Me Reading Through My Drafts Knowing What Im Gatekeeping

me reading through my drafts knowing what i’m gatekeeping

purpose was so good!! i love your writing ahh you write these characters so well 😭

ahh thank you love!

Hello! Not really a ‘Ask’ but I just wanted to say I love your writing. I just binge read your final girl series of what you have so far as well as some other ones. Thanks for all the time and effort you put into them for lack of better words <3

thank you love !! nothing makes me happier than knowing ppl are enjoying my writing :)

Hi! Can I have billy and stu (separate) with a gn!s/o that cries for 10-30 mins whenever they dont get something right?

A/n why is this lowkey so me

update: after the way i reacted to losing three points on an assignment today,, yeah, this is me 

also made some serious progress in part 8 of final girl!! might have to split my original idea for that chapter into chapter 8 and 9 bc i want to have something out for you guys 😭 fell a little behind with school starting and some personal stuff

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Billy Loomis with a gn!s/o that cries whenever they don't get something right:

hm, i go a little back and forth on this bc when dealing with dating killers that have at most a limited amount of empathy capability, emotional, feely stuff is back and forth

But I feel like that's accurate, like one day, you could burst into tears and Billy would be 10/10 attentive physically because he doesn't have the right vocabulary,, and then the next he'd just sort of freeze up or get manipulative

Let's get into the good days though

If Billy knows something's going on that could lead to you crying, he'd take a preventative approach on a good day

Softly rubbing your back while you do whatever the thing that could make you cry is

Won't make you talk about the root of the problem, but will listen more than he lets on if you do want to

If you want to be distracted, he'll think of something else for the two of you to do together

In that vain, if you needed a minute, you'd get as far as the bathroom.

He doesn't like leaving you alone when he knows you're emotional, a part of it goes back to his abandonment issues with his mom.

He may not know a lot about feelings and isn't above the occasional manipulative ploy,, but he knows he doesn't ever want you to feel like that

A small part of him worries that if he does leave you like that you might either resent him or somehow start associating bad feelings with him and try to leave him

He also doesn't like feeling shut out, and likes feelings trusted

Speaking of feeling trusted, that feeling of vulnerability makes it easier for him to be understanding

Even when he doesn't get it or feels like something's dumb, he knows not to say that because he doesn't want you shutting him out

The fact that you're willing to cry in front of him kind of makes the medicine go down easy

Depending on what it is, might even encourage you to try again Now, onto the not so great days

It's rare that Billy's cruel (out loud, bc his lack of empathy thoughts aren't always the nicest) about you getting emotional, bc he doesn't want to feel like you're going to leave

But there are a few exceptions, the main one being if it involves something/someone that makes him feel jealous/territorial

Like if you're crying over a project that you're working on with some guy, his reaction to that will vary in levels of passive aggression

Or if you're crying because of some fight with friends he feels like you spend too much time with, he'll be even more aggressive/manipulative about it

"Only want me when your new friends are making you cry, huh?" type of thing

Will for sure use these moments to encourage a state of co-dependency, like reminding you how much you need him bc of who or what made you cry

Stu Macher with a gn!s/o that cries whenever they don't get something right:

Okay, so similar levels of versatility to Billy, just bc i see them both having trouble understanding emotions, and having even more trouble caring about other people’s feelings

Just bc you’re the exception to Stu not ever really taking into consideration other people’s feelings doesn’t mean he knows how to help

So his first instinct on days where he’s a little more patient/understanding is to try to change the subject

Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to redirect you like you’re a toddler with too much energy 😭

Like if you’re tearing up or crying over let’s say not understanding homework or getting a bad grade, Stu suddenly remembers this movie he’s been dying for you to see or randomly has a need to go out for ice cream or do anything that could make you stop thinking about something 

It’s normally nice, even when it doesn’t feel super helpful to you, because you know it’s his way of showing that he cares

He’ll also probably make fun of whatever/whoever is at the heart of the issue

The jokes have a range depending on how upset you are, if you’re feeling better he’ll probably be a little ruder/more open about his dislike

If you’re super upset, he’ll make fun of it in a more lighthearted way,, will probably also make the insulting parts of the joke more ridiculous so that you laugh

Definitely goes out of his way to try to make you laugh on his more understanding days

He’s also super touchy, will hold onto you in one way or another, usually won’t let go until way after you’ve calmed down

He says it’s just to be sure,, but you have a feeling he has some personal motivations

Now, on his less understanding days, Stu’s first instinct is to manipulate 

He sees how emotional you are as an opportunity to push you towards co-dependency,, so he’ll go out of his way to baby you

It’s generally nice,, he’s super attentive, but if you try to do anything for yourself while upset, he’ll be bothered

