Baxter X Mc - Tumblr Posts

I hate you

Fanfic based on Our Life: Beginnings and Always, Baxter DLC

1999 words

Tw for drinking cursing and it is slightly suggestive towards the end

A drunken confession fic

Fueled with hate and alcohol, you arrive at Baxter's place. And everything he does pushes you towards the truth.

Stumbling through the hall you found the apartment you were looking for. With both hands, you steady yourself. You fake a stance you believe shines " totally sober" before you knock on the door.

It doesn't take too long before Baxter opens the door, he's wearing a silky white and black pajama set that fits him so well you assume it has been tailored. You focus on his body, and the set does a phenomenal job highlighting his physical assets. His slender waist flows perfectly to his lean chest which leads to his beautiful shoulders. That's when you see his face. Watching as it shifts from a confused look to a smug smirk.

"And may I ask why you are here?"

You answer quickly.

Or at least you believe you did. In reality, you gawked a little longer before slowly pushing yourself inside, while saying.

"You owe me a drink."

Baxter stepped aside to allow you in and closed the door. He didn't miss your unsteady steps or the smell of alcohol on you.

"Is that so"

You take a seat at the inland. Baxter makes his way around to be across from you, standing. You avoid eye contact as you confidently reply.

"Yep."

He chuckles a little, it fills your ears and then your heart. You know it's fondness but you must hate him. So you pretend the love in your heart is rage. Scoffing and keeping your eyes focused on something else.

" Why is that?"

You think or try to. Your brain is slowed by the alcohol, and baxters arms. He was resting them on the countertop, his hands as beautiful as you remembered and his forearms just slightly buff, you wondered what it felt like, to squeeze,  to be squeezed by them. How it would feel to be held both softly and roughly by them. Your thoughts are interrupted by Baxter answering his own question after he figured you weren't going to answer.

" Would it be because the bar you were at may have cut you off?"

In disbelief of the correct accusation, you make eye contact with him. Loudly claiming he's wrong.

" Then I must assume you're here because you wanted to see me."

Your breathing halts a little, those brown. eyes captivate you, there's so much hope behind them. You could almost fall for it. But the color was still all so familiar. It was still Baxter. The man who, with his brown eyes, stared into your soul and tore your heart apart. 

You want to start yelling at him, force him to apologize, to cry, even to deny the truth. You just wanted a reaction. 

Instead, you sit as he fills a glass of water and sets it in front of you. 

Not right in front of you. 

It's like he's trying to avoid offending you.

Or avoiding getting too close.

But you can't tell which because of your dissociated state, and because he's always been quite good at hiding how he feels.

A small bubble of anger filled in your stomach but you held it down. 

You would not embarrass yourself more.

So you reached for the glass.

You failed to take a sip, spilling a decent amount on yourself.

When you looked up for help.

Baxter was on his phone.

Paying you no attention.

Even when he talked to you, he just stared at his phone.

“ Is there someone I should call for you, or I guess you have a list I could call, so it's more about your preference.”

And for some reason, that's what caused your anger to burst.

Cause why would you show up at his door if you wanted someone else to take care of you.

You wanted him.

Even if you couldn't admit it.

Abruptly you stood up, hands gripping the counter.

" I hate you! You know that! You have to know that! Even if you’re beautiful and handsome, it doesn't change how much I hate you. I can't stand to look at you and your big stupid chocolate eyes. It's nauseating. Why did you have to become even hotter? I hate it. It was easy to hate you when I couldn't see you but now you're right in front of me, showing off your amazing body and perfect arms. And I hate you and I hate how much I want to kiss you and you hate that I'm here and that you don't care!"

You breathe heavily after your confession. Your energy suddenly plummeting. Your eyes release tears as you can't hold them back anymore. 

Your tears blur your vision, but you feel a gentle, hesitant pair of hands on your arms. You let them guide you to the living room and seat you down.

" I do care."

It wasn't defensive like you were half expected.

To him, it was just a fact. 

" I care for so many reasons. I care because you're drunk and it worries me. I care because you're upset and I don't know what to do. I care because I'm the reason you're upset. I care because I'm only making it worse. I care because I never stopped. "

He was sitting next to you, but allowed distance, yet your hands found each other.

"Seeing you at the restaurant was my worst nightmare and my dream came true."

He was hesitant but after a few deep breaths, Baxter mustered all his confidence. He moved from off the couch to kneeling in front of you. He took both your hands.

" I hate myself. I can't say for sure I hate myself more than you hate me.  Though I know I've regretted that night, more than I can ever put into words. So just…"

He leaned in, the smell of his cologne was faint but it was all you could focus on. But then your hand was sandwiched between Baxter's chest and hands. His pulse could be felt from both.

