Xferxanityy - Tumblr Blog

2-10-24

everything fucking hurts so much all the time

even if i’m not feeling anything it’s like i have this crushing weight on my chest and rib cage and i can’t breathe and it hurts so bad.

i can’t sleep

i miss you so fucking much and i just wanna go back to how things were and have you here with me so i can see your face and lay with you and smell your cologne when i wear your shirt and in our bed.

i want you to come to me and tell me you messed up and that you want me to come home

i want you to hold me until i fall asleep

i wanna go outside and see izzy and max and i miss all the stupid ass chickens running around.

i miss your mom calling me at the most random times just so we can bullshit and talk

i miss mochi and all the puppies and i miss little bit.

i miss just being in your presence while you played video games and us smoking together

god i would give anything to go back and spend just one more night, one more regular night with you where it was safe and everything was okay and i knew that i still had myself together

i hate being here.

i haven’t been sleeping much and not been eating much

i keep having these thoughts like if i were to die or something i would be okay with it

i want to relapse

i get choked up when i’m in my room because everything is so misplaced and nothing of mine belongs

i haven’t even unpacked yet

love, please come back to me

don’t just throw everything away.

i know you want to work on yourself and i know it’s selfish of me to ask but please stay with me

i can be better and we can work through it. i’ll do whatever you need me to. i wanna be there with you and it kills me to know that you’re all by yourself all the time but you don’t even seem half as destroyed as i am.

maybe you are

i don’t know

but you’re just posting memes and going on like normal

did this really not mean that much to you ?

am i that easy to forget ?

i wish you were too.

i’m so angry with you

i’m so angry with you because you know exactly what i’m feeling and you won’t fix what you caused.

you ripped my soul out of my body and threw it away like it was nothing

and then held me while i cried and rubbed my back like everything is fine.

why are you doing this to me ?

i wanna hurt you just as bad, but i also want to be your peace.

i want you to be just as miserable as i feel. i want you to see me everywhere and i want it to drive you crazy like it’s doing to me.

but i also want you to look at me and feel okay and at home. no matter what we’re dealing with.

you showed me the most vulnerable parts of you and your life and i held you while you cried

and yet you still pushed me away

and you still cherish that god damned ring

and i’m so sick of not knowing if it’s her, or if it’s your mind i’m fighting with.

whichever it is, it’s putting up one hell of a fight and i think you’ve slipped away from me completely this time.

Imagine being in someone’s scenario they make up in their mind at night

Thought I might share this….to erm…help you all get through your day/night with it… ;)

Credits to the creator btw….might write smth inspired by this…who knows? 🖤

If a woman has

STARCH MASKS

O N   H E R    B O D Y

does that mean

she has been pGReNant bef o r e?

chris no!

Come get this dick-fil-a

DESIRE

PAIRING: Felix x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Smut (18+)

REQUEST: Hello can I get a fluffy but suggestive writing for Felix where you want him all to yourself after seeing him after a show in an all black outfit looking sweaty and you guys end up making out in a spare room and he can’t help but find your boldness really attractive tyyy!

-

Calm down, you tell yourself.

He’s only just gotten off stage. Obviously he needs a few minutes to relax. Yet, that doesn’t get rid of your desire to pounce on him.

Felix looks so fucking good, so good that it’s frustrating. You want him right this second. Rather, you need him right this second.

He’s in a tight, all black outfit that defines every curve and muscle on his body. His hair is dripping with sweat. His skin is even glistening with sweat.

You stare intensely as he brings a water bottle up to his mouth, chugging so much water that a droplet spills out the side of his mouth and trails down his chin. You’re so tempted to step over to him and lick it up, that’s how crazily turned on you are.

But, unfortunately, all the boys are around and some other people from the crew.

When Felix puts the bottle down, he immediately begins scanning the room in search of you. When he spots you, his eyes light up and a smile spreads across his face.

“Baby,” He greets, picking you up and spinning you around. “How was it? Did you like the show?”

“It was amazing,” You expressed, gripping him tightly in a hug. “You did really good.”

“Yeah?” He says.

“Yeah,” You gulp, your eyes trailing down his body. “Do you think we can go-”

“The boys wanted to go out to dinner,” Felix interrupts. “Is that cool? Are you hungry?”

You’re hungry, but not for food.

“Sure,” You agree, nonetheless.

So, you wind up at a restaurant with your delicious looking boyfriend and the rest of the boys. He has no idea that you’re aching for him, your leg bouncing rapidly underneath the table as you stare at him, fantasizing about getting him all to yourself and what you’d do with him if you had the opportunity.

“You okay, angel?” Felix asks you, noticing your strange behavior.

“Mhm,” You lie.

You have to squeeze your legs together in attempt to dull the ache between them. Even the slightest bit of attention he’s giving you is making you go crazy.

He smiles at you and continues talking to his friends.

When dinner finally ends, you’re relieved as you think you two will finally be going back to your place and you can finally get what you want.

But then Felix says, “Hey, we’re gonna go to Seungmin’s place and watch a movie now. Is that cool?”

Of course, you lied and told him it was fine. You tagged along, again, needing to at the very least be near him.

Halfway throughout the movie, you break. You can’t hold back anymore.

You excuse yourself to go to the “bathroom” but end up in Seungmin’s spare room. You whip your phone out and shoot Felix a message telling him to come up to the room.

“Baby?” He says when he opens the door and finds you pacing in front of the bed. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

Without uttering a word, you pounce on him.

You wrap your arms around his neck and attach your lips to his, immediately sliding your tongue past his plump lips and into his mouth.

His hands trail down your waist and squeeze your ass, pressing you against his body. He moans into your mouth at the feeling.

“Fuck,” He whispers, pulling back to look at you. He scans your blushing face. “What’s gotten into you?”

“You,” You whine, leading him over to the bed. “You looked so fucking hot on stage tonight, Lix. I’ve been so turned on for hours.”

Felix’s face goes red like yours, his eyes turning darker.

“You didn’t tell me,” He says, pushing a strand of hair out of your face.

“I’m telling you now,” You respond before leaning back in and attaching your lips again.

He holds the back of your head and keeps you pressed tightly against him and it’s everything you needed. You needed your bodies to be impossibly close like this. But even then, you needed more.

With your tongues rubbing against each other’s, Felix slides one of his hands down your front side until he lands at your crotch. With his fingers, he starts rubbing your pussy over your pants.

You moan loudly, shamelessly into his mouth because you’ve needed some sort of physical contact down there all night. You’ve been so needy for him all night, and it showed.

“My poor baby,” He coos.

He helps slide your pants down your legs and then situates himself so he’s laying between your bare legs, face to face with your absolutely, visibly drenched underwear.

“Fuck,” He whispers under his breath.

“Please, Lix,” You beg. “Take them off.”

“I’ve got you, angel,” He responds, hooking his fingers into the waistband and pulling them down. “Don’t worry.”

You kick your underwear off your ankles and spread your legs proudly for him, showing him how soaking wet you’ve been for him for so many hours. It’s practically twitching, screaming to be touched.

“Oh my God, baby,” He mutters, staring at your pussy. “You’re so wet, I can see it.”

“Please lick it,” You whine.

He doesn’t have to be told twice, now just as eager as you are to get a taste of your deliciousness.

He licks a stripe up your pussy, starting from the bottom all the way up to your clit. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to prevent you from screaming at how fucking good it felt, Felix’s warm and wet tongue gliding against your slippery pussy.

“Oh my God,” You moan pathetically, staring at your boyfriend as he eats your pussy.

He keeps his hands on your thighs, licking your pussy up and down repeatedly. He leans his head against one of your thighs as he licks you, his eyes closed.

By the looks of it, it seems as though he’s getting as much pleasure out of this as you are. You don’t know if he realizes he’s doing it, but he’s humping his lower half against the bed and it has you even more turned on than you already are, seeing how desperate he is now too.

He wraps his lips around your puffy clit and sucks on it which has you seeing stars, throwing your head back and moaning loudly.

For a minute, you’ve both forgotten that all of his friends are just downstairs and at the volume you’re moaning, you’re sure they can hear you.

There’s something about that that Felix loves though. He loves that you’re so turned on for him that you don’t even care if his friends hear how good he’s making you feel. He loves that you’re bold enough to bring him up to this room and fool around with him while they’re all downstairs.

With Felix’s tongue flicking your pussy up and down at a fast pace, you know you won’t last. It isn’t hard to make you cum considering how worked up you’ve been all night long.

“Lix,” You cry out. “I’m gonna cum.”

“Good girl,” He mumbles against your pussy. “Cum in my mouth, sweetheart. You’ve been so good.”

You gasp, your stomach tightening as you start to cum. Your legs start to shake and you try to close them around Felix’s head but he keeps them held open with his hands, licking you through your orgasm.

