Brother!namjoon - Tumblr Posts

blipped

title: blipped pairing: brother’s best friend!yoongi x female reader genre: major angst !!, fluff, brother’s best friend au, set in the marvel cinematic universe (mcu), slow burn?, implied age gap, character deaths, heavy themes, the blip is kinda fucked up if u think abt it, brother!namjoon, bestfriend!taehyung, mommy issues warnings: added each part

At the age of 21, you confessed your feelings to your brother’s best friend, Yoongi, which he rejected. One day later, Thanos snapped, turning fifty percent of the world population to dust, leaving the other half lost, confused, and mourning–including you. Five years later, Bruce Banner snapped everyone back to life, including Yoongi, who doesn’t really know you anymore.

one. Before the Blip (19k) two. Gone and Back (3.6k) three. Family Line (2.3k) four. coming soon!

𓆩♡𓆪 want to be tagged to all my works or a specific one? 𓆩♡𓆪  : ̗̀➛ fill up this form here: taglist request form.

© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. thank you.

---

blipped: before the snap (1)

title: before the snap pairing: brother’s best friend!yoongi x female reader genre: major angst !!, fluff, brother’s best friend au, unrequited love, set in the marvel cinematic universe (mcu), slow burn?, implied age gap, heavy themes, the blip is kinda fucked up if u think abt it, brother!namjoon, bestfriend!taehyung warnings: manipulative and abusive mom, family issues, y/n has a careless one night stand, no smut for this part yet, this part is a bit boring i'm really sorry. disclaimer: you can read this without knowing anything marvel at all. word count: 19k

At the age of 21, you confessed your feelings to your brother’s best friend, Yoongi, which he rejected. One day later, Thanos snapped, turning fifty percent of the world population to dust, leaving the other half lost, confused, and mourning–including you. Five years later, Bruce Banner snapped everyone back to life, including Yoongi, who doesn’t really know you anymore. a/n: thank you so much for 100 notes on the preview and for 200+ followers T.T i'm crying. let me know if i should continue this because the reason this took so long was bc i'm anxious that it is not at all entertaining lol. i'm not finished with part 2 yet it's only at roughly 10k words rn. let me know what you want to see in part 2 if you're interested.

index > part 2

For as long as you know, it’s always just been you and Namjoon. 

Your parents were divorced, your mother a drunk, and your father a classic no-show. It didn’t really bother you that much, you always say. Although you didn’t mean it, you pretend you do. Not only for yourself but also for your brother. Your brother, the one having to work two jobs since a teenager. Your brother, who learned how to braid your hair when you were little because your mom never bothered to teach you. Your brother, who cried when he learned you were picked on in preschool. Your brother, who helped you with your math when your teacher gave you a D. Your brother, who drove you to sleepovers. Your brother, who scolded you when you had your first alcohol with your friends in high school, who, the next week, brought you liquor to teach you how to drink properly, saying that if you wanted to learn to drink, better that it’d be with his guidance so he knows that you will always be safe. 

Your brother, who was your best friend, your mother, and your father. 

That’s why with you, always comes Namjoon, and with Namjoon always comes Min Yoongi. 

Namjoon met Yoongi when they were in college. Being broke college students, they agreed to become roommates. Eventually, they became best friends. Platonic soulmates, the people in their university always say. They were good people with good hearts. Many were envious of their bond. Including you. You were never really good with people. While you do have your own friends, you never really had someone you can call your best friend except for your brother. You never told him this; you didn’t have to. He never made you feel alone. He even introduced you to Yoongi and the boy treated you absolutely well. At first, you doubted your friendship with Yoongi. You always thought you were just a liability—something that came as a plus-one with Namjoon that he can’t really shake off. 

But even if that thought always creeps at the back of your head, you have always had a crush on the charismatic man with the gummy smile. It was just a harmless admiration at first. And to be honest, you never really knew how you liked him in that way. With Yoongi being away from his family, he would always say that Namjoon is his brother, and you, his own little sister. And it would hurt you every time. 

It was your senior year in high school. You were in a tight little black dress, you thought it looked better on you than it collecting dust in your mother’s closet. Your friends had invited you to a house party of some football player. Namjoon didn’t like you going to parties without him knowing even if he was more than an hour away in college. And you, in your angsty teenage years, that bothered you. You wanted to not be treated like a child anymore. So you went to the party and pulled out an outfit you normally wouldn’t wear even at a party like this. 

Somehow, you think that this would convince you that you are no longer a child. But being a child, mistakes are to be made. And you made a lot of mistakes that night.

“Y/N, you look amazing!” Your friend, Sana, screeched as soon as you entered with Mina, another friend of yours who gave you a ride. “How come you never dress like this? you look stunning!” 

“Yeah, that’s what I told her too.” Mina agrees, hugging her after you.

You roll your eyes and wave a hand. “Yeah, yeah, you guys look amazing too. Where are the drinks?” 

Sana points to the kitchen. “They’re in the kitc– Oh!” She is suddenly interrupted when her boyfriend, Seojoon, hugs her from behind. “Hey, baby. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” And just like that, she bids the two of you goodbye. 

“Ugh, I hate lovers.” Mina groans and fakes a vomit. 

You laugh and point out the irony of her words. “Says the same person who’s looking to get laid tonight.” You tease as the both of you head to the kitchen to get some drinks in your system. 

“And as you should too, you bitch! If you would stop pining at your brother’s hot best friend, you would see how many guys actually have a crush on you here.” 

“Hold on, I’m not yet drunk enough for this conversation.” You hold up a hand.

The unpleasant taste of alcohol flows down your tongue as you tilt your head back and gulp down the rest of your drink.

“Okay, go.” You allow her to continue while refilling your cup.

“I’m just saying, maybe if you eliminate Yoongi from your options, you would actually get to move on from him, you know?” 

While actually considering her suggestion, you sigh. “It’s not that easy, Mina.” 

As you tell her that, you notice her eyes drifting away from you. With this, you already know that she found her target for the night. 

“Well, Y/N, it could be just for tonight. We’re seniors, yeah? Would you please enjoy yourself?” She says genuinely while holding both of your cheeks. 

“Fine, fine, go.” You tell her because you know she wants to approach the guy she saw.

“No. No. I’m not leaving you alone if you’re just going to sulk here.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“I’m fine! Just go! He’s looking at you already.” You push her. Mina groans and she kisses your cheek, grabbing her cup and heading away.

“Text me if you wanna go home and I’ll come and get you, okay?” 

“I will. I will.” You assure her, waving your hand for her to go.

As you were left alone, watching people you have classes with play beer pong, your friend’s words lingered. 

You came here tonight to be different. You weren’t Y/N who was worried about getting a scholarship to university. You weren’t Y/N who didn’t have loving parents. You weren’t Y/N who had a brother that would be angry when he knows you are at a party he doesn’t know. 

You weren’t Y/N who was hopelessly in love with her brother’s best friend, Min Yoongi. 

“It’s just for tonight.” You tell yourself as you down your cup again. 

And that probably is why, at 3 o’clock in the middle of the dark morning, you find yourself on Choi Wooshik’s bed. 

The said man was asleep beside you. A pang of pain hits your head when you open your eyes which indicates you drank more than usual. Despite having been in the influence, you still remember hooking up with the guy in the same year—and now bed—as you. 

“Y/N, you stupid shit.” You whisper to yourself.

It was the first time you had a one-night stand. You weren’t a virgin–no, that happened when you were 16 and you brought home your boyfriend that Namjoon didn’t know about. The relationship lasted for five months, which came to a halt after your sex. You didn’t really mind. You never liked him anyway. But it did hurt to be used. But this was completely different. Your mind went into a spiral. 

Did we use a condom? Oh my god, what if I get pregnant? I’m not ready to be a mother. I have a scholarship. What would happen to college? 

Gosh, what would Namjoon say if I get pregnant? He’s gonna kill me. He’s gonna have to take care of me and the baby and I would be more of a burden. What would Yoongi think of you then? You will be a bad mother.

With tears practically prodding out of your eyes, you dress up and look for used contraception in the trash can—which you did not see, making you panic more. You wanted to call Namjoon to come to pick you up. 

But you got scared. You know he has an exam coming up in Taxation, which you know is a difficult course because he has been studying for it for weeks. And plus, you were scared of his reaction to your recklessness.

You thought of Mina. You could call her and ask for help. Maybe she hasn’t gone home. You scramble to look for your phone and when you did, you mentally curse. 

Oh fuck, your phone is dead. 

Wooshik’s phone, however, sits at the bedside table ready for you to use. You go through his contacts and find Mina’s name. You cuss after realizing it wasn’t there.

The problem is that you only have Namjoon’s and Yoongi’s contact memorized. There could probably be another option but you weren’t really thinking straight.

Before you knew it, you were dialing Yoongi outside of the house of Wooshik. He answers in five seconds.

“Yoongi?” You call in a whisper.

“Y/N? God, it’s like three in the morning. What’s up?”

He sounds like he just woke up, voice groggy and worried, maybe a bit annoyed too. You know he doesn’t like his sleep interrupted.

You don’t know if he heard your sobs but he probably did when his voice turns to pure worry. “Bub? What’s wrong?” He asks again when you don’t answer, using that damned nickname for you. 

“Y-yoongi– I–... please don’t tell Joonie.” You sob. 

“Where are you, Y/N?” He asks, sternly this time, sounding fully awake unlike a few seconds ago. 

You tell him what happened and he listens carefully. He didn’t say much, only asked you where you were, and said he would come to pick you up. You told him to come and pick you up at the 24-hour diner where you and Joon are regulars which eventually, Joon brought Yoongi whenever they would visit. 

Mrs. Park, a woman who worked there, gave you chocolate chip pancakes as soon as she saw you. It was your favorite breakfast. Namjoon, on the other hand, likes blueberry pancakes.

“Bad night?” She asks when she places down the pancakes. 

You nod sadly and give her a small smile. “Please don’t tell Joon about this.” You sigh. 

She shakes her head. “I won’t if you eventually do.” She tells you in a scolding tone. You chuckle and nod, not really sure if you were telling the truth.

Forty-five minutes later, Yoongi arrives. He’s wearing a hoodie and zip-up jacket over it. He looks around the diner and finds you. Your eyes meet, and you could see a little bit of frustration when he spots you. 

“What are you wearing?” He asks when he sits down in front of you in the booth. You sigh and look away. 

“What? You don’t like it?” You ask, voice down and tired to make the joke. You play with your pancakes. 

“It’s just… not your style.” He actually answers. 

He sighs. “Finish that and then drink this.” He puts down a small brown bag beside your plate. 

You were still chewing your food when you asked. “What’s this?” You open the bag and see a pack of a pill inside. 

“It’s a Plan B pill. You asked for it.” He tells you and takes off his zip up jacket. “And wear this.” He hands you the thick clothing, which you wear immediately, wanting to bask in warmness instead of the cold your revealing dress gave. 

“Hey, Yoongi. Came to take care of this brat?” Mrs. Park joked as she came to greet Yoongi, a hand on her hip. Yoongi nods. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Park.” He smiles. 

“Anything I can get for you? Pancakes? Waffle?” She asks. 

“Maybe a hashbrown and an Americano? I’m not really hungry yet. Thank you, Mrs. Park.” He answers and she replies she got it and walks away.

It was quiet after that. The both of you ate your food in silence. After you finished your pancake, you drank the pill. 

“Are you mad at me, Yoongi?” You ask him, fiddling with your fingers.

He shakes his head. “What’s with you? You don’t act recklessly like this Y/N. And doesn’t Joon know whenever you’re at a party?” 

Tears well up in your eyes again. “I-I don’t know.” You answer, head down as you stare and play with your pancakes. “I just wanted to breathe.” You mutter to yourself. You don’t know if Yoongi heard it. Even if he did, he didn’t answer.

Yoongi drove you to your mom’s house after. “Go inside.” He said. It was almost 5 in the morning, it didn’t really matter because your mom never stayed up to wait for you anyway. Hell, she probably doesn’t even know that you were out. 

You nod and remove your seatbelt. “Do you wanna come in?” You ask him. 

He shakes his head. “I need to get home before Namjoon wakes up.” 

You nod. “Alright.” You were about to open the car door when you hesitated and looked at Yoongi again. 

“Thank you, Yoongi.” You told him. “I mean it. I’m sorry that I’m such a burden to you because you’re friends with Joon.”

His brows furrowed. “What?” He looks straight into your eye.

“I mean, I know I’m just this immature and  annoying kid that comes with Namjoon as a package deal so–”

“No, no– stop. Who said you were a burden to me?” Yoongi asks seriously. Your mouth opens but nothing comes out. “You were never a burden to me, Y/N. You’re a friend.” Friend, well that’s a different one–you think. 

“Even if Namjoon doesn’t exist, I would gladly be your friend. Or your older bro.” And there it is. Your heart ached once again. You are nothing but a little sister. 

You chuckle a little, trying to distract him from the tears trying to form in your eyes again. “Y-yeah. Drive safe, Yoongi.” You say as you jump off his car, leaving Yoongi wondering what he said wrong.

High school graduation. Like Namjoon, you graduated with high honors. The both of them stood there, clapping as you received your diploma. Joon was crying like the idiot you expected him to be while Yoongi held a digital camera, filming you with a gummy smile on his face.

“Okay, look here.” Yoongi holds his camera while you hold the bouquet they brought you. Namjoon is by your side, smiling proudly. “Say cheese!” Yoongi says as he clicks the picture. 

“Right, me next! Me next!” Yoongi says as he hands the camera to Namjoon. He wraps his arm around your shoulder and brings you closer. You blush as you feel the warmth of his body in his closeness.

“Okay. One, two, three.” Joon takes the picture. You feel yourself finally able to breathe again when Yoongi lets go of you. Then, you asked one of your friends to take a picture of the three of you. 

“They look like your gay dads.” One of your friends that saw the whole ordeal says, which the three of you laugh at.

“Well, we are a family.” Namjoon agrees to which Yoongi nodded and flashed his gummy smile at you. “Yeah, my sibling roomies soon.” 

And you smile. Yoongi is family.

“Come on, we have a reservation.”

The dress you’ve put on would definitely be one of your favorites. It isn’t really in your character to like formal dresses but the memories of this one would definitely be the reason. Albeit, you do look more beautiful in it. 

You laugh when Namjoon’s piece of steak flies off his plate, he’s always been the clumsy guy you know. He had declared the night to be your family dinner coming straight from the graduation. He wanted to throw a party but you refused, opting to go for a sweet formal dinner with him and Yoongi instead.

The dinner went wonderfully. The 5-course meal was something the three of you weren’t used to but it was something nice to treat yourselves once in a while. After the meal was over, the three of you went back to your house. Namjoon and Yoongi agreed to stay the night so they can help you move your things to the three of you’s freshly bought apartment tomorrow.

That night, you find yourself sitting on the porch of your house. Your mom didn’t even greet you, she just gave you a scoff when you entered in a beautiful dress she haven’t seen before with Namjoon and Yoongi who were wearing their suits and ties. Even if you said you didn’t mind, you actually do. 

As usual, when your brother is here, your mom doesn’t even go out of her room. She stays inside and avoids your brother the rest of the time. When she doesn’t do this, it always ends up with them shouting at each other. And since they know it’s a special occasion, you know they’re just being civil with each other for you. 

The moon looked bright today, you observed. The chilling wind of the night somehow seeps through the material thin jacket, but it helps lessen it. You rub your arms with your hands and sigh. You’re finally leaving home. It should’ve been the moment you turned eighteen like Namjoon did or the moment Namjoon told you he was stable enough to take you in. Yet you told him that it’d be better to just move after high school since it’s just a few months anyway. 

It was an excuse. 

As much as you hate it, you love your mother. She isn’t a good mother. Hell. She wasn’t even a good person either. You don’t like her, not most of the time. Not when she sold your earrings that Namjoon got you on his first paycheck to pay for her vices. Not when she ruined the project that you worked on for three days straight and when she accidentally stepped on it. She said sorry but laughed. She laughed and walked away. But even with memories like that, you know that you love her. You only get one mother and unfortunately for you, that’s her. 

You’re not sad that you’re leaving her. No. But you sure as hell isn’t happy either. You don’t understand it because all your life, all you’ve wanted to do is to leave this hell and be with Namjoon. It’s as if you’ve actually found comfort in something that you hate. You don’t understand why you’re feeling this anxiety, which is why you’re now sitting outside the house that you grew up in, looking up at the sky in the middle of the cold night. 

“What are you doing here?” 

You turn when you hear Yoongi’s voice from behind. You notice that he was holding your favorite mug and had borrowed some of Joon’s old lounge clothes. The old Attack on Titan shirt was a bit too big for him as Joon is taller. He also wears Joon’s old sweatpants from high school. 

“Hi, Yoongs.” You give him a weak smile. 

“It’s cold out here, Y/N.” He says but you shrug, scooting over and tapping the space beside you. He sighs but still sits anyway. He hands you the mug he holds which you accept with a quick thanks. 

Now, you stare at the grass in front of you, holding the warm mug of hot chocolate with two hands. The front yard is a mess, weeds were growing all over and you stopped caring about it looking nice a long time ago. It was the tip of the iceberg for people outside the house. 

You sit there for a few moments in comfortable silence. “Yoongi, can I ask you something?” You don’t look at him but you see from your peripheral vision that he shifts his eyes from in front of you to you. He nods. 

You bit your lip before finally asking. “Does life get better after high school?” 

He chuckles lightly. “Post-graduation depression?” 

You pout at his teasing tone. “Shut up.” But you sigh. “I guess that’s one of them.”

He nods and stares back at the nothingness in front of you. “Honestly, it probably doesn’t get better. Life has been and always will be a big piece of shit.” 

You laugh at his honesty. “I think that all those talks about peaking in high school are bullshit.” He continues. “It doesn’t matter if you were a nerd or were Regina George in high school. Those people saying that are either stuck in high school or are bitter about their high school experience.” 

“It’s all about how you adapt to change. Life is constantly changing. You get thrown from one place to another before you even know it. Most of the time, it sucks. But what are we supposed to do? We can’t stay in comfort in one place forever. If you get stuck, you lose.” He shrugs, leaning on his palms and staring up at the sky.

“But what if I can’t adapt at all?” You look at him, watching his beautiful face gleam in the moonlight. His eyes were sparkling, plush pink lips forming a small warm smile when he heard your words.

“That’s impossible.” He claimed. He sounded so sure of his answer that it almost irritated you. How can he be so sure that he believes so much in you? 

“How is that impossible? I always fuck up, Yoongs. I’m a fuck up.” You spat. 

“Hey.” He sits up straight and deadpans. “You are not a fuck up.” 

You let out a huff and look away from him. “Yeah, right.” 

The silence after that was loud. Yoongi had decided not to press on the topic any longer, you noticed. Not because he agrees with you, but because he knows it’s not gonna help you even if he does argue about it.

“You’re not your mother.” 

At the mention of your mother, you can’t hide your surprise as you whip your head to look at him.

“And it’s okay to move on from here, Y/N.” He assures you. Before you know it, tears are pooling in your eyes. They fall one by one as you stare at your brother’s best friend. “Your home could be not this. It doesn’t have to be her. And it definitely does not make you who you are.” 

Before contemplating your actions, you find yourself lunging at Yoongi for an embrace. He lets out a quiet yelp when you catch him by surprise.

“I’m scared.” You confess and wet his shirt with your silent tears. He laughs a little and places the mug in your one hand on the ground. After he does this, he uses both his arms to embrace you, body no longer stiff and melting with yours. 

“I know, Y/N. I know.” 

And you think to yourself, why does he make it hard for you to not like him?

That same picture you took during graduation is framed at your shared three-bedroom apartment with the two older boys. With Yoongi and Namjoon being six years older than you, they were already done with their studies when you were a freshman in college. They both had their own stable jobs. Namjoon was recently hired as a junior accountant. While Yoongi had a job in Advertising. And you... you had a part-time job at a convenience store near your apartment. It was the only job Namjoon allowed you to do. You wanted to help with the rent, but Yoongi and Namjoon would always tell you to just focus on your studies, arguing that they both earn enough for the three of you. It would make you laugh and tell them how they really both act like your gay parents.

With Yoongi closer than ever, you didn’t know how you could ever move on. Not when he’s an arm's length away. Not when he looks so good in the morning when he just woke up and cooked breakfast for you. Not when he places a blanket over you on the couch when you three have your movie nights. Not when the three of you have your general cleaning day, and the music blasts as he raps his lungs out with Namjoon. Not when you see every side of him—and every side of him is beautiful to you. 

He looks exceptionally beautiful when he cooks. Namjoon would be out till late at night. You were doing your school work in the living room on your laptop when Yoongi set down a plate of some kind of ham sandwich on the coffee table.

You mockingly gasp in surprise. “Did you make me a snack?” 

He rolls your eyes. “You’re welcome. Eat it.” He says and plops down on the couch next to you. 

It took some getting used to. It was new to find the place you’re living in to always be clean or not reek of alcohol. You always have good freshly made food. Yoongi always likes to clean the place, even shouting at Namjoon from time to time because as much as a responsible man your brother is, he is clumsy and messy. Just a few days ago, Yoongi threw his boxers at his face while he was sleeping because he found them on the bathroom floor. Namjoon argued he probably dropped it on the way out of the shower. You found out that Yoongi really likes doing domestic things. He likes cleaning, cooking, and architecture-related things. He knows a lot about fixing. You know because he was the one who built and fixed the furniture you got from IKEA. And he’s also the one you call when something needs fixing. You wonder if he just learned it by fixing all of the shit Namjoon destroys over the years with him or is it a trait that has always been with him from his family home.

Out of all the things he does for you and your brother, cooking has to be your favorite. Yoongi loves cooking meat and especially steak. It’s a rare occurrence because steak is not the cheapest meal to have but it’s always a delight when the three of you have it for dinner.

Yoongi puts his whole heart into cooking. You asked him why he chose not to do it for a living instead and he said that cooking is a thing he does for people he cares about and he’d rather not do it for money.

You quickly realize that one of Yoongi’s love languages is acts of service. He cooks and cleans for the three of you. He always has time for the people he cares about. He watches the 2005 film version of Pride and Prejudice with you even if you have seen it at least twenty times with him. He drives and picks you up from school when he can. But most importantly, you find comfort that Yoongi doesn’t only take care of you, but also your brother. 

You realize that even though Yoongi may never return your affection, he cares for you nonetheless. 

And you quickly find yourself at home in both of their presence. 

“What got you smiling like that? I find it hard to believe statistics is making you happy.” 

