as far away as possible from this creature of the night.

But something held you in place, a strange mixture of fear and curiosity. You found yourself studying him, taking in every detail of his supernatural presence.

And as you looked into his eyes, you sensed a hint of something else beneath the surface — loneliness, perhaps, or even longing.

Jungkook had walked the earth for ages, witnessing the rise and fall of empires, yet never finding satisfaction in the short-lived pleasures of mortal life. Many feared him, and those who knew of his existence muttered his name in hushed tones, since he was the very definition of a hellish vampire — ruthless and violent.

But the more you learned about him, the more you understood that he wasn’t everything that people described him to be. He was savage for sure, he was also someone who knew his boundaries and had control over himself.

You remembered when you first encountered him. You couldn’t lie, he was everything you have been warned about. But as your encounters became more frequent, you found yourself strangely drawn to him. You wanted to know more about him despite the nagging sense of danger.

And as your relationship blossomed, you discovered a side of Jungkook that few had ever seen — a side that was gentle, compassionate, and fiercely protective.

Your biggest challenge at that time was confronting your parents about your relationship with Jungkook. You both knew that your love was forbidden, and that both sides of the society would never accept your unique relationship.

You, in particular, were worried about your parents' reaction, knowing all too well of the presumptions and hatred that existed against beings like Jungkook.

While it took time for Jungkook’s parents to finally accept you as someone more than just a human they fed on, you knew it was still early to reveal everything to yours. However, the truth could only be kept hidden for so long, as secrets have a way of revealing themselves in the light of day.

It took a lot to muster up courage to tell your parents everything, and Jungkook offered to go with you. Their reaction was exactly what you had expected. Horror contorted their faces, their words laced with disbelief and disgust, unable to comprehend how their daughter could be entangled with such a vile creature.

You remembered how they pulled you away from Jungkook who was sitting down next to you, fear written over their faces as they shielded you from him.

Jungkook could only sit and stare in pain, yet understandably. He knew to be silent, because anything he said would fall in deaf ears. Humans knew better than to trust monsters like him.

But despite their rejection, you remained steadfast in your love for Jungkook, unwilling to abandon the one who had captured your heart. You understood that they were trying to protect you, you couldn’t blame them for that, but at the same time, you knew what you were doing.

If anything was to go wrong, you would be the only one to be blamed.

[𝟶𝟾:𝟷𝟻 𝚙.𝚖.]

It was a chill night, and you found yourself nervously adjusting your dress, your fingers tracing the delicate lace. It was Yunho’s, Jungkook’s best friend's, birthday, and though you weren’t quite sure about going, you knew you had to attend out of courtesy at least.

As you and Jungkook entered the grand mansion where the party was being held, you couldn't help but feel a shiver run down your spine. There were quite a lot more guests than you had expected. The atmosphere was charged with energy, the air thick with the scent of sweat and alcohol.

It made you scrunch your nose up in disgust. The whole aura made you uncomfortable, but not more than the fact that the house was practically filled with vampires and you being the only human.

You just couldn't shake the feeling of being out of place, like a lamb wandering into a den of wolves. You clung onto Jungkook like he was your lifeline, pressing yourself against him like glue.

“It's okay, I won’t let anyone hurt you” he whispered, his voice soothing against your ear.

As the night wore on, your discomfort slowly waned as you engaged with Jungkook’s friends and the other guests. You learned that a lot of them were quite chill and fun to be around despite being bloodthirsty creatures.

You discovered shared interests with them and exchanged playful banter. You even found yourself joining in on a game of charades and chugging down shots with them. But you made sure to not go overboard.

“Babe, I’m going out to smoke with the boys, will you be okay on your own for a few minutes?” your boyfriend walked up to you and asked.

“Mhmm, I’ll be fine” you told him and gave him a warm smile, “shout if you need me” he quickly pecked your lips before walking off with his three friends. You sighed and took a sip of the apple juice.

Just then, Yunho emerged from the crowd. “Hey, Y/n” he greeted, “oh hey Yunho” you greeted back with a smile.

“Could you perhaps go and grab my charger from my room? My phone is about to die and I’m kind of in the middle of a game right now” he asked, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Sure, where’s your room?” you stood up straight, “first floor on the right, and if you keep walking straight you’ll find a black door. That’s my room” he smiled.