“Oh my-Fuck,” You cry, chest rising up and down rapidly.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Felix growls, sitting up on his knees after you’ve finished. “You’re so fucking hot, I need to put my cock in you.”

“Please,” You beg, spreading your legs back open.

You don’t need a second to relax after cumming once. You’re already ready to take his cock, in fact, you need to be filled up by him.

He whips it out, throwing his pants somewhere behind him carelessly.

A string of precum drools from his angry red tip. He looks hard as a rock and when you reach your hand out to feel it, you can confirm that he is.

“Need your cock in me,” You whine breathily. “Please.”

Felix wastes no time as he slides inside you. You’re so incredibly wet from having cum once that he can just go right inside and he loves that, loves feeling all your slickness wrapped around his cock.

You don’t even need to adjust. You don’t need him to start slow. In fact, you’d rather him start pounding you right away instead of taking his time with you, which he luckily does.

“Oh my God, baby,” He whines, holding your legs around his waist as he starts thrusting. “This pussy. This pussy is so fucking good, sweetie. Fuck, it’s all mine.”

You groan at his words, clenching around him which makes him squeeze your legs tightly. He pounds you, staring at the way your tits bounce with every thrust.

“Your cock feels so good,” You cry, moaning like a slut.

You don’t care. You don’t care about his friends potentially hearing you. You don’t care how desperate and pathetic you sound. All you know right now is the intense pleasure Felix is providing you and it’s all your brain can comprehend.

Felix pulls out nearly all the way and looks down at his cock, nearly passing out when he sees how drenched it is in your wetness. It’s glistening, shiny under the light. He isn’t sure if he’s ever felt you this wet before.

“God, baby,” He moans, pushing right back in and filling you up again. “You’re so fucking wet, it’s unbelievable.”

Sweat gathers on his hairline and you start to notice his skin turning shiny. Him sweating now just reminds you of how much he was sweating on stage, how fucking insanely good he looked and how you got so turned on in the first place.

“Oh my God,” You cry. “I’m close, Lix.”

His eyebrows furrow as he tries to focus, also feeling his climax starting to sneak up on him.

“Wanna cum at the same time, angel,” He says. “Clench for me, baby, c’mon.”

You do as your told, clenching around his cock and he gasps. He stares at your face, his expression so serious and focused that it almost intimidates you.

“Oh fuck, again, baby please,” He begs. “I’m so fuckin’ close.”

You clench again and Felix’s hips stutter as he starts to cum. Ropes of his warm release fill you up and the feeling of all his cum inside you triggers your orgasm closely behind.

You slap your hand over your mouth again, eyes rolling into the back of your hand as your cum combined with his, all filling up your messy pussy.

Your legs shake around his waist, your orgasm hitting you so much harder the second time. You feel like you’re on fire in the best way possible.

You feel completely empty when Felix eventually pulls out and collapses next to you. You roll onto your side and lay your head on his chest.

“Lix,” You say, voice soft.

“Yeah?” He replies, kissing your forehead.

“Do you think all your friends heard us?” You wonder.

“Probably,” Felix answers.

“Okay,” You say, eyes fluttering closed. “Worth it.”

-

OKAY I FEEL BAD BC THE PERSON REQUESTING THIS DID NOT ASK FOR SMUT. i just can’t help myself IM SORRY !!!!

this is a mostly smut account tho if u do request something it’s probably gonna be smutty lol.

anyways i hope this was good and that it was enjoyable! thanks for reading!! <33

“While many people think fanfiction is about inserting sex into texts (like Tolkien’s) where it doesn’t belong, Brancher sees it differently: “I was desperate to read about sex that included great friendship; I was repurposing Tolkien’s text in order to do that. It wasn’t that friendship needed to be sexualized, it was that erotica needed to be … friendship-ized.” Many fanfiction writers write about sex in conjunction with beloved texts and characters not because they think those texts are incomplete, but because they’re looking for stories where sex is profound and meaningful. This is part of what makes fan fiction different from pornography: unlike pornography, fanfic features characters we already care deeply about, and who tend to already have long-standing and complex relationships with each other. It’s a genre of sexual subjectification: the very opposite of objectification. It’s benefits with friendship.”

— Francesca Coppa, “Introduction to The Dwarf’s Tale,” The Fanfiction Reader (via francescacoppa)

Someone put it into words. I gotta sit down

DON'T RUN FROM ME

Pairing: Plus Size Afab! Reader x Lee Felix

Theme: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Ageless Blogs & Minors Do Not Interact.

Word Count: 4K

A/N: Please do not repost or translate my work! Let me know if you wish to be on the tagged list.

Lonely, broken and tired. That’s what you were. You had spent your life being abandoned by everyone you ever cared about, friends, family, loved ones. So you closed yourself off to others. Sick of constantly being hurt when you open your heart to someone. But at the same time, you couldn't deny how lonely you felt. How your heart ached for some form of connection. But you were too scared, too scared to let someone in. You tried to fill the void with an occasional one night stand, but it never truly worked out for you. Barely satisfying you each time. It had been over a year since you had been intimate with someone and to say you were touch deprived, was an understatement.

It was late, you couldn’t sleep at all. So you ended up at a coffee shop you knew was open twenty-four hours a day, for the third day in a row. It was better than sitting in your dark room and letting all your negative thoughts cloud your mind. You expected to see Chan, who you usually saw behind the counter, but today there was someone else. A stunning boy with freckles that looked like stars on his cheeks. You tried hard not to stare but he was just so captivating. He smirked softly at you as you approached the counter.

“Hello.” His deep voice sent shivers down your spine and your eyes widened in surprise. “Chan, told me you would probably be coming today. Y/n right?” He asked softly. “I’m Felix.” You raised your brow in response as you tried to ignore the flutter in your chest at the way he said your name.

“That would be me…his constant nuisance in the middle of the night.” You replied quietly. Your response made him laugh and he bit his lip.

“No if anything he enjoys your company on the overnights.” He replied.

“You mean he enjoys having a pathetic insomniac chill in the corner and read for hours? Noted.” You chuckled and shook your head.

“Pathetic? That’s definitely not how he described you. He said you were mysterious, intriguing. Had to say it got me curious and I’m happy you showed up today.” You looked down to hid the redness that rushed to your cheeks. “So what can I get for you?” He asked softly. You looked up into his eyes shyly and bit your lip.

“Surprise me, but make it sweet.” You said quietly. He nodded and smirked softly at you.

“Go get comfy, I’ll bring it out to you.” You nodded shyly and took your usual spot on the couch near the fireplace. You liked the sound of the fire, the crackling and sizzling sounds that came from the wood as it burned. You pulled out your latest book, one that you had read many times.

“Pride and Prejudice.” You jumped slightly and placed a hand on your chest as you looked up to see Felix staring at you in amusement. He placed the warm mug in front of you. “Sorry didn’t mean to startle you.” He said softly and placed a plate with a brownie on the side. “I finished making these right before you came in. So the brownie should be nice and warm.” You gave him a small smile and then took a sip of the latte. Your eyes widened at the taste and you looked up at him in awe.

“This is not coffee, this is literally smores in liquid form. How the fuck did you do that?” You asked and he couldn’t help but grin at you.

“Wait til you try the brownie.” He smirked. “So… you’re an Austen fan I see.” As he nodded to your book. You bit your lip and looked down.

“I would say I mainly enjoy this one compared to her other works.” You said quietly. “But it definitely gave me unrealistic expectations of romance, turns out it’s nothing like the books say. It’s quite the opposite. It’s horrible and painful.”

“It can be, but that doesn’t mean it’s not like the books. Maybe you just haven’t found your Mr. Darcy just yet..” He said quietly and you looked up at him, your eyes locked with his and you found your heart wanting to beat out of your chest with the way he was looking at you. You suddenly forgot how to breathe as you took in every detail of him. He was perfect and far out of your league.

“Don’t tell me, you’ve actually read this?” You asked quietly.

“I have, I read all of her works and I do agree that I prefer this one to the others. I also enjoyed Jane Eyre as well.” Your eyes widened for a second time.

“Seriously, where did you come from?” You asked quietly. “No men like those novels.”

“Well, I was born in Australia. But if you wanna get technical I came out of–”

“Okay okay stop!” You whined and laughed. He grinned widely after hearing your laugh.

“You have a beautiful laugh.” He said softly and you found yourself becoming a blushing mess as you stared at the drink he had made you. He went to say something else but then the door opened and more customers came in. He smiled at you once more before going back behind the counter to help them. You didn’t know why, but for once you were actually starting to feel drowsy and the last thing you wanted to do was fall asleep at the shop. You finished the latte and brownie, which was in fact mind blowingly delicious. When Felix went to go back to you, he found you gone, but money and a note left next to the empty cup and plate.

