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David Bowie: Kid Sister

Imagine living with your older brother, David Bowie, but running away when he chooses drugs over you:

Being David Bowie's younger sister is hard enough, but having to watch him destroy his life is near impossible.

He and I have quite the age difference, he's currently 27, whilst I am only 15, but he has taken on the role of both father and big brother. When he first took me in I was 11 and he was only 23, he had wanted to stop by and surprise us with a visit after being so busy with his latest album.

It's a long story how he ended up my legal guardian, but let's just say he walked in on our mother berating me, and witnessed her slapping me across the cheek. Needless to say, he was not pleased in the slightest and demanded a reason be given as to why I was slapped. Our mother gave no answer, instead only glaring at me with an even darker hatred than before.

She took a step towards me and I don't know what came over me, but I sprinted around her and into David, crying my eyes out as I hid behind him. I remember my small hands grasping the material of his sleeves, just wanting some feeling of love and acceptance. He seemed stunned, taking a few seconds to react to this; leaning down, he handed me his keys, telling me in a soft voice to go wait in his car. I nodded and went to open the front door when our mother decided to intervene.

"Not another step young lady." I froze in place, this was the harsh tone she used when I knew I was going to be punished and tormented for the rest of the week. Usually she doesn't do more than slap me, but with tone she doesn't hesitate to bring out the belt. I was so close to the door, but the fear that burned in my chest made me want to throw up. I wanted to get away, but what would happen to me if I took another step?

No one made any move, but I knew that this might be my only chance. Taking another step I hesitantly looked over my shoulder towards my mother. She was furious, I could almost say for certain that there was a red gleam in her eyes. She starts walking towards me, but before she can reach me, David moves between us.

"Get out of the way, David." Her tone is sharp, I'm surprised when David makes no movement in response, simply settling a glare upon her.

"She's coming with me and that is final." His sentence is almost growled out, and I can tell mother is just as taken aback as I am, stepping back slightly as her facial expression morphs into one of shock. Not another word is spoken as David turns, grabbing my shoulder as he walks us out of the front door and to his car.

The ride is a blur, I can't find myself focusing on anything other than the bleary stereo and the gray skies. I only come back to reality when he pulls up in-front of a fancy hotel, handing his keys to the valet before helping me out of the car. I glanced around in surprise, he's taken us to the nice side of town, everyone is wearing their nice clothes that I would usually only wear on Sunday for church. David releases a quiet giggle at seeing my look of awe, patting my shoulder as he leads me into the hotel.

I stay silent through the process, making sure to stay directly on David's side as he gets the room key and walks us into the elevator. David leans back against the wall and watches the numbers, but I take this time to observe him; after all, I haven't seen him in quite a while. He's grown his hair out a bit, longer than the last time I saw him, and his face looked almost angry even though it was neutral. Walking to our room he sits me down on the bed, sitting himself next to me with his hands folded in his lap; he seems hesitant, but I know why.

"Just ask me already." My voice is quiet, I cast my gaze downwards as I hear David swallow heavily.

"How long has she been treating you like that?" His question is spoken carefully, almost as though worried that I might break if he didn't pick every word precisely. I feel a small smile trying to form, it's odd, having someone be so gentle with me, especially after the years I've spent with my mother.

"... Ever since dad died." I didn't want to tell him why, mainly because our father's death hurt him a lot as well, but he was already out of the house when that happened; not having to deal with our mother during the aftermath. I don't blame him, in fact, I never wanted him to know, I hate being such a burden.

"Well, no one will ever hurt you again. I promise." His tone is a stark contrast to earlier, being stern and certain; not harsh, but strong and confident. I look to the side, meeting his gaze before pushing forward and hugging him tightly. His body goes rigid, clearly being surprised, but slowly steadying as he envelopes my weak form with his arms.

_______

Ever since that day, I lived with my brother, traveled with him, helped him with his music, etc. We shared a life in a way, but he always made sure that my education came first, hiring me private tutors everywhere we went. I had so much fun, being raised by him was much different than being raised by our mother. David was kind and gentle, only really getting stern when I blatantly went against our agreed upon rules; such as that one time I snuck out of our hotel and went backstage to one of his concerts.

