Ake's Angst - Tumblr Posts

THE PRICE OF A MOMENT

warnings: angst, character death, tomura cries, english is not my first language, hurt to comfort, I didn't lie, i really like angst, but i guess I'll spare you guys and give you comfort..this time, maybe ooc? insecure tomura, vomitting, nickname 'Tomu' is used, it's cringe...

pairings: tomura shigaraki x GN!reader

it was cold, like it always was during the rainy month of july, the slight hum of the air conditioning and the quiet patter of rain outside only added to the empty atmosphere as he could head the faint ticking of a clock in his head, he didn't even own one. the room was silent, the only sounds being the faint ruffle of his body shifting against the fabric of the bed he was always so used to laying his body down on to recover from the toils of a particularly tiring day, yet he felt like a stranger to it. he writhed and desperately tried to find a position he was comfortable in to no avail. he laid on his side, hands somewhat curled up to his chest while his pale greasy baby blue hair cascaded around his scarred face, barely hiding the hideous skin formed from his fingers tearing at it at a last and desperate attempt at control.

he lay quietly dry and hopeless breaths left his lips, he stared at his partner, his sanguine eyes boring into them emptily. he has been looking, observing, drinking in every single detail he could about their face, their body, even down to the breaths that leave those perfect lips, he's been staring for hours on end, his eyes ached to finally close and to rest but he couldn't. his hands twitched as he let out a deep sigh. they were beautiful, he envied it, not because he himself wanted to be beautiful but their heart so pure and full of love for him twisted a knot into a chest that stoked the flames of his ever growing hatred, yet he could never bring himself to hate them. he let out a bitter laugh, he hated himself. he hated everything but them and it sickened him to his burning core filled with nothing but resentment for the world around him.

yet everytime their lips pressed against his, a praise echoing from nothing but the very bottom their heart and their soft and gentle hands so delicately intertwining with his own rough and calloused fingers, the same hands that have hurt so many, that have taken lives and have had blood spill on them, the hands that were supposed to bring down the lazy and inconsiderate rats they call the 'Hero Society' wrapped around theirs, every, single time they kissed the tip of his fingers up to his knuckles , whispering the reassurance that they weren't afraid of his destructive and horrifying quirk,

it made his heart race, his cheeks pink and his jaw clench, his mouth going dryer than it was before, he was disgusting, he knew that, he knew that all too well. his body littered with scars yet theirs was so..perfect. he bit his lip in envy, his fingers aching to slot between theirs, wanting to hear that bittersweet voice he hated but loved oh so much.

"I love you, so much, Tomura."

their voice echoed in his mind, he was getting antsy. he shifted over and pressed their body against his, for the first time he let himself actually properly melt against them, his face nuzzled against the crook of their neck, they smelled so intoxicating, as if just their scent alone could grant him that high that he gets from being around them, their body warm while shaky hands trembled, eager to wrap around their waist while he held a breath in his throat, his pinky hovering over the fabric of their nightwear as grit his teeth, he shouldn't care. he doesn't need to care, not for someone like them, not for someone who made him so weak.

finally, his hands sunk into their back instead, the tips of four of his fingers pressed into them while his pinky hovered. he was shaking, he's done this before but why does this feel so different? bile began crawling up his throat as his heart beat full of fear, a gag leaving his lips as he gripped them tighter, he needed them, he needed them now more than he ever did. the wretched and wiry frames of his thin body slotted so perfectly against theirs as he silently pleaded them for help, to chase away the monsters tearing at his mind, to soothe his fingers from destroying the skin that wraps around his cruel cage of flesh and bones, his heart clawed at his chest to jump into your own, seeking the warm comfort you yourself gave him.

every few nights or so he'd think, his mind would shatter to reveal a broken part of himself, one that he never got to truly destroy and reform into what he would've liked, it gnawed at him from the inside out, everytime he'd look at himself in the mirror and wonder if they're just a sick joke, how, how did they even take a second glance at him? how could they look at him without disgust gleaming through their eyes? how could they so effortlessly press their lips against is and whisper 'i love you' to him? he was a shut in, greasy and messy hair, pale and disgustingly yellow skin, sanguine eyes surrounded by skin torn by his own fingers, his attitude just as bad as his looks, yet..

they still find it in themselves to hold him, to squeeze him tight and whisper reassurance, praise and comfort into his ears, soothing the rage that burned inside of his chest, even if it was just for a little while. it made him feel..human. it made him feel...like him. as if he was made for this, not whatever master had out for him. he squeezed tighter around them, letting out a choked sigh as he felt a tear spill down onto his face, he wanted to cry, to scream to so like a little child and have them hold him, whisper that everything was going to be okay, that eventually everything will go his way just like it always has been, and it always will be.

with a silent whimper he gripped harder, letting his pinky follow along with the rest of his fingers as he gripped them tight. the faint noise of cracking began, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—! he wanted to scream out, berate them for being so fragile against his quirk, yet his words were stuck in his mouth as he felt the once warm body against him harden and fall apart into a mess of ash on his bed. bile spilled from his lips as he expelled it onto the bed, the fluids from his stomach mixing with the ashes of the person meant so dearly— it made him scream, it made him reach up and claw at his neck and face, his heart was beating so fast it would burst out of his chest at this point. he frantically whispered demands, demands to the mix of ash and vomit on his bed that they stop playing games, that this wasn't funny and that this was all their fault that it happened, why? why did they have to get so close knowing that this would happen? as he squirmed on the bed and screamed out- begging for them to get serious— he snapped out of it.

"Tomu..?" a familiar voice whispered into the shell of his ear. his eyes shot open as he panted, he could feel his heart beat so fast in his chest it hurt as he took in his surroundings, the big 'defeat' flashing in his face on his computer screen while he felt a warm tear fall down his cheek. "You fell asleep at your computer again, you must've had some crazy dream huh?" they giggled, pressing their lips to his cheek. "Come to bed, it's cold without you."

he heard that in his dream too.

—Ake 2024