His heart raced.

And without words, you could feel it. 

The love.

The hurt.

The pain. 

The regret.

The begging. 

It was all on the table.

His heart was in your hand.

He was once in this position. 

Years ago, when you begged him to try.

That's all you wanted was to know you were worth fighting for.

When your heart was in his, he crushed it to dust.

And now that you had the opportunity to do the same.

You couldn't.

Part of you screamed at yourself when you pulled him in. When you held him, held him to heal him, held him like he was yours.

But a much larger part of yourself felt complete. 

And relief.

So much relief you cried and giggled in this tender hug.

It confused Baxter as he pulled out of the hug.

But not away.

He adjusted, his hand holding your face.

“ Are you- what's going on?”

His eyes are so big and sad, concerned.

At least till he caught your eyes, though blurred with tears he could tell you were  full of glee

Soon his face lit up the same, the sad look turned to a smile, which turned to a laugh.

A laugh you found to be your favorite sound.

And every negative thought you had about this man floated away.

When the laughing stopped, he looked into your eyes. 

His eyes filled with sparkle once again.

“I never stopped loving you. I locked it all away, locked you out. I thought it was the safest option. Maybe it was. I thought I was protecting both of us from disaster. Maybe it will be a disaster But these past years, without you. Being without isn't worth it. I want to be with you, to try. Even if it ends in us hating each other, let's love each other for as long as we can?”

A full smile was locked on his face, but you could still see his anxiety in his body language.

You leaned toward him, initiating the kiss.

Your hands find his shirt, pulling him closer.

He laughs into the kiss before moving his hand down to your neck.

He bites at your lip before keeping the kiss.

He's practically on top of you. 

His knee between your legs, your neck craned up for the kiss.

His hands mirror each other as they caress your skin from your neck, down your shoulders and arms.

When he gets to your hands he takes hold of them, backing up and lifting you off the couch so you are both standing.

You push further into the kiss, but he pulls away.

A small bubble of fear builds in you.

“Before you get the wrong idea, dear, I'm stopping because I don't want our first time to be while you're not completely in control.”

One of his hands moves from your hand to your face, gently holding it as his thumb softly grazes your skin.

“I'm just kissing you, you perv.”

You joke before moving in for another kiss.

He kisses you back before pushing you away. 

“ It is just kissing, but I'd like to remain a gentleman but your tongue in my mouth is infecting my mind, coercing me further.”

You reach for his shirt again, wanting to pull him in again.

Before you can accomplish your goal he spins you around. And wraps his arms around you. 

He leans into the crook of your neck and whispers.

“ I want the time we spend together,  on my bed, against a wall, in the shower, over the counter or anywhere else you'd allow me to devour you. I've dreamed of nights where I would have you, where you'd have me, the years of temptation have my restrictions thin. What keeps me, and my hand away from your body, away from bringing you all the pleasure you deserve, to prove that forgiving me was worth it. What keeps me away is knowing your mind is intoxicated by alcohol, I want to be the only thing intoxicating you.”

Your breathing becomes labored as you take in everything this man is saying. You can't help but agree with him. As much as your body craves him now, your mind pleads for the day Baxter takes you with passion, and you want to be able to recall that moment.

“Take me to bed, Baxter.”

His arms relax from your body, his hand finding your arms, sweetly caressing them

“Of course my love”

Maybe you imagined those words but if you didn't you prayed to hear him say it again, and if he never did, you hoped you'd be able to remember the way those words sounded in his voice.

He took your hand and led you to his room. He treated you like royalty as he ensured you were comfortable, as he tucked you in.

“Would you like me to join you?”

You blushed at the respectful question. You knew if you told him no he'd listen with a smile. 

“Please”

He was so pretty when pleased, but before he climbed in he spoke again.

“Could I -”

His face flushed slightly as he cleared his throat.

“My Apologies. How would you feel about me holding you .”

You thought it was cute how nervous he was to ask about something far less scandalous than what he was telling you mere minutes ago. You know to him these sweet innocent moments were harder for him.

“No need for the apologies Baxter, get in and cuddle me.”

He let out a short laugh, it seemed to be so easy for him, and that's what he wanted. 

So he did as you said. Climbing in, nervously finding a comfortable way to hold you. Settling on the classic spoon, his hand laying over your waist. There was an awkward gap between your bodies, so you took the liberty of closing it. He stiffened a bit but soon he was able to relax into you. After years of regret, hate, and yearning the two of you found what you wanted, falling asleep peacefully in each other's arms.

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed please comment or reblog and check out my other work

( If i missed a TW or spelling mistake please let me know )