Oh, he was pissed, we got into a bit of a row before stomping off in opposite directions. We avoided each other for the rest of the night and the following day, only talking during a midnight snack run-in. I apologized, I knew it was dangerous to sneak out to a concert where I might be recognized and swarmed by fans. I also told him my reasoning, having not seen him for more than a couple of minutes over the last few months due to the concerts and rehearsals, exclaiming that I just wanted to see him.

David also apologized for yelling at me, he hates yelling and felt really bad, to which I made sure he knew it was alright. He promised to try and spend more time with me, taking time out of the next day for us to go get lunch and ice cream.

We had a lot of fun, but we ended the night running away from a crowd of fans. One of them had managed to grab his sleeves, resulting in him losing his coat. I laughed at first until we finally got away. I observed his hunched over body as we heaved for breath, he was much skinnier than I thought. I hadn't really been paying attention, but I can tell when someone is underweight, and he kind of reminded me of a skeleton.

That was when I started to pay more attention to him, noticing how he'd been more withdrawn recently, spending most of his time reading or in his room. I noticed that he often sniffled, I thought he had a cold, but something about it struck me as odd. I continued watching over him for the next year or so, noticing that he never lost the sniffles for long, they would usually return after a prolonged trip to the bathroom. He also stopped eating a lot, he used to love my occasional cooking and our random jaunts to restaurants, but that all suddenly stopped.

I finally said 'fuck his privacy', searching through his bags after he'd gone to sleep. I found a bag full of white powder, and I'm no idiot, this isn't fucking flour, it's cocaine. All the signs I've noticed now make sense, but that really does fuck all for me. What can I do now? I can't tell him I know, cause then he'll ask how I know. I just need to make sure he doesn't kill himself by accident.

_______

I softly knocked on David's door. He has an interview soon, yet he hasn't left his room all day. I'm really worried about him.

"What do you want!" His voice is rough and sharp, I jump slightly. He's recently taken to shouting at me whenever I do anything, and it scares the living daylights out of me; I know I shouldn't be scared of him, but it reminds me of mom. Anytime she yelled, I knew the day had gone from bad to worse.

"David... You have an interview soon, your people said it was in 15 minutes and that you should be heading out soon." My voice is higher in pitch, that only happens when I'm dreadfully aware of my surroundings. The places we stay in are nice still, but that homey vibe that used to accompany David has long gone.

The door creaks open, the room is dark, like the curtains have been pulled and all the lights smothered. His face is pale, sickly shining in the sterile lighting of the hall. The most haunting look is his eyes, they are so empty, he just stares at me with this dull look as though not even seeing me. David has been like this for a few weeks now, gradually refusing to acknowledge my presence to the point of convincing me I might not actually exist.

It hurts a lot, knowing the person you love and look up to sees you as nothing, but I still push forward.

He pushes the door open wider and walks past me, already dressed up in his suit and dragging along a cane.

"David... David!" He walked into the living room before turning to me, his eyes seemingly set ablaze.

"What." His tone is sharp with agitation, the short response making me feel uncomfortable.

"I... I was wondering...if-" My hesitant words get cut off as David glares at me.

"Hurry up and say it already!" He raises his voice, I can tell he's holding back from shouting at me.

"I just... David, I know." I don't know how else to word it, I just know that I need to confront him on his drug abuse.

"You know? Know what?" He actually seems generally confused, oh how his senses have been dulled.

"I know... I know about the drugs." The last half of my sentence is whispered, but his immediate rigidity alerts me that he heard me loud and clear. I finally look up to his face, and somehow he's become even paler; so gaunt I fear he may faint.

"H-How do you know about that?" For the first time in a while he sounds vulnerable, maybe even a little scared. There's no going back now, I have to tell him the truth and hope he sees reason.

"I looked through your bag a while ago and found it, please don't be mad!" There was a lilt in my voice, but it wasn't pleasant to hear, it more emphasized my worry at how this situation could unfold, and the next movements would only solidify that worry.

"How dare you." It had been silent for about a minute, so his stern toned sentence caught me slightly off guard.

"What?"

"Don't bring up matters that are none of your business!" Talking to him is like riding a roller coaster, one second he responds calmly, the next he's shouting your ear off. I actually stumble backwards, somewhat in shock due to the pure aggression and loathing he conveyed through his tone. The shout resonated in my head for a few moments before I forced myself to talk, my courage beginning to run thin.

