Before The Nightmare Ends - Tumblr Posts

Starter for our beloved daddy hoot hoot, @stolas-arsgoetia-rp

-

"From what I understand," the smooth-voiced bastard purred, his taloned foot pressing down harder on Blitz's windpipe, "you don't have the... shall we say, protection? That you once enjoyed. Did you think, little imp, that the rest of us wouldn't notice? That we were unaware of what Stolas was doing?" One of the Goetia's toes curled in, digging the talon in harder against Blitz's throat; if the imp's skin weren't so tough, it would already have torn open, but it was already on the verge as it was.

Blitz's feet scrabbled uselessly against the ground, but his hands were both wrapped around Vepar's leg. Snarling, he squeezed as hard as he could--but he was learning. Fuck, he was learning. He knew now just how gentle Stolas had always been with him, how careful. The Goetia were Hellborn, but they were so far above the imps when it came to their powers, their strength, their resilience... If Stolas has wanted to, ever wanted to, he could have crushed Blitz like an insect and never needed to look back, and all of Blitz's strength would've been useless to stop him--just as it was now, barely enough to even slow this fucker down. Still, he wasn't going to give up. Snarling, he squeezed and twisted, digging his own claws in as hard as he could.

"Yeah, birdboy? You like watching, huh?" Blitz's eyes were half-lidded as he said it, his grin one of pure suggestion, despite the fact that he might well be fighting for his damned life here. "I never figured you for the type, but hey, what do I know? Those who can't, watch. Or something like that."

"It's those who can't do, teach," Vepar corrected in exasperation. He pushed harder, leaning into it. "What did Stolas see in you?"

That actually got through to Blitz, a question that touched on too damn much trauma--a question that immediately triggered the anger. "Maybe he liked someone else seeing him," he snapped, and he bucked as hard as he could--not to get this beautiful damn bird off of him, because that wasn't going to work, but to get his tail out from under himself. His tail, and the weapon clipped around the spade, which this arrogant fucking bird probably hadn't noticed.

Vepar laughed. His rich voice was so low and warm, but the laugh came out as a titter, light and airy and sweet.

Blitz hated it. Someone who was trying to fucking kill him shouldn't sound so sweet.

"What is there to look at, imp? As far as Goetia go, Prince Stolas really is rather plain. He's--" But whatever else the bird might have been about to say was choked off by a screech of shocked pain.

Blitz snarled, thrusting the blade in deeper to the man's thigh with every ounce of strength his damn tail possessed. And the second he felt the foot on his throat lose its grip, he twisted free, rolling away entirely from the beautiful monster. Now would be the time to run--but that would be the smart choice.

Blitz wasn't known for making those.

Vepar was gripping his leg, black blood pumping out and flowing down. He looked up in surprise and seemed to be about to say something--and Blitz bowled into him. This fucker had abducted him. Mocked him. Tried to kill him. Mocked Stolas. After how horrible the last few weeks had been since Verosika's party, low as Blitz's spirits were, worn down as his resilience was, he was done. Done, done, done, done....

-

It was early morning, just before the sky would begin to lighten towards its usual red, that Blitz came to. When he tried to sit up, his head and neck seemed to explode with pain, throbbing and stiff. Swearing under his breath, he pushed himself to a sitting position. His entire body hurt, it felt trashed, but he was alive. For a moment, he didn't understand why he hadn't expected to be alive...

But then he saw the feathers.

Beautiful iridescent blue-green feathers, strewn across a marble floor. Blood everywhere. Some of that had to be Blitz's, he was torn to shreds, but more of is, so much more, had to belong to the Goetia laying there...

Motionless.

Blitz's eyes widened and everything in him went still. He stared, willing the man to move, to breathe--but he didn't. After long minutes passed, each an eternity, Blitz finally started to crawl towards him. The blood under his hands was cold, sticky, half-dry. The feathers stuck to him. He was vaguely aware of his own wounds, gouges and lacerations all over him, but he couldn't stop to think about them. He had to know...

