HELP Y DID I SHOW MY COUSIN FELIX IN THE BLUE CAT HAT FROM THE NEW ALBUM AND Y DID HE ASK ME, Is That

HELP Y DID I SHOW MY COUSIN FELIX IN THE BLUE CAT HAT FROM THE NEW ALBUM AND Y DID HE ASK ME, “Is that another fem boy?”😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Hey guys…

I kinda miss everyone😔

I was busy over the summer and then I just kinda fell off the grid

And also I was scrolling through my blog and i realized i had such healthy bonds with everyone and then I just disappeared

I kinda felt bad and I miss talking to everyone.

I’ll try to write more often. Maybe something tonight. We’ll just have to see bc y’all know i do not be on top of my game😭

BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out🖤

THAMK YOU BEAUTIFUL

And sry for the late responses guys. I keep forgetting to check my inbox😭

240905☀️

Hello ! My supporting friends ,🖤💚💔🤍🍉

Thank you from my heart for what you are doing for the people of Gaza who are in bad need in this tough and dire time. 💔💚🖤🤍

You are examples for kindness, generosity and nobility. You have been standing with for long and showing how brave one should be in time of need. 🍉🍉🍉🍉

You helped me greatly to make progress in my campaign, but I am still in need of your kind support to reach my goal.✌️✌️

As noticed, the campaign is very slow😪😪 now and needs strong move and this can be carried out through your contribution and cooperation. 😯😯

Please don't leave us alone during this dire time. I am still in the first quarter of my campaign. ❣️❣️

https://gofund.me/0dc0aa34

I would love to help but as many know I’m still in high school and I have no way to support as I cannot do much. The only thing I can do for you is spread your word. I’m so sorry…

Stupid First Love

Pairing: No pairing, wtv you make it to be/ this is also g/n(I think, i didnt proofread) WC: 2.15k Warnings: Hevay mentions of depression, s/h, divorce, and mental instability A.N.: This is a bit more on the personal side of my work. This is heavily based off of me. So yes this entire story is true. If you are an avid reader of mine, you can ignore this piece. Have a great time reading Bok bok's🐥!!

Nine years... That's what you whisper to yourself when it becomes overwhelming.

Nine years of being just friends.

Nine years of your love going unnoticed.

Nine years of pining.

Nine years of him.

Perhaps it was the fault of your 5 year old self. You don't really know. But you hate it. You hate everything. Why did you have to fall for him?

You're not sure how you're supposed to feel. It's quite confusing. If you knew maybe this would be over already.

It began before you could comprehend what love was. What is love? How do you fall in love? What does love feel like? How do you know you're in love? You're not very sure yourself. But there is one thing you are sure of.

Maybe it's the glow around him. When you caught his eyes looking back into yours. Your 5 year old heart may have just skipped a beat. Then the hiccups begin and you turn your gaze away. It was teacher appreciation day and you gave his teacher a rose just as you had done for any other teacher.

But perhaps that may have been the reason she bacame your favorite.

You don't know why but you turn around before exiting the classroom to see if you can lock eyes with him once again.

You don't. ~~~ You don't believe you'll see him again for a while. But your thoughts are changed when the first day of school rolls around. You walk into 1st grade with your tinkerbell bookbag and you think your heart might've just dropped to your stomach. He's there.

It doesn't take long for the two of you to grown close. Being a social butterfly at your age easily attracts friends and you can say the same for him. You don't remember much except a few events.

It was track day. So during reccess you have to run the track and of course you're running it with him. He's your bestfriend after all.

The teachers call you up to them. At first, you think that you may have caused trouble. But it's something totally different. "The two of you look so cute together." Your teacher says to the both of you. You blush.

It's just something stupid you think to yourself. You teacher chuckles before asking the other teachers. "They'd make such a cute couple wouldn't they?" And the other teachers agree.

