Are You Living In The Real World? - Tumblr Posts

It was the butterflies that did it.

Dancing at the edge of his vision... There except whenever he would turn to look. Not always present, of course, but whispering into existence far too often for him to not develop doubts.

It didn't help that he had been half convinced life was all a dream prior to encountering Vincent. And now...

The child was gone, the dog presumably at her side. It had hurt to read that goodbye but it felt somehow fitting that innocence should have fled before things got really bad.

With their absence it was harder to hope for a bright future. Harder to believe that this weary existence wasn't a dream turned nightmare.

And still the butterflies fluttered at the corner of his eyes.

Sometimes he thought Faye might see them too. The way she'd turn her head too quick and then frown in puzzlement. The way she gazed out of the windows without seeing the view beyond the glass... He could always tell when that thousand yard stare meant she wasn't seeing anything truly in front of her eyes.

Jet had actually asked once, when she had somehow not heard him calling her name multiple times. Faye had been startled when Jet clapped his hand onto her shoulder and had mumbled something about dust motes, though Spike could hear the lie in her words.

Were they living a shared dream? Had they actually died at some point before... perhaps as early as the explosion in the Linus Mines? Perhaps bewitched by that restless spirit child who lurked in the internet and drew other souls down into eternity with him? There were countless occasions where they could have met their end without realizing...

Was this purgatory? Was this a dismal dystopian dream? Was this truly living?

Jet was morose. Faye was haunted. Spike wasn't sure he could do a thing for either of them except perhaps ensure they continued to exist in this... Whatever it was. Maybe that was cruel of him. Maybe they wanted out just as much as he did. But he couldn't make that choice for anyone else, could only assume this was reality and that their lives were to be protected.

After he walked away from Faye, he felt a heavy loneliness settle on his shoulders. It was crushing in a different way than the weight he carried for the sins he'd committed over the years. There was no dream of a golden haired vixen... There was no impossible future to pretend was in reach...

There was only Spike, dead set on a mission to find answers. To find closure. To discover the truth, as if it even mattered.

Just Spike, flying off to face the devil and perhaps secure his own death.

Just Spike... and the gentle kiss of butterfly wings caressing his cheeks, brushing against his hair like the softest breeze, almost real and yet...

And yet...

Was any of this real? Would facing Vicious shatter this illusion into some sharp-edged reality he could piece back into something that had a chance of having a tomorrow?

Spike would soon find out.