Suddenly, a throw pillow on the couch is flying to his face. From you, of course.

“Hey, I cook for you and this is how you repay me?” He complains, fists on each side of his waist. You giggle at his childish action. 

“You and your brother are ungrateful imbeciles.” He huffs. 

“Y/N? We brought you dinner.” You snap out of your studying in the living room when Namjoon opens the door. They’ve been out for a few hours to play bowling with a few of their friends from college. Yoongi follows from behind him, which did not surprise you. Wherever Namjoon goes, Yoongi follows. But what—who, rather— follows Yoongi is the one that surprised you. 

A pretty, petite brunette girl comes in, smiling at you. “Hey.” You greet them, blocking a million thoughts running inside your head. “Still studying?” Joon asked, but your eyes were still on the girl by the doorway. “Oh, this is Jieun. Yoongi will drive her to her house in a while.” 

Yoongi will drive her home? Why? Who is she to him? Is she her girlfriend? Why didn’t he tell me? Maybe he’s just courting her. Does he like her?

“Oh.” You smile at her. “Hi. I’m Y/N. Joon’s sister.” They come in entirely. “I heard so much about you, Y/N.” She said as she sat on the couch across from where you sat on the floor. You close your books and stretch. “Good things, I hope.” You say, eyeing the two men who were setting the table.

She winks. “Oh, those boys wouldn’t tell a story without you.” You laugh and stand up, walking to sit beside her. “So, how’d you meet those doofuses?” She shrugs. “Oh, I'm Yoongi's friend from college but I work with Namjoon.” 

So she knows Yoongi first. They’re close. And if there’s one Yoongi you don’t know, it was college student Yoongi. You wonder what he looked like carrying his books and studying. Did he party and hooked up with girls a lot? You didn’t know. You haven’t lived with them then.

“Alright. Let’s eat.” Yoongi calls the two of you from the dining table. 

That night, you feel like you watch the three of them from the sideline. They told stories when they were in university. Every now and then, they give you advice about college. As you stare at them and listen, you realize that no matter how much you know Yoongi and Namjoon, you will never be at their level. Not like Jieun, who glows with maturity and class. This is what Yoongi likes, you think. Not a freshman in college who can’t get her shit together.

With heavy words running through your mind, you fall asleep with an aching heart.

You should have seen it coming. 

There must be something wrong with you, you think. Why do you only realize the truth when it hurts you? You used to brush off your feelings for Yoongi. Well, you know it’s there but you don’t really make a big deal out of it. So why is it that when you heard the words from Yoongi’s mouth, your heart sank so deep it almost felt like you were going to choke? 

“Ji-eun and I are going on a date tonight.”

He was all dressed up. Leather jacket, white tee and leather pants. He looked like the rock star of your dreams. He was putting on his shoes by the door while you and your brother ate your meal.

“Text me if you’re going home tonight.” Namjoon teases, which makes you look down on your food.

You were feeling so weird inside that you wanted to throw up. You want to scream and throw things around. You were angry at yourself. Why were you feeling this way? You always knew this day would come. You’ve been expecting–readying yourself for this. Nonetheless, it still hurts. More than you ever thought it would. 

Jieun and him were a cute couple. He probably gave her his gummy smile when he asked her on a date, or his nervous smile—it didn’t matter. He really doesn’t like you. And you have been telling yourself that since high school. So why did it hurt so much?

It was at the same time that you met Taehyung. He’s your upperclassman in college, only a year older than you. You gave in to his pleas of becoming your friend when he started to constantly annoy you the moment you caught his eye. 

The loud noise of the university cafeteria is blocked out by your earphones as you sit down on a chair. You fished out the lunch box from your bag and gently placed it on the table. When you remove the lid, a smile immediately flashes from your face.

Yoongi’s cooking has always been amazing. Ever since you complained to him and Namjoon that you had a stomach ache when you ate lunch at the school cafeteria, Yoongi had forced you to take lunch boxes from him. When you argued that you may have just over-ate that day or that you’ll just eat lunch outside of the campus, he forcefully took your backpack and shoved the lunchbox in your bag before sprinting out of the apartment to get to work.

You admire the food first. Sometimes, Yoongi would make faces with them, something he learned from Tiktok, which you always laugh at. Today was an octopus sausage, your favorite. You smile and put one in your mouth. 

“Wow. That looks so good.” You look up when a metal tray of food slams in front of you. Kim Taehyung stands there, adorably smiling at you. 

You look at him suspiciously. You had never spoken a word to the man in front of you. He was a year older pursuing the same major as you. He’s hot, popular, and you heard of his… promiscuous adventures. “Do you need anything?”

He sits in front of you. “I just wanted to say your presentation to Mr. Byun’s class was amazing.”

It seemed like a genuine compliment so you nod and smile at your upperclassman. “Thank you.” And resumed eating your food.

“You’re Y/N, right?” He asks before chomping on his broccoli. You nod. 

“I’m Kim Taehyung.” He says with his mouth full.

And that was the first time you actually spoke. Ever since then, Kim Taehyung would eat with you when spots you at the cafeteria, wave dramatically when he’s walking and sees you, and he would even give you a ride on his motorcycle to your home. And on an annoyingly bad day, you blew it. He was okay, but you didn’t know what his intentions were which made you uneasy with him.

“You gotta tell me what’s wrong, Y/N.” He pouts and you can hear his feet stomping beneath the table.

“I said nothing’s wrong.” You say coldly while eating your meal.

“There is! I can totally feel the vibe from the other side of the campus. Just tell me and I’ll see how I can help.” He flashes his pleading eyes with you, placing his chin on his hands.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you already friends with like, the whole campus? Why do you keep annoying me? What’s your motive here?” You ask him, gently pushing his face away from your food in the cafeteria.

His smile drops, eyes deadpanned set on you. “I’m not here to become your friend, Y/N.” 

You stare at him, awed at the sudden change of atmosphere.

“I’m here to become your best friend.” He grins, eyes determined.

You scoff at his perseverance. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“And so are you! You scared off one of your classmates today because of your gloominess. You literally look like sadness AND anger from Inside Out right now.” 

Your mouth drops. “I look like who now?”

He giggles awkwardly, his seat slowly backing away from you. “I-I mean in a very cute way, you know? And sadness IS cute.”

You glare at him for a few seconds before sighing and dropping the utensil from your hand. “Okay, so…” You take a deep breath.

“There’s something bothering me lately.” You say.

“I knew it! Tell me. I won’t tell a motherfucking soul.” He scoots closer again then pressed his index and thumb finger together, acting like zipping his lips.

“I have a friend.” You sigh and begin. “She knows this older guy who has been like her friend since she was in high school.” You tell the story as Taehyung nods and listens attentively. “And she has had a crush on him since, like,  forever. Which she thought was just a silly little crush. And she was okay with that since she knows it’s impossible since he only sees her as a little sister anyway. But he recently got a girlfriend and suddenly she’s heartbroken. Like, crying every night heartbroken.” 

Taehyung was grinning by the end of it. “Yoongi’s dating?”

“W-what? It’s not Yoongi.” You stutter, looking away from him. “Y/N, I’ve known since like, the day he fetched you. You literally had heart eyes whenever you look at him.” 

You hit him lightly on the arm then sigh. “Fine. Yes, it’s him.” 

“Yeah, well, I don’t really know what to say. All I know is that Y/N, you’re an amazing woman. I know this because I have heard like ten people say they have a crush on you on this campus. Men AND women.” Your eyes widen at the information he just drops on you so you try and ask more but his next words stop you.

”Yoongi is someone who won’t just disappear in your life.” He says softly.

Then his eyes harden, grinning wide and he slams a hand on the table. “So I say fuck it and seduce him.” 

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

You first brought him home a month after Yoongi announced his relationship with Jieun. Taehyung was helping you with a class that you were having a hard time with. It was only because you were distracted, Yoongi being one of the main reasons. But you won’t admit that to anyone, not even yourself.

“Ugh!” You groan and slam your head on the opened book. “I don’t understand. I understand it all but when the quiz comes it’s like a totally different topic!“ You complained to Taehyung who was sitting by the headboard of your bed. The relaxed guy was totally amused at your suffering, drinking the apple juice box he stole from the fridge. 

“Help me.” You pouted as you held his hand, practically pleading. You were lying beside him in the bed on your stomach, kicking at every difficult question that goes into a dead-end in your tired brain.

“I’m telling you just need to practice these questions and you will get it eventually.” He rolled his eyes. Ever the sassy bitch, Taehyung snatched his hand away from you. 

“You literally offered to teach me that’s why you’re here in my apartment.” You glare at him. “I’m literally just here to steal this juice box. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” He raised his eyebrow at you. 

Your mouth drops dramatically at his words. “Okay, that’s it.” 

The books fell off your bed with thuds when you pushed them off and straddled Taehyung, who shrieks. “Hey- what the fuck!” You begin to tickle his stomach while he laughs and trashes away from you. “You bitch, stop it!” He says in between laughs, tears in his eyes. You’ve learned that a good counterattack for Taehyung’s annoyingness is his being ticklish. 

Both of your laughs fill the air and eventually you get tired of using your strength over Taehyung’s. This gives Taehyung a chance to overpower you. He holds your fists and flips you over. You gasp at the swift motion that put you under Taehyung

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that.” His devilish tone puts a blush on your face, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Y/N.“

The deep familiar voice pushes both of you into a halt. Your heart sinks to your stomach when you see Yoongi standing by your doorway. His mouth was partly hanging open for a second before turning into a frown and you realize how bad the scene would look from an outsider. You quickly push your friend away, making him lose his balance and fall off the bed.

“Who’s this?” 

Taehyung quickly shuffled to his feet and walked to Yoongi who was at the door. “I’m Kim Taehyung. Y/N’s friend. You must be Yoongi.” He introduces himself brightly, offering a hand to the boy at the door. Yoongi’s gaze falls to his hand, which he does not accept. Instead, he turns his gaze to you. 

“Your brother wants you to know that he’ll be working late tonight. I’ll cook dinner in a little while.” The tone in his voice is cold, familiar to the night in senior year. You nod and reply uneasily, finding the tension weird and uncomfortable. “Okay, thank you Yoongi.” He nods, eyeing Taehyung once again, then back to you.

“Tell me if your friend will stay for dinner.” He says then shuts the door. 

“Dude, your guy is scary.” Taehyung whispers, before exaggerately shivering.

“He’s not my guy.” 

Taehyung excused himself out of dinner that night. He told you he feels like Yoongi will poison his food if he does so he’ll just get some free food elsewhere. So you gave him a light smack on the head for that.

Yoongi was quiet the whole meal, which was not unusual but you sensed something was off. The atmosphere was heavy and you felt like an invisible wall separating the two of you even if you were eating at the same table and sitting across from each other. 

“How’s Jieun?” You ask him. He didn’t answer. 

“Okay. Fine. Don’t tell me about your relationships.” You pout. “You know what, you should bring her here so I can ask her myself.” You suggest and tease at the same time. 

“We broke up.” Yoongi spoke.

You froze for a second before dropping your spoon gently back to your plate. “Oh. I-I’m sorry.” You say softly. Yoongi's eyes never faltered from his food. You watched him silently. 

“Don’t be. It just didn’t work out.” He tells you. 

“But she really liked you.” You find yourself saying. 

He shrugs. “Yeah, she did.” 

How about you? Did you really like her too?

“You know, if you want to tell me anything, you can, Yoongi. If there’s something bothering you.” You say and he nods, muttering a thank you.

And then it was silent again as you both ate.

“What about you?” You were taken aback by the question Yoongi suddenly asked.. 

You laughed awkwardly. “What are you talking about?”

“What’s going on with Taemin?” He asks again. 

You roll your eyes. “It’s Taehyung. And we’re just friends.” 

He looks at you in the eye before lightly pointing his spoon to you. “Friends don’t get caught like that in bed, Y/N.” He says before standing up with his plate and utensils. You followed him with yours too to the kitchen. He places his dishes in the sink and you do too. 

“It’s not like that. You just caught us messing around..” You sit on the kitchen counter while he starts to wash the dishes. “I mean, playing. Not that kind of messing around.”

“As long as this “playing” won’t have me buying a pill for you in the middle of the night.” Your mouth drops as he mentions your secret two years ago. You huff and cross your arms. 

“I just don’t see the big deal, Yoongi. It won’t be a something like that.” You roll your eyes at him. “I just want you to be careful.” He replies almost finished washing the dishes. 

You don’t think about your next words at all. “Well, I’m on the pill, actually. So I am being careful.” You swore you saw him freeze for a moment but recover himself in a second. Talk about TMI, Y/N.

“But I’m telling you, we’re not like that.” You repeat for the nth time. 

He stops the water running and doesn’t even look at you sitting from the kitchen counter. “And why not?” 

“Because I don’t like him like that.” And you jumped off the counter, heading back to your room, the weight of your words going unnoticed by the man you were previously speaking to. 

“Make a wish!” You exclaim as you hold the cake in front of Namjoon. The grin on his face was unerasable as he closed his eyes. After he blows it, everyone in the room hoots their cheers and claps their hands.

The party went on and on. Namjoon’s, Yoongi’s, and your friends were drinking till the end of the night. Taehyung is swaying you to the tune of the slow music, drunk off his ass. Something was wrong with him tonight and you were trying to find out what.

“Tae.” You groan as he spins you around once, his hands falling back to your waist when you turn to face him again. You wrap your arms around his neck to bring him closer to you. It wasn’t a big party. If you were in a club full of people you would have let him. 

This was the first time you have ever seen Taehyung like this. He was always a sight, inducing a refreshing aura wherever he goes. 

Not tonight, though. Tonight, his eyes burn a little darker, something about the way his eyelids droop on his face. He carries himself in caution, almost like he was too aware of his surroundings. You realize that this side of Taehyung is not someone to be brought to parties. Especially something as small as this. “What’s wrong?” You finally ask him.

He shakes his head, pressing his forehead to yours. You know you shouldn’t be this close to a man where your brother is in the same room. Not that he is strict like that. It’s just that you were never someone to show a public display of affection–or just affection in general. Over time, you’ve learned that it’s better not to be as transparent as you can be. So you know why Namjoon was throwing you looks every few minutes. He’s finding the scenario odd. 

“I’m fine.” He mutters. Taehyung was the opposite. He likes being touchy. Skinship is one of his love languages. He likes giving hugs and holding hands down the hallway, arms swinging. And he does it with everyone. Taehyung is a spring sunshine that everyone adores. But not right now. Today, it’s as if the light in him has been turned off.

“I think we should head to my room and talk.” You whisper to his face. “You’re drunk.” Your thumb caresses the skin on the side of his neck, trying to soothe him to go with you. He hesitates for a while, looking around you. Nobody was paying attention to you two, but you know they were just trying not to make you uncomfortable. When he nods, you smile gently and drop your hands to hold his. You lead him back to your room. 

You sat him down on your bed while his gaze never strays from the floor. “I’m gonna get you some water. Be back in a sec.” You tell him and before you’re completely out the door, you hear him mutter okay.

No eyes were on you when you walked past the people and to the kitchen. A few people were there because that’s where most of the drinks are. You open the fridge to get your water tumbler. 

You shut the fridge door only to reveal Yoongi standing next to you, gaze hard and fuming. His silent and sudden appearance frightens you, the bottle in your hand almost slips from your hand.

“Fuck, Yoongi!” You whine, placing a hand on your chest.

“What are you doing?“ His gaze on you was hard, almost angry. He was using that one tone again. Something specific to you when you were doing something he thinks is wrong.

“Getting my tumbler?” Your words hang, unsure of what to reply. You move past him, gently pushing him off the way. 

His hand catches your wrist, preventing you from walking away. “Stop.” He commands. Your gaze falls at the hand on your wrist and then up to the man that owns it. 

“Dude, what the hell? What do you want?” You ask, tone rising in annoyance. 

“What was that out there? With Taehyung?” He scolds. Confusion and a little bit of anger rises within you, laced with the small amount of alcohol in your system. 

You snatch your hand away from his grip. “We weren’t doing anything wrong. It’s not like we’re the only ones dancing.”

You don’t understand why he was being this way. Lately, all he seems to be doing is be irritated with you. 

The two of you stare each other down, seeing who gives up first. It ends when he lets out a tired breath. 

With the way his expression changed, it looked like he still had a lot to say but decided to let it go.

“I’m sorry. I’ll let you two be quiet in your room.” And he walks away. 

You watch his back as he walks out the kitchen, confused and somehow annoyed at his actions. Why is he still treating you like a kid? You are 20 now, can’t he see you as an adult? 

There was a light clang pang of your metal water bottle when you slammed it down your kitchen counter. You catch your breath you didn’t even know you were holding. It was like that with Yoongi always. He always makes you feel like you can’t breathe but free at the same time. When you get in arguments with him, you want to wash your mouth with soap. You never want to be in a bad place with him. He matters so much to you.

When you entered your room, Taehyung was still there, still in the same position you left him. You set down your water bottle and glass on the side table. Pouring out the liquid in the glass, you ask your friend. “You can tell me what’s wrong.” 

You offer the glass of water to him, which he accepts with a small thanks. He sips a bit and sets it in his hands, elbows resting on his thighs. You sat beside him and placed a hand on his back that was slouched gently. 

“Or you can sober up first.” You pat his back. “Your choice, buddy.” 

It was silent for a while as you both sat side by side. You stare at the wall, basking in the tense silence you both created. That was until you heard the small sniffs from your friend. Barely audible sniffs that eventually turn into sobs. You feel his body shake beneath your hands and you see his hands firmly gripping the glass. 

“He…” Taehyung hands you the glass of water which you quickly set down before it breaks in his grip. He doesn’t look at you at all time, not wanting to make you see him crying. “My dad, he’s gone.” 

“Oh, Tae.” You embrace him, wrapping your arms around him. He rests his face on your shoulder as he sobs. You couldn’t help but be moved by his emotions, tearing up and you caress his back. 

You know that Taehyung was from a far province, he has a loving mother and father. He grew up well with a father who managed a factory before he got sick and bedridden. His mother, a beautiful loving housewife who had a small bakery. Financials weren’t an easy subject for them. When his father got bedridden, her mother had to cut her time in the bakery to take care of her husband and younger kids, lowering their family income more. Thankfully, his father had already set aside a bank account for Taehyung’s education before he even reached age, one that his grandparents had contributed in as well in honor of him being the first grandchild of the family. 

“Why haven’t you come home?” You asked him. You feel him shake his head. “I can’t.” He sniffs. “Because if I go then it’d be real.” 

You sigh, not knowing what to say. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” You suggest instead. “We can take the bus tomorrow morning.” 

“You’d skip classes?” He chuckles bitterly, his crying pausing as he lifts his head to be at the same head level as you. You never skip class. You laugh and roll your eyes. “I will. For you.”

“Damn. I wish I recorded that. I would show it to the whole school. The Ice Queen, will do anything for silly old me.” He jokes and sniffs, making you frown and hit his shoulder. And he finally smiles.

“Kim Y/N, you told me that you have a few days off. I didn’t know you were gonna skip classes!” Namjoon scolded you, his jaw clenching like it always does when he’s angry.

You hung your head low. Apparently, when you were gone with Taehyung, Namjoon came to know that you skipped classes when your friend in one class dropped by to give you some notes that you asked for. You should’ve asked her to send it by mail instead.

“And to do what? Hang out with this Taehyung guy?” Namjoon was fuming and you understood why. You bite your lower lip and look up at him.

“I’m sorry, Joon. I should’ve told you the truth.” You reply with a trembling voice and teary eyes.

Yoongi watches from the edge of the couch. When you came in, the two were already sitting in the living room. Namjoon was looking pissed and Yoongi just stared at you. 

So here you were, a backpack full of used clothes on the floor in front of a now fuming standing older brother.

Your brother's eyes softened when he saw how scared you were. “I’m sorry for yelling.” He sighs and picks up the backpack that you dropped. 

“It’s not about skipping. I don’t give a shit about that. You can skip all you want as long as you graduate, Y/N. It’s just that you know that I don’t like you lying to me.” He hands you your backpack which you accept.

He was right. Trust for each other is what made you two hang on up to this moment. And you shouldn’t ruin it.

“I’m sorry.” You say and nod, tears threatening to spill out of your eyes. “I’m sorry, Joonie.”

Your brother hugs you, his tall frame looming over yours. You wrap your arms around him. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry.. Have you eaten?” He breaks off the hug and looks down at you.

“I’ll go get a plate for you. Go clean up.”

In your room, you close the door behind you and lean your back on it. You sigh. You’re 20. You should be starting to make adult decisions. Maybe you are really just still a kid. 

When you’re done preparing yourself and making your way to the dining table, Namjoon wasn’t there. It’s just Yoongi reading a book. His ebony hair was still a bit wet from the shower he had. A few strands of dried hair falling over his brow and just above his eyeglasses. He looks up for a second to shoot you a glance before turning his attention back to his book. 

“Hey.” His sweet deep voice greets you. 

“Hey,” you reply and sit across from him. “Why are you reading here?” You ask him and pick up the utensils in front of you. 

The food looks delicious but you weren’t really that hungry. The bus ride with Taehyung was spent talking, napping, snacking, listening to music, and snacking again. Still, food at home is different. It was your favorite thing to go home to–Yoongi’s cooking.

“Joon went out to buy something.” You realize this doesn’t answer your question but you chose to ignore it with a huff.

“Did you have fun on your little trip?” He asks, still not looking up from his book. You shrug. “It was okay.” Your back rests on the chair, shoulders now slumped while playing with your food. 

“Why do you do that?” Yoongi asks again, flipping a page on his book. It takes a second for you to answer in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Why… do you never tell me things?” He asks softly and you wish you could see his eyes beneath the strands of his hair. 

You chuckled nervously, confused at the sudden heavy atmosphere. “What do you mean? I do tell you things, Yoongi.” 

The man in front of you clicks his tongue. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything.”

You let out an exaggerated sigh. “Can you stop doing that? Just say what you want to say to me.” You drop your utensils on the plate and cross your arms.

Yoongi’s book closes with a loud thud and it lands on the table when he tosses it lightly. “You don’t tell me shit anymore. It’s like you've been keeping me at a distance for months. I’ve been wondering what the hell I’ve done, Y/N.”

You fix your gaze on the man in front of you. You feel the pent up frustration flowing through him. He has been feeling this way for months? 

“I-” You open your mouth to speak but no words come out. Why do you keep thinking that it’s only you who cares enough for the two of you? Yoongi has always been there for you as a friend. It’s not what you wanted but he was everything you need in a friend. 