Thank you for making me laugh today, I really needed it. See you around Freckles. Y/n

He grinned as he read the note and folded it and put it in his pocket. Freckles, he liked that nickname more than he wanted to admit. He texted Chan to let him know that he met you and that he was right, there was something alluring and mysterious. He wanted to get to know you. He wanted you to open up to him, not only because he found you interesting, but also he found you extremely breathtaking. From the moment you had entered the shop he could barely keep his eyes off you. Your eyes, your skin, your curves. You were so stunning to him, even though you were only wearing leggings and a hoodie, you had captivated him and he couldn’t wait to see you again.’

You on the other hand were terrified. You hadn’t felt this attracted to someone in a long time, and after seeing your appearance in the mirror when you had returned home you were embarrassed to ever show yourself again. You felt comfortable around Chan, so you never really put in an effort around him. He exuded big brother energy so it was hard to keep your walls up around him. You felt safe, and comfortable. But Felix? You wished somehow Chan would have given you a warning. Now he saw you at your worst, you sighed as you stared at your heavy stomach and rolls that the leggings clearly didn’t help to hide. The dark circles under your eyes showed how much you lacked sleep.You whimpered and whined in embarrassment as you plopped down on your bed.

It had been a whole week, and you didn’t show up to the coffee shop again. Too embarrassed and scared that he would be there and not Chan. You tried a few times to show up but the second you saw him through the glass window you panicked and ran. If you put effort in how you appear now, he will clearly know you did it because of him, cause who else would there be to dress up a bit for in the middle of the fucking night at a coffee shop while everyone else slept. You stayed home for most of the week, but you found yourself getting worked up and horny just over the thought of the freckled boy in the coffee shop.

You tried to blame it on how touch starved you are for the wet dreams and the ache between your legs, and the unhinged thoughts you had about him. Because even in past relationships you never had this kind of reaction to someone. But once again, you found yourself at the door of the coffee shop, panicking slightly at the sight of him. Frustrated that Chan had not worked at all the entire week. His eyes locked with yours through the glass and your stomach began to do summer salts as he rushed over to the door.

“Were you gonna just stand there the whole night?” He teased softly and you blushed at his words.

“No.” You squeaked out. You in fact planned on running off again, but you had been caught this time. “But I realized I forgot my wallet so I’m… I’m just gonna go.” You turned quickly and before you could run off you felt a hand on your wrist.

“Don’t go.” He said quietly. “Come on, it will be on the house tonight. — I really wanted to see you again.” Your heart flipped at his words and you looked up at him. His eyes pleaded with yours and you felt yourself get weak at the knees. You nodded, scared that your voice would betray you and he smiled brightly at you. He gently led you into the shop and closed the door behind you. “Go get comfy, I’ll be right back.” You watched him as he walked away. You could break for it, run off now. But something about the way he pleaded for you to stay kept you there. You walked over to your typical spot on the couch and got comfortable.

Felix returned quickly with two cups and a bunch of brownies. You couldn’t help but smile at his eagerness to spend time with you, but that would all change eventually. He would see you were worthless and leave, just like everyone else. You thanked him quietly and took a sip of the latte he made for you. You closed your eyes and sighed happily as the warmth spread through you.

“Why did you keep running off when you saw it was me here?” He asked quietly. You froze at his words and your heart dropped to your stomach. “I would see you, you’d see it was me and you’d turn and leave. – I thought you and I hit it off.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him as you struggled to answer him. “It would hurt me, because honestly I kept taking these shifts in hopes to see you again.” Your heart dropped at his words and you forgot how to breathe. “Did I do something wrong last time?” You looked up at him nervously and let out a shaky breath.

“I….” You breathed out. “I-I’m not g-good at letting people in.,,,and with you I… I want to.. But.. ” You bit your lip and looked down. “Coming here was a mistake, I shouldn’t have.. I-I’m sorry.” You quickly stood up and rushed for the door. He rushed after you and pulled you close to him making you gasp softly.

“Don’t run, don’t…” He whispered as he looked deep into your eyes. “I’m never going to hurt you Y/n.” He reached up to caress your cheek gently. “Never. Let me in, let me into your heart and show you how much I want and need you.” Your eyes fluttered closed and you leaned into his touch. Your walls that you worked so hard to build were crumbling down in a matter of seconds, your heart was screaming out to him in need. Your body ached for more contact. But you didn’t know him, how could you really trust him? “Please stay… stay with me.”

Felix couldn’t stop himself, he pressed his lips to yours. He kissed you slowly and softly and you froze. You wanted so badly to kiss him back, to give in and give him the pounding heart in your chest. But your fear wouldn’t let you. You pushed away from him and whimpered. You looked up at him as tears flew down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry. Y-You don’t want damaged goods like me.” You choked out before rushing out the door. Felix wanted to rush after you but just as you ran out, a bunch of customers walked in and he was forced to stay behind. You rushed back to your apartment and when you closed the door behind you, you choked on a sob and slid down the door. You hated yourself for running away. You hated yourself for not letting him in. But you couldn’t, you couldn’t do it.

Once again you avoided the shop, it had been weeks since you had been there. But thoughts of Felix wouldn’t leave your mind. You constantly thought of him, of his smile, his eyes, the way his lips felt when they pressed against yours. The pained look on his face when you ran away from him. It was clear that he had worked his way into your heart in such a short amount of time.

You needed to take your mind off of everything, off of him. You needed a distraction, from the ache in your chest, whether it be something or someone. So here you were, dressed up in a black dress, make-up done and heels on, sitting alone at a bar in the night club you usually went to in order to have one night stands. Was this a good idea? Absolutely not. But you were there anyway.

Maybe you haven’t found your Mr Darcy just yet…

I’m never going to hurt you Y/n….

You scoffed to yourself as his voice ran through your head. You took a sip of your glass of wine and looked out into the crowd. There were a bunch of men here tonight, no doubt at least one would think you're pretty enough to bed. Even though in your mind you were really not much to look at dressed up or not. But your eyes widened and you froze when your eyes locked with a very familiar pair, two very familiar pairs. Chan was here, with friends and one of them was Felix. As usual he looked stunning, tight black pants, a button up black shirt, the top three buttons left unbuttoned and some silver jewelry to match. You couldn’t help but stare. The second Chan saw you he grinned and nudged at Felix to point out where you were. The second his eyes locked with yours you turned your head quickly and let out a shaky breath.

“Fuck why is he here?” You hissed to yourself. You took another sip of your wine to try and calm your nerves and prayed that he would just stay where he was and not approach you. After all, why would he even want to right? Not like he knew you or wanted to. He was just being polite to a customer right?

“Hey beautiful.” You looked to your left to see a man you had hooked up with before smirking down at you. Sadly he wasn’t one that ended well, in fact the man couldn’t even bring you to cum. “Missed seeing you here.” He cooed as his hand ran up your bare leg. You tried not to flinch and gave him a weary smile.

“Baby, is this man bothering you?” Your heart almost leapt out of your chest as you heard his voice and felt him press up against your back. His hand gently landed on your bare shoulder and you shivered at the feeling of his skin against yours. You looked up with wide eyes to see Felix staring the man down with a raised brow. But his eyes were menacing, intimidating to say the least.

“Sorry, thought she was someone else.” Your past hook up said and walked away. You let out a shaky breath and look up to Felix shyly

“Thanks.” You said quietly. “You didn’t need to do that.” He gently squeezed your shoulder as he looked down at you softly.

“I wanted to. I– I saw him touch you and kind of lost my cool I’m sorry.” You tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach because of his words. “You look so stunning tonight.” Your eyes widened and you looked away from him to hide the blush creeping on your cheeks.

“I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.” You replied as you tried to calm your heart down. “You’re not looking bad yourself.” You felt his hand gently brush against your chin to tilt your head up to look him in the eyes.

“If you’re so tough, why do you hide from me?” He looked deep into your eyes, if you were standing your knees would have buckled at how he was looking at you. “You’re even more beautiful when you blush.” You couldn’t stop yourself from trembling and you let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t take you for a girl who went to clubs..”

“I don’t often.” You said quietly. “Just when I—” You stopped yourself from finishing your sentence. No, he doesn’t need to know why you’re here. He doesn’t need to know you’re aching to be touched, but specifically ruined by him in every way possible. He deserved hotter, better. You didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as him.

“You what?” He asked as his hand brushed against your flushed cheek. Your eyes involuntarily fluttered closed as you leaned into his touch. Snap out if it Y/n! You scolded yourself as you moved away from him.

“I need to go, I’m sorry.” You whispered. You didn’t even bother looking at him as you got up from your seat and grabbed your purse. You rushed past him as your heart pounded loudly, you did your best to ignore him calling after you. You prayed that he didn’t follow you, but at the same time somewhere deep down you did. When you made it outside you let out a deep breath and tried to compose yourself. You felt a hand gently grip your wrist and turn you around. You were pulled into Felix’s arms as he gripped your waist tightly.