Hand trembling, he reached out and rested it on Vepar's chest--and immediately covered his mouth with his other hand, to keep in his horrified cursing. Vepar was cold. There was no life in that body. No life, no movement, nothing. He was cold and dead.

Don't panic. Don't fucking panic. You just... you just murdered a fucking Duke or whatever the fuck he was, you just murdered a Goetia, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine... don't... just... just keep your shit together. He was going to be fucking executed for this. He--fuck. Fuck. Blitz started digging through Vepar's feathers. He didn't remember how the fight ended, but it obviously had ended, and it had been his victory, and--

There.

Buried in the Goetia's stomach. A glittering angelic-steel blade, of sorts. A beautifully filigreed spade-cap, made to clip around the end of his tail, deadly-sharp on both sides... and it had gone up through the Goetia's belly and into his heart.

With shaking hands and huge eyes, Blitz pulled it out. He put it back on, not wanting to carry it. The Duke's blood, dripping from it, weighed it down more than ever. Fuck, it was a newer weapon to him, but it was so light, and he had only just started wearing it and--when did I do this? When did I kill him? HOW? How...?

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me." Blitz got to his feet, shaking. Hating this. He remembered taunting the fucker, remembered the start of the fight...

A sharp sound made him jump, then swear. It sounded like pots and pans were starting to be clattered in the kitchen. Of course. This fucker probably had staff. They were going to get up for the day and fucking, and fucking find him.

Blitz smashed through the nearest window without a second thought.

-

He should have gone home. He really, really should have gone fucking home. He meant to go home. But home was so far away, and when he passed by Stolas's palace, the familiar longing, the ache of the lost happiness, the realization that after this shit, he was never going to get to see him again because there was no way these fuckers weren't going to find him...

Blitz climbed the fence. It didn't matter that his wounds were starting to ache, that he could feel slit flesh gaping open. It didn't matter that his hands felt cold and numb, or that his tail still felt strange and heavy with the weight of the life he had taken. He just needed to see Stolas one more time. And given how early it was, Stolas was probably still asleep. Which meant as long as Blitz was quiet, as long as he just perched on the balcony railing and watched, maybe he could get a few minutes of pretending before everything fell apart.

He wasn't particularly graceful, but he made it up to the balcony off Stolas's bedroom and hunched there, like the worst sort of gargoyle, looking in at the darkened space. He didn't even know if Stolas was in there, but all the same, just being here... it felt... It felt like... Fuck. Blitz swallowed down the rising tide of emotion.

Just a few minutes. Just a few minutes, and then he would go.

Fuck. From the first word Stolas spoke, everything was better. It didn't matter that he came out ready to fight. It didn't matter that the two of them weren't even really, well, the two of them anymore. Stolas's voice made the world right again. Nothing could ever be wrong, not really, as long as Blitz could hear his voice. The imp had barely even reacted when Stolas came out ready to fight. Part of him was worried, because he understood the things that made a person react that way, but the rest of him?

Just seeing Stolas, in any form, felt wonderful. Blitz was growing weary, more and more so the closer dawn drew, and he felt strangely detached from himself, but Stolas's mere existence filled him with a familiar, nostalgic, bittersweet warmth. When Stolas went back in, huffy and adorable, Blitz followed him...

And stopped in his tracks when he realized Stolas saw the blood. The wounds.

Fuck. Blitz swallowed hard as his former lover started touching him, undressing him. His entire body was battered -- deep bruises paired with deeper lacerations from long, sharp talons -- but right now? Injuries didn't matter half as much as they should. Stolas was touching him, and that felt like home. Stolas's caring put a lump in the imp's throat. He smiled, blinking away tears, and reached out to carefully slip his claws through the feathers on Stolas's head, gently preening, gently caressing.

Fuck, he had missed him. Touching him again, smelling his feathers, the scent of a bed only half slept in, even the alcohol on Stolas's breath...