He was right. Back in high school, you would even text him at least three times a week. You would ask him any random thing and tell him about your day. He always responds right away which makes your heart jump every time. 

Ever since he started dating Jieun and even when they broke up, you’ve been putting all your energy into everywhere else but him. You started going home late so you don’t have to eat dinner with him and on weekends, you always hang out with Taehyung instead of hanging at home when you usually watch movies with Namjoon or Yoongi. You didn’t realize he noticed or even cared.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” You stammer before bowing your head. You try to think of an excuse for your actions. You can’t just tell him it’s because you’ve caught feelings for your brother’s best friend and you’ve been trying to move on from him on your own. 

He sighs and his tensed shoulders fall. “It’s.. it’s fine. Just tell me what’s wrong.” He says and leans forward, elbows on the table. 

You shake your head. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Yoongi.” 

“Then why avoid me?” He replies fast, a slight hint of desperation in his voice. “Have I made you uncomfortable in any way? Do you not like living with me?” 

You chuckle and bite your lip. “You can never make me uncomfortable, Yoongs.” You pause. “It’s just weird for me right now. And it’s got nothing to do with you or anyone. It’s just me. And I’m trying to figure it out myself. I’m sorry if I’ve been avoiding you.” 

He sighs. “Okay. But you know you’re my best friend too, right? You’re family to me too.” 

You nod and give him a warm smile. “I know. And you are to me too.” 

Namjoon could never stay mad at you. The two of you went back to normal after a few days. You never told him the reason why Taehyung and you made that trip. You only told Namjoon your friend needed support back home. Why you never told him the whole truth, you don’t know why. Parents have always been a taboo subject to you and Namjoon. Growing up, he didn’t like to talk about parents. 

When you were younger, you used to ask Namjoon if he knew your father. He would smile sadly and change the topic. Once, he answered he didn't know. But you know he was lying. You stopped asking when one night when he was a sophomore in high school, after he had accompanied you to a meeting with teachers in school, you found him crying in his bed. 

You didn’t know why he was crying and you didn’t want to ask him. Namjoon has always shown you his tough side. Your strong older brother was crying but your feet stayed planted on the floor. Silently, you slid to the floor, listening to his sobs and cries.

And when he finally stopped, you peek in his room again. That’s when you realize that he had been clutching a poster you made in school. It was a poster of appreciation to your parents or guardian. You didn’t know who to put and you didn’t really want to put your mother because she made your brother angry that day. And you liked Namjoon better than your mother. So you drew Namjoon instead. 

So after placing a kiss on his cheek on his sleeping form, you left his room and never asked again. 

“Mom, what are you doing here?” You asked as you opened the door and found your mother looking like shit. More than she ever had been. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was staring at you with a weird sloppy smile. 

You were home alone, both Yoongi and Namjoon at work. She huffed and pushed you out of the way. “Hey!” You complain as she continues to let herself in. 

“You’re not welcome here, Mom! Get home before Namjoon finds you here.” 

She flops herself on the couch and you wince when you get closer to her. Not only does she look like she hasn't showered for days, you can also smell she hasn’t showered for days.

“Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon.” She mocks while rolling her eyes. “What’s so great about that kid? Just because he has money now, he can treat me like shit?” She complains, finger pointing to her chest. You look at her in disbelief. 

“Mom, can you please just leave?” You beg this time, not really wanting to deal with her at all. This is the first time she’s been here. As usual, she’s drunk off her ass. 

The woman glares at you before standing up. For a moment, you thought she was gonna head to the door. But you know better that this woman is not that easy. She shifts her walk to the television. Just below it lies all the framed pictures of you. Your high school graduation picture, Namjoon’s and Yoongi’s college ones, and the picture of the three of you in your high school graduation.

“Look at all of you.” The bitterness in her tone is evident. “All happy now without me, aren’t you?” 

Anger flows through your veins. How dare she act like this at your own home? “Mom, leave it.” You demand this time. She looked back at you for a second before picking up the picture of the three of you. 

You step closer to her, about to retrieve the picture frame but she moved it away from you. “Can you just tell me what the hell you’re doing here? And how the hell did you even find us?” You say as you reached harder and snatched the frame from her hands. 

“I have my ways.” She shrugs and moves to sit on the couch again. 

She sighs. “I just miss you, poochie coo.” You’re disgusted as you watch her pout and lay on your couch like she’s back at home. “Haven’t you missed your momma?” 

You gave her a groan in disgust. 

And just like that, she began rambling on like she used to when the two of you were alone.  You’ve tuned out all of it as you stayed standing by the television, gripping the picture frame in your hand. Knuckles were turning white as your lips trembled in anger. She still can't act like this. You’re free from her. This isn’t her home anymore. This is your home. She can’t put her dirty paws in it and trash the place.

“Why can’t you just leave us alone?” 

She stops talking, staring at you with a brow raised. Instead of answering, she kept on rambling on how hard life has been for her since you left that hellhole of a house.

“We left you because you deserved it!” You scream and throw the picture frame. You hear the glass break but you don't care. Tears fall from your red face. “You’re a bad fucking mom and an an even worse person. Namjoon doesn’t give a shit about you and you know exactly fucking why!” 

You’ve never been angry at your mother. You’ve always loved her. No. You tolerated her. But what you can’t tolerate is her being at your home and walking over you. This is your safe place. You’re no longer her doormat.

That shut her up. You’ve never raised your voice at her. Her countenance couldn’t be deciphered, giving you a flat face, but with years of experience, you know she’s angry. And it wasn’t the anger she gives Namjoon when they fight. It’s a different kind of anger. 

“J-just…leave us alone from now on, please.” It was let out in a whisper that you don’t even know if she heard. 

She stands up and walks over to you. You know what comes next. You know it all too well.

“You’re raising your voice now to me too? You’re leaving me too?” The tears in her eyes were too familiar that you find it both disgusting and heartbreaking. She stares at you and places a hand on your cheek. The anger on your face quickly subsides. Her thumb caresses your skin. Her hands are rough, which is a texture you’re used to. “Like your father and Namjoon?” 

Like it was second nature, you fold into her hand. “I…” You’re unable to answer, shaking your head.

“You know what your father did to me, Y/N. You know. And I’m trying. I’m gonna be better. I promise. So don’t leave me, please.” You sigh, tired of hearing these words. You sigh and you know it’s just going to be another lie. You sigh but you nod. 

“Y/N?” 

You didn’t even hear him come in. Yoongi stands there, fresh from work. His eyes go back and forth at the two of you in a way that you can’t decipher. Within three seconds, his face hardens. You don’t understand why. You only watch as he heads to the door and opens it again. He stands by it while holding the knob and then turns his body to face your direction again. 

He stares hardly at your mother, eyes burning and never drifting away from her. 

“Get out.”

Your mom drops her hand from your face. She huffs then chuckles in disbelief. “Excuse me?”

“You didn’t hear me the first time? Get out of our house.” His voice is louder this time, but he’s not shouting. No. Yoongi never raises his voice when he’s mad. That’s one thing you know about him–one thing you love about him. He’s calculative and calm when he’s mad. There’s no screaming. No fighting. He tries to understand. And when he doesn’t, he walks away for a while.

The woman beside you looks at you for help and you try and stutter out a few words. But before you can really say anything, Yoongi stops you. He still doesn’t look at you. 

“Don’t look at her. She’s not gonna help you. So take your wrecked ass out of my apartment.”

She stares at the two of you in disbelief before chuckling again bitterly. “Fine. Rude fucking kids. Got a whole place to themselves and think they fucking rule the world.” She looks at you then wraps her arms around you. You cringe.

“Be careful, darling. We’re two peas in a pod, you and I. I just don’t want you to end up like me. That’s why I don’t want you to leave me, okay? I love you.” She whispers in your ear. 

I just don’t want you to end up like me. These words repeat in your head. And you don’t even notice as she leaves. You just stand there right where she left you, unable to lift your feet of the ground. You don’t see her walk out the door. You don’t see Yoongi walking over to you in concern. You don’t notice as Yoongi sits you by the couch in silence. You don’t hear Yoongi calling your brother in concern. You don’t realize he disappears for a moment to shower and get out of his work clothes. You only realize when he’s now beside you on the couch in his comfortable fluffy sweatshirt he loves.

Yoongi just sits there beside you. He doesn’t touch you or talk to you. He just sits there, letting his presence be known at all times. 

When you snap back into reality, you call for him. “Yoongi?” 

You don’t look at him when you ask the question that came up in your mind. “That wasn’t love, was it?” 

He smiles sadly before shaking his head. 

“No. Y/N. I don’t think so.”

Before you were ever to miss your best friend, he was back in the city to annoy you. The two of you were studying peacefully in the university library as Taehyung as you to join him cram his missed works because of his sudden trip. 

“Did something happen while I was gone?” Taehyung whispers, making you furrow your brows in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” You asked, your gaze still focused on the paper you were writing on. 

He sighs barely audibly. “Nothing. You just look kind of down… or something.” 

You shrug. “It’s nothing. Mom dropped by our apartment unannounced and it shook us up. Even Yoongi.” Taehyung didn’t press on the topic any further, focusing back on his own work. You were glad he doesn’t.

It was silent until you feel the vibration of your phone in your pocket. This bothered you because you’ve put it on study mode. Which means that your phone was set only to receive notifications from your brother and Yoongi. You fished out your phone from your pocket to look.

joon is on his way to ilsan. angry.

It was Yoongi’s text. You mutter a curse under your breath but it does not slip by Taehyung. He peeks at your phone and his eyes widened. “I-I need to go.”

“You need me to drive you?” He asks and you nod immediately, worry filling your eyes.

The two of you quickly pack your things up and rush out of the library. Taehyung guides you to his motorbike but not before throwing your things inside his dormitory. You don’t even notice that Taehyung was the one who put your helmet on because you were thinking too much to do it on your own in a quick motion. You hop behind him and wrap your arms on his waist. 

“All set. Hold tight.” He orders before driving away. 

On the way, you call Yoongi. 

He answers in two rings. “Yoongi!” You scream to the phone so he can hear you through the traffic. “Y/N? Are you on the road?!” He asks the obvious. “Yes! I’m on Taehyung’s bike!” You answer. 

“You– I’m already on the way to stop him–or hold him back. I don’t know. Get back to your school, Y/N!” There is anger and worry in his voice. 

You roll your eyes like he could see it. “Well then, you shouldn’t have fucking told me!” 

Namjoon voluntarily seeing your mother specifically is never a good thing. It always ends badly. You have to be there for your brother. You always have to be there.

Because you know he’d be there too.

“Fuck, okay. Just drive safe. I’m almost there. Tell Taehyung not to rush on the road.” Those were Yoongi’s last words before he dropped the call. 

Screams.

The first thing you heard from outside the house was your mother’s voice. 

You hopped off the motorbike and handed Taehyung’s extra helmet to him. “Go.” He nods. 

The door swung open before you even knock, revealing your brother’s best friend with a worried face. “Y/N’s here.” He sighs. 

“Oh, thank god. Can you talk some sense to your brother? He’s being so dramatic.” 

Alcohol. The first thing that your senses take in was the smell of alcohol, then it was cigarettes. Every corner of the place that used to be your home reeked of vices. The living room was a mess more than it ever was before. Clothes and bottles were scattered around everywhere. But the woman standing in the middle of it was the biggest mess of them all. 

“Namjoon, let’s go home.” You say under your breath, tired.

“Right. Go back to where you came from and stop bothering me, little fuck.” Namjoon’s jaw clenches, burning eyes never straying from the woman in front of him. 

“You never go back to our home. If I even hear you step foot a block away from our apartment, I’ll call the police. Fuck you.” 

“You can’t keep her away from me.” She laughs in between her words like a maniac. She steps closer to Namjoon, her height making her raise her head to look him in the eye. “She’s my child.” 

The frown on his face disappears into an astonished smirk, but the moist eyes was a dead giveaway. You know him well enough to know what he’s thinking. She does not treat him like his child. She never did.

Before Namjoon could reply, you speak up from where you stand. 

“You’re not my mother.’’ You spat, finally looking at the woman you gave birth to you. She looks at you with a stunned–no, offended look on her face. Dare, it even left her speechless for a moment.

“Namjoon.” You shift your eyes back to your brother and call him again, louder this time.

“That’s right. Go call your brother who wants to act like a victim. Every fucking tim–” 

“Shut the fuck up!”  You interrupt your mother, making her pause her words. 

She looks at you with disdain in her eyes. 

“Namjoon’s your child too.” You callously spat, stepping closer to your supposed family. “He raised me. All on his own. You should be thanking him. You should be worshipping him, kissing his feet, and apologizing to him.” 

You don’t know how you were stopping yourself from crying. You feel like you could be passing out at this very moment, but you don’t. Instead, you stand your ground, gathering all the lost courage and tell your mom the words you always wanted to say, words never wavering and dicted with conviction. This time, no tears were spent for your mom. 

“I despise you.” And you grab your brother’s hand to leave.

Namjoon gets to his car and looks at you. You shake your head and point at Taehyung who was waiting patiently outside. 

You know your brother will cry and you wanted him to have his privacy. 

Before you even touch the helmet Taehyung was handing to you, Yoongi grabs your hand.

“You’ll ride with me.” And so you went with him, giving Taehyung a look of apology. Your best friend doesn’t mind, giving you a thumbs up before hopping on his bike.

“I’ll head back to the dorms!” Taehyung shouts while you follow Yoongi to his car. 

You sat on the passenger’s seat quietly the whole ride, not once looking at Yoongi. Instead, you basked in the comfort of his presence, trying to get your mind off the whole ordeal earlier. 

The drive back to the apartment was too fast to leave you alone with your own thoughts and Yoongi’s presence enough. You almost feel disappointed when you make a turn on the familiar street. 

It felt normal, the ride. But the realization only comes when the engine of the car shuts off and he lets go.

Yoongi was holding your hand, the other effortlessly on the wheel.

Silence fills the car. You tell yourself to speak up because you do want to tell him something. But you don’t find the words in your head. The longing to feel his touch longer than this moment. 

“Yoongi.” 

“Y/N.”

His gaze falls on the hand that is still wrapped in yours. Then it goes back to your face. You look back at him, the atmosphere in the car getting heavier by the second. For a moment, you allow yourself to let your eyes drift to his lips. But you avoid it intently, moving back to his eyes. His dark eyes that seemed to hold a lot of thoughts. You attempt to speak up, but didn’t continue as you hear the slam of your brother’s car door.

He squeezes your hand three times, before letting it go.

What the hell was that?

Taehyung and you were eating ice cream on a park. Your thighs resting on your friend’s lap. Taehyung has learned that there are rare times you get clingy to someone you’re close with. 

“So, you’re saying you two are holding hands the whole ride back home?” You nod.

He gives you a look.

“What?” 

He was still giving you the look.

You slap his arm. “What’s with the look?!” You ask, irritated.

“That’s sus. That’s very sus.” He says before staring ahead and licking his ice cream.

You were about to say something but you sense someone looking at you at your peripheral vision. Turning you head, you found a familiar girl in a cute white dress staring. She waves at you. 

You quickly remove your legs from Taehyung’s and wave back at her while she makes her way to you. God, how is she this pretty? 

“Jieun!” You greet her and she chuckles at your enthusiasm. 

“Y/N! How have you been? And is this your boyfriend? He looks handsome!” 

Your eyes widen and your hands shoot up to wave in defense. Taehyung snorts. “She wishes.” 

“This is my college friend, Taehyung. I’ve been doing fine. How about you? I heard about you and Yoongi. I’m sorry. If you want me to kick his ass for you, I will.”

She shakes her head. “Oh! No. Yoongi and I weren’t serious or anything. It was just casual.” 

“Oh. I thought since I haven’t been seeing you around the house…” 

She nods and laughs. “I got promoted. Yeah, to be honest, it’s been a pain directly working under the boss. Your brother is lucky he only stays in the office. The hours are fixed. Now I don’t even have time to hang around anymore.”

“Then I won’t be seeing you at home any time soon?” You ask her, pouting.

“I don’t think so. But I sure will try!” Her phone rings. “Speaking of the devil. Gotta get these papers back to the boss. Bye! It was nice to meet you Taehyung!”

She runs off. But not completely before looking back at the two of you.

“I’m sure Yoongi wouldn’t mind keeping you company at home, Y/N.” She winks.

And Taehyung repeated slaps your thigh.

“Oh my God, what does she mean by that?!” 

-

The dress you wore was simple but pretty. It was a two-piece white satin dress with a square neckline. It matched with the black pumps you had. Taehyung had helped you choose the outfit because you had to look nice and you agreed with him.

It was your birthday, after all.

You wanted to opt for a private dinner with all the people you care about. Something intimate and simple just for the four of you. But Taehyung had to nag you to have a party so he can host and possibly get wasted. He couldn’t convince you but when Namjoon had heard the idea when Taehyung was in your apartment convincing you about it, he was exhilarated. What else can you do but agree?

The smell of the club fills your nose. Goosebumps arise from your skin as the breeze from the air conditioner hits you as you enter the place Namjoon has rented a table for the day. Mrs. Park was the one who recommended the place to Namjoon. It seemes that the woman had friends in Seoul. Ms. Wong, the owner of the place and the friend of your favorite diner’s waitress-slash-owner, agreed to give you a private room today for a very friendly price so you could celebrate your 21st birthday. 

Taehyung, as the self-proclaimed creative of the group, adorned the tables with colorful decorations. White and Pink balloons filled the tables and floor. He also personally got some random student from school to DJ for the night. Knowing your best friend, he probably got him to do so as a favor. 

You have invited your high school friends and Taehyung invited some of your mutual friends and acquiantances from the university. You told Namjoon he can invite some of his friends from work too. 

“And there’s the birthday girl!” 

The party hasn’t even started yet and Taehyung already has a cup of most definitely not water in his hand. You were about to scold him but was interrupted when your guests scream your name and greet you one by one. They all take turns to greet you, give you presents, and take pictures with you. 

When they were all done, god, were you exhausted. 

“Alright, everyone, you can go have fun. Drink or eat. I need to talk to my friend.” Taehyung pouts as he pulled you away from the people and sat you by the table.

“Have you eaten? We should’ve come together.” Taehyung slides you a plate of carbonara. 

“I thought Namjoon was gonna come with me but he had a slight emergency at work.” You say as you take a fork of the pasta in your mouth. 

“You went alone?! Why didn’t you call me?” His eyes widened as he interrogated you while you continue to eat.

You shake your head. “I didn’t come alone.” 

His eyes lit up. “You didn’t?”

As if on cue, the chair beside you from your left slides and someone sits down. “She didn’t, kid.”

Yoongi gazes at your friend who looks at you with raised brow and a sly smile. You pinch him before the person who came with you get any ideas. 

You turn to Yoongi. “What took you so long? You said you were just going to park.” 

He plasted a smile on his face, resembling a cheshire cat. “I had to pick something up.” 

You were curious to what was it but decided not press any further. Instead you ask, “do you know what time Namjoon will arrive?” 

He shrugs. “He said he’s on his way with some officemates.” He pulls the plate of food from you and grabs your fork with his left hand. You feel your cheeks turn pink not because he used the same fork you used. (Even if it was that, you still weren’t used to the domestic treatment of Yoongi to you.) You were blushing because his arm rests on top of your chair, making it seem like his arm was around your shoulder. You don’t think he notices how small the distance is with the two of you right now.

“You told me you ate already.” He gives you a side eye. He did ask you at home if you did but you answered yes. 

“I just thought I could grab a bite here instead of making you cook before coming here.” You reply honestly. 

Taehyung was watching the interaction like it was his favorite tv show. Such a shame that someone calls him to the dance floor. He doesn’t even bother ruining the moment and leaves the two of you on the table without a word. 

“Finish your food before you go drink.” Yoongi orders rather softly before handing you your fork back.

“Finish your food before you go drink.” You repeat in a mocking voice while taking the utensil in your hand. He doesn’t press on your teasing but you hear him tsk in return. 

In contrast to the loud music and colorful lights, the two of you sat in silence while you share a plate and ate. You pray to God for someone to save you from being alone with him before you explode. 

God must be real, because just as you took your last bite, you hear your brother’s voice calling you.

He wore a black coat over his white shirt, neck tie removed and a few buttons left open. By his side were who you assume were his friends from work. You can only recognize Jieun from them.

“Joonie!” You jump off your chair to wrap your arms around your brother. 

“Woah.” He stumbles a little from the weight you unanticipatedly put on him. He pats your back. “Happy Birthday, ugly.” He greets you. You giggle and let go. 

“Hi, Jieun! You came!” You say before hugging her as well. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And it was totally my fault that your brother was late.” You release her from the embrace, looking at her curiously. “So I came to apologize for that too. He had to fix a mess at work.” She pouts and you laugh and wave a hand. “It’s fine. As long as you’re here now.” 

Jieun hands you a paper bag and you thank her. Namjoon introduces you his other friends, who gave you gifts as well. You tell them they didn’t really have to but thank them anyway. 

The beautifully delicate woman’s gaze falls on the person standing behind you. Her eyes lit up in amusement. 

“Yoongi. You’re here too.” She acknowledges him. 

The man now beside you looks away, not meeting the eyes in front of him. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He shrugs. 

“Yeah, of course. The best friend.” You couldn’t help but sense a tone of bitterness in Jieun’s voice, making your doubt that they ended on good terms. 

You laugh awkwardly to remove the tension in the space. “Hey, Joon! I’m gonna go drink with my friends, if that’s alright?” You shift your gaze to Joon who was talking to his friends, not seeing the exchange that took place. He nods at you and tell you to enjoy. 

After with three mix of drinks Taehyung had given you, you were dancing the night away. “Twenty fucking one!” Your best friend screams. 

You were dancing with him before he was whisked away by some random man you don’t know. Now, you were dancing with your friends from high school and a few from university. Eunwoo, your seatmate in Statistics, being one of them. He was being close to you all night. You didn’t mind. He wasn’t doing anything inappropriate, just dancing and vibing closely to you. You mostly dance with Mina anyway. You forgot how much you missed her.

“So, that hot best friend of that brother of yours, huh?” She shouts while swaying her hips to the music. 

You furrow your brows and leaned in to her ear to let her hear you better. “What do you mean?” 

“Saw you two close together. Is something finally happening?” She teases, poking your exposed stomach from the crop top. You swat her hand away and shake your head. 

“He’s not interested in me like that. That was nothing.” You explained, partly convincing yourself as well. 

She raises a brow. “Did he tell you that?” She asks you. 