There is some intended manipulation there, but it’s also because he doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings, at least not without layers of innuendos and sarcastic quips to hide the actual feely stuff 

So all he has to show you that he does care, that you do matter even though he might not get why you’re upset, is his actions 

It’s a mix of what he’s picked up from media and the softer things he never had anyone do for him when he was a child 

So it does feel a little patronizing when he goes too far with it, especially because it’s rooted in things no one’s done for him so it’s not like he has a lot of experience/examples on how to do it “correctly”

It’d be a lot sweeter if you knew why he gets like that, but besides a few implied comments, I can’t see him directly admitting this 

Honestly, not always a “bad” thing,, it just has the ability to get a little volatile depending on how you’re feeling and how moody Stu is that day 

Also definitely tries to throw money at the problem, will offer to take you shopping as “his treat” while you’re emotional/crying bc that’s the only supportive model he’s seen 

in honor of the new episode and the fact that i’m writing a part 2 for this and the fact that some new tlou ppl have been on my blog,, thought i’d reblog this one

i’m not one to be like ‘oh my writing is so good’ but idk,, i like the vibes in this one and i’m proud of the fact that i got it to come across in a way that fit my intended vibe to me at least?? idk if that makes sense

ik it’s pretty common to reblog your own work but i always feel awkward about it 😭 so if you’re like ‘that’s weird, don’t’ but say it in a nice way i won’t be doing it too much, i promise 

What Follows

a/n can (likely) see myself making a part 2 of this, it’s like 4:30 AM and i cannot make that decision rn,, so if you think that’s a good idea or are interest,, lmk, public opinion could make or break my decision once i’m better rested

Summary: If you had to think about the coincidences that brought you to this, you’d realize that it was inevitable. Domino pieces falling into place. Or, to put it simply, it’s the end of the world and yet your biggest concern is your teeny tiny…terrible, life ruining crush. 

*cough* sharing bed trope, and some other stuff 

also i’ve never played the game i’ve only watched the show but i have some context of the game (i’ve watched some videos),, but timeline wise,, location wise, it’s pretty general as i’m just going with what fits for my intended story line like i do with most fics :)) it’s mainly set in a sort of safe house 

warnings: potential timeline errors, mentions of age gap that’s pretty vague, allusions to anxiety and canon angsty-ness

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Memories of before are tricky. Most of them hybrids, odd mix-matches of true experiences and snippets of other things. Stories from an uneasy rotation of people, bits and pieces from books and magazines and other odds and ends. A collage that makes up an easily swayed perception of the world before. 

But you know this one is real. You know it is because it’s so mundane there’s no way someone gave it to you. It’s a quick glimpse, a brief flicker of you in a pair of roller skates with those thick, plastic stoppers attached to the front. The memory isn’t of what they felt like, or how many laps you did up and down your block. All you remember is the stinging. The soft skin of your knee scraped raw by the sidewalk. The particularness of that kind of pain. 

That’s what the realization feels like. Knowing that there’s a chance that you might feel something for Joel outside of general gratitude for the unofficial way Ellie and him took you in is speeding down a street just to collapse with no warning against unforgiving concrete.

His fingers brush around broken skin with a delicateness that turns you rigid. These are the same hands that beat a man within an inch of his life the first time he met you. It’s a juxtaposition that twists your nerves tight around your stomach.

It’s quiet now. More so than usual because Ellie’s asleep. If you had to come to your realization at all, you should have done it during the day. With Joel at a safe distance and Ellie awake to distract from the fact that you’ve been staring at his hand in total silence for minutes now. A violently out of character mistake, which is why you’re not surprised when his voice breaks the nothingness with a question: “You alright?” 

You sit up a little straighter. “Yeah.” It comes out flat and distant. “Yeah,” you affirm, a little more here, “Just thinking.” 

Ugh. Not nearly deflective or subtle enough. It’s the kind of cop out answer that worked in the beginning, before there was any form of attachment. Back then, you thought you’d only be around them for a few days. Until the swelling in your ankle went down enough to let you walk efficiently again. It was the least they could do then, after you jumped in to save Ellie when Joel and her were briefly separated. 

Keep reading

omg y’all what if i write a joel fic where it’s set during/maybe right after the bill and frank episode and it’s just joel reflecting on what the reader means to him bc they’re kind of in a pretending not to be pining but it’s so obvious phase

and then the reader mentions how nice it seems to just have your purpose be someone and living a life the way bill and frank did and joel agrees but it’s a lot deeper than the reader realizes

also could see ellie being in the back the entire time absolutely going through it with how oblivious everyone but her seems to be 😭