“Okay, I’ll get it for you” you said to him and walked off.

As you made your way up the grand staircase, you couldn't help but admire the intricate details of the mansion's architecture. The plush carpeting beneath your feet muffled your steps as you ascended to the upper floor. Each hallway seemed to stretch endlessly, branching off into different wings of the house.

Despite the vibrant atmosphere downstairs, the floor upstairs seemed to be a huge contrast — as if no one was supposed to be here.

You felt a sense of unease crept over you as you glanced down the long, dimly lit hallway leading deeper into the mansion. The vastness of the house and the thought of getting lost intimidated you.

In the end, you finally managed to find Yunho’s room. Twisting the golden doorknob, you creaked the door open, revealing a very spacious and elegantly furnished room.

After a brief search, you found the charger on a bedside table. And as you went and reached for it, a voice startled you from behind.

“Need a hand?” Yunho’s voice broke the silence, causing you to jump slightly in surprise.

“Gosh, you scared me” you sighed in relief, placing your hand on your chest.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Just wondering what was taking you so long” he let out an airy chuckle as he stood with one hand in his pocket.

You chuckled nervously, feeling slightly embarrassed, “it's alright, I guess I just got a little lost in this enormous mansion of yours” you said. Yunho stepped further into the room, his eyes scanning around before they turned back onto you.

“Yeah, it can be a bit overwhelming at first” he muttered, “but don’t worry, you’ll get used to it around here” he said. The tone in his voice dropped into something sinister, and your smile dropped instantly.

Before you could say anything, the door slammed shut on its own with a loud bang, causing you to jump in fright. Your heart began to race, panic coursing through your body as you realised you were trapped in the room.

You rushed towards the door, your hands trembling as you tried to turn the handle, but it wouldn't budge.

“What are you doing?” your voice shook with fear as you turned to face Yunho, only to find him standing there, a smirk playing on his lips.

Your breath hitched when you saw his fangs protruding menacingly and his eyes glowing scarlet red, a disturbing reminder of the gruesome nature of a vampire.

When he began to walk towards you, you began to move yourself across the wall to the other side of the room. “S-Stay away from me” you warned, struggling to steady your breathing.

“Oh darling, you can’t tell me what to do” he growled with his disgusting grin. With each step Yunho took, your fear threatened to consume you whole.

You pressed yourself against the cold stone wall, searching desperately for a way out, but finding none. The room seemed to narrow around you, suffocating you with his evil presence.

“Please, Yunho, stop this” you begged, feeling yourself choke up with panic.

But all your pleas fell into deaf ears as he slammed his hands on the wall next to you, trapping you under his monstrous body. “Jungkook really hit a jackpot with you, huh?” he leaned in close and took a long sniff from the crook of your neck.

“Your blood, it smells fucking sweet” he said and he dragged his tongue along your neck.

With a rush of adrenaline, you gathered all of your courage and lashed out, striking him with every bit of strength you had. You kneed him in the groin and pushed him off you, watching him drop to the floor groaning in pain. You caught a glimpse of surprise on his face before it contorted into a mask of wrath.

“You bitch” he gritted his teeth as he stood back up on his feet.

With a snarl, he lunged at you, grabbing you by the neck and slamming you against the wall. Pain seared through your body as you fought to loosen his iron grip, your muscles straining against his inhumane strength.

“Jungkook sure taught you well to defend yourself, but I’d like to see you defend yourself now” he grinned sinister as he let go of your neck.

Before you could even catch your breath, Yunho picked you up and slung you over his shoulder as he walked over to his bed.

“Let go of me you sick bastard!” you screamed as you hit his back with your fists, but Yunho remained unmoved. In a matter of seconds, he threw you down on the bed and cuffed your wrists with his single iron gripping hand.

“You can scream all you want darling, no one is going to hear you” he smirked as he hovered over you.

Your glossy eyes widened in horror as your breathing became more erratic. “N-No,” you shook your head, trying to push him off. But he was too strong. “GET OFF ME!” you screamed your lungs out.

“JUNGKOOK!”