“Please, stop running from me.” He whispered. You whimpered as you felt his body press against yours.

“Y-You terrify me.” You choked out.

“Why? Why do I terrify you?” He asked as he looked into your eyes. “Why do you keep running from me?”

“Because it scares me how much I want you.” You choked out. “It scares me, to want someone so badly again after all this time. I know I don’t deserve you. So why put my heart on the line again?”

“You have no idea how wrong you are.” He breathed out. “I want you, from the moment you came into the shop I have wanted you.” He caressed your cheek and pressed his forehead to yours. “You’ve bewitched me, body and soul.” Your heart flipped and your legs almost gave out.

“You dare use Austen's words against me?” You choked out.

“It’s the truth. You are all I’ve thought about since that day. Seeing you tonight, seeing that man on you. I couldn’t just sit by, I had to make you mine. I want to make you mine.” His lips brushed against yours and you gave in as he finally kissed you intensely. Your arms wrapped around his neck as his fingers tangled in your hair. The kiss took your breath away and ignited the broken heart that was beating so loudly in your chest. When you both pulled away, gasping for air Felix couldn’t help but grin. “Come home with me?”

“Yes.” You breathed out and he kissed you again, this time much more gentle. But it was still enough to make your legs quake at the feeling. He pulled away to caress your cheek and smile. He took your hand in his and led you to his car. You were thankful the car ride was short, you couldn’t control yourself any longer. The next few minutes were a blur, you found yourself against the wall after Felix pressed you against it the second the door closed. His lips were on your neck as you struggled to suppress your moans. Your fingers tangled in his hair as you felt his hand slip between the both of you.

“Can I?” Felix asked softly as his fingers brushed against your bare thighs. You whimpered and nodded as you felt him palm against your already soaked core. He growled softly at the feeling and kissed you hungrily. His hand pulled at your panties and ripped them off easily making you gasp against his lips. He took this opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth and explore as his fingers rubbed against your clit wildly. You whined and clung to him as your legs trembled from the feeling.

“So wet for me, I don’t even have to prep you.” He growled. You heard his belt unbuckle and his pants drop to the floor before you could say anything he picked you up to wrap your legs around his waist. He didn’t hesitate to push himself inside you. You cried out and clung to him as you felt him bottom out and stretch you

“F-Felix.” You whimpered. “Oh god.” He nuzzled his face in your neck and nipped at the skin.

“You’re mine.” He growled softly. “Say it.”

“I’m yours.” You choked out, He responded by slamming into you, with slow rough thrusts, making you cry out in ecstasy. You held onto him for dear life as you both cried out loudly for each other. “Please, please don’t stop.” You begged. “Felix.”

“You’re taking me so well my little dove.” He groaned. “God I never want to stop. Never.” He kissed and nipped at your lips as he picked up the pace. “I want to fill you up, and make you mine.” You whimpered and felt yourself clench at his words. He groaned and nuzzled his face in your neck. “You like that baby you want me to fill you with my cum?”

“Y-Yes!” You sobbed out. “Make me yours, fill me over and over.” You begged as you rocked your hips in time with his thrusts. You felt his fingers rub against your clit again and you shook as your eyes rolled back from the overwhelming amount of pleasure. You couldn’t think, you couldn’t do anything but tremble against him and whine like a cat in heat. The sight only aroused Felix more. He could feel you getting close, and the way your legs trembled around him made him moan loudly.

“That’s it, let go for me. Cum Y/n.” It was if his words controlled your body, you let out a loud sob as you felt yourself hit your peak. Felix moaned loudly and rutted violently into you as you hit your high, soon he filled you with his hot seed. His cries mixed in with yours as he thrusted one final time inside you. He kissed you feverishly as you both came down from your highs, he did not dare move away. “So perfect.” He panted softly as he pressed his forehead to yours. “All mine.” He caressed your cheek. Your eyes fluttered closed and you leaned into his touch. He pulled out gently making you whimper and he picked you up bridal style. He kicked away his pants and shoes before carrying you to the bedroom.

He kissed you as he set you down on the bed gently and slowly removed your dress, his shirt soon following. Soon you were completely naked and exposed to him. He hovered over you and pressed his lips to yours in a slow and passionate kiss. Your heart pounded as your arms wrapped around his neck. He laid flushed against you, as his hand ran up your outer thigh. He pulled away and looked at you softly.

“Please promise me you won’t run from me anymore.” You caressed his cheek and kissed him again.

“I won’t.” You whispered softly into his lips. “I promise. How could I give up when I finally found you, Mr. Darcy.” He grinned at your words and kissed you deeply.

“Good cause I will never let you go. Ms. Bennet”

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tagged list: @hyunnieshannie @blossomwritesthings @binchansbiceps @grannyindehouse @sunshinesquokka @tinyarsonist @linocvp1d @pretty-npeach @freyadanvers @kpopsstuffs @felixowned @colorguardlover14 @linaliskz @changbinisabigboy

always so touching and vibrant when you remember people a hundred years ago had profound lives full of fun and love

i love saying "get off my dick" even though i don't have one

🖤 ferxanityy

🤍 20

🖤 minors dni

hello all! welcome to my chaotic shitshow of a tumblr page. i mostly just reblog other blogs works. i’m very unorganized here so plz don’t expect a masterlist lol. everything should be somewhat organized in the tags. i don’t write very much anymore, lowkey just here to enjoy other tumblr blogs and stuffs :]

MAKE IT UP TO YOU

Pairing: Afab! Reader x Seungmin

Theme: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Ageless Blogs & Minors Do Not Interact.

Word Count: 1.4K

A/N: Please do not repost or translate my work! Let me know if you wish to be on the tagged list.

You were in a bad headspace, you insecurity and depression hit you hard today after finding a bunch of hate accounts dedicated to you. Why? Because of who your boyfriend was. It wasn't easy, dating an idol. But you loved him more than anything in the world. He brought so much joy into your life an you wouldn't trade it for anything. So when he came home you rushed to him and hugged him tight, But he immediately pushed you away, making your heart sink.

"Not right now Y/n. I'm not in the mood." He muttered as he walked passed you and went into the bedroom. You followed him and looked up at him and nervously.

"Baby a-are you okay?" You asked quietly. He ignored you as he laid down on the bed. You sat down on beside him and took his hand gently. "Baby." You breathed out. He yanked his hand away from you and glared at you.

"What point of I'm not in the mood do you not understand Y/n." He spat. "I had a really shitty day and I cannot handle you being annoying and clingy right now!" You flinched at his raised voice and looked at him with wide eyes.

Your heart shattered at his words and all the tweets and videos you had seen today, talking about how stupid and pathetic and unworthy you were flooded your brain. Your lip trembled and you got up from the bed. You didn't look at him, you didn't see the immediate regret on his face after saying those words.

"S-Sorry." You choked out as you rushed out of the room. You rushed out of the room and ignored his calls for you. You went into the guest room as you choked on a sob and slammed the door closed and locked it.

"Y/n baby please open up!" He called as he tried to open to door. "Baby please I am so sorry, I didn't mean it!" You didn't respond, you just curled up on the bed as the tears poured down your cheeks. He continued knocking and shaking the handle for a while before punching the door. "Dammit!" He cried out. He slid down the door and buried his face in his hands. "Baby please." He choked out. "Let me in, I love you. I love you so much. I d-didn't mean any of it."

"Then why would you say something like that to me?" You choked out. "You already know how sensitive I am when I comes to you and after everything I saw today.. the things people were saying about me. You just confirmed that maybe they're right."

"I was stressed and tired. This comeback has a lot of pressure on all of us and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry baby." He leaned his head against the door. "What do you mean? What who is saying?"

"The fans." You choked out. "They constantly talk about how I'm not good enough for you. How I'm not pretty enough, that I'm always clinging to you and desperate for attention. That you're tired of me." You said quietly.

"Baby." He breathed out. "Open the door, please." You could hear the nervousness in his voice. You slowly got out of the bed and walked over to the door. You let out a shaky breath and unlocked it. Within seconds the door flew open and you were encased in Seungmin's arms. You immediately melted into him and cried into his shirt. "If anyone isn't good enough it's me." He whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"After reading all of that all I wanted was to be in your arms and you just pushed me away." You choked out as you moved away from him. "Maybe it's best we just end this. I clearly don't make you happy." You said quietly. You didn't dare look him in the eyes as you walked passed him. You walked into the bedroom and got out a duffle bag. You reached to start putting your clothes in the back but he grabbed your wrist to stop you. You looked over to see him looking at you with wide panicked eyes.