"Don't help me, Stols," Blitz cautioned him. He touched Stolas's chin, hoping to meet his gaze. "Something bad happened. I don't remember all of it, but I'm... pretty fucking sure I murdered a Goetia tonight. A Duke. Vepar. I don't... know... how the bird brigade handles this kind of thing, but don't imagine it'll take them long to find me. If you help me... let's just. Fuck. Let's not get you in trouble, too. I just... shit. Time to get real gay here." Blitz stepped closer, desperately wanting to hold him, hands moving to Stolas's arms. "I wanted to see you. You know. One last time."

Because it would be a last time, wouldn't it? The thought left a quiet, oddly numb feeling lump in his stomach, but right now, it didn't matter.

Right now, he had Stolas.

In the time since Verosika’s Halloween party, Stolas had been living in a constant state of depression. That night, he had used alcohol once again to mask the pain he felt, having seen Blitzø there who didn’t seem to care enough to fight for him. Stolas was so tired of the constant games from the imp. He had thought that maybe spending the night with the incubus who asked him to dance would have eased his anxiety. It was fun in the moment-he couldn’t deny that but he was also deeply inebriated. His drunken mind pretending that he was living out a scene from one his romance novels where he was the princess who was swept off her feet by the adoring knight. It was silly, it was childish, and entirely unrealistic. 

The incubus had wanted to go home with him after, Stolas had been tempted if just to stick it to Blitzø that he was wanted by another but the incubus was so kind, he didn’t want to use him like that. He thanked the other as the night came to a close, the incubus asking to see him again, handed over his number on a napkin. Stolas took it and thanked him but he hadn’t touched it since. 

***

The palace was a lonely place without Octavia in it. She had been staying with her mother at Andrealphus’ home for some time, they hadn’t exactly been on speaking terms for reasons Stolas couldn’t understand. Part of him wanted so badly to tell Octavia about the abuse that her mother inflicted on him but he knew that would only cause her distress. His daughter would never understand why he had wanted a divorce so desperately but he would have to make peace with that somehow. However difficult that was going to be in his loneliness and isolation. 

Stolas had never done well alone, Octavia had his one source of comfort for the past 17 years but now…he had no one. The drinking was arguably becoming a problem. Every night he would pour a few until he was tired enough to sleep, hoping it would abate the nightmares that seemed to come to him every night now. He felt like he was slowly losing his grip on reality, all alone in the endless rooms of the palace. The staff would often come across him just walking and walking around the property with no destination in mind. 

***

It was just another night like the many others that came before it. Stolas had a few shots of whiskey until he was tired enough to try and get some sleep. He wasn’t sure what woke him when he sat up suddenly, his breathing labored as he looked around frantically. Ever since Striker had shown up at the tea shop, Stolas was always on high alert. He threw off the blankets and stood on shaky legs, grabbing on to the bed frame for support, his free hand glowing with magic. He wasn’t going to let Striker best him this time, even if he sometimes thought about what it would have been like to die that night…

Using his magic, Stolas blew open the balcony doors, his eyes glowing, the red and black form of his eldritch starting to creep along his limbs. He was about to attack whatever the shadowed figure was before him when he noticed the familiar shape. Stolas pulled back with a screech of surprise, his eldritch form hiding once again. “B-Blitzø? Is that you?” He stepped closer, the imp being illuminated by the moonlight. “What are you doing here? I could have hurt you!” He nearly growled in annoyance, the magic dying out.

Stolas huffed in annoyance, leaving the balcony doors open in invitation but going back to his room and pulling on his robe before sitting on his bed and crossing his arms, waiting for an explanation from the imp. 

He was about to scold Blitzø for sneaking on to his property when he noticed the blood that stained his skin and clothes, the lacerations that adorned his body. Stolas gasped, getting up quickly and kneeling before the imp, all anger having dissipated. “Are you hurt? Who did this to you?” He was frantically pulling off the torn clothes, his talons running gently over the smaller cuts to seal them with magic. The larger ones he could heal but it wasn’t going to be easy. 

Until now, Blitz hadn't even known that Stolas could heal the wounds of others. For some reason, that knowledge felt heavy, edged with some kind of pain or grief that Blitz didn't understand. He watched as his former lover got up and hurried to dress, already making plans to get too involved, to put himself into harm's way over this.