“What?” You ask even if you heard her clearly.

She gave you a lop sided grin. “Did you ask him if it meant nothing? Because if it meant nothing, why was he watching you more than your brother tonight?” 

Your eyes immediately search for the man in the black and white baseball jacket, finding him drinking quietly in your table, the same spot he sat at earlier. When you meet his eyes, he immediately looks away. 

“See?” She whispers,

“He’s just worried about me.” You reason. 

“You sure about that? Do me a favor and stay close to that cutie from your class all night. Let’s see how he reacts then.”

Then a very sensual song plays. “Oh, you know this song?!” Eunwoo leans in your ear and shouts. You nod at him and laugh. “Yeah.” He didn’t have to scream if he was gonna lean in. 

“You wanna dance with me on this one?” He asks, smirking. You hesitate, about to look around to find your brother if he might see. 

“She does want to!” Mina answers for you before you can and pushes you to the man, making you land on his chest. Steady hands catch your arms before the both of you stumble. You feel your cheeks heat up at the close proximity of your face to him when you finally look up. 

“Woah there.” He whispers, and you see the way the lights hit his face. 

Eunwoo is attractive. In fact, he’s the most attractive guy in your class. It seemed that he’s interested in you, too. It wouldn’t be bad to indulge yourself in the presence of another man if the man you were eyeing won’t ever be yours, wouldn’t it? 

Maybe if you look at the other options, you would forget the unattainable one. 

Shaking your head off the thought, you push yourself off of Eunwoo softly. There shouldn’t be an option at all in the conversation. No one deserves to be a rebound or a choice.

First of all, you have to stop what you feel. 

You look back at the table to find the spot you were watching empty. Where did he go?

“Actually, Eunwoo. I think I’m gonna go and have some fresh air.” You admit. 

Eunwoo’s face fell. “Oh. Did do I something wrong?” He asks, suddenly looking small and scratching the back of his neck. 

“No, no.” Your hands shot up to deny his question. “You didn’t! I just feel stuffy all of a sudden.”

Then a genuine look of worry paints his face. “Are you okay? Do you need me to go with you?” 

You shake your head, “It’s fine. I’ll be back in a minute!” You add before making your way out of the dancing crowd, leaving your friends and Taehyung throwing it back in a circle of people. 

The sigh escapes your mouth when a whip of air hits your face as you stepped out of the establishment. 

“Didn’t like dancing?” 

Your head whips to the direction of the voice. There he stands, back resting on the wall and hands on his pockets. It was a cold night, you realize as the hair on your arms rise. Your hands shot up immediately to hold your arms in a cross position. 

“It’s cold out here. Why don’t you get back inside?” He asks another question before you even answer the first one. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” You snort before taking your place beside him. The same spot that felt so comfortable to you. Next to him, you feel safe yet unknown. You know you belong there but as what? As a friend? As a sister? As a lover? And you know it’s hardly the last one. But what else can you do but dream?

“I have a jacket. You, however…” He points out the obvious without looking at you. He was right. The dress you wore was showing too much skin for the cold not to affect your body in the most it can. But you can hardly think about the cold at the moment so you don’t give him an answer.

Silence filled the air for a few minutes. It’s always like this with Yoongi. Silence, comfort, and safety. It was never quiet with you. Not in your life. But whenever Yoongi come into it, it became quiet. He has made you feel at peace. He has made you feel warm. 

The warmth he offered sometimes hurt, you admit. But it was not his fault. You are greedy. You want more of the warmth than what he can offer. But you would take this hurt everyday than go back to the chaos and noise that you have known before him. And tonight, you feel you can allow yourself to be more greedy.

“Do I look pretty tonight?” The words come out of your mouth before you even think. The beating heart in your chest seemed to want to run away from your brain with how fast it went.

“What?” Yoongi undoubtedly found the question unusual as you have never asked him questions like this. You weren’t one to worry about your appearance. They know that you’re definitely insecure about a myriad of things but you refrain from letting people know about it. Indulging the people you care about your problems is just not you. 

“I’m asking you if you think I’m attractive.” You repeat, cheeks blushing and eyes set in the other direction. Where you’re getting your confidence right now, you’re not sure where.

“Tsk.” He cocks his head and began to remove his jacket. “You are attractive.” 

“No.” Your hands are now by your stomach, fiddling and playing together. “I’m asking if you think I’m attractive.”

There was a pause in the air for a few second. It seemed like he was thinking. “Come here.” 

When your eyes lift up, you find him offering his jacket to you. He was holding it by it’s shoulder part, the back facing him and ready for you to slide your arms into the empty sleeves. A black long sleeve shirt was left of on him, complementing his growing ebony hair that was reaching the back of his neck. He was yet to get a haircut and you’re thankful for that.

“My arms are gonna die, get in.” He pleads and you comply. You’re disappointed he doesn’t answer the question but you decide not to press into it further due to sudden embarrassment.

You step in and turned around, sliding your right arm first and then your left. You fix the jacket on you as you look straight ahead the empty sidewalk. This was his favorite one. The black one adorned with white details of dragons on the chest and the sleeves. 

“Put your hand in the right pocket.” He instructs and you did. You feel something box-like and fish it out of the garment.

It was a rectangular black velvet box not bigger than your palm. “Wha–”

“It’s your present.” He interrupts your confused reaction.

Inside the box was a gold necklace with a pendant not bigger than half an inch. It resembled a butterfly. The wings were carved by horizontal lines but was connected to four tiny diamonds on each wing’s inner part. 

“Is this real?” You ask, eyes squinting at the necklace now in your hand. 

“Are you saying I’m cheap? Of course, it is. I had my friend from work get it. That’s where I stopped by before going in.” He answers and takes the necklace from you from the back. 

Before you knew it, his arms were in your peripheral vision, ready to put the necklace on you. He clasps it around your neck and you feel the cold pendant on your hand, admiring it. 

Cold hands turn you around by the shoulders, making you face him. 

“You look beautiful.” 

And he smiles. His hands are still on your shoulders, literally making him an arm length from you. The smile on his face is the cutest you have ever seen. It’s toothless and his cheeks more fluffier than ever. The way his eyes sparkled competed with the street lights and the present stars the night sky above the two of you.

He looked so beautiful. 

You’re so fucked. 

You’re irrevocably in love with Min Yoongi. 

It was taking you everything not to step forward and put your lips on his. The self-control you were so adamant to maintain was trying to leave your body because of the rush of emotion you feel.

So you let it happen.

A thud on the ground was the only thing heard when the box from your left hand hit the ground. You don’t miss how his eyes widened at the contact of his soft lips to yours. His hands on your shoulder are now raised in shock. You froze, unaware of what to do next. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. 

The moment you retract your lips however, his hands find their way to your cage your face. You swear your heart skipped a bit when he voluntarily pressed his lips onto yours and his eyes fluttered close. His plump lips move swiftly with yours, as if memorizing the very taste you.

Is this really happening?

You’re kissing Min Yoongi? You have been dreaming of this for years. You should feel happy. And you are. God, you’re ecstatic. But just like every moment of happiness you feel in your life, the anxiety that there will be an opposite reaction from the roulette of life sticks in your system. You push the ugly thoughts this time and let yourself bask in the excitement you feel.

His hands slide down to your shoulders, to your back, and finally your waist. He tugged your lower lip, tongue sweeping in your lips. There was a type of hunger in his kiss that confuses you. It didn’t feel lustful or wrong. It was not a satisfaction from a craving or a need. There was yearning that confuses you but you can’t help but indulge yourself in the moment. You let it happen and without thinking, your hand finds it way to the back of his neck. 

The icy cold of your palm must have woken him to reality because it made his whole body stiffen and he steps back, breaking the kiss in a swift movement.

“I–” He stutters, face red and out of breath. 

Before he or you can catch his breath or be able to choose his words, the door swings open.

“There you two are!” 

Your one and only brother looks at your surprised face and then at Yoongi, who was looking like he has seen death himself.

“You okay there, bro?” Namjoon asks, looking at his friend in suspicion. You panic, realizing your idiotly clever brother is trying to read the room and figuring out what had happened just before he stepped out of the building.

“Yeah! We were just going in. Yoongi’s getting cold.” You reply for the still frozen man instead when he doesn't answer for a second. 

Your brother still seemed a little confused but nods anyway. “Come on in quick, you guys.” He says before heading back in.

As soon as the door shut close you turn to the man in front of you. 

“Yoongi.” You call him, a hopeful call. It was a call for him to address what happened. It was a pleading for him to step out of his trance. It was you telling him “what now?” in one call of his name.

His eyes finally meet yours. They were hardly readable. You don’t know what he’s thinking and it kills you inside. 

“Yoongi?” You repeat, softly this time. Like you know what he’s about to do.

“Let’s…” His eyes stray from yours. “Let’s go inside.”

His feet carry him three steps before you grab his arm to stop him. Your nimble fingers catch his thick biceps and he looks back at you with pain in his eyes.

“Y/N, please.” He pleads, eyes moist.

“Are we really not going to talk about it?” You questioned almost angrily.

The hand from his other arm touches yours, gently taking it off. “It was a mista–.” Your mouth gapes open at his choice of words.

“A mistake?” You finish his sentence with a raised voice. How can it be a mistake when he kissed you back? He’s confusing you. 

“No! That’s not what I meant.” He rubs his face with his hands and looks up sighing. “Can we talk about this later? Namjoon’s waiting.”

He doesn’t even wait for your answer and leaves you in a rush out in the cold street.

When you come back in, your feet carried you to where Taehyung was. He was still at the dance floor but just lightly dancing and engaging in conversation with his friends. You must have been walking in distress because his face immediately falls to worry when he spots you.

You look straight at him with moist eyes, silently telling him you need him. 

“Hey, I’ll be right back, yeah?” Taehyung bids his friends goodbye and drags you into the women’s comfort room and into a cubicle. 

“What happened?” Taehyung whispered. 

The corners of your lips turn downward and the tears you were holding back finally fall. You cried like a baby and you cover your face with your fists. The alcohol in your system must have had affected you more than you think it did with the way you were more emotional than usual. 

“Hey, hey. Calm down.” Your best friend tried to soothe you, grabbing your hands away from your face and wiping your tears. “You’re gonna ruin your makeup.” 

You slap him on the chest repeatedly. “My makeup is the least of my priorities right now!”

“I know. I know! I was just trying to make you laugh! I’m kind of freaked out right now because I’ve never seen you cry and I’m gonna be honest here, you’re actually kind of an ugly crier.” He rants as he tried to stop you from hitting him. 

When you stopped hitting him and there wasn’t an overwhelming feeling to wail and cry, you pushed the lid of the toilet close and sat on it. You look up at your friend who stands in front of you. There was a moment of silence and the only thing that can be heard is you sniffing.

“Not gonna lie, you look like you’re about to suck my dick right now.” Taehyung jokes again and he covers himself with his hands after saying it, afraid to be hit again. Instead, you glare at him and huff.

“We kissed.” You confess. 

“You what? Who?” His brows furrow in confusion, crossing his arms by his chest.

You gave him a look, not wanting to say the name. The man in front of you stares, thinking for a few seconds, then his eyes widens and he clasps a hand on his mouth when he gasps loudly. 

You shush him and he sits on bended knees to get closer to you. “You kissed Yoongi?! How the fuck did that happen?” He shouts in a whisper. 

“I kissed him and he kissed me back.” You answer and Taehyung watches as your face scrunches up and the tears well in your eyes again. He immediately brings out a handkerchief from his pocket and shushes you, offering you words of comfort like a little kid.

“And assuming you’re crying now, it didn’t end well?” He asks as he wipes your tears with the cloth. You nod with a pout over your tears and Taehyung smiles sadly. He always admired how you love so pure and delicately. He wishes Yoongi could see you the way he sees you. 

No, he doesn’t like you like that. But he wishes he could see that you were more than a little sister who’s been hurt. You’re a strong kind woman. The kind of person who would give up everything just to help someone. He wishes that not only Yoongi but also your brother could see that you only allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of them. 

“Do you want me to speak to him?” He genuinely offers, a bitter tone on his voice.

“No. He said we’ll speak after the party.” You answer, finally halting from crying.

Taehyung helped you collect yourself and fix the way you look before going out again. It was all your goal to not see or approach Yoongi for the rest of the night but you can’t help it when the first thing you see the moment you stepped out of the comfort room is his face.

There he was, sitting on a bar stool, away from the private tables. 

Unlike earlier when he stayed away from heavy drinks, there was a glass of whiskey in his hand. The regret of wearing white creeps in because you think it might’ve made you stood out against the dark ambiance of the place. You know because his eyes shift in your direction when Taehyung was dragging you out.

It would’ve been fine. You would’ve been okay if he just ignored you and carried on drinking. That was you were supposed to do too, anyway. 

But the thing that made your heart shatter was when you found who was sitting beside him–Jieun. You see her touch his arm and whisper in his ear. Taehyung has pulled you away from the scene before you see what happen next.

The night passed and you were left to act like nothing happened. You faked smiles and avoided Yoongi all throughout the night. Eunwoo did not approach you more that night which you were thankful for. It seemed he got the point that you weren’t interested in anything more. You danced with your friends, open your gifts in front of many, and wasted the night away with alcohol.

On the way home, you chose to ride with your brother. As you sit silently beside him, you were wishing he didn’t sense how there was a shift in yours and his best friend’s aura. 

Your mind brings you back to the kiss that still lingers on your lips and you wonder how the night had turned upside down. “How was that for a birthday, huh?” Namjoon asked.

“Was fun, yeah?” You only chuckle in response and looked out the window. You can feel him stare at you from your peripheral vision. 

“Who gave you that necklace?” He suddenly asks and you realize he must’ve been looking at the jewelry around your neck.

Your hand flies up to touch the necklace, once again being reminded of the man you’ve been trying hard to forget since hours ago. “Yoongi gave it to me.”

You don’t miss the way his expressions harden ir the way his knuckles turn white from the grip on the wheel. “Huh.” He only reacts.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, curious at his reaction. 

“Oh, nothing. The necklace is just familiar, that’s all.” He smiles at you before setting his eyes back at the road fully.

You feel the charm of the necklace up with your thumb and index finger, feeling the rough texture of it. 

Familiar? 

The drive home was normal after that. You didn’t have much conversation and only sang to some songs on the radio. When Namjoon was parking, Yoongi was already waiting outside his car. You watch him as he stands there with his hands in his pocket, kicking the ground like a kid impatiently waiting. 

“I asked him to wait so he could help carry some of your gifts.” Joon explained without you asking. You nod. “Ah.” 

When you stepped out the car, your eyes meet with Yoongi’s. It’s as if a million words holds them. 

“I’ll go ahead first. I need to wash up.” You say to both of them and break the contact with Yoongi. 

You did as you told and don’t look back at your brother and his best friend who were busy getting your gifts from the car. 

You lie in your bed, unable to sleep for hours. Finally giving up on trying, you sit up on your bed. Feeling a slight parch on your throat, you decide to get a glass of something to drink in the kitchen. But before you do, you text the man who was on your mind–the culprit of you not being able to sleep tonight.

u up? - 3:48 am

Not even a minute later, your phone dings with a notification. He must’ve been not able to sleep as well.

why - 3:48 am

meet me in the kitchen. - 3:49 am

Before leaving your room, you take a check on your appearance. You wore an oversized band shirt and comfy lounge shorts. You run your hand over your hair to brush over the stray strands that went in different directions over your aggressive turning on the bed. When you were satisfied with how your hair looked, you went out of your room and into the kitchen. 

He still wasn’t there when you arrived so you sat down on a bar stool by the kitchen counter and waited for him with a boxed chocolate drink in your hand. 

Yoongi finally steps out of his room, cheeks a bit swollen for some reason. He wore an oversized shirt like you but instead of pajama shorts, he wore grey sweatpants. Your eyes meet at the glow of the light coming from the kitchen. The corners of your lips turn slightly upward into a sad smile.

Before he sits down beside you, he grabs a glass of water from the fridge. He sets it down beside your drink giving you a small smile.

There was an uneasy silence for a few seconds as you both sit there and stare at your drink. 

“I’m–”

“So–”

You both speak at the same time, words overlapping.

“You go first.”

“Go ahead.” 

You chuckle and he sighs. “I’ll go first.” You declare. He only nods and takes a sip of his water. 

Your finger runs over the edges of the boxed drink, not being able to make contact with the person you’re speaking to. For a moment, your brain is telling you to don’t say it, as if it knows you’re only going to cause yourself pain if you do it. But a bigger part of you just wants to rip it off like a band aid.

“I like you.” You confess.

“Ever since I was in high school, I had this stupid crush on you.” You chuckle, an overwhelming emotion rushing through you. Your lower lips jutted out and you feel the warm tears trickle to your eyes. 

God, why can’t you do shit like this without crying?

“I know you don’t feel the same way. You said the kiss was a mistake–” 

“It wasn’t a mistake.” He interrupts you. This makes you look at him and he finally sees your reddening eyes, tears threatening to spill. It was a sight that broke his heart. The way he was causing you pain is agony to him.

“What?” 

He shakes his head. “The kiss wasn’t a mistake. I’m taking responsibility for it.” 

Oh. 

It’s like that. It wasn’t because he liked it or he liked you back. He was just taking responsibility for it. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. It was great.” He looks at you straight in the eyes. You don’t notice the tears that have trickled down your face non-stop. 

“But I don’t think that something should happen between us more than that.” He continues after pausing. “For obvious reasons.”

Obvious reasons… your brother and your age gap. Fucking bullshit. 

He lifts himself off his seat but before he can walk away, you grab his arm. He stills in his stance, looking at your hand on his arm before looking straight to your eyes.

“Wait,” you gulped. You don’t think you should ask this. That way, you may be able to prevent the inevitable pain. But still, you weren’t thinking. If you don’t ask now, you’re afraid you will regret it forever. So still, you ask.

“Did you not feel anything?” you squeaked. Beneath the dim light, you see his eyes flash with something unreadable.

His eyes shift away from yours and down to the hand still grasping his arm. He thinks for a few seconds, probably pondering on how to break it to you. Slowly, he shakes his head. 

“No. I’m sorry.” 

With the words he let out, your hand falls from him and onto your sides, laying limply like the life in it was lost. 

He left you there in the kitchen for your heart to break alone. When he fully disappears to his room, you were left to support yourself with your hands on your face, weeping and your heart crashing all over the place. 

What a fucking birthday.

-

The silence in the atmosphere sent chills to your skin when you entered the apartment. The lights were turned off but the television was turned on, muted. Yoongi was lying on the couch, asleep. At least, that’s what he’s showing. You guess he’s just pretending to be asleep because he’s avoiding you because of what happened yesterday.

You headed to your room in silence and decided to take a nap. If only you knew, this nap was the nap you will remember forever. 

Screams were the first thing you heard. Then alarms, then horns of cars, then crying–needless to say, it was too overwhelming for you to stay asleep. You rise from your bed in panic, heading to the window to see what the commotion was about. 

Your hand flew to your mouth as you watched a helicopter crash into a far building. Then you looked down. Cars were all over. Some crashed together. One crashed into a pole. There were injured people everywhere. 

The first thing you thought of was Namjoon. Namjoon was outside. 

You scramble to get your phone that was buried in your sheets, quickly dialing Namjoon. You don’t pray a lot, but it seemed a good time to start. “God, god, please. Namjoon, please answer.” 

When he didn’t, you tried again. Then again. Then again.

You groaned and decided to give up when it seemed hopeless for the nth time. You’ll just have to see him for yourself. After slipping your phone into your pants’ pocket, you grab your jacket from your closet and wear it. 

“Yoongi!” you scream as you step out of your bedroom.

“Yoongi, you gotta help me. I can’t reach Namjoon! Something fucked up is happening outside. We need to go get him!” You turned on the lights to wake up Yoongi. But when your eye drifts to the couch, nobody’s there. 

“Yoongi?” You call out, hoping that Yoongi comes out of his room.  You chuckle, trying to make light of the situation with tears forming in your eyes, in hopes that you’re in a very bad nightmare right now.

“Yoongi? This isn’t funny. Where are you? What’s going on?” There’s an unexplainable fear that suddenly hit you.

Yoongi wasn’t in his room, you checked. He isn’t in Namjoon’s either. Not in the bathroom. So you called him too. He didn’t answer. You called Yoongi, then Namjoon again. He didn’t answer. 

That’s when your eyes caught the breaking news on the TV that was still muted. You unmute it. The reporter, the most well-known professional in the breaking news segment was in distress, tears falling from their eyes like waterfall. “Yes, this just in, an unknown force is making people disappear and turning them into dust. Including my partner, our own Mr.--” Whatever she was saying, you tune out, eyes only watching actual footage of people disappearing in the news then drifting back to the empty couch by your side.

Yoongi’s gone… and Namjoon probably is too. And with that realization, you find your knees getting weak and hitting the hard floor with a thud. 

© wolfvmin. please do not copy, translate, claim any of my works. thank you. my works are not cross-posted anywhere else but this blog. thank you.

---

what. a. read.

i was looking for an excuse to not study biology for a while and was simply scrolling through when i found out?? that bestie posted??? a seokjin fic? everything dropped, i had to read this banger.

i intially did think bff!jungkook was crushing on our material girl oc, but hey he's thee bestest friend you can ask for, no jokes. seokjin was confusing, tbh, but i reallly looove the way you wrote him. smart? hell yeah. goal-oriented? uh huh !! handsome? he's all the synonyms which are associated with that word.

i wouldn't blame oc's massive crush/attraction to him, he's a steal, gift sent from the heavens, a greek god.

i understand jaykay's frustration too, after telling everything that's going on in your life, you'd think you'd get something like that in return, oc was abit silly but we'll just chalk it up to her being crazy in love ;)

we love a material girl, love the brand name dropping you did here hehe :D

i thought it took a dark turn when jaykay went, "hE's SeEiNg OtHeR WoMEn" but poor seokjin was just trying to protect himself from big buff joonie, who seems like the best?? big brother? ever??????

communication is key, seems like the one recurring theme which comes blaring in my head when i went through this rollercoaster of story.

you did amazing as usual, bestie, i knoe it <3 im abit upset i didn't see this sooner but hey i loved loved loved it !!!

enamored with him

synopsis: since you were at the ripe age of 13, you can't stop yourself from drooling when your brother, namjoon, brings his friend seokjin around. he's never paid attention to you. that is.. until seven years later, when he overhears your drunken rant about how you would do anything to lick the sweat off his abs.

pairing: brother's best friend!jin x hotgirl!reader (player!jin?) (ft bff!jungkook and brother!namjoon

genre: comedy, angst, fluff

word count: 19k

warnings: jin and oc have a six year age gap!! meaning that she's born in '98, but is in the same class as jk! it gets kinda sad, oc is desperatee for jin that she starts putting him before herself (so if u hate to see men win, then don't read!!), implied smut?? but nothing explicit

author's note: this is what i call a comfort fic, also idk if this is spoiling too much, but whateva! i think it's cute, plus it's not like it reveals the plot. also pls give me feedback!!

masterlist

You were always able to openly acknowledge that yes, all your brother’s six best friends were objectively attractive. But, it felt wrong and even weird to explicitly admit it. So, every time one of your friends pestered you with questions regarding whether or not you harbored romantic feelings for any of them, you adamantly denied it because verbally admitting that you liked any of them- or that they were even cute was just weird.