"Baby... d-don't. Don't do this. Don't leave me." He choked out as tears flew down his cheeks he pulled you close and pressed his lips to yours in a desperate kiss. "I love you, I love you more than anything." He whispered into your lips. "Please don't you dare leave me." He held you tight and continued to kiss you, pouring everything he had into the kiss. It made you dizzy and your knees week. He picked you up and carried you to the bed before laying you down on it. He pulled away and looked into your eyes. "Say you'll stay." He whispered. "Please." You looked up into his eyes and nodded. He ran his hands up your thighs and looked into your eyes softly.

"Let me make it up to you." He whispered. "Let me show you how much I love you." He pushed up his shirt that you were wearing, knowing full well you weren't wearing anything underneath and leaned down he kissed all over your chest before taking your nipple into his mouth. You whimpered loudly and tangled your fingers in his hair. His hand slipped between your legs and began to rub your clit slowly. You whimpered and moaned loudly as you rocked into his hand. He kissed up your neck and nipped at it. He sucked at your skin and licked at the mark he left.

"I love you so much." He whispered as he slipped his finger into you. You whined loudly and pulled him closer.

"I-I love you." You whimpered loudly. "Please don't stop." He smirked at you before kissing down your chest. You gasped as you felt his mouth pressing kisses against your clit. He began sucking at your sensitive nub as he added a second finger into you. He thrusts his fingers into you wildly as he watches you scream out and squirm beneath him. He was determined to make you cum hard. He held you down to keep you still as you shook violently as he continued to assault your pussy with his fingers. Your eyes rolled back as you screamed out and arched off the bed as you felt yourself come undone.

"That's it my love." He cooed you came hard around his fingers. He pulled them out gently and licked his fingers clean. The sight only made you more aroused. He stripped himself of his clothes and laid flush against you as he kissed you slowly and passionately. He lined up his cock at your entrance and slowly slid into you, you both moaned at the feeling as he filled you completely. He nuzzled his face in your neck and pinned your hands above your head, his fingers linking with yours. "You feel so perfect love, you were made for me. Only me." He whimpered softly.

"Yours." You mewled softly. He rocked his hips slowly and gently into you, wanting to take his time and love you. But even so, every movement made your legs shake. He knew all the right spots to hit every time he rocked into you making you pant and whine loudly for him. He let go of one of your hands to grip your hip gently as he thrust into you, he was still going slow but the thrusts were rough. Your eyes rolled back and you clung to him tightly as you writhed in ecstasy.

He pressed his lips to yours in a deep passionate kiss as he held you close to him, your body's completely tangled in each other as he rocked roughly into you. The sounds of your heavy breaths and moans as you made love filled the room. His moans always made you shake. It was absolute heaven to your ears. You nipped at his lips and whined loudly as you felt yourself getting close to your peak.

"Yes, baby please cum around my cock." He whimpered as he started to become rough and thrust wildly into you. You cried loudly as you arched into him and he groaned loudly. You clenched around him as his cock throbbed and soon you both hit your high. You cried out his name and went limp beneath him as you felt him fill you with his hot seed. He laid on top of you, both of your bodies trembled as he pressed kisses all of your face. He wasn't pulling out of you, no, he wanted to make sure you kept all his cum inside of you.

He ran his fingers through your hair and looked at you gently. "You are my everything." He whispered softly. "I'll never want any one but you. So please, stay with me. Stay forever with me." He begged softly. You caressed his cheek and kissed him softly.

"I will." You breathed out.

Perfect Distraction | lfl

❝𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮…❞  

↳ Felix is the perfectly untouchable man you can only long for from the back of the college lecture hall; until a chance encounter and offer of distraction brings those yearnings closer than you ever thought was possible.

↳ Felix x female reader

↳ 8.6k

! Strong language, college au, strangers to friends to lovers, mutual pining, angst, slow burn, explicit sexual content, vanilla sex, oral sex (f. and m. rec), body worship, praise, use of pet names, sexual discovery, adult themes throughout !

「suitable for 18+ readers only」  「© July 2020, rewritten April 2023 by jl-micasea-fics」

Felix’s back was a profound thing.

It was where you found your gaze most often lingering when the monotony of lectures led your mind to wander, and perhaps that was natural; it stands to reason that one should firstly see what’s right in front of them. Perhaps the heightened interest with which you examined him day after day was also just as natural.

Or perhaps not.

Still; the extraordinary demanded your undivided attention. And that wasn’t to say it was Felix’s back itself that was extraordinary. By all accounts, it was a perfectly normal back. Rather it was the feelings that cropped up when examining said back with a slow and appreciative eye that it made it so special.

There had been changes since the term started; imperceptible to anyone else, you were sure. The span of his shoulders was broader now, the fit of his shirts a little snugger. The outlining curve of his shoulder blades had strengthened, his hunching over desk or rising into a stretch offered glimpses of the toned muscle beneath the cotton. The days where he ran late and thus rallied to make lectures in time were your favourite, for on those days the silver tresses usually gathered neatly at his nape were damp with the sweat of exertion, the pale skin beneath blushed. Occasionally he might scratch his neck, and you would wonder if he felt the tickle of your gaze burning so bright a hole into him, the prospect equal parts needlessly giddying and mortifying. Thoughts would roll around your mind, and arguably, were best kept there: would he be soft to touch? Perhaps he’d be surprisingly firm. How would his back look in the absence of a shirt?

Keep reading

Yes, what would you like to ask.

IM SCREAMING

Why Does it Hurt

Lee Felix x Female reader

Word count: 6.7k (it's like 5.7k of ouch)

Synopsis: When your soulmate Felix can feel everything you feel he wonders, why does it always hurt?

A/N: 18+ ONLY! A bunch of you said you wanted this one to hurt so.... here you go! 😅 I'm loving the polls and everything with this and slowly announcing who's what soul link, so fun! Anyway! If you like this one give it a reblog, like, comment, hit up my asks! I always love hearing from you guys! As always warnings and smut below the cut!

Warnings: 18+ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, elements of abuse, violence, imprisonment, death threats, attempted murder(strangulation), mentions of panic attacks, if any of these things can be triggering please skip this one. Oral (m&f receiving), unprotected piv sex (use condoms please), MC's first time, cum shot. I think that's it it's pretty vanilla as far as smut goes. If i missed anything please let me know and I'll add it, I would feel awful if someone read something that upset them. So if you see something I'll add it asap!

Just like most everyone else on the planet, when Felix turned eighteen, he went to a specialist and found out what his soul link was. It was different for everybody. For some it was a mark or a name, others it was a shared talent or eye color maybe. For Felix it was feelings. Mostly emotions, occasionally he would feel physical feelings and it seemed to vary in intensity depending how far he was from you.  

Felix had no idea who you were, no one did really. You had been locked up, a prisoner in your grandfather's house since your parents passed. He was not pleased when he had to take in his orphaned granddaughter so his displeasure was taken out on you with verbal and often physical attacks. Felix felt the desperation and overwhelming sadness that encompassed your life and would fall into long bouts of depression. His family and friends worried about him but there was nothing anyone could do. There was no way for anyone to know who you were or how to find you. It went on like that, days, months, years. Felix learned to deal with the pain but it was never ending. Why did it always hurt? 

Felix’s twenty-first birthday was coming up; he was excited to hang out and relax. His friend Chan had rented an air b&b in a quiet neighborhood close to the beach and invited their six other best friends. All of them planned to surf, swim and relax for the next five days, bonfires, drinks, and plenty of good food with good friends, Felix was ready. The day the guys pulled up to the air b&b Felix was feeling your emotions more intensely than he ever had.  

He tried to just focus on all the fun they were about to have and push that sadness down for now, process it later, right now just... live. When Felix grabbed his bag out of the back hatch his heart started fluttering then racing. It wasn’t his heart though it was yours. God it was intense you had to be close, you must live in one of these houses by the beach. He hoped to meet you while he was there if you did. When Felix turned to walk towards the house he happened to glance over at the neighbors and saw a girl that looked to be around their age peeking out at him and the guys from an attic window. He gave a small smile and waved. When you realized Felix could see you, your eyes went wide and you ducked out of the window. Chan was walking by just then too. 

“Did you see that?” Chan raised his eyebrows and shook his head no. 

“See what?” Felix pointed over to the house. 

“The girl that was in that top window.”  

“We just got here Lix, you’re seeing girls already?” Chan laughed and Felix rolled his eyes giving him a mocking half hearted chuckle.  

“Har har har. You’re so funny dad.” Chan feigned offense 

“I’m not that old!” Felix shrugged laughing and carried his stuff inside. Maybe you were shy, Felix thought. He decided when he saw you outside, he’d try to say hi so that you knew him and the other guys were friendly. Maybe you’d want to come over for a bonfire. He’d say hello and he’d invite you, just as soon as he saw you outside. That night the guys decided to take it easy and just have a gaming night. Felix was watching the match Changbin and Jisung were playing when he felt part of his face start to sting, as if someone had slapped him, hard. 