"But David! Surely you can see that you're addicted-" My voice is soaked with concern, I love him so much, and this self-destructive behavior of his is hurting me as well. I'm about to continue but he steps forward and roughly shoves me back against the hotel wall.

"I'm not addicted! It is just a hobby!" The unbridled rage flows through his eyes, I see him raising his hand, but the rest is unknown because I shut my eyes tightly and turned away. I held my breath for a few seconds, awaiting the onslaught of abuse, but after being met with none I decided to maybe open my eyes.

The view I'm met with is pitiful almost, David is simply staring at me in shock, my arms still up to block any hits. I begin to breathe again, slowly lowering my arms as I watch his eyes well with tears.

"Y/.. Y/N, why did you do that?" I stare at him wearily, I thought he was going to hit me, I don't trust him anymore.

"You know why." I state solemnly, my voice but a whisper in the quiet hall.

"I would never!" He shouts back defensively, causing me to flinch away again.

He backs up frantically, he's about to say something before someone starts slamming on the door, hurriedly stating a message.

"Mr. Jones, your interview is in 5 minutes! We need to leave sir!" David stills for a moment before turning away. He straightens his suit and smooths his hair before grabbing his cane and walking to the door. As he's reaching for the handle he turns back to me, that same empty look having embodied him again.

"We'll talk about this when I get back." He's so cold, that's the coldest he's ever spoken to me, and I don't think I can take it anymore. Nodding my head, David leaves without another glance, a heavy feeling settling in my chest as I can feel the tears streaming down my face. I wipe them away quickly, the torn sleeve of my shirt dragging across my skin.

I can't stay here anymore, the way he spoke, what he did, how he left... He's chosen, and he didn't pick me. I should leave now, while he's gone. I stumble to my room, my legs apparently being a little wobbly after that interaction.

I pull out my backpack, shoving in clothes as well as my pen and notebook, packing my tooth brush/paste, combs, and moisturizer. I have to pack light, if the crew sees me heading out with a suitcase they will surely stop me from leaving, and I don't need David knowing that I was trying to run away... I worry to think what he would do to me.

I tear off my shirt and jeans and shove on a clean pair, wrapping my large jacket around my shivering frame, slipping on some insulated sweatpants as well. What can I say, it's December in New York City, I'm going to be cold as it is, no need to be freezing. I let my hair down to block my face, shoving on my boots before taking one last glance around.

Taking in my surroundings, I close my eyes and say a silent goodbye to David before grabbing my belongings and leaving.

David Bowie: Don't Go

Imagine David Bowie falls in love with you the moment he meets you, but you're taken away; only for him to find you again after many years have passed: Warnings: Alludes to suicidal thoughts/ideation, abuse, abuse of power, feelings of worthlessness, injury, angst, apathy

1975

It was always loud around me, everyone shouting and screaming in my direction. Adoration emanated in their voices as they called my name, but all it made me feel was anxious and overwhelmed. I'm always running from them, these people that claim to love me... they lie when they say that, how can they love someone they do not know?

These manic strangers scared me, I never wanted to walk down the streets alone, but there were moments I would risk it simply for a second just to myself. I once thought of leaving this world, setting my soul free, abandoning this shell I am forced into. I was so close to going through with it, but then I met someone who forced a change in my perception.

We were young during our first meeting, I was several years into my stardom, usually caged up in my Los Angeles apartment. I hate Los Angeles, in fact, I hate California as a whole; the only reason I was even there was because my manager had forced me into this movie deal.

I wasn't unhappy with the movie, I had read the novel it was based on, and the script embraced a lot of the original elements. I couldn't survive there for long though, my mind was always leaving me, traveling elsewhere, to places with happy memories. The few moments of awareness during my day left me with an unending headache, it made me nauseous knowing that I was still alive. I felt like I was betraying God with these thoughts, that I was dishonoring him in some way with my destructive hatred for myself and my surroundings.

___

The first day on set was numbing, my manager had escorted me there, his firm glare setting me on edge; I know the only reason he was with me was to ensure that I didn't go against him. A deal with the Devil, he observed my every move, I felt like he was screening my thoughts before allowing me to speak.