It wasn’t really because Namjoon was protective of you. He wasn’t the type of brother to tell his friends that you were “off limits”. Frankly, he didn’t care who you dated, who you surrounded yourself with, or even about you, in general. You guys weren’t dying to talk to each other all the time, but he did care about you. He probably checked up on you once every other week, and sometimes you visited him at his dorm. The two of you were never the closest, but it wasn’t like you guys disliked either, just simply good at minding your own businesses.

Since the ripe age of eight, Namjoon had brought his friends around the hang out. While they played video games in the living room, or football in the backyard. You dared not to leave your room until all of them had safely exited the vicinity of your house. When you were younger, you shied away from any social situations, so six boys you barely knew hanging around your house terrified the shit out of you.

That was, until you started high school. Jeon Jungkook, the youngest of Namjoon’s friend group was in the same grade as you, and in the same class. Since he was regularly coming over to hang out with your brother, the two of you naturally gravitated towards each other. Over time, he became one of your closest friends, and you found yourself spilling all the latest and juiciest gossip to him, and venting to him about every little hindrance you encountered. Ah, those were the days where the young, immature, and naive you incessantly cared about what other people thought of you.

Anyways, Jungkook also found himself telling you about every girl he found attractive, and every rendezvous he had with the millions of girls he was able to pull. Before Taehyung began giving you rides home, Jungkook even accompanied you to the long walk home from school.

Taehyung and Jimin, though upperclassmen, were upperclassmen during the time you and Jungkook started high school, so you naturally became closer to them as well. Taehyung often gave you rides home and invited you and Jungkook to support him at his soccer games. Jimin was essential in helping you cheat your way through rigorous AP classes, often giving you his old tests, assignments, and quizzes.

So yes, you were close with Tae, Jungkook, and Jimin, but not nearly as much as the seven boys were. They considered themselves as brothers, or like a small family.

With Yoongi and Hoseok, it was always cordial. Maybe there was the occasional banter with them, or the “Hey, how are you?” text. Maybe Yoongi would ask you how your classes were, and give you some piece of advice that you’ve heard from Namjoon millions of times. Hoseok was more playful, always the mood maker of the group. You remember when you were fifteen you were feeling down about a failed Biology test, so he cheered you up by showing you his cover of one of NSync’s songs. He was always one of the nicest of the group.

The next friend in the group was the oldest, even older than Namjoon and Yoongi. His name? Kim Seokjin, also known as uncharted territory.

You never had much conversation with him, after all he was the oldest. He was six years older than you, and you were never able to hold a stable conversation with him because what the fuck do a twenty year old and a twenty six year old have in common?

Actually, that was not the reason. You were good at telling yourself that, though. You got along fine with Yoongi and he was only one year younger than Jin. You didn’t know what was wrong with you. You were always so weird around him. Every time he glanced over at you looking at him, you would turn your head so fast you think you got whiplash.

You remembered when he picked you up from your eighth grade softball game in his red Honda Civic. He pulled up in his brown rimmed sunglasses with classical music quietly resonating throughout the walls of his car. He quickly exits his car to open the door for you and even helps you carry your backpack, softball bat, and gym bag, moving them into the backseat. You remember that his gentlemanly gestures always left quite the impression on you. He attempts to make civil conversation with you, something about “Are you excited for high school?”, and you awkwardly reply with one word sentences, like a “Sure” or “Yea”.

He had always been so kind to you, and you were too socially constipated to even grace him with a normal response without you stuttering or without your cheeks crimsoning.

Maybe the reason you shied away from him, the reason you turned into a blushing mess whenever he even spoke to you was because you were devastatingly attracted to him. Ever since you were thirteen years old, and he was nineteen, Jin has always been an unattainable, dashingly handsome dream. Despite how giddy he made you feel, and how he made you want to run around the house to get that tingly feeling out of your body, you knew it would be stupid to tell anyone about your stupid crush(minus your girl friends), because Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin, or even your brother would immediately tell him. Either that, or they would make it painfully obvious with their teases. So, you never told them. Your lips have been sealed for the past six years.’

As you got older, your crush on him manifested into an intense physical attraction. You found yourself salivating over him, regularly fantasizing about your body on top of his, his tantalizing lips crashing into yours and his big strong hands around your waist. You daydreamed about your hands clawing over his broad shoulders, leaving scratch marks all over his back. It was ridiculous how bad you wanted him. You would even embark on a ruthless excursion to the ends of the Earth to spend one mere night with him.

You knew your wildest dreams would never come true, because you weren’t even capable of talking to him. What made things more embarrassing was that you always ran into him when you were at your very worst, at the literal lowest of lows.

The second most embarrassing encounter you had with Seokjin was during your junior year of high school. You were sixteen. It began whe you were pulling up in the WalMart parking lot to get Namjoon some hair gel. The only reason you agreed to go was because he gave you extra money to get the Maybelline FitMe foundation. Anyways, you were pulling up in between at black Mercedes and a blue BMW. You turned the wheel to the right to squeeze into the parking space and you guess you didn’t turn the wheel enough because you end up denting the BMW.

That was the first time you’d ever hit anything with your car, so the anxiety and panic overcame you. You never left your car, just bawled your eyes out until the owner came back to his car. You blubbered an apology with tears running down your cheeks.

Luckily, the guy wasn’t an asshole. He told you it was okay, and to be careful. He didn’t even accept your insurance information because he most likely pitied you. He told you he had enough money to get it fixed, and to not worry. You assumed he was rich already because he was driving a BMW, but you still felt bad.

Anyways, when you got home, you were still crying. Mascara was stained on the apples of your cheeks, and your hair always became a matted mess after every break down, and your eyes were swollen, red, and puffy. The moment you open the door, Seokjin is sitting on the sofa which is directly across the door. He was probably waiting for Namjoon to come down the stairs.

You didn’t take any time to read his facial expression, immediately looking down to the ground.

You hear him say “Hi,” and you mumble a quiet hi back. In your catastrophic state, you run up the stairs to your room and crying your eyes out into the pillow because that was fucking embarrassing.

After that, whenever he came over, you avoided him as if your life depended on it. You swiftly walked past the seven boys who were crowded in the living room. Even when Jungkook or Tae called your name to come join them, you acted like you didn’t hear anything. You never even spared them a glance, because you were fucking embarrassed whenever Seokjin was around. You wanted him to see you as a blossoming young lady, not a teenage mess.

The next embarrassing moment was right before your junior prom. For some reason, you ended up landing a date with one of the most sought after boys in the school, Minkyu. Actually, you didn’t land a date with him, he landed a date with you He was a nice guy, standing at 6’1, and was captain of the basketball team.

At the time, Jungkook even told you that he had no clue how you pulled Minkyu, but it wasn’t like you were trying. Minkyu approached you out of nowhere, presenting you with a bouquet of flowers with his request for you to be his date to prom. You really had no reason to say no, so you hesitatingly obliged.

So, Minkyu was your date to prom, and Jungkook tagged along as one of your best friends. Before prom, the three of you took pictures at a flower garden, just for celebratory purposes. (You remember that Jungkook captioned his picture on instagram with #thirdwheeling). Well, it was Taehyung who offered to take the pictures, since he began dabbling in photography. He brings his film camera and his professional camera. Taehyung just opened his photography business, and was looking for models to add to his portfolio.

When you heard that Taehyung was pulling out the professional cameras, you were excited. You looked good, and you felt good. You had a decently attractive date, and you weren’t lonely like you always were. It was your first school dance with a date.

Your mom even took you to a professional makeup artist, who elegantly painted your face with the most beautiful hues and crimsons. You dress perfectly accentuated your body, its fabric glimmering with magenta sparkles.

So, when Taehyung pulled up to the park and Seokjin exited the car, your heart jumped at the idea that Seokjin was going to see you looking so damn good. Then you remembered that you were there with a date. You inwardly cringed at the thought of Seokjin thinking that you had a boyfriend, and you desperately wanted to blurt out that you and Minkyu were just friends.

Taehyung suggests multiple poses for you guys, his eyebrows furrowing as he adjusts the lenses of his camera. Seokjin sits at a nearby bench, minding his own business and scrolling through whatever he was looking at on his phone.

Minkyu’s arms are wrapped around the crook of your waist, and your manicured hand rests on Minkyu’s chest, your arm wrapped around his torso. He holds the camera up to his face, so he can look through the viewfinder and get a better view of his picture. You awkwardly smile, and from your peripheral vision you see Jungkook stifling laughter. Of course, prom pictures always looked awkward. Teenagers who were at the height of their puberty never looked good in front of the camera.

As you get lost in your thoughts, your body stiffens. You feel Minkyu’s hand slowly descending your body. From your waist, it now sits at the bottom of the back. If his hand moved a few centimeters lower, then his hand would be sitting on your ass. It was fucking embarrassing that you were awkwardly posing with Minkyu, his hand slowly trailing to your ass with Seokjin watching. Here you were, in one of the most awkward situations in your life, and Seokjin was there to witness all of it.

Minkyu’s hand kept trailing lower and lower until his hand was resting on the crook of your ass. If Seokjin wasn’t there, you wouldn’t have batted an eyelash at this, it was just a pose. It wasn’t like he was groping you or anything. After all, his hand had been there before. You and Minkyu had already shared some.. intimate moments after he had asked you to be his date. But it was nothing you guys took seriously, just a mutual physical attraction.

Would you let your crush on Jin stop you from exploring other men? Fuck no. However, you still nauseated at the thought of Seokjin seeing anybody touch you intimately just because you wanted Seokjin to be the one touching you.

In your peripheral vision, you see Jungkook with his jaw dropped. He suddenly lets out a wolf whistle, saying “Damn Mingyu, you’re going for it.” That exact moment is when Seokjin looks up from his phone and sees the horrific sight that is Minkyu’s hands on your ass. You’re about to say something until Taehyung beats you to it. He awkwardly laughs. “Um, Y/N’s brother is going to see these pics, and I don’t want him getting mad at me. So Minkyu, can you please move your hand up a littllllee bit?” He flashes an awkward block smile and holds up his hand, pointer finger parallel from his thumb to represent what a little looks like.

You inwardly scoff, because you know damn well that Namjoon does not care. You want to tell Tae to shut up, but you don’t want to make a scene in front of Seokjin. Though you’re embarrassed, you want to look calm, collected, and cool. You want to show Seokjin that you’re experienced, and if there’s a hand on your ass, it really isn’t a big deal. Maybe you can turn this embarrassing moment into a moment where you can show Seokjin that you are experienced, mature, and definitely not a little kid anymore.

“Taehyung, it’s not a big deal-”

Minkyu cuts you off. “Oh shit yea, it’s no problem. I didn’t even realize my hand was down there.”

You wince in embarrassment, and even more so when you hear Jungkook stifling his laughter. You look up to the bench Seokjin is sitting at and see that his eyes are back on his phone.

Fast forward to present day, and you’re a junior in college. Nowhere are you near the awkward high schooler you once were. Since Minkyu, you’ve had quite the experience with a variety of hot guys, and were confident enough to wear clothes that showed off every asset of your body. You received ample attention from guys and girls, who were constantly sliding into your DM’s or commenting on your Instagram thirst traps. You’ve almost got your bachelor’s degree and are at the ripe age of twenty.

Jungkook is still one of your best friends, and you still have uttered a word about your crush on Seokjin, because oh dear.

Seokjin is twenty six years old, has already completed his undergraduate and graduate programs, and is striving for his PhD. He was always extremely intelligent and driven. He’s gotten hotter as he ages, lips still plump, and facial features as handsome as ever. You pray that they’ll close the gyms because he just keeps getting bigger and bigger. But now, even four years later from your junior year of high school, you still barely speak to him. You wondered when you would ever get your shit together. You don’t think that the two of you follow each other on social media, but you empathize with him. What kind of weirdo would try to be close with his friend’s kid sister? So, you get him. It’s not like he was obligated to talk to you.

As of now, you’re drinking with one of your friends, Yeji, in a booth of a popular fried chicken place. The semester just ended, and all the stress and burden of school work has been gloriously lifted. You and Yeji are wasted beyond comprehension, laughing your asses off at stupid memes and jokes.

Your acrylic nails, that have a cute charm on the ring finger aggressively scratch your scalp as you bust out laughing at one of her stupid jokes.Your hand wraps around the cup of beer in front of you. “Yeji, shut the fuck up you dumb bitch,” you laugh, throwing your head back in laughter as you bring the cup of beer to your lips.

Yeji mimics your actions, almost spitting out her drink from how hard she’s laughing. “Y/N,” she slurs. The mood suddenly turns serious. She’s as drunk as you and it’s evident in her voice. She slams the cup of her drink onto the table. “You know Ethan’s trying to get in your pants, right?”

You roll your eyes, pouring Soju into a shot glass for Yeji. “Hey!” you yell “You think I haven’t already tapped that? It was nothing special.” You hand her the shotglass, and she raises a brow at you.

You pour Soju into your own glass and you hold the shot glass up, so that Yeji will clik it with yours. You both down your shots.

Yeji raises a brow at you, after a dramatic ahhh at the taste of the alcohol. “Oh? So are you calling him an underperformer-”

That’s when you burst out giggling, your mouth spraying your drink on Yeji’s face like a hose. At this, she literally shrieks. You had just ruined her makeup and her favorite sweater. You just keep giggling and giggling, because the way she said “underperformer” was really funny, and she just looks so adorable when she’s mad.

“Y/N! You dumb bitch! You got me dirty!”

“Sorryyy,” you reply sheepishly. “And yes, I would consider Ethan an underperformer.” You pick up a napkin from the table and try to help wipe Yeji’s face.

She huffs dramatically and folds her arms together. “You’ve been with all the hottest guys on campus, and you’re never satisfied with anyone! You dumb bitch! If Ethan isn’t good enough for you, then who is? Cause I’ve heard a lot of stories about his-”

“Well, there is someone I’m curious about.” An evil grin spreads across your face and you begin to giggle. Yeji begins incessantly giggling too, standing up from her side of the booth to join you. She grabs your cheeks and forces you to look at her before squeezing your cheeks with her palms. “Who?! Who?! You better tell me!” She’s grabbing your head and aggressively shaking it, and you grab her wrists to move her claws away from your face.

“I will tell you. Whore. But you better not fucking tell anyone, okay? I don’t even tell Jungkook’s rat ass this shit, but I trust youu!” Your voice crescendos, and you aren’t aware that the whole restaurant hears you.

Yeji playfully slaps your arm, her voice getting louder too. “I won’t tell anyone! I won’t! I pinky promise.” She holds up her pinky and waits for you to conjoin your pinkies.

‘It’s a pinky promise, so you can’t tell anyone. This is sacred,” you huff. You bring your pinky to hers, and the promise is locked.

“Tell me now, whore” she slurs in between giggles.

“So,” you begin, and now Yeji’s attentively listening, her head leaning on your shoulder. “His name is Kim Seok Jin” you say, enunciating his name.

She mimics your serious tone. “Got it. Kim Seok Jin.”

“Andd,” you continue to ramble. “He’s fucking old. He’s 26.”

Yeji picks her head up and you see that her facial features have crinkled up. “Sounds like a grandpa.”

“I know, but he’s so, fucking. Hot.”

Yeji gasps dramatically. “Really? I lovee hot guys,”

“I know bitch, but. just. listen!” you yell, slapping Yeji’s arm. “i know bitch, but just listen.”

She puts her head back on your shoulder and groans. “Fine.” she dramatically sighs.

“I’ve had a crush on him for a long time, probably since.. I was 12? He’s just so fucking hot. I’d do anything to lick the sweat off his abs. He came over to my house to swim and he looks like a fucking Roman statue when he’s shirtless.”

Yeji’s passed out on your shoulder at this point, but you keep on rambling. “He’s just so fucking hot, Yeji. I can’t say this enough. I want him so bad…” the volume of your voice slowly decreases, until it finally crescendos. “Yeji, I want Kim Seokjin so fucking bad! Now, you’re dramtically sobbing, and that’s when you’ve had enough. Drunk you thinks that he’s so fucking hot that you can’t fathom it and all you want to do is go outside, run around, and scream about how hot he is to let your intense emotions out. You slam your credit card down on the table (to pay for the drinks duhhh), pick yeji up from her armpits, and stand up to leave. You’re dragging Yeji along with you, dramatically sobbin about how you want him so bad. Yeji’s just giggling, and you think it’s so funny that you begin go join her. The two of you are just giggling and giggling as you make your way outside the chicken place.

The fun gets ruined when you hear something from the left of you. You swiftly turn your head to the left at a familiar voice

“Y/N, I’m not letting you go home like that.” His voice is stern, and you recognize it immediately. Oh fuck, it’s your older brother. He’s sitting at the end of a large table, his arms crossed and a frown is on his face.

Your jaw drops, and you grip on Yeji loosens, causing her to fall straight on the ground. “Owww, Y/N, that hurts!”

You ignore her, because you see that all six of your brother’s friend group are all there. All of them. Every single one of them. Three are sitting on one side of the table, and four on the other side. Your eyes scan over the seven of them. You shake your head, you must be hallucinating, because there’s no way that this is happening.

So, you pick up Yeji and begin to happily begin going on your way. But you are stopped, because Namjoon is standing behind you with a firm grasp on your wrist.

“Y/N,” he says firmly.

Well fuck. He’s actually real because you can fucking feel his hand around your wrist. Your eyes quickly pan to the table behind Namjoon, and all seven of them are still there. Yup, Taehyung’s there with a red fitted cap, Jungkook’s sitting there with his jaw dropped, Hoseok’s there too, and Jimin, and Yoongi, and…

Seokjin.

Fuck. This is actually real, and you’re 99% sure that they all heard your drunken rant about Seokjin because he’s the only one looking the other way. His crimson ears clearly indicate how he’s feeling.

Your jaw drops, and your head is dizzy from the intoxication, and that’s when you collapse onto the unwelcoming, cold tile.

-

When you wake up the next day, you find yourself in Namjoon’s apartment rather than your dorm. You feel groggy. Your waterproof mascara, the shit that never comes off, is still hard on your eyelashes. You feel like shit. Your head hurts and your body feels sore. At first, you’re confused as to why you were there. Was there a family get together yesterday?

Your hands come up to rub at your eyes, but you pause. After a few seconds, everything comes back to you. You audibly gasp and your eyes are protruding out of your sockets. You remember everything that happened. You remembered every single little detail of your rant about Seokjin, the discourse you and Yeji had about Ethan, and the exact look on your brother’s face before you passed out. Shit, shit, shit. The secret you’ve kept for the last eight years is out of the bag. You didn’t know what to do. Cry? Scream? Stay in your bed and watch dramas all day?

No, this needed no contemplation. All that was left to do is cry. The anxiety and embarrassment was bubbling in your heart, manifesting a physical reaction of tears in your water line. So that’s what you did. You push your face into the pillow and bawl your eyes out. After a good four minutes, you pull out your phone, open SnapChat, and take a selfie with your lips pouted and your fingers in a peace sign. You were always a cute crier. You throw your phone somewhere on the bed, take a deep breath. You need to mentally prepare yourself to leave the room, in case Namjoon bombarded you with any questions. Worst case scenario, all seven of them would be there. It was a Saturday morning, after all. If that were the case, you would just stay in Namjoon’s guest room until they leaved! Or, you could just bolt past the door and run to the bus with no questions asked. So, you take a peek through the crack of the open door, and see that Namjoon and Jungkook are the only ones there. Jungkook’s playing with the Switch on the recliner and Namjoon’s in the middle of stuffing a spoon of cereal into his mouth.

Okay, the circumstances were good. You were comfortable with both Namjoon and Jungkook. You would answer all their questions, but pretend that you didn’t remember anything about Seokjin.

So, you exit the room to the living room and kitchen area, and Namjoon and Jungkook turn their heads immediately at the sounds of your footsteps. You go straight to the kitchen, and start making yourself your own bowl of cereal.

As you’re in the middle of pouring fruit loops into one of Namjoon’s plastic bowls, Namjoon speaks up.

“Do you normally get wasted like that?”

You sigh and put the box of cereal down. Okay, he’s really going straight for it. No “Good morning my lovely sister!” or “How was your sleep?”, just a plain “do you normally get wasted like that, you drunkard?”

“No,” you say firmly. You walk to his fridge to get some milk. “It was the end of the semester, so Yeji and I were just celebrating. That’s the first time I’ve drinked in months- shit, where is Yeji?”

Jungkook walks over to you, taking the gallon of milk that was in your hands and he pours the milk directly in his mouth. Gross.

“I took her back to her dorm last night.” He closes the fridge door and leans his shoulder against it so his body is facing you. “You know you’re a fucking idiot, right?” You’ve never seen Jungkook this serious before. He isn’t joking around. Instead, his eyebrows are furrowed, and he’s making direct eye contact with you. He kinda looks like your dad whenever your dad tells you he’s disappointed in you. (Like when you dented that BMW)

Ouch. New plan. What you needed to do was feign innocence. You scoff and steal the milk gallon back from him and walk over to pour it into your bowl of cereal. “What did I do?”

Namjoon intervenes. “Y/N, you need to be more responsible. I don’t really give a fuck that you drink, but if we weren’t there, something terrible could have happened. Someone could have taken advantage of you. There are so many evil people in the world, and if something happened, mom and dad would be crushed-”

You want to roll your eyes. Namjoon loves getting straight to the point. “So you wouldn’t be crushed if something happened? Just mom and dad?”

Namjoon releases a dejected sigh “I would be crushed too. And I’m not trying to imply that if something happened, it would be your fault. But you go out wasted like that, it makes me worry.”