Blitz's heart broke.

I love him.

"Stolas," he said, voice gentle. Walking over, he reached up to touch his hand, hoping to stop him from his packing and his preparation. "Stolas, don't. I don't--remember. All of what happened. Some of it, but not all of it. And then I woke up this morning on the floor with him. I definitely did it, I had to have. My weapon was in his heart. So don't. Please. Please don't do this." Blitz sounded a little too calm, considering he was pleading with Stolas, but he was too exhausted to put more energy into it. His body felt strange--the places Stolas had healed felt alive, as if his skin was somehow brighter there, a strangely sharp contrast to everything else.

I love him--and I never deserved him.

"You have a daughter. What will happen to Octavia if you go missing 'cause of me? You--you've already broken demon law for me enough. Not this time, babe, okay? It means--the world. To me." Fuck, there were tears in his eyes now, why were there tears in his eyes when he was smiling and his heart suddenly feeling so full? Blitz blinked and they fell, and for once, they didn't hurt. Usually, tears seemed to burn, to demand, to take something with them as they fell, but not this time. Not tears shed out of gratitude, out of love. Not tears that fell for Stolas's kindness. Blitz didn't really know how to process it, so he didn't try. Instead, he smiled a little more.

"You. Are so fucking beautiful, Stolas. And I love you."

Stolas tried to ignore the soft touches from Blitzø as he slowly began to heal his wounds with magic. They still left scars that would take time to heal but at least the wounds closed and stopped the bleeding. He was almost frantic with the way his talons moved over the imps skin, wanting him to be whole and safe once again.

The prince was still so angry, thinking over the past few months but he would never leave Blitzø to suffer. The imp meant so much to him, perhaps too much. When Blitzø started to preen him, Stolas faltered in his healing, tears springing to his eyes at the gentle touch. Preening was such an intimate act, surly Blitzø didn't know what he was conveying?

Stolas paused in his ministrations when the imp began to confess everything that had happened before his arrival. Stolas sat back on his legs, trying to steady himself as his eyes widened in shock. "W-Why would you ever do such a thing?" Stolas could hardly believe it, was this a nightmare? Surly, he would wake up soon.

"Blitzø...killing a Goetia-it's punishable by death, I-I don't understand why you would do something so reckless? Did he attack you? If it was self defense, perhaps I can speak to the council-"

Stolas was scared, there was no other word for it. Killing a Goetia could put Blitzø in mortal peril and he refused to allow that to happen. The prince got to his feet and began to pull on the closest outfit he could find. "We should go to the human world. I will hide you there for now, until I can assure your safety. Yes, this could work. It will be fine!"

Stolas hurried around frantically-manically. He had to keep Blitzø safe, no matter the cost. He refused to lose the only person outside of Octavia that he cared about, dare he say love?

Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Nothing could possibly have broken Blitz's heart more than this, more than the way Stolas leapt even more fully into going with him. Nobody had ever loved Stolas enough to give him any fucking feeling of safety or security, had they? So Blitz kissed Stolas back with everything he had, although he felt like a monster all the while, and he let himself fall more, too. Fall deeper, fall harder--

But fall knowing he couldn't drag Stolas down with him. Not into whatever would come next.

But Satan, this was good. Being grabbed like this, kissed, held, it was everything Blitz had ever fucking craved and never allowed himself to have. He didn't want it to end, and the thought that maybe this would be all they ever got--

For a moment, he was tempted, so tempted, to say yes, to run away with Stolas, for them to just leave it all behind and find something new together...

But no one had ever loved Stolas enough for him to learn that he didn't need to sacrifice himself for love, had they? He didn't need to give someone everything in order to deserve their love. He didn't need to earn it. He didn't need to win it--but who would ever have bothered to teach Stolas that? And maybe Blitz was overthinking things, seeing the scars in the way Stolas loved him now, but his heart was aching for this man.