I wanted to scream, to reach out to the people around me for help; but I didn't. I simply kept my eyes down, only speaking when the director or cast members addressed me directly.

The day was nearing its end, I had been encapsulated with this crowd and wanted a moment of quietness, I knew when I was back in that apartment that I would be yelled at. He would be angry that I seemed so disinterested in everything, furious that I had the audacity to try and come here without him.

I nervously skittered away from the people, moving swiftly towards the door as my heart rate raced. I was so close, it would only offer me momentary relief, but that was better than nothing, better than this everlasting flame that was burning me from the inside out. I felt cauterized from the heat, forever stuck in this flesh prison until my untimely death. Yet, death offers me no salvation, in this world of sin we are doomed to return, to relive these traumas until we learn something from this negative world.

One foot was out the door when a hand seized my wrist; had it been my neck, I'm sure I would think I was being strangled. A chilling shiver scraped along my spine, it was that uncomfortable feeling of knowing I was caught. The air in my lungs felt suffocating, the heat of my body sweltering as I glanced at the hand.

"Where do you think you're going?" I look sternly at my manager, surveying his aura and body language. I can tell that he is nearing the end of his rope, the 'patience' he has is running thin. I remember the first time I hired him, I thought he was respectable, he looked like a business man with his hair combed back with his immaculate suit, speaking to me with high revere.

Not many things have changed about him, he still speaks well of me - now only to possible clients or partners; his way of dressing has only gotten finer with the money I bring in, but the young man I hired was long gone. He's been my manager since I was 12 and he was 36, I'm now 19, him being 43. The full head of black hair is slightly graying at the sides, his athletic physique gave way to slight obesity - but the strange type of weight gain where he is top-heavy in the chest, if that makes sense.

He used to make me feel comfortable, he wouldn't yell or scream at me, but that was back when my parents were always around, as soon as I turned 18 they upped and left. They still sent me requests for money every now and then, well aware I would oblige. I know they likely think I wanted them to leave, but what I wouldn't give for them to come and stick their noses in my business.

"...I'm going to the bathroom?" My voice feels like it's grating against my throat, as though I haven't had a thing to drink all day; however, I know he wouldn't let me go a day without 8 glasses of water. That may sound like he actually cares for me, but he knows that my albums are the reason behind a lot of my wealth, and he refuses to let anything damage my voice.

The eye contact we hold burns me, I don't know what else to do but hope he believes me. I sigh in relief as he releases his hold, sending a curt 'get going' to me before turning away. I haven't felt happy in a long while, and though I know what I'm feeling isn't happiness, it still reminds me of it. I want to rush forward, but force a steady walk, going straight past the bathroom and outside.

The sun is obnoxiously bright, I want to go back inside, but I know he will be waiting for me. I shuffle over to the back of the building, a lonely bench awaiting, luckily sheltered away from the sweltering sun. My back aches as I collapse onto it, head falling back against the wall as I quietly groan in dissatisfaction. The traffic is loud, I can hear airplanes in the distance, and the footsteps of people along the sidewalk.

God, I wish I was somewhere else, I wish I was back home in Montana, or maybe at my seldom used cabin in Idaho. I want to not see another human being for miles, I want trees and wildlife to surround me as I write and draw, but I know that won't happen anytime soon.

The thoughts overrunning my mind lower my awareness of my surroundings, so much so that I only become aware again when someone sits next to me. The alarming aura of a person so near, this is the closest a stranger has been to me without my manager in sight; I can't remember how long ago it has been since I talked to someone without him watching me.

I observe them from the corner of my eye, he's taller than me, dressed in a casual black suit with a hat, his orange-blonde hair coaxing my attention. I know who he is, we were briskly introduced during the meeting, but he was surrounded by an entourage that kept people away from him.

He glances to me, our eyes meeting for an instant before I turn away from him. I'm not sure how to talk to him, it's been so long since I was able to speak freely that I fear I don't know how to anymore.

"So, what are you doing out here?" His accented tone rings out sharply, dancing through the noisy ambience, my head subconsciously tilting as I listen to him. Turning my face to him, I'm met by his piercing eyes paired with his angular face; I almost want to huff at how exact and fine his features are.

"I could ask you the same." I state, holding a steady gaze, watching as his eye flicker over me before returning ahead.