Both you and him snicker as you walk off. What they said is ridiculous. Right? That's when he speaks up. "Ew, I could never like you. They must be crazy."

"Yeah." You speak. But you're not so sure. Is it possible to feel heartbreak at only 6?

There was another time. One of the most memorable you can think of when it comes to him.

It's carpet time. You get to go up and sit on the carpet for reading time and flash card time. Your teacher begins calling people to the mat in different groups. "People with a orange shirt on, you can come sit down." Even though your teacher only says it jokingly, he seems to be pretty serious about it. "People with a big head can come sit down." He turns to you and laughs. "Y/n, go sit down. You have a pretty big head."

"What!? Me!? I don't have a big head!" Everyone around you snickers and your ears turn red. You hate him.

But that's only for a while until you forget about it.

That summer your grandmother passes away. You're devastated. You blame yourself. To others it doesn't make sense to as why a 6 year old would blame themselves for their grandmother's death. But to you, to you, it was different.

If you didn't go on that beach trip you might've been able to save her. Why didn't you spend more time with her? Why did you always decline her request to sleep over. Why couldn't you make it in time?

~~~ In 2nd grade you end up in the same class again. Your new teacher is a big fan of Harry Potter so she puts you into four seperate groups. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw.

Your in the same house as him, Gryffindor. It's only natural that you're also in the same reading group too.

At the end of the year, your group wins. You hug him tightly and he hugs you back. Maybe it was best this way. ~~~ When 3rd grades comes you get seperate classrooms. You can still see him at reccess though.

But it's only half a year before he switches to a different school and you lose contact. You learn to go through the year without him. After all, you have other friends who'll stay by your side anyways... right? ~~~ When 4th grade rolls around, you're enrolled into a afterschool daycare. There you meet his older sister. You've come to learn that she's significantly older. "Can you tell him I said hi?"

You don't get anything back. ~~~ Depression begins hitting you hard through 5th grade. It doesn't make sense to you though. A small child like you couldn't possibly be able to go through emotions like this.

So you blame yourself for everything. You don't need to cry, only weaklings do. You know why they yell at you? Because you're useless and annoying. You're siblings only bully you because you're an easy target. They all hate yo and you know it.

Those are the kind of thought that consume your being. You wanna run away.

The end of school is cancelled due to covid. You're happy at first. But then you realize that without the distraction of school, your mind can only reel back to those horrible thoughts of yours.

You wanna die.

But everything goes downhill when your parents problems arise. Your father accuses your mother of cheating. She drowns herself in alcohol. You can't sleep. You can hear her cries from the living room as she repeatedly throws up.

She was never much of a drinker to begin with.

Your family begins falling apart. The arguments frequent much more often and they drag on late into the night.

"Don't put this on the younger ones." You can hear your mother say. So they keep the older ones there as witnesses in case of a court case. You feel bad for your four oldest siblings. You wish you could've been born earlier so you could shoulder that responsibility instead.

Your parents give you and your six siblings to either stay with dad or leave with mom. You all choose to stay. You all regret it later.

Your mom ends up packing all her things and leaving with a sad goodbye just before your birthday arrives.

You don't celebrate it that year and you've come to hate the number 11. ~~~ You're sister who's only a senior takes in the roll of your mother as you go through 6th grade.

You're father gives you and your siblings constant reminders. "Your room is so messy. This is exactly why your mom left."

"Look at your grades. You're such a failure and that's why your mom left." "Can't you even clean yourself up? No wonder your mom left." After a year of your dad's constant torment, two of your sisters leave to go live with your mom. The pressure's on you now.

Horrid thoughts run through your mind. Maybe you are the reason your mom left. After all, you are such a mess. Everything piles up on you. You can't stand it.

You hate this. You hate everyone. You hate the world. Why did they have to put it on you? It wasn't your fault. Or was it? Maybe it was.

You slit your wrist.