┄┄┄┄┄

After indulging in a smoke break with his friends in the dim courtyard, Jungkook went back inside to join you again. But he frowned when he couldn’t find you from where you were standing earlier.

“Have you guys seen Y/n?” he asked around.

His question was met with shrugs and indifferent shakes of the head. No one seemed to have noticed your absence amidst the buzz of the party. But then he noticed something else that he found a little odd. Yunho was nowhere to be seen either.

“Hey Baekho, have you Y/n? Or Yunho?” he asked one of Yunho’s close friends who was drinking with the rest. “I don’t know about Y/n. But Yunho said he was going to his room to get something” Baekho shrugged.

Jungkook muttered a small ‘thank you’ before making his way upstairs. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong.

Reaching Yunho’s room, he could hear muffled voices from inside. He tried to open the door but it was locked. “Yunho? Are you in there?” he knocked on the door, but no answer.

Frowning, he attempted to open the door. And miraculously, the door opened on its own, like the lock was being controlled.

When Jungkook opened the door, the sight in front of him made his heart drop.

“Yunho? Y/n?” his voice was barely audible due to shock.

His shoulders dropped as he took a step inside. Unknown to Jungkook, Yunho’s lips curled up in a smirk as he laid on the bed. And straddling him, hair tousled and eyes wide with shock, was you. Quickly wiping the smirk off his lips, Yunho pushed you off and got off the bed.

You, eyes wide with fear and desperation, got up and ran to reach out to Jungkook, your voice trembling as you tried to explain yourself. “Jungkook, l-listen to me” you said as you held his arm.

But Jungkook was quiet as he stared at you, standing there as his mind reeled with a thousand emotions. Before you could go on to say anything else, Yunho cut in.

“Your girlfriend isn't all innocent as she plays Jungkook” he said as he fixed his clothes. “I tried to stop her, and remind her that she has a boyfriend, just she just wouldn’t listen” he tried to explain.

All Jungkook did was stare and listen to what was being said. “You lying bastard!” you screamed, lunging towards the blond haired vampire and grabbing him by the collar.

“We’re going home” Jungkook’s deep murderous voice spoke up, and you froze at the chilling tone that you never heard before.

He grabbed you by the arm and dragged you out of the room, and you briefly turned to Yunho who smirked as he waved his hand at you.

“Jungkook wait! He’s lying! That’s not the truth!” you protested as you tried to keep up with the speed that he was pulling you with. But he said nothing.

When you finally reached downstairs, all eyes were on you. “Stop!” you shouted, stopping in your tracks and harshly pulling your arm out of your boyfriend’s tight hold. Your chest heaved with each ragged breath, your hands trembling as you clutched your dress.

“We’re not leaving until you know the truth!” you said.

“Stop making a scene Y/n” Jungkook gritted his teeth as he stepped towards you. “I’m not Jungkook! Your best friend is a fucking liar! He tried to-”

“I think you had quite a lot to drink Y/n, you should go home and rest” you heard Yunho’s voice cut you off. You saw Yunho making his way downstairs and the guests made way for him to walk through towards you.

“You’re my best friend’s girlfriend Y/n, I would never have any ill intentions about you” he looked at you with a soft gaze, but you knew it was all fake.

“It’s okay, I know you made a mistake, you don’t have to lie” he then said, and you didn’t miss the slight smirk that he gave to you.

At the moment, you felt your body fire up in anger. And then, you raised your hand and smacked him hard across the face. The crowd of guests gasped in shock as Yunho’s head snapped to the side, and Jungkook was quick to pull you back.

“You asshole!” you screamed. Yunho clenched his jaw as he tried to control his anger, and he raised his head back up and smiled at you. “You’re a monster, a sick bastard! You don’t deserve to be Jungkook’s friend, or anywhere near him!” you ranted.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!”

Jungkook’s loud angry voice cut through the air, silencing everyone in the room. You flinched and turned to your boyfriend, swallowing a thick lump as you eyes his furious form.

Without saying another word, he grabbed your arm and pulled you with him. You turned and glared at Yunho for the last, whose smirk never seemed to fade the entire time.

The music faded into the background as you both reached outside. You stumbled along the way, trying to keep up with his swift pace, and your heart raced with anxiety.

