And Now I Know

And now I know

I’ve been suffering for the past three years because of what we have become. April 6, 2017, your birthday, made me very reluctant of the plans I thought I have well-thought of. You already look happier. I wouldn’t want to take that away by bringing you a problem only I couldn’t solve. 

But I still did it. 

I messaged you. I wished you a very happy birthday and told you the things that bothered me since the very first time we became something. No, we’re not a couple. I don’t even know what we are. What I only know is that we have something fragile going on between us. People are desperately trying to find out what it is, but how would they even understand if we, ourselves, don’t get it at all? 

But now, with that message, it was clear that we don’t need other people to understand. 

It is us that needs the understanding. Finally, we understood it last night. 

And now I know, we’ll both go on with our lives without carrying the mess of the past. I can finally say that I’m relieved and that I’m ready to move forward too. 

Thank you for making things a little better than it should. 

You might not see this letter, but I wanted to tell you that I’m finally loosening my hold to that hope. You have a special place in my heart, you always do.

// 040617

Excuse moi

I’ve always had excuses with me. In every situation. In every matter. I’ve always somehow survive holding at least one excuse for everything I’m doing. And no, I’m not a liar. Well, maybe I am but only to a certain extent. 

This time, this is not an excuse but a matter I have to deal with alone.

I’ve always been afraid with change. And these days, I’m starting to feel like something really is changing. Of course, change is the only constant thing in this world, but seeing it happens right before your very eye and knowing the fact that it won’t be for the greater good (especially to friendships) is just.. hard to ingest. 

I can see. I can clearly trace the slow changes of what’s between us all. 

Or maybe, it’s all in my head. ‘Cause I’m the only one to go away. 

So I decided to clear my mind for a week. I deactivated my social media accounts (except for this one) to maybe think about my reactions and my perceptions about what might happen when school starts. I have to stop forcing myself to settle into this tiny corner I forcefully lead myself and check myself. 

I’ll come back. And hopefully, I’m not the same critical girl that I am now.

// 050617

I can’t believe that books can make me cry. You are made of glue and paper. How dare you have this power over me.

Our ‘almost’ will always haunt me.

six word story #29 (m.f.)  (via artofephemera)

HIMULE SUPER POWER GURL~

I know that this blog isn’t even nearly close to a k-drama blog but damn

I’m currently in the middle of post-drama withdrawal because of Strong Woman Do Bong Soon.

Okay, this isn’t my first time considering the fact that I get too attached easily but wth man this is intense. I CAN’T EVEN GO TO BED WITHOUT WATCHING AT LEAST ALL OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THE DRAMA, AND BY FAVORITE PARTS, I MEAN THE WHOLE DRAMA ITSELF. 

AND UGHH, PARK HYUNG SIK ISN’T EVEN HELPING AT. ALL. 

Seriously, who can resist his stares?

And his cuteness omfg

And gurl, talk about being hot.

Oh and by the way, chemistry.

Seriously tho, UGH ♥

Dear Heart,

I’m sorry for choosing the things that breaks you. 

From your owner,

x

Dear heart,