"Stolas." Blitz shook his head and wrapped around him with all of his limbs, closing his eyes. "Don't give up your life for me. I mean it. There's got to be a better way. Maybe you can--maybe we can investigate this. Try to figure out why this happened. But don't run from everything you have; you don't need to, babe." He wiggled to be put down, doing his best to slide out of Stolas's grip so he could see him better, even though fuck, he could just stay in his arms forever and it would be the best goddamn thing.

"You don't need to earn my love. Or serve me. Or... I think you... I think maybe you... will put yourself in danger. Because there's never been anyone to tell you, you have worth. You matter. Don't put yourself in danger. So let me tell you that, babe, yeah?

"You matter, Stols.

"You have worth.

"Don't put yourself in danger. Not for me.

"I love you too much to want to be the reason you do that." Fuck, fuck, this hurt, this all felt insane, but it was the truth. Blitz couldn't let Stolas destroy himself, destroy his life. He swallowed hard, then nuzzled him one more time. "Why don't you turn me in, babe...? Maybe if you're the one to do it, no suspicion will ever fall on you. And maybe your weirdo fuckin' father will refrain from just immediately executing me long enough to figure this shit out."

Stolas sank to his knees before the imp as he watched the tears fall. He reached over and cupped Blitz's face, brushing off the tears with a talon. He hated to see Blitz cry, it made his heart break, as if he could feel every ounce of pain that the imp felt as well.

The love confession, he could not have predicted and it made him falter. Blitz had always been resistant to confessing his feelings and now that he did, in a time where Stolas was so afraid to lose him, he could hardly process the three words. "You...You love me?" Stolas's vision blurred as he looked at the man before him that he had been so deeply in love with. When Blitz had rejected his feelings, Stolas had tried to let them go, wanted to let them go but it was a fools errand. The second he heard the words he had always wanted to hear, he was in deep once again.

Stolas launched forward and kissed Blitz, accidentally knocking him off his feet but catching him around the back so he could continue the kiss. He placed smaller kisses all over his face, "Oh, my darling. I love you ever so much."

The prince pulled back with a grin that didn't match his watery eyes, "Which is why I must go with you. Octavia will be fine, she is nearly an adult. I will leave her a note, hmm? Is there anything you need from your home? We must be quick."

This isn't a negotiation. Those words got through, resonated. Blitz's eyes widened as he listened, finally really listened, and understood that Stolas didn't need to be protected right now. Right now, Stolas was doing the protecting. This man loved him. Words meant everything, but the actions? The fact that he realized how determined Stolas really was? That meant more.

"Yeah. Let's stop at my place when you're done here," he said, still a little mystified, before he snapped out of it and hurried to help Stolas pack.

-

Their brief time at Blitz's apartment felt strange, like something out of a dream. Knowing it might be the last time, knowing he might never see anything familiar ever again, that he might not see Loona again, that he might never smell the smells of his kitchen or curl up on his couch--

It was hard to say goodbye, so fucking hard, but there wasn't any time. Blitz left a note for his daughter--Loona was fully an adult, and rarely ever here anyway--explaining that he had to go, and with some information about how to pay the utility bills. He wanted to shower, but had to hope there would be an option to do that in... wherever they were going. He didn't know, and maybe it didn't matter, because he would be with Stolas.

The cold, sick feeling in Blitz's stomach never eased. He had killed someone when he didn't mean to. He didn't know how, didn't know why, didn't fucking remember. He loved killing--but not like this. Not like this.

Vepar's body, cold and lifeless, was so similar to Stolas's...

Don't think about it. Just pack.

Duffel stuffed full, the strap over his shoulder, he took one last look at his home--then stepped over to Stolas and nodded, holding out his hand.

Blitz couldn't say anything, couldn't speak at the moment, so he just hoped the truth showed in his eyes: I trust you. I'm with you. Thank you.

Somewhere along the way, the love confession had turned into a nightmare, surely he was dreaming and would wake soon? How could Stolas be given everything he had wanted to hear, only for it to be overshadowed by Blitz’s insistence that he, what? Turn Blitz in? That was beyond question. Morally, perhaps it was the correct option but he never claimed to moral, never claimed to be good.