“Jungkook please listen to me” you pleaded, but he remained quiet. His jaw clenched tightly as he dragged you towards the car.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝟷𝟶:𝟶𝟶 𝚙.𝚖.]

The door swung open with a loud thud as Jungkook stumbled through, his eyes clouded with anger. The usually quiet and snug atmosphere shifted abruptly as he dragged you inside by the arm with a force that made you whimper in pain.

Your cries echoed through the large hallway, a desperate plea for him to release you from his iron grip. Tears streamed down your cheeks, mixing with the traces of blood from where his fingers dug into your delicate skin.

“Please, Jungkook, you're hurting me” you sobbed, your voice barely audible amidst the chaos of your entry. But Jungkook’s grip only tightened, his face contorted with rage as he pulled you further into the house.

Finally when you both reached the living room, he released you with a harsh shove, sending you sprawling to the floor. You curled up into a ball, clutching your injured arm as tears continued to stream down your face like waterfall.

For a moment, there was silence as you looked up at him in disbelief and fear. The only sound heard was his ragged breathing and your choked cries as he glared down at you.

This wasn’t him.

This wasn’t the man who promised you his love and protection.

Pushing yourself up, you steadied your trembling limbs. You then began taking cautious steps towards him as you reached your hand out for him.

“P-Please, hear me out, please baby” you pleaded with your shaky voice. But Jungkook was quick to push your hand away, his expression hardening as his fists clenched at his sides.

“What is there to hear about Y/n? I saw it, you were fucking all over him!” he yelled.

You violently shook your head in denial and grabbed his hands in your shaking ones, “n-no, it’s not what it looks like! Please, you have to believe me” you panicked.

“H-He asked me if I could fetch his phone c-charger from his room a-and I went to get it. T-Then he just came in out of n-nowhere a-and locked the door, a-and he-” you frantically blabbered, but Jungkook’s loud voice stopped you midway.

“STOP!” he screamed, causing you to flinch and cower in fear. “Don’t you even try to make up excuses.” he gritted his teeth as he took a step forward.

“Seriously Y/n? My best friend? You chose to fuck with my best friend?” he questioned as he took another step closer. Each step he took towards you, you took a step back, until you found yourself being trapped in between his intimidating presence and the brick wall behind you.

“It’s not like that Jungkook, he’s lying. Please listen to me, it’s all a misunderstanding” you cried, your eyes begging him to believe you. You let out a sharp gasp when he slammed his hand on the wall next to you.

“Shut up! Just shut up!” he yelled in your face. “Yunho and I’ve been best friends for years, way back before you or your grandparents were born. I know for a fact that he’s not what you’re trying to paint him as, so just fucking stop, okay?!” he said.

Your heart dropped, but then it started to race as you began to realise that the man you loved may be slipping away from you over a grave misunderstanding. Your shoulders dropped in defeat and all you could do was stare at him with your tearful eyes.

He wasn’t believing you.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” you asked, your voice barely above whisper.

Instead of answering, he leaned in closer to you, your noses almost touching, as his nose flared in anger. A choked sob escaped from you, “what do you think of me as Jungkook?” you questioned.

“Do you think I’m some kind of slut? Is that what you really think of me?” you silently cried.

“You know me better than anyone. You know what I love and what I hate. You know my fears. But most importantly, you know that I love you, and only you” you said. “I can’t believe you would question my loyalty” your words came out as a whisper.

You were angry. Hurt. Frustrated.

The man who was supposed to take your side was now against you, blinded by what he only saw on the surface and not the depth of the truth.

Not wanting to deal with him any longer, you pushed him off you and tried to walk away. But Jungkook quickly caught you by the arm and pulled you back, slamming you against the wall. You whined in pain as your back came in contact with the hard brick wall.

“Where do you think you’re going? We aren’t done talking yet” he snapped, and you felt his fingers digging in your shoulders. “We’ll talk when you’re in your fucking senses” you snapped back, glaring at him with your red and glossy eyes.

“Now let me go” you tried to remove yourself from his tight grip, but he was too strong. The struggle to break free from his hold would soon come to a stop when you heard a low inhuman growl. When you looked up at Jungkook, you saw something that made your blood run cold.