The sigh you let out is eerily similar to Namjoon’s. You take your bowl of cereal and plop down on the cushioned seat besides your brother. You make sure aggressively run into Jungkook with your shoulder as you make your way there. “I know. I’m sorry. It usually isn't like that. But this semester has been hell for Yeji and I and we just kept drinking. I promise I won’t do it again?”

Namjoon pats you on the back before getting up to wash his dish. “Next time you drink, call me, Jungkook, or someone to pick you up. You’ve got to be more careful-”

“Whoa, holdup. I don’t need Jungkook to protect me. What the fuck?”

“What the fuck?” Jungkook intervenes, mimicking you in an obnoxiously high pitched voice. “You better be grateful, you little shit. I paid for your drinks because you didn’t leave your card there, you left your fucking license! I also dragged Yeji back to her dorm, and carried your fat ass here.”

You roll your eyes. “I did the same for you when you got wasted in Los Angeles last year, and you were ten times worse!”

At this Jungkook shuts up. Last year in Los Angeles, Jungkook had been crying over a pretty bad breakup, and got wasted as fuck. The bill rang up to two hundred something dollars, and you had to drag Jungkook back to the hotel. He towers over you, and is made of pure muscle, so that was a pretty hefty task, something that you had been waiting to use against him.

Namjoon interrupts the discourse between you and Jungkook. “Also Y/N, I didn’t know you were sexually active. And this is a pretty uncomfortable subject for both of us, so please tell me you’re using protection-”

“Yes, Namjoon. I’m using protection. God forbid we have a little Y/N running around here.”

Namjoon sits besides you and glares at you. “It isn’t just that. STD’s? If you’re sleeping with more than one person, you need to be careful- Jungkook, did you know she was having sex?”

Jungkook immediately turns around, and scratches his head like he didn’t hear the question. Of course Jungkook knew. You guys told each other (almost) everything. At the very least, you appreciated that Jungkook never told Namjoon any intimate details of your life. You knew you could trust him. But still, the Seokjin topic was off limits. It’s better to play it safe than sorry.

“I always make him wear a condom,” you mutter under your breath. “I get tested regularly too.”

“That’s what I needed to hear,” Namjoon says before rushing into the bathroom to get ready for work. You always felt bad that Namjoon worked on a Saturday. While all of his friends were having fun, going on trips, or partying on the weekends, Namjoon was always at work.

Now, it was you and Jungkook left in the kitchen. You guys make awkward eye contact for a few seconds

“Wanna play Mario Kart?’

He replies with yes without any hesitation.

So you’re playing Mario Kart with Jungkook on the couch in Namjoon’s apartment, and it occurs to you that neither of them mentioned Jin. Was it a fragment of your imagination? Maybe you dreamt it, and your mind is tricking you into thinking that it was reality. Maybe you didn’t end up saying anything about Jin.

Namjoon says bye to the two of you before leaving and going to work, and that’s when Jungkook mutters something under his breath. “I didn’t know you still had a thing for Jin.”

You freeze. Huh? Still? Why’d he say still? You’ve never mentioned anything about your crush on Jin to him… so why’d he say ”still”? You don’t want to make the panic too evident. You still have to go along with your original plan. (The plan where you act like you dont remember anything) “”Huh? What are you talking about?” you feign innocence once again.

“Cut the bullshit Y/N,” he lies down on the sofa and drapes his legs over your lap “I know you know what I’m talking about, and quite frankly I’m upset that you don’t tell me these things. You even told Yeji that you would never tell me.”

“Still have no clue what you’re talking about.”

Jungkook crosses his arms together and rolls his eyes. “Just letting you know, I tell you everything, and you obviously don’t consider me enough as your friend to tell me these things..” He aggressively throws the controller down on the cushion, crosses his arms, even huffs and stomps over to Namjoon’s roomz

Huh? Was he actually mad about this? You fight the urge to roll your eyes at him because he’s acting like a big baby. You groan, put your controller down, and follow him into Namjoon’s room. He’s sitting on Namjoon’s beg and messing around with a guitar.

“Koo, are you really mad about this?”

“Oh, so you do know what I’m talking about,” he mockingly replies, glaring daggers into you.

“You’re such a fucking baby.”

“I might be a baby, but at least I tell you about my own life! Yet you’re here keeping secrets from me.”

“Well, you would’ve told Jin everything.”

He puts his hand on his heart and gives you a dramatic shocked facial expression. “No, I wouldn’t! After all these years, I’ve never aired any of your shit to Namjoon.”

You groan dramatically, your hands coming to rub your eyes as you plop onto Namjoon’s bed.”This is different! You totally would have teased me and made it obvious.”

“No I wouldn’t have.We all fucking knew you had a crush on Jin in high school, and no one said anything to him back then!”

You immediately sit up from the bed, giving him a confused look. Somewhere between pissed and confused. “Are you fucking serious? Who’s we?”

He glares right back at you. “Me, Namjoon, Tae, Jimin. We knew because you made it so obvious. You never acted right around him, always looked lovestruck whenever he was there. How could we not?”

You winced at his words. “Did Jin know?”

He scratches the back of his head. “I don’t know.. Probably. But no one said anything because we all respected you enough to not embarrass you and talk about it with Jin. When you had your fling with Minkyu junior year, we just all thought that you got over it.”

You want to cry. That’s so fucking embarrassing. So everybody already knew that you used to like Jin? And no one said anything, because they pitied you? And what made everything worse was that they all heard your obsessive rant about him.

“Oh. I don’t have a crush on him though, I just think he’s hot.”

You pick up your purse left in Namjoon’s room and leave with tears building up in your waterline.

“Y/N, wait-”

But the door is already closed.

-

Jungkook may not have known that that was a lie, but you did. Yes, you thought Jin was hot, but he was so much more than that. He was smart, kind, goal-oriented, and reliable. He was just so caring, and you admired that so much.

You always noticed that each of the guys in Namjoon’s little friend group confided in Jin about their issues and that Jin was always there for them. When Taehyung had a breakdown on his first week of university, Jin was the one who ran over to him, brought him food, and gave him the “best pep talk of his life”. When Namjoon was going through a breakup with his first love, Jin came over every day for a week to comfort him. Jungkook always texted him with adult questions, like how the fuck does one do their taxes? When you and Jungkook graduated, he showed up and gave you both an expensive bouquet of sunflowers and daisies.

You think he’s so cool, so mature, and so adult, and you admire him so much. He’s everything you want. A hot, cool, sexy reliable man.

You always wondered how he treated his girlfriends. Did he dote over them like he did his friends? When you first heard about his girlfriend he met in university while you were still in high school, you remember how unbelievably jealous you were. You did what you were best at doing, you cried. You bawled your eyes out into your Cars 2 pillowcase because you were sad, jealous, and confused. You knew he was hot as hell, so of course, he would find a girl that was head over heels for him.

It wasn’t even just because he was older that you liked him, the way he made you feel was just so different. No one can make you feel the way Jin makes you feel when he’s around. The butterflies that erupt in your stomach and the way your heart beats erratically when he enters the room. You didn’t think you were ever going to get over this little crush on him.

The next semester has already started, and nobody has asked you about your little Seokjin rant. Namjoon or Jungkook probably told them to ignore it, and that you were just saying random shit amidst your intoxication. Still, every time you see Jin, you avoid him. But, you did make some progress. You sent him a follow request on Instagram, and he followed you back.

Your teacher has already given you an eleven-page research paper, and you send it to Namjoon so that he can edit it for you. A week later, you get a text from Namjoon that says

“Hey, I couldn’t find time to get to your paper. But I sent it to Jin to edit so he’ll email you an edited version tonight.”

Pause.

You put your phone down and take a deep breath. 3…2…1.. And you scream to let your emotions out.. What the fuck? You were going to be incredibly embarrassed because you knew that your paper wasn’t good… at all. Jin was probably going to think you were an idiot. On cue, you hear a notification from your Macbook Air and it’s an email from Kim Seokjin.

You decide, for peace, that you will not be checking the email! It’s for the peace of your heart, soul, and mind. You’ll save yourself a little bit of embarrassment before you open up that gosh damn email. So, you pace around you room for a bit, blaring music from your phone. Then, your stomach growls and you decide that you’re craving boba. You pick up your Kate Spade bag, the keys to your car, and get out to go to your local boba shop.

The same songs that were playing on your phone are blaring from your AirPods. You’re humming along to the melody of the song, sunglasses set on the bridge of your nose, loop of your bag on your arm, and wallet in hand.

When you enter the doors of the boba shop, low and behold, you almost drop the wallet because standing right in front of you, about to exit the store is the only and only Kim Seokjin. This is just your luck. You’re expecting an awkward silence, or a moment of awkward eye contact, but Seokjin is as kind and welcoming as ever.

“Y/N, hi!” he says cheerfully with a smile on his face. He’s holding his laptop in one hand, and a matcha drink in his other hand. He looks so unbelievably cool in his gray hoodie, black sweatpants, and slides. “I just sent you an edited version of your paper from Professor Moon’s class, and you’re doing great. He can be tough sometimes, so you can always contact me with any questions.” He smiles at you again, and you have no clue what to say to him.

You hate that he treats you like a little kid, that he only sees you as Namjoon’s sister. You’re pretty sure the only reason that he looks at you, or even speaks to you is because of Namjoon, and you hate it so much. You want to rely on him, and you want him to be there for you, but you want him to be there for you out of his own free will. The last thing you want is for him to pity you. You want him to help you out because he cares about you, not because you’re Namjoon’s sister. You hate that he knows that you like him and that he doesn’t bother to say anything about it. You hate that he doesn’t even take you seriously enough to ask you about your feelings.

So, you grab the sleeve of his hoodie before he can turn his heel and leave. He looks at you with a quizzical expression on his face. His eyes still sparkle under the dim lighting of the building. He looks as soft and kind as ever, and you just want to wrap your arms around his neck.

You look up at him and one question comes out of your lips softly and gently.. “Do you want to go to the library together?”

-

That day, you and Seokjin have philosophical conversations about every topic you can think of. You aren’t the person to sit and down and actually talk to someone for a long period of time. You prefer locking yourself in your room, and indulging in a plethora of K-Dramas rather than talking to real person. but with him, you feel like you can talk to him for days. He explains to you his life ideologies, that he always puts himself first. He’s the type of guy to sleep or watch his favorite movie instead of completing a late-night assignment. He says that if he doesn’t feel like studying for a test, then he won’t because school and getting an education should be fun. He explains to you that getting good grades or a degree isn’t worth it if you aren’t happy.

Of course, this narrative is something you’ve seen pushed around everywhere. On Instagram the “Put your happiness first” and “Put yourself first” message is on every mental health page, on every story repost, but this is the first time you see it in person. You wonder how he lives like this and is so successful. He’s got a degree in Business and Economics, and is on his way to getting his PhD. In the back of your mind, you think that that he’s perfect for you, because you’re a double major in economics and business management. You guys have everything in common, and you feel like he understands you. You’ve had the same professors, teachers, and you’ve taken the same classes. You guys have everything in common, and you love that he understands you.

He’s an extremely intelligent man, and rich too. He gets passionate talking about the economic trends, and what the government should have done during the pandemic. Since economics is literally what you have been studying the past few years, you’re able to passionately respond, agreeing with his stances or debating with him. Then, you guys talk about how stupid NFTs are, and how much of an idiot have to be to buy one. When the both of you realize that Jungkook recently bought an NFT, you guys burst out laughing.

No matter what he’s talking about, he’s got you in a trance. You’re enamored with his words, feeling like you can listen to him talk for days.

You end up pouring your heart out to him, because he’s the guy that’s so welcoming and kind that you feel comfortable shedding your vulnerabilities to him. You tell him that you hate your job, and that you hate some of your professors. You tell him how close you are to quitting school. You tell him that it’s the worst feeling in the world to apologize to your boss and professors when you don’t even feel sorry. You hate that you have to feign kindness, and act nice to your asshole boss and bitchy professors when all they’ve done is put you down and make your life feel miserable. You hate that you’re still looking for their approval, and to do so, you’re kissing their asses. You hate having to cower under authority when it’s not even worth it. Your job doesn’t even pay much, and you feel so close to giving up.

All Seokjin does is give you the sweetest, kindest smile. He says “Suck it up for one more year. You’re so close to graduating. Then you can be your own boss.”

After this, you go home. Your heart is giddy and your physical stress is alleviated. You open your edited essay from Jin, and see that it’s permeated with red underlines, highlights, and suggestions. You don’t even care, though. You’re putting yourself first, because you can always find time to finish editing your essay later.

-

Jin always knew that you had a small crush on him. He didn’t think much of it, though. When he was a young teenager, there were always older college girls he swooned over, so he felt like this was the same situation. Namjoon had even told him to not think much of it, and that if you acted weird around him, he told Jin to just ignore it.

So, that’s what he did. He was good at ignoring your feelings for him because you always made it so painfully obvious. He feels your eyes on him whenever he’s far away, and quite frankly, he feels bad that you’re so embarrassed about it that you don’t even speak to him. When he’s about to say anything you, before he even opens his mouth, you’re running away like you’ve seen a ghost. He wonders if it’s actually a crush or if it’s because you’re scared of him. He has no clue why you would be scared of him, even asking Namjoon if he did anything to possibly offend you. Namjoon tells him to brush it off, persistently claiming that it’s a little crush, so Jin just goes along with that narrative.

When he’s a senior in his undergrad program, he follows Taehyung to one of his first photography gigs, just for support. He’s surprised when he sees that it’s you, Jungkook, and your date. Strange enough, he kinda feels like proud that you’ve finally started exploring your options, and that you’re growing up. He’s happy that you’ve gotten over your small crush on him, and that you’ve met someone your own age. He’s always felt horrible that you excessively avoided him. He even thinks that you and Minkyu look cute together.

So, he thinks that you’re actually going to start speaking to him, and that you would stop avoiding him as if he has the Bubonic plague, but you don’t. Every time you see him, you act like you’ve seen a ghost, scurrying away from him or going to so many lengths to avoid eye contact with him.

So he realizes that you never had a crush on him, but because you hate him. He guesses that you think that it’s weird that he’s always coming around, because he is two years older than Namjoon.

The day you come home in tears, he hears that you crashed into a BMW from your parents, and feels bad for you. But, you live and you learn. When Jin was 16, he had a similar experience, and remembers how traumatizing that was. He wants to comfort you, or give you a pat on the back, but figures that he should leave you alone .He would have said something encouraging, but you probably would just be weirded out. He doesn’t think much of it, it’s just the typical teenage angst. He’s been through it too. So, he carries on with his daily life without thinking much of you.

That is, until you turned twenty. Quite frankly, he forgets you exist every time he’s not at Namjoon’s house, but you just keep popping up. He keeps seeing you around campus, and you just exude confidence, you ooze it. On a Monday after one of his lectures, he sees you in four inch heels, a leopard print mini skirt, and a black spaghetti strapped crop top. You’re walking around campus like it’s the Victoria’s Secret fashion show runway, twirling your hair with your pointer finger, and the other hand's occupied holding and scrolling through your phone. He sees that all the guys are relentlessly following you with their eyes, and you don’t seem to notice.

He can’t blame them, though.

He feels guilty to even think this, because he’s quite literally seen you grow up. It feels so wrong to feel the way he does, but you’re probably the hottest girl he’s ever seen in his life. Every Monday after his lectures, it becomes routine for him to look for you, and watch you until you’re out of sight. The next Monday, he sees you marching out of the library. This time, it’s a pink sparkly mini dress with a lighter pink cardigan.

She’s bold, he thinks.

He admires your courage, your boldness that you’re able to uniquely express yourself when everybody else never bothers to try, always in sweatpants band hoodies.

On top of that, whenever he’s with Namjoon, a variety of guys, freshmen to seniors, approach him, asking him to “put them on” with you. Namjoon usually says something like “Oh, we’re not that close” or “Go talk to her yourself.” Jin doesn’t think much of it, because well, you are extremely attractive. Besides, after Namjoon turns them down, the guys never come back.

But there was one sick weirdo that leaves a disturbing impression on him. The same guy, whose the same age as Namjoon, keeps asking Namjoon for your number. Every day, without fail, he comes to Namjoon and Jin’s study spot, and asks for your number.

Now, Jin hates judging off appearances, but this dude looks like a perv. He’s always wearing some sort of hentai shirt, with provocative images of anime girls with their tits out. His pits always have with massive sweat stains, and he’s always wearing super long basketball shorts. Namjoon is always polite, always turning him down politely, but this guy is just too persistent. It’s weird.

So, when the guy comes over to Namjoon’s and Jin’s spot in the library with phone in his hand and pissed off look on his face, Jin is worried. The guy is holding up his phone to your Instagram account, except your pictures aren’t there, and it says “Account Not Found”. He’s frowning because you blocked him. “Hey Namjoon, I already tried talking to your sister myself, and she fucking blocked me. What are you gonna do about this?”

Namjoon doesn’t spare him a glance, eyes still glued on his textbook. “It means she doesn’t like you, dude. Move on.” His voice is nonchalant and plain. Jin knows Namjoon is annoyed.

“Fuck you man. If you aren’t gonna help me, I know where she lives. I’ll just go over there myself and-”

“You better shut your fucking mouth. Don’t talk about my sister like that,” Namjoon slams his textbook closed. He slightly raises his voice, but his expression is still nonchalant. The calmness in his voice is threatening, and though his expression is nonchalant, his eyes are telling a differentt story. He’s glaring daggers into the guy.

“Whatever, man.” The guy turns his heel and leaves the library.

Now, Jin is concerned. Namjoon stands up and inhales deeply, radiating anger. Jin knows he’s pissed off. He’s seething through his teeth.

“I’ve been recording him for weeks. I’m going to the campus police with this, and I’m calling Y/N so she can file a restraining order on that creep.”

So that day, Jin follows Namjoon to the police station. When you show up, he waits behind one of the walls of the building so you don’t notice him, so you won’t freak out anymore than you might when you hear what happened. He hears the worry in your voice, and the concern when Namjoon tells you the situation. Jin was sick to his stomach when he digests what’s really going on. He can’t believe how inappropriate some men can be, and he doesn’t even want to think about what’s going through that guy’s mind. Apparently he had been messaging you for weeks with inappropriately sexual messages, which warranted the block. In fact, if Namjoon hadn’t alerted the police about this, the guy would already be in front of your dorm. He was on his way to meet you.

So, when the guy pulls up to the police station, Jin feels gratified when Namjoon socks him right in the face. Namjoon gets suspended for a bit, but the school board understood his situation, and Jin meets with the school board director to vouch for him.

After that, Jin finds himself worrying about you a little more. Whenever Jungkook talks about you, maybe something funny that happened, or something stupid that you said, he finds himself becoming more attentive. Whether it’s a “Oh my gosh hyung, I got a D on one of my quizzes, but it’s okay cause Y/N did worse” or a “Hyung, guess what I did yesterday? Y/N was being dumb and sprained her ankle so I had to help her wrap it up.” Through Jungkook, who talks about you the most, he gets a hint of what your personality may be like. You cry a lot, like a lot. You’re pretty wreckless when you get drunk. He’s heard the infamous story of you wrestling a frat boy when you were drunk, the same story that makes Namjoon groan into his palms. You go to a lot of parties, but only on the weekends. You love shopping, and you love dragging Jungkook around to make him carry your shit, and you love getting your nails done. On top of that, you always manage to get your shit together. No matter how many F’s you get at the beginning of the semester, you escape the class with a B+ or an A-.

He also knows that you are breathtakingly beautiful. Since you’ve turned 20, he’s paid so much attention to you and can’t help that he’s attracted you. Just look at you. You’re so pretty, Jin can’t fathom it. You’ve got the cutest face: facial features falling perfectly in place to create the ethereal being that is you. Your shoulder length hair’s always elaborately styled, with dutch braids, fishtail braids, a cute messy bun, or curled. He knows you like taking care of your appearance. Your nails and eyelashes are always done, adding to your whole vibe, and no matter what you wear, you look cute. Even if it’s a lazy day with a hoodie and sweats, he still thinks you’re beautiful. In fact, it’s quite the honor he has to see you across campus, or for Jungkook to send him a snap with the both of you together. He finds himself stalking your Instagram, every picture you looks better than the next. He finds your friendship with Jungkook quite endearing, seeing a post with you and Jungkook in matching outfits with the caption “besties”. You’re wearing a yellow tube top with blue jeans, and Jungkook’s got a baggy yellow t shirt on with his matching baggy blue jeans.You guys are both wearing white converse and are squatting and pointing at the camera.

Another one where he thinks you look especially cute is the one you took on your twentieth birthday. You’re wearing a sparkly black dress in front of a fancy ass meal at an upscale restaurant. You’re holding a wine glass, and your lips look perfectly glossed.

Despite his attraction, he knows that he should never and would never make a move on you. You’re six years younger than him, and Namjoon’s little sister. He’s literally seen you grow up. Granted, he’s only paid attention to you recently, so it’s not like he was pining after you when you were a teen. But, he can’t help but feel guilty. So, he pushes his feelings to the back of his mind and ignores you whenever you come by. Plus, he’s 50% sure that Jungkook has a crush on you, which is something he would never interfere with. He’s content with admiring you from far away.

On the last day of the semester, Jin and his six best friends decide to go a chicken place to celebrate the end of the semester. Immediately, once they sit down. Hoseok start complaining about the two drunk girls in the opposite booth who are making a ruckus and are causing a nuisance to the whole restaurant.

That’s when Jungkook speaks up. “Wait, isn’t that Y/N?”

An awkward silence washes over the seven of them, and when they hear your obnoxious laughter resonating throughout the walls of the chicken place, Namjoon groans and throws his face into his palms. Namjoon stands up from his chair and is about to go say something before Taehyung puts his hand on Namjoon’s to stop him. “Hyung, stop. I want to hear this.”

So, the seven of them eavesdrop on the wildly inappropriate conversation between Namjoon’s sister and Yeji. When your endeavors with men were discussed, Ethan in particular, Jungkook almost spits his drink out, “I’m definitely never gonna let her live this down.”

Namjoon just looks like he’s in shock, wincing at every word that’s coming out of your mouth. Taehyung and Jimin are laughing their asses off, and Yoongi and Hoseok look like theyre in shock. Jin supposes that the younger members of the friend group are more familiar with your um… social habits than the older ones.

Jin knew that you’ve had your fair share of experience with men, and he knows this because there are always guys in your Instagram comments, commenting the usual “you’re hot” or the “when can we hang again?” These comments were public to the eye of anybody, so anybody could guess what you were up to over the weekend. But somehow, his heart twists and turns when he hears it come out of your mouth.