"I saw you leaving, and I wanted to know where you were going." He responds, voice smooth as he brushes his hair back neatly.

"So you followed me?" The sentence flows from my mouth so quickly, realizing what I've said makes me feel bilious. I gulp, looking over to him as I await a yell or a glare; surprised when he lets out an amused laugh.

"Don't make it weird." He giggles, looking down to his hands. He looks up to speak again, but a concerned look washes over his features.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." The sentence strings along, his body shifting towards me as all his attention is focused on me. I'm confused at first, wondering why he was reacting like this before realizing I must look tense and pale.

"No, no, it's alright. It's not you." I quickly respond, resting a hand gently over his own to calm him down. I once again speak without thinking, not realizing I told him indirectly that I am in fact uncomfortable.

"So that's why you're out here." David states, his hands gently holding my own as his concerned expression magnifies. I pull my hands away in fear of the repercussions for this conversation.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I scowl, glaring at the wall opposite us. I hurriedly stand up, worried about staying out too long, I don't want my manager getting suspicious.

I squint my eyes against the weather, the sun burns as the heat overwhelms my sense. I want to cry, but I know that I can't allow myself to. David stands as well, and I'm about to walk away before feeling something being placed atop my head. Glancing over to David, I notice his hat missing, my sight no longer being hindered by the sunlight. I gaze at him in suspicion, what does he want?

"What?" Is all he says, a smirk playing on his features as he leads me back around the building to the front door. I try to give him his fedora back, but he simply pushed it back to me, telling me to keep it. I thank him, a smile trying to appear on my face as I look up to him; he grins to me before walking away, leaving me alone.

___

My manager was pissed, he knew I lied about going to bathroom, and was even angrier when he saw I had David Bowie's fedora clutched in my small hands. He snatches it from my hands, I open my mouth to argue, but the look on his face tells me it'll be much worse if I speak.

I follow him through the crowd, weaving carefully so that I don't touch people. We reach the group surrounding David, my manager saying we have something of his. As he walks towards us, my manager shoves the fedora into my hands before shoving me forward. I can tell David is confused by the situation, I hope he didn't see my manager push me.

"What is it (Y/N)?" This is the first time he's used my name, I don't know why it stunned me, maybe because no one cares enough to know my real name, instead calling me by my pseudonym. I nervously glance away and look back at my manager, I can tell he wants to yell at me, but he knows he has to wait.

"I-I'm returning your fedora, you must've dropped it..." I reply, hoping he goes along with it.

"What?" His bewildered response matches his expression, I don't know how to get him to go along other than to rephrase myself.

"I was coming back from the bathroom and saw it on the floor, you must've dropped it." I explain, looking him firmly in the eyes as I hold out the hat. His eyes now hold understanding as he glances behind me.

"Oh, thank you... Can I speak to you for a moment?" He responds, grabbing the hat and then my wrist to pull me forward. I yelp weakly, my wrist hurting from its past abuse. David glanced down at me in worry just as my manager moves forward and grabs my shoulder.

"We need to get going, you have another meeting in a half-hour." My manager interrupts, bundling me away before David could even blink. ___

My manager is fuming, I can tell by the slight jitter in is movements as he forces me out of the building and down the street. I know he wants nothing more than to yell at me, make me cry, but he will have to wait until we get some privacy before he can do as he pleases.

The car ride is anything but pleasant, he may have opened the door for me, but he shoved me in so fast that I knocked my head against the frame. The headache is splitting through my skull, the mixture of pain and internal agony is catching up with me.  My manager angrily slams his door and begins driving back to my apartment; he wastes no time laying into me.

"What the fuck was that!" He shouts angrily, fists clenching the steering wheel to the point I think he's fantasizing that it's my neck.

"What?" I try to play dumb, but I should've known better.

"Don't give me that bullshit! I know you didn't go to the bathroom, you snuck out so you could talk with that singer!" He states with a scowl, glaring at me before looking back to the road. I can see the sweat layered upon his brow, perhaps the sun is getting to him as well?

"I didn't!" My response is halted quickly, my manager reaching across the center console as he smacks me sharply. I want to say I'm surprised, but I'm not, though that does nothing to numb the stinging pain as tears burn my eyes.