His once gentle gaze now glowed with a sinister crimson hue, and you watched in horror as his fangs elongated before your very eyes.

“J-Jungkook?” you stuttered in fear. A guttural growl escaped his lips, sending shivers down your spine as you realised. He wasn't just angry — he was something else entirely.

“You’re mine, and only fucking mine. Got it?” he growled. Your heart hammered in your chest, your breaths coming in short, panicked gasps as you struggled to free yourself from his grasp. “S-Stop Jungkook, you’re s-scaring me” you tried to tell him.

But he was far from reality.

A terrified squeal escaped your mouth when he grabbed your face and pulled it close to his. “Jungkook,” you whispered, your voice barely audible above the pounding of your own heart. “Please stop, you’re scaring me baby” you choked on your sob.

But there was no humanity left in his gaze, no trace of the man you loved. Only a possessive rage that made your stomach churn with dread. This wasn’t your boyfriend. This was a creature of the night. A monster that everyone feared.

A vampire.

Your breathing was erratic. You struggled to breathe as the world spun around you. You clutched at your chest, your heart racing uncontrollably. And when it couldn’t withstand the weight of fear and distress, you felt yourself slipping. And before you knew it, your vision soon faded into darkness.

The last thing you remembered was your body dropping down, but a pair of strong arms caught you just before impact.

As Jungkook caught your limp form, his mind snapped back to reality. He blinked and shook his head as the haze of his vampire instincts faded away. Slowly, his eyes travelled down to your unconscious body, and his heart dropped like a stone in his chest.

“No…no no no” he panicked.

He cradled you close, his hands trembling as he brushed the strands of hair from your pale and tear stained face. “Y-Y/n?” he shook you, “baby wake up, I-I’m sorry” his voice cracked with desperation.

But you remained unresponsive. Your breathing was slow and faint, and your body was cold. “Fuck! What have I done?” a frustrated cry escaped from him. Regret was consuming him whole. But at the same time, anger boiled within him, directed not at you, but at himself for losing control. He didn’t mean to, but he was a monster after all.

His eyes stung with tears as he quickly picked you up in his arms and rushed you up to your shared bedroom. He kicked the door open and walked towards the bed. Gently placing you down, he fished out his phone from his back pocket. With shaking hands, he dialed his private doctor. After a few rings, the doctor picked up. Jungkook hurriedly expressed his urgency.

Ending the call, he chucked his phone on the nightstand. As he awaited help, Jungkook sat down next to your still form and tenderly held your hand, feeling his heart heavy with guilt. “I’m so sorry baby, I don’t know what got into me” he sniffled as his thumb gently caressed over your cold hand.

He knew he fucked up. He knew things weren’t going to be easy when you woke up, and he feared it would change your relationship forever.

Perhaps your parents were right, he really wasn’t any different to the other vampires. All of them were blood sucking creatures, and that perhaps that was their only purpose. Maybe he really wasn’t capable of loving anyone, let alone a human.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝟷𝟷:𝟹𝟻 𝚙.𝚖.]

Jungkook paced anxiously around the room as the doctor checked up on you. And after what felt like an eternity, the doctor finally straightened up and met his gaze with a reassuring smile.

“She's fine, Jungkook. It seems like she fainted because of shock and stress” he explained with a calm and steady voice. Jungkook’s shoulders sagged as he let out a shaky breath of relief.

“She just needs to rest for a while. I’ll give her a vitamin injection and it should help her gain some energy when she wakes up” he then explained. Jungkook nodded and let the man do his job.

The doctor, Dr. Kim, checked your vitals once again using his stethoscope and blood pressure monitor. Once he was done, he removed the stethoscope and covered you with a blanket before turning to face Jungkook.

“Nothing to worry about now, she’s going to be alright. She should be awake in the morning” he said to him. “Thank you Dr. Kim” Jungkook thanked as his tired eyes stared at him, his voice filled with gratitude.

“No problem, if anything else happens, do call me” he said, and Jungkook hummed. Having said that, he helped him back to his car.

┄┄┄┄┄

[𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢 — 𝟶𝟾:𝟻𝟶 𝚊.𝚖.]

As the sunlight crept through the curtains, you began to stir from your slumber. With a soft groan, you slowly sat yourself up, your eyes squeezed shut against the throbbing headache. Your hands gently massaged your temples to soothe the pain, taking slow deep breaths.