“Ow fuck!” His swearing caught Chan’s attention. 

“What’s wrong? You okay?” He felt it again, pins and needles on the other side of his face now. 

“Ah fuck my face hurts!” Seungmin laughed not realizing what was going on. 

“Imagine how we feel having to look at it all the time.” A few of the guys laughed and focused back on the game while Chan made sure Felix was okay. Felix felt a pain in his leg, his backside and then his back and then it all seemed to stop. Tears welled up in Felix’s eyes and Chan was worried. 

“Are you okay Lix what’s wrong? Does it still hurt?” A tear rolled down his cheek. 

“It always hurts. Why does it always hurt?! She doesn’t ever feel joy or love, it’s always pain, it’s always suffering. She’s the love of my life and I can’t help her.” Chan had never seen Felix so worked up and they had been friends since elementary school. Felix had never felt it all so strongly. Tears were streaking his face and he was sniffling. The other guys stopped playing the game and huddled around him to comfort him. Felix had a big heart, anyone that knew him knew that. So for the person that he was meant to love for the rest of his life to be in pain and suffering constantly, it chipped away at Felix’s heart. Once everything was calm again Felix wiped his face with his long sleeve and the guys got back to their game. 

“I’m gonna get a little air Channie hyung. I’ll just be out back.” Chan nodded. Felix got up and made his way towards the back door. He stood out on the porch breathing in the cool ocean air, looking up at the clear night sky, hundreds and thousands more stars than you could see in the city. He glanced over at the attic window he’d seen you in earlier that day and saw a candle flickering from inside and then noticed your head poked up, peeking out at him. You quickly ducked away and then the candlelight went out. Shortly after, Felix rejoined the others inside. 

Earlier in the day while you sat in your prison cell that was the attic, you had heard a little commotion outside, then you heard a couple of men’s voices. You weren’t supposed to go near the windows, you knew that, but you were curious, it was usually pretty quiet there, which is exactly why your grandfather liked it. Against your better judgement you walked over to the window and looked over at the house next door. When you did you saw eight men, probably around your age, maybe a little older, carrying things into the house. There was one in particular that pulled at you like a magnet. He was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen, not that you’d seen many beautiful things in your life. Your heart fluttered then started pounding. Then as if he knew you were there, he stopped and looked right up at you, it surprised you and you froze. The softest, warmest smile spread on his face and he waved at you. You quickly backed away from the window but the damage was done. Your grandfather had his cameras set up all over that house, inside and out. There was no way he would miss the innocent little wave that man next door had given you.  

Later that night when your grandfather came home from work you knew you were in for it. You could hear him coming up the stairs. Big boots clunking as he stomped up each one. When he walked in you immediately started to apologize hoping that it might spare you a little pain. It did not, your grandfather didn’t say a thing he back handed you across the face, he slapped you a few more times before you fell down on your flat sleeping mat crying.  

“You’re going to learn one of these days what happens if you don’t follow my rules.” He pulled off his belt and started slapping you with it hard, wherever it landed, your legs, your ass, your back. He threw it at you out of breath. 

“Next time I’ll hang you with it do you understand?” You cowered and nodded that you did. He picked up his belt and stomped back out. You laid there crying in the candlelight, the only light you were permitted to have. You knew it was best to just fall asleep as quickly as possible. He wouldn’t be bringing you food tonight, not when he beat you, never after you had been punished. You heard someone walk outside next door. You crawled over, the burning welts the belt left still intense and painful. You just peeked over your windowsill this time and you saw him again, the pretty blonde man with freckles and the smile of an angel. He looked over, it was like he could tell when you were looking at him. You quickly crawled back away before he waved or anything that might upset your grandfather again. You curled back up on your mat and blew out your candle. You closed your eyes and hoped to dream of a life where you and the cute, freckled guy next door might meet and fall in love.  

The next day the guys all went dashing out of the back door of the house and out onto the beach whooping and hollering. They were ready for a little sand and surfing. Felix again couldn’t help but look up at the neighbor's attic window to see if he could see you again, he paused a moment before he dashed off with his board under his arm to catch up with his friends. You had seen him looking. You were smart enough to stand back from the window this time. You could see him but he couldn’t see you, or so you thought. Felix actually did see you but he didn’t want to frighten you away again. So he ran and caught up with the guys as his heart raced. You watched as the sweet blonde boy caught wave after wave with his friends, wishing you could be out there too. Laying in the sand, splashing the water at friends. Even though you were raised in that house most of your life, if you could even call it raising, the last time you had been at the beach was before your parents had died.  

You were only six when you and your parents were in a horrible car crash. Somehow you had survived with bumps and bruises while the wreck killed both of your parents almost instantly. Then you were sent to live with your grandfather, the only family you had left in the world, who locked you in the attic and told everyone else that you had died in the same crash as your parents. He would feed you once a day twice if you were lucky and only let you out once a day to go to the bathroom and shower. There were rules as well and if you didn’t follow them there was hell to pay. No leaving the attic, no making any noise, no going near the windows, only speak when told to and a slew of others. Sometime around your eighteenth birthday every now and then you’d feel a little light inside your heart. Your grandfather did all he could to extinguish it and he did a very good job of it. Eventually you couldn’t feel the light inside anymore but something about the tanned freckled guy next door made that light shine a bit again. 

Since you were hidden from the world you had never been told about soulmates or what your soul link was, so you didn’t know that little light in your heart was Felix. You didn’t know that anytime your sadness felt overwhelming he’d think of all the happy wonderful things about life, things that he loved and just hoped you could feel it as he pushed all those good feelings towards you. No matter how much he put into it, his whole heart usually, it only came through as the little light. 

The next day the guys all piled into the car and left for a local spot to have lunch. When they got back the old neighbor lady on the other side of their air b&b was out gardening. When she saw the eight handsome men pile out of the car she smiled and stood up to greet them, wiping dirt off her hands on her apron. After introductions and a little small talk the old lady mentioned something about the other surrounding neighbors being nice as well and then Felix remembered the girl in the window, he had seen you a couple of times now and he was curious about you. 

“Oh yea! Speaking of neighbors, what’s the name of the girl next door on the other side of us? Around our age? I was gonna invite her over to a bon fire but she seems kind of shy and I haven’t seen her outside...” The old neighbor lady looked at Felix like he was stupid.  

“Old Herb’s place? Ain’t no girl living in that house. Only girl it coulda been woulda been his granddaughter y/n, she’d be around you boys age now, but she died in a car wreck with her folks quite a way back.” Felix nodded. 

“My mistake.” Felix and the guys excused themselves and went on about their goal for the rest of the day, more surfing. Felix was confused. He was positive he’d seen a young woman in that house, he had waved at you. He didn’t just imagine that. Every time they went to the beach now Felix glanced up at the window. Every time he did his heart started to beat out of his chest. Every day that passed you knew was a day closer to the man with the freckles and his friends leaving and every day you felt like it was a day closer to the end for you.  

You don’t know what came over you. You rummaged through some boxes your grandfather stored up in the attic with you, another rule, no touching his things. You had to do it. You went through and managed to find a piece of chalk and a chunk of some old map or something. You didn’t care, you had to do it. Your handwriting was atrocious and your spelling awful but you wrote a short message and then folded and tossed it into the neighbor's yard praying your grandfather didn’t catch it on the cameras. You had to do it, if not now, then you never would and how long would your grandfather really be willing to keep you? It had been fifteen years. The beatings were getting worse and the death threats came more often it was only a matter of time before he really killed you. You had to do it. 

Felix and Changbin were playing frisbee in the back yard while some of the other guys played video games. It was the last day there; they would be leaving tomorrow afternoon. Felix had looked up at your attic window countless times, he didn’t know why. You weren’t ever there anymore and he started to wonder if he had just dreamed you up. Changbin put a little too much wrist into his toss and the frisbee sailed over the house to the side yard. 

“I got it!” Felix ran around the side of the house and grabbed the plastic disc. He was just about to turn and run back when he noticed what looked like a piece of trash on the ground. When he picked it up he realized it was folded. He opened the tattered piece of paper and saw what looked like a note scribbled by a child. It was hard to read, pryzner atick. He ran back around the house and showed Changbin. 

“What does this say?” Changbin looked at it. 

“I dunno man it’s just some kid’s scribbles it doesn’t say anything.” Felix shook his head, he’d found it under your window. 

“No this says something.” Changbin shrugged and Felix ran off to ask Chan what he thought. Chan was looking over the scrap of paper when everyone heard your grandfather's truck fly up and skid to a stop in the gravel driveway. He’d seen you toss the note. You were absolutely terrified and Felix could feel every bit of it. 