It wasn't deep enough... ~~~ All through 7th grade your stepmum lives with you. She cooks and cleans as you and your siblings go to school. Well only two other ones go to school now. Your older and younder brother as well as you too.

But the thoughts don't stop.

"Would it be better if I just kill myself? Maybe then my dad won't hate me so much. Maybe then my dad will have to pay less money to support us. Maybe then I'd stop being a burden to everyone."

You pick up the pill bottle and stare at it. You've thought it over. Stabbing and shooting are too messy. Strangulation takes too long. You want a quick death. And jumping isn't an optin either. So you choose overdose.

You put the pill bottle back.

You return to school the next morning normally. You talk to your friends and it's pretty nice. You tell them about that boy. The one who said you had a big head. It feels nice to talk about him every once in a while.

Your dad marries your stepmum that summer. This is also the first summer you spend in a different state with your mum. You'll be doing this from now on. ~~~ 8th grade comes and it's pretty much the same. But you're better at hiding it now.

The thoughts are still as bad as before but you decide to distract yourself instead.

You've found your first crush since that brown haired boy. She's pretty, she's tall, and she's just your type. But she just got out of a relationship.

So she rejects you only to end up in a relationship a week later. That hurt. It hurts a lot. You don't know why. That's your second heartbreak.

But it reminds you of him. Weird. ~~~ You're a freshman! You're so excited for highschool and now you have a new crush. He's cute. But he's a bit too old for you. He's a senior after all.

But then you come to find that your ex crush likes your older brother. That hurt. Why does it still hurt? You ignore it.

Eventualyy your feelings for your new crush fades and you even become friends. He gets in a relationship and you support him.

During Christmas you finally get a phone and its not until January that you download snapchat. Out of nowhere a new guy follows you. It's his name. No way right?

It's him.

The first night you guys call all night and you catch up on things with each other. He tells you that his parents were just talking about you. Well that's sweet.

But the conversation progresses to things 14 year olds should not be talking about. It's only the first night since you've been able to talk to him again and the call consist of some explicit themes that shouldn't be said aloud.

It's okay though because he likes you. Right?

By the end of the night(or should I say morning) you ask him. "What are we?" At first he's silent. But then he replies. "I don't like putting labels so we can stick to just you and me."

You know this isn't good. But you agree.

It's not long before you break it off with him. But it's because your friends and family don't like him. At least that's what you tell yourself.

It's only two months later when you text him again. He replies and its almost like no time has passed.

But your foolishness leads you blindly into confessing to him again.

"I don't know how to respond."

Now he's ignoring you.

Three days later you guys call again. It's awkward at first but you make light of the conversation. Later into the night you feel your heart break again. It's only been three days no way he forgot.

"Hook me up with some of your friends."

You do. It's because you love him. That's what you keep saying. It's because you love him. But you know it's a lie by now. You're only hurting yourself more in the process.

Eventually he comes to confide in you about a girl. Oh... a girl. Someone who's not you. That's funny. "Y/n, I think I'm in love with her." You think your world just crumbled. "That's good! I wish you the best with her."

After almost a month he blocks you on instagram and completely ghosts you. You're confused. Maybe this is for the best. It'll help you get over him. ~~~ It's all a lie. Because even on your birthday. Your 15th birthday. You had fun. The most fun you've had in a couple of years you think. You went out to eat with family and you returned home to have a very competitive nerf war.

But now that you're locked away in your room with no other distraction but your devices, you think about him again. Even on your birthday you think about him. What a joke.

Now you're here 2:10 in the morning. Just getting done with a Tumblr post you wrote about him.

You hate him. But deep down you know that you actually really love him and you can't do anything about it. ~~~~~~~~~~ A.N.: I didn't expect it to get this long and personal😭😭I wanted the main focus to be on the boy I'm talking abt(notice how i said boy bc real men wouldnt do shit like this) but looks like I got a little carried away. And also, sorry guys. I really just needed to vent this out in a more artistic and detailed way. Thank you for reading!!!