As the dull ache subsided, you opened your eyes expecting Jungkooking to be sleeping next to you, but he wasn’t there. The side of his bed was neat and empty, like he hadn’t slept there at all.

The events of last night flooded back to you like a tsunami, and you couldn’t help but shiver. Your mind raced with many thoughts which were all over the place, but nothing more than dread and heartache. You weren’t ready to face him at all. You were simply scared to.

Removing the blanket, you got up from the, and you almost lost your balance which caused you to stumble. Your legs still shook even after everything yesterday, but you managed to push yourself to stand firm. You never thought you would have to be cautious in the very house you felt safe and protected. It felt as if you were living the way you have lived before you met Jungkook.

You looked around the room and gulped, nervous to move a muscle. You were scared he was going to jump in front of you with his menacing form and glowing red eyes.

But you felt icky and disgusted from Yunho’s touch, and you wanted to wash off every mark and scent of him from your body. Inhaling a breath, you took your first step, and you walked towards your wardrobe to grab clean pair clothes. You then proceeded to make your way into the bathroom.

After the shower, you changed into your blue jeans and plain white shirt. You stood in the middle of the room as you looked around with a heavy heart. The room, once filled with laughter and love, now felt cold and unfamiliar to you.

Shutting your eyes for a brief moment, you let out a shaky breath and controlled yourself from breaking down. You had one thought in your chaotic mind, and it was that you needed to get out of here. You opened your eyes and went to grab a large suitcase and a duffel bag. You then began grabbing all your clothes from the wardrobe and stuffing them into the suitcase.

Each item you carefully folded and placed into the suitcase held memories of yours and Jungkook’s time together: the pale yellow sundress which you wore on your first date, the denim jacket which you wore when you had your first kiss, the polka dot pyjamas you wore when you both had your first argument, and the red silk dress you wore the night he made love to you for the first time.

Your movements were slow and deliberate, your heart growing heavier as the wardrobe became emptier. Tears welled up in your eyes as you zipped up the suitcase and the duffel bag, and your hands dropped to your sides as you stepped back a little.

You looked around the room one last time, not missing a single corner. You looked at the photo frame on the wall above the bed, it was the two of you smiling together, taken on a sunny day in the park. You could help but feel a pang of sadness in your chest.

You could feel the muscles in your chest tighten in despair at the thought of how all this was ending. How had it all come to this? But you knew you couldn’t stay here anymore. Despite your love for Jungkook, you couldn't shake the fear that was bubbling inside you.

Maybe what happened yesterday was a wake up call, that no matter how much he loved and cared about you, the shadow of the monster that he was would always be part of him. But most importantly, you couldn’t ignore the betrayal you felt and the lack of trust he had in you.

Sniffling and wiping away your tears, you grabbed your things and turned around to leave. But the sight of Jungkook standing by the door made you gasp in fear and drop everything you hand in your hands. “Y/n?” his voice was calm and low, something that would’ve usually soothed you, but not now.

Jungkook looked at you and your packed belongings before his eyes turned to you. “You’re…leaving?” he asked with a hurt voice. But you stayed quiet as your breathing started to quicken.

Jungkook knew you were still shaken so he tried to be careful and calm with his approach. “Can we talk? Please baby” he pleaded as he took a step forward, only for you to take two steps back instinctively. “N-No, stay a-away” your voice shook. Jungkook’s heart sank at the rejection, but nothing more than the fear that was written all over your face.

You were scared of him.

He felt a lump form in his throat and tears prickle in his eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you” his voice cracked. He knew you would be scared, he just didn’t know how bad it was until he took another step forward with his hand reaching out to you.

You screamed as you backed away and fell to the ground. And you pulled your knees to your chest while your hands clamped to your ears. “P-Please, d-don’t come near m-me” you fearfully said. “Y/n-”

“I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me” you cried, cutting him off.

And in that moment, Jungkook felt his whole world fall apart. His eyes widened slightly and his breath hitch, and his knees grew weak before he dropped down to the floor. The silence was loud and deafening, only your muffled sobs and ragged breathing could be heard.