Stolas had played by the book his entire life. He did as he was told, lived the life that was never his choice, he had given everything of himself to his station, to his father and he would no longer stand for it. He was allowed to be selfish for once, to take instead of give. Well, he wanted Blitz and he didn’t care how he got him, as long as he would stay and they could be happy. Truly happy. Happier than Stolas had ever been in his isolated life.

Running away together was romantic, it was thrilling. He didn’t care about the consequences. He was going to be selfish for once in his goddamn life, even if the imp said otherwise. He had finally found love, after 35 years of abuse and neglect, Heaven be damned if he would let that go.

“You don’t understand Blitz. This isn’t a negotiation. We are leaving together until this is sorted out. I am not losing you again. I am not going to be alone again. If you love me as you say you do, you will fight with me. You will fight for us. I am not losing the only man I have ever loved.” Will ever love.

“Now, do you need anything from home? We must be quick.” Stolas opened a pocket dimension and began to place things inside like toiletries and clothing. He was going to leave with Blitz whether the imp wanted him to or not.

Blitz had been uncharacteristically quiet during their flight. Maybe it was the fact that he had murdered someone. Maybe it was the fact that he and Stolas were running away together. Maybe it was the way Stolas portaled them from place to place--impossible not to feel the real weight of what was happening when that was necessary, when it carried the implication of advanced magical tracking, the implication that the Goetia were likely to pull out all the stops looking for them. His weapons were always ready to go, a ridiculous amount of them, so he'd been able to stock up on those--but would they be enough? Was he going to be able to protect Stolas against whatever was to come? Because this man, this stupid, fluffy, tall, brilliant, wonderful man, loved him. And Blitz couldn't let Stolas's life be the price he paid for that love.

It wasn't until Stolas touched his horn that Blitz felt even halfway safe, that he seemed to realize the traveling was over and they were here. It gave him a strange sense of deja vu, walking into a cabin with Stolas, even though they'd never done anything like this before. It might even be romantic, if only... well. If only.

"Yeah," he said--then cleared his throat and tried again, since that had been too quiet. "Yeah, I can do a human disguise. It's not, uh. You know. Nice or anything. But it works. I usually don't... use it... but... I can." Focus. Snap out of it. He suppressed a shiver, dropping his duffel on the couch.

"You mind if I go shower? I need to..." Not smell like the man I don't remember murdering, not have his blood all over me. "Need to not track his," can't say his name, can you, Blitzo? Fuck. "Not track Vepar's blood all over the place."

Stolas breathed a sigh of relief when Blitz finally understood what he was saying. They were in this together, whatever it was, whatever the outcome.

They were quick and efficient, Stolas wanted to spend time looking around Blitz's apartment but it was spent quickly putting his belongings into the pocket dimension. He did glance the photos on the walls that had his face crossed out, a discussion for another day. It broke his heart to see the way that Blitz saw himself, they would have to work on that as well.

Stolas knew it wasn't safe in hell, they would be too easily accessible even in the most far reaches. It only made sense for them to go to the human world, where far less demons would have access to them. Stolas knew of a cabin deep in the wilderness, surrounded by trees and mountains that would be a great hideout for them. He had used it many times when he had to go to the human world to study the skies for prolonged periods. The couple who owned the cabin were old and could no longer make the trip to the isolated home.

Stolas took Blitz's hand and portaled them to a few different locations before landing at the cabin. He didn't want them to be traced if anyone tried, the trail would have been impossible to track by the time they got there.

Stolas found the hidden key under a rock and opened the door. It was rather lavish for being so isolated, they would have to venture into the closest town to stock up on supplies but he hoped there would be enough in the cabinets for now.

"Make yourself at home darling." Stolas ran a comforting hand down one of Blitz's horns before heading into the bedroom, opening the pocket dimension and taking out a few of their belongings, just in case they needed to escape quickly.

"Have you been able to conjure a human disguise yet Blitzy? If not, I can help this time since I have the grimoire with me."