Emmet And Jasper In: Food Shopping For Bella

Emmet and Jasper in: Food Shopping for Bella

Jasper: Ok Emmett, we’re here, we have a goal, did you ask Bella what she needed?

Emmett: Was I… supposed to?

Jasper: Emmett, that was your one s i n g l e job, asking the human what she needed to eat

—

Emmett: Ok so… like meat, right? I used to eat that shit a ton as a human. They dont sell deer, thats stupid, guess we’ll go with chicken.

Jasper: Em, she doesnt need 8 packs of chicken.

Emmett: Bro have you seen chickens, theyre so small, I could put an entire chicken in my mouth. Y'know what, I’ve seen a chicken near home. When we get home im showing you that I can put an entire chicken in my mouth-

Jasper: Emmett please god stop, I don’t doubt you can fit a chicken in your mouth, people are staring.

—

Jasper: Ok, Edward said Bella likes salad. Do you know anything about salad.

Emmett: Do I LOOK like I have ever eaten a salad Jaz.

Jasper: Yeah fair honestly I dont even know why I asked.

—

Emmett: Ok, we have a bunch of leaves, we have… vegetables of some description. What else did Eddie say she liked?

Jasper: Something about mushrooms, like a pasta, he said they had it in a resteraunt in Port Angeles. Lets go to the pasta section then.

Emmett: I am not entirely positive what a pasta is but when I find out, hooooo boy.

—

Jasper: Ok so I’m not seeing any mushroom flavoured pasta, Em what do we do thats like… the only thing I can think of that it could be.

Emmett: *looking at a box with a triumphant look* Well, queue the hoooo boy because Jaz, I have found what we have been searching for.

Jasper: Wait, you did? What is it?

Emmett: *holding up box for Jasper to see* It says right here “mushroom shaped pasta” thats like, the same thing right?

Jasper: You are an absolute genuis.

—

Emmett: OK, chicken?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Mushroom shapes?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Leaves?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Thats all I can think of, humans just need water and sun then they’ll get big and strong, right?

Jasper: Em, thats a plant, youre thinking of photosynthesis. Humans need food and sleep and warmth and happiness and stuff.

Emmett: Ok, I vote that I just improvise a bit and see what happens. Whats the biggest potential issue?

Jasper: Fair honestly, go wild I’ll meet you at the register.

—

—

BONUS:

Emmett: Cullens, we have been hunting and we have RETURNED

Jasper: We did great, obviously

Alice, to Edward: Spoiler Alert; they didn’t do great

Emmett: Hush Alice, let me show our bounty. Mortal, come to us.

Bella: *wearily walking over* uh.. sure

Alice, mouthing to Bella: Be nice, they did their best.

Jasper: Firstly, we have, drumroll please… chicken.

Bella: Mmm

Jasper: And chicken

Bella: Oh

Jasper: And chicken

Bella: ..

Jasper: And chicken, and some more chicken, and finally, a bit more chicken.

Bella: Ok, awesome, thanks.

Emmett: Please Bella, save your praise for when we’re finished.

Bella: Y'know what, sure Emmett, please show me what else you have there, I would personally love to see it.

Emmet: Of course you would. Next up we have… salad!

Bella: Em, that just lea-

Emmett: Bella please, I know youre insanely greatful but as I said, save the praise for once we’re finished. I will only accept drumrolling at appropriate intervals. Jasper, next item please.

Jasper: We have mushroom pasta

Edward: Oh, thats actually a good one. Wait, Jasper, what is this?

Jasper: Its mushroom pasta..? Duh

Edward: Did you hear me talking about the thing from Port Angeles?

Jasper: Mhm, we thought we’d suprise her with her favourite.

Edward: Jasper, it’s called mushroom ravioli, and she’s only ever eaten it once, and I’m like 90% sure it was sub-par at best. Also, this is just mushroom SHAPED, it doesnt have any mushroom in it what-so-ever. I don’t even thi-

Alice, smacking edward over the head: Jasper its great, lets just move on to the next thing.

Emmett: Ok, speedround, you ready?

Bella: Absolutely not

Emmett: Cool, 1. Frozen corn 2. thin potatoes in a very large bag 3. An entire bag of B+ blood, no you may not ask where I found it 4. Tiny edible pillow things. 5. Finally… Tampons, idk it felt like a good idea.

Bella: Honestly thank you

Emmett: Also I need to show you something with a chicken I found, wanna see

Bella: Absolutely

By the Light of the Moon~Part 2

Story Summery: Y/n is a vampire hasn’t told anyone about herself, her family, her history. She hasn’t even told her boyfriend. What happens when her secret is revealed in a violent manner.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Vampire!Reader

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Angst, Sadness, Sorta asshole Steve (but his hearts in the right place), Cursing.

A/N: Here is the second part! Next part should be up soon! Not beta read.

She was gone. 

Just gone.

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wonho/reader

genre: neighbor au, single parent au, handyman!wonho, kindergarten teacher!y/n, single mom!y/n

warning(s)!!!: y/n being insecure about being a good mom, past toxic relationships, toxic exes, wonho is an oblivious flirt, wonho is referred to as hoseok, yoongi is a mastermind highschooler, rocky past+acceptance to the past

[teaser]: mentoins of juvy, adoption

teaser w.count: 1k

Series | One-Shot | Two-Shot | Drabble | [Rated: T] 

-TEASER-

a/n: I accidentally wrote 3k words more of this and now I have the urge to write it until it’s complete oops. meanwhile, this is probably going to get out of hand (again) bc i originally was gonna have this planned out for like a quick, 10k story and i’m already at 6k and i’m not close to being done yet.  yeehaw (anyways enjoy!) 

Hoseok wasn’t all that shocked to be getting a phone call late into the afternoon of his day from Liu.  He was currently standing outside beside his jeep as he loaded it back up with his toolbox from a job he had just wrapped up. 

“Hello,” he answered as he pressed the phone to his cheek with his shoulder as he wrestled with the toolbox, forcing it between the gap of the passenger seat’s back and the backseat to get it onto the floorboard. 

“Hoseok, I’m glad I could reach you. I tried to call earlier, but I only got voicemail,” the voice of Landlord Liu crackled through the phone’s speaker.  

“I apologize for that, I was with a client and couldn’t get to my phone for a while.” 

Keep reading

1 am realizations:

That as a kid, I did in fact love the colour pink, barbies, doll houses, wanted to be pretty, wanted to explore forests, loved bugs and insects, felt music in my veins, fell in love with things everyday, loved heels, adored dresses/skirts, wanted desperately to paint my nails and wanted small tattoos and just was in love with living and that whole tomboy/strong/I'm different from other girls front I used to put on was such a toxic thing that I did that I never genuinely got to develop my personality and interests and now I'm a 19 year old who has no depth and no feeling and no skills and it honestly just hurts

how do I say “i miss my mom” when i never really had a mom