Who would’ve thought that a bloodthirsty monster like him would cry over a mortal human whom he scarred and traumatised for life? “B-Baby, I’m not going to hurt you” he choked on his cry as tears streamed down his face, “please don’t be scared of me”.

But his words seemed to fall on deaf ears as you continued to cry, your fear too overwhelming to be soothed by mere words.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry” he slowly crawled towards you, but you immediately pushed yourself back. Jungkook’s heart only sank deeper and deeper. His usual pale face was flushed as he desperately tried to comfort you, and somewhat himself.

But he knew he was losing you, and the reality of it all scared him. Jungkook knew that whatever that he tried to do, it wasn’t going to work. You were beyond his reach now.

“But you did Jungkook” you finally spoke up as you raised your head, “you did hurt me” you said.

You looked at his crying form as his eyes made desperate pleas towards you. “You hurt me when you didn’t believe me, you hurt me with your words, and you hurt me the way you manhandled me like I was some ragged doll” you snapped at him.

“If I stayed conscious any longer, what were the chances that you weren’t going to hurt me?” you lashed out, questioning him. Jungkook remained silent as he questioned himself.

Was he really going to hurt you?

“I wasn’t thinking straight, I really wasn’t. I’m so sorry” he croaked.

“No amount of sorry is going to fix this Jungkook. The damage is done” you shook your head. “I was begging you to listen to me, to believe me, but you didn’t. You just let your jealousy and insecurities get the best of you” you continued.

“I don’t care how long you’ve known Yunho for and how good of a friend he is to you, but he’s a sick bastard who tried to take advantage of me. And just when I tried to fight back and you walked in, he took it as a perfect opportunity to paint me as a cheater, and you believed him” you said.

“I’m sorry” he kept mumbling as he silently cried. “You know how scared I am of vampires already, did you really think I would ever cheat on you with one?” you asked. You took off your leather jacket and rolled your sleeves up to your shoulders.

“If I had really cheated on you, I wouldn’t have these on my arms” you said as you pointed at the dark spots of bruises on both of your arms, most importantly the hand print around your neck.

Jungkook’s cries came to a halt when his eyes landed on all the marks on your arms and neck. He stopped breathing for a second and his defeated eyes suddenly grew dark and enraged.

“The worst part is, I don’t even know who caused which ones, Yunho or you” you said, your voice sounding tired. Jungkook’s heart sank at your words, and it was the realisation that he and Yunho were no different which haunted him. Yunho hurt you, but so did he.

Jungkook quickly crawled closer to you and you let him. His cold and shaky hands reached to cup your face and lift your head up a little. You flinched at his touch and your body stiffened, but you let him. His watery eyes scanned the bruise around your neck, specifically the hand print, and you could see the fury bubbling inside his eyes and the way his body violently shook.

“H-He-”

“yes Jungkook, he, your fucking best friend” you interrupted. “And there’s no point going up to him now, because it’s too late. What’s done is done. He won’t regret a thing even if you beat the crap out of him” you told him.

Jungkook hated that you were right. He knew Yunho seeked pleasure in destroying things and hurting others. He just wished he had realised it sooner when he tried to hurt you.

“I’m not going to beat the crap out of him” Jungkook shook his head, “I’m going fucking kill him” he said.

You couldn’t help but chuckle in mockery, “too late don’t you think?” you looked at him. “I don’t care what you do with him Jungkook, just please,” your eyes softened, “just please leave me out of this mess, and let me go” you begged.

“I’m scared, okay? After what you pulled yesterday, it made me realise that you’re no different to the rest of the vampires. And as much as it hurts to let you go, I know it’s the best for me and to keep myself and my family safe. I hope you can at least respect my decision and leave me alone after this” you softly cried.

Jungkook’s shoulders dropped and his heart shattered into pieces. He knew this was coming, but he didn’t prepare to deal with the pain it came with.

“And you know what I’ve been thinking of lately before all this happened?” you then began, and all Jungkook could do was sit and listen.

“I’m a human who is bound to die when my time comes. I will grow old while you stay young and live for many more years to come. How was our relationship going to work? When I die, would you live on to find your next lover and forget about me? Could there be a way for me to live with you forever?” you spoke.