"You wanna rethink that response." He grits, I can tell he's furious, and he'll do as he pleases no matter my answer. Involuntarily curling into myself, I make no move to respond, wrapping my arms tightly around my abdomen as I look out the window. My lack of response is only going to anger him further, but I can't seem to care anymore.

When we arrive at my apartment, he's tossing me in as soon as the doors unlocked. He pulls me back to him so harshly I can hear the fabric of my sweater tearing as he scrunches it in his fists. I subconsciously put my hands up, trying to get away from him.

He heeds my movements, shoving me away just as harshly as he had pulled me in. The action is so sudden that I'm thrown off balance, taking  a moment to recollect myself before turning back to him.

I go to say something, but have no time to contemplate my words as something is hurled at me. I try my best to dodge it, but my actions are in vain as the object meets my eye.

The left side of my face radiates in pain as I fall backwards into the wall, my hands flying up to my injury as I try not to cry. I look down at the object and see my favorite book was what had been thrown, Jane Eyre... my manager can't seem to get enough of ruining things I love.

I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I only notice my manager approaching when he already has his thick hand wrapped around my throat, thus pinning me to the wall I've taken solace in. He grabs my wrists with his free hand and forces them up and away from my face. 

I try to observe him as he analyzes my face, his once kind eyes seem so empty, when did that happen? His hair is thinner, and though he's out of shape, he still overpowers me with ease; who is this man before me? I want to look at him more, but the agony of my injury overpowers my wants, eyes stinging as the tears cloud my vision before streaming down along my cheeks.

"You'll need to cover that for tomorrow, I'll bring you a bandage."

Just like that, his hold is gone and he exits the apartment. I'm alone in this apartment, silence settling back into it as the furious tornado that is my manager has left the vicinity. If someone came in, they would think me strange curled up in the corner with tears in my eyes; no one ever sees who causes them, but they always have an opinion.

___

He did as he said, bringing me a roll of Coban with some gauze so I could pad my eye against the adhesive bandage. I hadn't look at my eye throughout the night, not wanting to see the damage, but knowing it must look bad as my eye had swollen shut. 

I wanted to assume the mirror was lying to me like everyone else does, but I know it wasn't.

The bruising was light as it hasn't been more than a day, the contusion will darken later on as it fully forms; the swelling wasn't as bad as I assumed, my eyelids were definitely swollen, but I could peel them open slightly to view the sclera flooded in red due to burst blood vessels. Brushing those thoughts away, my manager shoves open the bathroom door and grabs the bandages from my grasp, grumbling about me taking to long as he wraps my injuries.

The car ride there is a stark contrast compared to yesterday, the silence was almost more eerie than when he yells, but I try not to think to hard on it.

Anxiety bubbles up in my throat as he parks the car and exits, what will they say? This is opening the door to unwanted questions, what if they find out my manager abuses me? What if they take his side?? I don't get too much time to think as my door is opened by my manager as he signals for me to get out. I do as told, hesitantly walking into the building after he enters.

The building is thankfully not nearly as crowded as yesterday, today only requires the actors/actresses, costume designers, and music producers to be present. 

I stand there silently as I wait for the group to be called to focus, but I'm disrupted from daydreaming as I feel someone tap my shoulder. I turn around, coming face to face with the director, Nicolas Roeg.

"Hey Y/N, you're manager called yesterday and explained that you got injured while playing with your cousins. I know how head injuries can be, so let me know if you start getting headaches, or if the noise or environment gets too overwhelming. Alright?" This man, he was so nice over the phone when asking if I wanted to be a part of this project, how could I forget him, especially after how kind he's being now?

I grace him with a thankful smile, nodding my head. He smiles back, giving my shoulder a pat in reassurance before turning away and walking to converse with someone else. I am about to go back to dissociating when another tap is felt, I want to sigh, but halt my actions when I meet eyes - well, eye - with David Bowie.

I can tell he had his words prepared before walking over, but I feel like they abandoned him as soon as I turned around. I can only assume it has something to do with my lovely injury, I know for a fact that I alone cannot leave a man speechless.

"Darling, what happened?" He's concerned, that much was audible, but I know I need to make that dissipate if I don't want my manager to have a repeat of last night.