“Oh my god!” Felix finally put it together. He was an idiot for not realizing sooner. Chan was waiting as Felix processed. 

“What? What’s wrong?!” Felix looked at Chan with tears in his eyes. 

“She’s terrified. He’s gonna kill her.” Chan was confused. 

“Who?!”  

“The girl next door!” Now Chan was even more confused. The old lady had said there was no girl. 

“How do you know?!” Felix gripped Chan’s shoulders tightly. 

“Because she’s my fucking soulmate!” Felix ran out of the house and Chan and a few of the other guys ran after him trying to stop him. Your grandfather had seen you toss the note and he was going to do exactly what he told you he would if you stepped out of line again. You could hear his heavy boots as he skipped steps on his way up to the attic, the sound of his belt already being removed. You cowered in a corner. You had to do it. Your grandfather kicked the attic door in and you screamed. 

“You shut your fucking mouth! You did this! You brought this down on yourself!” He picked you up easily, of course he did, you were malnourished and weak from never getting any sun or exercise. You tried to fight him but it was like a twig hitting an oak, it did nothing. He wrapped his belt around your neck and slid it back into the buckle pulling it tight around your neck, cutting off your air. He held you out in front of him and you grasped at the belt trying to loosen it but couldn’t, your own weight was drawing it tighter around your throat. You could see the vignette of darkness starting to cloud your vision, you knew death was coming. You weren’t scared anymore, you were relieved. Maybe you would finally get some peace. 

Felix burst into the neighbor’s house and started looking for stairs as Chan rushed in after him, telling the other’s to stay behind. Felix rushed around a corner and there they were. He started dashing up them, Chan tried to keep up but Felix was too fast. He was right on his heels when Felix finally made it up the stairs to the attic. The door was kicked off the hinges. Felix ran in, Chan right after him and both saw your grandfather strangling you with a belt. 

“Hey! Put her the fuck down NOW!” Your grandfather spun around surprised to find two of the young men from next door standing there. He dropped you and you started gasping for air. Your grandfather may have been strong enough to overpower you but up against two fit men, in their twenties, with six more a call away, he knew he couldn’t take them. Instead, he ran between them and fled. Chan called 911 as your grandfather jumped into his truck and sped off again. The other guys had no idea what was going on so none of them attempted to stop him.  

“Hey man! Where’s our friends!?” He peeled away kicking up rocks. Felix ran over to you and gently lifted your head and took the belt off from around your neck. You were weak, still gasping for air, struggling to breathe. Felix was terrified he was too late, he checked your pulse on your wrist, avoiding touching your neck, and it was faint. He started talking to you. Trying to keep you awake. 

“Hey hey, uhm, I’m Felix, and uhm...” He tried to fight back his tears. 

“I’m gonna take care of you alright? You’re gonna be okay... okay?” Felix nodded as he failed to keep his tears from falling. They streaked his freckled cheeks and you wished you were strong enough to wipe them away. You could hear the sirens approaching but you were so tired. You just wanted to rest your eyes. 

“Hey hey HEY! STAY AWAKE! DON’T GO TO SLEEP! PLEASE!” You wanted to listen but you just couldn’t. You closed your eyes and everything was dark, quiet, peaceful. 

You woke up in a bright white room. It smelled clean, completely different than the musty attic you’d lived in for so long. You squinted and tried to focus your vision, but it was difficult between the pain in your head and the bright lights. You finally managed to open your eyes and the first thing you did was try to scan the room. You tried to move your head but couldn’t and winced in pain sucking air in through your teeth. The sound woke up whoever was in the room with you. A tired, deep, grumbly man’s voice came from your right. 

“y/n?” He walked to where you could see him and you realized it was the freckled man from next door. 

“Wha-whe-” Your voice barely came out. It was horse and hurt to talk. 

“Don’t try to talk yet. Everything is okay now. I’m gonna get a nurse and let them know you’re awake. I’ll be right back.” Felix ran out of the room excited to see your beautiful eyes open again, he’d been so afraid he never would. When Felix walked back in so did a nurse and a doctor.  They asked you some yes and no questions and you would point at your answer on a clip board. After they left you motioned to Felix asking what happened, you only remembered your grandfather coming into your room and then everything was black. Felix pulled his chair up by you. 

“After I found the note you tossed out the window and your grandpa came home I realized what it said. Prisoner attic.” Felix didn’t say anything about soulmates right then, there would be plenty of time for that later and he didn’t want to confuse you. 

“When me and my friend ran into the attic we found him...” Felix hesitated, it was a hard memory for him surely it would be for you too but when he looked at you, you mimed choking and Felix nodded. 

“Yea we found him strangling you. He dropped you and ran off but it didn’t take police long to find him. He’s in jail, there’s still a trial but he’ll be there for the rest of his life no doubt in my mind.” You tried to nod forgetting that you had a neck brace on and winced a little. Felix instinctively grabbed your hand and you gently squeezed it. You took your other hand and pointed at him. You mouthed the word name. 

“Oh! Yea, sorry. I’m Felix.” It wasn’t a very conventional way to meet your soulmate but that was the first day of forever for the two of you. After a few days the neck brace came off, a couple of weeks and your larynx was healed enough to start talking. You were severally malnourished, hadn’t had direct sunlight in fifteen years, didn’t move anymore than you could around the attic. There was a lot healthwise that needed addressed a number were things you’d probably deal with for the rest of your life. Felix was with you every step of the way. After you started getting better he explained the whole soulmate thing. You’d never even known soulmates were a thing. Then you remembered that little light that would shine in your heart and you knew then that it had always been Felix in your heart. 

Once your health issues had all been addressed and stabilized and the doctors deemed you strong enough to leave the hospital you weren’t sure what was next. You were twenty-one, pretty much illiterate, you knew nothing about the world or how to survive in it. You stood on the sidewalk thinking of all the challenges still to come when Felix pulled up in his car. He got out and opened your door. You slid into the passenger seat and then Felix ran around getting back in the driver’s seat. He looked at you and gave you his megawatt smile. 

“Let’s go home.” Home. You didn’t know what that was. The place that you had lived for practically your whole life was only a prison. You would never call it home. Home was Felix. Wherever he was that was home. The day you were released from the hospital was the day that you started living with Felix. He was insistent on taking things slowly. 

“We have our whole lives, so let’s crawl before we run, okay?” You nodded and were secretly thankful he was so patient and willing to move slowly, you knew absolutely nothing about each other and you knew nothing about being in any kind of relationship let alone a romantic one. Felix helped you with everything. You would have panic attacks from what you went through but also from the thought of how endlessly massive the world was outside of that attic. Felix taught you pressure points and tricks to ground yourself when you felt out of control. He enrolled you into some night courses so you could learn to read and write and helped you with flash cards and studying. From there you started taking math classes, history, and so on. Before long you were taking high school level classes and by the time you were twenty-three you had earned your GED all with Felix by your side cheering you on. He didn’t want you to be dependent on him in the world, he wanted you to feel independent, like you could do it on your own if you had to. You never would, Felix would always be there for you but he felt like it was important for you to be able to do things on your own. Felix was insanely proud of you and couldn’t believe how strong you were.  

When you had moved into his place he insisted on you staying in a room of your own. You had never had a room of your own. Some nights it was hard to sleep on the soft bed and you’d curl up with your blanket on the floor. Mornings Felix found you like that broke his heart. He’d let you sleep in those days because it usually meant you hadn’t gotten much rest. You had lived with Felix for almost two years when you got your GED. In that time you guys had taken baby steps in your relationship. The first time you and Felix kissed it was because you kissed him. You could tell that he wanted to kiss you and you really wanted to kiss him so you leaned over on the couch while you watched tv together and pressed your lips against his. He’d been surprised at first but then kissed you back. You both had butterflies. 

Felix walked into the apartment the two of you shared together now. He found you in the kitchen washing up some dishes. He walked over and kissed your cheek and you leaned into it, into his warmth. 

“Sorry I’m so late.” You shook your head. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was he was home. He was home, your home. You turned and kissed him on the lips nibbling his bottom one, making him laugh. 

“What’s gotten into you? Hmm?” You just shook your head and pecked his lips once more. 

“Okay, whatever you say. I’m gonna shower, need the bathroom before?” You shook your head no. 

“No Lixie, go enjoy your shower.” He cupped your cheek and you closed your eyes. The warmth was like how it felt when the sun warmed your cheeks on a spring day. When you opened your eyes again you found his endless brown eyes memorizing the flecks of colors in yours. He cupped your other cheek, leaned in and kissed you then pulled a breath away. 

“I love you y/n.” Your eyes shot open. Neither of you had ever said the L word. You were certain that you felt it, at least you thought you did. When Felix said it though you knew, without a doubt that you loved him too. He saved you, took you in. Felix had done far more for you in two years than your grandfather ever did in fifteen. You could never repay him and he would never expect you to. 