Jungkook was thrown back at your words, but coming to think about it, his heart dropped. “You know I would search for a lifetime to find a way for us to be together forever” he said, and you chuckled. “But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore. Not when you doubted my loyalty” you told him.

You grabbed your jacket and wore it before standing up. Your legs shook and you were about to fall, but Jungkook quickly caught you. But you flinched and pushed him away. Jungkook felt his chest tighten and he clenched his fists as he retracted his hands.

He knew your decision was final and that he had to let you go. There was nothing he could do but blame himself for what he had caused. “I’m sorry princess, I really am. I never meant to hurt you like this” his lips quivered the spoke, “and I’m sorry I didn’t believe you” he cried. 

Your heart ached watching him cry. Vampires weren’t emotionally sensitive and known for having thick skin. But with Jungkook, you knew he was truly regretting. You could see how defeated and desperate he was at the same time. He lost you, and he was scared of what his life would be without you.

“It really didn’t have to end this way Jungkook. I love you, but I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me, let alone someone who would kill the woman he loves over his own insecurities” you responded. Jungkook shut his eyes as he cried, gripping a fistful of his hair.

“I’m sorry” he kept repeating like a chant, as if he wished it would magically fix everything. “Yeah, me too” you said. You stared at him for the last time before grabbing your things and leaving.

That was the last time you had seen Jungkook, and it tore you to pieces having to leave a man who you thought was the one. But turns out your parents were right all along — he was just like the rest of the night hunters.

You didn’t know how to face your parents after this, but you knew that as long as you were safe, it was all that mattered to them. When you moved back with your parents, they welcomed you like a lost child finally being returned home.

They felt bad about what happened between you and Jungkook, but a big part of them were relieved that you were no longer associated with a creature like him. It was hard adjusting to your new routine without Jungkook, and you had a few mental breakdowns every now and then thinking about him.

You missed him so bad no matter how much you hated him. He was your first love, and getting over your first love is never easy.

But there has always been a nagging feeling inside of you that no matter how much you both loved each other, the two of you were just not meant to be. While you grow old and rot away after death, Jungkook will continue with his life for a hundred more years. And you couldn’t help but think of the possibility of him finding a new lover.

The thought of it all made you want to dig up a hole and bury yourself in it.

But at one point, you knew you had to learn to move on and not let the pain drag you forever. You took it as a lesson to not trust anyone and always look out for yourself and the people you cared about. You hoped that Jungkook would keep your words and not meddle with you and your life again.

Days blended into nights as Jungkook roamed the darkness. His immortal existence stretched before him, a seemingly endless expanse of emptiness. He never felt so lost and alone in his entire lifetime.

He didn’t know what his purpose was anymore without you, and the pain of the heartbreak will forever haunt him. He couldn’t keep the promise he made to his mother, to never hurt the person he loved, yet here he was.

But Jungkook kept his promise when he said he would never hunt down a human. Instead, he spent his nights hunting for the blood of animals in the nearby forest. Despite his forced isolation, Jungkook couldn't bring himself to cut all ties with you. From a distance, he would watch over you like a silent guardian in the shadows.

He remembered your words and promised to not let a single vampire go near you and your family. But he still longed for your touch, yet he knew that his very presence could only bring you harm.

But Jungkook had more pressing matters to attend to than his broken heart.

Yunho was still around doing what he usually did, like he didn’t do anything wrong. So there he stood, in front of his best friend’s house, with a wooden stake tightly gripped in his hand. His jaw was tightly clenched and his gaze hardened as he huffed out a breath before kicking the door open.

Despite his immortal nature, Jungkook had never felt more human than in that moment, consumed by the agony of lost love and the burning desire for revenge.

There, in the dimly lit living room, sat Yunho who had a smirk playing on lips. “Oh? Jungkook?” Yunho slightly tilted his head, acting clueless.

But Jungkook didn’t say a word, because he knew Yunho was well aware why he was here. With a gaze as cold as death itself, he advanced towards him, the stake glinting ominously in the moonlight.

There was no need for explanations, no room for apologies. Only justice, swift and merciless, could mend the shattered fragments of his wounded heart and joy.

𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗘𝗗

@𝗷𝗸𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰

©️

(insta: jeonjkfiles)