"Oh this... it's er, nothing, happened while I was rough housing with my cousins." My lie was almost seamless, but the hesitation in my words at the beginning was noticed by him, the squint in his eyes at my words gave that much away.

"I'm fine, honestly David, no need to worry about me." I voice, trying harder to get him to put this on the back burner. He's conflicted, eyes glinting with so many different emotions I can't seem to keep up. Luckily though, he bows his head slightly and nods at my words. I can tell he's still uncertain, but at least he's stopped talking about it. 

I didn't try to avoid him the rest of the day per say, but we were working on two very different parts of the film; he was the lead Actor, and I was working on the film scores as well as dabbling in the costume design. We weren't around each other very often, and if we were, they were but fleeting moments.

He had me cornered during our lunch break actually, but my manager put a quick stop to that, dragging me away to talk with some fans outside; at this point, I think he's doing everything in his power to keep David and myself separate.

The hours go by, Roeg and my manager keeping me plenty busy. I would say that I barely noticed my injury all day apart from the constant headaches and dull ache that seemed to keep building up the longer the day went on.

I know Roeg said to tell him when it was getting bad, but let's be honest, my manager would have my other eye if I said anything. 

As the day is coming to an end, people begin leaving, my manager says we can go after he uses the restroom. He fixes me with a hard look before going in, basically telling me,'do something stupid, and we'll have a rerun of last night.' His eyes looked so dark I felt a nervous chill run down my back as I took a step back.

"Y/N!" I hear a voice call, turning around to be met with that same fedora as yesterday.

"David..." I greet uneasily, glancing back to the restroom in fear my manager will walk out at anytime. David seems to catch on and speeds past the pleasantries.

"Listen, I'm going to the preview tonight if you'd like to join me, I can pick you up tonight if that's alright with you?" His offer is said with such a hopeful voice and sweet look that I almost agree right then and there, but then reality stabs me in the back.

"Y/N." That voice nearly startle me out of my skin with how hard I jumped. My shoulders turn stiff as I look back and watch as my manager stalks closer, gripping my shoulder before steering me to the door.I turn my head quickly, making eye contact with David and his crestfallen face, giving a smile with a slight head nod to confirm his plans. I watch for a second as joy encapsulates his face before I'm forced out the door into the obnoxious environment of Los Angeles.

My manager leaves early, stating he has a meeting to get to before the day ends, leaving me alone in my apartment. He usually stays gone until the morning, that of which I'm thankful for, or else I would never be able to have David pick me up. 

He arrives when it's already dark, around 7 pm when the last streaks of sunlight are dissipating. His driver goes to get out, but David beats him to it, walking over and opening the door for me before getting back in on his side. We both sit in the back and his chauffeur takes us to the movie theatre. It was a quiet ride, I think he could notice how jittery and uneasy I was; he held my hand and offered a comforting smile, reassuring me until we felt the car halt.

We sat in the back, hoping no one would notice our presence. The movie was good, it held my attention the whole time - well, at least until David nudged me, motioning with his head for us to leave. I do as told, standing and following him as he led me down the hallways and back into the main room.

"Whats wrong?" I ask, unsure why we left half-way through the film.

"Nothing, I just want to spend some time alone with you." He states, before grasping my hand, leading me outside and down the quiet sidewalks. Los Angeles at night is better at night I would say, a little more quiet with much better weather.

There is a hint of a breeze though, sending light shivers down my back whenever a gust came my way. My clothes aren't really the best for this weather, a knee length dress with only a feathery shawl to protect my shoulders.

"Oh, I'm sorry darling, I should've told you to bring a jacket." He voices guiltily, detaching our hands before shrugging off his suit jacket. He stops me from walking, grabbing my shoulders and turning me to face him as he wraps the large jacket around my thin frame.

It swallows me up, a blush tinting my cheeks in embarrassment, I must look ridiculous to this man. David notices the blush, a wide grin spreading over his face at how adorable the site before him is.

"I must look ridiculous..." I say, looking down self-consciously. David simply huffs and removes his hat and placing it delicately atop my head, it's much too large, sliding down over my eyes and blocking my sight. He laughs gently, angling the hat so that I can see again, his toothy grin being the first sight I'm met with.

"You look adorable." Is all he says, wrapping his arm comfortingly over my shoulders before continuing to walk us down the street. I can confidently state that my blush has not faded throughput the entire exchange.

