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The first night

Odysseus retelling of his first night in Ithaca, (part 1)

In the first night she asked with the warmest voice 

- Let me love be your soul, let my voice be your voice, let us be together in bliss.

I tried to punch, to escape, but She…

took my fist and twirled below it, her eyes ignited, her face became a flame, and before knowing, vines. Warm and soft vines blossomed around me, i tried to fight but with a movement of wrist my legs... they became limp.

I fell on the warm scented bed while as the gracious nymph that she was, twirled her warm fingers to my chin as she kissed my head. In a moment my moist eyes, where dried, my hands embracing her, my lisps, ready, while I was drowning away in my own tears; then she said: 

-Let your tears be swept away by my embrace, let your cries become laughs and strength, let your shouts become a kiss and your fists a hug. Let me be your home my dear and no one separates us no more.

My hands encircled her skin, her dewy warm embrace, her blazing embrace, while I was drowning away. A voice that wasn't mine, not from the my heart but the throat, came : 

-I love you, love.

And then black it was and for 7 years the norm it became.

But last night, HORRIBLE NIGHT, I dreaded it as I saw our bed, our olive bed.

- I despise you stars, I despise you moon as the flowers that enveloped me before, cowards!, witnesses of my pain, your dim light never forgets, my cries and hopes for the rosy dawn again, why do you want me to stay in hell?, I thought.

But something was odd, the cold, the breeze among the olives twigs, the scent of rain…, the coarse linen, the translucent veil… but SHE WAS THERE

I only saw her face on you my joy , as you tended me on our bed, your rosy fingers in my chest, the chest…, how you stroke my skin in that way, how you played with my hair…and then:

-My love.

My body became still, my gaze disturbed, the room, the twigs, it was again stone, the warmth, the flush, the vines, the smile, the pain...

Her face

-You´re with me dear, there´s nothing to fear.

The touch, the kiss, the strokes, the forehead, the hands, the talk that wasn´t my own, it was all again, the same…

But, no. I felt water on my eyes, my beard, my mouth didn´t form a smile, no, it was a cry of help. from deep inside it rosed:

BUT GODDESS PLEASE, OH GRACIOUS NYMPH, PLEASE NO MORE, PENELOPE MY JOY, I CAN´T I JUST CAN´T!!!!! FORGIVE ME DEAR, FORGIVE MY JOY!!!!!!

And everything was cold again. SALT, I tasted salt, sweet salt, the cold again, no warmth, only a figure in distress. It was YOU; as you ran towards the candle I saw no stone, only flowers and twigs not vines;  I saw your work, your shade.

How I didn't saw joy nor lust, I saw FEAR, I saw PAIN, I saw a Flame. Not the moon, not the vines not the stone of her lair, no, it was cold again.

How you rushed towards me, crying, cold, coarse, how your skin wasn't plump, how your voice broked, how your eyes were filled with tears, how you let them free, how you screamed:

Odysseus, please I´m here, you can count on me!

And there I was, with you I saw my hands, my arms, my legs. My voice, it was me not him.

I was still and the she appeared again in my thoughts, rosy as the dawn, volouptous hair as water in the rain.

-In the night? my will is only for the day, how can I speak, what´s the new spell you placed on me? WHY ARE YOU TORMENTING ME AGAIN? ISN´T THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? DON´T TORTURE ME ENOUGH WITH HOME PLEASE, LET THE DARKNESS EMBRACE MY BROKEN BONES, LET THE WARMTH TAKE OVER ME!.

So raw i shouted that the walls might have even collapsed, I saw how the stone gave way to twigs, how the rocks birth the starry night, how the lines of stone became leaves, how she transformed like morning mist.

Her voice cracked, her hair dulled, her eyes in silver they became, her smile changed into fear. It was real it was really YOU, your pain as you touched my hair, it was you and I under OUR olive bed.

I rose from the dead, to rush towards you joy, you were AFRAID not of me but of him, the husk of the man i became there.

How with your gentle hands you touched my cheeks, and face to face I see, for the first time: your cries.

I felt how your dim warmth gave way to tear, who you didn´t close you eyes as I faced away. How I was home.