As the conversation progresses, and everybody hears the words “He’s fucking old. He’s 26,” everybody’s head whips towards Jin’s direction. Jin gives them a facial expression that says “Hey, I didn’t do anything”, and Namjoon gives him a suspicious look.

Well, the seven of them keep eavesdropping and when it is revealed that Kim Seokjin is the mystery man that’s “so fucking hot”, Jungkook spits out his drink dramatically coughing and patting on his chest. Namjoon remains with a stoic expression. Jin’s face reddens at the inappropriate way he was being talked about, and he mumbles “I didn’t know anything about this.”

Of course, he’s petrified that Namjoon’s going to say something to him, something about him taking advantage his little sister, but Jin is scared shitless for other reasons too. When he hears that you’d do anything to lick the sweat off his abs, Jin burries his face into his hands. He’s embarrassed that he’s being sexualized in such an explicit manner, and he’s scared that Namjoon’s going to get mad at him. Before he can announce to his friends that he barely even talks to you, you’re stumbling out of the chicken place with Yeji, and Namjoon’s already scolding you.

Jin avoids eye contact with you, and he’s looking the exact opposite direction from where you’re standing. Jin hates that he feels flattered by your compliments, because it feels so wrong. He hates that his heart jumped when you announced that he was the guy you’re pining over. He hates that he feels relieved that you feel this way about him. He’s fighting an active battle against his conscience, and decides that he can’t win this one. He’s ought to accept that he feels this way about you, because denying it would make everything worse. Jin was a smart guy, and he knew that suppressing his feelings isn’t the best thing to do.

He realizes that he likes you, that he’s so attracted to you, that he wants to get to know you even better. He doesn’t just want to get to know the wildly stylish and attractive you that’s posed up on Instagram, he wants to get to know the you that Jungkook and Namjoon know. He wants to get to know the funny you, stupid you, and playful you. He wants to familiarize himself with all your life’s ideologies, ambitions, goals, and dreams. He wants to help you reach your goals and dreams.

But, he also knows that he can never act on his emotions. He would never do that to Namjoon, so when Namjoon texts him an apology about what is said, Jin claims that it’s no big deal, and that he’ll pretend that it never happened.

-

After your hang out with Jin at the library, you find yourself texting him more. You get his number from Jungkook, who gives you a quizzical look when you ask but reluctantly obliges. You feign innocence by texting him about a question you had for Professor Moon’s class. He almost replies immediately, ending his text with a smiley face. He even offers to meet up with you to personally help you with your research paper.

You immediately accept the offer. You know that you probably would never get over your obsessive crush on him, so why not take it all the way? You meet him at the campus library, and you can tell that your pupils dilate when you see him. He looks handsome as ever, dressed in a striped blue and black T-shirt with ripped jeans. He’s wearing the typical AirForces with a cup of coffee in his hand. You hug your laptop and textbooks to your chest, and approach him quietly. You tried extra hard today. Your hair is curled in waves that cascade the side of your face. A white fuzzy headband graces the crown of your head, and you’re wearing an oversized sweater with a white tennis skirt.

He senses someone approaching him, and once he realizes it’s you, he sends you one his classic grins. The apples of your cheeks redden, and gosh, you feel like you’re back in high school dressing up every time Namjoon said Jin was coming over.

“Hi,” he says to you, a hand coming to scratch the nape of his neck. He’s avoiding eye contact with you, looking everywhere accept your face.

“Hi, Jin,” you reply. You’re looking up at him, your arms wrapping around your textbooks more tightly. You’re shifting your weight back and forth between your heels. You were twenty years old, and you felt like you were talking to your middle school crush for the first time. “You said you would help me with my paper, right?”

So for the next two hours, Jin helps you navigate through your twelve page research paper. He helps you polish the paper, and takes time to edit it in its entirety. He’s like your own little thesaurus.

“Hey Jin, what’s a big word for useful?”

He taps his fingers against his chin, thinking. “Hmm.. practical? Functional? What about resourceful?”

You would giggle and continue typing your paper. “Thanks.”

Of course at first, it’s awkward, but once the two of you get into the groove of things, you vibe like you don’t with any other person. He’s showing you his favorite study playlist on Spotify, with songs like Love Me by RealestK and Ending Scene by IU. It feels intimate that he’s showing you all his favorite songs, and you decide that you want to show him yours too. You tug on the sleeve of his shirt, asking if you can show him your workout playlist, and his eyes light up as he enthusiastically says that he wants to see it.

He throws his head back in laughter when he sees that the first song in your workout playlist is WAP by Cardi B and Megan The Stallion, and that the second one, which is different in contrast was Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo. He rolls his eyes when you explain that if you pretend you’re heartbroken, it motivates you to increase the intensity of your workout.

“So,” you explain “I act like I’m a teenager heart broken over by first boyfriend. Olivia Rodrigo really helps with that, and then I get more gains, duh.”

“Well, if it works for you, then it’s a good idea.”

You laugh. “See? You get me.”

Once you and Jin finish your twelve page research paper, Jin gets up and he’s about to leave. In the back of your head you’re upset because you don’t want him to go. You want him to stay by your side because that’s how much you enjoy his presence. So, you find yourself tugging on his sleeve once again. He turns around and gives you a quizzical look, and you ask him if he wants to catch a movie with you.

He agrees, asking if you were okay with watching Batman. He’s touching the nape of his neck again, scrolling through showtimes on his phone. “Ah, it is a bit long, though. It’s almost three hours-”

“No, that’s fine,” you’re ready to pounce, fighting your natural instincts of throwing your arms around him. Really, the longer the movie was, the better. “I don’t have anything to do after this… do you?”

He looks at you and you’re giving him your classic big doe eyes. Your eyes are sparkling and pupils dilating as you look up at him. You’re tugging on the sleeve of his shirt again, your dreamy facial expression almost begging him to say yes to you.

How could he ever say no?

So there you are in the movie theatre. The seat divider between the two of you has been lifted up. Your head is resting on his chest, arms wrapped around his torso. He’s got his arm secured around your shoulder. He can smell the sweet scent of your shampoo emitting from your hair. It’s a citrus like smell, and he just wants to bury his nose into your hair. So, he grabs a strand from your hair and brings it up to his nose, inhaling deeply. You giggle, and turn your head to look at him. “Does it smell weird?”

He shakes his head. “Not at all.” Jin thinks you look so soft and adorable with your cheeks squished into his chest. He’s gently caressing your head, with a glint of love in his eyes. You close your eyes and bask into the feeling of being in his arms, the feeling of his aura protruding all your senses. You feel comfortable, safe, and at home when you’re with him. You bury your face deeper into his chest, both of your arms wrapping tightly around his hard and defined build. You inhale the scent of his laundry detergent. It smells clean, fresh, with a the perfect hint of lemon and Seokjin.

It's always you who has pined after him. Ever since you were young, it's been you who was plagued with thoughts of him, when he never even batted a lash at you. His reciprocation sends you over the moon.

This is when you’re sure of yourself. There’s no way he doesn’t feel what you feel. There’s no reason that he would be here with you, allowing you to intimately grasp the fabric of his T-Shirt, and gazing at you with such intense desire if he doesn’t feel what you feel. The emotions in your heart bloom.

As you and Jin exit the movie theatre, you assert your dominance and interlock your fingers with his. His body visibly tenses up, but he relaxes into your touch, squeezing your hand gently. He walks you to the car, and opens the passenger door for you before sitting in the driver’s seat .

He's always a gentleman, opening every door for you. He even puts forward effort to buckle your seatbelt in You can tell by the way he looks at you, the way he’s gentle with you, the way he treats you, that he feels it too. You He knows how you feel and he feels it too.

So, you try to coax an answer out of him. “Jin,” you say quietly, before turning to him and reaching for his hand. “Thank you for spending so much time with me. Are you sure you don’t have anything else to do?”

He holds onto your hand, his thumb rubbing patterns into your skin. He looks you directly in the eye, and the eye contact is so intense that it makes you want to cower down a little. “I told you, I always put myself first. I only do what I want to do.”

.”

His eyes zero in on your lips that are glossed and look entrancing under the lights of his car. His tongue comes out to lick his lips and his left hand slowly slides up to the back of your head. He’s pulling you closer to him and his lips touch yours. He’s gently kissing your upper lip and you’re reciprocating his actions. Your tongue peaks through your lips, wanting nothing more than to make contact with his.

You guys end up in the backseat of his car.

-

After this, you and Jin often find yourselves meeting while the crescent moon illuminates the starry sky. You often spend the night at his condo, establishing your territory in the space right next to his bed, your imprint imbedded on the mattress. His sheets smell of your Chanel perfume. You’ve already established your space in his bathroom, a whole cabinet designated to your toiletries, cosmetics, and perfumes. A pink toothbrush stands adjacent to his black one, and you’re sure that Jin would be able to find six or seven pairs of fake eyelashes if he really looked around his apartment.

You find yourself spending the night at his apartment, dressing in nothing but cotton panties and one of his T-shirts, which are big enough to reach your knees. You’re lying down on top of him, your fingers playing with his hair, and your face in the crook of his neck. He’s sitting up, pillows behind his back and head. You move your head to bite his ear, which makes him flinch away from you.

You sit up, both legs wrapped around the sides of his body and you plant a kiss directly on his lips.

“Do you think I’d be a good entrepreneur?’ you mumble against his lips. His hands reach out to firmly grip your neck and he pushes his mouth further against yours, his tongue making contact with yours.

“Mhmm, of course. I think you can do anything you put your mind to.”

You giggle, wiping your lips with the back of your hand as you pull away from him. “Really?”

He’s gasping dramatically “Did you just wipe my kiss off?”

You put your hands on his cheeks and squeeze. “Maybe. What are you gonna do about it?”

His hands come up to where your hands are on top of his face, palm pressing against the back of your hand. He gently removes your hands from his face before intertwining his fingers with yours. He doesn’t say anything, just gives you a sultry look. There’s a glint of mischeviousness and lust in his eyes. He doesn’t need to utter a word to you. He leans in, and his lips are against yours for the hundredth time tonight.

-

Rather than holding your hand when you’re out in public, Jin likes wrapping his arm around the width of your shoulder, securely holding you to his side. He likes having you as close to him as possible, loves to enjoy your scent, and how soft and snuggly you feel when you’re up against him. Even more so, he enjoys the way boys’ faces drop when they’re checking you out, to when they see you in his arms. Jin has always been mature, but he tends to become more territorial when it comes to people he cares for. He would never treat you as a possession, but he wants everybody to know that you’re his.

When you’re on his lap, arms wrapped around his neck and his arms around your waist, committing sinful acts, he feels like he’s on top of the world. The hottest girl he’s ever seen, in his bed, and in his clothes, on his lap is a sight that never fails to get him riled up. He brushes the hair that falls in front of your eyes and tells you how beautiful he thinks you are. He loves the way his small actions cause you to react, the way you look away from him, and how the color of your cheeks begins to match the color of the marks on your neck.

Jin enjoys your company in every way. When he’s tirelessly working on a lengthy publication for a professor and sees you sprawled on his bed, scrolling through your phone, he feels a fire burn in his heart. You’re his remedy for when he’s tired. You’re his medicine for when he’s sick. You make it all better. He thinks you’re the most precious, yet alluring girl he’s ever seen, and can’t believe that gets the honor of having you around, having you dote on him.

So when he’s tired of typing up whatever the fuck he’s working on, he joins you on his bed. He never misses the way your eyes light up when he decides to lie down next to you, the way your arms reach out to be in his embrace.

He wants to be there for you. He wants to be there to help you navigate your adult life, because he’s been there. He understands you. He wants to be the one to tell you that it’s okay. He remembers how stressful it was dealing with stupid professors and asshole teammates who never regarded his well-being, and wants to be the pillar to support you. That’s why he puts you first. He helps you with every assignment, paper, and essay. He cares so much about you, about your future, because you make him feel alive. An eternal fire burns in his heart when you’re around. You make him feel confident, youthful, and alive. That’s why he gets possessive over you because he would rather die than see you make anyone else feel the way you make him feel. He gets sick to his stomach thinking of you relying incessantly on anybody else. He feels that it’s a little manipulative, but he helps you with these things to keep you around. He wants you to think that he’s smart, reliable, and wants you to want him.

Jin’s the type of guy to take you to museums rather than a fancy restaurant because he thinks that art is an underappreciated aspect of life. He shows off his favorite paintings, and shows you how he sees the artistic value in things. Afterward, you tell him that you want to go to a modern art exhibition, and you show him paintings, sculptures, and sketches from artists you adore. The same artists that you follow on Instagram, not the artists that you see in History textbooks

You smile and tell him that the art you like isn’t as old as the art he likes, but that was okay, because it was just like your relationship.

“You’re old, and I’m not!”

He graciously rolls his eyes at your backhanded comment, not holding back a smile that spreads across his face. He shoves his pockets into his coat, and turns his heel. “Well, you can find your own ride home.”

“No!” you run after his lead, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it!”

He looks messing around with you, loves teasing you. Loves how your cute bottom lip juts out into a pout whenever he teases you. Loves everything about you.

But, Jin is petrified at what Namjoon would say when he finds out that he’s messing with his little sister. His head hurts at what people would say about him if they ever find out. No matter how happy you make Jin, how entranced you make him feel, he knows there needs to be an ending.

-

You’re in Jungkook’s dorm, you’re lying down on his bed while he’s doing homework on the desk near his bed. You’re bored out of your mind and you’re texting Yeji.

y/n ♡: i miss jin

Yeji 💗: tell me something i dont know

y/n ♡:i miss u more tho

Yeji 💗: BAEE

Yeji 💗: wanna hang tn?

y/n ♡: Yess!

A notification pops up from Jin and you don’t hesitate to press on it.

Jin: What are you doing tonight?

y/n ♡: Hanging with Yeji, were u gonna ask me come over?

Jin: Yea :((, but it’s okay. I know you need your girl time. We can hang later?

y/n ♡: I’m gonna clear my whole schedule for you next week, okay handsome?

Jin: I’ll do that too, beautiful.

You shut off your phone and throw it on the bed. He was too much. Too charismatic, too captivating. He knew every way to put a spell on your heart, he quite literally owned you. You’re so giddy and you start giggling, kicking your legs back and forth on the bed.

This warrants a confused look from Jungkook. “What the fuck are you laughing at?”

You let out a gratifying sigh, standing up to pat Jungkook’s head. “Oh Kookie-”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I’ve met the guy of my dreams. You single people wouldn’t understand! Oh, how I pity you single fellows. You’ve probably gone without a woman’s touch for years. That makes my heart so sad,” you pretend to wipe your fake tears, and Jungkook raises a brow, giving you an unimpressed look.

“Are you talking about Jin hyung?” The vibe instantly changes from fun and playful to serious. You can tell that Jungkook is visibly irritated. After all, you know him so well. You wouldn’t say that you were scared of him, but slightly intimidated ?

“Uh-”

“You make it too fucking obvious. You think I don’t notice that shit?” He stands up, and he’s towering over you, which slightly intimidates you. He keeps going on, glaring at you. “You and him are always staring at each other. He’s always asking about you, and Y/N, I have your fucking location on.”

“Huh? You do?”

“Yes, I do. And I also have Jin’s location on! I still don’t get why you don’t trust me enough to tell me these things. I thought we were friends!” Jungkook lets out a dejected sigh, and starts to storm out of his room.

Quite frankly, you think he’s being dramatic but you chase after him.

“Koo, wait! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” You run after him, tugging on his tattooed wrist. “I’ll tell you everything.”

He turns to look at you. His brows are still furrowed and his lips are pouted. “You better.”

“Just- just please don’t tell anyone.”

“Y/N, I’ve never aired your shit out to anyone. Ever.”

So, you sit with Jungkook on his bed. Both of you guys are sitting criss cross apple sauce and you tell him every little detail of what’s been going on for the past few months. You animatedy tell Jungkook how Jin makes you feel, how empowered he makes you feel. You squeal when you recall your first kiss in his Mercedes Benz, and you keep slapping Jungkook because you get so damn excited when you talk about Jin. You explain to Jungkook that you and Jin are the perfect vibe for each other and that he makes you feel complete.

You expect Jungkook to react enthusiastically, or at least tease you about it. But for the entirety of your little speech, he’s frowning. He doesn’t even react when you playfully slap his shoulder, or when you go into intimate detail about the salacious moments you’ve shared with him.

“I can’t listen to this anymore,” he mutters before bringing his hands up to his face to rub at his eyes.

“What?” you’re genuinely confused. Then it occurs to you. Does Jungkook like you? Is that why he’s so disturbed. You never expected that from him, but sometimes it can’t be helped. The typical best friends to lovers trope was sometimes inevitable. “Wait, Koo, do you like me?”

“What the fuck? Of course not,” he replies swiftly, his facial features crinkling in disgust.

“Okay, you didn’t need to react that strongly-”

Jungkook grabs your hands and looks you in the eye. “Y/N, I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t know the exact dynamic between you and Jin. I didn’t know if you guys were just messing around or if you guys actually liked each other, but, just brace yourself for this.”

You’re scared, your eyes turning into little crescents of worry. “Um okay?”

“Jin is seeing other women.”

-

At first you didn’t believe it. At first, you think you must Jungkook must beconfused, or mixed Jin up with someone else, but Jungkook’s sure of himself. Sure, you and Jin weren’t officially a couple. He was free to mess around with anyone he pleased, but the moments the two of you shared were just too special, too intimate. You can’t even fathom that Jin would meet with other people because you mental and physical connection with him was just too strong.

You don’t believe it until you see it yourself. You, Yeji, and Jungkook decide to go out to the club at night, and as you guys are exiting the first club, you see Jin sitting at a table at a restaurant with an unknown woman. She’s definitely older than you, seems more mature, and she’s undenyingly beautiful. She’s got long hair that cascades down her shoulders and is wearing a long summer dress with a long coat. Jin pulls out her chair for her, and is holding her bags and belongings like a gentleman.

You feel sick to your stomach. You see red. There was no way Jin was doing this to you. After all this time, he still saw you as a little kid. After all this time, he was still pursuing woman that were more mature, more wise, and more grown than you were.

So, you storm over to where he is, ignoring the protests from Yeji, and the waiter who tells you that you’re not allowed to enter the restaurant without a reservation.

You march over to him in your bright red mini dress and four inch pumps. Before he sits down, you place your palms on his chest and shove him. “Who the fuck is she?” Bitterness is laced in your voice tears are threatening to spill from your eyes.

A feminine voice from behind you speaks up. “Umm, I’m his date. Who are you?”

This is when you did the thing you were best at: crying. Tears are incessantly spilling from your water line. You feel more embarrassed because she’s dressed so elegantly, and you’re dressed like a literal stripper. She look so much more classy and mature compared to your promiscuous get up. It all adds to your insecurity, and the thoughts that plagued you telling you that you weren’t good enough for him. You assumed that he accepted you regardless of your intelligence and maturity, but now it’s apparent that he was chasing romance elsewhere.

The same feminine voice speaks again. “Seokjin, don’t tell me you’re a cheater?”

“Yes, he is a fucking cheater,” you seathe. “Because just last week I was in his bed and he was telling me how beautiful I was, and now he’s on a date with you.” You point at her, and at this point your words are barely comprehensible because you keep bllubbering and blubbering.

Seokjin doesn’t say anything. He just looks embarrassed that you’re making such an outcry in public.

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry,” she says before pulling you into her gentle embrace. You’re even more embarrassed that you’re acting like a child, and Seokjin’s date is the one who comforts you.

“Fuck you Seokjin,” she says bitterly before holding your hand and guiding you out of the restaurant. You’re letting her hold on to your wrist, and guide you to safety. Safety away from the man who just shattered your heart into pieces. Your well being isn’t coherent enough for you to even see where you’re going, because you’re just looking down and wiping the fat tears that are rolling down gour cheeks.

She sits you down on a nearby bench, and kneels down so that she is eye level with you. “Keep your head up,” she says gently while caressing your hair. “Are those your friends over there?”

You sniffle, running your hand along your nose before nodding

. “I’ll leave you with them. You probably don’t want to see me right now.”

You sniffle once again before nodding your head. “Th-thank you.”

She smiles at you before she walks away, and you look over to see Jungkook and Yeji approaching you.

They sit on both sides of you, Yeji reaching to embrace you and Jungkook putting wrapping his jacket around your body.

“Fuck Seokjin,” Yeji mutters “He’s old as fuck anyways.”

“Yea,” Jungkook mimics. “Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve you-”

“Jungkook, shut the fuck up,” a deep voice interjects. You recognize it immediately. It’s Seokjin. You look up and he’s standing in front of you. You hate that your heart still flutters at his appearance, because he just looks so handsome. He’s wearing a black button up with black slacks and black boots, He’s got his hair slicked back like TaeMu from Business Proposal,and you think that he’s the hottest guy you’ve ever seen.

Jin kneels in front of you, one hand on his thigh to maintain balance and the other hand reaching up to wipe a tear from your face. “Y/N, I’m sorry. Let’s talk this out,” his tone from how he just addressed Jungkook changes drastically. He’s always been gentle with you, speaking sickeningly sweetly

“Hyung, you should just go home-”

“Jungkook, I told you to shut the fuck up,” Jin boils, his tone back to menacing and intimidating. Jungkook backed down, listening to Jin. Jin often babied Jungkook who was the youngest in the frieind group. He let shit slide because Jungkook was like a little brother to him, and he adored Jungkook with all his heart. But, this was not one of those moments.

Jin grabs your hand and pulls you up. Despite the fact that you’re wearing such high heels, he still towers over you, and you stumble against him when you lose your balance, Jin guides you to his Mercedes Benx, always opening the door for you before settling in the driver’s seat of his vehicle. He backs out of his spot immediately, probably going twenty miles over the speed limit. He’s driving back to his place, not saying anything to acknowledge your presence. You’re still sniffling in the passenger seat, hands coming to rub at your eyes.

“I-I’m sorry for making a scene like that,” you say quietly between sniffles.

Jin looks at you and lets out a dejected sigh. “Don’t be sorry, Y/N, it’s my fault.”

At the red light, he reaches out to give your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Let’s talk about it when we get home.”

The rest of the car ride is silent, except for the occasional sniffle from you.

You’re looking at Jin’s face, and trying to decipher how he feels from his facial expressions, but your efforts are to no avail. You really think about the situation. No matter how intimate you were with Jin, no matter how he makes you feel, you overreacted. Nowhere did Jin promise his loyalty to you, nor did he ever ask you to be his girlfriend. Technically, he didn’t do anything wrong, but you were still allowed to hurt. You suppose that this is your Karma, since you’ve done the same to so many other guys before your endeavors with Jin. A hopeless sigh escapes your mouth and you rest your head against the window of the car. You peer out at the shining city lights, the glowing night signs, and the couples who hapilly walk hand in hand with each other. You were so jealous of them.