We both remain silent, simply enjoying the presence of the other as we saunter down the pavement. We pass many quiet cafes still open, him stepping to the left and halting as he opens the door to a warm cafe. I cautiously enter, removing the hat and surveying the interior closely.

A young woman sits sleepily at the register, the only other people being a middle-aged couple at a table against the wall. The lights have a warm hue to them, complementing the earthy tones of the walls and tables.

Glancing back at David, he offers a soft smile, resting his hand on my lower back before leading me to the register. The woman quickly writes down my order, not looking up until both myself and David have ordered.

I hold my breath when I notice that familiar glint in her eye, backing up subconsciously in fear she will shout our names and alert someone to our presence. If the paparazzo found out I'm here, and accompanied by David Bowie no less! The scandal would be horrific.

David holds me steadily in comfort as he smiles at the woman, he holds a finger against his lips to stop her, I glance at her in worry that she still might scream. She looks overwhelmed in excitement, but breathes deeply to calm herself down when she notices my reaction.

"Sorry! I just love both of you so much!" She whispers happily, still in shock of meeting two of her favorite artists. I feel the tension in my shoulders lessen as she only whispers in excitement.

"Thank you, it's nice to meet you to." David says politely, nodding to her before leading me away and to a table cozied up in a corner.

Our night was wonderful, David and I talked the night away, enjoying multiple drinks the longer we stayed up. I've never felt so at ease with another person, and we could converse for an extended amount of time without awkward silences or uncomfortable glances; how could someone so wonderful seek me out for company? Is this a blessing from God, or is Satan about to take him away from me.

___

After that night, I've looked forward to seeing him everyday, a smile gracing both of our features whenever our eye(s) meet, but we are both swept away. My manager found out about my late night escapade rather easily seeing as I didn't return to my apartment and was instead brought to work by David(no nothing happened, I fell asleep during the car ride back, and David decided it would be easier to just take me to his home instead of go up into an apartment building while trying to find my keys).

My manager was thoroughly pissed, but his physical punishments still didn't deter me from seeing David, but he always did know how to ruin a good thing. The movie was over, it had already been in theatres and what we were attending wasn't required work anymore; my manager took full advantage of that, signing me up with another director to work with them on film scores.

This new job took me across the country into New York, the director was very well known, Martin Scorsese, and the film was Taxi... Taxi Driver I think. It sounded interesting I guess, maybe a little on point for it being called Taxi Driver and set in New York. 

I didn't even get to say goodbye to David, my manager had dropped the news on me the night before I was to fly to New York. I didn't have anyway to contact David, but I'm not even sure if he would want to stay in contact... Either way, I'm leaving tomorrow whether I like it or not.

_______

1982

It's been a little while since I've agreed to do another film score since Taxi Driver, that film was surprisingly fun compared to my last experience, but maybe that's because my manager wasn't there with me most of the time.

None of that matters anymore though, after the success of taxi driver I fired that abusive prick, and I honestly couldn't be happier. I focused solely on my albums and dropped 7 of them throughout the past few years. I took a break from movies, I was too young for them and the change of environment when I was 19, but now I'm 26 and feel ready to face the world.

I don't actually know a lot about this film, other than the title and one of the actors/film scorers. I believe the film is called Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence? The actor/musician I'm talking about is Ryuichi Sakamoto, and he's honestly the main reason I took this job; my albums blew up and have been making me a fortune, so this is really just for fun and the experience.

I'm walking down the road, suitcase in hand, trying to figure out how the hell to walk in sand. I'm about halfway to the hotel when I hear someone approaching from my side. I don't turn to them, hoping they'll keep moving and we won't have to awkwardly introduce ourselves.

"...(Y/N)? Is that really you!" What? I.. I know that voice. I turn to them, eyes wide as I watch a face from the past stride over to me, face plastered with a wide grin.

"David?" At the sound of my voice, his strides turned into bounds pretty much, I could see he was truly ecstatic at seeing me, and it would be a lie to say I don't feel the same.

I start walking towards him, dropping my suitcase as we embrace. How could I not? This man, this wonderful man that changed me for the better, made me see that my life was worth more. You beautiful man, I'll never disappear again, I promise.