“I love you too Felix.” He smiled and bit his lip. 

“Okay, shower.” You nodded smiling too and he ran off to take his shower. When Felix got out of the shower he wrapped his towel around himself and went to his room. He was surprised to find you sitting in there on his bed in your robe. 

“Oh! Hey, uh... do you need something?” You didn’t say anything, you walked towards him and put your arms around his shoulders. 

“Wha-” You kissed his lips cutting him off and he was more than a little surprised when your tongue started prodding asking for entry into his mouth. He turned his head and opened his mouth allowing you to kiss him deeper. You two had only ever made out two times and both times Felix made you stop not wanting to take things too fast. It had been two years and you were madly in love with this man. You didn’t want to wait any longer. 

“Felix?” He hummed as you kissed down his jaw and neck.  

“I want you...” He hummed again lost in the feeling of your lips on his skin. 

“You want me to what?” He asked his brain only working at half capacity. You giggled. 

“I want you to touch me.” He pulled back and looked at you before shaking his head. 

“We don’t hav-” You cut him off. 

“I want you to make love to me Felix, I want it. I know we don’t have to but I want to...” You started getting a little teary eyed. 

“Don’t you?” Oh that broke Felix’s heart. He didn’t want you to think he didn’t want you. He’s wanted you since the moment he saw you. 

“Of course jagiya of course! I just... I want you to be sure. You’re sure?” You nodded. 

“Yes Felix I’m sure. You’re the man that saved me. My soulmate. I love you so much Felix.” He wrapped his arms around you. 

“I love you too.” His lips were against yours and things got heated quickly, teeth biting, tongues battling for dominance that no one could win. You pulled the tie of your robe loose and dropped it, you were completely naked underneath. Felix had never seen you without clothes on. The scars left from the beatings your grandfather gave you were still very visible. Tears welled up in Felix’s eyes and you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“It’s okay Lixie, it doesn’t hurt anymore.” He laid you back on his bed and started kissing every scar. Your body started tingling and it was throbbing between your legs, making you want to press them together. Felix hovered over your aching core. 

“Is this okay?” You nodded biting your lip. You weren’t sure what he was going to do but you trusted Felix. He gently parted your legs and then licked you. You jumped not expecting the warm wet feeling of his tongue against you like that but it felt amazing. 

“Oh!” He looked up to make sure you were still okay. You nodded and he continued. He softly flicked his tongue across your clit and it made your body buzz. You were getting a little breathy. You still had episodes with your breathing from time to time and Felix started to worry that maybe you were having one. He stopped and sat up a bit. You groaned at the loss of contact and looked down. 

“Why’d you stop?” He just giggled once he realized you were okay and went back to savoring you slow and steady until you felt your impending orgasm crash into you. Your legs trembled as Felix continued to softly run his tongue through your glistening folds. 

“F-Felix... oh... oh god.” You panted out. You gently pushed against his head, starting to get sensitive and Felix pulled away, climbing back up your body and kissing your lips. When he pulled away you let out a deep breath and started laughing from all the endorphins your orgasm had released.  

“Wow! I didn’t know anything felt like that.” Felix smiled. He’d seen you have a lot of firsts but your first orgasm was a thing of beauty. He was so hard under his towel there was no way you didn’t notice. You ran your hands up and down his sides.  

“Tell me how to do that for you.” Felix looked at you surprised. 

“Are you sure?” You nodded. You wanted to make him feel what you just felt. It was earth shattering in the best ways. He took one of your hands and ran it down his firm body until you were cupping his hard cock over his towel. He let out a breath, even the slight contact felt amazing. He rolled off of you and laid back on the bed, the towel tented by his painfully hard dick. You sat up and kneeled between his legs like he’d done to you. You pulled at the tucked in part of the towel and let it fall open exposing Felix to you entirely. He was so beautiful, every piece of him, every inch, every freckle, every sparkle in his eye, gorgeous. 

“Lick your palm and then wrap your fingers around it.” You did as Felix said and licked your palm, wetting it then grabbed a hold of his cock gently. He hissed a little and you were worried you had hurt him. He bit his lip and tilted his head back and you realized it wasn’t that it hurt it was that it felt good. Once he could lift his head again he told you what to do next. 

“Move your hand up and down now...” You moved your hand slowly and he let out a low moan that made you throb between your legs again. You went with your gut, you leaned forward and licked him like he’d licked you. 

“Oh god yes, do that again please...” You licked it again and again Felix hummed. 

“Mmmyou can put it in your mouth... if you want, if not the licking and your hand is enough, it feels so good jagi.” If putting his dick in your mouth felt even better you were doing it. You wanted to make him feel as good as he made you feel, you wanted to make him cum. You put the tip in and softly sucked on it unsure of what else to do, but it was kind of like a popsicle so you treated it like one. The way Felix’s breath quickened you must have been doing it right. You pulled off and kept moving your hand up and down. 

“Like that?” He nodded quickly. 

“Yes! Oh fuck yes! Suck just like that and see if you can go down more.” You put his tip back in your mouth and fit more of him inside sucking. 

“Yes y/n god that feels so good. Now just go up and down.” He gathered your hair so he could look down and see you as you started bobbing up and down. The more those little sounds came from Felix the more you wanted to push him to the edge. You went faster and took more of his cock, spit dripping down his shaft that you used to stroke what you couldn’t fit. Felix’s stomach sunk in and out with his deep breaths. 

“I’m gonna cum y/n, just stroke me, I don’t want to cum in your mouth” You appreciated the warning, you weren’t sure if you were ready for all that just yet. You pulled off of him and stroked him faster. 

“Pucker your lips and rub the tip on it jagiya.” You did what he said, stroking him as you rubbed the sensitive tip against your lips. He suddenly grabbed his dick and pulled it away from your face as he started coming. He moaned and panted as you ran your hands up and down his thighs while he stroked his cock and shook through his orgasm. When he was all together again, he took his towel and wiped the cum off his belly and hand and then tossed it in his dirty bin. Felix crawled back into bed over you again laying you back, smiling, glowing post orgasm. 

“Baby that was...” You were blushing and smiling. 

“It was okay?” He chuckled a little at just how sweet you were. The guys always thought he was so sweet, he had nothing on you. 

“It was way more than okay jagi, that was amazing.” Your smile grew and you pulled him down for a kiss. You two made out like that for a bit and then Felix’s hand started to trace down your body. 

“I’m gonna put my fingers inside you so that I don’t hurt you okay?” You nodded. Felix alternated between kissing you and sucking on your nipples as he eased his fingers into you and started to stretch you a bit. It felt strange, not painful, just different. You and Felix laid in bed and made out like that for a while. When Felix added teasing your clit to fingering you it suddenly felt really good. The wetter you got the harder Felix got and only once he made you cum again did he crawl between your legs, kneeling. His hands ran up and down your body as you came down from your second orgasm. Once Felix knew you were back with him he smiled and leaned down to kiss you.  

“I’m gonna put it in but I won’t hurt you.” You nodded. 

“You never have.” Felix kissed you tenderly. 

“And I never will jagiya.” He slowly started to push his tip inside you. Once he had he stopped and let you get used to the feeling of something so big inside you. It didn’t hurt, kind of like when he first put his fingers inside you, it was different. After a minute he pushed in a little more. Slowly he pushed in and waited and pushed in and waited until he was fully inside you. You felt so full, it felt so good. 

“Felix...” He looked down at you worried you may be in some discomfort. As soon as he saw your blissed out face any anxiety he was feeling about hurting you disappeared. He slowly pulled out and pushed in. 

“Yes, yes, more please...” He did it again faster and again. He started a slow rhythm burying himself deep inside you every now and then. You could feel that rubber band in you stretching ready to snap again at any moment. You weren’t sure how long it lasted, you weren’t sure where your body started and Felix’s stopped, hell you weren’t even sure what day it was anymore, you just knew that the third orgasm you had that night was by far the best feeling of your entire existence. Felix started thrusting faster reaching for his climax, he could feel it. 

“I’m g-gonna pull out, c-can I cum on you this time?” You moaned as you still shook through your orgasm. 

“Yes Lixie, do it, cum on me.” Felix choked out a moan, he pulled out stroking his cock as he came. You could feel warm cum landing on your skin and it surprisingly felt really good. Once he took a second to get his bearings, he quickly grabbed his towel again and wiped his cum off of you. He tossed it in the bin again and this time when he got into bed with you, he pulled you close and pulled the blankets over you both. You turned in his arms and started tracing his freckles. He scrunched his nose, his deep laugh resonating inside you. You nuzzled up against Felix, his slow deep breaths pulling you to sleep. When you were somewhere between sleep and awake you softly spoke against his skin. 

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

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