Jin arrives in the vicinity of his apartment complex. As usual, he keeps the door locked so you can’t get out of the car yourself. He always has to be the one to open the car door for you. It’s quite an endearing habit until you remember that he probably has treated other women the same, which makes you avoid eye contact with him until you step foot inside the elevator to hus place. The two of you stand by side, not speaking to each other, and not making any form of contact.

Funny enough, he follows you to his apartment, and allows you to put in the key number to enter his place. As soon as he steps foot into his apartment, he swiftly shits the door and leans against it.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Jin mutters. You can steal hear him clearly.

From what Jungkook told you, and from what you saw, it is exactly what it looks like. Rage bubbles inside of your veins, and you can’t help but raise your voice. “That was exactly what it looked like. I’m not good enough for you so you’re looking for other girls to make you happy.”

At your harsh words, Jin immediately frowns. He crosses his arms, and throws his head back, staring directly at the ceiling. “Don’t fucking say that, cause it’s not true.” He states firmly. He looks at you, and you’re giving him your signature puppy eyes. Your eyes are sparkling under the dim light of his apartment, most likely from the tears that are building up.

He notices this immediately and pulls you into his embrace. “Y/N,” he says quietly, bringing up a hand to gently caress the back of your head. “You don’t know how much you mean to me. You don’t know how much I care about you. But, we can’t be together. Think about what people would say, what the boys would say, what people from our hometown would say-”

“Oh, so you care more about other people’s opinions that my opinion?” You pull away from him and stare at his face. He’s clearly upset. His brows are furrowed but sadness is written all over his face. His eyes are wandering around the room, he won’t look at you.

“I do care about your opinion. I care about what you think of me so damn much, but it’s complicated.”

“What’s too complicated?” you ask quietly. “You know how I feel about you. It’s simple, actually.” You take a deep breath when the words com e out of your mouth. “I-I love you.”

You can tell that Jin flinches when he hears your bold declaration of love. It hurts you, but to you it doesn’t matter. You feel like this is the last shot you’ve got with the man you’ve loved your whole life. Your whole fucking life, you’ve ran away from him because you were too embarrassed, too shy, too awkward to talk to him. There in that moment, you decide that you’ve ought to gather the courage and tell him everything. You need to tell him how you feel, and you need to fight for your love. For the very first time in your life, you decide not to run away.

“And I know you feel something for me too, Jin. It wasn’t just me who felt like our connection was real. I can feel it in the way you touch me. I can feel it in the way you talk to me. I can feel it in the way you look at me. I’m not going to blame you for going out with that woman, because we never made it official, but please please tell me what’s wrong.” You’re pouring your heart out, speaking with such emotion that Jin’s heart is physicalt shaken by how you’re talking to him.

“Fuck Y/N, I’m sorry.” He grabs your face and stares at you with such emotion. “You’re perfect, and it’s my fault for ruining what we have,” For the first time, Jin is the one whose got tears in his eyes. He puts his hands down, and intertwines his fingers with yours, leading the two of you into his bedroom. You sit down on his queen sized bed and let him continue speaking.

“It is complicated, Y/N. Think about it. Y/N, when I was a freshman in college, I was picking you up from your middle school softball games,” he’s not looking at you, just at his feet that are still clad in their boots. “It makes me feel weird. It makes me feel like I’m taking advantage of your crush on me.” He finally looks at you, and hurt is written across his face. “Right now, you like me. But later on, I don’t ever want you to feel that I’m a creepy old man whose taking advantage of your tony crush on me. I don’t want you to hate me.”

At his confession, your heart breaks. You never thought about it like that, just chased after him with lust and love on your mind. “I would never think that. I’m not a kid anymore, I know what I’m doing. I know how I feel about you.” You stand up and waddle over to him, wrapping your arms around his torso. “Stop acting like you’re an old man. You’re 26, not 72.”

Jin lets out a laugh at that. “I know, but-“

“There’s not buts, I’m confident about my feelings for you. Sure, I had a stupid crush on you when I was younger, but my feelings have grown for you ever since we ran into each other at the boba place.” You squeeze him, resting your head against his chest. You can hear his heart beating erratically and you’ll take that as a good sign.

He gently kisses the top of your forehead. “Thank you. That’s really reassuring. But, what about Namjoon? He’ll kill me if he ever finds out what we’ve been up to.”

You pull away, an amused look on your face. “Namjoon? Jin, he doesn’t give a shit who I talk to. He never has.”

At your words, Jin visibly hesitates. “That’s not true,” he mumbles. “Namjoon does care. You just don’t see it”

You give him a curious look to express your genuine confusion.

“He does care about you, Y/N. He’s not extra protective or anything, but he’s always looking out for you. Ever since high school, he does a background check on all the guys you talk to- just to make sure they’re normal.”

“Background check?”

“You know, like asking around, paying Jungkook to find out if the guy is bad news-”

“What the fuck? That’s weird.”

“It’s not Y/N. He’s just worried, and I can’t betray him like that. I respect him enough as one of my best friends to not mess around with his sister, so this is why we have to stop.”

“Jin, if you respect Namjoon, then you would tell his sister the truth,” Desperation is laced in your voice.You’re persistent. You’ve liked him your whole life, your feelings so intense it’s unfathomable. You’ve had a taste of him, and you don’t want to let him go now you know what it feels like. It’s embarrassing, even humiliating to beg for a man like the way you are. You just want him to see the bigger picture, that your connection with him is worth more than his friendship with Namjoon. “Plus, I’m my own person. I’m not my brother’s belonging.”

Jin hesitates. Guilt is etched across his face. He inhales through his nose deeply before saying “You’re completely right, I just feel guilty. I don’t want to upset him. Fuck-”

“Okay, but fuck Namjoon. You’re acting childish and you still haven’t given me an answer. Please tell me how you feel. Please” you don’t hesitate to cut him off, and you’re pushing him forward, pressing up against him until he plops down on his queen sized bed. His black button up and slacks sparkly contrast his snow white sheets. When he’s sitting down and you’re standing up, you can make direct eye contact with him.

His heart hurts because you look so desperate. He physical feels an ache in his chest because of the situation he’s put you in. He hates to see you looking so desperate, to see your eyes welling in tears, but the way you strongly react to him sets his heart ablaze. “Jin” you begin. “Without thinking about Namjoon, and without thinking about anything else, please tell me how you feel. I-I can’t give up on you if I know that you felt it too. Even if you felt like you liked me back the slightest bit, please let me know.” Fat tears are rolling down your face. You need to let him know how you feel, want to show him how bad you want him. “ I promise I’ll be better for you. so please give me a chance. I j-just don’t want to let you go without trying-“

Jin’s lips crash on yours. He pulls you up so you’re sitting on his lap, and straddling him. He embraces you tightly, your tongues colliding and teeth crashing. He gently grips your beck, maneuvering your head up ever so slightly so he can deepen the kiss. He moans into your mouth, to show you how much he loves it, to show you how much he enjoys you. After a good minute, he rests his head against your forehead, breathing in and out deeply.

“Y/N, don’t ever think that you have to fight for us.”

Oh, so that’s his answer. He doesn’t want you to fight for your relationship. Your stomach drops until he continues with his words.

“I’m the one who’s going to fight for us. I don’t give a fuck if Namjoon thinks it’s weird, I don’t care what anybody has to say. I-I love you too. Love you so much. I’m sorry for fucking it all up, I was just scared, and I was worried.”

He hears you sniffle. You’re crying again. Crying because of how intense your emotions are and crying because of how happy you are to hear his confession. “You’re such an asshole. Can’t believe you went on dates with other girls,” You learn forward and push your face into the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I cared about you too much, was trying to move on from you. I thought it wasn’t right. I’m such an idiot.”

“I know you are,” is all you said. You gently push him away, your palms resting on his chest. “But, I just need some space to process everything. I feel like you cheated on me, Jin. Even though I love you, I just need time to think things through. At this, Jin’s stomach drops, but he knows it’s deserved. He reaches out to give your hand a gentle squeeze before telling you to take all the time that you need, and that he’ll always be here waiting.

That night, he doesn’t get a wink of sleep. He feels so guilty, so horrible that he hurt you, that he ever doubted your relationship. He was supposed to be the older, more dependable counter part, but he feels like he fucked it up. He’s going to do anything to make it up to you.

-

Two weeks pass without any contact with Jin. Though you never respond, he checks up on you daily. He tells you he hopes you’re having a good day, sends you a good morning and good night text. The funny thing is, you know you’re bound to cave in. You know you’re bound to run back into his arms because you care so much about him, but you just need space.

You feel betrayed. How could Seokjin do that to you? How could he go on a date with another woman and invite you over to his place like nothing happened? You questioned the validity of his claims. Did he really care about you? You know he’s a good person, would never play you. But it was all just so confusing.

So you find solice at Jungkook’s place, spending the night there for a whole week. As your best friend, he’s comforting and understanding, never making you feel bad for taking up his space. You tell him what happened between you and Jin the night that you caught him on a date, and he listens to you attentively, showing you that he genuinely cares about you and what you have to say.

“I feel pathetic. I basically begged him to stay with me and to give him a chance. I thought I should stop running away from him, and that I should tell him how I really feel, but now I feel like I’ve thrown away all my dignity.” You and Jungkook are sitting criss cross apple sauce on his bed. You’ve got a mud mask on your face, and Jungkook is in the process of applying the creamy past on his.

“Hey, don’t ever feel bad for fighting for love. I think that it’s courageous,” he responds, giving his two cents. “You’ve saved your dignity enough these past eight years, it’s okay to be vulnerable with him.” Jungkook closes the cap of the mud mask bottle and lies down on his bed.

“And I know Jin fucked up, but it’s not like he’s a bad person. If he told you that he loves you, he means it. I’m sure that if you guys make up he’ll do everything to make it up to you. And..” Jungkook hesitates, glancing at you to read your facial expression. You just look kinda sad, peering down at your manicured hands.

“He’s rich,” Jungkook finished.

You snort, playfully slapping Jungkook’s arm. “It’s not about that. I like him for him.”

“I know you do. Of course you do, but him being rich is always a plus.”

You sigh. “Yea, I guess. But I don’t know, I just wish he didn’t go on a date with those girls, I would have gathered up the courage to ask him out eventually.”

Jungkook laughs, looking at his reflection in his phone camera to see if he evenly dstributed the mask on his face. “Not trying to defend him, but I understand where he’s coming from. Namjoon is sorta protective of you and it is a little weird since he’s seen us grow up- but of course he should have been transparent about his actions.”

“I don’t know why everybody keeps saying that. Namjoon is not protective of me. We talk like every other week.”

Jungkook raises a brow at you. “He doesn’t care about what you do, but obviously he doesn’t want to see you murdered by some random man you go out with.”

“Whatever Koo. Here, let’s take a selfie with our masks. “

Jungkook sits up immediately, throwing up a peace sign as you hold up your phone to take a selfie. You stick out your tongue, and decide that the pic is cute enough to put on your story.

-

“Oh, Y/N’s with Jungkook right now,” Namjoon mutters as he peers down at his phone.

“Wait, what? Let me see,” Jin immediately says, reaching over the six foot table to grab Namjoon’s phone.

Namjoon gives him a weird look, and Jin doesn’t even notice because he’s staring at this picture of you and Jungkook. In the back of Jin’s mind, he ponders if you would change your mind about him and decide that you like Jungkook. After all, could a boy and a girl really be best friends? Jin adores Jungkook with all his heart, but he knows he wouldn’t ever be able to bear it if you and Jungkook decided that you liked each other and started dating.

“You’ve been down the past two weeks, why you are getting excited over a little picture of Y/N and Kook?” Namjoon wonders out loud.

Jin immediately looks at Namjoon, his attention shifting. “Oh.”

Namjoon just gives Jin a suspicious look. Jin knows that lying never gets him anywhere, so he tries to be transparent with your brother.

“Look, some things have happened between me and Y/N, but I’m not sure if she wants me to tell you. I promise I’ll tell you when the time’s right.”

Namjoon briefly looks stunned but then his face returns to the usual nonchalant expression. “Geez, ok. Nothing bad though, right? Like she isn’t gonna die or anything.”

“No, gosh. Of course not. I mean, it’s not the best, but you just have to trust me with this.” Jin wants to laugh because Namjoon always takes it too far. It’s always life and death with him.

“I trust you.” And of course Namjoon trusts Jin, because he and Jin have such a strong bond that can’t be easily jepoardized.

Jin is content with this answer, so happy that he offers to treat Namjoon to a late night meal.

-

A few days later, you muster up the courage to show up at Jin’s place. You inhale deeply, knocking on the door.

Jin opens the door, a huge bouquet of roses held snuggly to his chest. “Oh,” is what he first says. “Um, these are for you.”

You purse out a smile. “Um, thanks.”

“I was just gonna leave to go to your dorm. I can’t believe you’re here in front of me. Please come in.” He opens the door for you, waiting for you to step foot into his condo before setting the roses down. Usually, you’re comfortable in his place, but right now, you feel awkward. You’re awkardly standing in the middle of his living room, playing with your fingers and looking down at your hands.

Jin leans against the door way, staring at you. He thinks you look cute, wearing an oversized shirt he recognizes as one of Namjoon’s old T-shirts, and shorts.

“I missed you,” he breathes out.

You look up at him, and you feel like crying again. You missed him so much, but you the image of him with other women plagues your mind, and you feel like you’re going into sensory overload. You approach him, hands balled up into fists. You firmly punch his chest. “I fucking hate you,” is all you say.

Jin’s face falls, lips forming into a frown. “I’m sorry,” is how he replies. “I missed you, and I’m sorry. I’m stupid.”

“You are,” you immediately reply “but I missed you so much.” You wrap your arms around his neck, letting his arms find their place around your waist. “Heard that you never kissed or hug the girls you went out with, andm made them pay for your food,” you whisper in his ear. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What I did was still fucked up, though,” he responds.

You squeeze him tighter, letting him lift you up so you can wrap your legs around his waist.

“Make it up to me, then.” You’re looking directly into his eyes, and Jin feels like he’s going crazy. You look so beautiful, seductively whispering to him. He immediately nods, never being able to deny you, and he carries you into his room.

That night, Jin delicately massages your body, and treats you to take-out from your favorite restaurant. You’re letting him knead at the tensed up muscles on your shoulder as the two of you watch a serial killer documentary on his flat screen TV. You’re eating expensive sashimi from your favorite sushi place, feeling spoiled by Jin’s incessant desire to pamper you.

Jin takes a moment to part away from you, grabbing a single rose from the bouquet he purchased. He plops down next to you on the sofa, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. He holds up the rose in front of you. “Will you be my girlfriend? Please? I swear I’ll make you happy. Give you whatever you want, forever and always.”

You’re adamantly nodding wrapping your arms around his neck and bringing your lips to his. “Of course, of course!”

-

The next day, Jungkook comes over to Jin’s place and sits Jin down on his own sofa. “Hyung, I love you. But, you made Y/N cry. So this is what we are going to do. You’re going to watch Y/N go on a date with Ethan Kim, so you know how she feels.”

Jungkook thinks he’s so funny and clever for coming up with this plan, but Jin doesn’t find it amusing. You’re leaning on Jin’s shoulder and then you’re enthusiastically nodding along. So apparently, you liked Jungkook’s stupid idea too.

“Didn’t you sleep with him, though?” he asks.

“That’s the point,” Jungkook retorts “He actually really likes her a lot, so I feel bad using him for revenge, but it’s what has to be done.”

“You tell him, Jungkook!” is what you say enthusiastically, until you notice Jin glaring at you. He playfully scoffs. He’s manspreading, elbows resting on his thighs and chin resting on his palm. You sheepishly giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck and affectionately kissing his cheek.

“After that,” Jungkook continues “You can break the news to everybody that you guus are a thing. You guys have my silence until then.”

Dismayed is the proper adjective to describe how Jin is feeling. He playfully scoffs, “Isn’t there any other way to do this?”

Jungkook immediately responds. “Absolutely not. I can vouch that you’ve probably been on like six or seven dates since you started seeing Y/N. Y/N going on one shouldn’t be a big deal.”

Jin is even more shocked. Yea, he was guilty. But.. it was just so out of pocket for Jungkook to air his shit out like that. He fucked up, yes. But all these dates he went on were feeble attempts to get his mind off you. You were the figure that plastered throughout his mind constantly, and it scared him. He was scared that Namjoon would ostracize him, forever pissed at him for taking advantage of his sister. It felt so so wrong to feel the way he felt about it you. He felt like he was taking advantage of you in a way, that he was using your innocence, and your innocent crush on him for his own physical gratification, even though it was so much more than physical gratification. Everything about you scared him. You were an enigma.

Honestly, he wasn’t even sure if you felt the way he did for you. He without a doubt knew that you were physically attracted to him, but he wasn’t so sure if you felt what he felt on an emotional level. If he were ever to confess to you, let he know how he really felt, it was entirely possible for you to reject him, your face cringing in disgust. What made it worse was that when he was looking for other girls, he was only through them for the qualities you possessed. Your playfulness that cheered him up whenever his heart was heavy. Your confidence, that was so evident whenever you walked through the halls on campus, and your intelligence, the one that you used to carry hours of enamoring conversations with him.

It wasn’t like you guys were ever a couple, just friends with benefits.

In his defense, these girls were all random girls he found on Tinder. He thought they were cute, (that’s why he swiped, duh), but it never went anywhere. He never kissed them, never felt a connection with them, never even paid them much attention during and after the date. He kinda saw it as a free meal after the first three dates.

He immediately whips his head to you, and you’re distancing yourself away from him to the other side of the couch. “Baby,” he voices gently, inching closer to you. He reaches out to touch you, but you reject it, swatting his hands away.

“Six or seven?” you mumble .

“Awww, my poor bestie,:Jungkook plops down between you and JIn, securely wrapping his arm around you and pulling you in for a side hug. He looks at Jin and sticks out his tongue, provoking him which makes Jin want to smack the kid on the side of his head.

You brush Jungkook off and stand up, picking up your purse from the table. “I think I need some time to rethink this,” you mumble. You snatch your keys from Jungkook’s hand (you have no idea why he’s holding them), and eloquently exit through the door of Jin’s apartment.

Jin deserves it, he knows, but that doesn’t stop him from throwing a pillow at Jungkook’s head.

That night, Jin gets a text that makes him scream into his pillow.

-

Jin can fully acknowledge that he’s getting everything that he deserves. Yes, he was smart as shit, extremely emotionally intelligent, but was so intimidated by his relationship with you that he made the wrong moves, made the mistake of looking for the qualities he liked about you in other women. He’s sitting next to Jungkook at some francy French place called Dîner Du Soir, vehemently eying you as you saunter into the restaurant.

He hates that you look so beautiful, so stunning as you always do. You’re wearing a peach shaded strapless dress, with a deep cut V- neckline. White laced heels grace your feet, and a Louis Vuitton clutch is snug up to your side, with your hand holding it in place. You’re wearing a full face of makeup. You forgo your typical tinted gloss and are sporting a bold dark pink lip. You’re sporting a low pony, long curtain bangs beautifully framing the features of your face. Jin is bothered that Ethan’s blazer is draped around your shoulders, and that his eyes have been quite literally glued to you since the moment you walk in.

It bothers JIn, but he finds it quite amusing. He finds it amusing that you aren’t even paying attention to this kid, your eyes wandering to hiim frequently. He can’t help but be amused that every time you lick your lips, your eyes meet his. He knows he’s got it in the bag, that you’re so whipped for him that your clumsy attempt of making him jealous won’t have any long term substance.

So, he sits back, and watches when Ethan brushes aside your bangs that get in the way of your eyes. He watches when Ethan’s hand grabs yours over the table, squeezing it and gazing attentively at you. Um, ok, maybe the physical intimacy is bothering him, cause Ethan’s lovingly massaging your hands, looking at you with heart eyes.

That night, Jin hovers over you in his bed. You’re back is against the matress, head slightly elevated by the headboard. He’s sitting up with his shins, your knees in between his legs. He attentively grasps your hand, and brings your hands up his lips. He’s pressing tender kisses on each of your knuckles.

“You think you’re so funny,” he mutters under his breath. He’s kissing his way up your arm, ocassionally stopping to suck a pink flower on your skin. His lips reach yout neck, and he knows it’s one of the most sensitive parts of your body. His lips attack that area, hands firmly gripping your wrist. You’re mewling out from your sensitivity, your hands pulling on the hair on his head. He pulls back away from you a little bit, his pupils filating when he sees all the pretty flowers that are blooming on your neck and your right arm. “Prettiest girl in the whole fucking world,” he mutters in dimay, cause he can’t believe that you’re this pretty, and you’re under him in his own bed. Your face is illuminated by the moonlight, and he can see every detail of your face perfectly. His lips gravitate towards your neck once again, sucking pretty pink and purple flowers that have you mewling and moaning from how sensitive you are. Your neck cranes to the direction he’s in, so he won’t have any access to it, but he brings his big, strong hands up to your head, positioning it at an angle so he can have ample access to it. “Jinn,” you mewl out “Too sensitive, stop,”

Jin pulls away to admire your beauty again. He loves how sensitive you are for him, especially when he’s doing nothing but kissing your neck. “Sorry, just feeling a little mean after today. Wanna wash his touch off you.”

You giggle, pulling him closer to you. “That’s what you get.”

-

Namjoon looks dumbfounded when Jin breaks the news to him. Well, you think he looks dumbfounded, because you’re not actually there to see it. You’re making him do it by myself, and you’re eavesdropping from the guest room of Namjoon’s apartment.

“Are you sure about this?” Namjoon mutters. “Like have you really thought about it?”

You’re anticipating Jin’s answer, and he replied without hesitation. “Of course I have. I really like her, I swear I’ll make her happy.”

Namjoon isn’t mad, nor does he feel the need to question Jin’s actions. He trusts Jin with his life. Jin’s the one whose helped him study for every test, exam, and even taught him how to drive. Jin’s the one whose always been there for him, his best friend.

“I’m just confused,” Namjoon replies. “You never paid attention to her.”

“Well, she was persistent, so I was gonna notice her eventually.”

“I just can’t believe her crush on you lasted this long.”

You step out of your room, huffing. “It’s not just a crush, I love him.”

“What the fuck? Is that a hickey?”

---